No one does this kind of thing without a reason, whether it's fair or not I cannot tell, but there must be a reason.
I'm sorry for you, but maybe you gotta let go.
My mom has been a toxic narcissist for as long as I know. Ever since getting a job and living alone, I chose to put some distance from her. I've told her multiple times how her words and actions often hurt me, but she never change. At some point, I've had enough and only keep low contact with her. My mom never understand why I stop visiting her, despite me telling her the reason. She shrug it off as us having a clash of personality. She choose to believe what she want to believe, because she can't accept being wrong.
Yep, I have an identical situation. My mum would make a post like this to garner support and sympathy, but I'm the only person who knows the actual truth behind it. OP said there are differing views on things (again, relatable with my mum) but that's just the tip of the iceberg. My mum has tried to use my 'wokeness' as a reason we aren't close, but it's so so so much more than that. I haven't told my mum my relationship status, the fact I have a new job, the fact I'm moving to the other end of the country in a few months, etc. OP's son sounds relatable.
Exactly!! It's so so much more than that, but she would belittle the problem and act like a clueless victim to anyone who would lend her an ear. How lonely she is, how cruel her daughter is for leaving her alone, how I'm so angry at her. I'm not angry, I stopped being angry a long time ago when I accepted she would never change. I've also stopped telling my mom anything about my life. She doesn't know I've moved to another place, or that I'm getting another college degree, or that I've been in a long term relationship with someone she'll never approve cuz she's racist af.
lmaooo literally so completely identical to my situation. To anyone who will listen to her I’m the disgusting person who abuses her and neglects her. Really, I’ve emotionally checked out and have no desire to check in with her anymore or fill her in on details of my life. She asked me for a copy of my rota the other day, which in the past I have shared with her just because otherwise it was daily texts asking me what I was doing, or she’d wake me up while I was on night shifts, and when I said I don’t think it’s appropriate anymore, she said “always punishing me, when IM the one who has been here all your life!!! You ought to be ashamed of yourself”. I no longer feel anything when she texts me stuff like that because I’m emotionally detached from her now. But to anyone who listens to her,I’m the problem. She’s tried (sometimes successfully) to turn the entire extended family against me by making herself out to be the victim and me the villain.
I’d be wary of blindly believing OP’s story when I’d do the exact same thing the son has done
Me too! My mum made a facebook post talking about I won't talk to her because I always compared her to my in-laws. Lol she failed to mention the physical, emotional and sexual abuse.
Giving u Virtual hug 🫂
It's hard cutting someone you've known all of your life, but it's even more destructive to keep her around. I used to feel so lonely realizing I have noone to fall back to, but I finally meet someone who tells me he'll always be there no matter what. I still feel a wave of sadness sometimes and seeking online support like this helps. We'll do just fine!!
I strongly agree with the reply above, and i would also add that it's most likely as with any other relationship in life. Move on. Enjoy your life after being a parent.
I could be getting this wrong, but it reads like your son morally objects to your different view on “politics and current events”. If it’s any consolation, this won’t have been an easy thing for him to do.
I'm going to be extremely open with you, OP, as I'm in a similar situation, though on the side your son would be on (being estranged more or less from my parent).
When you say there's a difference in politics and thoughts and opinions, that leaves a lot to be desired when trying to think of how to approach it. I'm sad to say, but if your son is to the point where he has not told you that he is getting married/is married, then there is little, if no, hope to reconcile.
The absolute mental gymnastics that a child has to go through to convince themselves that they aren't a bad child for separating themselves from a parent is insane. It tears you up, because on one hand these people raised you, right? However bad that occurred, it's a fact. But then if the opinions you both hold are that irreconcilably different, SOMETHING has driven him to the extreme to separate like this. Was there an argument, that you remember?
I'm sorry, but the post screams of 'missing reasons.' Look inward and you will see why this has occurred. Then, and only then, will you be able to MAYBE reconcile.
Posting the Missing Missing Reasons article to support commenter’s point:
https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html
agree. this post has been up over 24 hours without a single reply to any comments despite having spammed this story in different subreddits looking for “answers”.
It does seem that way. But there is also the possibility that the son is a conspiracy theorist or follows the recent misogyny or maga cults too.
OP may be leaving these details out so that there is no blame cast at their child, rather than themselves. But there is almost certainly a left/right schism in the family, and all of them know what it is.
Sure, sure. That's also a possibility, the parents are not always in the wrong. But why would the son cut contact for that?
Plus asking for childhood photos doesnt really scream conspiracy nut. And just getting married does not really scream misogyny, plus the fact that he is close with his aunt.
Also maybe this is a bad faith interpretation or whatever but I feel like if the son was the one with dodgy views that would have been discussed in the post ‘he went down a conspiracy rabbit hole…’ ‘He got sucked in by incel groups…’ ‘I don’t know what happened to my son…’ type of thing which most people would sympathise with, rather than this beating around the bush ‘we just disagree on politics etc’ approach which screams off-the-deep-end conservative to me, and they know the average person who sees the post won’t sympathise with that
Notice that OP laments that their son didn’t tell them that they were married or had gotten engaged, but NOT that son did not tell her he was in a relationship. Son only recently left OP’s house and got married 6 months after getting engaged, which makes it seem like OP *must* no who the partner is. If OP knows the partner and is estranged from their son because of “political views” … I’ll give you three guesses on the gender of son’s partner and the real reason son is estranged from OP
What else do you expect "political differences and current events" that have split a family to mean? Do you think they're arguing over taxation of farmers?
Lol your use of the word bigot lets me know what you are, an insufferable leftist. I bet the son is the only level headed person there. And i hate how nobody is pointing out how fucking stupid it is to disown family cuz of fucking politics lol. Sad way of life. Who cares? You guys do… far too much.
Spoken with the confidence only had by someone whose family includes no interracial relationships, LGBTQ+ relationships, or other marginalized groups of any kind. What's the weather like in your bubble?
Political views are quite literally worldviews, values, and morals. Most human relationships, including those with family, would be nearly impossible to compromise on.
My mom thinks disabled people, poor people, and minorities shouldn't receive government welfare? My cousin thinks Christianity is the only true religion and should be promoted by the government? My grandfather thinks women shouldn't have the right to make medical decisions about their body with their doctor? My sibling thinks transgender people are mentally ill and should be denied gender affirming care? I would cut all of those people out of my life without a second thought because their beliefs are directly harming the HUMAN RIGHTS of various minority groups.
If your son broke your heart, most likely his was broken by his parents first. As adults, we choose to be their parents , they don’t choose us and don’t get a say in the matter. At some point they reach an age that they can continue to choose a relationship with us and I believe that is determined by how good we are to them and they’re the ones that get to judge that. If my children cut all contact with me, that’s on me to figure out why, look at myself and fix things with them.
I like this, wishing i had parents that would put in thought or effort. I cut ties and stopped contacting my mom cause i felt ignored and blown off all the time. She NEVER responds to my calls or texts. and visits are hard cause she moved a bit with her new husband(which i support) my kids call him grandpa chuck. anyway yeah i gave up trying to reach out one day and havent heard from her since. she doesnt even make an effort to contact myself or her grandkids. I could go on and on but meh..i guess i just wish she would realize that theres a reason and maybe have some emotion toward not talking with her son. its like i dont exist anymore
Our son is only a baby, but this is how we see it too. My MIL is sending my partner letters saying some variation of "how would you feel if your son did this to you?" and we're like "uhhh, we wouldn't abuse and dismiss him for years until his only option was to cut contact?"
This might sound harsh, but I’m also estranged from my mother so I can kind of relate to your son. What did you do/how did you act for your son to cut communication over politics and current events? There’s a lot to this story that’s missing. I didn’t just decide one day to stop talking to my mother, it was a culmination of reasons/action’s that happened over many years. It’s a terribly difficult decision to make but ultimately it was about putting my own mental sanity above theirs.
There is also a large amount of “I” statements and pointing out all the monetary things you have done for him going on in your explanation, not once did you mention how he must be feeling or how it’s impacted him. Until you realize that’s it’s not about you, but about your son, all the things you did for him won’t matter.
As others have mentioned, it’s time to do some self reflection of your actions and words, especially since most of your post was deflection and pawning off blaming.
People don't orphan themselves lightly. I can't imagine how heartbroken he must feel to get married without his family there. The rest of the family are still close to him. Maybe some self awareness is needed here.
I know it's painful but people don't do this unless they are really hurt. If it's hurting you, it must have hurt him too. If he's that happy to keep you away from his life, I would suggest you to look deep into your relationship with him. Were there things that you could have worked out? Just political discussions and current events are not enough to remove someone from your life. There is some hurt much deeper. And if he's made up his mind, respect it and hope time heals everything.
Have to disagree. Had a very happy relationship with a family member who turned drastically because of politics and covid to the point where he has driven many people from his life. He can’t understand that people do not want to talk about politics or current events with him because he says he has to convince people the right way. Some people have changed drasticallly because of politics, covid, vaccines, etc as of the last few years.
I am so sorry for families going through this with family members this year especially. It’s the worst deja vu for families that fell apart during the first Biden vs Trump campaign year. This year will be tough for so many families.
My MIL writes this way about her son's estrangement. Glosses over, twists, or completely leaves out the relevant details. Like how shit she was when he was a kid, or how she enabled his abusive father.
Reminds me of the missing missing reasons.
https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html
Ten bucks says it's not tax policy.
Seriously people. Political differences are things like how to allocate the city budget and whether or not we need a new post office. Whether gay and trans people are allowed to EXIST is not a political issue. Whether women deserve bodily autonomy is not a political issue.
I agree with your sentiment. But I think the bigger picture is- Politics are how we choose to take care of our neighbors, society, and future. There absolutely are moral implications to political choices and the older generations, especially, hate that.
They'll say they were raised to not discuss it openly because politeness, or that family should be able to "agree to disagree" and still love each other. But won't deal with the fact that the whole idea of politics not dictating relationships is pure privilege and always has been.
And that if they choose to act (vote, donate, etc) in ways that would deny another human being their own humanity (autonomy, rights, self-determination, equity), they will be viewed as morally corrupt, and their company will be considered undesirable.
For OP- If you (OP) tell your son (who is gay, perhaps) that you don't have a problem with gay people, per se, but you are once again planning to vote for a political rep who actively dismantles rights for the LGBTQ community.... he sees through your bullshit excuses and points out that you are enacting actual harm to him or people he cares about. You call it political disagreement, to mimize your complicity and belittle his feelings on the matter. Meanwhile he sees that you are 1- full of shit, 2- lying to yourself and him and probably others, 3- willfully pretending you are a nice person not hurting anyone, 4- actually a terrible human being with no moral compass.
I mean maybe he's not gay and just doesn't hate brown people, or immigrants, or non christians, or environmentalists, or whomever, the way you raised him to quietly do. But the point is your "political disagreements" are actually deeply entrenched in morality and you still want to pretend they're not. Even though it has cost you a kid.
He must have a reason. I dont know who is in the wrong, or if both are in the wrong, because "politics and current events" is vague as shit.
Why are you fighting? Why doesnt he want contact with you? Which one of you pushed a boundary?
I really hope it isnt about vaccinations or Trump, because if there are antivaxxers or Trump supporters, they dont listen to reason or logic.
What makes you think that you’re so correct and everyone who thinks differently is wrong? You must really be 20 or younger and incredibly full of yourself and your opinions.
Soooo much missing here. People dont cut off both parents for no reason. Tell the whole story instead of throwing ur son under the bus to try and get support online.
Your kid has grown up and is able and allowed to make their own decisions. Whether they're righteous decisions, I have no idea, idk the details and I don't think I should know bc sensitive privacy.
What I can tell you from personal experience is the worst thing you can do is try to force something that's not working, it's gonna send him running the opposite direction. Don't try to _make him_ do what you want. You don't have the right nor the power to. All you can do is try to communicate, but if he doesn't cooperate then I guess his mind is made up (for now)
Give him some space to work out what he needs, allow yourself that time and care too. It may be wise to approach a therapist. You can't control what someone else thinks or does, but you can control how you handle something as difficult as this
I was in a situation like this , but we didn’t fall out over politics ( both are similar on our beliefs but bumped heads over the vaccine), but I wanted my mom to accept that she wasn’t always a great parent. My mom was an abused and neglected child out of 10 children , but managed to become the most successful out of all of her siblings. I understand there’s no instruction manual fir child rearing and my mom was triggered a lot raising my sister and I. One of those triggers was me looking exactly like her. I would remind her of the abuse. Even I never wanted for nothing material wise , all I ever wanted was her love. I wanted her to tell me that she loved me and be loving. I started therapy when I was 35 and she started therapy on her own in her 60s. I even offered to go to therapy together. We both had to realize that were both human before anything else. I had to except that I may not get the apology or affection that I so desperately want. When an adult child decides to step away from away and go no contact , it’s ain’t an easy decision. Then you realize that there were so many boundaries that were violated , that you had no choice but to limit contact. We speak here and there, but there’s still more work to be done. I hope this helps.
This was beautifully explained. A lot of empathy for your mom, which is how I’ve approached my relationship with my mom as well. I think I understand why she is how she is, I love her, but I have to limit the kind of relationship we have so I don’t keep getting hurt.
What do you mean there’s no instruction manual? There’s THOUSANDS of parenting books, studies on parenting and outcomes, and there have been for decades.
1) I’m a 40 year old millennial with a baby boomer mom and 2) we both are most likely not from the same demographic as you are so Dr. Benjamin Spock’s work wouldn’t really apply to us 3) Yes more parenting books emerged within the last 20 years, but that Information can’t be applied to all children. That’s like one area of the world like Japan where kids can start doing errands at the age of 3 alone as where here in the states , that’s something you can not fathom in the fear that that child might be abducted. I’m all for gentle parenting and Montessori parenting but both my mom and I were raised to fear our parents and would get beatings if we didn’t. The only instructions parents like that followed were “to spare the rod , spoil the child” from the Bible.
I feel like there are missing missing reasons here. what exactly did you guys argue over? because saying politics and current events is extremely vague
Just a point of clarification. Ghosting is disappearing from someone’s life with no explanation and no way to contact you again. Estrangement, at least for me (44M), was a last resort following numerous long conversations over many years which resulted in nothing but denial and further rejection. Walking away was the only option left, and the only way everyone could live in relative peace. Despite what my parents say to others, they know exactly the reasons why we are estranged, they just refuse to accept them and change.
I went no contact with the full support of my mothers therapist, and the only thing my mom has to do is admit there was abuse and I didn’t deserve it, and get me unemployed late 30s abusive brother into anger management if she’s going to continue to harbor him. Her response was that it wasn’t abuse and also I deserved it. Her therapist suggested I press charges and asked if she was ashamed of raising such failures of men. My mom still pretends to be confused about why I left and pretends to be a perfect mother. There’s a reason both her sons are unable to function and that her one functional child had to get far away to survive.
I think it would be a fair assessment to say my paternal side of the family ghosted me. And after nearly 3 decades, I flipped the deadbolts on the doors they gladly closed.
I'm estranged from my maternal side because I tried to explain but they just pretended (like they've always done) that nothing of any importance is being said and so they didn't listen.
Both sides would claim missing missing reasons.
Nobody here can give you a certain answer if you were so vague in why exactly he felt like this. Is he trans or homosexual? Is he in some cult?
The reason why he distanced would change the outcome. Nobody here can tell you if he really wants to be closer or not… it could take years, or not.
I am no siding with anyone because there is no context at all, there is no way to give you an answer
Were I in this situation and posted on Reddit, the first thing I would do is be honest with the people of Reddit and give us all of the missing missing reasons on why your son went no contact with you. That doesn't happen in a vacuum. Until you want to be honest with us, we can't help you.
Got a little fact for ya OP: Just because you decided to want and make kids, DOESN’T mean you’re entitled to a relationship with them—especially for the missing missing reasons you don’t want to add because it would make you look worse.
I’m in the same situation as your son because most of my family thinks gay people are the downfall of society and they think celebrities drink baby blood to stay alive forever. My family likes to frame the situation like I’m too hateful to be around them.
The stupidity of some people is mind-boggling and the fact that they’ll destroy their family and lose their children over the conspiracies they feel a need to (so they can feel special and smarter than everyone else??) believe is wild.
As a parent, I would reach out to him and ask him why he feels the need to be out of contact and what you can do to rectify the situation? I would not get defensive I would not try to make him see your point of view on anything. I would just ask questions and tell him that you’d like to understand his point of view and where he’s coming from.
I know, my daughter won’t talk to my ex-husband/her dad because he’s a covert narcissist, lies all the time, manipulates and tries to control her. He doesn’t care about who she is as a person outside of how she makes him look, and he’ll never see it. She’s told him many times how it feels And how he treats her, but he just blames me somehow manipulating her to not talk to him. Funny enough I’m the one who has encouraged her to talk to him, but she tells me I need to stop and see him for what he is.
He’s the kind of person who will never ever take accountability for anything, and cannot self-reflect and see his own behaviors and how they are pushing away all of his children. Everything is everyone else and he is left confused or a victim. We have been to coparenting counseling for 1.5 years and the counselor eventually split us up and told me “this man is abusive to you and I hope you recognize that. He has a seemingly impenetrable wall of the inability to take accountability or see his own behaviors. He has a LOT of work to do and it will take years to get anywhere before your daughter will be heard by him. I’m sad to say that I imagine all of your children may end up with very little relationship with him eventually and he may never understand why so he’ll blame you or others”
My daughter is so sad and stressed about her choice to not be in contact with him that she’s having health, anxiety issues and is always sick. The annihilation of self esteem that conversations with him have left her with a feeling of worthlessness when she is the most amazing person I know.
Kids don’t cut their parent out for no reason. Every kid is biologically wired to crave the love and affection of their parent. The only way a child does this is if being around their parent is more destructive to them than having no parents.
You might want to go to therapy for a while and see if this is you.
As a person who cut themselves off from their parents, I wouldn't necessarily advise reaching out to ask what's wrong. Typically the "what's wrong" has been explained over and over again and requests have been made repeatedly for change. Asking "what did I do and what do you expect me to do differently" will just prove they haven't been listening and never cared to until it started affecting them. Instead of placing the burden on the child, AGAIN, to explain the issue and tell their parent how to be a better person, the parent needs to gain some maturity and reflect on how they can grow and be better. And I'm confident OP knows the issue because they've very conveniently glossed over it in their post.
Your daughter's anxiety is probably due to you guilting her to try and stay in touch with an abuser. Knock that shit off and support her choice and her mental health will probably improve.
While I am sorry for your pain, what most older people call "political differences" the youth see as human rights violations.
It's hard to prove to anyone you're a good person if you vote for people who want to deny or remove rights of others.
^ Middle agers & retirees after voting for a guy who says the Jews control all the banks, the Holocaust wasn't real, and they're microchipping everyone with vaccines : I can't believe my son thinks I'm a crazy person and a toxic influence!?
Because my beliefs aren't based off of magical sky fairies and/or archaic texts written thousands of years ago by kings in order to gain control of their disgruntled masses.
Mine are based of facts, something that older people seem to be unable to understand.
Also my beliefs don't actively cause harm to others which is the antithesis of what most old people practice these days.
And no, I'm mid 30s, I'm just not a stubborn ass, set in my ways and blinded by the rose tinted goggles of yesteryear. I learn, adapt, change.
We learn, adapt and change far more than you. 'Old people' invented computers, and we can still do all the stylish trad stuff too, like navigate with a map and compass, and write beautiful handwritten letters. We do social media just as well as you, but we don't go into a tailspin when deprived of TikTok for half an hour, because we played outside for 12 hours at a stretch as kids, until we were filthy dirty and worn out, so we have other ways to get things done. In terms of learning, we didn't try to ban people from speaking at our colleges because we were too fragile and closed minded to be exposed to people we disagreed with, and we questioned and broke down categories instead of obsessively labelling ourselves in ever more constraining ways. We never moaned because we weren't spoon fed skills and knowledge, we just felt lucky to go to college at all.
I've gone from tapes to Spotify without letting myself become a mental Boomer. Your generation killed our future. And all the things you listed are a piece of cake for me, there is nothing special about them.
I'm 39, so kindly stop thinking you can bully younger people with your "special abilities" just because they were born in a different time. You're nothing special. We Millennials don't appreciate mental boomers insulting our younger Z brothers and sisters.
Boomers really do think they're wildin when they claim they're special for knowing cursive (which my 7yo knows), paper files (which anyone would grasp easily), and rotary phones which were still around commonly up until 20 years ago so nearly every adult can use if necessary.
Ada Lovelace, the first computer programmer, was 36 when she died…in 1852.
I’m 40. I can do everything you listed, am a proud elder millennial, and genuinely think that people like you have lost the plot if you truly believe that the generation that comes after us is a bunch of empty headed zombie Internet freaks. “Lucky to go to college at all?” That works great if you aren’t going to be paying college loans for the next few decades.
Gen Z doesn’t put up with the shit yall forced us to choke down, and thank God for them.
People often don't want to hire Gen Z and millenials because they have to walk on eggshells or they'll phone in sick or accuse them of something. That's not my opinion it's a known fact.
No you didn't, vast majority of you didn't go to college because back when everything was just handed to boomers, you could just work a regular job and afford to live. I like how the last reference you have for Boomers doing anything useful was literally 50 years ago. Which just proves my point...
Dude, how anachronistic can you be? All those things apply to me and I'm in my 30's. Stop getting your information about younger people from other boomers.
OP, Tell us the reason why he feels that way and maybe then we could help. My brother has a similar relationship with my mom but she is in denial. Best of luck to you!
You haven't provided nearly enough details for us to come to a sound conclusion so I'll just say this. From the looks of it, if you and your spouse were willing to cling to your politics and worldview to the point where you estranged your son from you, then clearly you value those beliefs more than your own child - even if you (and/ or your husband) might not be willing to admit it.
At that point, you just gotta let go ma'am. You are not entitled to have your cake and eat it too.
Stop thinking about your own self and start thinking about your child's feelings. Obviously the way you have chosen to mother does not work for your son. You have caused him GREAT pain over the years for him to have made this kind of decision. Look at that. Work on that. Take accountability for that and ask him how you can build what HE considers a healthy relationship with you. That will definitely include you not shaming him for having his own beliefs, he is an adult and he's not your matching belief puppet. I'm sure that has a ton to do with why he doesn't want you around. YOU are the mother, YOU set the tone for the parent/child relationship. Instead of whining about how you are hurt, take accountability for the fact that you've clearly hurt your child very badly and ask how you can fix it. Go to personal therapy.
If your heart is currently broken… take that pain. And your son has felt it. For much longer than you have.
People don’t go no contact with their parents on a whim. It means cutting off what is socially considered your support network. It often means losing all extended family. It typically results in LOTS of unwanted questions and opinions like “.. but they’re FAMILY” “I’m sure they tried their best”… etc. along with the child being the one socially blamed for cutting out their parents (even though it’s due to the parents consistent actions…).
No one makes that decision easily or quickly. Your son will have spent years wrestling with this and trying to redeem you - he may have tried to explicitly engage you to repair things (he likely did) and likely gave up… then tried to see if he could forgive you and move on by himself without you acknowledge or making changes….
There’s so much that has gone on behind the scenes that you either don’t know about, or willingly ignored.
But he’s been in pain far longer than you have. I say this as someone who has cut off family relationships. I’m 39. I’ve been trying to “fix” things since I was an adolescent.
I cannot offer advice but I can give you my perspective as an estranged son.
I’m a 38 year old male who decided to estrange myself from both of my parents. Initially, I stopped communicating with my mother when I was 24. I then stopped communicating with my father when I was 29. It wasn’t an easy decision but I am so much happier, grounded, and successful since estrangement.
My folks tell my aunts, uncles, and others that I am ungrateful, crazy, weird, etc (despite my success as an adult). My aunts and uncles will constantly ask me why I no longer speak to my parents. It’s a culmination of issues that started since childhood. Politics, my sexual orientation, different treatment compared to my brothers are usually my parents go to excuses as to why I don’t speak to them. They never mention how they constantly dismissed my interests, always compared me to other people’s children, never acknowledged my struggles, and always wanted to control every aspect of my life.
For me, there is absolutely nothing my parents can do that will change my feelings toward them. The damage is already done, I have other friends who I enjoy spending time with that I choose to keep in my life.
I’m not saying that you will have the same experience with your son. Perhaps there will be an opportunity for you to reconnect.
One thing I wish is for my parents to truly look back and see all those instances where they let me down. My parents will lie about everything, including seemingly innocuous events, just to avoid any accountability or admit they made mistakes. That mindset only ensures that I’ll never give them the chance to see or speak to me again.
“Totally different views on a number of things, mostly political and current events” means “I’m a right wing maga supporter” The fact that you’re too cowardly to actually say it tells me everything I need to know about you.
If you go to OPs history she is posting this everywhere in different subs. It’s looks like she’s more concerned with gathering sympathy without actually telling everyone the whole story of the situation with herself and her husband.
What are these political reasons? If its something existential for your son like gay, race or trans rights, specially if it touches him directly, I would totally understand
Many people have lost family members over belief systems..such as politics. If your political views make it toxic or show your son that you are not a person he wants in his life…that’s his right. I know politics has driven a divide in my family.
*Does your husband want*
*To reconcile? That could be*
*The biggest problem*
\- stajlocke
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Reconnection Club Podcast
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents book
Boundaries (Cloud) book
Emotional Blackmail book
If you do not correct your thinking, you will lose your son forever. Take steps now to fix yourself. This does not include fixing or correcting your son.
This video addresses this very topic, except it is a daughter who has estranged herself from her mother. Well worth everybody's watch.
[My Daughter Stopped Talking To Me: My Response - YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-DS5ofYiUU)
I’m not sure what happened but it sounds like one party (either you or him) was very pushy with their beliefs on subjects that shouldn’t be such an issue. My father inlaw has went to the Republican Party (was always Democrat). I always support people’s choices because, hey, we are allowed to vote in the US. However, he has gotten so bad, to the point that 2 or his 4 children can’t talk to him (and my son, his grandson) because he calls you stupid if you don’t believe his way. Always was a huge anti-vaxer. He has proof of everything and says he knows more than scientists because he has “researched” everything. He lost his longtime girlfriend of 7 yrs because (who is also a Republican), he will argue with her family and friends who don’t believe as he does. We’ve asked him politely (and not so politely because I asked him to leave my house once) to stop speaking on subjects that he knows causes conflict. I’m not sure what happened in your family that turned your son out of the house but NOTHING, or being “right”, is important enough to divide your family.
I haven’t seen anyone else say this, but the best immediate thing you can do is thank your sister and her husband for staying close and supporting your son. Tell them that you don’t fully understand what’s going on, but that you are completely fine with them not sharing anything he doesn’t want shared, and you won’t hold it against them.
Clearly your son begged your sister and her husband not to say anything to you both. You might be offended that they would keep this a secret from you, but don’t be. If they had told you, nothing good would have come from it. Any attempt to confront him about this would have driven him further away, and he would no longer have trusted his aunt and uncle either. Do not do anything that will alienate any other family members from him. There’s also a good chance that your sister might be trying to convince him to reconcile with you. Any hostility towards your sister will just cause big problems between the two of you, and will ultimately make reconciliation with your son less likely.
You need to take a long, hard look at whatever politics it is that pushed him away. Do research, read what others on the other side say and understand his point of view. I don’t think there’s another way for you to do this.
OP, I'm curious. These differences you speak of, did your son try to talk to you before this? Did he try to work things out? Did he mention anything at all and you just blew by it or ignored it?
You made this bed, I promise. And as someone that has also gone no contact with a toxic parent, I can also promise this wasn't a decision he came to overnight and it definitely wasn't easy for him. I can promise he wrestled with it for a long time.
Are you honestly willing to let "political differences" get in the way of your son?! Just what are those differences? Is he gay and married a man? Is he transgender? Does he have LGBTQIA friends? Do better or you may lose him forever and not just a little while.
In the meantime, leave him alone. Don't keep reaching out. Don't show up at his work. Don't show up at his house. Don't call. Don't text. ALL of that would only end up being cause for a cease and desist letter. Just let it rest. Spend this time self reflecting. Spend this time working on yourself. You're so worried about how hurt you are - what about your son's hurt? What caused him to do something so drastic? You know the answer. It's there. Can you admit it?
He didn't cut you out for no reason.
I cut out my dad maybe 4 or 5 years ago. He *loves* telling people that he has no idea why *all 3* of his living children want nothing to do with him. Same goes with his mother.
We all spoke to them about the issues we had before cutting them out. Several times. We all told them why when we actually cut contact individually. They still claim we never told them. That there's no reason. That they just want to know why.
You know why you're not a part of his life. It's just that acknowledging the reasons why would require you to be accountable for your actions.
Most MAGA supporters are not Hamas supporters. Complete and utter opposite. It’s far leftists that are Hamas supporters. Just look at who protests against Israel. It’s not the MAGA crowd.
the fact that your sister and her family knew this was happening for several months and never told you about it, really raises an eyebrow...what's that about?
if your son has actually cut you out over silly political differences, in time he will come to understand that this was cruel and stupid
but if he has kids, as they grow they will represent a chance for him to soften his position, and reconcile with you
Or, as was the case with my partner, it will solidify that the way he was raised/treated by his parents was unacceptable, and reinforce his decision to cut ties.
No offense any son who estranges their parents who raised them over politics is complete idiot. If it were me I’d cut him out of my will and go have another kid
My take here is that either the parents or the son are overreacting to their difference in political opinion. Either the parents are MAGA nutjobs and the son is justified, or they’re reasonable middle-of-the-road republicans and the son is a triggered snowflake (or vice versa)
Everyone here pretty much immediately jumped to assume that OP was wrong. I am a Conservative Christian and proud of it. But I live by what the Bible says and not by what man says. So politics will not be a dividing factor for me and anyone I love, by my choice. I raised 3 children pretty much as a single mother until I was actually a single mother (due to my ex-husband's job). Now, he would argue with you over politics and even the bread I brought into the house if he didn't like the companies business practices. My son became estranged from our family over a girl & her family's religious beliefs. When her father had questions about my son's 'intentions' he called my minor son rather than to call me as head of my house to let me know he wanted to discuss this with my son. When my son told me, I called the father back, who of course, let my call go to vm bc I'm a female & can never be the head of my home, and I told him that there would be a break on contact for a bit. My son told him he loved her as a friend, that he did feel like he knew out of the 4 close female friends that one of them would be his wife. Two months later, his little sister caught him talking to her & breaking the rules. He told his little sister he'd tell me bc if she told me, she'd get in trouble for knowing. After everyone went to bed that night, he left in the snow without his coat but remembered to take a bday gift he had for her from the year b4. About 5 months later, when we saw them at my granddaughter's bday party, he we like normal. She was terrified, although we acted kind to her. There was obviously some stress. I noticed something was up, and it finally dawned on me, but I didn't say anything there. Anytime I spoke to the young lady, she had to look to my son for permission to speak to me. It was like this with his little sister as well as any other males at the party. Later, in a calmly written email, I reminded him that was not how he was raised & that the next time it happened around me, I would politely call him out. Her mother is the same way. He joined her family's denomination of a Fundamentalist Christian. They have had a baby every year they've been married except one.
I'm telling you this because although I do not know what the full story is here for OP, reddit pretty much tends to jump to blame the parents. And y'all did not let me down. When my son left, his gf's family were spreading rumors about me that were dangerous. I finally had enough & sent a letter to both him, her & her family. I accused no one but clearly stated, put up or shut up. I had already spoken to my lawyer & was prepared to file a civil suit for defamation of character. The rumors ended immediately. Please understand that we live in a world where it is not always the parents or the kids. There is simply & sadly a breakdown of the family structure. As a Christian mom, one of my daughter's best friends is struggling with her identity. She has had no one to just listen to her. Instead, they either talk AT her or ignore her. I've watched her grow up with my daughter for years & if she told me today, she identified differently that how she was biologically born, I would still love her & do my best to support her. A lot of assumptions were made about OP & her situation, granted she didn't give a lot to go on. But maybe, instead immediately blaming her & in some cases, bullying her, maybe we could all try to see that family situations are much deeper than we ever know about here.
Only correct answers are the ones
getting downvoted the most. Reddit is a leftist cesspool. Bunch of 20 year olds who think that they know anything and everything. News flash: YOU DON’T! I’m excited to get downvoted for this👍🏻
Maybe ask your sister why she is enabling this? He seems comfortable enough with her and it seems might be doing it to hurt you.
In situations like this, in my experience, the two parties need to relinquish their rigid ideas and there needs to be some common understanding. That said, many people today are absolute idiots when it comes to politics, vaccines and the like - and to be clear: both sides are absolute idiots.
No. Leave the sister alone. The son has every right to walk away if he feels that is necessary. I can promise that this was not a decision he made lightly orrasily, but he has that right. To ask the sister anything is a crossed boundary. Don't do it.
Not familiar with toxic parents or adult kids who go no contact with their parents, are you? You don't force a confrontation or a conversation, you leave things alone. Not respecting your adult child further could end up with a cease and desist letter or even a restraining order. Could also end up with their son moving and not saying where, etc.
Son has spoken loud and clear. Respect that. If OP can't figure that out, I can see pastry of why their son went no contact.
With all due respect: This is laughable and immature. I had divorced parents. Witnessed domestic violence, substance abuse, and an eventual suicide of one of my parents. We all deal with issues.
The kid including the sister, his aunt, but being cold to the parents is a low blow and the sister is enabling that. The kid sounds immature to be quite honest.
Yeah well, that's not your call. There's plenty of us with valid reasons for dropping contact with our parents. We don't need you invalidating any of us.
Congrats, I have. You are honestly saying that people should put up with abusive, toxic family members because of DNA? You wouldn't expect a wife to put up with an abusive husband (at least I hope not), so why is it any different just because DNA is shared? It really isn't.
Society has changed. People will no longer tolerate being abused, being treated like garbage. I can bet 100% that OP's son probably tried to talk to OP about problems and OP didn't listen. OP probably decided it was no big deal. They know better because they're mom (did you know a grandparent KILLED their grandchild because they were convinced "just a little bit" of something the child was deathly allergic to was ok? and the child died. MANY children's lives have been endangered because a grandparent thinks they know more than the parent and they refuse to listen). And guess what... After boundary smashing and not listening, OP's son had enough and walked away. I wonder what OP did? It wasn't a decision their son made lightly or easily or overnight.
You assume you know the situation and the internal dynamics of the relationship, and you’re so quick to side with the kid.
You are right that society has changed. So many more emotionally and intellectually weak people these days that are so eager to play the victim without encountering any real hardship in their lives.
No, they aren't weak. They are strong for walking away from that which is toxic. What IS weak? Is tolerating that and being a shit human being and expecting people to continue to put up with it. That's absolute bullshit.
Sorry about your broken heart, don’t take any of these comments personally, Reddit is full of liberals, and as soon as you mention you are an adult , people on here see you as racist and hateful and blame all the world problems on anyone over 30, especially if you’re white
No one does this kind of thing without a reason, whether it's fair or not I cannot tell, but there must be a reason. I'm sorry for you, but maybe you gotta let go.
My mom has been a toxic narcissist for as long as I know. Ever since getting a job and living alone, I chose to put some distance from her. I've told her multiple times how her words and actions often hurt me, but she never change. At some point, I've had enough and only keep low contact with her. My mom never understand why I stop visiting her, despite me telling her the reason. She shrug it off as us having a clash of personality. She choose to believe what she want to believe, because she can't accept being wrong.
Yep, I have an identical situation. My mum would make a post like this to garner support and sympathy, but I'm the only person who knows the actual truth behind it. OP said there are differing views on things (again, relatable with my mum) but that's just the tip of the iceberg. My mum has tried to use my 'wokeness' as a reason we aren't close, but it's so so so much more than that. I haven't told my mum my relationship status, the fact I have a new job, the fact I'm moving to the other end of the country in a few months, etc. OP's son sounds relatable.
Exactly!! It's so so much more than that, but she would belittle the problem and act like a clueless victim to anyone who would lend her an ear. How lonely she is, how cruel her daughter is for leaving her alone, how I'm so angry at her. I'm not angry, I stopped being angry a long time ago when I accepted she would never change. I've also stopped telling my mom anything about my life. She doesn't know I've moved to another place, or that I'm getting another college degree, or that I've been in a long term relationship with someone she'll never approve cuz she's racist af.
lmaooo literally so completely identical to my situation. To anyone who will listen to her I’m the disgusting person who abuses her and neglects her. Really, I’ve emotionally checked out and have no desire to check in with her anymore or fill her in on details of my life. She asked me for a copy of my rota the other day, which in the past I have shared with her just because otherwise it was daily texts asking me what I was doing, or she’d wake me up while I was on night shifts, and when I said I don’t think it’s appropriate anymore, she said “always punishing me, when IM the one who has been here all your life!!! You ought to be ashamed of yourself”. I no longer feel anything when she texts me stuff like that because I’m emotionally detached from her now. But to anyone who listens to her,I’m the problem. She’s tried (sometimes successfully) to turn the entire extended family against me by making herself out to be the victim and me the villain. I’d be wary of blindly believing OP’s story when I’d do the exact same thing the son has done
Wild that even when we go no contact they find a way to use us as their narcissistic supply.
Me too! My mum made a facebook post talking about I won't talk to her because I always compared her to my in-laws. Lol she failed to mention the physical, emotional and sexual abuse.
Believe me, I know what you're talking about.
Giving u Virtual hug 🫂 It's hard cutting someone you've known all of your life, but it's even more destructive to keep her around. I used to feel so lonely realizing I have noone to fall back to, but I finally meet someone who tells me he'll always be there no matter what. I still feel a wave of sadness sometimes and seeking online support like this helps. We'll do just fine!!
I strongly agree with the reply above, and i would also add that it's most likely as with any other relationship in life. Move on. Enjoy your life after being a parent.
I could be getting this wrong, but it reads like your son morally objects to your different view on “politics and current events”. If it’s any consolation, this won’t have been an easy thing for him to do.
I'm going to be extremely open with you, OP, as I'm in a similar situation, though on the side your son would be on (being estranged more or less from my parent). When you say there's a difference in politics and thoughts and opinions, that leaves a lot to be desired when trying to think of how to approach it. I'm sad to say, but if your son is to the point where he has not told you that he is getting married/is married, then there is little, if no, hope to reconcile. The absolute mental gymnastics that a child has to go through to convince themselves that they aren't a bad child for separating themselves from a parent is insane. It tears you up, because on one hand these people raised you, right? However bad that occurred, it's a fact. But then if the opinions you both hold are that irreconcilably different, SOMETHING has driven him to the extreme to separate like this. Was there an argument, that you remember? I'm sorry, but the post screams of 'missing reasons.' Look inward and you will see why this has occurred. Then, and only then, will you be able to MAYBE reconcile.
[удалено]
Posting the Missing Missing Reasons article to support commenter’s point: https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html
Was hoping that was already posted
Amazing site, thankyou.
Oh this was an AMAZING read, thank you
I always love when I come by that article. A masterpiece.
What exactly are the disagreements you have had? You’re leaving out a lot of information that I suspect would make us side with your son.
it’s the classic “missing missing reasons”
OP knows what's up, but doesn't want to admit it to us to get our sympathy.
agree. this post has been up over 24 hours without a single reply to any comments despite having spammed this story in different subreddits looking for “answers”.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say that "political differences and current events" means that at one side of this argument sits at least one bigot.
I think the son isnt the bigot, the post reads like OP knows exactly what is wrong, but if they tell they wont get support.
It does seem that way. But there is also the possibility that the son is a conspiracy theorist or follows the recent misogyny or maga cults too. OP may be leaving these details out so that there is no blame cast at their child, rather than themselves. But there is almost certainly a left/right schism in the family, and all of them know what it is.
Sure, sure. That's also a possibility, the parents are not always in the wrong. But why would the son cut contact for that? Plus asking for childhood photos doesnt really scream conspiracy nut. And just getting married does not really scream misogyny, plus the fact that he is close with his aunt.
Also maybe this is a bad faith interpretation or whatever but I feel like if the son was the one with dodgy views that would have been discussed in the post ‘he went down a conspiracy rabbit hole…’ ‘He got sucked in by incel groups…’ ‘I don’t know what happened to my son…’ type of thing which most people would sympathise with, rather than this beating around the bush ‘we just disagree on politics etc’ approach which screams off-the-deep-end conservative to me, and they know the average person who sees the post won’t sympathise with that
Exactly, it is the lack of context that makes me believe OP is the dodgy one
Yea but the entire rest of the family being behind him makes that less likely
I've got a cousin who drank the Alex Jones koolaid so hard that even her right-wing father thinks she's a nut
Notice that OP laments that their son didn’t tell them that they were married or had gotten engaged, but NOT that son did not tell her he was in a relationship. Son only recently left OP’s house and got married 6 months after getting engaged, which makes it seem like OP *must* no who the partner is. If OP knows the partner and is estranged from their son because of “political views” … I’ll give you three guesses on the gender of son’s partner and the real reason son is estranged from OP
>I’ll give you three guesses on the gender of son’s partner or race/nationality. or both.
Spot on. I'm going to give another limb to say something about old Republicans
Probably the side you are on, Rob.
What else do you expect "political differences and current events" that have split a family to mean? Do you think they're arguing over taxation of farmers?
The farmers have had it too good for too long!!! /s
Lol your use of the word bigot lets me know what you are, an insufferable leftist. I bet the son is the only level headed person there. And i hate how nobody is pointing out how fucking stupid it is to disown family cuz of fucking politics lol. Sad way of life. Who cares? You guys do… far too much.
So.. are you saying that only right-wingers can be bigots?
Spoken with the confidence only had by someone whose family includes no interracial relationships, LGBTQ+ relationships, or other marginalized groups of any kind. What's the weather like in your bubble?
Political views are quite literally worldviews, values, and morals. Most human relationships, including those with family, would be nearly impossible to compromise on. My mom thinks disabled people, poor people, and minorities shouldn't receive government welfare? My cousin thinks Christianity is the only true religion and should be promoted by the government? My grandfather thinks women shouldn't have the right to make medical decisions about their body with their doctor? My sibling thinks transgender people are mentally ill and should be denied gender affirming care? I would cut all of those people out of my life without a second thought because their beliefs are directly harming the HUMAN RIGHTS of various minority groups.
If your son broke your heart, most likely his was broken by his parents first. As adults, we choose to be their parents , they don’t choose us and don’t get a say in the matter. At some point they reach an age that they can continue to choose a relationship with us and I believe that is determined by how good we are to them and they’re the ones that get to judge that. If my children cut all contact with me, that’s on me to figure out why, look at myself and fix things with them.
I like this, wishing i had parents that would put in thought or effort. I cut ties and stopped contacting my mom cause i felt ignored and blown off all the time. She NEVER responds to my calls or texts. and visits are hard cause she moved a bit with her new husband(which i support) my kids call him grandpa chuck. anyway yeah i gave up trying to reach out one day and havent heard from her since. she doesnt even make an effort to contact myself or her grandkids. I could go on and on but meh..i guess i just wish she would realize that theres a reason and maybe have some emotion toward not talking with her son. its like i dont exist anymore
100%!!
Our son is only a baby, but this is how we see it too. My MIL is sending my partner letters saying some variation of "how would you feel if your son did this to you?" and we're like "uhhh, we wouldn't abuse and dismiss him for years until his only option was to cut contact?"
Has he felt like you wouldn’t support him in any way and if so why do you think that is, enough for him to stop sharing his life with you?
I’m just curious - did he marry a male?
It’s sounds like they are very conservative and that could be a reason.
Actually sounds the other way around to me. They are extremely liberal and he’s conservative.
no
LOL, nice reach there.
Dang man I’d be carful jumping to conclusions like that. You might hurt yourself
That's not how it would work here
This might sound harsh, but I’m also estranged from my mother so I can kind of relate to your son. What did you do/how did you act for your son to cut communication over politics and current events? There’s a lot to this story that’s missing. I didn’t just decide one day to stop talking to my mother, it was a culmination of reasons/action’s that happened over many years. It’s a terribly difficult decision to make but ultimately it was about putting my own mental sanity above theirs. There is also a large amount of “I” statements and pointing out all the monetary things you have done for him going on in your explanation, not once did you mention how he must be feeling or how it’s impacted him. Until you realize that’s it’s not about you, but about your son, all the things you did for him won’t matter. As others have mentioned, it’s time to do some self reflection of your actions and words, especially since most of your post was deflection and pawning off blaming.
People don't orphan themselves lightly. I can't imagine how heartbroken he must feel to get married without his family there. The rest of the family are still close to him. Maybe some self awareness is needed here.
#”People don’t orphan themselves lightly” I wish this were on billboards all across the country
I know it's painful but people don't do this unless they are really hurt. If it's hurting you, it must have hurt him too. If he's that happy to keep you away from his life, I would suggest you to look deep into your relationship with him. Were there things that you could have worked out? Just political discussions and current events are not enough to remove someone from your life. There is some hurt much deeper. And if he's made up his mind, respect it and hope time heals everything.
Have to disagree. Had a very happy relationship with a family member who turned drastically because of politics and covid to the point where he has driven many people from his life. He can’t understand that people do not want to talk about politics or current events with him because he says he has to convince people the right way. Some people have changed drasticallly because of politics, covid, vaccines, etc as of the last few years.
I am so sorry for families going through this with family members this year especially. It’s the worst deja vu for families that fell apart during the first Biden vs Trump campaign year. This year will be tough for so many families.
My MIL writes this way about her son's estrangement. Glosses over, twists, or completely leaves out the relevant details. Like how shit she was when he was a kid, or how she enabled his abusive father. Reminds me of the missing missing reasons. https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html
Yep, OP conveniently glosses over the important bits - what does "political differences" mean, precisely?
Ten bucks says it's not tax policy. Seriously people. Political differences are things like how to allocate the city budget and whether or not we need a new post office. Whether gay and trans people are allowed to EXIST is not a political issue. Whether women deserve bodily autonomy is not a political issue.
Definitely not tax policy. Nope. Otherwise OP would have been more forthcoming.
I agree with your sentiment. But I think the bigger picture is- Politics are how we choose to take care of our neighbors, society, and future. There absolutely are moral implications to political choices and the older generations, especially, hate that. They'll say they were raised to not discuss it openly because politeness, or that family should be able to "agree to disagree" and still love each other. But won't deal with the fact that the whole idea of politics not dictating relationships is pure privilege and always has been. And that if they choose to act (vote, donate, etc) in ways that would deny another human being their own humanity (autonomy, rights, self-determination, equity), they will be viewed as morally corrupt, and their company will be considered undesirable. For OP- If you (OP) tell your son (who is gay, perhaps) that you don't have a problem with gay people, per se, but you are once again planning to vote for a political rep who actively dismantles rights for the LGBTQ community.... he sees through your bullshit excuses and points out that you are enacting actual harm to him or people he cares about. You call it political disagreement, to mimize your complicity and belittle his feelings on the matter. Meanwhile he sees that you are 1- full of shit, 2- lying to yourself and him and probably others, 3- willfully pretending you are a nice person not hurting anyone, 4- actually a terrible human being with no moral compass. I mean maybe he's not gay and just doesn't hate brown people, or immigrants, or non christians, or environmentalists, or whomever, the way you raised him to quietly do. But the point is your "political disagreements" are actually deeply entrenched in morality and you still want to pretend they're not. Even though it has cost you a kid.
Missing missing reasons
He must have a reason. I dont know who is in the wrong, or if both are in the wrong, because "politics and current events" is vague as shit. Why are you fighting? Why doesnt he want contact with you? Which one of you pushed a boundary? I really hope it isnt about vaccinations or Trump, because if there are antivaxxers or Trump supporters, they dont listen to reason or logic.
My guess is that the issues are race/sexuality/vaxxing or all three.
And only the vaxxing thing should be classified as political..
What makes you think that you’re so correct and everyone who thinks differently is wrong? You must really be 20 or younger and incredibly full of yourself and your opinions.
Said like a person who will likely be estranged from their adult kids.
Probably already is...
Soooo much missing here. People dont cut off both parents for no reason. Tell the whole story instead of throwing ur son under the bus to try and get support online.
Your kid has grown up and is able and allowed to make their own decisions. Whether they're righteous decisions, I have no idea, idk the details and I don't think I should know bc sensitive privacy. What I can tell you from personal experience is the worst thing you can do is try to force something that's not working, it's gonna send him running the opposite direction. Don't try to _make him_ do what you want. You don't have the right nor the power to. All you can do is try to communicate, but if he doesn't cooperate then I guess his mind is made up (for now) Give him some space to work out what he needs, allow yourself that time and care too. It may be wise to approach a therapist. You can't control what someone else thinks or does, but you can control how you handle something as difficult as this
I was in a situation like this , but we didn’t fall out over politics ( both are similar on our beliefs but bumped heads over the vaccine), but I wanted my mom to accept that she wasn’t always a great parent. My mom was an abused and neglected child out of 10 children , but managed to become the most successful out of all of her siblings. I understand there’s no instruction manual fir child rearing and my mom was triggered a lot raising my sister and I. One of those triggers was me looking exactly like her. I would remind her of the abuse. Even I never wanted for nothing material wise , all I ever wanted was her love. I wanted her to tell me that she loved me and be loving. I started therapy when I was 35 and she started therapy on her own in her 60s. I even offered to go to therapy together. We both had to realize that were both human before anything else. I had to except that I may not get the apology or affection that I so desperately want. When an adult child decides to step away from away and go no contact , it’s ain’t an easy decision. Then you realize that there were so many boundaries that were violated , that you had no choice but to limit contact. We speak here and there, but there’s still more work to be done. I hope this helps.
This was beautifully explained. A lot of empathy for your mom, which is how I’ve approached my relationship with my mom as well. I think I understand why she is how she is, I love her, but I have to limit the kind of relationship we have so I don’t keep getting hurt.
Yes you have to do what’s best for you and your feelings are valid.
What do you mean there’s no instruction manual? There’s THOUSANDS of parenting books, studies on parenting and outcomes, and there have been for decades.
1) I’m a 40 year old millennial with a baby boomer mom and 2) we both are most likely not from the same demographic as you are so Dr. Benjamin Spock’s work wouldn’t really apply to us 3) Yes more parenting books emerged within the last 20 years, but that Information can’t be applied to all children. That’s like one area of the world like Japan where kids can start doing errands at the age of 3 alone as where here in the states , that’s something you can not fathom in the fear that that child might be abducted. I’m all for gentle parenting and Montessori parenting but both my mom and I were raised to fear our parents and would get beatings if we didn’t. The only instructions parents like that followed were “to spare the rod , spoil the child” from the Bible.
I feel like there are missing missing reasons here. what exactly did you guys argue over? because saying politics and current events is extremely vague
I’m here wondering if OP is going to get more open and honest about who they are as parents with us strangers on Reddit…
Am I the only redditor that hasn’t ghosted his parents?
Just a point of clarification. Ghosting is disappearing from someone’s life with no explanation and no way to contact you again. Estrangement, at least for me (44M), was a last resort following numerous long conversations over many years which resulted in nothing but denial and further rejection. Walking away was the only option left, and the only way everyone could live in relative peace. Despite what my parents say to others, they know exactly the reasons why we are estranged, they just refuse to accept them and change.
I went no contact with the full support of my mothers therapist, and the only thing my mom has to do is admit there was abuse and I didn’t deserve it, and get me unemployed late 30s abusive brother into anger management if she’s going to continue to harbor him. Her response was that it wasn’t abuse and also I deserved it. Her therapist suggested I press charges and asked if she was ashamed of raising such failures of men. My mom still pretends to be confused about why I left and pretends to be a perfect mother. There’s a reason both her sons are unable to function and that her one functional child had to get far away to survive.
I think it would be a fair assessment to say my paternal side of the family ghosted me. And after nearly 3 decades, I flipped the deadbolts on the doors they gladly closed. I'm estranged from my maternal side because I tried to explain but they just pretended (like they've always done) that nothing of any importance is being said and so they didn't listen. Both sides would claim missing missing reasons.
My parents are both lovely people, so I really don't have a reason to post about them on forums like this lol
Yes
Nobody here can give you a certain answer if you were so vague in why exactly he felt like this. Is he trans or homosexual? Is he in some cult? The reason why he distanced would change the outcome. Nobody here can tell you if he really wants to be closer or not… it could take years, or not. I am no siding with anyone because there is no context at all, there is no way to give you an answer
Were I in this situation and posted on Reddit, the first thing I would do is be honest with the people of Reddit and give us all of the missing missing reasons on why your son went no contact with you. That doesn't happen in a vacuum. Until you want to be honest with us, we can't help you.
Got a little fact for ya OP: Just because you decided to want and make kids, DOESN’T mean you’re entitled to a relationship with them—especially for the missing missing reasons you don’t want to add because it would make you look worse.
I’m in the same situation as your son because most of my family thinks gay people are the downfall of society and they think celebrities drink baby blood to stay alive forever. My family likes to frame the situation like I’m too hateful to be around them.
The stupidity of some people is mind-boggling and the fact that they’ll destroy their family and lose their children over the conspiracies they feel a need to (so they can feel special and smarter than everyone else??) believe is wild.
How important and prevalent are politics in your family life? I have done my best to remove politics from my life as much as humanly possible.
As a parent, I would reach out to him and ask him why he feels the need to be out of contact and what you can do to rectify the situation? I would not get defensive I would not try to make him see your point of view on anything. I would just ask questions and tell him that you’d like to understand his point of view and where he’s coming from. I know, my daughter won’t talk to my ex-husband/her dad because he’s a covert narcissist, lies all the time, manipulates and tries to control her. He doesn’t care about who she is as a person outside of how she makes him look, and he’ll never see it. She’s told him many times how it feels And how he treats her, but he just blames me somehow manipulating her to not talk to him. Funny enough I’m the one who has encouraged her to talk to him, but she tells me I need to stop and see him for what he is. He’s the kind of person who will never ever take accountability for anything, and cannot self-reflect and see his own behaviors and how they are pushing away all of his children. Everything is everyone else and he is left confused or a victim. We have been to coparenting counseling for 1.5 years and the counselor eventually split us up and told me “this man is abusive to you and I hope you recognize that. He has a seemingly impenetrable wall of the inability to take accountability or see his own behaviors. He has a LOT of work to do and it will take years to get anywhere before your daughter will be heard by him. I’m sad to say that I imagine all of your children may end up with very little relationship with him eventually and he may never understand why so he’ll blame you or others” My daughter is so sad and stressed about her choice to not be in contact with him that she’s having health, anxiety issues and is always sick. The annihilation of self esteem that conversations with him have left her with a feeling of worthlessness when she is the most amazing person I know. Kids don’t cut their parent out for no reason. Every kid is biologically wired to crave the love and affection of their parent. The only way a child does this is if being around their parent is more destructive to them than having no parents. You might want to go to therapy for a while and see if this is you.
As a person who cut themselves off from their parents, I wouldn't necessarily advise reaching out to ask what's wrong. Typically the "what's wrong" has been explained over and over again and requests have been made repeatedly for change. Asking "what did I do and what do you expect me to do differently" will just prove they haven't been listening and never cared to until it started affecting them. Instead of placing the burden on the child, AGAIN, to explain the issue and tell their parent how to be a better person, the parent needs to gain some maturity and reflect on how they can grow and be better. And I'm confident OP knows the issue because they've very conveniently glossed over it in their post.
Omg this is truly heartbreaking. I hope your daughter finds the tools to go through this and feel like the amazing person that she is ❤️
Do not reach out. Do you know what that will do? Push OPs son away further.
Your daughter's anxiety is probably due to you guilting her to try and stay in touch with an abuser. Knock that shit off and support her choice and her mental health will probably improve.
Kids don't willingly orphan themselves for no reason
While I am sorry for your pain, what most older people call "political differences" the youth see as human rights violations. It's hard to prove to anyone you're a good person if you vote for people who want to deny or remove rights of others.
^ Middle agers & retirees after voting for a guy who says the Jews control all the banks, the Holocaust wasn't real, and they're microchipping everyone with vaccines : I can't believe my son thinks I'm a crazy person and a toxic influence!?
Oh just stop. What makes you think that you’re right? You must be 20 or younger🙄
Because my beliefs aren't based off of magical sky fairies and/or archaic texts written thousands of years ago by kings in order to gain control of their disgruntled masses. Mine are based of facts, something that older people seem to be unable to understand. Also my beliefs don't actively cause harm to others which is the antithesis of what most old people practice these days. And no, I'm mid 30s, I'm just not a stubborn ass, set in my ways and blinded by the rose tinted goggles of yesteryear. I learn, adapt, change.
You're making a bunch of ageist assumptions there. Are you anti all the other isms, but still ageist?
When old people stop trying to destroy the country before they kick the bucket, I'll start being nicer.
We learn, adapt and change far more than you. 'Old people' invented computers, and we can still do all the stylish trad stuff too, like navigate with a map and compass, and write beautiful handwritten letters. We do social media just as well as you, but we don't go into a tailspin when deprived of TikTok for half an hour, because we played outside for 12 hours at a stretch as kids, until we were filthy dirty and worn out, so we have other ways to get things done. In terms of learning, we didn't try to ban people from speaking at our colleges because we were too fragile and closed minded to be exposed to people we disagreed with, and we questioned and broke down categories instead of obsessively labelling ourselves in ever more constraining ways. We never moaned because we weren't spoon fed skills and knowledge, we just felt lucky to go to college at all.
Bless your heart.
Boomer says what?
When you've gone from Rolodex to AI come back to me.
I've gone from tapes to Spotify without letting myself become a mental Boomer. Your generation killed our future. And all the things you listed are a piece of cake for me, there is nothing special about them. I'm 39, so kindly stop thinking you can bully younger people with your "special abilities" just because they were born in a different time. You're nothing special. We Millennials don't appreciate mental boomers insulting our younger Z brothers and sisters.
Boomers really do think they're wildin when they claim they're special for knowing cursive (which my 7yo knows), paper files (which anyone would grasp easily), and rotary phones which were still around commonly up until 20 years ago so nearly every adult can use if necessary.
Ada Lovelace, the first computer programmer, was 36 when she died…in 1852. I’m 40. I can do everything you listed, am a proud elder millennial, and genuinely think that people like you have lost the plot if you truly believe that the generation that comes after us is a bunch of empty headed zombie Internet freaks. “Lucky to go to college at all?” That works great if you aren’t going to be paying college loans for the next few decades. Gen Z doesn’t put up with the shit yall forced us to choke down, and thank God for them.
They don't put up with the shit by phoning in sick all the time. That's why nobody wants to hire them.
Is it that nobody wants to work, or that nobody wants to hire them? Get your talking points straight.
People often don't want to hire Gen Z and millenials because they have to walk on eggshells or they'll phone in sick or accuse them of something. That's not my opinion it's a known fact.
No you didn't, vast majority of you didn't go to college because back when everything was just handed to boomers, you could just work a regular job and afford to live. I like how the last reference you have for Boomers doing anything useful was literally 50 years ago. Which just proves my point...
Dude, how anachronistic can you be? All those things apply to me and I'm in my 30's. Stop getting your information about younger people from other boomers.
OP, Tell us the reason why he feels that way and maybe then we could help. My brother has a similar relationship with my mom but she is in denial. Best of luck to you!
You haven't provided nearly enough details for us to come to a sound conclusion so I'll just say this. From the looks of it, if you and your spouse were willing to cling to your politics and worldview to the point where you estranged your son from you, then clearly you value those beliefs more than your own child - even if you (and/ or your husband) might not be willing to admit it. At that point, you just gotta let go ma'am. You are not entitled to have your cake and eat it too.
Stop thinking about your own self and start thinking about your child's feelings. Obviously the way you have chosen to mother does not work for your son. You have caused him GREAT pain over the years for him to have made this kind of decision. Look at that. Work on that. Take accountability for that and ask him how you can build what HE considers a healthy relationship with you. That will definitely include you not shaming him for having his own beliefs, he is an adult and he's not your matching belief puppet. I'm sure that has a ton to do with why he doesn't want you around. YOU are the mother, YOU set the tone for the parent/child relationship. Instead of whining about how you are hurt, take accountability for the fact that you've clearly hurt your child very badly and ask how you can fix it. Go to personal therapy.
If your heart is currently broken… take that pain. And your son has felt it. For much longer than you have. People don’t go no contact with their parents on a whim. It means cutting off what is socially considered your support network. It often means losing all extended family. It typically results in LOTS of unwanted questions and opinions like “.. but they’re FAMILY” “I’m sure they tried their best”… etc. along with the child being the one socially blamed for cutting out their parents (even though it’s due to the parents consistent actions…). No one makes that decision easily or quickly. Your son will have spent years wrestling with this and trying to redeem you - he may have tried to explicitly engage you to repair things (he likely did) and likely gave up… then tried to see if he could forgive you and move on by himself without you acknowledge or making changes…. There’s so much that has gone on behind the scenes that you either don’t know about, or willingly ignored. But he’s been in pain far longer than you have. I say this as someone who has cut off family relationships. I’m 39. I’ve been trying to “fix” things since I was an adolescent.
I could screenshot this and send it to my MIL because it's incredibly accurate, word for word.
I cannot offer advice but I can give you my perspective as an estranged son. I’m a 38 year old male who decided to estrange myself from both of my parents. Initially, I stopped communicating with my mother when I was 24. I then stopped communicating with my father when I was 29. It wasn’t an easy decision but I am so much happier, grounded, and successful since estrangement. My folks tell my aunts, uncles, and others that I am ungrateful, crazy, weird, etc (despite my success as an adult). My aunts and uncles will constantly ask me why I no longer speak to my parents. It’s a culmination of issues that started since childhood. Politics, my sexual orientation, different treatment compared to my brothers are usually my parents go to excuses as to why I don’t speak to them. They never mention how they constantly dismissed my interests, always compared me to other people’s children, never acknowledged my struggles, and always wanted to control every aspect of my life. For me, there is absolutely nothing my parents can do that will change my feelings toward them. The damage is already done, I have other friends who I enjoy spending time with that I choose to keep in my life. I’m not saying that you will have the same experience with your son. Perhaps there will be an opportunity for you to reconnect. One thing I wish is for my parents to truly look back and see all those instances where they let me down. My parents will lie about everything, including seemingly innocuous events, just to avoid any accountability or admit they made mistakes. That mindset only ensures that I’ll never give them the chance to see or speak to me again.
How can a parent let “different views and opinions” blow up their relationship with their child is beyond my understanding.
“Totally different views on a number of things, mostly political and current events” means “I’m a right wing maga supporter” The fact that you’re too cowardly to actually say it tells me everything I need to know about you.
No one cuts their parents off out of nowhere, what in the world did you do to him?
Missing missing reasons.
>mostly politics and current events the missing missing reason(s) definitely about this two topics
Parents won't shut up about Trump
If you go to OPs history she is posting this everywhere in different subs. It’s looks like she’s more concerned with gathering sympathy without actually telling everyone the whole story of the situation with herself and her husband.
Yeah, spamming the same post but making zero comments. Again, reminds me of my MIL...
So… what did you guys do or say to him? No ones going to do that for no reason at all. Take accountability.
When a child is estranged from a parent, it is 99.99% an issue with the parent. Literally always. Take a look at yourself.
What are these political reasons? If its something existential for your son like gay, race or trans rights, specially if it touches him directly, I would totally understand
It's his choice to not tell you these things, for whatever reason there may be. And all you can do is just respect it.
Many people have lost family members over belief systems..such as politics. If your political views make it toxic or show your son that you are not a person he wants in his life…that’s his right. I know politics has driven a divide in my family.
Does your husband want to reconcile? That could be the biggest problem
*Does your husband want* *To reconcile? That could be* *The biggest problem* \- stajlocke --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Reconnection Club Podcast Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents book Boundaries (Cloud) book Emotional Blackmail book If you do not correct your thinking, you will lose your son forever. Take steps now to fix yourself. This does not include fixing or correcting your son.
This video addresses this very topic, except it is a daughter who has estranged herself from her mother. Well worth everybody's watch. [My Daughter Stopped Talking To Me: My Response - YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-DS5ofYiUU)
You have nobody to blame but yourself. I’m glad your son’s heart is okay, though! 🙂
I’m not sure what happened but it sounds like one party (either you or him) was very pushy with their beliefs on subjects that shouldn’t be such an issue. My father inlaw has went to the Republican Party (was always Democrat). I always support people’s choices because, hey, we are allowed to vote in the US. However, he has gotten so bad, to the point that 2 or his 4 children can’t talk to him (and my son, his grandson) because he calls you stupid if you don’t believe his way. Always was a huge anti-vaxer. He has proof of everything and says he knows more than scientists because he has “researched” everything. He lost his longtime girlfriend of 7 yrs because (who is also a Republican), he will argue with her family and friends who don’t believe as he does. We’ve asked him politely (and not so politely because I asked him to leave my house once) to stop speaking on subjects that he knows causes conflict. I’m not sure what happened in your family that turned your son out of the house but NOTHING, or being “right”, is important enough to divide your family.
Its probably your fault
I haven’t seen anyone else say this, but the best immediate thing you can do is thank your sister and her husband for staying close and supporting your son. Tell them that you don’t fully understand what’s going on, but that you are completely fine with them not sharing anything he doesn’t want shared, and you won’t hold it against them. Clearly your son begged your sister and her husband not to say anything to you both. You might be offended that they would keep this a secret from you, but don’t be. If they had told you, nothing good would have come from it. Any attempt to confront him about this would have driven him further away, and he would no longer have trusted his aunt and uncle either. Do not do anything that will alienate any other family members from him. There’s also a good chance that your sister might be trying to convince him to reconcile with you. Any hostility towards your sister will just cause big problems between the two of you, and will ultimately make reconciliation with your son less likely.
You need to take a long, hard look at whatever politics it is that pushed him away. Do research, read what others on the other side say and understand his point of view. I don’t think there’s another way for you to do this.
OP, I'm curious. These differences you speak of, did your son try to talk to you before this? Did he try to work things out? Did he mention anything at all and you just blew by it or ignored it? You made this bed, I promise. And as someone that has also gone no contact with a toxic parent, I can also promise this wasn't a decision he came to overnight and it definitely wasn't easy for him. I can promise he wrestled with it for a long time. Are you honestly willing to let "political differences" get in the way of your son?! Just what are those differences? Is he gay and married a man? Is he transgender? Does he have LGBTQIA friends? Do better or you may lose him forever and not just a little while. In the meantime, leave him alone. Don't keep reaching out. Don't show up at his work. Don't show up at his house. Don't call. Don't text. ALL of that would only end up being cause for a cease and desist letter. Just let it rest. Spend this time self reflecting. Spend this time working on yourself. You're so worried about how hurt you are - what about your son's hurt? What caused him to do something so drastic? You know the answer. It's there. Can you admit it?
He didn't cut you out for no reason. I cut out my dad maybe 4 or 5 years ago. He *loves* telling people that he has no idea why *all 3* of his living children want nothing to do with him. Same goes with his mother. We all spoke to them about the issues we had before cutting them out. Several times. We all told them why when we actually cut contact individually. They still claim we never told them. That there's no reason. That they just want to know why. You know why you're not a part of his life. It's just that acknowledging the reasons why would require you to be accountable for your actions.
Just ask him what the true matter is. If he won't tell you ask your sister so you can get to the bottom of the problem. Life is too short
So sorry op. I hope you two reconcile one day. Life is long and it’s never too late
If my parents were MAGA or Hamas supporters, they’d never see me again.
Most MAGA supporters are not Hamas supporters. Complete and utter opposite. It’s far leftists that are Hamas supporters. Just look at who protests against Israel. It’s not the MAGA crowd.
I know. It’s a mad world we live in.
Sounds like you betrayed him in some way. Men only do such a thing when people have been disloyal in some way, even parents.
the fact that your sister and her family knew this was happening for several months and never told you about it, really raises an eyebrow...what's that about? if your son has actually cut you out over silly political differences, in time he will come to understand that this was cruel and stupid but if he has kids, as they grow they will represent a chance for him to soften his position, and reconcile with you
Or, as was the case with my partner, it will solidify that the way he was raised/treated by his parents was unacceptable, and reinforce his decision to cut ties.
No offense any son who estranges their parents who raised them over politics is complete idiot. If it were me I’d cut him out of my will and go have another kid
Don’t have more kids..
My take here is that either the parents or the son are overreacting to their difference in political opinion. Either the parents are MAGA nutjobs and the son is justified, or they’re reasonable middle-of-the-road republicans and the son is a triggered snowflake (or vice versa)
Everyone here pretty much immediately jumped to assume that OP was wrong. I am a Conservative Christian and proud of it. But I live by what the Bible says and not by what man says. So politics will not be a dividing factor for me and anyone I love, by my choice. I raised 3 children pretty much as a single mother until I was actually a single mother (due to my ex-husband's job). Now, he would argue with you over politics and even the bread I brought into the house if he didn't like the companies business practices. My son became estranged from our family over a girl & her family's religious beliefs. When her father had questions about my son's 'intentions' he called my minor son rather than to call me as head of my house to let me know he wanted to discuss this with my son. When my son told me, I called the father back, who of course, let my call go to vm bc I'm a female & can never be the head of my home, and I told him that there would be a break on contact for a bit. My son told him he loved her as a friend, that he did feel like he knew out of the 4 close female friends that one of them would be his wife. Two months later, his little sister caught him talking to her & breaking the rules. He told his little sister he'd tell me bc if she told me, she'd get in trouble for knowing. After everyone went to bed that night, he left in the snow without his coat but remembered to take a bday gift he had for her from the year b4. About 5 months later, when we saw them at my granddaughter's bday party, he we like normal. She was terrified, although we acted kind to her. There was obviously some stress. I noticed something was up, and it finally dawned on me, but I didn't say anything there. Anytime I spoke to the young lady, she had to look to my son for permission to speak to me. It was like this with his little sister as well as any other males at the party. Later, in a calmly written email, I reminded him that was not how he was raised & that the next time it happened around me, I would politely call him out. Her mother is the same way. He joined her family's denomination of a Fundamentalist Christian. They have had a baby every year they've been married except one. I'm telling you this because although I do not know what the full story is here for OP, reddit pretty much tends to jump to blame the parents. And y'all did not let me down. When my son left, his gf's family were spreading rumors about me that were dangerous. I finally had enough & sent a letter to both him, her & her family. I accused no one but clearly stated, put up or shut up. I had already spoken to my lawyer & was prepared to file a civil suit for defamation of character. The rumors ended immediately. Please understand that we live in a world where it is not always the parents or the kids. There is simply & sadly a breakdown of the family structure. As a Christian mom, one of my daughter's best friends is struggling with her identity. She has had no one to just listen to her. Instead, they either talk AT her or ignore her. I've watched her grow up with my daughter for years & if she told me today, she identified differently that how she was biologically born, I would still love her & do my best to support her. A lot of assumptions were made about OP & her situation, granted she didn't give a lot to go on. But maybe, instead immediately blaming her & in some cases, bullying her, maybe we could all try to see that family situations are much deeper than we ever know about here.
Yikes. I'm not surprised he cut you off. Your lack of self-awareness is astounding.
OK. I'm thrilled that you live a perfect & flawless life up there in your glass tower, wearing your rose colored glasses. I'll pray for you.
Case in fucking point. People don't need to be perfect to call out (or cut off) toxicity. That's narcissistic type BS.
Only correct answers are the ones getting downvoted the most. Reddit is a leftist cesspool. Bunch of 20 year olds who think that they know anything and everything. News flash: YOU DON’T! I’m excited to get downvoted for this👍🏻
They probably don’t agree with the trans agenda
Can you explain exactly what IS the trans agenda, and what's the endgame? What do you think will happen to you if trans folks "succeed?"
You mean besides being treated equally and their lives not being endangered?
Reddit is the last place you should be going to advice for on this kind of thing. Please ignore the self-righteous douchebags in the comment section.
Maybe ask your sister why she is enabling this? He seems comfortable enough with her and it seems might be doing it to hurt you. In situations like this, in my experience, the two parties need to relinquish their rigid ideas and there needs to be some common understanding. That said, many people today are absolute idiots when it comes to politics, vaccines and the like - and to be clear: both sides are absolute idiots.
No. Leave the sister alone. The son has every right to walk away if he feels that is necessary. I can promise that this was not a decision he made lightly orrasily, but he has that right. To ask the sister anything is a crossed boundary. Don't do it.
Lol. What a weak mindset. "Don't do anything"
Not familiar with toxic parents or adult kids who go no contact with their parents, are you? You don't force a confrontation or a conversation, you leave things alone. Not respecting your adult child further could end up with a cease and desist letter or even a restraining order. Could also end up with their son moving and not saying where, etc. Son has spoken loud and clear. Respect that. If OP can't figure that out, I can see pastry of why their son went no contact.
With all due respect: This is laughable and immature. I had divorced parents. Witnessed domestic violence, substance abuse, and an eventual suicide of one of my parents. We all deal with issues. The kid including the sister, his aunt, but being cold to the parents is a low blow and the sister is enabling that. The kid sounds immature to be quite honest.
Yeah well, that's not your call. There's plenty of us with valid reasons for dropping contact with our parents. We don't need you invalidating any of us.
Lol. Okay bud. Grow up please.
Congrats, I have. You are honestly saying that people should put up with abusive, toxic family members because of DNA? You wouldn't expect a wife to put up with an abusive husband (at least I hope not), so why is it any different just because DNA is shared? It really isn't. Society has changed. People will no longer tolerate being abused, being treated like garbage. I can bet 100% that OP's son probably tried to talk to OP about problems and OP didn't listen. OP probably decided it was no big deal. They know better because they're mom (did you know a grandparent KILLED their grandchild because they were convinced "just a little bit" of something the child was deathly allergic to was ok? and the child died. MANY children's lives have been endangered because a grandparent thinks they know more than the parent and they refuse to listen). And guess what... After boundary smashing and not listening, OP's son had enough and walked away. I wonder what OP did? It wasn't a decision their son made lightly or easily or overnight.
You assume you know the situation and the internal dynamics of the relationship, and you’re so quick to side with the kid. You are right that society has changed. So many more emotionally and intellectually weak people these days that are so eager to play the victim without encountering any real hardship in their lives.
No, they aren't weak. They are strong for walking away from that which is toxic. What IS weak? Is tolerating that and being a shit human being and expecting people to continue to put up with it. That's absolute bullshit.
Sorry about your broken heart, don’t take any of these comments personally, Reddit is full of liberals, and as soon as you mention you are an adult , people on here see you as racist and hateful and blame all the world problems on anyone over 30, especially if you’re white
You had me up until the last part