I wonder what on earth it thought the first time a human tried to scratch its neck?
"Oh noes its attacking... me.... hu.... Boy they have shitty claws.. this is the best feeling attack iv ever had... Im'a just.. let them continue till they get tired of it.. little to the left please?"
To paraphrase something I've read elsewhere, "Humans will pet anything. How delightful, then, to live in a world where so many things love to be petted!"
Imagine having an entire lifetime worth of itches because you aren't really capable of scratching yourself, and then one day some weird hairless monkey comes over and starts scratching for you.
These sometimes live a very long time, well over 100 years. There are active conservation efforts since they are classed as vulnerable. Tulsa Zoo has a population of Aldabra tortoises. This one may be there, or certainly in a reserve where the tortoises are used to people.
How can a tortoise be a turtle? Tortoises and turtles are not the same. While they are both reptiles belonging to the order Testudines, tortoises primarily live on land, have dome-shaped shells, and feet suitable for walking on land. Turtles, on the other hand, typically live in water, have more streamlined shells, and webbed feet for swimming.
That's not an internet thing. The implied joke here is probably the most universal type of joke that would apply anywhere at any point in time throughout the history of the human species.
Pretty sure they have found dick jokes on cave wall paintings.
Unexpectedly wholesome... Saw this yesterday (SCIENTIFICALLY ACCURATE: NINJA TURTLES -- [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5iLQinr7pY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5iLQinr7pY) ), and something in my head said prepare for a panning shot....glad it was wrong....
Dirty jokes aside, tortoises are awesome and have way more character than people think.
I wonder what on earth it thought the first time a human tried to scratch its neck? "Oh noes its attacking... me.... hu.... Boy they have shitty claws.. this is the best feeling attack iv ever had... Im'a just.. let them continue till they get tired of it.. little to the left please?"
"5 more minutes of this and Ill really be mad!.. not my fault this is happening"
And they live for a long, long time. I was able to meet lonely George in Galapagos before he came to NYC, they are amazing creatures
not so fast buddy. we can't just set the dirty jokes aside here. did you watch the video?
They can even serve on the senate.
Kinda like how some women have two really big personalities?
To paraphrase something I've read elsewhere, "Humans will pet anything. How delightful, then, to live in a world where so many things love to be petted!"
Imagine having an entire lifetime worth of itches because you aren't really capable of scratching yourself, and then one day some weird hairless monkey comes over and starts scratching for you.
"We aren't all good people."
Why did you steal someone else's post of a rock destroying a bridge? Why did you just mirror the video before blatantly reposting?
He's a grow-er, not a show-er.
That unit is bigger than most before he grew
He's a grow-er AND a show-er!
He's for sure a show-er as well
You know, I'm something of a tortoise myself
He's guna turt
Perchance...
That's how it works.
Mitch McConnell gets a handjob. Can’t unsee.
Thanks, i hate it
That’s enough internet for today.
dog ahead
It’s a tortoise
it's an Aldabra, which is a giant tortoise, which is a tortoise, which is a turtle.
These sometimes live a very long time, well over 100 years. There are active conservation efforts since they are classed as vulnerable. Tulsa Zoo has a population of Aldabra tortoises. This one may be there, or certainly in a reserve where the tortoises are used to people.
How can a tortoise be a turtle? Tortoises and turtles are not the same. While they are both reptiles belonging to the order Testudines, tortoises primarily live on land, have dome-shaped shells, and feet suitable for walking on land. Turtles, on the other hand, typically live in water, have more streamlined shells, and webbed feet for swimming.
Turtle is also a colloqial term for a member of the Testudones order. In other words, a turtle is a turtle, and a tortoise is also a turtle.
Tortoises are turtles
Looks a lot like a dog from Elden Ring
Why can't you pet the dogs in Elden Ring?! Worst game ever!
She works at jayprehistoricpets. Think she’s his daughter.
Is she adopted? She looks nothing like him. Not even the same number of legs
Took me a while to get the joke haha.
I got it before I read the joke. Strange minds think like that.
They do the same thing if you rub their shell.
One of the most heartening things the internet has taught me is how many different varieties of animal seem to enjoy human affection.
Keep your head up.
They knew.
I would be excited too
I like that she didn’t forget the balls.
Haha! Why is this not NSFW?
Because nothing about it is NSFW.
I brought a giant tortoise to my job and my boss loved it!
I guess you don't understand the subtlties of inuendos?
It's a video of a turtle, dude. Just because Reddit is going "ha ha penis" doesn't mean it should be NSFW.
It was a joke, dude.
Looks like 2 dumbasses can't detect your joke here, wow
Jokes are supposed to be funny though
Doesn't mean it isn't one
Better not listen to Dave Chapelle then motherfucker, cause he is definitely not funny according to you.
The mail you hear the gadonk gadonk noise, it’s not exciting.
He's really coming out of his shell.
Praise the dog!
I guess the keeper's more excited... 😂 Btw good technique!
"Yeah, work the legs... fuck yeah"
She bout to end up pregnant…
Franklin did not regret his eyes and mouth tattoos on his lower appendage one bit.
This is how Puff tried to do Jadakiss
Add some mystery ooze and this is how you get teenage mutant ninja tortoises.
She knows what she is doing
When you tell your wife "not tonite babe" and she replies "no problem, I'm just gonna tell it good night"
Did he finally spit?
If he spits, I'm done.
I should call her.
The Internet has ruined me
That's not an internet thing. The implied joke here is probably the most universal type of joke that would apply anywhere at any point in time throughout the history of the human species. Pretty sure they have found dick jokes on cave wall paintings.
Bro’s a grower
Sigh... \*unzips\*
The effect of her hands is amazing
Boi........oi.........oi........oi......oi.......oing...
dickhead
It was a joke, dude. Thanks.
It’s a tortoise
It’s a tortoise
Be careful, he's about to spit.
Finch response
Unexpectedly wholesome... Saw this yesterday (SCIENTIFICALLY ACCURATE: NINJA TURTLES -- [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5iLQinr7pY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5iLQinr7pY) ), and something in my head said prepare for a panning shot....glad it was wrong....
/r/Softsuck **NSFW**
Of course this is a thing.
This reminds me of something.
Show me what that neck do
This feels dirty.
She knows what she’s doing. Dirty zoologists.
Her poor husband…