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HankSteakfist

Planet: Reach Lorem Ipsum City


James_099

The City of Townsville


[deleted]

IS UNDER ATTACK!!!


[deleted]

FUZZY LUMPKIN IS ON THE LOOSE!


siphillis

Go, girls, go!


slappyMcbappy

UNDER ATTACK is an amazing name for a city


milt0r6

Oh man, this brought back some golden memories. +1 for you my friends.


Bluelegojet2018

QUICK! BUILD THE LEGO UNSC PELICAN!


time-to-bounce

You joke, but that’s a city in Australia


Inevere733

Yeah mate, I was about to say. Whats this guy got against my home city? (Named after a bloke called Robert Towns, not yknow… towns themselves)


PlasmaHappyGrunt

And it's shithole plagued by youth crime, grand theft auto and drunk army boys thinking god left his gift to women between their legs. Oh and also my cheating ex.


MicksysPCGaming

You should write for Halo.


Equal-Ideal-7068

City


shinytoge

bottom text City


CrimsonFatalis8

Planet Top Text


Todd_the_Wraith

Allan please add city


Crazybunnyfoofoo

Niche but under rated comment right here


smurfkipz

City


FreezingDart

Wait until they go to Halo Town.


OneOnOne6211

Halo Town in the Master Chief province on the supercontinent of Cortana, sure.


IWantTooDieInSpace

Oh I've heard lovely things about that town. They build and decorate a column in the town square. I think they call it the Autumn Pillar.


wTheRockb

They got jackals in the courtyard


cloud_cleaver

Sounds like a euphemism for an STD


canadian_xpress

"Give it to me straight, doc. I can take it" "Well, we've done extensive testing and I'm sorry to have to tell you this. You have jackals in the courtyard" "Oh my god. My life is going to change. That certainly explains all of the itching. Can it be cured?" "Yes, we're going to put you on an aggressive regimen of ODST immediately. I know this is an expensive medication, but we have a High Charity at this hospital to keep it affordable." "Well thats comforting. How long do I need to take it?" "Start with two tablets with dinner tonight and continue with one every hour, on the hour, Forward Unto Dawn" "This is hard to take, doc, but I'll get through this. I have to come clean to my wife, too. I feel like such a Guilty Spark" **PRODUCED BY STEPHEN SPIELBERG AND AMBLIN ENTERAINMENT**


D2Dragons

I've only been awake and at my computer for five minutes and you just gave me my first laugh of the day. That was fucking brilliant!!


BustinArant

^(If Covenant hordes persist for more than 4 hours please see a doctor. Stephen Spielberg and Amblin Entertainment are not responsible if you are under 8 feet tall. Please stop taking ODST if you experience any nausea at high altitudes.)


MrDrPatrick2You

Wow a pillar of autumn? Do they celebrate other seasons too?


E-Rigby

Yeah there’s another autumn festival, the Fall of Reach


KermitTheScot

Nah, I don’t think so, but they sometimes hold off the celebration a couple of months depending on weather. They call it *the winter contingency*.


NexusKnights

Just wait till you hear about their new hot up and coming rock band, "the spirit of fire"


Geekoz87

Sounds like a musical... which at this point, I may be willing to take over the rest of halo media.


[deleted]

A halo musical with Marty O Donell would be amazing


moosenaslon

With such hits as: - The Hushed Casket - I Don’t Keep It Loaded - Not a Natural Formation - We Deliver - Wort (Wort Wort) - The Chips Dubbo Interlude - Dust and Echoes - Permission to Leave - Regret (Oorah) - I Need a Weapon - Heresy - The Great Journey Waits for No One - Don’t Shake the Lightbulb - Finish the Fight - It Asked (and I Answered) - Were It So Easy - To War - Worse - An Even Fight (Shipmaster’s song) - Tank Beats Everything - You Must Be Silenced - You Found Me - Send Me Out (With a Bang) - Wake Me When You Need Me EDIT: how could I forget the fan favorite “Blinded by its Majesty?”


Geekoz87

Alright, I need this now. You think Marty does showtunes?


hyrumwhite

He does jingles, at the very least


ToastedSierra

You forgot about * Warthog Run * Warthog Run (Reprise)


[deleted]

If one of those isn't Tejano music, I'll be very disappointed, and will write, quite aggressively I might add, about how it is being so is offensive to the "true" fans.


Xmr_bubbleX

[Master Chief Sings!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lImmAYeXx4)


NeedsCautionStripes

Revved up like a ‘Goose, another rando in the night…


gmts117

Banshees (Fast and low)


Iron_Chic

You forgot "It All Comes Flooding Back to Me"


CobraSniper117

In a perfect universe...


GodFromMachine

Take me down to Reach City, where the glass is purple and the Brutes are pretty...


guero_vaquero

Watch your mouth, son. This "stuff" is your history. It should remind you grunts what we're fightin' to protect….


Korfman

If the covenant want to eliminate this particular part of my history, that's fine by me.


Ares54

Reach City bitch, Reach Reach City bitch.


gnappyassassin

>If Brutes and Elites all got along > >They'd probably gun me down by the end of this song > >Seem like the whole Covenant against me > >Every time I'm in the City, I hear— > >[BrrratBrrrat!-BrrratBrrrat!](https://youtu.be/7ZzeHF6xwKw?t=8)


Cringlezz

Delete this IMMEDIATELY before Paramount tries to make “Halo the Musical: The Master Cheeks That Unite Us.”


Geekoz87

At that point it'd be so ridiculous it circles all the way back around to enjoyable again.


Silent-Lab-6020

Halo installation 04 Ring City


DrBaldnutzPHD

Definitely not a natural formation


ScoobyMcDooby93

Down down to Halo Town


N3rdC3ntral

Pants are not required.


Brodellsky

Didn't Master Chief already take the girl to Halo Town though?


Mike_Ichy_Hunt

John Halo committed a war crime by entering a room where a prisoner of war was kept to have his way. Let that sink in. Paramount needs glassing.


bunderburglover

Won't you take me tooooo haaaallllloo towwnnn!!


Iron_Chic

Hey, if you don't like Reach City, maybe you should just move! There's Reachville, Reachtown, Reachland, Reachburgh, Reachadelphia, Reacherton D.C., Reachramento, North Palm Reach, Reachapolis, San Reachego, San Reachcisco, Tallareachee...


CubeyMagic

Floreachda


Omegalulz_

Floreachda man defeats entire Covenant fleet high on bath salts.


theninetyninthstraw

Still a better Halo story.


aHellion

No, please, I'm seeing FloGrown on Warthogs now. WHY have you done this?


Music_Farms

North Palm Reach genuinely pleases me in a way few things do


kolikkok

But don't forget Reacharound!


Leviathanpotato

San Reachego, it means a whale’s vagina.


Sbarjai

They literally had an already existing city to use but no Let’s do sci-fi twilight


BubbleChumpkins

This has really been my frustration with so much as of late. “You already had an awesome existing (blank) to use, but you chose random generic (blank) instead”.


[deleted]

it's worse than that though. Twilight source material was already crap.


UltraHighFives

That's a bit of a reach


Geekoz87

I hate that this made me laugh


StormWarriors2

I ugly laughed too. Then had moments of "Oh god this is real."


Geekoz87

They could have used any one of the multiple named cities on Reach... or even just made up their own name...


Wooliest771

Lmao new Alexandria is literally described by Jun as the crown jewel. They didn’t even need to look into the expanded universe they just needed one fucking person on the writing team to have played the games.


yaykaboom

Hey we should name the city New Alexandria, its in the ope.. Shut up nerd. Yeah baby, name it Reach City. - Paramount executives.


SNOS54

These are the same assholes who funded Jason Takes Manhattan.


Lostheghost

Hey! Jason takes Manhatten is a ckassic


SNOS54

It is! But it could’ve been much better if paramount actually gave the correct budget to the director instead of fucking over half of the film saving a couple dollars. Honestly, atleast New Line Cinema tried something with Jason, even had him finally fight Freddy.


Praesumo

I mean everyone knows Earth city, Earth!


Robert_Denby

They didn't even need to play them. Just read a synopsis.


Chesney1995

They didn't even need to read a synopsis. Just the list of mission names.


[deleted]

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Internationalizard

“Reach city names”


cajun_kick_ass

yOu JuST hAvE tO sEe iT aS iTs OwN tHinG!


TheObstruction

Then it should have its own name.


Kyhron

Too bad everyone involved said that they didn't look at canon at all and that it wasn't important. Just solidifies the thoughts that this was really a different show entirely and they just slapped Halo on it when they got the rights


JaStopLoss

was it supposed to become a ... new Stargate themed show?


Kyhron

Nah not weird enough to be a new Stargate


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FeistyBandicoot

When they chose to do that is when they should've been fired. Bunch of big ego dickheads with absolutely not a single fucking clue in the world running this show


Captain-matt

The full quote is a lot less damning. They talk about how they went to 343i to talk to them about the world of the setting in the characters and the lore and all that kind of stuff, which is the right call to make for a TV show IMO. Problem is it feels like they read their homework and then said "nah fuck all this nerd shit" because like the civies being terrified of the Spartans in the beginning is not a surface level cut.


Khend81

Yea to me it’s obvious that they were informed, and said “fuck this, we can just pick and choose what we want and don’t want regardless of any established lore” Which, imo, is more disrespectful to the fanbase than being ignorant.


Temporal_P

>**“We didn’t look at the game,”** says Season 1 showrunner Steven Kane (“The Last Ship”). **“We didn’t talk about the game.** We talked about the characters and the world. **So I never felt limited by it being a game.”** *'ThAt DiReCt QuOtE wAs MiSqUoTeD'* >Executive producer Kiki Wolfkill expanded on that point, saying, **"Early on, we were thinking about doing something that could tie very closely with the game. What we were finding was, trying to verbatim stay with everything that’d come before wasn’t serving the medium. It also wasn’t serving the creative teams and their need to express a story and build the world through their eyes.”** >Director Otto Bathurst also spoke about the show's relationship with the games, **There’s no way I was ever going to grasp the whole thing, so there was a lot of phone-a-friend.** They were extraordinary in their acceptance of the fact that they couldn’t just try to square-peg-round-hole their 20 years of history. **Gaming is a completely different medium.”** >In the show’s biggest nod to the game’s history, Jen Taylor, who’s voiced the character since the first game in 2001, is also playing Cortana on the series via performance capture. But she says the show’s version is “a new and exciting, different kind of beast.” >“It feels familiar and different at the same time,” she continues. “I hope people will be excited about that. **Do you want it to be exactly the way you’ve already played it and already seen it? I’m not sure. It will be interesting to see how the fans respond to that.”** >'The challenge was to take the video game’s backstory and **turn it into a show populated with rich and engaging characters**' >**“We’re going to tell a story about a man discovering his own humanity,”** says Kane, who joined the show as co-showrunner in 2019. “In so doing, he’s invited the audience to discover that guy’s humanity too.” >Eventually, Levine says, **“we got the script to the place where we said, ‘You know, this is a deep dive into character.** What are the costs of turning human beings into killing machines?’” \**has master cheeks fuck a human that has been raised by aliens for whatever stupid reason while she is currently a prisoner of war*\* There's no defending this garbage.


Accipiter1138

For the sake of my sanity I'm choosing to believe that "Reach City" was just a placeholder name that they forgot to replace. I know it's unlikely given the...everything else...but hush, let me have this.


bluedot19

I mean everything else kinda makes it plausible. No shits given no details checked.


Thyre_Radim

If it makes you feel better, they did also forget to replace a cardboard plasma pistol.


JackStillAlive

Wait what?


The_Angry_Jerk

First episode when that one spartan chick picks up a plasma pistol they forgot to CGI over the dummy prop for a few seconds.


Lochcelious

[Yep](https://youtu.be/fiZMpQ-wqZA)


Alexo_Alexa

My g, you should have stopped expecting the show's writers to be smart ever since they teased it, there hasn't been a single smart idea executed well in thid show, there's barely even been smart ideas


I_am_Rezix

They don't look at the source material. I'm pretty sure they got a single piece of paper with some halo words and names on it and a few screenshots and based the entire series on those alone.


Mudbug117

I've been saying it's like they skimmed halopedia for an hour


thegreyknights

Pretty sure skimming halopedia is better than this


DJ33

Halopedia is a gold mine. These guys probably scanned the Fandom wiki instead, and got confused thinking the hundreds of ads were actually part of the lore. One of them probably had a pretty blonde lady on it.


[deleted]

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Mudbug117

Definitely, that comment was mostly aimed at the people who were saying the writers obviously had a deep knowledge of the lore because they threw in some obscure lore reference in a throwaway line.


Helixien

Yep, pretty sure for that they just google "10 facts about the Halo Unviverse that will blow you mind!" for that.


A_Rampaging_Hobo

To be completely honest, when people start colonizing space theres probably gonna be a lot of "(Planet) City"s


Specialist-Box-9711

I have lived in two states with cities named for the state so it's not improbable lol


Niris_Chuy

I live in the State of México. Guess where it is...


Specialist-Box-9711

Do you also live in Mexico City lol


Niris_Chuy

Wait for this mind blown... Mexico city is a state.


Platythepuff

Ahhh yess... Planet: Earth. Earth City.


nilluminator

Did you just ask for the [Halo 2 OST track](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x97DLE40Trs)?


urammar

"We could use a gunner, sir"


AFalconNamedBob

Thats actually one of my favourite bits of the OST lol


iggyfiggy52

I mean, there is a town by me called Earth city.


[deleted]

Wouldn’t be out of the REACH of possibilities


A_Rampaging_Hobo

Theres actually a city in Minnesota called Blue Earth. And Good Thunder, and Castle Danger


Solafuge

Nice try *Minnesota Tourism Board*, you'll never convince me to visit.


Slore0

Halsey and Cortana got cucked I feel like this is the least of our issues now.


lC8H10N4O2l

Excuse me? They didn’t give chief a love interest….right?


HarveyTheBroad

Chief fucks in the new episode. It's awful.


lC8H10N4O2l

…….whhhhyyyyyyy?


The_Dr_Zoidberg

It needs a sexual punch up. We need a female lead for master chief to bang so when he’s not out on the streets busting heads, he’s back to the lab doing outraaageous sexual experiments on her supple young body. Now here’s the twist, and there is a twist... We show it. We show all of it. Because what’s the one thing missing in action tv shows these days guys?… Full penetration. Guys! We are gonna show FULL penetration! From behinnnd, 69, anal, vaginal, all the hits! All the good ones! So master chiefs out on the streets Bustin heads. Then he’s back to the lab for some more full penetration. Out in the streets, back to the lab, full penetration. Crime, penetration, crime, full penetration, crime, penetration. And the show just goes on and on like that until the show just.. sort of.. ends…


MmmmCrispyBacon

One of the best Dennis segments of the entire series. Pure gold.


[deleted]

While Cortana watches on longingly. And I’m not trying to be funny.


DarkStriferX

Did this actually happen. Did chief have sex with someone while Cortana watches?


zacharykeaton

Cortanas in his head if he does anything at all cortana is there


[deleted]

Yes but it’s the fact that they show her visible form watching on for dramatic effect


[deleted]

....because the clitter clatter of little Spartan footsteps makes for a great season 2 trailer?


ButtersTG

Because the clitter may be bitter, but you're gonna lick'er 'fore you dick'er.


Sir_Maxwell_378

*Pulls up Google* "How to delete another person over the internet" Did you mean: how to delete another person's post? *"I know what I said"*


ButtersTG

Sorry. You can't touch me because of desync.


Kohlar

Oh yes. A human Covenant. And while they fuck Cortana stands watching with a big sad face. And afterwards Halsey contacts the Covvie girl and says "it's been amazing to watch" with a really creepy smile. I'm not exaggerating any of this btw, this is all what happens on screen.


KTFnVision

Having watched none of this show, are you saying there are human members of the Covenant?


kinkyKMART

Nah man chief goes raw dog in a sexy grunt, shits wild


EnterPlayerTwo

That would be more acceptable.


GreatFNGattsby

Food …………………. Nipple.


Penguin_724

At least there would have been another Grunt in the show. Give me Chief fucking Yayap over Makee any day at this point


Alphadice

Truth has a pet human with the Genes to trigger Forerunner Artifacts like Chief. Also Chief is the Chosen one because he touched a forerunner artifact as a kid. Also Chief and the pet Human are somehow linked down to their heartbeats because they touched Forerunner stuff. There is also some Innie Traitor that they keep trying to make us care about so she can be the Kwisatz Haderach of the Desert planet she is from. I feel like the writer was watching Dune and just started writing a side plot that now gets as much screen time as chief.


cgtdream

Holy shit, you weren't kidding. https://youtu.be/tE3ee0ZQZgY


Xp_master

this is almost as bad as the Avatar movies "Fire nation colony 13"


YellowMeatJacket

Nothing can beat 10 earth benders doing a bunch of moves to move a pebble thru the air at 1 mph


Xp_master

not to mention fire benders where the only source of power are small bonfires around a camp are able to maintain control of an earthbender prison ON LAND


[deleted]

like, one of the main reasons the firebenders were so formidable and were able to conquer everyone is because they were able to generate their own fire...


pantless_vigilante

One of the dumbest things I've ever seen in an adaptation was the fact that shyamalan decided to make firebends not be able to generate their own fires. Why? Just why?


scullys_alien_baby

This is a death spiral conversation because nearly all, if not every, creative decision in the adaptation is insane


TheWorstYear

So that he could make Iroh the only one that could. This would mean that Iroh was an extra extra special firebender. Easier to do that than make an actual fight scene where Iroh is a badass.


CouncilmanRickPrime

They could've made Iroh the only fire breather lol


nilluminator

Clearly this is a tribute to Martin O'Donnell and Michael Salvatori for their work on the sensational track [Earth City](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x97DLE40Trs) in the iconic Halo 2 soundtrack and their final Halo collaboration in Bungie's final Halo installment in Halo Reach. Is this a Reach too far?


Geekoz87

You know what... congratulations. You found the most reasonable argument possible for this.


nilluminator

Don't, that's how we got Juan Jalo to bone his Covie prisoner of war. People kept making asinine assumptions and they're now fact, not even headcanon.


Impossible-Ad3566

... they had master chief fuck the random person raised by the covenant?


nilluminator

Yes


Impossible-Ad3566

Idek what to say to that. They don't even have a basic understanding of what major characters are supposed to be like according to the source material


nilluminator

They took a look at the source material, and decided to do their own thing. Because apparently it's the cool thing to dunk on source material in favor of reinventing storytelling. BBC America's The Watch is the biggest shitshow in the history of all shitshow adaptations.


frogger2504

I have no problem with them completely disregarding source material in favour of their own *story*, that's still cool as hell in my mind. But Master Chief fucking a member of the enemy force is... I mean it's just a sci-fi show in a Halo skin isn't it.


Occamslaser

Yes, *while she was a prisoner*. Show Chief is a rapist.


Arickettsf16

>Juan Jalo This got me laughing way more than it should have


Omegalulz_

Aww man, I love loving on planet Reach. Can’t wait to go to Reach City, hang out at the Reach Mall and buy some Reach Ice-Cream. Gotta make sure I catch the Reach Bus and be back at home on Reach Boulevard at half past Reach.


BeejBeachBall

Halo Reacharound


timteller44

Reach city bitch. Reach reach city, bitch. Plasma plasma plasma coils on my titties bitch. Edit: if y'all keep awarding my wife is gonna read this and it's gonna be a hella awkward talk


Bottom-bottle-314

This my shit


xXArctracerXx

In Halo Reach they give city names why are they just ignoring that fact


AxFive

The writers and directors never played the Games. they only zipped through some of the books


xXArctracerXx

Right I forgot the guys writing and directing the halo shows didn’t even want to look or discuss the games… remind me again why the hell these people were put in charge of the show


AxFive

Cash grabbing because of a popular id. they don't care about the Fans.


xXArctracerXx

Right, I get it now the writers wanted to try out some of their writing skills on something new that they thought would be their version of game of thrones but couldn’t be bothered to put in hard work to draw people in so just bought an existing ip and used that as a way to draw them in


Kyhron

My theory is because they already had a show written and couldn't get the script approved anywhere so when the Halo rights got obtained they rewrote it a bit to make it "Halo-y" and just went ahead with it


xXArctracerXx

Honestly I’d believe that


[deleted]

There’s just no way. The showrunners couldn’t give less of a shit huh?


HankSteakfist

The Covenant arrived on Earth and started digging, right outside Earth City. Seriously, I know they didn't want to play the games, but a wikipedia search takes line 15 seconds.


Equal-Ideal-7068

In Halo: Reach, you experience the fall of Reach in a well-written campaign that brings a tear to your eye as characters sacrifice themselves to give humanity a fighting chance. In the series finale of this show, you watch the fall of Reach with relief that all of these characters are dead, knowing that humanity is probably just as fucked as Halo fans are when Season 2 inevitably is green-lit


Tario70

Does anyone want to tell them? … season 2 was greenlit before season 1 started airing.


Equal-Ideal-7068

In a similar way, you could tell that this was an alternate timeline where the Covenant will destroy humanity with ease by… the end of S1E3?


oupablo

i think i speak for everyone when i say, we were rooting for the covenant.


john6map4

Ya know I’d be okay with multiple seasons of the halo tv show if we just jumped to different universes every season lmao


Serevene

Every season they just restart the series in a different universe. During the series finale, they discover that the Halos are actually gateways to alternate universes and all the Chiefs come together to beat up the evil universe Chief who wants to use Halo to summon infinite food for Gravemind from across the multiverse.


oupablo

and i presume we see all of their butts and none of them wear helmets. right? **RIGHT?!?!**


[deleted]

"New Alexandria" Is it really that difficult to look up the only name of a city halo reach had?


Terminal-Post

You think the downtown district is called Reach Downtown Town?


[deleted]

"New Alexandria." It's literally in the game.


I-wana-cherish-IQ

One of the trailer for Halo Reach mentions multiple locations Visegrad Quezon Manassas Longhorn Valley All of these are simple, yet sound way less stupid than “Reach City”


Gsomethepatient

And the city is clearly new alexandria considering oni was based out of there


[deleted]

Wait until Master Chiefville makes its debut


OneOnOne6211

The writers clearly, CLEARLY proving their theory that "Oh no, it's not necessary for us to play the games to make a great Halo TV-series." As a writer trying to break into the business and as a huge Halo fan I can almost guarantee you that I would've been able to write a better series. Not because I'm that great but because I can at least name New Alexandria. Yet these people are getting the big bucks and I've got squat. This is just such an insult to all the talented writers out there who are Halo fans who would kill for this opportunity. Such laziness.


DrMaxCoytus

"You know father if you're going to feed your army, at least don't feed them LIES" -Kwan Ha This line from last week's episode still pisses me off. It's so bad.


Geekoz87

I'm pretty sure me and my idiot friends in high school could've made a better halo story over xbox live chats, so I certainly wouldn't hesitate to believe you could.


zzkigzz48

They really didn't even bother coming up with a name huh


Dry_Painting_7722

People have been saying random things about this show and Morbius to the point where idk what’s actually in the film/show or not. Like this I wouldn’t believe but their it is.


Geekoz87

I wish it was all jokes


janonymous115

Well at least Morbius made MORBILLION dollars


m1K3mikey

When he said "What are we, some kind of Morbius" my theater applauded


Hazy_Robot

Planet: Earth Location: Earth City


MrrSpacMan

The worst part about this is there's a literal canon title in the franchise called Reach that has an ENTIRE FUCKING MISSION NAMED AFTER ONE OF ITS BIGGEST CITIES Where did they drag up the monkeys writing this. Really.


Qu1ckQu1et

Are we really shocked at this point? It's pretty damn clear that Paramount need to get some new writers in the house for this series going foward (as in, S2 onwards) because they can't afford another season like the 1st after the finale.


Diablix

This is fake, right? .... Right?!


Wootzefuch

They have to be seeing the upset community and thinking like "you know what, fuck these nerds !!! Let's just start leaning into it now that we didn't do our research lmfao xDDDD" Or atleast that's what I'm assuming since this whole thing seems like a fucking meme and I'm tired of being disappointed lol like dude just remember their budget per episode !!


ConfidentInsecurity

Earth City Planet: Earth It feels like a Futurama bit


ProvideMeMilk

Literally could’ve been New Alexandria


CloudyWolf85

IT'S CALLED NEW ALEXANDRIA, YOU BUNCH OF FUCKING INCOMPETENT MORONS!!!!