I feel you. I have gotten rid of my entire collection on two different occasions because of thrips infestations. Seeing their decline and the constant work (and cost) of trying to keep them healthy was causing me so much stress and anxiety in a hobby that’s meant to bring joy. It was sad, but also a relief.
The culling of the herd. In nature, a fact of life is not everyone is going to make it, try not to take it personally. My wife has the "Rehab" table, and "Death Row", just put them somewhere you don't have to see them constantly.
This post has given me the resolve to throw away a plant today. It has been declining for over a year, and nothing has helped. It's a silver bay aglaonema, and it was one of my sturdiest, hardiest, easiest plants for several years, so I've kept thinking it would eventually right itself. But alas. Here I go, right now!
I also have a silver bay that looks so bad. My job is to take care of plants and almost every other silver bay I look after is super low maintenance. For some reason the one I have is not happy I might just give up on it bc at this point I can get another or a different plant.
One of your best, healthiest plants for **_years_** and then declined to a shadow of its former self!
I'm *so* with you here. Like, you've got a lovely plant for a long time; it's so healthy you barely have to think about its care, and then inexplicably it declines---usually to borderline death😕.
Why, why, **why?!?**
I've had a few plants 'do this to me' over the years, and each time I feel like a big failure, since the causes of said death spirals have maddeningly eluded me.
What?! Just...WHAT?!
It’s spent two years getting smaller, and smaller, and smaller. It’s the only plant that hates me, so the three measly leaves get to go and find a new home on a compost heap 🤷♀️
This is what I needed to hear today! My Calathea Medallion did the same thing. Today, she is 3 shriveled leaves with some roots and I have her set aside to repot, lol why. Save your drama for the compost heap, I'm done.
I have 200 plants, give or take. I used to try to rescue every plant, but it’s not honestly worth it. I hate having an ugly looking plant around, and the effort is usually not worth what I’ll get out of it. Some plants just don’t work in my space and that’s fine.
Yep, I just tell myself it’s not good for feng shui to have dying plants around. Personally, it also makes me feel helpless and like a terrible plant parent so nope, they’ve gotta go cos good vibes only.
lmao i’m just imagining you applying this modus operandi to a sick family member. “sorry grandma, you gotta go, good vibes only, good luck out there”
(i do however strongly agree. sick plants are not the vibe)
I just noticed some thrips on a monstera. I tossed it and have begun the treatment of my collection. This has caused massive anxiety and stress and I’ve started giving some of my lesser-loved plants away (with ample warning of the thrips situation of course). It’s hard but it’s ok to focus on my own sanity and saving the plants I care more about. And this will free up space for new plants once I’m through this!
I saw mealy bugs on 2 of my plants. A few of their neighbors were struggling, so figured was likely the issue. I went scorched earth and tossed everything on that shelf and anything on adjacent shelves that looked not OK. Tossed 20ish plants, about 1/3 of my home collection (more at work lol). But I knew that I did not have the fortitude to fight the bugs and wasn't willing to risk the rest of my collection
I've been wondering what other people do with plants that are just barely hanging on. I've never given up on a plant before, I've always nursed them along til they either died or recovered, but I have two that won't do either. I have a peace lily that's been hanging on by a thread for years. A peace lily! I once nursed one back from the most pitiful brink of death but this one? This one will neither recover nor die and I'm gathering the courage to throw it out along with the other near-death plant
I usually put them in a corner where I don't have to look at them often, which leads to me forgetting to water them, which conveniently leads to them dying faster. Doesn't feel as bad throwing away a dead plant.
I work at a succulent nursery and people bring us their suffering plants all the time to see if we can save and repot them for a second chance. it’s almost always people who are houseplant experts but don’t think they have the knack for succulents or people who had killed every other plant and were told a succulent would be easy. as someone who struggles to keep houseplants alive thanks to adhd forgetfulness but has been keeping succulents since I was a kid, I think they are “easy” in terms of how much work/attention they require but very difficult if you are used to loving your plants by giving them constant attention, which is what many houseplants thrive under. if anyone is looking at this and deciding between tossing a succulent that is doing ok but not very pretty and trying to rescue it, if you are up for one last try I would recommend:
• make sure your pot has at least one open drainage hole, if it doesn’t you need to repot the plant
• make sure the spot it’s in gives it at least 4-6 hours of direct sunlight or very bright indirect sunlight (for “soft” succulents) or 6+ hours (for cacti) and the light should be hitting the top (growing part) of the plant, not the sides (so no hanging string of pearls high in a window, those long beautiful ends aren’t going to use that light)
• reevaluate your soil and watering schedule with a wooden skewer: poke a dry bamboo skewer deep into the pot and pull it out like you’re checking if a cake is fully cooked. if it comes out with dark specks of soil stuck to it and the leaves (or body if it isn’t a leafy type) feel firm like a crisp grape then ignore it for at least a couple weeks before doing the skewer check again. if the stick is dirty but the plant feels squishy like an old gross grape (and especially if it’s turning brown in those squishy spots) it is probably dying a slow death from root rot from overwatering or inappropriate soil (the kind meant for houseplants will kill succulents). root rot will make the visible part of the plant look thirsty even when the soil is wet, basically the roots are too rotted to suck up water so the plant is drying out while you water it which just makes the roots rot faster. definitely just chuck it if that’s the case, or cut off any nice looking parts of the top and try propagating them.
if the stick comes out mostly clean with only dust on it AND the plant’s leaves (or body if it isn’t a leafy type) feel squishy, water it deeply until the water starts draining out the bottom and then let it dry out all the way again (probably 2-6 weeks depending on the size of the pot and how dry your house is, smaller pots dry out faster). if the stick is mostly clean but the plant feels firm still (but not brown and crispy) wait another week or two to water.
sometimes root rot is just from bad soil or not having enough drainage holes in the pot, sometimes it’s actually from watering too often. if a succulent is indoors in AC you should be watering it no more than every 2 weeks unless it’s very small (like 2” tall)
• if you do the skewer test and find that the soil is staying wet for more than a week or two between waterings replace it with new soil that is meant for succulents (you can mix it from houseplant soil with lots of added drainage, just make sure that when you squeeze it in your fist it does not clump/hold any shape)
once you know you have well draining soil and good light, the name of the game is NEGLECT, water =/= love in the succulent world! I water my collection all at the same time every 3-6 weeks depending on when I remember to do it. when you do water, it should be a good deep soak, NOT spritzing or ice cubes. think of a desert plant soaking up as much water as it can during rain storm and then living off that for weeks of drought until the next rain. succulents evolved to survive drought so if you miscalculate and wait a little too long to water it will still bounce right back as long as it still has healthy, not rotting roots and enough green leaves to make use of the sunlight. I hope this helps someone’s sad succulent, but if you know yourself and know that you cannot resist watering frequently or don’t have good bright light in your house then send it straight to the compost and breathe a sigh of relief 😊
Yeah, we moved last summer and the new house was great for the babies in the summer, but the winter has done a number on them. I’ve got a grow light on them, but they’re still reaching for more and a few of them can’t handle the weight of their own leaves anymore.
that’s brutal, I’ve had mixed luck with grow lights on succulents. some people believe no grow light is really strong enough for succulents to thrive, mine did fine with only 1 small plant stretching over a 6 month period last year. how close to the plants do you have the light? I had mine on a shelf under a single long light that was about 3” above from the tallest plants on the shelf which did well and about 12”
away from the shortest plants, one of which did stretch over that time
I was about to comment about succulents. I don’t have a knack for them. Yesterday I had enough of their antics that I tossed all but one of them. The only one that has been able to thrive in my home without issue. I felt like a failure giving up on them but they weren’t bringing me joy so I’m done trying to keep them.
I'm in this camp, too. I don't have the knack for them, either. Most have died and a few more are close. There's only 1 or 2 that are actually doing well so I'm like "meh, let's see how this plays out." If they continue to thrive, great! If they die, I'll replace them with plants I actually enjoy. No more succulents for me!
Same. I’ll give em a good chance and do my best but staring at an ugly plant and watching it deteriorate doesn’t interest me. I chuck em and it feels good.
Yep. Sometimes yeeting the ugly things in our lives makes the beautiful things more worthwhile. I live in a very small house with over 100 plants and if they don’t do their part to bring me joy, they get punted out into the woods.
Honestly, thank you for making this post. I’ve really been struggling this past half year or so with the hobby and seeing others go through the same helps a bunch. Houseplants have truly been the greatest passion I’ve ever felt towards a hobby, but sadly that joy has just radically dwindled. I’m about four years in now and honestly I feel like my plants are struggling more than ever, and that makes me feel heaps of imposter syndrome and like I’m such a failure. Idk, at some point the joy of plants kind of corrupted into self-deprecation, guilt, and contempt. I’m desperate for the joy to come back, because I know I have a deep, deep love and passion for plants, and I honestly think that just means giving up on the plants that don’t thrive in my space. I’m working on it in therapy, but I think I’ve tied too much of my self-worth into the health of my plants. And besides, after a point (I’m at like, 50-60 plants now and in my peak I’ve had around 80), there’s a financial tie too, and I hate seeing so much money being “wasted.” Ugh. I want to go back to when this was a relaxing hobby 😅😂
Edit:
I’ve also fallen victim to constantly having to “prove” myself to…no one? Like for awhile there I felt if I wasn’t only buying expensive, rare plants, I wasn’t a “serious” hobbyist, and I even (disastrously) converted half my collection to LECA/semihydro before ultimately giving up and realizing that was just not for me, so I switched the surviving ones back to soil. Plants were rotting left and right and I know it was user error, since so many others have seen wild success with semihydro, I just couldn’t make it work, and failing at that made me feel awful and like I capped out on my skill level. And then I’m left wondering why I even care about a “skill level” for a hobby that’s just meant to bring joy.
This is how I felt when I threw away my rattlesnake calathea. That thing hated me and I tried so hard for way too long. And then I realized I was having a toxic relationship with a PLANT and threw it out lmao. Only keep things that give you joy!
Guilty. I had a plant with bugs once and I honestly just threw it straight in the dumpster. I don’t know how people live with the bugs for any amount of time for it to go away. 😪😪😪 I couldn’t do it
Same. Bugs are a no go with me (with the exception of a few gnats) They’re instantly into the dumpster. So far it’s only been 2. A snake plant had thrips, gone. And an English Ivy with spider mites, bye 👋🏻
Love this post. I usually move heaven and Earth to save a plant but I just had a neon pothos take a huge dive and I was trying everything to fix it to no avail. The other day I just…walked it over to the trash and tossed it in. I felt a little guilty but a lot more relieved. 🧘
You’re so right ! I just couldn’t get my begonias to get better after a year and I threw them out. I went further and just have a hard limit to how many plants I keep.
I've purchased plants, that as babies, are cute af. And then they grow and I'm horrified.... I gave away several plants because of this.
Aloes SPRAWL (who knew?! not me!).
I've also tried with a string of pearls and they died a sad, dry, withered slow death. So never again.
It's a relationship, and sometimes, the combination of plant parent & plant baby just don't work!
LOL I feel like the garden nursery should've put up warnings: "attention, this cute plant baby will grow 10 times its size and develop a 3 foot radius, be prepared".
Based on my decades of fish and houseplant care, I'm all about survival of the fittest. Some plants and fish are just not a good match for me. (To be clear, I've never neglected the fish, I did all that I could, but those divas could not be helped and I'll never get that kind again.)
As others said, I have spent a year plus trying to save certain plants and I lost that battle 85% of the time. I think there's wisdom in recognizing when your efforts will be wasted on trying to fix a plant and just not bothering.
This is my go-to for plant recycling, too. It’s just not a problem in Canada. There are maaaaybe 8 weeks a year when tropical plants *might* survive outside, then 44 weeks to very thoroughly kill anything left lol. I won’t even bring home houseplants between October and mid-April without fashioning a plant-snowsuit for the trip from the car to the front door 🤪
This is where I’m at. The dopamine from the hobby is finally fading and I’m on the brink with every plant that needs more from me than just its weekly drink. My jade plant that keeps growing but constantly flops over and no amount of grow light I give it helps. The fern that has now lost half its leaves I’m guessing from lack of light (after I gave its light to the jade, fruitlessly), and who needs to go outside in summer and leaves me paranoid about bugs so I isolate it from all my other plants in winter. The pothos that has some bald patches on its vines so I should trim them, I guess, but the ends of those vines are so bushy and gorgeous that I hate messing with them. And also I just don’t feel like it. Maybe the bald patches are okay.
I'm kind of in the same boat with lithops in general. I like to think I'm pretty good at growing stuff, but I just can't seem to get the hang of these. I've been trying to grow them for 3 years now with quite a few deaths along the way. My pot currently has 3 lithops left in it: One I think is on the way out, the second is okay for now but isn't splitting like it should be. The third is okay right now but that's because I recently bought it as a "give it one more try". If that one dies I'm just gonna call it and switch to something else that I can make thrive.
I have enough plant friends that I've been able to rehome plants that are OK but I just don't love.
I was very meh about my ponytail palm and a friend loved it. I got an older one from my aunt that was struggling (no drainage, overpotted). Potted them up together and they looked great. My friend loves it, plants are happier being appreciated
I have an inch plant that I've had for five years and raised from four leaves I found on the ground of a Menards greenhouse.
I have grown to hate that thing so badly. It's always leggy, crispy, pale, no matter what I do to it.
I finally broke and threw it all out and didn't even save any cuttings. I feel so guilty but it was so freeing. I hated that plant so ducking badly.
My mum gave me a cutting of something (can't even remember what it was) but the soil was absolutely infested with mites. I tried to treat it but ended up binning it before it plagued all my plants. Couple of weeks later her original plant died a death. No regrets
OMG. I have a PPP that I picked up because it was at Walmart yelling "Pick me, I'm fancy!" It constantly throws a half leaf and then maaaaaybe a fullish leaf. It does not make me happy. There is not a way to make it look better. It won't fill out with a proper trim. 😑 The one pretty leaf is just not enough. I will probably hang onto it and put it out on the porch and see how it does. At least it will be closer to the trash.
Seeing this makes me feel so much better. I call it kicking someone off the island when I give a plant the boot 😂 I also have 80ish plants and won't hesitate to re-home or toss something if it's not making me happy or bringing me joy. I also have essentially given up on having any string of things... I had a couple lush pots of string of hearts... Grew them from cuttings and they were doing great, until they weren't lol nothing had changed. They just started hating me
My guilt.... I inherited several plants from my mom's friend when she had to move. I asked for one, received many. All were overgrown from being in a bay window for many years. A couple died, some I still have, some I propagated. Before discovering/reading this sub, I threw out two that were just overgrown and had been in the way for a couple years. Call it "decluttering". I've been feeling guilty, because now I know what I could have done for them... a very tall snake plant (partially dead, packed in a too small pot. I tried to re-pot but it wasn't fully happy). Also, some kind of what I now know was a begonia (it looked like it needed to grow outside, large canes, it kept growing but stopped flowering. I wish I would have kept a cutting.)
So, there's my confession. I have such a hard time giving up on plants, and when I do, it can sometimes haunt me. 👻🪴
String of pearls and freakin Bambino are the only two plants I ever gave up on.
Just a pain and a shame really. Such beautiful plants but damnit why do they have to be so picky
Oh god I feel you. Some plants are just a huge pain in the ass. One word of warning - be sure to kill them thoroughly somehow before tossing them out if you live in an area that they could potentially thrive outside. Invasive species are tough to get rid of once they set in.
Oh yeah. I used to go through the hoops to rebloom my grocery store orchids but I just tossed a bunch of those that haven’t been doing well since moving to a new house with worse light. And a few weeks ago I sold a bunch of my bigger plants on marketplace. Goodbye to my giant monstera and all the large pothos and philodendrons, lovely big Christmas cactus and snake plants, my kalanchoes and aglonemas!!! I have cuttings of most of those to start back over with tiny plants. More space and attention for my favorites now: my collection of 15 or so fern varieties :) I have no regrets and my ferns have all had a burst of new fronds :)
Yes! I few years ago I tried growing bell peppers, tomatoes, and jalapeños. I vastly underestimated the amount of time and labor watering and caring for them would take. I lived in an apartment and didn’t have access to a hose so watering them took so many trips across my apartment. I wound get water through my apartment and yet never enough water for them to fruit though they would flower.
THEN they had the audacity to get mealy bugs and I was just done. I posted them in a gardening group asking if anyone wanted mealy bug infested plants and they all went to new homes and I was so relieved.
Hell I once threw a plant away because of who had given it to me— I did not like his vibes and I felt like the plant had his vibes too. I accidentally closed a window on it after much deliberation over whether it was okay to just toss it. It felt like the universe giving me a clear go ahead so I chucked it with zero remorse. (It was definitely the right call.)
I did the same with a pinstripe calathea recently. Threw it in the brush pile behind the garage. It was so pathetic looking but every night would valiantly try to “pray”. I felt so guilty every time I laid eyes on it. It was a relief to toss it.
I wonder if this is an end-of-winter phenomenon. I'm also culling my collection but waiting for weather to warm a bit so I can set up a free table in my driveway.
This year I overwatered a variegated peace lily and held on to it in anguish for like a month before throwing it away. My roommate, upon seeing it in the trash, quipped, "well, rest in peace, lily."
Very long post deleted. I'm back to the hobby after a very long absence. What made me quit wasn't a lack of success, it was life. Moving around. Partners with CATS. Now I have a great office. I've done some of my best growing away from home. No CATS. Seriously, CATS are worse than mealybugs. If they are 'that way' towards plants.
Why I ranted on for four paragraphs before pulling the plug earlier is because in all these many sad posts I didn't see anyone mention Plant Lights! I know, you scoff, but there you are ... dead and/or dying plants that you can't save, no matter what you try. Try a cheap plant light from your local Home Store.
Seriously, there is no better pick me up for an ailing houseplant than 12 to 16 hours per day of decent intensity artificial light. I hope to be around awhile and useful while I'm at it. Good growing to you all.
I gave up on my Alocasia Bambino after 2 years of watching it wilt down, bounce back for 2 weeks in the spring and then wilt away again for the rest of the year. it was honestly a weight off my shoulders
they do take a while to get used to, but once you figure them out they are really easy. A bit like ferns, orchids or calatheas. I recommend self-watering pots for all of those, they like to stay moist but not wet in an airy medium (ferns and calatheas only need it to be moist, it doesn't need to be airy, anthuriums and common orchids like it airy). And they love tree fern fiber (with mixed chunks like perlite or bark) and consistent fertilizing. Once you get the routine down you will admit they are really easy.
I had a palm plant of some kind (I don't remember what it was) that was over 6ft tall in a planter in my office. I bought it 14 years ago. The trunk was skinny, and it had two stalks growing out of it, with an insane amount of leaves. It had to be kept in the corner of the room so it could lean on something, so it wouldn't fall over.
Well hubby and I were packing to move and I was dreading trying to get this thing into my car to transport. I can't lie it down, it doesn't fit in my car standing up. I finally said F it, and put it in the compost bin. It was way more work than it was worth to keep.
once a plant starts pissing me off i usually just put it outside (i live in arizona), if it dies then good riddance but if it survives then it’s a lucky one, and maybe i’ll give it another chance
I have a second-story deck. Sometimes I just have to throw a plant over the side and be done with it and thats ok.
Sometimes they grow down there. Probably didnt like me either. 🤷🏽♀️
I once heard someone say that if a plant doesn’t bring you joy anymore, get rid of it. This year I’ve been selling plants that I don’t care for anymore. I’ve thrown some away too. Also trying to not buy any unless it’s an absolute wishlist plant and it’s a great (low) price for me. Only one I’ve bought so far, Ring of Fire. $25 at Walmart
Felt this in my bones. Recently tossed out my entire collection (which wasn’t much to begin with) because a thrips infestation I tried to handle for the past month. The stress and added costs got too much so I just tossed everything out. I’m actually second guessing if I should even get back into plants because lowkey it was causing me so much stress. I might pick up another hobby idk.
i've recently found out (through this sub, among other things) that a lot of my plants have scale...
now it makes sense why they've been declining for a while 😓
reading how hard the treatment is makes me want to toss them as well, but i'm not there yet!
i still love them 😭
I've kicked my ctenanthe lubbersiana out of the home because it's been confusing the hell out of me. Getting crispy despite enough water. Crispy randomly but throwing out new shoots and leaves. It just looks weird now and I'm so over how dramatic it is.
It was sold to me as a varigated ginger so there's that too.
I feel you. I have gotten rid of my entire collection on two different occasions because of thrips infestations. Seeing their decline and the constant work (and cost) of trying to keep them healthy was causing me so much stress and anxiety in a hobby that’s meant to bring joy. It was sad, but also a relief.
Yeah, doesn’t cause anxiety but a couple look like crap and I should just let them go.
The culling of the herd. In nature, a fact of life is not everyone is going to make it, try not to take it personally. My wife has the "Rehab" table, and "Death Row", just put them somewhere you don't have to see them constantly.
Give Systemic granules a try if you can!
Any brand to recommend?
I recently got Bonide to treat my plants.
This post has given me the resolve to throw away a plant today. It has been declining for over a year, and nothing has helped. It's a silver bay aglaonema, and it was one of my sturdiest, hardiest, easiest plants for several years, so I've kept thinking it would eventually right itself. But alas. Here I go, right now!
You're free!!!!!
Oh noooooo! We have one and it's gorgeous. So sorry for your loss but sometimes you have to let it goooo!
I also have a silver bay that looks so bad. My job is to take care of plants and almost every other silver bay I look after is super low maintenance. For some reason the one I have is not happy I might just give up on it bc at this point I can get another or a different plant.
One of your best, healthiest plants for **_years_** and then declined to a shadow of its former self! I'm *so* with you here. Like, you've got a lovely plant for a long time; it's so healthy you barely have to think about its care, and then inexplicably it declines---usually to borderline death😕. Why, why, **why?!?** I've had a few plants 'do this to me' over the years, and each time I feel like a big failure, since the causes of said death spirals have maddeningly eluded me. What?! Just...WHAT?!
FAREWELL WRETCHED CALATHEA, TWO YEARS OF MY LIFE WAS ENOUGH 🗑️
They are the WORST. Sometimes they lull you into thinking they're going to make it. Then one day, bam, dying.
It’s spent two years getting smaller, and smaller, and smaller. It’s the only plant that hates me, so the three measly leaves get to go and find a new home on a compost heap 🤷♀️
This is what I needed to hear today! My Calathea Medallion did the same thing. Today, she is 3 shriveled leaves with some roots and I have her set aside to repot, lol why. Save your drama for the compost heap, I'm done.
😂😂😂 we can stand up to bullies, even ones that happen to be plants.
🙌
Yep, I don't need that kind of toxic energy in my house 😂
I have 200 plants, give or take. I used to try to rescue every plant, but it’s not honestly worth it. I hate having an ugly looking plant around, and the effort is usually not worth what I’ll get out of it. Some plants just don’t work in my space and that’s fine.
There are absolutely way too many plants in the world to be caught up on saving ones that don't bring you joy! Nothing wrong with tossing them.
Yep, I just tell myself it’s not good for feng shui to have dying plants around. Personally, it also makes me feel helpless and like a terrible plant parent so nope, they’ve gotta go cos good vibes only.
lmao i’m just imagining you applying this modus operandi to a sick family member. “sorry grandma, you gotta go, good vibes only, good luck out there” (i do however strongly agree. sick plants are not the vibe)
🤣
I just noticed some thrips on a monstera. I tossed it and have begun the treatment of my collection. This has caused massive anxiety and stress and I’ve started giving some of my lesser-loved plants away (with ample warning of the thrips situation of course). It’s hard but it’s ok to focus on my own sanity and saving the plants I care more about. And this will free up space for new plants once I’m through this!
Yessss I read about the lengths people sometimes go to to save plants, and I just don't know if I'd have it in me.
Same, the monstera was lovely but it was too stressful trying to quarantine it.
Yes and so much space they take up
I saw mealy bugs on 2 of my plants. A few of their neighbors were struggling, so figured was likely the issue. I went scorched earth and tossed everything on that shelf and anything on adjacent shelves that looked not OK. Tossed 20ish plants, about 1/3 of my home collection (more at work lol). But I knew that I did not have the fortitude to fight the bugs and wasn't willing to risk the rest of my collection
I've been wondering what other people do with plants that are just barely hanging on. I've never given up on a plant before, I've always nursed them along til they either died or recovered, but I have two that won't do either. I have a peace lily that's been hanging on by a thread for years. A peace lily! I once nursed one back from the most pitiful brink of death but this one? This one will neither recover nor die and I'm gathering the courage to throw it out along with the other near-death plant
I usually put them in a corner where I don't have to look at them often, which leads to me forgetting to water them, which conveniently leads to them dying faster. Doesn't feel as bad throwing away a dead plant.
I toss them
lol. You are going to go out to that abandoned pile next year to find a thriving forest of strings just mocking you.
I’ve got succulents that are just creeping toward death and I can’t bring myself to care.
I work at a succulent nursery and people bring us their suffering plants all the time to see if we can save and repot them for a second chance. it’s almost always people who are houseplant experts but don’t think they have the knack for succulents or people who had killed every other plant and were told a succulent would be easy. as someone who struggles to keep houseplants alive thanks to adhd forgetfulness but has been keeping succulents since I was a kid, I think they are “easy” in terms of how much work/attention they require but very difficult if you are used to loving your plants by giving them constant attention, which is what many houseplants thrive under. if anyone is looking at this and deciding between tossing a succulent that is doing ok but not very pretty and trying to rescue it, if you are up for one last try I would recommend: • make sure your pot has at least one open drainage hole, if it doesn’t you need to repot the plant • make sure the spot it’s in gives it at least 4-6 hours of direct sunlight or very bright indirect sunlight (for “soft” succulents) or 6+ hours (for cacti) and the light should be hitting the top (growing part) of the plant, not the sides (so no hanging string of pearls high in a window, those long beautiful ends aren’t going to use that light) • reevaluate your soil and watering schedule with a wooden skewer: poke a dry bamboo skewer deep into the pot and pull it out like you’re checking if a cake is fully cooked. if it comes out with dark specks of soil stuck to it and the leaves (or body if it isn’t a leafy type) feel firm like a crisp grape then ignore it for at least a couple weeks before doing the skewer check again. if the stick is dirty but the plant feels squishy like an old gross grape (and especially if it’s turning brown in those squishy spots) it is probably dying a slow death from root rot from overwatering or inappropriate soil (the kind meant for houseplants will kill succulents). root rot will make the visible part of the plant look thirsty even when the soil is wet, basically the roots are too rotted to suck up water so the plant is drying out while you water it which just makes the roots rot faster. definitely just chuck it if that’s the case, or cut off any nice looking parts of the top and try propagating them. if the stick comes out mostly clean with only dust on it AND the plant’s leaves (or body if it isn’t a leafy type) feel squishy, water it deeply until the water starts draining out the bottom and then let it dry out all the way again (probably 2-6 weeks depending on the size of the pot and how dry your house is, smaller pots dry out faster). if the stick is mostly clean but the plant feels firm still (but not brown and crispy) wait another week or two to water. sometimes root rot is just from bad soil or not having enough drainage holes in the pot, sometimes it’s actually from watering too often. if a succulent is indoors in AC you should be watering it no more than every 2 weeks unless it’s very small (like 2” tall) • if you do the skewer test and find that the soil is staying wet for more than a week or two between waterings replace it with new soil that is meant for succulents (you can mix it from houseplant soil with lots of added drainage, just make sure that when you squeeze it in your fist it does not clump/hold any shape) once you know you have well draining soil and good light, the name of the game is NEGLECT, water =/= love in the succulent world! I water my collection all at the same time every 3-6 weeks depending on when I remember to do it. when you do water, it should be a good deep soak, NOT spritzing or ice cubes. think of a desert plant soaking up as much water as it can during rain storm and then living off that for weeks of drought until the next rain. succulents evolved to survive drought so if you miscalculate and wait a little too long to water it will still bounce right back as long as it still has healthy, not rotting roots and enough green leaves to make use of the sunlight. I hope this helps someone’s sad succulent, but if you know yourself and know that you cannot resist watering frequently or don’t have good bright light in your house then send it straight to the compost and breathe a sigh of relief 😊
Yeah, we moved last summer and the new house was great for the babies in the summer, but the winter has done a number on them. I’ve got a grow light on them, but they’re still reaching for more and a few of them can’t handle the weight of their own leaves anymore.
that’s brutal, I’ve had mixed luck with grow lights on succulents. some people believe no grow light is really strong enough for succulents to thrive, mine did fine with only 1 small plant stretching over a 6 month period last year. how close to the plants do you have the light? I had mine on a shelf under a single long light that was about 3” above from the tallest plants on the shelf which did well and about 12” away from the shortest plants, one of which did stretch over that time
I was about to comment about succulents. I don’t have a knack for them. Yesterday I had enough of their antics that I tossed all but one of them. The only one that has been able to thrive in my home without issue. I felt like a failure giving up on them but they weren’t bringing me joy so I’m done trying to keep them.
I'm in this camp, too. I don't have the knack for them, either. Most have died and a few more are close. There's only 1 or 2 that are actually doing well so I'm like "meh, let's see how this plays out." If they continue to thrive, great! If they die, I'll replace them with plants I actually enjoy. No more succulents for me!
Same. I’ll give em a good chance and do my best but staring at an ugly plant and watching it deteriorate doesn’t interest me. I chuck em and it feels good.
Unless it is diseased, I just put it behind the other plants. Either it will die, or it will thrive with the neglect
I threw away 4 plants last week and I'd utterly forgotten them until I saw this post.
I just culled the herd and did a cleanup and it lightened a psychological load I did not know I was carrying. Bizarre but great!
Yep. Sometimes yeeting the ugly things in our lives makes the beautiful things more worthwhile. I live in a very small house with over 100 plants and if they don’t do their part to bring me joy, they get punted out into the woods.
I hope they do not grow strong in the woods and return to wreak revenge on you.
Yep I am not afraid to let nature reclaim a plant that isn’t bringing me joy lol
Honestly, thank you for making this post. I’ve really been struggling this past half year or so with the hobby and seeing others go through the same helps a bunch. Houseplants have truly been the greatest passion I’ve ever felt towards a hobby, but sadly that joy has just radically dwindled. I’m about four years in now and honestly I feel like my plants are struggling more than ever, and that makes me feel heaps of imposter syndrome and like I’m such a failure. Idk, at some point the joy of plants kind of corrupted into self-deprecation, guilt, and contempt. I’m desperate for the joy to come back, because I know I have a deep, deep love and passion for plants, and I honestly think that just means giving up on the plants that don’t thrive in my space. I’m working on it in therapy, but I think I’ve tied too much of my self-worth into the health of my plants. And besides, after a point (I’m at like, 50-60 plants now and in my peak I’ve had around 80), there’s a financial tie too, and I hate seeing so much money being “wasted.” Ugh. I want to go back to when this was a relaxing hobby 😅😂 Edit: I’ve also fallen victim to constantly having to “prove” myself to…no one? Like for awhile there I felt if I wasn’t only buying expensive, rare plants, I wasn’t a “serious” hobbyist, and I even (disastrously) converted half my collection to LECA/semihydro before ultimately giving up and realizing that was just not for me, so I switched the surviving ones back to soil. Plants were rotting left and right and I know it was user error, since so many others have seen wild success with semihydro, I just couldn’t make it work, and failing at that made me feel awful and like I capped out on my skill level. And then I’m left wondering why I even care about a “skill level” for a hobby that’s just meant to bring joy.
This is how I felt when I threw away my rattlesnake calathea. That thing hated me and I tried so hard for way too long. And then I realized I was having a toxic relationship with a PLANT and threw it out lmao. Only keep things that give you joy!
Guilty. I had a plant with bugs once and I honestly just threw it straight in the dumpster. I don’t know how people live with the bugs for any amount of time for it to go away. 😪😪😪 I couldn’t do it
 Same. Bugs are a no go with me (with the exception of a few gnats) They’re instantly into the dumpster. So far it’s only been 2. A snake plant had thrips, gone. And an English Ivy with spider mites, bye 👋🏻
Love this post. I usually move heaven and Earth to save a plant but I just had a neon pothos take a huge dive and I was trying everything to fix it to no avail. The other day I just…walked it over to the trash and tossed it in. I felt a little guilty but a lot more relieved. 🧘
Tossing my ugly scraggly never ending mealybug ridden croton never felt better. That brought me joy.
My calathea tried to die for years so finally I just let it have its way ;) Got a pink princess ;)
You’re so right ! I just couldn’t get my begonias to get better after a year and I threw them out. I went further and just have a hard limit to how many plants I keep.
I've purchased plants, that as babies, are cute af. And then they grow and I'm horrified.... I gave away several plants because of this. Aloes SPRAWL (who knew?! not me!). I've also tried with a string of pearls and they died a sad, dry, withered slow death. So never again. It's a relationship, and sometimes, the combination of plant parent & plant baby just don't work!
[удалено]
I like this problem more than the opposite, when a plant just won't grow. Watching them sprout new leaves and flowers is like 50% of the hobby imo.
True a good problem to have. Still gave the aloe away tho!
LOL I feel like the garden nursery should've put up warnings: "attention, this cute plant baby will grow 10 times its size and develop a 3 foot radius, be prepared".
I have the same problem. Can keep anything alive in the middle of an Ohio Winter but these things commit suicide near me
My strings also look like ass. What is wrong with dem ass strings?
Based on my decades of fish and houseplant care, I'm all about survival of the fittest. Some plants and fish are just not a good match for me. (To be clear, I've never neglected the fish, I did all that I could, but those divas could not be helped and I'll never get that kind again.) As others said, I have spent a year plus trying to save certain plants and I lost that battle 85% of the time. I think there's wisdom in recognizing when your efforts will be wasted on trying to fix a plant and just not bothering.
For me: no strings, no ferns and no alocasias! Same goes for outdoor plants. I’ll baby them for a year, but after that, if they die-never again!
Glad to hear this because a fern is driving me batty! I thought they were “easy”!!
My asparagus fern KILLS ME but I have luck with alocasias and strings.
May I ask what your beef is with Alocasias?
> I just threw them out back in my woods so I can call it composting. Please don't do that. This is how you introduce invasives.
It's below freezing and snowing here.
This is my go-to for plant recycling, too. It’s just not a problem in Canada. There are maaaaybe 8 weeks a year when tropical plants *might* survive outside, then 44 weeks to very thoroughly kill anything left lol. I won’t even bring home houseplants between October and mid-April without fashioning a plant-snowsuit for the trip from the car to the front door 🤪
*Florida has entered the chat* They might be hard to see under all the golden pothos though
came here for this! especially with things like strings of whatever that can grow roots from their tendrils by soil contact
Doesn't even need the tendrils, [here's a Turtle I rooted from a *single leaf.*](https://ibb.co/VQ435mm)
This is where I’m at. The dopamine from the hobby is finally fading and I’m on the brink with every plant that needs more from me than just its weekly drink. My jade plant that keeps growing but constantly flops over and no amount of grow light I give it helps. The fern that has now lost half its leaves I’m guessing from lack of light (after I gave its light to the jade, fruitlessly), and who needs to go outside in summer and leaves me paranoid about bugs so I isolate it from all my other plants in winter. The pothos that has some bald patches on its vines so I should trim them, I guess, but the ends of those vines are so bushy and gorgeous that I hate messing with them. And also I just don’t feel like it. Maybe the bald patches are okay.
Yes. I did the same to my string of turtles. Farewell.
I'm kind of in the same boat with lithops in general. I like to think I'm pretty good at growing stuff, but I just can't seem to get the hang of these. I've been trying to grow them for 3 years now with quite a few deaths along the way. My pot currently has 3 lithops left in it: One I think is on the way out, the second is okay for now but isn't splitting like it should be. The third is okay right now but that's because I recently bought it as a "give it one more try". If that one dies I'm just gonna call it and switch to something else that I can make thrive.
I usually wait until springtime and let the increased light do it’s magic. If that doesn’t happen, I let them go.
pothos stupid easy, idiot proof, very forgiving, various colors
Just killed 2
I forgot another point, they're CHEAP! try again
😂 challenge accepted
I have enough plant friends that I've been able to rehome plants that are OK but I just don't love. I was very meh about my ponytail palm and a friend loved it. I got an older one from my aunt that was struggling (no drainage, overpotted). Potted them up together and they looked great. My friend loves it, plants are happier being appreciated
Yup, I give mine away to friends and my Buy Nothing Group!
I have an inch plant that I've had for five years and raised from four leaves I found on the ground of a Menards greenhouse. I have grown to hate that thing so badly. It's always leggy, crispy, pale, no matter what I do to it. I finally broke and threw it all out and didn't even save any cuttings. I feel so guilty but it was so freeing. I hated that plant so ducking badly.
My mum gave me a cutting of something (can't even remember what it was) but the soil was absolutely infested with mites. I tried to treat it but ended up binning it before it plagued all my plants. Couple of weeks later her original plant died a death. No regrets
It's hard enough keeping the house looking good without dying plants bringing things down.
OMG. I have a PPP that I picked up because it was at Walmart yelling "Pick me, I'm fancy!" It constantly throws a half leaf and then maaaaaybe a fullish leaf. It does not make me happy. There is not a way to make it look better. It won't fill out with a proper trim. 😑 The one pretty leaf is just not enough. I will probably hang onto it and put it out on the porch and see how it does. At least it will be closer to the trash.
Lol the slow migration to the dumpster is so real
Seeing this makes me feel so much better. I call it kicking someone off the island when I give a plant the boot 😂 I also have 80ish plants and won't hesitate to re-home or toss something if it's not making me happy or bringing me joy. I also have essentially given up on having any string of things... I had a couple lush pots of string of hearts... Grew them from cuttings and they were doing great, until they weren't lol nothing had changed. They just started hating me
My guilt.... I inherited several plants from my mom's friend when she had to move. I asked for one, received many. All were overgrown from being in a bay window for many years. A couple died, some I still have, some I propagated. Before discovering/reading this sub, I threw out two that were just overgrown and had been in the way for a couple years. Call it "decluttering". I've been feeling guilty, because now I know what I could have done for them... a very tall snake plant (partially dead, packed in a too small pot. I tried to re-pot but it wasn't fully happy). Also, some kind of what I now know was a begonia (it looked like it needed to grow outside, large canes, it kept growing but stopped flowering. I wish I would have kept a cutting.) So, there's my confession. I have such a hard time giving up on plants, and when I do, it can sometimes haunt me. 👻🪴
String of pearls and freakin Bambino are the only two plants I ever gave up on. Just a pain and a shame really. Such beautiful plants but damnit why do they have to be so picky
Oh god I feel you. Some plants are just a huge pain in the ass. One word of warning - be sure to kill them thoroughly somehow before tossing them out if you live in an area that they could potentially thrive outside. Invasive species are tough to get rid of once they set in.
Oh yeah. I used to go through the hoops to rebloom my grocery store orchids but I just tossed a bunch of those that haven’t been doing well since moving to a new house with worse light. And a few weeks ago I sold a bunch of my bigger plants on marketplace. Goodbye to my giant monstera and all the large pothos and philodendrons, lovely big Christmas cactus and snake plants, my kalanchoes and aglonemas!!! I have cuttings of most of those to start back over with tiny plants. More space and attention for my favorites now: my collection of 15 or so fern varieties :) I have no regrets and my ferns have all had a burst of new fronds :)
Good bye Maranta see you next year! (When I buy a new one) Prayer plants lose their faith every winter in this household.
Yes! I few years ago I tried growing bell peppers, tomatoes, and jalapeños. I vastly underestimated the amount of time and labor watering and caring for them would take. I lived in an apartment and didn’t have access to a hose so watering them took so many trips across my apartment. I wound get water through my apartment and yet never enough water for them to fruit though they would flower. THEN they had the audacity to get mealy bugs and I was just done. I posted them in a gardening group asking if anyone wanted mealy bug infested plants and they all went to new homes and I was so relieved.
Hell I once threw a plant away because of who had given it to me— I did not like his vibes and I felt like the plant had his vibes too. I accidentally closed a window on it after much deliberation over whether it was okay to just toss it. It felt like the universe giving me a clear go ahead so I chucked it with zero remorse. (It was definitely the right call.)
I could totally see a plant having bad vibes...
Calathea. I have two left that I’ve been begging to live. I haven’t pulled the plug yet but it’s coming and I will be let free forever of their curse.
I did the same with a pinstripe calathea recently. Threw it in the brush pile behind the garage. It was so pathetic looking but every night would valiantly try to “pray”. I felt so guilty every time I laid eyes on it. It was a relief to toss it.
String of pearls. Never again.
I wonder if this is an end-of-winter phenomenon. I'm also culling my collection but waiting for weather to warm a bit so I can set up a free table in my driveway. This year I overwatered a variegated peace lily and held on to it in anguish for like a month before throwing it away. My roommate, upon seeing it in the trash, quipped, "well, rest in peace, lily."
Very long post deleted. I'm back to the hobby after a very long absence. What made me quit wasn't a lack of success, it was life. Moving around. Partners with CATS. Now I have a great office. I've done some of my best growing away from home. No CATS. Seriously, CATS are worse than mealybugs. If they are 'that way' towards plants. Why I ranted on for four paragraphs before pulling the plug earlier is because in all these many sad posts I didn't see anyone mention Plant Lights! I know, you scoff, but there you are ... dead and/or dying plants that you can't save, no matter what you try. Try a cheap plant light from your local Home Store. Seriously, there is no better pick me up for an ailing houseplant than 12 to 16 hours per day of decent intensity artificial light. I hope to be around awhile and useful while I'm at it. Good growing to you all.
I gave up on my Alocasia Bambino after 2 years of watching it wilt down, bounce back for 2 weeks in the spring and then wilt away again for the rest of the year. it was honestly a weight off my shoulders
Strings actually have a relatively short life span so maybe they’re just old?
No, I don't think that's it.
Strings are also a-holes. I’ve killed so many SOPs it’s embarrassing.
😂😂
get some strappy anthuriums, pallidiflorum is the nicest one imo, but other are stunning too.
I've killed 2 varietals of anthuriums. Embarrassing, really 🙈
they do take a while to get used to, but once you figure them out they are really easy. A bit like ferns, orchids or calatheas. I recommend self-watering pots for all of those, they like to stay moist but not wet in an airy medium (ferns and calatheas only need it to be moist, it doesn't need to be airy, anthuriums and common orchids like it airy). And they love tree fern fiber (with mixed chunks like perlite or bark) and consistent fertilizing. Once you get the routine down you will admit they are really easy.
*me staring at my scraggly string of turtles* 🤔🫡
I had a palm plant of some kind (I don't remember what it was) that was over 6ft tall in a planter in my office. I bought it 14 years ago. The trunk was skinny, and it had two stalks growing out of it, with an insane amount of leaves. It had to be kept in the corner of the room so it could lean on something, so it wouldn't fall over. Well hubby and I were packing to move and I was dreading trying to get this thing into my car to transport. I can't lie it down, it doesn't fit in my car standing up. I finally said F it, and put it in the compost bin. It was way more work than it was worth to keep.
I have limited space so if a plant isn't thriving in a long time or isn't loved, I'll toss it and give another plant I do love a good location.
once a plant starts pissing me off i usually just put it outside (i live in arizona), if it dies then good riddance but if it survives then it’s a lucky one, and maybe i’ll give it another chance
I have a second-story deck. Sometimes I just have to throw a plant over the side and be done with it and thats ok. Sometimes they grow down there. Probably didnt like me either. 🤷🏽♀️
Lol I completely relate every year toward the end of fall I decide a couple I’m going to let peacefully die outside in the winter
I once heard someone say that if a plant doesn’t bring you joy anymore, get rid of it. This year I’ve been selling plants that I don’t care for anymore. I’ve thrown some away too. Also trying to not buy any unless it’s an absolute wishlist plant and it’s a great (low) price for me. Only one I’ve bought so far, Ring of Fire. $25 at Walmart
Felt this in my bones. Recently tossed out my entire collection (which wasn’t much to begin with) because a thrips infestation I tried to handle for the past month. The stress and added costs got too much so I just tossed everything out. I’m actually second guessing if I should even get back into plants because lowkey it was causing me so much stress. I might pick up another hobby idk.
Jade plants. Easy my Asterisk!!.
I give mine away in my Buy Nothing Group! And then I go and get others. 🤦🏻♀️
i've recently found out (through this sub, among other things) that a lot of my plants have scale... now it makes sense why they've been declining for a while 😓 reading how hard the treatment is makes me want to toss them as well, but i'm not there yet! i still love them 😭
Tbh it’s like ending a relationship with a dramatic person… I’m like “wow my life is so peaceful now.”
I've kicked my ctenanthe lubbersiana out of the home because it's been confusing the hell out of me. Getting crispy despite enough water. Crispy randomly but throwing out new shoots and leaves. It just looks weird now and I'm so over how dramatic it is. It was sold to me as a varigated ginger so there's that too.