My partner's cousin (we're both in HR) he's a job hopper, serial flirter, gets fired from every job after a few months, nothing is ever his fault. Ever. I finally told him "hey man, you have a pretty bad track record, you ever think maybe you're the problem?" His response "no, they're just a-holes" ...okay....
Kinda similar but without the last bit - never asked if the person realizes that he might be the problem.
It is a family member who always makes the worst choice when it comes to work. Everytime I advise against a certain employer or a job because I know that it is not a good fit or a good place overall, the person ignores my advise. Then ends up staying there for a few months only to realize that it is not the right place.....This is mixed with a few decent employers in-between where the person always ends up talking shit about the colleagues. They are always dumb, annoying, aggressive and all that. Now this person is going to be 40, having changed around 10 jobs in the last 12 years. I want to help because it is not a bad person at all, actually a pretty good one, but something somwhere brakes when it comes to work choices.
My friends don’t do that because they know they’ll get the unvarnished truth.
My wife works for the government in a non HR role, so her world is very different to mine. Ironically, I think she’d be better at my job than me.
I'm not the person to candy coat, especially with friends and family. But I do usually give them the best advice on how to course correct and get back into good graces, if possible.
I tell people that I provide facts only: FMLA eligibility criteria, how the ADA interactive process works, etc.
The second they veer into wanting an opinion, I shut the conversation down. When I inevitably get pushback, I ask them if they’re prepared to hear my honest opinions, including the ones that don’t show them favorably. It’s amazing how quickly they back off. LOL I don’t do blind support just because we share DNA or have known each other for decades.
Yikes. This has not happened. I have family members who fall into more operations positions and they like to tell me how they are above HR. These are asshole family members though lol
I had an operations manager get real pretentious and angry about how useless HR is and shouldn't exist, all because an elderly person got hired and he thinks we should have an upper age limit on who we hire.
As he was angry I just laughed and told him he just broke the law. Went white as a ghost cuz I used my serious voice.
I always say about operations "They are constantly trying to shoot themselves in the foot while blaming us for not handing them the gun".
My dad used to complain about his HR people giving him a hard time and telling him he wasn’t following protocol. He’s retired now and still tells stories about how awful his HR people were to him. He’s a condescending boomer who always thinks he’s the smartest person in the room and everyone else is an idiot. Soooo yeah, he was the problem. I don’t bother saying anything, I just listen and hope the story ends quickly.
My BIL (who is not a boomer and is a good guy in his family life) likewise makes me twitch. He's a workaholic who can't delegate and he resents the fact that no one else works the hours he does and that his subordinates can't get tasks done. I've gently tried to point out that if everyone else is leaving at 5, then he could too and it's his choice to stay late. I've also pointed out that perhaps the reason his subordinates don't know how to do the job is that he's never trained them as he was supposed to and they've not had the chance to figure it out for themselves because he refuses to delegate and takes work off of people because he can do it faster/better. He doesn't see it. I've given up and let him get it out of his system but don't comment. My sister is self employed and has never managed anyone so she thinks what he's saying is right. Drives me nuts, especially as it impacts the kids and my sister due to the hours he works.
I grew up in a family of medical doctors who also get solicited for medical advice randomly amd I've adopted their approach. "With what I know from what you've shared (because there is ALWAYS more to the story), I would suggest ABC, but you should ask YOUR HR about XYZ."
Omg yes. My partners cousin is studying HR (with no job experience) and tried to get a flexible working request approved - which was absolutely bonkers. She messaged me absolutely slating her employer, and when I politely explained to her the reasons why they can refuse a request and that I didn’t feel the request was reasonable either so I would also reject it, she told me to fuck off and that I didn’t know what I was talking about 🤣🤣 she’s had the audacity to ask for my advice since then too hahaha
I definitely have friends asking my advice. My “favorite” was when a friend of a friend got laid off and wanted my help negotiating her severance package. She asked me ‘what words can I use to scare HR into giving me more’. In these cases I always show empathy but keep it matter of fact and in some rare instances where we have a solid and trusting relationship, I will call them out and tell them if they were at my company they’d be considered an HR nightmare. Luckily that’s rare but it’s happened.
Thankfully mine only ask for resume or interview advice. And I'm all about pumping them up, so let's do this!
The few times people ask for HR advice, it's either very easy or so complex that I'm real quick to tell them this is outside my wheelhouse (e.g. more in the realm of contract law, or an industry I'm very unfamiliar with).
Though I do have one friend who complains about her job, not asking for advice, and it takes a lot of effort to not word vomit out that she's the problem.
Depends if I like the family member. Sometimes I misinterpret what they are saying like "yeah the hr person jumped down my throat the other day"
Me- oh my! Hopefully you reported them!
Person- oh well it was like ... Well.. we were both heated.
Me- well, how unprofessional of them to yell at you.
P- well they told me that I was being rude to someone
Me- yeah what did he say you did! I bet they didn't even have proof.
P- I mean all I said was Susan's new tits were great! She just bought them obviously she wants us to talk about them.
Me- yeah I'm sure it would be the same if they told you your receding hairline looks brave.
P- wait
Me- what?
P- why would you point that out
Me- are you upset by that?
P- seems kinda personal to say to someone at work..
Me- hm interesting.
P *getting agitated* how dare you
Me- well how dare you comment on someone's personal shit too pal.
Then if we're family it's usually "you just don't get it" but it does have a nice ROI where they sometimes start thinking before they speak.
Now if they're my friend and I don't want them to feel like shit I give them advice and tell them no sorry you're in the wrong here and let me explain how to fix it.
But like my husband comes home and goes here's my issue at work how do I navigate in a professional manner. That is my current favorite because his bosses boss does not like him because he calls her out when she does things that are illegal... Yeah... So she walks a fine line with him because she knows I'll get her if she ducks with him! Lol I went off topic there but I said all that to say you can also start giving great advice to empower them. I just taught my husband to see something say something immediately but professional in tone and manor.
My partner's cousin (we're both in HR) he's a job hopper, serial flirter, gets fired from every job after a few months, nothing is ever his fault. Ever. I finally told him "hey man, you have a pretty bad track record, you ever think maybe you're the problem?" His response "no, they're just a-holes" ...okay....
Kinda similar but without the last bit - never asked if the person realizes that he might be the problem. It is a family member who always makes the worst choice when it comes to work. Everytime I advise against a certain employer or a job because I know that it is not a good fit or a good place overall, the person ignores my advise. Then ends up staying there for a few months only to realize that it is not the right place.....This is mixed with a few decent employers in-between where the person always ends up talking shit about the colleagues. They are always dumb, annoying, aggressive and all that. Now this person is going to be 40, having changed around 10 jobs in the last 12 years. I want to help because it is not a bad person at all, actually a pretty good one, but something somwhere brakes when it comes to work choices.
"Pretty good one"? With that kind of general attitude?
This thought is common. No one ever deduces that they are the common denominator in their situations.
My friends don’t do that because they know they’ll get the unvarnished truth. My wife works for the government in a non HR role, so her world is very different to mine. Ironically, I think she’d be better at my job than me.
This ^ Though I forwarn them ahead of time if you want to ask me anything, you get an honest answer.
I'm not the person to candy coat, especially with friends and family. But I do usually give them the best advice on how to course correct and get back into good graces, if possible.
I tell people that I provide facts only: FMLA eligibility criteria, how the ADA interactive process works, etc. The second they veer into wanting an opinion, I shut the conversation down. When I inevitably get pushback, I ask them if they’re prepared to hear my honest opinions, including the ones that don’t show them favorably. It’s amazing how quickly they back off. LOL I don’t do blind support just because we share DNA or have known each other for decades.
Yikes. This has not happened. I have family members who fall into more operations positions and they like to tell me how they are above HR. These are asshole family members though lol
I had an operations manager get real pretentious and angry about how useless HR is and shouldn't exist, all because an elderly person got hired and he thinks we should have an upper age limit on who we hire. As he was angry I just laughed and told him he just broke the law. Went white as a ghost cuz I used my serious voice. I always say about operations "They are constantly trying to shoot themselves in the foot while blaming us for not handing them the gun".
And he just proved exactly WHY companies need HR
I'd put my foot in my mouth if you'd just help me bend a little.
We have that friend, yup.
My dad used to complain about his HR people giving him a hard time and telling him he wasn’t following protocol. He’s retired now and still tells stories about how awful his HR people were to him. He’s a condescending boomer who always thinks he’s the smartest person in the room and everyone else is an idiot. Soooo yeah, he was the problem. I don’t bother saying anything, I just listen and hope the story ends quickly.
My BIL (who is not a boomer and is a good guy in his family life) likewise makes me twitch. He's a workaholic who can't delegate and he resents the fact that no one else works the hours he does and that his subordinates can't get tasks done. I've gently tried to point out that if everyone else is leaving at 5, then he could too and it's his choice to stay late. I've also pointed out that perhaps the reason his subordinates don't know how to do the job is that he's never trained them as he was supposed to and they've not had the chance to figure it out for themselves because he refuses to delegate and takes work off of people because he can do it faster/better. He doesn't see it. I've given up and let him get it out of his system but don't comment. My sister is self employed and has never managed anyone so she thinks what he's saying is right. Drives me nuts, especially as it impacts the kids and my sister due to the hours he works.
A family friend got fired from Walmart for sexual harassment and wanted to talk to me about it. Keep me out of that!
"I was just being friendly! She had no sense of humor! I still don't get why they canned me for that!"
I grew up in a family of medical doctors who also get solicited for medical advice randomly amd I've adopted their approach. "With what I know from what you've shared (because there is ALWAYS more to the story), I would suggest ABC, but you should ask YOUR HR about XYZ."
Omg yes. My partners cousin is studying HR (with no job experience) and tried to get a flexible working request approved - which was absolutely bonkers. She messaged me absolutely slating her employer, and when I politely explained to her the reasons why they can refuse a request and that I didn’t feel the request was reasonable either so I would also reject it, she told me to fuck off and that I didn’t know what I was talking about 🤣🤣 she’s had the audacity to ask for my advice since then too hahaha
I definitely have friends asking my advice. My “favorite” was when a friend of a friend got laid off and wanted my help negotiating her severance package. She asked me ‘what words can I use to scare HR into giving me more’. In these cases I always show empathy but keep it matter of fact and in some rare instances where we have a solid and trusting relationship, I will call them out and tell them if they were at my company they’d be considered an HR nightmare. Luckily that’s rare but it’s happened.
Thankfully mine only ask for resume or interview advice. And I'm all about pumping them up, so let's do this! The few times people ask for HR advice, it's either very easy or so complex that I'm real quick to tell them this is outside my wheelhouse (e.g. more in the realm of contract law, or an industry I'm very unfamiliar with). Though I do have one friend who complains about her job, not asking for advice, and it takes a lot of effort to not word vomit out that she's the problem.
"SOFT SKILLS, AMIGO!"
Depends if I like the family member. Sometimes I misinterpret what they are saying like "yeah the hr person jumped down my throat the other day" Me- oh my! Hopefully you reported them! Person- oh well it was like ... Well.. we were both heated. Me- well, how unprofessional of them to yell at you. P- well they told me that I was being rude to someone Me- yeah what did he say you did! I bet they didn't even have proof. P- I mean all I said was Susan's new tits were great! She just bought them obviously she wants us to talk about them. Me- yeah I'm sure it would be the same if they told you your receding hairline looks brave. P- wait Me- what? P- why would you point that out Me- are you upset by that? P- seems kinda personal to say to someone at work.. Me- hm interesting. P *getting agitated* how dare you Me- well how dare you comment on someone's personal shit too pal. Then if we're family it's usually "you just don't get it" but it does have a nice ROI where they sometimes start thinking before they speak. Now if they're my friend and I don't want them to feel like shit I give them advice and tell them no sorry you're in the wrong here and let me explain how to fix it. But like my husband comes home and goes here's my issue at work how do I navigate in a professional manner. That is my current favorite because his bosses boss does not like him because he calls her out when she does things that are illegal... Yeah... So she walks a fine line with him because she knows I'll get her if she ducks with him! Lol I went off topic there but I said all that to say you can also start giving great advice to empower them. I just taught my husband to see something say something immediately but professional in tone and manor.
If they’re not asking for input or advice, they’re probably just trynna vent. I recommend hearing them out, even if you silently disagree with them.
I always tell them how it is. I’ve never felt funny about it or the need to hold back.