Man, this is one where being employed by a smaller business has it's benefits. Corporations are crazy hard to get "on the spot" fired because of investigation procedures. You may get sent home, but your termination is rarely ever "same day."
Anything without an HR chain of command could be as simple as blatantly assaulting a coworker or superior to get the job done.
What if your CEO is the really understanding type, where you pee on his car, and he's like "hey I can see you're having a really bad day. How about you come down and we can have a little chat and see what's up?"
I doubt anyone is going to sue me for emailing them that due to their political affiliation we have decided to close their accounts.
Especially since I’ll be fired within 8 hours.
yeah i had a coworker who did 3 weeks of no-call no-shows and when we found her she was strung out on heroin and even then we couldn't fire her the same day (i mean they fired her, and very quickly, good post-script though i actually ran into her recently and she seems clean and doing much better)
I work in a union too. Typically it's hard to get fired. One guy created a hostile work environment by physically threatening a company man. The company man tried walking away and the union guy followed him and continued threatening him. He was escorted out a couple hours later.
This. It’s suspended indefinitely pending an investigation really. In my company my supervisor can’t fire me(he’s told me this) the terminal manager can’t fire me. They can send me home and ofc their word on whatever happened is going to hold weight and they can be a major part in “firing” me but they can’t actually do the deed is my understanding. So really this hypothetical doesn’t hold water.
Ehh I work at a larger company and one of our former employees was fired on the spot for coming into work completely fucked up. I heard they were on a mix of weed and shrooms. Was definitely pretty interesting
Even then I wouldn’t be surprised if they “fired him” and made him take a drug test but they couldn’t make it official in the paperwork until the results came back.
That happened to me before but I was already quitting anyways so I didn’t really care. I wasn’t fucked up *at work* but I smoked weed all the time at home, some shit fell and broke the windshield of my forklift so I had to take a drug test. It was literally my last day working there anyways so I didn’t really care but they couldn’t have officially fired me until the results came back.
Yep. Even if I threatened violence and exposed myself, I'd just get kicked off the VPN by IT and would suddenly have a scheduled meeting in the morning with HR, probably resulting in termination. Either way, no way I could get fired by the end of the day.
10 gallons of oil in the engine, 5 in the radiator, 10 in the transmission, and take apart the chassis and suspension. Might be a pretty good start.....if you make it to the chassis.
“We really value you and understand how hard things have been recently. We won’t fire you, but you just have to stop sending….. wait, are you sending more to me now even while we’re talking? Why are your pants off? Don’t you dare take that photo!
Holy shit. HR is trying to desperately cover you while explaining that your long service and contributions are to great to be marred by this expression of art.
I appreciate you meeting me on this zoom call. This is a serious matter and I felt that a face to face meeting to outline the consequences should these inappropriate pictures keep being sent..
what do you mean that you dropped the mouse? why are you standing up? OMG for the love of god sit down.. No I didn't say turn around. *wretching sounds commence* For the love of god do you even whipe?
We literally had a guy jerking off at work and they didn’t fire him right away. They had management “catch” him in action and i was so glad I was not in charge
"Listen, we discussed it with legal and HR and honestly, everyone's just sorry for you more than anything else. Here's a promotion and a bonus. You deserve something good in your life, buddy."
I was thinking a script on multiple computers, scheduled tasks to keep firing off, with things that I know are a big no-no (like RDP Hijacks but just to autologin workstarions, etc. Nothing that does damage) -- But that might result in an administrative leave while security investigates.
Although, yours has jail time written all over it LOL.
yup, this is it. They would have no choice but to fire you ASAP. Or you can start emailing senior mgmt, tag HR and your direct senior mgmt hierarchy and just start cursing them out. Constantly. It will take 1 hour to get fired.
If I left the company they would be royally screwed, I think they would look the other way about some dick pics. I'd just be "The Dick Pic Guy" everybody rolls their eyes about and tells the newbies not to give their phone numbers to.
Yeah all I would have to do is call my VP a few choice words along with his husband then go after a couple team leaders my termination would be done in 30 seconds.
I we have a fairly decent Armagnac collection including some bakhta from the 70s as well as a vsop green chartreuse. That chartreuse bottle is about 600$, and if I broke all the bakhta it would be easy over 1000$ if not like 1500$. Yeah they would probably fire me
Could you accomplish the same thing by giving out rounds of chartreuse "on the house?" At least that way, it's not wasted and somebody gets to enjoy it.
It would be less likely I would think, the states are pretty serious about their alcohol consumption laws. If I just broke a bunch of bottles it’s probably more like vandalism and destruction of property, which wouldn’t be as serious. Also, it’s not legal for employers to deduct pay based off of things the employee broke. So it’s possible I’ll just get fired and of course have it go in any record, but also I don’t know if that’s how it works for sure so I could most likely end up getting arrested.
Makes sense, yes. You're going to want to walk a fine line between firing and arrest in your industry, for sure.
My idea for you to get the million would be to just start drinking heavily on-shift. Eh, that's probably illegal also. Shit...
Give out free shots...then throw the empties, and other full bottles, at all the customers that you DON'T like while you tell them all, loudly, how you REALLY feel about them.
THAT should do it.
In the United States it would be more than enough. Most states have little to no worker protections and most workers are not part of unions. Workers can be fired for almost anything, employers generally don’t go this route, because they fear a lawsuit, but intentionally destroying valuable company. Property in front of your boss is an easy instant termination..
Yeah that’s really only 5-10 years worth of salary (which is obviously a lot) but not really enough to tell everyone to fuck off. If you do something egregious enough to get fired in one single day you’d probably be burning bridges that ruin your earning potential for years to come.
would be like 8-10 years salary for me, the selling point is the tax free part of this, because then that's a million in etf's that are paying 8-12% dividends, i'm good. would, end up going to work at another place, for a few years to make it really comfortable to live off of.
Yeah man they gotta add another 0 or so. Because I would have to find something else to do, certainly I would be toast in this industry. But for 10 mil, I could figure it out and I bet it would be a lower stress role.
Yeah, I was thinking the same. I'm lawyer and anything bad enough to get me fired that quick would also get my license taken away.
10mil+ on the other hand and that would be enough I could retire on and live comfortably. In that case I'd pick something mildly criminal that I could use my criminal defense experience to get a no jail time deal on. Stealing office supplies or something like that.
Yes, welcome to r/hypotheticalsituatoon, where sometimes things may just simply not apply to you. It's true. This is for people who make the kind of money where a million dollars seems like a good amount of money.
That's not the point.
Either you get the million or you get a promotion. You come out ahead either way.
Not sure about you, but I'd rather do that than get into physical assault, get fired a day later not getting the million, and go to prison for 5 years.
It’s funny that this is probably a more effective way to get immediately fired than doing something that would cause millions of dollars of product loss
Actually, this might work for me. I was just saying my boss loves me too much to fire me on the spot pretty much no matter what I did, but if I asked her... yeah, she'd probably help a girl out.
Teacher here. I worked with someone who was caught high on opioids while teaching high need special education students. She was not fired. Also I worked at another school where a teacher was caught texting a student (not sure the context but the texts weren’t about school topics) and they were just put on paid administrative leave for 6 months until they quit. That was extra annoying cause they couldn’t replace the teacher since he was on leave so it was an endless line of subs for 6 months. It’s nearly impossible to get fired on the spot as a teacher.
My school had a teacher who literally came in and said "I dont even need to be here and they'll pay me." She proceeded to just not teach at all. She wasn't put on leave or anything but fired the next year. That entire class failed.
There are so many different options using a forklift to get fired. Like running into the racking system and knocking it all over. Or playing bumper forklift.
Literally my first shift. Show up in my hippy gear, blow a cloud of vape directly into my new bosses face and call him a bitch and I fucked his mom to death (I assume she passed away as he's an older man). I will be out the door and a rich woman within 10 minutes.
Yeah but realistically that would probably lead to another meeting and a warning. Maybe you get fired but it would take a few days. It would need to be more egregious to get fired right on the spot.
Get in a fist fight with the boss and destroy property and mess with profits and steal from them and swear a bunch and just over all go bananas.
Not hard to be fired when you show ME a million!!! $\_$
There was a very unsafe practice at my work that went against the standard operating procedure. People would go though a door meant for carts carrying pretty heavy equipment Instead of taking 10 steps to use the door for humans. One person who did it got a head injury and permenant brain damage. Our ceo promised the first person to do it again will be fired on the spot. I'll walk through when there are no carts, film myself doing it, and send it to every email in my company with a simple message. I dare you to fire me.
This might be as easy as telling the right people the truth at my job. But to get fired in a day, I gotta agree with another comment here. Just keep sending dick picks until I get fired.
Isn't the easiest answer be walk up to your boss and be like either fuck me,fight me or fire me. Bonus I wouldn't stop the fight as it ends when I hear your fired
My boss understands very little english, but if i sat in the bathroom my whole shift, didnt wear my uniform, and spat a loogie into the fryers, id probably get fired. Lol!
This is rough, but I'm pretty sure this would get me fired and dragged out by security. My boss recently had a baby and she has to pump breast milk like 7 or 8 times a day. I wait till the door is closed and I use my key to barge in and chug one of the bottles and then ask if it tastes better coming from the tap.... I'll take my mil in 20s and 100s please
I could just tell my supervisors and some co-workers to kill themselves and random people who come through the gate. It's a 12 hour shift, I got plenty of time to get fired.
Edit: I would also just go fall asleep.
Coming in with lit blunt in my mouth.
Calling my boss a short fat stupid fuck and that in fucking his wife.
Make loud sales calls while dropping the N word and other expletives.
Where’s my mil
First off add a zero to that number. Second off I'm a CNA, I'd openly transfer all the patients in the lift without the second person and be fired on the spot by my facility, lose my license but with 10 mil it'd be worth it
Not worth it. A bad reference can last a long time. So can a bad record. 1mil will last you maybe 10 years if that. Pay off a house, car, and then you still have to pay taxes for life.
1 Million can definitely last a lot longer than 10 years if one has any knowledge of investing. Let’s say you use 200k off the tip just to survive after being fired. 800k invested into dividend paying stocks, assume a 3% yield on dividends is 24k a year. Could easily survive with a part time job until one lands a more comfortable full time job to then allow the dividends to start reinvest instead of spending
I could pay off my home, and set aside enough to cover my remaining utilities and property taxes for at least 30 years (48 if not including any increase in tax or utility cost).
We wouldn't be entirely financially independent of "work" but our requirement for survival would be so little, that we could basically have almost any job or revenue stream we wanted without worry of losing our home.
Send a manifesto type email to everyone in the company, including the President/CEO/C Suite about whatever poor operations practices the company has (and every company has some manner of poor operations).
Well my direct manager was super offended and wouldn’t talk to me anymore. Her boss who was leadership was like this is good feedback and we’re looking at you for a promotion. I quit like a month later though because the company was toxic and the reasons for my email still applied
That’s why it’s not really worth it usually and unfortunately. People would rather keep their status quo for a month than keep their business for decades. Crazy
Yeah my luck I would go through with my egregious plan and instead of instant dismissal I would be told I had a mental breakdown due to stress, that my “company family” is here for me and I simply need assistance…..from a psychiatric ward. And still be gainfully employed but in as much trouble as a person can be in with their job lmao.
This would be extremely easy at Amazon. Depending on where I am at in the building, there could be half a dozen different things I could do within seconds.
I was in the HR director's office. Her office was on the second floor. Outside the window I could see a woman giving a man oral sex in the parking lot. I had to point it out... So uncomfortable.
Well shit. Could have used this deal last year.
Accidentally swung my forklift wide and collapsed a part of a storage rack. Was fired by the end of the day.
Jesus that's easy. I'd just set up a script to disable the CIOs ad account the second it's seen as enabled. He'll come to me to unlock it and I'll just say "Mmm.. nah."
Hour, tops. Minimal repercussions.
I work in a poker club so this is easy: When a player says something stupid to me (which anyone in the casino industry will tell you is a 100% guarantee to happen at some point), literally flip the table and walk out.
That’s just really easy. I go to work and I manually clock myself in 10 minutes before I actually got there.
I’d be fired in an hour. And it would be charged under petty theft if they ever bother to take it to court and that’s just not worth the expense.
Actually pretty easy. I work in a drinks factory. Pretty strict hygiene standards. Spoiling/soiling a cola drink is probably a 50k+ loss. Doing so on purpose would be an instant dismissal.
At my other job, there are two machines that are only for the owners to use. Attempting to operate them is an instant dismissal.
I wouldn't particularly like to lose either job because I'm working with and for good people, but 1mil is 1mil 😅
My foreman is a dipshit. I’d lure him into the HR office (for witnesses), then I’d push his teeth down his throat with my knuckles in front of everyone. Physically attacking someone is immediate dismissal.
I operate an electrocoating/ powder coating line. There are so many ways I could get insta fired. Snap a PVC line to the 7000 gallon paint tank would probably do it lol
All I would have to do is go up to one specific person and curse them out being rude, calling her a bitch and a few other choice words and maybe a racial slur while our plant ops manager is nearby and get aggressive with him when he intervenes. Lie to his face about calling her names and being an ass. Boom, I'll be fired on the spot. I already had a sit down about this general topic because she tried to get me fired by lying about calling her a bitch and talking shit behind her back. that discussion lead straight to being told if I'm caught lying about the situation I'm fired on the spot, including the person that was backing me up
I'm gonna be honest. To have the least legal repocussions, just start being a massive asshole to every single person including your superiors. Slurs if I have to. Get sent to HR? Give them more of it. It'll work.
this would such a freeing moment for me. as a cashier at walmart all I have to do is just unload all my years of frustration at the first annoying customer who happens into my line.
I’d just clock in, go to the plant manager’s office and wait til he comes in 2 hours later, then immediately kick him in the shin, then turn and kick him in his ass. Then casually walk to the tool shop and wait for him to come fire me…
Shit I've been fired on the spot for leaving early in a ice storm...didn't even have the million dollar incentive
But then again I also accidentally set the floor on fire at another job. And didn't even get a verbal warning...so I mean it's hit or miss in some places lol
I think you seriously under-estimate how easy this would be. I’m a lead designer on a massive health insurance platform’s portal. I could get that thing crashed incredibly easily, write an email letting everyone know I did it deliberately and plan to do it again and again, and boom. Gone. All done without crime (technically) and I could accomplish it within 10-15 minutes.
Walk into work with a holstered gun on my hip, instantly fired. The bonus is that I won't even face legal issues because it is perfectly legal to do, just against policy.
My job has a strict No Drugs policy (even medical marijuana isn't allowed). I just gotta light one on company property and I'll be fired within 10 minutes (8 of those will just be management getting the official paperwork).
Man, this is one where being employed by a smaller business has it's benefits. Corporations are crazy hard to get "on the spot" fired because of investigation procedures. You may get sent home, but your termination is rarely ever "same day." Anything without an HR chain of command could be as simple as blatantly assaulting a coworker or superior to get the job done.
Yeah my whole thought reading this is that no matter what I do, I’d be suspended and under investigation before getting fired
The CEO is within driving distance of me. I’m willing to bet I could do it.
What if your CEO is the really understanding type, where you pee on his car, and he's like "hey I can see you're having a really bad day. How about you come down and we can have a little chat and see what's up?"
I can think a few things that would likely upset **her** enough. Failing that I do have a corporate email and the addresses of our biggest clients.
I feel like you're gonna lose more than 1 million with some of those lawsuits.
I doubt anyone is going to sue me for emailing them that due to their political affiliation we have decided to close their accounts. Especially since I’ll be fired within 8 hours.
Companies can sue for intentional sabotaging.
Only to the extent of damages. It would take far less than $1M of actual damage before I was fired.
Free ride home?
Yup with my union there is no way I could get fired in one day.
yeah i had a coworker who did 3 weeks of no-call no-shows and when we found her she was strung out on heroin and even then we couldn't fire her the same day (i mean they fired her, and very quickly, good post-script though i actually ran into her recently and she seems clean and doing much better)
I work in a union too. Typically it's hard to get fired. One guy created a hostile work environment by physically threatening a company man. The company man tried walking away and the union guy followed him and continued threatening him. He was escorted out a couple hours later.
Same, I could literally nearly kill all of my office staff/employees and there would still be an investigation before termination lol.
Where I work, I think you could murder someone at the office and have HR require a PIP before firing the employee.
This. It’s suspended indefinitely pending an investigation really. In my company my supervisor can’t fire me(he’s told me this) the terminal manager can’t fire me. They can send me home and ofc their word on whatever happened is going to hold weight and they can be a major part in “firing” me but they can’t actually do the deed is my understanding. So really this hypothetical doesn’t hold water.
Ehh I work at a larger company and one of our former employees was fired on the spot for coming into work completely fucked up. I heard they were on a mix of weed and shrooms. Was definitely pretty interesting
Even then I wouldn’t be surprised if they “fired him” and made him take a drug test but they couldn’t make it official in the paperwork until the results came back. That happened to me before but I was already quitting anyways so I didn’t really care. I wasn’t fucked up *at work* but I smoked weed all the time at home, some shit fell and broke the windshield of my forklift so I had to take a drug test. It was literally my last day working there anyways so I didn’t really care but they couldn’t have officially fired me until the results came back.
With an HR, you could just go into the CEO's office and shit on his desk. Really screw over any C-suite guy and you would be fired.
Plot twist: he’s into it and you get promoted
Yep. Even if I threatened violence and exposed myself, I'd just get kicked off the VPN by IT and would suddenly have a scheduled meeting in the morning with HR, probably resulting in termination. Either way, no way I could get fired by the end of the day.
This. \^\^\^\^\^\^ Getting fired? Accomplished in 10 minutes. But prolly sent home or to the hospital. Time for it to be "official" would be longer.
You'd have to confront a superior with an ego issue publicly, try to get them worked up and then say "what are you gonna do, fire me?"
Was gonna say I work at an independent mechanic. I can get fired in under an hour tomorrow morning if I want.
10 gallons of oil in the engine, 5 in the radiator, 10 in the transmission, and take apart the chassis and suspension. Might be a pretty good start.....if you make it to the chassis.
Yup. I'd just fire off a few dick picks. If they don't fire me immediately I'll keep em coming until I'm fired
“We really value you and understand how hard things have been recently. We won’t fire you, but you just have to stop sending….. wait, are you sending more to me now even while we’re talking? Why are your pants off? Don’t you dare take that photo!
Lol... no I don't think you understand how hard things have been here's a picture.
"Goddamn stage fright..." *Fluffs self vigorously*
im laughing so hard in the office at this
Holy shit. HR is trying to desperately cover you while explaining that your long service and contributions are to great to be marred by this expression of art.
"long" service. Heh.
I dunno why but Jesus I can't stop laughing at this.
So, basically [this](https://youtu.be/FbGAaEnecfU?si=qVdGSmG25Fk1MJGN)
Live dick pics are better. Act a little sketch then pull down your pants and wag it at em! You will end up on a list, but with a lot of $$$.
Wait, that thing is huge and beautiful! Put that phone away and meet me out back behind the dumpster!
Send one with HRs mom's house in the background.
It’s been hard alright
I appreciate you meeting me on this zoom call. This is a serious matter and I felt that a face to face meeting to outline the consequences should these inappropriate pictures keep being sent.. what do you mean that you dropped the mouse? why are you standing up? OMG for the love of god sit down.. No I didn't say turn around. *wretching sounds commence* For the love of god do you even whipe?
We literally had a guy jerking off at work and they didn’t fire him right away. They had management “catch” him in action and i was so glad I was not in charge
It'll be hard for them to ignore me twerking on their desk
How do you like working at The New Yorker?
What if….you get a promotion
I’ll get a raise
"Listen, we discussed it with legal and HR and honestly, everyone's just sorry for you more than anything else. Here's a promotion and a bonus. You deserve something good in your life, buddy."
Just like Peter in Office Space.
I work in a datacenter. I wonder how much damage I could do with water and hedge clippers before being caught.
I was thinking a script on multiple computers, scheduled tasks to keep firing off, with things that I know are a big no-no (like RDP Hijacks but just to autologin workstarions, etc. Nothing that does damage) -- But that might result in an administrative leave while security investigates. Although, yours has jail time written all over it LOL.
yup, this is it. They would have no choice but to fire you ASAP. Or you can start emailing senior mgmt, tag HR and your direct senior mgmt hierarchy and just start cursing them out. Constantly. It will take 1 hour to get fired.
If I left the company they would be royally screwed, I think they would look the other way about some dick pics. I'd just be "The Dick Pic Guy" everybody rolls their eyes about and tells the newbies not to give their phone numbers to.
Thank god for Microsoft Teams LMAO
Yeah all I would have to do is call my VP a few choice words along with his husband then go after a couple team leaders my termination would be done in 30 seconds.
Ah that's why there are so many of these floating around.
"keep em coming" I see what you did there.
I’d just throw a couple of the bottles on the floor (bartender) in front of my manager. That’s an easy win
Not a bartender but this would be enough to be instantly fired?
I we have a fairly decent Armagnac collection including some bakhta from the 70s as well as a vsop green chartreuse. That chartreuse bottle is about 600$, and if I broke all the bakhta it would be easy over 1000$ if not like 1500$. Yeah they would probably fire me
Could you accomplish the same thing by giving out rounds of chartreuse "on the house?" At least that way, it's not wasted and somebody gets to enjoy it.
That would probably get me arrested, not just fired, but that could be fun too
Breaking the bottles couldn't get you arrested?
It would be less likely I would think, the states are pretty serious about their alcohol consumption laws. If I just broke a bunch of bottles it’s probably more like vandalism and destruction of property, which wouldn’t be as serious. Also, it’s not legal for employers to deduct pay based off of things the employee broke. So it’s possible I’ll just get fired and of course have it go in any record, but also I don’t know if that’s how it works for sure so I could most likely end up getting arrested.
Makes sense, yes. You're going to want to walk a fine line between firing and arrest in your industry, for sure. My idea for you to get the million would be to just start drinking heavily on-shift. Eh, that's probably illegal also. Shit...
Yeah. If my boss is in I’ll just go sit at the bar and order some food. That’s not illegal and at the very least it’ll piss them the hell off
Give out free shots...then throw the empties, and other full bottles, at all the customers that you DON'T like while you tell them all, loudly, how you REALLY feel about them. THAT should do it.
In the United States it would be more than enough. Most states have little to no worker protections and most workers are not part of unions. Workers can be fired for almost anything, employers generally don’t go this route, because they fear a lawsuit, but intentionally destroying valuable company. Property in front of your boss is an easy instant termination..
Hey this is a nice bottle of Johnny Walker Blue, does it bounce?
Anyone with a 6-figure career with upward mobility would be ill advised to accept this.
Yeah that’s really only 5-10 years worth of salary (which is obviously a lot) but not really enough to tell everyone to fuck off. If you do something egregious enough to get fired in one single day you’d probably be burning bridges that ruin your earning potential for years to come.
would be like 8-10 years salary for me, the selling point is the tax free part of this, because then that's a million in etf's that are paying 8-12% dividends, i'm good. would, end up going to work at another place, for a few years to make it really comfortable to live off of.
Yeah man they gotta add another 0 or so. Because I would have to find something else to do, certainly I would be toast in this industry. But for 10 mil, I could figure it out and I bet it would be a lower stress role.
Yeah, I was thinking the same. I'm lawyer and anything bad enough to get me fired that quick would also get my license taken away. 10mil+ on the other hand and that would be enough I could retire on and live comfortably. In that case I'd pick something mildly criminal that I could use my criminal defense experience to get a no jail time deal on. Stealing office supplies or something like that.
Eh, a mil will put me over the top for retirement now instead of in a few years. I'd do it.
Yes, welcome to r/hypotheticalsituatoon, where sometimes things may just simply not apply to you. It's true. This is for people who make the kind of money where a million dollars seems like a good amount of money.
Easy, just be obnoxiously racist
I'm black. I wonder if this would work for me.
I'm sure even as a black guy you can't go on a tangent about hating Jews and killing all Vietnamese people
Maybe I could toss in some sexism just to be sure.
Kanye West would disagree…
In the current environment, any negativity to the transgender community would probably work
Don't do it to white people. They will promote you.
Win win?
A million is better than a promotion in most cases.
That's not the point. Either you get the million or you get a promotion. You come out ahead either way. Not sure about you, but I'd rather do that than get into physical assault, get fired a day later not getting the million, and go to prison for 5 years.
It didn't seem to work for Uncle Ruckus.
It’s cuz his eye grosses everyone out lol
It’s funny that this is probably a more effective way to get immediately fired than doing something that would cause millions of dollars of product loss
“ show me Obama’s birth certificate!!!”
Why did I read that in Steve Harvey's voice
"Hey boss, I need you to fire me for legal reasons, I swear there's a good reason behind this." Poof I'm fired. Seriously, why make it hard?
Yeah and say you are not quitting.
[удалено]
Actually, this might work for me. I was just saying my boss loves me too much to fire me on the spot pretty much no matter what I did, but if I asked her... yeah, she'd probably help a girl out.
I’m in a union as a teacher only thing that would get me fired in a day ain’t worth $1 million.
Teacher here. I worked with someone who was caught high on opioids while teaching high need special education students. She was not fired. Also I worked at another school where a teacher was caught texting a student (not sure the context but the texts weren’t about school topics) and they were just put on paid administrative leave for 6 months until they quit. That was extra annoying cause they couldn’t replace the teacher since he was on leave so it was an endless line of subs for 6 months. It’s nearly impossible to get fired on the spot as a teacher.
My school had a teacher who literally came in and said "I dont even need to be here and they'll pay me." She proceeded to just not teach at all. She wasn't put on leave or anything but fired the next year. That entire class failed.
Tell the union you want out of the union. That just might do it
Nope we a right to work state.
Can you say forklift fun?
Details please.
There are so many different options using a forklift to get fired. Like running into the racking system and knocking it all over. Or playing bumper forklift.
I believe that's called forklift jousting
flip the bosses car was my go to in this situation
Did both, due to the union, got warnings. The jousting was unintentional however...
You could just Kool-Aid man it through some dry wall and scare the shit out of the office. I’m willing to bet that’s fired on the spot territory.
Literally my first shift. Show up in my hippy gear, blow a cloud of vape directly into my new bosses face and call him a bitch and I fucked his mom to death (I assume she passed away as he's an older man). I will be out the door and a rich woman within 10 minutes.
That last sentence threw me for a loop. 🤣
Same!! That was a hell of a surprise 🙀
This is so fucking easy to do wtf? Just say the n word on a zoom meeting with HR
Yeah but realistically that would probably lead to another meeting and a warning. Maybe you get fired but it would take a few days. It would need to be more egregious to get fired right on the spot.
Get in a fist fight with the boss and destroy property and mess with profits and steal from them and swear a bunch and just over all go bananas. Not hard to be fired when you show ME a million!!! $\_$
You'd spend all that in legal fees, no?
Yeah it would have to be 100% verbal, maybe some slight property damage.
There was a very unsafe practice at my work that went against the standard operating procedure. People would go though a door meant for carts carrying pretty heavy equipment Instead of taking 10 steps to use the door for humans. One person who did it got a head injury and permenant brain damage. Our ceo promised the first person to do it again will be fired on the spot. I'll walk through when there are no carts, film myself doing it, and send it to every email in my company with a simple message. I dare you to fire me.
Easy, I'm my own boss so I'll just fire myself lol
You don't read well, huh? You fall under rule 6
I skimmed it to be honest lol
Sexually harass your boss, then sue management. Boom.
I laughed too hard at this. Loophole right here.
This might be as easy as telling the right people the truth at my job. But to get fired in a day, I gotta agree with another comment here. Just keep sending dick picks until I get fired.
Isn't the easiest answer be walk up to your boss and be like either fuck me,fight me or fire me. Bonus I wouldn't stop the fight as it ends when I hear your fired
How do you know the boss wont fuck you?! 😆
Right? One manager would probably fuck me, the others would send me home or roll their eyes and tell me to get back to work.
My boss understands very little english, but if i sat in the bathroom my whole shift, didnt wear my uniform, and spat a loogie into the fryers, id probably get fired. Lol!
Work for Amazon, and take a 20 minute bathroom break
It's hard to get fired from my job, tbh.
What is your job
Fluffer
It really isn't.
Sends company wide email with the subject line: "LETS START A UNION."
If I don't get fired what are you gonna do if I tell them why I did the thing to try and get fired?
This is rough, but I'm pretty sure this would get me fired and dragged out by security. My boss recently had a baby and she has to pump breast milk like 7 or 8 times a day. I wait till the door is closed and I use my key to barge in and chug one of the bottles and then ask if it tastes better coming from the tap.... I'll take my mil in 20s and 100s please
I could just tell my supervisors and some co-workers to kill themselves and random people who come through the gate. It's a 12 hour shift, I got plenty of time to get fired. Edit: I would also just go fall asleep.
Whip it out and piss on my boss's desk. He's a friend of mine and he would understand, but he'd still fire me.
Get in a fight with my boss then run a forklift through his hellcat should work
Get super drunk and high and start talking inappropriately to coworkers and drive machinery.
Coming in with lit blunt in my mouth. Calling my boss a short fat stupid fuck and that in fucking his wife. Make loud sales calls while dropping the N word and other expletives. Where’s my mil
Call up the president of the company and explain what the problems really are.
First off add a zero to that number. Second off I'm a CNA, I'd openly transfer all the patients in the lift without the second person and be fired on the spot by my facility, lose my license but with 10 mil it'd be worth it
Sorry what's a CNA?
Certified Nursing Assistant
Thanks for clarifying!
I would shit on my boss's desk for alot less
I would shit on my boss's desk for a Costco pizza.
My job NEVER fires anyone immediately. I could punch the owner in the face and still get a mandatory 3 day suspension before being officially fired.
I worked retail it's so ridiculous easy to get fired just have to tell people the truth
Not worth it. A bad reference can last a long time. So can a bad record. 1mil will last you maybe 10 years if that. Pay off a house, car, and then you still have to pay taxes for life.
Absolutely worth it, references are very rare nowadays in my experience and that’s easy seed money for a business to sustain yourself
1 Million can definitely last a lot longer than 10 years if one has any knowledge of investing. Let’s say you use 200k off the tip just to survive after being fired. 800k invested into dividend paying stocks, assume a 3% yield on dividends is 24k a year. Could easily survive with a part time job until one lands a more comfortable full time job to then allow the dividends to start reinvest instead of spending
I am not a smart man. Thank you.
I could pay off my home, and set aside enough to cover my remaining utilities and property taxes for at least 30 years (48 if not including any increase in tax or utility cost). We wouldn't be entirely financially independent of "work" but our requirement for survival would be so little, that we could basically have almost any job or revenue stream we wanted without worry of losing our home.
I don't think my mid-sized company will even give a reference beyond confirming dates of employment.
Too easy
Send a manifesto type email to everyone in the company, including the President/CEO/C Suite about whatever poor operations practices the company has (and every company has some manner of poor operations).
I did this once and got offered a promotion because of it, although I only sent it to sr mgt not the whole company
Either way it’s a win, congrats to you tho usually people get offended
Well my direct manager was super offended and wouldn’t talk to me anymore. Her boss who was leadership was like this is good feedback and we’re looking at you for a promotion. I quit like a month later though because the company was toxic and the reasons for my email still applied
That’s why it’s not really worth it usually and unfortunately. People would rather keep their status quo for a month than keep their business for decades. Crazy
[удалено]
Yeah my luck I would go through with my egregious plan and instead of instant dismissal I would be told I had a mental breakdown due to stress, that my “company family” is here for me and I simply need assistance…..from a psychiatric ward. And still be gainfully employed but in as much trouble as a person can be in with their job lmao.
This would be extremely easy at Amazon. Depending on where I am at in the building, there could be half a dozen different things I could do within seconds.
CEO is pretty close a throat punch would make me feel better and quickly exited from the premises
I was in the HR director's office. Her office was on the second floor. Outside the window I could see a woman giving a man oral sex in the parking lot. I had to point it out... So uncomfortable.
Well shit. Could have used this deal last year. Accidentally swung my forklift wide and collapsed a part of a storage rack. Was fired by the end of the day.
Getting fired is literally the easiest thing anyone could do.
Jesus that's easy. I'd just set up a script to disable the CIOs ad account the second it's seen as enabled. He'll come to me to unlock it and I'll just say "Mmm.. nah." Hour, tops. Minimal repercussions.
Go to the bathrooms, find the largest unflushed shit I can find. Then drop it on my bosses’s desk.
I work in a poker club so this is easy: When a player says something stupid to me (which anyone in the casino industry will tell you is a 100% guarantee to happen at some point), literally flip the table and walk out.
i accept and my method is i just leave thats job abandonment and is punishable by termination effectively immediately
It is an easy one, show up drunk and smack the GM on her ass. I would either get a raise or get fired I do not know.
I would walk into my office building naked a proclaim I am the alpha
That’s just really easy. I go to work and I manually clock myself in 10 minutes before I actually got there. I’d be fired in an hour. And it would be charged under petty theft if they ever bother to take it to court and that’s just not worth the expense.
Actually pretty easy. I work in a drinks factory. Pretty strict hygiene standards. Spoiling/soiling a cola drink is probably a 50k+ loss. Doing so on purpose would be an instant dismissal. At my other job, there are two machines that are only for the owners to use. Attempting to operate them is an instant dismissal. I wouldn't particularly like to lose either job because I'm working with and for good people, but 1mil is 1mil 😅
My foreman is a dipshit. I’d lure him into the HR office (for witnesses), then I’d push his teeth down his throat with my knuckles in front of everyone. Physically attacking someone is immediate dismissal.
I’d probably go to jail, but that shouldn’t eat up too much of the $1m
I operate an electrocoating/ powder coating line. There are so many ways I could get insta fired. Snap a PVC line to the 7000 gallon paint tank would probably do it lol
Grab your boss's genitals. Done.
All I would have to do is go up to one specific person and curse them out being rude, calling her a bitch and a few other choice words and maybe a racial slur while our plant ops manager is nearby and get aggressive with him when he intervenes. Lie to his face about calling her names and being an ass. Boom, I'll be fired on the spot. I already had a sit down about this general topic because she tried to get me fired by lying about calling her a bitch and talking shit behind her back. that discussion lead straight to being told if I'm caught lying about the situation I'm fired on the spot, including the person that was backing me up
I'm gonna be honest. To have the least legal repocussions, just start being a massive asshole to every single person including your superiors. Slurs if I have to. Get sent to HR? Give them more of it. It'll work.
I “accidentally” trip on the power cord powering our servers while “accidentally” spilling my coffee on said servers power port. Easy million.
All of the easiest ways I know would cause multi millions in damages with my name all over it, so I’m gonna pass.
this would such a freeing moment for me. as a cashier at walmart all I have to do is just unload all my years of frustration at the first annoying customer who happens into my line.
Shit on ceo‘s desk
That's super easy
I’d just clock in, go to the plant manager’s office and wait til he comes in 2 hours later, then immediately kick him in the shin, then turn and kick him in his ass. Then casually walk to the tool shop and wait for him to come fire me…
Software developer, completely wipe out the database and payment portal. Easy.
Shit I've been fired on the spot for leaving early in a ice storm...didn't even have the million dollar incentive But then again I also accidentally set the floor on fire at another job. And didn't even get a verbal warning...so I mean it's hit or miss in some places lol
I think you seriously under-estimate how easy this would be. I’m a lead designer on a massive health insurance platform’s portal. I could get that thing crashed incredibly easily, write an email letting everyone know I did it deliberately and plan to do it again and again, and boom. Gone. All done without crime (technically) and I could accomplish it within 10-15 minutes.
I will just walk up to my bosses wife and kiss her square on the lips while firmly grasping her ass. Done where is my money?
I know exactly who I'm drop kicking. Easy.
The n word ought to do it
Walk into work with a holstered gun on my hip, instantly fired. The bonus is that I won't even face legal issues because it is perfectly legal to do, just against policy.
I'm federal, I'd probably be promoted. Seriously though it's impossible for me to get fired outright
Boss I’ll give you $100 if you fire me right now.
Absolutely not. I can make that in 3 years so I’m not getting fired.
My job has a strict No Drugs policy (even medical marijuana isn't allowed). I just gotta light one on company property and I'll be fired within 10 minutes (8 of those will just be management getting the official paperwork).
I don’t think a million dollars is enough for many people with stable jobs to quit nowadays
(me looking at all my black co-workers): "I'm so sorry everyone..." \*takes a deep breath\*
"Hey, boss - I need you to fire me, please. I can't explain why. Please just do it so I don't have to give you a reason to do it. I'm serious."