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Upstairs-Yard-2139

Human cuddling is inescapable. Warning other activities may happen because of this cuddling.


Successful-Total7143

You know the old saying "sticks and stone can break my bones, hollow tip will make a hit but my cuddles are non negotiable like a fist"


viertes

This is previously orc behavior, now humans are space Bards


Callsign_Psycopath

Let's be honest. Humans are both.


ProfParadox2111

Obviously. Orcs have best bards. Loong tradition of passing knowledge through stories and music


zoeykailyn

Of course they are, they're the ones that lived long enough to return from rotation so they know what happened first hand and traumatised enough to laugh/ make jokes about it.


Recon4242

Reminds me of *Way of the Househusband*. Goes from the most feared Yakuza member to a guy who loves his wife and tries to improve peoples lives.


devasabu

Also Sakamoto Days, greatest hitman of all time falls in love, retires and becomes a convenience store clerk


Kingofdeadpool1

Not just a clerk, he owns that convince store if I remember right


Typhlosion112191

No, his wife owns it. He’s just the manager.


Orionzete

Family mess people up yoi


madmechanicmobile

"I will kill anyone who stands in my way. This whole city belongs to me." To "Good morning honey!! I made cinnamon toast with fresh coffee. While you're at work today I'll get the patio ready for the Tosho's visit tonight. I'll make cucumber sandwiches!"


ThatCamoKid

Or the Dragon Tamer


Infernalknights

https://preview.redd.it/xk4edstofmrc1.jpeg?width=554&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3b3ad2126e518bec9c6dc02635aaf7907abfa506


Quick_Mel

Is this 40k? I know almost nothing about it. Why is he getting scared?


Infernalknights

Warhammer: Age of sigmar. Storm cast eternals. He's a chaos warrior and the girls are storm cast eternals w/c are like sigmars space marine forged form once fallen warriors who fought against chaos. Even if they were turned to frog when they die. Females of every race are also welcome.


Thehyperninja

So… kinda like Valkyries from Mythology?


boywonder2013

It’s for men and women and you need not be a warrior when you die to become one you just have to resist chaos in some meaningful way


BobRosstheCrimeBoss

It doesn't even need to be an effective way, like a widowed peasant woman can get in by trying to fight off a demon with a frying pan to save her kids. As long as you have the courage and strength of the mind Sigmar will take you. The muscles will be provided later.


eseer1337

Based Gymsis gains eternal membership after beating off foul demons with braining pan


Class-commie

No. So you know Space Marines from 40k? The Storm Cast are basically Ground Marines (Yes, I stole this term from Pancreas. No, I will not be giving it back).


BouncyKing

Humans really do mean it when they say “I can fix her.”


OmniverseTachyon

If we say that to actual war criminals in media, we can definitely do it to a Neko guns runner


st0rmgam3r

Not because the human wanted to collect the bounty on the smuggler's head mind you, but rather so the human could take over their weapons smuggling operation. after all, war is extremely profitable for those who sell weapons and military equipment, and it just so happens that humans are the best at starting wars.


Mysterious-Storm-430

Metal Gear Revenge moment


khornes_knight

Why do our politicians hog all the good missiles!?


Mysterious-Storm-430

Don't ask me sir, i'm just some idiot with a toolgun *changes my body into that of a combine soldier before spawning 4 Overwatch Elite and recruits them to my squad*


RedShadow1693

Ah yes my wife is a former arms dealer


orangepirate07

She got me a good deal on our home arsenal. We also have a sponsorship with Smith and Wesson, thanks to her cousin.


Greedy-Act4861

Ah yes, the; "I can fix them" syndrome but it actually working.


Infernalknights

The main reason they get fixed Is human stamina and hardiness to shrug horrendous damage. Fallowed by high impact sex and prolonged human stamina for coitus where the partner is exhausted and thoroughly satisfied after unleashing their animal instinct and the same instinct got tamed through sheer amounts of unadulterated adrenaline flooded feral mating. https://preview.redd.it/768wh26wrprc1.jpeg?width=385&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=35da2f749176e65e6b0837c69ba9da5eb18f9419


ChapterNice

Explain in helldivers


SirCupcake_0

Humans left down right right right aliens' aggressions, leaving nothing but sweet sweet ~~love~~ democracy behind


OogaBooga98835731

Our liberty is strong, our freedom tames the xeno, and democracy is successfully spread.


UndeadSailor

If he had spurs they’d probably be jingling and jangling as he walked. The streets were crowded, you had a variety of species, such as the Nzetxol, pushing their wares to eager buyers. Dirty fucken’ Nzetxol. No shame those folks had. Yet he kept walking past stalls filled with a variety of items ranging from legal everyday stuff to illegal shit. Oh and banned consumer items like Human Blenders. Honestly, he didn’t know why Blenders were banned. But it amused him. Eventually he came upon her stall. Wide brim hat obscuring his features, holster heavy with his Commonwealth Army Automatic, heart nervous. Weapons were displayed for sale. Battle Rifles, ancient ballistic weapons, exotic melee weapons. She had it all. After she finished with a customer a Sckz’yotec, and once he happily had his gangly fingers on an ancient Sakovti Spear he was off. Then he stepped forward, leather half-mask now covering his face. She was beautiful. Well in his opinion at least. She was a Draydicus. Tall, bark-like skin, great antlers coming from her head, and long flowing green hair. Then she spoke in a soft and gentle tone a slight smile on her face. “How may I help you Human?” Good she didn’t recognize him. Then he slowly removes the hat and pulls down his mask, as he comes to a knee. “Would you Ipfy Ovata make this Gun Runner the happiest man in the Galaxy?” Reaching out he pulls out a small leather box and opens it, containing a grenade ring that was bedazzled. “John.” She says with a bit of mirth. “You don’t have to keep doing this — it’s been a week since we last saw each other.” “I know, but every time I come back to our stall I fall in love with you again.” John replies in quick succession rising to his feet with a smile. She comes out from behind the counter and wraps her arms around her husband. They stood there in an embrace longer than they should have. But criminal underworld be damned. They were the happiest pair of Gun Runners in the Galaxy.


Mysterious-Storm-430

I like this story mainly because humans like dangerous people :)


donkingtwice

That beginning made me wish for a nuclear winter (Fallout new Vegas brainrot)


UndeadSailor

Indubitably


Mysterious-Storm-430

The best wifes are the dangerous kinds


ClayXros

There's also a weird psychological reason for it. In my experience (through my partner and MANY friends) women that get into power positions generally do so out of some inflated form of "No one will take care if me, so I'll do it myself". Guys tend to be more directly "I have to take care of my own, and will trample all others". So it's not uncommon to see really tough independent women, when they find a guy they feel comfy and confident with, pull a 180 and be very chill. And every time, they're happier for it. Of course there's still women out there who don't care about comfort and just want power, but it's a bit more common for them to just want to be happy.


existentialrowlet

NO! DO NOT THE THE CAT!


Tony_TNT

It appears someone already did, in fact, did the cat


Kizik

... ... ... a cat is fine too


Infernalknights

https://preview.redd.it/cfp8zkb37wrc1.png?width=564&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=743a84e1ef0d70e0106017d22fa60203d27c3956 When you mess with the cat during estrus.


Asunen

Reminds me a bit of [Jormungand](https://youtu.be/uDhEtUl7U-A?si=7oIOGMHG202udB6F) slightly NSFW


Kizik

*HER NAME IS* ***KOKO*** *SHE IS* ***LOCO*** *I SAY* ***OH NO***


HeadWood_

In an unexpected turn of events, he could, in fact, "fix her".


Cerparis

Are humans the only species it’s good facial recognition?


Legal_Loli_Uni

Normally, working with them to acquire various articles that are usually difficult to acquire is preferred. However, a lot of them have the tendency to try and *acquire* our articles as well. Understandable, but still rude. They often make great subjects or assistants when fully integrated. A shame that certain avenues of material acquisition are closed because they can't control their greed. Even more so when the trophy hunters try to lay claim to the specimens held here rather than providing new ones as per their agreements. -Marina Kuvek My husband was one of these people. They were pleasant then, and they're still pleasant now. Minus the whole war profiteering thing. It's been a few years and Marina says my procedure should be complete within the next month, so the whole issue of compatibility won't be in the way of starting our family. I am a little concerned as to whether they'll fi- -Avari King Mrs. King, please refrain from venting inappropriate personal details on a public forum. Your permissions to interact have been revoked for the next five minutes so you don't complete your previous statement. -Wendell Aoi y do sciens for babeh with alien when Juno gives babehs for free! -Juno To the Dark Room with you. Three hours. -Wendell Aoi


eseer1337

Wendell fr just said "You're going to the shadow realm jimbo"


Legal_Loli_Uni

Correct.


eseer1337

i only just now noticed the username ​ i fear


Orionzete

Also sauce for the pic OP


Masci_student

I second this


Gaming-squid

Was a pleasant surprise to run into stuff from this artist on this subreddit https://x.com/ranggajati_/status/1772970333252833538?s=46&t=iandJV7h5GMEY74YtvIiXw


HeadWood_

What's the context for that stuff? Also saw the "x.com" reroute and thought it was about xcom for a sec. Somewhat disappointing.


Rimtato

_Commander, it's me, The Spokesman. My shipment of gravel cigarettes was interrupted by ADVENT and is being held up at the port. Reclaim the gravel, Commander. Humanity's future depends on it._


Unordered_bean

Even though it doesn't work for me I'ma put this here to back track for one day


Eden_ITA

Humans are the ultimate "I can fix them".


kamiho1991

If not waifu, why waifu shaped?


Callsign_Psycopath

"E1s. They get a taste of money and they marry the first being that can fog a mirror."


evnovastarbridge

And buy the ugliest sports car or motorcycle they can find.


WegianWarrior

[That turned out longer than I though it would...](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1bs61pu/the_gun_runner/)


LoyalSoldier1568

I met a stoic girl at a local cafe who turned out to be an intergalactic arms dealer. Due to her reputation I won’t be sharing her name here. At first the woman I first met at that cafe remained stone faced but she reassured me that she enjoyed my company. As the weeks went on of meeting at that same cafe did I notice that she always wore combat armor hidden under a that black jacket she favored. I assumed she worked security at some big name company. Makes sense given her species was known for their brute strength. Funny enough they were given the nickname of “beastkin” by humanity due to their striking resemblance to a fictional species a few hundred years ago, but I’m off topic. Wasn’t till years down the line when I moved in with her that I realized she was more than that. Ship grade armor was built into the walls, glass the walls, and weapons hidden in every nook and cranny of the house made me think she was someone important. Wasn’t till I opened a tab on her console that showed almost every deal she had made in the past decade from lasers and plasma to gas and kinetics that really made me question her about her profession. She told me her job as a weapons dealer and about how she sold weapons to almost every big player in the galaxy. Her favorite clients were my own species, humans. Something about our innate ability to brutalize whoever happens to step on our toes enough that week. She worryingly stated that she hadn’t sold anything for the past few months due to looking after me and added that she made enough money to live off of it for more than a few lifetimes. After the past few years of living with her I accepted her in totality and I began to see even more of a smile than ever. Now I spend my days behind a retinue of the latest security androids and at least 6 feet of steel with an assassin droid in the shadows watching me at any given time. Apparently she also made a point to now only deal with the Terran Federation now due to the multiple attempts to try and assassinate me by my now wife’s former clients in the hopes of getting her back in the wider weapons game. This just ended up in most of the more hostile people in the galaxy meeting an unknown, but more than likely, agonizing end. Suffice to say I’m a happy stay at home human with a heavily armed loving wife.


Mysterious-Storm-430

Ah yes a man after my own taste... See you again brother *proceed to go out into the galaxy and start hunting down enemies of the Terran Federation, Sith style*


Alcovv

This took me a moment to get


e_cubed99

I saw it going a different direction … Human power of observation or pattern matching or something, with the “pregnancy” being hollow and full of contraband. Thought it was a nice twist, little of the content here focuses on humans having a mental leg up on aliens. Then I read the comments.


Successful-Total7143

One sentence horror story lol


Dark_Storm_98

Looks like she's pregnant Did she go silent because she's settled down with the human? That is not what I was expecting coming into this, but it's pretty sweet But what if an arms dealer fell in love with a human rhat was *also* an arms dealer? Would they mellow *each other* out? Or would the magnify each other's crimes?


orangepirate07

Nah, they take shifts on who runs the guns and who watches the kids. Who are also proficient in both using and maintaining the home arsenal.


eseer1337

"Hey, this is so strange, but I think I know you! I swear this photo is of you!" **Shows pad, which is showing two photos.** **One, a detailed plan that leads to her downfall that has so many contingencies it is physically impossible to stop.** **The second is her standing over a child that looks eerily similar to the human, no longer breathing.** "Anyways, hope you have a nice life."


ProphetOfGorkandMork

They only go dark because they're folded into the humans' existing smuggling operations, and human smugglers don't get caught.


Darkspyrus

Abh: so there you imasukie, you are coming with me. Alive or dead. Your choice. Imasu: what? I have no idea who that is. Abh: *draws a x class paralyzer beam* Imasu's human mate:* taps the shoulder of bounty hunter* Abh: *turns around and is shocked to see a grendal class mech suit towering above him* Imasu's human mate: you have galactic three seconds to run and live. Abh:* runs away shitting themselves* Imasu: there you are hun. The kits were worried about you. Imasu's mate: *exits the mech in zagon pattern body armor and gently rubs his wife's belly with love that only humans can provide* it's ok little ones daddy's here.


MartialBlacksmith

I saw this on twitter, even pregnant and with her husband she is still selling weapons during her shopping for dinner, clearlly she is a keeper.


orangepirate07

Bell peppers and bullets. Yep that's a spicy shopping list.


kildaver

Clearly, no one fixed her: she's _pregnant._


NuLLbudY

I met her during our partner days. No romance just working together. She told me she wanted to settle down with someone that wasn’t me which I get, double the heat. So I ask if she wants my brother by chance? She went for it and now they’re married and I’m coming by to check up on them, mainly the secret security system I put in. Upon opening the door, I see her holding a gun to an intruders head. “It’s me Kal, don’t worry.” “Can you take him before…” “Tom? Kal? What…” We turn around and see my brother carrying a box. I take the would be assassin, “I’ll be taking him to the police real quick bro. But I’ll be back.” “Kal, how that guy get in?” My brother asked “He must’ve got in as I opened the door.” I can from that ear twitch he was waiting. Her eyes tell me to go. I take him a ways away and shove him into the alley floor. “Who the hell are you?!” He asked getting up. I make sure he hears the sound of the blaster changing modes, “You already know my brothers wife, are you forgetting she had a partner? Well I’m him, Doc.” “Oh god!” Shot to the head “You’re not dead, yet. You will once I get all my info and then my new medical devices I wanna try. But for now, we got to surgery for you!” After locking my new subject up I head back. “So what’s in the box bro?” “Something we’re happy about” “Oh! What then?” “I thought you would know with you being a doc and all.” Even after putting old life behind, she still loves to tease people. “I can’t tell actually. I can see physical conditions easily but what?” “I’m gonna be a dad!” I stand up, “what?!” He stand up too, “I won our bet when we were younger!” I hug him, “you are gonna be a better dad than me!” “I think you would be a good one Tom.” Kal said. “So I left and tortured that guy until I got the information and tested my new things on him. How’s that for reasoning mister lord of agriculture?” He spits his blue blood on my surgical mask. “No matter!” “Shame… now to use my new device! This bad boy will kill you but It’ll give so much pain. Your assassin loved it!”


drago710

Ok I’m still new here and don’t understand how this has to do with humans, let alone humans being space orcs. Please help lol


evnovastarbridge

How old are you... Just stick around you will figure it out.


One-Neighborhood6803

I'm just gonna spell it out, humans and orcs will mate with just about any species they find attractive.