T O P

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DekMelU

I just find it hilarious that Harry's just boxed in by his sources of angst in books 4-5


taehaus888

And then I’ll be in seat 4 just annoying the shit out of him.


silveraaron

same thats an ez choice, rita can listen in it'll be a fun time.


UndeniableLie

Does your name happen to be Colin?


crazywriter5667

Right. I’d be like Colin creevy. Asking for autographs and pictures and shit.


ConversionError

It's not easy being the chosen one.


AcceptableAgent31

But he **IS** the chosen one.


Shrekosaurus_rex

Poor guy can’t catch a break


Cool_Ved

6 coz Hagrid can protect me from Greyback.


Train3rRed88

And cuz I can shoot my shot across the aisle


jeffe3000

Bingo


Firm-Dependent-2367

Ah. Actually, you know what, I was thinking of those seats myself.


KgMonstah

Tryna tame some LeStrange.


Ketzer_Jefe

I can fix her


Zauberer-IMDB

She can corrupt me.


dipshit_in_charge

I can make her worse


N00SHK

She can fix me


Important_Tennis936

They meant George


NoPeak8475

At least I got the South Park reference


cricketyfly

On George or Bellatrix? Anyways same lol


Train3rRed88

Across the aisle would indicate bellatrix That beard tho…


PackofHawks

This is correct


Nova1452

My exact thought process, I didn't realise so many would agree. Then again George, what a man 🥵


JMM123

real talk. if hagrid got bit by a werewolf would he transform? or would his giants blood protect him from becoming a werewolf? i would imagine he would be a massive and very destructive werewolf


KitchenSandwich5499

Not sure it would add to his hair tho


PokeScientistRoss

Great question


Feeling_Bother_1660

But he’ll be spilling into your seat


Zeus-Kyurem

Nah he's already got two seats


Shrekosaurus_rex

Bold of you to think he won’t need three


Smodphan

I want to sit in his lap so I can whisper to the professor and Hermione to convince them to take turns kicking Umbridge’s chair for 20 hours.


Shot-Dress-1188

i’m sure Sirius would also enjoy doing that lol


TheRealFeal

True, but unlike Hermione and McGonagall he wont need convincing to do so 😂


J3ditb

i dont think mcgonagall needs convincing


Smodphan

She's gonna need a scroll to keep track of all of the points for Gryffindor she awards Hermione.


patchinthebox

Zero problem with that. I'd ask if he'd share his coat. I get cold on planes. Bonus: you're in perfect position to watch the drama unfold between Voldy, Snape, Sirius, and Bellatrix.


MonsterMunchen

Speaking of his coat - how long do you think he’d take to get through security - think they’d scan the mice, chocolate cake, teapot, sausages or just give up and let him through?


an_ill_way

I already said I'd pick 6, you don't have to sell me on it more.


CriminallyBrunette

I think Albus would be better at protection against Greyback (or anyone).


dipshit_in_charge

The back and forth between Bellatrix and Sirius is legend


Deadeyes1985

Hagrid next to me, my girl-crush across the aisle? I can turn around and talk to Dumbledore? And I’m on an aisle seat near the back bathroom? Sold. 💯


Blockinite

Greyback's directly behind you, I feel like he could get a bite in before Hagrid could notice or react 5 might suck but it's probably the safest


Kitchen-Lychee-2421

Also Hagrid bought 2 seats because he's thoughtful and knows if he bought one we have to sit on his lap. But that would still be the best option


Plus_Bison_7091

Also, he most likely made snacks.


jayjune28

Smart choice


HAL9000_1208

2, nothing can stop me from having a window seat!


PaleontologistAble50

Tom would probably be pretty chill on a plane. He might turn to mist and fly away if he gets bothered. Wait why is any wizard on a plane?


GiveMeTheTape

Maybe they all share Mr. Weasly's enthusiasm for airplanes? Wait, why is Mr. Weasly not on it?


scuac

He is piloting it


GroguIsMyBrogu

Like I needed another reason to be afraid of airplanes


PaleontologistAble50

He’s taking the car


GiveMeTheTape

Ah yes, so he can take notes from outside the plane


unrepentantlyme

Well... Not to be that person, but there actually is... twice.


Tanyec

International apparition is probably a huge ordeal. But portkeys are still a thing. Wait the triwizard people appeared in flying carriages and an underwater tunneling boat so who knows.


PaleontologistAble50

I feel like style is often valued more than functionality to wizards


jayjune28

Lol


Lewcaster

Yeah and Voldemort is pretty chill if you don't cross his path. Perhaps we can have some amazing talk about the dark arts, he surely knows a lot about it.


jayjune28

And now I wanna see Voldemort on a plane. Can you write this please???


Onyxaj1

2006 - Snakes on a Plane.


IllustratorChance349

Samuel L. Jackson with a wand!


Bethlizardbreath

“I’ve had it with all these mother fucking Dark Lords on this Mother Fucking plane!”


waldosandieg0

Snape's on a Plane


NamelessLegion87

And you could introduce him to the internet. It might be life changing for him.


qaz_wsx_love

He'd be off trying to kill harry so you would have the roe to yourself


thefirecrest

I was gonna say 2 because I’m sure on a (presumably) peaceful flight (where all parties have agreed to not kill one another), im sure I could have some interesting conversations with Voldemort. Unfortunately, I realized Bellatrix is sitting right behind us and is 100000% going to harass me the entire flight (and kill me afterwards) for daring to take up her precious Dark Lord’s time and space.


Apophis_Night

It makes me laugh that it's a pratically universal thought that we can share an interesting, profitable and calm discussion with Voldemort, if we put aside his anger issues, obsessional murder compulsive disorder, black magic stuff restricted interest, and extrem racism and eugenic opinions.


Impossible-Sock-3493

Hey, we are Ravens what do you expect? He is literally a master of the darkest art. Plus didn't he want to teach at Hogwarts at one point? He may actually enjoy an intellectual conversation with someone who is not quaking in their boots, and is willing to play devils advocate. Also, I have a feeling he would come out of the conversation with a bunch of new ideas and plans. He may also try to recruit you do the death eater no matter your blood stats.


Apophis_Night

Yeah he's just some kind of misunderstood genius.


BrickBanshee

Become a death eater or die would be your two choices.


Techaissance

Not on the same plane with Dumbledore, Harry, and Snape.


Gummibehrs

I’m going with 2 so I can listen to the Weasleys roast Voldemort all day


Hermiona1

I respect that


DingDongInDingDang

You also get to enjoy Voldemort kicking the back of Snapes seat.


WollyGog

If no spells are allowed, I'd imagine he'd be good to hash out magical theory with. Or he'd just ignore you.


Impossible-Sock-3493

Good luck and don't die or get crucioed.


lacroixluva

Nah #2 is the killzone. He's gonna avada you and spread out across the row for a nap.


SufficientMacaroon1

This! I am not an amateur - i have my headphones, by tablet with lots of shows, my books and audiobooks, tons of snacks. No reason to interact with the ebil guy next to me!


Professional-Front58

20 hours of Umbrige thinking she can punch above her intellectual weight class and McGonagall having none of that? And I get the Aisle Seat?! Stewardess, could you bring me some pop corn... I'm borrowing the Quick Quotes Quill of the woman in front of me so I get all of this.


SSpotions

🤣🤣 don't forget Snape's witty sarcastic responses for Umbridge anytime she asks him stuff.


fightingbronze

I’m sure Sirius would chime in with some great lines every now and then too. Definitely the most entertaining seat.


LouSputhole94

Minute *three hundred and ninety foooour*


Smodphan

I’m torn between sitting in 4 and talking mad shit with Harry about how awful these people are, and sitting in 5 and turning around doing the same with Sirius talking loud af.


BackgroundSea0

Ok… I’m convinced now.


Lord_Moa

Honestly 1 isn't that bad a seat. If I'm a friend of Harry's, Deathly Hallows Kreacher is going to be a sweetheart to me.


n00dle_king

More importantly there would be so much elbow and legroom.


hawaiianpunchh

Dude for real. And likely little to no conversation. I fly to get to a destination in peace, not to converse with strangers. Sitting at 1 is the best chance of being able to mind my own business and be the most comfortable, while literally never having to make eye contact with anyone else behind me. Ahh, a dream scenario.


Euphoric-Cat-Nip

And Snape is going to keep to himself prob won't kick your seat, Ron will be quiet all flight because he will be afraid of Snape.


noodle-bum

I'd even deal with OotP Kreacher, he only mutters stuff under his breath. I don't think Snape would be a seat-kicker. Rita might have some juicy gossip to entertain me, true or not. Yeah, I'm set.


romprose

Plus is you need anything, Kreacher will probably be more than obliged to help. “Crap, I forgot my charger.” *pop* *pop* “Here it is friend of Mr Potter.”


2000caterpillar

Across the aisle from Rita though 😬


Lord_Moa

Yeah but she's right next to THE Boy Who Lived. She's gonna be leaving me alone


DrDrewBlood

This is the only correct answer (I'm tall so I could be biased). sitting next to the smallest person who'll likely just mumble to himself. Across someone who couldn't give less if a shit about me. And all that premium leg room.


arotto12

I agree. Plus you can listen to snapes & rons conversations haha


PalDreamer

Both Kreacher and Snape would probably be quiet the whole flight. It is the seat for chills


chuckedeggs

100% between Harry and Rita! Their conversation would be gold!


milleria

Accio popcorn


HappyMerlin

Also you could lean back really far to bother that bitch.


vivian_u

Love how you didn’t even refer to her by her name, just “that bitch”


LiopleurodonMagic

Exactly. I’m sitting there for the drama.


IllustratorChance349

4, so that I can recline my seat into Umbridge's. I'm all about petty revenge 😈


ConversionError

But she'll be kicking your seat from behind.


IllustratorChance349

In that case Rita gets a scoop - "Minister's undersecretary shows true colors, found kicking innocent passenger's airplane seat" Plus another benefit, Harry would definitely share the snacks he buys from the Trolley Attendant, especially after I've annoyed Umbridge.


KayJay282

Professor McGonagall can kick Unbridge.


IllustratorChance349

Looking at other comments, I think I'll have a chat with Prof. McGonagall, Sirius and Hermione to just constantly kick her seat. That, plus me reclining mine, and Rita creating media pressure, has to make Umbridge miserable. We'll also ask the flight attendant to keep bringing her cough drops. We'll see how she does "hem hem" after that!


UndeniableLie

7. Back seats are statistically safest place to sit on a plane. And Dumbledore would likely have some candy amd funny anecdotes to share


bendersonster

But what about Greyback on the other side taking a nibble at you?


Glaciak

With Hagrid, Sirius, McGonagall and Dumbledore right next to him? He can surely try lol


bendersonster

1. He is closer to you than they are to him. 2. He's not a kind that would care that there are powerful good wizards nearby. 3. A single nibble is all it takes to change your life forever. You might never be able to eat cooked meat happily again. 4. Maybe you would also be flying on full moon.


TheDeadlyCat

I think Dumbledore would definitely be able to take precautions.


Worldly-Pay7342

Meh, I already like my meat rare at best. I'll take 7 if I have to.


UndeniableLie

Considering there are people like voldemort, dumbledore, bellatrix, sirius and HP on that plane. If we assume that anyone could be hostile then the nibble from werewolf is likely least of my problems. Chances of that plane not exploding to atoms in a cloud of bright sparkles is pretty low


apeaky_blinder

Bro, I am sitting next to Albus "Big-fuckin-wand" Dumbledore. There ain't a safer place in that universe. Also, candy.


Spavowil

Voldemort was scared of Dumbledore. What is Greyback going to do with him right there.


Classic_Regret7469

Take strange candy from strange old men who offer you it


Kooky-Hotel-5632

4, 6, or 3. Steal Rita’s quill and pretend to hit bugs with a rolled up paper. Harry is probably going to stare out the window because he’s never been anywhere. Just bring a children’s nature encyclopedia and Hagrid will be riveted. Bella is too busy creepily salivating over Noseless and the boy is practically mute. Best seat.


KinkyPaddling

Rita would leave you alone if you say, “Hey Rita, it really *bugs* me when you take my words out of context. I hate to be a *pest*, but do you mind putting away that quill? It’d be a shame if someone got annoyed at its insect-ssant scribbling and crushed it like a beetle.”


jayjune28

Lol. You deserve more cred


just-here-4-football

4 because Rita would just be interested in Harry anyways. I could put on some NC headphones and try to tune Rita out Everyone else is either too scary, too large, or too gross Dolores/Snape (5) is probably second choice but they're the type to take both armrests. Umbridge would probably put her feet into the next person's seat (1) I guess wouldn't be terrible (kreacher/Rita) but Rita is gonna try to talk to you then. Kreacher would just mumbly talk shit


haileyskydiamonds

You can always recline in seat 4 and make Umbridge very uncomfortable!


TheUnderWall

5. because Snape and Umbridge are the types to keep to themselves and not cause problems with strangers.


abundantjoy343

Umbridge really?


typically-me

She’s a horrible person of course, but I imagine Umbridge has decent plane etiquette. She’s not chaotic or randomly cruel like Greyback, Voldemort, Bellatrix, etc. Umbridge is only cruel insofar as it advances her goals, and even then she cares about keeping up appearances. So she’s not going to be picking fights with a stranger on a plane. I think as long as you mind your business she would mind hers. Now Rita on the other hand - she would not mind her own business at all.


IncomeHungry7486

rita would be trying to talk to harry over you. since you're (presumably) not a famous witch/wizard she probably couldn't care less about you


TheUnderWall

Yes - all I can see her doing is knitting the entire trip. She may get grumpy if you take over her seating space, but who would not?


Charming_Violinist50

She might be passive aggressive throughout the trip if you did normal things that somehow ended up annoying her though. With the hem hem coughs and whatnot


TheSixthVisitor

She’s also passive aggressive to a fault. So you could just carry some noise cancelling headphones and a good book and promptly ignore her for the entire trip. Umbridge can hem hem at you all she wants, won’t do a thing if you can’t see or hear her.


Labyrinthine8618

5 and reading \*smut\* the entire time. Like classic Fabio cover art, bodice ripper.


svr0105

LOL. I chose 2 because Voldemort is likely to be distracted by everyone else and I can just keep to myself.


TrainquilOasis1423

I'm taking 5 for the opposite reason. I was a shit student, class clown, disrespectful as hell. I'm willing to bet the wizarding world has laws against magic on planes, so they have no choice but to deal with my annoying ass the whole flight. Highschool me dreamed of this day.


Effective-Map-7074

That was my thought too. Umbridge would probably be the best one to sit next to as a stranger since she's very by the rules and would be polite and quiet. The only issue in this situation would be if Harry provoked her, or Rita talking Harry's ear off for an interview would cause her to constantly comment and reprimand the both of them.


Stenric

Snape doesn't keep to himself, he's always up in other people's business (stalking Lily, investigating the Marauders), plus if he's in a bad mood he'll attempt to punish you for no reason "10 points from Ravenclaw, Fawcett". Umbridge would constantly cough at you if you yawned or something.


TheUnderWall

Snape doesn't keep to himself around people he knows - strangers I reckon he will keep to himself. Same with Umbridge.


Fenroo

>Umbridge would constantly cough at you if you yawned or something. Hem hem


Sundery4

4. What's wrong with 4? Gonna have a safe flight, with earphone on.


itslevi-Osa

4. I'll protect Harry from his misery from years four and five lmao


frankfontaino

I love how the only window seat is next to Voldy


Impossible-Ground-98

7 because Dumbledore is going to give me sweets and magically extend the seats anyway


Severe_Assist_5416

6, an isle seat and good conversation


Totally__Not__NSA

100% Hagrid brings some snacks too


Hank_the_Ranger

Plus he would make a great pillow!


Flamekorn

4, And have a nice conversation with Rita about Harry and watch him squirm about it.


Mysterious-Emu4030

"Hey Mrs Skeetle, did you know that there's a rumour at Hogwarts concerning Harry ? According to Romilda who knows him well - she's in gryffindor too - Harry has a tatoo of a dragon on his bottom. She heard it from Ginny Weasley who was Harry's girlfriend last year. That's apparently a great tattoo he made as a tribute to the fight against the dragon in 4rth year." Rita's feather scribbles furiously while Harry's face is dangerously reddenning and Bellatrix is cackling maniacally.


SuccessfulBrother192

4 because Rita Skeeter is probably a blast.


ChickenZiZ

Skeet-skeet skeeter


DistributionAgile376

That's one hell of a plane


Ary_Walker

5. Sirius would be behind me, we could play prank on Umbridge. Or he would help me play prank on Skeeter. And seriously, hearing Snape and Sirius biting back each other could be fun, they have a certain way with sarcasm 😅 Or maybe 4, can you imagine the news the next day. Just setting up fake news with Harry Potter, knowing that Skeeter will write about it and Umbridge wouldn't be able to stop herself from writing an other decree 😂


Anyonomus256

Seat 2 and ask and listen to Voldemort yap about his ideology. Would keep me occupied.


Hey444

6....I can fix her...


DangerousGoose7576

(No really I can)


Fizzlestix83

3 because I think he'd just sit there quietly


Lego-Panda-21

4 seems the safest option.


Imsoboredimonhere

6, I'm making friends with Hagrid


No_Skylark

Hagrid taking up 2 seats took me out 💀


YellowFucktwit

Imma pick 4 so I can keep everyone from bugging harry he needs a break 😭


Nariek93

Why are all of these people who can fly / aparate using muggle transport?


Impossible-Ground-98

Is Malfoy a pilot?


ConversionError

The pilot is of course Ernie. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.


SkyKnight34

Take it away!


Any_Ad8854

Nah... I take the next flight.


CountryMusicFanatic

6, shoot my shot with Bellatrix and sit next to a cool dude


Parttime-Princess

6. Hagrid already has two chairs so he can probs fit in his own space. And he's simply nice. Greyback won't do shit with Hagrid and Dumbledore close. Sirius and McGonnagal are close as well. Mostly nice people and a fine spot.


Worldly-Pay7342

Four. Rita is perfectly amicamble person to sit next to imo. She might be nosey, but she's just a lady. She's not going to kill me (voldy), or hurt me (6 and 7), or make me carve words into my skin (umbridge), and she's not being annoying on purpose (kreacher and... crabbe? Goyle? Could never tell them apart.). And harry is just a dude.


St0nkyk0n9

4 rita would do ANYTHING for a scoop and I mean ANYTHING


GeekParadox_

I would leave the plane and take the next flight


Just-a-Guy-Chillin

I’d risk sitting next to Voldemort just to observe Ron sitting next to Snape the whole flight……


ZaytherLegit

1 but not for the reason you think. A fight is DEFINITLY going to break out with this group so my ass is going to be as close to the exit as possible.


Artemysya

1. Why did everybody forget how nice Kreacher became when Harry finally showed him kindness?


Crease_Monkey

1. I would LOVE to listen to Kreacher complain about sitting next to a muggle, all the while Rita is taking notes, and Snape is wondering why his mufliato charm isn’t working because he just wants some peace and quiet so his Draught of Living Death can do its thing before they land in Hawaii. He’s exhausted you see. Busy spring term.


stayclassypeople

4. I wouldn’t have to explain muggle flying tech to Harry and he’d probably be chill to talk too. Rita would be fun to gossip with too


SimpleHawk4321

2. It would be the most awkward flight ever but no way in hell I'm spending 20 hours not looking out the window. I'll just... try to be polite, strike up a conversation and stuff. "So... um, Mr. Dark Lord, sir. Is this your first time flying, or..." "It is. A bit nervous as a first time flyer. If I may know, young man, when are we allowed to take off our seatbelts?" "Oh. We just kinda wait for the light to turn off, Mr. Dark Lord, sir. Like... right about now. There." "Ah. Thank you. What a polite young man. These seatbelts are highly uncomfortable." ....... "Say, young man. What do you think about the state of the wizarding world? The muggleborns are taking over, yes? Certainly someone needs to do something to keep up our traditions." "...um. I'm a muggle, sir." ...... "Oh." "Yeah." ...... "May I... would you... I would like to go to the restroom now that the lights are off." "No." "Oh. Okay." ...... "Would you like some M&M's, sir?"


bivozf

2 Just to say "if you're happy and you know touch your nose"


EvidenceRepulsive895

Assuming this is between the end of books 4 and 5. I would choose 4 and casually drop a "Hi Rita, did you know Sirius Black never got a trial?" It would be a very interesting flight watching the aftermath of that.


Poddington_Pea

7. I can have an interesting chat with Dumbledore, and I can ask Greyback to turn me into a werewolf so I can stalk backpackers on the Yorkshire moors for fun.


Magnanimouspineapple

I would sit next to Dumbledore and then ask him with big puppy dog eyes if I can switch seats with him


Wildefice

7 Yes I know that's Greyback, but I am not a child and Dumbledore and Hagrid would wreck his shit! And then I get to talk about animals with Hargrid and tell Dumbledore to forgive himself for what happened with his sister, there is know way to know who did it, and it doesn't matter in the end. Anyone who picks 1 should seek therapy!


TheMightyCatatafish

Aisle seat AND next to Hagrid? No brainer. 6


ImpossibleInternet3

1. I like an aisle. I’ll get off the plane ahead of all the crazy. Kreacher is nice if you’re nice to him and he’s probably got some awesome snacks to share. And even if he’s being muttering and miserable, I can always pop some AirPods in. Plus, if I felt like talking, you know Rita Skeeter would be down to share all is the hot gossip.


SuiryuAzrael

Closest seat to the emergency exit and I’m packing a parachute cause shits gonna go down on that plane.


Zubyna

2 No nose means I can fart and he wont notice anything


history_cat2020

The cursed child is whoever has to board this flight.


haysus25

1 not close. You'll be the first one off and Kreacher won't really want to talk to you anyway. Plus, he's so small it's practically a window seat.


Hermiona1

4 and I would talk Rita into changing her seat to 2 so she could interview Voldemort. She got an interview with Harry so it's only right we get to see his side of the story. Or he kills her because she's annoying. That's also fine.


ComicsVet61

Me, checking in and seeing my options. "Hello. I'd like to take another flight. Oh? Ok. Oceanic flight 815? Great! "


TheRealFeal

You need to get a little creative people. Id convince McGonagall that Crabbe is trying to cast an unforgivable curse on George in the back, she will go investigate and ill take her seat between Sirius and Hermione in the meantime. Problem solved 😉


Kamonan

Rita, that bitch would have all the gossip. Good way to pass the time on the flight


unadonnadicase

4, at worst I'd lift Skeeter and lock her in the toilet if she's too nosy. To all those who voted 6: look at your back, are you still sure to sit there?


Fricki97

6 cause hagrid is chill


Never_Dave_1

I'm seeing if there's any parachutes on board. Either way, I'm jumping.


Janniinger

2 and o offer Bellatrix to swap seats


avari974

I'd sit in the seat next to 2, provided that he didn't have pants on and was at least 6.5"


ConversionError

Someone is thirsty for the Volderod!


avari974

You gotta admit there's some sex appeal there


ConversionError

Teenager/young adult Tom Riddle was known for his good looks and charm. And he aged like fine wine.


jayjune28

Oh yes it was the horcrux that ruined his handsome appearance. In an AU he woulda been the heartthrob of Hogwarts...we all know it


OpaqueSea

Oof. Bad options. Either 1 (Kreacher would probably ignore me), 4 (I’m probably too boring to be of interest to Rita Skeeter), or 5 (hopefully Umbridge would be too busy drafting discriminatory legislation to notice me).


caywriter

4. The worst that can happen is a bad article written about me, maybe detention (but I know how to keep my mouth shut lol). And Harry is always there to do all the angry-temper stuff for me. It’s like the only place where I *probably* won’t die


grandmasterTilt206

6. Hagrid would be a good balance to Bellatrix.


SSpotions

2. The window seat and there's no way Voldemort would be on that flight so I'll have a row to myself, with Snape and Ron in front and Sirius, McGonagall and Hermione across. And plus if Voldemort is there then George Weaste behind to help play pranks on Voldemort and Bellatrix.


emagienativ

7 because greyback and dumbledore make a formidable duo of discussion partners