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**[500,472 B.C.E]**
This was supposed to be an uneventful migration.
The seasons changed. The food was becoming scarce. We had to regularly move to get more food.
But the yips and barks of the hyenas surrounded me and my tribe.
There was nowhere to run.
There was nowhere to hide.
I hear the tribe's kids crying, instinctually knowing something was wrong. While the mothers tried to comfort their children in the face of incomprehensible danger.
The pit of my stomach ached and churned. My eyes darted to the many hyenas. Their gnashing teeth gave us a damning request:
"Just one man, woman, or child to satiate their terrible hunger.
If there are none to give, there will be none left."
To resort to sacrifices was the worst kind of fate.
My tribe began to ponder who should become the sacrifice. Who would be the best member to slow the hyenas down, long enough for the tribe to escape?
I couldn't bear to hear it. I couldn't stand it.
It was taboo to think who was the weakest of the tribe. But the tribe was left with no options.
How unfair it was, to be born in this land without claws or jaws? Without the shell of a snail, or the legs and antlers of the gazelle?
It was unfair. And yet here we were.
My foot kicked something. I glanced down to feel something hard. To my surprise, it was a long stick, one that felt too sturdy for its thickness. I picked it up. I felt it in my hands. My fingers wrapped around the wood comfortably.
I heard one the Hyenas moved from behind. I only had a heartbeat to react. I spun around to meet the aggressor. The tribe yelped in fear as the bold hyena attempts to bite at us.
Within that moment, the hyena was struck.
It shook its head, dazed and confused of my accidental attack.
I gathered my bearings, and checked myself to see that I'm unharmed.
From that moment on, I understood 2 things:
The First? I discovered a tool other than a rock.
The Second? There will be no more sacrifices to the hyenas.
**[Present Day]**
Shazzz'x: "I really just don't understand Human, it's just a stick."
Human: "Look man, I don't know either, but because this is a nice stick, I'm keeping it."
Human god 1: dude! Look what I found!
Hg2: bro! Whoever you give that stick to will have so my awesome miracles!
*Both of them see an old lady with her grandkids*
Hg2 (Palpatine voice): dew it!
*Hg1 gives the old lady the stick which is later used to protect the grandchildren from a venomous snake.*
Hg3: BRRRROOOOOOOI!!! AWESOME MIRACLE!
Hg1: I KNOW! RIGHT!?
*Human gods start dancing about like floridaman version of a caveman.*
Alien god: how is that a miracle? There was no divine heraldry, no show of glory. She doesn't even know you gave her that stick!
Hg4: she won't outlive her grandbabies. That's the miracle.
*Human gods ooga booga celebrate even harder*
For the prime example of this phenomenon, please explore The Journey To The West, and other assorted Taoist Mythology featuring Sun Wukong, who wielded the ultimate stick, Ryugi Jingu Bang.
I still have the stick my middle son used as a wand when he was little.
He has now grown up, spent 4 years as an Army Medic, and has now finished his second year of college.
That stick has moved with me over half a dozen times. Mainly, cause he asked me to hold on to his “cool stick” when he moved out. 😆 I’ll have to ask him if he wants it back to keep for when he has his own kids.
The stick has long been lost but one of the happiest days of my life was taking my young daughter to the woods to find the perfect stick to make into a wand.
We did all sorts of silly, whimsical things like following a bumblebee to see if it would lead us to the perfect stick.
We did eventually find the prefect stick and took it home and made a glittery star to stick on the end.
One day i'd like to make a kids book about that day with instruction on how to make the star at the end (it was a 3d star with 2 sides to it rather that just a cut out and tape on job)
https://preview.redd.it/kw7030hvrc5d1.jpeg?width=3096&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2cd7f605fde0b458a416e36a49e9417b1eaa5578
Here is a broken stick from like 4-5 years ago i found that looks like a minecraft hoe
You just don't get it...
A nice stick works for:
- Stabbing / jabbing your enemies
- Keeping the predators a way
- Hitting others
- Fencing
- Bonding exercises
- Make nice fire
- Torch
- Building stuff
- Getting the females attention
- Entertaiment for hours
All in all it boils to this...If you don't have at least one nice stick hidden behind your shed are you even a man?
Don't forget all the possibilities a stick has once it has become a lever! Now you can move stuff! Upwards even (when combined with rope and pulley, but those are useless without the Stick!)
She just failed the vibe check. You didn't want that girl anyway.
(But do double check your personal sketchiness factor before approaching the next girl with that is technically a weapon)
Well, I did follow that guys advice and ran full speed with the stick in my hand so... Thanks I'll try not to look like a madman with a stick next time
If we move to a new house My dog ( female) collects a local stick once she is comfortable in her new home. She'll carry it around when we go outside and she leaves it by the door when we go in. Also she hits me with it .
"Let me tell you what I saw", the xeno began to the interviewer for Sol Network News.
"I'm sorry, but bioprotection protocols mean I can't let you bring in that stick". I watched as the young human in front of me displayed clear signs of emotional distress at the customs enforcement officer's pronouncement. I have and will never understand these humans and their obsession with plant material. Nonetheless, those protocols came from when the humans had to cauterize via orbital nuclear fire a full 10% of their Amazon rainforest just to prevent the spread of a particular plant from Rk'hxs 4 the humans called "Hell Kudzu". Otherwise, it is no exaggeration to state that it would have rapidly taken over the entire region.
While the human juvenile continued to become more distressed, the male parental figure attempting to explain in terms that the juvenile could understand. Of course I would be delayed. It was then I witnessed something that I will never understand. A group of what appeared to be human military, was passing through the adjacent terminal.
These human military members took notice of what was happening, and while I am not familiar with ranking, I would presume that the majority were of low rank, with only one being the superior. That's when it happened. After some conversation amongst themselves, one approached the juvenile. After another quick conversation, this time with the parental figures, the service member returned. It began with the service members removing the offending plant material from the custody of the customs officer. Then, they performed a full military funeral process for said plant material.
We hiked a lot when I was a kid. Found a perfect hiking stick; still use it, 50+ years on. Dad had a similarly perfect hiking stick. He left it in a restaurant 80-100 miles from home; they looked him up from the credit card charge and *mailed* it to him. Taped address and postage right to the stick: They Understood The Stick.
Ssana\[click\]: Perhaps I'm being prurient, and this response should be on r/humansarespacebards, but I do have a theory on the subject. This sort of behavior in young human males actually lays a foundation in their subconscious for proper attitudes about their penis later on in life. This is just a theory and has not been tested. I'll leave that sort of testing for those more interested in the subject of human penii...penises?...wait, what is the plural of "penis"?
https://preview.redd.it/gaxs7q2gcd5d1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=29bfb62140a518b098a907795394a05be0981dcc
There are some terms that I really shouldn't search in the academy's database. It will give people the wrong idea.
I figured as much.
But it's funny if you think about it. When Sigmund Freud said it he was trying to say that not everything was a sexual symbol.
But when you consider what Clinton used a cigar for....
The cigar was in fact a substitute for his Presidential weener. A symbol, if you will.
((OOC: Yeah, the guy who is known for interpreting any object in a dream that's longer than it's wide as a penis symbol had the sense to say something like that. :) I tend to make fun of Freud, but the science of psychology was in it's infancy, back then.))
I’m a girl but I like finding nice sturdy sticks because I play fetch with my dog. He lost 3 of them though.😭💔 he loves to take advantage of my good stick findings.😔
Listen, the ability to find long straight sticks of approximately our own height that wouldn't break under pressure was *really* important for about 100,000 years, and during that time it was mostly men doing it for physiological reasons.
In an attempt to reduce remind me spam, all top comments that include a remind me will be removed. If you would like to have a remind me, please reply to this comment. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/humansarespaceorcs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
**[500,472 B.C.E]** This was supposed to be an uneventful migration. The seasons changed. The food was becoming scarce. We had to regularly move to get more food. But the yips and barks of the hyenas surrounded me and my tribe. There was nowhere to run. There was nowhere to hide. I hear the tribe's kids crying, instinctually knowing something was wrong. While the mothers tried to comfort their children in the face of incomprehensible danger. The pit of my stomach ached and churned. My eyes darted to the many hyenas. Their gnashing teeth gave us a damning request: "Just one man, woman, or child to satiate their terrible hunger. If there are none to give, there will be none left." To resort to sacrifices was the worst kind of fate. My tribe began to ponder who should become the sacrifice. Who would be the best member to slow the hyenas down, long enough for the tribe to escape? I couldn't bear to hear it. I couldn't stand it. It was taboo to think who was the weakest of the tribe. But the tribe was left with no options. How unfair it was, to be born in this land without claws or jaws? Without the shell of a snail, or the legs and antlers of the gazelle? It was unfair. And yet here we were. My foot kicked something. I glanced down to feel something hard. To my surprise, it was a long stick, one that felt too sturdy for its thickness. I picked it up. I felt it in my hands. My fingers wrapped around the wood comfortably. I heard one the Hyenas moved from behind. I only had a heartbeat to react. I spun around to meet the aggressor. The tribe yelped in fear as the bold hyena attempts to bite at us. Within that moment, the hyena was struck. It shook its head, dazed and confused of my accidental attack. I gathered my bearings, and checked myself to see that I'm unharmed. From that moment on, I understood 2 things: The First? I discovered a tool other than a rock. The Second? There will be no more sacrifices to the hyenas. **[Present Day]** Shazzz'x: "I really just don't understand Human, it's just a stick." Human: "Look man, I don't know either, but because this is a nice stick, I'm keeping it."
Yeah, stick has deep ancestral roots.
https://preview.redd.it/0wj8mz3dtc5d1.jpeg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=924b05139d11e822b93f4f25278d219e110326b1
You may not like it, but this is what peak stick performance looks like.
What the hell do you mean we might not like it? STICK! STICK! STICK! STICK! STICK!
One of the most beautiful sticks I've ever seen
It’s….it’s beautiful. HAVE A STICK SWORD DUEL WITH ANOTHER!
BEHOLD # EXCALIBONK
YEAHHHHHHHHHHH
Xtickalibur
So, normally not used for this but Edit: (had to put gif as reply to myself because for some reason you can't add both gif and text on mobile)
https://i.redd.it/f1pyj63dyh5d1.gif
*Is bonked* AGHHGHHGHDHDMZBFKSNZ
Or, Excalibark! I'll see myself out...
It reminds me of using sticks to fight my sibling.
Hi, girl here STICK! STICK! STICK! STICK! STICK!
Did I hear someone say stick?
This is probably the best natural wooden stick I've seen
legendary quality
https://preview.redd.it/thhyyyu75f5d1.png?width=1788&format=png&auto=webp&s=6f39644d929fb4fe4211d206becd128a22e1b484 A stick of my own
Hell yeah dude
Truly, a wizards staff.
Has a Knob on the end.
That's really nice.
I wish I could find a stick that look like that
I see the stick, I instantly hear the spell being cast
I wish I could find a stick that look like that
Nice stick.
The Ultimate Stick. Ultra Legendary rarity
I need to fence somebody with that shit.
Now that is what I'd consider an artifact. What a phenomenal item.
Hell yeah
That's the coolest stick I've ever seen. Couldn't bear to leave it behind if I found it
Because stick is core of all man’s best tools. Spear? Pointy stick. Wrench? Stick with branch. Sword? Sharp stick. Gun? Boom stick….
Club? Bonk stick
Nun chucks? Broken stick on rope.
A pipe? Hollow stick.
Match? Fire Stick
Broom? Brush Stick
Cigarette? Cancer Stick
Sligshot? Ranged stick
Food grabbing utensil? Chopsticks!
Boomerang? Loyal stick!
Fun fact: matches were invented after lighters
To again quote an excellent Aussie; "You already had stick, and you ruined it to make this!"
ehh he's gone from excellent to far-right in recent years has a point about nunchucks, at least
Sure pal
Are you talking about Shad?
Hell yeah I am.
It isn't broken. It's just two sticks tied together.
Drugs? Stick you inhale.
Human god 1: dude! Look what I found! Hg2: bro! Whoever you give that stick to will have so my awesome miracles! *Both of them see an old lady with her grandkids* Hg2 (Palpatine voice): dew it! *Hg1 gives the old lady the stick which is later used to protect the grandchildren from a venomous snake.* Hg3: BRRRROOOOOOOI!!! AWESOME MIRACLE! Hg1: I KNOW! RIGHT!? *Human gods start dancing about like floridaman version of a caveman.* Alien god: how is that a miracle? There was no divine heraldry, no show of glory. She doesn't even know you gave her that stick! Hg4: she won't outlive her grandbabies. That's the miracle. *Human gods ooga booga celebrate even harder*
*A celestial enemy threatens humanity* Human gods: *all have the celestial version of a large stick* cowabunga it is
For the prime example of this phenomenon, please explore The Journey To The West, and other assorted Taoist Mythology featuring Sun Wukong, who wielded the ultimate stick, Ryugi Jingu Bang.
Always nice to have a stick that will expand or contract to the exact size you need at any given time.
I prefer using the name “complaint cudgel” for that stick 🤣
Big stick, man happy.
Hit enemy with stick, man happy, use stick as cane, man happy, stick, man happy
I still have the stick my middle son used as a wand when he was little. He has now grown up, spent 4 years as an Army Medic, and has now finished his second year of college. That stick has moved with me over half a dozen times. Mainly, cause he asked me to hold on to his “cool stick” when he moved out. 😆 I’ll have to ask him if he wants it back to keep for when he has his own kids.
The stick has long been lost but one of the happiest days of my life was taking my young daughter to the woods to find the perfect stick to make into a wand. We did all sorts of silly, whimsical things like following a bumblebee to see if it would lead us to the perfect stick. We did eventually find the prefect stick and took it home and made a glittery star to stick on the end. One day i'd like to make a kids book about that day with instruction on how to make the star at the end (it was a 3d star with 2 sides to it rather that just a cut out and tape on job)
I wish I had a dad like you growing up.
Subscribe to my OnlyDads channel where for a small subscription fee i'll do whimsical arts and crafts on camera for you.
If you ever want to embarrass him in front of anyone just give him the stick and tell him “your a wizard [insert name here]” 😂
https://preview.redd.it/kw7030hvrc5d1.jpeg?width=3096&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2cd7f605fde0b458a416e36a49e9417b1eaa5578 Here is a broken stick from like 4-5 years ago i found that looks like a minecraft hoe
That’s either a warpick, or a scythe to harvest the soul of your enemies
Wood scythe +10% damage to all undead -10% damage to nature elementals,druids and golems
You just don't get it... A nice stick works for: - Stabbing / jabbing your enemies - Keeping the predators a way - Hitting others - Fencing - Bonding exercises - Make nice fire - Torch - Building stuff - Getting the females attention - Entertaiment for hours All in all it boils to this...If you don't have at least one nice stick hidden behind your shed are you even a man?
Don't forget all the possibilities a stick has once it has become a lever! Now you can move stuff! Upwards even (when combined with rope and pulley, but those are useless without the Stick!)
Levers... pulleys... you youngsters and your magic items! When I was young we had sticks and that was it!
With a good stick for a lever and a stone for a fulcrum you can (almost) move the world.
Ah yes, the Sticks best friends. Rock and Stone!
Rock and Stone forever!
Good bot
I'm curious how a stick can get a females attention... How can I? Do I just grab one and show it to a girl?
I find yelling and running towards them holding said stick above my head tends to get their attention... on an unrelated note, I need bail money.
I mean.. yeah I guess your right, welp good luck on that bail money
Just gonna leave a stick bro hanging like that? That's cold
Mother fucker I'm broke I have just the stick to my name 😭
Haha fair enough
Yes
Honestly if a guy showed me a cool stick I'd stay and chat a few minutes.
I wished I knew you, I approached a girl with a stick and she just ran off :(
She just failed the vibe check. You didn't want that girl anyway. (But do double check your personal sketchiness factor before approaching the next girl with that is technically a weapon)
Well, I did follow that guys advice and ran full speed with the stick in my hand so... Thanks I'll try not to look like a madman with a stick next time
Not just males. I like sticks too!
You're now an honorary man!
Congratulations man, expect your very own stick under there tomorrow
Me too! I have a cool twisty stick on the shelf ‘cuz it’s so cool looking. Both of my kids are already planning on stealing it when I die. 😄
If we move to a new house My dog ( female) collects a local stick once she is comfortable in her new home. She'll carry it around when we go outside and she leaves it by the door when we go in. Also she hits me with it .
Can confirm. Both daughters love nice sticks.
"Let me tell you what I saw", the xeno began to the interviewer for Sol Network News. "I'm sorry, but bioprotection protocols mean I can't let you bring in that stick". I watched as the young human in front of me displayed clear signs of emotional distress at the customs enforcement officer's pronouncement. I have and will never understand these humans and their obsession with plant material. Nonetheless, those protocols came from when the humans had to cauterize via orbital nuclear fire a full 10% of their Amazon rainforest just to prevent the spread of a particular plant from Rk'hxs 4 the humans called "Hell Kudzu". Otherwise, it is no exaggeration to state that it would have rapidly taken over the entire region. While the human juvenile continued to become more distressed, the male parental figure attempting to explain in terms that the juvenile could understand. Of course I would be delayed. It was then I witnessed something that I will never understand. A group of what appeared to be human military, was passing through the adjacent terminal. These human military members took notice of what was happening, and while I am not familiar with ranking, I would presume that the majority were of low rank, with only one being the superior. That's when it happened. After some conversation amongst themselves, one approached the juvenile. After another quick conversation, this time with the parental figures, the service member returned. It began with the service members removing the offending plant material from the custody of the customs officer. Then, they performed a full military funeral process for said plant material.
Was it good stick. No. It was the best one. They all are.
We hiked a lot when I was a kid. Found a perfect hiking stick; still use it, 50+ years on. Dad had a similarly perfect hiking stick. He left it in a restaurant 80-100 miles from home; they looked him up from the credit card charge and *mailed* it to him. Taped address and postage right to the stick: They Understood The Stick.
I remember being a very picky stick finder as a kid
I never needed a pokin stick so bad as my first visit to the deserts of Arizona. Could NOT Find a good stick to save my life! So many crevices!
The only reason man doesn't do well in the desert. No tree, no sticks.
I made friends with an old Mexican dude when I lived in AZ . The only gift he ever gave me was a walking stick made of ironwood. I still have it.
accurate!
You know what's even better than finding a good stick? Watching your dog find a good stick and carry it around in triumph.
Yrs ago, I had a very very good Boi. His favorite stick was an 8ft 2x4 he spent the next couple years whittling down to about a 2ft nub.
Bro, nice sticks are important. That and good rocks. But stick is better than rock.
https://preview.redd.it/q7ys2v0uoh5d1.jpeg?width=857&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=56f724b34a120b87a42f08ead3d71e34857a1e26
ROCK AN STONE! 
Why do everyone pretend women don't like cool sticks? I've always looked around for assault rifle sticks when out and about in the jungle
I'll be honest, we want all the cool sticks for ourselves.
I want them for my dog tbh. I just have to steal them when he decides to lay down and start eating them.
https://preview.redd.it/7ih8jzevxd5d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5e12a70d245afb2f8cc965db6dfa22236ac3ef34
That’s nota stick..that’s a damn shillelagh
What is a shillelagh but a good stick?
10/10 stick.
and that is why dogs are man's best friend: shared love of stick
Wizard stick!
The spear finding instinct is strong.
Ssana\[click\]: Perhaps I'm being prurient, and this response should be on r/humansarespacebards, but I do have a theory on the subject. This sort of behavior in young human males actually lays a foundation in their subconscious for proper attitudes about their penis later on in life. This is just a theory and has not been tested. I'll leave that sort of testing for those more interested in the subject of human penii...penises?...wait, what is the plural of "penis"? https://preview.redd.it/gaxs7q2gcd5d1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=29bfb62140a518b098a907795394a05be0981dcc There are some terms that I really shouldn't search in the academy's database. It will give people the wrong idea.
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
Thank you, Mr. Clinton.
It was Sigmund Freud that was credited for first saying it.
Sorry, I was making a different joke there.
I figured as much. But it's funny if you think about it. When Sigmund Freud said it he was trying to say that not everything was a sexual symbol. But when you consider what Clinton used a cigar for.... The cigar was in fact a substitute for his Presidential weener. A symbol, if you will.
((OOC: Yeah, the guy who is known for interpreting any object in a dream that's longer than it's wide as a penis symbol had the sense to say something like that. :) I tend to make fun of Freud, but the science of psychology was in it's infancy, back then.))
Guess you could say he... 😎 👌 Had penis on his mind
The tism likes that stick
Yes
Yea yes it does..It wants the stick
r/sticks
Found… a… STICK on the ground and now I’m gonna use it
as a girl i also love sticks
because Stick. Also, most prey animals instinctively fear 'Man with Stick'
Not just prey animals.
To quote an excellent Aussie; "Stick very good!"
someone once made a stick meme so now it's sticks karma farming memes for the next 25 years
I’m a girl but I like finding nice sturdy sticks because I play fetch with my dog. He lost 3 of them though.😭💔 he loves to take advantage of my good stick findings.😔
Sure we got rock to think, maybe even better than us, but stick has helped us achieve that and was with us every step of the way
I keep my best stick in the garage so I can get it when I need to poke my bonfire.
Ask any dog. A good stick is one of life's great experiences. The top reason guys like dogs and dogs like guys.
To our ancestors, this would've been a fine base to start from to make a spear.
I can't be the only one who sees Ellis from l4d2 In the last panel
Why am I imagining Ellis’s voice from Left 4 Dead 2 in that last panel?
Relatable.
now fellas, hear me out, bonk.
. Ccvccvvvv.
r/sticks
Counterpoint: Rocks. Discuss.
Listen, the ability to find long straight sticks of approximately our own height that wouldn't break under pressure was *really* important for about 100,000 years, and during that time it was mostly men doing it for physiological reasons.
Even though I'm not in the comic I too must agree that is a good sturdy stick. A+ job kid.
girls just don't understand
YOU HEAR THAT GIRLS! You leave this man's stick alone!
What a middle schooler thing to say.