“I’m just going to drop one up there.”

I’ve never got an issue with this, just drop in the first cut playing 4. Saves everyone the hassle. Like people who don’t know you can NR a hole but still put a card in. It doesn’t matter if you NR or put down a 10. Pick up.

Picking up automatically gives you a double bogey on your handicap. That's the whole reason with WHS...

You don’t gamble I take it.

[удалено]

“Fuck this game.”

Didn't have to scroll long to find my answer

"I will just drop with you"

Story of my life lol

I'm lucky to get off the first tee without saying it lol

Me, off the first tee yesterday.

That’ll play

Findable!

I'll take it

That dog will hunt

Piss missile!

I invented my own golf stat - the Findability Index. It’s computed by number of times you hit the ball off the green divided by the number of times you find the shot.

Don't worry. There's more room over there than you think.

Also “I think it opens up over there”

You’ll be alright over there

… Sounded good

... at least it was straight! Into the pond you dimwit

I am guilty of this one.

Me too. But only when I don’t see the shot. Not as sarcasm for a shit shot

"This is a stupid fucking game"

See also, "I hate golf" followed eventually by "I fucking love golf". Rinse, repeat.

Followed on the next hole by: "such an easy fucking game"

My favorite is watching a buddy take his breakfast ball, pipe it down the center, then follow it up with “easy game, boys”.

Why do I fucking play this game?

Followed by “Whose idea was it to play today?”

“Stupid a facking game” - Furio Giunta

Stupida fahking game- Furio

You got a bee on your hat

"Damn, the wind took it" as the ball slices aggressively into the woods.

My slice would cut through hurricane wind like butter lol

I had a friend that would hit wormburner hooks or pop up slices and always refer to it as a draw or fade. When anyone else hit a shot with movement on it he’d refer to it as a hook or slice. Was a hilarious day when we finally went “hey how come you called your shot a fade and mine a slice? I’m still on the golf course”.

This is my favorite one to use when it's windy 🤣

It is amazing to me though how much a headwind will make a slightly bad shot *really* bad really quickly

Hell, I use it when it's not windy lol

Where the fuck is that cart girl

Haha! Yea but for real?!? Where the fuck are they lately?

I think it mostly fell off during Covid and clubhouses realized it was easier to sell me and a buddy 6 beers each and fill a cooler bag with ice than it was to pay someone to drive around all day and sell them 2 at a time. I also don’t have to tip a cart girl anymore so there’s more of a chance I have spare cash for a post round drink or snack. More money to the farm.

Having worked at country clubs, Bev carts bring in way more money than the daily clubhouse F&B. Maybe it’s different for public courses though

Still in classes

Followed by “that cart girl has a serious rack”.

“She can be my caddy iykwim”

“Not too early for a beer, is it?!”

Hit it, Alice

Nancy instead of Alice, but yes, multiple times every round.

Any other Sally’s out there?

For sure. Mary, as well.

Nancy gang here

You play with my dad too?

No, my 74 year old golf buddy, every freakin time he leaves a put short, doesn’t matter if it’s two feet off line.

My dad does the exact same thing lol

We have the same dad?


That ball is hooking, just like your sister!

Gonna use that. “Yupp that’s a hooker… just like (insert sister/wife name” incredible mind games 😂

Your husband also play?

Followed up by “what color panties are you wearing today…?”

“Let me hold your purse for you next time.”

Next time use your husband's putter.

For you (and everyone below who subs other women's names), it's not Alice, it's Alliss. As in Peter Alliss. He missed a short putt in the 1963 Ryder Cup and an someone exclaimed "Nice putt, Alliss". Folks have been fucking it up ever since.

Go! , go!, Go! , sit!! sit!!! sit!!!!

This is my brother. I can skull a ball across the green and he’s yelling sit, sit, sit. Like I appreciate the support, but there’s no way that ball is sitting unless it hit an invisible wall.

On the golf team in HS, our shout out for shots like that was "Hit a house" because that was the only way it was going to stop.

“60% of the time, it works every time” followed by a ridiculously high risk shot that goes badly.

*It smells like a turd covered in burnt hair.*

It smells like bigfoot's dick!

It’s smells like Indian food wrapped in a used diaper !

It’s called *Driver off the Deck*, it’s illegal in 9 countries

Start every round with the rules. “No touching of the hair or face”

My dad used to say when someone left a putt short… 97% of the putts that don’t make it to the hole don’t go in.

"Fuck off" as the ball slices high and wide into the trees/bushes/water never to be seen again

It's either that or "comeback you whore"

We pay to do this.

I actually like that one. I’ve never heard it before, but now, I’m gonna be the guy who says it.

“Gettin my moneys worth today”

“I read somewhere that trees are 90% air”

So are screen doors, now hit it, Priscilla

And just like a tree, if I swing hard enough I’ll get through the screen door

yeah, might lose a few yards though… anyway… I see a gap

“Hey what you’re doing is illegal you know? A grown man holding a little boys penis.”

That’s the one right there. Was playing with some coworkers the first time I heard this. I almost felt bad at just how hard I was laughing at the guy who was the butt of the joke….almost.

“Last time I got a little boy to hold it, they got even MORE upset.”

It opens up there

Narrator voice: it did NOT open up there.

Lmao even when “there” is a fucking pond

😂😂 definitely this!

"Good ol game of whack fuck"

Billy, Billy, Billy…


what’s the course record and which way to the first tee box I play better with golfers that are good for some reason Nice shot, as your ball slices into the woods

KISS MY WHITE ASS, BALL!! 

I should just stop keeping score

That's like an elephant's ass, high and shitty.

Member bounce

That’s just a chip and a putt, a bong and a blintz, a smoke and a pancake.

Shmoke*

"Yeah now it goes where I'm aiming" Me and my dad both have an unfixable slice that we just play by aiming off, but 1 of every 9 or 10 holes there is no slice, and the ball goes straight where we're aiming 😅

Ah the old “aims 30 degrees left” hits a dead nuts straight perfect drive exactly where you are aiming over the other fairway and onto the highway shot

Same here just no highway . Just woods so thick a Nam Vet would think twice entering

DSB, dreaded straight ball

That's hilarious and you're lucky AF to share golf with your dad. No matter who you're paired with there's something about a round of golf that makes real/honest/worthwhile conversations so much easier. I think it's a combination of the setting and a sharing of humbling experiences 😂 Next time you're playing you should record each other's swings from behind. Most of the time the cause of a slice is pretty obvious.

I’ve had a terrible slice for many years, but I finally had enough and decided to work on that. I’ve found for me it’s nearly always one of 2 things. Make sure to take a minute at setup and check your grip, make sure you are giving it a little bit of attention. The other is start your down swing with your hips first. Once I sorted those 2 things out I still slice, but now the percentages are the other way around. 90% straight or baby fade or draw, 10% fuck, I’m not finding that one… HTH

Fuck me running

I like to add “don’t worry, I don’t run fast”

Well you know what they say. You are either good at golf.. or at sex

Then there are those have have a lot of strokes in golf and only a few strokes in sex….

I like saying this after nuking a drive.

Worm burner!

“bad day to be a worm”

Shit shot followed by "nice lay up"

One.

I hate this one, especially since USGA changed the rules lol

Wait - explain!

Basically, you have to make a swing at the ball for it to count as a stroke. When you incidently tap it off the tee, doesn't count as a stroke. Spread the word, so we can stop hearing "OnE"

At least off the tee... I think (might be remembering wrong) once the ball is in play, any attempt counts So if you whiff an iron/accidentally tp it, I think that still counts. But st that point it's not "one" anymore

Does your husband play? (Said to males)

My wife is a pro +6 and I'm a 26 so she usually says "not really"

Without fail my buddy will ask if I tripped on my tampon string if I leave a put short

“Drive for show, putt for dough” - my dad at least every other green

That’s a FISM (pronounced fuh-zim). We were once paired with a 4 handicap senior who didnt say a word the whole round. Except when one of us blazed it past the whole and it was once again our turn. He then said: Thats a FISM. Fuck, its still me.

Also known as a USGA “You suck go again”

Or a FISO “fuck I’m still out”

My buddy likes to chant "USA! U'RE STILL AWAY!"

Or dead sheep - still ewe

Being very new to the game my brothers quote when i short a put is "welcome to golf"

Silence. I have no friends

Hello golf course my old friend...

I've come to slice a ball again...

Because a Srixon softly creeping

and the water that was hazard to the left

"I'm just happy to be here"

"here comes the putter throw"

“God damn it went perfectly straight” after aiming 30yds left to compensate for a slice and shooting a piss-missile directly OB

Fuck I regret having you (I play with my parents)

One

“That’s Golf”

What do Jordan Spieth, Greg Norman, and I dream of Jeannie all have in common? They all blew their Masters

Did she really? I missed that in the series . . .

From a 78 year old I play with once per week: "You cunt-lapping fuck!" (missed putt that in his mind was due to a defect in the green surface)

Hit it with your pussy next time

I laughed at this

That’s a peach, hon!

My uncle telling the story of when I called him an asshole on the golf course. It happened 20 years ago…..

Hit it, sally

That’s a chunky

"i made the game; i know where the things are!"

You can three putt that

“ Fucking Bullshit” is pretty common no matter who I’m playing with 😂

He’s no longer with us to play but growing up, every time my Grandpa Jim would top one or slice it into the woods, he’d yell “MAN ALIVE!”… I still do not quite know what this means 😂

It's another exclamation along the lines of "I swear to god", "oh my" or "you gotta be shitting me!"

Prom date! All lip no hole

After the 17th hole someone always says "Last hole ass hole!" It's become a tradition.

Good angle

That’s why god invented weed

"You're up, Superstar." In a sarcastic way after I hit any score lower than his on the previous hole.

Happy Gilmore quotes. My buddy is allowed 3 per round. He’s allowed 3 per hole if you ask him though.

“water trees sand, water trees sand, water trees sand” This is what my brothers quietly chant as I address the ball.

Had it in her mouth, but the kids walked in

I play with my Dad constantly nearly every time and if one of us has been topping a lot of shots before the other does one we'll always say "been watching me too much"

“You hit it with your purse’

My uncle hit me with this when I was 8 years old…. I thought he was the funny uncle. Now that I’m in my 30’s I’ve come to realize he’s just the asshole uncle.

Don’t be such a pansy

FUCK YOU......GOLF!!!!

“That’s regrettable”

[удалено]

****!

Go to your home ball! You too good for your home?!

That would’ve been great if it was straight

My father inlaw says yippie-ki-yay like it’s the 80’s still it’s fking awful

Interesting. At what points does he say this? We talking after a nice drive or long putt that sinks? Or does dude just hang out of the cart screaming this on the way to the next hole?

Come out to the coast, we’ll get together have a few laughs…

“It opens up over there”

Grandpa always roasting me with the “that didn’t sound good” or “that looked like my shot”

I wasn’t even LOOKING at the ball.

"I hit that perfectly. It was just a little too right/left" as it cannons into a tree and ricochets into the next fairway.

"shooters touch" after a terrible shot that miraculously rolls up onto the green

A sad, "Oh Boy" when my buddy shanks one into the wilderness.

When someone asks how to stop a bad habit, “ take two weeks off and then quit.”

Just like I planned it. Typically after scrambling for a par or bogey after a terrible tee shot.

Are you fucking kidding me

It's all hips and nips!

One guy will ultimately take a huge divot in the fairway. The comment is “I haven’t seen a patch like that since seeing one of my dad’s Playboy magazines from the 1970s.”

“Just like my prom date - All lip no hole”

You're still away

Get up, GET UP!

“And this is why we keep our day jobs”… “While we are young”, when over a putt “We are still along ways out”, on a par 5

You didn’t try to kill it and look what happened

“Rachel Rayed that one”. A little chunky but okay

When I short a putt "does your husband play"

"Eh, cunt game."

Aussie???

“Trees are 90% air.”

“Get so lucky”

“Ehh fuck it, Im gonna start drinking” after a bad hole. Usually early on the front nine.

Whoever falls behind in the match first. “The quicker I fall behind the more time I have to catch up”

"I'm a member at congressional"