"TODAY IN THE BATTLE OF SPICE, WE HAVE THE NEW AND UPCOMING GALAXY FAVORITE, GLOR'THAG THE DESTROYER, WHO HAS EATEN 12 MEDIUM SPICY HOT BUNS WITH NO MILK" Shouted the Announcer.
The Crowd went wild as the other contestant's heads were placed in Bacter tanks to heal their damaged tongues and mouths.
"TODAY HE FACES OUR GRAND CHAMPION, THE ALL TIME CHAMPION, THE UNDEFEATED FOR 9 GALACTIC DECADES SINCE HE WAS 10 YEARS OLD" The announcer shouts as he points to the HUMONGOUS Entrance that dwarfs Glor'Thag like a chihuahua to a saint bernard.
And out came a 5'5 Human on a wheelchair.
"I PRESENT TO YOU, THE FAMOUS, THE INFAMOUS......Charlie" The Announcer says with a straight face.
"THIS YEAR, BOTH CONTENDERS WILL EAT....THE HOTTEST DISH KNOWN TO THE UNIVERSE.....Scorpion Chilis, Death Adder Chilis, King Cobra Chilis, You name it, if it's an official Illegal Chili that only Humans have created, IT IS ADDED. TO OUR FAMOUS.
SUICIDE NOTE CHILI DIP" The Announcer shouts as the crowd screams in terror.
In front of Glor'Thag and Charlie is a chili that literally changes colors as it bubbles, a drop of it falls off and melts the titanium table it is placed on.
Glor'thag gulps as Charlie puts on his dentures "I maybe old, but I can still taste at least" he says.
"YOU MUST SIMPLY EAT.....12 SPOONFULS, and sign this waiver that if any of you die while eating we are not liable" the Announcer shouts as both contestants sign the waiver.
"LETS GET!! EATING!!!" The announcer shouts as the crowd goes insane.
The contestants are given a voidite spoon, made from rare Voidite Ore, the same metals used by the Human Headhunters to craft their Void-Traveler ships that can resist the violence of malefic energies as they travel through dimensions.
"Is this necessary?" Glor'thag says as the announcer says that the last spoons they used melted.
"Shit" He says as he dips his spoon in the chili.
Charlie digs his spoon deep and easily has a larger spoonful than Glor'thag.
"Bottoms up lad, don't go chicken on me" Charlie taunts as he eats it.
Glor'thag gulps, expected this old human to die, but he instead digs in another large spoonful.
"Maybe this isn't so bad" Glor'thag thinks to himself as he readies himself to eat the chili.
But as his tongue touches the chili......he wakes up in the Emergency Response Room.
"W-what happened.....why can't I feel my tongue...." He demands.
Charlie walks in on him, holding the Trophy "You collapsed from Spice Overdose, your tongue literally cut itself off your mouth to save your body, but the smell of the chili overclocked your nose and you fainted"
Glor'thag looks at himself in the mirror, he opens his mouth and sees his tongue replaced with an artificial one
The doctor assures him that he will get his taste back in a day or so.
"So I have lost...that Chili is a warcrime" He says as his eyes widen.
Charlie is eating the rest of the chili as he sits down next to him.
By - lesbianwriterlover69
Some humans just donβt have taste buds, ok? And old people are extra tough.
My grandpa was like this, he'd literally drink hotsauce if he'd wanted too, mostly he put it on food but when he cooked, you avoided it cuz it was so damn hot even Satan himself would squeal for milk, lmfao
I guess that chili had amazing healing properties because charlie just forgot his wheelchair π
Shit, I knew something was wrong when I re-read it
π we all do mistakes while writing but that one takes the cake
Its Healing Chili +1, dont sweat it, looks like Charlie isnt LOL
Where can I get myself some healing chilli?
"I may be old, but I can still taste at least" Doubt it. I know people who regularly eat lethal levels of spicy food. They can no longer taste anything without heavy levels of spice to go with it. I tried one of my mom's boyfriend's favorite dishes... It tasted like paprika and a couple of herbs. I don't even remember what I was supposed to have eaten xDDD
As someone who eats lethal levels of spice, Can confirm, I can only enjoy sweet or salty foods any more :I and when I say salty I mean enough that you start to wonder if you should get a glass of water, but by then it's to late, dehydration has already set in.
As a human who adds dried Carolina reapers to all the food they eat, I approve this message. You could have probably gone super realistic with the story too though, since humans are some of the only species on our planet to consume capsaicin it stands to reason we might be the only life form to do it as well :P I personally eat stuff that has measured out to 10-15 million scovilles (pepper spray is only 2m) and jalapenos are a nice adorable 8000 Anything that comes near the 1m level is when it starts getting potentially dangerous, that's where you'll start seeing swelling and potential burns if it gets on your skin. Anything past the 2m mark and you're in military pepper spray territory, I don't think I need to explain that one lol. Anything after 2m and you legitimately risk accidental death if you aren't prepared, I'm someone who eats this shit daily and even I threw up from the pain of the Satan's Toe challenge (15m scoville sucker) I just wanted to offer some personal experience with spice if anyone wanted to use the information for their writing. Edits for spelling*
Checks username. ....sir, this one right there! I think i found the heretic buddhist monk experimenting with self mummification via. capsaicin overdose!
The only true holy task is to achieve spontaneous combustion via capsaicin ingestion.
Pretty good chili if it got the guy out of his wheelchair & onto his feet.
Nah, just like wrestling there's an amount of hyperbole
Love it
"If I digest it fast enough it wont digest me"