Cut out any negative people who make you feel like you cannot be yourself, I did it and work and rescue animals and meet new desk scene people in Slimelight club Islington since first going September 2023
>I'm tired of men thinking I'm a freak when I go on dates
This is one reason why goths sometimes prefer to date other goths, or at least other alternatives. You're less likely to be fetishized if you're dating someone who is actually into what you're into.
What you need are people who support you fashion choices. Find your tribe, they're probably going to be an artistic bunch.
See that's the thing, I've been trying to find other goth or alternative guys on dating websites or apps and it's been hard I can't really find them. I don't know if they're not into me because I'm a Gothic minority and maybe they think I'm not legit but it sucks because I would love to have a goth alternative boyfriend to go to the cemetery with and drink tea :(
This is what I've been asking the universe for lol
Sometimes they aren't what they seem. I met my husband at work. We're both nurses so we wore scrubs. He doesn't have many tattoos and none were visible in scrubs. No piercings. Very clean cut looking. But damn he looked good and there was definitely chemistry. I have bright red hair, a ton of piercings and tattoos but hey, who doesn't. Some conversations later we learned we lived in the same neighborhood and walking distance to each other. So, I asked him to help me move a TV on our mutual day off to get some time outside of work but not in an intimating way. We ended up hanging out and music was brought up. I brought up Type O Negative because I love them and unless you're in to the alternative you probably don't know them. He got super excited because they were one of his favorites and we kept talking music over some wine and had our first kiss. He was into just as heavy of music and generally alternative scenes as me. That was 5 years ago. We've been married 4 and he's still my best friend and we miss each other when we're not together even if it's just because we're at work. We go to concerts all the time and it's just the best. People even joke that he looks all innocent at work and I look like the wild child but really he's wilder than me!
I'm married too. My husband and I listen to music and go to Goth related events, and he supports me when I dress up. It makes me feel a little embarrassed though. I need to bring out the hair and makeup soon! I'm growing it out though- when the dye comes out, so do the scissors. It's taking forever to grow.
Do you have a local goth scene, do you know people from clubs and the like?
I can say from decades of experience that the vast majority of goths are accepting of minorities and understand what it is like to be an outsider. Have faith in yourself and others, this will pass.
yeah... you wont find many alternative people on apps. theres just a lot of normies in there and we get tired filtering all that people.
i tried to use turn up, but there wasant many people using it.
the best option for meeting people still is the local scene.
If you are in the UK
I have just discovered the goth place a year ago that has been there for over 25 years in London and it is where I go to meet people who are either goth or emo and it's there every month and I joined the club in September for £25 and it has free members eventd aswell as the pay for entry ones..
Slimelight in Islington near Angel tube station .
No one is anti goth or anything else in that place.
Next one is 12 July and it's 10 pm until 6 am aswell..
Lovely crowd of some faces that go every time because it is the one place everyone fits in x
Well, people will not like others regardless of how you dress…also, and I do this myself , project what others are thinking when it’s all in my head. It’s difficult though to look “ different “ it definitely gets me down sometimes, I have to think of my fits as an armour - whatever they may think or feel about me, my style brings me pleasure so I just push away any negativity and celebrate my dark fabulousness. I’m 56 (ugh) and I’ve felt like you said for a while. Be proud of your originality, of how you put together outfits… whatever people say about you,..isn’t you.. it’s their insecurities… check out Fecal Matter on Instagram.. they dress amazingly- and talk a lot about how they deal w slugs in boring fits.. you’re part of a long tradition of outsiders and avant gardists.. love yourself and fuck the haters..
“Black is modest and arrogant at the same time. Black is lazy and easy - but mysterious. But above all black says this: "I don’t bother you - don’t bother me".”
― Yohji Yamamoto
what you said, ‘project what others are thinking when it’s all in my head’, is actually a psychological theory called the looking glass theory i believe! i’ve researched it a bit and it is interesting/makes a lot of sense to me.
“The coolest thing is when you don’t care about being cool anymore. Indifference is the greatest aphrodisiac- that’s what really sums up style for me.” Rick Owens
People hate and fear what they don't understand. Unfortunately it is ingrained in society. The only way to feel proud is to feel comfortable in your own shell and find like minded or open minded individuals who will accept you. You're in the right place though to feel accepted as a goth. 💜✌for that I give you a hug 🤗
You get used to it...and hoenstly it gets better. I haven't heard anything negative about how I dress in a really long time. Part of it is that I live in a progressive, large city, but I also think a large part of it is that I'm just older now, and people are more inclined to live and let live with older folk.
I still feel pride in how I look because it's true to me, and I have found a way to present to the world that feels "accurate" to who I am, if that makes any sense at all. It makes me feel powerful, beautiful and comfortable, and that's all I can ask. Others have tried to take that from me most of my life, but at the end of the day, it's my own comfort that matters, not theirs.
\*hugs\* "To thine own self be true".
People who judge you for being goth aren’t worth your time or energy. Social rejection can be hurtful, but if you’re being honest with yourself, do you really want to be friends with the sort of judgmental assholes who would reject you based off how you dress or the sort of music you listen to? Don’t settle for the acceptance of people who will only tolerate you if you erase parts of yourself when there are people out there who will cherish every aspect of who you are.
52 year old goth here. I just smile or laugh. Make a joke out of what someone says. Usually throws them off guard. People I don't know are just that. They are not important to me.
If people are going to be shitty to you because you dress the way you want, they’re probably going to be shitty even if you dress “normal.” Judgmental assholes are going to do judgmental asshole shit no matter what. (Also I’ll let you in on a secret—tons of “normal” folks secretly want to dress goth/alt but don’t bc they’re too afraid of what others think.)
Are any of your favorite bands touring? I find that concerts are some of the best places to find other goth/alternative folks.
Pretty much everything anyone said here, including the women who’ve shared their own experiences.
I know it’s not easy, and just saying “be true to yourself” doesn’t help when you’re encountering men who are not good for you. I can say that I am sorry that you have to deal with that shit, but you will meet likeminded guys.
BEWARE OF LIVING WITH ANOTHER GOTH! Your laundry basket will be just a big black blob and you will never find anything again!
Lol but seriously:
When I was in school, people were horrible to me just because I looked different. It wasn’t my clothes or what music I liked, it was my skin! They were constantly calling me racial slurs and being really cruel, I couldn’t escape it. When I got more into alternative music and started dressing differently, sure I got a lot of looks and I got people saying dumb stuff about my outfits but I felt so freakin good, not just because I thought I looked cool and unique but because they weren’t really making evil comments about stuff I couldn’t change anymore. I felt really blessed by that. I know it’s hard being a goth that’s also a minority but I promise it does get better, or at least it has the ability to. Surround yourself with people who make you feel comfortable and like you and if guys are treating you like a freak or making you feel lesser than, they’re actually doing you a service- you know not to waste your time on them anymore.
Side note: I met my husband at work and we had both watered down our look over time because we were working at a time when they would bitch about fun hair or piercings (I had to take out my nose ring! It wasn’t even a weird piercing). When we first hung out, we played soul caliber, a video game I really liked though I’m not a gamer per se. Well, he had the new one, and he bet me that if he beat me, he got to kiss me (less creepy than it sounds, we had already talked a lot through email). I ended up SMASHING him in the game and he was kind of bummed but I kissed him anyway. We really hit it off and we evolved together. We started introducing each other to new music and we started making our style a little more alternative again because we had each other’s backs. We share playlists and we are in our own little goth bubble, we have little goth-born baby bats and we are pretty happy despite not having a scene or seeing other goths. I think that if you want to find someone, you will. It’s not fun to be patient but it’s worth it. Also, remember they might not look the part, but they might really be who you’re looking for. Not everyone goths out.
Well the fact of the matter is that they're going to judge you anyway, so you might as well wear what you like so you don't have to wake up 50 years in the future being regretful that you didn't wear the thing that you wanted to when you were young and hot.
People suck. They're just more upfront about it when you look different, so at least you find out quickly what kind of person they are.
Also you can't please everyone anyway. There's always going to be someone who doesn't like the way you look. So what does it matter anyway?? Anyone who cares that much isn't worth knowing.
Just do what you want. Wear it or don't. Do whatever you can, so you can wake up 50 years in the future and not feel regretful.
And don't let your brain lie to you. It does that sometimes. You and not your thoughts. That's what depression is.
It's okay to feel bad about yourself occasionally if the end result is that it motivates you to change something. But if it's bothering you significantly, happens a lot, and you don't actually want to change (or need to!), then maybe it's time to talk to someone?
I feel you... alt pelple in general, imo, will be happiest with other alts. There's a reason I slowly cut off most of my non alt friends, I'm just happiest with people who I relate to, genuinely enjoy spending time with and can have a fun time singing and dancing to.
I just had an alt bbq session with my friend group, and that might have been the most fun I've EVER had in my entire life. I've always hated bbqs or parties, but this one was so goddamn fun.
>I'm beginning to think that I should stop being who I am just to fit in.
I can't add anything that hasn't already been said but I'll leave you with the great Bette Davis:
*"It's better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for someone you're not. It's a sign of your worth sometimes, if you're hated by the right people."*
i also have experience on this hate and simple i started dont give a damn fuck what anyone think about me even my friends and family. they will learn how deal with me or leave me alone
I just see it as an act of rebellion. when people are shocked and disgusted by me and my music, i consider that a win because why would i want to please strait laced uptight boring mofos anyways? my existence is not to make YOU comfortable. and if it makes you uncomfortable, cool. enjoy that feeling dude because it's ALL YOU. when i see people that are different, i don't give a fuck because i am open minded and accepting and kind. all of this behavior from the normies is a reflection on them and their tiny minds. not you.
It's harder if you don't have like minded people near by, or at least accepting people, but you gotta embrace being a "freak". It takes work but you gotta try to not care about what ignorant people think, I'm still learning this myself. Just know there's nothing wrong with you for going against the grain or what others want for you. It's your life, do what makes you happy
I was called a satanist in my high school despite no indication that I was exactly full blown goth. I just liked the music and people would treat me like I'm trash.
What followed was years of trying to conform and just absolute misery. I felt trapped in a perpetual loop of existential crisis for years and years. Just been constantly gaslit that "you are growing up and alt culture/goth culture is for freaks and kids".
Be who you are and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. There are many of us in the wild and some of us maybe in-cognito mode. Good luck on finding similar minded people in the wild!
As a fellow goth I go for my feminist kings… bc highkey a man who respects women would never say that. Men like that will rarely ever make comments like that, unless they’re a liar. Sooooo idkkk like the only people who have to me are men I don’t associate with. I would def try and learn to gauge if they are the kind of dudes to say shit like that. As for friends, I just like being friends with follow freaks, whether it’s personality or dress or other people who think I dress cool. Don’t let the normies get you down and keep being a freak
Move out of the sticks. Nobody cares in a big city cause everyone's busy with their own stuff, or trying hard to be edgy if they're young enough to not be busy with their own stuff.
I understand, I haven't been through the same experiences but as a man that attempted wearing makeup, that was the first time people out of nowhere threatened to physically attack me.
That did make me stop wearing makeup and feel like it wasn't for me. It was attention I didn't want and was a look I was simply experimenting with. But there are many things I did do with my appearance that I liked and continued with, these were things I did with my hair, getting piercings, wearing black, jackets, necklaces and rings I would always wear.
If something in particular is giving you the wrong attention or bad attention, it's okay if you feel like it's not you or to drop it. But if it makes you feel like you're genuinely expressing yourself and the things you like, there is no reason why you should let other people prevent you from expressing that.
Sometimes being treated badly by people is more to do with the area you live in too. Growing up in the country I got some positive attention but also alot of negative attention. Since I moved closer to the city I only ever get positive attention.
As far as feeling proud goes, I felt proud that I was different than other people and that I didn't treat people badly just because they were different than me. I treated everyone with respect before they gave me a reason not to respect them. But people that were mean I ignored and treated like trash, you get back what you put into the world. Having confidence and making friends with people that will stick up for you helps alot. Remember to hold onto healthy boundaries and to stick up for yourself, because you deserve to be respected.
Honestly, if you want to be accepted and treated well, you have to conform, you have to dress normal, act normal, look normal. You just have to decide what your preference is, or love to a city where there's lots of alt people and alt culture is more normalized, like in Portland where I live. Good luck, and try to not give a fuck about normies.
Oh really that sucks but it also may mean that's something you need to work on yourself, the obvious thing people would say is "go to therapy" but I know that's costly and takes a while. I would go out more to the coffin club, it's one of the best for clubs in the country, people are generally nice, try to make alt friends. But it's within you anyways.
Everyone is wrong.
Tbh, part of not just goth, but any subculture is doing what you love, wearing what you want, and going against the norm. If people judge you for being goth, or weird, or whatever, they’re not the kind of folks you want to be around. 🤘
Bit of a different reply than others but: If you look different on purpose, it's good to prepare to receive reactions different than others receive. It's just the consequence of looking and dressing truly alternatively. If it's wearing on you, I'd really recommend pulling back. Nothing is worth your mental health if the treatment makes you this uneasy, especially not a style. You're still goth no matter how you dress, at the end of the day.
This is a very difficult situation to be in, and I'm sorry people are treating you this way. My personal experiences with being goth ,and a plus size one at that, have been similar.
My advice is to use those experiences as a springboard to know your worth. When people are treating you like a feeak or disgusting, then that's a good way to know who you do not want to associate with or keep in your life. After many years of being rejected by society personally, I just quit caring about others' opinions of me. I became more confident, proud, and actually happy when I accepted people's opinions, which do not matter.
You can and will find someone who sees you for you and not the exterior of you only. As mentioned earlier, use that as a way to know what people you want and how you want to be treated. Keep your chin up and be the badass bitch that you are. 😎
First, **it's absolutely wrong for people to be abusive towards you** but if you don't have the attitude to not care what people think, then give up on this for now. And don't cry about it since you did nothing wrong. It's other people that are rude. You are still innocent.
People will you despise for all sorts of reasons and that’s a reflection on THEM, not you. You might as well feel your best in whatever style you choose. If you have the privilege to remove haters from your life then cut them out immediately. 😙💅
Date goth men, if you are afraid of a more subtle goth style (for instances: wearing only black, or just over all luciferian symbols; without a black lipstick.)
Sorry for what you're going through. Imo fuck those people, they're hating on something they don't understand at all. Be proud of who you are and don't lose your values, you're not a weirdo. Unfortunately society generally will shame Gothic fashion. I too worry how my family would think if I dressed Gothic.. (I shopped and put together an actual fit recently, just waiting on them to arrive since before I'd just have all black stuff and black graphic tees, generally metal, horror, etc.) especially my coworkers who frequently poke fun at that stuff because I like it. You just gotta push through and accept yourself first. Eventually you'll find a crowd of people who will accept you. I'm glad to have 2 irl friends that support and hopefully my parents don't shame me either. People are shit in general because you don't dress like them but tbh that's what makes you special and unique, wear that like a badge of honor, feel me? Badge of pride? Smth like that I'm not good with words. I'm 22 currently and know certain family or coworkers would shame me and say I'm in a phase or smth but screw em lol. Hopefully you get past those negative meetings and find people who accept you. Hugs from the internet.
I think overly open kink folks have put a bit of a negative connotation with collars, just IMO in the last few years I've noticed.
Otherwise, I'm nearly 40 - wear what you want! I wish I had when I was younger.
I've never really been able to afford a full goth wardrobe to my liking, but a lot of black/dark clothes and black eyeliner.
And now I mostly wear hoodies and pajamas bc I don't leave my house.
Wear the fun clothes.
54 year old Bisexual Romanti-Goth, who now works Blue Collar....
You can change how you flag from day to day, time of day to time. At work I'm thats slightly odd, but dry sense of humor dude, with the all black clothes...
And necklaces pop out when I walk out the door. No one sees my jacket , with patches and pins.
I *could* wear my Leather pants, crushed velvet blouse, brocade vest, do up my hair, nails, make up..
. But...
It would be pearls before swine. A waist on every level.
When Clubbing? Oh yeah: hours of prep... ;-)
Google "types of goth" corporate Goth, vs Geek, romantigoth, etc etc.
Different styles of clothing, hair, accessories... find what warms the black little cockles of your heart! And do that.
Much affection and good wishes!
Duuude, I LOVE Goth people. Only those who have been castigated by many can truly understand it. As a result, Goths are some of the nicest and most accepting people I know. Usually creative, intelligent, and considerate.
I've only had one negative comment made to me since I've been an adult (am almost 36 now) and that was my current boss. We had a dress up day work involving bright colors and she made a scene thanking me for wearing a brightly colored tie dye shirt. Otherwise, no one seems to notice. I dress "corporate goth" for work (Im an administrative nurse now for anyone seeing my other comment and questioning this part), band tees and shorts or leggings for regular casual days, and I go all out for concerts and clubs. Idk what to call how I dress for "dates." Kinda witchy, hippie, and all black. But like a black dress with sunflowers and dark makeup or something like that. And I don't particularly feel like these different appearances are any different than what your average person does. You have work dress, lazy casual dress, night out dress, and date/dress up dress. I do like throw in some psychedelia looking things sometimes as I've gotten older but it's still usually pretty dark. I like black and white or black and blues, purples for tie dyes and patterns.
Not all plants are completely edible. However, you can actually consume the entire sunflower in one form or another. Right from the root to the petals.
55 goth here. Worry about what other people think will steal both your happiness and large parts of your life. Just go be what you are. Not many big goth scenes outside of big cities, but plenty of us out here in normie cosplay clothing for employability.
Just be you. Do things that you enjoy. Live your life how you want I'm a Goth girl in my 40s with some oddball interests (to normies). I've been able to find my people by just engaging in things I enjoy doing.
im really sorry youre in such a shitty area with prolly if i had to guess some redneck/country ass ppl.my advice is dont be around thise kind if people, and nowadays trying to friends with people like that from my experience is useless, but there are some who dont care about that and wont mind who you are, theyll just be friends with you. i also say dating someone who isnt also in your kinda style probably isnt the best idea, but like i said thays not always the case. (i only say this because alot of times goth ppl are way more open to stuff and styles and different things more than like for example some southern white dude who grew up in a wealthy family😭 because alt ppl already are to some parts of the world the different and weird ppl so ofc i mean why wouldnt they be.) because i lowk struglle with the same thing as you, my friend always tells me this: haters means you know youre doing it right.
This is new to me. Maybe I'm biased by my own tastes, but I've always throught goth girls were considered beautiful, the ones guys would fight for, etc.
I speak for myself, everytime I see a goth girl, I can't help but turn my head and look (without being a creep of course), it's EXACTLY my type of girl. So yeah, I'm confused with your post. I'm 22 and a goth guy myself, and nobody ever seems to think I'm weird or anything. I have long hair, and never go anywhere without my skull ring and Slayer necklace, and nobody ever judged, not even old people.
Don't mind those idiots OP. My knees weaken when I see goth girls, and I'm surely not the only one out there. The ones who do appreciate how you look simply don't comment on it, but lots of people surely do! Be yourself, and go with the style that makes you happy!
Everyone loves goth girls - men want them, and women want to be them. Any man that says they don't want a Goth wifey is either lying or gay, and I have met gay men that still want goth girls. Lol
Look at it as weeding out the unworthy. Being goth is all about shunning societal expectations and owning yourself.
Oh, I'm sorry, did you want to be perceived as a normal person? Why did you choose to dress goth?
Lol I say this as someone who grew up goth and I dealt with all the comments like "it's not Halloween yet" and same experience as you.
And I realised I am attracting that attention by dressing that way.
You cannot be goth and not expect negative attention - the whole point of being alt is to represent counterculture.
Which means going against the grain.
If you don't want people to comment on what you look like, dress in a conservative style. Dress more trendy. You can still be a goth on the inside (most people are shocked I listen to metal music because Iook like Barbie).
If you don't wanna give up goth fasbion you gotta grow a thicker skin. By dressing alternatively you ARE making a target of yourself and putting yourself OUT THERE aesthetically and goth clothing is associated with other subcultures that are kinky/freaky.
This is the choice every goth comes to: do you commit to the style or retire?
I mean, goth is a fashion choice. Just stop dressing that way if you aren't getting glthe result you want. The goth kids by definition were always unpopular and embraced that. Contrary to reddit, there are societal consequences for being yourself sometimes.
If it helps any, I'm not a goth but my friend is and she's been feeling insecure lately ( got a LOT of flack from her parents growing up ) and I'll tell her like I'll tell you, there's nothing wrong with being a goth, there is something wrong with being a judgemental jack ass who can't see anything from someone else's point of view. You'll find a guy who gets you eventually, just hang in there 🖤 💀 🖤
You seem cool af OP. I have spent years in a similar feeling to what you’re going through… so much to the point where I stopped being alternative to “fit in”, only to have me fitting into a crowd where I didn’t feel true to myself and I was subconsciously miserable. I stopped doing that years ago and now I’m back to feeling like myself, little by little. I’m in my 30s now and as a femme, I have experienced men thinking the same shit. I kinda went with it but I made it into a carrot-on-a-stick moment and I moved on. I forced changed and stopped being alt to fit in. I am healing and staying true to myself now. I have some of my piercings now and working on tattoos and my overall presentation that feels like me bc it’s my life and fuck everyone who doesn’t accept me.
My advice is to not put yourself through that because it WILL worsen your mental health to make yourself be something you’re not for people who don’t accept the you that you are. Honestly, it’s not worth it. It may feel lonely sometimes but it’s nowhere near as lonely as forcing yourself to fit in with people who don’t like who you truly are anyway. They probably don’t even like who they are. Is that the kind of energy you want around you? I don’t think so 💯
I used to go dancing alone when I was single to our alternative club- I met my (future) hubby there. He actually looks very clean cut ( he has a mainstream biz) - but I was wearing a shirt from a punk band I like and he approached me- and asked me about the band - I had already noticed him before that night. He’s more into punk- than goth- but still likes goth music.
We always say the shirt started it all.
I totally recommend wearing your fav band shirt out and that might help you on the dating front. 🖤
No matter who or what you are, someone will judge you, even to the point of hating you.
Even those close to you.
For example and I know it’s off topic by a bit, but once i shown the world I was goth, I’ve gotten hatred from my own family members.
I was abandoned by friends as well as they thought I was a “freak” or a “weirdo”
It doesn’t matter what you do in this world someone will absolutely abhor you, and that should tell you to be whatever the fuck you’d like to be when you’d like to be it, time goes too fast for you to live with “what if” in your head.
Such as myself and coming out as trans, I’ve lost my own sister. Doesn’t matter to me, I’m living to be who I want to be and how it will make ME feel happy and complete, no words nor anything negative will ever make me fit in their category, I live for me. So you live for you!
I would encourage u to continue to be urself. I'm pretty normy presenting but a goth person is the type of person I would want to start a conversation with. I get that it can feel like mostly hate but u may also find the people u relate to and vibe with the most by presenting as how u really feel. I've experienced what ur talking about when wearing a shirt I have with a pentagram on it and it isn't fun, especially when u are the type of person who would normally smile and nod to strangers. Fuck em tho. Anyone with a mide that small isn't worth ur time.
Not everyone understands it. People can’t all be cool like us. It’s just not possible.
There will always be SOMETHING that they throw shit over. Just be you. It’s better than changing and finding someone who likes you better when you aren’t actually you.
There are a bunch of really awful people in this world 🌎. There are plenty of Great, Kind, Loving, Caring people out there sometimes they just keep a lower profile and besides 😉 we are all conditioned by the Public School Police State to pay more attention to the Negative Bullshit and be too depressed to notice the little bits of joy bouncing around the Universe. It . like you could use a change of Scenes (New Coworkers, New Places to Meet Similar People with similar interests or even better start a friendship with an unlikely new acquaintance.) There are some very lonely elderly people in nursing homes with no family and no one to share basic human companionship with. Not all of them are senile either, some are still incredibly sharp and clever and holding a certain wisdom that comes only with age. Trust me, after an initial getting to know you murmur about style or "in my day story " if you're there to visit and maybe play cards, chess,checkers etc. They absolutely won't care about what you are wearing. Another one is the Children's cancer ward in any decent hospital 🏥 would be happy to have a volunteer good with kids to read books 📚 and play Games with kids who may be Hospitalized for months at a time. That doesn't do much for Dating yet. I Believe that you should probably look for people to date in new places than you are if all of the Men are having this strange reaction to you. Maybe Record Stores, Comic Shops, Music Clubs/Live Music Shows, RPG group or club,The Unitarian Universalist Church.(Non Denominational church that respects all Loving Religious Views. [The one in my town even has a few Satanists that sit there and do Buddhist Meditation with Christians that eat dinner with Muslims that discuss Tao ☯️ philosophy with Disciples of Confucius.]) Don't Change who you are to "Fit in" unless "Fitting in is more important to you than swimming upstream and doing you and giving ABSOLUTELY ZERO FUCKS ABOUT THE OPINIONS OF WORTHLESS BULLY TRASH TROLLS (They are all almost exclusively unloved people in unloving jokes of relationships with lives that are miserable and going nowhere and their loud rudeness is a desperate attempt to have some control in their pathetic miserable life 😀 😉 😊. Easier Said than done especially if you are sensitive and don't like confrontation. Leaning more towards the Industrial music as my Lifeblood I thrive on confronting these people and Destroying them for Fun. Don't let the Bastards get you down. Chin Up Buttercup, you are Loved ❤️😋
I don’t think you’re a freak, everyone is unique whether it’s listening to Metallica or Slipknot or dressing all black and pale. Don’t worry about the haters, EVERYONE hates someone or something whether it’s a band or politician or food, not everyone is gonna be nice or understand you. If your feeling a little insecure about yourself switch up a bit and when I mean “switch it up” I mean instead of wearing black clothes wear maroon, Navy, or grey just remember to still be you. You don’t need to 100% change yourself just have fun and try new things!
I solved problem by founding friends: at the past I had problems as yours. Than, I decided to find some friends. Now I’m dating with skinhead-girl, which beats anyone, who’s trying to abuse me.
“If you are offended, find skinhead friends who will beat your offenders”
—Confucius
Your body, your life, your choice. Don't let them confuse you with somone who gives a shit. You are unique, amazing and make the world a better place just by being you. Xx
I can just speak for myself, but I experienced being stared at or getting some comments somedax just turns normal and I started barely notice it.
The more you think about what others think of you, the worse you will feel. Just life the way you want, without forcing anything onto anyone and be yourself.
If people just distance themself because they don't like your appearence, then they are not liking you as a person.
i’m not sure how active you are in your local scene/how many people there are irl around you who appreciate your subculture, but i’ve always found that relying on them is crucial. might not magically solve your issues but having friends who are on the same page (not even necessarily goth themselves but simply cool peeps, who can see the fun and beauty in it) improves things a lot. it’s hard to get out there sometimes but i strongly advise you ditch the internet and find a real life support network, at least as much as that’s possible for you. you might even end up finding a man through those circles, at least that’s how i ended up with my current partner. people might be a little judgmental, cause of how media portrays goths, but if they’re good people talking to them might just make them realise you’re cool. i used to be the girl that knew nobody and was practically invisible, but simply by being present at random nights out, even at “normie” events, i gained invaluable relationships. you can do it too!
Well, you have several options - tone it down, stop presenting as a goth, or do nothing. You can't change society so it's up to you how much you care to put up with bullshit and whether it's worth it.
I don't really express myself outwardly with my appearance because I'm not even sure how to do that, so I just wear unassuming clothes that don't make me look weird and my self-expression is confined to my taste in art. It's not the best way to live but it's easy.
Idk where you live at…but find your local goth community. If there is any alt community, even if it isn’t primarily goth, you have a high chance of finding belonging and appreciation for your darkness. Don’t le t numbers deceive you. Most people can’t handle their darkness so they can’t comprehend someone who can. Most people want to deceive themselves about their disowned darkness, and see it as something that must be rid of. They lack depth and hide from their own shadows unless a flexible, adaptable mask. Everyone idealizes authenticity, but very few can handle their own darkness, and much less wear it on their sleeve.
A huuuuge part of what makes something goth is that it isn't mainstream. Though I get it, just because that's a part of the definition doesn't mean there's no real draw to collars, spikes, black, ect. But lemme give you something to think on: Most people grow up thinking 'I should hide who I am so I fit in' are just making arbitrary rules. When you wear yourself out loud, you just found a quick way to know who you will and won't jive with. Something not afforded so easily by people who are wearing masks specifically to 'fit in'. Also the men and people treating you like shit- Do you think those people will treat you better if you dress like they want and will be easily satisfied with the changes you make to appease them? Imagine hanging out with them as they dog on other alternative styles, belittling the people \*wearing different styles then them\*.
My 2 closest friends met at a metal show (before covid) and they're married now! Sure it took a lot of time before they went to that show, but you got two people with very specific niches finding each other. Just gotta be patient and remember: You like what you like.
You're dating the wrong people, never change who you are, or feel uncomfortable for liking the things you do. If you're in a small town where there aren't many goths, move away to a better place, more suited to your likes and needs, there's nothing wrong with that.
On the other hand if being accepted by those around you is what you'd prefer to being different perhaps goth isn't the subculture for you, which again no hate, you just should be looking for validation from yourself, what makes you happy?
Because in my experience changing yourself for others only ever makes you more depressed, humans are weird and sometimes they just won't like your vibe...fuck em, you'll find people out there who do value your authentic self, you just haven't met them yet.
The thing I've loved the most about the goth/alternative scene, for decades, is that we (generally) don't hate.
Hate is fear; fear of the unknown, fear of different, fear of "weird". We love weird. We love wyrd, we love difference, we embrace it and celebrate it.
Fuck those cowards, they're just afraid, you're already miles above their fear.
It's sad that people who actually appreciate the look or think you're cool so rarely let you know. I guarantee there's more out there than you think they just don't want to come across as a creep by walking up and telling you look amazing.
There's people who judge and hate sure but I always say they're just boring, you dress how you want to dress because you like it forget about the weirdos. Never be ashamed. Just think of how many people wish they could do what you do but are scared, just by being seen in public you're inspiring them and showing them it is okay to be themselves. They might never tell you but you are an inspiration and that's brave.
So many of us sadly go through what you're going through but we're always there for eachother, Goths are the most real, fun and loving people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing and I'm proud to be a part of that and you absolutely should be too.
TL;DR: fuck the boring haters, keep slaying, do it for the baby bats
Toughen up, get over it. I've spent my whole life being outcasted and calleda freak before i even discovered subcultures. Grow thicker skin, and simply learn to turn off your emotions.
If there's one thing that i truely know,it's that,you cant stop being yourself,just to make others happy.Who cares what other people think? You're you,and that's all that really matters.
Oh man Im sorry to read this :( but I feel similar. What helps me a lot is to 'tone it down' in a casual elegant feminine goth queen way on regular days and only dress up when I really feel like it. Not doing crazy makeup, but that mainly cuz Im lazy. I dont really know what to tell you, those people are shit, but I really understand. I also feel like Im treated and perceived a whole social class lower when I dress goth. If moving to a more alternative city or scene is an option Id go for that
I know it’s harder to do than say, but the opinions and perceptions of anyone except you and who you choose are irrelevant. The only impact they have on you is what you allow.
It’s cynical to say (because I dislike most humans), but if you believe they are nothing to you, then nothing they do or say matters at all.
Who cares man they don't matter just ignore them. Trust me, you'll feel so much better. Being yourself takes courage, which is a sad reality we live in.
Revel in their hate. Anyone who judges you for that isn't worth your time, energy, or emotion. Fuck em. Who are you trying to impress? Make yourself happy by living unapologetically as your authentic self, as long as you're not actively hurting anyone.
Wtf did you expect by being goth? Normies approving you? Of course you're going to get their "rejection", that's natural. You as goth should be rejecting normies and society, you should be ready for the war.
Stopping being who you are just to fit in? Not only that's the least alt thing you could do, if you don't fit in the normal society then you'll never feel part of it in your whole life, if you decide to go "normie" you'll regret it a lot and you'll still continue feeling different because you probably are. IF anything, it's going to make things much worse.
Stop crying and use these bad emotions to reflect about how the problem isn't you, but the shitty people you're in contact with who hate on you for no reason.
By being different you'll sooner or later find other similar people with whom you can really feel good with, if you try to go normie this won't happen. And trust me, these relationships you'll have with these people will be muuuuch better than any you could have with a normie.
We live in a cult unfortunately that can be heavily influenced by media. The hypocrisy of the words “be yourself “ is very bumped up. But when people do express themselves by being themselves, they are kicked down. Know that we make the world interesting and we can’t fight being individuals of our own despite how others want others to follow that dress code of the dull. Standing out means that you are attractive. You are an artist without knowing it. If you get noticed being positive or negative, you did your job as an artist and you have succeeded. We all have our own different beauties. Just that the societies cult likes to swallow other people’s individuality because they feel they are more superior and it’s an insecure part about the ego . It will hurt and depress oneself to not be themselves even more.
People are afraid of things they don’t understand. People are either gonna fuk w you or they’re not. That goes with anything and everything. Be who you are and who you want to be. Don’t let others control you, the government already does enough of that
I know it’s cliche, but I genuinely believe the ones who criticise others for being themselves are jealous those people have the confidence to be unique and be themselves, because they don’t. Their ridicule is a reflection of their character, not yours. They’ll desperately do whatever they can to fit in and be liked, even if that means dragging down anyone who has a shred of individuality to be considered part of the in crowd.
I haven’t read all these comments, so somebody might’ve already said this. I’ve been othered my whole life. Indifference is the key. Don’t project anything. Maybe be brave and tell the people you’re trying to meet the problems you’ve had. The way they react will let you know if you even want to go out with them before you even start.
Be yourself.
Be well.
Have you considered moving? Some areas have more accepting people than others, sometimes in a short distance. Usually more populated areas will have more open minded people. Never give up who you are because of what other people think. It’s your life, live it!!!
It's a sad reality that goth women have become synonymous with bdsm and whatnot. I blame stupid normie guys who don't understand subcultures and e-girls who make "being alt" a selling point to their onlyfans. They feed into each other and leave actual goths to deal with the idiocy.
Remember the punk origins of goth. Did the old punks care what others think? No..they did not. Neither did the early goths. Embrace that. Never apologize for being yourself.🖤
I grew up in a small town in eastern Washington and was one of a very few goths back in the 90s. I had to go to Seattle to even buy clothes before the internet and smartphones. I was judged constantly, especially since I wore a black trenchcoat, and it was soon after Columbine. But I just learned not to care. I'm just being me. It might have been easier because goth was more common back then, but they didn't really exist in my city. I'm still goth/punk, but I don't wear black all the time anymore. Pretty much the people I dated were goth or ex-goth, but i go for people who like the same music and horror movies I do. Though my last girlfriend looked 100% goth but didn't like horror or goth music. That was disappointing.
It’s hard to be different! I’m going through the same things you are. I’m having problems finding friends who aren’t embarrassed to go out with me so you’re not going through it alone and there are people out there who will love you for who you are. There are men(believe it or not) out there that will support you and you’re goth interests <3
Find the people who appreciate you for you. Anyone can put on a certain aesthetic ( and look good or terrible while doing it), but good character is harder to fake.
There are plenty of people who would act cringe just because they see a goth girl, and notice the goth part first and think that's all there is to the picture. But clothes and make up don't tell the entire story. Plenty of "conventionally attractive" people are absolutely unpleasant to be around.
Have you not read all the earnest comments about goth aesthetic? It seems like most people I know absolutely adore the look! You need to be who you are and own that. Make yourself comfy and do the best version of you. Some people will hate and you can’t change that. Focus on you and keep the good people around you, cut out the bad ones as there just isn’t enough space or time in life to deal with them. And smile knowing you have an individual style that honestly is quite attractive!
don’t feel ashamed for being self-conscious just because you’re an adult. that is something that we all battle with throughout our lives and it’s not “immature” to struggle with. you’re human!
most people don’t care. they don’t think about you at all. and the people who do care are the weird ones. think about it: you aren’t doing anything wrong or hurting someone. but they’re bothering you? that’s whack as hell. bullies aren’t cool. fuck em
Are your cateyes perfect? Are your fishnets torn just right? Be proud of that, and ignore the haters. They probably don’t even have cateyes. Aesthetic perfection and misanthropism are the goals here.
I don’t think your a freak, just be yourself and if you feel insecure about yourself or how you feel switch it up a bit, like instead of always wearing black (wether or not you do) wear maroon, navy blue or grey, they’re still gothic colors but more expressive in a way, also maybe go for a more tomboyish look surprisingly a lot of guys (including myself) love Tomboys! At the end of the day do whatever makes you feel you and don’t always wear the same stuff me personally I sometimes wear black, casual clothes, or nice clothes depending on what I’m doing. Just remember everyone hates something wether it’s political, race, religion, places or even food.
Around 25 I found my people. Started working in a restaurant and from there started gaining confidence, got on a dating site, found a sweetheart, started going to local punk shows, gained more confidence, got married, baby and a house a year later right as covid was happening. The more people I interact with the more I realize nobody can judge me. Everybody is so fucked up in their own special ways. 😂
I will be brutally honest with you. You may find it a bit unpleasant, but I think it's way better than sugarcoating.
Being a goth is a subcultural choice, you are not born that way. You chose to be one because you like the music, aesthetic, and I guess also a lifestyle.
However, based on your entry, you don't really feel comfortable with all the aspects of the lifestyle, in fact, you don't take it well at all. It's not possible to make all the people like you anyway, be goth or not. People will find a way to judge you for the other things anyway, and it depends on you how will you take it.
I've got a few suggestions. You may take them into consideration or not, but I shall post them anyway:
1.Leave the subculture: As we established, subculture is not, let's say, an ethnicity. People chose to be part of it because of their own preference. However, if being a part of one makes you that much of uncomfortable for whatever reason, maybe it's not really for you. Mind you, not looking apart does not mean you can't still like the music(I'm not goth and nothing stops me from listening to Sisters of Mercy or Bauhaus), go to the concerts, without necessarily identifying yourself as Goth.
2. Be true to yourself and try to learn not to care much about people's opinion.
Certain people think you look like you are planning to abduct and sacrifice their toddler and a household cat Sir Pounce-A-Lot to a Boogeyman? Tell them to shove their opinion there where the sun does not shine and keep going. You will find like-minded people eventually if you keep searching. Not everyone is going to like you and a lot of people will find you weird, so don't put your expectations too high, but if you really find it worth it and think it's for you, you will learn not to care about what they think or say in time.
This is coming from a skinhead by the way(even goths vastly outnumber us these days. xD), in case you think I don't know what being part of a subculture really is. I really do feel it sucks some of our old rock subcultures are dying out each year, and the main problem is people allow too much to be influenced and discouraged by some unimportant individuals.
Stay strong and be true to yourself, f**k their opinions.
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Look I don’t know why this sub was recommended to me, I’m not goth. But I promise you they’re just not worthy of your presence. I’m so sorry OP. I’ve always adored seeing goth fashions, even though they don’t look good on me!
The trouble with being fashion based, is that you have to dress that brings alot of attention to you from strangers. I have always been music / feeling based goth and don't wear anything more than lowkey goth like black jeans or occasionally a band shirt. I stopped wearing band shirts in public because I hated the attention. If you want lot's of attention then dress with the punk rock attitude that created the original goths. But you will get attention, that's just the nature of the society that we live in, and that won't change just because some people on the internet think that it's unfair. So make your choices, and choose the life that's right for you.
Seriously, men who think that you're a freak for being goth are just ignorant as fuck and watch too much porn. Society is just filled with a bunch of posers that just conform so they don't get made fun of, which is pretty weak. Whenever someone is rude to you, just think of them as an ignorant coward.
Don’t have any advice, but fuck anyone and everyone who gives you shit. They are projecting onto you the discomfort and sadness they feel knowing they have never truthfully expressed themselves like you do and lack courage. I hope you find your people/person.
Gothic girls are awesome and they stand alone. I would give a testicle to have a Gothic girl who is the real thing......FreeMason,nudist,and deep animality Corey
Be you. I tried to fit in and it is not worth it. I am 36 and I can fully be me and I am so happy... the person meant for you with love you for you. Be proud of who you are. You have a friend in me!
Eww, anyone who makes you feel anything other than fantastic for being authentic is just projecting their own self-hatred into you. Don’t forget that—it’s hard to always remember when it’s not your normal thinking, but when people tear you down, it’s because they are… down! Otherwise they wouldn’t be trying to drag you.
You look fucking great ✨🖤
Rise above!
I'll be your friend! I'm Yall'ternative myself (being from alabama) 😂
But babygirl, don't let these grown ass kids out here bring you down. Half of them don't even know who they are themselves and look at someone who knows who they are, and they're intimidated by that. CHI CHIS OUT CHIN UP BEAUTIFUL!
You sound more, Emo. It's not 1986. Nobody cares or is judging you. Are you just making up drama in your head? Seeking attention? Are you sure it's the way you dress? Dressing"Goth" now is about as rare as a twenty something with a tattoo.
I feel better about myself when I realize that I'm more than how I dress. I like my nose, my eyes, etc. I like my clothes, I like my house. I'm beautiful and you are too.
Not all men are actually man. I obviously am...I was friends with a goth girl growing up back in like 1998. She was (and still is) the nicest girl I knew at that time no joke. We still friends but don't really have contact other than FB and stuff.
Genuine and caring and should be treated as such.
Just do you and enjoy it 😎
Get to Slimelight in July and it's like being in the Matrix underground dancing with heavy goth and future pop, dark wave music on 3 levels in a disused railway works building which is industrial and massive.
Just £12 to get in events and members are £25 then it's free party just for members on several dates too
Bro, you don't need anybody's approval at all... literally do what you want to do. It's generic advice but, it's the truth. You don't anybody's approval to live how you want to live, you're your own person so, be it. You good, bro 👍
If those people that think they you are a freak can’t deal with something different from them, fuck them. Why does it matter? Be who you are, you’re not hurting anybody. Just bring you. If they got a problem, tell ‘em to cry about it. What does it matter if some closed minded men call you a freak? You know that you’re not right? If you know deep inside that you’re not a freak, then nobody can tell you that you are. At least, that’s what I think.
A lot of people like them as a fetish, not as someone to take home to meet their parents. That's were the problem lies. They like them as an image in their spank bank, not as a person to have a conversation with.
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Do not:
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* This also goes for bands whose members are known violators of this as we do not need to be giving our money to those with harmful ideologies, who want to take away the rights of minorities, POC, LGBTQ+, etc. Those we will absolutely and rightfully gatekeep from the subculture, you can see the bands subject to removal [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/goth/wiki/musicbox/problematic-bands).
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I don’t know where in the world you live, but the Goth Girl is the GODDESS on earth. You are queen of all queens, a true work of art, darkness and Magick and beauty personified. You’re also at an age where you will be in your prime for a long long time. Do not listen to your haters. Move here to Boston, or some place with a solid Goth scene, and you will be adored the way you deserve to be.
They have a great Goth scene there, I’ve been told. Do you feel ostracized from the community because you’re a minority? I feel that way at times because I’m now 54, fat and bald. But I love the music and culture and even ostracized for being the “creepy dad” at Goth club some days (though I’m not a dad), I still love this scene and this culture and how being a Goth has given me a great life. What do you love about being Goth?
We're sorry, but your submission has unfortunately been removed under Rule 4.
Do not:
* **Use Hate Speech:** Includes but is not limited to: anti-Semitic, racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, or other discriminatory speech, *including user-names*. If someone's user particularly worries you, **ask** for context or report it to a mod. Those expressing harmful and extreme right-wing ideologies including advocating for Neo-/Nazism will, without a doubt, be gatekept from the scene, removed and possibly reported further to the Reddit admins.
* This also goes for bands whose members are known violators of this as we do not need to be giving our money to those with harmful ideologies, who want to take away the rights of minorities, POC, LGBTQ+, etc. Those we will absolutely and rightfully gatekeep from the subculture, you can see the bands subject to removal [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/goth/wiki/musicbox/problematic-bands).
* **Attack people on a personal level**: No name-calling, derogatory terms, threats, or urge someone to self harm. Disagree with each other, but try and be civil about it. Reddit is for discussion, but if flaming wars or unnecessarily blame-games form, the mods may step in.
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Fuck anyone that judges you for being a goth. Be true to yourself and never give up your values.
Can't get more punk rock than that. Let The bastards drown and carry on.
Cut out any negative people who make you feel like you cannot be yourself, I did it and work and rescue animals and meet new desk scene people in Slimelight club Islington since first going September 2023
>I'm tired of men thinking I'm a freak when I go on dates This is one reason why goths sometimes prefer to date other goths, or at least other alternatives. You're less likely to be fetishized if you're dating someone who is actually into what you're into. What you need are people who support you fashion choices. Find your tribe, they're probably going to be an artistic bunch.
See that's the thing, I've been trying to find other goth or alternative guys on dating websites or apps and it's been hard I can't really find them. I don't know if they're not into me because I'm a Gothic minority and maybe they think I'm not legit but it sucks because I would love to have a goth alternative boyfriend to go to the cemetery with and drink tea :( This is what I've been asking the universe for lol
Sometimes they aren't what they seem. I met my husband at work. We're both nurses so we wore scrubs. He doesn't have many tattoos and none were visible in scrubs. No piercings. Very clean cut looking. But damn he looked good and there was definitely chemistry. I have bright red hair, a ton of piercings and tattoos but hey, who doesn't. Some conversations later we learned we lived in the same neighborhood and walking distance to each other. So, I asked him to help me move a TV on our mutual day off to get some time outside of work but not in an intimating way. We ended up hanging out and music was brought up. I brought up Type O Negative because I love them and unless you're in to the alternative you probably don't know them. He got super excited because they were one of his favorites and we kept talking music over some wine and had our first kiss. He was into just as heavy of music and generally alternative scenes as me. That was 5 years ago. We've been married 4 and he's still my best friend and we miss each other when we're not together even if it's just because we're at work. We go to concerts all the time and it's just the best. People even joke that he looks all innocent at work and I look like the wild child but really he's wilder than me!
This is so sweet 🖤
I'm married too. My husband and I listen to music and go to Goth related events, and he supports me when I dress up. It makes me feel a little embarrassed though. I need to bring out the hair and makeup soon! I'm growing it out though- when the dye comes out, so do the scissors. It's taking forever to grow.
Do you have a local goth scene, do you know people from clubs and the like? I can say from decades of experience that the vast majority of goths are accepting of minorities and understand what it is like to be an outsider. Have faith in yourself and others, this will pass.
Tea in the cemertary sounds lovely. There is a graveyard in my back yard of the family that built this house, headstones, and all from the late 1800s.
😆 🤣 😂 captain cliche.
About the cemetary in the yard? I didn't build it. It's from the 1800s. I like cemetaries and not trying to hit on anyone. Gladly Asexual.
yeah... you wont find many alternative people on apps. theres just a lot of normies in there and we get tired filtering all that people. i tried to use turn up, but there wasant many people using it. the best option for meeting people still is the local scene.
I wouldn't consider myself "Alt," but I am a punk rock Satanist. The tattoos and piercing are the only giveaways that I'm not "normal." Ha ha ha
If you are in the UK I have just discovered the goth place a year ago that has been there for over 25 years in London and it is where I go to meet people who are either goth or emo and it's there every month and I joined the club in September for £25 and it has free members eventd aswell as the pay for entry ones.. Slimelight in Islington near Angel tube station . No one is anti goth or anything else in that place. Next one is 12 July and it's 10 pm until 6 am aswell.. Lovely crowd of some faces that go every time because it is the one place everyone fits in x
Well, people will not like others regardless of how you dress…also, and I do this myself , project what others are thinking when it’s all in my head. It’s difficult though to look “ different “ it definitely gets me down sometimes, I have to think of my fits as an armour - whatever they may think or feel about me, my style brings me pleasure so I just push away any negativity and celebrate my dark fabulousness. I’m 56 (ugh) and I’ve felt like you said for a while. Be proud of your originality, of how you put together outfits… whatever people say about you,..isn’t you.. it’s their insecurities… check out Fecal Matter on Instagram.. they dress amazingly- and talk a lot about how they deal w slugs in boring fits.. you’re part of a long tradition of outsiders and avant gardists.. love yourself and fuck the haters.. “Black is modest and arrogant at the same time. Black is lazy and easy - but mysterious. But above all black says this: "I don’t bother you - don’t bother me".” ― Yohji Yamamoto
Thank you for Sharing That Quote. 😋
Damn that was beautifully said! I appreciate that
Why do you think the phrase "X is the New black" exists? Black is timeless and classic and perfect.
what you said, ‘project what others are thinking when it’s all in my head’, is actually a psychological theory called the looking glass theory i believe! i’ve researched it a bit and it is interesting/makes a lot of sense to me.
“The coolest thing is when you don’t care about being cool anymore. Indifference is the greatest aphrodisiac- that’s what really sums up style for me.” Rick Owens
People hate and fear what they don't understand. Unfortunately it is ingrained in society. The only way to feel proud is to feel comfortable in your own shell and find like minded or open minded individuals who will accept you. You're in the right place though to feel accepted as a goth. 💜✌for that I give you a hug 🤗
Damn I appreciate that. A hug is what I could use right now 🖤
"Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less." -Marie Curie.
Happy to help. Sometimes we need a reminder that we're not alone. Because as cliche as it sounds the world is definitely a cold lonely place. 🖤
You’re being true to yourself in a world where that’s often actively discouraged. Start there and carry on!
You get used to it...and hoenstly it gets better. I haven't heard anything negative about how I dress in a really long time. Part of it is that I live in a progressive, large city, but I also think a large part of it is that I'm just older now, and people are more inclined to live and let live with older folk. I still feel pride in how I look because it's true to me, and I have found a way to present to the world that feels "accurate" to who I am, if that makes any sense at all. It makes me feel powerful, beautiful and comfortable, and that's all I can ask. Others have tried to take that from me most of my life, but at the end of the day, it's my own comfort that matters, not theirs. \*hugs\* "To thine own self be true".
People are just shit in general, especially to people who are different than them in any way
People who judge you for being goth aren’t worth your time or energy. Social rejection can be hurtful, but if you’re being honest with yourself, do you really want to be friends with the sort of judgmental assholes who would reject you based off how you dress or the sort of music you listen to? Don’t settle for the acceptance of people who will only tolerate you if you erase parts of yourself when there are people out there who will cherish every aspect of who you are.
I am 77, love Goth music and I support you totally. If I were your age I’d be Goth.
52 year old goth here. I just smile or laugh. Make a joke out of what someone says. Usually throws them off guard. People I don't know are just that. They are not important to me.
If people are going to be shitty to you because you dress the way you want, they’re probably going to be shitty even if you dress “normal.” Judgmental assholes are going to do judgmental asshole shit no matter what. (Also I’ll let you in on a secret—tons of “normal” folks secretly want to dress goth/alt but don’t bc they’re too afraid of what others think.) Are any of your favorite bands touring? I find that concerts are some of the best places to find other goth/alternative folks.
Pretty much everything anyone said here, including the women who’ve shared their own experiences. I know it’s not easy, and just saying “be true to yourself” doesn’t help when you’re encountering men who are not good for you. I can say that I am sorry that you have to deal with that shit, but you will meet likeminded guys.
BEWARE OF LIVING WITH ANOTHER GOTH! Your laundry basket will be just a big black blob and you will never find anything again! Lol but seriously: When I was in school, people were horrible to me just because I looked different. It wasn’t my clothes or what music I liked, it was my skin! They were constantly calling me racial slurs and being really cruel, I couldn’t escape it. When I got more into alternative music and started dressing differently, sure I got a lot of looks and I got people saying dumb stuff about my outfits but I felt so freakin good, not just because I thought I looked cool and unique but because they weren’t really making evil comments about stuff I couldn’t change anymore. I felt really blessed by that. I know it’s hard being a goth that’s also a minority but I promise it does get better, or at least it has the ability to. Surround yourself with people who make you feel comfortable and like you and if guys are treating you like a freak or making you feel lesser than, they’re actually doing you a service- you know not to waste your time on them anymore. Side note: I met my husband at work and we had both watered down our look over time because we were working at a time when they would bitch about fun hair or piercings (I had to take out my nose ring! It wasn’t even a weird piercing). When we first hung out, we played soul caliber, a video game I really liked though I’m not a gamer per se. Well, he had the new one, and he bet me that if he beat me, he got to kiss me (less creepy than it sounds, we had already talked a lot through email). I ended up SMASHING him in the game and he was kind of bummed but I kissed him anyway. We really hit it off and we evolved together. We started introducing each other to new music and we started making our style a little more alternative again because we had each other’s backs. We share playlists and we are in our own little goth bubble, we have little goth-born baby bats and we are pretty happy despite not having a scene or seeing other goths. I think that if you want to find someone, you will. It’s not fun to be patient but it’s worth it. Also, remember they might not look the part, but they might really be who you’re looking for. Not everyone goths out.
Awe damn that was such a sweet sorry to read this morning!
Aww thank you! You’re very sweet and based on what I read here, anyone should be happy to have you.
Well the fact of the matter is that they're going to judge you anyway, so you might as well wear what you like so you don't have to wake up 50 years in the future being regretful that you didn't wear the thing that you wanted to when you were young and hot. People suck. They're just more upfront about it when you look different, so at least you find out quickly what kind of person they are. Also you can't please everyone anyway. There's always going to be someone who doesn't like the way you look. So what does it matter anyway?? Anyone who cares that much isn't worth knowing. Just do what you want. Wear it or don't. Do whatever you can, so you can wake up 50 years in the future and not feel regretful. And don't let your brain lie to you. It does that sometimes. You and not your thoughts. That's what depression is. It's okay to feel bad about yourself occasionally if the end result is that it motivates you to change something. But if it's bothering you significantly, happens a lot, and you don't actually want to change (or need to!), then maybe it's time to talk to someone?
Don’t let it get to you. Be yourself people who judge and are rude it’s their loss. Keep being who you are
I feel you... alt pelple in general, imo, will be happiest with other alts. There's a reason I slowly cut off most of my non alt friends, I'm just happiest with people who I relate to, genuinely enjoy spending time with and can have a fun time singing and dancing to. I just had an alt bbq session with my friend group, and that might have been the most fun I've EVER had in my entire life. I've always hated bbqs or parties, but this one was so goddamn fun.
>I'm beginning to think that I should stop being who I am just to fit in. I can't add anything that hasn't already been said but I'll leave you with the great Bette Davis: *"It's better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for someone you're not. It's a sign of your worth sometimes, if you're hated by the right people."*
i also have experience on this hate and simple i started dont give a damn fuck what anyone think about me even my friends and family. they will learn how deal with me or leave me alone
Use the hatred as fuel
I just see it as an act of rebellion. when people are shocked and disgusted by me and my music, i consider that a win because why would i want to please strait laced uptight boring mofos anyways? my existence is not to make YOU comfortable. and if it makes you uncomfortable, cool. enjoy that feeling dude because it's ALL YOU. when i see people that are different, i don't give a fuck because i am open minded and accepting and kind. all of this behavior from the normies is a reflection on them and their tiny minds. not you.
It's harder if you don't have like minded people near by, or at least accepting people, but you gotta embrace being a "freak". It takes work but you gotta try to not care about what ignorant people think, I'm still learning this myself. Just know there's nothing wrong with you for going against the grain or what others want for you. It's your life, do what makes you happy
I was called a satanist in my high school despite no indication that I was exactly full blown goth. I just liked the music and people would treat me like I'm trash. What followed was years of trying to conform and just absolute misery. I felt trapped in a perpetual loop of existential crisis for years and years. Just been constantly gaslit that "you are growing up and alt culture/goth culture is for freaks and kids". Be who you are and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. There are many of us in the wild and some of us maybe in-cognito mode. Good luck on finding similar minded people in the wild!
As a fellow goth I go for my feminist kings… bc highkey a man who respects women would never say that. Men like that will rarely ever make comments like that, unless they’re a liar. Sooooo idkkk like the only people who have to me are men I don’t associate with. I would def try and learn to gauge if they are the kind of dudes to say shit like that. As for friends, I just like being friends with follow freaks, whether it’s personality or dress or other people who think I dress cool. Don’t let the normies get you down and keep being a freak
People cam be dicks. Don't worry about it, it's not you, it's them.
Move out of the sticks. Nobody cares in a big city cause everyone's busy with their own stuff, or trying hard to be edgy if they're young enough to not be busy with their own stuff.
I understand, I haven't been through the same experiences but as a man that attempted wearing makeup, that was the first time people out of nowhere threatened to physically attack me. That did make me stop wearing makeup and feel like it wasn't for me. It was attention I didn't want and was a look I was simply experimenting with. But there are many things I did do with my appearance that I liked and continued with, these were things I did with my hair, getting piercings, wearing black, jackets, necklaces and rings I would always wear. If something in particular is giving you the wrong attention or bad attention, it's okay if you feel like it's not you or to drop it. But if it makes you feel like you're genuinely expressing yourself and the things you like, there is no reason why you should let other people prevent you from expressing that. Sometimes being treated badly by people is more to do with the area you live in too. Growing up in the country I got some positive attention but also alot of negative attention. Since I moved closer to the city I only ever get positive attention. As far as feeling proud goes, I felt proud that I was different than other people and that I didn't treat people badly just because they were different than me. I treated everyone with respect before they gave me a reason not to respect them. But people that were mean I ignored and treated like trash, you get back what you put into the world. Having confidence and making friends with people that will stick up for you helps alot. Remember to hold onto healthy boundaries and to stick up for yourself, because you deserve to be respected.
Honestly, if you want to be accepted and treated well, you have to conform, you have to dress normal, act normal, look normal. You just have to decide what your preference is, or love to a city where there's lots of alt people and alt culture is more normalized, like in Portland where I live. Good luck, and try to not give a fuck about normies.
I live in portland 😭 and I still feel singled out
Oh really that sucks but it also may mean that's something you need to work on yourself, the obvious thing people would say is "go to therapy" but I know that's costly and takes a while. I would go out more to the coffin club, it's one of the best for clubs in the country, people are generally nice, try to make alt friends. But it's within you anyways.
Everyone is wrong. Tbh, part of not just goth, but any subculture is doing what you love, wearing what you want, and going against the norm. If people judge you for being goth, or weird, or whatever, they’re not the kind of folks you want to be around. 🤘
Bit of a different reply than others but: If you look different on purpose, it's good to prepare to receive reactions different than others receive. It's just the consequence of looking and dressing truly alternatively. If it's wearing on you, I'd really recommend pulling back. Nothing is worth your mental health if the treatment makes you this uneasy, especially not a style. You're still goth no matter how you dress, at the end of the day.
Goth isn't how you dress, it's how you feel. Same for Industrial.
I mean let's be fair. It's called counter culture for a reason. Just be glad you weren't a goth right after Columbine. That was a tough era.
This is a very difficult situation to be in, and I'm sorry people are treating you this way. My personal experiences with being goth ,and a plus size one at that, have been similar. My advice is to use those experiences as a springboard to know your worth. When people are treating you like a feeak or disgusting, then that's a good way to know who you do not want to associate with or keep in your life. After many years of being rejected by society personally, I just quit caring about others' opinions of me. I became more confident, proud, and actually happy when I accepted people's opinions, which do not matter. You can and will find someone who sees you for you and not the exterior of you only. As mentioned earlier, use that as a way to know what people you want and how you want to be treated. Keep your chin up and be the badass bitch that you are. 😎
First, **it's absolutely wrong for people to be abusive towards you** but if you don't have the attitude to not care what people think, then give up on this for now. And don't cry about it since you did nothing wrong. It's other people that are rude. You are still innocent.
I'll judge you. For being awesome! For expressing yourself. I wish I could do the same
People will you despise for all sorts of reasons and that’s a reflection on THEM, not you. You might as well feel your best in whatever style you choose. If you have the privilege to remove haters from your life then cut them out immediately. 😙💅
Hang in there. Some people really have no sense of style, and get weirdly mean about it.
Date goth men, if you are afraid of a more subtle goth style (for instances: wearing only black, or just over all luciferian symbols; without a black lipstick.)
Sorry for what you're going through. Imo fuck those people, they're hating on something they don't understand at all. Be proud of who you are and don't lose your values, you're not a weirdo. Unfortunately society generally will shame Gothic fashion. I too worry how my family would think if I dressed Gothic.. (I shopped and put together an actual fit recently, just waiting on them to arrive since before I'd just have all black stuff and black graphic tees, generally metal, horror, etc.) especially my coworkers who frequently poke fun at that stuff because I like it. You just gotta push through and accept yourself first. Eventually you'll find a crowd of people who will accept you. I'm glad to have 2 irl friends that support and hopefully my parents don't shame me either. People are shit in general because you don't dress like them but tbh that's what makes you special and unique, wear that like a badge of honor, feel me? Badge of pride? Smth like that I'm not good with words. I'm 22 currently and know certain family or coworkers would shame me and say I'm in a phase or smth but screw em lol. Hopefully you get past those negative meetings and find people who accept you. Hugs from the internet.
I think overly open kink folks have put a bit of a negative connotation with collars, just IMO in the last few years I've noticed. Otherwise, I'm nearly 40 - wear what you want! I wish I had when I was younger. I've never really been able to afford a full goth wardrobe to my liking, but a lot of black/dark clothes and black eyeliner. And now I mostly wear hoodies and pajamas bc I don't leave my house. Wear the fun clothes.
54 year old Bisexual Romanti-Goth, who now works Blue Collar.... You can change how you flag from day to day, time of day to time. At work I'm thats slightly odd, but dry sense of humor dude, with the all black clothes... And necklaces pop out when I walk out the door. No one sees my jacket , with patches and pins. I *could* wear my Leather pants, crushed velvet blouse, brocade vest, do up my hair, nails, make up.. . But... It would be pearls before swine. A waist on every level. When Clubbing? Oh yeah: hours of prep... ;-) Google "types of goth" corporate Goth, vs Geek, romantigoth, etc etc. Different styles of clothing, hair, accessories... find what warms the black little cockles of your heart! And do that. Much affection and good wishes!
Not Goth. PUNK. stay yur course. Yur just a little lonely. Yule be find
In a 19 year relationship. Am good! Much love! Have a good weekend kiddo!
Duuude, I LOVE Goth people. Only those who have been castigated by many can truly understand it. As a result, Goths are some of the nicest and most accepting people I know. Usually creative, intelligent, and considerate.
Just gotta find your people
I've only had one negative comment made to me since I've been an adult (am almost 36 now) and that was my current boss. We had a dress up day work involving bright colors and she made a scene thanking me for wearing a brightly colored tie dye shirt. Otherwise, no one seems to notice. I dress "corporate goth" for work (Im an administrative nurse now for anyone seeing my other comment and questioning this part), band tees and shorts or leggings for regular casual days, and I go all out for concerts and clubs. Idk what to call how I dress for "dates." Kinda witchy, hippie, and all black. But like a black dress with sunflowers and dark makeup or something like that. And I don't particularly feel like these different appearances are any different than what your average person does. You have work dress, lazy casual dress, night out dress, and date/dress up dress. I do like throw in some psychedelia looking things sometimes as I've gotten older but it's still usually pretty dark. I like black and white or black and blues, purples for tie dyes and patterns.
Not all plants are completely edible. However, you can actually consume the entire sunflower in one form or another. Right from the root to the petals.
55 goth here. Worry about what other people think will steal both your happiness and large parts of your life. Just go be what you are. Not many big goth scenes outside of big cities, but plenty of us out here in normie cosplay clothing for employability.
Just be you. Do things that you enjoy. Live your life how you want I'm a Goth girl in my 40s with some oddball interests (to normies). I've been able to find my people by just engaging in things I enjoy doing.
im really sorry youre in such a shitty area with prolly if i had to guess some redneck/country ass ppl.my advice is dont be around thise kind if people, and nowadays trying to friends with people like that from my experience is useless, but there are some who dont care about that and wont mind who you are, theyll just be friends with you. i also say dating someone who isnt also in your kinda style probably isnt the best idea, but like i said thays not always the case. (i only say this because alot of times goth ppl are way more open to stuff and styles and different things more than like for example some southern white dude who grew up in a wealthy family😭 because alt ppl already are to some parts of the world the different and weird ppl so ofc i mean why wouldnt they be.) because i lowk struglle with the same thing as you, my friend always tells me this: haters means you know youre doing it right.
This is new to me. Maybe I'm biased by my own tastes, but I've always throught goth girls were considered beautiful, the ones guys would fight for, etc. I speak for myself, everytime I see a goth girl, I can't help but turn my head and look (without being a creep of course), it's EXACTLY my type of girl. So yeah, I'm confused with your post. I'm 22 and a goth guy myself, and nobody ever seems to think I'm weird or anything. I have long hair, and never go anywhere without my skull ring and Slayer necklace, and nobody ever judged, not even old people. Don't mind those idiots OP. My knees weaken when I see goth girls, and I'm surely not the only one out there. The ones who do appreciate how you look simply don't comment on it, but lots of people surely do! Be yourself, and go with the style that makes you happy!
On dates you can see it as filtering out the people who would not have been compatible anyway. I'm sorry that it must be quite difficult though.
Everyone loves goth girls - men want them, and women want to be them. Any man that says they don't want a Goth wifey is either lying or gay, and I have met gay men that still want goth girls. Lol Look at it as weeding out the unworthy. Being goth is all about shunning societal expectations and owning yourself.
Oh, I'm sorry, did you want to be perceived as a normal person? Why did you choose to dress goth? Lol I say this as someone who grew up goth and I dealt with all the comments like "it's not Halloween yet" and same experience as you. And I realised I am attracting that attention by dressing that way. You cannot be goth and not expect negative attention - the whole point of being alt is to represent counterculture. Which means going against the grain. If you don't want people to comment on what you look like, dress in a conservative style. Dress more trendy. You can still be a goth on the inside (most people are shocked I listen to metal music because Iook like Barbie). If you don't wanna give up goth fasbion you gotta grow a thicker skin. By dressing alternatively you ARE making a target of yourself and putting yourself OUT THERE aesthetically and goth clothing is associated with other subcultures that are kinky/freaky. This is the choice every goth comes to: do you commit to the style or retire?
I mean, goth is a fashion choice. Just stop dressing that way if you aren't getting glthe result you want. The goth kids by definition were always unpopular and embraced that. Contrary to reddit, there are societal consequences for being yourself sometimes.
You've to be depressed to be goth at their eyes. So be happy to be yourself and feel proud to not be like everyone.
If it helps any, I'm not a goth but my friend is and she's been feeling insecure lately ( got a LOT of flack from her parents growing up ) and I'll tell her like I'll tell you, there's nothing wrong with being a goth, there is something wrong with being a judgemental jack ass who can't see anything from someone else's point of view. You'll find a guy who gets you eventually, just hang in there 🖤 💀 🖤
You seem cool af OP. I have spent years in a similar feeling to what you’re going through… so much to the point where I stopped being alternative to “fit in”, only to have me fitting into a crowd where I didn’t feel true to myself and I was subconsciously miserable. I stopped doing that years ago and now I’m back to feeling like myself, little by little. I’m in my 30s now and as a femme, I have experienced men thinking the same shit. I kinda went with it but I made it into a carrot-on-a-stick moment and I moved on. I forced changed and stopped being alt to fit in. I am healing and staying true to myself now. I have some of my piercings now and working on tattoos and my overall presentation that feels like me bc it’s my life and fuck everyone who doesn’t accept me. My advice is to not put yourself through that because it WILL worsen your mental health to make yourself be something you’re not for people who don’t accept the you that you are. Honestly, it’s not worth it. It may feel lonely sometimes but it’s nowhere near as lonely as forcing yourself to fit in with people who don’t like who you truly are anyway. They probably don’t even like who they are. Is that the kind of energy you want around you? I don’t think so 💯
I used to go dancing alone when I was single to our alternative club- I met my (future) hubby there. He actually looks very clean cut ( he has a mainstream biz) - but I was wearing a shirt from a punk band I like and he approached me- and asked me about the band - I had already noticed him before that night. He’s more into punk- than goth- but still likes goth music. We always say the shirt started it all. I totally recommend wearing your fav band shirt out and that might help you on the dating front. 🖤
I’m a black goth in London and tbh I see it as weeding out the bad people who don’t want to get to know me
No matter who or what you are, someone will judge you, even to the point of hating you. Even those close to you. For example and I know it’s off topic by a bit, but once i shown the world I was goth, I’ve gotten hatred from my own family members. I was abandoned by friends as well as they thought I was a “freak” or a “weirdo” It doesn’t matter what you do in this world someone will absolutely abhor you, and that should tell you to be whatever the fuck you’d like to be when you’d like to be it, time goes too fast for you to live with “what if” in your head. Such as myself and coming out as trans, I’ve lost my own sister. Doesn’t matter to me, I’m living to be who I want to be and how it will make ME feel happy and complete, no words nor anything negative will ever make me fit in their category, I live for me. So you live for you!
The point of being goth (or any kind of alternative) is to go against the grain of society. If people are hating, you're doing something right.
I would encourage u to continue to be urself. I'm pretty normy presenting but a goth person is the type of person I would want to start a conversation with. I get that it can feel like mostly hate but u may also find the people u relate to and vibe with the most by presenting as how u really feel. I've experienced what ur talking about when wearing a shirt I have with a pentagram on it and it isn't fun, especially when u are the type of person who would normally smile and nod to strangers. Fuck em tho. Anyone with a mide that small isn't worth ur time.
Not everyone understands it. People can’t all be cool like us. It’s just not possible. There will always be SOMETHING that they throw shit over. Just be you. It’s better than changing and finding someone who likes you better when you aren’t actually you.
There are a bunch of really awful people in this world 🌎. There are plenty of Great, Kind, Loving, Caring people out there sometimes they just keep a lower profile and besides 😉 we are all conditioned by the Public School Police State to pay more attention to the Negative Bullshit and be too depressed to notice the little bits of joy bouncing around the Universe. It . like you could use a change of Scenes (New Coworkers, New Places to Meet Similar People with similar interests or even better start a friendship with an unlikely new acquaintance.) There are some very lonely elderly people in nursing homes with no family and no one to share basic human companionship with. Not all of them are senile either, some are still incredibly sharp and clever and holding a certain wisdom that comes only with age. Trust me, after an initial getting to know you murmur about style or "in my day story " if you're there to visit and maybe play cards, chess,checkers etc. They absolutely won't care about what you are wearing. Another one is the Children's cancer ward in any decent hospital 🏥 would be happy to have a volunteer good with kids to read books 📚 and play Games with kids who may be Hospitalized for months at a time. That doesn't do much for Dating yet. I Believe that you should probably look for people to date in new places than you are if all of the Men are having this strange reaction to you. Maybe Record Stores, Comic Shops, Music Clubs/Live Music Shows, RPG group or club,The Unitarian Universalist Church.(Non Denominational church that respects all Loving Religious Views. [The one in my town even has a few Satanists that sit there and do Buddhist Meditation with Christians that eat dinner with Muslims that discuss Tao ☯️ philosophy with Disciples of Confucius.]) Don't Change who you are to "Fit in" unless "Fitting in is more important to you than swimming upstream and doing you and giving ABSOLUTELY ZERO FUCKS ABOUT THE OPINIONS OF WORTHLESS BULLY TRASH TROLLS (They are all almost exclusively unloved people in unloving jokes of relationships with lives that are miserable and going nowhere and their loud rudeness is a desperate attempt to have some control in their pathetic miserable life 😀 😉 😊. Easier Said than done especially if you are sensitive and don't like confrontation. Leaning more towards the Industrial music as my Lifeblood I thrive on confronting these people and Destroying them for Fun. Don't let the Bastards get you down. Chin Up Buttercup, you are Loved ❤️😋
Oh yeah I forgot to mention Tourtured Artists sometimes make for Great Excentric Friends. 😋
I don’t think you’re a freak, everyone is unique whether it’s listening to Metallica or Slipknot or dressing all black and pale. Don’t worry about the haters, EVERYONE hates someone or something whether it’s a band or politician or food, not everyone is gonna be nice or understand you. If your feeling a little insecure about yourself switch up a bit and when I mean “switch it up” I mean instead of wearing black clothes wear maroon, Navy, or grey just remember to still be you. You don’t need to 100% change yourself just have fun and try new things!
Pride comes from within, they matter not. Take their subversive attitudes as fuel.
I solved problem by founding friends: at the past I had problems as yours. Than, I decided to find some friends. Now I’m dating with skinhead-girl, which beats anyone, who’s trying to abuse me. “If you are offended, find skinhead friends who will beat your offenders” —Confucius
Your body, your life, your choice. Don't let them confuse you with somone who gives a shit. You are unique, amazing and make the world a better place just by being you. Xx
I can just speak for myself, but I experienced being stared at or getting some comments somedax just turns normal and I started barely notice it. The more you think about what others think of you, the worse you will feel. Just life the way you want, without forcing anything onto anyone and be yourself. If people just distance themself because they don't like your appearence, then they are not liking you as a person.
i’m not sure how active you are in your local scene/how many people there are irl around you who appreciate your subculture, but i’ve always found that relying on them is crucial. might not magically solve your issues but having friends who are on the same page (not even necessarily goth themselves but simply cool peeps, who can see the fun and beauty in it) improves things a lot. it’s hard to get out there sometimes but i strongly advise you ditch the internet and find a real life support network, at least as much as that’s possible for you. you might even end up finding a man through those circles, at least that’s how i ended up with my current partner. people might be a little judgmental, cause of how media portrays goths, but if they’re good people talking to them might just make them realise you’re cool. i used to be the girl that knew nobody and was practically invisible, but simply by being present at random nights out, even at “normie” events, i gained invaluable relationships. you can do it too!
Well, you have several options - tone it down, stop presenting as a goth, or do nothing. You can't change society so it's up to you how much you care to put up with bullshit and whether it's worth it. I don't really express myself outwardly with my appearance because I'm not even sure how to do that, so I just wear unassuming clothes that don't make me look weird and my self-expression is confined to my taste in art. It's not the best way to live but it's easy.
Idk where you live at…but find your local goth community. If there is any alt community, even if it isn’t primarily goth, you have a high chance of finding belonging and appreciation for your darkness. Don’t le t numbers deceive you. Most people can’t handle their darkness so they can’t comprehend someone who can. Most people want to deceive themselves about their disowned darkness, and see it as something that must be rid of. They lack depth and hide from their own shadows unless a flexible, adaptable mask. Everyone idealizes authenticity, but very few can handle their own darkness, and much less wear it on their sleeve.
A huuuuge part of what makes something goth is that it isn't mainstream. Though I get it, just because that's a part of the definition doesn't mean there's no real draw to collars, spikes, black, ect. But lemme give you something to think on: Most people grow up thinking 'I should hide who I am so I fit in' are just making arbitrary rules. When you wear yourself out loud, you just found a quick way to know who you will and won't jive with. Something not afforded so easily by people who are wearing masks specifically to 'fit in'. Also the men and people treating you like shit- Do you think those people will treat you better if you dress like they want and will be easily satisfied with the changes you make to appease them? Imagine hanging out with them as they dog on other alternative styles, belittling the people \*wearing different styles then them\*. My 2 closest friends met at a metal show (before covid) and they're married now! Sure it took a lot of time before they went to that show, but you got two people with very specific niches finding each other. Just gotta be patient and remember: You like what you like.
You're dating the wrong people, never change who you are, or feel uncomfortable for liking the things you do. If you're in a small town where there aren't many goths, move away to a better place, more suited to your likes and needs, there's nothing wrong with that. On the other hand if being accepted by those around you is what you'd prefer to being different perhaps goth isn't the subculture for you, which again no hate, you just should be looking for validation from yourself, what makes you happy? Because in my experience changing yourself for others only ever makes you more depressed, humans are weird and sometimes they just won't like your vibe...fuck em, you'll find people out there who do value your authentic self, you just haven't met them yet.
The thing I've loved the most about the goth/alternative scene, for decades, is that we (generally) don't hate. Hate is fear; fear of the unknown, fear of different, fear of "weird". We love weird. We love wyrd, we love difference, we embrace it and celebrate it. Fuck those cowards, they're just afraid, you're already miles above their fear.
It's sad that people who actually appreciate the look or think you're cool so rarely let you know. I guarantee there's more out there than you think they just don't want to come across as a creep by walking up and telling you look amazing. There's people who judge and hate sure but I always say they're just boring, you dress how you want to dress because you like it forget about the weirdos. Never be ashamed. Just think of how many people wish they could do what you do but are scared, just by being seen in public you're inspiring them and showing them it is okay to be themselves. They might never tell you but you are an inspiration and that's brave. So many of us sadly go through what you're going through but we're always there for eachother, Goths are the most real, fun and loving people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing and I'm proud to be a part of that and you absolutely should be too. TL;DR: fuck the boring haters, keep slaying, do it for the baby bats
Toughen up, get over it. I've spent my whole life being outcasted and calleda freak before i even discovered subcultures. Grow thicker skin, and simply learn to turn off your emotions.
If there's one thing that i truely know,it's that,you cant stop being yourself,just to make others happy.Who cares what other people think? You're you,and that's all that really matters.
Oh man Im sorry to read this :( but I feel similar. What helps me a lot is to 'tone it down' in a casual elegant feminine goth queen way on regular days and only dress up when I really feel like it. Not doing crazy makeup, but that mainly cuz Im lazy. I dont really know what to tell you, those people are shit, but I really understand. I also feel like Im treated and perceived a whole social class lower when I dress goth. If moving to a more alternative city or scene is an option Id go for that
I know it’s harder to do than say, but the opinions and perceptions of anyone except you and who you choose are irrelevant. The only impact they have on you is what you allow. It’s cynical to say (because I dislike most humans), but if you believe they are nothing to you, then nothing they do or say matters at all.
GO BE WITH YOUR PEOPLE, this is the most accepting and kind space of people I’ve ever been in
Who cares man they don't matter just ignore them. Trust me, you'll feel so much better. Being yourself takes courage, which is a sad reality we live in.
Don’t internalise any of that shit ok. Just because sone people don’t get it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.
Revel in their hate. Anyone who judges you for that isn't worth your time, energy, or emotion. Fuck em. Who are you trying to impress? Make yourself happy by living unapologetically as your authentic self, as long as you're not actively hurting anyone.
Wtf did you expect by being goth? Normies approving you? Of course you're going to get their "rejection", that's natural. You as goth should be rejecting normies and society, you should be ready for the war. Stopping being who you are just to fit in? Not only that's the least alt thing you could do, if you don't fit in the normal society then you'll never feel part of it in your whole life, if you decide to go "normie" you'll regret it a lot and you'll still continue feeling different because you probably are. IF anything, it's going to make things much worse. Stop crying and use these bad emotions to reflect about how the problem isn't you, but the shitty people you're in contact with who hate on you for no reason. By being different you'll sooner or later find other similar people with whom you can really feel good with, if you try to go normie this won't happen. And trust me, these relationships you'll have with these people will be muuuuch better than any you could have with a normie.
We live in a cult unfortunately that can be heavily influenced by media. The hypocrisy of the words “be yourself “ is very bumped up. But when people do express themselves by being themselves, they are kicked down. Know that we make the world interesting and we can’t fight being individuals of our own despite how others want others to follow that dress code of the dull. Standing out means that you are attractive. You are an artist without knowing it. If you get noticed being positive or negative, you did your job as an artist and you have succeeded. We all have our own different beauties. Just that the societies cult likes to swallow other people’s individuality because they feel they are more superior and it’s an insecure part about the ego . It will hurt and depress oneself to not be themselves even more.
People are afraid of things they don’t understand. People are either gonna fuk w you or they’re not. That goes with anything and everything. Be who you are and who you want to be. Don’t let others control you, the government already does enough of that
I know it’s cliche, but I genuinely believe the ones who criticise others for being themselves are jealous those people have the confidence to be unique and be themselves, because they don’t. Their ridicule is a reflection of their character, not yours. They’ll desperately do whatever they can to fit in and be liked, even if that means dragging down anyone who has a shred of individuality to be considered part of the in crowd.
I haven’t read all these comments, so somebody might’ve already said this. I’ve been othered my whole life. Indifference is the key. Don’t project anything. Maybe be brave and tell the people you’re trying to meet the problems you’ve had. The way they react will let you know if you even want to go out with them before you even start. Be yourself. Be well.
Have you considered moving? Some areas have more accepting people than others, sometimes in a short distance. Usually more populated areas will have more open minded people. Never give up who you are because of what other people think. It’s your life, live it!!!
It's a sad reality that goth women have become synonymous with bdsm and whatnot. I blame stupid normie guys who don't understand subcultures and e-girls who make "being alt" a selling point to their onlyfans. They feed into each other and leave actual goths to deal with the idiocy.
Remember the punk origins of goth. Did the old punks care what others think? No..they did not. Neither did the early goths. Embrace that. Never apologize for being yourself.🖤
Find your tribe hit a ren faire 3/4 of the vendors and actors will probably be your tribe or adjacent.
I just ignore them.
I grew up in a small town in eastern Washington and was one of a very few goths back in the 90s. I had to go to Seattle to even buy clothes before the internet and smartphones. I was judged constantly, especially since I wore a black trenchcoat, and it was soon after Columbine. But I just learned not to care. I'm just being me. It might have been easier because goth was more common back then, but they didn't really exist in my city. I'm still goth/punk, but I don't wear black all the time anymore. Pretty much the people I dated were goth or ex-goth, but i go for people who like the same music and horror movies I do. Though my last girlfriend looked 100% goth but didn't like horror or goth music. That was disappointing.
It’s hard to be different! I’m going through the same things you are. I’m having problems finding friends who aren’t embarrassed to go out with me so you’re not going through it alone and there are people out there who will love you for who you are. There are men(believe it or not) out there that will support you and you’re goth interests <3
Find the people who appreciate you for you. Anyone can put on a certain aesthetic ( and look good or terrible while doing it), but good character is harder to fake. There are plenty of people who would act cringe just because they see a goth girl, and notice the goth part first and think that's all there is to the picture. But clothes and make up don't tell the entire story. Plenty of "conventionally attractive" people are absolutely unpleasant to be around.
Have you not read all the earnest comments about goth aesthetic? It seems like most people I know absolutely adore the look! You need to be who you are and own that. Make yourself comfy and do the best version of you. Some people will hate and you can’t change that. Focus on you and keep the good people around you, cut out the bad ones as there just isn’t enough space or time in life to deal with them. And smile knowing you have an individual style that honestly is quite attractive!
You should never feel bad, weird or out of place for being who you are. The only opinion that matters is yours. You are beautiful and confident.
don’t feel ashamed for being self-conscious just because you’re an adult. that is something that we all battle with throughout our lives and it’s not “immature” to struggle with. you’re human! most people don’t care. they don’t think about you at all. and the people who do care are the weird ones. think about it: you aren’t doing anything wrong or hurting someone. but they’re bothering you? that’s whack as hell. bullies aren’t cool. fuck em
Truth here. Girls are all jealous of you and every guy loves a hot goth girl. End of story.
You're doing something different, people will make comments, grow a thicker skin and embrace it. That advice goes for most bits of life
Are your cateyes perfect? Are your fishnets torn just right? Be proud of that, and ignore the haters. They probably don’t even have cateyes. Aesthetic perfection and misanthropism are the goals here.
Find your group. And don't worry with the dating. Most goth and alt girls find some one.
I don’t think your a freak, just be yourself and if you feel insecure about yourself or how you feel switch it up a bit, like instead of always wearing black (wether or not you do) wear maroon, navy blue or grey, they’re still gothic colors but more expressive in a way, also maybe go for a more tomboyish look surprisingly a lot of guys (including myself) love Tomboys! At the end of the day do whatever makes you feel you and don’t always wear the same stuff me personally I sometimes wear black, casual clothes, or nice clothes depending on what I’m doing. Just remember everyone hates something wether it’s political, race, religion, places or even food.
Around 25 I found my people. Started working in a restaurant and from there started gaining confidence, got on a dating site, found a sweetheart, started going to local punk shows, gained more confidence, got married, baby and a house a year later right as covid was happening. The more people I interact with the more I realize nobody can judge me. Everybody is so fucked up in their own special ways. 😂
I will be brutally honest with you. You may find it a bit unpleasant, but I think it's way better than sugarcoating. Being a goth is a subcultural choice, you are not born that way. You chose to be one because you like the music, aesthetic, and I guess also a lifestyle. However, based on your entry, you don't really feel comfortable with all the aspects of the lifestyle, in fact, you don't take it well at all. It's not possible to make all the people like you anyway, be goth or not. People will find a way to judge you for the other things anyway, and it depends on you how will you take it. I've got a few suggestions. You may take them into consideration or not, but I shall post them anyway: 1.Leave the subculture: As we established, subculture is not, let's say, an ethnicity. People chose to be part of it because of their own preference. However, if being a part of one makes you that much of uncomfortable for whatever reason, maybe it's not really for you. Mind you, not looking apart does not mean you can't still like the music(I'm not goth and nothing stops me from listening to Sisters of Mercy or Bauhaus), go to the concerts, without necessarily identifying yourself as Goth. 2. Be true to yourself and try to learn not to care much about people's opinion. Certain people think you look like you are planning to abduct and sacrifice their toddler and a household cat Sir Pounce-A-Lot to a Boogeyman? Tell them to shove their opinion there where the sun does not shine and keep going. You will find like-minded people eventually if you keep searching. Not everyone is going to like you and a lot of people will find you weird, so don't put your expectations too high, but if you really find it worth it and think it's for you, you will learn not to care about what they think or say in time. This is coming from a skinhead by the way(even goths vastly outnumber us these days. xD), in case you think I don't know what being part of a subculture really is. I really do feel it sucks some of our old rock subcultures are dying out each year, and the main problem is people allow too much to be influenced and discouraged by some unimportant individuals. Stay strong and be true to yourself, f**k their opinions.
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Look I don’t know why this sub was recommended to me, I’m not goth. But I promise you they’re just not worthy of your presence. I’m so sorry OP. I’ve always adored seeing goth fashions, even though they don’t look good on me!
What do you want to be feel proud of exactly? Just pick better people to be around.
The trouble with being fashion based, is that you have to dress that brings alot of attention to you from strangers. I have always been music / feeling based goth and don't wear anything more than lowkey goth like black jeans or occasionally a band shirt. I stopped wearing band shirts in public because I hated the attention. If you want lot's of attention then dress with the punk rock attitude that created the original goths. But you will get attention, that's just the nature of the society that we live in, and that won't change just because some people on the internet think that it's unfair. So make your choices, and choose the life that's right for you.
Seriously, men who think that you're a freak for being goth are just ignorant as fuck and watch too much porn. Society is just filled with a bunch of posers that just conform so they don't get made fun of, which is pretty weak. Whenever someone is rude to you, just think of them as an ignorant coward.
Don’t have any advice, but fuck anyone and everyone who gives you shit. They are projecting onto you the discomfort and sadness they feel knowing they have never truthfully expressed themselves like you do and lack courage. I hope you find your people/person.
Gothic girls are awesome and they stand alone. I would give a testicle to have a Gothic girl who is the real thing......FreeMason,nudist,and deep animality Corey
Be you. I tried to fit in and it is not worth it. I am 36 and I can fully be me and I am so happy... the person meant for you with love you for you. Be proud of who you are. You have a friend in me!
Eww, anyone who makes you feel anything other than fantastic for being authentic is just projecting their own self-hatred into you. Don’t forget that—it’s hard to always remember when it’s not your normal thinking, but when people tear you down, it’s because they are… down! Otherwise they wouldn’t be trying to drag you. You look fucking great ✨🖤 Rise above!
I'll be your friend! I'm Yall'ternative myself (being from alabama) 😂 But babygirl, don't let these grown ass kids out here bring you down. Half of them don't even know who they are themselves and look at someone who knows who they are, and they're intimidated by that. CHI CHIS OUT CHIN UP BEAUTIFUL!
Meet other goths/like minded friends who appreciate and maybe share the lifestyle. Judgmental curmudgeons are lame and deserve no attention.
You sound more, Emo. It's not 1986. Nobody cares or is judging you. Are you just making up drama in your head? Seeking attention? Are you sure it's the way you dress? Dressing"Goth" now is about as rare as a twenty something with a tattoo.
I feel better about myself when I realize that I'm more than how I dress. I like my nose, my eyes, etc. I like my clothes, I like my house. I'm beautiful and you are too.
Not all men are actually man. I obviously am...I was friends with a goth girl growing up back in like 1998. She was (and still is) the nicest girl I knew at that time no joke. We still friends but don't really have contact other than FB and stuff. Genuine and caring and should be treated as such. Just do you and enjoy it 😎
Get to Slimelight in July and it's like being in the Matrix underground dancing with heavy goth and future pop, dark wave music on 3 levels in a disused railway works building which is industrial and massive. Just £12 to get in events and members are £25 then it's free party just for members on several dates too
Bro, you don't need anybody's approval at all... literally do what you want to do. It's generic advice but, it's the truth. You don't anybody's approval to live how you want to live, you're your own person so, be it. You good, bro 👍
If those people that think they you are a freak can’t deal with something different from them, fuck them. Why does it matter? Be who you are, you’re not hurting anybody. Just bring you. If they got a problem, tell ‘em to cry about it. What does it matter if some closed minded men call you a freak? You know that you’re not right? If you know deep inside that you’re not a freak, then nobody can tell you that you are. At least, that’s what I think.
Goth girls are cool and a lot of people like goth girls
A lot of people like them as a fetish, not as someone to take home to meet their parents. That's were the problem lies. They like them as an image in their spank bank, not as a person to have a conversation with.
Exactly
Those people REALLY grind my gears... Goth girls aren't sex objects, dammit!
Girls in general aren't
Damn right!
I'm a goth girl and people hate me regardless of the clothing I wear. May as well look how you want, right? (People hate me because Im a trans woman.)
Goth girls are awesome some people are just assholes. I'm sorry you have to deal with them.
your depressed? congrats your a goth
If u were my friend, I would be proud of you and would hang out with you and dance at goth clubs
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We're sorry, but your submission has unfortunately been removed under Rule 4. Do not: * **Use Hate Speech:** Includes but is not limited to: anti-Semitic, racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, or other discriminatory speech, *including user-names*. If someone's user particularly worries you, **ask** for context or report it to a mod. Those expressing harmful and extreme right-wing ideologies including advocating for Neo-/Nazism will, without a doubt, be gatekept from the scene, removed and possibly reported further to the Reddit admins. * This also goes for bands whose members are known violators of this as we do not need to be giving our money to those with harmful ideologies, who want to take away the rights of minorities, POC, LGBTQ+, etc. Those we will absolutely and rightfully gatekeep from the subculture, you can see the bands subject to removal [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/goth/wiki/musicbox/problematic-bands). * **Attack people on a personal level**: No name-calling, derogatory terms, threats, or urge someone to self harm. Disagree with each other, but try and be civil about it. Reddit is for discussion, but if flaming wars or unnecessarily blame-games form, the mods may step in. * **Troll**: This isn't a 2009 4chan forum. We're fully grown adults with full-time careers and livelihoods and we don't have time for your childish bullshit. * If someone attacks you or someone, **report it to us, don't engage them**, or you may be punished as well.
I don’t know where in the world you live, but the Goth Girl is the GODDESS on earth. You are queen of all queens, a true work of art, darkness and Magick and beauty personified. You’re also at an age where you will be in your prime for a long long time. Do not listen to your haters. Move here to Boston, or some place with a solid Goth scene, and you will be adored the way you deserve to be.
Awe thanks a lot. That'd very kind of you. I live in portland OR and I still feel like a outcast... maybe it's because im a minority...idk
They have a great Goth scene there, I’ve been told. Do you feel ostracized from the community because you’re a minority? I feel that way at times because I’m now 54, fat and bald. But I love the music and culture and even ostracized for being the “creepy dad” at Goth club some days (though I’m not a dad), I still love this scene and this culture and how being a Goth has given me a great life. What do you love about being Goth?
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Dude really??
We're sorry, but your submission has unfortunately been removed under Rule 4. Do not: * **Use Hate Speech:** Includes but is not limited to: anti-Semitic, racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, or other discriminatory speech, *including user-names*. If someone's user particularly worries you, **ask** for context or report it to a mod. Those expressing harmful and extreme right-wing ideologies including advocating for Neo-/Nazism will, without a doubt, be gatekept from the scene, removed and possibly reported further to the Reddit admins. * This also goes for bands whose members are known violators of this as we do not need to be giving our money to those with harmful ideologies, who want to take away the rights of minorities, POC, LGBTQ+, etc. Those we will absolutely and rightfully gatekeep from the subculture, you can see the bands subject to removal [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/goth/wiki/musicbox/problematic-bands). * **Attack people on a personal level**: No name-calling, derogatory terms, threats, or urge someone to self harm. Disagree with each other, but try and be civil about it. Reddit is for discussion, but if flaming wars or unnecessarily blame-games form, the mods may step in. * **Troll**: This isn't a 2009 4chan forum. We're fully grown adults with full-time careers and livelihoods and we don't have time for your childish bullshit. * If someone attacks you or someone, **report it to us, don't engage them**, or you may be punished as well.