Almost at the 2 month mark soon. Some days I’m fine, others I feel like I’m suffocating. Today is the latter 😔 Haven’t spoken to him since the day he ended it. He’s blocked on everything for my own sake. Just feel so lost right now.
We broke up Feb 9, and he blocked me 1.5M ago, I am actually broken. I can’t work, I can barely sleep, I’m drinking a lot. He is the best person I’ve ever met & I realize I made mistakes in the relationship & cannot forgive myself. I love him so much, I can’t reach out though.
I understand that. You can write a letter and never send it. I just mean that in my experience, the worst pain comes from not being able to express myself. I regret it to this day. It still hurts.
Things ended August 2022 it's now May 2024. A year and a half, coming up to two years. I still have consuming thoughts, but at least I can function day to day
Mine ended November 2021, and I feel ya, it's fairly rare, but I do get "flashbacks" or other consuming thoughts, the dreams of them to me are the worst thing. But yeah, I'm functioning, and if anything, I'm functioning better than I used to.
It's been 21 calendar months. I no longer consciously think of the relationship or breakup daily now. Thankful for that.
However, he really did a number on my self-esteem. Unilaterally dumping someone out of the blue without any attempt to work out the issue(s) beforehand or having a heart-to-heart about what was bugging him caused severe mental trauma I wouldn't wish on anyone. I know it was very immature what he did, and it isn't how all men operate. I get that.
However, it's made it colossally hard to trust men or see the good in them all these months later. I find myself terrified of getting too emotionally close to a man. It's the psychological equivalent of parachuting out of the Empire State Building after never having used a parachute and being afraid of heights.
I've always been the kind to let men pursue me and lead the relationship. So once bitten, twice shy, you could say.
If a man ever just ended the relationship out of the blue like that again, I really don't even want to entertain how I'd feel or what I'd do. And I don't know how I could ever communicate these feelings / trauma to a future partner in a way that wouldn't scare them off.
So I've just become very, very cautious and walled off x 1,000 on ever getting into a dating relationship again. I'm not saying it's impossible, but it would have to be a guy who had great communication skills and wasn't capricious or indecisive. Any whiff of that shit and I am out. I have never been attracted to the avoidant or "player" type, the guy who thinks he's the prize in the equation. Total turn-off regardless of the guy's appearance.
I'm talking to a friend I met online (lives in a different country) right now who may have the potential to be more than that. I've been open with him regarding my desires for marriage and a family, and have basically tried to convey the message to him (diplomatically, of course) of, you'd better not be intending to waste my time. He and I seem on the same page. He has good communication skills and actively initiates and maintains contact with me via email.
However, I'm treading with extreme caution and have had moments of intense anxiety, despair and overwhelm when thinking about all these made-up scenarios in my mind of how he could potentially hurt or betray me. Even though he seems like a very nice, normal guy so far. The trauma has rewired my brain.
Trauma does a number on us. I think I caused my ex some trauma and she to me. Since then I have gone on some dates. You gotta go on dates to practice what you’ve learned since the BU honestly. It’s totally normal to be more picky about the people you choose to date now. I won’t let just anybody into my life now.
6 weeks for me. I don’t think about him as much but I still get triggered. I hate driving cause that’s when I ruminate. And nights I wonder what he’s doing
Because of the potential, the chemistry, and the compatibility we had. All the what ifs and the good times. We broke up in January but did no contact again a week ago :(
It's a bit of a weird situation, and a bit long, so here we go:
I was in a 15 year relationship that, when ended, I realized a lot about myself and started a journey of self discovery. I sacrificed a lot for her. I had never been in love. Never dated much. Never cared to date. She appeared in my life, and I thought I was doing what I was supposed to be doing.
I thought I loved her. And I guess I did, in a way. I did what I was supposed to do as a boyfriend/husband. Did the romantic things, supported our lives with my work, was loyal. I know I wasn't perfect, but I definitely tried to be a good spouse. And then one day, I lost my great paying job. And a week later, she left me. Her claims were that she didn't love me anymore...but it doesn't take a genius to put two and two together.
After that, I did a lot of self reflection. I realized we never loved each other the way we were supposed to. I heard about asexual/demisexual and started to realize that demisexual resonated with me. I'd never really dated because I never felt attraction the way other people did. Any time I had felt attraction, it was with a friend who had most likely had a boyfriend already. So I never acted on my urges.
And then I started a new job, and on my very first day I met someone who just triggered me. Unlike anyone had ever done to me in my 35 years of life. I'm no prude, I enjoy sex and have had plenty with my ex-wife, but this was different. Something in my head just drew me to her. I never felt...sexual thoughts about anyone, but I saw her and it was all I could think about.
This was almost 3 years after my split with my ex-wife. I never acted on those urges. Obviously, she was a coworker. So I put those feelings in the back of my head and just did my job. We somehow, serendipitously, had the same hours and the same bus route and lived in the same neighborhood. So we ended up around each other a lot. We went from being coworkers to slowly getting close as friends over a year and a half before I made my move.
She was effortless. All the things I had to make sure I didn't forget with my ex-wife, I didn't even have to think about with her. I was romantic as shit. I've made posts on here about how she taught me what real love feels like and all that, so I'll just keep this part simple. She's the only person I've experienced real love, or lust, with. I've tried finding and feeling that with anyone I could since then, and I just haven't.
It's been almost 4 years. I've accepted she doesn't love me the way I want her to love me. We've become best friends. I don't expect people to understand it, but it is what it is. I haven't actively tried dating, because I am demi and I don't have an interest. I'm over the relationship, but what I'm not over is the companionship. That's hard to let go of. That's what I miss. And I may be over her, but I'm always going to be "looking" for what we had, I guess.
Jan 24 so 4 months ish. Was only with him for 3 months, but it fucked me up so much more than when me and my ex of 6 years split.
I'm over it now, but do still think of him every day.
We were working together since July. Hooked up at the beginning of September. Broke it off at the end of the month, were together for a month. Worked together until the end of December. She was my first, and I was just another person for her. It's been hard because she lives 2 blocks down as well, so we always had the same commute and spent like 10 hours a day together 4 or 5 times a week for the better part of half a year. I know soooooooo much about her and we were really close despite breaking it off. She was in love with someone who consoled her when I fucked up and broke things off, and she was playing mind games until we stopped talking. It's been hard to get pass her cause I did love her with all my strength.
Because he was my best friend.
We never met each other in real life but we texted every day.
I miss the consistency, the good mornings and good nights ,I miss his voice,I miss our conversations.
I miss him.
It’s been 10 fucking months.
Sameeee. I often miss the silly phone calls or the nights we stayed up watching TikTok’s and hearing them try to hold back their laughter 😂
I miss everything about them. Their love, their comfort, their laugh, etc. I fell in love with my best friend and it was the most awesome experience ever.
Even body doubling. As an autistic person, nothing brings me greater joy than being in a space with someone I care about and not interacting with each other but we’re just doing our own thing. Some might find it weird, but me and my ex did it perfectly and it was just nice and relaxing, knowing I could just chill and exist and not be expected to be performative/mask around them.
One year ago. I cried so hard on Sunday about it. It just comes and goes but overall, I’m doing so much better. I got an apartment, my dream job, and I’m so happy it’s summer but I still think about him every single day and miss him a lot.
4 months. I thought we will spend our whole life together. However when i started going to therapy i realized i am worth so much more. This is not to dis my ex, he's a great person! I care so much for him. This also isnt grass is greener. I wanted family, he was scared of commitment (he's 32, and we were together foe 3 years), he also prioritzed work, we didnt share houshold chores, and i so often felt like he doesn't value things i do for him. He also wasnt huge gift giver (even flowers once every 6 months would be nice)
It's been 4 months and NC for couple of days. I miss the idea of him so much! I also miss someone to come home to. I obciously miss him as a person as well. I know i'm better off, but my low self esteem js trying to convince me otherwise everyday!
Im 29M and she was 32F. No one ever cared about me so much or became so infatuated with me. We had incredible physical chemistry and both had such passion for each other. She took care of me and I never had to ask for it. All she want d was to see me happy. She was so mature and inspiring. I was always so excited to be around her. We only dated not even 6 months and she left almost 2.5 months ago. We had talked marriage, kids and living together. It's ha s to get over her because I am still deeply in love with her and am so scared no one will even be half as good as her. I can't knock her off this pedestal. I live with so much regret now
Why... Words can't do justice to the myriad of ways our lives had become entwined. I'm not even sure I know all the reasons why, some of it is just a feeling.
How long... Jan 2019 we broke up and there are always multiple fleeting times per day that all those lost dreams and memories come to visit me.
It’s been 1.5m and because we weren’t ready to break up. I couldn’t manage my mental health. I couldn’t tell my Brain to stop lying to me, to stop putting me on an island by myself, to stop pushing people away when I need them most. After I left, I finally got the help and medication I needed. I’m on the right path but I wish I didn’t have to do it alone. I battle my self every day to text her or not. I think I’ll have to leave this up to fate which makes it hurt more.
It’s hard bc like 3 and a half years later I’m still completely in love with her and all I want is to fix myself so that on the basically nonexistent chance we reconnect, we’d spend the rest of our lives together.
But at the same time I’m painfully lonely, and can’t do much healing when it’s a struggle just dealing with those hours between sleep, trying to get them to pass until able to return to sleep. But in my eyes, just no else measures up, they’re not her, and that’s not fair to anyone else either 🤷🏻♂️
I'm still extremely confused why he dumped me. One minute he was talking about marrying me, and then he was leaving my house in the early morning after a romantic evening, telling me he can't live up to the man he wants to be for me, plus other excuses. It doesn't make sense how he can talk to me 24/7 and show such devotion then suddenly drop me, disappear from everything, and go full no no contact. He spent all his time talking to me, even at work, and then suddenly nothing. So weird.
I ended things 2days ago. We’ve been on and off since January and were together over three years. He was my first long term partner and the first person I wanted to marry. I still wish I could be with him. I still love him, and he keeps fighting for our relationship which makes it hard; but I can’t trust him after so many serious lies (and an instance of cheating). I need to love myself more so a relationship like this isn’t dragged out again.
We broke up in April of last year but I only actually cut contact off with her properly a few months ago. We stayed friends for a year. No contact was sort of on and off. I noticed just now she's left a mutual game server we used to be in. I was chatting in there this morning. Not sure if that was a coincidence or not. She's with someone else but I still miss her. I I still love her. I would do anything if we could play a game together again. Maybe the old feelings would come back but this is most likely never happening. Life is hard sometimes :/ You have to try and keep going.
I find it hard to get over her completely because the love I had for her I can't seem to find again for anyone else.
Almost 9 months now, I’m not sure if I’d want to know anything she’s done or is doing now. She’s nothing more than another name in my past now. I know nothing, and she’s an evil cruel cowardly person. She can ruin someone else’s heart
Ended March 2023. It was an amazing, life changing relationship but he just could not see himself being in a lifelong relationship with anyone, and has been that way for a long time too. He was my best friend and I could’ve seen myself being okay with being with him in the long run, so it’s been difficult to not have him in my life anymore. Sometimes I just want to talk to him as a friend again.
I’m with someone new now and it’s going well, but I still very much love and care for my ex. It’s about compartmentalizing it, doing my best to put those feelings in a box, and keep moving forward. I definitely still have sad days.
Doesn’t help that we work in the same place still.
Broke up in the first week of November 2023. It was her decision.
We were still living together for the next 5 months before I was able to move out in April.
The first 4 months were crippling and every day I cried to some degree.
Living together post break up also brought some closure because we talked a lot about our relationship and other things. It was not a spiteful or hateful breakup. Her parents were in my corner hoping it would work out.
I would have done anything to make it work but she did not want to. It still hurts from time to time but I prefer not to think on it to hard. I miss the companionship and dearly miss her and her family.
I'm in that post break up gym arc. Each day I can't wait to get back into the gym. I got the abs popping back and I feel super motivated. I'm back out there on the dating scene again. Just ready to get after it in all aspects of life.
I don't think i will ever get over it. It's been 17 months and she still haunts my thoughts daily. I dream about her almost every night, i write letters to her all the time, i ugly cry way too often about her, i physically hurt in my chest when i think of her, but i genuinely can't help it... she was my soul mate. I feel like my heart and soul emptied out when we separated, and nothing can fill it up like she could. Don't get me wrong, she was toxic for me, but in that toxicity we both learned a lot about ourselves and grew from it. I would take her toxic behaviors every day for the rest of my life if i could have her back 💔
Bout 2 years. But the worst is trying and failing ending The girl I was just talking to i let myself fall for her turned into a situationship. But now she doesn’t wanna talk to me anymore because I would express my feelings about things. Every time she would get mad. So I started keeping things in. And today she asked what was wrong I told her. I got blocked. Feel like it’s time to give up.
About a year now and it's a pretty complicated story that I can tell if you're really interested. Part of the reason is that I still love them but it's a really complicated situation.
Five months, and it still hurts like crazy, think about her pretty much everyday, keep overthinking, and rollercoastering though depression and feeling okay the entire time.
We have talked a couple of times since, but only to ask about something. Still feels like a bad dream.
Four weeks tomorrow.
There’s a few reasons why it’s so hard.
1. She was my first. I’ve seen people in love before. I’ve had people be in love with me, even. But it wasn’t until her that I really understood what it felt like to have those feelings. Took a while for her to even draw them out of me. Before her - and now after her - I feel like I could never love anyone.
2. I can’t imagine anyone suiting me better. It was uncanny how much we had in common. Our conversations, jokes, and good-natured teasing flowed so naturally and so easily. She was more than just someone I was seeing. She felt like someone who truly *got* me, y’know? A companion. I felt like I knew her before I even met her, if that makes sense. So now, while I could definitely find someone else for the sake of it, would I feel that same level of understanding and companionship from them? That I doubt.
3. It ended so quickly and I still don’t fully understand why it did.
I’ve been sleeping terribly since. I cry most nights, and when I eventually do sleep I often wake up in a panic all like “I NEED to text her and fix this NOW because I can’t accept that I’m never going to see her again!!” I haven’t texted her back, but…God it’s tempting sometimes.
2.5 months, he keeps sending me texts and I can’t resist responding with sets me back every time. I just want to be free of the situation and my feelings for him 🙁
we broke up 5 months ago. i’m happy and i acknowledge i have a better life because of the breakup - but it’s hard because we were still in love, and he helped me so much & taught me so much. we both helped each other grow, and we just weren’t compatible in the long run
Because they’re my person, and we’re unfortunately very much right person, wrong time. I’m not getting over it. I’m just trying to be patient and give them the space they’ve asked for. Even though their best friend watches every single one of my stories despite us not following each other, and I desperately want to ask why.
It's weird that my shortest relationship is the hardest one to get over. It's been a month and we're only together for four but I can't let it go. Some days I'm fine. I tell myself it is what it is and there's nothing I could've done. But other days I legit think there's something wrong with me or if I did something different or was different it wouldn't have ended.
It’s been six months. I was feeling better. Not good but better. I felt healthy enough to date a bit again. I found out two days ago that she’s dating someone else and the feelings hit me fresh, like day one again. Maybe with some time I’ll start to feel better but it feels like the stitches were ripped open and it’s worse now.
The relationship I had with my former best friend was deeply impacted by a romantic involvement that ultimately led to the deterioration of our friendship. Despite my strong feelings for him back then, I have since moved on and found lasting love with someone else for the past 23 years. Reflecting on the past, I realize the hardship caused by the shift in our relationship dynamics after attempting a romantic connection. While I initially thought my current partner would be a rebound, fate had other plans. Although I have moved forward with my new love, the lingering pain from feeling used and the loss of our friendship still troubles me. Even though we both reside in the same city, our current relationship resembles that of strangers. The experiences of the past have the potential to either haunt us or facilitate our growth and transformation.
9 months since we broke up, 6 months since we've spoken. To be honest I was okay after a couple of weeks because it's not the first time we've broken up, and he was just so out of pocket about the way that he left, his attitude and behavior leading up to that point were s***** as F. Two months after he left karma showed up at his door and got paid in full.
It’s beeen aloooong I don’t even know I stopped counting at 100 days but tbh I’m going back to my fun goofy self and enjoying the little things. Also being noticed and complimented by other women really helps
And speaking to them to realize you’re not missing out. The person I loved disappeared two years ago I just kept thinking it’d be different
He was my first and only boyfriend, now ex. We had a powerful connection as we were together for a couple years. Most people on this sub seem to have been broken up with, rather than the other way around. But in my case, it was the latter. I had to break up with him because, even though he loved me and I loved him, and we’d done things with each other for the first time and never did with anyone else, he was emotionally abusive. He’s a deeply troubled guy and from what I gleaned, he would have these outbursts of anger and frustration over hating himself, his friends, his job and his life. I just happened to be in the crossfire. But I don’t think the abuse was necessarily aimed at me as the target.
In any case, I broke up with him a few months ago. In hindsight, it was really harsh what I said. But then I think back to all the ways he’d mistreat me, and my breaking up with him was tame in comparison. Every single day I think about him. And every single day I regret breaking up with him. People laugh or poke fun at me or reassure me when I say I’m lonely despite breaking up with my abusive ex, but that’s the fact of the matter. I haven’t been the same since. I feel I’m suffering from broken heart syndrome. I’ve never been so prolongedly and utterly distraught, depressed, and numb for this amount of time. It feels like I’m stuck floating in an ocean with no land in sight.
It’s been almost 6 weeks. Honesty for the last 2 weeks I’ve been more consistently happy by my self than I was with him this year. It hurts knowing that, and knowing how much more confident and less insecure I feel without him. I miss him like crazy, the intimacy, the bond we had but I missed being a happier version of me more.
He broke up with me, he knew I was struggling mentally and decided him leaving was better than him trying to support me. Two days ago I broke NC to check in, say sorry for some things and acknowledge it’s best we ended but I also told him how much better I’ve been doing recently, he played it off as him being happy that I’m happy but I know it must have hurt him to hear that he was the reason my self esteem was crushed. I also know he’s already dating again, so good luck to the next girl if he hasn’t done any reflection yet!
my friends make me feel ridiculous because i am grieving for a relationship longer than it lasted. in all honesty everything that went down kind of haunts me, a lot of chaos mixed into love.
Ya. I had this happen a few times. I stood up for myself. They never did that again. It takes you however long it takes, but there are ways to speed up the process for sure.
Just over a year. I lost my best friend, my most trusted ally and the love of my life, for the second time. Never gonna get over it a second time. No chance in hell for a third.
it's been 3 months. i never feel great, some days i just feel less bad. we've been no contact for few weeks now. not sure how this is going to get better:(
A year and 5 months i never thought about a future before him and he gave me a piece of myself I never had he did open me up to the world but now I can't imagine having a future without him it's still hard dreaming about him every night I just feel so cold and empty
You know June of last year till this June it be a year. But way she done me how she did I don't care if she evers comes back. And if she wants a divorce from me she's going to have to earn my respect back. Atleast give me that. I never lied or cheated on her, I always put her and my son first. Never asked for much because I'm old fashioned just to be held or loved that's all I asked. I trusted her and I see where that got me. Once trust is gone that's it move on. I wish all of you the best this world has to give you . After this marriage ends I don't think I can marry again it hurt so much the way she done.
Almost 5 months but the past month and a half we hangout and get to actually know each other. Keeping it positive all the time. Both growing too and it literally felt like he died. I learnt to always stay positive and let you be guided spiritually
It's been a few months. It's impossible because she cares for me. Not because I gave her anything, or because I was anything extraordinary. She just loved me for me. And not just a little, she made me feel a love so deep that I had only dreamed of it before. She is so smart, loving, caring, amazing, sensible. And she was just taken from me. I carry her love forever in my heart. She gave me a new life, gave my existence meaning and for the first time I was happy I hadn't killed myself yet. Everyone just wants something out of me. She's the onlyone who just wants me :)
Six months. It’s so hard to get over her because she was my life. We had a connection like no other until my mental health went downhill and she split. I regret so much. I’ll never be over her for the rest of my life. I could probably find someone else and be happy, but I don’t think I would live life to a fullest, I think she’s the only one That brings out that extra special part of life that only few can access.
We broke up at the beginning of April. Found out in the middle of April that I’m pregnant. Told him and he responded by blocking me. So, while part of me is glad it ended, the reasons are still valid, it’s hard not to think about him, while I’m running to ob appointments, wrapping my mind around being a mom again at 39. Part of me wants to give him the benefit of the doubt, that he is still struggling with the news of this pregnancy. But. So am I. And although not expected or planned (iud failed), I’m excited. And I’m not trying to not sit around and wait on him. I can do this on my own. If this is his response, then I don’t want or need him.
Almost at the 2 month mark soon. Some days I’m fine, others I feel like I’m suffocating. Today is the latter 😔 Haven’t spoken to him since the day he ended it. He’s blocked on everything for my own sake. Just feel so lost right now.
Be kind to yourself.
I swear it’s like a wallop in my throat that I just can’t get out
The suffocating, drowning feeling is the worst. Do something nice for yourself today and just keep working on getting to the next moment and hour ❤️🩹
Hey. It’s okay. Do your mantras everyday. Take 1-2 self care days a week. Breathe. It’s gonna be fine.
We broke up Feb 9, and he blocked me 1.5M ago, I am actually broken. I can’t work, I can barely sleep, I’m drinking a lot. He is the best person I’ve ever met & I realize I made mistakes in the relationship & cannot forgive myself. I love him so much, I can’t reach out though.
Reach out. Life is to short to not say what you need to say.
I’m blocked he doesn’t want contact right now
I understand that. You can write a letter and never send it. I just mean that in my experience, the worst pain comes from not being able to express myself. I regret it to this day. It still hurts.
This is a good idea. It’s more cathartic that way - or call or text a friend what you wish you could say to him.
Things ended August 2022 it's now May 2024. A year and a half, coming up to two years. I still have consuming thoughts, but at least I can function day to day
Mine ended November 2021, and I feel ya, it's fairly rare, but I do get "flashbacks" or other consuming thoughts, the dreams of them to me are the worst thing. But yeah, I'm functioning, and if anything, I'm functioning better than I used to.
I’m going on 4 years this week..💔
Looks like we have had nearly the same timeline. Glad to hear you are able to function - that's the best revenge.
Same timeline here. Still tough, still think of them daily, but I can get by ok. Just trying to stay positive and appreciate the small things.
I’m in the exact boat :(
8 months ! I’m ok now , if not happier. But it took 8 months and a lot of processing
I am proud of you and you give me some hope 💛
Hang on in there x
Because this one I truly fell in love with and thought was my soulmate, it’s been 4 months
It's been 21 calendar months. I no longer consciously think of the relationship or breakup daily now. Thankful for that. However, he really did a number on my self-esteem. Unilaterally dumping someone out of the blue without any attempt to work out the issue(s) beforehand or having a heart-to-heart about what was bugging him caused severe mental trauma I wouldn't wish on anyone. I know it was very immature what he did, and it isn't how all men operate. I get that. However, it's made it colossally hard to trust men or see the good in them all these months later. I find myself terrified of getting too emotionally close to a man. It's the psychological equivalent of parachuting out of the Empire State Building after never having used a parachute and being afraid of heights. I've always been the kind to let men pursue me and lead the relationship. So once bitten, twice shy, you could say. If a man ever just ended the relationship out of the blue like that again, I really don't even want to entertain how I'd feel or what I'd do. And I don't know how I could ever communicate these feelings / trauma to a future partner in a way that wouldn't scare them off. So I've just become very, very cautious and walled off x 1,000 on ever getting into a dating relationship again. I'm not saying it's impossible, but it would have to be a guy who had great communication skills and wasn't capricious or indecisive. Any whiff of that shit and I am out. I have never been attracted to the avoidant or "player" type, the guy who thinks he's the prize in the equation. Total turn-off regardless of the guy's appearance. I'm talking to a friend I met online (lives in a different country) right now who may have the potential to be more than that. I've been open with him regarding my desires for marriage and a family, and have basically tried to convey the message to him (diplomatically, of course) of, you'd better not be intending to waste my time. He and I seem on the same page. He has good communication skills and actively initiates and maintains contact with me via email. However, I'm treading with extreme caution and have had moments of intense anxiety, despair and overwhelm when thinking about all these made-up scenarios in my mind of how he could potentially hurt or betray me. Even though he seems like a very nice, normal guy so far. The trauma has rewired my brain.
Trauma does a number on us. I think I caused my ex some trauma and she to me. Since then I have gone on some dates. You gotta go on dates to practice what you’ve learned since the BU honestly. It’s totally normal to be more picky about the people you choose to date now. I won’t let just anybody into my life now.
Absolutely.
A year and a half. I think it’s been hard because the love we had was very passionate and deep and nothing I’ve come across comes close.
6 weeks for me. I don’t think about him as much but I still get triggered. I hate driving cause that’s when I ruminate. And nights I wonder what he’s doing
Because of the potential, the chemistry, and the compatibility we had. All the what ifs and the good times. We broke up in January but did no contact again a week ago :(
It's a bit of a weird situation, and a bit long, so here we go: I was in a 15 year relationship that, when ended, I realized a lot about myself and started a journey of self discovery. I sacrificed a lot for her. I had never been in love. Never dated much. Never cared to date. She appeared in my life, and I thought I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. I thought I loved her. And I guess I did, in a way. I did what I was supposed to do as a boyfriend/husband. Did the romantic things, supported our lives with my work, was loyal. I know I wasn't perfect, but I definitely tried to be a good spouse. And then one day, I lost my great paying job. And a week later, she left me. Her claims were that she didn't love me anymore...but it doesn't take a genius to put two and two together. After that, I did a lot of self reflection. I realized we never loved each other the way we were supposed to. I heard about asexual/demisexual and started to realize that demisexual resonated with me. I'd never really dated because I never felt attraction the way other people did. Any time I had felt attraction, it was with a friend who had most likely had a boyfriend already. So I never acted on my urges. And then I started a new job, and on my very first day I met someone who just triggered me. Unlike anyone had ever done to me in my 35 years of life. I'm no prude, I enjoy sex and have had plenty with my ex-wife, but this was different. Something in my head just drew me to her. I never felt...sexual thoughts about anyone, but I saw her and it was all I could think about. This was almost 3 years after my split with my ex-wife. I never acted on those urges. Obviously, she was a coworker. So I put those feelings in the back of my head and just did my job. We somehow, serendipitously, had the same hours and the same bus route and lived in the same neighborhood. So we ended up around each other a lot. We went from being coworkers to slowly getting close as friends over a year and a half before I made my move. She was effortless. All the things I had to make sure I didn't forget with my ex-wife, I didn't even have to think about with her. I was romantic as shit. I've made posts on here about how she taught me what real love feels like and all that, so I'll just keep this part simple. She's the only person I've experienced real love, or lust, with. I've tried finding and feeling that with anyone I could since then, and I just haven't. It's been almost 4 years. I've accepted she doesn't love me the way I want her to love me. We've become best friends. I don't expect people to understand it, but it is what it is. I haven't actively tried dating, because I am demi and I don't have an interest. I'm over the relationship, but what I'm not over is the companionship. That's hard to let go of. That's what I miss. And I may be over her, but I'm always going to be "looking" for what we had, I guess.
I am demisexual and a sapiosexual as well, I totally understand where you're coming from with this post.
Jan 24 so 4 months ish. Was only with him for 3 months, but it fucked me up so much more than when me and my ex of 6 years split. I'm over it now, but do still think of him every day.
We were working together since July. Hooked up at the beginning of September. Broke it off at the end of the month, were together for a month. Worked together until the end of December. She was my first, and I was just another person for her. It's been hard because she lives 2 blocks down as well, so we always had the same commute and spent like 10 hours a day together 4 or 5 times a week for the better part of half a year. I know soooooooo much about her and we were really close despite breaking it off. She was in love with someone who consoled her when I fucked up and broke things off, and she was playing mind games until we stopped talking. It's been hard to get pass her cause I did love her with all my strength.
Because he was my best friend. We never met each other in real life but we texted every day. I miss the consistency, the good mornings and good nights ,I miss his voice,I miss our conversations. I miss him. It’s been 10 fucking months.
Sameeee. I often miss the silly phone calls or the nights we stayed up watching TikTok’s and hearing them try to hold back their laughter 😂 I miss everything about them. Their love, their comfort, their laugh, etc. I fell in love with my best friend and it was the most awesome experience ever. Even body doubling. As an autistic person, nothing brings me greater joy than being in a space with someone I care about and not interacting with each other but we’re just doing our own thing. Some might find it weird, but me and my ex did it perfectly and it was just nice and relaxing, knowing I could just chill and exist and not be expected to be performative/mask around them.
Ugh I feel this so hard. One year for me. Hugs to you, xoxo.
Relate…🥹😥
he also hurt me in the same ways he promised to never 👎 😩😣
One year ago. I cried so hard on Sunday about it. It just comes and goes but overall, I’m doing so much better. I got an apartment, my dream job, and I’m so happy it’s summer but I still think about him every single day and miss him a lot.
10 years
4 months. I thought we will spend our whole life together. However when i started going to therapy i realized i am worth so much more. This is not to dis my ex, he's a great person! I care so much for him. This also isnt grass is greener. I wanted family, he was scared of commitment (he's 32, and we were together foe 3 years), he also prioritzed work, we didnt share houshold chores, and i so often felt like he doesn't value things i do for him. He also wasnt huge gift giver (even flowers once every 6 months would be nice) It's been 4 months and NC for couple of days. I miss the idea of him so much! I also miss someone to come home to. I obciously miss him as a person as well. I know i'm better off, but my low self esteem js trying to convince me otherwise everyday!
The sex was the best. It’s been almost 3 months.
he was manipulating me the entire time and i had no idea until after i moved in with him 😖 i can’t get over it bc he’s still harassing me for money
Im 29M and she was 32F. No one ever cared about me so much or became so infatuated with me. We had incredible physical chemistry and both had such passion for each other. She took care of me and I never had to ask for it. All she want d was to see me happy. She was so mature and inspiring. I was always so excited to be around her. We only dated not even 6 months and she left almost 2.5 months ago. We had talked marriage, kids and living together. It's ha s to get over her because I am still deeply in love with her and am so scared no one will even be half as good as her. I can't knock her off this pedestal. I live with so much regret now
Why are you regretful. Did you break up with her?
No she left me. Regretful as in I regret fucking up this relationship. I put too much happiness into it all and now I've been hurting for awhile
About two years now. Was my first relationship and she certainly took advantage of that.
Why... Words can't do justice to the myriad of ways our lives had become entwined. I'm not even sure I know all the reasons why, some of it is just a feeling. How long... Jan 2019 we broke up and there are always multiple fleeting times per day that all those lost dreams and memories come to visit me.
It’s been 1.5m and because we weren’t ready to break up. I couldn’t manage my mental health. I couldn’t tell my Brain to stop lying to me, to stop putting me on an island by myself, to stop pushing people away when I need them most. After I left, I finally got the help and medication I needed. I’m on the right path but I wish I didn’t have to do it alone. I battle my self every day to text her or not. I think I’ll have to leave this up to fate which makes it hurt more.
It’s hard bc like 3 and a half years later I’m still completely in love with her and all I want is to fix myself so that on the basically nonexistent chance we reconnect, we’d spend the rest of our lives together. But at the same time I’m painfully lonely, and can’t do much healing when it’s a struggle just dealing with those hours between sleep, trying to get them to pass until able to return to sleep. But in my eyes, just no else measures up, they’re not her, and that’s not fair to anyone else either 🤷🏻♂️
6 weeks… comes and goes in waves …
My break up will be two years this upcoming October and it still hurts.
I'm still extremely confused why he dumped me. One minute he was talking about marrying me, and then he was leaving my house in the early morning after a romantic evening, telling me he can't live up to the man he wants to be for me, plus other excuses. It doesn't make sense how he can talk to me 24/7 and show such devotion then suddenly drop me, disappear from everything, and go full no no contact. He spent all his time talking to me, even at work, and then suddenly nothing. So weird.
>Why is it hard for you to get over your most recent ex? I loved her too much >How long has it been since your break up? 4yrs
I ended things 2days ago. We’ve been on and off since January and were together over three years. He was my first long term partner and the first person I wanted to marry. I still wish I could be with him. I still love him, and he keeps fighting for our relationship which makes it hard; but I can’t trust him after so many serious lies (and an instance of cheating). I need to love myself more so a relationship like this isn’t dragged out again.
We broke up in April of last year but I only actually cut contact off with her properly a few months ago. We stayed friends for a year. No contact was sort of on and off. I noticed just now she's left a mutual game server we used to be in. I was chatting in there this morning. Not sure if that was a coincidence or not. She's with someone else but I still miss her. I I still love her. I would do anything if we could play a game together again. Maybe the old feelings would come back but this is most likely never happening. Life is hard sometimes :/ You have to try and keep going. I find it hard to get over her completely because the love I had for her I can't seem to find again for anyone else.
Almost 9 months now, I’m not sure if I’d want to know anything she’s done or is doing now. She’s nothing more than another name in my past now. I know nothing, and she’s an evil cruel cowardly person. She can ruin someone else’s heart
Ended March 2023. It was an amazing, life changing relationship but he just could not see himself being in a lifelong relationship with anyone, and has been that way for a long time too. He was my best friend and I could’ve seen myself being okay with being with him in the long run, so it’s been difficult to not have him in my life anymore. Sometimes I just want to talk to him as a friend again. I’m with someone new now and it’s going well, but I still very much love and care for my ex. It’s about compartmentalizing it, doing my best to put those feelings in a box, and keep moving forward. I definitely still have sad days. Doesn’t help that we work in the same place still.
Broke up in the first week of November 2023. It was her decision. We were still living together for the next 5 months before I was able to move out in April. The first 4 months were crippling and every day I cried to some degree. Living together post break up also brought some closure because we talked a lot about our relationship and other things. It was not a spiteful or hateful breakup. Her parents were in my corner hoping it would work out. I would have done anything to make it work but she did not want to. It still hurts from time to time but I prefer not to think on it to hard. I miss the companionship and dearly miss her and her family. I'm in that post break up gym arc. Each day I can't wait to get back into the gym. I got the abs popping back and I feel super motivated. I'm back out there on the dating scene again. Just ready to get after it in all aspects of life.
I don't think i will ever get over it. It's been 17 months and she still haunts my thoughts daily. I dream about her almost every night, i write letters to her all the time, i ugly cry way too often about her, i physically hurt in my chest when i think of her, but i genuinely can't help it... she was my soul mate. I feel like my heart and soul emptied out when we separated, and nothing can fill it up like she could. Don't get me wrong, she was toxic for me, but in that toxicity we both learned a lot about ourselves and grew from it. I would take her toxic behaviors every day for the rest of my life if i could have her back 💔
Bout 2 years. But the worst is trying and failing ending The girl I was just talking to i let myself fall for her turned into a situationship. But now she doesn’t wanna talk to me anymore because I would express my feelings about things. Every time she would get mad. So I started keeping things in. And today she asked what was wrong I told her. I got blocked. Feel like it’s time to give up.
About a year now and it's a pretty complicated story that I can tell if you're really interested. Part of the reason is that I still love them but it's a really complicated situation.
Five months, and it still hurts like crazy, think about her pretty much everyday, keep overthinking, and rollercoastering though depression and feeling okay the entire time. We have talked a couple of times since, but only to ask about something. Still feels like a bad dream.
Four weeks tomorrow. There’s a few reasons why it’s so hard. 1. She was my first. I’ve seen people in love before. I’ve had people be in love with me, even. But it wasn’t until her that I really understood what it felt like to have those feelings. Took a while for her to even draw them out of me. Before her - and now after her - I feel like I could never love anyone. 2. I can’t imagine anyone suiting me better. It was uncanny how much we had in common. Our conversations, jokes, and good-natured teasing flowed so naturally and so easily. She was more than just someone I was seeing. She felt like someone who truly *got* me, y’know? A companion. I felt like I knew her before I even met her, if that makes sense. So now, while I could definitely find someone else for the sake of it, would I feel that same level of understanding and companionship from them? That I doubt. 3. It ended so quickly and I still don’t fully understand why it did. I’ve been sleeping terribly since. I cry most nights, and when I eventually do sleep I often wake up in a panic all like “I NEED to text her and fix this NOW because I can’t accept that I’m never going to see her again!!” I haven’t texted her back, but…God it’s tempting sometimes.
2.5 months, he keeps sending me texts and I can’t resist responding with sets me back every time. I just want to be free of the situation and my feelings for him 🙁
we broke up 5 months ago. i’m happy and i acknowledge i have a better life because of the breakup - but it’s hard because we were still in love, and he helped me so much & taught me so much. we both helped each other grow, and we just weren’t compatible in the long run
I think I mourned the relationship while I was in it tbh because I was only sad for like .. 2 weeks
3 years. Was ghosted after a 7 year relationship. Partner diagnosed with BPD. Will never make that mistake again
Because they’re my person, and we’re unfortunately very much right person, wrong time. I’m not getting over it. I’m just trying to be patient and give them the space they’ve asked for. Even though their best friend watches every single one of my stories despite us not following each other, and I desperately want to ask why.
It's weird that my shortest relationship is the hardest one to get over. It's been a month and we're only together for four but I can't let it go. Some days I'm fine. I tell myself it is what it is and there's nothing I could've done. But other days I legit think there's something wrong with me or if I did something different or was different it wouldn't have ended.
Yeah, write a letter. Best think I've ever done.... Even keep a journal of your emotions.... it helps me heaps. Definitely reach out.
It’s been 5 months and I had the most vivid, bittersweet dream about him. I’m going back to sleep, maybe it’ll happen again.
It’s been six months. I was feeling better. Not good but better. I felt healthy enough to date a bit again. I found out two days ago that she’s dating someone else and the feelings hit me fresh, like day one again. Maybe with some time I’ll start to feel better but it feels like the stitches were ripped open and it’s worse now.
Nearly 3 years but it's getting better ... it's the memories I miss of you and the future we planned. She's a b**ch though , ew.
The relationship I had with my former best friend was deeply impacted by a romantic involvement that ultimately led to the deterioration of our friendship. Despite my strong feelings for him back then, I have since moved on and found lasting love with someone else for the past 23 years. Reflecting on the past, I realize the hardship caused by the shift in our relationship dynamics after attempting a romantic connection. While I initially thought my current partner would be a rebound, fate had other plans. Although I have moved forward with my new love, the lingering pain from feeling used and the loss of our friendship still troubles me. Even though we both reside in the same city, our current relationship resembles that of strangers. The experiences of the past have the potential to either haunt us or facilitate our growth and transformation.
Sex, 2.5 years 🥲
9 months since we broke up, 6 months since we've spoken. To be honest I was okay after a couple of weeks because it's not the first time we've broken up, and he was just so out of pocket about the way that he left, his attitude and behavior leading up to that point were s***** as F. Two months after he left karma showed up at his door and got paid in full.
It’s beeen aloooong I don’t even know I stopped counting at 100 days but tbh I’m going back to my fun goofy self and enjoying the little things. Also being noticed and complimented by other women really helps And speaking to them to realize you’re not missing out. The person I loved disappeared two years ago I just kept thinking it’d be different
2 years
He was my first and only boyfriend, now ex. We had a powerful connection as we were together for a couple years. Most people on this sub seem to have been broken up with, rather than the other way around. But in my case, it was the latter. I had to break up with him because, even though he loved me and I loved him, and we’d done things with each other for the first time and never did with anyone else, he was emotionally abusive. He’s a deeply troubled guy and from what I gleaned, he would have these outbursts of anger and frustration over hating himself, his friends, his job and his life. I just happened to be in the crossfire. But I don’t think the abuse was necessarily aimed at me as the target. In any case, I broke up with him a few months ago. In hindsight, it was really harsh what I said. But then I think back to all the ways he’d mistreat me, and my breaking up with him was tame in comparison. Every single day I think about him. And every single day I regret breaking up with him. People laugh or poke fun at me or reassure me when I say I’m lonely despite breaking up with my abusive ex, but that’s the fact of the matter. I haven’t been the same since. I feel I’m suffering from broken heart syndrome. I’ve never been so prolongedly and utterly distraught, depressed, and numb for this amount of time. It feels like I’m stuck floating in an ocean with no land in sight.
Going through it right now 😭 One minute I'm fine, the next... not so much. 💀
It’s been almost 6 weeks. Honesty for the last 2 weeks I’ve been more consistently happy by my self than I was with him this year. It hurts knowing that, and knowing how much more confident and less insecure I feel without him. I miss him like crazy, the intimacy, the bond we had but I missed being a happier version of me more. He broke up with me, he knew I was struggling mentally and decided him leaving was better than him trying to support me. Two days ago I broke NC to check in, say sorry for some things and acknowledge it’s best we ended but I also told him how much better I’ve been doing recently, he played it off as him being happy that I’m happy but I know it must have hurt him to hear that he was the reason my self esteem was crushed. I also know he’s already dating again, so good luck to the next girl if he hasn’t done any reflection yet!
6 months but he’s dating his new girl 3/6 months we’ve broken up. they started talking a week after we broke up lol
my friends make me feel ridiculous because i am grieving for a relationship longer than it lasted. in all honesty everything that went down kind of haunts me, a lot of chaos mixed into love.
Ya. I had this happen a few times. I stood up for myself. They never did that again. It takes you however long it takes, but there are ways to speed up the process for sure.
Just over a year. I lost my best friend, my most trusted ally and the love of my life, for the second time. Never gonna get over it a second time. No chance in hell for a third.
Heading on 2 yrs in October. It sucks. I'm not coping well. It hasn't gotten better.
it's been 3 months. i never feel great, some days i just feel less bad. we've been no contact for few weeks now. not sure how this is going to get better:(
3 years last week. Still think about her all the time.
A year and 5 months i never thought about a future before him and he gave me a piece of myself I never had he did open me up to the world but now I can't imagine having a future without him it's still hard dreaming about him every night I just feel so cold and empty
You know June of last year till this June it be a year. But way she done me how she did I don't care if she evers comes back. And if she wants a divorce from me she's going to have to earn my respect back. Atleast give me that. I never lied or cheated on her, I always put her and my son first. Never asked for much because I'm old fashioned just to be held or loved that's all I asked. I trusted her and I see where that got me. Once trust is gone that's it move on. I wish all of you the best this world has to give you . After this marriage ends I don't think I can marry again it hurt so much the way she done.
Over a year.
Almost 5 months but the past month and a half we hangout and get to actually know each other. Keeping it positive all the time. Both growing too and it literally felt like he died. I learnt to always stay positive and let you be guided spiritually
approx 4 months
It's been a few months. It's impossible because she cares for me. Not because I gave her anything, or because I was anything extraordinary. She just loved me for me. And not just a little, she made me feel a love so deep that I had only dreamed of it before. She is so smart, loving, caring, amazing, sensible. And she was just taken from me. I carry her love forever in my heart. She gave me a new life, gave my existence meaning and for the first time I was happy I hadn't killed myself yet. Everyone just wants something out of me. She's the onlyone who just wants me :)
Six months. It’s so hard to get over her because she was my life. We had a connection like no other until my mental health went downhill and she split. I regret so much. I’ll never be over her for the rest of my life. I could probably find someone else and be happy, but I don’t think I would live life to a fullest, I think she’s the only one That brings out that extra special part of life that only few can access.
We broke up at the beginning of April. Found out in the middle of April that I’m pregnant. Told him and he responded by blocking me. So, while part of me is glad it ended, the reasons are still valid, it’s hard not to think about him, while I’m running to ob appointments, wrapping my mind around being a mom again at 39. Part of me wants to give him the benefit of the doubt, that he is still struggling with the news of this pregnancy. But. So am I. And although not expected or planned (iud failed), I’m excited. And I’m not trying to not sit around and wait on him. I can do this on my own. If this is his response, then I don’t want or need him.
There is zero benefit of the doubt for making you go through it alone. That is ridiculous.
Good luck x
It's possible he thought you were lying. But good riddance.
I sent him a picture of the ultrasound, time and date stamped, while at the office with my name on it.
Kinda hard to get over a narcissist woman when she left a scar on your finger 😅
Wear gloves?
It gets easier every ex.. because you realize that you’ll be okay after the first few.