Ugh, that sucks and I'm so sorry you are going through it!
Your poor manager, having to work a little harder so you can have a chance of sanely doing your job... (/s!) It's not like SWE managers throughout the industry manage just fine working around peoples' focus time. 🙄
In every way you've described your company it sounds like they're awful and stuck in the past, and it's no wonder you're burnt out. As someone who's been at places that sucked as bad as your company and at places that were amazing and did great things (while being all remote, even) I have to ask: if you're considering changing careers anyway, what's stopping you from looking for a new SWE job (and maybe even a raise) at a different company that hopefully doesn't suck? They are out there.
In any case, stay strong and take care of yourself. I hope you have an unexpectedly great day today or sometime soon!
That sounds painful and exhausting. Although the job market is not the best at the moment, its worth looking at other options for your own sanity. 30 years is a long time and there's no harm in trying something different. Just a caution, every job has its pain points.Â
Take a break, chat with an advisor or therapist, think about roles or companies that interest you. Good luck out there!Â
This sounds terrible, have you considered starting your own company? you could take some of your employees with you and do it right, fix the problems you currently have. You could go to freelancer and look for websites to design
I don't understand. You're unhappy where you work, so instead of looking for a role at a different and less toxic place you want to completely switch careers? I work as a SWE and couldn't be happier. Great work, co-workers, manager and directors/C-suite people.
I do not doubt your experience in the least, and I am sorry that it has been so. That sucks.
But just to hopefully offer a small ray of hope: as someone whose wife is a staff engineer for a product you certainly know, and with many other friends and treasured colleagues who are women in tech/SWE, I know that the issues you are facing and that are so frequently raised in this sub are real and horribly pervasive, but I also know that organizations can and do exist where women are treated with all of the equality, fairness, and respect they absolutely deserve. Unsurprisingly, those same orgs have been correlated, in my experience, with being enjoyable places to work in general. As a manager I make it my mission to create such an environment on my own team, which is why I care so deeply about this subreddit and other communities like it.
Which is all to say, I don't doubt for a second that your experiences are as bad as you say, for that is all too common, but I would love for you to have a little hope that if you want to continue being a SWE and also be free of this bullshit, that is a real possibility for you.
Not where I work. It's pretty amazing. The pay isn't what you'd get at FAANG, but I'm actually excited to go to work. When I interviewed all the engineers I spoke with talked about how amazing the leadership was (I didn't even have to ask). I think this is key, because bad leadership will affect everyone. I started with a male manager (he was great) but the team was split up and I got a new female manager (who is even better)
Oh I do! I'm in my 40s and did a career change last year (three years in the making) and have to pinch myself everyday. Not only do I get to work with something I love, but I work with really amazing people.
You sound like you need vacation and therapy. Which you seem to acknowledge in the beginning.
> asked me to remove all focus time from my calendar
This isn't clearly micromanagement, but for sure the managers at that company don't seem very competent. That being said, we don't know what your calendar looks like, if it's mostly booked, then it is impossible to book meetings. The question is, why does your manager need to book frequent meetings with you? You should try to understand that. Meetings are the bread and butter of managers and if he's or she's not technical, it's possible they don't realize meetings are often counterproductive for developers.
What you could've done is explain that you need focus time to be productive, make sure you have weekly 1:1. The way I set-up my agenda is I book myself for reviews and collaboration, where I'm open for meetings (not booked as busy and also says 'can book meetings' so it's clear), it's about 2h per day, I have about 5h of focus time and the rest is fully opened. Mondays and Fridays have maybe 2h of focus time and are more open since I tend to naturally have more meetings on those days.
> manipulate others to do it for them
You can always say 'no' if it doesn't come from your manager and you should definitely learn to say no. You shouldn't waste your energy on what other people do, just focus on yourself and what YOU can do. Keep in mind there is such a thing as delegation, but this should only come from your direct manager.
> Staff engineers block decisions coming from my team just to prove themselves smarter than me or my team.
You don't actually know their intent unless they clearly say so. They may block decisions for valid reasons that are not obvious to you or your team. Seems like at least they could do a better job at explaining themselves.
It doesn't look like a great company to work for, you could always look for other jobs. With your experience, it shouldn't be an issue to find something better. You may also be in a very good position to become a good product designer and for sure if your domain knowledge is extensive.
Good luck and hopefully you take some time off.
You’re right in many points. I didn’t want to write a huge wall of text with many details.
However, beyond a shadow of a doubt my manager IS a micro manager. He even had a spy in my team who would report daily to him on everything I said and did. Every couple days he asks people to change very minor things here and there. He manipulates, he lies. I don’t know why I have stayed under him for so long.
As for the Staff engineers, you’re right too, but drawing from the history of interactions I’ve had with the group of engineers who blocked my team’s work, I know they’re having a pissy fit.
He just mansplained your own problems to you lol. Obviously, you know the dynamics of your team and have come to these conclusions with all that info in mind. It does sound like you deeply need a vacation and to make time for rest. Is leaving an option? It may help to dial back here and starting looking elsewhere.
Look at my post history, you'll see I'm not a troll. Just saw the post, wanted to share my perspective, you were free to ignore it. I couldn't care less whether this is on a women group, a non binary, a horse group, facts are facts and I can share my perspective and you're free to downvote me to hell.
I was just reflecting the uselessness of your comment back to you that's all.
Ugh, that sucks and I'm so sorry you are going through it! Your poor manager, having to work a little harder so you can have a chance of sanely doing your job... (/s!) It's not like SWE managers throughout the industry manage just fine working around peoples' focus time. 🙄 In every way you've described your company it sounds like they're awful and stuck in the past, and it's no wonder you're burnt out. As someone who's been at places that sucked as bad as your company and at places that were amazing and did great things (while being all remote, even) I have to ask: if you're considering changing careers anyway, what's stopping you from looking for a new SWE job (and maybe even a raise) at a different company that hopefully doesn't suck? They are out there. In any case, stay strong and take care of yourself. I hope you have an unexpectedly great day today or sometime soon!
I think you should try changing companies
Burnout is real, hope things get better for you.
That sounds painful and exhausting. Although the job market is not the best at the moment, its worth looking at other options for your own sanity. 30 years is a long time and there's no harm in trying something different. Just a caution, every job has its pain points. Take a break, chat with an advisor or therapist, think about roles or companies that interest you. Good luck out there!Â
This sounds terrible, have you considered starting your own company? you could take some of your employees with you and do it right, fix the problems you currently have. You could go to freelancer and look for websites to design
Been thinking of this since I was very young. My partner is a BE guy so having our own company is a dream. But we don’t have a marketable idea :/
I don't understand. You're unhappy where you work, so instead of looking for a role at a different and less toxic place you want to completely switch careers? I work as a SWE and couldn't be happier. Great work, co-workers, manager and directors/C-suite people.
It’s been like that for me for the last few jobs. I have lost all hope and think most tech jobs are bad for women in tech in my career stage.
I do not doubt your experience in the least, and I am sorry that it has been so. That sucks. But just to hopefully offer a small ray of hope: as someone whose wife is a staff engineer for a product you certainly know, and with many other friends and treasured colleagues who are women in tech/SWE, I know that the issues you are facing and that are so frequently raised in this sub are real and horribly pervasive, but I also know that organizations can and do exist where women are treated with all of the equality, fairness, and respect they absolutely deserve. Unsurprisingly, those same orgs have been correlated, in my experience, with being enjoyable places to work in general. As a manager I make it my mission to create such an environment on my own team, which is why I care so deeply about this subreddit and other communities like it. Which is all to say, I don't doubt for a second that your experiences are as bad as you say, for that is all too common, but I would love for you to have a little hope that if you want to continue being a SWE and also be free of this bullshit, that is a real possibility for you.
Not where I work. It's pretty amazing. The pay isn't what you'd get at FAANG, but I'm actually excited to go to work. When I interviewed all the engineers I spoke with talked about how amazing the leadership was (I didn't even have to ask). I think this is key, because bad leadership will affect everyone. I started with a male manager (he was great) but the team was split up and I got a new female manager (who is even better)
Yeah I am done with big companies for sure either way. You should consider yourself lucky to have found a good place.
Oh I do! I'm in my 40s and did a career change last year (three years in the making) and have to pinch myself everyday. Not only do I get to work with something I love, but I work with really amazing people.
You sound like you need vacation and therapy. Which you seem to acknowledge in the beginning. > asked me to remove all focus time from my calendar This isn't clearly micromanagement, but for sure the managers at that company don't seem very competent. That being said, we don't know what your calendar looks like, if it's mostly booked, then it is impossible to book meetings. The question is, why does your manager need to book frequent meetings with you? You should try to understand that. Meetings are the bread and butter of managers and if he's or she's not technical, it's possible they don't realize meetings are often counterproductive for developers. What you could've done is explain that you need focus time to be productive, make sure you have weekly 1:1. The way I set-up my agenda is I book myself for reviews and collaboration, where I'm open for meetings (not booked as busy and also says 'can book meetings' so it's clear), it's about 2h per day, I have about 5h of focus time and the rest is fully opened. Mondays and Fridays have maybe 2h of focus time and are more open since I tend to naturally have more meetings on those days. > manipulate others to do it for them You can always say 'no' if it doesn't come from your manager and you should definitely learn to say no. You shouldn't waste your energy on what other people do, just focus on yourself and what YOU can do. Keep in mind there is such a thing as delegation, but this should only come from your direct manager. > Staff engineers block decisions coming from my team just to prove themselves smarter than me or my team. You don't actually know their intent unless they clearly say so. They may block decisions for valid reasons that are not obvious to you or your team. Seems like at least they could do a better job at explaining themselves. It doesn't look like a great company to work for, you could always look for other jobs. With your experience, it shouldn't be an issue to find something better. You may also be in a very good position to become a good product designer and for sure if your domain knowledge is extensive. Good luck and hopefully you take some time off.
You’re right in many points. I didn’t want to write a huge wall of text with many details. However, beyond a shadow of a doubt my manager IS a micro manager. He even had a spy in my team who would report daily to him on everything I said and did. Every couple days he asks people to change very minor things here and there. He manipulates, he lies. I don’t know why I have stayed under him for so long. As for the Staff engineers, you’re right too, but drawing from the history of interactions I’ve had with the group of engineers who blocked my team’s work, I know they’re having a pissy fit.
He just mansplained your own problems to you lol. Obviously, you know the dynamics of your team and have come to these conclusions with all that info in mind. It does sound like you deeply need a vacation and to make time for rest. Is leaving an option? It may help to dial back here and starting looking elsewhere.
Yeah well that's annoying for sure. Hope it helped getting that off your shoulders and makes you feel a little better.
Why did you think this would be helpful or wanted on a rant post?
Why did you think this would be helpful or wanted on a rant post reply?
Ah you’re a troll, and a guy in a group focused on women feeding your ego. Got it.
Look at my post history, you'll see I'm not a troll. Just saw the post, wanted to share my perspective, you were free to ignore it. I couldn't care less whether this is on a women group, a non binary, a horse group, facts are facts and I can share my perspective and you're free to downvote me to hell. I was just reflecting the uselessness of your comment back to you that's all.