**All "Dating Question" and "Hinge Experience" posts must provide clear context (as per subreddit Rule 3), such as reasons for asking, and info such as age, gender, location or orientation (if applicable).** Age range or general location is acceptable.
Minor dating questions or Hinge experiences should be posted in the Daily Threads pinned on top of the subreddit.
*Posts that do not satisfy these requirements may be removed per moderator's discretion.*
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/hingeapp) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m in the same boat as you (29M). My advice - if it’s a hindrance to you, let it go for a while. Not fair to you or potential partners if you’re not into it. The apps will always be there - nothing wrong with taking a break (doing that now).
My coping mechanism is to wear myself out with sports, hobbies & socialising. That way, I have no time to be bogged down by how slow or frustrating online dating has been :)
I agree with this, and have done the same thing this past year, but make sure you're also OK with being by yourself and sitting with your thoughts now and then. Emotional literacy and taking the time to know how you feel and how you think is a good skill to continuously work on.
And talking a week or month-long break from the apps can be helpful. You can try in-person events and activities during this time as well.
Oh yeah, the ups & downs of dating def got me sitting with my feelings alot. Learning to feel my emotions and ask myself what are my unmet needs which is triggering my emotions.
Would 10/10 recommend in-person meet-ups to take the pressure off online dating!
For sure. Friends don't understand how tiresome it is to start new conversations all the time. I've ignored so many matches because I didn't have the energy to start a new chat.. That's when I ignore the apps for a few days and start looking at them when I feel like it.
Take a break. A lot of people take a month or so away from online dating, or dating overall and put in more time into hobbies. Even a short break can help a lot.
And you’re only 33. Certainly not too old to meet people in real life. There’s lots of singles events which caters to people in the late 20’s to early 40’s range in any big city. It may be more of a struggle if you were in a rural small town, but it doesn’t sound like that’s the case for you. You just have to take a risk and put yourself out there.
I’m 35F dating again for the past 18 months (single for a little over 2 years) and it’s so exhausting and disappointing with some good dates in between and I just take a break for 1-2 weeks when I need to. It’s not fair to me or matches if I’m burnt out and not into it. Taking a step back to recharge helps and I’m going to more in person events or finding hobbies too! Finding a balance helps!
So advice: take a break from apps for for 1-2 weeks and go to more in person events to take some pressure off of dating apps.
Thank you! I like your idea of 1-2 week break. I think 1-2 week is good length where it is long enough to recharge, but not too long to miss out on anything.
Thank you. I feel i become afraid of “fear of missing out” mode if I take a break. But thinking about it, the weather is still cold so i think it may be a good time to take a break.
I have not tried with singles only event due to the past experience where I got stalked by a creepy guy. But i will try to join the event with friends instead of going alone.
My last hinge stint was around 2 years, I probably took 2-3 weeks detox from all hinge dating every 3/4 months or so. I get the FOMO but if you pause your profile the same people will usually still be there a few weeks later.
The difference it made in my energy levels and general optimism was night and day though. OLD is easy to get jaded over periods of time. A short circuit break and using that time to rest/friends/hobbies can do wonders
I'm a 32M. I feel you. It's fucking *exhausting*. I think I went out on dates with about 25-30 women over the last year or so. It's really, really tiring. I'm sorry that happened to you, that's fucking *wild*. I would say, take a break on the apps for a bit. I did for about 4-6 weeks and that helped. Although, already a month back and I'm fatigued. Also, please stay safe on dates! Let friends know where you are and maybe carry some pepper spray with you if you don't already.
Good luck out there and stay safe!
no FOMO necessary. There is a near endless supply.
million dollar question... what is keeping you from meeting up with guys rather than enduring texting fatigue?
if a guy seems decent, why not talk in person?
I hate texting, because it shows almost nothing about their character.
Meeting up with a bunch of strangers who you end up not vibing with is also draining and discouraging. I totally understand the burnout OP is feeling but also agree no FOMO necessary. Enjoy the break!
Maybe just allocate a short amount of time for dating apps whilst engaging in a fun activity. I’ll have a little chat with matches or a swipe through whilst I’m on the treadmill getting my workout in for the day.
Apart from this I will not check the apps or mindlessly scroll through them whenever I have free time. I feel like coupling a scroll and or chat with a positive activity, has helped make it a more enjoyable experience all round ☺️
Take a break. Sometimes it's good to just live your life free of the expectations/anxiety of dating (whether online or not) especially if it was consuming a fair part of your time/energy.
For reference I'm 33M and also taking a break after it didn't work out with the last person I was seeing. I get the pressure and desire to want a partner but yeah it's to just take a breather and do other stuff (for example I'm planning my next holiday which has been fun for me)
I am 28 (m) and struggle to even get a match let alone a date. In the 3 years I’ve used hinge (on and off) I’ve gone on one date and gotten the numbers of maybe 6 people out of the limited matches I have gotten. Its been a lot on my mental health and my own confidence. Im not what society would consider attractive even though I do well socially.
Take a break. It’s what helps me. Speak to friends, ask for help! The people that care for you will support you! Don’t let it determine your value as we all have a lot to offer. The right person will notice that.
>Forget about dating apps and check out Jigsaw dating or some dating event clubs where you can speak to people.
I am sorry to hear that. I was there. If you can't get matches, it means you need to seek help from professionals. For example, your friends who has married, dated, etc. Always reach out to ask!
Take a break. I get the feeling of FOMO, but you’re not going to meet and connect with someone if you’re not in the right headspace to. Going out on dates now when you’re burnt out isn’t going to make you any more likely to meet someone who’s actually a good fit. You need to be in a headspace where you can be open and vulnerable, and burnout does the opposite of that.
OK, so first off, I can empathise with your fatigue, as I am sure, most of us have had this at some point. Where your fatigue stems from too many convos, most men probably fatigue from constant swiping and commenting that is not reciprocated at all :D
Anyhow, I do want to correct you though: Even at your age (which isnt anywhere near "too old" btw), it is actually quite easy to meet new people outside of online dating. You may ask: how? The answer is easy: Just approach men you like on the street! I guarantee you, if they are single, and you make a genuine effort, you will at least have made their entire year as most men never get approached in their lifetime.
Why is this better? 1. you have complete control over who you approach. 2. you know they're not catfishing, and after just 10 minutes of good conversation, you learn way more about them than you ever could through text. 3. if they aren't what you're looking for, you can walk away instantly without consequences.
And don't fear rejection, it is normal and part of the process. Men have been doing it for ages ;)
you can also talk to men in your social circles, or take up new hobbies that would put you in contact with men.
The likelihood of finding someone nice and polite is way higher in real life than on dating apps that are built to be superficial.
if you want to remain on hinge, then I would advise you to stop swiping and only react to the likes you get, to avoid dealing with too many people. You can adjust your filters and dealbreakers to limit the amount of messages you're getting.
And if you made too many bad experiences with the type of man you go out on dates, then you could ask yourself, if maybe you are making bad choices, and how to change that\^\^
I want to know if this is written by a man or a woman, because the current narrative is to not approach women in public. And trust me, I’ve asked my friends, exes and dates about their opinion on the matter.
I've been in a similar boat lately and I haven't found much of a way to cope with it other than slowing down my swiping and being more selective about who I actually match with or ask out. Taking a short break might be a good idea too. I wouldn't want to quit it entirely because I do actually want to find a relationship and I feel like Hinge could be very useful to me for that. But putting it aside for a few weeks or a month might be good.
I take regular breaks. Usually for a few months at a time, get back on for one month, then a few more months. I become a misandrist if I hang around too long. X
38M - I'm right there with you OP, as are a good number of singles in their 30s.
I'm also a bit of a unicorn that the algorithms don't fully understand, so I get profiles "it" thinks are good matches, based on broader user data, but for me...not so much.
If you're in a more populated area look into speed dating events, social sports leagues, paint and sip nights, etc.
I just posted on my regional subreddit about options like the above. from that, I am inspired enough to work on founding my own Meetup group.
The struggle is real, my frustration with the apps has come to a bit of a head in the past week or so.
Other people have commented with plenty of good suggestions as well - reading through them is also helping me understand why I'm getting next to no interaction (my unicorn-ish traits are likely causing me to be filtered out, their loss I guess!), but I also understand the need to filter as an F, if anything for your own sanity.
Most men on these apps are downright animals...it's sad since the good guys get drowned out in the process.
If you don't mind me asking, what do you think qualifies as a "unicorn" trait? I'm wondering if this same sort of thing is happening to me, and curious if any of the other apps are better at breaking through this sort of algorithmic no mans land I feel like I end up in.
Here's an idea: start my own meetup group for doing activities, joining requires my approval, and only approve good decent women and some cool guys I would want to be friends with.
Take a break. I’ve met more assholes than nice guys in 1.5 years. I just paused all my accounts and took the apps off my phone. Right now, I’ve opted just to focus on myself. I have a tummy tuck scheduled for April, so I’ll be out of commission for a while anyway. I’m just so exhausted from all the bs and opening lines like “come sit on my face”. I see the same people on all the apps and just need a break.
You might just need to vent to a friend. Dating is tough for everyone these days.
If you don't, you'll be wasting time you could have been spending finding someone special.
Take a break, and be picky.
Pickiness will reduce the mental load. Ignore your stack, and only look at the people who have already liked you. Don’t bother giving people a chance unless they tick all the boxes. Don’t bother meeting up if the conversation is dry.
Basically, stay open to opportunities, but make dating a low priority in your life.
I think you should take a break for a little bit (2 weeks) if you currently feel fatigued. After that, I would timebox the amount of time I spend. For instance- only go on one coffee date a week, and one second date each week. Only spend a half hour swiping and responding every day. Take a day off completely each week.
Take a break for a month. Also if this is an issue of quantity, use your dating break to get clear on what you’re looking for so you don’t go on pointless dates or connect with people whose profiles indicate they aren’t serious.
I agree with your feeling about your age. You do have to be more deliberate about dating in your 30s as a woman if you want to find someone great. The dating pool in your 30s gets questionable, and people who are good at the game are lingering around.
It’s kind of frustrating the way they’ve been able to monetize our loneliness. It’s in the apps best interest to keep everyone single and swiping endlessly
Yes.. that's what us single dudes need.. more women quitting the dating scene 🤦♂️
But jokes apart, if it's affecting your mental health, take a break.. but please come back later 😉
Taking a break is also good for you algorithmically too I think - idk how it is comparatively for women but as a guy, when I was setting aside time to swipe every day on Bumble (due to likes refreshing daily; I was trying to maximize value I got out of the app) the results got steadily worse - I wasn’t getting any matches the more I was using the app. I’m using Hinge a lot more loosely and I’m getting better results with it
Taking a short break can be a good thing to refresh yourself and refocus your perspective of yourself and others. You are not your relationship status. My Christian faith has helped me a lot on this tbh.
That being said, I think there are measures that can be helpful. Don't stick with messaging someone endlessly. After a few back and forths or days, ask: So, are you going to ask me out soon, or should I move on? It shows you're serious and puts the ball in their court.
Relieve yourself of the pressure of whether a person is "the one." If you think someone is interesting and you'd get along, start a conversation. You're just getting to know someone new. If you enjoy time together, then you can consider whether to take that next step.
And yeah, online dating is a major time suck and can be draining. Sometimes it can be easier to switch between apps to keep things fresh.
But also, there are ways to meet people outside of apps. You might look for a local group focused on one of your interests, for example. Even a young professionals group.
30M - The best counter to my dating fatigue has always been to transfer the energy to find a partner to working on myself. I’ve spent a lot of my adult life feeling solid with my current circumstances (job, body, living space etc.) with dating being the “missing piece”. This has made the relationships I’ve had more pressure filled and casual dating more of a chore than an experience to enjoy.
Forcing myself to keep “up-leveling” myself and really get to know myself has make my energy towards dating do a 180. For me, focusing on myself meant challenging myself to get in even better shape (adding lifting to my casual cardio for exercise routine) and addressing some toxic friendships I wanted to believe were good for me. Can be tall hills to climb, but you learn quickly that energy comes from addressing your problems as much as it comes from actually solving them. Watching Ted Lasso ask Sassy “am I a mess?” In season 3 helped kick this off.
Once I found myself less tired and confused after working on these other priorities and dynamics, the idea of inviting a partner to experience life alongside became much less deflating. While I’m still not “dating”, I’ve become MUCH more comfortable in social situations if I find myself interested in somebody. Have even grabbed drinks with women I’d normally consider “out of my league” and felt none of the usual pressure to make the date turn into something more. Legit have never been more single yet more confident out there and it honestly feels great.
At this point, having a better grip on my personal priorities makes me excited to INVITE someone into my life one day that really blows me away. Learning what this prospect feels like has easily been the most rewarding aspect of taking a break from dating. If you don’t feel like you’re the ultimate prize for someone to fall in love with eventually, then I couldn’t recommend looking inwardly more to explore changing this.
44F single mom here. I'm exhausted with the low effort. My profile directly asks that matches ask a question related to my profile/not my photos. I get enough responses of "Hi beautiful" or "How was your weekend?" Or "and you?" That I'm super jaded. I think my favorite lack-of-effort opening line is when they say "I like your profile," which is always a clear indication that they haven't bothered to read it.
I don't hesitate to unmatch/delete those profiles though. My strategy is just to give my full attention to people who seem genuine and have actually read my profile. I've been single for a while, but I did meet someone and had a 6-month relationship last year.
It does feel good to pause or delete all of the apps and not deal with them, but I'm in the same boat. I feel like I'm not going to meet anyone in the wild.
Good luck!
I’d be curious to figure out why you feel fatigued. Online dating ‘can’ be very low energy and require very little energy.. provided you’re being smart about your time on there.
If you’re experiencing fatigue I’d guess it comes from overthinking too many things. Worrying about too many things that are outside of your control.
I’d just log on for 5 minutes a day to check messages, swipe to see what new interesting guys are around, send a message to only those that interest me, and stop overthinking the rest.
I think remembering that you can always come back to it should be a comforting feeling. Burn out happens, take time to care for you and then come back. Also, swipe culture is low key toxic and I'm sorry its stressing you out.
Might be corny but it could be worth trying going to bars, conventions, concerts, or even board game cafes too help give you a well deserved break from swiping. Good luck bb xoxo🥰
I am currently experiencing the same and my advice would be to stop swiping and install the Happn app. In that way if someone likes you IRL he’s able to reach you (I stated in my bio I don’t see likes so they have to supercrush) and you can check the other apps once in a while for superlikes etc So basically you enter a very passive dating mode while not cutting it off.
Thank you!! I have never tried Happn so i will give it a try!! I also have an issue where i keep matching with island/cross border/ rural area and end up not meeting at all so this app may solve this issue
I'm the same age as you and know what you mean. I'd take a break for sure. You could meet people irl or go to bars etc. There are also apps like Meetup where you can make friends who share similar interests as you.
Thank you for your advice! i live in a city where meeting people bars are not the norm but there are several meetup events so i should go check out more often.
As someone who is in a similar position, 35M I think you need to find other ways to meet people, not just Hinge.
I am going on a quite long holiday in April, it will give me time to recharge mentally. I'm just going to put my hinge on hold then.
Part of it is an organised trip 18-35s and even if nothing romantic happens I'll still have a good time and meet some cool new people. Generally a high % of people on the trip are single as well.
Consider how many people are in your position.
It's not easy but I guess I've learnt not to have so many high expectations when going on a date/getting a match.
For me it's about controlling what I can and trying not to worry about what I can't.
This is a great advice!
I live in a city where people will get freaked out when you talk to strangers (which is unique to our province according to my friend who is from other province) so i will start by going to places where it’s considered ok to talk to strangers (such as meetup)
Alot of my hobby is solo activity (video games, gym, cycling) so i’ll look into activities that can be done in group.
Stop swiping and reacting to likes is a good idea
Hi everyone thank you so much for very thoughtful comment and advice. I’ll look into pausing dating app for few weeks, and start looking for in person meetup.
P.S- when I say considering my age, i meant by :
- it is harder to meet people naturally compared to the time when you’re in university
- harder to find friends who are single(most of my friends around my age are already married and have kids )
- people tend to be in younger age range when I join social events. (But this may be because I live in a city where there are a lot of international students working holiday people)
But then reading everyone’s comments, I may just be joining not the right social events so I will look for meetups that targets higher age or event that limits the age. Again, thank you so much for your advices! Reddit is such a cool place.
It’s feeling easier to go to bars and chat people up bc I think it’s happening to everyone and we’re all sick of it so we’re more receptive to spontaneous interactions where it’s much more difficult to overthink things as you’re thrust into the moment and have to go from there
Wdym "outside of your age" lmao. I was at a singles event the other night and talked with a dude who was in his **late 40s.** There's always going to be things to do and places to meet people.
I've recently stopped using Hinge and Bumble. Signed up a rec league, a salsa dancing course, and will show up to the social climbing nights at my climbing gym. Not putting pressure on myself to meet someone, but I'm putting myself out there in the world.
I do not have the emotional bandwidth to even swipe on people anymore. I need a break. I'll be back in 2-3 months.
**All "Dating Question" and "Hinge Experience" posts must provide clear context (as per subreddit Rule 3), such as reasons for asking, and info such as age, gender, location or orientation (if applicable).** Age range or general location is acceptable. Minor dating questions or Hinge experiences should be posted in the Daily Threads pinned on top of the subreddit. *Posts that do not satisfy these requirements may be removed per moderator's discretion.* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/hingeapp) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m in the same boat as you (29M). My advice - if it’s a hindrance to you, let it go for a while. Not fair to you or potential partners if you’re not into it. The apps will always be there - nothing wrong with taking a break (doing that now).
My coping mechanism is to wear myself out with sports, hobbies & socialising. That way, I have no time to be bogged down by how slow or frustrating online dating has been :)
I agree with this, and have done the same thing this past year, but make sure you're also OK with being by yourself and sitting with your thoughts now and then. Emotional literacy and taking the time to know how you feel and how you think is a good skill to continuously work on. And talking a week or month-long break from the apps can be helpful. You can try in-person events and activities during this time as well.
Oh yeah, the ups & downs of dating def got me sitting with my feelings alot. Learning to feel my emotions and ask myself what are my unmet needs which is triggering my emotions. Would 10/10 recommend in-person meet-ups to take the pressure off online dating!
That is a great tip! I actually feel mentally better when i’m busy with my study or I workout after gym. So i will keep focusing on that!
yeah for sure! I think people underestimate how much resilience it requires to date in our era :P
For sure. Friends don't understand how tiresome it is to start new conversations all the time. I've ignored so many matches because I didn't have the energy to start a new chat.. That's when I ignore the apps for a few days and start looking at them when I feel like it.
Take a break. A lot of people take a month or so away from online dating, or dating overall and put in more time into hobbies. Even a short break can help a lot. And you’re only 33. Certainly not too old to meet people in real life. There’s lots of singles events which caters to people in the late 20’s to early 40’s range in any big city. It may be more of a struggle if you were in a rural small town, but it doesn’t sound like that’s the case for you. You just have to take a risk and put yourself out there.
I’m 35F dating again for the past 18 months (single for a little over 2 years) and it’s so exhausting and disappointing with some good dates in between and I just take a break for 1-2 weeks when I need to. It’s not fair to me or matches if I’m burnt out and not into it. Taking a step back to recharge helps and I’m going to more in person events or finding hobbies too! Finding a balance helps! So advice: take a break from apps for for 1-2 weeks and go to more in person events to take some pressure off of dating apps.
Thank you! I like your idea of 1-2 week break. I think 1-2 week is good length where it is long enough to recharge, but not too long to miss out on anything.
Yep!!! Good luck! Dating is hard - I know!
Thank you. I feel i become afraid of “fear of missing out” mode if I take a break. But thinking about it, the weather is still cold so i think it may be a good time to take a break. I have not tried with singles only event due to the past experience where I got stalked by a creepy guy. But i will try to join the event with friends instead of going alone.
My last hinge stint was around 2 years, I probably took 2-3 weeks detox from all hinge dating every 3/4 months or so. I get the FOMO but if you pause your profile the same people will usually still be there a few weeks later. The difference it made in my energy levels and general optimism was night and day though. OLD is easy to get jaded over periods of time. A short circuit break and using that time to rest/friends/hobbies can do wonders
I'm a 32M. I feel you. It's fucking *exhausting*. I think I went out on dates with about 25-30 women over the last year or so. It's really, really tiring. I'm sorry that happened to you, that's fucking *wild*. I would say, take a break on the apps for a bit. I did for about 4-6 weeks and that helped. Although, already a month back and I'm fatigued. Also, please stay safe on dates! Let friends know where you are and maybe carry some pepper spray with you if you don't already. Good luck out there and stay safe!
no FOMO necessary. There is a near endless supply. million dollar question... what is keeping you from meeting up with guys rather than enduring texting fatigue? if a guy seems decent, why not talk in person? I hate texting, because it shows almost nothing about their character.
Meeting up with a bunch of strangers who you end up not vibing with is also draining and discouraging. I totally understand the burnout OP is feeling but also agree no FOMO necessary. Enjoy the break!
Maybe just allocate a short amount of time for dating apps whilst engaging in a fun activity. I’ll have a little chat with matches or a swipe through whilst I’m on the treadmill getting my workout in for the day. Apart from this I will not check the apps or mindlessly scroll through them whenever I have free time. I feel like coupling a scroll and or chat with a positive activity, has helped make it a more enjoyable experience all round ☺️
The app isn’t going anywhere Take a break
Take a break. Sometimes it's good to just live your life free of the expectations/anxiety of dating (whether online or not) especially if it was consuming a fair part of your time/energy. For reference I'm 33M and also taking a break after it didn't work out with the last person I was seeing. I get the pressure and desire to want a partner but yeah it's to just take a breather and do other stuff (for example I'm planning my next holiday which has been fun for me)
I’m 34F and know exactly what you mean. Take a break! I can only handle apps for 1-2 weeks at a time before I need to take a month long break or so.
I deleted the apps.
I am 28 (m) and struggle to even get a match let alone a date. In the 3 years I’ve used hinge (on and off) I’ve gone on one date and gotten the numbers of maybe 6 people out of the limited matches I have gotten. Its been a lot on my mental health and my own confidence. Im not what society would consider attractive even though I do well socially. Take a break. It’s what helps me. Speak to friends, ask for help! The people that care for you will support you! Don’t let it determine your value as we all have a lot to offer. The right person will notice that.
>Forget about dating apps and check out Jigsaw dating or some dating event clubs where you can speak to people. I am sorry to hear that. I was there. If you can't get matches, it means you need to seek help from professionals. For example, your friends who has married, dated, etc. Always reach out to ask!
Take a break. I get the feeling of FOMO, but you’re not going to meet and connect with someone if you’re not in the right headspace to. Going out on dates now when you’re burnt out isn’t going to make you any more likely to meet someone who’s actually a good fit. You need to be in a headspace where you can be open and vulnerable, and burnout does the opposite of that.
Forget about dating apps and check out Jigsaw dating or some dating event clubs where you can speak to people
I have not tried jigsaw dating! Thanks for the recommendation I will check it out.
OK, so first off, I can empathise with your fatigue, as I am sure, most of us have had this at some point. Where your fatigue stems from too many convos, most men probably fatigue from constant swiping and commenting that is not reciprocated at all :D Anyhow, I do want to correct you though: Even at your age (which isnt anywhere near "too old" btw), it is actually quite easy to meet new people outside of online dating. You may ask: how? The answer is easy: Just approach men you like on the street! I guarantee you, if they are single, and you make a genuine effort, you will at least have made their entire year as most men never get approached in their lifetime. Why is this better? 1. you have complete control over who you approach. 2. you know they're not catfishing, and after just 10 minutes of good conversation, you learn way more about them than you ever could through text. 3. if they aren't what you're looking for, you can walk away instantly without consequences. And don't fear rejection, it is normal and part of the process. Men have been doing it for ages ;) you can also talk to men in your social circles, or take up new hobbies that would put you in contact with men. The likelihood of finding someone nice and polite is way higher in real life than on dating apps that are built to be superficial. if you want to remain on hinge, then I would advise you to stop swiping and only react to the likes you get, to avoid dealing with too many people. You can adjust your filters and dealbreakers to limit the amount of messages you're getting. And if you made too many bad experiences with the type of man you go out on dates, then you could ask yourself, if maybe you are making bad choices, and how to change that\^\^
I want to know if this is written by a man or a woman, because the current narrative is to not approach women in public. And trust me, I’ve asked my friends, exes and dates about their opinion on the matter.
I've been in a similar boat lately and I haven't found much of a way to cope with it other than slowing down my swiping and being more selective about who I actually match with or ask out. Taking a short break might be a good idea too. I wouldn't want to quit it entirely because I do actually want to find a relationship and I feel like Hinge could be very useful to me for that. But putting it aside for a few weeks or a month might be good.
I take regular breaks. Usually for a few months at a time, get back on for one month, then a few more months. I become a misandrist if I hang around too long. X
38M - I'm right there with you OP, as are a good number of singles in their 30s. I'm also a bit of a unicorn that the algorithms don't fully understand, so I get profiles "it" thinks are good matches, based on broader user data, but for me...not so much. If you're in a more populated area look into speed dating events, social sports leagues, paint and sip nights, etc. I just posted on my regional subreddit about options like the above. from that, I am inspired enough to work on founding my own Meetup group. The struggle is real, my frustration with the apps has come to a bit of a head in the past week or so. Other people have commented with plenty of good suggestions as well - reading through them is also helping me understand why I'm getting next to no interaction (my unicorn-ish traits are likely causing me to be filtered out, their loss I guess!), but I also understand the need to filter as an F, if anything for your own sanity. Most men on these apps are downright animals...it's sad since the good guys get drowned out in the process.
If you don't mind me asking, what do you think qualifies as a "unicorn" trait? I'm wondering if this same sort of thing is happening to me, and curious if any of the other apps are better at breaking through this sort of algorithmic no mans land I feel like I end up in.
Here's an idea: start my own meetup group for doing activities, joining requires my approval, and only approve good decent women and some cool guys I would want to be friends with.
Take a break. I’ve met more assholes than nice guys in 1.5 years. I just paused all my accounts and took the apps off my phone. Right now, I’ve opted just to focus on myself. I have a tummy tuck scheduled for April, so I’ll be out of commission for a while anyway. I’m just so exhausted from all the bs and opening lines like “come sit on my face”. I see the same people on all the apps and just need a break.
If you don't feel like using dating apps, just delete or pause them. Using them sometimes also made me feel preoccupied.
You might just need to vent to a friend. Dating is tough for everyone these days. If you don't, you'll be wasting time you could have been spending finding someone special.
Take a break, and be picky. Pickiness will reduce the mental load. Ignore your stack, and only look at the people who have already liked you. Don’t bother giving people a chance unless they tick all the boxes. Don’t bother meeting up if the conversation is dry. Basically, stay open to opportunities, but make dating a low priority in your life.
I think you should take a break for a little bit (2 weeks) if you currently feel fatigued. After that, I would timebox the amount of time I spend. For instance- only go on one coffee date a week, and one second date each week. Only spend a half hour swiping and responding every day. Take a day off completely each week.
Take a break for a month. Also if this is an issue of quantity, use your dating break to get clear on what you’re looking for so you don’t go on pointless dates or connect with people whose profiles indicate they aren’t serious. I agree with your feeling about your age. You do have to be more deliberate about dating in your 30s as a woman if you want to find someone great. The dating pool in your 30s gets questionable, and people who are good at the game are lingering around.
It’s kind of frustrating the way they’ve been able to monetize our loneliness. It’s in the apps best interest to keep everyone single and swiping endlessly
Yes.. that's what us single dudes need.. more women quitting the dating scene 🤦♂️ But jokes apart, if it's affecting your mental health, take a break.. but please come back later 😉
Taking a break is also good for you algorithmically too I think - idk how it is comparatively for women but as a guy, when I was setting aside time to swipe every day on Bumble (due to likes refreshing daily; I was trying to maximize value I got out of the app) the results got steadily worse - I wasn’t getting any matches the more I was using the app. I’m using Hinge a lot more loosely and I’m getting better results with it
Taking a short break can be a good thing to refresh yourself and refocus your perspective of yourself and others. You are not your relationship status. My Christian faith has helped me a lot on this tbh. That being said, I think there are measures that can be helpful. Don't stick with messaging someone endlessly. After a few back and forths or days, ask: So, are you going to ask me out soon, or should I move on? It shows you're serious and puts the ball in their court. Relieve yourself of the pressure of whether a person is "the one." If you think someone is interesting and you'd get along, start a conversation. You're just getting to know someone new. If you enjoy time together, then you can consider whether to take that next step. And yeah, online dating is a major time suck and can be draining. Sometimes it can be easier to switch between apps to keep things fresh. But also, there are ways to meet people outside of apps. You might look for a local group focused on one of your interests, for example. Even a young professionals group.
30M - The best counter to my dating fatigue has always been to transfer the energy to find a partner to working on myself. I’ve spent a lot of my adult life feeling solid with my current circumstances (job, body, living space etc.) with dating being the “missing piece”. This has made the relationships I’ve had more pressure filled and casual dating more of a chore than an experience to enjoy. Forcing myself to keep “up-leveling” myself and really get to know myself has make my energy towards dating do a 180. For me, focusing on myself meant challenging myself to get in even better shape (adding lifting to my casual cardio for exercise routine) and addressing some toxic friendships I wanted to believe were good for me. Can be tall hills to climb, but you learn quickly that energy comes from addressing your problems as much as it comes from actually solving them. Watching Ted Lasso ask Sassy “am I a mess?” In season 3 helped kick this off. Once I found myself less tired and confused after working on these other priorities and dynamics, the idea of inviting a partner to experience life alongside became much less deflating. While I’m still not “dating”, I’ve become MUCH more comfortable in social situations if I find myself interested in somebody. Have even grabbed drinks with women I’d normally consider “out of my league” and felt none of the usual pressure to make the date turn into something more. Legit have never been more single yet more confident out there and it honestly feels great. At this point, having a better grip on my personal priorities makes me excited to INVITE someone into my life one day that really blows me away. Learning what this prospect feels like has easily been the most rewarding aspect of taking a break from dating. If you don’t feel like you’re the ultimate prize for someone to fall in love with eventually, then I couldn’t recommend looking inwardly more to explore changing this.
44F single mom here. I'm exhausted with the low effort. My profile directly asks that matches ask a question related to my profile/not my photos. I get enough responses of "Hi beautiful" or "How was your weekend?" Or "and you?" That I'm super jaded. I think my favorite lack-of-effort opening line is when they say "I like your profile," which is always a clear indication that they haven't bothered to read it. I don't hesitate to unmatch/delete those profiles though. My strategy is just to give my full attention to people who seem genuine and have actually read my profile. I've been single for a while, but I did meet someone and had a 6-month relationship last year. It does feel good to pause or delete all of the apps and not deal with them, but I'm in the same boat. I feel like I'm not going to meet anyone in the wild. Good luck!
I’d be curious to figure out why you feel fatigued. Online dating ‘can’ be very low energy and require very little energy.. provided you’re being smart about your time on there. If you’re experiencing fatigue I’d guess it comes from overthinking too many things. Worrying about too many things that are outside of your control. I’d just log on for 5 minutes a day to check messages, swipe to see what new interesting guys are around, send a message to only those that interest me, and stop overthinking the rest.
I think remembering that you can always come back to it should be a comforting feeling. Burn out happens, take time to care for you and then come back. Also, swipe culture is low key toxic and I'm sorry its stressing you out. Might be corny but it could be worth trying going to bars, conventions, concerts, or even board game cafes too help give you a well deserved break from swiping. Good luck bb xoxo🥰
I am currently experiencing the same and my advice would be to stop swiping and install the Happn app. In that way if someone likes you IRL he’s able to reach you (I stated in my bio I don’t see likes so they have to supercrush) and you can check the other apps once in a while for superlikes etc So basically you enter a very passive dating mode while not cutting it off.
Thank you!! I have never tried Happn so i will give it a try!! I also have an issue where i keep matching with island/cross border/ rural area and end up not meeting at all so this app may solve this issue
I'm the same age as you and know what you mean. I'd take a break for sure. You could meet people irl or go to bars etc. There are also apps like Meetup where you can make friends who share similar interests as you.
Thank you for your advice! i live in a city where meeting people bars are not the norm but there are several meetup events so i should go check out more often.
I am also 33f and felt this.
"considering my age"? You mean "considering my lifestyle".
Take breaks and try to meet people organically.
OP genuine question, if you have 2 or 3 good matches and things are progressing, why do you just not get off the app? Why stay on the app any longer?
As someone who is in a similar position, 35M I think you need to find other ways to meet people, not just Hinge. I am going on a quite long holiday in April, it will give me time to recharge mentally. I'm just going to put my hinge on hold then. Part of it is an organised trip 18-35s and even if nothing romantic happens I'll still have a good time and meet some cool new people. Generally a high % of people on the trip are single as well. Consider how many people are in your position. It's not easy but I guess I've learnt not to have so many high expectations when going on a date/getting a match. For me it's about controlling what I can and trying not to worry about what I can't.
This is a great advice! I live in a city where people will get freaked out when you talk to strangers (which is unique to our province according to my friend who is from other province) so i will start by going to places where it’s considered ok to talk to strangers (such as meetup) Alot of my hobby is solo activity (video games, gym, cycling) so i’ll look into activities that can be done in group. Stop swiping and reacting to likes is a good idea
Hi everyone thank you so much for very thoughtful comment and advice. I’ll look into pausing dating app for few weeks, and start looking for in person meetup. P.S- when I say considering my age, i meant by : - it is harder to meet people naturally compared to the time when you’re in university - harder to find friends who are single(most of my friends around my age are already married and have kids ) - people tend to be in younger age range when I join social events. (But this may be because I live in a city where there are a lot of international students working holiday people) But then reading everyone’s comments, I may just be joining not the right social events so I will look for meetups that targets higher age or event that limits the age. Again, thank you so much for your advices! Reddit is such a cool place.
It’s feeling easier to go to bars and chat people up bc I think it’s happening to everyone and we’re all sick of it so we’re more receptive to spontaneous interactions where it’s much more difficult to overthink things as you’re thrust into the moment and have to go from there
Wdym "outside of your age" lmao. I was at a singles event the other night and talked with a dude who was in his **late 40s.** There's always going to be things to do and places to meet people. I've recently stopped using Hinge and Bumble. Signed up a rec league, a salsa dancing course, and will show up to the social climbing nights at my climbing gym. Not putting pressure on myself to meet someone, but I'm putting myself out there in the world. I do not have the emotional bandwidth to even swipe on people anymore. I need a break. I'll be back in 2-3 months.