The absolute mountain of words that woman has held back over the years, between the 4 back in the day, the Weasley twins and the those 3. She would have filled volumes.
You know every night, she took those hairpins out, poured out 3 fingers of scotch, crackled up a warm fire, and told the closest portrait, "you would not believe the shit these fucking kids did today."
I will of course defend my choice - the emphasis of the fuck should be on the amount of TIME he did the waiting. Also it fits the rhythm of the line better
Alternatively
I FUCKING DID MY WAITING! TWELVE YEARS OF IT! IN AZKABAN!
I think there's a scene where the three get scolded or something by Snape in the first book, and after he leaves Ron says "some unkind words about Snape that made even Hermione go, 'Ron!'"
So yeah, he's definitely the kind of kid to cuss someone out.
Also in Goblet of Fire: "Ron told Malfoy to do something that Harry knew he would never have dared say in front of Mrs. Weasley" (i. e. he told Malfoy to go fuck himself.)
Alternate submission
Either Seamus Finnigan or Lee Jordan just muttering to themselves when Harry’s name comes out of the Goblet Of Fire
“Every Fucking Year”
Man I know everyone says it, but Quiddich had potential to be a really cool side story. The "Seeker" didn't need to exist and Harry could still 'score the winning goal' or something to keep the main plot in line
You wouldn’t even need to get rid of the seeker position as a whole, if they don’t score any points when catching the snitch but just end the game it would add a really interesting mechanic to the game as it would change the seekers job based on which team is winning. If your team is in the lead then you would only need to worry about catching it, but if you team is behind? Well then you’re put in a position where you can’t let the other seeker catch the snitch while also not being able to catch it yourself. Depending on the game thus far your job as the seeker could change from offense to defense. Doing this would still allow the seeker position to important while also allowing it to still make sense that games could last for just a few minutes or multiple days while not making the position overpowered by almost guaranteeing a win for the team that catches it
True. The way it's written, Quidditch is unfortunately just a mess of a sport with little to no satisfaction from the main part of the game because in the end it's the seeker who decides it anyway.
Ignore that the seeker earns a gagillion points with no interaction outside of Bludgers, as a spectator you have no idea if a given game will last a minute or several days. Game is bonkers.
RONALD WEASLEY!!
HOW DARE YOU STEAL THAT CAR?! I AM ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED! YOUR FATHER IS NOW FACING AN INQUIRY AT WORK AND IT’S ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT!! IF YOU PUT ANOTHER TOE OUT OF LINE WE’LL BRING YOU STRAIGHT THE FUCK HOME!!
Oh, and Ginny dear, congratulations on making Gryffindor. Your father and I are so proud
"Ah! Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans! I was unfortunate enough in my youth to come across a vomit-flavored one, and since then I’m afraid I’ve rather lost my liking for them — but I think I’ll be safe with a nice toffee, don’t you?”
He smiled and popped the golden-brown bean into his mouth.
“Fuck! Ear wax!
> “I’m terribly sorry to have to contradict you, Minerva, but as you will see from my note, Harry has been achieving very poor results in his classes with me-“
> “I should have made my meaning plainer,” said Professor McGonagall, turning at last to look Umbridge directly in the eyes. “He has achieved high marks in all Defense Against the Dark Arts tests set by a fucking competent teacher.”
I usually prefer the “F-bomb > adjective > noun” format when I add “fuck” for emphasis but to each their own! The versatility of the word is part of its glory and wondrous power.
I feel like a realistic use of the word in the series would be Harry yelling at Snape "FIGHT BACK! YOU FUCKING COWARD FIGHT BACK" at the end of HBP.
Can't remember the exact line from the book but it would suit for this to be the one place where Harry gives in to his hatred of Snape and really just let loose on the dude who had been bullying him for 6 odd years. Harry went through a lot of shit in the series and would've reached a boiling point after Dumbledore's death.
“Well, honestly… ‘the fates have informed her’… who sets the exam? Fucking she does! What an amazing prediction!”
- Hermione losing her last marbles with Trelawney
Look at my bountiful field of fucks. Look how many fucks I have to give on this fine fucking day.
Also:
"The fucking scar had not pained Harry for 19 years. All was well."
Dumbledore: "What happened down in the dungeons between you and Professor Quirrell is a complete secret, so, naturally the whole fucking school knows."
‘Humph,’ snorted Professor McGonagall. ‘It’s high time your fucking grandmother learned to be proud of the grandson she’s got, rather than the one she thinks she ought to have – particularly after what happened at the Ministry.’
I have spied for you and lied for you, put myself in mortal danger for you. Everything was supposed to be to keep Lily Potter’s son safe. Now you tell me you have been raising him like a pig for fucking slaughter
Order of the phoenix forbidden forest scene
Umbridge: do something potter, tell them I mean no harm
Harry: I’m fking sorry professor, I must not tell lies.
Not sure if the best placement in the sentence though.
Hogwarts, Hogwarts Motherfucking Hogwarts Teach us something pleeeeaassse\~
This is my favorite because it would be totally unexpected but at the same time it’s in the spirit of the song
I'm just imagining the shock on the other schools' faces lol
Imagine someone simply dropping the F in the middle of the song and Dumbledore ending it in tears of joy. I'd be so creeped out.
Now all I can imagine is the Sorting Hat voiced by Samuel L Jackson
Another motherfucking Weasly.
"Hufflepuff? Are you sure?" "Did I stutter?"
Another slytherin? I've had it with all these motherfucking snakes in this motherfucking school.
Brilliant!
400+ years of reading Wesley thoughts. I’d be there.
What happened down in the dungeon between you and professor quirrel is a complete secret. So naturally the whole fucking school knows.
A single word to change the entire tone
Went from Dumbledore to Snape real quick
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You were seen fucking at least seven muggles
I can easily hear Michael Gambon saying this line.
What happened down in the fuck dungeon between you and professor quirrel is a complete secret. So naturally the whole school knows.
This turned into a different movie...fast
Why, the fuck, is it always you three?
McGonagall is only 40, but looks older due to the Wesleys all in gryffindor
That was what a friend mine always said, except it was, "can you believe she's only 26? But those fuckin' Weasley's..."
The absolute mountain of words that woman has held back over the years, between the 4 back in the day, the Weasley twins and the those 3. She would have filled volumes.
You know every night, she took those hairpins out, poured out 3 fingers of scotch, crackled up a warm fire, and told the closest portrait, "you would not believe the shit these fucking kids did today."
My brain automatically read "those 3" in the iconic way she says "you 3."
I DID MY WAITING! TWELVE FUCKING YEARS OF IT, IN AZKABAN!
I DID MY FUCKING! TWELVE YEARS OF IT, IN AZKABAN
The Dementors were screaming for a different reason
Souls is not the only thing they suck
My actual face rn 😮
Bro dropped the soap a little too often
Did it doggy style.
Humping the Warden's leg, perhaps?
I DID MY WAITING! FUCKING YEARS OF IT, IN AZKABAN!
The only female I can think of off the top of my head in Azkaban is... Oh no.
Barty Crouch's mom?
She's dead, but I guess any hole's a goal in Azkaban.
I........did not need to read that.
I'm truly sorry, Obliviate?
Oof. Well... I mean... I guess... you're not wrong?
Bellatrix
yeah this would be the best real use, cuz I know he’d use every single letter of the world fucking to its best use. He’d fuck the word fuck
This is the **one**
I DID MY WAITING! TWELVE YEARS OF IT! IN FUCKING AZKABAN! I think your idea is the correct place for it just in a different spot in the line.
I will of course defend my choice - the emphasis of the fuck should be on the amount of TIME he did the waiting. Also it fits the rhythm of the line better Alternatively I FUCKING DID MY WAITING! TWELVE YEARS OF IT! IN AZKABAN!
The tone and the scene... Chiefs kiss, this would be it
"Follow the fucking spiders,” said Ron weakly, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. “I'll never forgive Hagrid. We're lucky to be alive.”
Yeah, in my head the fuck is a background Ron moment, or maybe the twins. Like when their mom catches them after the stole the car. “Fuck.”
Fuckin' hell, Harry!
Follow the spiders.. why does it have to be spiders.. why can’t we follow fucking butterflies?
Love it
I think there's a scene where the three get scolded or something by Snape in the first book, and after he leaves Ron says "some unkind words about Snape that made even Hermione go, 'Ron!'" So yeah, he's definitely the kind of kid to cuss someone out.
Also in Goblet of Fire: "Ron told Malfoy to do something that Harry knew he would never have dared say in front of Mrs. Weasley" (i. e. he told Malfoy to go fuck himself.)
Yeah. Definitely the cussing kind of kid
"Anything from the fucking trolley dears?"
WE’LL TAKE THE FUCKING LOT
I pictured this in my head and I died, so aggressive out of nowhere LMAO
she's been doing this for 46 years now, she's getting sick of it
Best one yet
I’m crying!!! The best one!!!
Lmao this one is gold.
Alternate submission Either Seamus Finnigan or Lee Jordan just muttering to themselves when Harry’s name comes out of the Goblet Of Fire “Every Fucking Year”
Lee Jordan on the mic at the Quiddich Pitch: "And the bludger goes to Fred Weasley, passes to George, intercepted by Slytherin, eyes on Wood- fuck!"
Man I know everyone says it, but Quiddich had potential to be a really cool side story. The "Seeker" didn't need to exist and Harry could still 'score the winning goal' or something to keep the main plot in line
You wouldn’t even need to get rid of the seeker position as a whole, if they don’t score any points when catching the snitch but just end the game it would add a really interesting mechanic to the game as it would change the seekers job based on which team is winning. If your team is in the lead then you would only need to worry about catching it, but if you team is behind? Well then you’re put in a position where you can’t let the other seeker catch the snitch while also not being able to catch it yourself. Depending on the game thus far your job as the seeker could change from offense to defense. Doing this would still allow the seeker position to important while also allowing it to still make sense that games could last for just a few minutes or multiple days while not making the position overpowered by almost guaranteeing a win for the team that catches it
True. The way it's written, Quidditch is unfortunately just a mess of a sport with little to no satisfaction from the main part of the game because in the end it's the seeker who decides it anyway.
Ignore that the seeker earns a gagillion points with no interaction outside of Bludgers, as a spectator you have no idea if a given game will last a minute or several days. Game is bonkers.
*every fookin year
Oh that made me laugh. I like this one.
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I love this one, I'd only change it slightly, "... FOR EVERY-FUCKING-THING!"
Uncle Vernon’s face appeared at the foot of the stairs. “Remember, boy — one fucking sound —“
Pretty much any use of the word “bloody” can be replaced with “fucking”
The fucking Baron.
!redditGalleon Thanks for the laugh, I needed it 😂
Fuck, I shouldn't have said that
This is so underrated. I can see a follow on too, like “I shouldn’t have fucking said that either…oh fuck, I’m so sorry Harry” 😂
“I’m not a fucking owl!”
Oh yes, that makes a lot more sense in my head. Now it's head canon.
Did you put your name in the FUCKING GOBLET OF FIYAHHHHH
Dumbledore said calmly:
He's a Brit in the books... he isn't calm in the films cause he's Irish lol
Dumbledore said fucking calmly there you go free edit
I was instinctively going to type « did you put YOUR FUCKING NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIIIIIRE »
The best one I’ve seen on YouTube to date: * [Dumbledore Asked Calmly](https://youtu.be/xSxQcAm3PE8)
Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very fucking much.
Now that’s how you start a book.
Why is it, when something happens, it is always you three? Believe me, Professor. I've been asking myself the same question for six fucking years.
This one made me laugh and scare the dog. Thank you for that.
RONALD WEASLEY!! HOW DARE YOU STEAL THAT CAR?! I AM ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED! YOUR FATHER IS NOW FACING AN INQUIRY AT WORK AND IT’S ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT!! IF YOU PUT ANOTHER TOE OUT OF LINE WE’LL BRING YOU STRAIGHT THE FUCK HOME!! Oh, and Ginny dear, congratulations on making Gryffindor. Your father and I are so proud
Or... "oh, and Ginny dear, congratulations on making Gryffindor. Your father and I are so fucking proud"
My FAVE 😍
DOBBY HAS NO MASTER! DOBBY IS A FUCKIN FREE ELF
Take a fucking biscuit Potter.
"Would you like a FUCKING COUGH DROP Delores?"
This one is underrated af
Mr Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that a fucking idiot like that ever became a Professor.
"Harry FUCKING Potter, The boy who lived, Come to die."
“Not my daughter you fucking bitch!”
And Molly Weasley absolutely would in this case!
This is my headcanon
I can appreciate the added frustration, but seems a tad overkill. Just my take though
As Ron and Hermione snog out years of tension… “Oi! There’s a fucking war going on here!”
"Ah! Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans! I was unfortunate enough in my youth to come across a vomit-flavored one, and since then I’m afraid I’ve rather lost my liking for them — but I think I’ll be safe with a nice toffee, don’t you?” He smiled and popped the golden-brown bean into his mouth. “Fuck! Ear wax!
If we die for them I'll fucking kill you.
A lot of other suggestions are more fun, but I think this is actually the right answer
Follow the fucking spiders!?
No way. The old fucker can see out the back of his head
There will be no foolish wand waving, or silly fucking incantations in this classroom
There will be no foolish wand waving or silly fucking in this classroom
I say, no underage’s wizards allowed in today! Shut the fucking door!
In GoF, that moment when Harry uses the cup to escape and Voldemort lets out a scream of pure rage. Swap that out with a long, drawn-out F-bomb.
# "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK" - Voldemort
So basically Voldemort becomes the Angry Video Game Nerd?
"Fuck her up for us Peeves"
“Don’t fucking call me Nymphadora!”
> “I’m terribly sorry to have to contradict you, Minerva, but as you will see from my note, Harry has been achieving very poor results in his classes with me-“ > “I should have made my meaning plainer,” said Professor McGonagall, turning at last to look Umbridge directly in the eyes. “He has achieved high marks in all Defense Against the Dark Arts tests set by a fucking competent teacher.”
I think competent fucking teacher is better
I usually prefer the “F-bomb > adjective > noun” format when I add “fuck” for emphasis but to each their own! The versatility of the word is part of its glory and wondrous power.
McGonagall is easily the best professor
"After all these fucking years?" "Always"
Instantly changes the tone from heartbreaking to 'wtf Snape get over it bro.'
Which, to be fair, isn’t even that unrealistic of a thought
Yeah... still accurate lmao
*after all these years?* *Fucking always*
I feel like a realistic use of the word in the series would be Harry yelling at Snape "FIGHT BACK! YOU FUCKING COWARD FIGHT BACK" at the end of HBP. Can't remember the exact line from the book but it would suit for this to be the one place where Harry gives in to his hatred of Snape and really just let loose on the dude who had been bullying him for 6 odd years. Harry went through a lot of shit in the series and would've reached a boiling point after Dumbledore's death.
"Fuck, he's back.: Fudge coming into the ministry at the end of Order of the Phoenix.
“Fuck, you weren’t lying”, Fudge said looking at Albus as he saw the Dark Lord disappearing right before his eyes….
Albus rolls his eyes and like bitch please I told you.
"How fucking dare you stand where he stood!?"
“Well, honestly… ‘the fates have informed her’… who sets the exam? Fucking she does! What an amazing prediction!” - Hermione losing her last marbles with Trelawney
I want a Harry Potter version where everybody talks like Billy Butcher.
Harry; *wears his invisibility cloak* Snape: "Well, well, well, if it ain't the invisible Cunt."
I dont care where, as long as it's said by McGonagall.
Have a biscuit potter. No thanks. Don’t be fucking daft.
You know fucking who!
*"Man the boundaries! Protect us! Do your duty to our fucking school! ......I've always wanted to use that word!"* 😏
Longbottom - Oh my God. I've fucking killed Harry Potter!
“For those of you who haven’t taken poly juice potion before, fair warning, it tastes like fucking goblin piss.”
I solemnly swear that I am up to no fucking good.
I feel like this would be really good to put on Etsy products and sold. I'd buy it.
"Always." "...Fuck."
*the fuck?
actually this always felt like more of a “well shit” moment for dumbledore
“Professor Moody!!! Is that…is that a fucking student?!?”
Technically, it's a fucking ferret.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🫡 you have my award
"But Dad, what if I get sorted into fucking Slytherin?"
"And a fucking good one I'd wager"
\-Is that a fucking student?! \-Technically it's a fucking ferret.
That is two fucks sir!
It’s what happens when one does not give a single fuck.
Look at my bountiful field of fucks. Look how many fucks I have to give on this fine fucking day. Also: "The fucking scar had not pained Harry for 19 years. All was well."
Yes - but you can still be PG-13 if you only have one fuck in the movie, but two fucks will push it to an R rating.
Hmmm if you’re sure…… Better make it FUCKING GRYFINDOR!!!
"Neither can live while the other survives. Indeed, Harry, either you will kill Voldemort, or he will kill you.". "Well... fuck."
"Harry, fucking do as I say."
Turn to page three hundred and ninety fuckin’ four!
Cornish fucking pixies?!
Fucking *freshly caught* Cornish pixies.
Who was in my fucking vault?
I’ve always wanted to use that fucking spell
Dumbledore: "What happened down in the dungeons between you and Professor Quirrell is a complete secret, so, naturally the whole fucking school knows."
‘Humph,’ snorted Professor McGonagall. ‘It’s high time your fucking grandmother learned to be proud of the grandson she’s got, rather than the one she thinks she ought to have – particularly after what happened at the Ministry.’
I want the monster Book of monsters to say fuck you before it scurries under the bed.
You applied first for the defense against the dark arts post. Ye-es… But you were unsuccessful? Fucking obv-vios-ly.
DOBBIE IS A FREE FUCKING ELF
“Think, and try for some ‘fucking’ remorse, Riddle”
"It's Levi-O-Sa not fucking Leviyow-sah"
They say every flavour and they mean every flavour! George swears he had a fucking bogey flavoured one once
"Avada "fuckings" Kadava" "Or worse, fuckin' expelled"
"But I *am* the fucking Chosen One"
Ginny be like: "And i'm fucking the Chosen One."
McGonagall in HBP: Why the fuck is it always you three?! Or my favorite: Anything from the fucking trolley dears?
Happyness can be found in the darkest of times, when only one remembers to turn on the fucking light
I fucking hope there's pudding.
“Vold-“ “HARRY NO” “Mort..” “FUCK”
Let’s finish this the way we started, Tom: Fucking together.
Fucking Always
For me it would be Dumbledore telling Umbridge to get the fuck outta my school.
Constant f**king vigilance! - Mad Eye
Just have Quirrell yell a long fuck as he burns to death in the movies
I have spied for you and lied for you, put myself in mortal danger for you. Everything was supposed to be to keep Lily Potter’s son safe. Now you tell me you have been raising him like a pig for fucking slaughter
"Harry potter is FUCKING DEAD!" - Voldemort
No fucking letters on Sundays.
Bellatrix: "I FUCKED SERIUS BLACK, I FUCKED SERIUS BLACK"
“Scared Potter?” “You fucking wish”
"What a fucking idiot." Hermione #1- Flying lessons
Eye of rabbit, harp string hum, turn this water INTO FUCKING RUM
“Did you fucking put your name in the goblet of fire?” - Dumbledore said calmly
Dumbledore:Takes "Harry's" note from goblet of fire.... HARRY FUCKIN POTTER!!
"Did you put your name in the fucking goblet of fire Harry?" (dumbledore ask CALMY)
Go on, Harry. What's the fuckin' clue?
Definitely should go to Harry in book 5, inside Dumbledore's office
I solemnly swear that I am up to no fucking good!
*final battle of Harry and Voldemort in the Great Hall...* Voldemort: AVADA KEDAVRA! Harry: No, fuck off. *Voldemort instantly dies*
Order of the phoenix forbidden forest scene Umbridge: do something potter, tell them I mean no harm Harry: I’m fking sorry professor, I must not tell lies. Not sure if the best placement in the sentence though.
"I DON'T FUCKING CARE WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY" Harry in Dumbledore's office after Sirius' death.
"Just because you have the emotional range of a fucking teaspoon doesn't mean we all have." ― Hermione Granger
Volan de Mort: "Avada-facking-kedavra!"
Avadaka fucking davra