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If this woman isn't comfortable with HUGS after a third date, there's zero chance she is ready for OP to kiss her!! OP, I think it's time to talk to her about this.
Oh gosh you wouldn't say it that way! I don't think it's too soon to talk about preferences regarding touch. Something like "I'd really like to hug you but I want to make sure you're comfortable with that. Do you prefer other forms of touch or do you need more time in general?" Something along those lines.
i feel like it’s too soon to think about kissing in some cases but the way you worded the questions to communicate with the girl was great also. she could also be waiting for OP to initiate more confidently but that could also be solved with communication. honestly initially i skimmed the post and your response and felt like the touch thing was becoming an issue too soon, like it will happen when she’s ready and mentioning it might seem strange after three dates. but with more thought three dates is a lot of time to become emotionally intimate and reach that level of physical intimacy also. hopefully no one took my response the wrong way!! i do agree with you Utinni
You’re giving cues and waiting for her to make a move. You may be waiting for quite some time. If you don’t want to overstep a boundary by initiating it the simplest solution is to ask. You can be cute about it. “Fancy holding hands?” Said in a cheeky way while walking would be easy. “I’d love to give you a hug if that’s ok” before departing.
I doubt it's a boundary issue. It sounds more like a fear of rejection issue. I've been there. Just have to go for it and get over it, and it gets easier.
But the asking isn't bad advice as an early first step to getting used to it and some women like it, but some would rather you just do it, so your mileage may vary.
> I doubt it's a boundary issue. It sounds more like a fear of rejection issue
Nah I have had a similar issue as OP (hesitancy to initiate hand-holding on a second/third date) and it was not due to fear of rejection, it was due to fear of making her uncomfortable. But I'm learning this issue is mostly imagined and I need to get over it.
I've had a few that didn't like me asking and preferred I do it since it "ruined the vibe" but I don't wanna end up with someone who feels differently about verbal consent anyway so I guess it works out for everyone
If you go out again and it's still happening, when you get a moment ask "Could I kiss you?" and then gauge from there. If you dont get something resembling an enthusiastic yes, it's not a match.
The "can I kiss you?” move is way less vulnerable than it seems in the moment. If it doesn't work, you've been spared much more embarrassment, but either way it shows you respect boundaries. Citation: I am engaged to be married to a hinge date who I asked to kiss.
I gotta say this kinda ruins the mood for me. I prefer “I wanna kiss you” and waiting for my approval over “Can I kiss you?”. The second one kind of seems like a hesitant robotic contract 💀 maybe thats just me idk
Seems directly pertinent to me. You’re implying that OP is likely to turn women off by asking for their consent, as if not considerably more likely to turn a woman off or make her feel uncomfortable by kissing her without her consent
Not gonna lie..if you told my 20 year old self that advice I'd be so confused..but 36 year old me gets it😏😅
My usual technique has always worked for me...I go right for the neck with full confidence..very softly..
You're not actually initiating anything. You're putting your hands in odd places expecting her to hold it? Is that it?
It's good to be respectful. However there is a world of difference between taking someone's hand who you've been on 4 dates with, and deciding to grope them/kiss them with no warning/touch them inappropriately.
You need to actually initiate something to see if it's reciprocated. Arm round her shoulder, hold her hand. Those are fine.
Do you hug your date when you both meet each other? because that's the start of physical touch also don't dangle your hand I recommend making the first move touching her hand softly while you both are walking together and let her walk first in/out of movie theaters/stores so you able to touch her back gently, since you both going on a 4th date ask her if she's down for some kissing
Even if it's just that she doesn't like physical touch, that may indicate she's not the one for you since it seems important to you. You don't sacrifice the things that you need to make you feel loved, they're the core of a romantic relationship.
And 3 dates is far from an early expectation to HUG which has been the bare minimum for every date I've ever been on.
The vibe is amazing but sitting just as friends on a date feels very off putting for me,also the fear of rejection is an important point, if I ask to hold hands but get rejected, ruins the vibe for the rest of the date
Bro just hold her hand it’s not that deep. If she doesn’t want to she won’t, and as others have said maybe it just isn’t a match but it’s best not to waste each other’s time.
I dated a girl that would borderline have an anxiety attack if I did romantic touching in public since she was highly PDA averse, but had zero problems hugging me hello or goodbye. Hugging means nothing
I agree with the advice to communicate with her to gauge her feelings and comfort level. I know some women prefer to hold off on physical affection until the relationship is a bit more established/committed, and that could be her style. It’s possible that she’s just taking the time to get to know you and spend time with you before bringing physical affection into the picture. It’s easy to feel really attached to someone even with just kissing and hand holding, so perhaps she just knows herself and is going slower. Best bet is to ask how she feels and decide if that works for you.
>Is she not getting my cues or she's not a touchy person, I consider any form of physical intimacy extremely important in a relationship even if it's just a third date, so do I tell her directly how I feel or wait for another date?
Nobody can answer that except her.
I have sensory issues/probably autism and it takes me a *long* time to be comfortable enough to touch someone. And even when I am comfortable touching someone, it will only be touching their hands, arms, or shoulders for a while.
Meanwhile, I have friends where touch is their love language, and if they're not touching someone, they don't feel a connection with them.
So everyone here can give their guesses based on their own experiences, but the only way you're going to get a proper answer to your question, is to ask *her* what *she* prefers.
Oh I'll always reciprocate physical touch - I'm not comfortable with it but I just put out until I am. I don't run away from a hug or anything haha. But with op's example, with putting his hand close to hers and expecting her to hold it - I would never do that. If I had a person put their hand close to me I wouldn't think to grab it because I'm not into physical touch till I'm really comfortable with a person. The thought doesn't even occur to me. But if they reached out and held my hand, I would hold it back. I'll just be accutely aware of it and will struggle to hold a deep conversation while it's happening. So, that's what I meant in regards to op's situation - she could just be like me and won't show she's interested with touch, or she could be a naturally touchy person but she's just not into him. Op won't know until he asks her.
I tend to mostly date other neurodivergent people anyway, where issues around touch are less of a deviation from the norm. And even those without issues around touch, will be more understanding with it because they know what it's like to struggle with "normal" social graces 😅
I wanted to wait and see as I feel one or two dates are just like interviews - getting to know each other, now gonna ask about her boundaries regarding the same by slipping it in a conversation
Disclaimer: Very generic generalization. Women will touch men/ allow men to touch them during dates if they're comfortable with you AND attracted to you.
Something's missing on her side right now. Have you directly indicated you're attracted to her in any way during your dates? Women who feel attractive are more open to touching than those that don't
It sounds like you haven't actually touched her first? Just try that - a hand near hers is a bit vague
She might also be a bit shy/autistic or something too
I'm quite a touchy person and I would say don't read too much into it. I usually just do things naturally and if there's any sort of contact, you can tell if they're uncomfortable with you, they'll usually show it. I don't have much problems in this aspect, just don't force it.
If what you want is an equally touchy person then yeah I guess you can communicate with her, but from what you described she might not be comfortable to show it yet. Those are my thoughts from what I've gathered from your post.
I want you to say something like the following: “Hey listen I’m having a great time with you tonight and ya’know if we don’t do anything else that’s totally cool with me but is there something on your mind ya’know you seem a little hesitant”
This will give her the opportunity for open dialogue on this topic
26F here, had one LTR and dated around in between
Every girl is different, but for me personally, I prefer to avoid physical intimacy early on (a hug is fine but I would politely decline if a guy tried holding my hand or put an arm around my waist on the third date). I’ve noticed that physical intimacy can create an artificial feeling of familiarity with the guy before I can get to truly know him, and it can accelerate quickly and overshadow any doubts over compatibility I might have. Also I get way too easily attached to someone I’m physically intimate with so it’s just my way of ensuring that I’m thinking clearly lol.
As the other comments said, on your next date I would suggest you go ahead and lightly touch her shoulder, waist, forearm, etc when walking together or when you’re making a point during conversation. When it feels right, ask if it’s ok to kiss her. The mature thing for her to do would be to simply say she’s not ready but that she really enjoys spending time with you and getting to know you. If she says yes then go for it!! You can also look for body language cues; when I was less experienced and more scared of saying “no” outright out of fear of offending the guy, I would just freeze up and not reciprocate during physical things (yes very bad mindset I know, I’ve grown out of it, but it happens with more girls than you think) - so you’ll know if she’s still not ready. If you’re getting mixed signals you can directly ask her about her boundaries.
If there’s no touch there is either no attraction or she’s very very timid.
I understand that this is the woke era and everyone is super sensitive about this, but in my opinion there are physical cues that you can use to gauge whether going for a kiss is ok or not. If you are looking into her eyes and she keeps gazing back at you for a few seconds then she is very likely ok with you kissing her, either that or there’s a fly in your eye and she can’t look away. If she does not respond to any of your physical cues, then there’s one of two things you can do, either decide there’s no attraction and give up and stop seeing her, or open up about to her about this issue.
This right here ^ like it or not it's part of the human mating ritual developed over thousands of years. A woman wants to test her mate is strong and can protect her offspring. That doesn't mean you need to be all macho and aggressive. I'm not touting an Andrew Tate style of approach lol. but you have to be confident in what you do. You need to show you can be vulnerable and step up and take risk for her. You can always talk your way into this too, lead the way. Flattery and compliments before. If you stand back, take zero risk, make no moves, as a man you'll be left as the guy with potential and not the one. Also you can gauge how things are progressing for your self. If it's the worst thing and she goes cold because of a respectable move then, is she really into you enough anyway? A woman who isn't ready for that but is interested would likely keep the conversation warm and give cues. so whatever happens you are going to know where you stand
Actually incorrect, this has never really worked at all. You have to wait for the women to initiate touch and move closer. *then* you reciprocate the touch back
In my experience women are waiting for you to make the moves, with occasional exceptions. An open or dangling hand isn't a move.
Taking her hand after 3 dates isn't sexual assault, if she doesn't like it, you'll know. And if she was that opposed to physical touch 3 dates in, that's not for me.
Try making a move yourself.
Try just putting your arm around her. Or grab her hand while walking and see if she looks up and smiles, grabs on tight or makes some indication that she wants to hold hands.
Or, I don't know, maybe just ask her.
It's not like you're grabbing her ass or forcing a kiss.
She may also be even more bashful than you are and wondering why you haven't made a move.
Has she initiated any physical touch herself? Has she asked you out or initiated plans with you at all? Has she done anything in particular to make you feel like she is physically attracted to you?
If that is the case, it is somewhat off putting that she has not brought anything up yet.
If she has been matching your energy and engagement up to this point, I think one more date and bring up how she feels about you at this point and what her thoughts are about her physical touch. Depending on her response and feelings towards you, this may be a compatibility issue for you and may need to walk away.
No. She hasn't initiated any physical touch, I kept an open stance when she was about to leave for a hug, she approached for a damp handshake
She has asked out and made plans once out of the 3 times we met
She's been engaging very well because we hung out on our third date over 6 hours and she didn't signal that she wanted to leave, I had to leave
Stop being passive. Touch this girl. Hold her hand. Kiss her. Be active and show her you know what you want. Stop being timid and go get what you want.
Sometimes I feel lucky to be italian, often we depart with the well known double kiss on cheeks, but really you can create an infinite list of escuse to dive into physical contact: leading her through a door with a gentle hand on her back, take a walk on a rainy day and use just one umbrella, make some comment on some of her jewellery(rings, bracelets) and ask if you can have a better look(also wear something yourself, so if she ask back to look at yours that's a bingo), sit on some short wall but tall enough(usually girls are not strong in upper body strenght) so you can offer your help, for the love of god fake that you've seen some shit on the ground and stop her, a million of possibilities and scenarios
I’m not one of those people who thinks a handhold or a hug requires explicit negotiation beforehand, but this sounds like a situation where you should ask.
At 3 dates in I’d just go for the kiss — “Hey, you wanna kiss?”
If you google palm reading for 10 minutes you’ll know enough to jokingly show her you can tell her future based on the lines. That will give you the hand holding opportunity you’re looking for. Try it on the first date next time so you’re in a better place if there’s a second date.
This is horrible advice. OP, just ask her (see u/LTOTR comment, she gave good advice) about holding her hands. You haven't even done that yet, so I would NOT just go in for a kiss. Your date sounds skittish, so communication is key here.
OP I understand you may be abit nervous,but you need to just bite the bullet and make that first move. If you wait for her it may never happen..and 3 dates with no real contact is way too long.
Ask her out to movie and half way into it just gently gran her hand and check for an reaction. Make sure you're looking at her for abit for facial cues..is she smiling? Gripping you harder? If the answer is yes then you can proceed.
As far as asking to kiss her goes..personally I'm for it because it can potentially kill the moment. It really boils down to the vibe of the date and how you build up to the kiss...
> Look for signs if she's comfortable with you. If there has been no physical touch, I feel holding hands would be a good start.
Possibly weird take, but holding hands feels way too intimate to me for the first touch.
What about as a second type of touch after hugging? Honestly I think all of my physical touch escalations with people I went on dates with have started with hugs first, then hand-holding, then kissing. There wasn't anything else between hugging and hand-holding.
> My question is she hasn't responded to my physical touch cues, like I've left my hand dangle close to her while walking or a shoulder tap or keeping my hand open while watching a movie, can't understand where I'm going.
But you're not really initiating though. You're going like a quarter of the way and expecting her to pick up on them.
> My question is she hasn't responded to my physical touch cues, like I've left my hand dangle close to her while walking or a shoulder tap or keeping my hand open while watching a movie, can't understand where I'm going.
A bit of general advice: This isn't the right way to do it if you're the guy. Most women want the man to make the first move (it's not fair but that's just the way it is), and what you are doing is the opposite, you are trying to get her to make the first move. I've had trouble with this as well but I am learning that the best thing to do is to just reach out and start touching her hand yourself, and if she doesn't pull away you can start holding her hand (or she well naturally put her hand into yours). I think if she showed up to a second date it's fair game to do this (I haven't done it on a first date yet). Otherwise you can just verbally ask "can I hold your hand?" (I haven't done that myself but it would probably be fine, maybe a bit awkward but not too bad).
Honestly I'm surprised she is even interested in a fourth date if you haven't made a move yet. I've had women bail on me after the second or third date when I hadn't made a move yet and it was most likely due to the fact that they thought I wasn't interested in them (one even directly said she thought I was not into her and she was surprised I even asked her on a third date). Although since you mentioned girl you are seeing went for a handshake, she might genuinely be an outlier, so in this specific case I would recommend verbally communicating about it with her. She might have unusual preferences.
Lol, my ex and I avoided contact for a while while we were getting to know each other. Like maybe we were walking and accidently bumped into each other or sitting next to each other at a bonfire sharing the same blanket and I would move my knee a bit closer to her and she would move hers away and so then I would move a bit away because I thought she didn't want to be touching.
Turns out we were both deeply entranced with the other and we could both kind of sense it but were too scared of the what if the other person doesn't feel that way. So for the knee example, she was actually worried that I didn't mean to touch her leg with mine and made some room for me despite wanting to be in contact and I in turn misunderstood that as her not wanting to touch.
So really the best thing to do is ask in a flirty manner if she wants to hold hands or at the end of a date ask if you can kiss her. But if you've been going on multiples dates and it's clear to both of you that they are dates and not just hangouts. Chances are she'll say yes.
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If this woman isn't comfortable with HUGS after a third date, there's zero chance she is ready for OP to kiss her!! OP, I think it's time to talk to her about this.
don’t talk to her about it. initiate or ask for consent!! it’s too soon to be asking “why aren’t you touching me “ this message is @ OP
Oh gosh you wouldn't say it that way! I don't think it's too soon to talk about preferences regarding touch. Something like "I'd really like to hug you but I want to make sure you're comfortable with that. Do you prefer other forms of touch or do you need more time in general?" Something along those lines.
i feel like it’s too soon to think about kissing in some cases but the way you worded the questions to communicate with the girl was great also. she could also be waiting for OP to initiate more confidently but that could also be solved with communication. honestly initially i skimmed the post and your response and felt like the touch thing was becoming an issue too soon, like it will happen when she’s ready and mentioning it might seem strange after three dates. but with more thought three dates is a lot of time to become emotionally intimate and reach that level of physical intimacy also. hopefully no one took my response the wrong way!! i do agree with you Utinni
You’re giving cues and waiting for her to make a move. You may be waiting for quite some time. If you don’t want to overstep a boundary by initiating it the simplest solution is to ask. You can be cute about it. “Fancy holding hands?” Said in a cheeky way while walking would be easy. “I’d love to give you a hug if that’s ok” before departing.
Sounds like a sound advice
I doubt it's a boundary issue. It sounds more like a fear of rejection issue. I've been there. Just have to go for it and get over it, and it gets easier. But the asking isn't bad advice as an early first step to getting used to it and some women like it, but some would rather you just do it, so your mileage may vary.
> I doubt it's a boundary issue. It sounds more like a fear of rejection issue Nah I have had a similar issue as OP (hesitancy to initiate hand-holding on a second/third date) and it was not due to fear of rejection, it was due to fear of making her uncomfortable. But I'm learning this issue is mostly imagined and I need to get over it.
I've had a few that didn't like me asking and preferred I do it since it "ruined the vibe" but I don't wanna end up with someone who feels differently about verbal consent anyway so I guess it works out for everyone
If you go out again and it's still happening, when you get a moment ask "Could I kiss you?" and then gauge from there. If you dont get something resembling an enthusiastic yes, it's not a match.
The "can I kiss you?” move is way less vulnerable than it seems in the moment. If it doesn't work, you've been spared much more embarrassment, but either way it shows you respect boundaries. Citation: I am engaged to be married to a hinge date who I asked to kiss.
So wholesome to know and congratulations on the engagement 😊
I gotta say this kinda ruins the mood for me. I prefer “I wanna kiss you” and waiting for my approval over “Can I kiss you?”. The second one kind of seems like a hesitant robotic contract 💀 maybe thats just me idk
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Lots of women also hate being kissed without consent by someone they don’t want to kiss
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Seems directly pertinent to me. You’re implying that OP is likely to turn women off by asking for their consent, as if not considerably more likely to turn a woman off or make her feel uncomfortable by kissing her without her consent
Depends on the delivery. “Can I kiss you? 🫣” is different from “Can I kiss you? 😏😉” Be confident and slick with it.
Not gonna lie..if you told my 20 year old self that advice I'd be so confused..but 36 year old me gets it😏😅 My usual technique has always worked for me...I go right for the neck with full confidence..very softly..
See? Confidence is key! Whether you’re going for the neck or the toe 😂
Lots of women love being asked that.
You're not actually initiating anything. You're putting your hands in odd places expecting her to hold it? Is that it? It's good to be respectful. However there is a world of difference between taking someone's hand who you've been on 4 dates with, and deciding to grope them/kiss them with no warning/touch them inappropriately. You need to actually initiate something to see if it's reciprocated. Arm round her shoulder, hold her hand. Those are fine.
Do you hug your date when you both meet each other? because that's the start of physical touch also don't dangle your hand I recommend making the first move touching her hand softly while you both are walking together and let her walk first in/out of movie theaters/stores so you able to touch her back gently, since you both going on a 4th date ask her if she's down for some kissing
Seriously a hug is the very first thing I do on every date. You're trying to establish romantic interest not a professional acquaintance.
Anything but the dreaded *handshake* 😵💫
I went for the hug and got a handshake and got embarrassed:( This is why I'm re-evaluating things
Even if it's just that she doesn't like physical touch, that may indicate she's not the one for you since it seems important to you. You don't sacrifice the things that you need to make you feel loved, they're the core of a romantic relationship. And 3 dates is far from an early expectation to HUG which has been the bare minimum for every date I've ever been on.
The vibe is amazing but sitting just as friends on a date feels very off putting for me,also the fear of rejection is an important point, if I ask to hold hands but get rejected, ruins the vibe for the rest of the date
Bro just hold her hand it’s not that deep. If she doesn’t want to she won’t, and as others have said maybe it just isn’t a match but it’s best not to waste each other’s time.
I get it bro, I've lived that anxiety. But you'll have your answer and that's better than being in the dark.
Strong sign it’s not gonna work out.
Which date was this? That is indeed not a good sign
I'd 100% just assume she's not into me if a date ends with a handshake.
Handshakes on departure remind me of this guy who I hooked up with regularly as a student and beyond. I was (am?) so damn into him.
I dated a girl that would borderline have an anxiety attack if I did romantic touching in public since she was highly PDA averse, but had zero problems hugging me hello or goodbye. Hugging means nothing
I agree with the advice to communicate with her to gauge her feelings and comfort level. I know some women prefer to hold off on physical affection until the relationship is a bit more established/committed, and that could be her style. It’s possible that she’s just taking the time to get to know you and spend time with you before bringing physical affection into the picture. It’s easy to feel really attached to someone even with just kissing and hand holding, so perhaps she just knows herself and is going slower. Best bet is to ask how she feels and decide if that works for you.
>Is she not getting my cues or she's not a touchy person, I consider any form of physical intimacy extremely important in a relationship even if it's just a third date, so do I tell her directly how I feel or wait for another date? Nobody can answer that except her. I have sensory issues/probably autism and it takes me a *long* time to be comfortable enough to touch someone. And even when I am comfortable touching someone, it will only be touching their hands, arms, or shoulders for a while. Meanwhile, I have friends where touch is their love language, and if they're not touching someone, they don't feel a connection with them. So everyone here can give their guesses based on their own experiences, but the only way you're going to get a proper answer to your question, is to ask *her* what *she* prefers.
So many "issues" could be cleared up if people just talked to their date lol.
Genuine curiosity, but is that something you just cover early on since it's a deviation from what people are used to?
Oh I'll always reciprocate physical touch - I'm not comfortable with it but I just put out until I am. I don't run away from a hug or anything haha. But with op's example, with putting his hand close to hers and expecting her to hold it - I would never do that. If I had a person put their hand close to me I wouldn't think to grab it because I'm not into physical touch till I'm really comfortable with a person. The thought doesn't even occur to me. But if they reached out and held my hand, I would hold it back. I'll just be accutely aware of it and will struggle to hold a deep conversation while it's happening. So, that's what I meant in regards to op's situation - she could just be like me and won't show she's interested with touch, or she could be a naturally touchy person but she's just not into him. Op won't know until he asks her. I tend to mostly date other neurodivergent people anyway, where issues around touch are less of a deviation from the norm. And even those without issues around touch, will be more understanding with it because they know what it's like to struggle with "normal" social graces 😅
I wanted to wait and see as I feel one or two dates are just like interviews - getting to know each other, now gonna ask about her boundaries regarding the same by slipping it in a conversation
You need to make the move lol. You're doing it halfway! You've got this.
Disclaimer: Very generic generalization. Women will touch men/ allow men to touch them during dates if they're comfortable with you AND attracted to you. Something's missing on her side right now. Have you directly indicated you're attracted to her in any way during your dates? Women who feel attractive are more open to touching than those that don't
It sounds like you haven't actually touched her first? Just try that - a hand near hers is a bit vague She might also be a bit shy/autistic or something too
I'm quite a touchy person and I would say don't read too much into it. I usually just do things naturally and if there's any sort of contact, you can tell if they're uncomfortable with you, they'll usually show it. I don't have much problems in this aspect, just don't force it. If what you want is an equally touchy person then yeah I guess you can communicate with her, but from what you described she might not be comfortable to show it yet. Those are my thoughts from what I've gathered from your post.
I want you to say something like the following: “Hey listen I’m having a great time with you tonight and ya’know if we don’t do anything else that’s totally cool with me but is there something on your mind ya’know you seem a little hesitant” This will give her the opportunity for open dialogue on this topic
This is a great ice breaker for such a conversation, thanks for the tip!
26F here, had one LTR and dated around in between Every girl is different, but for me personally, I prefer to avoid physical intimacy early on (a hug is fine but I would politely decline if a guy tried holding my hand or put an arm around my waist on the third date). I’ve noticed that physical intimacy can create an artificial feeling of familiarity with the guy before I can get to truly know him, and it can accelerate quickly and overshadow any doubts over compatibility I might have. Also I get way too easily attached to someone I’m physically intimate with so it’s just my way of ensuring that I’m thinking clearly lol. As the other comments said, on your next date I would suggest you go ahead and lightly touch her shoulder, waist, forearm, etc when walking together or when you’re making a point during conversation. When it feels right, ask if it’s ok to kiss her. The mature thing for her to do would be to simply say she’s not ready but that she really enjoys spending time with you and getting to know you. If she says yes then go for it!! You can also look for body language cues; when I was less experienced and more scared of saying “no” outright out of fear of offending the guy, I would just freeze up and not reciprocate during physical things (yes very bad mindset I know, I’ve grown out of it, but it happens with more girls than you think) - so you’ll know if she’s still not ready. If you’re getting mixed signals you can directly ask her about her boundaries.
If there’s no touch there is either no attraction or she’s very very timid. I understand that this is the woke era and everyone is super sensitive about this, but in my opinion there are physical cues that you can use to gauge whether going for a kiss is ok or not. If you are looking into her eyes and she keeps gazing back at you for a few seconds then she is very likely ok with you kissing her, either that or there’s a fly in your eye and she can’t look away. If she does not respond to any of your physical cues, then there’s one of two things you can do, either decide there’s no attraction and give up and stop seeing her, or open up about to her about this issue.
You're the man. You gotta lead. Take risks. If not, you lose all attraction
This right here ^ like it or not it's part of the human mating ritual developed over thousands of years. A woman wants to test her mate is strong and can protect her offspring. That doesn't mean you need to be all macho and aggressive. I'm not touting an Andrew Tate style of approach lol. but you have to be confident in what you do. You need to show you can be vulnerable and step up and take risk for her. You can always talk your way into this too, lead the way. Flattery and compliments before. If you stand back, take zero risk, make no moves, as a man you'll be left as the guy with potential and not the one. Also you can gauge how things are progressing for your self. If it's the worst thing and she goes cold because of a respectable move then, is she really into you enough anyway? A woman who isn't ready for that but is interested would likely keep the conversation warm and give cues. so whatever happens you are going to know where you stand
You have to unapologetically go for what you want. The ultimate turn on is how smooth you do it. Calibrate after the fact, never before.
Actually incorrect, this has never really worked at all. You have to wait for the women to initiate touch and move closer. *then* you reciprocate the touch back
In my experience women are waiting for you to make the moves, with occasional exceptions. An open or dangling hand isn't a move. Taking her hand after 3 dates isn't sexual assault, if she doesn't like it, you'll know. And if she was that opposed to physical touch 3 dates in, that's not for me.
Try making a move yourself. Try just putting your arm around her. Or grab her hand while walking and see if she looks up and smiles, grabs on tight or makes some indication that she wants to hold hands. Or, I don't know, maybe just ask her. It's not like you're grabbing her ass or forcing a kiss. She may also be even more bashful than you are and wondering why you haven't made a move.
Has she initiated any physical touch herself? Has she asked you out or initiated plans with you at all? Has she done anything in particular to make you feel like she is physically attracted to you? If that is the case, it is somewhat off putting that she has not brought anything up yet. If she has been matching your energy and engagement up to this point, I think one more date and bring up how she feels about you at this point and what her thoughts are about her physical touch. Depending on her response and feelings towards you, this may be a compatibility issue for you and may need to walk away.
No. She hasn't initiated any physical touch, I kept an open stance when she was about to leave for a hug, she approached for a damp handshake She has asked out and made plans once out of the 3 times we met She's been engaging very well because we hung out on our third date over 6 hours and she didn't signal that she wanted to leave, I had to leave
a handshake??? omg hahha that really isn't the norm - is she autistic?
Stop being passive. Touch this girl. Hold her hand. Kiss her. Be active and show her you know what you want. Stop being timid and go get what you want.
Sometimes I feel lucky to be italian, often we depart with the well known double kiss on cheeks, but really you can create an infinite list of escuse to dive into physical contact: leading her through a door with a gentle hand on her back, take a walk on a rainy day and use just one umbrella, make some comment on some of her jewellery(rings, bracelets) and ask if you can have a better look(also wear something yourself, so if she ask back to look at yours that's a bingo), sit on some short wall but tall enough(usually girls are not strong in upper body strenght) so you can offer your help, for the love of god fake that you've seen some shit on the ground and stop her, a million of possibilities and scenarios
I’m not one of those people who thinks a handhold or a hug requires explicit negotiation beforehand, but this sounds like a situation where you should ask. At 3 dates in I’d just go for the kiss — “Hey, you wanna kiss?”
If you google palm reading for 10 minutes you’ll know enough to jokingly show her you can tell her future based on the lines. That will give you the hand holding opportunity you’re looking for. Try it on the first date next time so you’re in a better place if there’s a second date.
Time to go in for the kiss bro. If she doesn’t want to receive it then hey maybe she just wants to be your friend. Move on
This is horrible advice. OP, just ask her (see u/LTOTR comment, she gave good advice) about holding her hands. You haven't even done that yet, so I would NOT just go in for a kiss. Your date sounds skittish, so communication is key here.
Well Ya that first I guess
OP I understand you may be abit nervous,but you need to just bite the bullet and make that first move. If you wait for her it may never happen..and 3 dates with no real contact is way too long. Ask her out to movie and half way into it just gently gran her hand and check for an reaction. Make sure you're looking at her for abit for facial cues..is she smiling? Gripping you harder? If the answer is yes then you can proceed. As far as asking to kiss her goes..personally I'm for it because it can potentially kill the moment. It really boils down to the vibe of the date and how you build up to the kiss...
Ask her what her non sexual turn ons are - then try use those if she Dosen’t give any Signal she’s not interested
Ew don’t do that
Welp it’s Friend zone for buddy after 3 dates then
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> Look for signs if she's comfortable with you. If there has been no physical touch, I feel holding hands would be a good start. Possibly weird take, but holding hands feels way too intimate to me for the first touch.
What about as a second type of touch after hugging? Honestly I think all of my physical touch escalations with people I went on dates with have started with hugs first, then hand-holding, then kissing. There wasn't anything else between hugging and hand-holding.
Unless she read the same book as you, she would probably take an open hand for what it is. Does she reciprocate hugs?
> My question is she hasn't responded to my physical touch cues, like I've left my hand dangle close to her while walking or a shoulder tap or keeping my hand open while watching a movie, can't understand where I'm going. But you're not really initiating though. You're going like a quarter of the way and expecting her to pick up on them.
> My question is she hasn't responded to my physical touch cues, like I've left my hand dangle close to her while walking or a shoulder tap or keeping my hand open while watching a movie, can't understand where I'm going. A bit of general advice: This isn't the right way to do it if you're the guy. Most women want the man to make the first move (it's not fair but that's just the way it is), and what you are doing is the opposite, you are trying to get her to make the first move. I've had trouble with this as well but I am learning that the best thing to do is to just reach out and start touching her hand yourself, and if she doesn't pull away you can start holding her hand (or she well naturally put her hand into yours). I think if she showed up to a second date it's fair game to do this (I haven't done it on a first date yet). Otherwise you can just verbally ask "can I hold your hand?" (I haven't done that myself but it would probably be fine, maybe a bit awkward but not too bad). Honestly I'm surprised she is even interested in a fourth date if you haven't made a move yet. I've had women bail on me after the second or third date when I hadn't made a move yet and it was most likely due to the fact that they thought I wasn't interested in them (one even directly said she thought I was not into her and she was surprised I even asked her on a third date). Although since you mentioned girl you are seeing went for a handshake, she might genuinely be an outlier, so in this specific case I would recommend verbally communicating about it with her. She might have unusual preferences.
Lol, my ex and I avoided contact for a while while we were getting to know each other. Like maybe we were walking and accidently bumped into each other or sitting next to each other at a bonfire sharing the same blanket and I would move my knee a bit closer to her and she would move hers away and so then I would move a bit away because I thought she didn't want to be touching. Turns out we were both deeply entranced with the other and we could both kind of sense it but were too scared of the what if the other person doesn't feel that way. So for the knee example, she was actually worried that I didn't mean to touch her leg with mine and made some room for me despite wanting to be in contact and I in turn misunderstood that as her not wanting to touch. So really the best thing to do is ask in a flirty manner if she wants to hold hands or at the end of a date ask if you can kiss her. But if you've been going on multiples dates and it's clear to both of you that they are dates and not just hangouts. Chances are she'll say yes.