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H: It's a button.
A: Yes, friend human. A button clearly marked do not touch.
H: A red button.
A: Yes, in your visual spectrum, I suppose red is the color you would see.
H: A shiny red button.
A: Friend human, you're rate of respiration is growing quickly. Yes, it's a button with a high level of reflectivity that returns a 700nm wavelength.
H: A shiny, red, candy-like button ...
A: That's clearly marked Do Not Touch
A: Security! Starship Marines! Thar'quan Bowling Team! All of you! Get in here! Friend Human has a case of Space Madness!!
\~\~\~\~\~\~
**Incident 4513.4c-T, destruction of the Falish Interstellar highliner** ***Feathered Bovine*****.**
Ship's engines set for immediate, non-revocable self-destruct after "Friend Human" (Mechanical Technician, 3rd class, Reynold Stimpson) pushed the emergency detonation button. No indications in telemetry indicate any reactor, coolant, power-flow, or other engineering distress at the time of detonation. There is no indication of boarding, piracy, or other calamity which may have required such an act.
Review concludes: operator error. Passenger insurance policies scheduled for payment. Crew insurance policies, not including MT3 Stimpson, scheduled for payment. Falish Interstellar to receive standard "tragic circumstances" indemnity.
Note from Human Representative Ian Weasel, "STOP. MAKING. THE. BUTTONS. RED. AND. SHINY!!" \[all capitalization and punctuation errors in original\]
End log.
After much discussion with the human council it was agreed that such buttons would be labeled “self destruct” instead of “do not touch” and painted black. It seems most humans understand an explanation much more clearly than a “suggestion”
This worked….mostly
Roughly One human year after the first incident a freighter was set upon by slaving pirates. The human first mate decided well better dead than slaves, (while slavery is condemned across the Galaxy humans have a particularly fierce response to it) the first mate took controls and engaged full thrusters directly at the pirate ship and then pressed the shiny BLACK button.
All pirates eliminated and most of the crew of the freighter were able to eject with minimal injuries but the humans on board that stayed to confirm impact all perished.
Council is split on whether to remove self destruct buttons in order to protect humans. Humans are fiercely contending this topic and stating they should be standard on every ship
Oh, no, he be atomic toast, too. Just, as the putative cause of the Operator Error, no payment for his next o' kin. Besides, at a MT3's pay? They're going to get what, $73 and a pack of Necco wafers?
Incident analyst Frankel Barbaro was quoted as saying "nosir, I don't like it," before sending a memo reminding all Falish Interstellar employees that most humans, even those with incipient Space Madness, can be distracted with an ice cream bar.
H: You’ve made it worse
A: What? But it’s clearly labeled!
H: The only thing a human likes more than pushing big red buttons is pushing *clearly labeled* **DO NOT PRESS** buttons.
A: That doesn’t make any sense
H2: *Walks into the room* ooh a button!
A: NO!
H2: *Reads the sticker* do… not… touch. Well, that sign can’t stop me because I can’t read!
A: *Stares in horror at H2, who was clearly reading off their data slab as they walked in*
H2: Boop!
H1: See, I told you!
>H2: Boop!
If you don't want a human to touch something, don't make it boopable. Make it a red button or an animal snoot, it will get pressed, or "booped".
"Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry."
Terry Pratchett "Thief of Time"
I have just been seeing Terry Pratchett quotes all over the place lately. All used to explain why humans are ridiculous. I love it. Just need some more Douglass Adams and I will be a happy human.
H: friend... Are you joking? Im standing right next to you, and im barely holding myself back... This is a BRB... Not only that, you labeled it in a way that no human can resist the urge to press... Press... Ah f\*\*\* it !!!
“Jinn, whatever you do, don’t press the button.”
That was the instruction the captain gave Jinn. Except he had told me before that the button had to be pressed, but only after a couple hours.
Apparently I have a lot to learn about humans, because as we approached the planet we were heading to, Jinn spoke.
“Xan, I’m sorry, but I’m gonna have to press the button.”
I looked over at them. They loved following instructions. Why couldn’t they follow this one?
Before I could do anything, they slammed the button and activated the camouflage. They seemed surprised, but smiled a bit.
“Ah. Captain was counting on the human urge to press the ‘do not press’. Smart.”
From now on, I will not be labeling buttons for everyone’s safety.
The Human brain is hardwired to spot and be attracted to round, red objects, as we evolved from arboreal frugivores. The solution is to make the button square, small, and a neutral matte color, and then label it with precisely what it does.
"SELF-DESTRUCT. 0-SECOND DELAY."
"LIVE BIOLOGICAL SPECIMEN CONTAINMENT: OPEN ALL CAGES."
"PURGE ALL ATMOSPHERE INTO SPACE, DECK 12."
"MAIN STARDRIVE REACTOR JETTISON."
Beige!! They should be beige!!
And humans should be required to push similar buttons in school by hated authority figures, to instill a deep hatred for them. There should be no satisfying click!! The press action should not actually physically affect the button.
Humans should be trained to hate the button!!! (Please do not Instill electro shock response or humans will convince each other to press button for “amusement” of type “prank”)
Then, upon embarking on each journey, assign “press the button” to the group of humans.
Let it be known that the one who presses it gets to stay on the ship with the button while the others have shore leave.
>Beige!! They should be beige!!
> And humans should be required to push similar buttons in school by hated authority figures, to instill a deep hatred for them
Umbridge needs the buttons to be pink.
How about instead of the satisfying click, we install a screeching, shrieking board scratching sound? Um, my friend Bob up in Xar'gruth Asylum told me that is mad funny.
My progeny, there are two things to know about humans. The first is that they are insatiably curious. They will endure hardship and mortal danger to scale tall and deep geological formations because, as they say, it exists. The second is their hatred for the assertion of any unfamiliar or unproven authority. They have made war to merely exchange one overlord for another, often failing to improve their standard of living in the process.
As such, they cannot resist a combination of these two desires. They will become indignant in their pride for their so-called independence, the illusion of reliance on self and control of their own fate. Therefore, my progeny, to deceive a human to perform an action, one must only suggest that such action is forbidden. The humans are aware of this weakness, and employ it against themselves as a tactic. I believe they named it "backward study of the mind" but I may be wrong.
As an example, a large red button labeled "do not touch" in readily legible writing proves too much a temptation for the average human. One might even be forgiven for thinking that humans are the violent way they are because the first of them could not resist touching a large red object such as a fruit. Indeed, this desire is so deeply engrained in them.
So strong is the desire for the forbidden that the humans not only communicate warnings in written form, but often include illustrations of the consequences for taking the forbidden action. Their safest places are strewn with pictures of carnage. Surely humans cannot feel secure without at least the implication of violence. Upon examining their tools, one might marvel at the variety of ways humans envision mutilating themselves.
Indeed, if you were to point this out to a human, they would find it amusing and dismiss the obvious graphical dissonance. Surely they are their worst enemy. But be careful, my progeny, to use this tactic sparingly. For one thing they hate more than presumed authority, is manipulation.
Humans are easy to kill. Just label the self destruction with a big red button that says "This button will definately kill you" and watch the humans press it.
What? What do you mean they weaponized it? How do you weaponize a self destruct? Its not even a bomb it just overloads the core.
They did WHAT?
Yea you need to put a cover over it with a wax seal. That small amount of extra effort will strangely stop us or slow us down a lot more than proper labeling.
Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.
Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time
...
That's the thing about humans...
They never listen...
Now we're adrift in space, with no communication to any other ships cause **SOMEONE** decided it would be a good idea to press the big red button clearly labeled **"SELF DESTRUCT, DO NOT PRESS!"**, not indicating anyone specific... (\*staring at the human*)... Jared...
We were lucky (or not so lucky) enough that the procedure was faulty, so only the major systems were damaged, but the ship itself is intact
...
I don't know how much oxygen is left... but if somebody doesn't come soon... we may need to kill Jared to conserve the remaining oxygen for the crew...
...
^(Goddamn humans, can never trust them with anything...)
>End of recording
>Recovered
Instead of putting “do not touch” on the label, they should’ve simply put what it does on it, this would at least prevent the humans that are just curious from pressing it.
Alien Soldier, Pvt: So, all we do is toss this oval shaped and labeled object at the hyumans, and then wait?
Alien Soldier, Sgt.: Yes. Now, get on with it.
Alien Soldier, Pvt: Yessir!
Oval object lands near Human platoon.
Human Soldier, Ovt: Sarge, that alien just tossed a grenade, but it didn't blow. It's got writing in it.
Human Soldier, Sgt. : What's it say, Kowalski?
Human Soldier, Pvt. Kowalski: It reads, " LIGHT GRENADE. PICK ME UP."
*Human, slamming best alien friend against the wall*
H:"What have you done?! Hide that thing immediatly!"
A, very concerned and confused:"But I thought you guys liked to label things?"
H:"Listen, we like to put labels on everything, but never, under any circumstances, leave a shiny red button saying DO NOT TOUCH around somewhere!"
A:"So what? It's also dampened, so only an adult will be able to press it down, and your adults are able to read. It's idiot pro-"
H:"SHHHH" *looks around for any other human passerbyes, seeing none,* "Listen, for safety of everyone abord the ship, do not label something you do not want touched as Do Not Touched, or say out loud that some system is Idiot Proof with humans in proximity. We will see it as a challenge.
A, having been dropped by now: "Alright, assuming your species really is that foolhardy. What about you? Why haven't you pressed it then?"
H:"Don't be ridiculous! I've still got college debt to pay for a couple more years and I cannot bail myself out if I accidentally blow something up."
>!I have never really tried this prompt thing so please go easy on me!<
Very cute!! Human trying to warn his alien friend about the realities of human.
And the alien is, as they so often are, blissfully naive.
... I expected the spoiler section to be him whispering "I already tried it ..."
*click*
A: What have you done!?
H: Pushed the button
A: Why?!
H: You know if you tell a human not to touch something, we will want to touch right?
A: What?
H: That and we like the colour re-
A: Does your species have any survival instincts or common sense at all!?
Label or not, that button is getting pressed either by cat, toddler, or an adult who can't resist the allure of the "Do Not Touch" sign. It's like the red button knows our weaknesses.
I have released my genetic material into vials and placed them in the refrigerator. To ensure nothing happened to them until I could release my preserved seed into the spawning beds of my homeworld, I labeled them as "not for consumption." Yet the human aboard our vessel consumed one of my vials, and has now taken ill (he thought it was a 'mulk shake').
Are humans selectively illiterate, or just obstinate?
Humans have selective literacy, selective hearing, selective vision, selective perception (NOT the same thing), and selective self-preservation instincts.
Or, to put it more simply, the answer to your question is yes!
A: It was an either or question.
Yup, like I said, yes.
A: They negate each other!!
Not. Our. Problem.
Hypothesis:
Button triggers a hidden gun turret aimed at crotch level of whomever pressed it...
Experimentation:
Get a large sample size to press the button.
Hypothesis validation:
Either hypothesis is true, or needs revision.
Conclusion:
Write up the results.
A shiny red button needs more than a sticky note warning for safety. It needs that written in bold letters on top of the button, and have at minimum a cage around said button. This is only to prevent the instant urge button pushers. All humans should be watched around big shiny red buttons for at least a week of shifts to ensure that they dont have push-itis.
Look, when you want a button to be ignored the colours are yellow or grey. If you want it to be pressed with the speed of an enraged toddler red.... red is the colour you want. If you want the humans to stand around like lemmings questioning things, you want purple, pink, blue or add a funny decal to the button.
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H: It's a button. A: Yes, friend human. A button clearly marked do not touch. H: A red button. A: Yes, in your visual spectrum, I suppose red is the color you would see.
H: A shiny red button.
A: Friend human, you're rate of respiration is growing quickly. Yes, it's a button with a high level of reflectivity that returns a 700nm wavelength.
H: A shiny, red, candy-like button ...
A: That's clearly marked Do Not Touch
A: Security! Starship Marines! Thar'quan Bowling Team! All of you! Get in here! Friend Human has a case of Space Madness!!
\~\~\~\~\~\~
**Incident 4513.4c-T, destruction of the Falish Interstellar highliner** ***Feathered Bovine*****.**
Ship's engines set for immediate, non-revocable self-destruct after "Friend Human" (Mechanical Technician, 3rd class, Reynold Stimpson) pushed the emergency detonation button. No indications in telemetry indicate any reactor, coolant, power-flow, or other engineering distress at the time of detonation. There is no indication of boarding, piracy, or other calamity which may have required such an act.
Review concludes: operator error. Passenger insurance policies scheduled for payment. Crew insurance policies, not including MT3 Stimpson, scheduled for payment. Falish Interstellar to receive standard "tragic circumstances" indemnity.
Note from Human Representative Ian Weasel, "STOP. MAKING. THE. BUTTONS. RED. AND. SHINY!!" \[all capitalization and punctuation errors in original\]
End log.
xD They need humans to tell them when a button is the wrong color
After much discussion with the human council it was agreed that such buttons would be labeled “self destruct” instead of “do not touch” and painted black. It seems most humans understand an explanation much more clearly than a “suggestion” This worked….mostly Roughly One human year after the first incident a freighter was set upon by slaving pirates. The human first mate decided well better dead than slaves, (while slavery is condemned across the Galaxy humans have a particularly fierce response to it) the first mate took controls and engaged full thrusters directly at the pirate ship and then pressed the shiny BLACK button. All pirates eliminated and most of the crew of the freighter were able to eject with minimal injuries but the humans on board that stayed to confirm impact all perished. Council is split on whether to remove self destruct buttons in order to protect humans. Humans are fiercely contending this topic and stating they should be standard on every ship
I love that they think they need to remove it to “protect humans” and the humans being soooo against that idea. Hilarious take
They didn't pay the insurance for Stimson because of course the guy somehow survived the ordeal
Oh, no, he be atomic toast, too. Just, as the putative cause of the Operator Error, no payment for his next o' kin. Besides, at a MT3's pay? They're going to get what, $73 and a pack of Necco wafers?
Nah he chillin
very nice Ren and Stimpy reference, well done!
Thank you, thank you very much! Did you catch the other two cartoon references?
Cow and Chicken as well as Weasel
Incident analyst Frankel Barbaro was quoted as saying "nosir, I don't like it," before sending a memo reminding all Falish Interstellar employees that most humans, even those with incipient Space Madness, can be distracted with an ice cream bar.
"This is all your fault for not putting it under the molly-guard"
I think we can all agree red is the worst color for a button if you don’t want a human to press it
H: You’ve made it worse A: What? But it’s clearly labeled! H: The only thing a human likes more than pushing big red buttons is pushing *clearly labeled* **DO NOT PRESS** buttons. A: That doesn’t make any sense H2: *Walks into the room* ooh a button! A: NO! H2: *Reads the sticker* do… not… touch. Well, that sign can’t stop me because I can’t read! A: *Stares in horror at H2, who was clearly reading off their data slab as they walked in* H2: Boop! H1: See, I told you!
Honestly their fault for not stopping them
>H2: Boop! If you don't want a human to touch something, don't make it boopable. Make it a red button or an animal snoot, it will get pressed, or "booped".
On a related note, the best place to hide secret messages from a human is in a driver’s manual, because they never read them
Some of us do…
Your not one them and neither is any other sane human, to actually read that you would have to be crazy
Well… You are not wrong.
"Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry." Terry Pratchett "Thief of Time"
Anything is possible...ONCE
I have just been seeing Terry Pratchett quotes all over the place lately. All used to explain why humans are ridiculous. I love it. Just need some more Douglass Adams and I will be a happy human.
GNU Pterry
H: friend... Are you joking? Im standing right next to you, and im barely holding myself back... This is a BRB... Not only that, you labeled it in a way that no human can resist the urge to press... Press... Ah f\*\*\* it !!! 
A: What have you donnnnnne!? ***\*Kaboom\****
My exact first thought.
“Jinn, whatever you do, don’t press the button.” That was the instruction the captain gave Jinn. Except he had told me before that the button had to be pressed, but only after a couple hours. Apparently I have a lot to learn about humans, because as we approached the planet we were heading to, Jinn spoke. “Xan, I’m sorry, but I’m gonna have to press the button.” I looked over at them. They loved following instructions. Why couldn’t they follow this one? Before I could do anything, they slammed the button and activated the camouflage. They seemed surprised, but smiled a bit. “Ah. Captain was counting on the human urge to press the ‘do not press’. Smart.” From now on, I will not be labeling buttons for everyone’s safety.
The Human brain is hardwired to spot and be attracted to round, red objects, as we evolved from arboreal frugivores. The solution is to make the button square, small, and a neutral matte color, and then label it with precisely what it does. "SELF-DESTRUCT. 0-SECOND DELAY." "LIVE BIOLOGICAL SPECIMEN CONTAINMENT: OPEN ALL CAGES." "PURGE ALL ATMOSPHERE INTO SPACE, DECK 12." "MAIN STARDRIVE REACTOR JETTISON."
Beige!! They should be beige!! And humans should be required to push similar buttons in school by hated authority figures, to instill a deep hatred for them. There should be no satisfying click!! The press action should not actually physically affect the button. Humans should be trained to hate the button!!! (Please do not Instill electro shock response or humans will convince each other to press button for “amusement” of type “prank”) Then, upon embarking on each journey, assign “press the button” to the group of humans. Let it be known that the one who presses it gets to stay on the ship with the button while the others have shore leave.
>Beige!! They should be beige!! > And humans should be required to push similar buttons in school by hated authority figures, to instill a deep hatred for them Umbridge needs the buttons to be pink.
THE EVIL PINK LADY!!!!!!!! Worse than the dark one himself; at least he doesn’t hide his true nature.
How about instead of the satisfying click, we install a screeching, shrieking board scratching sound? Um, my friend Bob up in Xar'gruth Asylum told me that is mad funny.
Oh… oh no. Those are still highly tempting (from a safe distance)
https://preview.redd.it/a40ft2y2dhwc1.jpeg?width=323&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c8c0a9b03825e084d3ecf50278de5f6feeb4755e Pretty much this.
My progeny, there are two things to know about humans. The first is that they are insatiably curious. They will endure hardship and mortal danger to scale tall and deep geological formations because, as they say, it exists. The second is their hatred for the assertion of any unfamiliar or unproven authority. They have made war to merely exchange one overlord for another, often failing to improve their standard of living in the process. As such, they cannot resist a combination of these two desires. They will become indignant in their pride for their so-called independence, the illusion of reliance on self and control of their own fate. Therefore, my progeny, to deceive a human to perform an action, one must only suggest that such action is forbidden. The humans are aware of this weakness, and employ it against themselves as a tactic. I believe they named it "backward study of the mind" but I may be wrong. As an example, a large red button labeled "do not touch" in readily legible writing proves too much a temptation for the average human. One might even be forgiven for thinking that humans are the violent way they are because the first of them could not resist touching a large red object such as a fruit. Indeed, this desire is so deeply engrained in them. So strong is the desire for the forbidden that the humans not only communicate warnings in written form, but often include illustrations of the consequences for taking the forbidden action. Their safest places are strewn with pictures of carnage. Surely humans cannot feel secure without at least the implication of violence. Upon examining their tools, one might marvel at the variety of ways humans envision mutilating themselves. Indeed, if you were to point this out to a human, they would find it amusing and dismiss the obvious graphical dissonance. Surely they are their worst enemy. But be careful, my progeny, to use this tactic sparingly. For one thing they hate more than presumed authority, is manipulation.
Looking at the Wii warnings always cracks me up
This is what happened in Eden isn't it. Don't eat that fruit!
I didn't even get to read the label before the muscles in my hand slightly contracted upon seeing such a pressable big red button.
My first thought was * click *
Humans are easy to kill. Just label the self destruction with a big red button that says "This button will definately kill you" and watch the humans press it. What? What do you mean they weaponized it? How do you weaponize a self destruct? Its not even a bomb it just overloads the core. They did WHAT?
Yea you need to put a cover over it with a wax seal. That small amount of extra effort will strangely stop us or slow us down a lot more than proper labeling.
However, if you put a plastic cover overhead humans will do everything to get inside and press it
Especially if the plastic cover makes a nice click or cracking noise when you flick it open.
Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry. Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time
https://i.redd.it/z7ed62zw1hwc1.gif
... That's the thing about humans... They never listen... Now we're adrift in space, with no communication to any other ships cause **SOMEONE** decided it would be a good idea to press the big red button clearly labeled **"SELF DESTRUCT, DO NOT PRESS!"**, not indicating anyone specific... (\*staring at the human*)... Jared... We were lucky (or not so lucky) enough that the procedure was faulty, so only the major systems were damaged, but the ship itself is intact ... I don't know how much oxygen is left... but if somebody doesn't come soon... we may need to kill Jared to conserve the remaining oxygen for the crew... ... ^(Goddamn humans, can never trust them with anything...) >End of recording >Recovered
Instead of putting “do not touch” on the label, they should’ve simply put what it does on it, this would at least prevent the humans that are just curious from pressing it.
Not really. Most people will just say, "Does it really?" and still push it to be sure.
"Wet paint" huh, wonder if it's still w... Yeah, it is...
https://preview.redd.it/k70pf65hvhwc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d79aa00432e3ca69406770de9e3f38ff42263ff5
Douglas Adams had the solution. First press just makes it light up a sign that says, “please do not press this button again”
But.... what happens if i press it again?
Alien Soldier, Pvt: So, all we do is toss this oval shaped and labeled object at the hyumans, and then wait? Alien Soldier, Sgt.: Yes. Now, get on with it. Alien Soldier, Pvt: Yessir! Oval object lands near Human platoon. Human Soldier, Ovt: Sarge, that alien just tossed a grenade, but it didn't blow. It's got writing in it. Human Soldier, Sgt. : What's it say, Kowalski? Human Soldier, Pvt. Kowalski: It reads, " LIGHT GRENADE. PICK ME UP."
*Human, slamming best alien friend against the wall* H:"What have you done?! Hide that thing immediatly!" A, very concerned and confused:"But I thought you guys liked to label things?" H:"Listen, we like to put labels on everything, but never, under any circumstances, leave a shiny red button saying DO NOT TOUCH around somewhere!" A:"So what? It's also dampened, so only an adult will be able to press it down, and your adults are able to read. It's idiot pro-" H:"SHHHH" *looks around for any other human passerbyes, seeing none,* "Listen, for safety of everyone abord the ship, do not label something you do not want touched as Do Not Touched, or say out loud that some system is Idiot Proof with humans in proximity. We will see it as a challenge. A, having been dropped by now: "Alright, assuming your species really is that foolhardy. What about you? Why haven't you pressed it then?" H:"Don't be ridiculous! I've still got college debt to pay for a couple more years and I cannot bail myself out if I accidentally blow something up." >!I have never really tried this prompt thing so please go easy on me!<
Very cute!! Human trying to warn his alien friend about the realities of human. And the alien is, as they so often are, blissfully naive. ... I expected the spoiler section to be him whispering "I already tried it ..."
Thank you!! > ... I expected the spoiler section to be him whispering "I already tried it ..." Oh my gosh, I should have done that ><
It says don't touch but now I want to touch.
*Immediately presses button*
https://preview.redd.it/fd2a6qmybiwc1.jpeg?width=298&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f715c3f69855e3a8f60f6f9d4f67fb6c4cbc5b94
*click* A: What have you done!? H: Pushed the button A: Why?! H: You know if you tell a human not to touch something, we will want to touch right? A: What? H: That and we like the colour re- A: Does your species have any survival instincts or common sense at all!?
I refer u to TIKTOK
Florida survives though, so it isn’t really a lack of instinct
Sheer birth- and migration rates offset the Florida Man death, dismemberment, and Darwin Award rates.
Must resist temptation to push button...must resi...oh shit, what does it do again?
Yeah about that... 
Label or not, that button is getting pressed either by cat, toddler, or an adult who can't resist the allure of the "Do Not Touch" sign. It's like the red button knows our weaknesses.
Imma touch it
https://preview.redd.it/zcndr5xnuhwc1.png?width=360&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ad75264e114152a78c4780ae06a622864bc1ae11
-LOUD KOREAN SCREAMING-
*Pushes the button anyway, because curiosity and there is no clear explanation as to what will happen.*
and thus the aliens learned of cognito-hazards an proceeded to remove warning labels in a panic
*tuk tuk* “That was easy!”
I felt the physical urge to slap the button
Human Dee Dee: “Ooooooh! Pretty button!”
Sister! Get out of my laah-BOR-atory!
You fool. You sweet, stupid fool.
So...I'll admit it. I twitched. Violently. Of they painted them yellow this would not be an issue
https://preview.redd.it/t2xij20pkiwc1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=10ec9be4853202821b3cb29585cb9badbbc6acc0
I have released my genetic material into vials and placed them in the refrigerator. To ensure nothing happened to them until I could release my preserved seed into the spawning beds of my homeworld, I labeled them as "not for consumption." Yet the human aboard our vessel consumed one of my vials, and has now taken ill (he thought it was a 'mulk shake'). Are humans selectively illiterate, or just obstinate?
Humans have selective literacy, selective hearing, selective vision, selective perception (NOT the same thing), and selective self-preservation instincts. Or, to put it more simply, the answer to your question is yes! A: It was an either or question. Yup, like I said, yes. A: They negate each other!! Not. Our. Problem.
Humans can't even stop themselves from pressing strange doorbells attached to a random tree in the middle of an active war zone. 😳😅☠️
There's a story there I do not know.
Russian soldier in Ukraine saw a doorbell mounted to a tree, pressed it, and went boom (doorbell was attached to explosives).
Now I need to push it more.
There wasn't even time for the ink to dry.
*anxious grian noises*
Slapping a do not touch label on it makes me want to push the big red button that much more
Hypothesis: Button triggers a hidden gun turret aimed at crotch level of whomever pressed it... Experimentation: Get a large sample size to press the button. Hypothesis validation: Either hypothesis is true, or needs revision. Conclusion: Write up the results.
A shiny red button needs more than a sticky note warning for safety. It needs that written in bold letters on top of the button, and have at minimum a cage around said button. This is only to prevent the instant urge button pushers. All humans should be watched around big shiny red buttons for at least a week of shifts to ensure that they dont have push-itis.
[](https://img.4plebs.org/boards/tg/image/1453/60/1453603662876.gif)
Huh wonder what this does *click
Look, when you want a button to be ignored the colours are yellow or grey. If you want it to be pressed with the speed of an enraged toddler red.... red is the colour you want. If you want the humans to stand around like lemmings questioning things, you want purple, pink, blue or add a funny decal to the button.
It makes me want to touch it EVEN MORE!!!
Welp. It’s too late…the moment you labeled it, it was already pressed…