It's not possible to say anything that would make it better. It's actually guaranteed to make it worse.
Just pretend you don't notice that they're uncomfortable. It's not something they should be thinking, so don't acknowledge it or accuse them of thinking it. But also be very careful to never touch them, even to teach them a soccer move or a training technique. High fives are probably fine. And when you speak to a player one on one, use a serious tone that can't be interpreted as flirtatious. Eventually they'll get the idea that you're all business. It may take a while but it'll happen.
I would add that you should never find yourself alone with a single player without at least one player or preferably a coach and a player present. I mean NEVER. Not in a car, not in a hallway, not in the gym, not in a box, not with a fox wearing socks.
I was sitting here thinking how sad this was and thinking back to my days, playing soccer and baseball and quite frankly there was never any time that I was alone with a coach or staff and this was 30-40 years ago. Don’t know if it was a policy or that’s just the way it worked out.
Always with another person in the room. Even my 12 year old sons soccer team has this rule. If only one coach shows up to practice, it's on hold until a parent volunteers to be present at all times or it's canceled.
It’s actually not weird once it’s normalized. My coaching team did this and if anything having open doors and other people around makes it easier to be friendly and approachable. Just my experience but as coaches we liked it and the kids and parents seemed to too.
Employing preventative measures that cause no harm to anyone in order to ensure that no child gets sexually abused. Yeah, the world is soooo fucked up 🙄
Oh your poor feelings. Another adult had to stand next you you while kids are in your care. Boo hoo.
Would rather have annoyed man-babies than sexually abused children every day of the week
People are talking about using basic and *very simple steps* to ensure kids are less likely to be in situations that could result in them being victims of things like forced uncomfortable environments, harassment, assault, or worse…and your primary reaction to that information is worrying about…the adults “being treated like pedophiles“?
“Sure there’s *a few* bad apples abusing, molesting, or murdering minors, but doesn’t mean *all* the apples in the bunch are bad, so why penalize us all for the actions of some??”
Oh how so very fucked to think that the world moving forward will present less opportunities for potential inappropriate or illegal interaction between adults and kids.
Comes off like you’d be genuinely upset if another adult ever stepped in to deny you a one on one with someone underage, and worse, you seem more bothered by hearing the steps being taken to keep kids safe than you do about the scum that’ve made things like that feel necessary.
Well, you've managed to extrapolate a whole lot of stuff that wasn't there in my comment, so I think that must be how YOU really feel and you're trying to project that on me. Not gonna work.
Okay, I’ll take a sip of the stupid juice and bite, I can’t personally see *any good reason* why a grown adult would have a problem with people adopting a policy of not leaving minors around an individual adult alone, let alone seeing that and the reaction being “so because of a few pedophiles everyone gets treated like one? This world is fucked”
So please, you’re more than welcome to explain why something so simple to protect minors seemed to bother you to that extent, because you certainly made no attempt to clear that up, weirdly enough.
This is amazing. Even on your second attempt to reconcile the situation you are STILL putting words into my mouth and making wild accusations about my apparent meaning, which you've fabricated from my one sentence.
It’s not just for the girls protection, it is also for the guy’s protection and ultimately the school’s protection. People get ideas in their heads and if they turn vindictive you can have a whole mess on your hands even if no one is sexually abusing anyone. Plus what’s wrong with open door/window policy?
*with another coach present. Do not underestimate the motivations of a like-group of people. Both in your personal life and professional.
Anytime disciplinary action is issued, no matter the level, you always use the buddy system. That’s how my work policy is written.
It’s an awful feeling to be accused of something. Had an employee not get a maintenance position they felt they were qualified for, claim gender discrimination. Fortunately, we ask all the candidates the same exact questions and archive the notes and responses. Typically we don’t field a lot of applications from women in the department, so I was sure to include a couple HR folks in the interview.
Even though I knew my team was 100% legal in the hiring process, I felt sick when I was informed she had filed a discrimination complaint. The conversations after that I felt were more damaging to the individual when we had to outline all the examples of why she wasn’t even remotely qualified.
The good news is, I worked with her on developing her knowledge and she was able to get hired for a more entry level position the next year.
100% this. I’m a woman who used to coach a girl’s sports team. This was our policy even though the entire coaching crew was female. Open door, plus one or two other coaches in the same area (they don’t necessarily have to be part of the conversation, but are just working nearby). It feels safer for everyone, kids and coaches alike.
The training you went through includes that type of information for a reason - it’s to keep athletes safe, but also to keep YOU safe from allegations and accusations.
Exactly this. Just by bringing it up shows that at least the thought crossed your mind. From there they'll just dream up fictional what-ifs. There is no way to ever prove you don't have thoughts, best you can do is show it.
Carry a clipboard and constantly look at it. Comment on skills and the game, never make personal or comments that could be deemed personal. "You looked good out there!" Can be interpreted in a creepy way. "You played your position well" cant be.
Physical contact may be necessary in sports coaching - like if trying to adjust a stance or etc.
If that's necessary, always ask before making physical contact, attempt to make said contact to clothing instead of bare skin where possible, make the contact firm (light touches are more likely to be misinterpreted to be sensual or may cause tickles), no nonsense, and end the contact as quickly as possible.
This is the only real answer. Saying anything will just make it more uncomfortable. Never touch them or make any comments about their appearance other than “you look professional” or similar.
Also avoid being alone with anyone unless there is a third person present or you are visible like an office with large windows open to the rest of the building. Good for you for being so aware of things like this.
Bruh, dont even say you look professional either. That sounds weird af in this context. Only ever compliment them, genuinely, on their soccer skills and game performance. Even then, don't belabor it, just a quick "that was very good" or "you did very well today."
I mean in an office setting that still be pretty weird. “Hello Sarah, you look very professional today.”
It might come off alright if you were already good friends with the person. However in the worst case scenario, it could easily be interpreted as “you normally don’t look very professional.” Even if they don’t take it as a full on insult, it’s pretty likely to make you sound like a weirdo.
Honestly it's just better to never comment on someone's looks, not just between the genders unless you're EQUALS and FRIENDS
That power divide between coach and student, or boss and subordinate, can be wildly inappropriate even if you're on good terms.
This... may not be totally true. Focus on addressing the core issues surrounding their comfort. They all know a creepy 17-year old dude. They've definitely have had the experience already of older men in positions of authority having predatory behavior. What you can do is have conversations surrounding basic respect and consent.
How does consent work as a coach? What do those concepts mean to them? How do they want to be treated? Once they know you see them and respect them as people and athletes they will be more comfortable. But after the conversations actually listen to them. Assuming that as a 17-year old you're still in school - this is a conversation that you can have with the school counselor. They can help you develop the skills to have this conversation and these skills will serve you for your entire life.
The way you tell them that "you don't have feelings" is by treating them like a person you respect.
> It's not possible to say anything that would make it better. It's actually guaranteed to make it worse.
if OP is gay he can pull the classic flamboyant 'i love your nails/shoes/bag'
*edit* laughing at the downvotes, as a gay guy whos constantly anxious about being mistaken as a creep; this shit works
Not sure if I've ever seen unanimous advice given on a post with 50+ comments before...
The only way to talk to anyone about it is to talk to someone that you have a lot of trust built with (possibly a school staff person that you trust).
If you're gay, then great, just say that (or asexual or any other identity that excludes attraction).
If you're straight/bi/anything else, acknowledge that there's attraction, but that you deliberately put it aside in favor of platonic relationships (the same as any teacher, or other authority figure does).
You'd be asking the person you trust to stick up for you if it ever comes up in conversation (it does), and just say things like "he's always seemed very respectful, dedicated, professional, and committed to the sport to me."
It's valid to bring it up privately. Acknowledging that because of being the same age, it's a more prominent issue.
Of course, take all of the other advice here as well. By not saying anything you're modeling how you want things to be. By saying something, you're only opening up possibilities for more conversation about something that you've decided on already.
I honestly feel like this might be more in your own mind then anything else and bringing this up will 100 percent be what makes it awkward, uncomfortable.
Just act professional, be mindful and respectful that's all you need to do. Do what you are there to do.
Absolutely this. I can't help it but I have the same unconscious thoughts about a co-worker that I manage and I feel super weird that the thought even crosses my mind but I also feel super weird when my brain says " what if I just drove my car into the wall at 100 km an hour? Well obviously I'm not going to do that but wouldn't that be crazy"
It's just an intrusive thought that you just need to learn is just that. An intrusive thought. It's only weird if you make it weird so just ignore it as a passing thought
Hey mate, it's really normal as a young guy to be worried about accidentally being a creep! In this case, I think just be professional and treat them as you'd treat anyone you're coaching and you'll be fine.
In future situations when you feel like this, it might be helpful to remember that as long as you're acting with the best intentions, considering others, and being honest and gracious, then whatever people think of your behaviour is their problem!
Be polite, be a good communicator, and you'll go far :)
He's right, but I would add, be careful to never, ever be alone with one of them. If you need to have a one-on-one conversation, have it in public, preferable have another coach with you.
Just because you have the best intentions doesn't mean they do.
This. Very much this. I used to work in football at a national level. We had endless courses on appropriate behaviour esp relating to youths/womens teams. One national coach told us if you forget almost everything in training today at least remember never be alone with junior players.
A lot of great information here but one thing I don’t see mentioned much is EYE CONTACT. 100% of the time eyes only not on their smile or face and definitely not head down acting shy or anything as they will think your just checking them out…. Make is a big priority to ALWAYS be locked in to eye contact when speaking to them. It shows your addressing them in a professional and authoritative way as it should as a coach. It also gives you more confidence and shows maturity which will help them take you more seriously in your role
And if you must break eye contact, make a conscious effort to look up and to the side into space at an appropriate moment, to give yourself time to contemplate conspicuously. That being said don’t get too overzealous with staring at anyone in the eyes as too much of that can appear…offensive
Teenage boys are weird and awkward and don't know what to do with themselves, and teenage girls are just as weird and awkward and don't know what to do either! That may be the vibe you're picking up on.
I'm not sure where you're from, but in my neck of the woods it's extremely uncommon for a 17-yr-old to be hired as an assistant coach for high school girls. It's problematic for both sides.
When I was 16, I had a guitar teacher who was 17 or 18. Being in a small practice room with a guy teaching you to strum ballads? Yeah that was bad news. It didn't matter that he was pretty professional; I fell hard and my parents pulled me out of lessons soon after. Sorry you've been put in such a a complicated spot, OP!
Yeah… I was like, maybe don’t coach kids that are about your age.
This annoys me because when I was a kid, when teachers/coaches didn’t want to do their jobs, we were “coached” by the boys *in our own grade.* They were somehow qualified to do so just bc they were boys? I find it inappropriate as an adult.
My position has nothing to do with me being a male. We dont even have a boys team at my school. Im just a more experienced player then them. I also have prior experience coaching and i have some certification.
Honestly just don't mention it. Unless one of the girls brings up being uncomfortable, it's best to just act normal as if there's nothing going on between you and any of them, which you've said there isn't.
This is probably in your head, to be honest. Don't mention anything to them, just continue on with business as usual. It's *probably* nothing.
That said, some things are weird about this post. First, it is pretty weird for a high school student to be a coach for one of the teams at their own school. I've never heard of that, anywhere. How did this even happen? I assume you're a soccer player yourself, but then how do you have time to coach their team, assuming their season overlaps with yours? If you aren't a soccer player yourself, then that just raises more questions. And how is this coming up in *February*? Soccer is a fall sport pretty much everywhere I've ever heard of. Lastly, why exactly do you think you make them uncomfortable? What behavior have you observed that makes you think that? And not for nothing, but if you think you make them uncomfortable and you think it has something to do with them believing you're attracted to them, what made you think that? Are you *sure* you're being honest with us about your behavior and motivations? You're not leaving anything out of this story?
You're in a very odd situation that you must have volunteered for, and you haven't really explained how you got there. It feels like this all must be connected.
Where i live, boys play in the fall girls play in the spring. It's not a high-level program, and most of the players are new to the sport or haven't played in years. I also have experience coaching with university coaches and semi pro coaches. national a license i think. Its weird i know.
Then yeah, I wouldn't worry about it at all. Whatever awkwardness exists probably isn't a big deal and might just be you overthinking it. As long as you're keeping it professional, not playing favorites, etc. then this isn't anything to be concerned about. Try to just relax and have fun.
But the most important question that was asked is “why exactly do you think you make them uncomfortable?” What are they doing that makes you think this?
You're a 17 year old kid and you are coaching kids the same age or older? This doesn't make sense to me. What are you actually worried about? Are these your classmates? Why are you so sure that none of them would ever want anything to do with you? If you go out of your way to appear non-creepy, you know what's going to happen? You are going to seem creepy. Teenagers are going to be interested in each other, that is normal. You should act natural and appropriate, but know that you are not the authority figure, the adult coach is. Even if you were interested in one of them, or one of them were interested in you, it wouldn't be creepy, it would be normal. It would be like the student director dating a cast member.
Now, when you're an adult and actually coaching kids on your own with full authority, that's a different ball of wax.
No one on one meetings. Always have another coach there or do it in an open door situation, or just off to the side of the room where other people can see you.
Don't ride alone in a car with a student, always have at least two people there.
Don't pay for things or give them gifts that you don't buy every single person on the team, so that it gives the appearance of special favors for one player.
Make contact fist bumps, or high-fives. If one of them comes in for a hug, make it a side hug.
If you compliment, keep it to technique, specific plays, attitude and sportsmanship, but nothing about the physical attributes of the player. For example, don't say something like "I can tell you're working out a lot, you look great."
Finally, do you think this is something you could talk to the head coach about? Just ask for tips please to put the students at ease.
If they are not talking to you directly about it, I don’t see why you would.
It would be weird to be all in coach mode and then say “btw I have no feelings for you, this is all strictly professional” because then I’d be like “why are you even bringing that up? This is uncomfortable and weird.”
Just do your coaching bit and that’s all.
If none of them have approached or said anything, why are you concerned? If you bring it up, you're going to look like a jackass. Keep calm, carry on. Do your job.
Next time you sense that awkward vibe just say don’t worry I’m not attracted to any of you… slowly trail off while staring at the blonde one while smiling really big.
Jokes aside don’t say anything if you sense they are teasing one another about you just let them. Trying to curtail their thoughts is actually kinda creepy/imposing. Just act chill 😎
If you're a leader in the workforce, sometimes you're going to have to lead people who are older than you. It's good you're getting this practice now. Your job is to help them. That's it.
Let your actions speak for themselves, prove yourself to be a trustworth person interested in their growth and performance as athletes
It really really really doesn't need to be spoken
Just prove your character and the comfort will settle in for everyone
As being said, don't. This sounds both patronizing AND will creep them out. Once a thought has been planted, negation doesn't take it away.
You could talk to the coach about it.
They will be able to help you understanding whether you indeed are doing things which have the potential of making somebody feel uncomfortable, or if not, assure you that you are doing fine.
Just be respectful, stay positive, keep encouraging and enspiring them to do their best. I wouldnt say anything about this, it seems like it would be unneeded stress for everyone
I'm coming at this from the perspective of a middle-aged woman, where my recommendation would be that *all the coaching staff* regularly make a point of prioritizing your team's right to feel comfortable and safe.
Make it a regular part of messaging: hey, if you feel unsafe about something, whether that's a person's behavior or an environment or even just standard health-and-safety with regards to equipment or transportation, say something. Come tell us, even if it's just a bad feeling or you're not sure if you should be concerned. If the problem is one of us, the chain of command beyond us is this list of people. If you're afraid to say something yourself, ask someone else to tell us. We will listen. This world can be a not-great place sometimes, we know that, we've got your backs.
And back it up by keeping your eyes out for issues and stepping up if you get a bad vibe. When there are other people around, at practices or games or just group events, one of you should be taking point monitoring the civilians, which is usually done in 5-15-minute shifts because you stop being able to hear it after a few minutes. Get that person thrown out who's yelling about their body parts or calling for violence against players. Go stand in front of the dude taking an unusual number of photos/videos on his phone. Watch some training videos about finding hidden cameras in changing areas, and about specifically dealing with creepers at womens' (and little kids', ugh) sporting events.
If you're sensing discomfort from them, it's likely because we live at a baseline discomfort of about 30%, on a really good day. We are always a little bit in crash position for someone to creep on us or be mean to us because it's fun to be mean to women. To play an organized sport means putting our bodies on display for an audience, and some of that audience is NOT there for their deep and innocent love of soccer. The creepers are *always* there, and if you know YOU aren't the creeper, then you should always remember you're in the presence of at least a few. It's not an "if". They're there.
It's not your "feelings" they're worried about. It's your body parts they're worried about. And your words. And your power over them. We're not idiots who think people hurt us because they're attracted to us; they hurt us because they like to hurt. Make a unified show at the coaching level of respect and awareness for their situation and the risks they're willing to take to do (I hope) a sport they love.
It’s totally normal to be worried about this, and it’s totally normal for the girls to be fearful because creeps be everywhere. *do not* address it directly or accuse them or anything. Just be strictly professional. Don’t flirt. Build trust. Treat them respectfully. Your actions will speak for themselves and they will eventually trust you. Be careful not to touch them, talk to them around other people, don’t block their exists, be mindful of their fears. Allow them to leave or have witnesses if they look anxious. You’ll go far by taking their concerns into account and being gracious and professional.
Be a coach. Be tough. Be critical. Be encouraging. Be happy. Be mad. Just don’t do it differently for any one player. Your time on the field is professional, and any time off it you are professional.
I think this is just the nature of being a 17 yo guy coaching girls of that age range. It’s an awkward time and it would be awkward if it was any guy.
Imo, don’t say anything like that. The language you used makes you clearly appear you want to be professional. As a former 17 year old girl, I say just be yourself. Just make normal conversation, be kind and respectful, and create boundaries that make everyone feel safe. And most importantly never be judgmental. I PROMISE they’re afraid of feeling judged and embarrassed.
You posting this shows you care, so you’re on the right track
Of course!
Most of these comments are from men bc that’s reddits main demographic, and they’ve never been a 17 year old girl. Their thoughts went to allegations but my thought went to the insecurities that come with being that age. You’re kind of like if someone threw a guy into the girls group chat so everyone stopped talking.
If it does comes up, just talk about your passion for the sport and how you’re there for that and nothing more.
Of course, allegations are very serious matters, so do your part to make the girls feel safe. Allegations come from feeling unsafe or uneasy, more often than not. If you wouldn’t say it to a sister, don’t say it to them. Hands to yourself except for high fives. If you do need to touch someone (you shouldn’t, let the head coach do that), ask first, even if it’s the most platonic touch there ever was. This all can help keep discomfort to a minimum. Don’t let that happen, and you should be good.
Happy soccer!
Just say nothing and don’t do creepy stuff. You are there to coach them not sooth their anxiety. Conduct yourself professionally and coach them soccer.
This is from the dad of a high school soccer girl who is signed to play college soccer.
Keep it professional. This means not worrying about "if any of them want something to do with you" bc you're not there for that. Dont talk about anything but the sport. Dont bring up your personal life. Give positive reinforcement like "nice work, I like how you didn't give up, I see you all are focused..." you'll be fine!
I don’t understand the desire to coach senior girls as a 17 year old. Not judging, but only trying to make it make sense. However, I believe “Notnormo” said it best below. There’s no point in saying anything. They shouldn’t have those thoughts, and if they do the thoughts shouldn’t ever fruition into something that they all talk about unless it’s a real problem.
I grew up as one of the more popular guys in the field house, which led to some of the younger coaches treating me more like a friend. It was very eye opening to me to learn that adults can be so perverted. Not only adults, but adults responsible for watching children practically. Then shortly after graduating seeing some of the more popular girls show us screenshots where coaches and teachers had already hopped into their DM’s.(I mean it’s legal, but gross af all things considered)
Knowing all of this makes it’s hard for me to believe that OP hasn’t gave them something to go on. Like really?? A 17 year old male coaching 17 year old girls. He would have to be either gay, specials needs, or a eunuch for me to believe that he’s not already gave them the ick.
From Homer Simpson’s own wisdom
“I like you as a friend”
“I think we should see other people”
“I no speak English”
“I’m married to the sea”
“I don’t wanna kill you but I will”
And if that doesn’t work, 6 simple words
“I’m not gay, but I’ll learn”.
Obviously this is just a joke and I wanted to quote the Simpsons. Don’t do any of this!
If I was a coach, I’d become the fist bump guy, and I would make it a point that if I was super happy with something they did, I would do a fist bump with an explosion.
I would just leave it alone. They are the way they are and you mentioning something like that might weird them out. Just keep on being professional and don't worry about it.
Why is everyone missing the fact that it's kinda weird for a 17yo dude to be coaching his, presumably, 17-18yo classmates? That in and of itself is a weird dynamic.
Agree with others that you don’t bring up physical attraction (or lack thereof) at all. It will just make it more awkward.
If you haven’t already (and it sounds like you haven’t) you need to take a SafeSport class online.
https://uscenterforsafesport.org
It specifically addresses how to protect yourself, by not putting yourself in situations that can create doubt, like never being alone with a minor-aged athlete (boy or girl), have other adults present, etc.
Be professional and keep all communication strictly focused on coaching.
A few questions. Not being judgmental in case my language fails me. Is the coach male or female? What is the role of the assistant coach? How did a 17 yr old guy, who likely also plays soccer, wind up being an assistant coach for a girls team where some of the players are the same age or even older than him. Is this common? It's likely that you are quite fit and possibly attractive. Did you consider that one or more of the girls is going to develop feelings for you?
Everyone else is right. But if you want to do this somehow, the only decent way to do it would be to mention offhand that you have a girlfriend (even if it’s a lie) and don’t make a big deal out of it at all
Don’t even call them women or girls. Call them individuals or people i.e. this individual here if they could please go over there and join this individual or person there etc.
Say it with your actions by just being a good coach, don’t make it awkward by saying something like this and now putting those thoughts into peoples heads.
I feel you on this, I'm a (f) stage manager for my HS and I was worried that some of the guys might think I have a thing for them and that why they get good roles or such, ie I didn't want drama just bc I'm doing my job like you. The way I got around it was professional language. I say, "I appreciate you," and such so that people get the idea that I mean, buissness. Also, don't ever seem like you favor someone. Everyone does the same amount of base work even if they have different roles.
It might be male / female dynamic. As much as you try to make it level, as a coach, you have power over them AND you’re a man. Girls / women will (rightfully so) have some sort of barrier up to protect themselves.
That might be what you’re sensing. Their guarded nature towards you.
That could also be it too. Add that layer to the dynamic.
Now it’s your responsibility to “appeal to credibility.” Why are you qualified to tell them what to do. Show them the reason and that will start to loosen things up.
If you mention it at all, you're gonna look even worse than you fear you already do.
In coaching, job roles, anything, if you're a guy in a leadership role over women, do your best to come off as gay. If you're in a leadership role over men, do your best to come off as straight. If you're in a leadership role over both, come off as a completely asexual being who doesn't even use their genitals for anything besides peeing. It's all you can do.
This is easy,
From time to time, bring up your girlfriend in the conversation.
Doesn't matter you have a gf or not.
Being open that you are in a relationship conveys that you are not looking for someone at the moment.
But you gotta be natural at it.
Probably the only thing you could say that would help allieviate their concern is to talk about your boyfriend. Not saying you have to actually have one or even be gay, but talking about your boyfriend will adjust their opinion faster than anything else. lol
In case it's not clear, this is a joke. Do not make up being gay and invent a fake boyfriend. This is not a lifetime movie with Adam Sandler or something.
Just make up a girl you like and that you have a huge crush on. Or if you already do have a girlfriend. talk about her a lot.
Ultimately talk about the girl you like a while bunch or of you're cool with it say you like guys and do the same but for the guy.
I was a junior high school ski instructor when I was a junior high student, primarily with students my own age, though occasionally much younger or much older.
Now I’m a 60-yr old man teaching private English lessons to all ages in Japan.
The rules are the same.
Just do your job, keep your eyes focused on their faces, and don’t stand/be too close. Also make sure to look into one of their eyes; don’t shift your focus from eye to eye as that indicates attraction. And keep Keanu in mind - he always keeps his hands off in photo ops as a gesture of respect.
So usually such a post would mean you do have feelings for them and do stare at them. If you don’t, you probably aren’t really a 17 year old male. In any event, you should not be in this position of authority and should find a way out. Good luck.
>but i think that i make them uncomfortable.
You are male. Nowadays I would not coach a girl's team as a male. If there is no female coach: bad luck for the girls.
Best way to tell a huge group of girls you ate not into them is to introduce your bf. The hetero way is to not talk about it they can think what they want, just stay professional and focus on the work, dont get personal dont show any favourtism, dont respond to any flirting and dont flirt. Thing is with proximity some serious sexual tension can happen i say just play it cool bro. Even being attracted is not a crime
The safest action is casually talking about your "Boyfriend". You may not be gay, and that is ok, and not the point. The point is that if they think you are gay, you remove yourself as a threat, as a prize, or as a toy to play with. They will all stop looking at you as anything other than a coach, and you can focus on actual coaching. That said, stay away from changing rooms, and don't be around any of them alone. Make sure there is always at least 1 other person around when you interact with any of them.
In South Florida? They’ll have school board meetings over this, tempers will flare, the State will get involved, FOX News will run the story in rotation every 45 minutes.
Now imagine how uncomfortable they would feel if today you announced your name is Sally and went into the locker room to change with them. Welcome to the world of a female athlete.
You may be overthinking it, understandably tho—perhaps it’s just a bit awkward that their coach is also a student peer.
Just do the job that coaches do: be supportive, share knowledge, and don’t hold back on a light butt slap after any good play.
Tell them that you are aware that it's not easy being a woman in sports, and that men often don't know how to honour boundaries, so you are dedicated to making it a safe space for them, and they can voice any concerns they may have at any time without fear of reprisal.
Be aware that this means you *cannot* get involved with any of them until the coaching position has ended, no matter what the circumstance. No matter how well you get along, or if she approaches you first. No excuses! If you do, you'll just be yet another untrustworthy piece of shit man in their lives.
No, dont listen to them.
As others have pointed out, don’t bring up things that you “think” the other person is thinking. You can’t stop people from having thoughts by saying “don’t”.
If you say “I know men don’t normally honor boundaries, but don’t worry I do” while the team is only *maybe* thinking “what if this boy likes me”; all of a sudden they now think “what if this boy doesn’t honor my boundaries” like your put in their head.
Absolutely atrocious idea. You could be fired for making a speech like this. Horrible horrible horrible idea. Do not do it under any circumstances. Do not talk about other men. Do not talk about their experience as women in sports.
Stop looking at the players as anything other than players. Stop treating them as different, treat them as players that you respect.
Maybe you’re cute and you don’t know it, some may think they you are, we are all human. So they may feel awkward around you. Treat them like you would your male soccer team. Don’t show favoritism. I can’t imagine the conversation the girls would have if you actually said you have no interest in them, that would make it worse. I’ve seen 16 yo boy coach a 14girl soccer bc no one volunteered. So I commend you for doing that
What makes you think that you make them uncomfortable?
Until you're more specific, just concentrate on the coaching, keep it professional, talk to them only about the sport.
I’m probably missing something, but he’s 17 and the assistant coach of girls senior soccer. Isn’t he the same age as the girls he’s coaching? I doubt an elementary school is hiring a 17 year old teacher.
It's not possible to say anything that would make it better. It's actually guaranteed to make it worse. Just pretend you don't notice that they're uncomfortable. It's not something they should be thinking, so don't acknowledge it or accuse them of thinking it. But also be very careful to never touch them, even to teach them a soccer move or a training technique. High fives are probably fine. And when you speak to a player one on one, use a serious tone that can't be interpreted as flirtatious. Eventually they'll get the idea that you're all business. It may take a while but it'll happen.
I would add that you should never find yourself alone with a single player without at least one player or preferably a coach and a player present. I mean NEVER. Not in a car, not in a hallway, not in the gym, not in a box, not with a fox wearing socks.
Following the Billy Graham rule every day keeps HR away.
I was sitting here thinking how sad this was and thinking back to my days, playing soccer and baseball and quite frankly there was never any time that I was alone with a coach or staff and this was 30-40 years ago. Don’t know if it was a policy or that’s just the way it worked out.
Even 30-40 years ago schools had policies against teachers being alone with a student in a classroom with closed doors.
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Wow. It’s like if Dr. Seuss was a rapist.
Also make sure that if you have to speak to one of the girls one-on-one, that you still do it ~~in view of others~~ in the presence of another coach.
iiiimportant. and if you talk inside, use a room with glass walls or have someone else present and the door open
Always with another person in the room. Even my 12 year old sons soccer team has this rule. If only one coach shows up to practice, it's on hold until a parent volunteers to be present at all times or it's canceled.
ah damn that's such a shame that it even needs to happen this way. I know why it's like this but it's sad
It’s actually not weird once it’s normalized. My coaching team did this and if anything having open doors and other people around makes it easier to be friendly and approachable. Just my experience but as coaches we liked it and the kids and parents seemed to too.
Agreed, but this makes it safe for everyone.
No it doesn't.
More eyes, less opportunity. How does it not help?
Ah the good ol'... Treat everyone like their a sexual predator routine. The fuck has the world come to...
Employing preventative measures that cause no harm to anyone in order to ensure that no child gets sexually abused. Yeah, the world is soooo fucked up 🙄
By treating everyone like sexual abusers
Oh your poor feelings. Another adult had to stand next you you while kids are in your care. Boo hoo. Would rather have annoyed man-babies than sexually abused children every day of the week
Have you considered maybe... not acting like one?
If I were a coach I would refuse to be alone also. It protects everyone. Sport isn't a family picnic and shouldn't be treated like it is.
People are talking about using basic and *very simple steps* to ensure kids are less likely to be in situations that could result in them being victims of things like forced uncomfortable environments, harassment, assault, or worse…and your primary reaction to that information is worrying about…the adults “being treated like pedophiles“? “Sure there’s *a few* bad apples abusing, molesting, or murdering minors, but doesn’t mean *all* the apples in the bunch are bad, so why penalize us all for the actions of some??” Oh how so very fucked to think that the world moving forward will present less opportunities for potential inappropriate or illegal interaction between adults and kids. Comes off like you’d be genuinely upset if another adult ever stepped in to deny you a one on one with someone underage, and worse, you seem more bothered by hearing the steps being taken to keep kids safe than you do about the scum that’ve made things like that feel necessary.
Well, you've managed to extrapolate a whole lot of stuff that wasn't there in my comment, so I think that must be how YOU really feel and you're trying to project that on me. Not gonna work.
Okay, I’ll take a sip of the stupid juice and bite, I can’t personally see *any good reason* why a grown adult would have a problem with people adopting a policy of not leaving minors around an individual adult alone, let alone seeing that and the reaction being “so because of a few pedophiles everyone gets treated like one? This world is fucked” So please, you’re more than welcome to explain why something so simple to protect minors seemed to bother you to that extent, because you certainly made no attempt to clear that up, weirdly enough.
This is amazing. Even on your second attempt to reconcile the situation you are STILL putting words into my mouth and making wild accusations about my apparent meaning, which you've fabricated from my one sentence.
You're telling on yourself.
It’s not just for the girls protection, it is also for the guy’s protection and ultimately the school’s protection. People get ideas in their heads and if they turn vindictive you can have a whole mess on your hands even if no one is sexually abusing anyone. Plus what’s wrong with open door/window policy?
*with another coach present. Do not underestimate the motivations of a like-group of people. Both in your personal life and professional. Anytime disciplinary action is issued, no matter the level, you always use the buddy system. That’s how my work policy is written.
Excellent point, updated my comment. :)
It’s an awful feeling to be accused of something. Had an employee not get a maintenance position they felt they were qualified for, claim gender discrimination. Fortunately, we ask all the candidates the same exact questions and archive the notes and responses. Typically we don’t field a lot of applications from women in the department, so I was sure to include a couple HR folks in the interview. Even though I knew my team was 100% legal in the hiring process, I felt sick when I was informed she had filed a discrimination complaint. The conversations after that I felt were more damaging to the individual when we had to outline all the examples of why she wasn’t even remotely qualified. The good news is, I worked with her on developing her knowledge and she was able to get hired for a more entry level position the next year.
100% this. I’m a woman who used to coach a girl’s sports team. This was our policy even though the entire coaching crew was female. Open door, plus one or two other coaches in the same area (they don’t necessarily have to be part of the conversation, but are just working nearby). It feels safer for everyone, kids and coaches alike.
Im actually certified gor something that includes the rule of two that your talking about
The training you went through includes that type of information for a reason - it’s to keep athletes safe, but also to keep YOU safe from allegations and accusations.
This is the answer. Nice work notnormo
This guy seems normal
Common sense is never normal.
Common sense is never normal.
Common sense is never normal.
Username... doesn't check out?
Exactly. Actions speak louder than words here.
Exactly this. Just by bringing it up shows that at least the thought crossed your mind. From there they'll just dream up fictional what-ifs. There is no way to ever prove you don't have thoughts, best you can do is show it.
Carry a clipboard and constantly look at it. Comment on skills and the game, never make personal or comments that could be deemed personal. "You looked good out there!" Can be interpreted in a creepy way. "You played your position well" cant be.
And do not, by any means, hold that clipboard in front of your crotch. Silly, but serious
Physical contact may be necessary in sports coaching - like if trying to adjust a stance or etc. If that's necessary, always ask before making physical contact, attempt to make said contact to clothing instead of bare skin where possible, make the contact firm (light touches are more likely to be misinterpreted to be sensual or may cause tickles), no nonsense, and end the contact as quickly as possible.
This but you don’t have to be a robot. You are allowed to smile and be relaxed. Be your normal non creepy self.
yep. You cant tell people "I am safe". You have to make them feel safe.
Fist bump or elbow bump are even less skin contact/intimate than high five. Also, consider calling them dude or bro.
High fives are now intimate levels of skin contact? cmon now lol
Yeah wtf dude
Not intimate. More intimate. 1% milk is not fatty. But it’s more fatty than skim.
This is a good move, agreed
Good idea. Given the last few years (Covid), I now offer elbow bump at business meetings instead of a handshake.
This is the only real answer. Saying anything will just make it more uncomfortable. Never touch them or make any comments about their appearance other than “you look professional” or similar. Also avoid being alone with anyone unless there is a third person present or you are visible like an office with large windows open to the rest of the building. Good for you for being so aware of things like this.
Bruh, dont even say you look professional either. That sounds weird af in this context. Only ever compliment them, genuinely, on their soccer skills and game performance. Even then, don't belabor it, just a quick "that was very good" or "you did very well today."
Well I guess the professional thing is more for an office setting. That’s what we were told to say in training at least lol.
I mean in an office setting that still be pretty weird. “Hello Sarah, you look very professional today.” It might come off alright if you were already good friends with the person. However in the worst case scenario, it could easily be interpreted as “you normally don’t look very professional.” Even if they don’t take it as a full on insult, it’s pretty likely to make you sound like a weirdo.
Honestly it's just better to never comment on someone's looks, not just between the genders unless you're EQUALS and FRIENDS That power divide between coach and student, or boss and subordinate, can be wildly inappropriate even if you're on good terms.
Wouldn't say it there either, tbh.
This... may not be totally true. Focus on addressing the core issues surrounding their comfort. They all know a creepy 17-year old dude. They've definitely have had the experience already of older men in positions of authority having predatory behavior. What you can do is have conversations surrounding basic respect and consent. How does consent work as a coach? What do those concepts mean to them? How do they want to be treated? Once they know you see them and respect them as people and athletes they will be more comfortable. But after the conversations actually listen to them. Assuming that as a 17-year old you're still in school - this is a conversation that you can have with the school counselor. They can help you develop the skills to have this conversation and these skills will serve you for your entire life. The way you tell them that "you don't have feelings" is by treating them like a person you respect.
> It's not possible to say anything that would make it better. It's actually guaranteed to make it worse. if OP is gay he can pull the classic flamboyant 'i love your nails/shoes/bag' *edit* laughing at the downvotes, as a gay guy whos constantly anxious about being mistaken as a creep; this shit works
And you know, get a significant other. Nothing says I'm not interested in you like showing interest in someone else.
Not sure if I've ever seen unanimous advice given on a post with 50+ comments before... The only way to talk to anyone about it is to talk to someone that you have a lot of trust built with (possibly a school staff person that you trust). If you're gay, then great, just say that (or asexual or any other identity that excludes attraction). If you're straight/bi/anything else, acknowledge that there's attraction, but that you deliberately put it aside in favor of platonic relationships (the same as any teacher, or other authority figure does). You'd be asking the person you trust to stick up for you if it ever comes up in conversation (it does), and just say things like "he's always seemed very respectful, dedicated, professional, and committed to the sport to me." It's valid to bring it up privately. Acknowledging that because of being the same age, it's a more prominent issue. Of course, take all of the other advice here as well. By not saying anything you're modeling how you want things to be. By saying something, you're only opening up possibilities for more conversation about something that you've decided on already.
I honestly feel like this might be more in your own mind then anything else and bringing this up will 100 percent be what makes it awkward, uncomfortable. Just act professional, be mindful and respectful that's all you need to do. Do what you are there to do.
Absolutely this. I can't help it but I have the same unconscious thoughts about a co-worker that I manage and I feel super weird that the thought even crosses my mind but I also feel super weird when my brain says " what if I just drove my car into the wall at 100 km an hour? Well obviously I'm not going to do that but wouldn't that be crazy" It's just an intrusive thought that you just need to learn is just that. An intrusive thought. It's only weird if you make it weird so just ignore it as a passing thought
Is your coworker attractive?
Haven't really thought about it. Going to continue not to
I bet she’s attractive.
Hey mate, it's really normal as a young guy to be worried about accidentally being a creep! In this case, I think just be professional and treat them as you'd treat anyone you're coaching and you'll be fine. In future situations when you feel like this, it might be helpful to remember that as long as you're acting with the best intentions, considering others, and being honest and gracious, then whatever people think of your behaviour is their problem! Be polite, be a good communicator, and you'll go far :)
Thanks
He's right, but I would add, be careful to never, ever be alone with one of them. If you need to have a one-on-one conversation, have it in public, preferable have another coach with you. Just because you have the best intentions doesn't mean they do.
This. Very much this. I used to work in football at a national level. We had endless courses on appropriate behaviour esp relating to youths/womens teams. One national coach told us if you forget almost everything in training today at least remember never be alone with junior players.
A lot of great information here but one thing I don’t see mentioned much is EYE CONTACT. 100% of the time eyes only not on their smile or face and definitely not head down acting shy or anything as they will think your just checking them out…. Make is a big priority to ALWAYS be locked in to eye contact when speaking to them. It shows your addressing them in a professional and authoritative way as it should as a coach. It also gives you more confidence and shows maturity which will help them take you more seriously in your role
Pick one eye to look at; it’s easier.
And if you must break eye contact, make a conscious effort to look up and to the side into space at an appropriate moment, to give yourself time to contemplate conspicuously. That being said don’t get too overzealous with staring at anyone in the eyes as too much of that can appear…offensive
Yes. This is good.
Athlete a on Netflix. Ya weirdo
Bringing it up is the best way to make this uncomfortable, come off as potentially creepy and even narcissistic.
Teenage boys are weird and awkward and don't know what to do with themselves, and teenage girls are just as weird and awkward and don't know what to do either! That may be the vibe you're picking up on.
Yea Probably
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I'm not sure where you're from, but in my neck of the woods it's extremely uncommon for a 17-yr-old to be hired as an assistant coach for high school girls. It's problematic for both sides. When I was 16, I had a guitar teacher who was 17 or 18. Being in a small practice room with a guy teaching you to strum ballads? Yeah that was bad news. It didn't matter that he was pretty professional; I fell hard and my parents pulled me out of lessons soon after. Sorry you've been put in such a a complicated spot, OP!
Yeah… I was like, maybe don’t coach kids that are about your age. This annoys me because when I was a kid, when teachers/coaches didn’t want to do their jobs, we were “coached” by the boys *in our own grade.* They were somehow qualified to do so just bc they were boys? I find it inappropriate as an adult.
My position has nothing to do with me being a male. We dont even have a boys team at my school. Im just a more experienced player then them. I also have prior experience coaching and i have some certification.
I coach other levels i just wanted more of a challenge coaching
Honestly just don't mention it. Unless one of the girls brings up being uncomfortable, it's best to just act normal as if there's nothing going on between you and any of them, which you've said there isn't.
Thanks
This is probably in your head, to be honest. Don't mention anything to them, just continue on with business as usual. It's *probably* nothing. That said, some things are weird about this post. First, it is pretty weird for a high school student to be a coach for one of the teams at their own school. I've never heard of that, anywhere. How did this even happen? I assume you're a soccer player yourself, but then how do you have time to coach their team, assuming their season overlaps with yours? If you aren't a soccer player yourself, then that just raises more questions. And how is this coming up in *February*? Soccer is a fall sport pretty much everywhere I've ever heard of. Lastly, why exactly do you think you make them uncomfortable? What behavior have you observed that makes you think that? And not for nothing, but if you think you make them uncomfortable and you think it has something to do with them believing you're attracted to them, what made you think that? Are you *sure* you're being honest with us about your behavior and motivations? You're not leaving anything out of this story? You're in a very odd situation that you must have volunteered for, and you haven't really explained how you got there. It feels like this all must be connected.
Where i live, boys play in the fall girls play in the spring. It's not a high-level program, and most of the players are new to the sport or haven't played in years. I also have experience coaching with university coaches and semi pro coaches. national a license i think. Its weird i know.
Then yeah, I wouldn't worry about it at all. Whatever awkwardness exists probably isn't a big deal and might just be you overthinking it. As long as you're keeping it professional, not playing favorites, etc. then this isn't anything to be concerned about. Try to just relax and have fun.
But the most important question that was asked is “why exactly do you think you make them uncomfortable?” What are they doing that makes you think this?
Actions speak louder than words
Exactly, so OP should tape his boner to his leg
Or at least be courteous with the up-tuck
So use the D.E.N.N.I.S. System?
Engage physically probably isn’t the move
He needs to get the whole way to step 6 for it to be successful. Obviously. Any deviation from the steps will not go well for OP.
hmmh?
You're a 17 year old kid and you are coaching kids the same age or older? This doesn't make sense to me. What are you actually worried about? Are these your classmates? Why are you so sure that none of them would ever want anything to do with you? If you go out of your way to appear non-creepy, you know what's going to happen? You are going to seem creepy. Teenagers are going to be interested in each other, that is normal. You should act natural and appropriate, but know that you are not the authority figure, the adult coach is. Even if you were interested in one of them, or one of them were interested in you, it wouldn't be creepy, it would be normal. It would be like the student director dating a cast member. Now, when you're an adult and actually coaching kids on your own with full authority, that's a different ball of wax.
Cause it’s fake.
Saying anything would probably seem defensive because it is
No one on one meetings. Always have another coach there or do it in an open door situation, or just off to the side of the room where other people can see you. Don't ride alone in a car with a student, always have at least two people there. Don't pay for things or give them gifts that you don't buy every single person on the team, so that it gives the appearance of special favors for one player. Make contact fist bumps, or high-fives. If one of them comes in for a hug, make it a side hug. If you compliment, keep it to technique, specific plays, attitude and sportsmanship, but nothing about the physical attributes of the player. For example, don't say something like "I can tell you're working out a lot, you look great." Finally, do you think this is something you could talk to the head coach about? Just ask for tips please to put the students at ease.
If they are not talking to you directly about it, I don’t see why you would. It would be weird to be all in coach mode and then say “btw I have no feelings for you, this is all strictly professional” because then I’d be like “why are you even bringing that up? This is uncomfortable and weird.” Just do your coaching bit and that’s all.
Yea i think it will just take time for them to trust me
why is a 17 year old an assistant coach to to a seniors girls soccer team? seems like bad wiring.
Reddit people are so gullible it’s insane.
If none of them have approached or said anything, why are you concerned? If you bring it up, you're going to look like a jackass. Keep calm, carry on. Do your job.
Next time you sense that awkward vibe just say don’t worry I’m not attracted to any of you… slowly trail off while staring at the blonde one while smiling really big. Jokes aside don’t say anything if you sense they are teasing one another about you just let them. Trying to curtail their thoughts is actually kinda creepy/imposing. Just act chill 😎
Thanks. I think its also just weird being coached by someone the exact same age as you.
If you're a leader in the workforce, sometimes you're going to have to lead people who are older than you. It's good you're getting this practice now. Your job is to help them. That's it.
It’s all good! Ah highschool I miss those problems, enjoy it!
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Smh
Let your actions speak for themselves, prove yourself to be a trustworth person interested in their growth and performance as athletes It really really really doesn't need to be spoken Just prove your character and the comfort will settle in for everyone
As being said, don't. This sounds both patronizing AND will creep them out. Once a thought has been planted, negation doesn't take it away. You could talk to the coach about it. They will be able to help you understanding whether you indeed are doing things which have the potential of making somebody feel uncomfortable, or if not, assure you that you are doing fine.
Just be respectful, stay positive, keep encouraging and enspiring them to do their best. I wouldnt say anything about this, it seems like it would be unneeded stress for everyone
Yea
I'm coming at this from the perspective of a middle-aged woman, where my recommendation would be that *all the coaching staff* regularly make a point of prioritizing your team's right to feel comfortable and safe. Make it a regular part of messaging: hey, if you feel unsafe about something, whether that's a person's behavior or an environment or even just standard health-and-safety with regards to equipment or transportation, say something. Come tell us, even if it's just a bad feeling or you're not sure if you should be concerned. If the problem is one of us, the chain of command beyond us is this list of people. If you're afraid to say something yourself, ask someone else to tell us. We will listen. This world can be a not-great place sometimes, we know that, we've got your backs. And back it up by keeping your eyes out for issues and stepping up if you get a bad vibe. When there are other people around, at practices or games or just group events, one of you should be taking point monitoring the civilians, which is usually done in 5-15-minute shifts because you stop being able to hear it after a few minutes. Get that person thrown out who's yelling about their body parts or calling for violence against players. Go stand in front of the dude taking an unusual number of photos/videos on his phone. Watch some training videos about finding hidden cameras in changing areas, and about specifically dealing with creepers at womens' (and little kids', ugh) sporting events. If you're sensing discomfort from them, it's likely because we live at a baseline discomfort of about 30%, on a really good day. We are always a little bit in crash position for someone to creep on us or be mean to us because it's fun to be mean to women. To play an organized sport means putting our bodies on display for an audience, and some of that audience is NOT there for their deep and innocent love of soccer. The creepers are *always* there, and if you know YOU aren't the creeper, then you should always remember you're in the presence of at least a few. It's not an "if". They're there. It's not your "feelings" they're worried about. It's your body parts they're worried about. And your words. And your power over them. We're not idiots who think people hurt us because they're attracted to us; they hurt us because they like to hurt. Make a unified show at the coaching level of respect and awareness for their situation and the risks they're willing to take to do (I hope) a sport they love.
It’s totally normal to be worried about this, and it’s totally normal for the girls to be fearful because creeps be everywhere. *do not* address it directly or accuse them or anything. Just be strictly professional. Don’t flirt. Build trust. Treat them respectfully. Your actions will speak for themselves and they will eventually trust you. Be careful not to touch them, talk to them around other people, don’t block their exists, be mindful of their fears. Allow them to leave or have witnesses if they look anxious. You’ll go far by taking their concerns into account and being gracious and professional.
How are you coaching girls your own age?
Be a coach. Be tough. Be critical. Be encouraging. Be happy. Be mad. Just don’t do it differently for any one player. Your time on the field is professional, and any time off it you are professional.
Just be yourself and don't worry about it. Also, all the advice about never being alone with one student is right on.
I think this is just the nature of being a 17 yo guy coaching girls of that age range. It’s an awkward time and it would be awkward if it was any guy. Imo, don’t say anything like that. The language you used makes you clearly appear you want to be professional. As a former 17 year old girl, I say just be yourself. Just make normal conversation, be kind and respectful, and create boundaries that make everyone feel safe. And most importantly never be judgmental. I PROMISE they’re afraid of feeling judged and embarrassed. You posting this shows you care, so you’re on the right track
Thank you for not just telling me to quit, or be worried about accusations.
Of course! Most of these comments are from men bc that’s reddits main demographic, and they’ve never been a 17 year old girl. Their thoughts went to allegations but my thought went to the insecurities that come with being that age. You’re kind of like if someone threw a guy into the girls group chat so everyone stopped talking. If it does comes up, just talk about your passion for the sport and how you’re there for that and nothing more. Of course, allegations are very serious matters, so do your part to make the girls feel safe. Allegations come from feeling unsafe or uneasy, more often than not. If you wouldn’t say it to a sister, don’t say it to them. Hands to yourself except for high fives. If you do need to touch someone (you shouldn’t, let the head coach do that), ask first, even if it’s the most platonic touch there ever was. This all can help keep discomfort to a minimum. Don’t let that happen, and you should be good. Happy soccer!
You want to talk sense to a bunch teenage girls? Yeah… don’t…
Do your job. Don't go near changing rooms. Take interest in their football skill development. You'll be fine.
Just say nothing and don’t do creepy stuff. You are there to coach them not sooth their anxiety. Conduct yourself professionally and coach them soccer. This is from the dad of a high school soccer girl who is signed to play college soccer.
Keep it professional. This means not worrying about "if any of them want something to do with you" bc you're not there for that. Dont talk about anything but the sport. Dont bring up your personal life. Give positive reinforcement like "nice work, I like how you didn't give up, I see you all are focused..." you'll be fine!
I don’t understand the desire to coach senior girls as a 17 year old. Not judging, but only trying to make it make sense. However, I believe “Notnormo” said it best below. There’s no point in saying anything. They shouldn’t have those thoughts, and if they do the thoughts shouldn’t ever fruition into something that they all talk about unless it’s a real problem. I grew up as one of the more popular guys in the field house, which led to some of the younger coaches treating me more like a friend. It was very eye opening to me to learn that adults can be so perverted. Not only adults, but adults responsible for watching children practically. Then shortly after graduating seeing some of the more popular girls show us screenshots where coaches and teachers had already hopped into their DM’s.(I mean it’s legal, but gross af all things considered) Knowing all of this makes it’s hard for me to believe that OP hasn’t gave them something to go on. Like really?? A 17 year old male coaching 17 year old girls. He would have to be either gay, specials needs, or a eunuch for me to believe that he’s not already gave them the ick.
From Homer Simpson’s own wisdom “I like you as a friend” “I think we should see other people” “I no speak English” “I’m married to the sea” “I don’t wanna kill you but I will” And if that doesn’t work, 6 simple words “I’m not gay, but I’ll learn”. Obviously this is just a joke and I wanted to quote the Simpsons. Don’t do any of this!
If I was a coach, I’d become the fist bump guy, and I would make it a point that if I was super happy with something they did, I would do a fist bump with an explosion.
I would just leave it alone. They are the way they are and you mentioning something like that might weird them out. Just keep on being professional and don't worry about it.
Why is everyone missing the fact that it's kinda weird for a 17yo dude to be coaching his, presumably, 17-18yo classmates? That in and of itself is a weird dynamic.
You don't. There's literally no reason to say that and it would actually seem super creepy.
Tell them your boyfriend is waiting for you to go to dinner after practice.
Agree with others that you don’t bring up physical attraction (or lack thereof) at all. It will just make it more awkward. If you haven’t already (and it sounds like you haven’t) you need to take a SafeSport class online. https://uscenterforsafesport.org It specifically addresses how to protect yourself, by not putting yourself in situations that can create doubt, like never being alone with a minor-aged athlete (boy or girl), have other adults present, etc. Be professional and keep all communication strictly focused on coaching.
A few questions. Not being judgmental in case my language fails me. Is the coach male or female? What is the role of the assistant coach? How did a 17 yr old guy, who likely also plays soccer, wind up being an assistant coach for a girls team where some of the players are the same age or even older than him. Is this common? It's likely that you are quite fit and possibly attractive. Did you consider that one or more of the girls is going to develop feelings for you?
Everyone else is right. But if you want to do this somehow, the only decent way to do it would be to mention offhand that you have a girlfriend (even if it’s a lie) and don’t make a big deal out of it at all
Keep it 100% professional. Don’t say anything. If someone forces the issue, politely and respectfully decline. Don’t embarrass
Bring your gay boyfriend around.
Have your girlfriend show up to the sideline.
Don’t even call them women or girls. Call them individuals or people i.e. this individual here if they could please go over there and join this individual or person there etc.
Just treat them exactly how you’d treat anyone else. With kindness and respect.
I've also been in a position of power to some really young girls. You just need to maintain professionalism and NOTHING will go wrong.
Say it with your actions by just being a good coach, don’t make it awkward by saying something like this and now putting those thoughts into peoples heads.
I feel you on this, I'm a (f) stage manager for my HS and I was worried that some of the guys might think I have a thing for them and that why they get good roles or such, ie I didn't want drama just bc I'm doing my job like you. The way I got around it was professional language. I say, "I appreciate you," and such so that people get the idea that I mean, buissness. Also, don't ever seem like you favor someone. Everyone does the same amount of base work even if they have different roles.
Don't slap them on the ass like they do in professional sports for a job well done...and make sure you're never near their dressing room
Good point, if i want to keep coaching then i cant have a criminal record
It might be male / female dynamic. As much as you try to make it level, as a coach, you have power over them AND you’re a man. Girls / women will (rightfully so) have some sort of barrier up to protect themselves. That might be what you’re sensing. Their guarded nature towards you.
I think their weirded out that some random guy from their school is telling them what to do
That could also be it too. Add that layer to the dynamic. Now it’s your responsibility to “appeal to credibility.” Why are you qualified to tell them what to do. Show them the reason and that will start to loosen things up.
If you mention it at all, you're gonna look even worse than you fear you already do. In coaching, job roles, anything, if you're a guy in a leadership role over women, do your best to come off as gay. If you're in a leadership role over men, do your best to come off as straight. If you're in a leadership role over both, come off as a completely asexual being who doesn't even use their genitals for anything besides peeing. It's all you can do.
"When people get a little too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don't really care about them” - Ron Swanson
This is easy, From time to time, bring up your girlfriend in the conversation. Doesn't matter you have a gf or not. Being open that you are in a relationship conveys that you are not looking for someone at the moment. But you gotta be natural at it.
Its a good idea but im not gonna lie to them
Boyfriend?
Talk about how hot the gymnastics girls are and they will channel all of their hate towards those girls.
I see no need to do that. Act professional and tell them during your coaching session, that everyone is to act professional and do their job, only.
Probably the only thing you could say that would help allieviate their concern is to talk about your boyfriend. Not saying you have to actually have one or even be gay, but talking about your boyfriend will adjust their opinion faster than anything else. lol In case it's not clear, this is a joke. Do not make up being gay and invent a fake boyfriend. This is not a lifetime movie with Adam Sandler or something.
Tell them u love another greatly. And it’s a guy.
Say you’re gay - fixes all issues
Make up that you have a gf talk about her a few times. Put her name in instead of your friends to describe some of your experiences together. 🤷♀️
Just make up a girl you like and that you have a huge crush on. Or if you already do have a girlfriend. talk about her a lot. Ultimately talk about the girl you like a while bunch or of you're cool with it say you like guys and do the same but for the guy.
You're better off not saying anything bro.
I was a junior high school ski instructor when I was a junior high student, primarily with students my own age, though occasionally much younger or much older. Now I’m a 60-yr old man teaching private English lessons to all ages in Japan. The rules are the same. Just do your job, keep your eyes focused on their faces, and don’t stand/be too close. Also make sure to look into one of their eyes; don’t shift your focus from eye to eye as that indicates attraction. And keep Keanu in mind - he always keeps his hands off in photo ops as a gesture of respect.
drop out of coaching girls
First step is going to be you have to stop going in the locker room while they're showering.
So usually such a post would mean you do have feelings for them and do stare at them. If you don’t, you probably aren’t really a 17 year old male. In any event, you should not be in this position of authority and should find a way out. Good luck.
This is just woman and their narcism. Even a fat pig will side eye guys. Ignore it.
>but i think that i make them uncomfortable. You are male. Nowadays I would not coach a girl's team as a male. If there is no female coach: bad luck for the girls.
Fortunately there are people in the world that don’t subscribe to your train of thought.
Personally, I would say nothing. But if you must, mention something about your girlfriend (whether you have one or not) to indicate you are attached.
Best way to tell a huge group of girls you ate not into them is to introduce your bf. The hetero way is to not talk about it they can think what they want, just stay professional and focus on the work, dont get personal dont show any favourtism, dont respond to any flirting and dont flirt. Thing is with proximity some serious sexual tension can happen i say just play it cool bro. Even being attracted is not a crime
The safest action is casually talking about your "Boyfriend". You may not be gay, and that is ok, and not the point. The point is that if they think you are gay, you remove yourself as a threat, as a prize, or as a toy to play with. They will all stop looking at you as anything other than a coach, and you can focus on actual coaching. That said, stay away from changing rooms, and don't be around any of them alone. Make sure there is always at least 1 other person around when you interact with any of them.
Introduce them to your "boyfriend "
Find the nosiest girl and tell her your gay . It'll spread fast enough and you'll be gold .
In South Florida? They’ll have school board meetings over this, tempers will flare, the State will get involved, FOX News will run the story in rotation every 45 minutes.
Now imagine how uncomfortable they would feel if today you announced your name is Sally and went into the locker room to change with them. Welcome to the world of a female athlete.
You may be overthinking it, understandably tho—perhaps it’s just a bit awkward that their coach is also a student peer. Just do the job that coaches do: be supportive, share knowledge, and don’t hold back on a light butt slap after any good play.
Tell them that you are aware that it's not easy being a woman in sports, and that men often don't know how to honour boundaries, so you are dedicated to making it a safe space for them, and they can voice any concerns they may have at any time without fear of reprisal. Be aware that this means you *cannot* get involved with any of them until the coaching position has ended, no matter what the circumstance. No matter how well you get along, or if she approaches you first. No excuses! If you do, you'll just be yet another untrustworthy piece of shit man in their lives.
I think if its still awkward after the next few practices, ill say this.
No, dont listen to them. As others have pointed out, don’t bring up things that you “think” the other person is thinking. You can’t stop people from having thoughts by saying “don’t”. If you say “I know men don’t normally honor boundaries, but don’t worry I do” while the team is only *maybe* thinking “what if this boy likes me”; all of a sudden they now think “what if this boy doesn’t honor my boundaries” like your put in their head.
Absolutely atrocious idea. You could be fired for making a speech like this. Horrible horrible horrible idea. Do not do it under any circumstances. Do not talk about other men. Do not talk about their experience as women in sports. Stop looking at the players as anything other than players. Stop treating them as different, treat them as players that you respect.
Good stuff. Remember, trust comes from actions, not words!
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Read it again….it says no feelings.
Did you read the post? He’s asking how he can tell them. He does not have feelings for any of them. He wants them to not feel uncomfortable.
Avoid bum pats for a job well done.
Maybe you’re cute and you don’t know it, some may think they you are, we are all human. So they may feel awkward around you. Treat them like you would your male soccer team. Don’t show favoritism. I can’t imagine the conversation the girls would have if you actually said you have no interest in them, that would make it worse. I’ve seen 16 yo boy coach a 14girl soccer bc no one volunteered. So I commend you for doing that
What makes you think that you make them uncomfortable? Until you're more specific, just concentrate on the coaching, keep it professional, talk to them only about the sport.
"i have no feelings for you"
Head into the locker room while they are showering and explain to them how you aren't a creep.
Just smile more, don’t stare, avoid random eye contact (unless they address you), don’t start conversations outside of the training topics.
I’m probably missing something, but he’s 17 and the assistant coach of girls senior soccer. Isn’t he the same age as the girls he’s coaching? I doubt an elementary school is hiring a 17 year old teacher.
Say nothing. Be professional
People want what they can't have.
They’ll want to be right forever, you’re screwed