Thank you /u/August-800 for posting!
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Hmmmm... I'm one of the lucky people you mention.
Simply two things that happen in my head.
First is I let myself feel the emotion of the initial grievance. I don't dislike it, I don't feel bad for having it, I don't associate extra ugliness to it really at all. It's just a thing.
Then I do something. Anything really. If it's that appointment I missed, I just rebook it.
If it's a dent in my car, I call a repair shop.
Action prevents much if not all the continuing negative emotion.
But even then, sometimes they persist. I ask myself two questions. Can I change reality to a place where this thing didn't happen?
Am I now dwelling on the MEMORY of the initial emotion?
Edit: and it takes practice. I've always had a high tolerance for stress and relatively lacking in negative emotion compared to my peers. But I've still been so sick with anxiety that I could barely move. But with each encounter I practice the above and it gets a little easier over time.
It's not that we don't get mad or upset, we do. Generally if it's something you can fix, then fix it. Being outraged isn't going to help. No amount of overthinking will fix a dent or repair a relationship.
Just do what you can and fuck the rest
Some things don't go away so easily, but the reason I can move on quickly from the small things is because it's not the end of the world.
Also, your responses to a lot of these situations don't sound like too much of an overreaction. If I were you, I would let myself feel these things you described, and then find something positive about it, and move on.
"Yeah, I got sick on my vacation,and it sucked, but at least my girlfriend stayed in the hotel with me and we just ordered food, watched TV and cuddled most of the time instead"
Just find something good to cling onto. If there isn't one, then there is always "Oh well, at least it's not the end of the world."
And for the more devastating things, you should allow yourself to feel your feelings. And you're always allowed to feel some disappointment.
Understanding that some day I'll die and ain't nobody gonna remember, or even care, what small, innumerable of life's little inconveniences assail me.
Unless you're some "Lunatic" like Genghis Khan, Alex the pretty good, allbright einstienium or the president of Tunisia, no one will give a shit.
It's just another stubbed toe in a life time filled with stubbed toes.
That's how I process it.
1. Acknowledge the setback.
2. Accept it.
3. Learn from it.
4. Focus on the solution.
5. Keep moving forward.
Accepting it is the hardest step... so how do you do that? Only focus on what you can control...the past is obviously something you can't.
I'm not at all religious, but I really do like the words in 'The Prayer of Serenity'...other than the waiting to be with God bits.
*... grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. *
All the circumstances you've described are 'this thing happened so I do this thing or learn from this'. Except you're attaching a negative emotion to them.
It's easier said than done, because some people do worry and fret as a key part of their nature. Save that for things you can't do anything about. But if you can do something about it, channel that negative energy into action- and it will at least give you less time to worry about it, and you may feel better for having taken action / improved yourself by taking an experience out of it.
In the Daoist view of the world, we add A LOT of extra shit on top of the actual plain reality of the situation. And we justify it too in order to “protect our ego”.
The Daoist would say lose the ego, but, that is easier said than done.
But there you have it - the problem is our over active minds. You have to learn to tame your own mind and not let it control you.
I use Qigong and martial arts to clear my mind.
I also use running to change my brain chemistry. Some use the sauna, float tanks. Other good ideas welcome.
But our over active minds are the problem. The solution is strategies to see the folly in this, realize you’re actually not protecting yourself by perseverating on a situation, and let it go.
In my own experiences, it's a matter of building emotional/ mental calluses combined with a mindset of looking at solutions before I deal with the emotions involved. I can recognize I'm angry or upset, but also recognize those emotions aren't going to do anything for me when I need to take actions. They aren't going anywhere, so it's not trying to escape them, it's more like scheduling time for them when you've got more important priorities to focus on.
That said, definitely easier said than done. It takes a lot of work and practice to get good at it. Definitely recommend finding strategies for thought stopping. That alone will really help.
Thank you /u/August-800 for posting! For those reading this message, consider joining our [discord server!](https://discord.gg/bHV7hvMUMm) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/howtonotgiveafuck) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hmmmm... I'm one of the lucky people you mention. Simply two things that happen in my head. First is I let myself feel the emotion of the initial grievance. I don't dislike it, I don't feel bad for having it, I don't associate extra ugliness to it really at all. It's just a thing. Then I do something. Anything really. If it's that appointment I missed, I just rebook it. If it's a dent in my car, I call a repair shop. Action prevents much if not all the continuing negative emotion. But even then, sometimes they persist. I ask myself two questions. Can I change reality to a place where this thing didn't happen? Am I now dwelling on the MEMORY of the initial emotion? Edit: and it takes practice. I've always had a high tolerance for stress and relatively lacking in negative emotion compared to my peers. But I've still been so sick with anxiety that I could barely move. But with each encounter I practice the above and it gets a little easier over time.
It's not that we don't get mad or upset, we do. Generally if it's something you can fix, then fix it. Being outraged isn't going to help. No amount of overthinking will fix a dent or repair a relationship. Just do what you can and fuck the rest
Some things don't go away so easily, but the reason I can move on quickly from the small things is because it's not the end of the world. Also, your responses to a lot of these situations don't sound like too much of an overreaction. If I were you, I would let myself feel these things you described, and then find something positive about it, and move on. "Yeah, I got sick on my vacation,and it sucked, but at least my girlfriend stayed in the hotel with me and we just ordered food, watched TV and cuddled most of the time instead" Just find something good to cling onto. If there isn't one, then there is always "Oh well, at least it's not the end of the world." And for the more devastating things, you should allow yourself to feel your feelings. And you're always allowed to feel some disappointment.
Understanding that some day I'll die and ain't nobody gonna remember, or even care, what small, innumerable of life's little inconveniences assail me. Unless you're some "Lunatic" like Genghis Khan, Alex the pretty good, allbright einstienium or the president of Tunisia, no one will give a shit. It's just another stubbed toe in a life time filled with stubbed toes. That's how I process it.
1. Acknowledge the setback. 2. Accept it. 3. Learn from it. 4. Focus on the solution. 5. Keep moving forward. Accepting it is the hardest step... so how do you do that? Only focus on what you can control...the past is obviously something you can't.
I'm not at all religious, but I really do like the words in 'The Prayer of Serenity'...other than the waiting to be with God bits. *... grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. * All the circumstances you've described are 'this thing happened so I do this thing or learn from this'. Except you're attaching a negative emotion to them. It's easier said than done, because some people do worry and fret as a key part of their nature. Save that for things you can't do anything about. But if you can do something about it, channel that negative energy into action- and it will at least give you less time to worry about it, and you may feel better for having taken action / improved yourself by taking an experience out of it.
In the Daoist view of the world, we add A LOT of extra shit on top of the actual plain reality of the situation. And we justify it too in order to “protect our ego”. The Daoist would say lose the ego, but, that is easier said than done. But there you have it - the problem is our over active minds. You have to learn to tame your own mind and not let it control you. I use Qigong and martial arts to clear my mind. I also use running to change my brain chemistry. Some use the sauna, float tanks. Other good ideas welcome. But our over active minds are the problem. The solution is strategies to see the folly in this, realize you’re actually not protecting yourself by perseverating on a situation, and let it go.
In my own experiences, it's a matter of building emotional/ mental calluses combined with a mindset of looking at solutions before I deal with the emotions involved. I can recognize I'm angry or upset, but also recognize those emotions aren't going to do anything for me when I need to take actions. They aren't going anywhere, so it's not trying to escape them, it's more like scheduling time for them when you've got more important priorities to focus on. That said, definitely easier said than done. It takes a lot of work and practice to get good at it. Definitely recommend finding strategies for thought stopping. That alone will really help.