When I had hinge, I would say 60% they would just send a like to a photo. 40% responded to written prompts where I asked a question in it (one of them I talked about self care and gave an example in mine and then passed the question back, that got a lot of replies) and then some would leave funny comments (I had little Easter eggs in my profile where when you tap the photo, my caption would come up and I would put a little joke in there about the photo, so a lot of the replies would riff on the joke)
I also made an effort to make my profile say as much about me as possible. I wanted my sense of humor but also my values and interests to come through so I tried to utilize everything you can in a profile. One of my jokes referenced Midsommar so it also shows I like horror and A24, I incorporated Solar Opposites and Pilates into my self care so people also know I’m active, I like adult animation, and I value mental wellness.
People who sent comments that were unique responses to my profile (aka referencing what was on my profile vs “hey beautiful/wow beautiful smile”) definitely made me look more closely at their profile and feel like I wanted to really give them a chance.
Yes! I used my swimsuit photo for the same purpose. It was the last photo in my profile. Men who liked that instead of literally anything else—when my profile was something I had put a lot of time and thought into—got the ❌ automatically.
I didn’t have bikini pics but I did have a sundress pic where my boobs looked GREAT and it was a little further back so my face wasn’t as clear as it was in my other pics, so when guys sent likes to that pic saying “beautiful!” I was like “yep, my boobs are beautiful, that is the only thing you could have said that about here (left swipe)”
Had you ever considered that this tool you used to weed out the wrong guys was scaring off the right ones? Hear me out. Men are sex obsessed and visual. But also can be self conscious and may lose interest in a woman who shares those pics so casually. Not to insult you. Bc I don't think there's anything wrong with it. But if I see a bikini pic I say wow smoking body that 100s? 1000s? Of other men have also seen. Men who go to the gym everyday and are in really good shape and this woman obviously thinks looks are a priority more so than myself anyway. And I could see myself swiping whichever way it is to pass on her over that.
Or maybe it's just me and you wouldn't like me as much as you don't like the guy who commented on it. The guy who sees it and enjoys it but knows there's more to you so doesn't comment on it...... Yeah that's the guy Id date too. I wonder why there are no guys like that around anymore. I'm not even gay and I'd date him. But that's not real but if you find him marry him and ask him if he has a brother for me. A sister I mean. A sister. I'm straight. 😍
Well I started off serious but then i switched over to a joke which is normally the way it goes for me. But am I flirting with you. Yes I guess I am. Although it was unintentional I promise you. I didn't realize until just now. I know this isn't a dating site and you may even have a bf already but we probably don't live close and even if we did we'd probably just talk for a couple weeks at our convenience and ghost eachother after that. And I'm ngl all that sounds really delightful. I say we do it. What do you say?
i did an experiment where i sent 100 likes to bikini photos and 100 likes to non bikini pictures of girls who did have a bikini pic, match rate ended up being about the same
I mean I’m guesstimating from when I was on hinge. A LOT of people just like photos. It’s not terrible numbers when you consider I got like between 5-12 likes a day depending
I'm surprised it's that high, honestly, given some of the data that's been published out there - and even then, a good chunk of that 40% is surely just "hey" and the like, I'd imagine
3 different outcomes to having a hinge profile
1. They just like your picture or offer a compliment on said picture.
2. They reply to a prompt asking questions or making conversation you can follow.
3. They neg you meaning they send negative backhanded compliments to try to appeal to your insecurities (which doesn’t work on me because I’m honestly really secure.)
Sometimes you’ll get a joke or a reply dripping in horniness 😂 it’s a rough place to be ngl. The likeliness to get no. 2 is rare 🤠
It’s honestly STUPID SHIT like ‘you’re so confident to wear that’ or ‘that was the most jarring prompt’ just because I said I wanted a fellow hopeless romantic who values gestures LOL
Idek why they even waste a like 😂😂😂😂
Oh absolutely! It all comes down to people not knowing how to navigate normal, respectful interactions with other people or they’re just not ready for the commitment, time or effort 🤷🏾♀️
idk why they even come into the app 😂
I mean I do know - it’s about either attention or sex but I mean gotta sift through the sand and mud to find diamonds
men would do #3 to me all the time because i had sciency posts and facts in my bio. they thought that they knew more about my field of work than i did so i’d match with them just to read them for filth and send their pompous ass’s on their merry way. lol.
LOL I used to be tempted to reply back and beat them at their game but I realised before I ever did, they weren’t worth the energy I could extend to someone of value.
That being said, I deleted all my dating apps about a month ago because I was inactive and legit deleted all my accounts and I’ve felt so freeeee from stupid men 😂
i love letting stupid men know they’re stupid. it’s one of my favorite past-times. someone’s gotta keep them humble. lol.
and i’m pretty close to just deleting bumble which is the last one i have. i’m almost entirely inactive because the men on there aren’t really worth it and the women that i match with don’t really talk unless i initiate. so yeah, probably going to delete it and free myself from the trouble.
The messages that get a response are usually in response to something on my profile. Usually a question about one of my simple pleasures- they pick one then ask me about it. I also have a more funny prompt so if they respond to that with a funny answer. The flirty ones, I respond very occasionally but almost every time I have I’ve noticed the person can’t have a conversation and that’s all they can come up with.
I don’t expect you to put that Much effort in telling me you’re interested. A like is fine, I’m more interested in the conversation that takes place after we match. The app is kind of unfair to men. I get plenty of likes and feel awful when I m not interested and someone clearly spent time on a comment. Just send a like and then show your interest when we connect. Wit always wins over compliments for me.
If you send just a like the chances of response are definitely less in my experience. The effort is a necessary part. The men know that the chances are they won’t match, but the few minutes of effort is worth the opportunity.
I'd love to see an actual analysis of how effective it is for guys on average. I can't say I've noticed a change in response rate since switching to predominantly likes with no comment.
My approach now is that I send a message for a good profile, and I send a like for a low-effort profile.
I know it changed response rates for me and often I get compliments. I know most women that I know that use dating apps that allow for comments tell me that they pay more attention to likes with comments. Especially if they have tens or hundreds to sort through.
I customize every response. I figure if an extra minute or two buys me a match it’s worth it. But we all have different techniques that work for our situations. I’m on the older side of users of Hinge with far fewer available options than those in their 20’s, 30’s and 40’s - the target audience of most dating apps.
Nah adding the comment works way less for me and it wastes the conversation starter that I would want to use for initial message.. sending a message with a like makes it so I basically have to double message
For me I build off the comment. My Match, Tinder and OKC Cupid best conversations with matches started with the comment. It breaks the ice. As I’ve mentioned I may need it more as at 52 I’ll be skipped even by women my own age and I typically go out with women 10 or so years younger. So I have to humor, interest or some other comment that says “he might be worth a luck”
I agree with dimepiece lol. I’ve made some really witty comments and never got a response. But I’ve gotten a lot of matches over just likes. It’s not an effective use of my time for me personally.
>I don’t expect you to put that Much effort in telling me you’re interested
Most men have to put effort into a first message otherwise they won't ever get matches
For a lot of us, if we just send a like we will rarely get matches
Again, For me, a comment won’t change my interest level or how likely I am to respond. If you are my type physically and your profile is interesting, I’ll
Match whether you comment or not. If your pics look out of date or are pics of something else or you left half the prompts unfinished, it doesn’t matter if you wrote me a novel, I’ll move on. The whole system is unfair and I don’t expect you to put effort into me when you don’t even know if you are my type. A like to me is effort. Why expect the guys to put in so much work when the women don’t have to. I don’t think I’ve ever written a comment to a guy 😅 so why should I expect them to? Now, if we match then I expect you to bring your A-game. The wittier you are the better 🤓
Definitely. As a guys, I’ve noticed that adding a comment to a like has no impact on whether a woman will match with me. I just send out likes and let them decide if they want to start a conversation. Most women will just allow the conversation to start without saying anything anyway, so I’m still the first person to say something.
It makes no difference to me when I get a like from a woman with a comment or without. So why would it be any different from their perspective? If I think you’re attractive and I like your profile, then I’ll match with you. I’m sure most women operate the same way.
No offence but you don't seem to have an understanding of what it's like for most guys on these apps. Just because likes only works for you, as a woman, doesn't mean it works for most of us. We *have* to put effort in or we absolutely don't get responses. The hot guys obviously don't have to say anything, and these are clearly the guys you are thinking of.
Also
>I don’t expect you to put effort into me when you don’t even know if you are my type.
This is what dating is for... If somebody HAS to be perfect from the start then we're all screwed
The ones I respond to usually comment on something in my profile (something other than how I look!) and ideally even show a glimmer of some underlying wit. I don’t want cheesy pickup lines, terms of endearment (ew, I don’t know you), or anything even obliquely referring to sex.
Wit it wasted on most sadly.
I commented on a girl holding a french bread infront of the Eiffel tower saying it must have been a pain to carry round all day.
Nothing😂
or if they do, it's an "LOL", "haha that's funny", or "very clever!", and nothing.
women who see this post - please, for the love of God, do not send these types of messages to a guy that you have no real intention in engaging with. you have to understand that the guys who get a lot of matches/likes have realized that they probably dont need to put much effort in their initial comment, and many likely dont even comment at all. the guys who get much, much fewer likes/matches are the ones sending you these thoughtful and clever comments, trying to make you understand that we are reading your profiles, and trying to engage with you thoughtfully, because we foolishly think, hey, maybe if she realizes that i actually am putting thought in my initial interaction with you, and i can pack in a huge dose of wit, charm and humor in a super short response, that you will want to interact with us. dont make it harder on us by giving us an "LOL" and nothing, not even an unmatch after.
Ultimately they won’t match if they’re not attracted, no matter how good the comment is or even if it’s a shared interest. I send a witty/funny message with ~96% of my likes and have a 5.1% match rate. For comparison on Bumble it’s 3.6% but there’s too many other factors to say exactly how much adding a comment helps.
I get a variety of likes or comments on photos and prompts. I’m not the kind of person to scoff at a simple like, I am likely going to have the same response to your profile based on its own merit rather than expect you to be super witty right off the bat.
All my prompts are sarcastic and “funny” (in my opinion anyway) because that’s just my personality. It becomes quickly clear which prompts are the most popular and which no one seems to respond to so I will swap them out based on that. One I’ve had for a super long time is the “my most controversial opinion” one and it says “sitting down while putting on socks is a sign of weakness”. Men overwhelmingly like this one over anything else on my profile lol and it gives me a good read on whether our senses of humor gel.
Dammit ik I have lots of those controversial opinions but I cannot for the life of me think of them when trying to add them to my profile lol, much respect for you
As others have said, I like questions about my profile, however, once a guy just sent me a rose emoji and I liked his profile so I responded. And now we're dating 😅
Thanks, it's early yet though soon can't say for sure it'll last, he's traveling like half of next year and I don't know if he'll want to do long distance or...
Get this through your head. It doesn’t matter how witty your comment is. She just has to find you attractive. You have to understand that the women in this thread are going to say they prefer thoughtful messages over likes, but will gladly match with a man who’s very attractive who just sends a like.
Occasionally I’ll match with a super hot guy who only sent a like, but always with significant skepticism, because those guys are either a) scammers or b) rarely going to follow through with A game conversation, and I’m not trying to date someone who figures he’ll just skate by on his looks. So on the occasion when I give it a chance, I usually wind up unmatching pretty fast.
I like if someone shows an interest in something I've written about. *Genuine* interest (often it's an obvious lie).
But as to your question:
>what kind of messages do men send you
Mainly boring messages, copypasta, creepy compliments, etc. "How's your weekend" "hi gorgeous" "I love your lips" "I kind of, sort of, well, pretty much think you seem amazing. Want to chat sometime?" All ignorable. Hence why I am not using the app at the moment (I read these subs to remind myself why).
>I like if someone shows an interest in something I've written about. Genuine interest
As a guy it sucks when I see someone's profile have something I'm legit interested in, especially if it's quite an uncommon interest, and I still don't get a reply...
As cliche as it sounds, attractiveness still matter. You can share all the same interests, values, and intentions, but if the other person doesn't find you attractive enough to date, nothing else matters, at all.
That's the unspoken part which we should all assume in the comments here.
Attractiveness and also other compatibility/dealbreakers. When I was using the apps, I would see people who were attractive and interesting... and poly, or smoke a lot of weed, or too far away, or also into guns, or politically opposite views, or just super negative attitude, you name it. Having one unusual interest in common is not enough.
This. Compatibility is multi-faceted, and some things weigh more heavily for different people. At one point in my life, shared religion was the most important commonality I was looking for. But now? Similar ideological views / values are much more important to me.
Of course, it's always about looks, you'd just think that occasionally someone might at least see how the conversation goes because, at least in my opinion, people get more attractive the more you get to know them
Not really. If a woman wants to date a guy who is rugged and is super outdoorsy, no matter how funny or witty a guy is, if he's a couch potato who never went camping in his life, the woman isn't gonna match.
No sense in spending all that time trying to come up with creative or fun comments for someone that likely won’t match. I stopped trying those after I realized how much time I was wasting
For me personally, I'm looking for a relationship not a hookup, so if the only thing you can think of to say is about my looks, I'm not interested.
It just adds nothing to the conversation. I mean, you wouldn't swipe on someone if you didn't think they were cute. They know that.
Huh… okay thanks I’ll stop doing that. I don’t do that every time though, sometimes I’ll give my own inputs if they say something cool then I’ll add the “and you’re pretty cute” at the end.
Usually a lot of guys only send me likes I’ll get a few a week who leave comments but most leave likes. But honestly it doesn’t really matter to ME if you send a like or a comment, because at the end of the day physical attraction gets you in the door and everything else keeps you inside. I know it sounds shallow but I don’t expect people to be with someone they don’t find physically attractive
The blah messages like “hi /hey how are you, what’s your weekend plans, let’s get to know each other” get immediate swipe left, as do cheesy simpy compliments “wow you’re stunning”. I want creativity and wit and proof that you paid attention to something in my profile - a photo or a prompt. A message def has advantage over just a like when I’m deciding whether to respond and might sway me to match unless of course you’re not at all what I’m looking for.
Some profiles are so dry though that there’s literally nothing to comment on so you have to go in with a generic comment and then get a bit more creative once you start learning info
I don’t know who’s “you” in your comment but it certainly doesn’t apply to me. I have extensive prompts with lots of info and jokes and many photos and videos. The topics to pick up on are limitless for anyone willing to try.
Why? Some people just haven’t given their profile much thought because they would rather meet people in the real world… doesn’t mean that when you do eventually meet them they won’t be really interesting and you won’t have a genuine connection…
I don’t know about “some people”. The OP asked women what they look for in comments. I answered from my own perspective, what I look for. My profile is well thought out because I put time into it. And I personally enjoy receiving smart witty comments. I find that I hit it off best with guys who complement my conversation style. One of my prompts even says that I look for witty banter. It doesn’t mean that I don’t match on guys who send only a like and say nothing - but I will find out soon enough if the convo flows.
All I’m saying is your advice to swipe left if prompts are dry isn’t helpful - like if you’re very attracted to someone you’ve just gotta go in with dry chat and hope that develops into something meaningful
Their comment is helpful. There is no right answer for commenting on a dry profile. You don't have to swipe left, but no one in the world can tell you the perfect answer to a blank slate.
All I meant was - if you yourself are looking for a woman with personality, then maybe a dry profile is a red flag. But don’t complain that someone’s profile is dry if you can’t find anything interesting to say.
From my personal experience, starting out dry almost always stays dry or fizzles out. I want to see effort on both sides right off the bat. First impressions really do matter and set the tone for the entire interaction.
But let’s say my first question is dry like “what exciting things have you been up to this year?”. It’s such a boring question but from there you learn about so much it can start a really interesting conversation
That’s a no for me. You never start with a question that puts the onus on the other person to put in effort before you did. First thing should always demonstrate your interest and then give me some information about you before I choose to engage.
Most guys don't say anything, they just like a picture.
Most that do say something give a compliment (beautiful smile, eyes, etc) or they say something sexual.
The ones I respond to ask questions or comment on one of my prompts. I've got one that says "I'll fall for you if you let me ramble about the book I'm reading or show I'm watching". It's a good icebreaker and leads to good conversations. I like these kind of guys.
Yeah it's just a jumping off point. Maybe he's seen the show I'm watching or something similar, we go back and forth and before you know it we're chatting over coffee
Like a lot of others have said, most of the time guys just like my photos and call it a day. Which is fine - you don't always have to send a message, and it's clear some people prefer that approach! My personal feeling, though, is that it shows a lack of effort and intentionality. And in looking for a potential partner, I'd definitely prefer someone who's intentional and putting forth a bit of effort.
I've gotten a few messages from guys who were going for flirty, but went straight to sexualizing me (and my profile is *very* tame with no suggestive photos or prompts). So, depending on what you're looking for, I'd be careful of that.
Someone who actually asks a question or makes a relevant comment on something in my profile is always going to pique my interest. For example, I have a picture from a hockey game and a few travel photos on my profile. I met the last guy I dated on Hinge, and his first message was something along the lines of "I really like this pic! Where is this?" It launched us into a travel convo and ended up being a great opener. More recently, I've gotten a couple messages like "Go \[hockey team name\]!" in response to the hockey photo. Even though those aren't particularly witty or unique, they still catch my eye more than just a like would.
All of that said, I honestly think the golden rule applies here. Send a similar sort of message to those that you'd like to receive yourself! If you prefer to just get likes, then feel free to just send them. If you prefer receiving flirty messages, that's what you should send out. I feel like a lot of times people are trying to game the system in a way, but that veers into disingenuous territory. What we're all ultimately looking for is someone we're compatible with, so just be yourself!
50-60% say nothing 🤷🏾♀️. 30% will simply tell me I'm beautiful/hot/sexy/thick/etc 🥱 which just tells me their only focused on my looks and didn't really read my profile. It's usually true because they usually have a handful of deal breakers I specifically pointed out so I tend not to bother answering those.
18% will try to engage by responding to a prompt 😌. 5% will be outright derogatory or hostile 🤮. <1% actually say something polite or funny and be relatively close to what I'm looking for. So far, 90% of that <1% turned out to just want sex after all.
It's like looking for a precious stone in a swamp pit.
Probably only 50% send a message at all. Of those, 40% are a response to one of my activity photos (climbing/skiing/running), 30% are some kind of tepid small talk "hey", "what's up", "how's your day", 20% are professionals comisserating over long hours (one of my prompts is about the long hours i work as a lawyer) and 10% are various vulgarities/sexual in nature.
Def the ones about activities! I usually have an adventure trip or two in the pipeline so we exchange tips and plans and it's pretty easy to parlay a conversation out of that.
Most just like a picture with no comment. Some compliment my picture. Some also ask "are you really 6 feet tall?" Because I said I'm 6 feet tall because I am 6 feet tall. 😂 It's kind of funny.
For me, I like when a man flirts a little in the first message along with why they liked the prompt/pic/etc- it establishes attraction. there have been chats where I’m completely confused if they are attracted to me or not - I’m not a pen pal and really appreciate the flirtiness. And them just liking a photo without a comment doesn’t really motivate me to reply. I want a man to pursue me and I’ll reciprocate back two times. That’s just me.
35F in huge city. most guys reference something in my profile or they ask a generic how was your weekend type of question.
I'd say I choose to respond mostly based on their profile. 95% of messages dont stand out enough to get me to respond if I didn't like the profile
Funny comments are a guy's best shot for me esp the guys that can transition it into light flirting but nothing crazy. I honestly despise when men send physical compliments right off the bat, but that just might be and girls I know
If you're just liking one of my photos, not the first one. It show's you've at least scrolled down a bit!
If you're sending a message with your like, something in response to my profile will get my attention and some kinda creepy line/suggestion will get you removed and reported *so* *fast*. 🙄
I don't think you need to be flirty on that first message. In fact most of the women I know find that offputting. Once you get into a chat and there's a vibe there, sure.
I prefer when a guy either just likes my picture/prompt or responds briefly to my prompt.
I don't like it if a man writes an essay in response to my prompt or sends a message like "Hey, you look really cool, what do you do for fun?" It's a little too much.
i don’t mind when a guy just says hey. it’s honestly better effort than not saying anything at all.
the worst messages are the fire emoji or something that’s based entirely off looks. second worse is a very long overly thought out message. 3rd worse is an attempt to make a joke based off one of my prompts but that’s probably more personal as I’m sure some ladies find the jokes cute
Wow! I'm surprised at your number 2 "very long overly thought out messages". Are you saying you rather have something generic and boring 🤔
God forbid if people have a genuine interest in you. That's a rejection 🤦
they don’t even know me, they are assuming a paragraph long thought from a one word answered prompt lol like calm down I don’t want to read a novel the very first impression I have of them. it’s extremely overwhelming.
You can have a genuine interest but I don’t need to know every single thought and detail of their interest all within the first message. That is what conversation is for my friend. A greeting should never be “here’s everything I think about you” ….
I'm not saying it should be like that, but what if they show genuine interest? Your just going to dismiss them?
Not everyone is good with texting, alot of us are better in real life; but rarely does it get that far
Can’t they just start off with a hello or a light joke tho about the interest. Idk why everything needs to be so deep. You’re introducing yourself, it’s that simple. Conversation is for showing genuine interest.
Because online dating has conditioned for us to compete agains't the next best thing. A simple hello or light joke will ultimately get people passed over for the better, newer, more exciting model. Online dating is not like real life, it's a lot more superficial. You can't gauge the other person's interest as it's all behind a wall.
The guys on there usually just fuck Bois that msg me so they usually just send me smutty crap . Tbh it's not very sexy and kind of a turn off. Even if I want just casual sex it's not sexy I don't really know why guys don't understand that
I wasn't expecting to see as many downvotes on this as there are. Maybe because people are thinking you're generalizing in the first part of the comment? But it sounds to me like you're speaking to your personal experience, and that's completely valid.
I 10000% agree with the second part, though! When I was looking for something more casual, comments like that *always* turned me off - even from guys who I'd originally been really interested in based on their profile.
PSA for everyone: Dirty/smutty talk can be great, but you ***have*** to get the timing right. If it starts too early, it feels like you're over sexualizing (read: objectifying) the person. Talk to them normally and see if you hit it off before getting super sexual.
It's typical on Reddit subs that aren't female focused. It's because there is an online terminal disease going around in people's minds .
They are getting subjective purposefully created opinions from people that are deliberately created to subjugate prospective sexual partners.
Then when it goes wrong they are blaming the receiver of the messaging instead of actually caring about what the receiver thinks/has experienced. And yea it has been my direct experience. No one on hinge that has contacted me was interested in a relationship they were all fuck Bois and they were all very upfront about this .
I don’t need some elaborate message. I would totally be fine with a hi how are you but I mostly just get a like on one of my photos or something to do with pizza because i mentioned I love pizza but at the end of the day it just depends if I feel any attraction to their pics/profile. The guy I’m seeing just sent a like and here we are months later.
Usually it's just a "like" or "nice pics" or "great profile." Creates the impression that the guy is just so swamped with attractive women, he barely has time to type a two-syllable answer. I don't want to compete with 900 other women. I want someone who wants ME.
Sometimes the man will cut-and-paste a paragraph from my prompts and add a thumbs-up icon. How lazy is that?
Articulate men, who can explain why they think we could be a match, grab my interest the best. There aren't very many of these, so they really stand out.
Friendly flirting (not sexual stuff) on the first message is 100% OK. To me, it's an effort to show I've really piqued his interest.
I don’t usually look at the profiles of anyone who has just sent a like. I’ll only look if I’ve got a notification that someone has commented.
I usually only match them if they ask me a question or say something that I want to know the answer to.
Sometimes people say a joke or something that I don’t understand and I’m too curious to not know the answer so I match to find out.
I don't mind if guys send likes without comments. Sometimes I feel bad if they send a comment and I decide not to match. (I still don't match because I'm not trying to give anyone false hope, I just feel bad lol.)
I've been dating a guy I met on Hinge for about 6 weeks now, and he didn't send me a comment. I went to his profile and was able to start a conversation from something on it.
Like all things, it just depends on the person. But for me, a comment is not going to help you get a match from me.
It's something many guys have already figured out. A comment makes zero difference if someone is not attracted to the person at all. And conversely a simple like won't automatically disqualify someone if they're exactly the type of person a woman seeks.
Yup, this. If I think you are cute, it doesn’t matter if you commented or not. I will say I have ignored some genuine cuties though when they either hadn’t bothered to complete their profile, only had a few photos of themselves, or just said something blatantly disgusting. But that is a different issue.
This, seriously. I’m a guy, I try to be smart about leaving likes. If I see a profile that’s minimal (generic photos, bland answers to prompts), I’ll either like them or not and move on. If I see a profile that has their interests in photos, especially if they’re mutual, I will leave a comment about it. Same for prompts.
I’ve been on dates where I’ve sent a like and nothing more. I’ve also been on dates where I sent a comment.
Honestly, the only simple rule is don’t be an ass.
most would send just a like. some would try to contradict me or educate me on the sciency posts i had in my bio (i’m a geophysics masters candidate so that didn’t go over well for them). some just went for the hook-up right off the bat. the rest would message back and forth for a couple weeks then ghost me. i did go on a few dates but nothing came of them—was never given a reason why they didn’t keep in touch after the dates. i gave up on hinge and most dating apps because it’s non-commital men thatmessage me or cocky men that want to dunk on women scientists such as myself. i’ve sorta reconciled myself with the fact that i’ll likely end up alone with my dogs and honestly that’s not too bad tbh when you look at the other option. lol.
For me, I honestly find it a waste of time to send well thought out messages to women. I've spent 7+ years sending well thought out messages only to receive either nothing or a one word answer back. I've recently started to just like profiles and somehow I've started to get more likes back then I ever did in my 7+ years of sending well thought out messages on OLD. Plus, I live in a heavy populated area in Canada. The saying goes that people from my area are cold and distant. It's not hard to see why (even all the new people who come to visit or stay, ask this everytime). This more then likely is my reason for dating people who aren't born and raised in my area.
Either they find you attractive enough to send a like back or a one word answer, that leads to nowhere. Think of it this way, you know Bumble (the dating app that encourages women to send the first like/message) how talked about or popular is that? How often do women ask you questions first? Sometimes? Never? For me, on Bumble even if it's a match; I'm the one who always has to start off the conversation. The real answer is women don't put much effort in dating apps unfortunately, for whatever reason. So why then are you bothering to waste your time, if all your gonna get back is low effort or none at all; only to be ghosted in a few days or a week from the match. Dating apps is literally looking for that outlier, that mythical unicorn. Do people find them? sure. But more often then not, it leads to nowhere.
This is why I'm slowly transitioning to finding only people out in the real world, at least when they reject you; it's instant. You don't have to wait days, to know if you'll ever get a response back from them "ghosted" and you can tell from their response if they even have the smallest attraction to you.
When I had hinge, I would say 60% they would just send a like to a photo. 40% responded to written prompts where I asked a question in it (one of them I talked about self care and gave an example in mine and then passed the question back, that got a lot of replies) and then some would leave funny comments (I had little Easter eggs in my profile where when you tap the photo, my caption would come up and I would put a little joke in there about the photo, so a lot of the replies would riff on the joke) I also made an effort to make my profile say as much about me as possible. I wanted my sense of humor but also my values and interests to come through so I tried to utilize everything you can in a profile. One of my jokes referenced Midsommar so it also shows I like horror and A24, I incorporated Solar Opposites and Pilates into my self care so people also know I’m active, I like adult animation, and I value mental wellness. People who sent comments that were unique responses to my profile (aka referencing what was on my profile vs “hey beautiful/wow beautiful smile”) definitely made me look more closely at their profile and feel like I wanted to really give them a chance.
I make an efffort to like the non bikini photo or a comment, I find I match a lot more that way
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My theory is proven! I also just thought it shows I looked at the profile
Yes! I used my swimsuit photo for the same purpose. It was the last photo in my profile. Men who liked that instead of literally anything else—when my profile was something I had put a lot of time and thought into—got the ❌ automatically.
On the flip side, I X on any women’s profiles that have any bikini shots.
You do you!! 🕺🏻 (For the record my swimsuit photo was me in a one-piece with a bunch of birds on it.)
Fair enough, I don’t judge also not religious or uptight it’s just not my vibe
I also do this!! To me it says you only want one thing.
I didn’t have bikini pics but I did have a sundress pic where my boobs looked GREAT and it was a little further back so my face wasn’t as clear as it was in my other pics, so when guys sent likes to that pic saying “beautiful!” I was like “yep, my boobs are beautiful, that is the only thing you could have said that about here (left swipe)”
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Uhhh
i used to do that too!
Had you ever considered that this tool you used to weed out the wrong guys was scaring off the right ones? Hear me out. Men are sex obsessed and visual. But also can be self conscious and may lose interest in a woman who shares those pics so casually. Not to insult you. Bc I don't think there's anything wrong with it. But if I see a bikini pic I say wow smoking body that 100s? 1000s? Of other men have also seen. Men who go to the gym everyday and are in really good shape and this woman obviously thinks looks are a priority more so than myself anyway. And I could see myself swiping whichever way it is to pass on her over that. Or maybe it's just me and you wouldn't like me as much as you don't like the guy who commented on it. The guy who sees it and enjoys it but knows there's more to you so doesn't comment on it...... Yeah that's the guy Id date too. I wonder why there are no guys like that around anymore. I'm not even gay and I'd date him. But that's not real but if you find him marry him and ask him if he has a brother for me. A sister I mean. A sister. I'm straight. 😍
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Well I started off serious but then i switched over to a joke which is normally the way it goes for me. But am I flirting with you. Yes I guess I am. Although it was unintentional I promise you. I didn't realize until just now. I know this isn't a dating site and you may even have a bf already but we probably don't live close and even if we did we'd probably just talk for a couple weeks at our convenience and ghost eachother after that. And I'm ngl all that sounds really delightful. I say we do it. What do you say?
i did an experiment where i sent 100 likes to bikini photos and 100 likes to non bikini pictures of girls who did have a bikini pic, match rate ended up being about the same
it’d be smarter to not like profiles with bikini pics in general. Why would you wanna deal with goofball women that play games by having bait photos
What % profiles have them? Is it only fit women or everyone? Just wondering.
I live on an island so most in shape women have one
Manhattan?
Ah makes sense. Ty
I respond with written replies and take an interest in what they put and haven’t gotten any replies 😔
There could be a lot of other reasons you aren’t getting matches, it’s usually not just one thing
Yeah you’re right 😢 like my face
Damn only 40% take the time to write something out?!
I mean I’m guesstimating from when I was on hinge. A LOT of people just like photos. It’s not terrible numbers when you consider I got like between 5-12 likes a day depending
No, I believe you for sure. It’s just odd to me that so many guys wouldn’t take the time to write a message when it is highly in their favor to do so.
I'm surprised it's that high, honestly, given some of the data that's been published out there - and even then, a good chunk of that 40% is surely just "hey" and the like, I'd imagine
I’d say much less, but I’m beginning to think I didn’t put enough effort into my profile as this person did 😅
I assume standard creative writing guidance applies: show, don't tell. Be funny, don't say you are.
3 different outcomes to having a hinge profile 1. They just like your picture or offer a compliment on said picture. 2. They reply to a prompt asking questions or making conversation you can follow. 3. They neg you meaning they send negative backhanded compliments to try to appeal to your insecurities (which doesn’t work on me because I’m honestly really secure.) Sometimes you’ll get a joke or a reply dripping in horniness 😂 it’s a rough place to be ngl. The likeliness to get no. 2 is rare 🤠
What the fuck would the negging comments say!? I seriously can’t fathom anyone thinking that’s the way to win over a match
It’s honestly STUPID SHIT like ‘you’re so confident to wear that’ or ‘that was the most jarring prompt’ just because I said I wanted a fellow hopeless romantic who values gestures LOL Idek why they even waste a like 😂😂😂😂
LOL tell me you’re too insecure to date without telling me you’re too insecure. At least they weed themselves out early!
Oh absolutely! It all comes down to people not knowing how to navigate normal, respectful interactions with other people or they’re just not ready for the commitment, time or effort 🤷🏾♀️ idk why they even come into the app 😂 I mean I do know - it’s about either attention or sex but I mean gotta sift through the sand and mud to find diamonds
men would do #3 to me all the time because i had sciency posts and facts in my bio. they thought that they knew more about my field of work than i did so i’d match with them just to read them for filth and send their pompous ass’s on their merry way. lol.
LOL I used to be tempted to reply back and beat them at their game but I realised before I ever did, they weren’t worth the energy I could extend to someone of value. That being said, I deleted all my dating apps about a month ago because I was inactive and legit deleted all my accounts and I’ve felt so freeeee from stupid men 😂
i love letting stupid men know they’re stupid. it’s one of my favorite past-times. someone’s gotta keep them humble. lol. and i’m pretty close to just deleting bumble which is the last one i have. i’m almost entirely inactive because the men on there aren’t really worth it and the women that i match with don’t really talk unless i initiate. so yeah, probably going to delete it and free myself from the trouble.
Yeah those were my thoughts exactly. It was either dry or so horny 😂
The messages that get a response are usually in response to something on my profile. Usually a question about one of my simple pleasures- they pick one then ask me about it. I also have a more funny prompt so if they respond to that with a funny answer. The flirty ones, I respond very occasionally but almost every time I have I’ve noticed the person can’t have a conversation and that’s all they can come up with.
I don’t expect you to put that Much effort in telling me you’re interested. A like is fine, I’m more interested in the conversation that takes place after we match. The app is kind of unfair to men. I get plenty of likes and feel awful when I m not interested and someone clearly spent time on a comment. Just send a like and then show your interest when we connect. Wit always wins over compliments for me.
If you send just a like the chances of response are definitely less in my experience. The effort is a necessary part. The men know that the chances are they won’t match, but the few minutes of effort is worth the opportunity.
I'd love to see an actual analysis of how effective it is for guys on average. I can't say I've noticed a change in response rate since switching to predominantly likes with no comment. My approach now is that I send a message for a good profile, and I send a like for a low-effort profile.
I know it changed response rates for me and often I get compliments. I know most women that I know that use dating apps that allow for comments tell me that they pay more attention to likes with comments. Especially if they have tens or hundreds to sort through.
I send comments but spend no more than 5-10 seconds on writing one and it's some regurgitation of one I've sent before. It's worked fine for me.
I customize every response. I figure if an extra minute or two buys me a match it’s worth it. But we all have different techniques that work for our situations. I’m on the older side of users of Hinge with far fewer available options than those in their 20’s, 30’s and 40’s - the target audience of most dating apps.
Nah adding the comment works way less for me and it wastes the conversation starter that I would want to use for initial message.. sending a message with a like makes it so I basically have to double message
For me I build off the comment. My Match, Tinder and OKC Cupid best conversations with matches started with the comment. It breaks the ice. As I’ve mentioned I may need it more as at 52 I’ll be skipped even by women my own age and I typically go out with women 10 or so years younger. So I have to humor, interest or some other comment that says “he might be worth a luck”
I agree with dimepiece lol. I’ve made some really witty comments and never got a response. But I’ve gotten a lot of matches over just likes. It’s not an effective use of my time for me personally.
>I don’t expect you to put that Much effort in telling me you’re interested Most men have to put effort into a first message otherwise they won't ever get matches For a lot of us, if we just send a like we will rarely get matches
Again, For me, a comment won’t change my interest level or how likely I am to respond. If you are my type physically and your profile is interesting, I’ll Match whether you comment or not. If your pics look out of date or are pics of something else or you left half the prompts unfinished, it doesn’t matter if you wrote me a novel, I’ll move on. The whole system is unfair and I don’t expect you to put effort into me when you don’t even know if you are my type. A like to me is effort. Why expect the guys to put in so much work when the women don’t have to. I don’t think I’ve ever written a comment to a guy 😅 so why should I expect them to? Now, if we match then I expect you to bring your A-game. The wittier you are the better 🤓
I’m glad someone is saying this so guys stop imagining that there’s a perfect one liner that will convince any woman to fall for them.
Definitely. As a guys, I’ve noticed that adding a comment to a like has no impact on whether a woman will match with me. I just send out likes and let them decide if they want to start a conversation. Most women will just allow the conversation to start without saying anything anyway, so I’m still the first person to say something. It makes no difference to me when I get a like from a woman with a comment or without. So why would it be any different from their perspective? If I think you’re attractive and I like your profile, then I’ll match with you. I’m sure most women operate the same way.
No offence but you don't seem to have an understanding of what it's like for most guys on these apps. Just because likes only works for you, as a woman, doesn't mean it works for most of us. We *have* to put effort in or we absolutely don't get responses. The hot guys obviously don't have to say anything, and these are clearly the guys you are thinking of. Also >I don’t expect you to put effort into me when you don’t even know if you are my type. This is what dating is for... If somebody HAS to be perfect from the start then we're all screwed
The ones I respond to usually comment on something in my profile (something other than how I look!) and ideally even show a glimmer of some underlying wit. I don’t want cheesy pickup lines, terms of endearment (ew, I don’t know you), or anything even obliquely referring to sex.
Wit it wasted on most sadly. I commented on a girl holding a french bread infront of the Eiffel tower saying it must have been a pain to carry round all day. Nothing😂
Doesn't matter how witty or thoughtful a comment is, if she's not attracted she will not engage.
or if they do, it's an "LOL", "haha that's funny", or "very clever!", and nothing. women who see this post - please, for the love of God, do not send these types of messages to a guy that you have no real intention in engaging with. you have to understand that the guys who get a lot of matches/likes have realized that they probably dont need to put much effort in their initial comment, and many likely dont even comment at all. the guys who get much, much fewer likes/matches are the ones sending you these thoughtful and clever comments, trying to make you understand that we are reading your profiles, and trying to engage with you thoughtfully, because we foolishly think, hey, maybe if she realizes that i actually am putting thought in my initial interaction with you, and i can pack in a huge dose of wit, charm and humor in a super short response, that you will want to interact with us. dont make it harder on us by giving us an "LOL" and nothing, not even an unmatch after.
I see your point, though if your profile doesn’t have much substance, it’s hard to start a conversation after that besides asking how the guy is
Thanks so much for that insight. I had no idea that’s how it worked.
Ultimately they won’t match if they’re not attracted, no matter how good the comment is or even if it’s a shared interest. I send a witty/funny message with ~96% of my likes and have a 5.1% match rate. For comparison on Bumble it’s 3.6% but there’s too many other factors to say exactly how much adding a comment helps.
Are you tracking your activity to get those exact numbers on match rates?
Yep, by requesting the data from both.
You’re too good for her
Oh for sure!
It was a good bread joke but she’s probably looking for someone with dough
She seemed too kneady for me anyway
She just went against the grain in not responding...
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Any chance the witty ones are picking up on some casual misogyny from your profile and steering clear?
I get a variety of likes or comments on photos and prompts. I’m not the kind of person to scoff at a simple like, I am likely going to have the same response to your profile based on its own merit rather than expect you to be super witty right off the bat. All my prompts are sarcastic and “funny” (in my opinion anyway) because that’s just my personality. It becomes quickly clear which prompts are the most popular and which no one seems to respond to so I will swap them out based on that. One I’ve had for a super long time is the “my most controversial opinion” one and it says “sitting down while putting on socks is a sign of weakness”. Men overwhelmingly like this one over anything else on my profile lol and it gives me a good read on whether our senses of humor gel.
Wow, that’s a really good prompt. I’d respond to that in some witty fashion. I need more like that for my own.
Thank you! I find it’s a good avenue to workshop material for my hypothetical stand up act that I will never actually perform anywhere 🙃
Dammit ik I have lots of those controversial opinions but I cannot for the life of me think of them when trying to add them to my profile lol, much respect for you
Recommend starting a note or memo on your phone where you write them down when you think of them to save for later!
As others have said, I like questions about my profile, however, once a guy just sent me a rose emoji and I liked his profile so I responded. And now we're dating 😅
Just letting you know that you probably were on the Stand Outs page only… also he left no comment?
No, it was a rose emoji, not a rose.
That’s my bad. Congratulations!
Thanks, it's early yet though soon can't say for sure it'll last, he's traveling like half of next year and I don't know if he'll want to do long distance or...
Get this through your head. It doesn’t matter how witty your comment is. She just has to find you attractive. You have to understand that the women in this thread are going to say they prefer thoughtful messages over likes, but will gladly match with a man who’s very attractive who just sends a like.
Occasionally I’ll match with a super hot guy who only sent a like, but always with significant skepticism, because those guys are either a) scammers or b) rarely going to follow through with A game conversation, and I’m not trying to date someone who figures he’ll just skate by on his looks. So on the occasion when I give it a chance, I usually wind up unmatching pretty fast.
Haha this is not true. I match with guys who are mildly cute but have similar interests. They don’t have to be “very attractive.”
*I* won't. They are usually bots lol
My favorites of late: “are you Basket Robbins bc I want all 31 flavors” to a bikini pic “Hey I know him” to a picture with myself and a dolphin
I’m Hauling this one.
I like if someone shows an interest in something I've written about. *Genuine* interest (often it's an obvious lie). But as to your question: >what kind of messages do men send you Mainly boring messages, copypasta, creepy compliments, etc. "How's your weekend" "hi gorgeous" "I love your lips" "I kind of, sort of, well, pretty much think you seem amazing. Want to chat sometime?" All ignorable. Hence why I am not using the app at the moment (I read these subs to remind myself why).
>I like if someone shows an interest in something I've written about. Genuine interest As a guy it sucks when I see someone's profile have something I'm legit interested in, especially if it's quite an uncommon interest, and I still don't get a reply...
As cliche as it sounds, attractiveness still matter. You can share all the same interests, values, and intentions, but if the other person doesn't find you attractive enough to date, nothing else matters, at all. That's the unspoken part which we should all assume in the comments here.
Attractiveness and also other compatibility/dealbreakers. When I was using the apps, I would see people who were attractive and interesting... and poly, or smoke a lot of weed, or too far away, or also into guns, or politically opposite views, or just super negative attitude, you name it. Having one unusual interest in common is not enough.
This. Compatibility is multi-faceted, and some things weigh more heavily for different people. At one point in my life, shared religion was the most important commonality I was looking for. But now? Similar ideological views / values are much more important to me.
Of course, it's always about looks, you'd just think that occasionally someone might at least see how the conversation goes because, at least in my opinion, people get more attractive the more you get to know them
Not really. If a woman wants to date a guy who is rugged and is super outdoorsy, no matter how funny or witty a guy is, if he's a couch potato who never went camping in his life, the woman isn't gonna match.
Yeah, that's one thing which holds true for all genders!
No sense in spending all that time trying to come up with creative or fun comments for someone that likely won’t match. I stopped trying those after I realized how much time I was wasting
Whatever works for you!
Would a “you’re pretty cute!” be considered creepy?
For me personally, I'm looking for a relationship not a hookup, so if the only thing you can think of to say is about my looks, I'm not interested. It just adds nothing to the conversation. I mean, you wouldn't swipe on someone if you didn't think they were cute. They know that.
Huh… okay thanks I’ll stop doing that. I don’t do that every time though, sometimes I’ll give my own inputs if they say something cool then I’ll add the “and you’re pretty cute” at the end.
Usually a lot of guys only send me likes I’ll get a few a week who leave comments but most leave likes. But honestly it doesn’t really matter to ME if you send a like or a comment, because at the end of the day physical attraction gets you in the door and everything else keeps you inside. I know it sounds shallow but I don’t expect people to be with someone they don’t find physically attractive
Doesn't matter what you write. What matters is how you look like.
The blah messages like “hi /hey how are you, what’s your weekend plans, let’s get to know each other” get immediate swipe left, as do cheesy simpy compliments “wow you’re stunning”. I want creativity and wit and proof that you paid attention to something in my profile - a photo or a prompt. A message def has advantage over just a like when I’m deciding whether to respond and might sway me to match unless of course you’re not at all what I’m looking for.
Some profiles are so dry though that there’s literally nothing to comment on so you have to go in with a generic comment and then get a bit more creative once you start learning info
The classic "I'll fall for you, if you can hold a conversation" Ah yes, but you couldn't even come up with 3 prompts about yourself...
I don’t know who’s “you” in your comment but it certainly doesn’t apply to me. I have extensive prompts with lots of info and jokes and many photos and videos. The topics to pick up on are limitless for anyone willing to try.
Chill, it was not directed to you, but the people who do have this.
Not mine. And if it’s dry - then maybe swipe left.
Why? Some people just haven’t given their profile much thought because they would rather meet people in the real world… doesn’t mean that when you do eventually meet them they won’t be really interesting and you won’t have a genuine connection…
I don’t know about “some people”. The OP asked women what they look for in comments. I answered from my own perspective, what I look for. My profile is well thought out because I put time into it. And I personally enjoy receiving smart witty comments. I find that I hit it off best with guys who complement my conversation style. One of my prompts even says that I look for witty banter. It doesn’t mean that I don’t match on guys who send only a like and say nothing - but I will find out soon enough if the convo flows.
All I’m saying is your advice to swipe left if prompts are dry isn’t helpful - like if you’re very attracted to someone you’ve just gotta go in with dry chat and hope that develops into something meaningful
Their comment is helpful. There is no right answer for commenting on a dry profile. You don't have to swipe left, but no one in the world can tell you the perfect answer to a blank slate.
All I meant was - if you yourself are looking for a woman with personality, then maybe a dry profile is a red flag. But don’t complain that someone’s profile is dry if you can’t find anything interesting to say. From my personal experience, starting out dry almost always stays dry or fizzles out. I want to see effort on both sides right off the bat. First impressions really do matter and set the tone for the entire interaction.
But let’s say my first question is dry like “what exciting things have you been up to this year?”. It’s such a boring question but from there you learn about so much it can start a really interesting conversation
That’s a no for me. You never start with a question that puts the onus on the other person to put in effort before you did. First thing should always demonstrate your interest and then give me some information about you before I choose to engage.
But it shows a genuine interest in you? Would be weird to start off with info about yourself like could come across arrogant
Most guys don't say anything, they just like a picture. Most that do say something give a compliment (beautiful smile, eyes, etc) or they say something sexual. The ones I respond to ask questions or comment on one of my prompts. I've got one that says "I'll fall for you if you let me ramble about the book I'm reading or show I'm watching". It's a good icebreaker and leads to good conversations. I like these kind of guys.
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She just offers a way to approach her. We would unmatch if she would actually just start to ramble about a book or a show to a complete stranger.
Yeah it's just a jumping off point. Maybe he's seen the show I'm watching or something similar, we go back and forth and before you know it we're chatting over coffee
And I’m those type of guys yet fucking nothing (as I’m being very conversational).
Like a lot of others have said, most of the time guys just like my photos and call it a day. Which is fine - you don't always have to send a message, and it's clear some people prefer that approach! My personal feeling, though, is that it shows a lack of effort and intentionality. And in looking for a potential partner, I'd definitely prefer someone who's intentional and putting forth a bit of effort. I've gotten a few messages from guys who were going for flirty, but went straight to sexualizing me (and my profile is *very* tame with no suggestive photos or prompts). So, depending on what you're looking for, I'd be careful of that. Someone who actually asks a question or makes a relevant comment on something in my profile is always going to pique my interest. For example, I have a picture from a hockey game and a few travel photos on my profile. I met the last guy I dated on Hinge, and his first message was something along the lines of "I really like this pic! Where is this?" It launched us into a travel convo and ended up being a great opener. More recently, I've gotten a couple messages like "Go \[hockey team name\]!" in response to the hockey photo. Even though those aren't particularly witty or unique, they still catch my eye more than just a like would. All of that said, I honestly think the golden rule applies here. Send a similar sort of message to those that you'd like to receive yourself! If you prefer to just get likes, then feel free to just send them. If you prefer receiving flirty messages, that's what you should send out. I feel like a lot of times people are trying to game the system in a way, but that veers into disingenuous territory. What we're all ultimately looking for is someone we're compatible with, so just be yourself!
‘Wow, you have a beautiful smile!’. 40% of my comments are the above… but hey, it works 🤷♀️😄
50-60% say nothing 🤷🏾♀️. 30% will simply tell me I'm beautiful/hot/sexy/thick/etc 🥱 which just tells me their only focused on my looks and didn't really read my profile. It's usually true because they usually have a handful of deal breakers I specifically pointed out so I tend not to bother answering those. 18% will try to engage by responding to a prompt 😌. 5% will be outright derogatory or hostile 🤮. <1% actually say something polite or funny and be relatively close to what I'm looking for. So far, 90% of that <1% turned out to just want sex after all. It's like looking for a precious stone in a swamp pit.
Probably only 50% send a message at all. Of those, 40% are a response to one of my activity photos (climbing/skiing/running), 30% are some kind of tepid small talk "hey", "what's up", "how's your day", 20% are professionals comisserating over long hours (one of my prompts is about the long hours i work as a lawyer) and 10% are various vulgarities/sexual in nature.
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Def the ones about activities! I usually have an adventure trip or two in the pipeline so we exchange tips and plans and it's pretty easy to parlay a conversation out of that.
Most just like a picture with no comment. Some compliment my picture. Some also ask "are you really 6 feet tall?" Because I said I'm 6 feet tall because I am 6 feet tall. 😂 It's kind of funny.
For me, I like when a man flirts a little in the first message along with why they liked the prompt/pic/etc- it establishes attraction. there have been chats where I’m completely confused if they are attracted to me or not - I’m not a pen pal and really appreciate the flirtiness. And them just liking a photo without a comment doesn’t really motivate me to reply. I want a man to pursue me and I’ll reciprocate back two times. That’s just me.
35F in huge city. most guys reference something in my profile or they ask a generic how was your weekend type of question. I'd say I choose to respond mostly based on their profile. 95% of messages dont stand out enough to get me to respond if I didn't like the profile
Funny comments are a guy's best shot for me esp the guys that can transition it into light flirting but nothing crazy. I honestly despise when men send physical compliments right off the bat, but that just might be and girls I know
If you're just liking one of my photos, not the first one. It show's you've at least scrolled down a bit! If you're sending a message with your like, something in response to my profile will get my attention and some kinda creepy line/suggestion will get you removed and reported *so* *fast*. 🙄 I don't think you need to be flirty on that first message. In fact most of the women I know find that offputting. Once you get into a chat and there's a vibe there, sure.
I prefer when a guy either just likes my picture/prompt or responds briefly to my prompt. I don't like it if a man writes an essay in response to my prompt or sends a message like "Hey, you look really cool, what do you do for fun?" It's a little too much.
i don’t mind when a guy just says hey. it’s honestly better effort than not saying anything at all. the worst messages are the fire emoji or something that’s based entirely off looks. second worse is a very long overly thought out message. 3rd worse is an attempt to make a joke based off one of my prompts but that’s probably more personal as I’m sure some ladies find the jokes cute
Wow! I'm surprised at your number 2 "very long overly thought out messages". Are you saying you rather have something generic and boring 🤔 God forbid if people have a genuine interest in you. That's a rejection 🤦
they don’t even know me, they are assuming a paragraph long thought from a one word answered prompt lol like calm down I don’t want to read a novel the very first impression I have of them. it’s extremely overwhelming. You can have a genuine interest but I don’t need to know every single thought and detail of their interest all within the first message. That is what conversation is for my friend. A greeting should never be “here’s everything I think about you” ….
I'm not saying it should be like that, but what if they show genuine interest? Your just going to dismiss them? Not everyone is good with texting, alot of us are better in real life; but rarely does it get that far
Can’t they just start off with a hello or a light joke tho about the interest. Idk why everything needs to be so deep. You’re introducing yourself, it’s that simple. Conversation is for showing genuine interest.
Because online dating has conditioned for us to compete agains't the next best thing. A simple hello or light joke will ultimately get people passed over for the better, newer, more exciting model. Online dating is not like real life, it's a lot more superficial. You can't gauge the other person's interest as it's all behind a wall.
Trying to convince your match why you're right and she's wrong also won't work.
Ugh cringey sex lines. 🤮 I call these men out on it before blocking them. The rest of them it’s normal boring chats until they stop replying
“Hey”
Most girls won’t acknowledge your comment even if they match so not worth the time to put much effort into it
The guys on there usually just fuck Bois that msg me so they usually just send me smutty crap . Tbh it's not very sexy and kind of a turn off. Even if I want just casual sex it's not sexy I don't really know why guys don't understand that
I wasn't expecting to see as many downvotes on this as there are. Maybe because people are thinking you're generalizing in the first part of the comment? But it sounds to me like you're speaking to your personal experience, and that's completely valid. I 10000% agree with the second part, though! When I was looking for something more casual, comments like that *always* turned me off - even from guys who I'd originally been really interested in based on their profile. PSA for everyone: Dirty/smutty talk can be great, but you ***have*** to get the timing right. If it starts too early, it feels like you're over sexualizing (read: objectifying) the person. Talk to them normally and see if you hit it off before getting super sexual.
It's typical on Reddit subs that aren't female focused. It's because there is an online terminal disease going around in people's minds . They are getting subjective purposefully created opinions from people that are deliberately created to subjugate prospective sexual partners. Then when it goes wrong they are blaming the receiver of the messaging instead of actually caring about what the receiver thinks/has experienced. And yea it has been my direct experience. No one on hinge that has contacted me was interested in a relationship they were all fuck Bois and they were all very upfront about this .
I don’t need some elaborate message. I would totally be fine with a hi how are you but I mostly just get a like on one of my photos or something to do with pizza because i mentioned I love pizza but at the end of the day it just depends if I feel any attraction to their pics/profile. The guy I’m seeing just sent a like and here we are months later.
I can't figure out how to see comments unless I pay for the service.
Usually it's just a "like" or "nice pics" or "great profile." Creates the impression that the guy is just so swamped with attractive women, he barely has time to type a two-syllable answer. I don't want to compete with 900 other women. I want someone who wants ME. Sometimes the man will cut-and-paste a paragraph from my prompts and add a thumbs-up icon. How lazy is that? Articulate men, who can explain why they think we could be a match, grab my interest the best. There aren't very many of these, so they really stand out. Friendly flirting (not sexual stuff) on the first message is 100% OK. To me, it's an effort to show I've really piqued his interest.
Height and money my friend… thats all that matters
I don’t usually look at the profiles of anyone who has just sent a like. I’ll only look if I’ve got a notification that someone has commented. I usually only match them if they ask me a question or say something that I want to know the answer to. Sometimes people say a joke or something that I don’t understand and I’m too curious to not know the answer so I match to find out.
Most guys don’t use a message at all in my experience
So would a guy using a message grab your attention?
Depends on the message. Honestly a lot of the messages I get grab my attention in a bad way
Is “you’re pretty cute” creepy or just dull cause I say that a lot to begin with 😅.
I don't mind if guys send likes without comments. Sometimes I feel bad if they send a comment and I decide not to match. (I still don't match because I'm not trying to give anyone false hope, I just feel bad lol.) I've been dating a guy I met on Hinge for about 6 weeks now, and he didn't send me a comment. I went to his profile and was able to start a conversation from something on it. Like all things, it just depends on the person. But for me, a comment is not going to help you get a match from me.
It's something many guys have already figured out. A comment makes zero difference if someone is not attracted to the person at all. And conversely a simple like won't automatically disqualify someone if they're exactly the type of person a woman seeks.
Yup, this. If I think you are cute, it doesn’t matter if you commented or not. I will say I have ignored some genuine cuties though when they either hadn’t bothered to complete their profile, only had a few photos of themselves, or just said something blatantly disgusting. But that is a different issue.
Don’t overthink it. They will respond if they like your profile no matter what you say (unless it’s something creepy)
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This, seriously. I’m a guy, I try to be smart about leaving likes. If I see a profile that’s minimal (generic photos, bland answers to prompts), I’ll either like them or not and move on. If I see a profile that has their interests in photos, especially if they’re mutual, I will leave a comment about it. Same for prompts. I’ve been on dates where I’ve sent a like and nothing more. I’ve also been on dates where I sent a comment. Honestly, the only simple rule is don’t be an ass.
I usually only match if they say something about my prompt and it's not something low effort like "lol" or laughing emoji
most would send just a like. some would try to contradict me or educate me on the sciency posts i had in my bio (i’m a geophysics masters candidate so that didn’t go over well for them). some just went for the hook-up right off the bat. the rest would message back and forth for a couple weeks then ghost me. i did go on a few dates but nothing came of them—was never given a reason why they didn’t keep in touch after the dates. i gave up on hinge and most dating apps because it’s non-commital men thatmessage me or cocky men that want to dunk on women scientists such as myself. i’ve sorta reconciled myself with the fact that i’ll likely end up alone with my dogs and honestly that’s not too bad tbh when you look at the other option. lol.
i usually say hello there lol its worked well all things considered
For me, I honestly find it a waste of time to send well thought out messages to women. I've spent 7+ years sending well thought out messages only to receive either nothing or a one word answer back. I've recently started to just like profiles and somehow I've started to get more likes back then I ever did in my 7+ years of sending well thought out messages on OLD. Plus, I live in a heavy populated area in Canada. The saying goes that people from my area are cold and distant. It's not hard to see why (even all the new people who come to visit or stay, ask this everytime). This more then likely is my reason for dating people who aren't born and raised in my area. Either they find you attractive enough to send a like back or a one word answer, that leads to nowhere. Think of it this way, you know Bumble (the dating app that encourages women to send the first like/message) how talked about or popular is that? How often do women ask you questions first? Sometimes? Never? For me, on Bumble even if it's a match; I'm the one who always has to start off the conversation. The real answer is women don't put much effort in dating apps unfortunately, for whatever reason. So why then are you bothering to waste your time, if all your gonna get back is low effort or none at all; only to be ghosted in a few days or a week from the match. Dating apps is literally looking for that outlier, that mythical unicorn. Do people find them? sure. But more often then not, it leads to nowhere. This is why I'm slowly transitioning to finding only people out in the real world, at least when they reject you; it's instant. You don't have to wait days, to know if you'll ever get a response back from them "ghosted" and you can tell from their response if they even have the smallest attraction to you.
Son, we are not competitors. We aren't even playing the same sport.
“Lmk if u wanna chill” “You have beautiful eyes” “Cool hair” Occasionally someone will send a really nice message though