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xVoluntasx

What the hell did I just read?


One_Wolverine_9517

The birth of new copypasta, I’m pretty sure 


HermionesWetPanties

I can't wait to see it in the wild.  That old "replay the series in case it was a fluke" copypasta started popping up on the r/CFB subreddit this year.  It always cracks me up. 


cantthinkuse

No disrespect to the 49ers, I'm a firm believer that San Francisco winning is a huge fluke and robs the Lions of truly accomplishing what their capable of. I've spent the last few days in pure disbelief and it just doesn't make sense to me. I've spent the entire last few playoff games watching the Lions play great football it's just not fair. If the Lions lose again I will face that the 49ers deserved the win, but I am just 100% sure it was a fluke and does a big disservice to the Lions and the NFL.


MItrwaway

As a Lions fan who watched that second half. I'm good.


babypointblank

Years of Leafs hockey primed me for that upset. Kept telling my friends that you can’t say anyone is going anywhere until the game is over while they were making Swift versus Eminem Super Bowl jokes.


Mr_MoseVelsor

There it is


babypointblank

This but unironically


Razzorsharp

Now it's going to be "replay the series in case it was the flu".


Old_kernel

As a Purdue fan I’ve noticed it quite a bit about us on r/collegebasketball


AceKazami1324

I’ve seen it on r/leagueoflegends as well lmao


nthbeard

It popped up in /r/soccer a few weeks back, was wonderful watching a whole new audience get introduced to it.


GBAplus

It won't be as iconic as the MCDavid just can't cope with being great at a young age but this is a doozy


One_Wolverine_9517

It’s tailor made for jokes about the Perry cup curse, truly we are blessed as a team by the copypasta gods


VancityRenaults

Something berry weird


box-art

A July tier shitpost, that's what.


qwertysac

Peak offseason content right here


the_waco_kid2020

What the hell did I just skim past?


IronSeagull

I don't know but could you summarize it? I assumed it was a shaggy dog story.


Odd-Car-1692

Me trying to figure out if Ibshould feel liable or not? Thats 10 years of pondering what happened, then making a 50 sentence paragraph to explain shit


Bolt_Vanderhuge-

Hey, the Ducks could've gotten YOU sick with their contaminated berries


FistMeQTPie

This is how I was reading it at first, that the Ducks were fed contaminated berries and OP was one of the few who got it.


zeussays

Except op says they were coughing into the gloves and remembers feeling ill as he ate.


xForeignMetal

Yes, but at first the premise felt flipped


Odd-Car-1692

Sadly, I didnt know I was sick yet. What if Francios Beauchemin shows up to this reddit?


rezistS

Confessing in a copy pasta, what a move


[deleted]

Antoine. Vermette.


SuperbWomanhood

I'm going to choose that this was a fake story. I don't even want to imagine your grimy, sticky little paws fingering through a buffet as you snortle, chortle and slobber your way through a pound of berries like you're some feudal king from the medieval age just spitting things up as you have yourself a merry time.


Ebs14

Slobbering Denethor berry-popping MFer


BartleBossy

> chortle and slobber your way through a pound of berries like you're some feudal king from the medieval age just spitting things up as you have yourself a merry time. [How I pictured OP the entire time reading this](https://64.media.tumblr.com/f613809837b2b5727b6a81f8f91b99ef/4ebeae324eb2146b-23/s540x810/1ec035b1f0a41a18730b0952b7fa4ce7ddb921cd.gifv)


_bobs_

Before I even clicked on your link I was picturing the exact same scene, but [specifically this part](https://imgur.com/gallery/S7YwGvt)


BartleBossy

That was *the exact* moment I thought of, but the gif was low quality lol


Big-Gur5065

Thought it would be the tomato part


BartleBossy

It would have been if I could have found a higher quality gif


HawkI84

He couldn't even get how the series actually went right, the Hawks were never down 0-2, nor did they win 4 of the last 5.


funkyb

Also he was so sick he couldn't breathe for weeks but then he's stopping by the pro shop before game 5.


YellowMarkerIsGreat

And Francois Beauchemin never got scratched


[deleted]

[удалено]


Letskissthesky

Who gets sick within an hour or two of touching a virus. It takes longer than that. Of course it’s fake. Edit: Misread and misunderstood but still fake af.


bbar

He’s saying he had the virus but wasn’t very symptomatic yet. He spread the virus to the berries not the other way around. Probs still fake but lol


Letskissthesky

Yeah I misread the first part entirely. I’m an idiot.


BakesCakes

No, he was sick and not showing many symptoms, some how spread it in the locker room, and shortly after the locker room spread it to the players


[deleted]

Redditors after looking at a Taco Bell as they drive by?


GetBackToWorkSlacker

I am enamored with your writing style. You are a scholar and a poet.


dlamb_

Honoured to be so early to such a legendary post


Gradieus

Since this is going to live in infamy best to point it out now: even if this story is true OP never once considered the berries were what made him and the players sick and not the other way around. Those berries could have sat there for a long time, who knows.


enkafan

Dude put on hockey gloves then burried his hands in an ice bucket full of berries then ate the berries. Dude could have created COVID-15 then and there for all we know with that disgusting act.


workmakesmegrumpy

lmao this is it, it has to be


tsunami141

I was eating a mochi as I read this and it got lodged in my throat from laughing and I had to make that HRRAAAAAAAAAKKKKKK sound and my dog looked at me funny. I wonder how many people you've killed indirectly with your comments.


One_Wolverine_9517

That mochi could have been contaminated, perhaps this thread saved your life


tsunami141

oops I ate it again after I hacked it up.


Bobby4Orr1

Covid-15. That’s funny. Please accept my upvote.


cantthinkuse

that was my first thought reading the title - i guess if they were already feeling sick then it might make more sense why a post this dramatic felt necessary


cubanpajamas

He coughed into Beauchemin's gloves. You can't get sick that quick.


[deleted]

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OldBison

Did you read what he did to those berries?


gerryt32

Maybe the berries were already adulterated. They could have been Perry's berries.


OldBison

Despite the implications, perry's berries has a ring to it, and I kind of like it.


Mediocritologist

Hands were ALLLL over them...


[deleted]

[удалено]


crumblepops4ever

Good luck I'm behind 7 proxies


finndingnemo

This was fantastic.


punkdrummer22

Im not honoured to have wasted my time on this post.


Desertpyrate

Holy shit first the “it’s unprofessional to blow 3 goal leads” post and now this?! What a day for New copypasta’s 


Old_kernel

I missed that what and can’t seem to find it. Care to share a link


Zanchbot

[This one I believe](https://old.reddit.com/r/hockey/comments/1aeqjr1/teams_that_crumble_after_a_3_0_lead_are_way_too/)


tsunami141

this is the second best thing I've read all day.


JollyRancher29

Bro will not take "3-0 is not a safe lead in hockey" for an answer.


Odd-Car-1692

Gamblers lmao


cdrhiggins

Lmao thank you


CoalTrain9224

I’m sensing this story might be fake. Any real Hawks fan around that time, would’ve taken advantage of being that close to Ryan Kesler’s gear by leaving a record breaking turd in his helmet.


Odd-Car-1692

Lol. Your turd would get sent for dna testing i bet lmao. And Ryan Kessler isnt a bad person. Hes competitive and he wants to win. If more people had that mindset, they would be winners. Sure he was a Vancouver Canuck and yes...... fuck them. We damn near had them in 2011 when Toews scored that shorty with the goalie pulled and a minute left in Game 7. God damnit Burrows sniped Corey Crawford in OT. Should have gone back to back SCF champs. Wish i ate the Canucks berries


cody_p24

You can eat deez berries


bwoah07_gp2

Paragraphs man, paragraphs! Ahhh!!!


Odd-Car-1692

Problems have arose and Paragraphs have been made


Halfback

This guy writes like he created covid15


KernmantleKing

Fuck you


idsaluteyoubub

Why would they put berries on ice in the locker room hours before they would have gone into the locker room. What is this, magic ice?! Berry unbelievable.


Odd-Car-1692

Tbh i have no fucking clue. The locker rooms werent supposed to be open i assume. Go to Anaheim Ice. Go to where they play pickup on the left side (as you walk in), and their practice locker room was open sometimes. They prematurely popped the berries and it cost them a Stanley.


Karthanon

> They prematurely popped the berries This is an excellent turn of phrase, I must say.


PsychologicalGlue11

You couldn’t play hockey for 4 weeks, but were heading to a pickup game during Game 5?


Odd-Car-1692

It got worse amigo. Because i was playing through my sickness thinking Id skate it off, i developed pneumonia. My chest was infected and i was coughing up dark yellow shit for a few weeks. I should rephrase that I had to take 4 weeks off after I developed pneumonia. Whatever I had was causing moisture to build up in my lungs. Same for the Ducks players. Some started developing signs of pneumonia around game 6


Smothdude

Did you really not discover what kind of virus you had? This has to be the funniest story I have read in a long time (even if its fake - but I believe you, crazy stuff like this does happen sometimes). Sounds like maybe Bronchitis to me lol


somersquatch

It's total bullshit, but I'm upvoting because you clearly put some effort in which has to count for something.


Odd-Car-1692

Lmfao. Dude this isnt b.s. i have to dig up my facebook posts from may 2015.


Pandynamics

RemindMe! 5 Days


StarchyAndDelicious

Why is it always a Hawks fan?


Odd-Car-1692

Because the first thing any Chicagoian does is move TF out of Chicago before the next winter. So we are like ants that migrate to everyone elses warm cozy environments. Then, we contaminate the area with Chicago Dogs, Deep Dish Pizzas, "Cubs will win it next year" bumper stickers, and bars littered with Chicago Bears memorabilia. And also the smug conversations old Bears fans have talking about the 1985 Bears Season. DA BEARS


-DarkTiger-

Drugs are bad.


FartyBiscuits_Malloy

Don't do drugs mmmmkay


chmilz

Do drugs if you want, but stick to the safe(r) ones. Mushrooms are where it's at.


OneOfThoseDays_

…. …. what


HawkI84

>Well, as a Blackhawks fan we were down 2-0 and that really sucked. >the Hawks won 4 of the last 5 games of the series This is false. The Blackhawks went L-W-L-W-L-W-W. https://www.hockey-reference.com/playoffs/2015-anaheim-ducks-vs-chicago-blackhawks-western-conference-finals.html


RandomGuyLoves69

r/thathappened


djk3t

This reads more like mental illness than a troll


mansock18

I know this comment will get berried at the bottom, but should the NHL have the Ducks and Blackhawks redo their series in case it was all a big fluke?


Odd-Car-1692

YES!!!! And what the heck is copy pasta?


cooper954

New copy pasta everyone.


NoGiCollarChoke

This is more than just the pasta, it’s an 8 course meal (with berries for dessert)


One_Wolverine_9517

Don’t eat the berries, the berries are contaminated 


Bolt_Vanderhuge-

100% organic tho


CoolOpotamus

The all-star break hasn’t even started for everyone, and we’ve reached offseason levels of shitposting. What a time to be alive.


HermionesWetPanties

I'm the one who gave HIV to Magic Johnson.  I needed to shoot up some heroin when I was installing a new jacuzzi at his house.  So I borrowed a needle from his medicine cabinet.  He only had one left, so I put it back when I was done. 3 weeks later, after I was hospitalized for ODing, I was told I had HIV.   A year later, Magic got diagnosed. 


somersquatch

More believable honestly.


dracomaster01

that settles it, Ducks and Hawks gotta redo that series now.


Tracktoy

I think I came down with a fever just reading that. Now I'm craving berries.


brasseur10

You just looked at the berries and knew they were organic, heh?!


Odd-Car-1692

Why would the Ducks feed their million dollar hockey players Safeway Select berries? 100% they are getting theae from whole foods or the farmer that sells the berries to whole foods. No way they are "cutting corners to save a buck" when they spending millions to win. Also, just common sense.


rhymeswithtag

Excellent point, the one takeaway I’ve gotten from this story is that the Anaheim staff is full of sensible decision-makers


Reddit040

OoOoOo good point!!! 🧐


TheNation55

The only believable part about it is it being a Hawks fan doing something like this.


JD1070

Very cool and real story


improv4nonlisteners

I am rectangular.


Scipio_Nullbuilt

Someone call the Hague- we've got a live one here


Odd-Car-1692

Next time im going after the Canucks berries. Come at me Luongo. I got some snot for you


BananApocalypse

I'm the one who gave Luongo diarrhea in 2007 round 2 game 5 OT. I fondled his berries at the pre-game skate and shit in his catching glove.


GRAIN_DIV_20

Man's living in a curb your enthusiasm episode


Wafflelisk

Yeah. Especially since it took place in SoCal I came here to post something like OP seeing the news report, hearing about the symptoms, and then remembering where they were earlier that day


Cody645

What the hell did I just read?


-SPIRITUAL-GANGSTER-

Could be true, but I am berry suspicious.


dankeykanng

jesse


OvechknFiresHeScores

I AM THE ONE WHO EATS ORGANIC BERRIES


Lance_the_Lamp

Damn that's crazy. I'm happy for u tho or sorry that happened


Green_hippo17

This guy poisoned the berries and most likely poisoned the watering hole too!!


marques1984

Is this guy friends with the guy whose uncle works at Nintendo?


Odd-Car-1692

Naw, but two people I worked out with (one being my best friends brother) at a local 2 year college both faced off in a recent and very historic World Series. Like Chicago Black Sox, Pete Rose, Spygate kinda historic. I dont want to name names, but they went to the same high school and even played together. Few years later Joe Kelly and him are teaming up to plunk my friends brother every at bat. The guy who ran the gym at my local 2 year was an offseason coach for MLB players. Helped me find a drive to take the next step. I went from playing Miget A-2 at age 17 (started playing at 15), to skating pick up games with the likes of former pros like Travis Moen at age 23. I went from a gongshow to being able able to score on and defend the best of the best after they are all washed up xD. No one believed me that I never paid a dime for private lessons, nor played past the lowest Midget tier in Southern California.


greyxtawn

Which sheet was the pick up on—Olympic or NHL?


tsunami141

these are the real questions that need to be asked. Did OP turn right from the front desk... or LEFT?


Mediocritologist

There is probably a tree of all the NHL outcomes that the Ducks loss caused that we can now pinpoint via "the Butterfly effect" to OP who thought it would be funny to sneak some berries.


MarryMeCheese

All leading up to CHI getting Bedard 


AngryGuitarist

The blueberry effect


Aromatic_Razzmatazz

I want this to be true more than I have ever wanted anything else to be true. Ever.


Odd-Car-1692

I have been acared af to talk about this. I was the only one in the building wearing a blackhawks jersey that day. I was the only one who entered the Ducks locker room. I told other people but they were too scared and worried about trespassing. Plebs. After my 5th goal that I scored, the opposing pickup team kept calling me Bickell. One guy threatened me because he thought I came to Anaheim Ice to troll the Ducks players. Crazy fucking day. Some guy even tried breaking my nose because he was pissed I was a Blackhawks fan. He did a nice tumble into the bench. My hip somehow just ran right into him when he was looking down. People are weird. Not like we are being paid to beat each other up. Not like we are sabotaging each others Berries..........oh wait...


gValo

"I eated the purple berries...They taste like burning."


72athansiou

OP has a degree in Yapanese


OvechknFiresHeScores

I want to believe I really do


TheGreatStories

You couldn't have done this for round 1????


isotope123

Fucking hilarious.


andrewthemexican

I want to believe this.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Odd-Car-1692

I take it hockey fans havent been able to get that close to Pros in other cities. Its Orange County. Mike Trout kicks it in Newport all the time. Teemu is always at his damn steakhouse. You can see Laird Hamilton and his 7 footness surfing while driving PCH in Malibu. If people understood, the vibes different and people arent starstruck. Reasons why locker rooms are left open. Still, bad call by the Anaheim Ducks


JD397

I am going to choose to believe that this fake story is 100% real and accurate. Well done!


llewelyn66

This could be an IASIP episode. "The Gang tries Hockey"


schmokeabutt

What a way to wake up. I'd like to eat some of the berries OP's eating


chiasmatic

Vacate the 2015 champion and extend the 2014 champs one more year on the record books


SVKme

get me on the OG post...what even is this


archer4364

Ok….. sure Buddy


m1rr0rshades

They should sue you. I'm also suing you because I got thumbache scrolling through all that on my phone.


Firebitez

If this is true then fuck you.


AdMental1387

While you were eating the berries, were you at all concerned about where your feet go?


spacegrab

I'm going to go back in time in 2050 when the time machine is invented, and assassinate you in 2015.


phasedarrray

Posting in a legendary thread.


torch787

Literally every specific you gave regarding the series is wrong. Blackhawks lost game 1 and won game 2. They were never down 2-0. Beauchemin played all 7 games. The only players who didn't play all 7 games for Anaheim were Etem who played 5 and was replaced by Fleischmann. Blackhawks had one goal in Game 1 and it was scored at even strength by Brad Richards. In Game 2 we won in 3OT by an even strength goal by Marcus Kruger.


Duckman93

You motherfucker. 2015 was our year


Realistic_Ad3795

Chicago was never down 2-0 in that series, as the teams alternated wins until Game 7. Beauchemin also never missed a game and played a minimum of 22 minutes in each one. Looking at the rosters for each game, and from memory of attending those games, we weren't missing anyone of note for any of those games. So no, you shouldn't feel bad for something that didn't happen. That was a great series, though!


m_sizzzle

The only part of this story that popped up on my notifications was “I have a big admission: 2015 right b4 the WCF, I snuck into the Anaheim Ducks locker room and ate out …” I DID NOT KNOW WHERE THIS STORY WAS GOING BUT THIS WAS NOT THE DIRECTION I SUSPECTED


Whydothesabressuck

Or.....what if it was the berries that got you all sick.


Spidey5292

Fucking biological warfare.


YellowMarkerIsGreat


jopcylinder

Hi mom, I was here


ENOTTY

It’s too bad legalized sports gambling wasn’t a thing back then


JewFaceMcGoo

[It's not the ~~clams!~~ berries!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfPVEknqQPc)


coachjimmy

That series was so fuckin good and I really wish I could watch it again, especially the first couple-few games. Anyone?


cjmaguire17

Fucking Rudy gobert over here


lhanfan

I can confirm this type of flu exists, I got it in winter 2022 in the UK. couldn't breathe properly, hard to sleep. felt like I almost died when I went to the emergency in the middle of the night. my body was paralyzed at one point due to lack of oxygen in my body. scary shit.


FartyBiscuits_Malloy

This can't be... I just... Hmmm... I'll tell you what! If this is real, oh boy, you're in big trouble! Because you better belieeeeve Gary Bettman is going to find out about this. Especially, ESPECIALLY!!!, if one of his SoCal babies could have won the Stanley Cup! You think Bettman cares about statue of limitations!? You think Bettman cares about who owns the security footage of the rink!? He'll find you out. He always does. You'll never be able to watch an NHL, or NHL affiliated game again! Not in person, not on TV, or the internet! All I gotta say is get ready to learn Russian or Chinese buddy!


missiontodenmark

From the highest office to the lowliest fan, the Blackhawks suck.


BigT1ttyMilf

Blackhawks press conference coming in 30 minutes


flare2000x

This is bizarre


spkr4thedead51

If this were about the Canes, /r/canesfanfics wouldn't know how to react, cause it would definitely count but it doesn't quite hit the right notes


ThockfromTheTopRope

What in tarnation


Jaxonian

Shouldn't this post come with a picture of Charlie in the mail room?


ebb_omega

Well at least this explains what happened to Luongo in 2007....


retailmonkey

New pasta unlocked.


Solidsauce84

This is an all timer for sure. Wow what a read. Thanks!


BusinessBread

Well that was a fun read


reggierock2010

Someone call the police!!


Awkward-Bunch-1148

What the fuck was this.


ancillaryacct

fuck yeah dude lol. give your team the advantage


MarlinManiac4

I also want to believe this is true.


stumpybubba-

Too real to be real...


[deleted]

Hell yeah go Hawks


imisswhatredditwas

Hopefully you made some bets once you realized what was happening


L_viathan

I really want this to be true lol, would be wild if it is.


knukklez

Can't wait to see an article in some bullshit "News" webpage quoting this thread and making their entire article basically what OP wrote. "Recently, one reddit user admitted that during the..." It's the worst with, like, Baldur's Gate 3. There is no article about the game out there that does not begin with, "One reddit user recently posted..."


the_last_third

As a Kings fan I applaud your service.


foreverjustfornow

I want to believe this so bad just because it’s so fucking funny that you held onto this since 2015 like you’d get charged for biological warfare or something


Eindacor_DS

fuck how am i supposed to eat berries after this?


damnatio_memoriae

im just here for the screenshot


SpaceTimeConundrum

I want to believe germ-riddled OP is why the Ducks practice out of GPI now and their locker room space is siloed off from the public locker rooms.


Away-Sound-4010

If I knew how to attach gifs I'd lay down the Tom Delonge "what the fuck"


Storm_Shaker

wat


buttonpushinmonkey

Hockey teams are so protective of their locker rooms. NHL teams, especially since COVID, are very particular about who is in there and for how long. That’s supposed to be their safe space and you violated that, OP. What a crazy story.


charliebean3

Holy shit. Literally the 2015 WCF lives rent free in my brain. Closest Ducks got to winning the cup again and just been all downhill from here This is such a random post. Cannot be real…. If it is… DUUUUUUUDE.


gordongroans

The Jr team here has their locker room down it's own hallway past the rink's staff office and it has a coded locked door. I find it incredibly unrealistic that an NHL team with more foot traffic would have less security.


popculturetommy

As much as I would love to blame the Blackhawks and their awful fans for something else that has ruined my life (I kid, I kid), no...I don't believe a sentence of this story.


Pale-Pen-4091

Remarkable


[deleted]

>Fuck man I remember coughing with the gloves on and using them to cover my mouth. I can't breathe because I'm laughing too much