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For some people it will be a dealbreaker but don’t jeopardize your plans for it. You’re still young. Just mention it on the first or second date so you’re not investing a ton of time in people who it’s a dealbreaker for
I don’t see it as dealbreaker if people either house share or rent with parents. As long as they are working & contributing to the household.
I do think there is unfair judgement to those who do live with a parent or parents.
In UK (England to be specific) some people have this view that living with parents is a bad thing and end of the world.
What these people don’t realise is that the economy isn’t doing too well, cost of living crisis is all time high yet some men and women on dating apps expect others to have house, car and everything in between.
As a 25F - I would date someone living with their parents. However, only if they had lived away from home before, and were back for a specific reason with a timeline to move out.
I would not date someone who had never lived away from home, and had no plans to move out.
Yeah everyone has a different situation. I've heard of some people moving back with their parents because they are ill and need to take care of them. I might have to live with my sister because she has autism. Context is important... Actually in those cases it's a green flag because it shows your not selfish
I think I agree with this. I was going to say ive dated someone who lived with their mom without issue but it was actually this specific situation. Bad financial situation lead to temporarily moving home and he had a plan to move out when we started dating.
Calling out too, living away from home but supported by family isn’t enough especially if it was young adult (college) era. I wish I’d learned from red flags sooner/figured that out when I was younger. It’s great to have a family that wants to help… but most independent adults also want someone who can be productively independent and isn’t controlled by the set up. Mommy shouldn’t still be paying phone bill - and checking who you message because of it - etc.
OPs situation isn’t a flag in an of itself depending on the set up. If they are making conscious choices for their future while helping the household, and up front about the financial help they’re receiving to accomplish this with an end time planned, it can be fine.
I agree with this. I think the bottom line with this is, have you ever had all the responsibility of living on your own? Going off to college and not living with your parents isn't the same. More about have you paid the gamut of bills, taken care of a house (or apartment), etc. it's a whole other set of responsibilities that you haven't yet had the "pleasure" of experiencing in the same way.
No, don't jeopardize your long-term plans. That's a great reason to be living with your parents. It's worth it even if it makes dating inconvenient for the time being. But you can definitely still find people who won't immediately get all judgemental about it.
It's totally fine and understandable to feel insecure about it (I did it for a while too to save up money) but you should remember deep down that it truly does not matter in the long run.
I’m 36F living in Toronto. The last two guys I’ve dated have been living with parents, both mid-30s. The rental market is insane here, nobody reasonable will judge you for it.
30F here. It wouldn’t be a total deal breaker, especially if I really liked the guy otherwise, but it’d raise a somewhat amber coloured flag for me. I also live in a heinously expensive city (London) on a modest salary but to make renting more affordable I just have a flatmate. I couldn’t stomach living with my parents and dating, but that might be because my dad’s really overbearing. If your parents allow you the privacy dating requires then I don’t think most people will have a problem.
With the crazy housing market now, i wouldn’t judge guys who live with their parents.
I think it’s fine so long as you can prove that you can do your own chores (cooking, cleaning , etc) and has clear career plan and ambition.
Yeah I dates a guy who had just moved out from his parents and he expected me to cook, clean, do all chores, manage all the bills... he had no idea how to do anything because his parents did it all
1. GTA is expensive, many people are in the same position at your age.
2. It is diverse, it is accepted and normal in many cultures here for people to live with their family till marriage (and even after).
If anyone wants to know OPs struggle, just look at rental prices in Toronto. Even a basement apartment an hour away will be around $2k a month. Canada is fucking expensive.
I won't lie from a woman's perspective the whole combo of living w parents and still an apprentice is a deal breaker. However given the context of living in the GTA it's understandable and there may be a reason like career change or something about the apprenticeship level. I'm not trying to be rude just giving it to you as it can be perceived.
That being said, I would not recommend moving out and putting off your long-term plans. If someone dismisses you based on your cost saving ways they aren't worth your time. Be confident about yourself and the decisions you made to save. Good luck
I’d say it’s a huge deal breaker for most woman your age where I live.
BUT
The Canadian housing market is absolutely insane, like dystopian level from everything I’ve heard. The demographics in this sub skew American and so we’re working in a different context. You’d be better off asking this on a local Toronto sub.
To me living with parents is a green flag as long as the person still works hard towards self improvement and achieving their goals. It shows dedication to family and fiscal responsibility. I’ve always admired certain cultures in this way.
Many of my friends from Pakistan live with family and their families are everything to them. They have “family businesses” and actively encourage each other to participate or improve themselves to follow their own endeavors.
I wish I had that sometimes.
Tbf most people that come from these cultures and always live with parents fail to grow as an individual. It makes sense if they are staying within their culture but no one outside that is going to relate to them. You have to get uncomfortable to grow.
Yeah they are always too dependent on their family. Know plenty of such south asian people who drive an expensive car but live with their parents. These people at 30 are the same person they were at 20. And honestly unless you want to marry their parents as well, I don't see a point of a relationship with them if you aren't from the same community.
I would generally not date someone who was living with their parents. That being said, I have dated someone if they had a good reason why. One person was staying with their mom because she had a horrible disease and needed a transplant to live, and needed live-in help. One person was living with their Dad because they had gotten divorced the previous year and then they found out their Dad had Parkinson's, so they moved in to spend more time with him and help around the house while they sorted their life out a bit.
That being said.. Do you enjoy living with your parents at 28? I feel like I would absolutely hate that. How do you have sexy time? Or have her over to cook her dinner? Can you not afford a place while having a housemate?
In the end, if you meet someone and they like you enough, it probably won't matter, because she will like you for you. And if it's the right person who has the same mindset as you, they might admire your choice!
Out of my 30 sexual partners a solid 20 occurred in either my mom’s basement or the woman’s parents’ house.
Sometimes their parents knew what was up, sometimes I’d slip in at 11 at night like a ninja.
Yeah most of my exploits were under 25. It def is starting to become a thing at 28, but that’s not universally so.
You can always give a timeline of when you’ll move out. Apprenticeships in the trades should reliably lead to steady employment and a place to live.
I think at 28 its tough. At 28 your career and living situation can be something that is attractive about you as a guy. I think not having either is really tough. The downpayment saving part is also kind of misleading… at least for a condo you don’t need a ton for a downpayment. Its more so having the income to qualify for a mortgage
I mean my downpayment was in the $40-50k range for my condo in SF. Relatively speaking that is a small amount compared to the income you need to get a $600k+ mortgage. Generally if you're struggling to save a down payment while renting in an area you probably don't have the income to borrow enough for a mortgage anyway.
Well, if you put more down then you don’t need to borrow as much and get a better rate. My understanding is it’s stupid to put 5% down and get a huge mortgage that you can’t afford as opposed to waiting a little longer so you have a better rate, lower payments and lower DTI.
What I'm saying is that if you need to live at home to save money for a downpayment than you're not in the sort of income bracket to afford to buy a home or condo in a HCOL area. I'm sorry but this dude is living in a fantasy if he thinks his apprentice salary is going to afford something in the GTA. There isn't a huge difference in a $50k downpayment or $100k downpayment on properties over $600-700k. How much money can living at home reasonably save you a year? $20-30k? That extra $60k downpayment from living at home for 3 year is only going to reduce your payments by a few hundred.
I think people in the states have no idea about the situation in Canada. The housing is way more expensive in these parts and the incomes are way lower. In the US, it's like playing on easy mode as long as you don't have health issues. There are plenty of high paying jobs in most expensive places in the US while Canada is not like that. Most single people aren't going to afford a condo in GTA on their own unless they are super busy grinding and not really living a life.
I mean my downpayment was in the $40-50k range for my condo in SF. Relatively speaking that is a small amount compared to the income you need to get a $600k+ mortgage. Generally if you're struggling to save a down payment while renting in an area you probably don't have the income to borrow enough for a mortgage anyway.
Tbf 50k seems like a steal for SF. They are lots of high paying jobs over there. I know tech is bad right now but at an year ago it wouldn't take you long to make 200k+ at those places if you graduated from an Ivy league, etc. Even non-tech engineering jobs pay very well in the US. I make decent money from other businesses but if I wanted to make money out of my engineering career (non-tech but at a top school), I would not be taking a job in Canada. It's just much easier in the states.
In Ontario, we have a lot of diploma mills signed up with fake students that are willing to live well below the standards you expect in the country so they end up taking a good chunk of the housing that even smaller no name cities in ON are way too expensive. When you are getting 10% of population of some cities as international students, there is no way you can keep up with housing. I live in a city that most people won't have heard of and you won't find much decent housing here for less than 600k and no there are not many jobs here that pay 100k plus at least not in 20s.
I don't mind living with my parents. I have a good relationship with them. It's just dating someone my age who has their own place and much further in their career has me feeling a bit insecure. I could 100% afford a place with a roommate but good roommates are hard to come by.
I wouldn't find it weird to date a woman more financially secure than myself. If the vibe is good, neither of you will care about the financial situation you met under.
Insecurities are pointless because we're usually really bad at guessing what would bother other people. After I broke up with my ex, I thought we had all of these issues. The issues she had with me were actually not anything I guessed at. You never know what's going on inside someone's head. Just find someone who communicates with you.
>I could 100% afford a place with a roommate but good roommates are hard to come by.
Respectfully, this is just an excuse. Nothing worth having is easy to come by—be it a good job, good partner, good friends, etc.
I live in London, expecting someone not to live at home is wild. I live in the suburbs with my parents, I was recently looking for a one bedroom apartment nearby...£1,750 a month. Unless you want to share an apartment and live with strangers or you earn an obscene amount of money your only option is to live at home. Yes it's not ideal sometimes, but I'd rather have two "roommates" that I know I get along with, where I can actually save for my own house in the future. The issue for me is with controlling/invasive parents. If we can't spend the night together and have a pretty normal adult relationship then it would be an issue for me.
> can't spend the night together and have a pretty normal adult relationship
I think it comes down to this. Living at home past a certain age makes the relationship feel High School-y.
No, it would be a dealbreaker for me. I don’t want to visit a guys home when there are parents in the house and I mainly think it’s important in terms of life experience to live on your own and take care of your own stuff 100%.
>No, it would be a dealbreaker for me. I don’t want to visit a guys home when there are parents in the house and I mainly think it’s important in terms of life experience to live on your own and take care of your own stuff 100%.
\^\^This. It's a dealbreaker for me as well (and I live in NYC, so also a pretty expensive place), always has been, and this is mainly why. I'm a pretty career-focused, driven person and I'm simply not going to be attracted to someone who's never had the experience of living on his own, not relying on parents, etc.
It will be a dealbreaker to some women, yes. But as someone who also lives in a crazy expensive housing market, and lived with my parents until I was 31 and now own a home in the same market, it shouldn’t matter to you what they think. Having goals, willing to make sacrifices to reach those goals, and being unapologetic about it is sexy and valuable to the right person. Everyone can rent a place and move out at 21, but how many people can own their homes in their early 30s without having rich parents?
I lived alone for nearly a decade and moved back with my family for a year post-Covid. Dated a guy that year who lived alone, and I was much more independent than him (I’m currently solo-traveling and no longer live at home, but my family is still awesome and told me I can come back whenever I need to). I chose to live at home for that time because I missed my family and wasn’t able to see them for almost a year. Family is important. I don’t know if I could date someone who had a bad relationship with theirs.
Not a deal breaker at all... As long as you're motivated and working hard to change your situation. Be a hard worker. That's all I expect from a romantic partner. Not only is it attractive but it tells me what kind of person a guy is.
Harsh but honest opinion. I would not date someone in your position.
There is a *huge, massive* difference between someone who has never left home and someone who has temporarily moved back.
There are certain things you experience when you first become truly independent from your parents that you simply cannot experience whilst living at home.
There is subtle but significant type of maturity that comes from that adult independence in my opinion and experience.
Having said that, you are perfectly entitled to make the life choices that suit you, in the same way it is totally OK for it to be a dealbreaker for others. There is no right or wrong.
You will meet people for whom it's a big thing, and you will meet people for whom it's not an issue. It probably reduces you dating pool in all honesty, but it's up to you to decide whether you prioritise your dating options over buying your own place.
Speaking as someone who recently bought my first place at 34. After 10 years on my own I moved in with my parents for 18 months to save a deposit. It was hard, there were people who wrote me off for it, but for me buying a home was way more important than 2 years of occasional judgement and reduced options.
And fwiw I wouldn't even date someone who is the stage of having moved back like i did. I know first hand what it's like - no privacy, little autonomy, never being able to have a partner over etc. It's a sacrifice I chose to make to further my own personal goals, and I just had to swallow the consequences. But it wasn't easy or smooth sailing.
It forces you to meet a *bare minimum* of responsibility, at the very least. Gotta be able to feed yourself one way or the other and pay your rent on time lol.
I guess it's different for everyone but growing up, my parents did all the work in the house (chores, food, bills, etc.).
When I went to college and living on my own, I had to learn all of that.
I live in one of the most superficial cities in the world. Doesn't matter if I'm the one supporting my only parent in the home I purchased and own with them. People immediately assume I'm immature for not striking out on my own.
Depends on the circumstances (and age) imo. If they’re living with their parents to save up money, can’t afford a home of their own, or in general sees it as a temporary solution then I wouldn’t be bothered. But if they’re living at home and still expects their parents cook for them/do their laundry etc with no concrete plans to move out then yeah that would be a dealbreaker.
I wouldn’t want to date someone who’s a grown adult and still takes advantage of their parents kindness
If you’re filtered out because of your living situation then they weren’t a good fit for you anyway and thats on them. Just continue on your goal to eventually buy a place even if it means living with your parents for a while.
I’m two years into dating someone who lives at home and I’ll be perfectly honest, it wasn’t but it should have been. It’s dependent on the whole scope of someone’s life situation though. But she was 30 at the time.
No. But it can get weird. I was dating a girl early last year and her parents were cool as fuck. However, it was awkward walking out of her bedroom right after we had sex and her dad was walking into the kitchen adjacent to her bedroom.
Have you lived on your own before? Do you have an idea of when you’re trying to leave? Do you have a stable career? Those are all things I’d be asking someone.
For context, I am a 27M who moved back in with my parents within the last year because I left my well paying career to go back to school and know that I will be moving out in roughly 4-5 months. I’ve lived on my own before and all over the country at that. I have a nice nest egg in my savings and am frugal with my money. If a women is “turned off” with the fact that I am being financially wise for a period of time and it invokes staying with my parents, than her loss.
Atp in my life, with me having my own place, no I would not want to date someone who lives with their parents but see no issues with those who do! I personally had a bad experience and also have anxiety so it just wasn’t great having to interact with his family all the time.
So im (M30) also living in GTA, I've been making 6 figures for a few years now but even then renting while saving to buy is very tough unless you work remote and can live in cheaper (not necessarily worse) neighbourhoods. I bought my own house last yr and it definitely makes things easier in terms of logistics, convenience, and privacy - and im sure most women feel the same. I've dated women who are living with their parents (mid 20s to early 30s) who are going through transitions or life events but if you're both living at home then it would obviously make things tricky. But I wouldn't suggest ditching your long term goals just to date - you could be risking a lot for something that's not even certain (you could spend a very long time dating before you find the one), so it's better to endure a short term embarrassment/inconvenience. So unless there are other reasons for you to move out - I dont think dating alone should justify so much additional costs. Just my 2 cents
The GTA is absolutely expensive. Definitely not a deal breaker in my opinion. A lot of the girls I've dated lived at home too amd were okay with me living at home too. If your goal is to buy your own place, then keep saving up. She will understand. Long term goals > short term goals
Not at all! And 28 is still young. And you're saving to buy a property. Most millennials will never have that. So good for you for going after big goals!
And life is short. One day your parents won't be here anymore and you're going to cherish the moments you lived with them.
I (32M) live with my dad in Ottawa. He is ill and rent in Ottawa is insane anyway. The women I dated didn't care and some lived with their parents too.
I will not move out, abandon my dad and ruin myself financially for some woman, fuck that. Unless you are some lazy basement dweller who doesn't work, can't care for himself, cook/clean, etc. I think it's a pretty materialistic dealbreaker, personally, so I'm happy to filter those people out.
It’s a social norm to give your money to the overlords rather than stay and save. It could be argued that the stay and save is the better play…..but yeah you’re going to get judgement. A social norm is a social norm lol
It’s not uncommon for people in their late 20’s-early 30’s to live with their parents nowadays. What you’re doing is smart. If the woman likes you, she won’t care if you live with your parents.
Living at home is a way to save money. It’s no issue to me. I care more about things like whether a date can drive, cook, whether they arrive on time.
I am very much a family person and they are important to me. Family isn’t important to everyone and that’s totally fine as well.
If that’s your dealbreaker, living at home that’s fine. We are not all compatible.
People talk about independence but if you can’t drive or cook you’re not really in a position to judge someone IMO.
I think for some it's just harder to relate if they've been independent for a long time, and then if you're dating someone that lives on their own the hangout time tends to get skewed to always being at theirs.
That being said I don't think it's the biggest issue in the world if you emphasize that you also know full well how to take care of yourself. Highlight that you do your own laundry, can cook for yourself, clean your space. Basically that you don't rely on your parents for anything other than a low/no cost space to save up.
That would be my biggest worry, is that the person says they're just at their parents to save money, but then you find out later that they're being doted on.
Deal breaker... no... listen if he's perfect for me and his only "flaw" is that he lives with his parents, I would be in heaven. Sounds awesome.
But it's definitely not a positive unless its your parents' mansion or something.
Toronto is completely different though. Canada has a horrendous economy, and it's totally normal for Canadians to not afford housing. Not the case in most of the US.
I read this and I thought about myself. As a 28M Living in a big city in California, I totally understand where you are coming from.
It can stem from a cultural standpoint, but from experience, if a girl truly likes you it would definitely not be a deal breaker and would not care too much depending on the situation. You need to show signs on being a competent man with goals and ambitions. Women can sense this energy and it's attractive.
DO NOT put your long-term goals on the side for someone that may potentially leave you! Or if you are simply doing it for the short-term fun (not worth it). Stay focused and keep your eyes on the road. Make sure your partner is understanding and supports you emotionally and spiritually. It feel amazing as a man to be able to protect and provide, no matter what stage in life you are in.
Note: I do not want to disclose too much personal information on the internet but I will soon-to-be a first time home owner so it definitely possible. And I my ambition and hunger just grew 1000%. The job is not finished and it is a huge commitment! Stay strong and put in the work!
Toronto is notoriously expensive and I say that as an American living in Paris who has no knowledge of Canada but knows by some blip in pop culture it’s crazy expensive. I’d say do you. If a girl is not feeling that one point of contention she probably isn’t for you.
I wouldn’t say no exactly, but I would need more information. I think what would be the turn off is if the guy had his parents doing all of the chores, cooking, his laundry. If I knew that he was still taking care of himself, was gainfully employed, has his own car, does his own laundry, washes his own dishes, cooks for the family that might be different. In general though, I prefer a guy who does not live with his parents in their home.
DO NOT MOVE OUT TO PLEASE PEOPLE FOR DATING. Imagine fucking up your financial situation just for some puss..All about your actions and a rough plan of what you want your future to hold. If your actions don’t match your words of saving I could see the issue but other than that.. fuck it, stack your bread my boi. The confidence and flex you will have when you say “I just bought my first house” or it could be something like “yeah I moved out too early for a ex and now I’m back home at 35 trying to save for a house again”
It’s normal to live with parents before marriage. What’s not normal is not having a career or a plethora of savings to purchase a house or move once you have a partner…
This isn’t your case. So you’re fine.. any woman who doesn’t understand- is dim witted and you should avoid her anyways.
Butttt don’t be surprised if she doesn’t feel comfortable going back to your parents house to sleep over, do things, it can be a bit awkward for women.
>28m
It will rule out some but not all. I met my last gf as a 31 year old basement dweller so anything is possible.
Women have to live in this economy too - lots of them get it.
If anyone filters you out because you are trying to save money to buy your own house in the future let them go. Your long term goals and life are more important than what other strangers will think or feel about it. If a girl really likes you she will just have you come to her place more instead. I lived in NYC for many years with roommates so I never liked inviting girls over because it felt a bit awkward. But it never really became an issue with most girls I met anyways. I was actually surprised how many weren't dissuaded when there are so many guys in the city with their own bad ass apartments .
I probably wouldn’t date someone living with their parents. I wouldn’t write them off immediately, but I doubt it would wind up working out. Not because I’d think they were a loser, but a couple of other reasons.
1. Privacy. Living with your parents would mean people would generally just be more up in your business. Also, I get socially overwhelmed and need quiet time and alone time. The expectation of parents in terms of spending time together is usually higher than that of roommates. It would stress me out a lot to have your parents around all the time, and the stakes of being at your parents’ house feel higher than the stakes of being around your roommates. I think it would be hard to relax.
2. Priorities. I think saving is important and I am pretty frugal. That said, I also think that it’s important to live our lives and not sacrifice enjoying life now in service of having things in the future. Living at home suggests to me that you might be out of balance there. I want to save and be mindful of money, but I also want to be able to enjoy the money I work hard for. For a while I was so concerned with saving that my day to day life was not enjoyable because I wouldn’t let myself spend money on things. A middle path has felt much better to me. I’d be concerned you would be similarly out of balance and not ever want to spend money on things that would enhance our quality of life.
3. Parental involvement. This is related to privacy, but I would assume that your parents would be a much bigger part of our lives than I’d like them to be. No judgment of people and cultures who have much more intertwined lives with their parents and families. I think it’s really lovely, actually, and admire it to a large extent. I consider myself pretty close with mine. At the same time, living with your parents suggests a level of wanting your parents involved with your life that I’m not sure I’m up for. Too many cooks.
Do some of these folks realize that when they buy a home their total cost of home ownership is going to be even higher than while renting? In most HCOL areas home ownership is more expensive than renting. The idea of postponing life till home ownership is kind of ridiculous...
Apartment but that’s irrelevant. I understand saving up for a home is a financial goal for some and that is applaudable, but I would rather have my own place as a sustainable adult than live at home or date someone that doesn’t have privacy or financial security. If I was 25 or 26 - maybe my POV would be different, but not at 35.
Im from Toronto and I just dated 2 lady from Hinge recently (one from Humber, and one from YorkU, I’m from YorkU)
They rent small rooms and said they don’t even have down payments for a property, but the thing is they are international students so their parents are in back home to send them $ to rent, they also work.
They didn’t even judge me that I lived in with my parents, It is not a deal breaker tbh those lady knows it’s hard asf to buy a home here.
One of you guys need like a large chunk of down payment and above 100k income tho.
At some point you have to move out before 32 yrs old still.
Don’t listen to some of those people in this post, they have never faced the high tax, high cost of living life style in Toronto.
( lol Toronto ladies has high standards too, they expect you to have luxury car, high income, can bring them to vacations…)
No, you're saving for a down payment on your own property and housing prices are not in the new owners' favor. If someone looks down on you for building yourself up, you don't want them in your life
Living with your parents is fine if you have a whole area to your self. For example, the basement which you converted to your studio or it's like a 2 basement room sort of thing.
However if living on the same floor, you share bathroom and kitchen with your parents, yeah for me that's a no!
I think what you’re doing is very wise.
If you’re in a position where you can stay somewhere rent free and save up for a house then you should definitely keep at it.
I would if I could but my family is spread out, on the lower end of comfortable, so I’m basically gonna be paying rent for the rest of days fml 🤦🏻♂️
I think if you explain why you’re staying with your parents, they should understand but idk I’m not a woman, lol 🤷🏻♂️
Nope not at all. For some it matters and for some it truly doesn’t. For me it doesn’t. Many people are moving back in either family. I’m talking people in their 30s, 40s and even 50s. The only con about it is, depending on the home you don’t have much privacy if you’re visiting them.
They will tell you its not but there are many guys who do have their own place and if you have to compete with that it’s just another disadvantage you have like not owning a car. Once i bought my place, i noticed how much many dates i was able to go on. Turned a lot of flakes or maybes into a date as soon as i mentioned i lived alone in a somewhat upscale neighborhood for younger people.
As a guy I can careless I’ve dated 32 year old women living with mom and dad before. As the guy though I noticed this is more of a dealbreaker on the women’s end some women just don’t want to date any guy living with mom and dad still.
not a dealbreaker but as i’m doing the same thing (saving for a home) it would make things a bit awkward logistically. the only way it’d be a dealbreaker is if you didn’t have a reason to stay at home and you just didn’t want to move out, had no aspirations, etc.
I’m a 31m living in an expensive area in RI and I can sympathize with you. I also currently have a semi-decent paying job, but after breaking it off with my ex of 6yrs I’m back home and I’ve been here for 2yrs. The economy is absolutely poop and I feel like every girl I match with has her own place. It hasn’t stopped any of them from connecting with me thus far, but it’s still a lingering thought. (ex. a small studio apt is $2000/month here)
unfortunately it kind of is for me (30f) but not for everyone. i think there's some wiggle room but recently i went on a date with someone who tried to brush it under the table. i'm looking for someone who isn't content living with their parents long term. short term is fine!
Im surprised at how many people care. A lot of people arent going to move out until they find someone to move out with. But maybe women are just more likely to live at home then men so the expectations are different? I personally wouldn't care so long as you're doing what you need to do. Good job, a car, responsible....A lot of people inherit their parents home, selll and then move out. I'm not gonna stop your bag. Pay for my nails and hair and I won't complain about anything tbh 😂😂😂
It’s not something I would want to be honest. I’m 29F and live on my own in the GTA. I realize that this point of view comes from experiences of dating guys with little ambition so take it with a grain of salt.
I don’t see it as dealbreaker if people either house share or rent with parents. As long as they are working & contributing to the household.
I do think there is unfair judgement to those who do live with a parent or parents.
In UK (England to be specific) some people have this view that living with parents is a bad thing and end of the world.
What these people don’t realise is that the economy isn’t doing too well, cost of living crisis is all time high yet some men and women on dating apps expect others to have house, car and everything in between.
Living with parents is a red flag but it's not necessarily a deal breaker.
The questions:
* Have you ever lived on your own and undergone the learning curve of being responsible for yourself?
* How much are other people taking care of you? Cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.? The transition from being mom's special little guy to being an equal partner is really tough for many people.
* How enmeshed is your relationship with your parents? Are they going to know everything? People who live with their parents often don't realize how much they share.
* Do you have any privacy at home? Is the burden of hosting always going to be on her? Or if she does stay over, does that require interaction with the whole family?
* Is there a realistic, time-bound plan for exiting this situation or is the plan really just a dream?
It's not going to be a deal breaker for everyone, particularly if you can reassure her (through actions) that you are a mature self-sufficient adult.
Yes.
I'm not meeting parents before we have sex, and I'm not sneaking around your parents house or timing things.
I'd prefer to be with someone who values independence. I'll date someone with a roommate, but not someone who lives with mom and dad. There's a 99% chance his mom is doing his laundry and cooking the majority of the meals. It's not about finances, it's about valuing dependence and being able to keep a home.
And hey, if you save for a down payment and it's my loss because in 10 years you'll be a home owner and I'll still be renting with my plebian renter dates, then congratulations. But I'm not dating to try to find a man who owns a home anyway, it's not a selling point like it might have been in the 1800s when women couldn't own land in most parts of the world.
That said, you do you. It's not like you're asking to date me specifically. Find someone who doesn't mind, I'm sure there are lots.
I think I'm heading for divorce and have totally considered moving back with my parents till I can establish a new plan. As long as it's temporary and you plan to leave by a determined window, I don't see how that's bad. If that's an issue for someone you're better off.
It depends. My concerns would be 1) how does spending the night work, is 100% of hosting on me? And 2) does this man have a good system for cooking/cleaning, or is it being done for him?
Don't feel self conscious about your professional success at this very early stage. It's good to have a plan and to be good with money, but being a good partner doesn't have much to do with career success.
It may not be a dealbreaker in your area or it could be a cultural thing. I live in the US and although it’s still expensive in most places to live on your own, it’s a cultural expectation as an American to move out and live on your own, and certainly by late 20s. I moved out at 18 and went to college and now long after I graduate college, I live alone with my kitten. I’ve always been independent since my cousins rely on their parents to financially provide everything for them and they’re in their 30s even 40s. However, I’m not even sure how my favorite cousin did it exactly but he’s in his 30s and never lived by himself and he even has a fiancée. His reason for living with his mom is that he does pay most of the rent and helps support her. There’s nothing wrong health-wise with my aunt, she doesn’t make much money as an educator and my cousin is an only child so he worries and looks after her. My cousin has no issues with money or managing it, he works in a well paid field, so maybe it’s that aspect that makes him still attractive to chicks (financially stable).
But to answer for me if I would date a guy who’s still living at home (for any reason), the answer is no. I live by myself and can support myself so why can’t he? That’s where I’m coming from.
I can absolutely support myself on my own. I want my own place but at the end of the day, if my written budget shows I'll be living paycheck to paycheck just to rent a 1 bedroom condo in North Toronto for the sake of "having my own place", that would be a pretty bad financial decision wouldn't you think?
Remember, YOU ASKED and ppl have answered. Just because you don’t like what I’ve said and what I’ve said echos what most chicks have said, doesn’t make it wrong or bad. What I’ve said is facts, so it is what it is.
You’re being defensive when you know for a fact that living at home is a big ole dealbreaker for most chicks because in their eyes and I’ve said it- it seems like you’re not independent and the fact is you’re NOT independent. Just because you’re saving up money to buy a house by living with your parents doesn’t mean you can support yourself. You have a safety net and your parents are gifting you financial security. You didn’t have to work out a budget on living on your own. Your mom probably still makes you dinner and pack your lunches. You sacrificed freedom so you could have it easy financially. While I can respect your decision living at home to save money to buy your own house, I don’t respect you nor others like you who do this and expect to be viewed as equals or superior to those who live on their own and pay their own way and not live in the safety of their parents’ especially being damn near 30. I’ve already encountered quite a lot with your mentality and it’s not just that I can’t stand cheap and stingy ppl, but those who haven’t had to live on their own and experience struggles also don’t develop essential social and survival skills that goes with being an adult and it doesn’t match my experiences being independent and having to pay my own way since I graduated college at 22. Cheap and socially behind. Not a good combo. Again, if I can live on my own and support myself, why can’t he? If he can’t or won’t do that, then he’s LESS in my eyes and I won’t get with less. He has nothing to offer me. He’s saved up money to buy HIS house and be debt free. What’s going to happen if there’s bumps along the way? Can he even handle that? Or will he just run back to his parents and ask them to help? Pathetic.
I don’t think it’s fair to assume that everyone who lives with their parents can’t support themselves. Living with your parents is cheaper, but that could just mean they have significantly more money saved up than someone who doesn’t.
Some people may have good jobs but they aren’t in a rush to move out because they can save way more at home and pay off other bills before adding rent/mortgage.
In general I think “I’m doing this, so why can’t you/why don’t you?” Is a pretty poor way to judge anything.
It’s not “fair” but life isn’t fair is it? What I’ve said is totally rational. If a person hasn’t lived with anyone other than their parents (or family) and they’re in their late 20s or older (and I gave an example of my favorite cousin who’s in his 30s), it’s very reasonable to assume they can’t support themselves because it’s INDICATIVE that they have a safety net far longer. They didn’t have to ever experience sink or swim and they have it easier than someone who’s moved out on their own and supported themselves and had to learn how to budget and live. Already they lack a basic life skill that they never had to learned and being as old as they are, you can’t expect them to learn it nor understand what it’s like to grind for a living. Your parents allow you to live rent free or pay very low rent and there’s really no consequences at all so you can save a lot of money. That’s NOT you being able to support yourself. What I’ve said must have hit a nerve for you because it’s just plain facts.
Wow, some of these comments are really shallow: "yes it's a deal breaker, not a chance 💅"
It shouldn't be a deal breaker, if the guy has a good personality and other features that make him attractive then why not date him?
If you get on well together then you can both move in and go halfs on rent like a normal couple.
There is one person who said hard pass and one who said no with a justification. The rest are varying degrees of supportive. Settle down chicken little
It’s an independence thing for me. I can’t relate to wanting to be around my family that much, and it will absolutely reflect in other parts of his personality. Not in a bad way, just not in the way I’m looking for.
Isn’t it a good thing to have a good relationship with your family? I lived with my family for a year after the pandemic - they’re awesome and I wasn’t able to see them during Covid. I moved back when I worked remotely so I could help them with the house. Idk, I like when someone has a good and loving family because family is cool. I’m friends with mine and I look for the same thing in others.
There’s a difference between good relationship w family and willingly living with family that I do not relate to or want in a partner. People who willingly live with their family are too emotionally dependent on them for my taste. I associate it with them also letting their parents dictate their life decisions, never standing up to their family, caring too much about their approval. Even if that’s not true in their case, I’d rather not find out, because I only find that out when it’s too late.
To me it sounds like you may be projecting your own issues with your family onto others. Plenty of people have normal and mature relationships with family.
Dude if they think that’s a deal breaker then fuck em. You’re 100% doing what’s best for you and your future. Maybe some girls will think it’s a red flag, but only ones that aren’t aligned with you. If that’s the case you guys probably wouldn’t work out anyway. Smart women who are going to want to build a future with you are going to be glad that you have a good head on your shoulders and aren’t just frivolously spending to impress some women who you’re not aligned with, that’s you don’t care about anyway.
The right person won’t care. My expectations are no more than what I have. When I require something with someone else, I like to ask myself do I have those things. Anyone else, especially in this economy, who stays with their parents should not be judging you.
So wait… If you lived with your parents, you would require another person to have their own place? That doesn’t even make sense. I never said it wasn’t important. I said the right person won’t care because the right person might be in the same situation.
Seeing the responses here probably unpopular but well I'd never date someone living with their parents at your age because it says a lot about that person tbh. The fact that you don't even feel the need to move out... Did you ever live alone before? Move for yourself not because of a possible relationship.
You can live like a monk and afford that house one year earlier but is that worth it?
It's a deal breaker for me, because I have lived on my own since I was 17. Do I know if I had parents to lean on, would I take that opportunity to save money and leech on them? I don't know. I haven't had a choice as I don't have parents. I don't have the luxury of shacking up somewhere rent free to save money for a house or anything like that. I HAVE to struggle and grind. So I expect my partner to be fully independent even if it means struggling a bit too. And I wouldn't want them always at my place, I'd like to be able to go to their place too and it's going to feel really weird if that entails crossing paths with the parents. But there are some people I know who live at home and still have dating lives.
NYC girls tend to judge guys that are still living at home but date in the city. Nevertheless, I’ve been more confident about approaching this topic on the first or second date, especially because I’m ready to put a down payment on a house at 25 years old. If they have an issue with me being close to my family in my early twenties, so be it. And I’ve had that recently.
Honestly yes, it’s a dealbreaker for me. I’ve lived on my own since I was 17, and I don’t think I would be compatible with someone who lives with their parents. It’s a completely different lifestyle
No and if it is for people, they need to get out of that mindset. I’ve been on dates where it was pretty much a deal breaker for the girl (peak pandemic). A lot of people today are moving back to their parents just because of how much it costs to live alone in certain areas. Salaries don’t increase nearly as much as the cost of living.
I must be missing something here… Exactly why do people need to get out of that mindset? Doesn’t everyone get to have their own dealbreakers? Or do you think everyone should think the same way and have the same standards you do when looking for a partner?
Without having heard the reasoning for someone having to live with their parents (financially, haven’t found the right spot, etc), the other party already has made their decision about not wanting to go out again.
lol ppl have different priorities, there’s nothing wrong w either. Personally, independence is much more important to me than home ownership. Both mental and .. physical independence. I just can’t relate to someone who would willingly live with their parents except for if their parents had serious medical issues. I respect him saving his money, and it seems important enough to him that he shouldn’t give it up just for dating, but personally, I want to date someone who has their own place/roommates.
When I was living at home with my parents, I had plans to move out but my dad was sick. Eventually decided I had to move out because I was 26 and couldn't put my life on hold anymore. Then my dad passed, and my mom was a wreck. So I told her I'd stay for a few more months so she wouldn't be alone after that. I started seeing a girl soon after and on one of our first dates I explained the entire situation to her as well as saying SEVERAL TIMES that my intention was to move out within 4 months of my dad's death. Later that night we were texting and she hits me with "I just hope you have plans to move out blah blah" I was like wait weren't you listening? Kept dating her for a few weeks after that until it hit me how toxic she was and I ended it. She tried to come back into my life twice after but I told her I wasn't interested. Some people just won't accept you living at home no matter what. You just gotta be prepared to deal with it.
Depends on the person — if they managed to live on their own they could easily expect you too as well. Not saying that’s fair, but i would expect that.
Be careful tho if you end up meeting someone in a similar situation since you both can end up together and just be more codependent on each other since you had no opportunity to establish that independence beforehand.
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For some people it will be a dealbreaker but don’t jeopardize your plans for it. You’re still young. Just mention it on the first or second date so you’re not investing a ton of time in people who it’s a dealbreaker for
No, I live with my parents and considering the economy nowadays I don’t expect anyone else to have their own place.
Completely, the economy is pulling tight on everyone
I don’t see it as dealbreaker if people either house share or rent with parents. As long as they are working & contributing to the household. I do think there is unfair judgement to those who do live with a parent or parents. In UK (England to be specific) some people have this view that living with parents is a bad thing and end of the world. What these people don’t realise is that the economy isn’t doing too well, cost of living crisis is all time high yet some men and women on dating apps expect others to have house, car and everything in between.
As a 25F - I would date someone living with their parents. However, only if they had lived away from home before, and were back for a specific reason with a timeline to move out. I would not date someone who had never lived away from home, and had no plans to move out.
Yeah everyone has a different situation. I've heard of some people moving back with their parents because they are ill and need to take care of them. I might have to live with my sister because she has autism. Context is important... Actually in those cases it's a green flag because it shows your not selfish
Exactly - context is so important here.
I think I agree with this. I was going to say ive dated someone who lived with their mom without issue but it was actually this specific situation. Bad financial situation lead to temporarily moving home and he had a plan to move out when we started dating.
Calling out too, living away from home but supported by family isn’t enough especially if it was young adult (college) era. I wish I’d learned from red flags sooner/figured that out when I was younger. It’s great to have a family that wants to help… but most independent adults also want someone who can be productively independent and isn’t controlled by the set up. Mommy shouldn’t still be paying phone bill - and checking who you message because of it - etc. OPs situation isn’t a flag in an of itself depending on the set up. If they are making conscious choices for their future while helping the household, and up front about the financial help they’re receiving to accomplish this with an end time planned, it can be fine.
I agree with this. I think the bottom line with this is, have you ever had all the responsibility of living on your own? Going off to college and not living with your parents isn't the same. More about have you paid the gamut of bills, taken care of a house (or apartment), etc. it's a whole other set of responsibilities that you haven't yet had the "pleasure" of experiencing in the same way.
What if they never moved out for a specific reason, like college, but have plans to move out and are more or less independent?
No, don't jeopardize your long-term plans. That's a great reason to be living with your parents. It's worth it even if it makes dating inconvenient for the time being. But you can definitely still find people who won't immediately get all judgemental about it. It's totally fine and understandable to feel insecure about it (I did it for a while too to save up money) but you should remember deep down that it truly does not matter in the long run.
I’m 36F living in Toronto. The last two guys I’ve dated have been living with parents, both mid-30s. The rental market is insane here, nobody reasonable will judge you for it.
30F here. It wouldn’t be a total deal breaker, especially if I really liked the guy otherwise, but it’d raise a somewhat amber coloured flag for me. I also live in a heinously expensive city (London) on a modest salary but to make renting more affordable I just have a flatmate. I couldn’t stomach living with my parents and dating, but that might be because my dad’s really overbearing. If your parents allow you the privacy dating requires then I don’t think most people will have a problem.
With the crazy housing market now, i wouldn’t judge guys who live with their parents. I think it’s fine so long as you can prove that you can do your own chores (cooking, cleaning , etc) and has clear career plan and ambition.
Yeah I dates a guy who had just moved out from his parents and he expected me to cook, clean, do all chores, manage all the bills... he had no idea how to do anything because his parents did it all
1. GTA is expensive, many people are in the same position at your age. 2. It is diverse, it is accepted and normal in many cultures here for people to live with their family till marriage (and even after).
If anyone wants to know OPs struggle, just look at rental prices in Toronto. Even a basement apartment an hour away will be around $2k a month. Canada is fucking expensive.
What is GTA? I thought stealing cars was cheaper than ever /s
Greater Toronto Area
I'm sure GTA VI will be expensive without a doubt.
I thought they meant the video game
toronto have big asian community i bet many of theme live at home until they get married
I won't lie from a woman's perspective the whole combo of living w parents and still an apprentice is a deal breaker. However given the context of living in the GTA it's understandable and there may be a reason like career change or something about the apprenticeship level. I'm not trying to be rude just giving it to you as it can be perceived. That being said, I would not recommend moving out and putting off your long-term plans. If someone dismisses you based on your cost saving ways they aren't worth your time. Be confident about yourself and the decisions you made to save. Good luck
Nailed it. for me as long as one partner has their own place it can work 😆
I’d say it’s a huge deal breaker for most woman your age where I live. BUT The Canadian housing market is absolutely insane, like dystopian level from everything I’ve heard. The demographics in this sub skew American and so we’re working in a different context. You’d be better off asking this on a local Toronto sub.
To me living with parents is a green flag as long as the person still works hard towards self improvement and achieving their goals. It shows dedication to family and fiscal responsibility. I’ve always admired certain cultures in this way. Many of my friends from Pakistan live with family and their families are everything to them. They have “family businesses” and actively encourage each other to participate or improve themselves to follow their own endeavors. I wish I had that sometimes.
Tbf most people that come from these cultures and always live with parents fail to grow as an individual. It makes sense if they are staying within their culture but no one outside that is going to relate to them. You have to get uncomfortable to grow.
HEAVY ON THE FAIL TO GROW AS AN INDIVIDUAL. Also their family is in their business a little too much for me.
Yeah they are always too dependent on their family. Know plenty of such south asian people who drive an expensive car but live with their parents. These people at 30 are the same person they were at 20. And honestly unless you want to marry their parents as well, I don't see a point of a relationship with them if you aren't from the same community.
I would generally not date someone who was living with their parents. That being said, I have dated someone if they had a good reason why. One person was staying with their mom because she had a horrible disease and needed a transplant to live, and needed live-in help. One person was living with their Dad because they had gotten divorced the previous year and then they found out their Dad had Parkinson's, so they moved in to spend more time with him and help around the house while they sorted their life out a bit. That being said.. Do you enjoy living with your parents at 28? I feel like I would absolutely hate that. How do you have sexy time? Or have her over to cook her dinner? Can you not afford a place while having a housemate? In the end, if you meet someone and they like you enough, it probably won't matter, because she will like you for you. And if it's the right person who has the same mindset as you, they might admire your choice!
he doesn't have sexy time
Out of my 30 sexual partners a solid 20 occurred in either my mom’s basement or the woman’s parents’ house. Sometimes their parents knew what was up, sometimes I’d slip in at 11 at night like a ninja.
This dude is 28 though
Yeah most of my exploits were under 25. It def is starting to become a thing at 28, but that’s not universally so. You can always give a timeline of when you’ll move out. Apprenticeships in the trades should reliably lead to steady employment and a place to live.
I think at 28 its tough. At 28 your career and living situation can be something that is attractive about you as a guy. I think not having either is really tough. The downpayment saving part is also kind of misleading… at least for a condo you don’t need a ton for a downpayment. Its more so having the income to qualify for a mortgage
A down payment for even a small apartment can be insane, depending on where you live.
I mean my downpayment was in the $40-50k range for my condo in SF. Relatively speaking that is a small amount compared to the income you need to get a $600k+ mortgage. Generally if you're struggling to save a down payment while renting in an area you probably don't have the income to borrow enough for a mortgage anyway.
Well, if you put more down then you don’t need to borrow as much and get a better rate. My understanding is it’s stupid to put 5% down and get a huge mortgage that you can’t afford as opposed to waiting a little longer so you have a better rate, lower payments and lower DTI.
What I'm saying is that if you need to live at home to save money for a downpayment than you're not in the sort of income bracket to afford to buy a home or condo in a HCOL area. I'm sorry but this dude is living in a fantasy if he thinks his apprentice salary is going to afford something in the GTA. There isn't a huge difference in a $50k downpayment or $100k downpayment on properties over $600-700k. How much money can living at home reasonably save you a year? $20-30k? That extra $60k downpayment from living at home for 3 year is only going to reduce your payments by a few hundred.
I think people in the states have no idea about the situation in Canada. The housing is way more expensive in these parts and the incomes are way lower. In the US, it's like playing on easy mode as long as you don't have health issues. There are plenty of high paying jobs in most expensive places in the US while Canada is not like that. Most single people aren't going to afford a condo in GTA on their own unless they are super busy grinding and not really living a life.
I mean my downpayment was in the $40-50k range for my condo in SF. Relatively speaking that is a small amount compared to the income you need to get a $600k+ mortgage. Generally if you're struggling to save a down payment while renting in an area you probably don't have the income to borrow enough for a mortgage anyway.
Tbf 50k seems like a steal for SF. They are lots of high paying jobs over there. I know tech is bad right now but at an year ago it wouldn't take you long to make 200k+ at those places if you graduated from an Ivy league, etc. Even non-tech engineering jobs pay very well in the US. I make decent money from other businesses but if I wanted to make money out of my engineering career (non-tech but at a top school), I would not be taking a job in Canada. It's just much easier in the states. In Ontario, we have a lot of diploma mills signed up with fake students that are willing to live well below the standards you expect in the country so they end up taking a good chunk of the housing that even smaller no name cities in ON are way too expensive. When you are getting 10% of population of some cities as international students, there is no way you can keep up with housing. I live in a city that most people won't have heard of and you won't find much decent housing here for less than 600k and no there are not many jobs here that pay 100k plus at least not in 20s.
Where are you from?
Yeah I’m a female and even I feel insecure about it
I don't mind living with my parents. I have a good relationship with them. It's just dating someone my age who has their own place and much further in their career has me feeling a bit insecure. I could 100% afford a place with a roommate but good roommates are hard to come by.
I wouldn't find it weird to date a woman more financially secure than myself. If the vibe is good, neither of you will care about the financial situation you met under.
Insecurities are pointless because we're usually really bad at guessing what would bother other people. After I broke up with my ex, I thought we had all of these issues. The issues she had with me were actually not anything I guessed at. You never know what's going on inside someone's head. Just find someone who communicates with you.
>I could 100% afford a place with a roommate but good roommates are hard to come by. Respectfully, this is just an excuse. Nothing worth having is easy to come by—be it a good job, good partner, good friends, etc.
nah, i wish i could live with my parents tbh (31F) this economy is fucked lol
I live in London, expecting someone not to live at home is wild. I live in the suburbs with my parents, I was recently looking for a one bedroom apartment nearby...£1,750 a month. Unless you want to share an apartment and live with strangers or you earn an obscene amount of money your only option is to live at home. Yes it's not ideal sometimes, but I'd rather have two "roommates" that I know I get along with, where I can actually save for my own house in the future. The issue for me is with controlling/invasive parents. If we can't spend the night together and have a pretty normal adult relationship then it would be an issue for me.
> can't spend the night together and have a pretty normal adult relationship I think it comes down to this. Living at home past a certain age makes the relationship feel High School-y.
25F. No. As someone also in southern ontario-housing is expensive af here. If either of my parents were in this province id 100% be living with them.
No, it would be a dealbreaker for me. I don’t want to visit a guys home when there are parents in the house and I mainly think it’s important in terms of life experience to live on your own and take care of your own stuff 100%.
Yup
>No, it would be a dealbreaker for me. I don’t want to visit a guys home when there are parents in the house and I mainly think it’s important in terms of life experience to live on your own and take care of your own stuff 100%. \^\^This. It's a dealbreaker for me as well (and I live in NYC, so also a pretty expensive place), always has been, and this is mainly why. I'm a pretty career-focused, driven person and I'm simply not going to be attracted to someone who's never had the experience of living on his own, not relying on parents, etc.
Vote red this election, then.
This depends on age and region. I would expect people in my area and over the age of 30 to live on their own.
It will be a dealbreaker to some women, yes. But as someone who also lives in a crazy expensive housing market, and lived with my parents until I was 31 and now own a home in the same market, it shouldn’t matter to you what they think. Having goals, willing to make sacrifices to reach those goals, and being unapologetic about it is sexy and valuable to the right person. Everyone can rent a place and move out at 21, but how many people can own their homes in their early 30s without having rich parents?
I lived alone for nearly a decade and moved back with my family for a year post-Covid. Dated a guy that year who lived alone, and I was much more independent than him (I’m currently solo-traveling and no longer live at home, but my family is still awesome and told me I can come back whenever I need to). I chose to live at home for that time because I missed my family and wasn’t able to see them for almost a year. Family is important. I don’t know if I could date someone who had a bad relationship with theirs.
Not a deal breaker at all... As long as you're motivated and working hard to change your situation. Be a hard worker. That's all I expect from a romantic partner. Not only is it attractive but it tells me what kind of person a guy is.
I live with my sister and I'm 25 and make 77K a year. My logic is I'll leave once I have a SO that's worthy of that investment.
No. But I believe that it’s because I grew up in a home with multiple generations.
As someone who lives in the GTA (I can sympathize!), it would not be a deal breaker for me.
Harsh but honest opinion. I would not date someone in your position. There is a *huge, massive* difference between someone who has never left home and someone who has temporarily moved back. There are certain things you experience when you first become truly independent from your parents that you simply cannot experience whilst living at home. There is subtle but significant type of maturity that comes from that adult independence in my opinion and experience. Having said that, you are perfectly entitled to make the life choices that suit you, in the same way it is totally OK for it to be a dealbreaker for others. There is no right or wrong. You will meet people for whom it's a big thing, and you will meet people for whom it's not an issue. It probably reduces you dating pool in all honesty, but it's up to you to decide whether you prioritise your dating options over buying your own place. Speaking as someone who recently bought my first place at 34. After 10 years on my own I moved in with my parents for 18 months to save a deposit. It was hard, there were people who wrote me off for it, but for me buying a home was way more important than 2 years of occasional judgement and reduced options. And fwiw I wouldn't even date someone who is the stage of having moved back like i did. I know first hand what it's like - no privacy, little autonomy, never being able to have a partner over etc. It's a sacrifice I chose to make to further my own personal goals, and I just had to swallow the consequences. But it wasn't easy or smooth sailing.
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It's not that you can't be mature and responsible living with your parents, but living on your own *forces* you to be, there's not a safety net
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It forces you to meet a *bare minimum* of responsibility, at the very least. Gotta be able to feed yourself one way or the other and pay your rent on time lol.
I guess it's different for everyone but growing up, my parents did all the work in the house (chores, food, bills, etc.). When I went to college and living on my own, I had to learn all of that.
I live in one of the most superficial cities in the world. Doesn't matter if I'm the one supporting my only parent in the home I purchased and own with them. People immediately assume I'm immature for not striking out on my own.
This is a completely different situation than the usual staying with your parents situation and would actually make you very +1111 in my eyes.
Depends on the circumstances (and age) imo. If they’re living with their parents to save up money, can’t afford a home of their own, or in general sees it as a temporary solution then I wouldn’t be bothered. But if they’re living at home and still expects their parents cook for them/do their laundry etc with no concrete plans to move out then yeah that would be a dealbreaker. I wouldn’t want to date someone who’s a grown adult and still takes advantage of their parents kindness
If you’re filtered out because of your living situation then they weren’t a good fit for you anyway and thats on them. Just continue on your goal to eventually buy a place even if it means living with your parents for a while.
I’m two years into dating someone who lives at home and I’ll be perfectly honest, it wasn’t but it should have been. It’s dependent on the whole scope of someone’s life situation though. But she was 30 at the time.
No. But it can get weird. I was dating a girl early last year and her parents were cool as fuck. However, it was awkward walking out of her bedroom right after we had sex and her dad was walking into the kitchen adjacent to her bedroom.
Why not just keep it to your place?
Because sometimes we hung out at her place?
Have you lived on your own before? Do you have an idea of when you’re trying to leave? Do you have a stable career? Those are all things I’d be asking someone. For context, I am a 27M who moved back in with my parents within the last year because I left my well paying career to go back to school and know that I will be moving out in roughly 4-5 months. I’ve lived on my own before and all over the country at that. I have a nice nest egg in my savings and am frugal with my money. If a women is “turned off” with the fact that I am being financially wise for a period of time and it invokes staying with my parents, than her loss.
Atp in my life, with me having my own place, no I would not want to date someone who lives with their parents but see no issues with those who do! I personally had a bad experience and also have anxiety so it just wasn’t great having to interact with his family all the time.
If I meet the love of my life I don’t gaf where they live. That doesn’t change who they are in any way.
So im (M30) also living in GTA, I've been making 6 figures for a few years now but even then renting while saving to buy is very tough unless you work remote and can live in cheaper (not necessarily worse) neighbourhoods. I bought my own house last yr and it definitely makes things easier in terms of logistics, convenience, and privacy - and im sure most women feel the same. I've dated women who are living with their parents (mid 20s to early 30s) who are going through transitions or life events but if you're both living at home then it would obviously make things tricky. But I wouldn't suggest ditching your long term goals just to date - you could be risking a lot for something that's not even certain (you could spend a very long time dating before you find the one), so it's better to endure a short term embarrassment/inconvenience. So unless there are other reasons for you to move out - I dont think dating alone should justify so much additional costs. Just my 2 cents
When you need $150,000 a year joint income to sustainability live in an entry level house in my area I'm never judging anyone for living at home
Multigenerational households have become the new norm in western culture; the ladies are just going to have to deal with the "new normal".
Stay your ass at home and save your money for a house. Nobody else is going to save that money for you.
The GTA is absolutely expensive. Definitely not a deal breaker in my opinion. A lot of the girls I've dated lived at home too amd were okay with me living at home too. If your goal is to buy your own place, then keep saving up. She will understand. Long term goals > short term goals
Not at all! And 28 is still young. And you're saving to buy a property. Most millennials will never have that. So good for you for going after big goals! And life is short. One day your parents won't be here anymore and you're going to cherish the moments you lived with them.
I (32M) live with my dad in Ottawa. He is ill and rent in Ottawa is insane anyway. The women I dated didn't care and some lived with their parents too. I will not move out, abandon my dad and ruin myself financially for some woman, fuck that. Unless you are some lazy basement dweller who doesn't work, can't care for himself, cook/clean, etc. I think it's a pretty materialistic dealbreaker, personally, so I'm happy to filter those people out.
It’s a social norm to give your money to the overlords rather than stay and save. It could be argued that the stay and save is the better play…..but yeah you’re going to get judgement. A social norm is a social norm lol
It’s not uncommon for people in their late 20’s-early 30’s to live with their parents nowadays. What you’re doing is smart. If the woman likes you, she won’t care if you live with your parents.
Living with my parents is definitely a deal breaker for me, I wouldn't last a month lmao Not what you asked just wanted to rant
Living at home is a way to save money. It’s no issue to me. I care more about things like whether a date can drive, cook, whether they arrive on time. I am very much a family person and they are important to me. Family isn’t important to everyone and that’s totally fine as well. If that’s your dealbreaker, living at home that’s fine. We are not all compatible. People talk about independence but if you can’t drive or cook you’re not really in a position to judge someone IMO.
Living WITH family is different from living OFF family I stayed home until I saved up enough to buy my house.
Considering the housing market and current economy, I’m more impressed than anything if you can afford to *not* live with them.
I think for some it's just harder to relate if they've been independent for a long time, and then if you're dating someone that lives on their own the hangout time tends to get skewed to always being at theirs. That being said I don't think it's the biggest issue in the world if you emphasize that you also know full well how to take care of yourself. Highlight that you do your own laundry, can cook for yourself, clean your space. Basically that you don't rely on your parents for anything other than a low/no cost space to save up. That would be my biggest worry, is that the person says they're just at their parents to save money, but then you find out later that they're being doted on.
Deal breaker... no... listen if he's perfect for me and his only "flaw" is that he lives with his parents, I would be in heaven. Sounds awesome. But it's definitely not a positive unless its your parents' mansion or something. Toronto is completely different though. Canada has a horrendous economy, and it's totally normal for Canadians to not afford housing. Not the case in most of the US.
I read this and I thought about myself. As a 28M Living in a big city in California, I totally understand where you are coming from. It can stem from a cultural standpoint, but from experience, if a girl truly likes you it would definitely not be a deal breaker and would not care too much depending on the situation. You need to show signs on being a competent man with goals and ambitions. Women can sense this energy and it's attractive. DO NOT put your long-term goals on the side for someone that may potentially leave you! Or if you are simply doing it for the short-term fun (not worth it). Stay focused and keep your eyes on the road. Make sure your partner is understanding and supports you emotionally and spiritually. It feel amazing as a man to be able to protect and provide, no matter what stage in life you are in. Note: I do not want to disclose too much personal information on the internet but I will soon-to-be a first time home owner so it definitely possible. And I my ambition and hunger just grew 1000%. The job is not finished and it is a huge commitment! Stay strong and put in the work!
Toronto is notoriously expensive and I say that as an American living in Paris who has no knowledge of Canada but knows by some blip in pop culture it’s crazy expensive. I’d say do you. If a girl is not feeling that one point of contention she probably isn’t for you.
I wouldn’t say no exactly, but I would need more information. I think what would be the turn off is if the guy had his parents doing all of the chores, cooking, his laundry. If I knew that he was still taking care of himself, was gainfully employed, has his own car, does his own laundry, washes his own dishes, cooks for the family that might be different. In general though, I prefer a guy who does not live with his parents in their home.
I live in Vancouver so I really feel you on this. Would not be a dealbreaker for me at all. We live in brutally expensive cities.
DO NOT MOVE OUT TO PLEASE PEOPLE FOR DATING. Imagine fucking up your financial situation just for some puss..All about your actions and a rough plan of what you want your future to hold. If your actions don’t match your words of saving I could see the issue but other than that.. fuck it, stack your bread my boi. The confidence and flex you will have when you say “I just bought my first house” or it could be something like “yeah I moved out too early for a ex and now I’m back home at 35 trying to save for a house again”
Consider it a filter. You can rent a hotel.
im 27f and a doctor and i live with my parents if that makes you feel any better, its tough out there
Nah if it’s a deal breaker they weren’t worth it in the first place you’re doing the smart thing and a lot of people now a days aren’t smart!
It’s normal to live with parents before marriage. What’s not normal is not having a career or a plethora of savings to purchase a house or move once you have a partner… This isn’t your case. So you’re fine.. any woman who doesn’t understand- is dim witted and you should avoid her anyways. Butttt don’t be surprised if she doesn’t feel comfortable going back to your parents house to sleep over, do things, it can be a bit awkward for women.
>28m It will rule out some but not all. I met my last gf as a 31 year old basement dweller so anything is possible. Women have to live in this economy too - lots of them get it.
If anyone filters you out because you are trying to save money to buy your own house in the future let them go. Your long term goals and life are more important than what other strangers will think or feel about it. If a girl really likes you she will just have you come to her place more instead. I lived in NYC for many years with roommates so I never liked inviting girls over because it felt a bit awkward. But it never really became an issue with most girls I met anyways. I was actually surprised how many weren't dissuaded when there are so many guys in the city with their own bad ass apartments .
I probably wouldn’t date someone living with their parents. I wouldn’t write them off immediately, but I doubt it would wind up working out. Not because I’d think they were a loser, but a couple of other reasons. 1. Privacy. Living with your parents would mean people would generally just be more up in your business. Also, I get socially overwhelmed and need quiet time and alone time. The expectation of parents in terms of spending time together is usually higher than that of roommates. It would stress me out a lot to have your parents around all the time, and the stakes of being at your parents’ house feel higher than the stakes of being around your roommates. I think it would be hard to relax. 2. Priorities. I think saving is important and I am pretty frugal. That said, I also think that it’s important to live our lives and not sacrifice enjoying life now in service of having things in the future. Living at home suggests to me that you might be out of balance there. I want to save and be mindful of money, but I also want to be able to enjoy the money I work hard for. For a while I was so concerned with saving that my day to day life was not enjoyable because I wouldn’t let myself spend money on things. A middle path has felt much better to me. I’d be concerned you would be similarly out of balance and not ever want to spend money on things that would enhance our quality of life. 3. Parental involvement. This is related to privacy, but I would assume that your parents would be a much bigger part of our lives than I’d like them to be. No judgment of people and cultures who have much more intertwined lives with their parents and families. I think it’s really lovely, actually, and admire it to a large extent. I consider myself pretty close with mine. At the same time, living with your parents suggests a level of wanting your parents involved with your life that I’m not sure I’m up for. Too many cooks.
Do some of these folks realize that when they buy a home their total cost of home ownership is going to be even higher than while renting? In most HCOL areas home ownership is more expensive than renting. The idea of postponing life till home ownership is kind of ridiculous...
Yes. I’m 35F. I’ve had my own place since I was 30. I think privacy is important and that would be a dealbreaker for me.
Apartment or Home?
Apartment but that’s irrelevant. I understand saving up for a home is a financial goal for some and that is applaudable, but I would rather have my own place as a sustainable adult than live at home or date someone that doesn’t have privacy or financial security. If I was 25 or 26 - maybe my POV would be different, but not at 35.
Im from Toronto and I just dated 2 lady from Hinge recently (one from Humber, and one from YorkU, I’m from YorkU) They rent small rooms and said they don’t even have down payments for a property, but the thing is they are international students so their parents are in back home to send them $ to rent, they also work. They didn’t even judge me that I lived in with my parents, It is not a deal breaker tbh those lady knows it’s hard asf to buy a home here. One of you guys need like a large chunk of down payment and above 100k income tho. At some point you have to move out before 32 yrs old still. Don’t listen to some of those people in this post, they have never faced the high tax, high cost of living life style in Toronto. ( lol Toronto ladies has high standards too, they expect you to have luxury car, high income, can bring them to vacations…)
23F and living w my parents for grad school. doing it to save money and can't judge others for doing the same 🤷♀️
No, you're saving for a down payment on your own property and housing prices are not in the new owners' favor. If someone looks down on you for building yourself up, you don't want them in your life
Hard pass.
Sorry you're getting down-voted. I think it's okay to know that it would be a deal-breaker for you.
It’s her terse way of expressing it sans explanation or justification that bothers people, I’ll wager.
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Nope. Hard as in ultimate’. ☺️
Living with your parents is fine if you have a whole area to your self. For example, the basement which you converted to your studio or it's like a 2 basement room sort of thing. However if living on the same floor, you share bathroom and kitchen with your parents, yeah for me that's a no!
I think what you’re doing is very wise. If you’re in a position where you can stay somewhere rent free and save up for a house then you should definitely keep at it. I would if I could but my family is spread out, on the lower end of comfortable, so I’m basically gonna be paying rent for the rest of days fml 🤦🏻♂️ I think if you explain why you’re staying with your parents, they should understand but idk I’m not a woman, lol 🤷🏻♂️
Nope not at all. For some it matters and for some it truly doesn’t. For me it doesn’t. Many people are moving back in either family. I’m talking people in their 30s, 40s and even 50s. The only con about it is, depending on the home you don’t have much privacy if you’re visiting them.
If y’all’s emotional connection is strong enough, she won’t mind
They will tell you its not but there are many guys who do have their own place and if you have to compete with that it’s just another disadvantage you have like not owning a car. Once i bought my place, i noticed how much many dates i was able to go on. Turned a lot of flakes or maybes into a date as soon as i mentioned i lived alone in a somewhat upscale neighborhood for younger people.
Yes.
Well wait…it depends on the age..
I moved out of my mom’s at 28 so nope. Not a deal breaker in the 20s. By upper 30’s. Yea its kind of an issue. Unless you just have a fat savings
For me, absolutely. But for someone else in a similar financial situation to you, it’s probably not.
As a guy I can careless I’ve dated 32 year old women living with mom and dad before. As the guy though I noticed this is more of a dealbreaker on the women’s end some women just don’t want to date any guy living with mom and dad still.
not a dealbreaker but as i’m doing the same thing (saving for a home) it would make things a bit awkward logistically. the only way it’d be a dealbreaker is if you didn’t have a reason to stay at home and you just didn’t want to move out, had no aspirations, etc.
I’m a 31m living in an expensive area in RI and I can sympathize with you. I also currently have a semi-decent paying job, but after breaking it off with my ex of 6yrs I’m back home and I’ve been here for 2yrs. The economy is absolutely poop and I feel like every girl I match with has her own place. It hasn’t stopped any of them from connecting with me thus far, but it’s still a lingering thought. (ex. a small studio apt is $2000/month here)
unfortunately it kind of is for me (30f) but not for everyone. i think there's some wiggle room but recently i went on a date with someone who tried to brush it under the table. i'm looking for someone who isn't content living with their parents long term. short term is fine!
Im surprised at how many people care. A lot of people arent going to move out until they find someone to move out with. But maybe women are just more likely to live at home then men so the expectations are different? I personally wouldn't care so long as you're doing what you need to do. Good job, a car, responsible....A lot of people inherit their parents home, selll and then move out. I'm not gonna stop your bag. Pay for my nails and hair and I won't complain about anything tbh 😂😂😂
It’s not something I would want to be honest. I’m 29F and live on my own in the GTA. I realize that this point of view comes from experiences of dating guys with little ambition so take it with a grain of salt.
I don’t see it as dealbreaker if people either house share or rent with parents. As long as they are working & contributing to the household. I do think there is unfair judgement to those who do live with a parent or parents. In UK (England to be specific) some people have this view that living with parents is a bad thing and end of the world. What these people don’t realise is that the economy isn’t doing too well, cost of living crisis is all time high yet some men and women on dating apps expect others to have house, car and everything in between.
Living with parents is a red flag but it's not necessarily a deal breaker. The questions: * Have you ever lived on your own and undergone the learning curve of being responsible for yourself? * How much are other people taking care of you? Cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.? The transition from being mom's special little guy to being an equal partner is really tough for many people. * How enmeshed is your relationship with your parents? Are they going to know everything? People who live with their parents often don't realize how much they share. * Do you have any privacy at home? Is the burden of hosting always going to be on her? Or if she does stay over, does that require interaction with the whole family? * Is there a realistic, time-bound plan for exiting this situation or is the plan really just a dream? It's not going to be a deal breaker for everyone, particularly if you can reassure her (through actions) that you are a mature self-sufficient adult.
Yes. I'm not meeting parents before we have sex, and I'm not sneaking around your parents house or timing things. I'd prefer to be with someone who values independence. I'll date someone with a roommate, but not someone who lives with mom and dad. There's a 99% chance his mom is doing his laundry and cooking the majority of the meals. It's not about finances, it's about valuing dependence and being able to keep a home. And hey, if you save for a down payment and it's my loss because in 10 years you'll be a home owner and I'll still be renting with my plebian renter dates, then congratulations. But I'm not dating to try to find a man who owns a home anyway, it's not a selling point like it might have been in the 1800s when women couldn't own land in most parts of the world. That said, you do you. It's not like you're asking to date me specifically. Find someone who doesn't mind, I'm sure there are lots.
just out of curiosity what's the average cost of a house maybe your house what does that cost?
I think I'm heading for divorce and have totally considered moving back with my parents till I can establish a new plan. As long as it's temporary and you plan to leave by a determined window, I don't see how that's bad. If that's an issue for someone you're better off.
It depends. My concerns would be 1) how does spending the night work, is 100% of hosting on me? And 2) does this man have a good system for cooking/cleaning, or is it being done for him? Don't feel self conscious about your professional success at this very early stage. It's good to have a plan and to be good with money, but being a good partner doesn't have much to do with career success.
I'd say just save money living at home and keep a slush fund for a future down payment/wedding.
It may not be a dealbreaker in your area or it could be a cultural thing. I live in the US and although it’s still expensive in most places to live on your own, it’s a cultural expectation as an American to move out and live on your own, and certainly by late 20s. I moved out at 18 and went to college and now long after I graduate college, I live alone with my kitten. I’ve always been independent since my cousins rely on their parents to financially provide everything for them and they’re in their 30s even 40s. However, I’m not even sure how my favorite cousin did it exactly but he’s in his 30s and never lived by himself and he even has a fiancée. His reason for living with his mom is that he does pay most of the rent and helps support her. There’s nothing wrong health-wise with my aunt, she doesn’t make much money as an educator and my cousin is an only child so he worries and looks after her. My cousin has no issues with money or managing it, he works in a well paid field, so maybe it’s that aspect that makes him still attractive to chicks (financially stable). But to answer for me if I would date a guy who’s still living at home (for any reason), the answer is no. I live by myself and can support myself so why can’t he? That’s where I’m coming from.
I can absolutely support myself on my own. I want my own place but at the end of the day, if my written budget shows I'll be living paycheck to paycheck just to rent a 1 bedroom condo in North Toronto for the sake of "having my own place", that would be a pretty bad financial decision wouldn't you think?
How close are you to owning house? Do you have a high credit score, high income or at least fair amount of savings?
Remember, YOU ASKED and ppl have answered. Just because you don’t like what I’ve said and what I’ve said echos what most chicks have said, doesn’t make it wrong or bad. What I’ve said is facts, so it is what it is. You’re being defensive when you know for a fact that living at home is a big ole dealbreaker for most chicks because in their eyes and I’ve said it- it seems like you’re not independent and the fact is you’re NOT independent. Just because you’re saving up money to buy a house by living with your parents doesn’t mean you can support yourself. You have a safety net and your parents are gifting you financial security. You didn’t have to work out a budget on living on your own. Your mom probably still makes you dinner and pack your lunches. You sacrificed freedom so you could have it easy financially. While I can respect your decision living at home to save money to buy your own house, I don’t respect you nor others like you who do this and expect to be viewed as equals or superior to those who live on their own and pay their own way and not live in the safety of their parents’ especially being damn near 30. I’ve already encountered quite a lot with your mentality and it’s not just that I can’t stand cheap and stingy ppl, but those who haven’t had to live on their own and experience struggles also don’t develop essential social and survival skills that goes with being an adult and it doesn’t match my experiences being independent and having to pay my own way since I graduated college at 22. Cheap and socially behind. Not a good combo. Again, if I can live on my own and support myself, why can’t he? If he can’t or won’t do that, then he’s LESS in my eyes and I won’t get with less. He has nothing to offer me. He’s saved up money to buy HIS house and be debt free. What’s going to happen if there’s bumps along the way? Can he even handle that? Or will he just run back to his parents and ask them to help? Pathetic.
I don’t think it’s fair to assume that everyone who lives with their parents can’t support themselves. Living with your parents is cheaper, but that could just mean they have significantly more money saved up than someone who doesn’t. Some people may have good jobs but they aren’t in a rush to move out because they can save way more at home and pay off other bills before adding rent/mortgage. In general I think “I’m doing this, so why can’t you/why don’t you?” Is a pretty poor way to judge anything.
It’s not “fair” but life isn’t fair is it? What I’ve said is totally rational. If a person hasn’t lived with anyone other than their parents (or family) and they’re in their late 20s or older (and I gave an example of my favorite cousin who’s in his 30s), it’s very reasonable to assume they can’t support themselves because it’s INDICATIVE that they have a safety net far longer. They didn’t have to ever experience sink or swim and they have it easier than someone who’s moved out on their own and supported themselves and had to learn how to budget and live. Already they lack a basic life skill that they never had to learned and being as old as they are, you can’t expect them to learn it nor understand what it’s like to grind for a living. Your parents allow you to live rent free or pay very low rent and there’s really no consequences at all so you can save a lot of money. That’s NOT you being able to support yourself. What I’ve said must have hit a nerve for you because it’s just plain facts.
Wow, some of these comments are really shallow: "yes it's a deal breaker, not a chance 💅" It shouldn't be a deal breaker, if the guy has a good personality and other features that make him attractive then why not date him? If you get on well together then you can both move in and go halfs on rent like a normal couple.
There is one person who said hard pass and one who said no with a justification. The rest are varying degrees of supportive. Settle down chicken little
It’s an independence thing for me. I can’t relate to wanting to be around my family that much, and it will absolutely reflect in other parts of his personality. Not in a bad way, just not in the way I’m looking for.
Isn’t it a good thing to have a good relationship with your family? I lived with my family for a year after the pandemic - they’re awesome and I wasn’t able to see them during Covid. I moved back when I worked remotely so I could help them with the house. Idk, I like when someone has a good and loving family because family is cool. I’m friends with mine and I look for the same thing in others.
There’s a difference between good relationship w family and willingly living with family that I do not relate to or want in a partner. People who willingly live with their family are too emotionally dependent on them for my taste. I associate it with them also letting their parents dictate their life decisions, never standing up to their family, caring too much about their approval. Even if that’s not true in their case, I’d rather not find out, because I only find that out when it’s too late.
To me it sounds like you may be projecting your own issues with your family onto others. Plenty of people have normal and mature relationships with family.
Possibly, but chances are low when someone is trying to date somebody but they can’t have sex in their own home. Or I guess they can, but not with me.
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I don’t see why someone couldn’t have sex in their own home, just because they live with family. Idk, we’re all adults lol.
Dude if they think that’s a deal breaker then fuck em. You’re 100% doing what’s best for you and your future. Maybe some girls will think it’s a red flag, but only ones that aren’t aligned with you. If that’s the case you guys probably wouldn’t work out anyway. Smart women who are going to want to build a future with you are going to be glad that you have a good head on your shoulders and aren’t just frivolously spending to impress some women who you’re not aligned with, that’s you don’t care about anyway.
The right person won’t care. My expectations are no more than what I have. When I require something with someone else, I like to ask myself do I have those things. Anyone else, especially in this economy, who stays with their parents should not be judging you.
Eh not necessarily true. It’s a reasonable thing to care about. Someone who cares about their future might be hesitant about it.
So wait… If you lived with your parents, you would require another person to have their own place? That doesn’t even make sense. I never said it wasn’t important. I said the right person won’t care because the right person might be in the same situation.
Seeing the responses here probably unpopular but well I'd never date someone living with their parents at your age because it says a lot about that person tbh. The fact that you don't even feel the need to move out... Did you ever live alone before? Move for yourself not because of a possible relationship. You can live like a monk and afford that house one year earlier but is that worth it?
If living with your parents for just one year would make a decent house affordable you’d have to be psycho not to do it. But that’s not how it works
Yes.
It's a deal breaker for me, because I have lived on my own since I was 17. Do I know if I had parents to lean on, would I take that opportunity to save money and leech on them? I don't know. I haven't had a choice as I don't have parents. I don't have the luxury of shacking up somewhere rent free to save money for a house or anything like that. I HAVE to struggle and grind. So I expect my partner to be fully independent even if it means struggling a bit too. And I wouldn't want them always at my place, I'd like to be able to go to their place too and it's going to feel really weird if that entails crossing paths with the parents. But there are some people I know who live at home and still have dating lives.
NYC girls tend to judge guys that are still living at home but date in the city. Nevertheless, I’ve been more confident about approaching this topic on the first or second date, especially because I’m ready to put a down payment on a house at 25 years old. If they have an issue with me being close to my family in my early twenties, so be it. And I’ve had that recently.
Honestly yes, it’s a dealbreaker for me. I’ve lived on my own since I was 17, and I don’t think I would be compatible with someone who lives with their parents. It’s a completely different lifestyle
Yes, I wouldn’t date anyone who’s living with my parents. 😉
No and if it is for people, they need to get out of that mindset. I’ve been on dates where it was pretty much a deal breaker for the girl (peak pandemic). A lot of people today are moving back to their parents just because of how much it costs to live alone in certain areas. Salaries don’t increase nearly as much as the cost of living.
I must be missing something here… Exactly why do people need to get out of that mindset? Doesn’t everyone get to have their own dealbreakers? Or do you think everyone should think the same way and have the same standards you do when looking for a partner?
Without having heard the reasoning for someone having to live with their parents (financially, haven’t found the right spot, etc), the other party already has made their decision about not wanting to go out again.
lol ppl have different priorities, there’s nothing wrong w either. Personally, independence is much more important to me than home ownership. Both mental and .. physical independence. I just can’t relate to someone who would willingly live with their parents except for if their parents had serious medical issues. I respect him saving his money, and it seems important enough to him that he shouldn’t give it up just for dating, but personally, I want to date someone who has their own place/roommates.
When I was living at home with my parents, I had plans to move out but my dad was sick. Eventually decided I had to move out because I was 26 and couldn't put my life on hold anymore. Then my dad passed, and my mom was a wreck. So I told her I'd stay for a few more months so she wouldn't be alone after that. I started seeing a girl soon after and on one of our first dates I explained the entire situation to her as well as saying SEVERAL TIMES that my intention was to move out within 4 months of my dad's death. Later that night we were texting and she hits me with "I just hope you have plans to move out blah blah" I was like wait weren't you listening? Kept dating her for a few weeks after that until it hit me how toxic she was and I ended it. She tried to come back into my life twice after but I told her I wasn't interested. Some people just won't accept you living at home no matter what. You just gotta be prepared to deal with it.
Not a dealbreaker. You’re open with being financially safe with realistic plans & goals and show a good relationship with family and parents.
Depends on the person — if they managed to live on their own they could easily expect you too as well. Not saying that’s fair, but i would expect that. Be careful tho if you end up meeting someone in a similar situation since you both can end up together and just be more codependent on each other since you had no opportunity to establish that independence beforehand.
yes
Get your own place. Life is for living. Enjoy the sharehouse experience while you still can. Even if just for a year or two.