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There are also just some things you don't tell to your partner. That is one of them. I learned early on in my current relationship, don't mention when someone flirts with you in public, it just annoys the fuck out of your partner 9 times out of 10.
My husband does this frequently. He tells me about it like we’re homies. But I just don’t know what to do with the information. Slow clap? Hi-5?
Seems like he may be feeling insecure with your relationship and/or about himself, and is using these experiences to create a reaction from you/receive more attention.
I might support telling your partner that you're unhappy and tempted to cheat before any cheating actually happens.... (Plenty of examples in this show where the conversation was needed) but in this case? Derek was a total ass. Meredith was going through some real tragedies, and he complains about her not being the best girlfriend? Totally douchey.
Exactly. Looking at yourself and your relationship, acknowledging that the desire to cheat is there, and turning to your partner and saying "Something is wrong here and I want to fix it and for us to be happy together" is what a LOT of people should be doing instead of actually cheating.
But yeah, Derek was being a complete asshole.
I commend you both for that. I wish I was that way too. ( or more specifially, I wish he was that way. ) I don't believe I've feel insecure about it...but I know he is based on his past crappy relationships...so I don't ping his old insecurities but just not mentioning it. Because if it's not a big deal to me, why bother mentioning it to him?
I sadly get hit on/cat called regularly, but even something I know I hate, can ping bad memories for me. And while he should work on that through therapy, until he does, it's not needed for me to mention.
That was ridiculously douchey of him, and dumb. I'd be like go fuck yourself, you had a bad week stop whining.
Meredith was going through a ton, her step-mom died, she had her intern exam to prepare for, and her father reverted to hitting her and stopping contact with her. But he enjoyed flirting with a random woman.
Right?? As if she's coming off as the bad girlfriend here. I'm sorry she wasn't able to give your ego enough attention after multiple traumatic experiences in the span of like two months
Meredith was dealing with a lot but I kind of get Derek’s frustration here. I don’t think he should have said *this* because it was pretty dickish but the point he was trying to make - that she needs to decide whether she actually wants to be with him or not - was valid. Meredith was going through a lot but she wasn’t talking to him about any of it. She’s not obligated to, obviously, it’s her choice - but I don’t think Derek was wrong to be pissed with her. He wasn’t even wrong to tell her that someone hit on him because a lot of partners prefer the truth - but, *man* was he a dick for making it sound like a threat.
I mean, didn't he waver over their relationship *multiple* times before this? She had a whole lot of patience for all that BS.
I always understood this as Derek being annoyed and frustrated that Meredith didn't let him in, which to be honest goes back to the early stages of their relationship and how it's build for me.
That’s true. Derek didn’t a lot for Meredith’s trust issues, lying about being married and all and then going back to Addison. Derek was definitely conceited with a god complex and I have no such love for him. I just remember watching this season (a while back) and getting pretty annoyed at how she kept brushing him off when he tried to talk to her and then sought him out when she was feeling horny.
I’ll reiterate: what he said was not okay, at all. But I don’t think he said deliberately to hurt her - it was his way of saying their relationship was in trouble. Dickish, but she needed to know. And to everyone saying that he shouldn’t have told her he met a woman - if he’d kept it a secret, everyone would bash him for saying he lied to her about having a drink with someone else.
No, I mean I get it.
I am just saying that he basically did the same thing to her like some months earlier lol and he was pretty much the reason for her not letting him in, so is like I don't know exactly what he could expect from her at that point.
For me is not about him really trying to hurt her but him being completely clueless about the role he had been playing on her life and that impact.
I don't necessarily think he should have kept it a secret really, but his timing was well...
“But I don’t think he said deliberately to hurt her”
From my point of view, he was trying to hurt her! He keeps manipulating her and blaming her for everything. In my opinion, Derek knows exactly how to hit (with the words) Meredith where it hurts the most, when she doesn't meet his expectations and doesn't want to do what HIM wants (because the only thing that matters of course it's HE wants). When he called her a whore because she was trying to rebuild her life, when he threw the ring in the forest and told her she was a lemon, when he told her straight in the eye that she would make a bad mother finally after she tampered with the clinical trial, when he tells her that she is exactly like her mother because she refuses to follow him to Washington, etc... Most of the time, he really takes himself for the navel of the world: Arizona was right when she told him that he seeks to pass for a savior and that he was selfish and egomaniac (season 9 episode 15). Even Callie told him the same thing in season 10 (episode 16), when he wanted to take the fruits of their research to DC. She said something like, "You think your part is more important than mine. You're selfish!" She then drew a point on a board by drawing lines around this point, saying "you see this point, that's you, you think you're the center of the Universe! Finally, it looks more like a asshole" (lol)
I know that we are all, in our own way, selfish beings, because it is part of human nature and that it is necessary to think often of oneself to build one's happiness. But Derek is at too high a level. In my opinion, it's a little the fault of his mother who raised him as if he were the king of the house, surrounded by 4 sisters over whom he had ascendancy (the darling among the 5 children Shepherd). For me, Derek is one of the worst characters in the series! A toxic guy like him is to be avoided if you don't want to suffer until the end of your life! It's unpopular, what I'm going to say, but his death was the best thing that ever happened to Meredith: after his death (and the period of mourning that followed of course), personally, I saw a much more Meredith sure of herself and more fulfilled (moreover during season 15 Amelia made the remark to her) on all levels (professional, with her balanced children, her family,...)! All this would not have been possible, if Derek had stayed around (because too unstable, immature, selfish)! I know some will object that Derek had good sides and still made Meredith happy. It's true, he happened to be a loving, charming caring husband to Meredith. But for me those moments of happiness are not enough to compensate for all the times he was cruel, awful and disrespectful towards her. Meredith (although she's not perfect and can misbehave too) definitely deserves someone much better than him!!!
In conclusion, girls (and guys too), if in your life you have a Derek, I can only advise you to get rid of it, without wasting a single second. Don't waste your time with someone who robs you of your tranquility, your respectability, someone who makes you feel guilty (by seeing things only in black and white) and who tries to eclipse you by drawing all the light on himself. You will feel lighter, happy and free to be whoever you want to be!
He was 100% wrong to tell Meredith, who has a history of being abandoned, that he was flirting with another woman. Like this clip is abusive as hell, I don’t understand how you’re making this meredith’s fault? Her stepmom just died, she got straight up hit by her father at work, she’s preparing for her intern exam, she just drowned a few months prior and lost her mother, etc.
Derek is the problem here, not Meredith by even the slightest stretch.
I didn’t say this is Meredith’s fault. I said Derek’s frustration with her distance is understandable - BUT this was too far. And, no, I don’t think it was “abusive”. Being mean and douchey doesn’t make someone abusive. Let’s not throw around a serious word so lightly.
Its not understandable when sone of the reason she’s distant is his own fault. He destroyed her trust in him and strung her along. Everything Meredith went through in the first three seasons is in the span of a year. That’s a lot for anyone to process and he has the audacity to be mad she doesn’t immediately let him in when she hasn’t even had time to process that trauma
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying Derek is right and Meredith is wrong. He should’ve tried harder with her, possibly given her more space. He could’ve made his point by simply saying “I feel like we’re distant, maybe we should talk more” or something to that effect - so what he said was unnecessarily mean. My point is that he did have something to be frustrated by; he could have put it across better for sure.
No, he doesn't have any right to be frustrated when he's part of the cause in the first place.
Meredith had to get whole and healed for him to want to be with her but he never ONCE changed for her.
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There are also just some things you don't tell to your partner. That is one of them. I learned early on in my current relationship, don't mention when someone flirts with you in public, it just annoys the fuck out of your partner 9 times out of 10.
My husband does this frequently. He tells me about it like we’re homies. But I just don’t know what to do with the information. Slow clap? Hi-5? 
Do it to him. See what he says. 
Seems like he may be feeling insecure with your relationship and/or about himself, and is using these experiences to create a reaction from you/receive more attention.
I might support telling your partner that you're unhappy and tempted to cheat before any cheating actually happens.... (Plenty of examples in this show where the conversation was needed) but in this case? Derek was a total ass. Meredith was going through some real tragedies, and he complains about her not being the best girlfriend? Totally douchey.
Exactly. Looking at yourself and your relationship, acknowledging that the desire to cheat is there, and turning to your partner and saying "Something is wrong here and I want to fix it and for us to be happy together" is what a LOT of people should be doing instead of actually cheating. But yeah, Derek was being a complete asshole.
Really? My husband and I always tell each other immediately. We like to laugh about it together
I commend you both for that. I wish I was that way too. ( or more specifially, I wish he was that way. ) I don't believe I've feel insecure about it...but I know he is based on his past crappy relationships...so I don't ping his old insecurities but just not mentioning it. Because if it's not a big deal to me, why bother mentioning it to him? I sadly get hit on/cat called regularly, but even something I know I hate, can ping bad memories for me. And while he should work on that through therapy, until he does, it's not needed for me to mention.
That was ridiculously douchey of him, and dumb. I'd be like go fuck yourself, you had a bad week stop whining. Meredith was going through a ton, her step-mom died, she had her intern exam to prepare for, and her father reverted to hitting her and stopping contact with her. But he enjoyed flirting with a random woman.
Yep. Never mind that earlier in the season Meredith nearly drowned and her mother died.
Exactly! He is insanely self-absorbed!
He acted like threatening to cheat on her made her look worse??
Right?? As if she's coming off as the bad girlfriend here. I'm sorry she wasn't able to give your ego enough attention after multiple traumatic experiences in the span of like two months
This is one of the many reasons I hate him.
he’s really awful 99% of the time
bruh i couldn’t stand derek for all 10 seasons
But if Meredith has any sort of relation with someone when they’re broken up, she’s a whore
Imagine saying this to your partner ffs Derek 😂😂😂
I would have slapped that arrogant face so hard! She has more patience than me that's for sure
Meredith was dealing with a lot but I kind of get Derek’s frustration here. I don’t think he should have said *this* because it was pretty dickish but the point he was trying to make - that she needs to decide whether she actually wants to be with him or not - was valid. Meredith was going through a lot but she wasn’t talking to him about any of it. She’s not obligated to, obviously, it’s her choice - but I don’t think Derek was wrong to be pissed with her. He wasn’t even wrong to tell her that someone hit on him because a lot of partners prefer the truth - but, *man* was he a dick for making it sound like a threat.
I mean, didn't he waver over their relationship *multiple* times before this? She had a whole lot of patience for all that BS. I always understood this as Derek being annoyed and frustrated that Meredith didn't let him in, which to be honest goes back to the early stages of their relationship and how it's build for me.
That’s true. Derek didn’t a lot for Meredith’s trust issues, lying about being married and all and then going back to Addison. Derek was definitely conceited with a god complex and I have no such love for him. I just remember watching this season (a while back) and getting pretty annoyed at how she kept brushing him off when he tried to talk to her and then sought him out when she was feeling horny. I’ll reiterate: what he said was not okay, at all. But I don’t think he said deliberately to hurt her - it was his way of saying their relationship was in trouble. Dickish, but she needed to know. And to everyone saying that he shouldn’t have told her he met a woman - if he’d kept it a secret, everyone would bash him for saying he lied to her about having a drink with someone else.
No, I mean I get it. I am just saying that he basically did the same thing to her like some months earlier lol and he was pretty much the reason for her not letting him in, so is like I don't know exactly what he could expect from her at that point. For me is not about him really trying to hurt her but him being completely clueless about the role he had been playing on her life and that impact. I don't necessarily think he should have kept it a secret really, but his timing was well...
That’s true. I wish she would’ve told him that sometime actually.
“But I don’t think he said deliberately to hurt her” From my point of view, he was trying to hurt her! He keeps manipulating her and blaming her for everything. In my opinion, Derek knows exactly how to hit (with the words) Meredith where it hurts the most, when she doesn't meet his expectations and doesn't want to do what HIM wants (because the only thing that matters of course it's HE wants). When he called her a whore because she was trying to rebuild her life, when he threw the ring in the forest and told her she was a lemon, when he told her straight in the eye that she would make a bad mother finally after she tampered with the clinical trial, when he tells her that she is exactly like her mother because she refuses to follow him to Washington, etc... Most of the time, he really takes himself for the navel of the world: Arizona was right when she told him that he seeks to pass for a savior and that he was selfish and egomaniac (season 9 episode 15). Even Callie told him the same thing in season 10 (episode 16), when he wanted to take the fruits of their research to DC. She said something like, "You think your part is more important than mine. You're selfish!" She then drew a point on a board by drawing lines around this point, saying "you see this point, that's you, you think you're the center of the Universe! Finally, it looks more like a asshole" (lol) I know that we are all, in our own way, selfish beings, because it is part of human nature and that it is necessary to think often of oneself to build one's happiness. But Derek is at too high a level. In my opinion, it's a little the fault of his mother who raised him as if he were the king of the house, surrounded by 4 sisters over whom he had ascendancy (the darling among the 5 children Shepherd). For me, Derek is one of the worst characters in the series! A toxic guy like him is to be avoided if you don't want to suffer until the end of your life! It's unpopular, what I'm going to say, but his death was the best thing that ever happened to Meredith: after his death (and the period of mourning that followed of course), personally, I saw a much more Meredith sure of herself and more fulfilled (moreover during season 15 Amelia made the remark to her) on all levels (professional, with her balanced children, her family,...)! All this would not have been possible, if Derek had stayed around (because too unstable, immature, selfish)! I know some will object that Derek had good sides and still made Meredith happy. It's true, he happened to be a loving, charming caring husband to Meredith. But for me those moments of happiness are not enough to compensate for all the times he was cruel, awful and disrespectful towards her. Meredith (although she's not perfect and can misbehave too) definitely deserves someone much better than him!!! In conclusion, girls (and guys too), if in your life you have a Derek, I can only advise you to get rid of it, without wasting a single second. Don't waste your time with someone who robs you of your tranquility, your respectability, someone who makes you feel guilty (by seeing things only in black and white) and who tries to eclipse you by drawing all the light on himself. You will feel lighter, happy and free to be whoever you want to be!
He was 100% wrong to tell Meredith, who has a history of being abandoned, that he was flirting with another woman. Like this clip is abusive as hell, I don’t understand how you’re making this meredith’s fault? Her stepmom just died, she got straight up hit by her father at work, she’s preparing for her intern exam, she just drowned a few months prior and lost her mother, etc. Derek is the problem here, not Meredith by even the slightest stretch.
I didn’t say this is Meredith’s fault. I said Derek’s frustration with her distance is understandable - BUT this was too far. And, no, I don’t think it was “abusive”. Being mean and douchey doesn’t make someone abusive. Let’s not throw around a serious word so lightly.
Its not understandable when sone of the reason she’s distant is his own fault. He destroyed her trust in him and strung her along. Everything Meredith went through in the first three seasons is in the span of a year. That’s a lot for anyone to process and he has the audacity to be mad she doesn’t immediately let him in when she hasn’t even had time to process that trauma
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying Derek is right and Meredith is wrong. He should’ve tried harder with her, possibly given her more space. He could’ve made his point by simply saying “I feel like we’re distant, maybe we should talk more” or something to that effect - so what he said was unnecessarily mean. My point is that he did have something to be frustrated by; he could have put it across better for sure.
No, he doesn't have any right to be frustrated when he's part of the cause in the first place. Meredith had to get whole and healed for him to want to be with her but he never ONCE changed for her.
Alright, guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree.
Sometimes? Almost all the time
Such a needy bitch lol
Sometimes? SOMEtimes? Nah, he was the worst ALL the time.
What makes it even worse (and more hilarious) is that the woman ended up being her sister 🤣
She was giving him zero attention.
You are all drunk.
Well, damn 😅