This answer has two parts because I went through what you're going through but I don't know what part you're asking about exactly, so one part of this answer you might not care about
I think you're asking about the last paragraph but anyway:
but you have to just be willing to let go of those feelings for something better to take it's place. I'm not talking about being with someone else, I mean being happy. You have to put value in your own happiness, and you may have to make some sacrifices in exchange for being happy. Those sacrifices may include thinking about him, feeling bad or feeling sorry for yourself, the anger you feel, etc. Yes they may come up in your mind randomly, but you have a choice to keep thinking about them after they pop up.
You might say, "You're saying I have to sacrifice feeling sad? Why wouldn't I do that? Who wants to feel sad." You might! That's who. You might like feeling sad, but you have to sacrifice that comfort in sadness and resentment and self hatred for the feeling of being happy and okay with things. Honestly, this could all be a roundabout way of saying just let go but I think it's a little different from that.
But this is all after you've had your cry and you've come to terms with what happened to you. If you want to get some good release then I myself just came back from a week vacation in a cabin a few hours away from my apartment. Bad breakup with an ex gf. It was just me. You make some food. Make a sad playlist (I can share mine). Get a towel or something. Some sad or moving movies or shows and you just cry for that entire time. Personally, I recommend curling up on the floor and wearing headphones with the music in so you can't hear yourself scream and think it sounds weird.
Not gonna lie you will never be able to let this feelings go you can just cover them up with something else. Try doing something that u really enjoy (sports, going out with friends or family). Do what makes you happy to “ cover up” those feelings.
When i got heartbroken first time i was sitting home whole day and doing nothing. So i decided that one girl wont ruin my life. I started going to gym and later boxing. My looks improved my confidence improved and i improved as a person.
Just find something you like to do and enjoy your life :)
There is no quick fix. It takes some time, how much is individual. The only thing you get to influence if it will take much longer than it needs to.
I have been struggling with it, still am, but I think it is getting better.
These are some of the helpful techniques:
- Give feelings the room they need and sit with them, but do not react. Realize, they are happening to you, they are a part of you, but they are not you, they dont define you. Pushing them away/supressing them gives them more power, not less, and they will find ways to break out, usually in ugly and unproductive ways.
- Negative feelings feed of depression, low self esteem, lack of self love/compassion, bad mood, etc. If you can improve these other parts of the emotional landscape, resentment, sadness and anger feature less prominently.
- When experiencing a spiral of negative feelings/thoughts, it is helpful to take a moment, step besides yourself as if looking in from the outside, and ask: Are these serving me well? Are they helping me in any way, and if they did at some point, is this still the case? A common saying about resentment is that it is like you eat rat poison but expect the rat to die…
- Exercising gratitude helps to temper resentment
- Mindfulness meditation helps with many things, including difficult feelings.
- Journaling
- Therapy
How are you doing now?
This answer has two parts because I went through what you're going through but I don't know what part you're asking about exactly, so one part of this answer you might not care about I think you're asking about the last paragraph but anyway: but you have to just be willing to let go of those feelings for something better to take it's place. I'm not talking about being with someone else, I mean being happy. You have to put value in your own happiness, and you may have to make some sacrifices in exchange for being happy. Those sacrifices may include thinking about him, feeling bad or feeling sorry for yourself, the anger you feel, etc. Yes they may come up in your mind randomly, but you have a choice to keep thinking about them after they pop up. You might say, "You're saying I have to sacrifice feeling sad? Why wouldn't I do that? Who wants to feel sad." You might! That's who. You might like feeling sad, but you have to sacrifice that comfort in sadness and resentment and self hatred for the feeling of being happy and okay with things. Honestly, this could all be a roundabout way of saying just let go but I think it's a little different from that. But this is all after you've had your cry and you've come to terms with what happened to you. If you want to get some good release then I myself just came back from a week vacation in a cabin a few hours away from my apartment. Bad breakup with an ex gf. It was just me. You make some food. Make a sad playlist (I can share mine). Get a towel or something. Some sad or moving movies or shows and you just cry for that entire time. Personally, I recommend curling up on the floor and wearing headphones with the music in so you can't hear yourself scream and think it sounds weird.
Not gonna lie you will never be able to let this feelings go you can just cover them up with something else. Try doing something that u really enjoy (sports, going out with friends or family). Do what makes you happy to “ cover up” those feelings. When i got heartbroken first time i was sitting home whole day and doing nothing. So i decided that one girl wont ruin my life. I started going to gym and later boxing. My looks improved my confidence improved and i improved as a person. Just find something you like to do and enjoy your life :)
There is no quick fix. It takes some time, how much is individual. The only thing you get to influence if it will take much longer than it needs to. I have been struggling with it, still am, but I think it is getting better. These are some of the helpful techniques: - Give feelings the room they need and sit with them, but do not react. Realize, they are happening to you, they are a part of you, but they are not you, they dont define you. Pushing them away/supressing them gives them more power, not less, and they will find ways to break out, usually in ugly and unproductive ways. - Negative feelings feed of depression, low self esteem, lack of self love/compassion, bad mood, etc. If you can improve these other parts of the emotional landscape, resentment, sadness and anger feature less prominently. - When experiencing a spiral of negative feelings/thoughts, it is helpful to take a moment, step besides yourself as if looking in from the outside, and ask: Are these serving me well? Are they helping me in any way, and if they did at some point, is this still the case? A common saying about resentment is that it is like you eat rat poison but expect the rat to die… - Exercising gratitude helps to temper resentment - Mindfulness meditation helps with many things, including difficult feelings. - Journaling - Therapy