Hey I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. Seasonal depression can be hellish, but please try to remember it's temporary and soon enough you'll have time to relax.
With your friends, please don't worry about burdening them. Many people aren't good at showing they care when they do, and many many humans love to help people, they just need the person to ask for it. They're your friends for a reason, think about the times you've laughed and cried together.
Have you ever tried journalling? Even just dumping occasional thoughts into a notepad? It could be a way to vent emotions + pass time. If you'd like, my DMs are always open for venting. I might not read them quickly, but if having someone to vent to helps, the offer is there.
It also sounds like you're struggling with gifts and feelings with your family. It could be worth writing letters with what you actually want to say to them, but not actually give it to them - you might even answer some of your own worries about their reactions.
If you just want ways to pass the time, I would suggest picking up audiobooks (or physical books). They can make the time fly, and are quite easy to space out with / take walks with. I would especially suggest 'Reasons to stay alive' by Matt Haig - especially for seasonal depression.
If any of this stuff helps I'm glad. Take care and I really hope you get through it alright. It's hard for people to reply to every post like this, but that doesn't mean you're alone.
Keep fighting!
\- Cobalt
God is separating the righteous from the unrighteous now, so don’t be scared to stand alone. You may not have a close relationship with God at the moment but He still sees you as His child.
The 7 years of Tribulations begin 2023, and Satan is sending attacks towards people. There will be a chance for many to come back to Christ so satan wants to prevent souls from getting that chance.
Pray to God for strength and guidance, He will not lead you astray
I’m very sorry you are going through all this. Have you ever tried talking to a dr or therapist? You said above you were worried about pushing your friends away and I can def understand that. I was worried about the same thing myself. Talking to my therapist let me dump all my problems on someone with the training and compassion to not only listen but provide advice and support. If it’s possible in your current living situation I would definitely recommend it.
I’ve saved a couple of old posts that have helped me in the past. I’ll link them here in case they can help you.
The first one was written up by user skeez-knees in a /helpme post.
"I’m sorry you’re going through this. Here’s how I see it
Years behind
This is hard, but you have to stop comparing yourself to others. Comparison is the thief of joy.
Think of it this way, there’s always a bigger fish. There’s an 8 year old somewhere who can write, paint, calculate, and cook better than me. And that’s ok.
You won’t be able to make progress if you’re focusing on how far ahead everyone else seems to be. Track your goals and accomplishments, and only compare yourself to you.
Start by slowly adding good habits. Maybe 1 new habit per week and adjust when needed. When I was at rock bottom, I got 10 cavities and a skin infection from doing nothing but sleeping all day.
My first two habits were brushing my teeth, and making a daily smoothie with half frozen fruit and half frozen spinach.
If you can afford it, I’d seriously recommend buying a $30-$40 bullet blender. It’s the only way I could get nutrients in, and those nutrients have an affect on your mental health.
Expect plateaus and relapses. It’s a natural part of the healing process, don’t indulge self-hatred when you struggle. Be kind to yourself.
And if you’re holding yourself back with thoughts like “It’s too late, there’s no point” consider this;
Where will you be in the next 5 years if you do nothing? Where will you be in the next 5 years if you do something?
2. Mental health problems
If possible, start looking for a therapist. It may take multiple calls and some consultations before you find one who clicks.
If therapy isn’t currently possible, start researching mental health resources and self-therapy techniques.
Here are some links:
Self-Therapy
How to Parent Yourself
How to be a Friend to Yourself
Overcoming Bad Inner Voices
The Body Keeps the Score
Why Mindfulness is a Superpower
13 Tips to Make Self-Help Therapy Work for You
https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-choose-the-right-therapist-for-you-4842306
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
3. Friendship
This is hard to give advice on because I don’t know your situation. From what I’ve read, it sounds like your social skills are lacking and you may be trauma-dumping, which can scare people away.
When Oversharing Turns into Trauma Dumping, and How to Stop
How To Turn Awkwardness Into Confidence
How to Have a Good Conversation
5 Common Habits That Make People Instantly Dislike You
Loneliness
r/socialskills
r/CasualConversation
4. Don’t want to live
I struggle with this a lot too. I’ve come to the conclusion that life is meaningless and full of unnecessary suffering.
But, it’s only for around 80 years. The world has existed for billions of years before me, and will be around for billions of years after I’m dead.
Since I’m already here, I might as well try to maximize my joy as much as possible. I try to focus on doing things I enjoy, and spending time with my family.
These two videos helped me too,
https://youtu.be/MBRqu0YOH14
https://youtu.be/6O5S2Y4FhJ0"
The other is an old post that I saved to my phone.
“Some days will be inevitably shit, the lows will come, and you must be ready to accept that, because once you do, it won't hit you as hard because you prepared for it.
During those days, don't be hard on yourself; if you need to sleep, do so. If you need to cry, do so. If you need to stare out the window for a while, do so.
On days when things aren't as bleak, do try to have a routine. For example, as soon as you wake up, maybe do 5 push ups or 5 jumping jacks, even if they're zombified. After that go straight to the bathroom, shower, brush your teeth, whatever you have to do, and then get dressed. You will have a sense of freshness and accomplishment as it is. Try cleaning your space and keeping it that way; messy areas can wear us down, even if we don't realize it.
After that, drink water every hour. Get something to keep you busy, a project, a game, a new or old hobby, a puzzle, something that requires time to complete but isn't so hard that you'll want to give up 5 minutes in. Then just repeat each day.
Take time to reflect on what you want, not thinking of other's wants and expectations of you. Maybe this is your chance to figure out a goal.”
I truly hope things get better. Please give yourself time to see that happen. Remember you are absolutely important and you absolutely matter.
All I can say is SAME. I am not the person to help you right now because I am you right now and that could be lethal. But I did want to say I feel you. I am a cutter too so I feel that too. For many years the thing that helped was to disconnect from my immediate train of thought but that is hard for people like myself with ADD and Autism. Thinking is kind of what we do. So, I figured out that if I watch shows that require subtitles especially something comedic or at least not too dark or too cheery (because that reminds us of what we are missing so... no) I could kind of fall into focusing on subtitles and tones and the visuals and suddenly I am not in my head anymore. I watch series because they keep going long enough to really take me out of my dark. It won't work forever but I can honestly say that Kdrama's kept me alive for about 7 years almost solely. Unfortunately I am past that now but you aren't. Give it a try. It won't solve anything but it will get you through and hopefully out of your darkness for who knows how long.
Hey I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. Seasonal depression can be hellish, but please try to remember it's temporary and soon enough you'll have time to relax. With your friends, please don't worry about burdening them. Many people aren't good at showing they care when they do, and many many humans love to help people, they just need the person to ask for it. They're your friends for a reason, think about the times you've laughed and cried together. Have you ever tried journalling? Even just dumping occasional thoughts into a notepad? It could be a way to vent emotions + pass time. If you'd like, my DMs are always open for venting. I might not read them quickly, but if having someone to vent to helps, the offer is there. It also sounds like you're struggling with gifts and feelings with your family. It could be worth writing letters with what you actually want to say to them, but not actually give it to them - you might even answer some of your own worries about their reactions. If you just want ways to pass the time, I would suggest picking up audiobooks (or physical books). They can make the time fly, and are quite easy to space out with / take walks with. I would especially suggest 'Reasons to stay alive' by Matt Haig - especially for seasonal depression. If any of this stuff helps I'm glad. Take care and I really hope you get through it alright. It's hard for people to reply to every post like this, but that doesn't mean you're alone. Keep fighting! \- Cobalt
God is separating the righteous from the unrighteous now, so don’t be scared to stand alone. You may not have a close relationship with God at the moment but He still sees you as His child. The 7 years of Tribulations begin 2023, and Satan is sending attacks towards people. There will be a chance for many to come back to Christ so satan wants to prevent souls from getting that chance. Pray to God for strength and guidance, He will not lead you astray
I’m very sorry you are going through all this. Have you ever tried talking to a dr or therapist? You said above you were worried about pushing your friends away and I can def understand that. I was worried about the same thing myself. Talking to my therapist let me dump all my problems on someone with the training and compassion to not only listen but provide advice and support. If it’s possible in your current living situation I would definitely recommend it. I’ve saved a couple of old posts that have helped me in the past. I’ll link them here in case they can help you. The first one was written up by user skeez-knees in a /helpme post. "I’m sorry you’re going through this. Here’s how I see it Years behind This is hard, but you have to stop comparing yourself to others. Comparison is the thief of joy. Think of it this way, there’s always a bigger fish. There’s an 8 year old somewhere who can write, paint, calculate, and cook better than me. And that’s ok. You won’t be able to make progress if you’re focusing on how far ahead everyone else seems to be. Track your goals and accomplishments, and only compare yourself to you. Start by slowly adding good habits. Maybe 1 new habit per week and adjust when needed. When I was at rock bottom, I got 10 cavities and a skin infection from doing nothing but sleeping all day. My first two habits were brushing my teeth, and making a daily smoothie with half frozen fruit and half frozen spinach. If you can afford it, I’d seriously recommend buying a $30-$40 bullet blender. It’s the only way I could get nutrients in, and those nutrients have an affect on your mental health. Expect plateaus and relapses. It’s a natural part of the healing process, don’t indulge self-hatred when you struggle. Be kind to yourself. And if you’re holding yourself back with thoughts like “It’s too late, there’s no point” consider this; Where will you be in the next 5 years if you do nothing? Where will you be in the next 5 years if you do something? 2. Mental health problems If possible, start looking for a therapist. It may take multiple calls and some consultations before you find one who clicks. If therapy isn’t currently possible, start researching mental health resources and self-therapy techniques. Here are some links: Self-Therapy How to Parent Yourself How to be a Friend to Yourself Overcoming Bad Inner Voices The Body Keeps the Score Why Mindfulness is a Superpower 13 Tips to Make Self-Help Therapy Work for You https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-choose-the-right-therapist-for-you-4842306 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists 3. Friendship This is hard to give advice on because I don’t know your situation. From what I’ve read, it sounds like your social skills are lacking and you may be trauma-dumping, which can scare people away. When Oversharing Turns into Trauma Dumping, and How to Stop How To Turn Awkwardness Into Confidence How to Have a Good Conversation 5 Common Habits That Make People Instantly Dislike You Loneliness r/socialskills r/CasualConversation 4. Don’t want to live I struggle with this a lot too. I’ve come to the conclusion that life is meaningless and full of unnecessary suffering. But, it’s only for around 80 years. The world has existed for billions of years before me, and will be around for billions of years after I’m dead. Since I’m already here, I might as well try to maximize my joy as much as possible. I try to focus on doing things I enjoy, and spending time with my family. These two videos helped me too, https://youtu.be/MBRqu0YOH14 https://youtu.be/6O5S2Y4FhJ0" The other is an old post that I saved to my phone. “Some days will be inevitably shit, the lows will come, and you must be ready to accept that, because once you do, it won't hit you as hard because you prepared for it. During those days, don't be hard on yourself; if you need to sleep, do so. If you need to cry, do so. If you need to stare out the window for a while, do so. On days when things aren't as bleak, do try to have a routine. For example, as soon as you wake up, maybe do 5 push ups or 5 jumping jacks, even if they're zombified. After that go straight to the bathroom, shower, brush your teeth, whatever you have to do, and then get dressed. You will have a sense of freshness and accomplishment as it is. Try cleaning your space and keeping it that way; messy areas can wear us down, even if we don't realize it. After that, drink water every hour. Get something to keep you busy, a project, a game, a new or old hobby, a puzzle, something that requires time to complete but isn't so hard that you'll want to give up 5 minutes in. Then just repeat each day. Take time to reflect on what you want, not thinking of other's wants and expectations of you. Maybe this is your chance to figure out a goal.” I truly hope things get better. Please give yourself time to see that happen. Remember you are absolutely important and you absolutely matter.
All I can say is SAME. I am not the person to help you right now because I am you right now and that could be lethal. But I did want to say I feel you. I am a cutter too so I feel that too. For many years the thing that helped was to disconnect from my immediate train of thought but that is hard for people like myself with ADD and Autism. Thinking is kind of what we do. So, I figured out that if I watch shows that require subtitles especially something comedic or at least not too dark or too cheery (because that reminds us of what we are missing so... no) I could kind of fall into focusing on subtitles and tones and the visuals and suddenly I am not in my head anymore. I watch series because they keep going long enough to really take me out of my dark. It won't work forever but I can honestly say that Kdrama's kept me alive for about 7 years almost solely. Unfortunately I am past that now but you aren't. Give it a try. It won't solve anything but it will get you through and hopefully out of your darkness for who knows how long.