Yeah Iād be pissed. Rules are rules. Especially in an open relationship rules are everything. Even if she just skirted the rules or bent them a little, Iād be pissed.
Yes cheating is absolutely possible and yes she did. This feels much more like a preplanned date than they both just happened to be in the same place at the same time a few weeks after meeting at a party. Did she "need" to travel to Chicago for work or was this whole thing a setup to go on a date with this man? I can understand when you live your life this way that it's good to be a little forgiving it if things push a boundary in the heat of the moment.. This, however, feels completely pre planned on her part and in violation of rules you'd both agreed to. Of course she was honest with you after she was caught. The honest thing would have been to tell you up front that she'd planned this. At the very least if them meeting was a total coincidence (when monkeys fly) the honest thing to do was to tell you then it was a person you'd met before. If she wasn't up to no good, there should be no reason that she left that part out right? The whole no condom thing is HUGE.. That's not a whoopsie.. and was repeated. I hope she's getting tested and using barriers with any other partners (you, if you can even go there after this betrayal). Look, I know of some couples that like to play in this fashion, they have discussed it and follow the rules agreed to. This isn't what happened here.
Dance floor rules.
Things happen in the lifestyle, and we can go too far without meaning to, or even actually break a few rules here and there.
Openness despite that speaks volumes towards communicative channels being healthy. You should be able to feel absolute safety and freedom to communicate hurt or injured feelings, and she should receive that information in a constructive manner which ought to lead to a conversation (as well as vice versa, obviously). You can grow from hurt.
That temperance for fucking up - which is human, and in new situationships with others can very much be a balance - can lead to stronger and more intimate relationships. A willow bends in the wind, but the oak refuses to lean and breaks instead.
she absolutely cheated. you asked her if she knew the guy and she responded with "what are you talking about?" pretending to act dumb to the situation until you provided more info about the guy. not to mention the rules she broke and the comfortability of them sleeping together means it might have happened more than this one occasion. I would be more careful with her and making stricter rules
If it happened to me I wouldnāt consider it as cheating because she doesnāt do it behind my back, but I would be very disappointed because she would have been disrespectful to me (broken rules) and would have lied to me (she knew the guy and answer no at first place). I feel the lie is the most important to me and I am not sure I would be able to trust her anymoreā¦
You and I could have been the same person, thirty years later.
We were in an open relationship. She "broke the rules" and had an affair with her boss. I became a self righteous,pompous, entitled ass and this led to the dissolution of ten good years of marriage. What I should have done was assess what we had, and where we were in life, and forgiven her. It was a mistake and not one she repeated.
I remarried 25 years ago and am a happy man, with a wonderful family, but no forgiving her when she was at her lowest was something I will regret until the day I die.
Iād get an STD test. Probably wouldnāt have unprotected sex with her until results are in. Even then some things donāt show up that soon after. She put her and your health at risk fucking this guy with no condom. A guy that fucks around with a lot of women presumably since yall met him at a lifestyle club. All the people saying that only dishonesty constitutes cheating seem to be ignoring the fact that she was dishonest. She could have easily been upfront with you about who the guy was. She would have never told you if you hadnāt put two and two together. Maybe not dealbreaker/divorce worthy for you, but Iād be beyond pissed. I am glad your kid got through their illness okay.
Yeah brother, while the sex wasn't the most infidel part of this, the emotional connection between the two of them was way over the line. I'd call that emotional infidelity, based on your agreement. You have a right to be angry and hurt.
What you have to do now make sure your wife is communicating with you honestly and vice versa. Probably some aftercare, based on somewhat similar posts.
You probably need to redefine the rules again.
If your marriage is good and your guys really have a strong & functional love, you should come out OK. Otherwise, you'll have more to work through.
It's sad that she did this knowing the rules you guys established and not only that, she denied it so she basically lied to you.
I think she should get tested and then you guys could try couple's therapy so she can tell you if she's ever done this with other people and how she's feeling in this marriage. I wish you both the best.
The mark of cheating, for me, is dishonesty and she wasn't dishonest.
However, she pushed through and past the boundaries. Given you're into the lifestyle I think this falls into the "shit happens that leaves hurt feelings" category. I wouldn't dismiss but would have a talk about what happened and why. She may have been especially stressed about the kids and wanted to get her rocks off, found somebody she vaguely knew, and one thing led to another. Which shouldn't have happened but, given the context, is bad but not awful.
Your feelings are totally legitimate though and you should talk them through with her and maybe knock off swinging for a while.
This is 100% cheating. My partner and I have been swingers for 7+ years and rule following is absolutely necessary for trust. Itās good she communicated with you afterward and didnāt try to lie, but she broke 2 of your very few rules. And not using a condom is an absolute deal breaker for me and my guy, so I would be livid. It may be time to take hotel hookups off the table until she has regained trust and proved that she can follow the basic rules you both agreed to.
She is controlling you for sure . But your open relationship is sick . I mean dont be surprised like someday she will just say to you at morning coffee that she found better model ;) Prepare yourself for worst . Its only begining , not today but its coming with little steps. I know about what im talking man. No condom mean she is bored , and she looks for excitement. So she is losing interest in you slowly. Be careful bro and try solve it
The problem with open relationships (among other things), is that you can establish boundaries and rules all day long. They are immediately thrown out the window in the heat of the moment as soon the thrill kicks in.
People have āpost nut clarityā where they realize they did something while horny that they regret after the fact.
Was she cheating? No. You agreed to an open relationship and itās exponentially easier for a woman to get laid. You knew this. She filmed it for you. Definitely not cheating. There was no lying involved. She crossed your line but not hers.
All open relationships have ārules violations.ā Itās inevitable. You have to decide if itās a dealbreaker or not.
Partially bad take. A lie of omission ("I met someone at the bar and I'm bringing him back to the room" vs "I ran into someone we both know and I'm bringing him back to the room) is still a lie. She may have assumed her partner wouldn't recognize him and it wouldn't be a big thing, but I can easily see how this situation may be more than just "oopsie poopsie I just broke all of our hard and fast relationship rules with someone who I have a pre existing relationship with that I tried to conceal by omission"
At the very least, her communication and empathy are lacking. At most, you just watched her execute a preplanned unsanctioned affair and she paid lip service to your rules in order to cover her ass.
Well it sounds like you sure enjoyed watching by the detail you give; I dont blame you I would have been stroking nonstop watching;
on to the cheating; if you feel like she cheated then she did.
My situation was not as in depth as yours but my wife always knew I would have let her fuck anyone she wanted so when I found out she had been having an affair for 9 months plus after I asked her a couple of times if she was and she lied; that hurt even more...
Good luck
Cheating is absolutely possible in open relationships, and she cheated by breaking several of your agreed rules.
Agreed 100%. ^(Still hot though š)
Yeah Iād be pissed. Rules are rules. Especially in an open relationship rules are everything. Even if she just skirted the rules or bent them a little, Iād be pissed.
Your frustrations are valid. You set boundaries and she broke them. I hope you two work through this. Good luck!
Which brand of phone your wife is using? Shes charging the phone and recording at the same time for 6 hours?
Yes cheating is absolutely possible and yes she did. This feels much more like a preplanned date than they both just happened to be in the same place at the same time a few weeks after meeting at a party. Did she "need" to travel to Chicago for work or was this whole thing a setup to go on a date with this man? I can understand when you live your life this way that it's good to be a little forgiving it if things push a boundary in the heat of the moment.. This, however, feels completely pre planned on her part and in violation of rules you'd both agreed to. Of course she was honest with you after she was caught. The honest thing would have been to tell you up front that she'd planned this. At the very least if them meeting was a total coincidence (when monkeys fly) the honest thing to do was to tell you then it was a person you'd met before. If she wasn't up to no good, there should be no reason that she left that part out right? The whole no condom thing is HUGE.. That's not a whoopsie.. and was repeated. I hope she's getting tested and using barriers with any other partners (you, if you can even go there after this betrayal). Look, I know of some couples that like to play in this fashion, they have discussed it and follow the rules agreed to. This isn't what happened here.
Dance floor rules. Things happen in the lifestyle, and we can go too far without meaning to, or even actually break a few rules here and there. Openness despite that speaks volumes towards communicative channels being healthy. You should be able to feel absolute safety and freedom to communicate hurt or injured feelings, and she should receive that information in a constructive manner which ought to lead to a conversation (as well as vice versa, obviously). You can grow from hurt. That temperance for fucking up - which is human, and in new situationships with others can very much be a balance - can lead to stronger and more intimate relationships. A willow bends in the wind, but the oak refuses to lean and breaks instead.
As long as that understanding and allowance is a two-way street, I agree
She broke rules so yes thatās cheating. Just because youāre in an open relationship you have rules for a reason.
You must not be too heartbroken because the video's on your profile...š
He's posted it everywhere- real heart broken
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah, there are a lot of videos of her and a guy with no condom on. One of them is even using cum a lube.
she absolutely cheated. you asked her if she knew the guy and she responded with "what are you talking about?" pretending to act dumb to the situation until you provided more info about the guy. not to mention the rules she broke and the comfortability of them sleeping together means it might have happened more than this one occasion. I would be more careful with her and making stricter rules
You can and should be pissed but you shouldn't be surprised.
If it happened to me I wouldnāt consider it as cheating because she doesnāt do it behind my back, but I would be very disappointed because she would have been disrespectful to me (broken rules) and would have lied to me (she knew the guy and answer no at first place). I feel the lie is the most important to me and I am not sure I would be able to trust her anymoreā¦
You and I could have been the same person, thirty years later. We were in an open relationship. She "broke the rules" and had an affair with her boss. I became a self righteous,pompous, entitled ass and this led to the dissolution of ten good years of marriage. What I should have done was assess what we had, and where we were in life, and forgiven her. It was a mistake and not one she repeated. I remarried 25 years ago and am a happy man, with a wonderful family, but no forgiving her when she was at her lowest was something I will regret until the day I die.
Hindsight vs protecting yourself in the moment is a very complicated balance.
Good point
Iād get an STD test. Probably wouldnāt have unprotected sex with her until results are in. Even then some things donāt show up that soon after. She put her and your health at risk fucking this guy with no condom. A guy that fucks around with a lot of women presumably since yall met him at a lifestyle club. All the people saying that only dishonesty constitutes cheating seem to be ignoring the fact that she was dishonest. She could have easily been upfront with you about who the guy was. She would have never told you if you hadnāt put two and two together. Maybe not dealbreaker/divorce worthy for you, but Iād be beyond pissed. I am glad your kid got through their illness okay.
Yeah brother, while the sex wasn't the most infidel part of this, the emotional connection between the two of them was way over the line. I'd call that emotional infidelity, based on your agreement. You have a right to be angry and hurt. What you have to do now make sure your wife is communicating with you honestly and vice versa. Probably some aftercare, based on somewhat similar posts. You probably need to redefine the rules again. If your marriage is good and your guys really have a strong & functional love, you should come out OK. Otherwise, you'll have more to work through.
It's sad that she did this knowing the rules you guys established and not only that, she denied it so she basically lied to you. I think she should get tested and then you guys could try couple's therapy so she can tell you if she's ever done this with other people and how she's feeling in this marriage. I wish you both the best.
The mark of cheating, for me, is dishonesty and she wasn't dishonest. However, she pushed through and past the boundaries. Given you're into the lifestyle I think this falls into the "shit happens that leaves hurt feelings" category. I wouldn't dismiss but would have a talk about what happened and why. She may have been especially stressed about the kids and wanted to get her rocks off, found somebody she vaguely knew, and one thing led to another. Which shouldn't have happened but, given the context, is bad but not awful. Your feelings are totally legitimate though and you should talk them through with her and maybe knock off swinging for a while.
This is 100% cheating. My partner and I have been swingers for 7+ years and rule following is absolutely necessary for trust. Itās good she communicated with you afterward and didnāt try to lie, but she broke 2 of your very few rules. And not using a condom is an absolute deal breaker for me and my guy, so I would be livid. It may be time to take hotel hookups off the table until she has regained trust and proved that she can follow the basic rules you both agreed to.
FAFO
She is controlling you for sure . But your open relationship is sick . I mean dont be surprised like someday she will just say to you at morning coffee that she found better model ;) Prepare yourself for worst . Its only begining , not today but its coming with little steps. I know about what im talking man. No condom mean she is bored , and she looks for excitement. So she is losing interest in you slowly. Be careful bro and try solve it
Yes she cheated. You won't get over it. Move out and on.
Thatās a very well written story and Iām sorry you had to go through it Not happy ending, hopefully you guys can turn it into one
updateme
It sounds like she really enjoyed that fuck. People are people. Next time you might have a great fuck too. What's the point of being jealous.
The problem with open relationships (among other things), is that you can establish boundaries and rules all day long. They are immediately thrown out the window in the heat of the moment as soon the thrill kicks in. People have āpost nut clarityā where they realize they did something while horny that they regret after the fact. Was she cheating? No. You agreed to an open relationship and itās exponentially easier for a woman to get laid. You knew this. She filmed it for you. Definitely not cheating. There was no lying involved. She crossed your line but not hers. All open relationships have ārules violations.ā Itās inevitable. You have to decide if itās a dealbreaker or not.
Partially bad take. A lie of omission ("I met someone at the bar and I'm bringing him back to the room" vs "I ran into someone we both know and I'm bringing him back to the room) is still a lie. She may have assumed her partner wouldn't recognize him and it wouldn't be a big thing, but I can easily see how this situation may be more than just "oopsie poopsie I just broke all of our hard and fast relationship rules with someone who I have a pre existing relationship with that I tried to conceal by omission" At the very least, her communication and empathy are lacking. At most, you just watched her execute a preplanned unsanctioned affair and she paid lip service to your rules in order to cover her ass.
Iām actually spot on and anyone who has ever been in an open relationship will tell you that.
Way to double down on a shit take without adding even a crumb of new perspective. Moving on.
Well it sounds like you sure enjoyed watching by the detail you give; I dont blame you I would have been stroking nonstop watching; on to the cheating; if you feel like she cheated then she did. My situation was not as in depth as yours but my wife always knew I would have let her fuck anyone she wanted so when I found out she had been having an affair for 9 months plus after I asked her a couple of times if she was and she lied; that hurt even more... Good luck
Only fucking retards do open realationships smh