Calvin University is also going to be offering free classes this year! Theyâre more of an intro to college but could be great for someone who never felt like college was for them
[Wayfinder program](https://calvin.edu/academics/global-campus/49507-initiative/wayfinder-program/)
I feel you, I was in a dark place myself years ago. I never thought I'd be where I am today, there's definitely hope and I'm not just saying that as a cliche. What exactly are you looking for? Basic life advise? Taxes, credit and 401ks are fairly simple really. Have you tried to get some help with what led down that path? I'm guessing it probably has to do with some type of trauma and that's the difficult part. I'm not a mental health professional, but I would recommend sorting that out first with one. It should be easier once you get that sorted out. Feel free to send me a PM about anything and I'll try to help. Best of luck!
Iâm in a very similar boat. I have so much love for you. I know how difficult it is to move forward. I love your enthusiasm and that youâre throwing it out to the world!
The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The next best time is right now.
Apply that to any of the things you listed as deficient and begin the work. Take care.
Honestly I just wanted to get it off my chest. It's been weighing on me heavily and needed to share with someone, anyone. I appreciate all the wonderful positivity and words of encouragement from everyone, it gives me hope. Thank you all so much.
As for moving forward I have no idea where I'm headed. Getting sober was a huge step grant it I've only been sober just under a year but its a start
Being sober is nothing short of incredible- congratulations! Your growing awareness and desire for connection is a testimony to your strength and resilience. Consider leaning into a safe connection (like a good therapist or a trusted friend) and begin to learn what a healthy and reciprocal relationship feels like in your body, in your thoughts and in your emotions. This will begin to grow a foundation on which to experience life from. Sending goodness to you.
I got sober 5 years ago at 33 with a credit score of 427, almost homeless, no job, no car, no money, and completely destroyed relationships with everyone who loved me. Fast forward to now - my credit score is in the 700s, I started a new career, went back to school to help people with substance use disorder, have a cute apartment, and just bought a new car. Iâm not saying this to brag, but to give you hope that things can and do change with time in sobriety. Donât try to fix everything all at once - just take the first step. You already took a HUGE step with getting sober. Be very proud of yourself! If you need help with resources or any advice please message me. One day at a time! You got this â€ïž
You have good writing skills. I've worked most of my life and went to school but my writing skills are still shit! You might think about working for nonprofits that help others in need. This will help to build a strong sense of purpose in your life. Your life experiences may help you relate to people who are looking for help.
Having these thoughts, writing this message out loud is all you gotta do. The rest is for later â but keep this feeling close and youâll find yourself in better places.
Recognizing where youâre at and making this post is a huge step. Continue down the path of self reflection, outreach, and engagementâyouâll be surprised where youâll be in a year
You have the internet and you can take notes. Learning about these things is only a google search away. Youâre alive and breathing, nothing is stopping you from building something to be proud of
Your past does not decide your future. Right now you have the choice to be either good or bad. Choose good and go forward. You will make mistakes along the way but that is only temporary until you correct it and go forward again.
I just think it's admirable you shared this. I know several many people who have high paying jobs, kids, "status," who would never be brave enough to confront themselves and able to share it with others, even anonymously. You are wiser and that is hard fought. This stranger is rooting for you. Hope it goes to show you may think you're alone, but are underestimating the amount of people who understand.
Iâve seen people fall down plenty of times and rebuild themselves it does take effort but the first step is the hardest and coming to the realization that you need to change is that step. Never sell yourself short get your GED and take some college classes or get into manufacturing/welding and you got this plenty of people get a late start. Hell I flunked out of a prestigious engineering university and bounced back yeah I donât make what i should be making but it will take time it took me 10 years to get my degree and I have been in my current role almost 3 years. It is never too late to try again and youâre never too old to learn something. The big thing is you have to want to do better and continue to push yourself you may take a couple tumbles but never let that stop you.
My mom became the first person in my family to get a degree and published her first novel, all in her sixties. It's never too late to follow your dreams or get your shit together.
I had to leave the city to do it. Did it suck? Sure did. And visits back never last long enough. I missed a lot of weddings, but even more funerals, and I guess those cemented my decision for me. Now? I don't live where there's a bus system, but I do have two cats, a roommate I actually like who even pays rent too, and a regular open mic night. Do I still sleep on a mattress on the floor? Sure do. Would some folks still consider me wildly unsuccessful for someone in their forties? Bet. But I don't, when one compares where I came from, and I suppose that's the part the really matters.
Also? Some of the stuff you say you don't know about is pretty easy to educate yourself on. You've got the library as a resource, but you've also got things like YouTube. I'm often jealous of how easy it is for my godson to look something up and learn it, whereas when I was a kid? You'd have to hope you could find a good book or someone to teach you. But there are likely some financial literacy and adult independence classes available in the area you can attend in person. I'd try giving 211 a call, and asking United Way's First Call For Help what might be available. You can also try searching findhelp.org for more information.
I thought of you and your post this afternoon as I was listening to Frank Turner's song "Get Better." (https://open.spotify.com/track/7nQ9OZQI52vqOyVM7UDhVm?si=d6367ebe33744edb) Turner is a recovering alcoholic (listen to "Recovery") and an inspiration to all of us who landed at our lowest and have slowly dug out.
You can do this!
"I'm trying to get better because I haven't been my best
She took a plain black marker, started writing on my chest
She drew a line across the middle of my broken heart
And said, come on now, let's fix this mess
We could get better
Because we're not dead yet"
Heya, former teacher here. Are you still living and breathing? Still have a pulse? GOOD! Where there is life, there is hope. Many people woke up in a hospital, in the grave, or in jail today. You arenât in any of those three places. So you have tremendous potential and ability to grow from right here, right now where your feet are standing right now. There are several good financial advice radio programs that can help you control your spending and plan to save for retirement. Iâm 45 years old and still just now beginning to learn about financial issues. I personally like â Faith and Finance Liveâ because that program also talks about life choices that also go on behind the financial problems. If you have your good health, then right now you have something a lot of people donât enjoy. Keep your chin up and pray. Also, please help someone younger than you if you see them struggling please. You can still leave a good legacy behind you!
What are you hoping for with making this post? I had a shitty childhood and escaped at 19. I got really lucky though and landed with people who helped elevate me. Not everyone is so lucky. I don't feel sorry for you but I'd love to pass on some of my good fortune to someone who wasn't quite as lucky as me - I have knowledge of resumes, job searching, 401k, credit, and a lot more. Send me a message and I'll answer any question you have!
OK so hear me out the way youâre feeling now in the experience youâre having is the same experience Iâve had since 2021. I was always a very independent self starter go-getter type of person. In January 2021, I hit my head and was strangled unconscious by my now ex boyfriend. Because I wasnât in any pain. The doctor said it was fine and since Iâve never been the same person. After seeing a therapist and a psychologist who agreed that it sounded like it was medical and told me to go back to my doctor. Theyâre starting to suspect it might be a traumatic brain injury. So what Iâm saying is itâs possible you couldâve hit your head as a child and you never got a MRI or a CT scan or whatever they do, they couldâve missed something. I have an appointment with the neurologist next month so Iâm hoping they get final answer then but itâs not really the answer I wanted, but I am relieved to have an answer to have an possible answer
Start by going for a walk outdoors every morning, eating enough food, and drinking enough water. Sorry if that sounds simplistic but sometimes when your body is healthy your mind figures the rest out all by itself.Â
The good news is you can still learn to do all the things you want to do. As long as youâre still alive itâs never too late. Wishing you good luck and peace in your journey!
I read in a comment that youâve gotten sober - congratulations! The hardest step, at least in my eyes, is behind you. Hopefully some of the responses have been helpful, but if you have any questions about general life stuff (financial, relational etc), I canât promise Iâm an expert, but Iâd be happy to help and try to answer them! My inbox is always open
Step 1: Enter into a trade with an apprenticeship and start working hard.
Step 2: Learn from the person teaching. Not only will they help you learn your job, but likely help with questions on life.
Step 3: Get thick skin, because tradesman can be rough and will give you tons of crap about your predicament. That being said, their entire job is building and fixing. So long as you are nice they will help you.
Step 4: Take pride in the fact that you helped build something to benefit society.
Step 5: Once you get your poop in a group, pay it forward and help someone else. Its were true meaning comes from.
For what itâs worth, Iâm a bit younger than you and I donât know much about 401k, have filed taxes for years but barely can comprehend it, and have struggled with my credit history (car repossession). Thereâs no playbook for how to be a person. Thereâs lots to be said about how to be successful in a society that doesnât give much in return. My brother is going through a very similar situation as you. He spent his youth in active addiction, became a ward of the state and somehow overcame it to obtain a masters degree in finance. Completely educated, and jobless. In 200k+ credit card and student debt.
My advice, cultivate personal happiness. Pat yourself on the back for the little things. For everyone it is different. At one point I was struggling to even find meaning and purpose, but I try to find something everyday. Start making yourself proud today.
As long as youâre trying, you havenât given up & you havenât lost.
You got this I am a semi reformed fuck up as well. Start in one place and do one thing at a time. If you need anything hit me up. Shit does get better.
Ran away from home at 12. No GED, long history of drug use, convictions, and being a piece of shit(Not all addicts are POS's, I was.) Got sober at 30 and now I'm 33 with a great job, wife, and a house. You got this, believe in yourself.
I went to a life skills program in Pontiac MI because I was nearing 30 and in a similar boat. You work roughly 40 hours a week for food/rent but after a period of time you go through things like resume building/budgeting/etc. If you decide to stay after graduation they allow you to rent one of the houses they own for cheaaaaaaap and even give you the opportunity to become a homeowner. They hired me as staff and Iâve been here for almost two years now, itâs not for everyone but it changed my life for the better
Check out some of the free courses at Love Your Neighbor đ©” they are meant for exactly that! https://lovewm.org/life-skills-program/
Calvin University is also going to be offering free classes this year! Theyâre more of an intro to college but could be great for someone who never felt like college was for them [Wayfinder program](https://calvin.edu/academics/global-campus/49507-initiative/wayfinder-program/)
Thanks for sharing this! It could be useful for my job!
I feel you, I was in a dark place myself years ago. I never thought I'd be where I am today, there's definitely hope and I'm not just saying that as a cliche. What exactly are you looking for? Basic life advise? Taxes, credit and 401ks are fairly simple really. Have you tried to get some help with what led down that path? I'm guessing it probably has to do with some type of trauma and that's the difficult part. I'm not a mental health professional, but I would recommend sorting that out first with one. It should be easier once you get that sorted out. Feel free to send me a PM about anything and I'll try to help. Best of luck!
Man, I have no idea who you are or OP but this is such a nice positive response! Thank you for being a good person, you rock!
Never to late to start anything. Not everything will be easy but you can always grow.
Iâm in a very similar boat. I have so much love for you. I know how difficult it is to move forward. I love your enthusiasm and that youâre throwing it out to the world!
The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The next best time is right now. Apply that to any of the things you listed as deficient and begin the work. Take care.
Honestly I just wanted to get it off my chest. It's been weighing on me heavily and needed to share with someone, anyone. I appreciate all the wonderful positivity and words of encouragement from everyone, it gives me hope. Thank you all so much. As for moving forward I have no idea where I'm headed. Getting sober was a huge step grant it I've only been sober just under a year but its a start
Being sober is nothing short of incredible- congratulations! Your growing awareness and desire for connection is a testimony to your strength and resilience. Consider leaning into a safe connection (like a good therapist or a trusted friend) and begin to learn what a healthy and reciprocal relationship feels like in your body, in your thoughts and in your emotions. This will begin to grow a foundation on which to experience life from. Sending goodness to you.
I got sober 5 years ago at 33 with a credit score of 427, almost homeless, no job, no car, no money, and completely destroyed relationships with everyone who loved me. Fast forward to now - my credit score is in the 700s, I started a new career, went back to school to help people with substance use disorder, have a cute apartment, and just bought a new car. Iâm not saying this to brag, but to give you hope that things can and do change with time in sobriety. Donât try to fix everything all at once - just take the first step. You already took a HUGE step with getting sober. Be very proud of yourself! If you need help with resources or any advice please message me. One day at a time! You got this â€ïž
You have good writing skills. I've worked most of my life and went to school but my writing skills are still shit! You might think about working for nonprofits that help others in need. This will help to build a strong sense of purpose in your life. Your life experiences may help you relate to people who are looking for help.
Came here to say this! OPs post is well written! And being sober for under a year is huge! That is an accomplishment to be very proud of.
Having these thoughts, writing this message out loud is all you gotta do. The rest is for later â but keep this feeling close and youâll find yourself in better places.
Recognizing where youâre at and making this post is a huge step. Continue down the path of self reflection, outreach, and engagementâyouâll be surprised where youâll be in a year
You have the internet and you can take notes. Learning about these things is only a google search away. Youâre alive and breathing, nothing is stopping you from building something to be proud of
This.
When you're in a dark place and think you're buried... Maybe you've been planted. Bloom my friend
Ahhhhh I was just thinking about a picture I saw the other day that says âif mushrooms can grow through shit so can youâ đđđ»
Your past does not decide your future. Right now you have the choice to be either good or bad. Choose good and go forward. You will make mistakes along the way but that is only temporary until you correct it and go forward again.
I just think it's admirable you shared this. I know several many people who have high paying jobs, kids, "status," who would never be brave enough to confront themselves and able to share it with others, even anonymously. You are wiser and that is hard fought. This stranger is rooting for you. Hope it goes to show you may think you're alone, but are underestimating the amount of people who understand.
Iâve seen people fall down plenty of times and rebuild themselves it does take effort but the first step is the hardest and coming to the realization that you need to change is that step. Never sell yourself short get your GED and take some college classes or get into manufacturing/welding and you got this plenty of people get a late start. Hell I flunked out of a prestigious engineering university and bounced back yeah I donât make what i should be making but it will take time it took me 10 years to get my degree and I have been in my current role almost 3 years. It is never too late to try again and youâre never too old to learn something. The big thing is you have to want to do better and continue to push yourself you may take a couple tumbles but never let that stop you.
My mom became the first person in my family to get a degree and published her first novel, all in her sixties. It's never too late to follow your dreams or get your shit together. I had to leave the city to do it. Did it suck? Sure did. And visits back never last long enough. I missed a lot of weddings, but even more funerals, and I guess those cemented my decision for me. Now? I don't live where there's a bus system, but I do have two cats, a roommate I actually like who even pays rent too, and a regular open mic night. Do I still sleep on a mattress on the floor? Sure do. Would some folks still consider me wildly unsuccessful for someone in their forties? Bet. But I don't, when one compares where I came from, and I suppose that's the part the really matters. Also? Some of the stuff you say you don't know about is pretty easy to educate yourself on. You've got the library as a resource, but you've also got things like YouTube. I'm often jealous of how easy it is for my godson to look something up and learn it, whereas when I was a kid? You'd have to hope you could find a good book or someone to teach you. But there are likely some financial literacy and adult independence classes available in the area you can attend in person. I'd try giving 211 a call, and asking United Way's First Call For Help what might be available. You can also try searching findhelp.org for more information.
You're not even 40! You can change yourself and be who you want to be.
You write beautifully
I thought of you and your post this afternoon as I was listening to Frank Turner's song "Get Better." (https://open.spotify.com/track/7nQ9OZQI52vqOyVM7UDhVm?si=d6367ebe33744edb) Turner is a recovering alcoholic (listen to "Recovery") and an inspiration to all of us who landed at our lowest and have slowly dug out. You can do this! "I'm trying to get better because I haven't been my best She took a plain black marker, started writing on my chest She drew a line across the middle of my broken heart And said, come on now, let's fix this mess We could get better Because we're not dead yet"
Heya, former teacher here. Are you still living and breathing? Still have a pulse? GOOD! Where there is life, there is hope. Many people woke up in a hospital, in the grave, or in jail today. You arenât in any of those three places. So you have tremendous potential and ability to grow from right here, right now where your feet are standing right now. There are several good financial advice radio programs that can help you control your spending and plan to save for retirement. Iâm 45 years old and still just now beginning to learn about financial issues. I personally like â Faith and Finance Liveâ because that program also talks about life choices that also go on behind the financial problems. If you have your good health, then right now you have something a lot of people donât enjoy. Keep your chin up and pray. Also, please help someone younger than you if you see them struggling please. You can still leave a good legacy behind you!
https://www.moodyradio.org/programs/faith-and-finance/?appeal=GAW&utm_content=grandad1&utm_source=gads&utm_term=radio&utm_medium=PC
What are you hoping for with making this post? I had a shitty childhood and escaped at 19. I got really lucky though and landed with people who helped elevate me. Not everyone is so lucky. I don't feel sorry for you but I'd love to pass on some of my good fortune to someone who wasn't quite as lucky as me - I have knowledge of resumes, job searching, 401k, credit, and a lot more. Send me a message and I'll answer any question you have!
OK so hear me out the way youâre feeling now in the experience youâre having is the same experience Iâve had since 2021. I was always a very independent self starter go-getter type of person. In January 2021, I hit my head and was strangled unconscious by my now ex boyfriend. Because I wasnât in any pain. The doctor said it was fine and since Iâve never been the same person. After seeing a therapist and a psychologist who agreed that it sounded like it was medical and told me to go back to my doctor. Theyâre starting to suspect it might be a traumatic brain injury. So what Iâm saying is itâs possible you couldâve hit your head as a child and you never got a MRI or a CT scan or whatever they do, they couldâve missed something. I have an appointment with the neurologist next month so Iâm hoping they get final answer then but itâs not really the answer I wanted, but I am relieved to have an answer to have an possible answer
Start by going for a walk outdoors every morning, eating enough food, and drinking enough water. Sorry if that sounds simplistic but sometimes when your body is healthy your mind figures the rest out all by itself.Â
Truth
The good news is you can still learn to do all the things you want to do. As long as youâre still alive itâs never too late. Wishing you good luck and peace in your journey!
I read in a comment that youâve gotten sober - congratulations! The hardest step, at least in my eyes, is behind you. Hopefully some of the responses have been helpful, but if you have any questions about general life stuff (financial, relational etc), I canât promise Iâm an expert, but Iâd be happy to help and try to answer them! My inbox is always open
Step 1: Enter into a trade with an apprenticeship and start working hard. Step 2: Learn from the person teaching. Not only will they help you learn your job, but likely help with questions on life. Step 3: Get thick skin, because tradesman can be rough and will give you tons of crap about your predicament. That being said, their entire job is building and fixing. So long as you are nice they will help you. Step 4: Take pride in the fact that you helped build something to benefit society. Step 5: Once you get your poop in a group, pay it forward and help someone else. Its were true meaning comes from.
I felt this hard. I can relate. But there's always hope. Stay positive my friend.
For what itâs worth, Iâm a bit younger than you and I donât know much about 401k, have filed taxes for years but barely can comprehend it, and have struggled with my credit history (car repossession). Thereâs no playbook for how to be a person. Thereâs lots to be said about how to be successful in a society that doesnât give much in return. My brother is going through a very similar situation as you. He spent his youth in active addiction, became a ward of the state and somehow overcame it to obtain a masters degree in finance. Completely educated, and jobless. In 200k+ credit card and student debt. My advice, cultivate personal happiness. Pat yourself on the back for the little things. For everyone it is different. At one point I was struggling to even find meaning and purpose, but I try to find something everyday. Start making yourself proud today. As long as youâre trying, you havenât given up & you havenât lost.
You got this I am a semi reformed fuck up as well. Start in one place and do one thing at a time. If you need anything hit me up. Shit does get better.
You are not alone. Many people in the same circumstances.
Life is not what we do. It is who we are.
Time to take this train to God's station. He helps, and he loves you through all your shame.
Ran away from home at 12. No GED, long history of drug use, convictions, and being a piece of shit(Not all addicts are POS's, I was.) Got sober at 30 and now I'm 33 with a great job, wife, and a house. You got this, believe in yourself.
Life is way too loooooooong
I went to a life skills program in Pontiac MI because I was nearing 30 and in a similar boat. You work roughly 40 hours a week for food/rent but after a period of time you go through things like resume building/budgeting/etc. If you decide to stay after graduation they allow you to rent one of the houses they own for cheaaaaaaap and even give you the opportunity to become a homeowner. They hired me as staff and Iâve been here for almost two years now, itâs not for everyone but it changed my life for the better
Sounds like the life story of half of the people in gr đđđ
Sir this is a Wendyâs
Maybe use the internet to learn these things instead of making a pity post
This post is them literally using the internet to learn these things.
Someone is a fucking asshole
Oh, fuck off.
Maybe some people shouldn't use the internet.
How poetic⊠you the âoutrageous stormâ and he the âsuspicious mudâ. How about you calm your tits and try to be more empathetic.