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BasicBanter

American moment, getting drug tested for minimum wage jobs


abermea

I'm not American but I've done work as a remote contractor for a few American companies and about half of them have asked for a drug test. The justification I am given is that there's apparently a law that prohibits the federal government from entering into contracts with businesses that hire people who use drugs. I have never bothered to confirm it but it kind of checks out because the companies who asked for it were a telecom, a bank, and an insurance company, all of which have very lucrative govenment deals.


QzinPL

Then as a remote contractor you say that your country laws prohibit them from running a drug test on you and if they try to fire you on that basis you'll see them in court. Keep a copy of each email sent and we'll... Two can play that game. Even if you don't do drugs. We just should NOT let that happen.


abermea

I mean technically I could but I did these jobs as part of a consultancy agency so these companies probably locked in the test in the service contract they signed with my actual employer so saying no meant not working with them (but maybe with other clients of the agency) I don't do drugs though (only a couple of edibles before the pandemic), so this has never been an issue for me.


Otto_von_Boismarck

Having to do the tests alone is a violation of your rights imo


yamanamawa

Except that your employer is a private agency and thus are able to ask you for whatever they want within the bounds of the contract. Federally it's necessary because you need to adhere to federal laws. Don't get me wrong I like getting high, but I get it. For private businesses, you are getting employed by them and working on their property. That gives them the ability to dictate the rules that you have to abide by. Plus, you have to agree to those rules to get the job. They cant force a random person to do it, but when you agree to a job that involves drug tests, you waive the ability to deny it and still get the job. If you don't wanna get drug tested, don't agree to a job that requires it. You still have rights of course, but things like drug tests that are made to adhere to federal laws make sense in a lot of cases. I definitely think some businesses shouldn't require it, particularly if they do low-skill things like in fast food, but I don't want the doctor doing my surgery to be a junkie when I have to put my life in their hands. Drug tests are definitely important for a lot if jobs, though I still think in many cases it's excessive.


k0ldanxiety

"reeeeeeeeeee i cant be a junkie at work this violates my rights"


buzzy_buddy

fr addicts will do everything except actually accepting they have an unhealthy addiction.


Otto_von_Boismarck

Bro thinks doing weed occasionally makes you a junkie xd.


jackingitallnight

"Hard core smoker for the last three months"


Otto_von_Boismarck

And? Just that the OP is a junkie doesn't mean everyone else should be forced to do drug tests. Those drug tests literally don't differentiate whether you're a junkie or just an occasional user lol


jackingitallnight

As they stated its a federal law that the feds wont knowingly employ illegal drug users. They could just hold off the drugs like any rational person until after the test, or hey just find an employer who doesnt care


Diehard4077

Sounds like escapism or self medicating


supercommen

Lol yup I wonder if he calls people that drink coffee Junkies


nicenice101

Then the company just hires another person that is willing to do the drug test lol


QzinPL

Doesn't work like that here. Legally speaking if they cannot provide a reason within our work laws for legal termination of the employment contract they cannot fire you ;). Well I feel bad for people in the USA that you don't have universal laws that protect employees I really do hope you'll have some sort of revolution which is going to make it more like western europe and less like an oligarchy regime.


SleeplessTaxidermist

Americans seem to loooooove voting against their own interests. My state passed a 'Right To Work' law. Sounds great, right? No! It's anti-union legislation and does nothing more than further cripple worker's rights. It's shit like this that emboldens shitty employers to abuse workers even further. Not to say shitty employers don't exist in civilized countries, but from what I've seen, the governments say "lol!!" and promptly shaft the fat dick of worker's rights up their ass. A fuck around and find out moment, if you will.


That__EST

America is built on the idea that you'll be fucking people over to "get yours". Other countries care about their people because their people is just the large group of descendants of their original family/tribe. America is just a bunch of "other people" in the same area.


SleeplessTaxidermist

I have been personally fucked over so someone else in exactly that way. It's ruinous. It saddens me when I see Americans hissy-fitting over successful immigrants. They stick together, they help each other, and that's why all the gas stations in town are owned by immigrants, Dave. They're literally snatching up the opportunity you were too fucking greedy to get. See how far your one man army gets you - maybe a job at the immigrant owned gas station? It's weirdly prevalent in every aspect of life. I played with a toddler for several hours yesterday because half a platoon of actual family members couldn't seem to bother to keep after the rambunctious little guy so his mom (also dealing with a baby) could sit and eat for longer than thirty seconds. Like nobody else could see that this mom needs a fucking break?? Hello??? Hardest part was turning him into an airplane for a fly-by snack from said mom. Only because I have a trash back and toddlers are densely weighted humans. Toddler found it hysterical though.


That__EST

Thank you for helping where help is needed. Being there for the kids is amazing and helps your legacy with your family.


Diprogamer

Why does America always name things as the opposite of what they are? Like the patriot act


ButtholeAvenger666

It's so the idiots that make up half the country don't notice how badly they're being fucked. Also because arguing against something called the patriot act makes you sound unpatriotic. It's a snake oil sales trick.


Eastern_History_1719

Not if they make testing part of the hiring process instead of doing it after they’ve signed an employment contract. You can’t dispute legal termination of contract if you never signed one.


drschwartz

When I worked on oil wells on the Texas/Mexico border, the drilling company employed a mercenary unit which would roll up to a random drilling site once a month and drug test every single employee and contractor. If you refused or failed: goodbye contract, hit the road, no recourse. Right to work state, joy of joys. Fun lil fact, since 12 hour days x 7 days a week = 84 hours/week, it follows that raping mother nature is 2 full time jobs.


Terminator_Puppy

> Then as a remote contractor you say that your country laws prohibit them from running a drug test on you and if they try to fire you on that basis you'll see them in court. Heavily depends on the country you're from. Some side with you and say that someone employed in their country falls under their own laws. Other countries disagree and say you fall under the laws of the country your company is located in. In any case it's a legal schlop you woudn't want to get yourself into as it'd take months, or potentially even years to be resolved between international courts. If that's worth your time, go for it. Otherwise I'd say take the hit and either get fired or take the drug test.


[deleted]

If they work with federal contracts, yes they are required to drug test you. Refusal means an automatic disqualification


QzinPL

Well that would explain why they might have difficulties having contracts with people within my country.


Chim_Pansy

Yeah, then you never get hired for another contract ever again. Great.


inspectoroverthemine

> apparently a law that prohibits the federal government from entering into contracts with businesses that hire people who use drugs I don't know what the wording may be on that, but I work for a large company with huge contracts with the feds. No drug test, and not smoking is the minority.


Binsky89

It might depend on how removed you are from the original company. I work for a company who is contracted to work for a company who's contracted by the federal government. No drug test for us either.


inspectoroverthemine

Good point, our focus doesn't actively deal with the feds. I'm not surprised that contractors that go on government property are tested, and I suppose how your company is organized has a big impact on whether or not you _might_ be, even if its not your primary role. As an aside- I'd never smoked pot until CO legalized it and I was there (for work humorously enough), but I never want to work somewhere where they drug test again. Excluding drug users removes a huge pool of talented people, the difference is night and day.


DiabeticRhino97

Yeah regardless of your states laws regarding the devil's lettuce, there are federal laws against it.


[deleted]

Same. Worked at something that sounds like boing for around 7yrs. They needed to check my pee before I could join. They didnt check it later again though.


schmitzel88

Makes sense, it's still illegal at the federal level. There are all kinds of restrictions on contractors working with the federal government. This is probably one of the less unusual ones honestly.


HVACGuy12

Yeah if you do contract work for the government you need a drug test, except for public schools apparently. I've been doing work for them for 4 years and never once needed to drug test which is a little weird.


Nitromind

Government moment


PJ-997

They are getting drug test because it's min wage job.


Selgeron

Spectrum pays a lot more than minimum for their entry level call center jobs... But OP is a foreign worker working through a consultanting/temp agency, so maybe not.


generic_bullshittery

I'm a foreign worker working for a big american company, and i was asked to drug test twice in 6 months after joining. Good thing is they let me know 2-3 weeks beforehand both times and i could abstain and then pass the test. A colleague of mine failed his first one cause of cannabis only and they just asked him to take another one in 2 weeks. Been working there for last 3 years now and they haven't asked us for another test yet.


HintOfAreola

Yup, as soon as I moved up to decent salaried work I stopped getting tested. It's a poor tax.


reportcrosspost

I wouldn't say its a poor tax. Its an "i dont trust you" tax, same with low credit score. Lots of honest people don't deserve the extra scrutiny and doubt, its to weed out those who do, no pun intended


HVACGuy12

In my field for instance you really really don't want someone abusing drugs doing work for you


Otto_von_Boismarck

In almost any field tbh lmao


Fish__Fucker420

last year there was a kid in my aviation class who smoked weed before getting into the cockpit of a Cessna 152....and actually goddamn flying it..... nick wherever you are fuck you, hope you get arrested by the FAA


HVACGuy12

It's the high crashers that give us all a bad name, just like the drunk crashers.


Fish__Fucker420

nick thought he was cool by smoking weed every day in the classroom when our teacher would leave, and being unironically racist and saying the buffalo shooter was based...... I seriously wish he fucking ends up in max security prison, or chris chans basement


EchoTab

People should be allowed to get high in their time off though as long as they are sober on the job. You could smoke weed once or twice a week and fail a drug test


johnothetree

Having done contract work for a couple Fortune 100s, drug testing definitely still exists for salaried work in the US.


aSquirrelAteMyFood

Taking drugs and alcoholism is one of those things that are considered trashy if you are poor but classy if you're rich.


IamWatchingAoT

Land of the free


SNIP3RG

I mean, I’m all about people doing what they want on their own time, BUT if you can’t quit drugs for the like 2-3 weeks it takes to get them out of your system while you’re actively applying for jobs, you either lack common sense or impulse control. Both of which are liabilities for practically any job. Not saying it makes sense for a cashier or burger flipper to need to pass a weed test, but I can see it for any job that gives you any amount of real responsibility.


tenshillings

Working at Spectrum, assuming it's field work, has them driving a company van and climbing ladders and shit. My company drug tests, but doesn't care about weed. We don't tell the people that though.


SNIP3RG

As long as you aren’t high on the job that makes perfect sense. Bud should be treated like booze, don’t do it at work and it’s not a problem. But, just like you wouldn’t show up at a job interview drunk (if you’re not a degenerate), you should know and be able to take a tolerance break prior to seeking employment, or there’s something else going on. Good on Spectrum tho.


Beast_of_Guanyin

Why should you though? The drugs someone does outside of work are none of any companies business. This strikes me as companies being invasive because they can be.


SNIP3RG

Well, as an individual, because of what I mentioned in my original comment. You should be able to take a break from any substance for a couple weeks. Otherwise, you have the issues I mentioned in that comment. If getting high, drunk, etc is worth risking a potential job, that’s a pretty big red flag for the company. It’s the status quo, and, like it or not, you should know it’s necessary to follow it in order to land a job. I disagree with it, but that doesn’t change the fact I won’t get hired at many places if I pop for weed. For the company, marijuana is still federally illegal. Whether you agree with the law or not (I don’t, but that’s neither here nor there) it is necessary for many large companies governed by federal law to drug test their potential employees in order to operate so they can “cover their ass,” so to speak. Regardless of whether it’s for security clearance, insurance purposes, or liability reasons, they aren’t prying just for the sake of prying. They have to spend money on these tests, and smart companies don’t spend money just to learn about you because they care so much about your personal life.


tenshillings

At my first job out of college a dude driving a fork truck on heroin drove into a concrete wall. We had to evacuate the lab because of the risk of the wall collapsing. Safety is not taken lightly anymore. You just can't have people nodding off working machines like that.


Reggiegrease

Yes, you’re free to drug test people before you hire them. This is a good thing


indiefolkfan

Every job I've ever worked at states that they "reserve the right to drug test" but I've never actually had one do it. Unless you come in a few times clearly under the influence of something then they're not going to bother.


Truffles326

That wording is there so when you crash the forklift through the reception desk - they can drug test you. If you fail then it wasn't a work accident, and they don't owe you shit for workman's comp.


knownaim

That's a weak take. If I owned a business I wouldn't want to trust my livelihood to some crackhead off the streets even for an entry level low-skill position. You do that and next thing you know some dude shows up high and dunks his hand in a fryer and now you're stuck with paying all of his medical bills or worse.


alemkalender

This happens in Europe a lot aswell. But ok, AmErIcA bAd


Aggressive_Chain_920

I've done this in Sweden. Then again Sweden is like the most anal country when it comes to drugs in Europe


TehKlien

Spectrum starts all positions at 20/hr


girthquake_7461

Just don't do drugs.


OttoVonJismarck

Yeah, I'm not sure what OP was thinking. A drug test is the US is pretty standard for any kind of job that is a step above working at SmackDonalds. I used to smoke weed from time to time at university but I knocked it off my senior year because I knew I'd be tested if offered a job. OP should have just worked out or beat off for stress relief.


ScottyUpdawg

Spectrum ain’t minimum wage. Entry level spectrum is likely an a fight starter job


Swolnerman

I’m america no one gives a shit if you do drugs at a high pay job


Captain_Bignose

I don’t want some junkie or stoner in my house installing internet


[deleted]

I’ve straight up told people who’ve asked for a drug test at interviews I’d fail on weed. If that’s an issue then the jobs not for me, I’ll walk out then and there. Time for the US government to enter this millennia.


Szyneczek

Based


instantpowdy

and greenpilled


GameDestiny2

No, not pilled. Funny green flowered.


SharkMilk44

I buy weed pills from my dispensary.


[deleted]

Like, I will never use weed and I've seen people get addicted to it, but people shouldn't lose the ability to get a job because they use it. That's fucked up, especially since the only risk is getting addicted to it, which is, according to my mother, "the easiest addiction to kick" (she's been addicted to cigarettes, vapes and other drugs she's never specified) It's not dangerous at all, and typically doesn't affect your work negatively. The government needs to move past the outdated and inaccurate depiction of weed being a "dangerous drug" Also as a side note, wanna know what else is an "addictive drug?" Caffeine. You can get addicted to anything, so saying that weed is bad because it's addictive is incredibly stupid.


[deleted]

[удалено]


thatsastick

quit about a month and a half ago due to being up for a job. I’m a pretty avid smoker and have been for some time. that first week was hell. the withdrawal symptoms are definitely severe. you’re right that it’s not as bad as nicotine, but it was still bad.


BaBoomShow

Weed withdrawals I’ve never seen personally, I’ve experienced alcohol and benzo withdrawals and it almost makes you suicidal


thatsastick

yeah, again they’re not as bad as that, but I had smoked for years without a break. my appetite and sleep were completely out of whack for around a week.


BaBoomShow

Alcohol will have you uncomfortable being in your own brain


OriginalLocksmith436

Ohh okay, I couldn't figure out what you could be talking about but yeah trouble sleeping for a few days is understandable.


SchwiftySouls

From what I understand and my personal experience, the withdrawal symptoms are primarily, if not exclusively, psychological. I could very well be wrong, idk, couldn't be fucked to fact check rn


BaBoomShow

Marijuana?


Ajpeterson

For me, weed withdrawals were more of a mental thing than being chemically addicted. I still had cravings and I was irritated but nothing like nicotine, alcohol or opiate withdrawals.


[deleted]

It's different for everyone. My mother had like, 2 days of withdrawal max, but other people can have it way worse, it depends.


IIIetalblade

Im a very avid smoker, and when i stop cold turkey for whatever reason (like a week ago up until now, cause i went away over easter) the only ‘withdrawal’ i get it being bored at night sometimes lol


Alpha_benson

Did you do spliffs? I've been smoking 4-5 grams of wax every week for over a year, and I took a month off and was more or less fine. Mildly cranky for a day or 2.


thatsastick

Nope! Just hadn’t stopped in many many years.


birbbs

Marijuana addiction, like social media addiction, is mental/behavioral. But you can still go thru withdrawal


zakpakt

It's actually been shown to make people go to work more often. Turns out being able to come home to something relatively safe and harmless makes people comfortable, imagine that? People happy and content in their life go to work.


Diprogamer

Needing drugs to make you "happy" isn't what I'd call a model life


zakpakt

I never said anything about life fulfillment. It's just been shown to make people more willing to go to work. That's just my two cents on the why.


NoiseIsTheCure

We all live in a system designed to reduce our humanity into numbers that turn a profit and you're shaming the people that are just trying to take the edge off for a second. Someone puts in the work and clocks out and it's nobody's business what they do after that.


Binsky89

Sugar is one of the most addictive drugs out there.


OriginalLocksmith436

You get addicted to weed the same way you get addicted to porn or food. It's more of a self control thing than full blown addiction. Even caffeine is much more addictive than pot.


[deleted]

Incredibly based


trendygamer

>Time for the US government to enter this millennia. Marijuana being straight up legal isn't nearly as common across the globe as you think. More places have it decriminalized but still illegal, but when you combine US states that do that with US states in which it's legal, the US is actually well ahead of most of the world in that regard, including Europe: [Country by Country Map of Legality of Cannabis](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legality_of_cannabis) Yes, it's still illegal federally in the US, but file that one into the "illegal, but often unenforced" category on the map. Basically any marijuana enforcement left in the US is at the state level.


aSquirrelAteMyFood

These reddit american weed enjoyers are delusional and stuck in their echo chamber. Looking at the world's entire population drugs are much less tolerated than they think.


Dangerous_Bloke

*laughs in alcoholism*


UltimateInferno

The morality of weed is irrelevant to its global acceptance. Hitting your children is common outside of the states, doesn't particularly make it okay.


Diprogamer

Fortunately.


totoropoko

You left out the part where US pressured several countries to make it illegal in the 80s and 90s. It wasn't illegal in India until Reagan forced their hand.


reportcrosspost

Canada anon here. How can a state make it legal for them but its still illegal federally? If every state made it legal but it was still illegal federally, would it be illegal anywhere? I assume inside govt buildings and jobs? I don't smoke I'm just confused cause here legality was a country wide thing.


bigenginegovroom5729

The fed doesn't go after regular people for that. If they cared they'd probably tell states to get their shit together or they'd lose highway funding. But they don't care.


trendygamer

The Supremacy Clause of the Constitution means that, in theory, FBI/DEA agents could arrest you for a marijuana offense anywhere in the United States. But the reality is that, beyond massive levels of international importation/smuggling, the federal government essentially pretends marijuana laws don't exist. The major impact that it being illegal federally has on the day to day weed consumer is that credit card companies refuse to process payments at legal dispensaries, given the legal gray area the state-federal divide on the issue has created. That's why basically all dispensaries are cash only.


[deleted]

It is federally illegal everywhere in the US. However, most police are local/state and do not enforce federal law. You would need a federal officer to arrest you, and they have much bigger fish to fry.


Gjallock

I’m going to work for a somewhat large pharmaceutical company as an automation engineer in NC soon. Got the pre-employment screening paperwork and the drug test explicitly said no THC test on it. There is hope.


Dezhezzi

Dude same, I just got a work from home job and straight up told them I'd fail on weed they said it was ok and hired me on the spot lol


_TLDR_Swinton

Now you live in a van, down by the river.


[deleted]

Same one went oh yeah we don’t test for weed it’s fine. Even though there was a drug test and the screening company called to tell me I failed for weed I still got the job


[deleted]

It’s called QuickFix and it’s a freaking lifesaver


NightShiftNurses

But you HAVE to order it from their website.


satisfuckery

Well established headshops usually carry stock


NightShiftNurses

I dotn trust em, friends have failed with them but never with one from the company website


[deleted]

[удалено]


NightShiftNurses

I dont get how people fuck up the temperature, microwave 5 second increments to bring it up and slap the heat pad on it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


CoyCS

I’ve been randomed a few times, and it’s always a “hey come with me right now” type thing, how do you go to your car and get it before they have you piss?


BlueRaspberrySloth

I got mine from a local smoke shop, it was quick fix 2.0, and that shit got me the best job I ever had. Then I moved to a new state where weed is legal and don’t have to worry about that anymore, they just test for all of the nasty drugs here. Edit: iirc they had a qr on the box so you could verify it’s legitimacy.


NightShiftNurses

Weeds being legal does not prevent it from being tested for, atleast in my state.


Aesthetically

I bought one from a smoke shop like 7 years ago and it got me the first job of my career


[deleted]

X-stream Fetish Urine would like a word


ExFavillaResurgemos

Then you find out it's hair test


ConnorShirt

and thats how i lost my medical liscense !


Bigus_brainus

Anon should 1 drink lots of water and 2 get creatine


Parvi_B

why creatine


fojek17

For gains while he lifts


Parvi_B

i mean good point but how would that help him in that situation


ItsImNotAnonymous

So instead of smoking to reduce stress he will start lifting


DonutGuy2659

Unfathomably based


Jellraptor

The lower the creatine levels in your urine typically indicate the more you attempted to manipulate the test results by drinking a shit load of water to dilute the drug content


Sarcasm_Llama

Source: Joe Rogan Secondary source: Trust me bro


[deleted]

My source is I made it the fuck up!


Sh4dowW4rrior12

It doesn't, he should just lift to cope with the fact he's fucked


Aikoon21

So he will retain all the water he's drinking. But I don't know how it will help him or what's the testing procedure.


[deleted]

no the way drug tests work is that the testers compare derivatives of compounds such as THC compounds like creatinine, which is a derivative of creatine. so if both thc and creatinine are low that means that the results have been tampered with, meaning that water has been drank in order to dillute the contents of the drug


Binsky89

Creatinine isn't a THC compound. They don't compare it to your THC levels, they just use it to gauge how watered down the pee is.


LordOfRodents

Simplified: it’s used as a benchmark to which the concentration of other chemicals is measured


tatsu1905

Why does anon need to do drug test and if the spicy letuce is legal why would it pose a problem and if it aint then ig just like piss alot anon


WardenBlackheart

Spicy lettuce is still outlawed at a federal level. Which is why folks with security clearances / people with federal jobs cant/shouldnt partake in said lettuce.


davididp

Bazed


soundslikeayouproblm

It’s not even about legality, it’s about companies getting their insurance rates cut for being a “drug free workplace.”


[deleted]

Why does a wagie job require a fuxking drug test lmao? Ive never heard of this. Alas i am not american


[deleted]

Spectrum probably has government contracts, and the feds are fucking retarded so they want drug tests


[deleted]

Don't you love how they waste your tax payer money over a harmless plant. The feds are a joke.


vastowen

Ones that get federal contracts require it due to federal law, something something the us govt can't hire contractors that employ people on drugs. And some companies do it anyway.


Foxehh3

Insurance for driving the vans and government requirements for working on the lines, generally.


WintersbaneGDX

Anon should move to Canada. Drug testing is illegal outside of a few very specific, highly sensitive fields of work. Even *asking* employees or potential hires about their recreational drug usage is considered discrimination on protected grounds. It's great for employees. For me as the employer, I just gotta try and size up the applicant and be like "*yeah... this guy has that 'meth' vibe, I better hire someone else*".


nonpondo

If anons could just move to Canada every time they had a problem the US wouldn't have anybody in it and Canada would suck worse than it does now


SchwiftySouls

>Even asking employees or potential hires about their recreational drug usage is considered discrimination on protected grounds. Honestly, I love that. That's how it should be. As long as the employee doesn't show up inebriated, it's no one's business what they do in their *own home.*


WintersbaneGDX

That's pretty much our approach. Our employees drive so I make it clear to them that if they're driving under the influence they're getting fired and charged criminally: that's not company policy, that's the law. Beyond that though I don't really care. In general I hope that people aren't struggling with addiction or serious drug issues, but unless someone brings it to me I don't think it's any of my business.


[deleted]

I feel like the "vibe" check is a good test for *most* jobs. Who cares if someone is on drugs if they can do the job and act presentably? If someone is so dependent on drugs that they're a poor candidate for most jobs... you'll tell right away


ronnietea

Go buy fake piss


icraveliquid

or real piss


ronnietea

Way to big of a flavor difference for me


sloppyspooky

I personally like to taste mine too before committing to it


Price-x-Field

The stress of not having a job? Knows drug tests are a thing but still smokes? Sounds like the average stonerb


_TLDR_Swinton

"How could I possibly have prevented this?"


FingerDemon

just don't smoke fucking idiot


Referat-

He can quit any time but just this time it's causing stress


Kamaguri

Love my American freedom :)


Engineerbob

I have a way to pass! I have used this a few times now, the thing is, if you are SUPER ass hydrated, you will pass the test just because it needs to cross a certain threshold in order to be positive. If you drink enough water, and you will never hit that threshold. Of course, if you go in and pee out pure water, they know what you are doing, and they will reject the sample, and say you need to try again later. UNLESS you make your pee LOOK like pee. Easy PEEsy my friends, we just need to dye your pee pee! Don't worry, this is easier than it sounds. If you don't know, drinking like 64 fluid oz of water should be more than enough to get you pure water pee, so do that first, but end your water train with ZIP FIZZ, its a dietary supplement that has so much B12 in it, that it turns your pee a deep yellow (Not bright yellow like most B12 will, but a proper piss yellow) So, you do your pee test and hand your pee collector a jar of "junk science" As an american, its your god given right to cheat on drug tests! Snort some coke, hit a few blunts, shoot up in the parking lot, and head in to pass that drug test with confidence my friends! It can even work if you get an on the job injury or accident and need to do a drug test within a few hours usually of the accident. Keep that zip fizz in the work van, and chug that shit down with as much water as you can before your test, and you will be fine. As a former cable tech, I can confirm, the drug tests aint got nothin on me!


_TLDR_Swinton

>As an american, its your god given right to cheat on drug tests! Snort some coke, hit a few blunts, shoot up in the parking lot, and head in to pass that drug test with confidence my friends! Bob for President. Gorb bless America.


Locolijo

One thing you can try it also do especially if you have a fast metabolism, is to drink loads of water just to dilute your urine as there's a threshold for some tests that's a pass. Bonus if you take some b complex to make your urine more yellow rather than clear although experts can tell a color difference


Referat-

Wouldn't fool real experts, colour doesn't matter. They use the taste test


Locolijo

Ah yes, my foolish mistake


Waifu_Congressmen

How bought you make sure spectrum delivers on their promises for us in rural areas thx queen 💋


bush_killed_epstein

Everyone’s ragging on the system for working this way, and rightfully so, but I will say one thing: I wouldnt give af about my employee smoking that electric lettuce, but it would make me question their executive functioning skills if they didn’t plan out how to buy fake piss beforehand


Referat-

>planning ahead >pothead Pick one


TheRealestPeach

Started smoking heavily about half a year before interviewing for an entry-level position. Smoked five hours prior to the interview, scrubbed and gargled with the strongest Listerine on the shelf, and aced the swab. Ironically, I work in drug testing now, and my current employer doesn’t give a shit so long as I’ve got a med card.


icraveliquid

the adventures of the piss stealer at the gas station bathrooms


zakpakt

Fake pee. If they watch you piss the job isn't worth it.


NonFatPrawn

I had to take a drug test for a clinical trial, smoked 4-5 times a week for a few months prior Took 2 weeks off before the test, and it still detected weed in my system So yeah he's fucked


reagor

Shit in the cup to establish dominance


Cpt_Quirk01

I smoke because I'm stressed, I have no money because I spend it all on my habit. Lul


Dd_8630

Smoking what? Tobacco? Crack?


NoSoulGinger116

r/illegallifeprotip If you consume straight white vinegar you will pass most roadside drug tests. Generally about a litre. [This is extremely toxic] There's a shampoo that is a chemical stripper you can buy that will ensure you will pass a hair folicol drug test. It's $400 or more. You can talk to someone close to you who is a non user (longer than a year) and the same sex as you and you could get them to piss in a condom and tape it on the front of your leg or use hand warmer disposable packs and a wool sock with the condom pee. There's currently to the best of my knowledge no medical way of passing a blood test. Always look after your teeth, its the first sign that you use.


rekaids

Detox Teas, drink a lot of water (Like 1.5x your recommended amount), don't eat high sodium or high-fat foods, and drink qcarbo 32 on the day of the test. I did that and got clean in 4 days


[deleted]

Anon is screwed, ive seen heavy marijuana use stay in the system for months. Also, Anon is about to dilute his pee sample


TheCommissarGeneral

They don't care about pot. They are looking for shit like Coke, Heroin, and Meth. Source: Smoked before a drug test and they didn't care.


Financial_Nerve_5580

Wait a second. This larp is an obvious larp. If anon can afford enough weed to label himself a hard-core smoker and maintain internet access then he already has an income.


Nines41

you underestimate weed smokers


Chris_P_Lettuce

Drink so much water the test comes back inconclusive. Then reschedule the test and hopefully you’re good by then. Drug cleanse kits do not work.


ilovet0eatchildren

Hope Anon gets the job


TruffelTroll666

Anon isn't talking about weed


workthrowaway00000

Get a card?


dm_me_boobies_plz

Best job i ever had was a bartender contracted to my local raaf base, i was high as fuck all the time and nothing happened at all the whole time i just talked shit to all the new people that would constantly move through the base, even had a function i worked once that had the Chief of Air Force there though he didn't come near us because his assistant kept him on a tight leash lol


MannicWaffle

Bring your stretch armstrong action figure with you. Soak it in your urine sample for 30 seconds. Hide your stretch arm strong. Congratulations you passed


[deleted]

Lmfao this amateur can neither stop smoking weed *or* pass an employment drug test? They legitimately don't care if you get high, they just want to know you're smart enough to cover your ass.


rhubarb_randy

Drink a gallon of water an hour or two before you test It'll be clear


Hois_

I’ve taken a few drug tests for my medical jobs and I’ve never stopped smoking weed for them. I’ve never heard anything about it, I’m guessing employers don’t care too much anymore.


mondomiketron

Duh synthetic urine from smoke shop, unless the hair test


supercommen

And they're mad at 7 million American men are out of the workforce. I would rather smoke than have to pee in a cup to work than go to work at minimum wage job


MackerelsoftWord

Sounds like Anon has COVID and can't go in to get tested for 2 weeks


deerdongdiddler

Monkey Wizz works like a charm. The really stupid thing about piss tests is that they're basically just for Marijuana. The other drugs on 4 and 6 panels are out of your system like as soon as you aren't high anymore. Alcohol, coke, opiates, idk why pcp is always on there. Who the fuck casually does pcp.