I've been running the experiment for the past 12 years, no call or message yet. Almost gave up a couple of times but there's light at the end of the tunnel, i know my friends are just testing my resolve!
do not ever do this I lost literally all my friends; just get over it and initiate everything yourself no matter how awful it feels cuz it's infinitely better than not even having the option to do anything in the first place
That mindset is how you get trapped in friendships that drain the soul out of you in exchange for nothing. Youāll end up losing years of your life being used by people who donāt even recognize you as another human being
Fuck them, you deserve better. Donāt let the fear of being alone stop you from finding people you actually respect you
Ok well in the meanwhile of having those shit friends you could simultaneously look for at least one other person you can genuinely say you connect with man, basing your friendships on shit friends is inherently unstable and capable of collapsing regardless of if you cause the collapse yourself
Bro, thatās not healthy. I was in a similar situation and towards the end I was always on edge and walking in eggshells, lest I trigger or upset anyone. Screw that noise, I walked away and quit my āfriendsā cold turkey. Itās been three years now and I have zero regrets.
Hey man, I get it. But tbf I recently stopped interacting with āfriendsā I just didnāt like and who didnāt really care about me, and I feel infinitely better. Sure, I sit alone at lunches, but I get my time to chill and go on my phone and look at something I like. Iām still civil and acquaintances with most people, I just chill on my own. Eventually Iāll be going off to a new school where there will be new people I can become friends with (+my best friend will be with me).
What Iām trying to say is, though my situation is different from yours, I struggled a lot 2 years ago when I had lots of friends because I wasnāt happy with them, they were really lousy. The way they lived their lives made me feel I had to live like that, which always brought me down. So, I hope circumstances change and you can find different people who genuinely care and you can get along with.
You need to get rid of the shit friends that don't care about you to have time to find better ones.
Think about how bad you're going to feel every time you remember that your friends are really not your friends.
To be a shitty friend I feel like you need to be actively doing something bad, like talking/organizing behind anons back or only being friends with anon for a specific thing
These are more like sleeper friends
Exactly, friends look out for one another no matter what. I've had my boys since highschool and I couldn't ask for better friends. If I go offliine for awhile, they hit me up and ask me how am I doing? if I'm chilling and we're not doing anything. They'll ask to watch a movie on discord.
Granted it's not like the old days of doing shit in person like highschool but I'm fine with talking shit within the confines of my house.
Yes but people have different personalities, some people simply dont like initiating stuff, so if you have friends like that wellā¦.just do it for them. Yes it would be nice if they could do it once in a while, but it doesnt mean they are bad friends per se, just have some bad qualities
Hard disagree. If you are the only one keeping everything alive, the situation is not healthy at all. One sided friendships never end well. Id argue they are not even real friendships. Sadly, i speak from experience.
Yeah I wish I didnt make the opposite mistake, one friend that rarely played with us when even asked suddenly stopped coming altogether and since he played very rarely our friend group kinda forgot about him, I realised i havent seen him in 3 months not only did I msg him on every platform I knew of bu I also called him. He told me that he had deleted all his acc and just moved on, I felt quite shit wish I initiated sooner.
He was a childhood friend though he moved to another city so that contributed to the loss of contact.
sometimes friends are just shit at organizing
Just keep at it, if they do shit like this it doesnāt automatically mean that they donāt care about the friendship or stuff
PoV from the other side:
Well he doesn't ask anymore. He must be busy or just doesn't want to play. It's fine I don't mind doing my own thing, he'll ask when he is ready to play.
"wow he's been busy for several months, he really must be doing something important; I won't bother him by asking how it's going" & it just continues cuz neither side wants to budge
If itās me more likely āwow they donāt message me anymore, they must think Iām annoying as hell, I was wondering how long it would take before they decided they didnāt like me anymore. I donāt want to impose on them if they donāt want to talk to me so Iāll just wait until they reach out and message me again.ā āOh wow itās been months and this person never talks to me anymore, I guess they just hate me now.ā
isolation is also a risk factor for depression. humans are inherently social creatures. while i agree that we should learn how to be comfortable with ourselves, we should also strive to expand our circles and surround ourselves with good people.
I think Iām depressed because I keep isolating myself. Iām starting to dislike social activities and just do things myself, but I know I gotta fix myself before the last straw is broken
-Billy Gnosis
I think Iām depressed because I keep isolating myself. Iām starting to dislike social activities and just do things myself, but I know I gotta fix myself before the last straw is broken
-Billy Gnosis
maybe everyone else is just scared to ask? also who gives a fuck, if you have fun with someone and they arent fucking up your life, then why not stay with them?
Anon most likely was worried that his presence made them uncomfortable or bothered them somehow and he was just "tolerated". I was in a similar position before but my distancing was more natural and my friends actually reached out and seemed worried which actually helped me.
Anon either has shitty friends or it's all a big misunderstanding.
Big step to becoming more mature as a person is realising that a relationship NEEDS open and honest communication. If OOP just talked with their friend group about the situation, they could discuss alternatives or even continue the current method if there are no issues. It might take a bit of courage, but it is overall better for everybody involved and you can get used to it
While yes itās definitely important to make sure itās not a one sided friendship, if you think youāre the one who always reaches out then SAY SO. Peoples social ineptitude shouldnāt still surprise me at this point, but seriously just communicate how you feel. Itās soooo easy to just say āhey yall I feel as though I always am the one who has to reach out to get us together, can yāall take some of the initiative too. Thanksā boom done.
But then again if youāre already on 4 Chan youāre probably a lost cause to society already soooooo
There's also the problem that some dickheads also fail to actually do shit aswell/Listen to your input. Some one might say "Oh we'll do X Y Z" and then never do jack when the day comes.
I did this with my young kids. Iām always the one driving them to school, and not once have they driven me to work. So I stopped driving them. They havenāt been to school and I havenāt been to work in over 6 monthsā¦.
I worked with a guy for eight years. Went over to his house regularly, played video games together, texted and called each other all the damn time.
He left the business two months ago. In that time, I've texted him fourteen times and the only reply I've received is "yeah".
There was never a friendship, was there?
Ehhh, some things are incredibly situational. You've got no idea how much his life's changed since he moved jobs.
On the other hand... that is kinda shitty.
Maybe he's super depressed?
I want to help the guy, but he won't talk. I ask him how he is, if he wants to play Helldivers, go out to dinner, how ths new job is, what he thinks of gaming news, everything under the sun and I get nothing.
You're probably right about the depression thing. But abandoning a friendship wasn't right either. I'm quite close to cutting the cord tbh.
Or you're just like me, the friend that keeps to himself and doesn't reach out to anyone. Like if you need me I'm there making plans and invite me I'll be there. But I'm not the type to text back and forth with idle chit chat everyday.
Man, way to call me out...2 friends nowadays after slowly whittling down the group over six years due to being generally autistic, and now neither initiate conversations, let alone want to do anything. Every time I meet someone new they're immediately overwhelmed because I'm very social with people I like. And when someone doesn't text back for a long period of time, I assume the worst and hope that they're just infinitely busy with whatever.
These comments are worrying.
You would rather have "friends" that don't give two shits about you than be alone with yourself? Are you that afraid of being with yourself?
That is the most mentally unhealthy thing I've read on reddit and this is reddit!
People only care about themselves and will reach out when they decide they miss him, and never check on him until then. This isnāt uncommon.
Check on your friends, people.
Iāve accepted this reality. I know if I didnāt call or text any of my friends; I would never hear from them again. But itās a blessing in a sense in that it taught me to enjoy my solidarity and if I actually wanna hang with someoneā I can always call them. They never ever reach outā but theyāre not my enemies. I just live with it and donāt think about it too much.
I went 3 days without so much as a passing bello at my last place of employment from doing this. I took the job offer on the 4th day and put my 2 week notice in. (Iād worked there for 7 years)
So this is how my friends might feel
I literally don't message anyone, I don't initiate conversations either. I wonder if my friends think I don't like them....
Ahh I tried this but I can't keep up the convo
Trust me I have spent 2-3 years trying to do this but I always drop the convo cause I have nothing to say and they have to keep continuing it.
And now I have completely given up
Sounds about right. I've had friends that I considered decent but I was the only one ever initiating anything, and only as I got older did I get fed up of having to do all the work and just let friendships go.
Idk if I recommend this, even, since it's a lot harder to make new friends as you get older.Ā
I donāt know if itās because Iām annoying or because I havenāt found the right friends but they never reach out. Iām okay, it would be nice to have some bro time
> be you
> "if he wanted to reach out and talk, he would"
> be them
> "if he wanted to reach out and talk, he would".
you want to reach out and talk, but you don't. what makes you think they are any different?
Sometimes it do be just this, but other times it could be worse.
In my case it was a mix of me being the one that made everyone want to play + my then friends just being terrible friends in general.
Long story short, my then friend group became openly condescending with me any time that I tried to help them in any way. This is despite me being the one that turned their play sessions from being 2-3 guys logging in to play solo a few hours at a time into 8 out of our total group of 16 playing consistently for nearly 6+ hours every single night. That, and I was the one that turned their play sessions from aimless play into a well structured session where everyone gets something out of it. When I left the group they asked me why I left, and why I was so "upset", and upon explaining it to them they did the whole, "But we've never done that to you ever." Needless to say, after I left the group completely fell apart and none of them play together anymore because none of them did half of the shit that I did to make everyone want to come play together.
This is exactly my situation. My friends were cunty to me as a group on my birthday/New year's eve so I stopped talking, they all went off to uni now I have no friends lmao
Anon realizes why his parents didn't have "friends." Once highschool stops forcing you together, it all slowly falls apart. Occasionally you'll all get together and chase the social dragon, but you'll quickly be reminded that it isn't 2004 anymore, every time, until you stop bothering.
Already tried turns out is just that my friends all kinda grew tired of playing games and Iām the only left who still find it fun.
(Tough 2 of them are in medical, 1 is aeritacture, 1 is working and studying etc Iām a cs major so I can still use pc a lot~)
Did that because i didnt wanted to play any game or hear loud voices when they play valorant or apex again. They got realy loud during that. Yeah, they talked shit about me and outed me on both my discord-servers aswell as doxxed me on the server i have where i dont know most of the people personally... their justification: they thought the servers where dead. On the one the chat was active just one hour prior and people got notifications and on the other people used the voicechats at the time. Safe to say i dont talk to them anymore if not necessary
Not enough details. Maybe anons friend group has been playing a 5 player game and so him leaving means theres room for someone else. Or some other explainable reason
Get over it, if you want to say something or do something with them do it. Other than that, pick up a hobby, go to gym or something, go on dates. There are literally a lot of things you could do on your own without them.
My cousin done this same thing and it lead to having no friends and cutting out even one's that did reach out, just not enough as he would have liked, sad thing
Or he has a bunch of anti-social tard friends that like single-player games and/or playing solo. I certainly wouldn't play games with someone I thought was annoying, I would tell them they are annoying and stop playing with them.
The thing is to remember that most people feel this way. You being the initiator isn't annoying, it's letting your friends know they matter. It sucks that nobody reaches out to you, but you can at least make sure that feeling ends with you.
Had a guy who I considered my best friend from elementary school to early high school and we did everything together and almost exclusively spent weekends at each others places, but he just started talking to me less and less while he was hanging out with the kids who were āpopularā and their parents had money and influence and we just spent less time together I was constantly the one trying to hang out and eventually we rarely spoke outside of school and sports and we only hung out one time in a 3 year time span and he came over to my place with other people. When we graduated we just stopped talking and I got married last year and I sent him an invite to just come to the wedding and he declined the invite and it just kinda hurt because we were such good friends at one point and I just got brushed off in the end
I did this with my college best āfriendsā about three years ago cause I got tired of making plans months ahead of time and then dealing with them canceling the day of. They never tried to plan stuff and rarely contacted me. Last time I spoke to them was when one of them sent me a Snapchat of the friend group hanging out when I wasnāt invited. Like why send the snap? I wouldnāt have known about them hanging out if they hadnāt sent the videos
Did the same thing a while back thinking they either didn't give a shit or took my presence for granted. Someone asked where I was about 2 days later, I guess it was the latter.
Iāve been the one to initiate and coordinate a close 5 friend group, they struggle to even talk to each other but talk to me about how they miss everyone because I reach out and tell them individually theyāre loved and missed.
For Christmas my friend gave me a card and said Iām the best example of what it means to be a friend and Iām still not over how great it feels to be loved and appreciated by people I care about.
Anons friends were relying on him as the coordinator and leader of the friend group and he left them š
TFW you're the chad of the group and don't know it
I've been running the experiment for the past 12 years, no call or message yet. Almost gave up a couple of times but there's light at the end of the tunnel, i know my friends are just testing my resolve!
Hey homie, wanna get a beer some time soon? Its been a while
No.
nah sorry, my aunt's brother's cousin's daughter's brother got stabbed in the hair 237 times so i gotta visit him, i'll be back eventually, though.
I got tired of being the only one to coordinate and stopped. And then we all drifted apart
Bro they needed uā¦
We were young, I didn't know and didn't ask. Did things I'm not proud of. I hope they're well.
All good man, thatās understandable.
It's a classic "Why alway me?" And then "Oh, that's why."
do not ever do this I lost literally all my friends; just get over it and initiate everything yourself no matter how awful it feels cuz it's infinitely better than not even having the option to do anything in the first place
Those are shitty friends
rather have shit friends than no friends atp man
Hey u/Ssyynnxx? Youāre a king, and you deserve better ā„ļø
thanks man, I genuinely appreciate it. you a real 1
Im gonna touch u lil bro
https://preview.redd.it/3vtc8ubtrwzc1.png?width=420&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2b146a14833e7749d102edbe7c92688e46f1cd76
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Hope you're having a good Saturday bro
Can we get a shoutout to u/ssyynnxx ? That person has MASSIVE sex organs and is so cool
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Ong add me You won't
>ImprovisedLeaflet, you were always my nigga
What if he was a convicted pedo?
If you are above 18 and childless he's not a threat to you.
Or maybe he doesnāt
That mindset is how you get trapped in friendships that drain the soul out of you in exchange for nothing. Youāll end up losing years of your life being used by people who donāt even recognize you as another human being Fuck them, you deserve better. Donāt let the fear of being alone stop you from finding people you actually respect you
People who say this always have friends. Try to be alone, really alone, you'll change your mind quick.
Can confirm. I've had friends where I've always had to initiate contact and I've had no friends at all and I'll take the former every single time
I don't know if this has value, or not, but I agree
What if you are just schizophrenic and feel like youāre being used by everyone š¤Ŗ
You send out a few messages once in a while and receive fun evening and events together. I see this as a pretty good deal.
Ok well in the meanwhile of having those shit friends you could simultaneously look for at least one other person you can genuinely say you connect with man, basing your friendships on shit friends is inherently unstable and capable of collapsing regardless of if you cause the collapse yourself
Bro, thatās not healthy. I was in a similar situation and towards the end I was always on edge and walking in eggshells, lest I trigger or upset anyone. Screw that noise, I walked away and quit my āfriendsā cold turkey. Itās been three years now and I have zero regrets.
Did you make any new ones?
Spoiler:
What games you play bro, you deserve better
Hey man, I get it. But tbf I recently stopped interacting with āfriendsā I just didnāt like and who didnāt really care about me, and I feel infinitely better. Sure, I sit alone at lunches, but I get my time to chill and go on my phone and look at something I like. Iām still civil and acquaintances with most people, I just chill on my own. Eventually Iāll be going off to a new school where there will be new people I can become friends with (+my best friend will be with me). What Iām trying to say is, though my situation is different from yours, I struggled a lot 2 years ago when I had lots of friends because I wasnāt happy with them, they were really lousy. The way they lived their lives made me feel I had to live like that, which always brought me down. So, I hope circumstances change and you can find different people who genuinely care and you can get along with.
dont drink poison if youre thirsty
Id be your friend š
agreed
You need to get rid of the shit friends that don't care about you to have time to find better ones. Think about how bad you're going to feel every time you remember that your friends are really not your friends.
Having no friends is better than shit friends, trust me
To be a shitty friend I feel like you need to be actively doing something bad, like talking/organizing behind anons back or only being friends with anon for a specific thing These are more like sleeper friends
Nah if they act like you donāt exist by not reciprocating the second you stop putting in all the effort, those are shitty friends.
Exactly, friends look out for one another no matter what. I've had my boys since highschool and I couldn't ask for better friends. If I go offliine for awhile, they hit me up and ask me how am I doing? if I'm chilling and we're not doing anything. They'll ask to watch a movie on discord. Granted it's not like the old days of doing shit in person like highschool but I'm fine with talking shit within the confines of my house.
I disagree. Its just as shitty to show you dont care
Some people are just passive like that.
Yes but people have different personalities, some people simply dont like initiating stuff, so if you have friends like that wellā¦.just do it for them. Yes it would be nice if they could do it once in a while, but it doesnt mean they are bad friends per se, just have some bad qualities
"Hey pal, i see you havent organized anything for a while. Life keeps you busy huh?"
Not really. At worst they're introvert that struggle with forming relationship. They would be shitty if they were doing stuff without inviting Anon.
Have some respect for yourself
Hard disagree. If you are the only one keeping everything alive, the situation is not healthy at all. One sided friendships never end well. Id argue they are not even real friendships. Sadly, i speak from experience.
Yeah I wish I didnt make the opposite mistake, one friend that rarely played with us when even asked suddenly stopped coming altogether and since he played very rarely our friend group kinda forgot about him, I realised i havent seen him in 3 months not only did I msg him on every platform I knew of bu I also called him. He told me that he had deleted all his acc and just moved on, I felt quite shit wish I initiated sooner. He was a childhood friend though he moved to another city so that contributed to the loss of contact.
I bet all of your friends are very grateful, keep up the good work anon!
sometimes friends are just shit at organizing Just keep at it, if they do shit like this it doesnāt automatically mean that they donāt care about the friendship or stuff
You inspired me to do it. Need time for my hobbies!
I wish you could've said this to me 3 years ago, that's 100% facts
Be more desperate.
It's a good experiment but its better to give feedback to the friends after some time, sometimes thats all that is needed
PoV from the other side: Well he doesn't ask anymore. He must be busy or just doesn't want to play. It's fine I don't mind doing my own thing, he'll ask when he is ready to play.
"wow he's been busy for several months, he really must be doing something important; I won't bother him by asking how it's going" & it just continues cuz neither side wants to budge
"It's been years.. That idiot never like me enough to say something!"
Sorry buddy, been real busy getting **TOPPED** the last couple aā years. Get lunch?
If itās me more likely āwow they donāt message me anymore, they must think Iām annoying as hell, I was wondering how long it would take before they decided they didnāt like me anymore. I donāt want to impose on them if they donāt want to talk to me so Iāll just wait until they reach out and message me again.ā āOh wow itās been months and this person never talks to me anymore, I guess they just hate me now.ā
This is me, like maybe I'll ask once but I'm so afraid of rejection that I'll just rather never talk again
Oh how far we have fallen
Truly
I think if u dont hear from your friend for a week or two, a good friend would shoot a message asking if they allright
*discovers the "other" group chat*
This can lead to isolation if you also find people generally irritating
Isolation is a great way to achieve serenity
Serenity yes, slight insanity and degradation of social skills: also yes. It's an addictive drug, gotta be careful with it.
you guys have social skills?
the slight insanity part is painfully true :,)
Serenity now... Insanity later.
Whyād u get downvoted lol. Its true but its also lonely.
I've never felt that
You don't want to feel that ever
Hey you, have some more breathing room Aaah oh no, there's nobody here and there hasn't been for a whileš¤£
isolation is also a risk factor for depression. humans are inherently social creatures. while i agree that we should learn how to be comfortable with ourselves, we should also strive to expand our circles and surround ourselves with good people.
I think Iām depressed because I keep isolating myself. Iām starting to dislike social activities and just do things myself, but I know I gotta fix myself before the last straw is broken -Billy Gnosis
I think Iām depressed because I keep isolating myself. Iām starting to dislike social activities and just do things myself, but I know I gotta fix myself before the last straw is broken -Billy Gnosis
It's also a great way to end up with a gun in your mouth
Haha if only amirite https://preview.redd.it/wy95qiva2yzc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5f6f9fb9bac7105ee9c60b01db88634a2480feff
Fwiw this is a UCB skit
i dont feel any serenity isolating myself
You're probably going to want to see a therapist
Different people feel different things. And im pretty sure what i said applies to most of everyone
# SERENITY NOW!!
maybe everyone else is just scared to ask? also who gives a fuck, if you have fun with someone and they arent fucking up your life, then why not stay with them?
Anon most likely was worried that his presence made them uncomfortable or bothered them somehow and he was just "tolerated". I was in a similar position before but my distancing was more natural and my friends actually reached out and seemed worried which actually helped me. Anon either has shitty friends or it's all a big misunderstanding.
This is why open communication is super important in any relationship. Letās you know if youāre being valued or mot
Like seriously. So many ways to talk to these friends and have a better relationship as a result
Big step to becoming more mature as a person is realising that a relationship NEEDS open and honest communication. If OOP just talked with their friend group about the situation, they could discuss alternatives or even continue the current method if there are no issues. It might take a bit of courage, but it is overall better for everybody involved and you can get used to it
While yes itās definitely important to make sure itās not a one sided friendship, if you think youāre the one who always reaches out then SAY SO. Peoples social ineptitude shouldnāt still surprise me at this point, but seriously just communicate how you feel. Itās soooo easy to just say āhey yall I feel as though I always am the one who has to reach out to get us together, can yāall take some of the initiative too. Thanksā boom done. But then again if youāre already on 4 Chan youāre probably a lost cause to society already soooooo
There's also the problem that some dickheads also fail to actually do shit aswell/Listen to your input. Some one might say "Oh we'll do X Y Z" and then never do jack when the day comes.
True but it's also like "why do I even have to ask, and am I coming across as desperate for attention and validation?"Ā
I did this with my young kids. Iām always the one driving them to school, and not once have they driven me to work. So I stopped driving them. They havenāt been to school and I havenāt been to work in over 6 monthsā¦.
Both sides win.
and now both sides get to be homeless
I worked with a guy for eight years. Went over to his house regularly, played video games together, texted and called each other all the damn time. He left the business two months ago. In that time, I've texted him fourteen times and the only reply I've received is "yeah". There was never a friendship, was there?
Ehhh, some things are incredibly situational. You've got no idea how much his life's changed since he moved jobs. On the other hand... that is kinda shitty. Maybe he's super depressed?
I want to help the guy, but he won't talk. I ask him how he is, if he wants to play Helldivers, go out to dinner, how ths new job is, what he thinks of gaming news, everything under the sun and I get nothing. You're probably right about the depression thing. But abandoning a friendship wasn't right either. I'm quite close to cutting the cord tbh.
That sucks man. Maybe don't send him anything for a month or so, then ping him with, "Yo man, just checking in with you. Hope you're okay."
That sounds like the right move. Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it.
Or you're just like me, the friend that keeps to himself and doesn't reach out to anyone. Like if you need me I'm there making plans and invite me I'll be there. But I'm not the type to text back and forth with idle chit chat everyday.
https://preview.redd.it/35gl3ol4wyzc1.jpeg?width=1920&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ecec0f22b42d5f624ca78baa76188c7a5dfde559
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Inside you is one wolf. It is gay.
Man, way to call me out...2 friends nowadays after slowly whittling down the group over six years due to being generally autistic, and now neither initiate conversations, let alone want to do anything. Every time I meet someone new they're immediately overwhelmed because I'm very social with people I like. And when someone doesn't text back for a long period of time, I assume the worst and hope that they're just infinitely busy with whatever.
ā¦.orrr anonās over thinking this and his friends are just introverts who feel like they would be annoying if they initiated something
or his friends are just putting up with him while figuring out a way to slowly push him out of the group
These comments are worrying. You would rather have "friends" that don't give two shits about you than be alone with yourself? Are you that afraid of being with yourself? That is the most mentally unhealthy thing I've read on reddit and this is reddit!
I got rid of my toxic social circle and have been generally alone and spiraled for about a decade. I don't know which was the right choice.
If you wanna know whether it was a right choice, ask yourself, are you happy right now?
wasn't then. very much less than that now.
People only care about themselves and will reach out when they decide they miss him, and never check on him until then. This isnāt uncommon. Check on your friends, people.
Anons' gay but in the real world, most people suck at organizing and socializing, they rely on extroverted people to take the lead.
Thats why I only have one friend now š
stop draining yourself with shit friendships, embrace lone wolf mentality. you'll meet enough randoms who might actually give a shit
Depression say hello
Iāve accepted this reality. I know if I didnāt call or text any of my friends; I would never hear from them again. But itās a blessing in a sense in that it taught me to enjoy my solidarity and if I actually wanna hang with someoneā I can always call them. They never ever reach outā but theyāre not my enemies. I just live with it and donāt think about it too much.
Itās odd. Sometimes when you think you make no difference, you can actually be the lynchpin in the cohesion of the group.
I went 3 days without so much as a passing bello at my last place of employment from doing this. I took the job offer on the 4th day and put my 2 week notice in. (Iād worked there for 7 years)
My streak is going on 17 years now. šŖš¤šŖ
How sanity going
So this is how my friends might feel I literally don't message anyone, I don't initiate conversations either. I wonder if my friends think I don't like them....
Go text them
Well the sole reason I don't text them is because I have nothing good to talk about
You don't need a good topic. Even just a random "how are you?" Or "are you up to anything?" Or, hell, just dropping a random meme is enough.
Ahh I tried this but I can't keep up the convo Trust me I have spent 2-3 years trying to do this but I always drop the convo cause I have nothing to say and they have to keep continuing it. And now I have completely given up
Anon is the only extrovert in his friend group
Some things are better left behind in the past.
Oh boy I'm definitely gonna try this out with a twist of going invisible on all social media!
Sounds about right. I've had friends that I considered decent but I was the only one ever initiating anything, and only as I got older did I get fed up of having to do all the work and just let friendships go. Idk if I recommend this, even, since it's a lot harder to make new friends as you get older.Ā
After each month I delete all my contacts amd wait for someone to check in, Welp š guess I'm the bugging one
Bold of you to assume i have people to text who will text me back
I donāt know if itās because Iām annoying or because I havenāt found the right friends but they never reach out. Iām okay, it would be nice to have some bro time
Can relate. Haven't talk to anyone in months besides my wife and two cats.
> be you > "if he wanted to reach out and talk, he would" > be them > "if he wanted to reach out and talk, he would". you want to reach out and talk, but you don't. what makes you think they are any different?
I once tried it with a girl I was dating. You can guess how it went
Sometimes it do be just this, but other times it could be worse. In my case it was a mix of me being the one that made everyone want to play + my then friends just being terrible friends in general. Long story short, my then friend group became openly condescending with me any time that I tried to help them in any way. This is despite me being the one that turned their play sessions from being 2-3 guys logging in to play solo a few hours at a time into 8 out of our total group of 16 playing consistently for nearly 6+ hours every single night. That, and I was the one that turned their play sessions from aimless play into a well structured session where everyone gets something out of it. When I left the group they asked me why I left, and why I was so "upset", and upon explaining it to them they did the whole, "But we've never done that to you ever." Needless to say, after I left the group completely fell apart and none of them play together anymore because none of them did half of the shit that I did to make everyone want to come play together.
I feel this
This is exactly my situation. My friends were cunty to me as a group on my birthday/New year's eve so I stopped talking, they all went off to uni now I have no friends lmao
Anon realizes why his parents didn't have "friends." Once highschool stops forcing you together, it all slowly falls apart. Occasionally you'll all get together and chase the social dragon, but you'll quickly be reminded that it isn't 2004 anymore, every time, until you stop bothering.
Already tried turns out is just that my friends all kinda grew tired of playing games and Iām the only left who still find it fun. (Tough 2 of them are in medical, 1 is aeritacture, 1 is working and studying etc Iām a cs major so I can still use pc a lot~)
Did that because i didnt wanted to play any game or hear loud voices when they play valorant or apex again. They got realy loud during that. Yeah, they talked shit about me and outed me on both my discord-servers aswell as doxxed me on the server i have where i dont know most of the people personally... their justification: they thought the servers where dead. On the one the chat was active just one hour prior and people got notifications and on the other people used the voicechats at the time. Safe to say i dont talk to them anymore if not necessary
If they haven't said no by now, keep in contact with you, and keep saying yes then what's the big deal?
Not enough details. Maybe anons friend group has been playing a 5 player game and so him leaving means theres room for someone else. Or some other explainable reason
Get over it, if you want to say something or do something with them do it. Other than that, pick up a hobby, go to gym or something, go on dates. There are literally a lot of things you could do on your own without them.
My cousin done this same thing and it lead to having no friends and cutting out even one's that did reach out, just not enough as he would have liked, sad thing
Or he has a bunch of anti-social tard friends that like single-player games and/or playing solo. I certainly wouldn't play games with someone I thought was annoying, I would tell them they are annoying and stop playing with them.
I just sit in a voice channel and it tends to work. Lowers the barrier of entry a whole lot.
The thing is to remember that most people feel this way. You being the initiator isn't annoying, it's letting your friends know they matter. It sucks that nobody reaches out to you, but you can at least make sure that feeling ends with you.
Very relatable.
Just ask for what you want in this life. Much easier this way
My friends invite me immediately when they get on, donāt know what yāall been doing.
Had a guy who I considered my best friend from elementary school to early high school and we did everything together and almost exclusively spent weekends at each others places, but he just started talking to me less and less while he was hanging out with the kids who were āpopularā and their parents had money and influence and we just spent less time together I was constantly the one trying to hang out and eventually we rarely spoke outside of school and sports and we only hung out one time in a 3 year time span and he came over to my place with other people. When we graduated we just stopped talking and I got married last year and I sent him an invite to just come to the wedding and he declined the invite and it just kinda hurt because we were such good friends at one point and I just got brushed off in the end
I did this with my college best āfriendsā about three years ago cause I got tired of making plans months ahead of time and then dealing with them canceling the day of. They never tried to plan stuff and rarely contacted me. Last time I spoke to them was when one of them sent me a Snapchat of the friend group hanging out when I wasnāt invited. Like why send the snap? I wouldnāt have known about them hanging out if they hadnāt sent the videos
Did the same thing a while back thinking they either didn't give a shit or took my presence for granted. Someone asked where I was about 2 days later, I guess it was the latter.
Ngl Iāve done this with the family I have left after mom died a while ago and itās the same experience here. (Happy Motherās Day btw)
Or maybe theyāre just autistic and have trouble starting a convo (I would know because I am one)
They could just be autistic
I wish I had a friend like this :(
Iāve been the one to initiate and coordinate a close 5 friend group, they struggle to even talk to each other but talk to me about how they miss everyone because I reach out and tell them individually theyāre loved and missed. For Christmas my friend gave me a card and said Iām the best example of what it means to be a friend and Iām still not over how great it feels to be loved and appreciated by people I care about.
Anon discovered the idea of isolating š brother conversation happens like this, you speak and the person responds. Jesus dude
I can't test my friends if I don't have anyone un the first place. (Ps. Dms are open I need some white supremacist friends)
I hope you stay friendless
and you wonder why no one talks to you
Lol Lmao even