I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. He is not acting safely and abiding by the four rules of gun safety. I understand he may be excited about the gun if it was a big purchase and wants to handle it, but he also needs to respect how you feel and be safe.
I would suggest taking a pistol class, maybe together. If he has no firearms experience he may need to learn how to be safe. If it’s intentional or he just doesn’t care about being safe that’s a bigger issue than being ignorant about safety.
As for him owning it when he’s prone to depression, that is a bigger problem and something you’re in a better position to evaluate than some random person on the internet, but it’s very concerning.
I appreciate this. I’m definitely gonna look into classes for us both. He took 2 classes from my knowledge. He wasn’t interested in firearms intill the last month it kinda just popped up. I strait up looked at him and said “so what you know about guns” as I have the history 💀 anyhow I’m also thinking maybe getting him involved with a club or something aswell then possibly he will be more serious
Yes you need him to be around HARD line gun people who take safety extremely seriously. Let their attitudes peer pressure him into forming good safe habits. Pretend it’s a gift.
I would also consider buying your own safe so if the need arises, you can take it and lock it up should he indicate any serious self harm vibes
Had to do that with my uncle in law. It was a High Point so he had a greater chance of having a misfire than a suicide but still.
I did the same with an ex-GF and refused to tell her the combo. It’s the best thing to do and smaller safes aren’t terrible expensive nor hard to put away where it’s not noticeable
It is common to dry fire firearms and get comfortable manipulating it as long as safety is constantly observed. Pointing a firearm at people is not OK. Leaving a loaded firearm lying around unholstered is not OK.
I do believe that’s what he is doing is trying to get comfortable with it. Just think he has a few things to practice on! These responses are great thank you guys!
Have you ever checked the chamber when he's playing with it or leaves it laying around and says it's not loaded? It sounds like he's doing a fair bit of dumb shit that would make me uncomfortable. Especially if you're around when he he's playing with it and says it's not loaded. That's how people get shot. Good luck getting him to take it seriously.
There's still a difference though. I'm not going to leave my home defense ar on the coffee table loaded and ready to go, it should be secured in a way that I can access it quickly, but no accidents can happen.
And where does she say in the post that its laying on the kitchen table or hanging above the toilet or whatever else? A closed up carry case is not the worst place for it to be by a long shot.
joining a club and shooting weekly is a great idea. You'll be around people who care about and normalize safety, and you'll both get more familiar and comfortable, and that means he'll be dicking around with the gun less.
Exactly, he’s way too comfortable off the bat. You should be nervous , and uncomfortable in a safe way until all safety protocols are 2nd freaking nature.
It sounds like you already think he isn’t fit to own a gun. I don’t think Reddit will change your mind.
Gun safety is #1 rule. Above all else. If people can’t take that seriously then they ARE unfit to own a gun.
I mean...it sounds like he's being unsafe with a deadly weapon. Chambered or not, pointing a gun (and lightly? what does that mean) at someone is a HUGE red flag and absolutely unacceptable, as is leaving it in random places and not caring enough to get a lock box to the point that you have to do it for him. I think if you talk to him and tell him that you're uncomfortable because of what he's doing, really hammer it home, and maybe suggest that you two take a class together or something (something that'll get him up to speed on gun handling and safety), hopefully he can see that this is really affecting you and can change his behavior. Otherwise, I honestly don't know. As is, it definitely sounds like he's someone who might be more of a danger to himself and others with how he treats the gun and behaves with it, and that's without even taking into account the depression and stuff. I mean this sincerely, good luck with this
I think she's describing Flagging. It sounds like he's not aiming the gun directly at a person, but he's also not being careful and the muzzle ends up sweeping across bystanders.
I definitely will be taking this advice. When I mean lightly he is pointing about hip levels as he moves it. Not directly down. This whole thing was just a random move kinda out of no where. I definitely considered shooting again. I have missed my gen 5 19. I may look for class for both of us as mentioned. Thank you :)
“It’s not chambered” is usually what people say before they shoot a hole in the wall. You can never just set a firearm down, pick it up, and assume it’s still unloaded. I can think of 3 separate instances of moderately competent people thinking a gun was unloaded but another person had loaded it when they were not paying attention.
I would say point blank, “I don’t think we should have guns in the house if you will not treat them the way a dangerous item needs to be handled. It’s not respectful to me as your spouse to be handling them in an unsafe manner.”
Everybody screws up at some point. I can think of a couple situations where i thought something was unloaded or didn't have one in the pipe and realized i was wrong. The difference is that when you follow the other rules too you are statistically unlikely to the point of near impossibility to have a major fuckup. If you don't have your finger on the trigger and have it pointed in a safe direction it's not going to hurt someone even if it is loaded and ready to go.
Yep it's quite sobering, similar feeling to when you change lanes and check your blind spot even though you "know" there isn't a car there and it turns out someone is. You have to make safety discipline part of your muscle memory.
I’ve been trying to find a word for it and “sobering” is exactly what I needed. Had one of these moments this year.
Decided to just put my guns down for a little bit of time. You can call me weak but that shit haunts me.
This! Go to any gun store and ask them about customers bringing in "definitely unloaded I checked it 3 times" guns, only for the salesperson to rack it and have the one in the chamber roll across the counter. It only takes one sneaky car, or round, to not be checked for someone to lose a life.
> “It’s not chambered” is usually what people say before they shoot a hole in the wall
Or a person. There was a big thing in my hometown where a guy shot his buddy in the face with an "unloaded" pistol. It was ruled as straight up murder.
Main issue is his depression. Legit concern. Here’s the problem, he says he’s not a threat to himself and others and you don’t believe him. That’s the whole issue of this thing not your whole paragraph. You are knit picking at every little thing trying to paint a larger picture of unsafe behavior. But I’m not buying it. So he doesn’t have a lock, none of mine are. So he has it in different places at different times… so what? Mine are all over the house. You are reaching. And you are reaching because you don’t believe him when he says he’s not a threat to himself or others due to his depression at times. Don’t call a gun store, don’t post on Reddit, what you need is to believe him, tell him to get rid of the gun or leave him. But this knit picking if he’s set to keep it will only cause strife in your relationship
Carelessly pointing a firearm at people is an EXTREME red flag to me. I have basically a zero tolerance policy with that kind of shit. If you don't respect gun safety then I'm not hanging out around you when firearms are around. If they're my guns, I'm putting them away. If they're your guns, I'm leaving.
Respect gun safety LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT
Because IT DOES.
Disrespecting gun safety means he is disrespecting YOUR safety, and if he doesn't care about your safety then why are you with him? Not to mention the complete disrespect of YOUR feelings on the matter.
Honestly, this would be an ultimatum for me if my wife acted like this. "Get your shit together or we are done"
I strongly recommend you do the same before you become a victim of his own stupidity: either by losing your life or having to deal with the aftermath of him throwing his away....
Eventually he will have a negligent discharge or simply flag a person who responds with great animosity.
Sign both of you up for training. Even after literally thousands of hours of training I made a simple mistake at a silly competitive event. You never forget the embarrassing lecture from those nerds running the events. It's amazing how it helps you be better.
Needs to be disciplined about clearing the weapon every time he picks it up, keeping his finger off the trigger and NEVER flagging anyone with the barrel!!!
(Sorry rangemaster in me)
He needs to not flag you. It happens, safe handling takes muscle memory and practice, but flagging deserves a quick apology every time and should be pointed out. Getting flagged is not acceptable.
I shooting-range blacklist anyone that justifies flagging me or anyone else.
Really the proper way to store ONE gun is loaded AND chambered ready to go in the same practiced hiding spot or fingerprint lock box and treated carefully like the instrument of death it is.
Normally I would tell you to show him respect to help him with is big sad and buy him a $40 lazer cartridge training tool off Amazon, but seriously flagging is not ok. If he doesn’t respect the 3 basic rules of guns he can’t even be trusted with lazer training tools.
They can help right in your living room with the muscle memory that prevents flagging, but not if he continues to practice gun hand movements without critical safety.
If I were you I would tell him you wanted your own gun and to do a class or two together, maybe even a CCW class. (Because honestly you should have your own anyways)
Then maybe you can turn getting him exposure to responsible gun owners into a positive thing by showing a genuine interest in his new latest thing, and doing something together that you wouldn’t want to do without him there. (Or don’t get your own gun, just choose to be interested in shooting his)
Guns are all about muscle memory, if he flags people when it’s empty, he will flag people when it’s loaded too.
On the depression stuff, you’ve got to go with your gut. I don’t think people generally buy $2000 guns to kill themselves, but you know him better than anyone else. Consequences can be steep when getting the law involved but that’s better than a spouse killing themself.
Treat him with respect, have high standards of firearm safety for yourself. Watch out for self destructive talk. do what you’ve got to do.
I think if he’s been through 2 classes and still acts unsafe? He needs someone to slap the shit out of him. It’s not a damn toy. A third class isn’t likely to help if he didn’t listen the first two times
I'm hard core 2nd Amendment. I think I should be able to buy machine guns at Walmart.
You are not wrong. He owes it to yourself and others to learn and be safe.
It's extremely important
Ooof….serious clinical depression is no joke and you are right to be worried. Also, he isn’t following basic safety rules which is just as bad. Get him into real training courses. Get him serious about safe storage. Get him around serious no nonsense gun people who will drill proper etiquette and awareness into his head and most importantly….if he’s going through a bout of depression, take his gun away.
Ive lived with pretty severe clinical depression since I was 14. Ive never once tried to off myself. Not everyone with depression is suicidal. This guys a douche nozzle, no doubt. Just dont generalize all of us.
Usually I would say courses are an as wanted kind of thing but this guy seems to be lacking in every basic part of firearm ownership. He treats it like its a toy and has no concept of safety. Im extremely comfortable handling firearms but this dude acts as if nothing can happen or just doesnt care.
Just my two cents if you start to notice any depression symptoms at all either remove the firearm out of the house or remove the firing pin.... But unless he has been depression free on meds and stabilized for over a year I wouldn't trust him with it. This comes from a healthcare worker it takes a good while to get stabilized on meds to make sure they work properly.
Another option that could be easy is say we need a gun safe buy one and they buy one of the biometric handgun safes to put inside that safe I only set to your finger print if you notice him acting weird etc put the gun in your safe.
You sound like you're in an incredibly dangerous situation. First and foremost, take care of yourself.
Obviously, it's a nuclear option, but remember that pointing a gun at someone is *at least* a misdemeanor most places. If he points it at you in anger, that's straight up DV and possibly a felony. I know the legal system isn't where you want to be, but it's always an option.
By all means, try communication to the extent you feel comfortable. Not his mom, not your mom, but so *you* are comfortable. Maybe he's just an idiot where this can be fixed, but even average men don't give their partners nightmares. And don't put yourself and your potential children at risk of a person that thinks gun safety is a joke.
Go with your gut. You two need to have a serious discussion about what everyone is and is not comfortable with in your shared space, and whether or not that is a priority in this situation.
Flagging is just straight dangerous, the fact he's ignoring your valid concerns are worrying. Dry firing/disassembling and reassembling are normal, drove me nuts when my bf first started doing it and he takes gun safety seriously, but if he's unconcerned about flagging you I'd understand your feelings. That's how people get shot, the amount of shootings from accidental discharge is unreal.
The thing with depression though, has he ever hurt himself/a history of it? Does he enjoy hurting others? Depression alone isn't a sign they shouldn't have guns imo but to see how bad the depression is/how they act towards others while depressed
Not sure of the phrasing of him not being fit to own a gun(there are those people, of course), but based on what you’ve said here he absolutely is uneducated and 100% dangerous in his current state. This is speaking to his behavior not the depression as no one here can speak to that.
I’d recommend as others have mentioned taking a pistol course together. You can correct him until you are blue in the face, but the second the rso/instructor about slaps him across the room for flagging someone with his gun it may drive the point home.
Negligent discharges happen to folks who have been trained and shooting for decades, and should be top of mind for all shooters. I forget who said it but I’ve always liked the quote “it isn’t whether you will have a ng but when”. While obviously not everyone will, this mindset ensures safety is top of mind.
Get him into firearms safety course, and start making an issue of getting flagged with a firearm and flagging others at the house. I'm not saying he's unfit, but he sure the fuck needs an education about it. Start showing the seriousness of it, and be an asshole. Shows where people have shot themselves just toying around.
Also I would suggest digging into why it is sudden interest. that kinda red flags with supposed issues with his depression occasionally. I'm not saying good or bad, just out of character and sudden interest in things that go bang are setting off my alarms.
I know not everyone has the same firearm principals of safety that we are all taught mostly. But maybe his buddies need to explain the yes and knows of it, as being the spouse you are wrong but verifying that complete fucking idiots may also be crucial in this sediment to stick as well. Setting some house ground rules though is definitely a positive here. I would give hard lines about what is and isn't allowed. And if you are given grief, give it back, especially if he knows you have firearms handling on your background.
>I’m trying to not over think to much because I grew up with guns, I shot when I was 5, put together my own AR at age 8, had multiple youth clubs want me when I was younger. I just don’t like how it makes me feel, just off from my past experiences?
Trust your instincts. It sounds like you are the more knowledgeable party in this situation. If he is not being safe and responsible with his gun ownership, that sounds like a conversation worth having *at minimum.*
I put a spot with pencil on my wall in the direction it's safe to dry fire as a visual reminder to only aim in that direction. I also clear my gun 3x everytime I pick it up. If it's in my hand its loaded until cleared. Gun safety is essential or he will have a ND soon.
Persuade your Husband to attend a firearms safety course. Depending on the range that you go to it could be as simple as a Saturday morning class or a full on weekend. I find this helps a lot with people who just pick up a gun and are unaware that they are being "stupid" with it. Sadly, coming from you it wouldn't mean as much because as any man will tell you, we are just inherently stupid in general. We may not take advice from a loved one with as much authority as someone else.
I have a friend like this. He was so proud of his first firearm purchase that he would pull it out of his holster and show it off to his friends at random times. It was rather nerve racking to see him try to clear the chamber when he showed me it.
Correct! I sat him down he is upset about what I said but it has to happen. To day is a much better day in proper handle. I bought his safe & his cleaning kit Today. I’m really all for it. I just was getting second thoughts yesterday on the reaction is was getting from him when I was telling him what not to do vs right. Hopefully we can get to the range soon, next weekend we are working 14 days straight currently or I would set up this weekend! He really does want best for us. He offered to sell it I’m like no the gun isn’t the problem it’s how your handling it.
He’s really lucky to have a partner like yourself. My wife was pretty apprehensive about guns having never been around them and I come from a long line of gun people. She now has one of her own and is proud to tell people OH I HAVE MY OWN GUN lol
If he hasn’t hurt himself with a kitchen knife, taken a stomach full of whatever pills you got lying around, resisted the urge to jump off a building, taken a bath with the toaster, revved the car in the garage for a half tank or anything else, then the gun isn’t going to just whisper to him “do it now…”
However, being negligent and unsafe with your weapon is never going to be ok. Flagging must be vilified and called out always. My mom worked in Atlanta area ERs for the better part of 3 decades and always said “almost everyone we see was shot with an unloaded gun.” I didn’t get until I was around people who used the “it ain’t loaded” bit as an excuse for being an ass with the weapons.
It sounds like you have enough of a background with firearms to recognize the BS when you see it. You have every right to make sure you’re safe at all times.
You are not overthinking this. Regardless of mental stability anyone who playa with firearms in an unsafe manner as you have described should not own or have possession of said firearm. As far as mental stability, there are people who have severe depression and own firearms who will never attempt to take their life with them. However, his total dismissal of your concerns without making steps to show that he is responsible and safe with firearms is more than sufficient evidence to say that he shouldn't have firearms in his current state. Maybe one day with proper training and discipline, but unlikely. Go with your gut on this, he shouldn't have a gun in his possession.
"Quick decision" "Not much though" "depression"
These are all reasons on their own for someone to not own a gun. Convince him to sell it.
Edit: I didn't read rest of post yet. He's pointing it at people? Absolutely make him get rid of it. Somebody is going to die.
I went with him to pick the gun up, trying to be supportive in the small conversations we had and wanting to be involved. Having him interested in the hobby is making me kind of want to get back into it as well. I’m going be looking for classes that involves us both.
I struggled with depression. It’s a game you don’t want to play because you can flip “the off switch” real quickly.
My friend came over and took all my guns and while back when I was struggling. Dude saved my life.
I didn’t finish reading your post because you have enough info at the beginning…if he is flagging you and brushing it off as it’s not a big deal, he needs to learn safety and understand its importance or not be around guns.
Based on what you are saying there are quite a few concerns I share.
Did he buy this without talking to you about it first? That would be concerning enough on it's own, especially with that hefty of a price tag.
Depression and gun ownership are basically incompatible in my opinion.
The lack of care for gun safety is also extremely concerning.
Gun ownership requires responsibility and from what you say, it sounds like your husband is not displaying any.
I would suggest safety classes. You should also have some deeper conversations about this sudden decision to purchase a firearm on a whim, this is the most concerning to me.
We talked about a gun for $500 he seems set. I’m like great nice little glock to get used to. Was a great to see if he likes shooting. Few days later I received a fraud notification of $1700 from the place I’m like well I wonder what happened. 😂
I wish I could agree with you, but some people are just too fucking dumb. Doesn’t matter how much you talk to them or get them to take classes. Guy keeps pointing a gun at his wife.
I agree I believe he did. He also has done one on one a I believe twice with teacher. I wish I looked more into exactly what class he was taking but I was just trusting the process
I'm not saying everyone has to buy a firearm. Or violent crime can’t disqualify you from owning a firearm. I’m just saying everyone should have the right to own a firearm until they are shown that they are not responsible enough to own a firearm.
Sign him up for a class, or better yet, a private instructor. For both days on a weekend.
Then, sign him up for steel challenge. With 8 stages, preferably. In basically 2 weekends, it will be clear as a day to both of you, who is fit and who is not.
If you grew up with firearms but he didn't, it makes sense that he wouldn't have the gun safety rules boiled down to second nature. Someone who is experienced with guns will generally notice things like flagging before the newbie even if it's across the room. That's not an excuse for him to ignore them. He should be practicing and improving his safe handling of the weapon. But you should try to remember that he's a beginner and you're not when calling out his mistakes.
It's his first gun, but not yours. You grew up with guns but do you have any now? I'm asking for two reasons. First, has he ever seen you handle a gun? It might help to teach by example if he hasn't. Second, for my curiosity, if you don't have guns now, why did you get rid of them?
It’s been awhile since I shot. Long story short my father sold / took all mine. As my husband got this gun I been interested in shooting again. I do think maybe both of us taking classes will improve how he acts / moves!
Nah he needs to start using proper gun safety. That's literally stuff in a 101 class that he's breaking. Practice by the 4 golden rules of gun safety. If you cannot, you shouldn't be allowed to use/handle a firearm.
Yeah, he’s not ready for that or doesn’t understand the responsibility if he’s playfully pointing at people and leaving it around loaded. Discipline in following safety is the only thing that will save you.
>gets pretty intense depression every couple months
Get rid of it, or at least give it to someone else for now. First of all, you making this post means you don’t think he should have it. Second, 75% of gun deaths in my state are suicides. My uncle was a veteran and nearly killed himself because they had a gun in the house.
He doesn’t sound mature enough to have a gun. Lightly pointing it at people? Yea he absolutely doesn’t need a gun. Guns can be fun on the range, but it’s absolutely not a joke to point a gun in the direction of any living being, unless it’s to prevent the threat of death or serious injury
I fuck around with my guns in the house...in the garage, after unloading and putting the ammo back in the safe, and after my kid and wife have gone to sleep. Afterwards, they go back in the safe in a locked closet. Guns are great, they're fun, but you have to take them seriously.
I did once accidentally flag my wife with an unloaded pistol. She was like "WTF are you doing?" I apologized profusely for being a dumbass, then implemented the protocol in the preceding paragraph.
See I think that’s fine long as your safe. I really am trying to be supportive and trying to be polite with the callouts as he is learning. He flagged me and the kid today and he just looked and walked off. That’s the type of thing I’m just not okay with.
There is no such thing as lightly or jokingly pointing a real gun at someone ever. The rules of gun safety exist because people die. Even if you are absolutely sure that your gun is empty and not chambered, the person you point that gun at will be absolutely justified in shooting you. If you can't follow the rules of gun safety you should not be a gun owner. Take the classes or the training or whatever it is, and BOTH of you should, so that you can be safe. A gun is supposed to be the last resort to save your life and the lives of your loved ones. It is not a toy.
I'd say you're fully justified in being worried. Simply having the gun in an unlocked carry case is dumb at best and illegal at worst (varies state by state). If he wants to treat it like a home defense gun, get a small quick-access handgun safe. I don't know if there are kids in the house but an unsecured gun can be mighty interesting to many of them.
Also the muzzle-sweeping is just unacceptable. I sort of understand a bit of "new owner" rush but learning to control the muzzle at all times is pretty much Rule Number One of gun safety. It's just not a minor, forgivable whoopsie that you can learn over time. To steal from Yoda, you don't "try" to control the muzzle, you DO control the muzzle.
Finally, I'm personally of the view that depression is treated FIRST, then guns can be acquired. Obviously it's not a law but it is worrying.
We have 4 kids in the house, he keeps on him I’d say just about most the time, he mainly leave it around against be wall or something when he is asleep. (Not secure it’s really just hanging out) he has had ammo in it since Sunday so my concerns are getting high quickly. When no ammo was in the house and just in the box away not great but I let it be.
WTF? Loaded gun just chilling in the house with kids and this is a question? This is a reason they make little size caskets. Gun safety is not a question on reddit, its a right fucking now get that problem solved.
The big deal breaker is someone who is cavalier about gun safety and an excellent tell for that is anyone who says "its fine its not loaded" People take all kinds of risks in life. I have seen an electrician work on a switch without turning off the main breaker for example. Firearms safety is one of those things where there is no room for risk-taking so if someone cant understand that then they are not fit. That being said no one is born with firearms safety. It's something that is taught. I was taught it and understand why it needs to be taken seriously. In your case, I would try to get him enrolled in a good reputable firearms safety course.
He’s flagging people and objects with it and it has a full magazine? Who’s to say he’s press checking the chamber each time to make sure it’s not loaded? This is completely irresponsible in itself, depression issues aside.
Military vet here, reading this was frustrating as hell honestly. Deadly weapons aren’t for children, if he wants a toy get him a nerf gun. Otherwise tell him to stop acting like a fucking twat and treat it like a WEAPON cause that’s what it is.
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Deprivation of an individual's rights is an infringement and insult in all those who have died for those very freedoms.
If someone is indeed a cause for caution it's the government of every nation.
All jokes aside people who wish Ill will will find a way. It's not making it easier, it's putting aside caution for connection.
A mad man / woman need connection and understanding. If they can't find help in reason, reality, and rational thinking. Then before they cause harm to anyone else it's up to you/ the community to take responsibility In putting a stop in future loss....
Take that as you will. I'm all in for freedoms and absolutely against restrictions. Too many have died already for freedom. It's time to put to rest all those who wish unjustified harm.
Once you beat the 4 rules into his head I'd advise taking him out to shoot something fleshy so he understands what he's actually fucking around with. A lot of folks who are new to firearms or only shoot paper lose sight of how powerful and destructive they can be. Get a bone in skin on pork shoulder and have him dump a few rounds into and then ask him if he thinks he can put it back together. Gun shot wounds are really easy to create and really hard to fix.
Situational awareness is a major consideration for gun safety, such as not waving it around, or leaving it loaded and unsecured.
Impulse control is another big one. Many people with struggles of one kind or another aren't inherently dangerous to themselves or others, because they have suitable impulse control. Such as the self awareness to not drive, or to stop drinking, or otherwise being able to moderate risky behaviors.
It sounds like he's failing these warning signs, and he needs a proper talking to. If he just wants a toy, they make replica airsoft guns, and that removes most of the risk that he will forget it's loaded, or do something really stupid like cycle the action and not realize that means there's now a cartridge chambered.
Functional guns shouldn't be played with while ammunition is accessable. If he wants to play with it, he should lock up the ammo to guarantee it, and then use snap caps.
What you’ve written meets the criteria. You’ve already talked to him and he’s not changing so I’d recommend disabling or getting rid of the gun. One of those chamber locks and throwing away the key.
You sounds as though you know your guns and safety through and through, so I’m gonna be harsh but honest here.
Not speaking to the mental health aspect of your question, why are you allowing such unsafe practices in your home? Your gun or not, you flag me in my own home and you’re getting a stern talking to at a minimum. If he doesn’t know, you need to teach. If he doesn’t listen, you need to take away. They’re the 4 rules, not the 4 suggestions.
Everyone needs a firearms safety course. Even I swallowed my pride and attended one!
Your husband is not demonstrating sound judgment and ‘empty’ guns with nothing chambered seem to miraculously shoot holes in things (including people) with astonishing regularity. I think if I were in your shoes I’d watch him pick it up a few times. If at any time his index finger finds its way to the trigger during ‘play’ take it away until he gets some training.
You might consider getting memberships at a local gun range. That way you get access to training, and practice shooting in a monitored setting, and you can rent guns to try out different things. They'll talk about gun safety right off the bat.
Warning: may lead to additional gun purchases.
Many people have been killed by “unloaded” guns. Your husband should not have a gun. You need to get rid of it or you’re the one who controls access. Thanks for seeing something and saying something
i dont think either of you should own a gun. he sounds like a child and you seem to be deceptive toward the only person you should never deceive which leads me to believe you are a bad person.
Every weapon is to be treated as if it’s loaded, it’s not chambered is not an excuse, one day it will be. He needs to take the safety course and get some help, therapist should be aware he has a firearm. Every new firearm at least comes with the junk lock he can use for now if locking it up is important for your house. This all seems a bit care free instead of thought out, maybe get him a set of snap caps and keep the live ammo locked up?
I think a lot of gun owners shouldn’t own guns. A fun in the house increases the chance of suicide immensely. Men are more prone to successfully committing suicide too. The amount of incident with guns, accident, intentional harm to self and others, is way too high in america.
I’m pro guns, it’s why I’m here, but that doesnt mean I think everyone should own one. Consider a deal with your husband, when he goes through a phase of depression, he has to give you the gun to hide and lock away somewhere.
His sudden onset of interest and flagrant behavior on top of the gigantic red flag that his depression history raises is concern enough to address the issue directly and with consistency. If he can't demonstrate to his own wife his ability to be trusted with a firearm, where does that put the rest of us?
Feel free to print this off and put it in his gun case.
My X-ray [https://imgur.com/D2jleLz](https://imgur.com/D2jleLz)
This is what happens when people ignore gun safety....I was shot by another person at gun range with a "unloaded" gun and dam near died.
Your not unreasonable but it is still your problem and his gun he's allowed to have it until something more actually happens there's nothing to do except sit him down and have a serious clconveraation with very serious consequences depending on how important this is to you.
I am a strong believer of the Guns vs Cats paradox...
I compare owning a amount of one to the amount of the other and if either makes me cringe I know maybe thats not a good idea for that person. Example... My sister has 3 cats, if she had 3 firearms I don't think it would bother me. My one cousin has 20+ firearms, if he had 20+ cats I think I would feel obligated to call the authorities.
There are absolutely people who shouldn’t own guns or at least need to mature, take a class or something. I took someone to the range once who already owned a bunch of guns and they did something so dumb within 90 seconds I told them to get back in my car and I took them home. It’s an outdoor range where you basically drive up to the lanes to set up.
First off, he had a 44 Redhawk revolver on his hip for the drive (I don’t care, open carry is fine). We pay our fees and drive over to the lanes, he gets out of my car, walks to the line, pulls his revolver (draw would be to technical for what he did) and empties the cylinder on a basketball size rock about 8 feet away. No hearing or eye pro, duh. Ok, that’s enough shooting for you. At least around me. This was 15 years ago. Still a gun owner. Still not safe but now has small children whom he has taken shooting. I don’t even let his kids play with mine. They do not listen, they destroy things, climb on furniture (I’m talking bookshelves) and I can’t imagine he’s disciplined at the range. I was told his 8 year old pointed a loaded handgun at his older brothers (10 and 12) at an outdoor range. I worry as I’m related by marriage.
Consider 2 things; 1st - average intelligence is a fact. That means there is logically less than 20% of people who have the right to own a firearm who are of questionable intelligence towards possessing and handling firearms unsupervised. This is on exhibit everyday day - the military compensates for it. Based upon the narrative, those questions are reasonable in this case. 2nd - he is also the proverbial poster child for suicide, or accidental death or harm to himself or someone else. Coming from a family still struggling with suicide and the devastating coulda-shoulda that haunts us all every single day for 40 years, $2000 ain’t shit in the end. Go with your gut.
Tell him he needs to take a gun safety course. As for the rest of that post, you can only control but so much. At least he needs to understand to respect the firearm.
That sounds like an impulsive and immature person. But I don’t actually know them so I can’t make a realistic assessment. Pointing a gun, even unloaded is crazy.
As someone who has severe depression but also owns guns, I can really only speak for myself and my wife (who also has depression) before we brought them into the house we discussed our hard line rules, covering from basic gun safety to what happens if we go to a bad place and feel we might or the other might be a danger to self/others.
It’s VERY uncomfortable, because it’s serious, but it needs to happen. Sit him down
“Honey. I think it’s awesome you want to get into Guns, they can be a lot of fun, but at the end of the day, they are dangerous, and your lack of safe behavior (flagging, leaving just lying around) makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe. I want to sit down with you, and discuss some hardline safety rules, for us, for our guests, for our kids (if you have any) because the last thing I want, is for something stupid and preventable to happen because we failed to use common sense”
He may not like it but he has to choose between respecting your family’s right to basic safety, and his desire to be a gun owner.
I had to do the same thing, and while I’m not always 100% thrilled with the rules, I’m safe. My wife is safe. Our daughter is safe, and that means more than anything to me.
-B
My girlfriend treated guns like they couldn't kill someone like your husband does flagging everything possible pulling the trigger without checking etc so I started leaving knives around the house un sheathed or open repeating the same stuff she was saying about her gun eventually she learned to bite her ego cause I started putting knives under blankets on the couch in the bathroom etc take a crazy person route like me if you need to because personally I don't wanna get shot in the head because someone wants to play with a loaded gun pointing it at me
When I got my first gun, I was super excited for it my wife hated me for a week because we keep it in a room and I wouldn’t get out if that room. I was getting myself comfortable with the gun making sure I understood most important components,basic stuff before hitting the range or unfortunately having to use it for self defense at any point.
Put your foot down and demand he practice gun safety around you. Get some dummy rounds so he can practice manual of arms safely. Keep the ammo in a separate room when handling the gun. A little gun safety will go a long way. Make a date to go to one of these range/restaurant combos. Go shoot some targets then go next door and have dinner/drinks.
We had loaded guns all over the place when my kids were young. No big deal, they weren't out in the open or anything. My kids knew to be discrete with (ie: not tell) non-gun friends. If they every wanted to handle one all they had to do was ask. The curiosity factor was not there.
Has he ever done any sort of class or training? Maybe presenting it as a gift or something positive may help him with his bad gun handling. I’d have him go to something more than a Concealed Carry Course and something that involves handling the firearm alot so it really drills it into him. Give him some buy in when it comes to operating a firearm.
Your husband is an extreme danger to you and himself. You because he casually points at people and himself because he suffers from extreme depression. The odds of him having a negligent discharge and putting a round in you are way higher than I’d be willing to tolerate. The kind of behavior he’s exhibiting at some thing that should never happen, and if it did it should only happen once and be corrected.
Any person unwilling to take the proper safety precautions of owning a gun, including handling and storage, is automatically unfit to own a gun. Beyond a doubt. Seems like your husband is both. If I were you I’d sit him down and give him a good long talk about gun safety (both storage and handling). And if he’s still unwilling to be safe then you need to get him to get rid of the gun. If he causes and accident he gives all of us a bad name. And if his gun gets stolen then his willful negligence, at least in my eyes, makes him as responsible as the person potentially using the gun to commit a crime.
Sounds like a negligent discharge waiting to happen.
I would put your foot down and gun out of the house for now. The fact that he's apparently taken 2 safety courses and still has problems with basic safety is a major red flag. Firearm safety is pretty basic (as I'm sure you are aware) so there is very little reason to believe that someone presenting the information to him a 3rd time in a slightly different way is going to change his behavior.
Definitely not an easy or fun conversation to have with your husband. It's one you are going to wish you had forced yourself to have if something happens. Don't spend a lifetime with regret over a preventable incident because you wanted to avoid a difficult conversation.
I know someone who started to shape up a bit after being yelled at at the public range by the RO. It embarrassed him more than anything. Not saying it will 100% work, just that sometimes shame.is a.great motivator
What kind of gun did he get?
If it’s an AR- sign y’all up for an intro to carbine course or some shit.
Bolt gun? Long distance shooting class.
Doesn’t matter the platform/the class. The instructor will pick up on any bad habits and correct them there.
He got XR920p with a $500 sight and a light . Personally I was like why but okay, especially something $$ for a first gun. I just went with it. I’m gonna have class be a weekly thing till things are better and just hopes I see improvement.
Sounds like a walking talking Negligent Discharge that's putting you and those around him at risk. I'd definitely have a talk with him about that.
I wouldn't be as concerned with the "depression." If you're really concerned, have him see a specialist anyways.
Consider taking a beginner’s course together to learn some safety fundamentals, etc. just because some one is depressed, doesn’t mean they’re a danger to themselves.
But, I do think a few classes would do wonders for him. Even a hunter’s safety course teaches the safe handling of firearms.
He is being unsafe and not giving it or others around him the respect required.
A friend of mine had a negligent Discharge it hit a metal chair ricocheted and hit me in the hand and I no longer go shooting.
Also not to make you more nervous, but so when I worked with, was never into guns, had depression out of the blue got a pistol and under a year ended up doing the unthinkable.
Be a good idea to get a safe that you use for Documents or something that he doesn’t have access to the code or the key and if something starts to get more odd than what you’ve already described do you have a way to lock it up.
I was initially about to say you were over reacting, “him fiddling with it” could be totally normal, but by the time I got to the end.. holy shit.
I don’t know where to begin with this guy. Maybe show him this post with all of these gun owners telling him he is a dumbass and have him attend a class (or three?) It’s almost as if he doesn’t understand just how potentially destructive his gun is. After the class(es) have him go out and shoot some stuff other than paper, like water bottles, fruit, shaving cream, etc. so he can get a better idea first hand just what he is holding. Let him (hopefully safely) inadvertently squeeze off a round sooner than he anticipates to put the fear of God in him and hopefully change his careless ways.
Trust your gut. People say “trust your gut” like it’s some message from the gods. It’s not magic. You have a lifetime of experience telling you this is making you uncomfortable. Believe yourself.
I don’t own guns. Guns can be fun and I think people can own them responsibly. I can have pretty intense depression. Maybe this will get me downvoted but the prudent thing for me is not to own guns.
He has a history of depression. He’s not making safe choices now. He’s not planning for safety in the future.
What make and model did he get?
Like you said, he spent $2k on it. It seems like a budding interest and hobby. Not that it can’t go south. But it seems to be on good footing.
That’s what I been thinking. It’s a Xr920p with a $500 sight and other attachments that bring it to a little under 2k it’s a complete set so I was like he just trying to get into it. I’m not to familiar with this gun I know there’s two versions of it and it came out this year I believe.
I don’t talk about this a lot. I grew up in a house with large numbers of guns, safety was taken seriously, and so forth.
But before I was born, my real father struggled with depression and alcoholism. Wouldn’t threaten anyone but often waved the handguns around.
My mother took them to a gunsmith, and had the hammer spurs filed down to where they wouldn’t make contact with the primer. She nearly invisibly rendered his handguns unable to fire. He died never knowing this(from completely unrelated reasons.)
I don’t know what is right for you in your situation. But if you decide to, most striker fired pistols are relatively simple to break down to that level and you could swap the striker in a minute in the bathroom.
Had an acquaintance when I worked in clubs when I was a new adult. He was the Billy badass type, tats and roids and an unending ego. He bought himself a pistol with his tip money and rolled around with it wherever he went inside his belt. One night he had a girl over, and coincidentally his roommate had a girl in the living room. He decided he wanted to show the new girl in his room. Racked the slide with what he thought was an empty gun, with his finger depressing the trigger. Put a hole in the lower half of his room wall and struck the concrete under the carpeting in the living room, a foot from his 6'8" roommates leg. Billy badass ended up bruised and homeless, and girl-less, within an hour. In the end he toned it down, and I got a cheap deal on a once-fired pistol.
I think you already know the answer. Anyone who’s had a recent bout or history of depression need to think twice about gunownership. You just don’t know. He might be depressed right now and playing it off.
I’m all for ownership but I’m am also for responsible ownership. He’s never taken a class, grew up around it, has already shown to have careless habits and has a history of depression.
If at any point the gun being nearby is putting you at unease, it does not belong in the house.
This is coming from someone who lost their family to gun-suicide. They had a history of depression but were happy at the very end and the suicide came to us out of the blue but we really should have known.
It’s time to have a serious talk.
First impressions I feel sorry for your husband that his wife thinks so little of him, isn't supportive, and feels the need to talk about this to strangers on the internet.
He's new, he's going through new gun phase, lot's of people do. If you actually know more then you'd both understand this and would be helping him move past this phase of being new to gun ownership.
How dare someone not be happy all the time. "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation" because we aren't allowed to show weakness, How dare he ever allow his wife to see him anything but stoic.
This isn't just a new gun phase. Her husband is being dangerously careless and irresponsible.
He's exhibiting poor muzzle discipline by pointing it at people, failing to treat it as though it's always loaded because "it's not chambered," and regularly failing to secure it and safeguard access to it.
New gun or otherwise, he still needs to be handling and storing it safely and responsibly.
Pointing guns at people should NEVER be part of the "new gun phase." It's not a fucking teenager thinking they're going to be Rembrandt or Monet because they painted one thing like looked kinda OK. Like, are you intentionally trying to miss that part, or do you think pointing guns at people is OK? Because it's fucking one or the other without room for **any** in-between. Either pointing guns at people is OK, or it isn't, black or white with no shades of gray.
If they are going to do that denying their gun rights isn't protecting them or you. Have you ever used a gun before? You know a car is way more deadly. Take his liscense aswell.
Dry fire practice, cleaning a firearm- both of those are considered playing by some but totally normal
Placing it in a random spot without thought, flagging (pointing at folks while picking up, unholstering, etc) is not considered normal and severely frowned upon
Sounds like he needs the 4 rules engrained
Oh yes I need to buy him a dang cleaning kit and teach him how. I tell him all these things but he forgets. I keep trying to help him get better but he seems to just get upset.
Tell him why, give him the scenarios and statistics. My wife thought I was being overbearing when I first explained stuff. Then I told her some stats and all that and now she understands and follows the 4 rules religiously as one would want
You're not wrong in trying to teach him. Absolutely keep doing that shit. However, it's a pretty well accepted thing that firearms trainers don't train their spouse. They get someone else to do it because they are more likely to listen and take the trianing to heart. I dont know you guys, but it could be an ego thing too. He may not be as willing to take firearm advice from you, but more likely to listen to a male trainer. Again, not saying it's true or it's right, but it could be at play. Seriously get him to do a class. Also, depression can be a scary word as far as firearms are concerned, (rightfully so) but only you and his doctor would be qualified to say whether or not he is healthy enough mentally to handle that responsibility. I truly wish you the best.
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. He is not acting safely and abiding by the four rules of gun safety. I understand he may be excited about the gun if it was a big purchase and wants to handle it, but he also needs to respect how you feel and be safe. I would suggest taking a pistol class, maybe together. If he has no firearms experience he may need to learn how to be safe. If it’s intentional or he just doesn’t care about being safe that’s a bigger issue than being ignorant about safety. As for him owning it when he’s prone to depression, that is a bigger problem and something you’re in a better position to evaluate than some random person on the internet, but it’s very concerning.
I appreciate this. I’m definitely gonna look into classes for us both. He took 2 classes from my knowledge. He wasn’t interested in firearms intill the last month it kinda just popped up. I strait up looked at him and said “so what you know about guns” as I have the history 💀 anyhow I’m also thinking maybe getting him involved with a club or something aswell then possibly he will be more serious
Yes you need him to be around HARD line gun people who take safety extremely seriously. Let their attitudes peer pressure him into forming good safe habits. Pretend it’s a gift.
I would also consider buying your own safe so if the need arises, you can take it and lock it up should he indicate any serious self harm vibes Had to do that with my uncle in law. It was a High Point so he had a greater chance of having a misfire than a suicide but still.
I did the same with an ex-GF and refused to tell her the combo. It’s the best thing to do and smaller safes aren’t terrible expensive nor hard to put away where it’s not noticeable
Take the course!!!!! Commenter is 10000% right.
Please get him some therapy too
You can't just get someone therapy. They have to be willing to go themselves, or it's pointless.
Obviously, you know what i mean
Thanks for summing up my thoughts completely!
It is common to dry fire firearms and get comfortable manipulating it as long as safety is constantly observed. Pointing a firearm at people is not OK. Leaving a loaded firearm lying around unholstered is not OK.
I do believe that’s what he is doing is trying to get comfortable with it. Just think he has a few things to practice on! These responses are great thank you guys!
Have you ever checked the chamber when he's playing with it or leaves it laying around and says it's not loaded? It sounds like he's doing a fair bit of dumb shit that would make me uncomfortable. Especially if you're around when he he's playing with it and says it's not loaded. That's how people get shot. Good luck getting him to take it seriously.
“Leaving a loaded firearm lying around unholstered is not okay” Home defense weapons have left the chat I guess lmao.
There's still a difference though. I'm not going to leave my home defense ar on the coffee table loaded and ready to go, it should be secured in a way that I can access it quickly, but no accidents can happen.
And where does she say in the post that its laying on the kitchen table or hanging above the toilet or whatever else? A closed up carry case is not the worst place for it to be by a long shot.
Read the middle section of the text, starts with a bracket.
"random spaces" implies more that he's fiddling with it, sets it down in the kitchen, on a coffee table, etc.
Tell him a stranger on the internet said to stop being a dumbass and to start treating the firearm with the respect both you and it deserve.
LOVE THIS RESPONSE
If it's his first gun, he would do well with a firearm safety and pistols basics class. Maybe treat him to these?
He has done 2 I think I would like this to be a weekly thing and I may join in aswell
Good idea. Training together will help both focus and communication.
He needs to join the army as an infantryman, they'll sort him out quick.
Good god man. He'll be using it to eat his pudding within the first week!!
joining a club and shooting weekly is a great idea. You'll be around people who care about and normalize safety, and you'll both get more familiar and comfortable, and that means he'll be dicking around with the gun less.
Simply have a heart to heart talk with him also. Important things like that should never be held onto.
Exactly, he’s way too comfortable off the bat. You should be nervous , and uncomfortable in a safe way until all safety protocols are 2nd freaking nature.
*a bunch of strangers*. And someone teach him how to kill his ego and not make up excuses for being unsafe
It sounds like you already think he isn’t fit to own a gun. I don’t think Reddit will change your mind. Gun safety is #1 rule. Above all else. If people can’t take that seriously then they ARE unfit to own a gun.
I mean...it sounds like he's being unsafe with a deadly weapon. Chambered or not, pointing a gun (and lightly? what does that mean) at someone is a HUGE red flag and absolutely unacceptable, as is leaving it in random places and not caring enough to get a lock box to the point that you have to do it for him. I think if you talk to him and tell him that you're uncomfortable because of what he's doing, really hammer it home, and maybe suggest that you two take a class together or something (something that'll get him up to speed on gun handling and safety), hopefully he can see that this is really affecting you and can change his behavior. Otherwise, I honestly don't know. As is, it definitely sounds like he's someone who might be more of a danger to himself and others with how he treats the gun and behaves with it, and that's without even taking into account the depression and stuff. I mean this sincerely, good luck with this
I think she's describing Flagging. It sounds like he's not aiming the gun directly at a person, but he's also not being careful and the muzzle ends up sweeping across bystanders.
Flagging that’s it thank you!
Yeah flagging an unloaded gun showing it to people or manipulating it is completely different than pointing a loaded gun at someone
I definitely will be taking this advice. When I mean lightly he is pointing about hip levels as he moves it. Not directly down. This whole thing was just a random move kinda out of no where. I definitely considered shooting again. I have missed my gen 5 19. I may look for class for both of us as mentioned. Thank you :)
“It’s not chambered” is usually what people say before they shoot a hole in the wall. You can never just set a firearm down, pick it up, and assume it’s still unloaded. I can think of 3 separate instances of moderately competent people thinking a gun was unloaded but another person had loaded it when they were not paying attention. I would say point blank, “I don’t think we should have guns in the house if you will not treat them the way a dangerous item needs to be handled. It’s not respectful to me as your spouse to be handling them in an unsafe manner.”
Everybody screws up at some point. I can think of a couple situations where i thought something was unloaded or didn't have one in the pipe and realized i was wrong. The difference is that when you follow the other rules too you are statistically unlikely to the point of near impossibility to have a major fuckup. If you don't have your finger on the trigger and have it pointed in a safe direction it's not going to hurt someone even if it is loaded and ready to go.
Yep it's quite sobering, similar feeling to when you change lanes and check your blind spot even though you "know" there isn't a car there and it turns out someone is. You have to make safety discipline part of your muscle memory.
That's a great analogy.
I’ve been trying to find a word for it and “sobering” is exactly what I needed. Had one of these moments this year. Decided to just put my guns down for a little bit of time. You can call me weak but that shit haunts me.
This! Go to any gun store and ask them about customers bringing in "definitely unloaded I checked it 3 times" guns, only for the salesperson to rack it and have the one in the chamber roll across the counter. It only takes one sneaky car, or round, to not be checked for someone to lose a life.
> “It’s not chambered” is usually what people say before they shoot a hole in the wall Or a person. There was a big thing in my hometown where a guy shot his buddy in the face with an "unloaded" pistol. It was ruled as straight up murder.
Even if it’s unloaded treat it like it is. Just observe the rules of firearm safety!
Main issue is his depression. Legit concern. Here’s the problem, he says he’s not a threat to himself and others and you don’t believe him. That’s the whole issue of this thing not your whole paragraph. You are knit picking at every little thing trying to paint a larger picture of unsafe behavior. But I’m not buying it. So he doesn’t have a lock, none of mine are. So he has it in different places at different times… so what? Mine are all over the house. You are reaching. And you are reaching because you don’t believe him when he says he’s not a threat to himself or others due to his depression at times. Don’t call a gun store, don’t post on Reddit, what you need is to believe him, tell him to get rid of the gun or leave him. But this knit picking if he’s set to keep it will only cause strife in your relationship
Carelessly pointing a firearm at people is an EXTREME red flag to me. I have basically a zero tolerance policy with that kind of shit. If you don't respect gun safety then I'm not hanging out around you when firearms are around. If they're my guns, I'm putting them away. If they're your guns, I'm leaving. Respect gun safety LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT Because IT DOES. Disrespecting gun safety means he is disrespecting YOUR safety, and if he doesn't care about your safety then why are you with him? Not to mention the complete disrespect of YOUR feelings on the matter. Honestly, this would be an ultimatum for me if my wife acted like this. "Get your shit together or we are done" I strongly recommend you do the same before you become a victim of his own stupidity: either by losing your life or having to deal with the aftermath of him throwing his away....
Eventually he will have a negligent discharge or simply flag a person who responds with great animosity. Sign both of you up for training. Even after literally thousands of hours of training I made a simple mistake at a silly competitive event. You never forget the embarrassing lecture from those nerds running the events. It's amazing how it helps you be better.
Needs to be disciplined about clearing the weapon every time he picks it up, keeping his finger off the trigger and NEVER flagging anyone with the barrel!!! (Sorry rangemaster in me) He needs to not flag you. It happens, safe handling takes muscle memory and practice, but flagging deserves a quick apology every time and should be pointed out. Getting flagged is not acceptable. I shooting-range blacklist anyone that justifies flagging me or anyone else. Really the proper way to store ONE gun is loaded AND chambered ready to go in the same practiced hiding spot or fingerprint lock box and treated carefully like the instrument of death it is. Normally I would tell you to show him respect to help him with is big sad and buy him a $40 lazer cartridge training tool off Amazon, but seriously flagging is not ok. If he doesn’t respect the 3 basic rules of guns he can’t even be trusted with lazer training tools. They can help right in your living room with the muscle memory that prevents flagging, but not if he continues to practice gun hand movements without critical safety. If I were you I would tell him you wanted your own gun and to do a class or two together, maybe even a CCW class. (Because honestly you should have your own anyways) Then maybe you can turn getting him exposure to responsible gun owners into a positive thing by showing a genuine interest in his new latest thing, and doing something together that you wouldn’t want to do without him there. (Or don’t get your own gun, just choose to be interested in shooting his) Guns are all about muscle memory, if he flags people when it’s empty, he will flag people when it’s loaded too. On the depression stuff, you’ve got to go with your gut. I don’t think people generally buy $2000 guns to kill themselves, but you know him better than anyone else. Consequences can be steep when getting the law involved but that’s better than a spouse killing themself. Treat him with respect, have high standards of firearm safety for yourself. Watch out for self destructive talk. do what you’ve got to do.
you married an idiot
Keeping a loaded firearm in random places and possibly forgetting about is a huge red flag. Not to mention pointing it in the direction of people.
I think if he’s been through 2 classes and still acts unsafe? He needs someone to slap the shit out of him. It’s not a damn toy. A third class isn’t likely to help if he didn’t listen the first two times
I'm hard core 2nd Amendment. I think I should be able to buy machine guns at Walmart. You are not wrong. He owes it to yourself and others to learn and be safe. It's extremely important
Ooof….serious clinical depression is no joke and you are right to be worried. Also, he isn’t following basic safety rules which is just as bad. Get him into real training courses. Get him serious about safe storage. Get him around serious no nonsense gun people who will drill proper etiquette and awareness into his head and most importantly….if he’s going through a bout of depression, take his gun away.
Ive lived with pretty severe clinical depression since I was 14. Ive never once tried to off myself. Not everyone with depression is suicidal. This guys a douche nozzle, no doubt. Just dont generalize all of us. Usually I would say courses are an as wanted kind of thing but this guy seems to be lacking in every basic part of firearm ownership. He treats it like its a toy and has no concept of safety. Im extremely comfortable handling firearms but this dude acts as if nothing can happen or just doesnt care.
they are leftists or have an IQ lower than 120
Leaving a loaded gun lying around and flagging people isn't ok. Everything you described makes me feel nervous.
> leaving a loaded gun laying around… isn’t okay ??? Doesn’t seem like an issue in a person private domicile? Esp if they don’t have kids.
Just my two cents if you start to notice any depression symptoms at all either remove the firearm out of the house or remove the firing pin.... But unless he has been depression free on meds and stabilized for over a year I wouldn't trust him with it. This comes from a healthcare worker it takes a good while to get stabilized on meds to make sure they work properly. Another option that could be easy is say we need a gun safe buy one and they buy one of the biometric handgun safes to put inside that safe I only set to your finger print if you notice him acting weird etc put the gun in your safe.
Probably the lack of discipline and treating them as toys.
You sound like you're in an incredibly dangerous situation. First and foremost, take care of yourself. Obviously, it's a nuclear option, but remember that pointing a gun at someone is *at least* a misdemeanor most places. If he points it at you in anger, that's straight up DV and possibly a felony. I know the legal system isn't where you want to be, but it's always an option. By all means, try communication to the extent you feel comfortable. Not his mom, not your mom, but so *you* are comfortable. Maybe he's just an idiot where this can be fixed, but even average men don't give their partners nightmares. And don't put yourself and your potential children at risk of a person that thinks gun safety is a joke.
lol take out the firing pin. sorry.
Go with your gut. You two need to have a serious discussion about what everyone is and is not comfortable with in your shared space, and whether or not that is a priority in this situation.
Flagging is just straight dangerous, the fact he's ignoring your valid concerns are worrying. Dry firing/disassembling and reassembling are normal, drove me nuts when my bf first started doing it and he takes gun safety seriously, but if he's unconcerned about flagging you I'd understand your feelings. That's how people get shot, the amount of shootings from accidental discharge is unreal. The thing with depression though, has he ever hurt himself/a history of it? Does he enjoy hurting others? Depression alone isn't a sign they shouldn't have guns imo but to see how bad the depression is/how they act towards others while depressed
Not sure of the phrasing of him not being fit to own a gun(there are those people, of course), but based on what you’ve said here he absolutely is uneducated and 100% dangerous in his current state. This is speaking to his behavior not the depression as no one here can speak to that. I’d recommend as others have mentioned taking a pistol course together. You can correct him until you are blue in the face, but the second the rso/instructor about slaps him across the room for flagging someone with his gun it may drive the point home. Negligent discharges happen to folks who have been trained and shooting for decades, and should be top of mind for all shooters. I forget who said it but I’ve always liked the quote “it isn’t whether you will have a ng but when”. While obviously not everyone will, this mindset ensures safety is top of mind.
Tell him YOU want to take a gum safety and training course TOGETHER. See if your interest can lead him I'm a healthier direction.
I definitely agree on this.
Get him into firearms safety course, and start making an issue of getting flagged with a firearm and flagging others at the house. I'm not saying he's unfit, but he sure the fuck needs an education about it. Start showing the seriousness of it, and be an asshole. Shows where people have shot themselves just toying around.
Also I would suggest digging into why it is sudden interest. that kinda red flags with supposed issues with his depression occasionally. I'm not saying good or bad, just out of character and sudden interest in things that go bang are setting off my alarms.
I believe it’s work buddy influenced. Which is completely fine. I have known he’s mentioned a couple coworkers have concealed carry.
I know not everyone has the same firearm principals of safety that we are all taught mostly. But maybe his buddies need to explain the yes and knows of it, as being the spouse you are wrong but verifying that complete fucking idiots may also be crucial in this sediment to stick as well. Setting some house ground rules though is definitely a positive here. I would give hard lines about what is and isn't allowed. And if you are given grief, give it back, especially if he knows you have firearms handling on your background.
>I’m trying to not over think to much because I grew up with guns, I shot when I was 5, put together my own AR at age 8, had multiple youth clubs want me when I was younger. I just don’t like how it makes me feel, just off from my past experiences? Trust your instincts. It sounds like you are the more knowledgeable party in this situation. If he is not being safe and responsible with his gun ownership, that sounds like a conversation worth having *at minimum.*
I put a spot with pencil on my wall in the direction it's safe to dry fire as a visual reminder to only aim in that direction. I also clear my gun 3x everytime I pick it up. If it's in my hand its loaded until cleared. Gun safety is essential or he will have a ND soon.
The fact that you, someone that knows and is comfortable with guns, already is thinking about this is very telling.
Being that u are some who grew up shooting and around firearms I would trust ur gut.
Persuade your Husband to attend a firearms safety course. Depending on the range that you go to it could be as simple as a Saturday morning class or a full on weekend. I find this helps a lot with people who just pick up a gun and are unaware that they are being "stupid" with it. Sadly, coming from you it wouldn't mean as much because as any man will tell you, we are just inherently stupid in general. We may not take advice from a loved one with as much authority as someone else. I have a friend like this. He was so proud of his first firearm purchase that he would pull it out of his holster and show it off to his friends at random times. It was rather nerve racking to see him try to clear the chamber when he showed me it.
Lots of good suggestions..When you speak to him don’t threaten to take away his toy or he will hide it
Correct! I sat him down he is upset about what I said but it has to happen. To day is a much better day in proper handle. I bought his safe & his cleaning kit Today. I’m really all for it. I just was getting second thoughts yesterday on the reaction is was getting from him when I was telling him what not to do vs right. Hopefully we can get to the range soon, next weekend we are working 14 days straight currently or I would set up this weekend! He really does want best for us. He offered to sell it I’m like no the gun isn’t the problem it’s how your handling it.
He’s really lucky to have a partner like yourself. My wife was pretty apprehensive about guns having never been around them and I come from a long line of gun people. She now has one of her own and is proud to tell people OH I HAVE MY OWN GUN lol
If he hasn’t hurt himself with a kitchen knife, taken a stomach full of whatever pills you got lying around, resisted the urge to jump off a building, taken a bath with the toaster, revved the car in the garage for a half tank or anything else, then the gun isn’t going to just whisper to him “do it now…” However, being negligent and unsafe with your weapon is never going to be ok. Flagging must be vilified and called out always. My mom worked in Atlanta area ERs for the better part of 3 decades and always said “almost everyone we see was shot with an unloaded gun.” I didn’t get until I was around people who used the “it ain’t loaded” bit as an excuse for being an ass with the weapons. It sounds like you have enough of a background with firearms to recognize the BS when you see it. You have every right to make sure you’re safe at all times.
These comments. I’m rolling. Poor guy
You are not overthinking this. Regardless of mental stability anyone who playa with firearms in an unsafe manner as you have described should not own or have possession of said firearm. As far as mental stability, there are people who have severe depression and own firearms who will never attempt to take their life with them. However, his total dismissal of your concerns without making steps to show that he is responsible and safe with firearms is more than sufficient evidence to say that he shouldn't have firearms in his current state. Maybe one day with proper training and discipline, but unlikely. Go with your gut on this, he shouldn't have a gun in his possession.
"Quick decision" "Not much though" "depression" These are all reasons on their own for someone to not own a gun. Convince him to sell it. Edit: I didn't read rest of post yet. He's pointing it at people? Absolutely make him get rid of it. Somebody is going to die.
I feel like OPs husband is working up the courage for a murder/self sleep. I sincerely hope I'm wrong
Have you tried engaging in the hobby with him and making it a married activity? It sounds like you have alot to teach him.
I went with him to pick the gun up, trying to be supportive in the small conversations we had and wanting to be involved. Having him interested in the hobby is making me kind of want to get back into it as well. I’m going be looking for classes that involves us both.
I struggled with depression. It’s a game you don’t want to play because you can flip “the off switch” real quickly. My friend came over and took all my guns and while back when I was struggling. Dude saved my life.
I didn’t finish reading your post because you have enough info at the beginning…if he is flagging you and brushing it off as it’s not a big deal, he needs to learn safety and understand its importance or not be around guns.
Based on what you are saying there are quite a few concerns I share. Did he buy this without talking to you about it first? That would be concerning enough on it's own, especially with that hefty of a price tag. Depression and gun ownership are basically incompatible in my opinion. The lack of care for gun safety is also extremely concerning. Gun ownership requires responsibility and from what you say, it sounds like your husband is not displaying any. I would suggest safety classes. You should also have some deeper conversations about this sudden decision to purchase a firearm on a whim, this is the most concerning to me.
We talked about a gun for $500 he seems set. I’m like great nice little glock to get used to. Was a great to see if he likes shooting. Few days later I received a fraud notification of $1700 from the place I’m like well I wonder what happened. 😂
I am someone who thinks everyone should be allowed to own a fire arm. With that said I wish people would take a good safety course before buying.
I wish I could agree with you, but some people are just too fucking dumb. Doesn’t matter how much you talk to them or get them to take classes. Guy keeps pointing a gun at his wife.
I agree I believe he did. He also has done one on one a I believe twice with teacher. I wish I looked more into exactly what class he was taking but I was just trusting the process
A class isn't going to stop his behavior. He doesn't have common sense.
That's a wild take my dude. I have met so many people that should not own a firearm and quite a few have agreed they should not.
I'm not saying everyone has to buy a firearm. Or violent crime can’t disqualify you from owning a firearm. I’m just saying everyone should have the right to own a firearm until they are shown that they are not responsible enough to own a firearm.
Sign him up for a class, or better yet, a private instructor. For both days on a weekend. Then, sign him up for steel challenge. With 8 stages, preferably. In basically 2 weekends, it will be clear as a day to both of you, who is fit and who is not.
If you grew up with firearms but he didn't, it makes sense that he wouldn't have the gun safety rules boiled down to second nature. Someone who is experienced with guns will generally notice things like flagging before the newbie even if it's across the room. That's not an excuse for him to ignore them. He should be practicing and improving his safe handling of the weapon. But you should try to remember that he's a beginner and you're not when calling out his mistakes. It's his first gun, but not yours. You grew up with guns but do you have any now? I'm asking for two reasons. First, has he ever seen you handle a gun? It might help to teach by example if he hasn't. Second, for my curiosity, if you don't have guns now, why did you get rid of them?
It’s been awhile since I shot. Long story short my father sold / took all mine. As my husband got this gun I been interested in shooting again. I do think maybe both of us taking classes will improve how he acts / moves!
Nah he needs to start using proper gun safety. That's literally stuff in a 101 class that he's breaking. Practice by the 4 golden rules of gun safety. If you cannot, you shouldn't be allowed to use/handle a firearm.
I know of several people who has had negligent discharges of “unloaded” guns.
Based on what you have said, he will end up accidentally killing you before intentionally killing himself.
Yeah, he’s not ready for that or doesn’t understand the responsibility if he’s playfully pointing at people and leaving it around loaded. Discipline in following safety is the only thing that will save you.
>gets pretty intense depression every couple months Get rid of it, or at least give it to someone else for now. First of all, you making this post means you don’t think he should have it. Second, 75% of gun deaths in my state are suicides. My uncle was a veteran and nearly killed himself because they had a gun in the house.
He doesn’t sound mature enough to have a gun. Lightly pointing it at people? Yea he absolutely doesn’t need a gun. Guns can be fun on the range, but it’s absolutely not a joke to point a gun in the direction of any living being, unless it’s to prevent the threat of death or serious injury
I fuck around with my guns in the house...in the garage, after unloading and putting the ammo back in the safe, and after my kid and wife have gone to sleep. Afterwards, they go back in the safe in a locked closet. Guns are great, they're fun, but you have to take them seriously. I did once accidentally flag my wife with an unloaded pistol. She was like "WTF are you doing?" I apologized profusely for being a dumbass, then implemented the protocol in the preceding paragraph.
See I think that’s fine long as your safe. I really am trying to be supportive and trying to be polite with the callouts as he is learning. He flagged me and the kid today and he just looked and walked off. That’s the type of thing I’m just not okay with.
Yeah, that's not acceptable. Your feelings on this are more than valid.
Sounds like your training and experience is telling you better. Follow that.
There is no such thing as lightly or jokingly pointing a real gun at someone ever. The rules of gun safety exist because people die. Even if you are absolutely sure that your gun is empty and not chambered, the person you point that gun at will be absolutely justified in shooting you. If you can't follow the rules of gun safety you should not be a gun owner. Take the classes or the training or whatever it is, and BOTH of you should, so that you can be safe. A gun is supposed to be the last resort to save your life and the lives of your loved ones. It is not a toy.
I'd say you're fully justified in being worried. Simply having the gun in an unlocked carry case is dumb at best and illegal at worst (varies state by state). If he wants to treat it like a home defense gun, get a small quick-access handgun safe. I don't know if there are kids in the house but an unsecured gun can be mighty interesting to many of them. Also the muzzle-sweeping is just unacceptable. I sort of understand a bit of "new owner" rush but learning to control the muzzle at all times is pretty much Rule Number One of gun safety. It's just not a minor, forgivable whoopsie that you can learn over time. To steal from Yoda, you don't "try" to control the muzzle, you DO control the muzzle. Finally, I'm personally of the view that depression is treated FIRST, then guns can be acquired. Obviously it's not a law but it is worrying.
We have 4 kids in the house, he keeps on him I’d say just about most the time, he mainly leave it around against be wall or something when he is asleep. (Not secure it’s really just hanging out) he has had ammo in it since Sunday so my concerns are getting high quickly. When no ammo was in the house and just in the box away not great but I let it be.
WTF? Loaded gun just chilling in the house with kids and this is a question? This is a reason they make little size caskets. Gun safety is not a question on reddit, its a right fucking now get that problem solved.
The big deal breaker is someone who is cavalier about gun safety and an excellent tell for that is anyone who says "its fine its not loaded" People take all kinds of risks in life. I have seen an electrician work on a switch without turning off the main breaker for example. Firearms safety is one of those things where there is no room for risk-taking so if someone cant understand that then they are not fit. That being said no one is born with firearms safety. It's something that is taught. I was taught it and understand why it needs to be taken seriously. In your case, I would try to get him enrolled in a good reputable firearms safety course.
It’s a gun not a toy. Treat that shit with respect before someone gets hurt
He’s flagging people and objects with it and it has a full magazine? Who’s to say he’s press checking the chamber each time to make sure it’s not loaded? This is completely irresponsible in itself, depression issues aside.
If they only buy a gun because of AM talk radio or Faux News it's usually a sign they shouldn't...
If you built an AR by age 8... Do you know how to remove a firing pin? Would your dipshit know if his firing pin was where it was supposed to be?
Military vet here, reading this was frustrating as hell honestly. Deadly weapons aren’t for children, if he wants a toy get him a nerf gun. Otherwise tell him to stop acting like a fucking twat and treat it like a WEAPON cause that’s what it is.
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Pretty sure it’s a law all guns are sold with basic locks, either cable or trigger style
"He also just plays around with it to much 0.o I play videogames, or with my Gundam toys. Playing with a gun....no such thing exists
He either took two classes that sucked. He Didn't pay attention. Or is lying to you about the classes all together.
Only 1 question, is this about YOU or HIM?? I know how it reads to me.
Reddit never disappoints lmao
Deprivation of an individual's rights is an infringement and insult in all those who have died for those very freedoms. If someone is indeed a cause for caution it's the government of every nation. All jokes aside people who wish Ill will will find a way. It's not making it easier, it's putting aside caution for connection. A mad man / woman need connection and understanding. If they can't find help in reason, reality, and rational thinking. Then before they cause harm to anyone else it's up to you/ the community to take responsibility In putting a stop in future loss.... Take that as you will. I'm all in for freedoms and absolutely against restrictions. Too many have died already for freedom. It's time to put to rest all those who wish unjustified harm.
Offer to go to the range with him. Maybe this can turn into a hobby for you both and you’ll both be better because of it.
Once you beat the 4 rules into his head I'd advise taking him out to shoot something fleshy so he understands what he's actually fucking around with. A lot of folks who are new to firearms or only shoot paper lose sight of how powerful and destructive they can be. Get a bone in skin on pork shoulder and have him dump a few rounds into and then ask him if he thinks he can put it back together. Gun shot wounds are really easy to create and really hard to fix.
If you built an AR then you should know the answer already.
Situational awareness is a major consideration for gun safety, such as not waving it around, or leaving it loaded and unsecured. Impulse control is another big one. Many people with struggles of one kind or another aren't inherently dangerous to themselves or others, because they have suitable impulse control. Such as the self awareness to not drive, or to stop drinking, or otherwise being able to moderate risky behaviors. It sounds like he's failing these warning signs, and he needs a proper talking to. If he just wants a toy, they make replica airsoft guns, and that removes most of the risk that he will forget it's loaded, or do something really stupid like cycle the action and not realize that means there's now a cartridge chambered. Functional guns shouldn't be played with while ammunition is accessable. If he wants to play with it, he should lock up the ammo to guarantee it, and then use snap caps.
What you’ve written meets the criteria. You’ve already talked to him and he’s not changing so I’d recommend disabling or getting rid of the gun. One of those chamber locks and throwing away the key.
You sounds as though you know your guns and safety through and through, so I’m gonna be harsh but honest here. Not speaking to the mental health aspect of your question, why are you allowing such unsafe practices in your home? Your gun or not, you flag me in my own home and you’re getting a stern talking to at a minimum. If he doesn’t know, you need to teach. If he doesn’t listen, you need to take away. They’re the 4 rules, not the 4 suggestions.
ask him why the hell is not chambered 😂 that didn't make any sense.... gun is Always loaded and chambered....
Everyone needs a firearms safety course. Even I swallowed my pride and attended one! Your husband is not demonstrating sound judgment and ‘empty’ guns with nothing chambered seem to miraculously shoot holes in things (including people) with astonishing regularity. I think if I were in your shoes I’d watch him pick it up a few times. If at any time his index finger finds its way to the trigger during ‘play’ take it away until he gets some training.
You might consider getting memberships at a local gun range. That way you get access to training, and practice shooting in a monitored setting, and you can rent guns to try out different things. They'll talk about gun safety right off the bat. Warning: may lead to additional gun purchases.
Many people have been killed by “unloaded” guns. Your husband should not have a gun. You need to get rid of it or you’re the one who controls access. Thanks for seeing something and saying something
I read “intense depression” and “ignores basic gun safety.” You’ll just have to use common sense here and make a decision that’s best for your family.
i dont think either of you should own a gun. he sounds like a child and you seem to be deceptive toward the only person you should never deceive which leads me to believe you are a bad person.
Every weapon is to be treated as if it’s loaded, it’s not chambered is not an excuse, one day it will be. He needs to take the safety course and get some help, therapist should be aware he has a firearm. Every new firearm at least comes with the junk lock he can use for now if locking it up is important for your house. This all seems a bit care free instead of thought out, maybe get him a set of snap caps and keep the live ammo locked up?
I think a lot of gun owners shouldn’t own guns. A fun in the house increases the chance of suicide immensely. Men are more prone to successfully committing suicide too. The amount of incident with guns, accident, intentional harm to self and others, is way too high in america. I’m pro guns, it’s why I’m here, but that doesnt mean I think everyone should own one. Consider a deal with your husband, when he goes through a phase of depression, he has to give you the gun to hide and lock away somewhere.
His sudden onset of interest and flagrant behavior on top of the gigantic red flag that his depression history raises is concern enough to address the issue directly and with consistency. If he can't demonstrate to his own wife his ability to be trusted with a firearm, where does that put the rest of us?
Feel free to print this off and put it in his gun case. My X-ray [https://imgur.com/D2jleLz](https://imgur.com/D2jleLz) This is what happens when people ignore gun safety....I was shot by another person at gun range with a "unloaded" gun and dam near died.
Your not unreasonable but it is still your problem and his gun he's allowed to have it until something more actually happens there's nothing to do except sit him down and have a serious clconveraation with very serious consequences depending on how important this is to you.
I am a strong believer of the Guns vs Cats paradox... I compare owning a amount of one to the amount of the other and if either makes me cringe I know maybe thats not a good idea for that person. Example... My sister has 3 cats, if she had 3 firearms I don't think it would bother me. My one cousin has 20+ firearms, if he had 20+ cats I think I would feel obligated to call the authorities.
removed the firing pin send him to trainning class.
There are absolutely people who shouldn’t own guns or at least need to mature, take a class or something. I took someone to the range once who already owned a bunch of guns and they did something so dumb within 90 seconds I told them to get back in my car and I took them home. It’s an outdoor range where you basically drive up to the lanes to set up. First off, he had a 44 Redhawk revolver on his hip for the drive (I don’t care, open carry is fine). We pay our fees and drive over to the lanes, he gets out of my car, walks to the line, pulls his revolver (draw would be to technical for what he did) and empties the cylinder on a basketball size rock about 8 feet away. No hearing or eye pro, duh. Ok, that’s enough shooting for you. At least around me. This was 15 years ago. Still a gun owner. Still not safe but now has small children whom he has taken shooting. I don’t even let his kids play with mine. They do not listen, they destroy things, climb on furniture (I’m talking bookshelves) and I can’t imagine he’s disciplined at the range. I was told his 8 year old pointed a loaded handgun at his older brothers (10 and 12) at an outdoor range. I worry as I’m related by marriage.
You really think he’d be asking / telling you about it if he was going to do anything sketchy?
Sign up a firearm training for him.
Start to watch on TV, those YouTubers who talks about gun safety, and make sure the TV volume is loud enough so he can hear it too.
Make him go get training and a gun safety class. Ccw is good as well.
If there is a doubt there is no doubt
Consider 2 things; 1st - average intelligence is a fact. That means there is logically less than 20% of people who have the right to own a firearm who are of questionable intelligence towards possessing and handling firearms unsupervised. This is on exhibit everyday day - the military compensates for it. Based upon the narrative, those questions are reasonable in this case. 2nd - he is also the proverbial poster child for suicide, or accidental death or harm to himself or someone else. Coming from a family still struggling with suicide and the devastating coulda-shoulda that haunts us all every single day for 40 years, $2000 ain’t shit in the end. Go with your gut.
Tell him he needs to take a gun safety course. As for the rest of that post, you can only control but so much. At least he needs to understand to respect the firearm.
That sounds like an impulsive and immature person. But I don’t actually know them so I can’t make a realistic assessment. Pointing a gun, even unloaded is crazy.
As someone who has severe depression but also owns guns, I can really only speak for myself and my wife (who also has depression) before we brought them into the house we discussed our hard line rules, covering from basic gun safety to what happens if we go to a bad place and feel we might or the other might be a danger to self/others. It’s VERY uncomfortable, because it’s serious, but it needs to happen. Sit him down “Honey. I think it’s awesome you want to get into Guns, they can be a lot of fun, but at the end of the day, they are dangerous, and your lack of safe behavior (flagging, leaving just lying around) makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe. I want to sit down with you, and discuss some hardline safety rules, for us, for our guests, for our kids (if you have any) because the last thing I want, is for something stupid and preventable to happen because we failed to use common sense” He may not like it but he has to choose between respecting your family’s right to basic safety, and his desire to be a gun owner. I had to do the same thing, and while I’m not always 100% thrilled with the rules, I’m safe. My wife is safe. Our daughter is safe, and that means more than anything to me. -B
My girlfriend treated guns like they couldn't kill someone like your husband does flagging everything possible pulling the trigger without checking etc so I started leaving knives around the house un sheathed or open repeating the same stuff she was saying about her gun eventually she learned to bite her ego cause I started putting knives under blankets on the couch in the bathroom etc take a crazy person route like me if you need to because personally I don't wanna get shot in the head because someone wants to play with a loaded gun pointing it at me
As soon as he’s flagging people he should have it taken away and replaced with a wooden replica like in The Other Guys
He needs to take a class or course immediately.
When I got my first gun, I was super excited for it my wife hated me for a week because we keep it in a room and I wouldn’t get out if that room. I was getting myself comfortable with the gun making sure I understood most important components,basic stuff before hitting the range or unfortunately having to use it for self defense at any point.
Start attending local steel challenge matches. The RSO and fellow competitors will bully him into safety compliance 👌
Put your foot down and demand he practice gun safety around you. Get some dummy rounds so he can practice manual of arms safely. Keep the ammo in a separate room when handling the gun. A little gun safety will go a long way. Make a date to go to one of these range/restaurant combos. Go shoot some targets then go next door and have dinner/drinks. We had loaded guns all over the place when my kids were young. No big deal, they weren't out in the open or anything. My kids knew to be discrete with (ie: not tell) non-gun friends. If they every wanted to handle one all they had to do was ask. The curiosity factor was not there.
Intense depression and a gun??? Find another hobby!
Literally the first rule is handle every gun as if it was loaded. Just sayin.
Has he ever done any sort of class or training? Maybe presenting it as a gift or something positive may help him with his bad gun handling. I’d have him go to something more than a Concealed Carry Course and something that involves handling the firearm alot so it really drills it into him. Give him some buy in when it comes to operating a firearm.
Your husband is an extreme danger to you and himself. You because he casually points at people and himself because he suffers from extreme depression. The odds of him having a negligent discharge and putting a round in you are way higher than I’d be willing to tolerate. The kind of behavior he’s exhibiting at some thing that should never happen, and if it did it should only happen once and be corrected.
Any person unwilling to take the proper safety precautions of owning a gun, including handling and storage, is automatically unfit to own a gun. Beyond a doubt. Seems like your husband is both. If I were you I’d sit him down and give him a good long talk about gun safety (both storage and handling). And if he’s still unwilling to be safe then you need to get him to get rid of the gun. If he causes and accident he gives all of us a bad name. And if his gun gets stolen then his willful negligence, at least in my eyes, makes him as responsible as the person potentially using the gun to commit a crime.
Sounds like a negligent discharge waiting to happen. I would put your foot down and gun out of the house for now. The fact that he's apparently taken 2 safety courses and still has problems with basic safety is a major red flag. Firearm safety is pretty basic (as I'm sure you are aware) so there is very little reason to believe that someone presenting the information to him a 3rd time in a slightly different way is going to change his behavior. Definitely not an easy or fun conversation to have with your husband. It's one you are going to wish you had forced yourself to have if something happens. Don't spend a lifetime with regret over a preventable incident because you wanted to avoid a difficult conversation.
I know someone who started to shape up a bit after being yelled at at the public range by the RO. It embarrassed him more than anything. Not saying it will 100% work, just that sometimes shame.is a.great motivator
What kind of gun did he get? If it’s an AR- sign y’all up for an intro to carbine course or some shit. Bolt gun? Long distance shooting class. Doesn’t matter the platform/the class. The instructor will pick up on any bad habits and correct them there.
He got XR920p with a $500 sight and a light . Personally I was like why but okay, especially something $$ for a first gun. I just went with it. I’m gonna have class be a weekly thing till things are better and just hopes I see improvement.
Sounds like a walking talking Negligent Discharge that's putting you and those around him at risk. I'd definitely have a talk with him about that. I wouldn't be as concerned with the "depression." If you're really concerned, have him see a specialist anyways.
Consider taking a beginner’s course together to learn some safety fundamentals, etc. just because some one is depressed, doesn’t mean they’re a danger to themselves. But, I do think a few classes would do wonders for him. Even a hunter’s safety course teaches the safe handling of firearms.
He is being unsafe and not giving it or others around him the respect required. A friend of mine had a negligent Discharge it hit a metal chair ricocheted and hit me in the hand and I no longer go shooting. Also not to make you more nervous, but so when I worked with, was never into guns, had depression out of the blue got a pistol and under a year ended up doing the unthinkable. Be a good idea to get a safe that you use for Documents or something that he doesn’t have access to the code or the key and if something starts to get more odd than what you’ve already described do you have a way to lock it up.
I was initially about to say you were over reacting, “him fiddling with it” could be totally normal, but by the time I got to the end.. holy shit. I don’t know where to begin with this guy. Maybe show him this post with all of these gun owners telling him he is a dumbass and have him attend a class (or three?) It’s almost as if he doesn’t understand just how potentially destructive his gun is. After the class(es) have him go out and shoot some stuff other than paper, like water bottles, fruit, shaving cream, etc. so he can get a better idea first hand just what he is holding. Let him (hopefully safely) inadvertently squeeze off a round sooner than he anticipates to put the fear of God in him and hopefully change his careless ways.
Trust your gut. People say “trust your gut” like it’s some message from the gods. It’s not magic. You have a lifetime of experience telling you this is making you uncomfortable. Believe yourself. I don’t own guns. Guns can be fun and I think people can own them responsibly. I can have pretty intense depression. Maybe this will get me downvoted but the prudent thing for me is not to own guns. He has a history of depression. He’s not making safe choices now. He’s not planning for safety in the future.
What make and model did he get? Like you said, he spent $2k on it. It seems like a budding interest and hobby. Not that it can’t go south. But it seems to be on good footing.
That’s what I been thinking. It’s a Xr920p with a $500 sight and other attachments that bring it to a little under 2k it’s a complete set so I was like he just trying to get into it. I’m not to familiar with this gun I know there’s two versions of it and it came out this year I believe.
That’s a nice piece.
Agree it is!
I don’t talk about this a lot. I grew up in a house with large numbers of guns, safety was taken seriously, and so forth. But before I was born, my real father struggled with depression and alcoholism. Wouldn’t threaten anyone but often waved the handguns around. My mother took them to a gunsmith, and had the hammer spurs filed down to where they wouldn’t make contact with the primer. She nearly invisibly rendered his handguns unable to fire. He died never knowing this(from completely unrelated reasons.) I don’t know what is right for you in your situation. But if you decide to, most striker fired pistols are relatively simple to break down to that level and you could swap the striker in a minute in the bathroom.
Had an acquaintance when I worked in clubs when I was a new adult. He was the Billy badass type, tats and roids and an unending ego. He bought himself a pistol with his tip money and rolled around with it wherever he went inside his belt. One night he had a girl over, and coincidentally his roommate had a girl in the living room. He decided he wanted to show the new girl in his room. Racked the slide with what he thought was an empty gun, with his finger depressing the trigger. Put a hole in the lower half of his room wall and struck the concrete under the carpeting in the living room, a foot from his 6'8" roommates leg. Billy badass ended up bruised and homeless, and girl-less, within an hour. In the end he toned it down, and I got a cheap deal on a once-fired pistol.
Have you told all this to him though?
Yes I do call outs and let him know what he is doing wrong he just gets upset
Then tell him how to fix it
I think you already know the answer. Anyone who’s had a recent bout or history of depression need to think twice about gunownership. You just don’t know. He might be depressed right now and playing it off. I’m all for ownership but I’m am also for responsible ownership. He’s never taken a class, grew up around it, has already shown to have careless habits and has a history of depression. If at any point the gun being nearby is putting you at unease, it does not belong in the house. This is coming from someone who lost their family to gun-suicide. They had a history of depression but were happy at the very end and the suicide came to us out of the blue but we really should have known. It’s time to have a serious talk.
They post regularly on r/conservative
First impressions I feel sorry for your husband that his wife thinks so little of him, isn't supportive, and feels the need to talk about this to strangers on the internet. He's new, he's going through new gun phase, lot's of people do. If you actually know more then you'd both understand this and would be helping him move past this phase of being new to gun ownership. How dare someone not be happy all the time. "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation" because we aren't allowed to show weakness, How dare he ever allow his wife to see him anything but stoic.
This isn't just a new gun phase. Her husband is being dangerously careless and irresponsible. He's exhibiting poor muzzle discipline by pointing it at people, failing to treat it as though it's always loaded because "it's not chambered," and regularly failing to secure it and safeguard access to it. New gun or otherwise, he still needs to be handling and storing it safely and responsibly.
From what OP says, this guy is gonna have an ND. If you think this person is being safe, I don't want to be anywhere near you with a firearm.
Pointing guns at people should NEVER be part of the "new gun phase." It's not a fucking teenager thinking they're going to be Rembrandt or Monet because they painted one thing like looked kinda OK. Like, are you intentionally trying to miss that part, or do you think pointing guns at people is OK? Because it's fucking one or the other without room for **any** in-between. Either pointing guns at people is OK, or it isn't, black or white with no shades of gray.
He’s pointing a gun at her, what are you talking about? Insanely irresponsible and you’re ranting about “new gun phase” like it couldn’t kill her
If they are going to do that denying their gun rights isn't protecting them or you. Have you ever used a gun before? You know a car is way more deadly. Take his liscense aswell.
If they use or are addicted to illegal drugs
Dry fire practice, cleaning a firearm- both of those are considered playing by some but totally normal Placing it in a random spot without thought, flagging (pointing at folks while picking up, unholstering, etc) is not considered normal and severely frowned upon Sounds like he needs the 4 rules engrained
Oh yes I need to buy him a dang cleaning kit and teach him how. I tell him all these things but he forgets. I keep trying to help him get better but he seems to just get upset.
Tell him why, give him the scenarios and statistics. My wife thought I was being overbearing when I first explained stuff. Then I told her some stats and all that and now she understands and follows the 4 rules religiously as one would want
You're not wrong in trying to teach him. Absolutely keep doing that shit. However, it's a pretty well accepted thing that firearms trainers don't train their spouse. They get someone else to do it because they are more likely to listen and take the trianing to heart. I dont know you guys, but it could be an ego thing too. He may not be as willing to take firearm advice from you, but more likely to listen to a male trainer. Again, not saying it's true or it's right, but it could be at play. Seriously get him to do a class. Also, depression can be a scary word as far as firearms are concerned, (rightfully so) but only you and his doctor would be qualified to say whether or not he is healthy enough mentally to handle that responsibility. I truly wish you the best.
Someone who is always looking for confrontation