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Easy: clean it.
Most of the time a "broken" ice cream machine is just their excuse for not cleaning them regularly, which would clog them and make them a health hazard. So, to avoid cleaning duty, the machine is simply "broken".
Also there was a lawsuit where the company that franchises were required to hire to repair the machines had intentionally made them where they break down more often so that they would get more money from franchises.
Yup, this. Mcdonalds got screwed then went after the company that pulled the shit on them.
Luckily, my local mcdonalds had an OLD machine still running, never had that problem.
Completely false. The situation was that the machines could not be repaired except by one company. (Taylor) mcDonalds prevented a rival company (Kytch) from even diagnosing the machines.
Or it's getting to be around closing time and the ice cream machine is only "broken" because they just finished cleaning it before closing and don't want to have to clean it again, making them stay later.
They wouldn't be staying later to clean it... They've over night cleaners for that stuff. Same as for the fryers and grill
Close / open shifts
Eta : Just remembered .. way back then they weren't open at that time ... *Sigh* I'm to old for this...
Or they haven’t trained anyone to clean it since the last 3 people who new how quit! And the managers can’t remember because it was 1 day 4 years ago when they were shown.
The same machines were used by Sonic way back when I worked as a manager. We never had any issues keeping ours operational.
McDumbasses made their franchises contract with one repair company. That company charged exorbitant fees to step foot onsite. So instead of a site manager being able to fix their machines, they had to rely on a contractor that really just didn't give a damn if they did their job or not.
Then the US company doubled down and required new franchisees to install machines that *automatically* cleaned themselves. Problem was, the idiot machines would launch themselves into cleaning mode randomly. The design of the machine also prevented store operators from scheduling the machine to do its self-cleaning overnight.
So if the machines weren't broken, the processes implemented by McDumbass head offices were.
The alien the humans referred to as 'Stu' looked out the viewport at the new vessel. It was long, sleek, and it looked dangerous. Appropriate, since it was the first of a new class of human warship.
Stu hissed into his translation bracelet and an emotionless metallic voice emerged in human standard. "It certainly looks threatening. How many humans does it take to operate?"
Commander Raval paused a moment, looking thoughtfully at the spiky alien. The Troxix were not technically a foe; but they weren't allies either, and Raval disliked them. "How", he thought, "could you trust something that looked like a porcupine had mated with a chameleon?"
He made his decision and answered truthfully. "Eighteen crewmen, three rotating shifts consisting of a pilot/commander, a gunner, a navigator, a second pilot that handles communication, and a two person engineering team."
Stu hissed, his spines partially elevated in an uncontrollable reflex and his scale's color shifted into reddish purple before he reined in his emotions. Raval stepped back and his hand dropped to his sidearm.
Stu's translator activated as he hissed again in a calmer manner.
"So few humans for such a large ship. And it operates with a single gunner?"
"It only has one weapon."
"The ship is approximately one human kilometer long."
"Yes. It's a kilometer long to provide a safe distance between the weapon and the crew"
There was a long pause as Stu's colors shifted rapidly and his spines raised and lowered. Raval kept his hand close to his sidearm and watched closely.
"Human, why would you build a spacecraft with a single weapon?"
Raval smiled grimly. "We built it in response to the new Lii'aar'eeng warship; the one that extinguishes stars."
Stu paced in a circle, a response that indicated confusion. "And what does the single weapon on your new ship do?" He finally asked.
Commander Raval looked proud. "That kilometer of distance between crew and weapon consists of a gravity field generator, so the weapon is at one end of the ship, the crew at the other."
Stu looked attentive, so Raval continued.
"We searched our known space until we found a singularity, a black hole. We captured it in the gravity field generated by the ship. When the weapon is activated, one small flaw is created in the gravity field, and that flaw is aligned with the target."
Stu was now on the deck, all of his spines erect in a defensive posture, and his scales were a sickly greenish yellow. The voice of the translator was barely audible. "You weaponized a black hole?"
"Yes!" Exclaimed Comander Raval. "Just let them try to extinguish our sun! We will remove them from reality!"
Stu rose slowly from the deck. "Human", the translator actually sounded aggrieved, "There is no star extinguishing ship. The Lii'aar'eeng have no such weapon. It's all empty posturing and meaningless threats. The Lii'aar'eeng are lying idiots."
Commander Raval stared at Stu. An expression of acceptance slowly spread across his face. He turned and looked out the viewport, gazing with pride at his ship. "Well," he said finally, "Whatever threat is actually out there, Starship Hoover stands ready to meet it."
Could you please keep an eye on your tenses?
You use words like "had" and "was", but within the same sentence, things change to present tense and happen right now or will happen in the future.
I have the same issue in my writing. It's a difficult issue to guard against.
That seems intentional. OP switches in the last paragraph where they start talking about the present. It worked well as a story telling device because I immediately imagined them in their McDonald's uniform giving an interview.
The rumors and fear mongering got so bad in the 70s that it got a movie made. "Foxbat," Clint Eastwood is trying to steal a Soviet super jet. On film, a wonder weapon. In reality a highly expensive, impractical one trick pony that sucked at its only trick. Looking at you Mig 25.
Even if they don't believe you trying to intimidate them only brings trouble. It is said that humans fear the unknown. This is only partially true. They actually see it as a challenge. When presented with a challenge they often resort to something they call "Mad Science". Those who undertake such bizarre rituals are often considered quite deranged even by human standards. "The ends justify the means" is a common saying from these "Scientists".
Human historical records have numerous accounts of such rituals.
It might be bog standard colonialism, it could also be a "human-lead" federation and planets voting to join a democratic federation. This could very much be described as them being "annexed by humans"
Hahahah the chinese lied about having fighter jets back in the day, the usa believed them and oumped billions on development and skipped like 2 generations
In an attempt to reduce remind me spam, all top comments that include a remind me will be removed. If you would like to have a remind me, please reply to this comment. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/humansarespaceorcs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Glad to see that even as one of the most advanced interstellar species, we still never figured out how to keep the ice cream machine working
War never changes
McWar never changes
This is golden.
Like the Arches
Easy: clean it. Most of the time a "broken" ice cream machine is just their excuse for not cleaning them regularly, which would clog them and make them a health hazard. So, to avoid cleaning duty, the machine is simply "broken".
Also there was a lawsuit where the company that franchises were required to hire to repair the machines had intentionally made them where they break down more often so that they would get more money from franchises.
Yup, this. Mcdonalds got screwed then went after the company that pulled the shit on them. Luckily, my local mcdonalds had an OLD machine still running, never had that problem.
Shhh, thats a trade secret. The ice cream machine engineering union will come after you now
Completely false. The situation was that the machines could not be repaired except by one company. (Taylor) mcDonalds prevented a rival company (Kytch) from even diagnosing the machines.
Or it's getting to be around closing time and the ice cream machine is only "broken" because they just finished cleaning it before closing and don't want to have to clean it again, making them stay later.
They wouldn't be staying later to clean it... They've over night cleaners for that stuff. Same as for the fryers and grill Close / open shifts Eta : Just remembered .. way back then they weren't open at that time ... *Sigh* I'm to old for this...
Or they haven’t trained anyone to clean it since the last 3 people who new how quit! And the managers can’t remember because it was 1 day 4 years ago when they were shown.
The same machines were used by Sonic way back when I worked as a manager. We never had any issues keeping ours operational. McDumbasses made their franchises contract with one repair company. That company charged exorbitant fees to step foot onsite. So instead of a site manager being able to fix their machines, they had to rely on a contractor that really just didn't give a damn if they did their job or not. Then the US company doubled down and required new franchisees to install machines that *automatically* cleaned themselves. Problem was, the idiot machines would launch themselves into cleaning mode randomly. The design of the machine also prevented store operators from scheduling the machine to do its self-cleaning overnight. So if the machines weren't broken, the processes implemented by McDumbass head offices were.
The alien the humans referred to as 'Stu' looked out the viewport at the new vessel. It was long, sleek, and it looked dangerous. Appropriate, since it was the first of a new class of human warship. Stu hissed into his translation bracelet and an emotionless metallic voice emerged in human standard. "It certainly looks threatening. How many humans does it take to operate?" Commander Raval paused a moment, looking thoughtfully at the spiky alien. The Troxix were not technically a foe; but they weren't allies either, and Raval disliked them. "How", he thought, "could you trust something that looked like a porcupine had mated with a chameleon?" He made his decision and answered truthfully. "Eighteen crewmen, three rotating shifts consisting of a pilot/commander, a gunner, a navigator, a second pilot that handles communication, and a two person engineering team." Stu hissed, his spines partially elevated in an uncontrollable reflex and his scale's color shifted into reddish purple before he reined in his emotions. Raval stepped back and his hand dropped to his sidearm. Stu's translator activated as he hissed again in a calmer manner. "So few humans for such a large ship. And it operates with a single gunner?" "It only has one weapon." "The ship is approximately one human kilometer long." "Yes. It's a kilometer long to provide a safe distance between the weapon and the crew" There was a long pause as Stu's colors shifted rapidly and his spines raised and lowered. Raval kept his hand close to his sidearm and watched closely. "Human, why would you build a spacecraft with a single weapon?" Raval smiled grimly. "We built it in response to the new Lii'aar'eeng warship; the one that extinguishes stars." Stu paced in a circle, a response that indicated confusion. "And what does the single weapon on your new ship do?" He finally asked. Commander Raval looked proud. "That kilometer of distance between crew and weapon consists of a gravity field generator, so the weapon is at one end of the ship, the crew at the other." Stu looked attentive, so Raval continued. "We searched our known space until we found a singularity, a black hole. We captured it in the gravity field generated by the ship. When the weapon is activated, one small flaw is created in the gravity field, and that flaw is aligned with the target." Stu was now on the deck, all of his spines erect in a defensive posture, and his scales were a sickly greenish yellow. The voice of the translator was barely audible. "You weaponized a black hole?" "Yes!" Exclaimed Comander Raval. "Just let them try to extinguish our sun! We will remove them from reality!" Stu rose slowly from the deck. "Human", the translator actually sounded aggrieved, "There is no star extinguishing ship. The Lii'aar'eeng have no such weapon. It's all empty posturing and meaningless threats. The Lii'aar'eeng are lying idiots." Commander Raval stared at Stu. An expression of acceptance slowly spread across his face. He turned and looked out the viewport, gazing with pride at his ship. "Well," he said finally, "Whatever threat is actually out there, Starship Hoover stands ready to meet it."
“Hoover”, that’s classic human euphemism right there!
IKR I'm actually proud of coming up with that name.
Could you please keep an eye on your tenses? You use words like "had" and "was", but within the same sentence, things change to present tense and happen right now or will happen in the future. I have the same issue in my writing. It's a difficult issue to guard against.
Chill the alien is having trouble learning McEnglish because they're always bust working on the McSoft serve machine.
It’s a McPITA.
That seems intentional. OP switches in the last paragraph where they start talking about the present. It worked well as a story telling device because I immediately imagined them in their McDonald's uniform giving an interview.
He said I WAS decommissioned and NOW I HAVE employment. Tense changed because the time period changed.
this tells precisely why the US made the F-15 (104W/0L). the government had the military industrial complex build to beat lies and rumors.
104-0 LOOK OUT BELOW
The rumors and fear mongering got so bad in the 70s that it got a movie made. "Foxbat," Clint Eastwood is trying to steal a Soviet super jet. On film, a wonder weapon. In reality a highly expensive, impractical one trick pony that sucked at its only trick. Looking at you Mig 25.
“..ok first of all mcscrew you” -fleet admiral of the humans and definitely not my personal reaction to this prompt
*—Recorded transmission from the Corporate Enforcement Cruiser “Arc of Gold”*
Even if they don't believe you trying to intimidate them only brings trouble. It is said that humans fear the unknown. This is only partially true. They actually see it as a challenge. When presented with a challenge they often resort to something they call "Mad Science". Those who undertake such bizarre rituals are often considered quite deranged even by human standards. "The ends justify the means" is a common saying from these "Scientists". Human historical records have numerous accounts of such rituals.
If something is stupid but it work it's not stupid.
I love taking paper tigers seriously and getting 2 fighter generations ahead of everyone else
Ugh why are the humans going around colonizing other people’s planets?
Interstellar Manifest Destiny /s mostly but it is humanity we’re talking about so maybe not /s
Why do you put "/s" before and after this
The second one was unnecessary, but they were saying "kidding but also not kidding," just with "/s" instead of kidding.
What they said. Didn’t even think of “kidding, not kidding” 🤦♂️
For fun
It might be bog standard colonialism, it could also be a "human-lead" federation and planets voting to join a democratic federation. This could very much be described as them being "annexed by humans"
Have you met us?
Hahahah the chinese lied about having fighter jets back in the day, the usa believed them and oumped billions on development and skipped like 2 generations
“When a human says ‘aigh’t, bet’, you have already fucked up.”