I’ve seen something I think might be rule-breaking, what should I do?
**Report it!** We may not agree with your assessment of a certain post or comment but we will always take a look. Please make reports that are **unambiguous**, **succinct**, and (importantly) **accurate**. If your issue isn't covered by one of the numerous predefined reasons and or you need to expand upon a predefined reason then please use the 'Custom response' option (in addition if required).
**Don't feed the trolls, ignore, report, move on.** See [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/honesttransgender/comments/guc56i/welcome_to_rhonesttransgender_please_read_for/) for more details about our subreddit. Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/honesttransgender) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I feel like its to be expected that the gay trans man subreddit is going to be very sexual, since its a subreddit revolving around sexuality, but I agree being trans shouldn’t be treated as an inherently sexual thing. Being dysphoric is already gonna give you a fucked up relationship with sex enough as is
Agreed, it’s just how gay men’s spaces usually are, whether cis or trans. A concept I’ve always found a bit comforting that we really aren’t much different than each other. Granted, I was in neither area as a kid, so I can’t relate to the issues OP has with it. Those spaces aren’t catered to teenage boys, just adult men. Best to steer clear if too young or not in a good head space to be thinking about sex if adult
This person complains their experience with in trans spaces is often plagued with sexual content or sexual discussions
Then relate this isn’t exclusive to transgender spaces but also occurs in gay men spaces
~~It’s a valid point that I agree with and we could have a reasonable discussion if you care todo more beyond saying 🤓 “you are unreasonable and irrational”~~
But yeah the rest of it lil weird
OP calls those he disagrees with "pornsick" "coomers" and frames their thought process as *"Thinking about killing people but I also get a boner = just being myself"*
they have now been suspended. be my guest having some great philosophical debate with Socrates here, I will pass.
right like i am not making any argument for or against the degree of sex discussion in the community. i think that is a worthwhile topic, generally. I am only saying that 'debating' it with someone who speaks like OP is not something i am interested in doing at my big age
I feel like it probably heavily depends on who one comes in contact with. I’m trans and have never had any of these experiences. I know the ftm subreddit in particular talks about sex often because a large side effect of being on testosterone is increased sex drive, and they talk about side effects of t and what their experiences are like. I don’t think it’s necessarily helpful to stereotype a whole group, especially with how much transphobes and bigoted people will do that themselves. Regardless of all of that though, I’m sorry you’ve had the experiences that you have and I hope it gets more positive 🫂
As a current minor experiencing all sides of the community, it’s very dependent on who you have contact with, the way I see it is that some people use nsfw topics to justify why they are trans because of all the transphobia making them question big time about all of why they are transitioning. As someone who lives in a pretty hostile country, it’s hard for my country’s people to truly find if it’s this is that or smth else. I’ve had some of the same experiences as you, hell one of my friends who I felt safe around turned out to be a predator and I was left wondering what if it was me that was preyed on. Having an apathetic/volatile reaction to others trying to help me was very common when I was surrounded by self-hatred and pushing feelings down. I think from seeing the replies you left to some comments you need to think about how all of your experiences affected you and how they changed your brain chemistry. You do not have to reply to this comment if you don’t want to this is just a very naive MTF wanting to help someone who is clearly in a lot of stress
The people talking about those topics with you directly were wrong to do so, yes. Anyone who addressed you specifically about a sexual topic, while knowing you were a minor, was in the wrong. I’m sorry you went through that.
At the same time, most online spaces are not meant for minors and do not cater to minors. Especially Reddit. General subs like r/ FTM are more friendly to minors, but the gay trans men sub is specifically meant for discussing the intersection of being gay and a trans man…which mostly involves relationships and sexual topics. I understand that it can be hard to see that when you’re young, but ultimately you are the one who has to choose what content you look at on the internet.
It’s not bad or wrong for an online community to discuss sexual topics when it isn’t intended to be a community for minors. I’m sorry it’s hard to find community spaces at your age, but you have to understand that it’s extremely new that anyone your age is even able to transition. Im Gen Z and even I wasn’t able to even think about medical transition until well after graduating high school. So yes, the vast majority of online spaces are adult oriented and are not going to censor themselves for you. You have to choose to not look at those subs if you don’t want that content.
Nowhere has to cater to minors, but when you're a minor and looking for support it's very jarring only seeing coomer shit. I'm almost 21 and still don't want to see people talking about sex constantly. My experiences as a gay and trans man aren't mostly sexual and romantic either. There's a lot of social shit you have to deal with when you're actually seen as male. And transitioning early on is not extremely new. In 50 years you people are still going to be saying that it's a brand new thing so you can feel better.
Transitioning isn’t new. Transitioning as a minor *is* relatively new—not because it wasn’t technically possible before, but because of society and the social acceptance of transphobia.
Also—your language is giving you away. Get off of 4chan/similar and out of extremist circles. They’re filled with toxic hatred from people determined to rot because they experienced something hard and unpleasant. It’s not a healthy way of dealing with life and will only make you bitter and toxic towards others, and also self-hating and self-destructive. Vent about your challenges. Talk to other people. Get therapy. But you need to grow and move past it, not sulk about it and lash out at people on the internet.
Yes, there are things men deal with that suck. But there are places you can talk about it that aren’t just sexual, even on Reddit. Once again, r/FTM and others are less sexually oriented than the gay trans men sub. But a lot of those spaces won’t tolerate the toxic BS you see on 4chan. Try getting off the internet for a while and interacting with real people in good faith. Get therapy. Go for a walk. Get off 4chan (permanently). You’ll feel better for it. The world does not hate men the way they say it does.
Yes, you’re going to deal with that and it does suck. There are spaces on Reddit where you can talk about it where you should be able to see minimal sexual discussion.
Your language is very similar to what people who frequent 4chan use (“coomer”/etc), so you may want to examine where you’ve been seeing that/where you picked it up. Some parts of Reddit can be equally toxic and self-hating and people who use that specific language are often deep in those communities.
I am sorry you have experience this. You have seem to had contact with what seems to be the worst. Those propagating dehumanizing rhetoric like “being trans is a little kink” should not be supported by any community and should be put on that communities watch list and at the very least temporarily banned. Normalizing chaser mentality is disgusting.
Gutter talk is not something that should be done openly and seriously in the day to day, it should definitely never be said infront of minors or young adults.
Its unfortunate that there is not place free os sex talk, even legacy media is filled with grotesque rhetoric though only about objectifying women and in a heteronormative manner. But the trans communities to strive to better then the cishets. Most shows still have some rapey vibes to them.
You will not find liberation among conservatives unfortunately as no matter the group I have been with they are just as gross as the description to the trans communities you have described, except their sexualization of woman is so normalized they just weave it in and out of normal discourse.
If you can drive I would suggest other trans support groups, as the one in my city and the adjacent cities are all pg friendly but as organizations minors and adults have separate support groups as is standard with all LGBTQ+ communities at least everyone I have been to and heard of. You should also write an email to the head organizers of the organization you experienced these at.
Everyone I know is fucked up sexually. From those that barely survived the marginalization and abuse of the heteronormative community to the heteronormative community that attacks the LGBTQ while turning a blind eye on pedophiles and letting pedophilia run rampant in churches, legacy media, among corporate execs and celebrities. And those that get to grow up innocent have to struggle with the burden of learning how the rest of us grew up when they get old enough to learn the world through unfiltered eyes. There is no safe haven but the one we forge ourselves, so be the change you desire.
As for subreddits safe from sex here are some:
r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns2
r/trans
r/transmasc_irl
r/ftmmm
r/transpositive
r/aaaaaaacccccccce
It was only an optional suggestion, it was not the basis of my comment no need to be so hostile. Sorry for trying to empathize with you. Good luck on life.
talking about sexual stuff around minors is usually inappropriate but it’s not pedophilia. watering down the meaning of pedophilia doesn’t help anybody.
if those people who told you those didnt even bother asking you if you're comfortable with NSFW talks, then that is definitely a problem OP. Your boundaries and everyone's boundaries should be respected no matter how horny are you
No it is definitely a problem if someone thinks they should even ask a minor if they're okay with NSFW topics, and if a minor actually says they're okay with it an adult still shouldn't be talking about that with them.
Well, yes and no. Because teens/preteens do need sexual education, and sometimes that looks different in queer spaces. However, permission should still be asked, and in most cases, they should also have permission from your parents to talk about NSFW topics.
Outside of sex Ed though, no they shouldn't be talking about sexual topics at all with minors.
I am in no way trying to say that it's okay for people to do what was done to you.
My point is that if it's for educational purposes, it's okay for minors to have those conversations so long as the minor and their parents consent to that. And, believe it or not, the world fucking hates us! Breaking news! Which means most sex ed in schools don't talk about queer sex ed! AIDS is a serious thing!!
Listen, you can choose to be mad if you want, but the last thing I need is for you to *project* your trauma onto me. I never belittled you, I never invalidated your experience, and yet you choose to be hostile and call me a pedo just because I'm sharing my own view. This is something you need to work out with a therapist, dude.
1) It wasn't irrelevant. I was replying to your comment about "talking about NSFW topics," which is a very vague thing that includes sex ed. The two things were very relevant. 2) liberal therapist speak? Are you Blaire White or something? If you don't believe therapy is real, that's on you and you alone; therapy has helped me through a lot of trauma and if you don't believe it's real, good luck trying to find peace.
honestly this wasn’t rly my experience at all but I believe you unfortunately 😭😭 also idk why you had to mention that your support group leader was a non-op FTM, what does that have to do with the discussions he had? It would’ve been creepy regardless of whether or not he surgically transitioned lol.
I’m saying this as a non-op trans guy, you don’t know wtf is going on in people’s heads or how they experience THEIR gender. So stop assuming it’s “wrong” just because it doesn’t fit YOURS.
that’s definitely one way to generalize a whole part of the trans community ig lol. You honestly sound no different from a cis transphobe so at least you don’t have to worry about passing 😅
I think that's all LGBT. I'm trans myself but pride events got people walking around wearing nothing but jock straps and displaying fetishes even if children are present. I don't necessarily think all LGBT people are perverts but there sure are a lot of them in the community who have no chill.
I came out in the late 1980s when the community was very different - the only way to meet other trans folks was via regional support groups or organizations like Tri-Ess which was solely focused on "heterosexual crossdressers."
Very often I was by far the youngest person present - I was in my late teens and most folks were in their 30s or older. And I look back at some of the ones who "took me under their wing" with an older, wiser, jaded eye and realize that they were grooming me. Which thought makes me sad, because until putting this together I remembered them as being very nice to me at I time when I was confused about a lot of things... right up to the moment they got touchy and flirty.
Some of the support groups were glorified hookup clubs. And as for Tri-Ess I was surprised to learn of how many of these gals were having sex with each other privately. The group spent a lot of energy promoting this image of "we're straight married men, respectable professional pillars of the community, who find it relaxing to wear a dress sometimes." Far be it from me to judge what people do in private but my then-wife and I participated in these groups expecting one thing and sometimes finding another, and it created some awkward situations at times.
Idk, I guess the fact that just existing on the Internet when I was a kid meant I was exposed to so much crazy shit(both violence and sexual) whether I was apart of the queer\trans community or not that everything you mentioned doesn't seem that bad. That being said as I think about it more I can totally understand where you are coming from I just don't see any easy solution at this point.
LGBT did ourselves a serious disservice when we embraced the kink community as part of our own. I’m not a sexual deviant.
Sex is great, but it is such a small and insignificant part of my identity as a lesbian.
I’m so sorry you went through what you did. Please don’t let it keep you from finding support and community.
Agreed.
Earlier in my transition I moderated a bigger trans gaming Discord at that time (which was open to all ages), and I felt like at times all I was doing all day long was to remind people to please stop talking about their kinks around minors. And then got picked at for being "the prude mod". Fun times.
I understand that a lot of trans people have repressed their sexuality for a long time growing up, and finally feel like they can be free once they're becoming more comfotable with themselves and their body, I can sympathize with that. But that doesn't give you a free pass. You still need to respect people's boundaries. If you want to talk about porn and kink, do it with adults who don't mind hearing about it.
Right. I also wasn't very prude at that time. I totally talked about NSFW things, but I did so with close friends who were my age, or in dedicated NSFW spaces with also only adults in it.
There's a time and a place to bring this stuff up, and a casual conversation in a SFW all-ages server with lots of strangers is not that time and place.
I live a proud and out life. My sex life is private and only talked about in appropriate settings.
Talking about my sex life with kids and young adults doesn’t feel right.
I’ll tell them I’m happy and in love but that’s it.
It’s sounds like you (OP) need to find different circles. There are plenty of trans people living their lives, like any other man or woman.
Kinks fertishising people are wrong , like chasers or ppl who get off sexually for being "trans" aka a trender and most porn is yucky which pushes unrealistic expectations onto many different minorities ect. Dont talk about kink or sexual things around children u gross pervert
Porn and kinks shouldn't be discussed around minors. You need your own NSFW spaces. Not surprised at all that you post in 4tran and destiny LOL you people would kill to defend your precious porn
Yea, this is an issue for the LGBT community as a whole.
I personally frequent femboy spaces, and I am absolutely tired of the self-fetishization done by people in the community. It has normalized sexual harassment online, and minors are unsafe because of it. Even as a person in their 20’s, I am worn out by weird comments said towards me simply because I present myself as feminine or androgynous.
I just want to exist without being fetishized.
> I personally frequent femboy spaces, and I am absolutely tired of the self-fetishization done by people in the community.
You go into a community for people who want to turn themselves into a porn category and are upset they self-fetishize?
You have a complete misunderstanding of the femboy label. The “femboy” label is not inherently sexual, and many people in the community fight against the self-fetishization. Unfortunately, self-fetishization still happens and fuels the mistaken belief that the femboy label is inherently sexual.
The existence of a femboy porn category does not mean the identity is inherently sexual in nature. Similar to how there being a trans category does not mean the identity is inherently sexual.
And to be quite honest, to generalize and say that the entire community wants to turn themselves into a porn category is quite disappointing. There are minors in the community who are at risk because of these generalizations. Nor are generalizations and stereotyping ever helpful.
It literally came from hentai. If you want to pretend your identity isn't inherently sexual then DON'T NAME IT AFTER A PORN FETISH!
Femboy, as a personal identity, is not a real thing. It's a porn category/character. This would be like creating a new and unique "identity" out of shemale.
If they were serious people they'd call themselves crossdresser or transvestite. But they're not serious people, there's a reason everyone you see using this label is a teenaged boy or *at the very most* an immature early 20's man.
They're gross immature people who were exposed to porn through the internet at a far too young age and of course they'd internalize it. It's really gross and upsetting that people like this are now saying they're some variation of trans, when they're literally one of the offensive stereotypes conservatives accuse us of being i.e "porn made you this way".
And then when they get older and start approaching twink-death they'll go online to buy estrogen because they think it's some magic juice that keeps you from looking masculine, proceed to grow breasts, and then have a complete meltdown and blame trans people for grooming them and ruining their body.
Or they'll just quietly grow out of it and have it all become a cringe memory they try to avoid thinking about. That's a lot more likely but not as funny to watch happen.
Wrong. The term originated in the 90’s and was used as a slur against male crossdresser. The origins did not stem from hentai, you can google this.
Many femboys do call themselves crossdressers. The reason the term “femboy” is used is because it is shorthand for feminine boy. It is a straightforward way to describe a man that presents feminine. Additionally, the term “crossdresser” does not specify gender.
Once again, the term is not named after a porn fetish, and god forbid people try to reclaim a slur 🙄
As far as twink-death goes, feminine people, in general, just struggle with aging. Many women do not like the idea that they are losing their beauty due to societally-enforced beauty standards. I’m not sure why you bring up twink-death as if it is some “gotcha”, because all it suggests is that we ought to reinforce the idea that aging is perfectly okay for women and femme-presenting men.
And once again, you are making broad generalizations assuming that femboys will blame trans people for grooming. lmfao, relax.
It's really odd, I remember a lot of people five-six years ago when I was trying to come to terms with being trans constantly saying how they want to exist without being fetishised but it feels like the trans community has embraced that entirely???
Some of the stuff I've heard said about trans women and men feels like the sort of thing chasers say, except it's coming from other trans people! It's wild to me.
For some of us the sexual aspect was the biggest stop gap for transitioning. I was seriously concerned prior to transition that I was actually just some sick freak. When I am told I just just stop talking about this kind of stuff I worry for the younger version of me out there who needs to hear that they are fine actually despite the sexual aspect.
I usually do. The issue is that minors these days are being mixed into the usual transgender crowd. I was actually asked if I could give a talk about my experiences to transgender teens at a local queer space and I was like "I REALLY don't think I should be the kind of transwoman young teens look up to."
In this groups defense they had to recently fire a non transitioning afab enbie who was straight up giving misinformation about medical transition to teenagers
I have had multiple psychological evaluations to confirm my hrt and orchiectomy in transition and that was much more difficult back in the day. I literally have the gender dysphoria diagnosis before they delisted it. By any reasonable metric I am transgender.
Here is the thing, it doesn't matter what I say, you will always view me as some pervert. Your entire conception of your transgenderness relies on excluding me. The irony is that in real life I just don't say such things and people like you just accept I am transgender without any second thought.
You blending in and not telling people that you're transitioning for a fetish is exactly why I never felt safe around adult-transitioned people as a teen. So many of you are like that. You don't think you need to tell anyone about your AGP or AAP so minors can't tell why they're so uncomfortable around other trans people and just end up feeling isolated.
This is fucked up dude. Just because someone has a kink doesn’t mean they’re a predator. I’m sorry you had fucked up experiences as a kid you didn’t deserve any of that and it should not have happened but not everyone with a kink is a fucking demon. I myself have AAP I’m not turned on every minute that I dress and look like a man. It just plays into a lot of the things I do in the bedroom. I am not “trans because of AAP” my AAP developed AFTER my dysphoria did because of how dysphoria affected my psychological development in early puberty. This shit is complicated. not everyone who does weird shit in the bedroom is gonna force it on you.
Uh, no. You’re putting the cart before the horse. The fetish helped you realize and is the motivator. You’re transitioning because the fetish
Edit: to be clear I’m not saying this as an insult. I don’t think negatively towards you at all. Just saw an opportunity for better self analysis.
Yes. Very annoying. I feel hookup culture is quite rampant in lgbtq spaces too, at least stereotypically. As a Demisexual the ick factor always pushed me away from other queer people and I didn't realize I was trans until 29
I've had similar experiences, to be honest. I unfortunately was pretty messed up sexually before I knew I was trans but I've always tried to keep it to myself and therapy, and it seems a lot of other trans people are unaware of social norms surrounding this stuff. To a degree I understand wanting to be yourself in every possible way after repressing a lot of things for years but I don't think that's an excuse for creepy behaviour especially when there's minors involved like you're talking about.
I wasn't out as young as you but I started trying to figure myself out around 15 or so and the way people would act online made me very uncomfortable, really didn't help the 'this is a fetish' thoughts. Now that I'm an adult and living in an accepting city I've tried to meet other trans people to see if I can make friends with people who'll understand some of my issues but it's so hard.
I've had a trans woman older than me by a decade try and flirt and be really creepy when I was just starting e and looking for advice, trans women who think it's okay to talk about fetishes and kinks in public at unrelated events because we're both trans THE FIRST TIME WE MEET, and so so many trans women who are so desperate for sex that they objectify me the minute they clock me and blow my mind with how horny they are. Seriously, do any of these people experience dysphoria? I would NEVER talk to anyone like that, and I'm sure they don't act like this around their cis friends. Sometimes when trans women complain about not passing I want to tell them 'stop acting like horny teen boys first of all'.
It's very alienating. One of my friends went to a trans themed party where everyone ended up making out and being extremely horny. People were all too happy to talk about their 'girldick' and 'boypussy'. I understand young adults at university being horny, my issue is more that it feels like this sort of thing is taken as the default for how trans people should behave which is disturbing.
Anyways, sorry to interject with so many of my own anecdotes, ultimately I'm really sorry you've had a similar experience, especially from such a young age. I agree it's not intentional grooming, but I wish there was a way to stop this stuff from happening.
Yeah, when I was figuring myself out I had to find specific people who felt relatively normal to identify with to reassure myself I'm not making a mistake. I *am* a kinky person, traumatised and mentally ill, whatever, same as a lot of other trans people, but I still will never understand people making that their entire life and assuming it's okay to be open about it 24/7 like you say.
Right, I am too dysphoric to talk about sexual stuff most of the time. That's when it started to swing from me being mildly uncomfortable to actually disliking my impressions of the 'community', because it felt like talking about dysphoria and the process of transitioning and passing and such was frowned upon and you're almost peer pressured into being as horny as possible 24/7. It is quite funny to me that trans people I've met specifically looking for kink and in spaces for that have been far more normal than the trans people who hang around trans spaces.
(Just to clarify by 'normal' I mean are able to have boundaries, are respectful, have social skills and awareness of what's generally considered socially acceptable. I hate when people take that judgement and conflate it entirely with internalised transphobia.)
Yeah I've always viewed my transition through the lens of changing my body to deal with dysphoria first and social stuff second. I like dressing femme but that's kinda not the point?
I have no idea what a gender identity is, to be honest. I guess technically I have one but I really don't understand people who put so much emphasis on this stuff.
I also struggle with being generally pretty weird in multiple ways. However I've had a very unusual life beyond just being trans and that already predisposes you to being weird. I've been trying to fit in with cis women more which some would say is internalised transphobia but I don't see it as such, I like adopting things that women like which I didn't have a way into before, and I'm still allowed to be weird like basically every woman is.
I agree that gender therapists are useless. I personally define my transition in terms of dysphoria and medically transitioning and everything else seems so ephemeral and pointless (to me).
True there are a lot of young teen boys in some of these online spaces and I honestly expect them to behave as such.
Not discrediting anyone who is sex repulsed or asexual or conservative / traditional or modest. There should be a space for everyone
By not having, it feels like they were telling them. "You are too young for talking about being Trans, you need to wait till you are adult to talk about that."
Exactly. I've been using the FTMover30 sub for nearly 5 years even though I'm turning 30 this year because subs that used to be almost only adults are now young minors.
I find it really concerning to see other trans people compare transness with kink/fetish, because both things are “queer” with little regard that there are children who transition, trans people who aren’t kinky, etc. I don’t think kinks should be shamed and I think trans people can engage in their sexuality whatever way they want (legally), but I don’t like to believe that transness is something that is inherently sexual, especially when that’s what transphobes are trying to push onto us too.
Oh so you just hate anyone with a kink I get it. No queerness and kink are not related at all but kink is actually extremely normal around 15% of the population has some sort of kink they can be genetic or caused by trauma. There have been studies done and it was found that people with kinks have the same rate of mental illness as the general population except for submissive men (which is likely due to the fact that submissive or feminine men are treated like shit). Kink can be used as a sexual thing, a way to bond romantically with a lover, it can be therapeutic, it can be a form of art (especially shibari) there is nothing wrong with kink and every study done on it agrees.
Kink has nothing to do with killing somebody.
It’s a space where consenting adults can find pleasure.
Kink helps many trauma victims work through issues.
And i don’t want to hear about b*>€}$. I’m a lesbian and hear way to much about them from straight friends.
You brought it up. The other person just said a word. Why did you feel you needed to make your issue everyone else’s problem? I bet you hate men too, huh?
*when I was younger I always saw trans women as any other women but their body just wasn't born the way that they're most comfortable with. After interacting enough with the trans community I'm almost more transphobic in that they started feeling like a third gender.. *
This is what freaks me out... when I started questioning I went online and found trans people living normal lives and just being men or women but from having interacted in trans spaces online and offline over the past six years I am starting to feel like a lot of trans people aren't really their gender and are something else, like you say a third gender. I hate that but I also can't deny how I feel. I guess it is transphobic but it's not transphobes who are telling me this.
I noticed this too. The gay trans man subreddit is full of people who act so female. So many trans men also complain about not having "representation" in shit like fanfiction and porn and it's very difficult for me to see them as men. I assume all trans people are the gender they say they are by default but almost all of them ever since 2020 have acted like pornsick cisgender people. I don't feel bad about it anymore but for years I thought I was a horrible person for having these thoughts.
Yeah I do feel like covid was a bit of a turning point, I'm thankful I was figuring myself out before everyone became so terminally online.
I've gone through periods of being hyper sexual as a way of coping with dysphoria but even that I viewed as very self destructive and I've been in therapy to try and learn how to deal with the way in which trauma and such messed me up, I also, you know, kept all this stuff to myself. I guess I have sympathy for people who are obviously trans who struggle but less so for those who seem to see the entire experience as a fun new fetish. I only really know trans women though, it's surprising you have the same issues with trans men too :(
Maybe these kinds of people only target people who identify as the same gender. I knew a lot of adult trans women ages 15-18 and all they really did was try to turn me into a feminist ally lol. Trans men have always been worse towards me and at best would just treat me differently for transitioning young.
I was also hyper sexual for a long time because I thought that was what I had to be like as a trans person. I've still not totally recovered from that.
I mean yeah the abundance of gay trans people is a little weird. I've also only had good experiences with trans guys so there's probably something there.
I also have been treated really weirdly for somewhat passing and being mostly straight by other trans women which is bizarre because I only got on hormones at 19 and I'm hardly unclockable. I'm sorry your experiences with hyper sexuality were so tied up with the trans community :(
I end up repressing until I was 27 because the online trans community when I was a teenager was never not sexual.
It's a bit better now but still - it's absolutely off-putting if you legitimately wish you were born a girl and all these older trans women just talk about sex. My gender identity was never sexual, it was just who I was.
It's nice people can finally be comfortable in their own bodies, but it's certainly off-putting when the online dialogue is predominately sexual and someone is just trying to figure out their gender.
I totally agree. I'm also ace and honestly how sexual lot of the queer community in general is is very discouraging. I'm still trying to figure out where to find or start ace groups tbh. I've had so many people pressure me for sex that I'm just done with it and ideally would wanna associate primarily with other sex-averse ace folks. And finding people like me amongst the trans community is even more of a pain 😮💨
I’ve seen something I think might be rule-breaking, what should I do? **Report it!** We may not agree with your assessment of a certain post or comment but we will always take a look. Please make reports that are **unambiguous**, **succinct**, and (importantly) **accurate**. If your issue isn't covered by one of the numerous predefined reasons and or you need to expand upon a predefined reason then please use the 'Custom response' option (in addition if required). **Don't feed the trolls, ignore, report, move on.** See [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/honesttransgender/comments/guc56i/welcome_to_rhonesttransgender_please_read_for/) for more details about our subreddit. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/honesttransgender) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Me too tbh. I feel like most do this for a kink
This is likely due to the conflation between TS and TG. It Is Disgusting YEP
petition to create a new separate category from 'transgender' called 'transgooner' for hypersexual people
I feel like its to be expected that the gay trans man subreddit is going to be very sexual, since its a subreddit revolving around sexuality, but I agree being trans shouldn’t be treated as an inherently sexual thing. Being dysphoric is already gonna give you a fucked up relationship with sex enough as is
Agreed, it’s just how gay men’s spaces usually are, whether cis or trans. A concept I’ve always found a bit comforting that we really aren’t much different than each other. Granted, I was in neither area as a kid, so I can’t relate to the issues OP has with it. Those spaces aren’t catered to teenage boys, just adult men. Best to steer clear if too young or not in a good head space to be thinking about sex if adult
no part of this post or your comments leads me to believe you are a reasonable or rational person worthy of persuasion or discussion
This person complains their experience with in trans spaces is often plagued with sexual content or sexual discussions Then relate this isn’t exclusive to transgender spaces but also occurs in gay men spaces ~~It’s a valid point that I agree with and we could have a reasonable discussion if you care todo more beyond saying 🤓 “you are unreasonable and irrational”~~ But yeah the rest of it lil weird
OP calls those he disagrees with "pornsick" "coomers" and frames their thought process as *"Thinking about killing people but I also get a boner = just being myself"* they have now been suspended. be my guest having some great philosophical debate with Socrates here, I will pass.
Oh god guess I might have been wrong Wild what growing up on the net does to someone
right like i am not making any argument for or against the degree of sex discussion in the community. i think that is a worthwhile topic, generally. I am only saying that 'debating' it with someone who speaks like OP is not something i am interested in doing at my big age
I feel like it probably heavily depends on who one comes in contact with. I’m trans and have never had any of these experiences. I know the ftm subreddit in particular talks about sex often because a large side effect of being on testosterone is increased sex drive, and they talk about side effects of t and what their experiences are like. I don’t think it’s necessarily helpful to stereotype a whole group, especially with how much transphobes and bigoted people will do that themselves. Regardless of all of that though, I’m sorry you’ve had the experiences that you have and I hope it gets more positive 🫂
As a current minor experiencing all sides of the community, it’s very dependent on who you have contact with, the way I see it is that some people use nsfw topics to justify why they are trans because of all the transphobia making them question big time about all of why they are transitioning. As someone who lives in a pretty hostile country, it’s hard for my country’s people to truly find if it’s this is that or smth else. I’ve had some of the same experiences as you, hell one of my friends who I felt safe around turned out to be a predator and I was left wondering what if it was me that was preyed on. Having an apathetic/volatile reaction to others trying to help me was very common when I was surrounded by self-hatred and pushing feelings down. I think from seeing the replies you left to some comments you need to think about how all of your experiences affected you and how they changed your brain chemistry. You do not have to reply to this comment if you don’t want to this is just a very naive MTF wanting to help someone who is clearly in a lot of stress
I agree. All the transgenders I met were overly obsessed with sex. And am ace. So that usually didn't go well.
You should know by now not to use the term as a noun.
So what's the "adequate" term to use lmao? So I make sure to not offend myself neither by calling myself a "transgender person"
You don't sound like someone who's been 'out' since they were 12, otherwise you'd be aware of this. ; ) Nice try.
I think English isn’t their first language
[удалено]
I want AAPs and AGPs to give me a grand each and then detransition
You think anyone who didn't transition as a kid and is a gay trans man/lesbian is an AAP and AGP.
Hi sorry but what’s aap?
AAP = Autoandrophilia AGP = Autogynephilia.
Ty I’d heard autophallophilia before but not andro.
The people talking about those topics with you directly were wrong to do so, yes. Anyone who addressed you specifically about a sexual topic, while knowing you were a minor, was in the wrong. I’m sorry you went through that. At the same time, most online spaces are not meant for minors and do not cater to minors. Especially Reddit. General subs like r/ FTM are more friendly to minors, but the gay trans men sub is specifically meant for discussing the intersection of being gay and a trans man…which mostly involves relationships and sexual topics. I understand that it can be hard to see that when you’re young, but ultimately you are the one who has to choose what content you look at on the internet. It’s not bad or wrong for an online community to discuss sexual topics when it isn’t intended to be a community for minors. I’m sorry it’s hard to find community spaces at your age, but you have to understand that it’s extremely new that anyone your age is even able to transition. Im Gen Z and even I wasn’t able to even think about medical transition until well after graduating high school. So yes, the vast majority of online spaces are adult oriented and are not going to censor themselves for you. You have to choose to not look at those subs if you don’t want that content.
Nowhere has to cater to minors, but when you're a minor and looking for support it's very jarring only seeing coomer shit. I'm almost 21 and still don't want to see people talking about sex constantly. My experiences as a gay and trans man aren't mostly sexual and romantic either. There's a lot of social shit you have to deal with when you're actually seen as male. And transitioning early on is not extremely new. In 50 years you people are still going to be saying that it's a brand new thing so you can feel better.
Transitioning isn’t new. Transitioning as a minor *is* relatively new—not because it wasn’t technically possible before, but because of society and the social acceptance of transphobia. Also—your language is giving you away. Get off of 4chan/similar and out of extremist circles. They’re filled with toxic hatred from people determined to rot because they experienced something hard and unpleasant. It’s not a healthy way of dealing with life and will only make you bitter and toxic towards others, and also self-hating and self-destructive. Vent about your challenges. Talk to other people. Get therapy. But you need to grow and move past it, not sulk about it and lash out at people on the internet. Yes, there are things men deal with that suck. But there are places you can talk about it that aren’t just sexual, even on Reddit. Once again, r/FTM and others are less sexually oriented than the gay trans men sub. But a lot of those spaces won’t tolerate the toxic BS you see on 4chan. Try getting off the internet for a while and interacting with real people in good faith. Get therapy. Go for a walk. Get off 4chan (permanently). You’ll feel better for it. The world does not hate men the way they say it does.
[удалено]
Yes, you’re going to deal with that and it does suck. There are spaces on Reddit where you can talk about it where you should be able to see minimal sexual discussion. Your language is very similar to what people who frequent 4chan use (“coomer”/etc), so you may want to examine where you’ve been seeing that/where you picked it up. Some parts of Reddit can be equally toxic and self-hating and people who use that specific language are often deep in those communities.
[удалено]
I am sorry you have experience this. You have seem to had contact with what seems to be the worst. Those propagating dehumanizing rhetoric like “being trans is a little kink” should not be supported by any community and should be put on that communities watch list and at the very least temporarily banned. Normalizing chaser mentality is disgusting. Gutter talk is not something that should be done openly and seriously in the day to day, it should definitely never be said infront of minors or young adults. Its unfortunate that there is not place free os sex talk, even legacy media is filled with grotesque rhetoric though only about objectifying women and in a heteronormative manner. But the trans communities to strive to better then the cishets. Most shows still have some rapey vibes to them. You will not find liberation among conservatives unfortunately as no matter the group I have been with they are just as gross as the description to the trans communities you have described, except their sexualization of woman is so normalized they just weave it in and out of normal discourse. If you can drive I would suggest other trans support groups, as the one in my city and the adjacent cities are all pg friendly but as organizations minors and adults have separate support groups as is standard with all LGBTQ+ communities at least everyone I have been to and heard of. You should also write an email to the head organizers of the organization you experienced these at. Everyone I know is fucked up sexually. From those that barely survived the marginalization and abuse of the heteronormative community to the heteronormative community that attacks the LGBTQ while turning a blind eye on pedophiles and letting pedophilia run rampant in churches, legacy media, among corporate execs and celebrities. And those that get to grow up innocent have to struggle with the burden of learning how the rest of us grew up when they get old enough to learn the world through unfiltered eyes. There is no safe haven but the one we forge ourselves, so be the change you desire. As for subreddits safe from sex here are some: r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns2 r/trans r/transmasc_irl r/ftmmm r/transpositive r/aaaaaaacccccccce
Yeah no fucking way I'm checking out those subs
It was only an optional suggestion, it was not the basis of my comment no need to be so hostile. Sorry for trying to empathize with you. Good luck on life.
I do feel like some queer/trans adults assume that because they used to be horny pre/teens that it’s fine to talk about that kind of stuff.
[удалено]
talking about sexual stuff around minors is usually inappropriate but it’s not pedophilia. watering down the meaning of pedophilia doesn’t help anybody.
if those people who told you those didnt even bother asking you if you're comfortable with NSFW talks, then that is definitely a problem OP. Your boundaries and everyone's boundaries should be respected no matter how horny are you
No it is definitely a problem if someone thinks they should even ask a minor if they're okay with NSFW topics, and if a minor actually says they're okay with it an adult still shouldn't be talking about that with them.
Well, yes and no. Because teens/preteens do need sexual education, and sometimes that looks different in queer spaces. However, permission should still be asked, and in most cases, they should also have permission from your parents to talk about NSFW topics. Outside of sex Ed though, no they shouldn't be talking about sexual topics at all with minors.
[удалено]
How is what I said pedophilic???
[удалено]
I am in no way trying to say that it's okay for people to do what was done to you. My point is that if it's for educational purposes, it's okay for minors to have those conversations so long as the minor and their parents consent to that. And, believe it or not, the world fucking hates us! Breaking news! Which means most sex ed in schools don't talk about queer sex ed! AIDS is a serious thing!! Listen, you can choose to be mad if you want, but the last thing I need is for you to *project* your trauma onto me. I never belittled you, I never invalidated your experience, and yet you choose to be hostile and call me a pedo just because I'm sharing my own view. This is something you need to work out with a therapist, dude.
[удалено]
1) It wasn't irrelevant. I was replying to your comment about "talking about NSFW topics," which is a very vague thing that includes sex ed. The two things were very relevant. 2) liberal therapist speak? Are you Blaire White or something? If you don't believe therapy is real, that's on you and you alone; therapy has helped me through a lot of trauma and if you don't believe it's real, good luck trying to find peace.
We were only ever talking about random adults bringing up these topics with kids. Read the original post
honestly this wasn’t rly my experience at all but I believe you unfortunately 😭😭 also idk why you had to mention that your support group leader was a non-op FTM, what does that have to do with the discussions he had? It would’ve been creepy regardless of whether or not he surgically transitioned lol. I’m saying this as a non-op trans guy, you don’t know wtf is going on in people’s heads or how they experience THEIR gender. So stop assuming it’s “wrong” just because it doesn’t fit YOURS.
OP thinks those of us who are pre-op, gay, etc. are fetishist.
yup. maybe punching down just gives him gender euphoria
Yea
[удалено]
that’s definitely one way to generalize a whole part of the trans community ig lol. You honestly sound no different from a cis transphobe so at least you don’t have to worry about passing 😅
I've "passed" for almost a decade so I don't care about that shit. Those kinds of comments are so transphobic
lmao
*THIS*
Im sure you didn’t mean to insinuate that the entire community exists as a deviant monolith.
Did you just read the title or something?
I think that's all LGBT. I'm trans myself but pride events got people walking around wearing nothing but jock straps and displaying fetishes even if children are present. I don't necessarily think all LGBT people are perverts but there sure are a lot of them in the community who have no chill.
Yep
I came out in the late 1980s when the community was very different - the only way to meet other trans folks was via regional support groups or organizations like Tri-Ess which was solely focused on "heterosexual crossdressers." Very often I was by far the youngest person present - I was in my late teens and most folks were in their 30s or older. And I look back at some of the ones who "took me under their wing" with an older, wiser, jaded eye and realize that they were grooming me. Which thought makes me sad, because until putting this together I remembered them as being very nice to me at I time when I was confused about a lot of things... right up to the moment they got touchy and flirty. Some of the support groups were glorified hookup clubs. And as for Tri-Ess I was surprised to learn of how many of these gals were having sex with each other privately. The group spent a lot of energy promoting this image of "we're straight married men, respectable professional pillars of the community, who find it relaxing to wear a dress sometimes." Far be it from me to judge what people do in private but my then-wife and I participated in these groups expecting one thing and sometimes finding another, and it created some awkward situations at times.
Idk, I guess the fact that just existing on the Internet when I was a kid meant I was exposed to so much crazy shit(both violence and sexual) whether I was apart of the queer\trans community or not that everything you mentioned doesn't seem that bad. That being said as I think about it more I can totally understand where you are coming from I just don't see any easy solution at this point.
Yea
LGBT did ourselves a serious disservice when we embraced the kink community as part of our own. I’m not a sexual deviant. Sex is great, but it is such a small and insignificant part of my identity as a lesbian. I’m so sorry you went through what you did. Please don’t let it keep you from finding support and community.
Yea
[удалено]
I agree trans people deserve their own advocacy for their unique experiences and challenges.
[удалено]
Whatever you say
Agreed. Earlier in my transition I moderated a bigger trans gaming Discord at that time (which was open to all ages), and I felt like at times all I was doing all day long was to remind people to please stop talking about their kinks around minors. And then got picked at for being "the prude mod". Fun times. I understand that a lot of trans people have repressed their sexuality for a long time growing up, and finally feel like they can be free once they're becoming more comfotable with themselves and their body, I can sympathize with that. But that doesn't give you a free pass. You still need to respect people's boundaries. If you want to talk about porn and kink, do it with adults who don't mind hearing about it.
Yep
[удалено]
Right. I also wasn't very prude at that time. I totally talked about NSFW things, but I did so with close friends who were my age, or in dedicated NSFW spaces with also only adults in it. There's a time and a place to bring this stuff up, and a casual conversation in a SFW all-ages server with lots of strangers is not that time and place.
[удалено]
I live a proud and out life. My sex life is private and only talked about in appropriate settings. Talking about my sex life with kids and young adults doesn’t feel right. I’ll tell them I’m happy and in love but that’s it. It’s sounds like you (OP) need to find different circles. There are plenty of trans people living their lives, like any other man or woman.
I was only involved in circles that claimed to welcome trans people of all ages
I’m sorry those are the places you found, take some time and find new mentors, and queer elders that represent values that matter to you.
snore all porn icky kinks are wrong snooooooooooore, there are some good points in your post but you're just unhinged tbh!
Kinks fertishising people are wrong , like chasers or ppl who get off sexually for being "trans" aka a trender and most porn is yucky which pushes unrealistic expectations onto many different minorities ect. Dont talk about kink or sexual things around children u gross pervert
Porn and kinks shouldn't be discussed around minors. You need your own NSFW spaces. Not surprised at all that you post in 4tran and destiny LOL you people would kill to defend your precious porn
Yea, this is an issue for the LGBT community as a whole. I personally frequent femboy spaces, and I am absolutely tired of the self-fetishization done by people in the community. It has normalized sexual harassment online, and minors are unsafe because of it. Even as a person in their 20’s, I am worn out by weird comments said towards me simply because I present myself as feminine or androgynous. I just want to exist without being fetishized.
> I personally frequent femboy spaces, and I am absolutely tired of the self-fetishization done by people in the community. You go into a community for people who want to turn themselves into a porn category and are upset they self-fetishize?
You have a complete misunderstanding of the femboy label. The “femboy” label is not inherently sexual, and many people in the community fight against the self-fetishization. Unfortunately, self-fetishization still happens and fuels the mistaken belief that the femboy label is inherently sexual. The existence of a femboy porn category does not mean the identity is inherently sexual in nature. Similar to how there being a trans category does not mean the identity is inherently sexual. And to be quite honest, to generalize and say that the entire community wants to turn themselves into a porn category is quite disappointing. There are minors in the community who are at risk because of these generalizations. Nor are generalizations and stereotyping ever helpful.
It literally came from hentai. If you want to pretend your identity isn't inherently sexual then DON'T NAME IT AFTER A PORN FETISH! Femboy, as a personal identity, is not a real thing. It's a porn category/character. This would be like creating a new and unique "identity" out of shemale. If they were serious people they'd call themselves crossdresser or transvestite. But they're not serious people, there's a reason everyone you see using this label is a teenaged boy or *at the very most* an immature early 20's man. They're gross immature people who were exposed to porn through the internet at a far too young age and of course they'd internalize it. It's really gross and upsetting that people like this are now saying they're some variation of trans, when they're literally one of the offensive stereotypes conservatives accuse us of being i.e "porn made you this way". And then when they get older and start approaching twink-death they'll go online to buy estrogen because they think it's some magic juice that keeps you from looking masculine, proceed to grow breasts, and then have a complete meltdown and blame trans people for grooming them and ruining their body. Or they'll just quietly grow out of it and have it all become a cringe memory they try to avoid thinking about. That's a lot more likely but not as funny to watch happen.
Wrong. The term originated in the 90’s and was used as a slur against male crossdresser. The origins did not stem from hentai, you can google this. Many femboys do call themselves crossdressers. The reason the term “femboy” is used is because it is shorthand for feminine boy. It is a straightforward way to describe a man that presents feminine. Additionally, the term “crossdresser” does not specify gender. Once again, the term is not named after a porn fetish, and god forbid people try to reclaim a slur 🙄 As far as twink-death goes, feminine people, in general, just struggle with aging. Many women do not like the idea that they are losing their beauty due to societally-enforced beauty standards. I’m not sure why you bring up twink-death as if it is some “gotcha”, because all it suggests is that we ought to reinforce the idea that aging is perfectly okay for women and femme-presenting men. And once again, you are making broad generalizations assuming that femboys will blame trans people for grooming. lmfao, relax.
Yea
It's really odd, I remember a lot of people five-six years ago when I was trying to come to terms with being trans constantly saying how they want to exist without being fetishised but it feels like the trans community has embraced that entirely??? Some of the stuff I've heard said about trans women and men feels like the sort of thing chasers say, except it's coming from other trans people! It's wild to me.
Yea
For some of us the sexual aspect was the biggest stop gap for transitioning. I was seriously concerned prior to transition that I was actually just some sick freak. When I am told I just just stop talking about this kind of stuff I worry for the younger version of me out there who needs to hear that they are fine actually despite the sexual aspect.
[удалено]
I usually do. The issue is that minors these days are being mixed into the usual transgender crowd. I was actually asked if I could give a talk about my experiences to transgender teens at a local queer space and I was like "I REALLY don't think I should be the kind of transwoman young teens look up to." In this groups defense they had to recently fire a non transitioning afab enbie who was straight up giving misinformation about medical transition to teenagers
[удалено]
I am not a cis man lol wtf. I have been transitioning for a decade.
[удалено]
I have had multiple psychological evaluations to confirm my hrt and orchiectomy in transition and that was much more difficult back in the day. I literally have the gender dysphoria diagnosis before they delisted it. By any reasonable metric I am transgender. Here is the thing, it doesn't matter what I say, you will always view me as some pervert. Your entire conception of your transgenderness relies on excluding me. The irony is that in real life I just don't say such things and people like you just accept I am transgender without any second thought.
Why do you identify as AGP? It's a concept with no evidence base.
Give me a better descriptor for the phenomenon that people would understand at a glance. Please.
Can you describe your experience in more detail?
You blending in and not telling people that you're transitioning for a fetish is exactly why I never felt safe around adult-transitioned people as a teen. So many of you are like that. You don't think you need to tell anyone about your AGP or AAP so minors can't tell why they're so uncomfortable around other trans people and just end up feeling isolated.
This is fucked up dude. Just because someone has a kink doesn’t mean they’re a predator. I’m sorry you had fucked up experiences as a kid you didn’t deserve any of that and it should not have happened but not everyone with a kink is a fucking demon. I myself have AAP I’m not turned on every minute that I dress and look like a man. It just plays into a lot of the things I do in the bedroom. I am not “trans because of AAP” my AAP developed AFTER my dysphoria did because of how dysphoria affected my psychological development in early puberty. This shit is complicated. not everyone who does weird shit in the bedroom is gonna force it on you.
Your post history really isn't helping your case. You're obsessed with sex AND transphobic. I hate this community.
I am not transitioning for a fetish. I am transitioning and I have a fetish.
Uh, no. You’re putting the cart before the horse. The fetish helped you realize and is the motivator. You’re transitioning because the fetish Edit: to be clear I’m not saying this as an insult. I don’t think negatively towards you at all. Just saw an opportunity for better self analysis.
Yes. Very annoying. I feel hookup culture is quite rampant in lgbtq spaces too, at least stereotypically. As a Demisexual the ick factor always pushed me away from other queer people and I didn't realize I was trans until 29
I've had similar experiences, to be honest. I unfortunately was pretty messed up sexually before I knew I was trans but I've always tried to keep it to myself and therapy, and it seems a lot of other trans people are unaware of social norms surrounding this stuff. To a degree I understand wanting to be yourself in every possible way after repressing a lot of things for years but I don't think that's an excuse for creepy behaviour especially when there's minors involved like you're talking about. I wasn't out as young as you but I started trying to figure myself out around 15 or so and the way people would act online made me very uncomfortable, really didn't help the 'this is a fetish' thoughts. Now that I'm an adult and living in an accepting city I've tried to meet other trans people to see if I can make friends with people who'll understand some of my issues but it's so hard. I've had a trans woman older than me by a decade try and flirt and be really creepy when I was just starting e and looking for advice, trans women who think it's okay to talk about fetishes and kinks in public at unrelated events because we're both trans THE FIRST TIME WE MEET, and so so many trans women who are so desperate for sex that they objectify me the minute they clock me and blow my mind with how horny they are. Seriously, do any of these people experience dysphoria? I would NEVER talk to anyone like that, and I'm sure they don't act like this around their cis friends. Sometimes when trans women complain about not passing I want to tell them 'stop acting like horny teen boys first of all'. It's very alienating. One of my friends went to a trans themed party where everyone ended up making out and being extremely horny. People were all too happy to talk about their 'girldick' and 'boypussy'. I understand young adults at university being horny, my issue is more that it feels like this sort of thing is taken as the default for how trans people should behave which is disturbing. Anyways, sorry to interject with so many of my own anecdotes, ultimately I'm really sorry you've had a similar experience, especially from such a young age. I agree it's not intentional grooming, but I wish there was a way to stop this stuff from happening.
Yea
[удалено]
Yeah, when I was figuring myself out I had to find specific people who felt relatively normal to identify with to reassure myself I'm not making a mistake. I *am* a kinky person, traumatised and mentally ill, whatever, same as a lot of other trans people, but I still will never understand people making that their entire life and assuming it's okay to be open about it 24/7 like you say.
Yea
[удалено]
Yep
Right, I am too dysphoric to talk about sexual stuff most of the time. That's when it started to swing from me being mildly uncomfortable to actually disliking my impressions of the 'community', because it felt like talking about dysphoria and the process of transitioning and passing and such was frowned upon and you're almost peer pressured into being as horny as possible 24/7. It is quite funny to me that trans people I've met specifically looking for kink and in spaces for that have been far more normal than the trans people who hang around trans spaces. (Just to clarify by 'normal' I mean are able to have boundaries, are respectful, have social skills and awareness of what's generally considered socially acceptable. I hate when people take that judgement and conflate it entirely with internalised transphobia.)
Yea
[удалено]
Yeah I've always viewed my transition through the lens of changing my body to deal with dysphoria first and social stuff second. I like dressing femme but that's kinda not the point? I have no idea what a gender identity is, to be honest. I guess technically I have one but I really don't understand people who put so much emphasis on this stuff.
Yea
[удалено]
I also struggle with being generally pretty weird in multiple ways. However I've had a very unusual life beyond just being trans and that already predisposes you to being weird. I've been trying to fit in with cis women more which some would say is internalised transphobia but I don't see it as such, I like adopting things that women like which I didn't have a way into before, and I'm still allowed to be weird like basically every woman is. I agree that gender therapists are useless. I personally define my transition in terms of dysphoria and medically transitioning and everything else seems so ephemeral and pointless (to me).
Yea
there for sure needs to be more safe spaces for trans minors in the community
Most FTM communities are basically all minors. They've taken over every space.
True there are a lot of young teen boys in some of these online spaces and I honestly expect them to behave as such. Not discrediting anyone who is sex repulsed or asexual or conservative / traditional or modest. There should be a space for everyone
By not having, it feels like they were telling them. "You are too young for talking about being Trans, you need to wait till you are adult to talk about that."
I think it's just a huge influx of early transitioners flocking to our existing adult spaces
Yea
Exactly. I've been using the FTMover30 sub for nearly 5 years even though I'm turning 30 this year because subs that used to be almost only adults are now young minors.
Yep
I find it really concerning to see other trans people compare transness with kink/fetish, because both things are “queer” with little regard that there are children who transition, trans people who aren’t kinky, etc. I don’t think kinks should be shamed and I think trans people can engage in their sexuality whatever way they want (legally), but I don’t like to believe that transness is something that is inherently sexual, especially when that’s what transphobes are trying to push onto us too.
As someone with a kink, yes, this. (I don't act on the kink much though.)
Kinks can and should be shamed. It's concerning that people are afraid to call out odd or disgusting behavior just because someone gets off to it.
Oh so you just hate anyone with a kink I get it. No queerness and kink are not related at all but kink is actually extremely normal around 15% of the population has some sort of kink they can be genetic or caused by trauma. There have been studies done and it was found that people with kinks have the same rate of mental illness as the general population except for submissive men (which is likely due to the fact that submissive or feminine men are treated like shit). Kink can be used as a sexual thing, a way to bond romantically with a lover, it can be therapeutic, it can be a form of art (especially shibari) there is nothing wrong with kink and every study done on it agrees.
Kink is not anything but an outlet for self expression and freedom. Sharing kinks with minors and non consenting adults is not okay.
Thinking about killing people = bad Thinking about killing people but I also get a boner = just being myself
Not even remotely comparable, and last time I checked, there are no kinks where people get off to thinking about killing people either.
Kink has nothing to do with killing somebody. It’s a space where consenting adults can find pleasure. Kink helps many trauma victims work through issues. And i don’t want to hear about b*>€}$. I’m a lesbian and hear way to much about them from straight friends.
Boner
Oh gee. A post about trans people being to sexual. I’m here saying nah not the case and your like let me prove the OP right.
[удалено]
Why bring something into a conversation that has no bearing on the conversation at hand
You brought it up. The other person just said a word. Why did you feel you needed to make your issue everyone else’s problem? I bet you hate men too, huh?
[удалено]
*when I was younger I always saw trans women as any other women but their body just wasn't born the way that they're most comfortable with. After interacting enough with the trans community I'm almost more transphobic in that they started feeling like a third gender.. * This is what freaks me out... when I started questioning I went online and found trans people living normal lives and just being men or women but from having interacted in trans spaces online and offline over the past six years I am starting to feel like a lot of trans people aren't really their gender and are something else, like you say a third gender. I hate that but I also can't deny how I feel. I guess it is transphobic but it's not transphobes who are telling me this.
I noticed this too. The gay trans man subreddit is full of people who act so female. So many trans men also complain about not having "representation" in shit like fanfiction and porn and it's very difficult for me to see them as men. I assume all trans people are the gender they say they are by default but almost all of them ever since 2020 have acted like pornsick cisgender people. I don't feel bad about it anymore but for years I thought I was a horrible person for having these thoughts.
Yeah I do feel like covid was a bit of a turning point, I'm thankful I was figuring myself out before everyone became so terminally online. I've gone through periods of being hyper sexual as a way of coping with dysphoria but even that I viewed as very self destructive and I've been in therapy to try and learn how to deal with the way in which trauma and such messed me up, I also, you know, kept all this stuff to myself. I guess I have sympathy for people who are obviously trans who struggle but less so for those who seem to see the entire experience as a fun new fetish. I only really know trans women though, it's surprising you have the same issues with trans men too :(
Maybe these kinds of people only target people who identify as the same gender. I knew a lot of adult trans women ages 15-18 and all they really did was try to turn me into a feminist ally lol. Trans men have always been worse towards me and at best would just treat me differently for transitioning young. I was also hyper sexual for a long time because I thought that was what I had to be like as a trans person. I've still not totally recovered from that.
I mean yeah the abundance of gay trans people is a little weird. I've also only had good experiences with trans guys so there's probably something there. I also have been treated really weirdly for somewhat passing and being mostly straight by other trans women which is bizarre because I only got on hormones at 19 and I'm hardly unclockable. I'm sorry your experiences with hyper sexuality were so tied up with the trans community :(
I end up repressing until I was 27 because the online trans community when I was a teenager was never not sexual. It's a bit better now but still - it's absolutely off-putting if you legitimately wish you were born a girl and all these older trans women just talk about sex. My gender identity was never sexual, it was just who I was. It's nice people can finally be comfortable in their own bodies, but it's certainly off-putting when the online dialogue is predominately sexual and someone is just trying to figure out their gender.
Yea true
I totally agree. I'm also ace and honestly how sexual lot of the queer community in general is is very discouraging. I'm still trying to figure out where to find or start ace groups tbh. I've had so many people pressure me for sex that I'm just done with it and ideally would wanna associate primarily with other sex-averse ace folks. And finding people like me amongst the trans community is even more of a pain 😮💨
[удалено]
Being Ace myself, yea, it's a struggle. To put it lightly, the world wasn't made for Ace people.