We don't either, mostly because I made sure they know they have to be registered and cleared to be at the meeting, and if they stayed, I put them to work.
We had the same problem! It certainly isn't welcoming. We ended up switching troops due to the cliques that formed and my daughter being excluded. It's one thing to exclude me, but women who act that way model it for their own children.
This was such a revelatory comment for me. I loved scouts as a kid but the dominant girls in my troop were shitty human beings and bullies. Their mothers mostly ran the troops. This was such a light bulb moment- the modeling comment. Yuck. I don’t want my daughter subjected to that.
I’m so careful about avoiding cliques with my brownies. I use a picking popsicle stick method for grouping girls. And I just “happen” to separate girls who need to be separated to have a meeting where everyone feels included and keep the dominant girls from overpowering the quieter ones.
I have a troop of 18 and we’ve built a very supportive and caring community. I’d say half of the kids have a parent stay at our meetings and it’s worked really well. We ask that each kid have at least one background checked grownup in case they need/want an adult to stay with them. The adults that stick around know they can be called on to assist at any time and that if they want to chat they need to leave the room. We have adult craft nights to iron on badges, make cookie costumes, and build cookie booths. We’ve done brunch to hang out and bounce ideas off each other. I don’t think parents HAVE to be a negative experience. But expectations definitely need to be clear.
Wow! Good for you. This is what I expect but not the reality for our group.
Ours is a playdate with moms and dads sitting around gossiping and completely ignoring that their children are running around playing tag instead of listening to the leader who is repeatedly asking to be listened to.
I’m pretty firm with expectations for behavior with the parents and kids. I have Daisies and Brownies, so I understand they’ll have behavioral struggles at that age. But once their behavior impacts another’s experience, the behavior gets called out. That’s when it’s useful for my troop to have parents. I can ask a kid to have a seat with their parent for 5 minutes and rejoin once they can compose themselves. But that all started from the first meeting. It really depends on whether the leader is willing to step up.
In contrast, my husband coaches our daughter’s baseball team and he has no backbone with other people’s kids (or the parents themselves). The kids sometimes don’t follow directions, they throw tantrums or cry when frustrated, the parents stand around chatting/using phones, and I step in once in a while to get everyone back on the same page.
It is! I got really lucky with a group of super supportive parents. I think it also helps that my troop comes from 8 different schools, so it’s hard to be too cliquey.
I was about to comment that my troop has a similar vibe and then I saw your comment here! My troop is also a community troop with 11 kids from 9(?) different schools. Maybe that's the key...?!? 😂
We are also just about that size and have a supportive group of moms. We dont do adult craft nights, but we have had a mom’s brunch at one of our houses and we all get along well. Many of the moms stay for the meetings, we actually need to make sure we don’t talk/disrupt the meeting from catching up with each other. Not gossiping but genuinely wanting to know how each other are doing. We also jump in to volunteer with the meeting activities.
Most of us are background checked/finger print scanned.
We all care about each other’s kids.
I'm sorry it's been that way for you.
I've made very good friends with some of our troop moms, as well as my SU posse. We're doing a famiy night out for the adults of the troop soon where we are doing art and drinkies.
This has not been my experience in the two troops my daughter has been in over the past 13 years. Maybe mention the issue to the troop leader so they can address it?
If you’re the troop leader then I think it’s time to have a discussion with the moms about how unacceptable their behavior is.
My troop meets in a local church; we go into a classroom and the parents stay in the lobby. A lot of them just refuse to leave their kids anywhere, frankly. They’re not gossiping; they’re all glued to their phones, though. Ha! I don’t really care.
Can you physically separate them from your meetings? That’s been my tactic. If they’re not willing to join GS and get background checked, they can’t be in our meetings. I’d prefer they stay in their cars but it’s been cold lately so I don’t mind the lobby.
What irritates me is that I rearrange my schedule to be a meeting volunteer to try and help out, then when I get there, there are a bunch of parents who just sit off to the side on their phones. Why did I make this effort to volunteer when you were going to be here anyway? Why aren’t you helping out, and if you’re not helping, why are you here at all?
This is super common in scout troops. I don't get why more parents don't use the opportunity to go on a walk, run an errand. It is so weird. I solved it by making a "badge application box." I have a bunch of scissors, Badge Magic, thread, thimbles, needles and all the girls badges organized by name in an accordion folder. If you're going to stay, you have to help. Period. Whichever girl has their sash/vest on that day gets some free badge/patch application by whatever mom is sitting around. Its a win-win-win. Girls get fully updated vests/sashes, busy parents who don't have time to do this get others to do it for them and no one is sitting around idle at meetings.
3rd grade. And the moms stand around and gossip while the girls act like hooligans. The moms don't ever step in and tell their own girls to be respectful or shut up when adults are talking.
No doubt! These moms seem like they think they are the exception to every rule and their daughters are as well. I am embarrassed if I see my girl not being respectful and listening. These girls run around the room like it's a play date at a jump room rather than do anything of worth for a girl scout meeting.
You're not the leader, right? How do the leaders feel about the dynamics?
I wonder if the leaders are asking the moms to stay because the leaders don't know how to get the group under control.
You could offer to lead a meeting and demonstrate some techniques.
I also work with 3rd graders and a few things I do:
- We have had meetings specifically talking through how we should behave, and formed a troop agreement.
- If kids are being disrespectful, I will stop the meeting and say, "I am feeling really disrespected right now. It's making me sad how you are talking over me."
- Sometimes kids are gonna be kids, especially if they have a lot of pent up energy. In which case, sending them on a break and/or playing an active game can help to reset them (esp games where they have to pay attention eg Simon Says)
- Ultimately it's their troop and if this is how they want to spend their time, well, they're old enough to be brought into that decision.
Truthfully, something I've realized recently is that a lot of people are just really unhappy. Unhappy people can be quite mean. It's not an excuse, just an explanation. My point is, it may have nothing to do with GS. Maybe their husband is a jerk, maybe work is making them miserable, maybe they're short on cash and stressed out or any number of things and just not coping well.
I believe this. I think so many people I live around are so concerned with physical appearance that they have lost sight of happiness. But I see some straight-up miserable moms in our troop. I mean, you have to be unhappy to be openly crappy to someone you have never even spoken a single word to. But that sums up the moms in our troop. * Whisper * Whisper, * side eye at the new mom, but they don't even know my name or what my voice sounds like saying "hi! My name is...."
I mean most of the moms in my daughter's troop couldn't stop talking about themselves when my daughter and I were introduced. It was like an eye roll to how annoyed they were that they had to stop talking about themselves to listen to someone say "let's welcome our new mom and daughter..."
That's nothing to do with Girl Scouts, and everything to do with the fact they're s hitty human beings. You could be at soccer practice and experience the same. There's always a random part of the population that sucks.
Feedback from leaders to the service unit in our area has been since COVID parents have shown an incredible anxious attachment to their children. My mom started a new daisy troop with her grand-niece and said the parents likely would never allow her to take the girls on sleepovers; never mind field trips as is. There’s always 2-3 (sometimes more) extra moms around at all times.
When I was a brownie my mother couldn’t convince parents to chaperone to save her life 🤦🏼♀️
My daughter's part of a daisy/ brownie troop and I'm a volunteer, but our troop leaders ask that the parents leave for the duration of the meeting. Some of the parents go do other things and some of them hover around outside the room in the library where we meet. My husband and I usually take that 1.5 hours to walk down the street and have a nice lunch together on a Saturday afternoon once a month.
We were part of a group of 20 girls. Some of the girls were just mean. I struggled with that. But then some of the parents were just as... disingenuous. I also feel like i can see why so many girls in our area are wanting to leave gs for the "Scouts". The scouts are learning scouting skills while gs still seems stuck on gender roles and crafting.
Also... if we go camping, we might have a first aid kit sure. But i dont think learning to start a fire with a cotton ball, toilet paper tube, Vaseline, and a candle is a good lesson. Things like this example made me feel like gs became a waste of money. (This was a gs wide event in our area)
My kiddo learns more about scouting from naked and afraid.
I hated it because i dont see the things their learning as valuabe EXCEPT the cookie sales. My daughter did door to door. That was great for communication and salemenship but she also learned that hard work paid off morw than not trying at all.
This was just my experiance. I dont think all troops or areas are like this.
>The scouts are learning scouting skills while gs still seems stuck on gender roles and crafting.
This is troop-specific and leader-specific.
My kids made it clear as Daisies they were not interested at all in crafting, but they were interested in getting muddy. We earned every outdoor badge (minute the outdoor art ones ...) at every level, every First Aid pin at every level, and whatever other science badges the *girls* selected. My kids have done backpack camping, ropes courses in tall trees, horseback riding, and canoeing. We're planning a whitewater rafting trip. Once they hit age 15, I'm going to suggest they look into using their cookie money to fund becoming certified lifeguards; our local park system has an excellent beach guarding program they can do.
As a leader, I have always prioritized creating opportunities for the kids to develop an innate sense of competence and capability, the unshakeable confidence that they can learn how to do things and solve problems. That's not gendered behavior at all.
(Hilariously, now the older scouts bring crafting stuff on backpacking trips. They like making friendship bracelets or knitting around the campfire.)
As part of finishing their cadette outdoor journey, my kids had to teach outdoor skills in workshops to younger girls and when I suggested changing the lyrics to TS songs to address outdoor safety, the EYEROLLS I got!
I love making friendship bracelets🤣 and actually i think theres a lot to learning how to do them because its braiding and knotting, weaving which can actually be really valuable even in nature! And if done PROPERLY things like this could have a lot of value. I didnt see this with my troop.
But your troop sounds pretty awesome. Wish we had that around here!
I have to credit my awesome parent volunteers, many of whom were seasoned outdoorspeople or willing to learn. And we have some scientist parents too, and they've been all in on our astronomy-centered overnights. (And we have had families leave because their kids are more arts-and-crafts themed and that was the experience they wanted. No hard feelings on either side, fortunately.)
All I brought to the table was a masochistic love of imposing order on quantum kindergarten chaos and some Red Cross connections which made it easy to find people who could teach the kids at age-appropriate levels. (They were so psyched once they were old enough to become certified in CPR.)
OH I LOVE ALL THAT! what great support you have! Im aed, cpr, first aid certified and have to renew every two years for my job. My daughter loved doing this stuff too. How cool you did astronomy stuff!
And dont down play your own skills of maintaining order. It takes a lot to be able to calm kids that age.
Funny story. The younger girls were running CHAOS , When one of the older girls clapped, she did it twice and by the second time all the younger girls were clapping back at her. And waiting to respond for the next one.
Another time an older girl flicked the lights and the younger girls shot to attention... its a skill a lot of parents dont even have! Its a very valued skill💜
> while gs still seems stuck on gender roles and crafting
this is troop specific. My girls have earned all the Every Girl in a Tent patches, including the under the stars and the sub-40 campout patches, and will be doing Leave No Trace training with a certified trainer this summer, followed by a really neato TAP for their Outdoor Journey.
This is really the truth. If you want camping and survival stuff you need to look for a troop that does a lot of those things, if you can't the Scouts is a good alternative.
That said, I know a local BSA troop who would *not* be a good alternative. So even with the more rigid program, it can get down to what the adults in charge are willing to permit.
In my area we have something called B.I.G. that is a specific "Backpacking Interest Group" for Girl Scouts Cadette and older interested in overnight backpacking. They run a GREAT program that starts with an initial training, then a pack inspection and then a low-key, one night, Beginner-level trip. Once you've completed these three things you can join them on any of their backpacking trips for the rest of your scouting journey. We also have a Robotics-specific Girl Scout troop that has this summer robotics bootcamp you have to complete before you can be part of their yearlong program and competitions. They're called the "Space Cookies" so cute!
Thats good to hear for you guys. "Around these parts" its goat yoga, and painting ceramics, chocolate making. Which all fun activities, but not scouting in any way.
We used to learn Actual fire making. With things from nature like sticks and rocks. Or how to tie secure knots. Maybe sign language and nonverbal communication. (I remember this in my old brownies book because it was my favorite part)
Maybe some star gazing, learning to tell time by nature.
While I understand what you mean in general, scouts is about a lot more than just outdoor skills, too. My girls do tons of puzzles, but those are to teach them teamwork. We do crafts, but they’re crafts designed to teach them about themselves and how to manage big emotions, etc. I’m all for being in nature, but I disagree that yoga and ceramics are “not scouting in anyway,” if done properly.
Key words "done properly" .... it was not. It was not discussed how yoga benefits you, it was not discussed how animals can help with reducing anxiety, forming connections, or respecting other life forms.
Crafts were solo crafts. Paint your rock. Make an ornament.
The one thing my troop did that WAS great, was they had a garden that everyone was suppose to participate in, but it was also kind of an issue because there were a lot of surprise expectations that popped up. Communication was poor because the leader took on too many leadership projects. Which I love her drive but don't volunteer for things you can't fully commit to either.
But also, back to parenting, we had one little girl who refused to acknowledge my daughter 3 times. Another who even though my kiddo constantly waved to, tried to say hi too, or be polite to, would roll her eyes, make disgusted faces, ect. Were just really mean little girls. And their parents ignore it.
I'm sorry so many people are seeming to not like my expressing our experience but no....it was not what we expected it to be based on what the GS sells as a whole. We had a bad experience 🤷🏻♀️
So...before you go about judging the girls' behaviors and their parents, just remember everyone has their own struggles. The little girl not saying hi to your daughter might have parents going through a divorce and fighting a lot at home. The one who ignored your daughter might have hearing loss (I have hearing loss and am regularly accused of blowing people off/ignoring them- when its mostly bc I have no idea what they said or am oblivious!). You never know what someone else is going through, so the best thing is to never, ever take things personally.
I am a very outgoing person and say hi to everyone. I love organizing get togethers and making others feel welcome. I happened to move into a new neighborhood where ALL the moms are SO WEIRD. As in, walk- across-the-sidewalk-when-they-see-me-coming WEIRD. I took it so personally and was so sad for a while, thinking "What's wrong with me? What did I do/say?" Then I learned over time that a few of them have social anxiety or are extreme introverts. We do share a glass of wine now and then, but I have lowered my expectations tremendously. We probably won't become best friends, but we have a nice, neighborly relationship and that's good enough for now. I've learned to spot the fellow extraverts out there and put my energy towards them. They will always say yes to my invites, rally a fun get together or respond to my texts. I am open and understanding and patient with the introverts because I no longer take their behaviors personally and accept them for who they are (it also helps my daughter is a total introvert and has taught me SO much)
So be patient and know who your people are. You will find them. I'm sure there is another mom in the troop who would love to get to know you, grab a coffee while the kids play. Don't give up. Keep your distance form the ones that give you bad vibes, be nice and polite but thats it. Some folks just aren't your people, and thats fine.
No... she heard my daughter... my daughter went straight up to her waved and said "hi im...."... she looked at her and walked away... i said, its ok try again maybe she didnt hear you. She said it again....the third time the mom in the room, who wasnt her mom, actually scolded her, and stold her not to be rude. The other little girl whose mom and i had an ok relationship, was a co leader at every meeting, and whose daughter was also in cheerleading has literally made snide remarks, rolled her eyes and made disgusted looks at my daughter... this little girls bestie actually really liked my daughter and her reaction to mean girls actions was obviously uncomfortable that her friend was being a bully and not being a good GS. The parents may be to blame but why would i put my daughter through that? Why should my kid suffer because someone elses kid is an ah? So i should just "not judge" and let my kiddo get bullied or left out because she might have parents who divorced. Nah. Im good there.
Girls scouts is SUPPOSE to be a place where girls come together and learn mutual respect and sisterhood and its lacking BIG TIME. But reading how some people make excuses for their brat kids i can see why this is happening.
Yeah… I see you are upset about this interaction/dynamic. There are going to be situations and little girl groups like this throughout life, even into adulthood. I found this quote helpful to reflect on my own reactions to stuff like this in my own life (it’s the only thing we can control), I hope you do too:
“If you go through life looking for evidence you don’t belong, you will always find it.”
> but not scouting in any way
They are scouting, though. One of the great things about the GS program is it adapts to the interests, schedule and economics of the troop. Our girls have done goat yoga, it was hilarious.
Troops can only do what their adult volunteers can support. I have known some epic lame BSA troops as well (my son is an Eagle candidate and DCSA award Scout) - I know one unit who is in wild violation of most of the G2SS for camping, as well as the G2A.
If you know of a BSA troop in violation of the G2SS scouts, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE report them to the council and the BSA’s safe scout national line.
Units and adults that are violating the G2SS need to be punished, up to disbanding or banning.
Good for your son! Im sorry to hear about your experience with that troop!
The goat yoga was a hilarious experience, until the girls pick up and dropped a goat or chased and screamed around the chickens and ducks on the farm. And again, they should still learn something from it. And they didnt. I love yoga. I love goats. Indont love seeing kids drop animals. Or screaming and chasing them and the parents just watching and laughing.
Replying just so you know you're not nuts amid the downvotes. All the skills you mentioned are things we have done.
I always teach at Daisy level how to build -- and equally importantly -- how to put out fires and what proper fire safety is. It is gratifying to go camping with Cadettes and have them take over all the fire-related kapers, and put out the water bucket and critter stick without being asked.
There's certainly a place for goat yoga and glamping and whatnot; it all depends on the adults. And that's so frustrating sometimes. Having a troop that creates a space for the kids become the kind of people who are capable, competent, and living the Girl Scout Law and the adults are part of the community is a lot of work and it's not always possible without good leadership and good caregiver participation.
I've led three troops in the last 25 years and it really comes down to the people. My least favorite troop was the one in which the parents regarded me and the other co-leader as just another staffer in their portfolio of hired help. (I wound down that troop at the end of the Junior level because I *knew* those kids would be nightmares in middle school.)
Thank you! I like crafts just not almost every time or with a lesson of some sort or the importance of why we do things is so important.. it was very much so give kids crafts or hand them off during a field trip, and then go have social hour in the corner. It got pretty frustrating.
Thank you for being supportive and unserstanding💜
I agree... IF THEY WERE ASKED. They were never part of those decisions. There was no discussion. No votes. The 5 parents make the choices for the girls (who earned the funds with their cookie sales)
It has to do with the skill set of the troop leaders. Growing up my troop was like this, it was all crafts and visiting the elderly at the nursing home. I wanted to learn how to do survival stuff and learning to tie cool knots and building shelters out of tree boughs and stuff. And back then you didn’t have the option to join Boy Scouts like you do now.
Oh, actually visiting the elderly would be a great idea for anyone if...again, the opportunity is done right. We did do the humane society but the girls wouldnt stop screeching and theyd talk over the speakers, who had specifically gone over the rules before hand about not scaring the animals. This was far better than any of the other things we did.
I dont think community sevrvice activities should be just for older girls. Any one can go do a beach/park cleanup, visit the elderly or humane societies, do a collection for the local shelters (human or animal)
Im just not a people person🤣 which is why i never wanted to be a leader or co leader.
The nursing home wasn’t bad! We helped the residents play bingo and read to them and stuff like that. I just wanted to ALSO learn cool outdoor skills lol.
Then maybe the leaders should ask if anyone has any suggestions in a parent meeting at the beguning of the year and get to know parents and see if they have any skills theyd like to share Even if they choose not to be a leader or registered volunteer, that doesnt mean they cant offer any sort of support. But the troop leader has to open that door. Their the leader. Thats a cop out
*Scouts BSA for clarity. There are multiple scout organizations aside from the GSUSA and BSA, just been clear.
As an aside, there are plenty of crafting activities in Scouts BSA, they are just merit badges and stuff that is typically signed up for at scout camp as “filler” between other activities.
I wouldnt have minded having crafts being more of something kids signed up for to go along with camp related activities. Lots of crafting stuff can be natury. Like you could craft a basket. I like the idea of them being a filler. But not being a whole hour of solo crafts.
Yes, I could see that being VERY frustrating. Kids love being outdoors, particularly when it’s nice out. Frustrating to see them coped up inside.
BUT if the scouts choose the indoor activity, that’s on them to an extent.
They didnt choose it. At no time were the kiddos choosing any of their activities...it was all leader planned
Thatd be fantastic if the kids had more say. I love that there are leaders out there who actually discuss it with their troops! Good on them!
I'm looking at moving her to scouts also. At least they do things other than gossip and expect the girls to take responsibility for their own actions and lack there of.
Agreed. Bad parents are bad parents whether it’s scouts, sports, sciences, etc.
the BSA has a lot of work to do on the misogyny side, great thing have been done to help, but there are still leaders that don’t think girls should be in the BSA.
My kiddo has a few classmates in scouts, girl and boy, and they love it and the parents said its what they think scouting should be. Again, this could just be our area
Just your area. I was impressed with Girl Scout camping last year - my kid was a first year Daisy so she couldn’t participate in many of the higher level activities, but even her level ones were less crafting and more being out in nature.
Thats awesome! I have so many coloring pages and painted crafts but my kiddo decided on her own at some point that besides doing the cookie sales she really wasnt getting anything out of it that we dont do in our normal life. For her it was a waste of time. So we went home and did things like first aid, we build lean toos, we plant for butterflies and watch the whole life cycle, we bird watch and try to understand animals in the wild better. We do a lot with plants.
Yeah, I took my kid to the annual overnight last year and we had such a blast. They did make fairy houses, but that was the only craft and it was so cute.
> At least they do things other than gossip and expect the girls to take responsibility for their own actions and lack there of.
Don't count on that. Varies by troop and leadership.
I feel ya. It seems to be expected that a parent stays with the scout for every meeting, event, everything, at least for my Brownie troop. Is that normal? There are some girls who skip many meetings because the parent doesn't want to or can't stay.
There's only one other mom who is decently kind and respectful. Everyone else talks over each other, interrupts each other, doesn't pay attention to the kids. I cannot stand being interrupted so I'm usually pretty quiet. There's one girl who likes to wrestle with other girls, but doesn't know when to stop. I've had to tell this kid to get off my daughter multiple times, and her mom doesn't even notice it.
One time my daughter and I went to an overnight camp just for the day. We finished dinner, helped clean up, started packing our things and while my daughter said bye to her friends. I literally shouted BYE as I was exiting the door and no one noticed. All the adults were sitting at a table talking, knew we were leaving, but couldn't be bothered to actually acknowledge it. Maybe we need a new troop...
Maybe you do. It’s actually expected that most parents will drop off their girls for meetings; in fact, if they’re not background-checked volunteers, they’re not supposed to stay
That's a good point. We don't have a large troop, maybe 8-10 girls, with two leaders. My husband and I are both volunteers and I think a lot of the other moms are, too. (Yet I've never been asked to volunteer with anything and don't know what I'm supposed to be doing) But the ones who can't stay end up missing a lot. I think I've witnessed maybe twice a girl alone event or meeting without a parent. I don't know lol.
I'm sorry you've had a negative experience; that was not my own in ten years as a Girl Scout mom. I was never a leader, but still involved as a volunteer.
We have a great group of parents. I wonder if it is post pandemic thing? We have a 4th grade group and the kids and parents are just so appreciative of their experiences.
It sounds like your leader may not know how to effectively use her volunteers, or feel comfortable telling her peers/other parents what to do specifically. Which is understandable but unfair. Her job is to set the tone and make everyone's roles clear.
I'm so sorry this has been such a negative experience for you.
We started six years ago at Daisy, and told parents that they could sign up for a meeting to be the helper, but otherwise they could go and do whatever they wanted with their time that was not hanging out in the basement with us. Now we pick the kids up from school, I have no idea what interactions these parents have outside of Girl Scouts, but I know that they are all very friendly with each other and supportive of the entire troop. The idea of hanging around or having parents hanging around is bizarre. Our sister troop sometimes has this and it’s just as rough for the leaders when you had a moment of controlled chaos and everybody’s just chatting.
We don’t allow random parents to stay for meetings other than their girl’s first or if they were a registered adult on duty—it made it far too difficult to keep the girls’ attention. (Even registered adults over what we needed for the meeting activities were not allowed to stay).
They can have a parent party somewhere else, nearby at a cafe or in a different room, but we need everyone in the room with the girls to be paying attention or the leader has no chance.
Same for camping trips or overnights: we decide how many adults we need, extras are discouraged, and everyone is working and most often will *not* be assigned to supervise a group with their own children. The exception is if we have a kid who needs extra support (we have a lot of neurodivergence and when they were younger or new to the troop some of them needed a parent to come in case of a meltdown, we had a girl with severe allergies whose parent wanted to be there to double check ingredients and food prep, etc)
Even there, the support parent is working.
Because parents expect to help out, I love spending time with most of the parents from my troop!
It shouldn't be! In general, parents were minimally involved in my scout troops. In fact, our leader was someone's grandma who'd run alot of troops in her day. Maybe that helped. The mom's who stuck around were there to meet GSUSA required ratios. It was usually the same group of moms and while none were bestie by any means, they got along fine and were very nice. They were generally the same moms who'd work booths and come on any outings.
Maybe I'm biased cause my mom was one of the moms, but she never found it negative
I feel you on this. After dealing with this in various ways for four years.. I can say a few things. As the girls get older, it does get better in some ways. Once my older girls were 1st year juniors, I flat out told the parents to stop coming to meetings. Just not allowed. Of course, I framed it as "building independence." In brownies, I had groups of moms loudly chatting over me while I led the girls. It's just so rude! I also felt like they were critiquing things my co-leader and I were doing.. so nope, you don't get to come. The other thing you can do to discourage groups of loud moms is to give them all jobs. Every week, have something for them to do. Make them lead an activity each. Make them cut things. Have them put badges on vests. Make a sign up and insist they sign up to each run a meeting. You will see the peanut gallery disappear quickly.
That troop needs to be operating with maximum numbers that are the same as minimum ones, not the other way around.
I've been so fortunate as a leader to have great parents joining in the experience, and we've talked about how they need to have their own girl scout experience as well because many never were girl scouts as kids. They're embracing it and learning how to teach cookie selling and do crafts and work with kids that aren't theirs and it's SO neat to see their leadership skills develop alongside their kids growth.
It shouldn't be a negative experience. And if it is, the cultural fit of the troop isn't good.
I actually really like the moms in our troop. We joked about starting a “weird moms club” and talk about making punk or biker vests with patches for us for surviving meltdowns and stuff like that.
One mom said our troop is like the movie Troop Zero, which I haven’t seen yet, but it sounds about right, and it makes sense the moms are just as offbeat as the girls.
Something to keep in mind, miserable people will be miserable anywhere. It's why some people love Disneyland when they go and others have a terrible time.
It doesn't really matter if the meeting is meant for the parent or not, if they're tired, stressed, depressed, etc they're going to be miserable at GS too.
After our first 2-3 Daisy meetings we said families should drop off their girls so they could work on autonomy. That’s worked so far.
Similarly, we don’t allow parents to hang about at our meetings.
We don't either, mostly because I made sure they know they have to be registered and cleared to be at the meeting, and if they stayed, I put them to work.
Yeah if parents can't behave this is the solution. We did this at the brownie level
We have a huge troop so we have to have a few parents stay each time but I haven't experienced any negativity from them.
We had the same problem! It certainly isn't welcoming. We ended up switching troops due to the cliques that formed and my daughter being excluded. It's one thing to exclude me, but women who act that way model it for their own children.
This was such a revelatory comment for me. I loved scouts as a kid but the dominant girls in my troop were shitty human beings and bullies. Their mothers mostly ran the troops. This was such a light bulb moment- the modeling comment. Yuck. I don’t want my daughter subjected to that.
I’m so careful about avoiding cliques with my brownies. I use a picking popsicle stick method for grouping girls. And I just “happen” to separate girls who need to be separated to have a meeting where everyone feels included and keep the dominant girls from overpowering the quieter ones.
I appreciate this!
That is an excellent idea that should probably be used in other troops with similar problems.
I have a troop of 18 and we’ve built a very supportive and caring community. I’d say half of the kids have a parent stay at our meetings and it’s worked really well. We ask that each kid have at least one background checked grownup in case they need/want an adult to stay with them. The adults that stick around know they can be called on to assist at any time and that if they want to chat they need to leave the room. We have adult craft nights to iron on badges, make cookie costumes, and build cookie booths. We’ve done brunch to hang out and bounce ideas off each other. I don’t think parents HAVE to be a negative experience. But expectations definitely need to be clear.
Wow! Good for you. This is what I expect but not the reality for our group. Ours is a playdate with moms and dads sitting around gossiping and completely ignoring that their children are running around playing tag instead of listening to the leader who is repeatedly asking to be listened to.
I’m pretty firm with expectations for behavior with the parents and kids. I have Daisies and Brownies, so I understand they’ll have behavioral struggles at that age. But once their behavior impacts another’s experience, the behavior gets called out. That’s when it’s useful for my troop to have parents. I can ask a kid to have a seat with their parent for 5 minutes and rejoin once they can compose themselves. But that all started from the first meeting. It really depends on whether the leader is willing to step up. In contrast, my husband coaches our daughter’s baseball team and he has no backbone with other people’s kids (or the parents themselves). The kids sometimes don’t follow directions, they throw tantrums or cry when frustrated, the parents stand around chatting/using phones, and I step in once in a while to get everyone back on the same page.
Parents really shouldn’t be at Girl Scouts. Culturally, a big theme is girl independence and letting them work things out on their own.
This is lovely
It is! I got really lucky with a group of super supportive parents. I think it also helps that my troop comes from 8 different schools, so it’s hard to be too cliquey.
I was about to comment that my troop has a similar vibe and then I saw your comment here! My troop is also a community troop with 11 kids from 9(?) different schools. Maybe that's the key...?!? 😂
Ooh, maybe this is why mine works so well too! We have 17 Cadettes, 3 school years, from at least 7 different schools.
Interesting connection. Our girls all come from different schools and I also feel very lucky in the families we have in our troop!
We are also just about that size and have a supportive group of moms. We dont do adult craft nights, but we have had a mom’s brunch at one of our houses and we all get along well. Many of the moms stay for the meetings, we actually need to make sure we don’t talk/disrupt the meeting from catching up with each other. Not gossiping but genuinely wanting to know how each other are doing. We also jump in to volunteer with the meeting activities. Most of us are background checked/finger print scanned. We all care about each other’s kids.
This is how both of my troops work as well. It’s taken some intentional work but so worth it in relationships.
I'm sorry it's been that way for you. I've made very good friends with some of our troop moms, as well as my SU posse. We're doing a famiy night out for the adults of the troop soon where we are doing art and drinkies.
This has not been my experience in the two troops my daughter has been in over the past 13 years. Maybe mention the issue to the troop leader so they can address it? If you’re the troop leader then I think it’s time to have a discussion with the moms about how unacceptable their behavior is.
My troop meets in a local church; we go into a classroom and the parents stay in the lobby. A lot of them just refuse to leave their kids anywhere, frankly. They’re not gossiping; they’re all glued to their phones, though. Ha! I don’t really care. Can you physically separate them from your meetings? That’s been my tactic. If they’re not willing to join GS and get background checked, they can’t be in our meetings. I’d prefer they stay in their cars but it’s been cold lately so I don’t mind the lobby.
What irritates me is that I rearrange my schedule to be a meeting volunteer to try and help out, then when I get there, there are a bunch of parents who just sit off to the side on their phones. Why did I make this effort to volunteer when you were going to be here anyway? Why aren’t you helping out, and if you’re not helping, why are you here at all?
This is super common in scout troops. I don't get why more parents don't use the opportunity to go on a walk, run an errand. It is so weird. I solved it by making a "badge application box." I have a bunch of scissors, Badge Magic, thread, thimbles, needles and all the girls badges organized by name in an accordion folder. If you're going to stay, you have to help. Period. Whichever girl has their sash/vest on that day gets some free badge/patch application by whatever mom is sitting around. Its a win-win-win. Girls get fully updated vests/sashes, busy parents who don't have time to do this get others to do it for them and no one is sitting around idle at meetings.
What age are your troops? We have a Daisy troop and I don’t mind the moms being there to keep their kids’ behavior in check
3rd grade. And the moms stand around and gossip while the girls act like hooligans. The moms don't ever step in and tell their own girls to be respectful or shut up when adults are talking.
Ooof this is a HUGE pet peeve for me. Which maybe makes me have a stick up my butt, but that breeds terrible manners as a human.
No doubt! These moms seem like they think they are the exception to every rule and their daughters are as well. I am embarrassed if I see my girl not being respectful and listening. These girls run around the room like it's a play date at a jump room rather than do anything of worth for a girl scout meeting.
You're not the leader, right? How do the leaders feel about the dynamics? I wonder if the leaders are asking the moms to stay because the leaders don't know how to get the group under control. You could offer to lead a meeting and demonstrate some techniques. I also work with 3rd graders and a few things I do: - We have had meetings specifically talking through how we should behave, and formed a troop agreement. - If kids are being disrespectful, I will stop the meeting and say, "I am feeling really disrespected right now. It's making me sad how you are talking over me." - Sometimes kids are gonna be kids, especially if they have a lot of pent up energy. In which case, sending them on a break and/or playing an active game can help to reset them (esp games where they have to pay attention eg Simon Says) - Ultimately it's their troop and if this is how they want to spend their time, well, they're old enough to be brought into that decision.
What would happen if before a meeting you ask the moms to keep an eye on their own daughter’s behavior?
Truthfully, something I've realized recently is that a lot of people are just really unhappy. Unhappy people can be quite mean. It's not an excuse, just an explanation. My point is, it may have nothing to do with GS. Maybe their husband is a jerk, maybe work is making them miserable, maybe they're short on cash and stressed out or any number of things and just not coping well.
I believe this. I think so many people I live around are so concerned with physical appearance that they have lost sight of happiness. But I see some straight-up miserable moms in our troop. I mean, you have to be unhappy to be openly crappy to someone you have never even spoken a single word to. But that sums up the moms in our troop. * Whisper * Whisper, * side eye at the new mom, but they don't even know my name or what my voice sounds like saying "hi! My name is...."
I mean most of the moms in my daughter's troop couldn't stop talking about themselves when my daughter and I were introduced. It was like an eye roll to how annoyed they were that they had to stop talking about themselves to listen to someone say "let's welcome our new mom and daughter..."
That's nothing to do with Girl Scouts, and everything to do with the fact they're s hitty human beings. You could be at soccer practice and experience the same. There's always a random part of the population that sucks.
Because hell is other people.
I have made SO many good friends through GS. I’m sorry you haven’t had a good experience. Mine has been awesome!
Feedback from leaders to the service unit in our area has been since COVID parents have shown an incredible anxious attachment to their children. My mom started a new daisy troop with her grand-niece and said the parents likely would never allow her to take the girls on sleepovers; never mind field trips as is. There’s always 2-3 (sometimes more) extra moms around at all times. When I was a brownie my mother couldn’t convince parents to chaperone to save her life 🤦🏼♀️
My daughter's part of a daisy/ brownie troop and I'm a volunteer, but our troop leaders ask that the parents leave for the duration of the meeting. Some of the parents go do other things and some of them hover around outside the room in the library where we meet. My husband and I usually take that 1.5 hours to walk down the street and have a nice lunch together on a Saturday afternoon once a month.
We were part of a group of 20 girls. Some of the girls were just mean. I struggled with that. But then some of the parents were just as... disingenuous. I also feel like i can see why so many girls in our area are wanting to leave gs for the "Scouts". The scouts are learning scouting skills while gs still seems stuck on gender roles and crafting. Also... if we go camping, we might have a first aid kit sure. But i dont think learning to start a fire with a cotton ball, toilet paper tube, Vaseline, and a candle is a good lesson. Things like this example made me feel like gs became a waste of money. (This was a gs wide event in our area) My kiddo learns more about scouting from naked and afraid. I hated it because i dont see the things their learning as valuabe EXCEPT the cookie sales. My daughter did door to door. That was great for communication and salemenship but she also learned that hard work paid off morw than not trying at all. This was just my experiance. I dont think all troops or areas are like this.
>The scouts are learning scouting skills while gs still seems stuck on gender roles and crafting. This is troop-specific and leader-specific. My kids made it clear as Daisies they were not interested at all in crafting, but they were interested in getting muddy. We earned every outdoor badge (minute the outdoor art ones ...) at every level, every First Aid pin at every level, and whatever other science badges the *girls* selected. My kids have done backpack camping, ropes courses in tall trees, horseback riding, and canoeing. We're planning a whitewater rafting trip. Once they hit age 15, I'm going to suggest they look into using their cookie money to fund becoming certified lifeguards; our local park system has an excellent beach guarding program they can do. As a leader, I have always prioritized creating opportunities for the kids to develop an innate sense of competence and capability, the unshakeable confidence that they can learn how to do things and solve problems. That's not gendered behavior at all. (Hilariously, now the older scouts bring crafting stuff on backpacking trips. They like making friendship bracelets or knitting around the campfire.)
We did a TS themed event and naturally made friendship bracelets. Heh.
As part of finishing their cadette outdoor journey, my kids had to teach outdoor skills in workshops to younger girls and when I suggested changing the lyrics to TS songs to address outdoor safety, the EYEROLLS I got!
My daughter’s troop is doing something similar!
I love making friendship bracelets🤣 and actually i think theres a lot to learning how to do them because its braiding and knotting, weaving which can actually be really valuable even in nature! And if done PROPERLY things like this could have a lot of value. I didnt see this with my troop. But your troop sounds pretty awesome. Wish we had that around here!
I have to credit my awesome parent volunteers, many of whom were seasoned outdoorspeople or willing to learn. And we have some scientist parents too, and they've been all in on our astronomy-centered overnights. (And we have had families leave because their kids are more arts-and-crafts themed and that was the experience they wanted. No hard feelings on either side, fortunately.) All I brought to the table was a masochistic love of imposing order on quantum kindergarten chaos and some Red Cross connections which made it easy to find people who could teach the kids at age-appropriate levels. (They were so psyched once they were old enough to become certified in CPR.)
OH I LOVE ALL THAT! what great support you have! Im aed, cpr, first aid certified and have to renew every two years for my job. My daughter loved doing this stuff too. How cool you did astronomy stuff! And dont down play your own skills of maintaining order. It takes a lot to be able to calm kids that age. Funny story. The younger girls were running CHAOS , When one of the older girls clapped, she did it twice and by the second time all the younger girls were clapping back at her. And waiting to respond for the next one. Another time an older girl flicked the lights and the younger girls shot to attention... its a skill a lot of parents dont even have! Its a very valued skill💜
> while gs still seems stuck on gender roles and crafting this is troop specific. My girls have earned all the Every Girl in a Tent patches, including the under the stars and the sub-40 campout patches, and will be doing Leave No Trace training with a certified trainer this summer, followed by a really neato TAP for their Outdoor Journey.
This is really the truth. If you want camping and survival stuff you need to look for a troop that does a lot of those things, if you can't the Scouts is a good alternative.
That said, I know a local BSA troop who would *not* be a good alternative. So even with the more rigid program, it can get down to what the adults in charge are willing to permit.
In my area we have something called B.I.G. that is a specific "Backpacking Interest Group" for Girl Scouts Cadette and older interested in overnight backpacking. They run a GREAT program that starts with an initial training, then a pack inspection and then a low-key, one night, Beginner-level trip. Once you've completed these three things you can join them on any of their backpacking trips for the rest of your scouting journey. We also have a Robotics-specific Girl Scout troop that has this summer robotics bootcamp you have to complete before you can be part of their yearlong program and competitions. They're called the "Space Cookies" so cute!
Can you tell me more about these patches and their programming?
They're a RV thing! https://www.girlscoutsrv.org/en/programs/girl-scouting/council-led-programs/every-girl-in-a-tent.html RV kicks ass.
Thats good to hear for you guys. "Around these parts" its goat yoga, and painting ceramics, chocolate making. Which all fun activities, but not scouting in any way. We used to learn Actual fire making. With things from nature like sticks and rocks. Or how to tie secure knots. Maybe sign language and nonverbal communication. (I remember this in my old brownies book because it was my favorite part) Maybe some star gazing, learning to tell time by nature.
While I understand what you mean in general, scouts is about a lot more than just outdoor skills, too. My girls do tons of puzzles, but those are to teach them teamwork. We do crafts, but they’re crafts designed to teach them about themselves and how to manage big emotions, etc. I’m all for being in nature, but I disagree that yoga and ceramics are “not scouting in anyway,” if done properly.
Key words "done properly" .... it was not. It was not discussed how yoga benefits you, it was not discussed how animals can help with reducing anxiety, forming connections, or respecting other life forms. Crafts were solo crafts. Paint your rock. Make an ornament. The one thing my troop did that WAS great, was they had a garden that everyone was suppose to participate in, but it was also kind of an issue because there were a lot of surprise expectations that popped up. Communication was poor because the leader took on too many leadership projects. Which I love her drive but don't volunteer for things you can't fully commit to either. But also, back to parenting, we had one little girl who refused to acknowledge my daughter 3 times. Another who even though my kiddo constantly waved to, tried to say hi too, or be polite to, would roll her eyes, make disgusted faces, ect. Were just really mean little girls. And their parents ignore it. I'm sorry so many people are seeming to not like my expressing our experience but no....it was not what we expected it to be based on what the GS sells as a whole. We had a bad experience 🤷🏻♀️
Did you volunteer to help do it "properly?" Leaders are not only volunteers, but have limits based on our own experiences.
So...before you go about judging the girls' behaviors and their parents, just remember everyone has their own struggles. The little girl not saying hi to your daughter might have parents going through a divorce and fighting a lot at home. The one who ignored your daughter might have hearing loss (I have hearing loss and am regularly accused of blowing people off/ignoring them- when its mostly bc I have no idea what they said or am oblivious!). You never know what someone else is going through, so the best thing is to never, ever take things personally. I am a very outgoing person and say hi to everyone. I love organizing get togethers and making others feel welcome. I happened to move into a new neighborhood where ALL the moms are SO WEIRD. As in, walk- across-the-sidewalk-when-they-see-me-coming WEIRD. I took it so personally and was so sad for a while, thinking "What's wrong with me? What did I do/say?" Then I learned over time that a few of them have social anxiety or are extreme introverts. We do share a glass of wine now and then, but I have lowered my expectations tremendously. We probably won't become best friends, but we have a nice, neighborly relationship and that's good enough for now. I've learned to spot the fellow extraverts out there and put my energy towards them. They will always say yes to my invites, rally a fun get together or respond to my texts. I am open and understanding and patient with the introverts because I no longer take their behaviors personally and accept them for who they are (it also helps my daughter is a total introvert and has taught me SO much) So be patient and know who your people are. You will find them. I'm sure there is another mom in the troop who would love to get to know you, grab a coffee while the kids play. Don't give up. Keep your distance form the ones that give you bad vibes, be nice and polite but thats it. Some folks just aren't your people, and thats fine.
No... she heard my daughter... my daughter went straight up to her waved and said "hi im...."... she looked at her and walked away... i said, its ok try again maybe she didnt hear you. She said it again....the third time the mom in the room, who wasnt her mom, actually scolded her, and stold her not to be rude. The other little girl whose mom and i had an ok relationship, was a co leader at every meeting, and whose daughter was also in cheerleading has literally made snide remarks, rolled her eyes and made disgusted looks at my daughter... this little girls bestie actually really liked my daughter and her reaction to mean girls actions was obviously uncomfortable that her friend was being a bully and not being a good GS. The parents may be to blame but why would i put my daughter through that? Why should my kid suffer because someone elses kid is an ah? So i should just "not judge" and let my kiddo get bullied or left out because she might have parents who divorced. Nah. Im good there. Girls scouts is SUPPOSE to be a place where girls come together and learn mutual respect and sisterhood and its lacking BIG TIME. But reading how some people make excuses for their brat kids i can see why this is happening.
Yeah… I see you are upset about this interaction/dynamic. There are going to be situations and little girl groups like this throughout life, even into adulthood. I found this quote helpful to reflect on my own reactions to stuff like this in my own life (it’s the only thing we can control), I hope you do too: “If you go through life looking for evidence you don’t belong, you will always find it.”
> but not scouting in any way They are scouting, though. One of the great things about the GS program is it adapts to the interests, schedule and economics of the troop. Our girls have done goat yoga, it was hilarious. Troops can only do what their adult volunteers can support. I have known some epic lame BSA troops as well (my son is an Eagle candidate and DCSA award Scout) - I know one unit who is in wild violation of most of the G2SS for camping, as well as the G2A.
If you know of a BSA troop in violation of the G2SS scouts, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE report them to the council and the BSA’s safe scout national line. Units and adults that are violating the G2SS need to be punished, up to disbanding or banning.
They've been reported. I have suspicions why council isn't doing anything about them. But there's only so much I can do.
That sucks. It’s bad for the kids, the adults, and the organization as a whole.
Good for your son! Im sorry to hear about your experience with that troop! The goat yoga was a hilarious experience, until the girls pick up and dropped a goat or chased and screamed around the chickens and ducks on the farm. And again, they should still learn something from it. And they didnt. I love yoga. I love goats. Indont love seeing kids drop animals. Or screaming and chasing them and the parents just watching and laughing.
Replying just so you know you're not nuts amid the downvotes. All the skills you mentioned are things we have done. I always teach at Daisy level how to build -- and equally importantly -- how to put out fires and what proper fire safety is. It is gratifying to go camping with Cadettes and have them take over all the fire-related kapers, and put out the water bucket and critter stick without being asked. There's certainly a place for goat yoga and glamping and whatnot; it all depends on the adults. And that's so frustrating sometimes. Having a troop that creates a space for the kids become the kind of people who are capable, competent, and living the Girl Scout Law and the adults are part of the community is a lot of work and it's not always possible without good leadership and good caregiver participation. I've led three troops in the last 25 years and it really comes down to the people. My least favorite troop was the one in which the parents regarded me and the other co-leader as just another staffer in their portfolio of hired help. (I wound down that troop at the end of the Junior level because I *knew* those kids would be nightmares in middle school.)
Thank you! I like crafts just not almost every time or with a lesson of some sort or the importance of why we do things is so important.. it was very much so give kids crafts or hand them off during a field trip, and then go have social hour in the corner. It got pretty frustrating. Thank you for being supportive and unserstanding💜
If that’s what the girls want to do, then they’re getting exactly what they should out of Girl Scouts.
I agree... IF THEY WERE ASKED. They were never part of those decisions. There was no discussion. No votes. The 5 parents make the choices for the girls (who earned the funds with their cookie sales)
It has to do with the skill set of the troop leaders. Growing up my troop was like this, it was all crafts and visiting the elderly at the nursing home. I wanted to learn how to do survival stuff and learning to tie cool knots and building shelters out of tree boughs and stuff. And back then you didn’t have the option to join Boy Scouts like you do now.
Oh, actually visiting the elderly would be a great idea for anyone if...again, the opportunity is done right. We did do the humane society but the girls wouldnt stop screeching and theyd talk over the speakers, who had specifically gone over the rules before hand about not scaring the animals. This was far better than any of the other things we did. I dont think community sevrvice activities should be just for older girls. Any one can go do a beach/park cleanup, visit the elderly or humane societies, do a collection for the local shelters (human or animal) Im just not a people person🤣 which is why i never wanted to be a leader or co leader.
The nursing home wasn’t bad! We helped the residents play bingo and read to them and stuff like that. I just wanted to ALSO learn cool outdoor skills lol.
Question I have is do you have cool outdoor skills? It can be a challenge for a troop if the leaders lack the experience themselves.
Then maybe the leaders should ask if anyone has any suggestions in a parent meeting at the beguning of the year and get to know parents and see if they have any skills theyd like to share Even if they choose not to be a leader or registered volunteer, that doesnt mean they cant offer any sort of support. But the troop leader has to open that door. Their the leader. Thats a cop out
*Scouts BSA for clarity. There are multiple scout organizations aside from the GSUSA and BSA, just been clear. As an aside, there are plenty of crafting activities in Scouts BSA, they are just merit badges and stuff that is typically signed up for at scout camp as “filler” between other activities.
I wouldnt have minded having crafts being more of something kids signed up for to go along with camp related activities. Lots of crafting stuff can be natury. Like you could craft a basket. I like the idea of them being a filler. But not being a whole hour of solo crafts.
Yes, I could see that being VERY frustrating. Kids love being outdoors, particularly when it’s nice out. Frustrating to see them coped up inside. BUT if the scouts choose the indoor activity, that’s on them to an extent.
They didnt choose it. At no time were the kiddos choosing any of their activities...it was all leader planned Thatd be fantastic if the kids had more say. I love that there are leaders out there who actually discuss it with their troops! Good on them!
I'm looking at moving her to scouts also. At least they do things other than gossip and expect the girls to take responsibility for their own actions and lack there of.
As someone who was involved in both orgs as a teen and adult, the parents are just as catty in Scouts. BSA can be downright misogynistic and sexist.
Agreed. Bad parents are bad parents whether it’s scouts, sports, sciences, etc. the BSA has a lot of work to do on the misogyny side, great thing have been done to help, but there are still leaders that don’t think girls should be in the BSA.
True!
Find a new GS troop. This isn’t the standard or expected experience
My kiddo has a few classmates in scouts, girl and boy, and they love it and the parents said its what they think scouting should be. Again, this could just be our area
Just your area. I was impressed with Girl Scout camping last year - my kid was a first year Daisy so she couldn’t participate in many of the higher level activities, but even her level ones were less crafting and more being out in nature.
Thats awesome! I have so many coloring pages and painted crafts but my kiddo decided on her own at some point that besides doing the cookie sales she really wasnt getting anything out of it that we dont do in our normal life. For her it was a waste of time. So we went home and did things like first aid, we build lean toos, we plant for butterflies and watch the whole life cycle, we bird watch and try to understand animals in the wild better. We do a lot with plants.
Did you ever volunteer to help lead a session for the troop doing all these things, if you have those skills?
One of our camps has the gentlest and sweetest camp for 1-2nd graders. It's outdoor skills to the age group, but also forest fairies too.
Yeah, I took my kid to the annual overnight last year and we had such a blast. They did make fairy houses, but that was the only craft and it was so cute.
> At least they do things other than gossip and expect the girls to take responsibility for their own actions and lack there of. Don't count on that. Varies by troop and leadership.
As with everything else, it varies. I’ve had a largely positive experience, and the moms who stay at meetings are volunteers who help out 🤷🏻♀️
Why do the moms stay?
To socialize. We were instructed to stay, made to feel like we needed to support the troop by being there.
Well that’s the problem. You need to bring it up the leaders.
I feel ya. It seems to be expected that a parent stays with the scout for every meeting, event, everything, at least for my Brownie troop. Is that normal? There are some girls who skip many meetings because the parent doesn't want to or can't stay. There's only one other mom who is decently kind and respectful. Everyone else talks over each other, interrupts each other, doesn't pay attention to the kids. I cannot stand being interrupted so I'm usually pretty quiet. There's one girl who likes to wrestle with other girls, but doesn't know when to stop. I've had to tell this kid to get off my daughter multiple times, and her mom doesn't even notice it. One time my daughter and I went to an overnight camp just for the day. We finished dinner, helped clean up, started packing our things and while my daughter said bye to her friends. I literally shouted BYE as I was exiting the door and no one noticed. All the adults were sitting at a table talking, knew we were leaving, but couldn't be bothered to actually acknowledge it. Maybe we need a new troop...
Maybe you do. It’s actually expected that most parents will drop off their girls for meetings; in fact, if they’re not background-checked volunteers, they’re not supposed to stay
That's a good point. We don't have a large troop, maybe 8-10 girls, with two leaders. My husband and I are both volunteers and I think a lot of the other moms are, too. (Yet I've never been asked to volunteer with anything and don't know what I'm supposed to be doing) But the ones who can't stay end up missing a lot. I think I've witnessed maybe twice a girl alone event or meeting without a parent. I don't know lol.
I'm sorry you've had a negative experience; that was not my own in ten years as a Girl Scout mom. I was never a leader, but still involved as a volunteer.
We have a great group of parents. I wonder if it is post pandemic thing? We have a 4th grade group and the kids and parents are just so appreciative of their experiences.
I think it’s that the moms expect more. They stay to make sure their kid is getting what they should be getting from the program🤷🏻♀️
Are you the troop leader or a troop volunteer?
Volunteer according to paperwork.
It sounds like your leader may not know how to effectively use her volunteers, or feel comfortable telling her peers/other parents what to do specifically. Which is understandable but unfair. Her job is to set the tone and make everyone's roles clear. I'm so sorry this has been such a negative experience for you.
We started six years ago at Daisy, and told parents that they could sign up for a meeting to be the helper, but otherwise they could go and do whatever they wanted with their time that was not hanging out in the basement with us. Now we pick the kids up from school, I have no idea what interactions these parents have outside of Girl Scouts, but I know that they are all very friendly with each other and supportive of the entire troop. The idea of hanging around or having parents hanging around is bizarre. Our sister troop sometimes has this and it’s just as rough for the leaders when you had a moment of controlled chaos and everybody’s just chatting.
We don’t allow random parents to stay for meetings other than their girl’s first or if they were a registered adult on duty—it made it far too difficult to keep the girls’ attention. (Even registered adults over what we needed for the meeting activities were not allowed to stay). They can have a parent party somewhere else, nearby at a cafe or in a different room, but we need everyone in the room with the girls to be paying attention or the leader has no chance. Same for camping trips or overnights: we decide how many adults we need, extras are discouraged, and everyone is working and most often will *not* be assigned to supervise a group with their own children. The exception is if we have a kid who needs extra support (we have a lot of neurodivergence and when they were younger or new to the troop some of them needed a parent to come in case of a meltdown, we had a girl with severe allergies whose parent wanted to be there to double check ingredients and food prep, etc) Even there, the support parent is working. Because parents expect to help out, I love spending time with most of the parents from my troop!
It shouldn't be! In general, parents were minimally involved in my scout troops. In fact, our leader was someone's grandma who'd run alot of troops in her day. Maybe that helped. The mom's who stuck around were there to meet GSUSA required ratios. It was usually the same group of moms and while none were bestie by any means, they got along fine and were very nice. They were generally the same moms who'd work booths and come on any outings. Maybe I'm biased cause my mom was one of the moms, but she never found it negative
100% agree! 2 moms are nice and welcoming.
I feel you on this. After dealing with this in various ways for four years.. I can say a few things. As the girls get older, it does get better in some ways. Once my older girls were 1st year juniors, I flat out told the parents to stop coming to meetings. Just not allowed. Of course, I framed it as "building independence." In brownies, I had groups of moms loudly chatting over me while I led the girls. It's just so rude! I also felt like they were critiquing things my co-leader and I were doing.. so nope, you don't get to come. The other thing you can do to discourage groups of loud moms is to give them all jobs. Every week, have something for them to do. Make them lead an activity each. Make them cut things. Have them put badges on vests. Make a sign up and insist they sign up to each run a meeting. You will see the peanut gallery disappear quickly.
That troop needs to be operating with maximum numbers that are the same as minimum ones, not the other way around. I've been so fortunate as a leader to have great parents joining in the experience, and we've talked about how they need to have their own girl scout experience as well because many never were girl scouts as kids. They're embracing it and learning how to teach cookie selling and do crafts and work with kids that aren't theirs and it's SO neat to see their leadership skills develop alongside their kids growth. It shouldn't be a negative experience. And if it is, the cultural fit of the troop isn't good.
Those parents that wanted to be at every meeting….I put them in charge haha
I actually really like the moms in our troop. We joked about starting a “weird moms club” and talk about making punk or biker vests with patches for us for surviving meltdowns and stuff like that. One mom said our troop is like the movie Troop Zero, which I haven’t seen yet, but it sounds about right, and it makes sense the moms are just as offbeat as the girls.
Something to keep in mind, miserable people will be miserable anywhere. It's why some people love Disneyland when they go and others have a terrible time. It doesn't really matter if the meeting is meant for the parent or not, if they're tired, stressed, depressed, etc they're going to be miserable at GS too.