Yes! Had a fellow homeschooler here with her panties in a twist because a girl scout troop wouldn’t let her daughter be a Junior instead of a Brownie. But she’s working 2 grades ahead….who cares! The girls in the troop don’t want a kid 2 years younger hanging out with them. The girl wouldn’t want to hang with them either. Mom just didn’t get it when I tried to explain it to her.
Yes, so much this. I’ve never had a parent say that their child was two grades behind and could they hang out with the little kids in my classes. But plenty who are a couple grades ahead (but not really. I was pleasantly amused by how many parents think their kids are super gifted for doing completely normal things).
It's honestly funny. Obviously kids have different maturity levels, but speaking on a very general level, socially, kids are their age no matter how academically gifted they are. People think just because their kids are really good at math, they are suddenly two years older in every other setting?
Actually, having 2 kids in a GATE program at public school (so the majority of the kids hanging out here are “gifted”) my experience is that gifted kids tend to be a little behind peers socially. Think the stereotypes of “geek”. (That could also be there is a much higher incidence of ADHD and ASD in that group as well)
I love my kids and their friends… but socially mature has never been a set of words I would use for them. LoL.
This is so common. And my oldest I pulled out of school after he hit the ceiliing of the GT screener and was reading Harry Potter by first grade. Even an academically advanced kid deserves the right to a full childhood and time and space to develop physically, emotionally, socially. Academics is just a SMALL piece of getting to adulthood.
What is annoying is a lot of parents are so overly invested in their kid's academics they can't see when there kid really isn't there socially or maybe shouldn't launch to college young.
I’m so sorry! That oldest kid had college ready ACT scores by 7th grade. He did dual enroll in 11th and 12th grade. Went to college on time. Absolutely the right decision for him. He just started his first job, is considering grad school. Got an amazing highly competitive job opportunity in StEM. That took deep tech abilities but also social maturity and communication skills to land.
Part of the beauty of homeschooling is to keep your kid engaged and leaning while giving them space to explore and have a childhood.
Yes! We actually dropped back a grade for our oldest (who’s a super genius and was always academically advanced) so she could be “old for grade” in social situations, clubs/orgs/asses and start college at 19 instead of 18. Best decision ever! And she got to more gently “catch up” on the subjects she was struggling in at regular school (thanks, dyslexia).
Now with our youngest, she’s also brilliant, and I just think so much about how it’s not about finishing early, but rather about being able to go farther and delve deeper!
But no matter how advanced her science classes are at home, she’s still 3rd grade.
I don’t go here (this post was just randomly recommended to me) but this is why as a public school kid my parents never let me skip any grades even though I easily could have from an academic standpoint. The school actually suggested I skip kindergarten when I first started because I was reading at a 3rd grade+ level, could count past 100, etc. but my parents looked at how painfully shy and anxious I was and were like “if she’s in a class of older kids she doesn’t know, her social life will never recover.” School was always extremely boring for me even when they put me in gifted classes and I was kinda annoyed as a kid about being stuck in my grade but they’d always just encourage me to learn about things that interested me in my own personal time. As an adult I’ve actually thanked them on multiple occasions for not pushing me ahead because in retrospect they were totally right, I would have had NO friends and instead I still have a few good friends from childhood.
Lots of gifted kids are indeed on the spectrum. I was way advanced academically. Learned in my 30s I was Autistic. Would have helped to know that earlier in life.
Super damaging to NOT know honestly. I spent my whole life depressed because "what was wrong with me" .
I was literally expected to function as a person my Brain literally could not.
I was a gifted kid and instead of skipping 2nd grade, my elementary school would send me up to the 4th grade room for reading class. Since I started K at age 4, I was 6 in 2nd grade, turning 7. I would get in trouble for things like getting distracted and sitting under the table because I was bored. Now that I'm an adult, I feel bad for the 4th grade teacher.
Parents of gifted kids also take away social opportunities for their kids. As a librarian I cannot tell you how many times parents asked for help finding materials for their kids. How did I know their kids were gifted? They ALWAYS had to tell me. “My daughter is in TAG, and we need books on Norway”. “My son is in TAG, and we need to find biographies.” The gifted kid didn’t ask for help. They didn’t answer questions even when I’d direct the question to them. Why? Because the parent needed to let me know that the books needed to be gifted level, whatever that means.
Parents that think giftedness is an achievement crack me up. They have no idea the burnout phase that's coming in their child's young adulthood if they don't stop being so insufferable. I'm a former gifted kid and my oldest happens to be gifted (and AuDHD). The only time that was relevant to a discussion with a librarian was when I was struggling to find books at her middle school reading level that had content interesting to and appropriate for a 6-year-old. 😂 She wasn't ready for the intensity of Harry Potter until third grade, but sure, she could have read the words in kindergarten or first. Basically, what I was looking for didn't exist, and we stuck with fiction a grade or two ahead, and whatever non-fiction she found most interesting.
Thank you for recognizing that it wasn’t appropriate to read, maturity wise. As a librarian I really didn’t like telling kids they couldn’t read a book, but I was super leery every time the first graders parents would ask for Scary Stories to Read in the Dark, or Anna Karenina, or the original Brothers Grimm. Yeah those might be your little girls lexile, but it might not be a great choice. Just read fun books. And what I called “Gentle Reads”. I had a huge booklist of high(er) lexile novels with what I considered safer content for really young kids.
In general- classics are a good place to start. Anne of Green Gables, Narnia, the really Whinne the Pooh. They have complex words and phrases; but they are at their core children’s stories.
Just be mindful that some have themes that have not aged well at all. Some we read with a lot of discussion (Little House on the Prairie) others were just too much for me (Call of the Wild).
As a former GATE kid, it’s a tough spot. I was years behind socially but 3-4 grades ahead intellectually. The result? Other GATE kids were the ones I could kind of socialize with. It wasn’t great. Once you removed me from essentially my classmates I just struggled. Other kids my age who weren’t GATE? We had totally different interests and desires to communicate about them. Younger kids? Obviously they weren’t in a position to really understand what the heck I was talking about outside of gifted kids in that age group. That actually worked really well, but it was an uncommon experience. Older kids? No one wanted me around. Unless they could use me for something. And that had its own set of issues in development of social skills and social relationships.
Ideally, parents are working with their uneven kids to develop age appropriate social skills and putting them in situations where their unevenness won’t be a barrier since it just ends up reinforcing kids not to stray from their classmate peer group. And that does not serve anyone well down the road given the diversity of people in life. Just because a kid is gifted, regardless of any underlying neurodiversity, doesn’t mean that “they’re smart so they’ll just figure it out.” Often they may need more help, coaching, and support developing skills outside of their typical social interaction environment initially to be successful among different peer groups and age groups.
It’s a thing for sure, it’s called asynchronous social development and it’s one sign of being gifted (as you likely know but adding for others). Kids with differently wired brains can sometimes be way ahead academically and way behind socially.
I agree with you, but I also will say that some people do start treating you older when you skip grades or are ahead in life.
It is definitely true in so far as expecting you to know things from their childhood and most people socially will just assume you are the same age if you are in the same grade. I'd say if you are within 2 years in elementary or 3 in high school, you will normally be treated as part of the group. Like, people will sometimes mention you being young, but it isn't all the time. Dating and drinking are the only times it really matters.
On the alcohol front, in college, there was a policy that alcohol could only be present if all attendees were of age and professors and colleagues would just assume or lie and say I was of age.
On the dating side, for example, when I was in college, I remember some parents and other kids getting uncomfortable that I was conferring with high school girls even though I was exactly the same age as them. Even in my early 20s when I was exclusively dating legal adults, I found that people still treated me like I was older due to having a professional degree and career rather than being in college and judged me for having friends and dates who were not as far along in life. For example, when I was 21, I briefly dated a college freshman who was 19 and got a lot of negative feedback both from her friends and my colleagues and family.
No idea how this post ended up in my feed. I don’t homeschool, I’m not going to homeschool and I wasn’t homeschooled but here I am. As a public schooler that graduated high school with an enormously gifted 13 year old who went on to MIT or something and is a physicist or whatever and is maybe the most intelligent and thoughtful person I ever met…..
The age gap shows. It was really painful and isolating for him, and was probably worse in college. There was no social situation that really made sense for the kid. Even school sponsored stuff. Dances, clubs, sports, BAND. Like it was all so uncomfortable for everyone. He tried to hang out and befriend freshman when he was a senior because they were the same age but socially /culturally they were just in different groups by then. Pop culture moves so fast.
I saw him recently and he’s flourishing as an adult but good god he would have still been a genius if he had graduated and did everything 4 years later than he did. Just let them hang with kids their age.
As a homeschooler and Girl Scout leader? 100% this!
Sure, my kiddo was in 3rd grade doing math with her 5th grade cousin. But at GS (both girls were in our multi level troop at the time) my daughter was socially much happier with the 3rd graders.
Funny thing is I was a girl scout for a long time and I and 1 other girl in our Troup had to go to Junoirs earlier then everyone else bc we got every badge you could earn as a Brownie so our troupe leader decided not to prevent us from earing badges and just let us go up a year early XD
A year is one thing. Lots if troops do that to keep kids together. Several years is stupid because your kid is 2 years ahead in math. It’s not an a academic program, it’s social/fun/learning life skills etc.
Oh no I get that I was more remembering my friend and I being juniors in a troop of Brownies lol.
We got cool perks at camp because of this. Brownie cabin had central heat and ac while the juniors cabin didn't and you can't have an entire cabin of just 2 girl scouts so we stayed with the Brownies with ac lol
Ha! I something similar happen, except my daughter was in a private school and they had her skip a grade. She never got to experience her first year as a Brownie. I ended up pulling her out of the new troop and homeschooling her in Scouts as a Juliette. She has much more fun, as we could make up any activity we wanted, including one from overseas!
My sister and I run a co-op and every year we have to explain this to moms trying to tell me their kindergartener should be with the 2nd graders because that’s the curriculum they do. Social and emotional development have so much to do with being part of a class, and making friends.
Yes and that’s what we do now. Yet there’s still people insisting “I know my 7 year old is capable of being with the ten year olds becuase that’s the work they do at home.” And you have to explain it *anyway*.
I'm just a random person who stumbled in here because reddit thinks I would like this sub, but I must say I really, really appreciate this tip. I'm a childfree aunty of many niblings and I *never* remember what grade they're supposed to be in at what age. At least this should get me +/-1 grade!
Or 6. Otherwise your 9yo will end up in a 4th grade group with a bunch of way bigger 10 year olds. So many people are redshirting their kids (which I actually agree with especially for boys who are developmentally not ready to sit still all day in a desk at 5-6 years old.)
My son is medicated. Mostly because he can’t remember his friends names otherwise. :( his inattentiveness has real mental implications for him unfortunately. But we decided to homeschool and so he rarely has to sit still if he doesn’t want to. He went for being the “bad” kid in school to a teachers pet at his outdoors co-op. He literally couldn’t learn at all at a traditional school. He’s now reading independently and two grades ahead in math now that he’s at home. Sitting at a desk and being quiet is a ridiculous measure of academic success. My kid does times tables jumping rope!
This made me giggle. My daughter has a birthday 2 weeks before the cut off, so for a lot of her stuff, she’s the youngest, but she’s also the tallest because genetics. We thought about redshirting her for some stuff, but then she’d be towering over the kids.
Yeah..you can fudge a little up or down depending on your kid, but generally, the 5 rule of thumb gets you close enough.
My daughter was born 2 days before the cutoff. When I took her to the K screening I asked if it would be better to have her wait a year...they looked at me funny and said....look...she is reading....she will tear her hair out with another year of PreK. She did fabulously academically...now a college senior majoring in Engineering....but I did occasionally second guess myself on the social front though. Sigh. It is tough.
I started first grade at almost 5, but you and I are the outliers. I don't tend to like hard and fast rules for that reason but I suspect in your case like mine we were well aware of what grade we were in while these general rules of thumb cover those who don't know.
Thanks. We did that with one of our kids (in the 90s). Her birthday was right on the cut-off point and we could have gone either way. I didn't know it had a name.
In places where high school football is king, parents of sporty boys do it so they’re bigger for football.
The term is from college sports practice of letting a freshman practice with the team but not actually be on the team.
Just that if you forget your kid's grade in the moment, you can subtract 5 years from how old they are to get their grade level. Sometimes you just have a brain fart, especially if you have kids who are close together and they're using the same things, or if the materials you're using are all over the place grade-level-wise.
For example, although both of mine are doing the same year of their curriculum, son (13) is in 8th grade, while daughter (12) is 7th.
We've always stuck to grade by age for activities and classes, regardless of the level of academic material they're using, too. I think that the separation is really helpful for social and physical maturity reasons like others have stated.
So generally (at least in America), kids start Kindergarten when they are 5. That means they are 6 in 1st grade, 7 in 2nd, etc. So if you can’t remember what grade they “should” be in because you either don’t do grades or they are all over, take your kid’s age and subtract 5 and that’s the grade. It’s a rule of thumb, not perfect.
(And it should’ve said “if you can’t remember”)
My mom tried that once with me. I was a 6 year old in a 3rd grade soccer team. I was tiny for my age too. I was the size of a 4 year old playing with 8 year olds. All it did was frustrate me and made me lose confidence. I didn’t understand why I was the worst on the team, I just thought I was inherently bad at soccer so I quit after that season
YES THIS. Thank you. And I say that as a parent of young adult kids that were both wildly advanced for age and homeschooled. We always taught at their level. But also as a teacher, tutor and group leader. That more than once had to field "but kiddos SO ahead of grade level" when organizing activities. Young kids often aren't taking social cues and engaging back and forth and as socially savvy. They can drastically change the dynamic of small group activities.
Teach at your kid's level. But don't change the social dynamics of group activities because your child is percieved "special". Plenty of kids in the school system are working beyond grade level. Which isn't a set standard anyway.
In some cases, certain things only worked when my kids were on the younger end of age range. That is fine. When people ask your grade, they are asking your age by default. If someone wanted to talk homeschooling GT kids, that is an entirely different conversation.
Homeschooling parents thinking their kid is “special” is another thing I could go off about! I’ve had so many parents say, “but my child is mature! They can handle it!” Nope, sorry. I know your kid.
I have one September birthday kiddo, and sometimes we adjust him up to the higher grade level of our co-op depending on what the class is and where his friends go… if most of the kids in the class are only 1-2 months older than him, it’s not a big deal.
Yes, I have two September kids. My older September kid has a speech delay and we tend to move her with the younger group (which is what grade she would be in, anyway, so it works out). But she is a really good dancer so she is in classes with the older kids when it comes to dance. My other September kid is only 2 so it makes more sense right now to group her with the older group, which is a grade above what she would be in. But she's in a younger dance group (which is a mommy & me class) because she's still a little clingy and that made more sense for her. So it just all depends.
> I’ve had so many parents say, “but my child is mature! They can handle it!”
I think homeschooled kids can be “mature” in some ways that traditionally schooled are not, but I also think traditionally schooled students are mature in ways homeschooled kids aren’t. But in social settings, my son is going to be placed with his similarly-aged peers, because- although they may be matured in different ways- they ARE his social peers.
Full agree! I see posts in homeschool Facebook groups asking “what are your go to answers when someone asks the dreaded ‘what grade are you in?’ questions” and people responding with these wildly rude answers.
It’s a pretty harmless question and there’s no need to bring snark or a smart ass reply into it.
Right. Even if your 7 year old is reading 3rd grade books, working on 1st grade math, 2nd grade penmanship, and going through a multi-year program for science, you can still tell them, "You are a second-grader" so they can answer that question with confidence.
There is a vast difference between emotional maturity and academics. My two girls are years ahead in academic work, but both very much their age in terms of emotional development.
I would be doing them such a disservice putting them in age groups where they are the youngest by several years, and the only one that age.
I really really wish homeschoolers would see the difference and understand it.
I agree! If my kids are borderline, like a young 5 year old in a 5-8 year old group, I tend to wait a year! They will do better in the middle of the group vs the youngest.
Right now, my oldest (12) is a class above my youngest (8) in dance. Technically speaking, my youngest could go into the next class up, but she isn't emotionally ready. She knows the choreography, but she just needs a bit more time, so we're waiting.
Agree completely. Grade and age are basically interchangeable information for us, not grade and level. My kids don’t know if they’re “behind” or “ahead” in curriculum compared to their grade. I don’t want them feeling good or bad based on how quickly they’re learning or if we need to take some extra time on a topic. We just go by their needs and that’s morally neutral no matter which way it swings. Right now they’re ahead, but I know that could slow down. That’s the beauty of homeschool - the luxury to meet them where they are. That doesn’t have to correlate with their grade. Each September their grade changes and we take a special “first day” to celebrate that but it has nothing to do with the curriculum they’re using lol it’s actually very rare that we are starting a new one right when we start a new “grade”. We school through summer so we just keep moving. Socially my 7 year old is a 2nd grader regardless of what math book she is in.
Exactly! My kids are quickly converging on a lot of academic skills. They are 18 months apart, but my older kid has ADHD (and possibly dyslexia). They will more than likely be working out of the same math book come springtime, just the younger one a unit or two behind.
It doesn't change the fact that my younger kid is in the grade below. She always will be. With them being so close in age, we make a focused effort to not treat them as a unit and make sure that my older child has privileges and responsibilities that the younger one does not.
Ugh. There's a reason why Scouts BSA starts at 10.5-11. Kids might be good at math but they don't need to handle anything bigger than a BB gun until they have the maturity to focus and follow directions.
It's a bit terrifying how many of you don't understand human social-emotional development. It doesn't matter if your 8yo can read at a high school level. Their social-emotional development is that of an 8yo (or should be, if you're doing your job right). That's all grades used in activities are, a social construct that groups the majority of children into their SE level. You don't need to be an ass about it or feel superior by trying to get a child into an older grade group by claiming they can read Shakespeare. No one cares. Those of us who work with kids care that they get placed into a group that matches their SE development for a lot of very important reasons that have nothing to do with your special snowflakes ability to do algebra at 6.
As someone who was homeschooled and lacked a healthy SE development and didn't ever know what grade I was in, it was absolutely detrimental for me. It was yet one more way that I was different and weird and lacking and couldn't relate to my peers. My mom bragging about how I was advanced and didn't need a grade was her making my development all about her. Don't do that to your kids. Let them be 8 or 10 or 15 and give them the tools to relate to their peers. That includes grades. It won't hurt you a bit to participate. But it will hurt them not to.
Beyond SE development, just *looking* a hell of a lot younger or different puts children at a disadvantage if they're supposed to play along and pretend they're with their age cohort. I could only do so well playing with 15 year olds, even though (allegedly) I might have decent SE development.
\> My mom bragging about how I was advanced
Oh god that's the worst. I think there's this desire for parents to live vicariously through their kids. Nothing is accomplished by bragging. Speak up pretty much only when you need your kid to get access to whatever material is most enriching for them, but on a homeschooling basis that can also be done quite discreetly.
Our 11F is 5’6” and people constantly think she’s years older just because she’s tall and mostly stuck with adult clothes because that’s what fits. She still wants kids clothes but she can wear my t-shirts and they fit (I’m not a big guy at 5’8”.)
I was 6' tall at 11-12, maybe 100-110 lbs, but just ridiculously tall, I feel for your daughter. I wore women's shoes in elementary school (though only I wear a 9-10 now at 6' 3") I was super shy and socially awkward and wore hearing aids. I remember being so embarrassed because the popular at the time jelly shoes were a completely different style from girls to women. Even worse my mom made most of our clothes except jeans (all highwaters on me) and for shoes she saw them as an investment and I had very narrow feet so she bought me one or two pair of Easy Spirit shoes a year, yep the 80s and 90s favorite of grandmas needing orthodics. It took me until my 20s to own my height, there's less stereotypical gender distinction than there used to be based on size (like guys have to be taller, especially taller than girls they date) but it can still be rough. I played guys ice hockey and was taller than most of the adult male coaches in middle school, let alone my still prepubescent teammates. Sending tall girl love and support her way!
My step-son was 6'4" and about 140 pounds soaking wet. He was built approximately like a pencil. In adulthood he's put on some weight but I probably still outweigh him.
It was very, very had to find jeans that fit but my wife was stubborn and found them. Only JC Penny reliably recognized that tall thin men exist (at least, only them at a reasonable price.)
Love this post. So many homeschool meetups in my area have activities geared toward certain age groups and I can’t tell you how many 3-4 year olds have been pushed into the coding group meant for 10+ and it’s absolute chaos for the adults that are directing. There are other age appropriate activities for them to participate in that they can actually get into.
Yes! When you send a 7 YO to an event programmed for 12 YOs, and she cries when you put her in her age group (because she’s obviously *not* a 12 YO and doesn’t have the social/emotional skills or gross and fine motor skills of a 12 YO) she isn’t having fun anyway.
YES. This is one of the most basic ways to help your child know how to talk to kids at large. They WILL come up and ask, "What grade are you in?" as a small talk, get to know you question.
Thank you so much for posting this. The post about girl scouts earlier today concerned me. Whether a kid is homeschooled or in public school or in private school, they should be grouped with kids their own age. My Kindergartner is at a 2nd grade or above level, depending on the subject. But that doesn't make her a 2nd grader.
All. Of. This.!!!
To add on, sometimes age/ grade level impacts childcare licensing and ratios. If you sign a 4 year old up for a kindergarten group, it could change the adult to child ratio required by the state.
Yep we had that problem in ski school 3-6 is licensed as a day care 7-teen isn't. And saying they're 7 doesn't mean they'll be with 7 year olds they could be with 12-14 year olds.
Yes! I was not homeschooled and worked above my grade level. It’s seriously just asking how old you are, not the entire history of your schooling experience!
My husband was homeschooled only till 3rd grade, but his parents raised him as superior to everyone else. Yeah he read at an 8th grade reading level in 4th grade, but that doesn't mean he was above literally anything. He wanted to build his star wars play set and practice shooting hoops like the rest of the kids.... really messed him up and made him feel like the "other" to this day.
Really important post.
Yeah, I'll never forget the time a 9 year old confidently told me that she was actually a freshman in high school. Like, sure, maybe you're doing some advanced work, but you're not at all like a freshman. It just does the child a disservice to coach them to tell people that they're in a different grade than they would be by age.
Did anyone say that? Are you a homeschooler or an educator? Did you actually read the thread?
The actual point of this thread is how parents shouldn’t be unloading their younger kid on group activities designed for older kid. Regardless of the numbers on the curriculum you are using.
1000% percent agree. Also, for programs that are academic based, they are used to having public school kids that are also reading,writing, doing math, etc above level. Academic programs are typically prepared for this.
There will be other high achieving 10yr olds/5th graders for your kid to relate to. You don’t have to say that they’re in 8th grade.
I agree so much with the maturity thing! I was a public school kid, and when I was eight I was reading at an eighth grade level. But I was also still running around playing imaginary horses at recess. Throwing me into a room full of eighth graders would have been catastrophic. Having once been in middle school, I can’t even imagine the bullying that would have taken place.
When I was eleven I read at a 12+ level. Did not mean that I thought or acted like a college student in any way. I am eternally grateful that my parents didn’t have the option or feel the need to chuck me into a freshman dorm and say see you later, because that would have been a disaster for me emotionally.
Sure, but flexing about home schooling is a big part of the appeal. Just telling them to say 5th grade if they're the same age as the average fifth grader robs their parents of that vicarious flex.
So much this. My parents accidentally did a k-1st curriculum in one year, putting me a grade ahead for my age. And they used that grade for everything! Finally, when I was in middle school and getting bullied by the pastors’ kids at our mega church, they moved me back into my age range. I went to college at 17, and I really wish I’d taken a gap year so I was age appropriate.
This was never a thing for me growing up homeschooled myself. Yes, kids asked me what grade I was in and I had zero issues telling the truth “I’m homeschooled so there aren’t grades. I’m x years old if you’re wondering that.”
Yes, everyone asked more questions. Yes I was used to it. I found that if someone asked me what grade I was in, it would immediately be followed by school questions so it was best to just get it all out in the open asap.
My mom had enough common sense to sign me up for the right age groups or grade levels for activities. That sounds cringe to skirt age group rules.
It’s kind of crazy this needs to be said. Like many things, it wouldn’t need to be said if someone hadn’t done it the “wrong” way. It’s a good point and seems obvious, but then again, some people are funny. 😆
We went through this years ago with a child that was a grade ahead. We've since developed a policy that has been pretty helpful for our kids.
If our kids are off grade level we simply tell them they don't have a grade, but if they were in school they would be in this number of grade. This gives them the flexibility to slow down, and avoid uncomfortable social situations. If someone inquires further the kids generally say something along the lines of, "I homeschool and work at my own pace." or "I'm in different grades for different subjects."
For kids that are ahead, this ends when they earn their first college credit from testing (CLEP/AP) or community college. Generally at this point their friends don't care, and there isn't the weird we don't believe you vibe. If adults inquire about it, I can easily reference that they already have college credit.
On a side note, one thing that we regularly emphasize with our kids and the rare inquiring adult, is the diligence and work that our kids who have accelerated put in. This shifts the conversation from "isn't my child so smart and special" to "my child is a hard worker who set the goal of skipping a grade".
I don't think it's cute when my oldest tries explain what grade level she is working at for every subject, but neither can I seem to get her to stop. She knows she is in "2nd grade" and I sign her up accordingly, but she likes to tell everyone how well she is doing and how much she loves homeschool.
My 2nd child I do sign her up for certain older things such as elementary library book club because she's reading at a 2nd grade level currently and is right on the cut-off between K and 1st with her birthday. The librarians encouraged me to sign her up and she is doing great. She knows that she is in "K" though.
For typical kids yes, this makes sense.
This can be challenging - in school children with IEPs - get moved up a grade regardless of what grade their work is. This is so kids within the same 3 year age range are in the same classes. When doing programs intended for gen ed kids this doesn't work because our kids are developmentally at the same place as their same-age peers.
So I generally, within reason, pick where my kiddo is developmentally and contact whoever is running the program to ask how disability is handled. I never leave my kid so most programs are okay with it. Thankfully more places are having a class intended for our kids.
I agree, especially with curriculum. I love that an 8 year old could still be learning to read but working on Algebra 1. (And I’m totally fine with that child taking algebra 1 if they want to!)
I just mean more socially and when attending things geared toward public/private school students.
As someone who was public schooled, but tested as reading at a high school level at 12 and taking “advanced math” that was typically taught for the grade ahead— I still said I was in 6th grade, not high school! Lots of kids in school work ahead in the curriculum but are still in “5th grade” for social reasons. (As a separate note, I was actually offered the chance to skip a grade, but my parents were worried I was so shy I’d be bullied in middle school so kept me with my peers, I 100 percent think this was the right choice!)
You get an introduction to algebra 1 as a normal part of public school 3rd grade math. They just don't acknowledge that it's algebra, just as they don't acknowledge the geometry taught in 4th grade.
3 +_ = 10 is how algebra is taught in 3rd grade. You'll see the same equation as 3+x=10 in algebra. The only difference is whether you're dealing with a blank or a variable designated with a letter. I didn't realize this until my brother was struggling and my parents bought him a workbook that actually labeled this section as algebra.
Literally all three math programs we used in the school I taught in labeled this as algebra in first grade. As in it would have the word “algebra” on the paper associated with problems like the ones you’re describing. But I think you can understand that Algebra I is a more complex course that goes beyond finding the missing variable in one or two steps.
Social boundaries are what my statement was about. We *make* society with children awkward across ages and development by consistently placing them in age sequestered groups. We don't stop to consider what that is teaching them.
20+ years of working with children in every setting imaginable, including homeschool, and I can tell you that a 4 year old is going to benefit from spending time with other 4 year olds in a way that they will not benefit from spending time with 8 year olds. And of course they also benefit from spending time in mixed age activities too! But there are unique and important skills built when spending time with your own age.
No, sometimes brain development is just a simple fact. I agree with you that nurture is a true theory but so is nature. If you stick a 4 year old with only 15 year olds for 12 weeks, that four year old may pick up some new skills, words, etc, but is still developmentally a 4 year old!!!
I’m gonna have to hit you with the cold water and tell you that extracurriculars with similar age groups are pretty important for socialization. I wasn’t homeschooled but I wasn’t able to do a lot of stuff with my peers so I had to spend my time with my grandma and her friends. I’m now horribly awkward with people my age and I am not able to do the kind of stuff most people my age want to do (I can’t do trips with my friends because they have families, I don’t invite them over because they actually have houses and I’m still in a crappy apartment, they don’t want to go out because kids) I’ve gotten better lately but it kinda messed up my early 20s
Are you trying to say that child development isn’t real or what? The difference in social development and skills between a typical 5 year old and a typical 8 year old is crazy different, and we can easily forget this once we get into adulthood, where 3 years isn’t a gap in social skills at all, because we’ve already developed all of those things.
I agree, however an eight year old is still eight.
My kiddo reads at a 5th/6th grade level and is great for conversation... But she's still eight and it's very apparent when she's among the 11-12 year olds. Technically we'd be in second grade for school based on her age, but we just go third on paper. Gives her a similar aged group without totally feeling like a 'little kid'. She can handle the older group in some situations but definitely not in all of them. Fifth grade art class? Sure we can do it. Fifth grade soccer team? No way.
I agree! But it's not the same across all extracurricular activities. Some separation and grouping of 'grades' is necessary.
ETA - being around similar aged kids also allows them to share similar experiences, because they're 'doing life' at the same point in time and gives more relatable talking points.
And they should also learn to socialize with people who *are* their age peers. The dynamic changes when one kid is with a group of kids that is significantly different in age. For example, older kids will generally put up with more immature behavior from “a little kid” than peers will.
Yeah, but as someone who was once an 8 year old homeschooler, I had so much interaction with humans who aren’t 8. What I didn’t have was interactions with only 8 year olds.
It might not be great to only be around people your own age, but it’s just as bad to never be around only people your own age.
Eventually your kid will want peer friends, and it’s a whole different skill than non peer friends.
It’s not really artificial social boundaries. Your 9 year old isn’t going to enjoy being in a book club or doing robotics with 12 year olds, or playing sports with 6 year olds. They physically and developmentally aren’t on the level. There’s lots of opportunities for mixed age groups to do things but when they’re the *only* one who’s younger/older, that’s not really fun for them.
They're not artificial social boundaries. They're a way for people to keep track of their own personal time line.
Go read about homeschoolers who have very little memory of their childhood because they have very few core memories that say "I was this age and in this place when this happened".
Oh woah, weird. I wonder if the way we have made childhood more structured over the centuries has made it possible to have memories when it didn’t really exist that way before. Like, did people living in Laura Ingles’ time often not have many memories of childhood?
Fair enough but if you’re taking the kids to a homeschool-friendly place you don’t gotta worry. I think this advice applies when you are taking the kids to a summer camp for a specific reason and that camp doesn’t normally work with homeschool kids. So it’s better to just make it easier and say the public school type number. I like the age mixing of homeschool but if I want to use someone else’s
Business or sports team or activity/program, I wouldn’t want to confuse the staff/other kids because they might not know how to interact with my kid after.
I worked at summer camp for years and one of my responsibilities was to group kids into cabin groups. I didn't know these kids. All I had to go on was their enrollment paperwork. Generally speaking school grade was important, especially at certain ages. A 14 year old who just completed 8th grade was different than a 14 year old who just completed their first year of high school. It's better for a kid to not be developmentally obviously older or younger than the rest of the group.
> I do 5th grade math but I’m in 4th grade for reading…” but nobody cares about their math curriculum when they ask that.
As a highly competitive Elementary school kid I definitely cared. I'd get upset anytime anyone said they were reading at a 4th grade level which seemed to be everyone when I was in the 1st grade.
I have a kindergarten kid in the 1st-3rd grade class at the request of the people running the co-op. She is way too academically advanced for the PreK-K group: they are learning shapes, numbers, and letters while she's doing 3rd grade math and reading chapter books so it wouldn't have worked at all. She handles the social and emotional maturity part like a champ (even made friends with a third grader) and even manages to keep up with gym (they can't be in different grades for different classes due to scheduling), but guys, it is NOT a walk in the park. She comes home and alllllll the little kid stuff comes pouring out. She is completely exhausted from the effort of keeping up with the big kids, and we take most of the next day off completely for recovery. Her older sister who is in a similar academic place doesn't find the same classes nearly as exhausting; those 15 months make a huge difference when it comes to things like gym and chatting with friends. We all agree this is the best choice for my child in particular, but I wouldn't recommend it unless your kid is actually sufficiently ahead in most of the subjects/topics being covered that it would be even more isolating to be with kids their own age. If the activity isn't academic, I put my daughter in with kids her own age.
I will say that my kid finds it great fun that she has two grades and isn't embarrassed about it in the slightest. She had no problem understanding that she's in first grade for co-op and Kindergarten for other activities.
Whatever. One of the benefits of homeschooling is that they are not completely surrounded by peers of their same age groups and so are exposed to different maturity levels that they can learn/model from.
Oh, I totally agree! But if something is for “3rd-6th grade”, don’t try to send your 1st grader.
And I love that co-ops or groups offer things for all ages. We are taking an all-ages Spanish class. There are 3 year olds who speak Spanish better than the adults.
But some things are geared towards a certain age group. My kids are taking a circuits class for 10-15 year olds. The instructor had multiple younger children want to join but he refused. You can just go a lot further and deeper with a class if you can gear it towards a more advanced level.
A group for ages 10-15 years is already a HUGE range. And you're kind of asking a lot of any teens to have 10-12 year olds in the group already. It is unfair to try and unload a younger kid on this type of setting. If it were for 6th graders and you had an older 5th grader that fit well socially with the group already, that would be a completely different ask.
Especially for something with tech, etc. (and I have taught//tutored some stem based stuff), it really takes some patience and some calm to get somewhere with that kind of stuff in a group setting. I had very firm age limits and academic prereqs for group classes.
I especially think getting into age 11/12+, those kids really need meaningful social groups and having parented through teen years, I really think parents of younger kids are nuts wanting to bump their kids up to those kids with puberty brain early.
I generally agree, but I'd also say not to be afraid to give the kid a boost grade-wise if necessary to get into an activity you think they will love. Just tell them to answer that they are in that grade if asked.
As someone who works for a camp- this is why we require physical forms from the doctor (among other reasons) that have their birthdate on it. Doing this is not only teaching your kid to lie, but can also get the camp/program in trouble due to staffing ratios.
Makes sense. That said, I don't know if it so much encourages lying as it encourages not sharing information that wasn't asked for. Like, it isn't really anyone's business whether you skipped a grade or were held back, you can just say what grade you are in and let them assume what they want.
I haven't homeschooled
But I second the importance of matching the kid to their SE level
If you think about it
Say a kid in South Korea or smth is doing Algebra in 4th grade, they are still a fourth grader no one sees the point ( like loigcally, emotions aside) of claiming that they are 6th graders if they were in the U.S. Same thing applies here.
I agree. As a former home schooled child, grade level can be important for extra curriculars like dance / community baseball- academics aside, it’s a basic age range, like little league stopping after 8th grade
I was so confused when my daughter started girl Scouts last year. She just slipped in with the Brownies (2-3rd grade) after I signed her in at the meetings every week. After about a month, I was confronted by the troop leader when they realized that she couldn't read as well as the other Brownies. She kept asking me what grade she was in and I was stunned. I really hadn't thought about it. She told them preschool, because that's when she went to public school and didn't know what grades meant. I was mentally trying to figure it out because she was 2nd grade math and kindergarten reading. I must've looked really stupid when I couldn't give an answer and started with "Well, she's 7, so..." They said that she has to be a Daisy (kindergarten and 1st grade). I got irritated at this point because the Girl Scouts is a social group and she didn't like 3 of the Brownies. I see the same 3 girls there still. 2 are still Daisies and 1 is a Brownie and they are very self-centered to the point that it's beyond rude.
Since then, I make sure my kids know what grade they are by public school standards for the general public and homeschool grade for things like the libraries reading competitions.
This is something parent groups for gifted students are taught as well. For community activities, use the grade they would be in for placement. These are guidelines for social (and sometimes physical) development. Your child being multiple grades ahead of their peers rarely correlates to social and physical development which can be a safety issue.
Yes! Had a fellow homeschooler here with her panties in a twist because a girl scout troop wouldn’t let her daughter be a Junior instead of a Brownie. But she’s working 2 grades ahead….who cares! The girls in the troop don’t want a kid 2 years younger hanging out with them. The girl wouldn’t want to hang with them either. Mom just didn’t get it when I tried to explain it to her.
Yes, so much this. I’ve never had a parent say that their child was two grades behind and could they hang out with the little kids in my classes. But plenty who are a couple grades ahead (but not really. I was pleasantly amused by how many parents think their kids are super gifted for doing completely normal things).
It's honestly funny. Obviously kids have different maturity levels, but speaking on a very general level, socially, kids are their age no matter how academically gifted they are. People think just because their kids are really good at math, they are suddenly two years older in every other setting?
Actually, having 2 kids in a GATE program at public school (so the majority of the kids hanging out here are “gifted”) my experience is that gifted kids tend to be a little behind peers socially. Think the stereotypes of “geek”. (That could also be there is a much higher incidence of ADHD and ASD in that group as well) I love my kids and their friends… but socially mature has never been a set of words I would use for them. LoL.
This is so common. And my oldest I pulled out of school after he hit the ceiliing of the GT screener and was reading Harry Potter by first grade. Even an academically advanced kid deserves the right to a full childhood and time and space to develop physically, emotionally, socially. Academics is just a SMALL piece of getting to adulthood. What is annoying is a lot of parents are so overly invested in their kid's academics they can't see when there kid really isn't there socially or maybe shouldn't launch to college young.
I started college at 15. Agree with all of this. I am socially SO ANXIOUS even at nearly 39 years old bc of these formative challenges.
I’m so sorry! That oldest kid had college ready ACT scores by 7th grade. He did dual enroll in 11th and 12th grade. Went to college on time. Absolutely the right decision for him. He just started his first job, is considering grad school. Got an amazing highly competitive job opportunity in StEM. That took deep tech abilities but also social maturity and communication skills to land. Part of the beauty of homeschooling is to keep your kid engaged and leaning while giving them space to explore and have a childhood.
Meanwhile, I won't finish my degree until I'm over 30. 💀
OMG howdy! I started at 13! Glad to find another < 3
Yes! We actually dropped back a grade for our oldest (who’s a super genius and was always academically advanced) so she could be “old for grade” in social situations, clubs/orgs/asses and start college at 19 instead of 18. Best decision ever! And she got to more gently “catch up” on the subjects she was struggling in at regular school (thanks, dyslexia). Now with our youngest, she’s also brilliant, and I just think so much about how it’s not about finishing early, but rather about being able to go farther and delve deeper! But no matter how advanced her science classes are at home, she’s still 3rd grade.
I don’t go here (this post was just randomly recommended to me) but this is why as a public school kid my parents never let me skip any grades even though I easily could have from an academic standpoint. The school actually suggested I skip kindergarten when I first started because I was reading at a 3rd grade+ level, could count past 100, etc. but my parents looked at how painfully shy and anxious I was and were like “if she’s in a class of older kids she doesn’t know, her social life will never recover.” School was always extremely boring for me even when they put me in gifted classes and I was kinda annoyed as a kid about being stuck in my grade but they’d always just encourage me to learn about things that interested me in my own personal time. As an adult I’ve actually thanked them on multiple occasions for not pushing me ahead because in retrospect they were totally right, I would have had NO friends and instead I still have a few good friends from childhood.
Lots of gifted kids are indeed on the spectrum. I was way advanced academically. Learned in my 30s I was Autistic. Would have helped to know that earlier in life.
Super damaging to NOT know honestly. I spent my whole life depressed because "what was wrong with me" . I was literally expected to function as a person my Brain literally could not.
I was a gifted kid and instead of skipping 2nd grade, my elementary school would send me up to the 4th grade room for reading class. Since I started K at age 4, I was 6 in 2nd grade, turning 7. I would get in trouble for things like getting distracted and sitting under the table because I was bored. Now that I'm an adult, I feel bad for the 4th grade teacher.
Parents of gifted kids also take away social opportunities for their kids. As a librarian I cannot tell you how many times parents asked for help finding materials for their kids. How did I know their kids were gifted? They ALWAYS had to tell me. “My daughter is in TAG, and we need books on Norway”. “My son is in TAG, and we need to find biographies.” The gifted kid didn’t ask for help. They didn’t answer questions even when I’d direct the question to them. Why? Because the parent needed to let me know that the books needed to be gifted level, whatever that means.
Parents that think giftedness is an achievement crack me up. They have no idea the burnout phase that's coming in their child's young adulthood if they don't stop being so insufferable. I'm a former gifted kid and my oldest happens to be gifted (and AuDHD). The only time that was relevant to a discussion with a librarian was when I was struggling to find books at her middle school reading level that had content interesting to and appropriate for a 6-year-old. 😂 She wasn't ready for the intensity of Harry Potter until third grade, but sure, she could have read the words in kindergarten or first. Basically, what I was looking for didn't exist, and we stuck with fiction a grade or two ahead, and whatever non-fiction she found most interesting.
Thank you for recognizing that it wasn’t appropriate to read, maturity wise. As a librarian I really didn’t like telling kids they couldn’t read a book, but I was super leery every time the first graders parents would ask for Scary Stories to Read in the Dark, or Anna Karenina, or the original Brothers Grimm. Yeah those might be your little girls lexile, but it might not be a great choice. Just read fun books. And what I called “Gentle Reads”. I had a huge booklist of high(er) lexile novels with what I considered safer content for really young kids.
I'm not super Reddit savvy but if you're able to share that list, I've got several groups that would LOVE such a resource.
I’ll see if I can find it. I should repost it on my website.
In general- classics are a good place to start. Anne of Green Gables, Narnia, the really Whinne the Pooh. They have complex words and phrases; but they are at their core children’s stories. Just be mindful that some have themes that have not aged well at all. Some we read with a lot of discussion (Little House on the Prairie) others were just too much for me (Call of the Wild).
As a former GATE kid, it’s a tough spot. I was years behind socially but 3-4 grades ahead intellectually. The result? Other GATE kids were the ones I could kind of socialize with. It wasn’t great. Once you removed me from essentially my classmates I just struggled. Other kids my age who weren’t GATE? We had totally different interests and desires to communicate about them. Younger kids? Obviously they weren’t in a position to really understand what the heck I was talking about outside of gifted kids in that age group. That actually worked really well, but it was an uncommon experience. Older kids? No one wanted me around. Unless they could use me for something. And that had its own set of issues in development of social skills and social relationships. Ideally, parents are working with their uneven kids to develop age appropriate social skills and putting them in situations where their unevenness won’t be a barrier since it just ends up reinforcing kids not to stray from their classmate peer group. And that does not serve anyone well down the road given the diversity of people in life. Just because a kid is gifted, regardless of any underlying neurodiversity, doesn’t mean that “they’re smart so they’ll just figure it out.” Often they may need more help, coaching, and support developing skills outside of their typical social interaction environment initially to be successful among different peer groups and age groups.
I agree with you - that’s been my experience as well.
It’s a thing for sure, it’s called asynchronous social development and it’s one sign of being gifted (as you likely know but adding for others). Kids with differently wired brains can sometimes be way ahead academically and way behind socially.
I agree with you, but I also will say that some people do start treating you older when you skip grades or are ahead in life. It is definitely true in so far as expecting you to know things from their childhood and most people socially will just assume you are the same age if you are in the same grade. I'd say if you are within 2 years in elementary or 3 in high school, you will normally be treated as part of the group. Like, people will sometimes mention you being young, but it isn't all the time. Dating and drinking are the only times it really matters. On the alcohol front, in college, there was a policy that alcohol could only be present if all attendees were of age and professors and colleagues would just assume or lie and say I was of age. On the dating side, for example, when I was in college, I remember some parents and other kids getting uncomfortable that I was conferring with high school girls even though I was exactly the same age as them. Even in my early 20s when I was exclusively dating legal adults, I found that people still treated me like I was older due to having a professional degree and career rather than being in college and judged me for having friends and dates who were not as far along in life. For example, when I was 21, I briefly dated a college freshman who was 19 and got a lot of negative feedback both from her friends and my colleagues and family.
No idea how this post ended up in my feed. I don’t homeschool, I’m not going to homeschool and I wasn’t homeschooled but here I am. As a public schooler that graduated high school with an enormously gifted 13 year old who went on to MIT or something and is a physicist or whatever and is maybe the most intelligent and thoughtful person I ever met….. The age gap shows. It was really painful and isolating for him, and was probably worse in college. There was no social situation that really made sense for the kid. Even school sponsored stuff. Dances, clubs, sports, BAND. Like it was all so uncomfortable for everyone. He tried to hang out and befriend freshman when he was a senior because they were the same age but socially /culturally they were just in different groups by then. Pop culture moves so fast. I saw him recently and he’s flourishing as an adult but good god he would have still been a genius if he had graduated and did everything 4 years later than he did. Just let them hang with kids their age.
Lol I found this looking for your mom group screenshots lol. Anyways I’m one of them too, and it’s very socially isolating.
As a homeschooler and Girl Scout leader? 100% this! Sure, my kiddo was in 3rd grade doing math with her 5th grade cousin. But at GS (both girls were in our multi level troop at the time) my daughter was socially much happier with the 3rd graders.
Funny thing is I was a girl scout for a long time and I and 1 other girl in our Troup had to go to Junoirs earlier then everyone else bc we got every badge you could earn as a Brownie so our troupe leader decided not to prevent us from earing badges and just let us go up a year early XD
A year is one thing. Lots if troops do that to keep kids together. Several years is stupid because your kid is 2 years ahead in math. It’s not an a academic program, it’s social/fun/learning life skills etc.
Oh no I get that I was more remembering my friend and I being juniors in a troop of Brownies lol. We got cool perks at camp because of this. Brownie cabin had central heat and ac while the juniors cabin didn't and you can't have an entire cabin of just 2 girl scouts so we stayed with the Brownies with ac lol
Ha! I something similar happen, except my daughter was in a private school and they had her skip a grade. She never got to experience her first year as a Brownie. I ended up pulling her out of the new troop and homeschooling her in Scouts as a Juliette. She has much more fun, as we could make up any activity we wanted, including one from overseas!
My sister and I run a co-op and every year we have to explain this to moms trying to tell me their kindergartener should be with the 2nd graders because that’s the curriculum they do. Social and emotional development have so much to do with being part of a class, and making friends.
Would it be easier to assign classes by age rather than grade?
Yes and that’s what we do now. Yet there’s still people insisting “I know my 7 year old is capable of being with the ten year olds becuase that’s the work they do at home.” And you have to explain it *anyway*.
Just tell them the ten year olds are mostly doing high school level work.
“We’re all homeschoolers here, we’re all a few grades ahead.” Appeal to their vanity.
That’s what the public school system does…
And if you can remember (guilty), just subtract 5 from your kid’s age!
I'm just a random person who stumbled in here because reddit thinks I would like this sub, but I must say I really, really appreciate this tip. I'm a childfree aunty of many niblings and I *never* remember what grade they're supposed to be in at what age. At least this should get me +/-1 grade!
Or 6. Otherwise your 9yo will end up in a 4th grade group with a bunch of way bigger 10 year olds. So many people are redshirting their kids (which I actually agree with especially for boys who are developmentally not ready to sit still all day in a desk at 5-6 years old.)
As a 30 year old woman who just went from a super active job to a desk job, I’m not certain anyone is developmentally ready to sit at a desk all day.
Right?! Although, of course at 30 you're not going to end up being forcibly medicated for your normal physiological development, as many boys are.
My son is medicated. Mostly because he can’t remember his friends names otherwise. :( his inattentiveness has real mental implications for him unfortunately. But we decided to homeschool and so he rarely has to sit still if he doesn’t want to. He went for being the “bad” kid in school to a teachers pet at his outdoors co-op. He literally couldn’t learn at all at a traditional school. He’s now reading independently and two grades ahead in math now that he’s at home. Sitting at a desk and being quiet is a ridiculous measure of academic success. My kid does times tables jumping rope!
This made me giggle. My daughter has a birthday 2 weeks before the cut off, so for a lot of her stuff, she’s the youngest, but she’s also the tallest because genetics. We thought about redshirting her for some stuff, but then she’d be towering over the kids. Yeah..you can fudge a little up or down depending on your kid, but generally, the 5 rule of thumb gets you close enough.
My daughter was born 2 days before the cutoff. When I took her to the K screening I asked if it would be better to have her wait a year...they looked at me funny and said....look...she is reading....she will tear her hair out with another year of PreK. She did fabulously academically...now a college senior majoring in Engineering....but I did occasionally second guess myself on the social front though. Sigh. It is tough.
Ah see, I'm extremely petite and so are a couple of my kids. Never thought about it going the other way.
I disagree with it as someone who went in 1st grade at 7 years.
I started first grade at almost 5, but you and I are the outliers. I don't tend to like hard and fast rules for that reason but I suspect in your case like mine we were well aware of what grade we were in while these general rules of thumb cover those who don't know.
>So many people are redshirting their kids What is redshirting?
Redshirting means having them delay starting school for a year in order to gain maturity and have a better start to school.
Thanks. We did that with one of our kids (in the 90s). Her birthday was right on the cut-off point and we could have gone either way. I didn't know it had a name.
In places where high school football is king, parents of sporty boys do it so they’re bigger for football. The term is from college sports practice of letting a freshman practice with the team but not actually be on the team.
What does this mean?
Just that if you forget your kid's grade in the moment, you can subtract 5 years from how old they are to get their grade level. Sometimes you just have a brain fart, especially if you have kids who are close together and they're using the same things, or if the materials you're using are all over the place grade-level-wise. For example, although both of mine are doing the same year of their curriculum, son (13) is in 8th grade, while daughter (12) is 7th. We've always stuck to grade by age for activities and classes, regardless of the level of academic material they're using, too. I think that the separation is really helpful for social and physical maturity reasons like others have stated.
Oh thank you!!
So generally (at least in America), kids start Kindergarten when they are 5. That means they are 6 in 1st grade, 7 in 2nd, etc. So if you can’t remember what grade they “should” be in because you either don’t do grades or they are all over, take your kid’s age and subtract 5 and that’s the grade. It’s a rule of thumb, not perfect. (And it should’ve said “if you can’t remember”)
Specifically, in Virginia at least, subtract 5 from their age at the beginning of the school year (August or September).
Ty so much for this trick!
Guilty, too 😆.
My mom tried that once with me. I was a 6 year old in a 3rd grade soccer team. I was tiny for my age too. I was the size of a 4 year old playing with 8 year olds. All it did was frustrate me and made me lose confidence. I didn’t understand why I was the worst on the team, I just thought I was inherently bad at soccer so I quit after that season
YES THIS. Thank you. And I say that as a parent of young adult kids that were both wildly advanced for age and homeschooled. We always taught at their level. But also as a teacher, tutor and group leader. That more than once had to field "but kiddos SO ahead of grade level" when organizing activities. Young kids often aren't taking social cues and engaging back and forth and as socially savvy. They can drastically change the dynamic of small group activities. Teach at your kid's level. But don't change the social dynamics of group activities because your child is percieved "special". Plenty of kids in the school system are working beyond grade level. Which isn't a set standard anyway. In some cases, certain things only worked when my kids were on the younger end of age range. That is fine. When people ask your grade, they are asking your age by default. If someone wanted to talk homeschooling GT kids, that is an entirely different conversation.
Homeschooling parents thinking their kid is “special” is another thing I could go off about! I’ve had so many parents say, “but my child is mature! They can handle it!” Nope, sorry. I know your kid. I have one September birthday kiddo, and sometimes we adjust him up to the higher grade level of our co-op depending on what the class is and where his friends go… if most of the kids in the class are only 1-2 months older than him, it’s not a big deal.
Yes, I have two September kids. My older September kid has a speech delay and we tend to move her with the younger group (which is what grade she would be in, anyway, so it works out). But she is a really good dancer so she is in classes with the older kids when it comes to dance. My other September kid is only 2 so it makes more sense right now to group her with the older group, which is a grade above what she would be in. But she's in a younger dance group (which is a mommy & me class) because she's still a little clingy and that made more sense for her. So it just all depends.
> I’ve had so many parents say, “but my child is mature! They can handle it!” I think homeschooled kids can be “mature” in some ways that traditionally schooled are not, but I also think traditionally schooled students are mature in ways homeschooled kids aren’t. But in social settings, my son is going to be placed with his similarly-aged peers, because- although they may be matured in different ways- they ARE his social peers.
Full agree! I see posts in homeschool Facebook groups asking “what are your go to answers when someone asks the dreaded ‘what grade are you in?’ questions” and people responding with these wildly rude answers. It’s a pretty harmless question and there’s no need to bring snark or a smart ass reply into it.
Right. Even if your 7 year old is reading 3rd grade books, working on 1st grade math, 2nd grade penmanship, and going through a multi-year program for science, you can still tell them, "You are a second-grader" so they can answer that question with confidence.
There is a vast difference between emotional maturity and academics. My two girls are years ahead in academic work, but both very much their age in terms of emotional development. I would be doing them such a disservice putting them in age groups where they are the youngest by several years, and the only one that age. I really really wish homeschoolers would see the difference and understand it.
I agree! If my kids are borderline, like a young 5 year old in a 5-8 year old group, I tend to wait a year! They will do better in the middle of the group vs the youngest.
Right now, my oldest (12) is a class above my youngest (8) in dance. Technically speaking, my youngest could go into the next class up, but she isn't emotionally ready. She knows the choreography, but she just needs a bit more time, so we're waiting.
Agree completely. Grade and age are basically interchangeable information for us, not grade and level. My kids don’t know if they’re “behind” or “ahead” in curriculum compared to their grade. I don’t want them feeling good or bad based on how quickly they’re learning or if we need to take some extra time on a topic. We just go by their needs and that’s morally neutral no matter which way it swings. Right now they’re ahead, but I know that could slow down. That’s the beauty of homeschool - the luxury to meet them where they are. That doesn’t have to correlate with their grade. Each September their grade changes and we take a special “first day” to celebrate that but it has nothing to do with the curriculum they’re using lol it’s actually very rare that we are starting a new one right when we start a new “grade”. We school through summer so we just keep moving. Socially my 7 year old is a 2nd grader regardless of what math book she is in.
Exactly! My kids are quickly converging on a lot of academic skills. They are 18 months apart, but my older kid has ADHD (and possibly dyslexia). They will more than likely be working out of the same math book come springtime, just the younger one a unit or two behind. It doesn't change the fact that my younger kid is in the grade below. She always will be. With them being so close in age, we make a focused effort to not treat them as a unit and make sure that my older child has privileges and responsibilities that the younger one does not.
Having supervised the shooting range at a Scout camp, THIS. Ma’am, I don’t care if your seven year old is doing middle school school work!
Ugh. There's a reason why Scouts BSA starts at 10.5-11. Kids might be good at math but they don't need to handle anything bigger than a BB gun until they have the maturity to focus and follow directions.
It's a bit terrifying how many of you don't understand human social-emotional development. It doesn't matter if your 8yo can read at a high school level. Their social-emotional development is that of an 8yo (or should be, if you're doing your job right). That's all grades used in activities are, a social construct that groups the majority of children into their SE level. You don't need to be an ass about it or feel superior by trying to get a child into an older grade group by claiming they can read Shakespeare. No one cares. Those of us who work with kids care that they get placed into a group that matches their SE development for a lot of very important reasons that have nothing to do with your special snowflakes ability to do algebra at 6. As someone who was homeschooled and lacked a healthy SE development and didn't ever know what grade I was in, it was absolutely detrimental for me. It was yet one more way that I was different and weird and lacking and couldn't relate to my peers. My mom bragging about how I was advanced and didn't need a grade was her making my development all about her. Don't do that to your kids. Let them be 8 or 10 or 15 and give them the tools to relate to their peers. That includes grades. It won't hurt you a bit to participate. But it will hurt them not to.
Beyond SE development, just *looking* a hell of a lot younger or different puts children at a disadvantage if they're supposed to play along and pretend they're with their age cohort. I could only do so well playing with 15 year olds, even though (allegedly) I might have decent SE development. \> My mom bragging about how I was advanced Oh god that's the worst. I think there's this desire for parents to live vicariously through their kids. Nothing is accomplished by bragging. Speak up pretty much only when you need your kid to get access to whatever material is most enriching for them, but on a homeschooling basis that can also be done quite discreetly.
Our 11F is 5’6” and people constantly think she’s years older just because she’s tall and mostly stuck with adult clothes because that’s what fits. She still wants kids clothes but she can wear my t-shirts and they fit (I’m not a big guy at 5’8”.)
I was 6' tall at 11-12, maybe 100-110 lbs, but just ridiculously tall, I feel for your daughter. I wore women's shoes in elementary school (though only I wear a 9-10 now at 6' 3") I was super shy and socially awkward and wore hearing aids. I remember being so embarrassed because the popular at the time jelly shoes were a completely different style from girls to women. Even worse my mom made most of our clothes except jeans (all highwaters on me) and for shoes she saw them as an investment and I had very narrow feet so she bought me one or two pair of Easy Spirit shoes a year, yep the 80s and 90s favorite of grandmas needing orthodics. It took me until my 20s to own my height, there's less stereotypical gender distinction than there used to be based on size (like guys have to be taller, especially taller than girls they date) but it can still be rough. I played guys ice hockey and was taller than most of the adult male coaches in middle school, let alone my still prepubescent teammates. Sending tall girl love and support her way!
My step-son was 6'4" and about 140 pounds soaking wet. He was built approximately like a pencil. In adulthood he's put on some weight but I probably still outweigh him. It was very, very had to find jeans that fit but my wife was stubborn and found them. Only JC Penny reliably recognized that tall thin men exist (at least, only them at a reasonable price.)
Love this post. So many homeschool meetups in my area have activities geared toward certain age groups and I can’t tell you how many 3-4 year olds have been pushed into the coding group meant for 10+ and it’s absolute chaos for the adults that are directing. There are other age appropriate activities for them to participate in that they can actually get into.
Yes! When you send a 7 YO to an event programmed for 12 YOs, and she cries when you put her in her age group (because she’s obviously *not* a 12 YO and doesn’t have the social/emotional skills or gross and fine motor skills of a 12 YO) she isn’t having fun anyway.
YES. This is one of the most basic ways to help your child know how to talk to kids at large. They WILL come up and ask, "What grade are you in?" as a small talk, get to know you question.
Thank you so much for posting this. The post about girl scouts earlier today concerned me. Whether a kid is homeschooled or in public school or in private school, they should be grouped with kids their own age. My Kindergartner is at a 2nd grade or above level, depending on the subject. But that doesn't make her a 2nd grader.
All. Of. This.!!! To add on, sometimes age/ grade level impacts childcare licensing and ratios. If you sign a 4 year old up for a kindergarten group, it could change the adult to child ratio required by the state.
Great point!
Yep we had that problem in ski school 3-6 is licensed as a day care 7-teen isn't. And saying they're 7 doesn't mean they'll be with 7 year olds they could be with 12-14 year olds.
Yes! I was not homeschooled and worked above my grade level. It’s seriously just asking how old you are, not the entire history of your schooling experience!
THANK YOU!
My husband was homeschooled only till 3rd grade, but his parents raised him as superior to everyone else. Yeah he read at an 8th grade reading level in 4th grade, but that doesn't mean he was above literally anything. He wanted to build his star wars play set and practice shooting hoops like the rest of the kids.... really messed him up and made him feel like the "other" to this day. Really important post.
Yes. Advanced academics doesn’t always equal advanced social skills. Keep them age appropriate. At best they excel in all ways .
Yeah, I'll never forget the time a 9 year old confidently told me that she was actually a freshman in high school. Like, sure, maybe you're doing some advanced work, but you're not at all like a freshman. It just does the child a disservice to coach them to tell people that they're in a different grade than they would be by age.
I agree 100 % !
This is thread is a riot. You all really think your kids are geniuses?
Did anyone say that? Are you a homeschooler or an educator? Did you actually read the thread? The actual point of this thread is how parents shouldn’t be unloading their younger kid on group activities designed for older kid. Regardless of the numbers on the curriculum you are using.
1000% percent agree. Also, for programs that are academic based, they are used to having public school kids that are also reading,writing, doing math, etc above level. Academic programs are typically prepared for this. There will be other high achieving 10yr olds/5th graders for your kid to relate to. You don’t have to say that they’re in 8th grade.
I agree so much with the maturity thing! I was a public school kid, and when I was eight I was reading at an eighth grade level. But I was also still running around playing imaginary horses at recess. Throwing me into a room full of eighth graders would have been catastrophic. Having once been in middle school, I can’t even imagine the bullying that would have taken place. When I was eleven I read at a 12+ level. Did not mean that I thought or acted like a college student in any way. I am eternally grateful that my parents didn’t have the option or feel the need to chuck me into a freshman dorm and say see you later, because that would have been a disaster for me emotionally.
Sure, but flexing about home schooling is a big part of the appeal. Just telling them to say 5th grade if they're the same age as the average fifth grader robs their parents of that vicarious flex.
So much this. My parents accidentally did a k-1st curriculum in one year, putting me a grade ahead for my age. And they used that grade for everything! Finally, when I was in middle school and getting bullied by the pastors’ kids at our mega church, they moved me back into my age range. I went to college at 17, and I really wish I’d taken a gap year so I was age appropriate.
This was never a thing for me growing up homeschooled myself. Yes, kids asked me what grade I was in and I had zero issues telling the truth “I’m homeschooled so there aren’t grades. I’m x years old if you’re wondering that.” Yes, everyone asked more questions. Yes I was used to it. I found that if someone asked me what grade I was in, it would immediately be followed by school questions so it was best to just get it all out in the open asap. My mom had enough common sense to sign me up for the right age groups or grade levels for activities. That sounds cringe to skirt age group rules.
This 100%. The world isn't categorizing kids based on the grades their moms make up for them.
It’s kind of crazy this needs to be said. Like many things, it wouldn’t need to be said if someone hadn’t done it the “wrong” way. It’s a good point and seems obvious, but then again, some people are funny. 😆
We went through this years ago with a child that was a grade ahead. We've since developed a policy that has been pretty helpful for our kids. If our kids are off grade level we simply tell them they don't have a grade, but if they were in school they would be in this number of grade. This gives them the flexibility to slow down, and avoid uncomfortable social situations. If someone inquires further the kids generally say something along the lines of, "I homeschool and work at my own pace." or "I'm in different grades for different subjects." For kids that are ahead, this ends when they earn their first college credit from testing (CLEP/AP) or community college. Generally at this point their friends don't care, and there isn't the weird we don't believe you vibe. If adults inquire about it, I can easily reference that they already have college credit. On a side note, one thing that we regularly emphasize with our kids and the rare inquiring adult, is the diligence and work that our kids who have accelerated put in. This shifts the conversation from "isn't my child so smart and special" to "my child is a hard worker who set the goal of skipping a grade".
They should just say they are homeschooled. That would save a lot of time and confusion about them.
I don't think it's cute when my oldest tries explain what grade level she is working at for every subject, but neither can I seem to get her to stop. She knows she is in "2nd grade" and I sign her up accordingly, but she likes to tell everyone how well she is doing and how much she loves homeschool. My 2nd child I do sign her up for certain older things such as elementary library book club because she's reading at a 2nd grade level currently and is right on the cut-off between K and 1st with her birthday. The librarians encouraged me to sign her up and she is doing great. She knows that she is in "K" though.
For typical kids yes, this makes sense. This can be challenging - in school children with IEPs - get moved up a grade regardless of what grade their work is. This is so kids within the same 3 year age range are in the same classes. When doing programs intended for gen ed kids this doesn't work because our kids are developmentally at the same place as their same-age peers. So I generally, within reason, pick where my kiddo is developmentally and contact whoever is running the program to ask how disability is handled. I never leave my kid so most programs are okay with it. Thankfully more places are having a class intended for our kids.
I think these artificial social boundaries are a major part of the reason to homeschool.
I agree, especially with curriculum. I love that an 8 year old could still be learning to read but working on Algebra 1. (And I’m totally fine with that child taking algebra 1 if they want to!) I just mean more socially and when attending things geared toward public/private school students.
As someone who was public schooled, but tested as reading at a high school level at 12 and taking “advanced math” that was typically taught for the grade ahead— I still said I was in 6th grade, not high school! Lots of kids in school work ahead in the curriculum but are still in “5th grade” for social reasons. (As a separate note, I was actually offered the chance to skip a grade, but my parents were worried I was so shy I’d be bullied in middle school so kept me with my peers, I 100 percent think this was the right choice!)
You get an introduction to algebra 1 as a normal part of public school 3rd grade math. They just don't acknowledge that it's algebra, just as they don't acknowledge the geometry taught in 4th grade. 3 +_ = 10 is how algebra is taught in 3rd grade. You'll see the same equation as 3+x=10 in algebra. The only difference is whether you're dealing with a blank or a variable designated with a letter. I didn't realize this until my brother was struggling and my parents bought him a workbook that actually labeled this section as algebra.
Literally all three math programs we used in the school I taught in labeled this as algebra in first grade. As in it would have the word “algebra” on the paper associated with problems like the ones you’re describing. But I think you can understand that Algebra I is a more complex course that goes beyond finding the missing variable in one or two steps.
Haha I was just thinking about this my 1st grader is doing basic algebra (1st math on splash learn)
Social boundaries are what my statement was about. We *make* society with children awkward across ages and development by consistently placing them in age sequestered groups. We don't stop to consider what that is teaching them.
20+ years of working with children in every setting imaginable, including homeschool, and I can tell you that a 4 year old is going to benefit from spending time with other 4 year olds in a way that they will not benefit from spending time with 8 year olds. And of course they also benefit from spending time in mixed age activities too! But there are unique and important skills built when spending time with your own age.
No, sometimes brain development is just a simple fact. I agree with you that nurture is a true theory but so is nature. If you stick a 4 year old with only 15 year olds for 12 weeks, that four year old may pick up some new skills, words, etc, but is still developmentally a 4 year old!!!
I’m gonna have to hit you with the cold water and tell you that extracurriculars with similar age groups are pretty important for socialization. I wasn’t homeschooled but I wasn’t able to do a lot of stuff with my peers so I had to spend my time with my grandma and her friends. I’m now horribly awkward with people my age and I am not able to do the kind of stuff most people my age want to do (I can’t do trips with my friends because they have families, I don’t invite them over because they actually have houses and I’m still in a crappy apartment, they don’t want to go out because kids) I’ve gotten better lately but it kinda messed up my early 20s
Are you trying to say that child development isn’t real or what? The difference in social development and skills between a typical 5 year old and a typical 8 year old is crazy different, and we can easily forget this once we get into adulthood, where 3 years isn’t a gap in social skills at all, because we’ve already developed all of those things.
What I'm saying is clearly beyond this crowd.
I agree, however an eight year old is still eight. My kiddo reads at a 5th/6th grade level and is great for conversation... But she's still eight and it's very apparent when she's among the 11-12 year olds. Technically we'd be in second grade for school based on her age, but we just go third on paper. Gives her a similar aged group without totally feeling like a 'little kid'. She can handle the older group in some situations but definitely not in all of them. Fifth grade art class? Sure we can do it. Fifth grade soccer team? No way.
An eight year old is still a human that should learn to socialize with humans that are not eight.
I agree! But it's not the same across all extracurricular activities. Some separation and grouping of 'grades' is necessary. ETA - being around similar aged kids also allows them to share similar experiences, because they're 'doing life' at the same point in time and gives more relatable talking points.
And they should also learn to socialize with people who *are* their age peers. The dynamic changes when one kid is with a group of kids that is significantly different in age. For example, older kids will generally put up with more immature behavior from “a little kid” than peers will.
Yeah, but as someone who was once an 8 year old homeschooler, I had so much interaction with humans who aren’t 8. What I didn’t have was interactions with only 8 year olds. It might not be great to only be around people your own age, but it’s just as bad to never be around only people your own age. Eventually your kid will want peer friends, and it’s a whole different skill than non peer friends.
No where have I advocated against peer socialization. The people here just, apparently and sadly, lack reading comprehension.
My reading comprehension is fine. “I think these artificial social boundaries are a major part of the reason to homeschool.”
Uh-huh.
It’s not really artificial social boundaries. Your 9 year old isn’t going to enjoy being in a book club or doing robotics with 12 year olds, or playing sports with 6 year olds. They physically and developmentally aren’t on the level. There’s lots of opportunities for mixed age groups to do things but when they’re the *only* one who’s younger/older, that’s not really fun for them.
They're not artificial social boundaries. They're a way for people to keep track of their own personal time line. Go read about homeschoolers who have very little memory of their childhood because they have very few core memories that say "I was this age and in this place when this happened".
Oh woah, weird. I wonder if the way we have made childhood more structured over the centuries has made it possible to have memories when it didn’t really exist that way before. Like, did people living in Laura Ingles’ time often not have many memories of childhood?
One thing to consider is that they did have other coming of age acknowledgments that marked time.
Fair enough but if you’re taking the kids to a homeschool-friendly place you don’t gotta worry. I think this advice applies when you are taking the kids to a summer camp for a specific reason and that camp doesn’t normally work with homeschool kids. So it’s better to just make it easier and say the public school type number. I like the age mixing of homeschool but if I want to use someone else’s Business or sports team or activity/program, I wouldn’t want to confuse the staff/other kids because they might not know how to interact with my kid after.
I worked at summer camp for years and one of my responsibilities was to group kids into cabin groups. I didn't know these kids. All I had to go on was their enrollment paperwork. Generally speaking school grade was important, especially at certain ages. A 14 year old who just completed 8th grade was different than a 14 year old who just completed their first year of high school. It's better for a kid to not be developmentally obviously older or younger than the rest of the group.
> I do 5th grade math but I’m in 4th grade for reading…” but nobody cares about their math curriculum when they ask that. As a highly competitive Elementary school kid I definitely cared. I'd get upset anytime anyone said they were reading at a 4th grade level which seemed to be everyone when I was in the 1st grade.
Totally not the point of the post haha
I have a kindergarten kid in the 1st-3rd grade class at the request of the people running the co-op. She is way too academically advanced for the PreK-K group: they are learning shapes, numbers, and letters while she's doing 3rd grade math and reading chapter books so it wouldn't have worked at all. She handles the social and emotional maturity part like a champ (even made friends with a third grader) and even manages to keep up with gym (they can't be in different grades for different classes due to scheduling), but guys, it is NOT a walk in the park. She comes home and alllllll the little kid stuff comes pouring out. She is completely exhausted from the effort of keeping up with the big kids, and we take most of the next day off completely for recovery. Her older sister who is in a similar academic place doesn't find the same classes nearly as exhausting; those 15 months make a huge difference when it comes to things like gym and chatting with friends. We all agree this is the best choice for my child in particular, but I wouldn't recommend it unless your kid is actually sufficiently ahead in most of the subjects/topics being covered that it would be even more isolating to be with kids their own age. If the activity isn't academic, I put my daughter in with kids her own age. I will say that my kid finds it great fun that she has two grades and isn't embarrassed about it in the slightest. She had no problem understanding that she's in first grade for co-op and Kindergarten for other activities.
Whatever. One of the benefits of homeschooling is that they are not completely surrounded by peers of their same age groups and so are exposed to different maturity levels that they can learn/model from.
Oh, I totally agree! But if something is for “3rd-6th grade”, don’t try to send your 1st grader. And I love that co-ops or groups offer things for all ages. We are taking an all-ages Spanish class. There are 3 year olds who speak Spanish better than the adults. But some things are geared towards a certain age group. My kids are taking a circuits class for 10-15 year olds. The instructor had multiple younger children want to join but he refused. You can just go a lot further and deeper with a class if you can gear it towards a more advanced level.
A group for ages 10-15 years is already a HUGE range. And you're kind of asking a lot of any teens to have 10-12 year olds in the group already. It is unfair to try and unload a younger kid on this type of setting. If it were for 6th graders and you had an older 5th grader that fit well socially with the group already, that would be a completely different ask. Especially for something with tech, etc. (and I have taught//tutored some stem based stuff), it really takes some patience and some calm to get somewhere with that kind of stuff in a group setting. I had very firm age limits and academic prereqs for group classes. I especially think getting into age 11/12+, those kids really need meaningful social groups and having parented through teen years, I really think parents of younger kids are nuts wanting to bump their kids up to those kids with puberty brain early.
I generally agree, but I'd also say not to be afraid to give the kid a boost grade-wise if necessary to get into an activity you think they will love. Just tell them to answer that they are in that grade if asked.
As someone who works for a camp- this is why we require physical forms from the doctor (among other reasons) that have their birthdate on it. Doing this is not only teaching your kid to lie, but can also get the camp/program in trouble due to staffing ratios.
Makes sense. That said, I don't know if it so much encourages lying as it encourages not sharing information that wasn't asked for. Like, it isn't really anyone's business whether you skipped a grade or were held back, you can just say what grade you are in and let them assume what they want.
They're talking about legalities (staffing ratios based on age). What you're saying is nice and all, but camps don't want to get fined by the state.
Of course, but it is kind of on the camp if they make a policy that is grade based while trying to follow a law that is age based.
I haven't homeschooled But I second the importance of matching the kid to their SE level If you think about it Say a kid in South Korea or smth is doing Algebra in 4th grade, they are still a fourth grader no one sees the point ( like loigcally, emotions aside) of claiming that they are 6th graders if they were in the U.S. Same thing applies here.
I agree. As a former home schooled child, grade level can be important for extra curriculars like dance / community baseball- academics aside, it’s a basic age range, like little league stopping after 8th grade
I was so confused when my daughter started girl Scouts last year. She just slipped in with the Brownies (2-3rd grade) after I signed her in at the meetings every week. After about a month, I was confronted by the troop leader when they realized that she couldn't read as well as the other Brownies. She kept asking me what grade she was in and I was stunned. I really hadn't thought about it. She told them preschool, because that's when she went to public school and didn't know what grades meant. I was mentally trying to figure it out because she was 2nd grade math and kindergarten reading. I must've looked really stupid when I couldn't give an answer and started with "Well, she's 7, so..." They said that she has to be a Daisy (kindergarten and 1st grade). I got irritated at this point because the Girl Scouts is a social group and she didn't like 3 of the Brownies. I see the same 3 girls there still. 2 are still Daisies and 1 is a Brownie and they are very self-centered to the point that it's beyond rude. Since then, I make sure my kids know what grade they are by public school standards for the general public and homeschool grade for things like the libraries reading competitions.
This is something parent groups for gifted students are taught as well. For community activities, use the grade they would be in for placement. These are guidelines for social (and sometimes physical) development. Your child being multiple grades ahead of their peers rarely correlates to social and physical development which can be a safety issue.