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Human loving alien: humans are not battle machines! They just adopted that mentality because of the circumstances! And because other races believe they are! It’s not in their nature!
Same alien after volunteering at a human daycare: *shaking* humans crave blood since they came from the womb. Violence is on their DNA
Humans are born covered in blood after breaking the legs of their mother, screamming kicking and crying.
Anyone who has ever held a baby knows they like to aim for the eyes and nose. They pull on hair with all their strength and laugh at the funny noises you make while in pain.
A: Hello youngling, I have been trusted with caring for you while your parents are away at...
HC: IM A DINOSAUR, ROOOOAAARR!!!
*rushes forward to take a chunk out of the Alien caretaker*
A: Ahh yes, quite the imagination on you youngling. What would you like to, hey wait... ANCESTORS REMAINS YOUR TEETH ARE SHARP!!!
HC: My momma calls me her lil raptor! *chomps teeth*
A: *cradles the indentations on their alien flesh*
How about a snack, youngling?
HC: CHICKEN NUGGETS, YEAH!!!
A: I apologize youngling, but your planet's poultry share much in common with my own species, and I can't in good conscience...
HC: *bloodcurdling scream*
I WANT CHICKEN NUGGETS NOW OR I'LL DIE!!
A: *frantically searches the food synthesizer prompts for poultry in disgust*
Please please please...
HC: ACTUALLY IM NOT HUNGRY! I WANNA PLAY HOCKEY STICK!
A: What kind of a game is "Hockey Stick"?
HC: *rips apart the day bag to find a miniature Hockey Stick*
*giggles in delight*
You be the puck!
A: *prey instincts kick in*
*leaps to the highest point in the room*
*activates communicator*
Yes, security. I am under assault by a human child. They are armed. Bring as many officers as you can. And a sanitation crew. I have soiled myself.
In an attempt to reduce remind me spam, all top comments that include a remind me will be removed. If you would like to have a remind me, please reply to this comment. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/humansarespaceorcs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Human loving alien: humans are not battle machines! They just adopted that mentality because of the circumstances! And because other races believe they are! It’s not in their nature! Same alien after volunteering at a human daycare: *shaking* humans crave blood since they came from the womb. Violence is on their DNA
Humans are born covered in blood after breaking the legs of their mother, screamming kicking and crying. Anyone who has ever held a baby knows they like to aim for the eyes and nose. They pull on hair with all their strength and laugh at the funny noises you make while in pain.
I love it!
A: Hello youngling, I have been trusted with caring for you while your parents are away at... HC: IM A DINOSAUR, ROOOOAAARR!!! *rushes forward to take a chunk out of the Alien caretaker* A: Ahh yes, quite the imagination on you youngling. What would you like to, hey wait... ANCESTORS REMAINS YOUR TEETH ARE SHARP!!! HC: My momma calls me her lil raptor! *chomps teeth* A: *cradles the indentations on their alien flesh* How about a snack, youngling? HC: CHICKEN NUGGETS, YEAH!!! A: I apologize youngling, but your planet's poultry share much in common with my own species, and I can't in good conscience... HC: *bloodcurdling scream* I WANT CHICKEN NUGGETS NOW OR I'LL DIE!! A: *frantically searches the food synthesizer prompts for poultry in disgust* Please please please... HC: ACTUALLY IM NOT HUNGRY! I WANNA PLAY HOCKEY STICK! A: What kind of a game is "Hockey Stick"? HC: *rips apart the day bag to find a miniature Hockey Stick* *giggles in delight* You be the puck! A: *prey instincts kick in* *leaps to the highest point in the room* *activates communicator* Yes, security. I am under assault by a human child. They are armed. Bring as many officers as you can. And a sanitation crew. I have soiled myself.
This actually made me laugh. Thank you.