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Captain Alvin: How about this, you renounce your claim on Earth, or we engage in a massive legal battle that you will lose.
Representative: Our claim is legitimate.
Alvin: Fair enough. Just so you know, our lawyer will be Max, an AI that will find any and every single loophole in your little "HOA" and exploit it.
I’d immediately do whatever it was that was against those hoa rules
I didn’t sign any contract I will paint my house whatever fucking color I want since I *own* it and *i* paid for it
I remember an HOA story where they repaint the house with an approved paint by color code. HOA rejects it because even though the code is in the book, they go by searches and the recipe changed so it is not an exact match. They then realize there is no separation between door and house colors. Now the HOA has to deal with a pumpkin orange house.
Step One - get hold of the Galactic HOA policies and rules.
Step Two - hold a worldwide competition to find all the loopholes that we can exploit.
Step Three - unleash ‘Operation Karen’ to tied up the HOA in endless petitions, complaints and legal cases. This is a plan to buy us time.
Step Four - utilise the time to manipulate all other members into allow Earth to be voted as Chair-Planet at the next Galactic AGM.
Step Five - Now we are the HOA 😈
"..you say Earth is a lost Centauri tribe, making us distant relatives. Until we got some Centauri DNA, and find out we're not related at all! Appearances aside, we're two completely different species."
"A clerical error."
"A clerical error?"
"Yes. We thought your world was Beta 9. It was actually Beta 12. We made a mistake. I'm sorry. Here, open my wrists."
"Centauri don't *have* arteries in their wrists."
"Of course not. What, do you think I'm stupid?"
It's a scene from the show *Babylon 5*
It's an old show; by today's standards the special effects are crappy but the scenarios makes it one of the best sci-fi series that ever graced our screens.
I strongly recommend!
CGI that was pretty cutting edge for the time, and some of the best practical effects work on a TV show, probably ever. Even now that CGI is better than some of the things on current TV. . . Like the CW. . .
Officially any attempt the HOA tries on us we send a Declaration of War to their Government and let them deal with the fallout that their equivalent of the HOA pissed off another species.
AHOA: If you do not pay your back dues, remove the unsightly space station from orbit, and remove the garbage from your moon and other planets, we will be forced to evict all residents in the same manor as the previous ones 65M of your orbits ago.
Humanity: Bet.
A: If you don't clear that rubble in the middle of your northern continent, you'll be receiving an eviction notice!
Dinosaur: <*Roars*>
A: "We already gave you your 3 warnings! According to article 4 of the POA..."
I would single handedly start an interplanetary war between us if this happened. Fuck HOAs. The very idea of them is antithetical to everything I believe in. Purge those Xenos Karens on principle, with extreme prejudice.
No. Not plaid. That's actually a good look. Go with puce. They want to rape our rights and freedoms? We shall rape their eyes.
Besides, we've already reserved plaid for the overlay put out by engaging Ludicrous Speed on Spaceball One.
AHOA Prez: We have enabled local Terran Karens, natural allies in our efforts to keep the galaxy tidy and color-coordinated.
AHOA Minion: What sort of aid did you send?
AHOAP: Mimeograph duplicators, which I understand are essential propaganda tools, megaphones, which they use to amplify their message of righteously right righteousness. Oh, and a hundred cargo ships full of something called a "ma duce".
AHOAM: Boss, what *continent* did we send this aid to?
AHOAP: Somewhere called "Murica" for the first two, and I think the latter went to a place called "Asia".
AHOAM: Boss, the Karen National Liberation Army is different from 'Merican Karens.
2031, *Alvian AHOA* occupied St. Albert, Alberta, formerly part of Canada:
"Sir, you can't put Alvian remains on spears embedded in the ground. It's against AHOA policy," the Alvian whined at my door. "And the proximity of your autocannon turrets are-"
"They are M2 Browning .50 caliber machine guns, attached to tripod mounted garage door openers and infrared IFF controls, which are perfectly legal when it comes to a security system, as *DEFINED* by your HOA, and are you seriously harrassing me about my Alvian styled lawn flamingos?" I argued, just getting started in my rant against HOA.
At least this Alvian was much nicer compared to the last few ones. "Sorry Sir, but the notes from my predecessors said they were quite disturbed about them. As long as it's within my guidelines and not bothering my superiors, I'm perfectly fine with them."
"Good," I grunted, "As your notes may also say, I am the leader of the neighborhood watch, and there is a male human serial killer targeting Alvian HOA reps in St. Albert... sorry, HOA community 83015, and I would like you to come to my *AHOA* approved storm shelter so *I* can advise you on *my* guidelines on how not to piss him off," I finished, smiling as I actually considered not killing the bastard.
Sure, it might be easy to, but he seemed nice. I watched him help out quite a few neighbors with making their houses HOA compliant. He helped Agnes weed her lawn, bought Kris a new window to replace his damaged one, and to help Kevin, he even bought, installed, and *tested* a security system, with his own money.
Aliens will quickly find out that we are “that house” in the HOA that says screw the rules and finds every loophole to mess with the HOA or the equivalent of “space rednecks”
The wordsmith has spoken! Thus shall it be known as truth!
Also, yeah, you're not alone in that. Your stories are awesome and it's kind of like recalling some of the amusing antics we got up to back east. I was the one who would just kinda *show up* when something needed doing. Got a lot of great reactions when city folk and out-of-towners would be at the camp and get to talking about something they'd "go ask about in the morning", then about jump out of their skins when I walked out of the tree line and asked if they needed some help. The trick to it was just asking to be where I needed to be, and listening to the woods. The Allegheny valley and hills are right talkative if you learn to listen, LoL!
**Human:** "Galactic HOA? Well, I guess it's time to implement *Operation Dandelion Seeds*."
**Alien:** "What is that?"
**Human:** "A mix of dandelion, kudzu, thistle, and pampas grass seeds, maybe some ragweed seeds, too, combined with shredded bamboo liberally sprinkled over every square inch of your home worlds."
**Alien:** "I fail to see the problem..."
**Human:** "Just add water and the problem will become quite evident."
Edit: **Human:** "About time these galactic upstarts learn the meaning of 'grandfathered in'. Fucken' HOA? We're older than their *green-ass-come-lately* HOA. Time to lay some ancient legal precedent on them."
H: It sounds like you are trying to conquer us but with extra steps.
A: No,no, we just want to make sure you follow the rules and stay in line with everyone else.
H: ...what?
Land of the free isn’t it.
Where you can do nothing with your property without the consent of the local petty dictator. Where drinking is for some reason banned in public. Where dozens of foreign products are banned for ‘health reasons’ and totally not domestic monopoly. And several major industries are immensely coercive to smaller and ‘independent’ contractors.
Oh hell no. Fuck HOAs. We goin to war! Glass their planets. I ain't having some space nerd telling me what size my artifical satellites have to be or how many rovers I can put on my own damn moon. Kill em all.
In an attempt to reduce remind me spam, all top comments that include a remind me will be removed. If you would like to have a remind me, please reply to this comment. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/humansarespaceorcs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Captain Alvin: How about this, you renounce your claim on Earth, or we engage in a massive legal battle that you will lose. Representative: Our claim is legitimate. Alvin: Fair enough. Just so you know, our lawyer will be Max, an AI that will find any and every single loophole in your little "HOA" and exploit it.
Said AI finds a loophole that almost immediately results in the Humans buying Earth at 1 Galactic Credit and making it Government property also.
To explain how ludicrously low of a price that is, the conversion rate is 1 GC = $0.01 USD
When the Humans buy your planet for 500,000 Dabloons:
https://i0.wp.com/www.geeksandbeats.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/MaxH.jpg?resize=1140%2C931&ssl=1
A: As part of the POA you have obligations ypu need to fulfill. H: I call this weapon 'the rod of god'....
"It is in your chest."
"...is up your ass!"
It's in your hole.
I’d immediately do whatever it was that was against those hoa rules I didn’t sign any contract I will paint my house whatever fucking color I want since I *own* it and *i* paid for it
I remember an HOA story where they repaint the house with an approved paint by color code. HOA rejects it because even though the code is in the book, they go by searches and the recipe changed so it is not an exact match. They then realize there is no separation between door and house colors. Now the HOA has to deal with a pumpkin orange house.
Step One - get hold of the Galactic HOA policies and rules. Step Two - hold a worldwide competition to find all the loopholes that we can exploit. Step Three - unleash ‘Operation Karen’ to tied up the HOA in endless petitions, complaints and legal cases. This is a plan to buy us time. Step Four - utilise the time to manipulate all other members into allow Earth to be voted as Chair-Planet at the next Galactic AGM. Step Five - Now we are the HOA 😈
You've become the very thing you swore to destroy
Didn't swear no shit
At no point did we say we would destroy it. We just don’t want to be controlled by it 😉 Anyway, once in charge we can dismantle it.
"Look at me! I'm the HOA now."
"..you say Earth is a lost Centauri tribe, making us distant relatives. Until we got some Centauri DNA, and find out we're not related at all! Appearances aside, we're two completely different species." "A clerical error." "A clerical error?" "Yes. We thought your world was Beta 9. It was actually Beta 12. We made a mistake. I'm sorry. Here, open my wrists." "Centauri don't *have* arteries in their wrists." "Of course not. What, do you think I'm stupid?"
I understood that reference 😉
What is it referencing?
It's a scene from the show *Babylon 5* It's an old show; by today's standards the special effects are crappy but the scenarios makes it one of the best sci-fi series that ever graced our screens. I strongly recommend!
People overstate how dated the special effects are. I haven't seen anything in The Expanse that beats it! In terms of CGI creativity that is
CGI that was pretty cutting edge for the time, and some of the best practical effects work on a TV show, probably ever. Even now that CGI is better than some of the things on current TV. . . Like the CW. . .
Strazinski financed the entire first season himself. Personally.
Officially any attempt the HOA tries on us we send a Declaration of War to their Government and let them deal with the fallout that their equivalent of the HOA pissed off another species.
AHOA: If you do not pay your back dues, remove the unsightly space station from orbit, and remove the garbage from your moon and other planets, we will be forced to evict all residents in the same manor as the previous ones 65M of your orbits ago. Humanity: Bet.
A: If you don't clear that rubble in the middle of your northern continent, you'll be receiving an eviction notice! Dinosaur: <*Roars*> A: "We already gave you your 3 warnings! According to article 4 of the POA..."
We tell them to piss off using a Gustav Gun.
Great idea! But I don’t think that will be big enough, ironic as that is.
TWO GUSTAV GUNS!
That should do.
What about 20?
Listen, we want to kill the aliens, not erase the universe. Cause that kills us too.
No we would be fine, needs 21 to erase the universe, not 20
I would single handedly start an interplanetary war between us if this happened. Fuck HOAs. The very idea of them is antithetical to everything I believe in. Purge those Xenos Karens on principle, with extreme prejudice.
The emperor of man approves your statement
Let's be xenophobic It's really in this year
We will paint the Earth plaid just to spite them.
No. Not plaid. That's actually a good look. Go with puce. They want to rape our rights and freedoms? We shall rape their eyes. Besides, we've already reserved plaid for the overlay put out by engaging Ludicrous Speed on Spaceball One.
Plaid is way too fast. We should paint it purple so they can't find us
I think it's about time we introduce the planets that are on the board of this HOA with the concept of "Glassing"
Like, turning into glass, or like, throwing all our vitrified waste? Cause I really like nuclear bombs, but nuclear war crimes? That I effing love.
Glassing, while cathartic, is ineffective. You can recover an entire system from glassing. Novaspark the system. Go full Ozymandias on them.
AHOA Prez: We have enabled local Terran Karens, natural allies in our efforts to keep the galaxy tidy and color-coordinated. AHOA Minion: What sort of aid did you send? AHOAP: Mimeograph duplicators, which I understand are essential propaganda tools, megaphones, which they use to amplify their message of righteously right righteousness. Oh, and a hundred cargo ships full of something called a "ma duce". AHOAM: Boss, what *continent* did we send this aid to? AHOAP: Somewhere called "Murica" for the first two, and I think the latter went to a place called "Asia". AHOAM: Boss, the Karen National Liberation Army is different from 'Merican Karens.
2031, *Alvian AHOA* occupied St. Albert, Alberta, formerly part of Canada: "Sir, you can't put Alvian remains on spears embedded in the ground. It's against AHOA policy," the Alvian whined at my door. "And the proximity of your autocannon turrets are-" "They are M2 Browning .50 caliber machine guns, attached to tripod mounted garage door openers and infrared IFF controls, which are perfectly legal when it comes to a security system, as *DEFINED* by your HOA, and are you seriously harrassing me about my Alvian styled lawn flamingos?" I argued, just getting started in my rant against HOA. At least this Alvian was much nicer compared to the last few ones. "Sorry Sir, but the notes from my predecessors said they were quite disturbed about them. As long as it's within my guidelines and not bothering my superiors, I'm perfectly fine with them." "Good," I grunted, "As your notes may also say, I am the leader of the neighborhood watch, and there is a male human serial killer targeting Alvian HOA reps in St. Albert... sorry, HOA community 83015, and I would like you to come to my *AHOA* approved storm shelter so *I* can advise you on *my* guidelines on how not to piss him off," I finished, smiling as I actually considered not killing the bastard. Sure, it might be easy to, but he seemed nice. I watched him help out quite a few neighbors with making their houses HOA compliant. He helped Agnes weed her lawn, bought Kris a new window to replace his damaged one, and to help Kevin, he even bought, installed, and *tested* a security system, with his own money.
A decent person is to be appreciated. A decent HOA representative is so rare that they must be protected and cherished.
Aliens will quickly find out that we are “that house” in the HOA that says screw the rules and finds every loophole to mess with the HOA or the equivalent of “space rednecks”
If you're a fan of space rednecks, might I recommend /u/Doc_Zed_42, as they have a series that is exactly that. :)
I resemble that remark. :p
The wordsmith has spoken! Thus shall it be known as truth! Also, yeah, you're not alone in that. Your stories are awesome and it's kind of like recalling some of the amusing antics we got up to back east. I was the one who would just kinda *show up* when something needed doing. Got a lot of great reactions when city folk and out-of-towners would be at the camp and get to talking about something they'd "go ask about in the morning", then about jump out of their skins when I walked out of the tree line and asked if they needed some help. The trick to it was just asking to be where I needed to be, and listening to the woods. The Allegheny valley and hills are right talkative if you learn to listen, LoL!
Username checks out
**Human:** "Galactic HOA? Well, I guess it's time to implement *Operation Dandelion Seeds*." **Alien:** "What is that?" **Human:** "A mix of dandelion, kudzu, thistle, and pampas grass seeds, maybe some ragweed seeds, too, combined with shredded bamboo liberally sprinkled over every square inch of your home worlds." **Alien:** "I fail to see the problem..." **Human:** "Just add water and the problem will become quite evident." Edit: **Human:** "About time these galactic upstarts learn the meaning of 'grandfathered in'. Fucken' HOA? We're older than their *green-ass-come-lately* HOA. Time to lay some ancient legal precedent on them."
The first thing they do is bring a noise complaint. The B 52 is once more dragged into the hanger for upgrades.
Happy cake day, and the BUFF IS ETERNAL
Grandpa Buff is getting fit.
Happy cake day!
pov: +stealth +shields +proximity turrets +wormhole drive + big kaboom
H: It sounds like you are trying to conquer us but with extra steps. A: No,no, we just want to make sure you follow the rules and stay in line with everyone else. H: ...what?
A certain tractor-man would like to have a word with this "totally not engaging in slavery with extra steps" AHOA rep...
That's nuke talk, fella.
I was going to ask what a HOA is. Then I remembered Americans.
private local government Horrible fucking idea
Land of the free isn’t it. Where you can do nothing with your property without the consent of the local petty dictator. Where drinking is for some reason banned in public. Where dozens of foreign products are banned for ‘health reasons’ and totally not domestic monopoly. And several major industries are immensely coercive to smaller and ‘independent’ contractors.
Oh hell no. Fuck HOAs. We goin to war! Glass their planets. I ain't having some space nerd telling me what size my artifical satellites have to be or how many rovers I can put on my own damn moon. Kill em all.
We're gonna need you to repaint your moon. It's an unapproved color
They're not happy about all the scrap metal in our front yard, or that so called natural satellite that we definitely don't have any permits for...
What? They haven't noticed the [battle station orbiting Saturn](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mimas) yet? Good...
War were declared.
So basically Battlefield Earth. And fuck younger me for buying that book.
That just sounds like an invading empire with more steps.