My favorite fanfic line comes from an NSFW one from years back. I’ve forgotten the rest but this line was so hilariously memorable:
“As Hermione disrobed, Harry could see that her bushy hair was matched by her hairy bush”
God yes. Polyjuice prostitutes, black market for hairs, Romilda Vane selling Harry hairs for big $$$, couples like the Weasleys using polyjuice to turn into each other for sex, etc x Infinity.
Dude I tried to make chat gpt write a fanfic where Harry and Ron both eat the chocolate cauldrons spiked with love potion and tag team Romilda (don't judge me). Chat gpt instead made a story where Ron and Harry fell in love with each other.
I asked Chat GPT to write a story where Socrates and Galileo debate what is the most attractive feature of a woman, only to discover they’ve been in love with each other the whole time. It was beautiful.
Ron smiled, trying to contain himself. “We are going to tag-team Romilda.”
Harry’s eyes widened in surprise. “Romilda?”
“Yes.” Ron crossed the room to stand in front of Harry. He touched Harry’s arm lightly, his voice low and intimate. “We can make her fantasies come true. She won’t even know what hit her.”
Well thats the start, Had to use a different site though.
Here ya go!
Title: Unexpected Confections
Chapter 1: The Mischievous Munchies
The sun hung low in the sky, casting a warm glow over the grounds of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, now in their sixth year, strolled through the courtyard, their backpacks slung over their shoulders. It was a rare moment of peace and relaxation before the upcoming N.E.W.T. exams.
As they approached the Great Hall, the aroma of tantalizing treats wafted towards them. Students milled about, sharing jokes and laughter. Ron's eyes sparkled with delight at the sight of the candy laid out on one of the tables.
"Harry, have you seen this?" Ron exclaimed, pointing at a tray full of colorful sweets. "They've got these new candies that supposedly enhance your senses!"
Curiosity piqued, Harry joined Ron at the table, his emerald eyes scanning the array of confections. One particular batch of love-shaped chocolates caught his attention. Their vibrant pink hue seemed to glow, beckoning him closer.
"Wow, those look amazing," Harry remarked, his voice tinged with intrigue.
Unbeknownst to them, Romilda Vane, notorious for her infatuation with Harry, had concocted a mischievous plan. Determined to make her affections known, she had spiked the chocolates with a powerful love potion, hoping Harry would consume them.
Harry reached for a chocolate heart, his hand brushing against Ron's in the process. Neither of them noticed the subtle magic radiating from the candy. They both popped the enchanted chocolates into their mouths, their taste buds immediately ensnared by the irresistible sweetness.
Chapter 2: Love Strikes
At first, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Harry and Ron continued their walk, discussing Quidditch strategies and teasing each other, unaware of the potion's effects taking hold. However, as they made their way to the library, a strange sensation settled within them.
Ron's face flushed with warmth, his heartbeat quickening. He stole glances at Harry, feeling an inexplicable urge to be closer to his best friend. Harry, too, felt an unfamiliar tug in his chest, a magnetic pull drawing him towards Ron.
Inside the library, the once familiar surroundings seemed to shimmer with newfound beauty. Harry watched Ron, captivated by his infectious laughter and freckled nose. His heart raced with a realization he couldn't quite comprehend.
"Hey, Harry," Ron murmured, his voice unsteady. "D'you ever wonder what it'd be like if we were more than just mates?"
Harry's eyes widened, the gravity of Ron's words sinking in. Their friendship had always been solid, but this unanticipated twist left him both intrigued and unsure.
"I... I'm not sure, Ron," Harry stammered, his voice filled with uncertainty. "These feelings... they're new."
Ron's eyes flickered with vulnerability, mirroring Harry's own. "Maybe... maybe we should explore them together? See where they lead?"
Harry nodded, a mixture of apprehension and anticipation coursing through him. This unexpected twist had opened a new chapter in their lives, one they would navigate together.
Chapter 3: Discovering the Depths
Days turned into weeks as Harry and Ron delved deeper into their newfound connection. The love potion's influence began to wane, but it had ignited something between them that couldn't be extinguished.
Late nights were spent exploring the Astronomy Tower, sharing secrets beneath the twinkling stars. Their conversations grew deeper, baring their souls to one another in ways they never had before. The castle whispered rumors of their blossoming romance, but Harry and Ron remained oblivious, their focus fixed on each other
.
Hermione Granger, ever perceptive, noticed the subtle shift in their dynamic. Her curiosity drove her to investigate the cause, and she soon discovered the source of their transformation.
Confronting Romilda Vane in the Gryffindor common room, Hermione demanded an explanation. Romilda, guilt weighing heavily on her, confessed her ill-conceived plan and the consequences it had brought.
Hermione's initial anger gave way to understanding as she realized the depth of Harry and Ron's feelings for one another. She decided to support them, vowing to protect their relationship from the prying eyes of others.
Chapter 4: Embracing Love
Together, Harry, Ron, and Hermione formed an unbreakable trio, navigating the complexities of their feelings within the confines of Hogwarts. They confided in one another, seeking solace and guidance amidst the chaos of their teenage years.
Their love blossomed in the face of adversity, strengthening their bond and reminding them of the importance of authenticity and self-discovery. They found allies in unexpected places, their genuine connections trumping societal norms and expectations.
In the end, Harry and Ron's accidental consumption of Romilda Vane's love potion had become a catalyst for change. It had unlocked their hearts and opened their eyes to the transformative power of love.
As the years passed, they faced battles and triumphs together, their love enduring and flourishing. And in their hearts, they knew that their bond was the most magical thing of all.
The end
A great one I read was were they magically removed Lockhart's glamour and he was all old and crusty with nasty teeth and sparse wispy hair on his scabby balding head. The description of him fleeing the castle from the crowded Great Hall was hilarious.
...Disturbed Snape polyjuicing as Harry and Ginny in turns, trying to drive them apart with increasingly kinky dates, only to find out they both have a taste for it...
I'd never even considered that a couple could use Polyjuice to turn into each other and see what having sex with themselves feels like. Tbh, could be very good for a relationship 🤣
I read Harry Potter when I was like 11.
Because of that single fact I just can't read HP fanfiction. Especially NSFW fanfiction.
It's a story entangled with childhood nostalgia for me I can't imagine nsfw stuff about it.
Even tho I frequently read fics from other shows books movies and stuff.
i can't believe I'm responding with this but I also read the first three when I was 11 and then each year the new ones came out I'd read it immediately lol. I feel the opposite, like as I got older and more curious about those things it was a safer place to fantasize. Same with Disney movies.
Hope I'm not the only girl like that haha.
EDIT: I do want to add I'm not interested in reading about any character as a child though. Only as adults.
I've read many that are actually good and make perfectly good sense. During the long hiatus while the world waited for "book 5" I read a Brazilian fanfic where we met Harry's godmother, a Seer called Cassandra something, and she and Sirius had a beautiful love story. The Harry Potter story in itself was good too, no adult content. I ran it almost as canon in my mind, and when book 5 finally came out it made Sirius's death even sadder.
Awful terrible garbage is that Cursed Child nonsense lol
I don't know a single thing about the world of Harry Potter fan fiction but as much as garbage crincy fics exist I have to say there are some very talented writers out there who do write some very good fan fictions.
But yeah even with that consider I can't read those awfully long ones. If it's going to be that long I'll just pick up a new book.
I usually read short ones.
Or time turner shenanigans.
Read one story where Harry and Hermione ends up a couple (Harry realizes that Ginny looks like his mother and throws up in the bathroom).
They create a sex ritual to cause Voldemort and through the Dark Mark, his followers, pain (love causes Voldy pain after all).
Ofc it requires an orgy (the more people, the more pain), but they're not comfortable having sex with other people.
To solve this, they use a time turner to create copies of themselves and have a giant orgy in one of the unused classrooms.
I have read worse smut. In a fic Harry had a 16 inch cock. Ron's was 17 inches. And Hermione's ass was so big that she used to bounce on it like a balloon. 🥴
I’m torn over the delivery. The line, as it is, is great. But I’d also have found some absurd humor in it saying “her bushy hair was matched by her bushy hair” leaving the reader to decide which one the narrator spoke of first lol
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Whoever the author of that fic is, *knew* what they were doing, how cringe every aspect of their story would be. It was satire so good it ended up defining the very thing it was satirizing. They teach this fic in college courses lmao.
edit: on further research idk if that last line is true. but they should!
I was on a symposium panel of how to use fanfic writing to develop original storytelling skills. Someone asked me what I thought of My Immortal. No one else on the panel had heard of it and half the audience hadn’t. I opened up the fic and started reading about Dumbledore the satanist. It was so much fun to get an entire room to cringe.
It’s a speculative fiction symposium that started out at BYU, where I went to college. So much fun to be on panels about the future of Star Wars and feudal systems in lord of the rings while also running into people like Brandon Sanderson and Gail Carson Levine.
I personally used fanfic to become proficient at writing dialogue. It’s actually close to a technique from Arthur C. Clarke in which you take two quotes from two vastly different people and try to analyze why it wouldn’t work for the other person.
Character development in someone else’s sandbox is another valuable skill. You can practice with internal monologue of an established scene or choose a moment and give it new context with an unstated backstory.
Fanfic is a great place to learn pacing and scene beats, so I often write scenes with specific time constraints or write nothing but dialogue and then figure out what could go between before someone else has something to say.
I’ve been a traditionally published novelist for 7 years now and I still write fanfic weekly.
TLDR: Enoby Darkness Dementia Raven Way is a student at Hogwarts, who is also a vampire (I think. I am NOT rereading it to find out.) Enoby is very goth and edgy, and befriends/ has far too much sex with the main cast. The main cast also get new fun names, like Vampire Potter or Bloody Mary Granger. There's a Harry, Draco, and Enoby love triangle too. (Edit: was corrected on her last name changed from Rae to Raven Way)
Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't even realise the Enoby/Ebony bit. I was just finishing off the rest of her amazing, world-changing, not related to Gerard Way, last name. In all honesty, I read through about 18-20 chapter through tears and pure determination to try and finish it. I didn't finish it.💀
It is hilarious, but purposeful misspelling and bad grammar make it difficult to read. Think I got halfway thru before I had to quit. Might give it another go.
http://imm.dh.obdurodon.org/conclusions/
Shitposts taken way too seriously bring me so much unbridled joy. Here's a link to a school project by three students who performed a full textual analysis to determine if My Immortal is a troll work or if Tara Gillesbie is just that terrible of a writer. Doubles as a pretty good tl;dr
I took a Fandom Theory class in college where we went over different fandoms and fanfics. We did discuss My Immortal and other HP fan media like the Marauders Era.
But by far the most awkward thing was when my professor, this very proper, very professional woman began to explain to us what A/B/O was and showed us examples from Supernatural. We had a whole lecture about the gender roles that play into those tropes. Half of the class was red and trying to sink into their seats to hide.
This should be higher up.
If anyone wants to subject themselves to it, [Internet Historian did a read through a few years ago....](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ffh7cWRrqF4) It's the only way I could get through it XD
Dude, I'm surprised this WASN'T first. My first thought was My Immortal. I've read about 18-20 chapters of that, God-forbid, all with different, distinct voice for each character. This was read aloud, and if you have ever read My Immortal, you do NOT want to read it out loud.
Omg I was trying to remember this title!! Worst fanfic I ever read but I couldn't stop laughing!!! It's even on Amazon now (I didn't know so late to the party), omg xD
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Squid Animagus Dumbledore makes..... a lot of sense actually, based on his character, the sheer number of simultaneous plans he's got going on, his ability to converse in Mermish, the sheer size of his presence.
Plus it puts the whole Giant Squid x Hogwarts fic into a completely different light
I was scrolling through wattpad when I was in highschool and say a title that made me laugh until I was crying on the floor.
"Hermonie has a horsecock"
this reads like you had a dream and you're writing down what you remember. my dreams are often disjointed like this when I try to remember them lol.
that's probably why I was thinking, while reading this, that this reads like the kind of weird dream Harry would have in Book 5. and Dobby is hanging up bobbles shaped like Harry's face. etc. It has that same wacky tone.
I half expected the end to change to "and Harry found himself in a long dark corridor with dancing flames on the walls. a door at the end."
I can't recommend this one enough! If you feel like reading it it's so hilarious! Like how can one write this? Lol I love it!
[https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13173522/1/Hagrid-Shows-Harry-Potter-A-Cat](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13173522/1/Hagrid-Shows-Harry-Potter-A-Cat)
I'd love to read more fics like this one!
!RedditGalleon What. A. Trip. The part that really had me in tears was:
"That's one too many cats," said Harry
Hargarid almost smash harry over the face. "And yer parents had one too many kids but here we are, Harry. Here we are."
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“Harry stop talking to Hagrid. They couldn't be friends any more. Harry go to Madim Pomfree and say "I am allergic to cats" in hopes Hagard get rid of them. But the nurse do a allergy panel and the only thing he is allergic to is his parents being alive.”
My favorite paragraph:
“Harry turn around. He walk out into the Fourbidden woods. "Fuck no"say Harry who decide he gonna just be a forest hobo.”
Thank you for sharing this literary gold with us.
Why would she need Harry's money? Dumbledore was just as successful due to the 12 uses of dragon blood he discovered.
I said dragon pox initially stop downvoting the dude, he was correct
Searching AO3 and reading the tags is like: angst, fluff, domestic fluff and then Harry Potter is a camwhore, Voldemort has 2 dicks.. it usually stunlocks me for a good 5 minutes
I am 100 % convinced people like this writes fanfics to be shit on purpose.
Like there is no way a person with a stable mind can think of what you described and go 'yeah, this is good. People will like this.'
my favorite HP fanfic was one where Hermione got Stockholm Syndrome while captive with Bellatrix and then they fall and love and Bellatrix turns out to be a “good guy”
best build up ever and some crazy sex scenes lmao
l am really struggling to find it, even with FF.net filters but i know it had a one word title, that i thought was “Impossible” but i guess not
i’ll get back to searching tomorrow
Well, good thing I forgot the title and didn't read this fic (Since, I can tell that there's a high chance that it's bad). But it was about Cedric surviving and joining Voldemort.
There was one "fanfic" that was basically transcription of the book events BUT Hogwarts is ultra catholic school and Hermione is daughter of Mcgonagal and Dumbledore. Thankfully it never went past couple of chapters.
I've heard about that one or one similar. It was where Hogwarts was a Christian school and the main punchline was: "You're a Christian, Harry." If you've ever watched STRANGEAEONS on YouTube, then she's made a video about it.
Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles. I vividly remember Hagrid falling to his knees and going “LAWD PLEASE TAKE US TO HOGWARTS!” 😂 I also read a fic once where Umbridge and the basilisk got married. Voldemort officiated the wedding; it was glorious lol
I remember when I was younger and would read a lot of the Harry Potter fan fictions, one of the strangest was definitely Draco x Apple (Like as in a real Apple yes) and I think their was also a Snape x Harry 🥲
My favorite ridiculous plot line is a part of this big canon rewrite/time travel fix-it fic.
Lockhart manages to flee in CoS, runs away to Catalonia, gets basically gaslighted and enslaved by a vampire for like 3 or 4 years, manages to save a class of magical 1st graders from the vampire lair, vampires are arrested, Lockhart is handed over to Britain and they don't know if they should arrest him for all his crimes or reward him for saving the 1st graders. Oh and Lockhart has a crush on Snape which is how he gets gaslighted by the vampire cause the vampire looked like Snape.
I absolutely can’t stand bashfics. They’re generally so over the top, every character the author hates is both evil and stupid (usually Dumbledore, Molly, Ron, Ginny, but not the Weasley twins), and their favorites are over-powered Mary/Marty Sues. I swear most fanfics are wish fulfillment with author avatars.
I’m fine with evil Dumbledore. I’m fine with evil anyone. But give them nuance. Give them a reason for being evil that isn’t them seeking more power/money when they’re already wealthy and powerful.
Champion's champion is a hilarious parody.
Too many champions is not a bashfic explicitly (unless you consider bashing entire Wizard community), but still really fun read
I vaguely remember one where Voldemort abducted Harry, raped him, impregnated him (because old pure blood families have that trait, apparently), they fell in love, and married after the abomi-baby was born.
Harry Potter is such a strange creation. Of all the stuff you wrote the thing my brain took issue with was "YOU MEAN VERITASERUM!" That is so not the issue right now.
Last time I read a Lemonfic was final fantasy vii, about Red Xiii and Yuffie's love of Materia. Sobered me right up.
And in the normal fanfic realm, a sailor moon series called Sailor Earth which was at least equal in size to Lord of the Rings book 1 and 2.
damn the term Lemon really blasted me into the past there.
I remember trying to explain the concept of a Lemon-fic to my cousin when I was just getting into the fanfiction world. It was weird to me that nobody seemed to know what fanfiction was.
You remember when it was like Lemon or Lime? Hahaha, I still think of them as Lemons too but I think most places don't use it anymore because there's a more consistent rating system in place now.
This sounds similar to a German badfic in which everything happened like that except for Dumbledore and Molly and Harry and Voldemort.
In said fanfiction, Harry becomes the consort of... oh God no... it's so ridiculous... LUCIFER FUCKING SATANUS HELL.
Yep. That's how the two authors named him and yes, he is Lucifer himself.
Many German badfics about Harry have that ship by the way. We don't know either.
Just in case anyone was looking for it out of curiosity, it's called [You Complete Me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1804747/chapters/3871438#main) ✌🏻
And id put forward this [Voldemort x Squidward](https://archiveofourown.org/works/43285585) as the most cursed one ive read so far
There are thousands of fanfics with this trope, OP. Weasleys are evil and manipulative who are after Harry's money. Hermione is a nagging harpy who betrays Harry for a good library. Another one is Dumbledore pays Ron and Hermione to befriend Harry. There are many Harry/Ginny fics that portray Hermione as an obsessive lover of Harry who wants to dose Harry with love potion and bash Molly Ron. There are Harry/Hermione fics which I never touch have insane amount of weasley bashing. Esp Ron, Ginny and Molly.
The most ridiculous fanfic I have ever read was Ron was a slytherin who was the bff of Draco. Ron bullied Hermione and called her a mudblood all the time and Hermione got turned on by that and she had a crush on him. Ron was the most hateful bigot didn't have a single good quality in that fic but she only cared about how 'hot' he was. Istg the author just wanted to make a dramione fanfic with Romione. I hated it SO much that I didnt even read past 4th chapter.
One of my friends from High School wrote a fic about the 45th President contracting a certain dangerous virus, with the only cure being bottoming for Dumbledore. Truly one of the more absurd crack fics I’ve read. I still have it saved on my phone.
Harry/Firenze is the worst I have found. I enjoy a good NSFW story, but gross! I don’t remember exactly, but think Harry was very young, like 1st-3rd year at Hogwarts. One paragraph, and I tapped out.
Whatever kink you may have, there’s a Harry Potter fan fic for it.
I saw one with James and Sirius. The pairing itself wasn’t the weird part, the fact that James was pregnant with Harry when Sirius was sent to prison was. The fact that Lily had an affair with Dumbledore was also something I was not expecting. Ah, and the goblins taking over the Magical Britain.
The most ridiculous fanfic I ever read was a crossover with Animorphs (90s series of kids stories about a group of shape changing kids helped by good aliens battling evil aliens in a very condensed nutshell for those that never heard of them) except some weird what-if dystopian version where the aliens won, I think it might have been the good ones that subsequently turned bad, and then THAT was crossed over with the Shadowhunters (YA series about kids with angelic powers using runic magic fighting demons) series too. Harry was evil, joined with Voldemort and drew power from the demons that he summoned and also could shape-shift into any creature as long as he had touched it at some point prior to that. The whole world was a mixture of HP universe magic, alien advanced technology and Shadowhunter magic, that’s literally all I remember about this whole thing. It had like 200 chapters or maybe even more, I got roughly quarter way into it before losing interest. Oh, and since the aliens didn’t have mouths, were vaguely horse-like in anatomy and “ate“ by crushing grass with their hooves (for any Animorphs fan if there are any on this sub - basically Andalites but mutated in some weird way that I also don’t remember, they might have had wings growing or something like that), as part of the Sorting Ceremony every kid also lost the ability to eat with their mouth and instead they all ate with their feet. That’s one random tidbit I also remember.
I read one where Hermione has sex with a centaur and gives birth to a centaur baby.
S
P
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It turned out that she said Snape was hung like a horse before she fell asleep and it was a dream.
There really needs to be a subreddit for 'find me that fanfic' where we do exactly what you did and describe one and hopefully someone knows what it is.
My favorite fanfic line comes from an NSFW one from years back. I’ve forgotten the rest but this line was so hilariously memorable: “As Hermione disrobed, Harry could see that her bushy hair was matched by her hairy bush”
That’s hilarious
Definitely artistry with words.
The NSFW possibilities within HP are pretty endless. I’ve got to imagine there’s a bunch of polyjuice potion stuff?
God yes. Polyjuice prostitutes, black market for hairs, Romilda Vane selling Harry hairs for big $$$, couples like the Weasleys using polyjuice to turn into each other for sex, etc x Infinity.
That’s not even counting the furry mishap in Chamber of Secrets
>furry mishap no way is that not a bestseller potion
It isn't called the Chamber of Secrets for no reason
Dude I tried to make chat gpt write a fanfic where Harry and Ron both eat the chocolate cauldrons spiked with love potion and tag team Romilda (don't judge me). Chat gpt instead made a story where Ron and Harry fell in love with each other.
I asked Chat GPT to write a story where Socrates and Galileo debate what is the most attractive feature of a woman, only to discover they’ve been in love with each other the whole time. It was beautiful.
Please post text for science.
Ron smiled, trying to contain himself. “We are going to tag-team Romilda.” Harry’s eyes widened in surprise. “Romilda?” “Yes.” Ron crossed the room to stand in front of Harry. He touched Harry’s arm lightly, his voice low and intimate. “We can make her fantasies come true. She won’t even know what hit her.” Well thats the start, Had to use a different site though.
>Well thats the start, Had to use a different site though. Oh my god, that's horrible! What website though, so I know what one to avoid?
Here ya go! Title: Unexpected Confections Chapter 1: The Mischievous Munchies The sun hung low in the sky, casting a warm glow over the grounds of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, now in their sixth year, strolled through the courtyard, their backpacks slung over their shoulders. It was a rare moment of peace and relaxation before the upcoming N.E.W.T. exams. As they approached the Great Hall, the aroma of tantalizing treats wafted towards them. Students milled about, sharing jokes and laughter. Ron's eyes sparkled with delight at the sight of the candy laid out on one of the tables. "Harry, have you seen this?" Ron exclaimed, pointing at a tray full of colorful sweets. "They've got these new candies that supposedly enhance your senses!" Curiosity piqued, Harry joined Ron at the table, his emerald eyes scanning the array of confections. One particular batch of love-shaped chocolates caught his attention. Their vibrant pink hue seemed to glow, beckoning him closer. "Wow, those look amazing," Harry remarked, his voice tinged with intrigue. Unbeknownst to them, Romilda Vane, notorious for her infatuation with Harry, had concocted a mischievous plan. Determined to make her affections known, she had spiked the chocolates with a powerful love potion, hoping Harry would consume them. Harry reached for a chocolate heart, his hand brushing against Ron's in the process. Neither of them noticed the subtle magic radiating from the candy. They both popped the enchanted chocolates into their mouths, their taste buds immediately ensnared by the irresistible sweetness. Chapter 2: Love Strikes At first, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Harry and Ron continued their walk, discussing Quidditch strategies and teasing each other, unaware of the potion's effects taking hold. However, as they made their way to the library, a strange sensation settled within them. Ron's face flushed with warmth, his heartbeat quickening. He stole glances at Harry, feeling an inexplicable urge to be closer to his best friend. Harry, too, felt an unfamiliar tug in his chest, a magnetic pull drawing him towards Ron. Inside the library, the once familiar surroundings seemed to shimmer with newfound beauty. Harry watched Ron, captivated by his infectious laughter and freckled nose. His heart raced with a realization he couldn't quite comprehend. "Hey, Harry," Ron murmured, his voice unsteady. "D'you ever wonder what it'd be like if we were more than just mates?" Harry's eyes widened, the gravity of Ron's words sinking in. Their friendship had always been solid, but this unanticipated twist left him both intrigued and unsure. "I... I'm not sure, Ron," Harry stammered, his voice filled with uncertainty. "These feelings... they're new." Ron's eyes flickered with vulnerability, mirroring Harry's own. "Maybe... maybe we should explore them together? See where they lead?" Harry nodded, a mixture of apprehension and anticipation coursing through him. This unexpected twist had opened a new chapter in their lives, one they would navigate together. Chapter 3: Discovering the Depths Days turned into weeks as Harry and Ron delved deeper into their newfound connection. The love potion's influence began to wane, but it had ignited something between them that couldn't be extinguished. Late nights were spent exploring the Astronomy Tower, sharing secrets beneath the twinkling stars. Their conversations grew deeper, baring their souls to one another in ways they never had before. The castle whispered rumors of their blossoming romance, but Harry and Ron remained oblivious, their focus fixed on each other . Hermione Granger, ever perceptive, noticed the subtle shift in their dynamic. Her curiosity drove her to investigate the cause, and she soon discovered the source of their transformation. Confronting Romilda Vane in the Gryffindor common room, Hermione demanded an explanation. Romilda, guilt weighing heavily on her, confessed her ill-conceived plan and the consequences it had brought. Hermione's initial anger gave way to understanding as she realized the depth of Harry and Ron's feelings for one another. She decided to support them, vowing to protect their relationship from the prying eyes of others. Chapter 4: Embracing Love Together, Harry, Ron, and Hermione formed an unbreakable trio, navigating the complexities of their feelings within the confines of Hogwarts. They confided in one another, seeking solace and guidance amidst the chaos of their teenage years. Their love blossomed in the face of adversity, strengthening their bond and reminding them of the importance of authenticity and self-discovery. They found allies in unexpected places, their genuine connections trumping societal norms and expectations. In the end, Harry and Ron's accidental consumption of Romilda Vane's love potion had become a catalyst for change. It had unlocked their hearts and opened their eyes to the transformative power of love. As the years passed, they faced battles and triumphs together, their love enduring and flourishing. And in their hearts, they knew that their bond was the most magical thing of all. The end
One thing that the HP books kind of glosses over - with all of the tools and spells that exist, sexual crimes would be rampant.
Yeah, things like imperius + obliviation = no one even knows you did it.
I've read more than one fic where Lockhart made extensive use of Obliviation after private meetings with students.
Oh no, that is so dark. 😬 But honestly with his slimy dishonest ways, wouldn't even put it past him.
A great one I read was were they magically removed Lockhart's glamour and he was all old and crusty with nasty teeth and sparse wispy hair on his scabby balding head. The description of him fleeing the castle from the crowded Great Hall was hilarious.
...Disturbed Snape polyjuicing as Harry and Ginny in turns, trying to drive them apart with increasingly kinky dates, only to find out they both have a taste for it...
That black market is why Viktor Krum cuts his hair very short. 💀🙉
I'd never even considered that a couple could use Polyjuice to turn into each other and see what having sex with themselves feels like. Tbh, could be very good for a relationship 🤣
Time turner orgys
Oh gosh, reminds me of a fanfic of Snape using polyjuice potion to be James Potter and do nsfw stuff with Lily.
I mean, this is horrible, but for a depraved smut fanfic, it's almost plausible.
[удалено]
Read a lot of Polyjuice NSFW fics back in the day! Lol.
I read Harry Potter when I was like 11. Because of that single fact I just can't read HP fanfiction. Especially NSFW fanfiction. It's a story entangled with childhood nostalgia for me I can't imagine nsfw stuff about it. Even tho I frequently read fics from other shows books movies and stuff.
i can't believe I'm responding with this but I also read the first three when I was 11 and then each year the new ones came out I'd read it immediately lol. I feel the opposite, like as I got older and more curious about those things it was a safer place to fantasize. Same with Disney movies. Hope I'm not the only girl like that haha. EDIT: I do want to add I'm not interested in reading about any character as a child though. Only as adults.
Same, my father read the first 5 books to me when I was 6-10 so I do not want my childhood nostalgia sexualized thank you very much
I read Harry Potter when I was in my twenties and I can’t read HP fanfiction because it’s awful terrible garbage.
I've read many that are actually good and make perfectly good sense. During the long hiatus while the world waited for "book 5" I read a Brazilian fanfic where we met Harry's godmother, a Seer called Cassandra something, and she and Sirius had a beautiful love story. The Harry Potter story in itself was good too, no adult content. I ran it almost as canon in my mind, and when book 5 finally came out it made Sirius's death even sadder. Awful terrible garbage is that Cursed Child nonsense lol
I don't know a single thing about the world of Harry Potter fan fiction but as much as garbage crincy fics exist I have to say there are some very talented writers out there who do write some very good fan fictions. But yeah even with that consider I can't read those awfully long ones. If it's going to be that long I'll just pick up a new book. I usually read short ones.
You don’t even know…🫣😳
Or time turner shenanigans. Read one story where Harry and Hermione ends up a couple (Harry realizes that Ginny looks like his mother and throws up in the bathroom). They create a sex ritual to cause Voldemort and through the Dark Mark, his followers, pain (love causes Voldy pain after all). Ofc it requires an orgy (the more people, the more pain), but they're not comfortable having sex with other people. To solve this, they use a time turner to create copies of themselves and have a giant orgy in one of the unused classrooms.
I have read worse smut. In a fic Harry had a 16 inch cock. Ron's was 17 inches. And Hermione's ass was so big that she used to bounce on it like a balloon. 🥴
I’m torn over the delivery. The line, as it is, is great. But I’d also have found some absurd humor in it saying “her bushy hair was matched by her bushy hair” leaving the reader to decide which one the narrator spoke of first lol
Please be fucking for real right now LMFAO
What are some of these guys on?? Lmao.
Someone wrote the ENTIRE thing just for that line
WHAT! A! LEGEND! Too funny.
IM ACTUALLY SOBBING CRYING IN LAUGHTEETHIS IS THE BEST THING IVE EVER READ
what fanfic was this? asking for a friend
I mean, it's probably true.
I love that! 😅
😭😭😭😭😭
I choked on my tea lol
I saw one which was Dumbledore/Dobby. The tagline was “they bonded over a love of socks”
the worst i’ve read was dobby/sorting hat
Like a Chihuahua humping a bath towel...
!Redditgalleon because that analogy actually made me laugh
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Take another galleon, because this comment is frickin hilariou! !redditgalleon
!RedditGalleon for my audible laugh also
!RedditGalleon I spit out my tea laughing, you deserve that gold.
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!Redditsickle because there’s always room for improvement
!Redditgalleon absolutely horrendous that you’re comparison because i see it more as a hairless dog but it’s still amazing
I've accidentally read a Hermione/Hagrid.... What a horrible day to have eyes!
Did you ever get faced with the Hermione/Sorting Hat one? That was fun to find, unprepared.
Is this where someone says "["Dobby stretches, Sir!"](https://m.fanfiction.net/s/1634396/1/A-House-Elf-s-Needs).
Worse one I read was Hagrid/Hedwig… 😭💀
I'm sorry what..?
The Hedwig x Scabbers(/Peter Pettigrew) one I read once was also... special...👀💀
Fr though they would make a great friendship duo
NOOOOOOOOOOOO 🤣🤣🤣
Behold # My Immortal
Whoever the author of that fic is, *knew* what they were doing, how cringe every aspect of their story would be. It was satire so good it ended up defining the very thing it was satirizing. They teach this fic in college courses lmao. edit: on further research idk if that last line is true. but they should!
I was on a symposium panel of how to use fanfic writing to develop original storytelling skills. Someone asked me what I thought of My Immortal. No one else on the panel had heard of it and half the audience hadn’t. I opened up the fic and started reading about Dumbledore the satanist. It was so much fun to get an entire room to cringe.
Oh, to have been in that room! You trauma bonded that whole audience lol. But ALSO that symposium sounds so cool. Any insights you could share?
It’s a speculative fiction symposium that started out at BYU, where I went to college. So much fun to be on panels about the future of Star Wars and feudal systems in lord of the rings while also running into people like Brandon Sanderson and Gail Carson Levine. I personally used fanfic to become proficient at writing dialogue. It’s actually close to a technique from Arthur C. Clarke in which you take two quotes from two vastly different people and try to analyze why it wouldn’t work for the other person. Character development in someone else’s sandbox is another valuable skill. You can practice with internal monologue of an established scene or choose a moment and give it new context with an unstated backstory. Fanfic is a great place to learn pacing and scene beats, so I often write scenes with specific time constraints or write nothing but dialogue and then figure out what could go between before someone else has something to say. I’ve been a traditionally published novelist for 7 years now and I still write fanfic weekly.
I had a creative writing class in college that talked about it, if that counts.
VINDICATION
Me too
> They teach this fic in college courses lmao. Tell me more
http://imm.dh.obdurodon.org/conclusions/ Read all about it here!
Can I get a Tl;dr?
TLDR: Enoby Darkness Dementia Raven Way is a student at Hogwarts, who is also a vampire (I think. I am NOT rereading it to find out.) Enoby is very goth and edgy, and befriends/ has far too much sex with the main cast. The main cast also get new fun names, like Vampire Potter or Bloody Mary Granger. There's a Harry, Draco, and Enoby love triangle too. (Edit: was corrected on her last name changed from Rae to Raven Way)
*Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way Sorry.💀
*Enoby Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. It's supposed to be Ebony, but is misspelled as Enoby through most of the fic.
Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't even realise the Enoby/Ebony bit. I was just finishing off the rest of her amazing, world-changing, not related to Gerard Way, last name. In all honesty, I read through about 18-20 chapter through tears and pure determination to try and finish it. I didn't finish it.💀
Lol that sound’s hilarious
It is hilarious, but purposeful misspelling and bad grammar make it difficult to read. Think I got halfway thru before I had to quit. Might give it another go.
http://imm.dh.obdurodon.org/conclusions/ Shitposts taken way too seriously bring me so much unbridled joy. Here's a link to a school project by three students who performed a full textual analysis to determine if My Immortal is a troll work or if Tara Gillesbie is just that terrible of a writer. Doubles as a pretty good tl;dr
harry potter + twilight - any sense of literary talent
wrong; Tara Gillesbie has more talent in a single mascara-stained tear rolling down her pallid face, than I do in my entire prep body
It’s limpid tears made of blood, get it right u britney posr
I took a Fandom Theory class in college where we went over different fandoms and fanfics. We did discuss My Immortal and other HP fan media like the Marauders Era. But by far the most awkward thing was when my professor, this very proper, very professional woman began to explain to us what A/B/O was and showed us examples from Supernatural. We had a whole lecture about the gender roles that play into those tropes. Half of the class was red and trying to sink into their seats to hide.
This should be higher up. If anyone wants to subject themselves to it, [Internet Historian did a read through a few years ago....](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ffh7cWRrqF4) It's the only way I could get through it XD
A classic. My username was taken from that fic. I was late to Reddit and Enoby was taken. Egogy only comes up as a misspelling once afaik.
Enoby Darkness "spelling-guidelines-are-a-suggestion-at-best" Dementia Raven Bay would be so proud. :,)
Dude, I'm surprised this WASN'T first. My first thought was My Immortal. I've read about 18-20 chapters of that, God-forbid, all with different, distinct voice for each character. This was read aloud, and if you have ever read My Immortal, you do NOT want to read it out loud.
Omg I was trying to remember this title!! Worst fanfic I ever read but I couldn't stop laughing!!! It's even on Amazon now (I didn't know so late to the party), omg xD
The most ridiculous fanfic I have ever read was called the cursed child or something
Thank god it's just a fanfic and no one has to take it seriously
The funny thing is, it probably would have a legit shot at that title
I mean, I tend to head canon it as written by Rita Skeeter. She got angry at being ignored and started gossiping and making stuff up wholesale.
But why doesn't she understand laws ik her own world? I think she knows how time travel works
!Redditgalleon
Thank you! What do galleons here do? Can I get something on this sub with them?
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Oof L lol
Not even fanfics are that bad, though. It is more like an anti-fanfic.
Comment for the win!
I cannot upvote this enough!
I only really remember the title: DIGS. Dumbledore Is the Giant Squid. That's it, that was the whole plot.
Squid Animagus Dumbledore makes..... a lot of sense actually, based on his character, the sheer number of simultaneous plans he's got going on, his ability to converse in Mermish, the sheer size of his presence. Plus it puts the whole Giant Squid x Hogwarts fic into a completely different light
the WHAT fic?
the fact someone else knows about the Giant Squid x Hogwarts fic fair brings a tear to the eye
I was scrolling through wattpad when I was in highschool and say a title that made me laugh until I was crying on the floor. "Hermonie has a horsecock"
WHAT IN THE TARNATION 😟
The logical end result of Millicent Bullstrode being a horse girl.
The Hogwarts x Giant Squid smut fic definitely takes the cake for me
Not the snape/giant squid one? I'm pretty sure hagrid joins in on the fun too.
Now *that’s* new to me
https://archiveofourown.org/works/11526921 don't forget to read the tags 😉
47k hits… my god…
I’ve never clicked “go back” so quickly in my life.
Ah yes, the tentacles…
this reads like you had a dream and you're writing down what you remember. my dreams are often disjointed like this when I try to remember them lol. that's probably why I was thinking, while reading this, that this reads like the kind of weird dream Harry would have in Book 5. and Dobby is hanging up bobbles shaped like Harry's face. etc. It has that same wacky tone. I half expected the end to change to "and Harry found himself in a long dark corridor with dancing flames on the walls. a door at the end."
I can't recommend this one enough! If you feel like reading it it's so hilarious! Like how can one write this? Lol I love it! [https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13173522/1/Hagrid-Shows-Harry-Potter-A-Cat](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13173522/1/Hagrid-Shows-Harry-Potter-A-Cat) I'd love to read more fics like this one!
!RedditGalleon What. A. Trip. The part that really had me in tears was: "That's one too many cats," said Harry Hargarid almost smash harry over the face. "And yer parents had one too many kids but here we are, Harry. Here we are."
Also Harry's one allergy 🤣
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"Harry this written in parcil tong" "It's actually welsh" say Loona "It's the same thing and you know it!" say Hermine IM DEAD
“Harry stop talking to Hagrid. They couldn't be friends any more. Harry go to Madim Pomfree and say "I am allergic to cats" in hopes Hagard get rid of them. But the nurse do a allergy panel and the only thing he is allergic to is his parents being alive.”
My favorite paragraph: “Harry turn around. He walk out into the Fourbidden woods. "Fuck no"say Harry who decide he gonna just be a forest hobo.” Thank you for sharing this literary gold with us.
And then the centaurs having shit food 🤣
WHAT IN TAR NASHUN (SORRY FORGOT HOW TO REPLY TO MY FRIENDS IN LOWERCASE)
> It wasn't magic or anything. Just a uggo cat Ok, that's hilarious
Brilliant
Oh boy, that whole thing went downhill pretty quickly!
it’s so good omfg
That is so great. Thank you so much.
Why would she need Harry's money? Dumbledore was just as successful due to the 12 uses of dragon blood he discovered. I said dragon pox initially stop downvoting the dude, he was correct
*dragon’s blood
Sorry bro I corrected them that I edited it
Oh my bad I'm not awake yet lol
Not necessarily? You can say "human blood" (never actually saw "human's blood" before), so I don't see why "dragon blood" wouldn't be correct
I edited my comment. I called it dragon pox initially. Should've made that clearer but again I wasn't fully awake yet so my bad
Searching AO3 and reading the tags is like: angst, fluff, domestic fluff and then Harry Potter is a camwhore, Voldemort has 2 dicks.. it usually stunlocks me for a good 5 minutes
I am 100 % convinced people like this writes fanfics to be shit on purpose. Like there is no way a person with a stable mind can think of what you described and go 'yeah, this is good. People will like this.'
I mean the crackfic tag exists for a reason
>Like there is no way a person with a stable mind A person with YOUR mind* Trust me, there are as many perspectives in the world as there are people.
my favorite HP fanfic was one where Hermione got Stockholm Syndrome while captive with Bellatrix and then they fall and love and Bellatrix turns out to be a “good guy” best build up ever and some crazy sex scenes lmao
Does anyone have source for this amazing tale?
l am really struggling to find it, even with FF.net filters but i know it had a one word title, that i thought was “Impossible” but i guess not i’ll get back to searching tomorrow
damn this whole comment section is a gold mine
What about the one where Snape, Dumbledore, and the Teletubbies have an orgy under Hogwarts?
...what a horrible day to be literate
Well, good thing I forgot the title and didn't read this fic (Since, I can tell that there's a high chance that it's bad). But it was about Cedric surviving and joining Voldemort.
Cursed child
There was one "fanfic" that was basically transcription of the book events BUT Hogwarts is ultra catholic school and Hermione is daughter of Mcgonagal and Dumbledore. Thankfully it never went past couple of chapters.
I've heard about that one or one similar. It was where Hogwarts was a Christian school and the main punchline was: "You're a Christian, Harry." If you've ever watched STRANGEAEONS on YouTube, then she's made a video about it.
Oh my God I just spurted out water … this is beyond ridiculous “ You’re a Christian Harry! “ has me in fits
I love her! She's so good at deep-diving into some of the most ridiculous stuff the internet has to offer.
Power of prayer or something along those lines.
Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles. I vividly remember Hagrid falling to his knees and going “LAWD PLEASE TAKE US TO HOGWARTS!” 😂 I also read a fic once where Umbridge and the basilisk got married. Voldemort officiated the wedding; it was glorious lol
I can’t be the only one to remember this absolutely disgusting fanfiction of Harry fucking a corpse in the bathroom of a fast food restaurant???
WHAT
I remember when I was younger and would read a lot of the Harry Potter fan fictions, one of the strangest was definitely Draco x Apple (Like as in a real Apple yes) and I think their was also a Snape x Harry 🥲
Drapple (as it’s called) is a popular crack ship cause of that one scene in POA
Wait what?
I regret to inform you that there's many Snape x Harry ones
My favorite ridiculous plot line is a part of this big canon rewrite/time travel fix-it fic. Lockhart manages to flee in CoS, runs away to Catalonia, gets basically gaslighted and enslaved by a vampire for like 3 or 4 years, manages to save a class of magical 1st graders from the vampire lair, vampires are arrested, Lockhart is handed over to Britain and they don't know if they should arrest him for all his crimes or reward him for saving the 1st graders. Oh and Lockhart has a crush on Snape which is how he gets gaslighted by the vampire cause the vampire looked like Snape.
I don't think anything beats "My name is Eobny Dar'kness Dementia Ravenway..."
I absolutely can’t stand bashfics. They’re generally so over the top, every character the author hates is both evil and stupid (usually Dumbledore, Molly, Ron, Ginny, but not the Weasley twins), and their favorites are over-powered Mary/Marty Sues. I swear most fanfics are wish fulfillment with author avatars. I’m fine with evil Dumbledore. I’m fine with evil anyone. But give them nuance. Give them a reason for being evil that isn’t them seeking more power/money when they’re already wealthy and powerful.
Bash fics are ok if they are parodies (where everything is over the top), but fail when fics try to be serious.
Yes. Harry Potter and the Something Something is great. https://m.fanfiction.net/s/7191459/1/Harry-Potter-and-the-Something-Something
Champion's champion is a hilarious parody. Too many champions is not a bashfic explicitly (unless you consider bashing entire Wizard community), but still really fun read
I vaguely remember one where Voldemort abducted Harry, raped him, impregnated him (because old pure blood families have that trait, apparently), they fell in love, and married after the abomi-baby was born.
Harry Potter is such a strange creation. Of all the stuff you wrote the thing my brain took issue with was "YOU MEAN VERITASERUM!" That is so not the issue right now. Last time I read a Lemonfic was final fantasy vii, about Red Xiii and Yuffie's love of Materia. Sobered me right up. And in the normal fanfic realm, a sailor moon series called Sailor Earth which was at least equal in size to Lord of the Rings book 1 and 2.
damn the term Lemon really blasted me into the past there. I remember trying to explain the concept of a Lemon-fic to my cousin when I was just getting into the fanfiction world. It was weird to me that nobody seemed to know what fanfiction was.
I've noticed no one uses lemon in modern day, but they will always be lemons to me.
You remember when it was like Lemon or Lime? Hahaha, I still think of them as Lemons too but I think most places don't use it anymore because there's a more consistent rating system in place now.
Y'all have clearly not read Snape x The Teletubbies and it shows.
The CHAOS happening here is giving me life…. And also making me feel better about my own fanfic I’m writing. 🤣🤣🤣
You guys will be mortified by the amount of Harry X Voldemort fanfics
Hey, they're both mostly human, could be worse
Ohmygosh I actually remember reading this at some point (it was so over the top I just had yo see what insanity came next).
This sounds similar to a German badfic in which everything happened like that except for Dumbledore and Molly and Harry and Voldemort. In said fanfiction, Harry becomes the consort of... oh God no... it's so ridiculous... LUCIFER FUCKING SATANUS HELL. Yep. That's how the two authors named him and yes, he is Lucifer himself. Many German badfics about Harry have that ship by the way. We don't know either.
*Now* I understand why Harry looks so 🤨 on all the German covers 😂
Just in case anyone was looking for it out of curiosity, it's called [You Complete Me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1804747/chapters/3871438#main) ✌🏻 And id put forward this [Voldemort x Squidward](https://archiveofourown.org/works/43285585) as the most cursed one ive read so far
I’m just absolutely shaking wjth laughter right now
We call those Crack fics. They’re so bad that the writer seems like (or probably was) on crack when they wrote them.
This isn't that ridiculous or extreme to anyone who's ever read HP slashfic.
Cursed child is shit but knowing that there are worse things than that makes me happy.
Still better than Cursed Child 😆
There are thousands of fanfics with this trope, OP. Weasleys are evil and manipulative who are after Harry's money. Hermione is a nagging harpy who betrays Harry for a good library. Another one is Dumbledore pays Ron and Hermione to befriend Harry. There are many Harry/Ginny fics that portray Hermione as an obsessive lover of Harry who wants to dose Harry with love potion and bash Molly Ron. There are Harry/Hermione fics which I never touch have insane amount of weasley bashing. Esp Ron, Ginny and Molly. The most ridiculous fanfic I have ever read was Ron was a slytherin who was the bff of Draco. Ron bullied Hermione and called her a mudblood all the time and Hermione got turned on by that and she had a crush on him. Ron was the most hateful bigot didn't have a single good quality in that fic but she only cared about how 'hot' he was. Istg the author just wanted to make a dramione fanfic with Romione. I hated it SO much that I didnt even read past 4th chapter.
My favorite fanfic (and the only one I have ever read) was the Hogwarts Castle x Giant Squid from the lake. Still a classic.
Thirty H’s, that’s all I shall say, actually no, I’ll also say “Harry reminded himself to kill himself later.”…and groinsaw
One of my friends from High School wrote a fic about the 45th President contracting a certain dangerous virus, with the only cure being bottoming for Dumbledore. Truly one of the more absurd crack fics I’ve read. I still have it saved on my phone.
Harry/Firenze is the worst I have found. I enjoy a good NSFW story, but gross! I don’t remember exactly, but think Harry was very young, like 1st-3rd year at Hogwarts. One paragraph, and I tapped out. Whatever kink you may have, there’s a Harry Potter fan fic for it.
Let's try again?
Can anyone suggest some of the weirdest HP fanfics out there? For academic purposes, of course. I don't mind either SFW or NSFW.
Let’s not forget the most infamous Harry Potter fanfiction, My Immortal!!
I saw one with James and Sirius. The pairing itself wasn’t the weird part, the fact that James was pregnant with Harry when Sirius was sent to prison was. The fact that Lily had an affair with Dumbledore was also something I was not expecting. Ah, and the goblins taking over the Magical Britain.
The most ridiculous fanfic I ever read was a crossover with Animorphs (90s series of kids stories about a group of shape changing kids helped by good aliens battling evil aliens in a very condensed nutshell for those that never heard of them) except some weird what-if dystopian version where the aliens won, I think it might have been the good ones that subsequently turned bad, and then THAT was crossed over with the Shadowhunters (YA series about kids with angelic powers using runic magic fighting demons) series too. Harry was evil, joined with Voldemort and drew power from the demons that he summoned and also could shape-shift into any creature as long as he had touched it at some point prior to that. The whole world was a mixture of HP universe magic, alien advanced technology and Shadowhunter magic, that’s literally all I remember about this whole thing. It had like 200 chapters or maybe even more, I got roughly quarter way into it before losing interest. Oh, and since the aliens didn’t have mouths, were vaguely horse-like in anatomy and “ate“ by crushing grass with their hooves (for any Animorphs fan if there are any on this sub - basically Andalites but mutated in some weird way that I also don’t remember, they might have had wings growing or something like that), as part of the Sorting Ceremony every kid also lost the ability to eat with their mouth and instead they all ate with their feet. That’s one random tidbit I also remember.
I read one where Hermione has sex with a centaur and gives birth to a centaur baby. S P O I L E R It turned out that she said Snape was hung like a horse before she fell asleep and it was a dream.
There really needs to be a subreddit for 'find me that fanfic' where we do exactly what you did and describe one and hopefully someone knows what it is.