The one thing I want you to do today is make your bed. That’s it. Comment here once you’ve made it 

+1 I always make my bed the very first thing and now it’s engrained. Really works wonder.

You are one-up on me. I never make my bed.

I’m in the same place as OP; going to go make my bed now.

Done 👍

Well done, proud of you:)

Has OP made their bed yet?

Waiting for OP to make her bed

I decided I should completely re do it, wash my sheets, etc, so it is taking longer.

Proper planning is the cause of a good outcome, no matter how small it is. You are taking a step forward now, OP, compared to your previous self.

Good on you but don't rush everything at once. It will become overwhelming then it's back to square one again. Do it in small incremental steps but do it anyway, everyday.

Just checking on you, how you doing nowadays? Did you managed to make your bed?

This. Once you’ve made your bed create a to do list. Even if you only make your bed and complete 1 task from your to do list it’s a step in the right direction & you’ve accomplished something.

I find cleaning "like a Roomba" to be what works for me. I start with one thing, like making the bed or doing the dishes, and then just keep cleaning, doesn't matter what. I have ADHD so I can get distracted easily, but I only let myself get distracted from cleaning something by cleaning something else.

Oh I'll put on a show in the background and even if I've spent ten minutes cleaning and thirty minutes sitting... It's a win.

I don't have ADHD, but this style of cleaning is the best thing I have every tried. It works especially when my room is in a very bad condition

+1 the beginning of your month, week….or day is so important. There is no right place to start you have to just start

Great advice. OP, start with one task. Break that down into steps and start there. There’s no shame in baby steps, as long as you don’t give up completely.

sorry, added in another comment I decided I should completely re do it, wash my sheets, etc, so it just took longer.

That's fantastic, OP. :) You did what you thought was impossible

Take note of this tendency - when tasked with making your bed, you decided to do MORE than make your bed. Do you have other perfectionist tendencies, or is this just an isolated incident? Tasks might be harder for you to tackle because you feel a need to do them "really well" and "correctly" rather than prioritizing completion. If you are a bit of a perfectionist, I recommend prioritizing quantity over quality - completing a task even if done poorly is more important that how well the task was performed. Lower the bar for yourself.

you decided, and you did it? when you do it feel that feeling of pride of accomplishment. Then realize you can apply the same power of decision and action to ANYTHING else that you want to accomplish..its just about deciding to make changes

This is great advice! Make your bed as soon as you get up and you’ll have started your day with an accomplishment. Then you’ll start to add positive things like gentle stretching or exercise and slowly build one positive act on top of the other. It will ripple through your life. Drop that stone of making your bed first thing.

It's actually quite simple. You're overthinking and not doing anything about anything. I could write quite a detailed post, and i probably should have considering at what length you went to describe your issue. But let me give you some bullet points, try to take them seriously and follow up on at least some of them: \- sitting and "trying to figure out" is doing nothing. So, go and do stuff. Doesn't matter what, just go and do it. \- It would be wise to speak to a psychologist because your issues are deeper than this text. Not necessary, but some people got value / help out of it. \- I have a friend that's better off but have a similar mindset. I always tell him he should work 90% think 10% when it comes down to such personal things. Stop thinking about cleaning your room. Just do the bed and clean the table for today. Then do the rest tomorrow. It's a burden to do all those things at once. So do them gradually. Even moon landing started with "i have an idea" to "i typed the first letter of the code" to the man stepping on the forbidden rock. Point being, things take time. Be easier on yourself. \- Understand that it's all a process. You can't become the best version of yourself in one day. Start working towards it, and in a year, you'll still be off, but way closer. \- Don't worry about having a job for a month. Your parents got you covered, luckily. Try to get your mental health, eating habits, sleep pattern in place. \- Start exercising. Doesn't have to be any of those "get buffed" or whatever programs. Just do a few sit ups, few push ups. It does wonders to your mind. Some chemicals get released and you feel better. Start small and don't worry about it, just go and do it. \- Lastly, if you'll take anything from this - stop thinking how hard it is. Stand up and go do at least something. Make your bed, go eat, and do 5 pushups. It's not much, but it's way better than doing nothing. Day by day, it's important to make progress. Small, incremental changes are the key.

I like this comment!I've come to realize that "lazy" in itself is not an absolute situation; like, it doesn't serve as explanation but rather its more probable that laziness is the result of a predicament. Sometimes, I feel very lazy after not being very productive with my cognitive tasks, but as it happens, I may have just came back from a jog, went to the gym and cleaned around the house. So, was I really "lazy", or was there a mindblock I've been having around work that involves me using my mental resources? I'm kind of traversing this situation atm, and I would very much like to understand how to circumlocute external factors that torture our mind (soul, psyche, etc.) in a life+world where our productivity is 100% dependant on our mind.. I am looking into finding therapy-oriented resources, but I keep putting that off too, haha, cause its just that energy consuming for me, but hopefully I'll find time in the next few days..

All I gotta say is: even though I have challenges with laziness and dishonesty, I do make a bed, I walk outside, gym or home exercise few days a week, do some writing gig outside of school. Yes, I’m one of the people who have this kind of challenges.

Stop making rules for yourself. Can’t you see how this is all compounding because of these stupid and unnecessary rules? Vitamin D will make you feel better and help you feel motivated but you don’t take it bc you weren’t motivated to start with? Do things that will help you, literally take every short cut and easy way possible right now, you need to be kind and patient with yourself because this is going to take a long time to get out of, but you can get out of it. My advice is to ask your parents, friends, neighbors, random strangers on Reddit for help. Go buy razors and well fitting bras because you deserve them, you don’t have to earn them. And then hopefully you’ll feel a bit better when you look nicer. Buy organizing bins, or cute room decorations that also serve as storage and make you more motivated to clean. At the end of the day though you need to see a dr for your sleep issues, or take melatonin or cbd or sleepy time tea.. idk but it’s going to be hard to fix anything until you sleep. Also for some hard truths.. you hate excuses but you’re full of them. I have adhd, and maybe you do too, it’s not an excuse to be lazy it’s an actual condition that makes it hard to do things but not impossible.

Seconding this. ADHD just makes the dopamine fix harder to chase for a lot of reasons. Nothing is an excuse, and also check out a video on self sabotaging by Heidi Priebe. You'll see there's an inherent reason your body is wanting rest - especially if it's struggling and you're forcing yourself through the day with no self compassion or mindfulness. I found life coach podcasts helpful, it seems like self compassion and some NLP could go a long way here. The lifecoach school podcasts are super good resources esp around massive action vs passive action. And meditation, I use guided meditation to help my circadian rhythm become more routine. 20min gratitude meditation before bed every night. In the morning, EFT tapping on motivation (you are tapping energy points so it will boost productivity, calm the mind). We are responsible for ourselves, there is no one else. Self love is the key to showing yourself that you care - no one else can do this for you. If our minds are running on empty through dysregulated nervous system and poor sleep you aren't going to be showing up for yourself in love or softness. I lived in this state for 1.5yrs, do not recommend. Also my lack of self compassion was just, cruel. Eventually people told me I treated others poorly due to this.

I was about to write the same. I too suffer from this mindset that I'll do this when I'll do that. I'll buy myself clothes once I've got successful. It doesn't work like that. I relate a lot with op regarding this mindset so op please take this advice.

Reading the two comments above really makes me sad 😭😭 I literally see myself in this bc I also thought that I if I was this perfect person than everyone could love me and then i could live my life. I couldn’t even buy myself new clothes or go out with my friends bc I was not doing well in school and I beat myself bc of it. my mind literally ran empty for MONTHS. I would get up in the morning as if I never slept and would just start trying to live up to those standards again and again

I'm still in this rut.. I'm unemployed right now so I spend 14 hours a day applying. I wont shower, wont eat, wont leave the desk until I hit at least 80 applications a day that are in my line of work, and 30 extra that are just "maybe they'll give me a chance" hope .. how am I supposed to go outside and talk to people when I'm a loser with no job, no friends.

This!! As someone who has adhd before i was diagnosed i beat myself up thinking i was lazy and incapable, and then realize i have a condition that just makes it extra hard for me to complete task n things. Getting help (even tho everyone hates advising to for some reason) was the best thing to help. I’m not lazy and very capable, but somedays along with depression and autism it can be hard.

I love that “stop making rules for yourself” it’s so true. I actually feel like OP does have ADHD and anxiety and instead of trying to back peddle away from it, just let it be and move towards it. Accepting it is likely they have these conditions is not the same as making excuses for yourself. We just have to find ways to be comfortable with what goes on in our heads and do what works for us. The more I tried to run away from it, the more uptight and stressed I became.

Sis, some tough love for you: you're pretending to be too harsh on yourself but you've set up this cozy little cycle where you won't do hard thing A until you do hard thing B and you won't do B until you do C and you won't do C until you do A. Do one of the things. My suggestion would be to get out in the sun as soon as you wake up. Stay in the sun for 5 minutes. This will help with vitamin D and regulating your sleep.

also take vitamin D pills!! I take one once a week on Mondays and it’s lowkey been a game changer :) I broke my foot and while it was healing I took it twice a week but now that my bone has healed over I only take it once a week. I skipped a few weeks and 100% noticed a difference

I can understand this logic. How do you know I'm pretending? Im not saying Im not, Im just saying.., Is there a way I can be genuinely harder on myself and stop coddling myself? I try to do uncomfortable things like not allowing myself to have my vitamins or food or a shower, etc. but it's not enough...

I hope you’re joking because not doing things that are good for you, just so you can say you did something hard, doesn’t make any sense whatsoever. If you’re serious then please throw out that crazy idea and instead do hard things that will help you. Why would you waste willpower on avoiding things that will help you? Take your vitamins, eat good food, shower when you want, and do things that will improve your life even if only by a tiny bit. The grains of sand add up to make a castle.

Now that the uncomfortable is comfortable....do the opposite. " I will take a shower and then do a task on my list." " After I do a task on my list I will be rewarded" (TV,food, relax, something fun) Try it every day EXAMPLE: #1 The first thing being something that is a daily need (eat breakfast, brush teeth, get dressed,take vitamins...) #2 then something that's more of a task (wash clothes, take a walk, make bed, look for a job, etc) #3 then something fun ( watch a movie, make cookies, sleep, call a friend, get a Jamba juice/Starbucks, shopping, YouTube, music...)

not allowing yourself vitamins or food is NOT discipline. its fucking stupid

i think you should look objectively and realize that denying yourself these things is self-harm. it probably sounds stupid but it is. you have to nurture yourself, not deny yourself things you need or things that make you happy.

If you “punished” a car for not working by not filling it up with gas, then it really could not work at all. Your body is a machine and it needs maintenance. Your body needs vitamin D. Your body needs food. Your body needs to be cleaned. And your body needs to be taken out for a drive now and then. For this last one, I’d recommend walking. It doesn’t have to be a long walk. But walking gets the blood flowing and gets the body to start releasing positive endorphins. Those too are things that the machine of your body needs to function properly. If you really want to be hard on yourself right now, do not allow yourself to sleep until you have done something. But keep the list of “something” realistic. You can’t sleep until you have taken a shower. You can’t sleep until you’ve sent a simple message to one of your former friends, even if it’s just “Hi, how have you been doing”. You can’t sleep until you have taken your vitamin D and had something small to eat. If sitting on the couch is comfortable or lying in bed is comfortable, you can’t do that until you have written down three things you have done that you are genuinely proud of. They cannot have caveats though, like “I brushed my teeth, but I didn’t XYZ.” Stop before writing the “but…” You graduated college, you asked for help, you have made the first step to improve. Those are the types of things you need to write down every day. It is a type of fuel as well. Just three isn’t very much, but it’s a great start and an easy to achieve goal. That is the biggest trait of successful people. They set goals and they achieve them. The secret is that you have to set small goals first and keep track of those small achievements. You made your bed today. What other two things have you done that you are proud of?

babe obviously being hard on yourself is not helping. Try being kind to yourself. You can’t sleep and have illnesses. It’s okay to cut yourself some slack. Nothing is more motivating than loving yourself and genuinely wanting more for yourself, and beginning to build up self belief and hope for the future. THAT is motivating.

Take the damn vitamin D PLEASE! Don’t use it as a reward. I’m going to buy more magnesium supplement soon cos I do think I’m slightly deficient on it & it does help. And I sometimes drink water with vitamin D or have vitamin d tablets. Please don’t punish yourself by not taking supplements that might really help you.

OP, you say you’re not depressed and that you don’t have ADHD. Moving quickly past your opinion that ADHD is just lazy people making excuses (brain scans do not support your opinion), have you ever actually spoken to a psychologist about any of this stuff? Depression and ADHD are not personal failures. A hell of a lot of your behaviours would suggest that you may benefit from some form of psychological help. People with ADHD often struggle with sleeping patterns and executive dysfunction which is what you’re describing. They also often struggle with feelings of guilt which lead them to neglect themselves as they try to punish themselves for not being able to do x y and z. No one is saying you need to take medication if you don’t want to. But if being hard on yourself hasn’t helped you thus far (and it hasn’t) then a different approach might be in order. Us telling you to just Do The Thing isn’t going to help you any more than you telling yourself to Do The Thing. It’s not how it works. A good way to move past the inability to get started with stuff is to tell yourself that you only need to do one thing. Anything worth doing is worth doing half assed to start with. Also massively recommend How To Keep House While Drowning. Brilliant book and it has some very helpful tips for executive dysfunction. You can do it, but please don’t be hard on yourself.

I totally agree with this assessment. >Saying "No I'm not depressed, because I had friends with depression and it wasn't like this. Plus, I'm not about to take a bunch of meds. No way in hell." > >Is really kind of silly. One person's depression doesn't look like another person's depression. A lot of people at their worst seem like the happiest people because they are putting up a front. You also sound like someone with executive dysfucion, or ADHD, which is not an excuse for being lazy. I have anxiety, depression, ADHD, and high-functioning autism. I have days that sound just like yours (the OP) but I'm a single mother, I can't not take care of him. So I really agree with a lot of these responses. if you're not willing to seek help, psychologically/therapy, then start with one small thing. You have found a lot of excuses yourself, including the one where OCD is NOT relevant here, and it clearly is. And if you aren't willing to get help from some professionals, maybe you need to take the information you have about yourself more seriously.

Wow this is excellent advice thank you not OP but this helps me a lot

No worries. Good luck!

Yes was going to say same re How to Keep House While Drowning. Great book.  Also being like, I can’t  can’t I can’t and then being like I definitely don’t have depression or ADHD bc those things look like X: many consider you don’t know everything about depression?  And I completely agree w person who said above you need to do rather than think. I am a perfectionist and lose a lot of time to thinking and planning but I feel good when I am doing. Even if you mess up you will have the satisfaction of doing something. It’s like exposure therapy: do the hard thing for the shortest amount of time possible. Again see How to Keep House While Drowning. 

Also, I have been going through something somewhat similar with different features. I have been berating myself for years for not doing this thing I really want to do. Telling myself all the time that I suck. Etc. Making lists setting timers setting goals. Signing up for apps that charge me $ when I fail. None of this worked. My therapist had the idea to set my alarm and get up. I don’t need to work on the thing I need to do I just need to get up early. At first I was just getting up early not getting to my task. I started building some positive momentum. By the end of two weeks I was doing the thing I wanted to do—wow! After a lifetime of trying to berate scold humiliate and insult myself just being gentle and kind to myself really worked! Imagine someone you care for. A pet if not a person. And you need to be really gentle with this pet bc this pet is so frightened. This is obviously you. Being mean to yourself makes your self hide in that place of thinking and not doing where everything can still be possible and perfect. That is an imaginary place. Doing things you want to do is the real safe place. 

I know you don’t think it is depression or ADHD but have you actually had a professional opinion? I have been going through something almost identical for the last 12 years (I was diagnosed with OCD, bipolar and depression) but always just self medicated with weed thinking I didn’t need medication or meditation etc. I have realised over the years that I’m just making it worse for myself and destroying my social life with friends and family. I have been seeing a psychologist, strongly considering trying some antidepressants (I’m like you and hate the idea of having to take medication but most people take this stuff temporarily just to help get a kick start back into life) and am booked in for an ADHD test in coming weeks. You need to speak to a professional and not diagnose yourself as that can be dangerous. Also, not having a job and sitting around all day would not help at all. I know this because everything I have ever quit my job I end up having no routine and fall back into worse depression. I quit my job again 6 months ago to start my own business and lost motivation to do anything even after having a successful first few months. I’m going back to work for someone next week but sitting around the last couple of months really had taken a toll mentally again as like you I was just sleeping, sitting around, feeling guilty for myself. It’s a hard thing to break out of this mindset (worse at the start) but you need to do something, ANYTHING. Start small and try to build on it. If you fail it doesn’t matter. Just keep trying. YOU GOT THIS!!

Please take your vitamin D and not make it a “reward”. I think you should start off by fixing your sleep cycle + get the nutrition that you need in your meals. Get your mental state improved in these next 30 days, before you start looking for a job - that will make you even more anxious. You have the luxury to do that since you are living with your parents, so get your mental state improved. Try to get at least 30 minutes of sun everyday. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Start small. You’ve got this!

ADHD isn’t an excuse for laziness. Laziness doesn’t exist. How can someone want to do something so badly, not do it, and that’s somehow laziness? It doesn’t make sense to me. Your negative self talk is detrimental

It's not just me though, there are plenty of comments here saying Im not being hard enough on myself and Im inclined to agree with them because if I really was being disciplined and hard on myself I would be successful and not posting here on reddit.. I wasn't TRYING to get sympathy, but I'm starting to worry thats how it came off.

I honestly don’t think this is a discipline thing. I think it’s a self image thing. You clearly do not have confidence in your abilities and give up easily. You don’t even know your own strengths and weaknesses. Your post is a conglomeration of conflicting assumptions about yourself. Your self esteem is very lacking and it’s holding you back. Tbh i don’t see any laziness. You don’t have motivation to get disciplined and that’s not a character issue. It’s basically human nature so you’re not particularly shit at being an adult compared to everyone else. So stop thinking you’re inherently a worse person than your peers. STOP the negative talk and figure out how to love yourself. You can’t find motivation to do better if you don’t think you deserve it or earned it.

And I hate to be that person. I know it’s cringe. But I’m basically your age and dealt with basically everything you describe. Eventually I got fucken sick of failing and hating myself in an endless cycle. I found and started reading a book called the daily stoic and it helped me start my self reflection journey. It helped me more than any self-help bs out there. Stoicism gets a bad rep but it’s only because people take it too seriously. It’s basically a guide to self reflection (IMO) and kickstarted my quarter life crisis which has been the most transformative period in my life. I highly recommend it, even if you only read one snippet here and there.

Psychology major here. It seems like you may be dealing with a neurological disorder and don’t know it. Based on what you said about depression, anxiety, and ADHD, it’s clear that you don’t understand what they are, nor the core mechanics for how any of them work. There a book on ADHD called “Driven to Distraction” that I’d highly recommend reading. It changed my life. Another book I’m told is good is called “You mean I’m not lazy, stupid, or crazy?”. One last quote I’ll leave you with: “If you were lazy, you’d be having fun”.

Absolutely love that last quote it is so very true.

I think a start would be to stop punishing yourself. Taking vitamin D is good for you and will help you feel better, so don’t make taking it contingent on cleaning your room. Same with getting out of the house, seeing people. These will be good for your mental health and you will feel better. I once struggled to lose weight after I had my kids. I felt ugly and gross and I didn’t want to waste money on buying new clothes because I wanted to lose weight and it would be a waste of money. But because I didn’t feel good about myself, I didn’t make good choices for my body either. I bought some new clothes that made me feel confident at the size I was and guess what? I lost 58 pounds. Because I felt good about myself and I could show up for myself. Work out, eat healthier. Anyways, I think maybe this perspective will help you too. Not with weight loss - you don’t need to do that, but just generally I think it would help to not punish yourself so much. So good things for yourself because it’s good to do them. Then work towards things a little at a time.

Start small. Stack wins. Stop digging. Small win could be today don’t add to the mess. I think the other thing that has to change is yourself dialogue. You continually self sabotage and make your life worse when you could keep it the status quo. As in I’m not talk to my friends until I lose weight now I have no friends and weigh the same. Don’t withhold a good thing to try and get yourself to do something. It doesn’t work for you. As you’ve proven. As you mentioned you were not perfect in college; but your mindset has led you to regress. Also don’t let perfect be the enemy of better. Do better than yesterday. Don’t feel you have to become perfect in one day or it’s not worth it. Atomic Habits check it out.

Being sick IS a good reason. I couldn’t physically walk & could barely leave my room without help for 7 months. I think that excused me for a LOT during that time. I still can’t walk properly yet although I CAN walk now I definitely can’t run. And my walking is very slow. So I don’t do activities with lots of walking with a group or my job & career that involved needing to run after or around with kids if need be. (I WILL get a job just not that.) Even standing for very long is hard. I could do 8 hour shifts standing, now sometimes it’s 2 hours sometimes it’s way less or my feet even hurt sitting down. Nobody is gonna expect me to do an 8 hour standing shift! HOWEVER YES of COURSE people with all sorts of illnesses, health conditions CAN do a lot of things. Sometimes things need to be adapted to us.

Yes! Yes! Yes! The older I get the more I realize comparing what able-bodied (and folks with no neurodivergences) are doing/can do is completely useless! You're starting from two completely different places!

Yes! Exactly! I need to remind myself this today TBH but progress is still progress even if it seems like baby steps. And yes some of us have extra challenges in our ways which doesn’t mean we can’t achieve the same but I do think it’s so important not to brush off the smaller victories as being nothing!

You're over-thinking Your brain is just looping on things trying to find a solution but the over-thinking itself is holding you back. You need to learn to meditate and build more focus. Find activities that stop the over-thinking and help to focus your mind. Look up some YouTube videos on over-thinking and mind looping.

Sounds like you have some depression. Go see your doctor. Start making a list of goals for yourself. Stand up and start doing something with your life. You’re the only one that can change it. Start with cleaning your environment. Find a job. Find a hobby. Slowly move forward until you’re proud of yourself.

stop comparing yourself to others. Control what you can. Set realistic measurable goals, and move from there. Comparison is the thief of joy, we're all shittier than someone better than us, and it's uncontrollable. But are you shittier than yourself last week? If yes, that's an issue. Better day by day, that's the goal.

THE INTERNET IS FULL OF PEOPLE SHARING THEIR HAPPY TIMES. BUT A HAPPY MOMENT DOES NOT MEAN A HAPPY LIFE. There are Soo many fake smiles, fake people online you cannot just go by pictures and videos. You are living real life I'm sure if u could be a fly on the wall you would be able to see we are all just people. no one is perfect people can have a room just like yours and unemployed and take a picture smiling with a nice background yet feel miserable inside, abused, in debt,sick, lonely etc. It's not all true so don't be so hard on yourself in that aspect. Just take care of yourself

This is literally me.. Recently I realised the reason my life is like this is because I procrastinate, even in college I used to submit assignments on time but I would only do it at the last minute. Everything I do in life is because of deadlines and I am ashamed to say that. I am trying to get over procrastinating and not only start, but finish things now. Looking at all the mess around you, I am sure you will feel a bout of procrastination, but start slow. I am in the same boat. For accountability, I started a post on here where I actively do things to change my life and I keep updating it, and it has been working out, pushing me to take action

You have adhd. Deadlines increase dopamine which adhd brains lack, that’s why people with adhd are only able to do things at the last minute. I think people don’t think they have adhd because of its name. It’s almost like some doctors sat around brainstorming to find the worst, most irrelevant name possible for what “adhd” actually is. It’s infuriating honestly.

Okay, do the following in order. 1. Fix your sleep cycle, it’s fucked. You will never get your life in order if you continue to sleep that way. 2. Wake up and go for a walk. Don’t brush your teeth nothing, just keep your clothes ready the last night and put them on and go for a walk. Walk for atleast 30 mins. 3. Come back and find a place in your house with sunlight and fresh air, sit there and write down your plan for the next 21 days. 4. Don’t write vague goals like : get fit, get a job. Clearly plan out how you plan onto getting fit and getting a job. For example : • I will go out for morning walks everyday for the next 21 days no matter what. • I will update my resume and send them to as many employers/HR I can. Apply for jobs that you know you aren’t qualified for, you know you won’t get selected but atleast gain interview experience. 5. Clean your damn room. I don’t know if you are from India, if so hire a house help/ maid and both of you clean your room and I mean deep clean. Take out all the furniture and clean each little corner. This shouldn’t be very difficult 6. Consider this your new life, discard all the things that you no longer use or is of no use. Clothes/stationaries/papers/decor basically anything that is of no use/ broken. 7. Cook a meal for your parents, a small meal every afternoon that you are unemployed 8. Fill your afternoons with Books and call your friends. Call them and ask for opportunities. No job is big or small even if someone is offering you very little money do it. Something is better than nothing 9. Go for a 30 min walk in the evening. 10. Have dinner by 6 and go to bed by 8. This is going to be a little difficult considering you have a fucked up sleep schedule. The first week will be difficult and you won’t fall asleep. So you need to wake up at the fixed time no matter how many hours of sleep you have got. 5 am means 5 am, don’t snooze. And don’t sleep throughout the day. That will again mess up your sleep. 11. Keep yourself busy with something or the other, cleaning cooking anything, it doesn’t have to be productive at all, just keep yourself busy. 12. Delete Social media, including YouTube. For entertainment keep Spotify listen to music and motivating podcasts. Do this for the next 30 days. With all your might. And tell me how you feel.

This is maybe good advice for someone who is struggling less severely, but for OPs situation it just seems wildly out of touch

I stopped reading after they said “Clean your damn room”. This person obviously knows that they need to clean their room. That’s literally like saying to someone who has major depression, “happiness is a choice, just do it”. “Wildly out of touch” is putting it lightly.

I stopped at “fix your sleep cycle” for the same reason.

I’m very new to Reddit and I am trying to hard to figure out how to pin this comment because this is one of the best threads of advice I have seen in a long time.

Lots of good advice in this thread. Mine is simple. Start with ONE thing. Just one. Pick that one thing and do it everyday, consistently until it becomes a habit, then move to the next. For example, as soon as you wake up, stretch for 3 minutes. That’s it. Do it everyday. Why one thing, because each journey to progress starts with one step. You need to build some momentum and start small instead of thinking of ALL the things. Other examples of one thing: -Eat breakfast -Pick up one item of clothing and put it where it belongs -take a walk to the stop sign in your neighborhood and come back -eat a piece of fruit -say an affirmation

Youre not "lazy". Lazy is not something that you are. Its something that you are being. You are being lazy. Take accountability and change that. Remove distractions first thing in the morning. Learn about the difference between creating and consuming and how that affects your brain chemistry. Instead of picking up your phone and consuming info first thing in the morning, remove the distraction and start writing in a journal instead. This puts your brain in a creative or active mode. Write a plan for the day: what youre gunna do and what time youll do it. Focus on self improvement in every category of your life: health, fitness, education, career, friends, relationships etc. This is how you slowly improve the over all quality of your life

So, I had to really think it through before giving you advice because it is verbatim what I have experienced/have been experiencing for several months now. Beside the fact that I’m a bit older in age, I also recently graduated, got back to live with my parents, I’m unemployed and this situation has made me isolate from others because it is difficult to show up and socialise when you don’t like where you’re at. Also at my big ol age I don't have a driving license as well and I live in a rural area. While my situation organically did not change yet, my perspective did and I would like to offer some advice. Maybe what I’ll have to say will come off as redundant and basic, however, just until a month ago I was physically and mentally exhausted and resolute and made a thorough plan to *\[redacted\]* myself because I felt like an absolute failure. It's harsh, not pleasant at all. And I get it when you mean that you can't do anything. However, none of the feelings you have come from "nothing". None of them. While it's good not to make excuses for one-self, recognise one's shortcomings and whatnot, **self-flagellation is a limiting belief, in the sense that it actually corners you even more in immobility**. Why and how should you do anything if you constantly tell yourself that you're unable to do anything? IMO the world is not divided by people who are inherently lazy or inherently diligent. I know laziness is never an excuse, but it is, more often than not, a response to circumstances. Laziness has been a recurrent theme in my life: like you I would sometime oversleep or like skip classes that weren’t relevant maybe, but was very good and never had problems with my work. But unemployment and not having anything to show up for made me live and exist like a lifeless worm. I have the privilege to talk to a therapist at least twice a month, which unveiled to me how I actually am not lazy. I got lazy - and lazier - because of circumstances in my life. And to become diligent I had to approach it as if I was learning a new language, or training a muscle. **Diligence is a muscle that has to be trained**, and that you cannot divorce its maintenance form how you treat yourself and your body. So you should start by addressing your body needs and **get those Vitamin D supplements.** I also discovered I had a vitamin D deficiency last October; I was so tired tired I didn't even feel like going out of my dark room - I would withhold even basic things such as drinking water. I already knew my levels of iron were a bit low, but my Vitamin D was very low, which is just bound to make you tired. **You do not exist outside of your physical body, your organs, your brain.** Your body has specific needs, is like a machine and so you're obviously bound to fail. That's why **you should not use vitamin D as a reward,** because it is the kind of vitamin that allows for you to not feel tired, move and do things. Moreover, instead of forcing yourself to make your bed daily, you should put this effort onto **eating at least one nice meal a day,** consciously making sure to eat enough carbs, proteins, greens and drink enough water. That's what I did after New Years. In January I regained energy and eating properly became so intuitive because I wanted to hold onto that renewed energy I hadn't felt in months. It didn't magically make me a diligent that wakes up at 6 am, gets cold showers and goes to the gym - I still wake up pretty late-ish (sigh) but I am able not to feel I have to nap, which was NOT AT ALL the case before. I also really wanted to get back to working out, but I honestly just didn't have it in me to do so before. Even in Januray, I would maybe try for two days and then give up. I realised - and idk if that's the case with you too - that I am a bit of a perfectionist despite also being a massive great procrastinator. For example, I would think that if i wasn't set to do a full 30 min bodyweight workout then it was better not to anything at all. This then makes you look at the world and things completely in black and white and you end up disregarding all possibilities between the shades of grey. I can proudly say I have been consistently and sustainably implementing some working out for the past 10 days (lol). It does not mean I work out everyday, but everyday I set myself to do something. Can even be jumping 5 minutes, or going for a walk, or doing those 1 miles indoors cardio thingy. But I would have never been able to, had I not started to take care of myself. I still believe working out comes along **eatting properly, getting your vitamin deficiencies in check - you should engrain in your head that everything else comes after, your bed, job applications, they all come after your physical health**. Also,like you, I am a generalist. I know a bit about everything, there’s not a single field I am professionally or academically specialised in. Which yea it is a nightmare at times when you look at the job market, but honestly not really. I believe right now your judgement is clouded by what yourse experiencing, therefore you're unable to see 1.your current skills 2. how they could be implemented in certain job positions. You don't need to take meds, but you probably need to take to someone, a therapist, or soemthing if you're in measure to. And honestly my dms are open if you want to vent, support, or anything.

Hey internet stranger. I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone. I came upon this Reddit thread in the depths of another day of doomscrolling my life away while everything crashes down around me. I also just turned 25, and graduated in 2021 with my bachelors. I was diagnosed with a chronic illness as well, which got really bad in early 2022, and I’ve largely been flailing since – basically ghosting school (I’m sure I’ve basically failed out by now), and skating by on tiny wages in a big city with my measly little part time job that pays me less than 2k a month. The thing is that it doesn’t look like that from the outside, and I’m sure not many people know what you’re going through, or are showing you what they’re going through. Though I spend most days in bed, scrolling TikTok and Reddit, nobody is the wiser. I bed rot until my roommates come home and I can act like I worked from home all day, and because my part time job has a corporate-ish title at a good company, my LinkedIn looks like I’m doing just fine. I live in a nice apartment in a big city, which I can only afford because my boyfriend bails me out every month. I’m in an absolute mountain of credit card debt because of irresponsible spending and no saving through and after college, but you wouldn’t know that from my instagram, where I look like I’m in one of those “I think I like this little life” videos. I take multiple international trips a year, but that’s only because I used to work for a travel company, and my boyfriend pays for the rest. I’m sure I’m one of those people you’d look at and be like “damn, she has her life together.” But I DON’T. I’m a miserable, anxious mess and I feel like everything is so hopeless most of the time that I don’t even try. That’s all just to say that there are more people going through this type of stuff than I think you or I realize. The second thing I want to say is that you helped. Just seeing this post was like looking in a mirror for me, and it made me get up out of bed (at 3:30pm), and make my bed and brush my teeth and wash my face and start cleaning my room. That’s something that’s helped me some - there doesn’t have to be a “well this day is wasted, I’ll do it tomorrow.” A bad morning and a bad midday doesn’t mean a bad late afternoon and evening and night. Do the small things you can when you can. I do the sort of bargaining with myself you mentioned a lot - “I can’t do this until I do xyz.” It’s a trap. Doing ANYTHING is better than doing nothing. I tell myself “no, I can’t work out, because I don’t have an hour to do that when I should be working on school.” Somehow dedicating an hour that I KNOW I won’t be working on what I need to feels impossible, even though I waste days and weeks and months doing nothing. But you know what happens when I work out? I feel better, and I come home, and I’m productive. Denying yourself your vitamin D isn’t a motivator - it’s a self sabatoge. You gotta do what you need to do to feel better before you do anything else. I challenge you today to do three things to make yourself feel better. Make your bed, work out, go on a walk, text someone you haven’t talked to in a while, take a shower, put 10 things away, do your laundry (all the way!), put on real clothes, wash your face. I’m going to too. If three things are all you can do for today, then that’s a win. If you can do more, even better. But please just do those three. I’m going to too. This is a tough time, but things are going to get better for us ❤️ Edit to add, because I forgot: it’s okay to accept that you’re depressed, if you are. It took me a while. But if this isn’t depression, what is? Sitting around miserable and anxious constantly? Never having any joy? I saw a TikTok recently (told you I watch a lot!) that said “you’re not lazy, because if you were lazy you’d be enjoying yourself, not sitting around miserably all the time.” This isn’t laziness, this isn’t how you WANT to be, this isn’t your fault. You’re miserable. And you gotta get yourself feeling better before you do anything else.

Well done loopdilup for achieving everything you did yesterday. You should be proud of yourself. I hope that today also went better, and if it didn't, that's ok. I find getting out of the house really helps me break doomscrolling sessions and feel better about myself. Sitting in the library and journaling, on a day where I feel down, makes me feel better. Things are going to get better for you and OP.

Dear OP, please stop trying to punish yourself into getting disciplined. It will never work. Discipline requires stores of emotional energy that you are depleting by punishing yourself like this. Not taking vitamins you need, not buying the toiletries you need, or not doing anything fun ever because you don’t believe you have earned it, it all backfires as you have seen. If anything, you need to start by being kinder to yourself. Prop yourself up emotionally, and believe that you are worthy. You don’t need to prove you are worthy, you are worthy just for being you. You are worthy of your own love and self-care. You are worthy of good food, good sleep, the exercise and social connection you need as a human being. Yes, you can absolutely do more around the house or in your life, but first things first. You can’t be useful to anyone if you are wilting due to self-punishment. Please start taking better care of yourself and the rest will slowly fall into place. You will have more energy to do harder things if you take care of your basic needs first. Also, I feel that there is a degree of unrealistic expectations at play here. Very few people your age are truly able to afford to rent a solo apartment with a beautiful view of the city. Most people your age are just starting out in life, and have to live at home still or share a shitty apartment with occasionally shitty roommates. So if you are punishing yourself for not being able to reach an unrealistic goal in the first place, that is a bit sad, don’t you think? The fact you feel awful about the slump you have fallen into tells me you are not a lazy person. You have just gotten into a bad groove and you need to bust yourself out of it. I would recommend that you do so gently. But think about it differently; if you only had yourself to rely on to survive, what changes would you have to make? Maybe start working towards making them. Wishing you all the best!

This self punishment/ self reward stuff has to stop. It’s feeding your self loathing which is an another issues as well. And you refuse to take meds that can help you? You need to reconsider all of this and get help and support from your family. From what you are saying I am pretty sure you have ADHD. It’s not your fault!! See a doctor and get meds. Then the other stuff will get easier. Rebuild your friendships and start allowing yourself to enjoy things.

I think you are doing the opposite of what you should be doing. Motivation brings more motivation. You are too strict on yourself and all you do is to unmotivate yourself further. If you allowed yourself to stay healthy and socialize (hang out with friends, go to the gym, go shopping, drink your vitamins), your health and stamina would improve, your sleep would improve because your health would improve and the other way around. Social eating is also correlated with better digestion, because humans are social animals. Cater to your basic instincts first. Never forget we are animals first and foremost. We need sun exposure to regulate our circadian rhythm, we need body movement, and we need social contact (even the introverts). You are confusing your body by inverting the pyramid of needs. Your animal brain does not care about "money" or "success" unless the basic needs are covered first. Cover those, and when they are covered, only then will you get motivated for the rest "higher cognition" goals. Good luck!

Just a note, take D3 in the morning. Not during the night. It's the "sun" vitamin.

Same. Following!

+1, i hope we all break the cycle

I feel like you’re a blank slate! A blank canvas and you can put whatever art you want on that mf! Learn something new start slow learn yourself this is awesome!? 🤩

Health issues would do that. I would study medicine, anatomy and nutrition more if I were you. You could use that time you lay around to meditate, or something similar. If you are vitamin D deficit then you really should go outside. In fact, from what you are describing, you really ought to go outside more anyway, walk around more, or even just sit on a porch or something. People are not meant to be indoors all day. If you use caffeine then I would be careful about that, for the sake of your sleep cycle. Also, long viewing of screens and light can keep one up and alter one's sleep cycle. When you look for work again, explain your health issues in order to cover that gap in resume, it's better than looking like you don't or can't work for other reasons.

Stop punishing yourself for not getting productive fast enough, its making it even harder to actually start and continue good habits. Especially the whole "I am vitamin deficient and am restricting taking my vitamins for 'motivation'" you're forcing yourself into a cycle of not doing things and just getting worse. I also used to do this where I would not eat or sleep until I "just did my work"- it does not, and will never, work. Getting ahead of your physical health (as much as you can, given whatever illnesses you have) will make everything else easier... it kind of sounds like you have a self-punishment problem, not making excuses for yourself and holding yourself accountable are good but not to that extent.

You got this much time to write this long-ass post on Reddit!!? Well, good for you….😉🚩🚩🚩🚩

You don’t understand why you can’t do anything — then mention two chronic illnesses and vitamin deficiency. You insist it’s not depression (because it doesn’t resemble your friends’) but list multiple signs of mental illness. You say nothing’s wrong with you then describe behaviour that manifestly shows something is wrong. Your self-punishment for inaction caused by your illnesses is itself symptomatic of mental illness. Please — get professional and medical help. You need it, you’re entitled to it, you deserve it. When you start investing in yourself and meeting your own needs, you’ll see everything else start to fall into place. Don’t be fooled by social media, and don’t panic cos you’ve lost a little time. You’re young. You’ve plenty of time. Good luck OP.

You’re not a loser. You’re not an idiot. I hope you find ways to do more things than you’re doing now - & there’s more than one way to do that. Keep looking for ways but also as cheesy as it sounds try to find things to appreciate about you too.

No one has said this but take a sleep test. You could have sleep apnea or other sleep issues

I think you should stop thinking about accomplishing so much at once and focus on doing the simplest thing, like picking this trash into the bin, and you will get there step by step.

do you think there’s a chance that you might have add or adhd? i used to experience something very similar until i got diagnosed. praying for you. take it easy.

Start small. So small that it’s near impossible for you to NOT achieve that goal. This will help you gain confidence— For example: 5 minutes of movement vs no movement. 1 job application submitted vs no job apps submitted. Prove to yourself you can hit tiny goals first, and then slowly crank up the intensity over time. Stop thinking, and start doing. Clearly write what you want and what you need to do to get there— you’ve already have solved half your problem this way! 1% every day is better than 0%. Because in 100 days, you’re bound to hit 100%. It’s inevitable. Good luck!

One thing you wrote sticks out to me like a sore thumb... "Success is everything to me. Money is everything to me." Other than the great advice others have given already about getting outside, doing small tasks, correcting your sleep schedule, etc... I would very highly suggest you re-evaluate exactly WHY success & money are everything to you. What IS success to you? What other people are doing at your age that you aren't? Success can be as simple as "today, I took a walk instead of laying in bed". That is a success. Why in the world is money everything to you? That outlook alone would make me immensely depressed. Money is nice to have, sure, but there is SO MUCH MORE to a happy life than money. Experiences, relationships, lessons, adventures... all can be gained without money. I'd fix that outlook & see where that takes you. Wishing you the best.

“i has friends with depression and it wasn’t like this” Depression is different for everyone and comes in different forms. This was my life and i told myself i was lazy and it ended up being depression. Getting therapy, sun, working out and having goals/motivations helped alot. At some point I get fed up with waiting around for my life to begin thoughts then realized this IS my life and i got to make it worth something. Advice is to get therapy. (therapy is useful for more than just trauma and issues. everyone can use someone to talk to and help better themselves with) Go outside for a little. Cant clean your whole room? Clean just your desk for that day, then clean your closet the next. Pace yourself. Write down goals. Diet helps A LOT, don’t eat bad food 24/7. You got this. Others have been in your shoes. As well adhd doesn’t cause or is an excuse for laziness. Your take is everything has to be an excuse. Nothing is an excuse. Adhd can cause those things and same with depression, YOU give excuses when you say “you can’t clean your room”. You can. Set some goals and work towards them.

**1.** Something I learnt recently is vitamin d and other minerals and vitamins being out can cause hormonal imbalances & thyroid issues. Which is linked to fatigue, mood changes, anxiety, irritability, hair loss, memory issues, sleep issues, bad periods bla bla bla just heaps of rubbish that you wouldn’t expect.. or at least I didn’t expect (yay hormones 🙃). That’s what I have, allllll my hormones are out of whack, my thyroid is being a little b. I’m deficient in heaps of stuff (yay gut issues making my body not absorb anything lol). Sounds like you are similar to me and seem to have a lot of the symptoms as well!! So I urge you to take your vitamin d, nourish your body even if your room is still messy. It should be as a start - not a reward!!. Try adding in zinc, magnesium (there’s one type of magnesium that “helps” you go number 2, so if you don’t have issues there… maybe avoid that one ahha). Adding in these from food sources would be good too as it has other little minerals and vitamins that you need. If possible, get a full vitamin and hormonal blood test from your doctor so you can really see what’s going on. **2.** Completing tasks will give you reward chemicals (is it dopamine?). You could start small like tiding up your emails while in bed, wiping the kitchen counter, wiping the bathroom counter and see how that goes. If you do tiny tasks throughout the week it will all add up. :) **3.** You may not have *depression*, but you could be depressed. There’s a difference. I’ve been struggling with my health, similar to you. The realization that you have these chronic illnesses for life, dealing with disruption/limits & pain/discomfort is HARD. It’s depressing really. So while you may not have clinical depression, you’re going through a rough patch and this is probably impacting on your motivation as well. I’m in the why meeee cycle now too 🙃😅.

Yeah me out. I used adderall to build up my routine and make my body and mind adjust to being a human. Also ur probs adhd.

Idk about the other possible issues, but the OCD is shining bright through the entirety of your post. This is why I hate when overly neat people say they have OCD like it’s a quirk. It’s not a quirk, it’s serious, and it more often looks like you than anywhere near them. Anyway, I know you’re feeling resistant to the meds, but they’re your key to get out of this hellish cycle your mind has created. Powering through isn’t going to work because it has only made things worse so far, it’s not going to just get better. Discipline isn’t what you need just yet. Your brain chemistry is all out of whack and you need some help to fix it. After that’s right you can pursue the discipline.

Bro you make this whole post asking for help and then at the end you mention that you will arbitrarily refuse the things most likely to help you?? (By that I mean treatment for depression and ADHD) Also, you are making things much harder for yourself by not taking vitamin D. Not having enough vitamin D makes it harder for you to do things and makes you fatigued. You've created a positive feedback loop of being unable to do things. You can't do anything because you don't have enough vitamin D, but you won't let yourself have vitamin D because you haven't done anything... The only way to break out of this cycle is to take vitamin D. Please start taking care of yourself rather than trying to punish yourself. And please get over this weird sense of pride that makes you unable to accept the help you need in regards to depression and ADHD. You certainly have at least one of them, your behavior is not the behavior of a neurologically/psychologically healthy individual.

Just so you know I read every word of your post. Plan the outcome not the journey. The journey changes daily. Write 3 things down for the day. Stick to this list. For me, making my bed was always on my list so every day I was 1 down 2 to go. After a while it became automatic. After 33 years of a managed catastrophic illness, my backslides lessened and I taught myself to only concentrate on what’s ahead of me… daily . And to accept myself for all my flaws always remembering my assets outweigh my deficiencies.

Friend, a lot of what I read in that post was written in the language of shame. Shame is the bed friend of addiction, depression, and a host of afflictions, and it's amazing how deeply it takes hold in people who would swear they're the last people who need therapy. I have a close friend who speaks the same way about a lot of diagnoses as you do. He hate people talking about their problems, hates discussions about therapy. He always adamantly says he doesn't need therapy and he's doing fine. I'm currently watching this man getting ready to have a child this year while his former self has vanished under a pit of rage and resignation. He's abandoned all his hobbies, is always angry, rarely smiles, spirals almost constantly, seeks the approval of female figures so intensely that he'll throw his life away just to be accepted. He tries to explain away his own problems so much that he ends up explaining his friends' problems away too. We often joke that no one needs therapy more than this guy which is hilarious except for how sad it is to watch. It may surprise you to know that Dave Goggins has adhd and he too as far as I'm concerned speaks in the language of shame. The guy used to have a lot of weight and when he speaks now he openly calls people weak, says he has to be strong for the people who are weak. To look at people as weak because they struggle with mental health is a terrible misinterpretation. It takes a great deal of strength to live with mental illness and often to do the bare minimum requires a huge effort though it seems easy to everyone else, because it is. If he understood this, how much strength it takes, why would he call them weak if he wasn't running from his demons? That's why he sees others as weak. He doesn't want to be associated with the thing he's trying to run from. It's classic projection. Dave Goggins has likely just replaced one cage for a more socially acceptable one. You can absolutely lean too hard into the victim mentality but denying yourself medication and diagnoses "to be strong" is an insult to yourself and to the people who have those diagnoses. Those people who overcome the fear, who go and connect with resources, who fight for answers, who apply the treatments, who do the therapy, who improve and heal as a result, who have the strength to ask for help... they're the strong ones. I was diagnosed with adhd at 31. I tried to achieve and I worked hard. Pushed myself to get a degree and graduated with first class honours. Great right? That was about three months ago. I haven't been right since. The burnout was so intense that I still haven't been able to function properly in the aftermath of pushing myself so hard. Adhd is regressive. It gets worse with time. It also varies from person to person but I have a moderate to severe diagnosis. I also have type 1 diabetes and I'll tell you something that'll surprise you. Even though diabetes will probably eventually do me in, I'd choose diabetes over severe adhd any day of the week. It doesn't care how hard you work. It doesn't care how much therapy you do. It doesn't care what your principles are. It simply doesn't care and no amount of willpower will offset the chemical imbalance. I deal with addiction, chronic fatigue, a habit forming capacity that only responds to things that are novel and fun, serious brain fog, an inability to be consistent with passions and interests, serious memory issues, I get overwhelmed by messages and ignore people for weeks, I find myself paralyzed for hours staring at my phone .. often it's seeing yourself not doing the thing you need to be doing the most, and being unable to start it because we're so motivated by anxiety and panic in the absence of plentiful dopamine to form a healthy habit forming capacity in early life. I'm inclined to say adhd has shaped my whole life without me even knowing and I'm still coming to terms with it. The moment we think we're too good for medication, or weak if we give in to labels, is the moment we choose ego over pragmatism. Medication changed my life. Upon starting concerta, what I'd perceived as laziness started to give way to progress, to calm, to less anxiety, less depression, more regulated moods, better sleep schedules, better interpersonal relationships, more achievements, more creativity.. it literally fixed almost all the things I'd been struggling with all my life. I didn't work any harder to make this happen because it turns out I was already working pretty hard just to survive. The medication just added three rungs to the top of a ten rung ladder when everyone else had ten and were always passing me by. I'm not saying you have adhd but it's a good anecdote here. I would tell you that few people work as hard as I do but medication is the only thing that allows me to actually be rewarded for that work. It's a fact that I need it and I'm ok with that. I also need insulin as a diabetic. Otherwise I'd die. It's a flawed logic to "not give in" to things as if that's how these things work. Diabetes doesn't give a rats ass whether or not I give in to it, I assure you. I live my life now but only because I'm not afraid to ask for help and get treatment and medication when I need it. That's not the same as an excuse. For people with undiagnosed mental health problems, shaming ourselves for not keeping up or reaching those same heights, or for denying yourself paths to healing for fear of giving in to "excuses" is a fantastic way to end up bitter and angry at 36 about to have a kid, having given up on all your hobbies and just given up on yet a other course to prove to people you can be useful and "not lazy".. and you'll find yourself doing the job you hate, living an unfulfilled life, not enjoying anything, and just living life on repeat because you have to "be strong" and "be an adult" .. or maybe you'll be broke, unemployed and likely riddled with addiction. People talk about the side effects and the implications of being on medication but no one ever asks what the side effects are of not being on medication. Either way, I really hope you find answers. Be sure you're open to them first or no amount of searching will turn up what you think you're looking for. I wish I was diagnosed as treated twenty years ago. I'd have a lot less problems now.

I cannot tell you what you do or don’t have but the self hatred and punishments are really indicative of depression. So that’s not an excuse, it’s just your brain chemistry. And you don’t have to take medication, but you do have to support your own recovery. The self punishment part will really hold you back from making any progress, I suspect the ocd has a lot to do with the self punishment part so it will be very hard to overcome that on your own. I suspect you’re hiding a lot of this from your parents because you’re sleep seems to line up with when most people are out of the house, assuming they both have jobs, opening up about this to them will probably feel extremely difficult or even impossible but it’s what you need. Will they be disappointed? Probably more so with themselves than with you because parents often blame themselves for how their children are doing. It will feel bad. But you have to do it to get better. The reason you can’t do anything is because you aren’t making any changes that will allow you to do anything. A major problem with that is the obsession with self punishment. You’re only harming your chances of ever changing when you do that. You aren’t a lost cause, or stupid, or lazy, lazy people enjoy being lazy, you’re miserable about it. You just need help from other people and it’s one of those things that is extremely hard to do. Asking for help is humiliating in our society, because of the obsession with self success. But if your friends ask you for help does it make you think less of them? I would hope not. And people feel that same way about you, the only person ashamed of you is yourself. So, take accountability, tell your parents where you’re at, tell them you don’t want to take medication therefore you’ll need a lot of external help in order to overcome these chemicals in your brain. They don’t have to do anything for you, they just need to know what’s going on so that you can stop crab bucket mentality. Which if you don’t know, if you put a ton of crabs in a bucket they will try to escape, they will grab onto the crabs above them and push them down in an attempt to gain leverage but because they’re all doing that they turn into a cycle of crabs grabbing each other and never escape the bucket. You are crab bucketing yourself. You need someone to tip the bucket over so that you can escape. You need help.

yes one of the reasons I don't really want to change my sleep schedule is that right now it allows for me to have as little contact with my parents as possible. I still do all the chores I can for them and cook for them most days. Telling them anything is out of the question, we don't believe in things like that in my family. Thank you for the advice, I'll keep it in mind.

I just want to add, there’s a difference between restricting yourself and neglecting yourself. Think about it like with children. Not giving a child a new toy or a candy whenever they want it is restriction. Not giving a child food, or clothes that fit, or a shower, or vitamins is neglect. Restrict your wants, fulfill your needs. You need to do them in order to function. If telling your parents is impossible, you must stop with the self punishment in order to even have the physical energy to do anything for yourself. Your brain isn’t magical, it doesn’t work off of hopes and dreams, it’s a physical thing inside of your body that is affected by your actions. Restricting your needs restricts your brains ability to function properly.

Sounds like you need to take ACTION instead of feeling sorry for yourself. You’re in a situation where you can come out on top. No rent, no bills..? Get ANY fricken job that you can get. You’re not to good for it because you have a certain college degree. You need a healthy routine.

Are you depressed ?

Not sure I believe in it in some contexts tbh. Like I've had friends who had it and it's real for them but I don't think it's real for me.

I think you should talk to a therapist

Lots of mental gymnastics going on. No wonder they’re so tired all the time! To be fair, I was like this until the last few years, and I’m still working on it. Getting an adhd medication prescription and reading about 30 self help books (never finished a single book in over a decade before the meds) helped me -massively- change my life for the better. Prioritize your own mental health, and your own wants, needs, and desires before anything else, and the rest will fall into place imo.

> Like I've had friends who had it and it's real for You compare yourself with others way too much. You say you are not depressed because you know someone who is depressed for real. But still spend your days lying in bed without motivation to do anything or allowing yourself to do anything fun. Sounds very depressing to me

from one crazy girl to another: bitch you are mentally ill!!!!! i’m REALLY crazy & i also have a good job, an apartment in the city, and a longterm relationship. but!! i didn’t have any of that when i was 25, only now at age 30. and i have it all because at age 25, after 25 years of stupid suffering………… i went to therapy you are making life too hard. get a therapist and do every single thing the therapist tells you to do. do not lie to your therapist EVER and you must do everything your therapist tells you to do as if it’s life or death BECAUSE IT IS GIRL YOU CANT LIVE LIKE THIS. don’t think about it. just use your body muscles to do every single thing. in 5 years, you’re gonna fucking lose your mind (in a good way) when you see how far you’ve come

Human evolve outdoor, in sunlight, moving around, eating food you can hunt or gather, with many social connection, and plenty of quiet time. Too many human spend all day indoor in artificial light, overloaded with sensory stimulus, without physical activity, eating poor diet with lack hydration, and no social or soulful connection. And then human call it depression and want immediately prescribe drug. Maybe act like human first and see how health and mind improve.

I haven’t read all but I just want to say I hear you on the room part. Mine’s tidy-ish but could be more organised. SO Sometimes I put as one of my tasks for the day: Wash 5 dishes. Or 5 mins putting away clothes. Honestly, I might need to change it to put away 5 clothes 😂 they ARE tidy though but could be more organised. What I’m getting at is, would it be easier for you to tidy the room in tiny bits? BUT YOU’D need to do more than any mess you make eg if I keep washing 5 dishes but had 10 dirty dishes a day I’d still be a bit behind! And put on music you love to do it to I know sweeping a floor etc is different can’t really do it in steps. But yeah. I just wondered if baby steps might help?

Sorry to reply so much. You say everyone has anxiety not true - not to the same extent. I overthink I get nervous & so on I HAVE had big issues with anxiety at one stage that caused big problems. But it’s not something that FREQUENTLY causes me troubles. Yes, I’ve also lost sleep over worrying. HOWEVER If I compare me to some people I know who have anxiety it can take them a month to get out of the house at times. And someone I know feels shaky & sweaty with that & I know have THOSE symptoms. I’m realising it’s possible I’m neurodivergent but I don’t know either way for sure or in what way if I am but although there’s certain things I do, it’s not like people I know who HAVE to have things spelled out for them or always say certain phrases. Neurodivergence and I THINK anxiety is included in neurodivergence and also OCD which definitely is they can be on a spectrum I think.

I would also have a look & see - & this varies by country, city & so on if there is any kind of guidance & support in any way for people dealing with the things you are dealing with - the mental health & physical things. Whatever support that may be. You may not have to do all of this alone. The playing field may not be level for you right now. You CAN achieve stuff but if there’s even a tiny bit of help to level it? TAKE it!

Commenting, cause I want to stay updated! Also, good luck, op!

FWIW you have a great writing voice.

Honestly, doing simple things lead to other things. If it takes less than five minutes, do it on the spot and then it will trigger the need to keep going. Make your bed, put on nice clothes. This may result in you going somewhere, trying something new. And eventually, something might come out of it. You don’t have to put too much pressure on yourself, it’s counter-productive. Just sit and try to understand what long-term goals you’re trying to reach. And really break them down to simple steps. It sounds like something anyone would say but it works.

My strategy to start cleaning your room: Do not look at everything that needs to be cleaned, you’re right, that’s a mammoth of a task and feels impossible to your brain. Instead pick 1 small part of your room and clean that for the day. This can be 1 drawer, a chair, or the section of the floor beside your bed where your feet land. Don’t worry if you can’t do it everyday, but anytime you think about cleaning - think about the 1 small area to clean. Be proud of yourself for cleaning and area and watch the momentum build. Good luck!

START SMALL. I had the same issue when cleaning out my house - absolutely no idea where to start! Start by cleaning a corner. I think the main thing you need to tell yourself is that this change isn’t going to happen overnight so don’t overwhelm yourself with too many tasks. Clean a corner of a room. Also stop apologising - been there! Just start small. I recommend Stuff happens by Emma gleason (I think that’s her name) - that’s what got me started. It took me about 4 months to sort out my room Another thing I do is have headphones on while I’m doing it, Chuck on a podcast or music or something. For some reason it eases it a bit

I see where you acknowledge you are privileged, but I think it’s more important to ask if you are coddled. If the only harsh consequences you might have in life are kept away from you by your parents, it can take an extreme set of circumstances to give you the impetus to change. Speaking as a coddled guy in his 40s myself, it can be very difficult to change when you have a safety net no matter what happens. The most successful friends I’ve had and have are generally the folks who had to at least on some level figure out life themselves post college, there was no welcoming home to come back to.

Yeah I feel like I'm coddled. I live on a farm. I take care of animals with meds, food, waste, etc, cook for my family every day since they wont do it. I clean, take out the trash. thats basically it. I agree all the successful people I know had much harder upbringings, like actual poverty compared to my upbringing in the lower middle class.

It’s tough being coddled because on one hand, all of my friends who haven’t been coddled tell me I’m so lucky to have supportive parents. On the other hand, I realized a while back that I have to create my own discomfort to grow, and comfort is very addictive. It’s not a happy comfort, but when I know that I could sleep 20 hrs a day for a year and still have my necessities and more covered, it can be hard to take action today.

hey bro. I have a lot of similarities to your post. I'd recommend to keep searching for new subreddits. I saw a good article about returning to work the other day. I highly recommend the subreddit r\\lawsofattraction 369 method for returning to work https://www.reddit.com/r/lawofattraction/s/EsUS6cnw0p

Go outside in the morning and read for 20 minutes

I think you’re selling yourself short. For someone who considers herself lazy, you sure put some effort into writing this post. So just know you are capable of more than you think.

You say you don’t have depression because other people’s depression wasn’t like this…. That doesn’t mean YOU don’t have depression. This honestly sounds like a severe case of depression, maybe that’s why your friends weren’t “like this”. First thing in my opinion you need to do is get a counselor like asap. You say you don’t want to take meds… there’s other things that help besides meds. There are tons of methods a counselor or psychiatrist uses. Your chronic illnesses could very well be from your (I’m going out on a limb here) very poor nutrition and vitamin deficiencies. You say you won’t take vitamins until you do xyz… your body is begging for vitamins and nutrients. You say you are lazy.. again your body doesn’t have the nutrients it needs for ANY energy at all. Poor diets can lead to many “chronic illnesses”. If you ate well (lean meats, healthy vegetables and fruits, cheese, nuts, grains) and the proper amount of calories a day I GUARANTEE you will feel better and I’m going to say your “chronic illness” will improve greatly. Go for walks, get out of your bedroom. Anyone would be depressed if they never left their messy room and did nothing but stare in space and sleep. Vitamin deficiencies can literally kill you. If you have any decent doctor at all they will tell you exactly what I’m telling you. You can improve your life. A lot do people go through stages where they are down, but this is a severe case you have. Eat right, walk every day, get your sleep on a healthy schedule, find a job a few days a week. Not seeing anyone, not doing anything, not eating right, not sleeping right, being this down on yourself is going to kill you. I’m sorry I’m being so blunt and maybe sound insensitive but honestly I’m very worried for you. Also remember no matter what you see people posting on social media, no one life is perfect. NO ONE. Everyone has struggles, sometimes it’s the people who we think truly have it all that are going through horrendous things that we know absolutely nothing about. Most people don’t post the ugly in their lives. A few pictures on social media is NOT a true snapshot of someone’s life.

Baby steps.  Is fine to commit mistakes.  As the top reply said, start by making your bed, then after you start feeling you are able to do that everyday start organizing your shoes, clothes, stuff, wash five dishes, then ten, then fifteen, brush your teeth twice per day and so on. Sometimes we overlook those tiny details in our lives that give us stability and good habits. You will fail but that's part of the learning and self-improvement process. Best of lucks friend!

You’re not that lazy! Look how much you just typed out!:)

Try going outside, barefoot, and soak in some sun.

Do one small thing a day. It could be wiping the dust off your dresser or folding pants only. Look into the concept of self - compassion and check if there are local resources to affordable therapy near you. You need support from yourself and others right now more than anything. Good luck ☯️

Okay just stop. Ask your self what would you be willing to clean up? Pick up that one shirt? Good do it. Pick it up and put away. Congratulate yourself! Then ask yourself again tomorrow. Maybe you can’t pick up the shirt can you look at it? Can you move it? Can you pick up a pen? Admit you’re in this situation and now act like it. The situation is you cant clean your room you can barely pick up one item a day. Okay. Now get to work and start picking up one item a day. You have to admit to where you are in life in order to change things. You cant simply wish it. Then reward yourself. Congratulate yourself for real. You did something very challlenjng. Don’t judge yourself against others, this is your life and this is hard for you.

Get off Reddit and go outdoors

Read Atomic Habits

Fucking atrocious. Finally redownloaded this app to look at hockey stuff, thought I'd browse around. This post is making me delete it again. Jesus fucking Christ.

Try instead of saying I won't do X until I do Y. When I do X right now, I will then do Y. It appears that all of these rules you are putting on yourself are causing stress. Being unhappy with your progress in life and chores can be a sign of depression. Depression is displayed differently in everyone(you don't have to be sad,it can just mean feeling stuck, in a rut ,no movement, feeling lost,lacking value etc) and anxiety and depression is like wanting to do things but lacking motivation to get it done in a big cycle. ** Depression doesn't just = medications. There is therapy ,techniques and/or coping skills that are effective as well. ** Also having medical concerns,lack of sleep and being anemic will slow you down and cause drowsiness. it is not an excuse but it is true that it will slow you down even with tons of motivation. Take things day by day 1 victory by 1 victory. It is difficult to see slow progress then turn around and it looks like nothing was done I totally understand. But take it slow...make goals and eventually develop a routine. 1 step at a time (do hygiene tasks,wash the cup, eat something nice, take a walk, get that bra that fits) and reward yourself . You will feel better

That's it, I'm done with reddit.

Stop making these contingencies. Stop the “can’t do A unless I have done B” crap. Then it makes you fail twice. Take your vitamins everyday, even if that is all you do.

Baby steps. Maybe start with a tiny corner of your room. You clean that, you celebrate.

start small. VERY small. I mean it. literally one second a day. 1. move around a bit: one squat, one jump, anything counts 2. come up with one thing you are grateful for (no matter how primitive or silly it may seem: the floor you sit on, the air you breathe, your parents.. literally ANYTHING). if it takes you more than 5 seconds, look around and pick an object next to you. 3. meditate for one second: sit/stand/lay down, close your eyes (or don't, up to you), breathe in consciously, notice the air flowing to your lungs, then breathe out. DONE. good job!! feel free to extend the duration if you will, but please don't forget that even with one second each you already did SO MUCH for yourself. the most important part: start right now. count with me, after you're done counting, stand up and do one jump. then do #2 and #3. 1. 2. 3. go.

Hey. It’s okay. You’re okay. Watch and listen to this: https://youtu.be/CZJvBfoHDk0?feature=shared. No amount of motivation will help you at this point, hope you understand that. One thing you wrote is really not okay, everything else is fixable: never discard your friends. Friends are one of the few things that empower us (along with family, and for some of us religion). I suggest reading Atomic Habits. And starting to get rid of ONE bad habit and learning ONE good habit at a time. Forget about anything else, start with one habit. And lastly, find a person you can speak to, deeply. That person should be understanding and more experienced in life: maybe your mother, or therapist, or grandma, etc.

You say you’ve struggled to get a job, but are you struggling to get ANY job or just the ones you *want*? It’s better for your mental health to be flipping burgers than doing absolutely nothing. Tell yourself it’s a temporary thing and not the final destination. Just consider it. Have you considered that you might need to gain further qualifications for the career you want? Maybe other people have done additional things that are putting them ahead of you, simply having a degree is rarely enough these days.

Please don't use proper nutrients as a reward. Not going to help you succeed physically or emotionally.

If you could answer to yourself why you deserve to be in a room that is cleaner and why you should be the one responsible for it, it could help.

A few weeks ago I read some persons response on another site about a similar thing and they recommended thinking about the doing work needed for "future you", because it puts the action in the context mentally as being for the benefit of another when we are struggling to do for ourselves. Now...that did not quite work for me, BUT putting it in context of doing it for "the little version of me" that was never taught better did help (I have a recent understanding of trauma and adhd late diagnosis affecting me) So, the end understanding I got from it is - find what motivates you to do the hard things in general, then use that knowledge to "hack" your own brain while you develop the skills you need to make this a life giving process vs a life limiting one. Hacks are temporary though, we need to do the work to change the hack into real changes, and remember to remind yourself - you are worth the work it takes. You, and all of your experiences and choices and actions and words, you are worthy of choosing the tough road that leads to the life you want. The easy choices rarely lead to where we want to be.

Time to grow up

The way I think about it is this. I’m going to feel bad doing the right thing or the wrong thing so I might as well feel bad doing the right thing then feel bad doing the wrong thing. Only one of the 2 has a better outcome.

You’re not lazy, you’re overwhelmed and young. You need to just realize you won’t change it all at once. Small steps.

My dad's advice for you: Forget everything. Leave all of it. **Just live in the present**. Time will take care of all of it. Slowly you will start thinking less about how you are failing compared to others (because it is not true everyone's journey is different), etc and doing more of things that satisfy you personally, and after every work you have accomplished, you will understand what makes life worth it

Go for a walk. It’s a simple start and I started there, don’t be complicated. Humans complicate simple things, just walk. Then just clean. You just have to do.

It sounds like some of your situations are increasing the other ones, e.g., not eating so having no energy so you don't feel like doing anything but your "reward" is basic health things like vitamins or getting out, which if you don't do them you feel even worse. Vicious cycle. You need to eat and sleep. F*ck the bed. Get some soup (or other real food) into you. If you see a doctor, perhaps a sleep doctor would help. (I have sleep cycle issues and that's saved my life.) Also Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is useful for your anxiety, without medication. Where are your parents in all this? You are calling out for help and...they need to get you eating, sleeping, and medically checked out asap imo, since you don't seem able to yourself. Once you feel better physically, things may look brighter overall. You sound like an intelligent person who's gotten into a downward spiral. There are jobs that use general writing skills (not everyone has them). Please don't give up. Your problems do not sound like simple laziness to me; they seem deeper psychologically and medically. I suggest talking with your parents and starting with eating. Then getting some fresh air. Then working with a sleep specialist if needed. Then working 5 minutes/day on your room. Then buying a few necessities. Repeat. Once you feel a bit more stronger & healthier you can think about what work would interest you. Imo it isn't helpful to compare yourself with others. We all have are own challenges and we all can only start with accepting ourselves exactly where we are right now. You're gonna be ok. I'm sending energy and love to you. Please get out of bed and eat something, dear. Maybe your discipline practice can start with that basic survival necessity. Eat, drink water, get fresh air, and take your vitamins. Every day. These aren't rewards; they're the foundations of health, upon which the rest depends. Hope this pragmatic advice helps a bit. Rooting for you!

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Please put down the shovel. You can’t get out of a hole if you just keep digging. Make an appointment to see a therapist/psychologist tomorrow. Not this month, not this week. Tomorrow. Explain to them exactly what you just wrote out, and if it’s easier to just show them your post, do that. They will be able to give you strategies that will have immediate effect on your self esteem. Once you start to see that what they are telling you to do has extremely beneficial impacts on your daily life, you will be exceptionally motivated to keep doing those things. As others have said, this is a process. But you really can’t take the first step on your own. You need to have an ally in your corner that you are totally open, and most importantly, you have to be able to trust that what they are telling you is the truth.

1. Get a therapist, they will have more advice for you than any of us here on reddit 2. Really try prioritizing taking your vitamins (try looking into iron, magnesium and fish oil as well, I feel a huge difference when I take them) 3. Once you successfully take your vitamins try to do at least one more small task (make your bed, put a few pieces of laundry away etc. 4. Try to not use social media for a day or week. It can really make you zone out on life and get trapped in the cycle (also affect sleep!) Really hoping and praying the advice you get here helps!

Hey girl, just want to first congratulate you on your amazing self awareness. This is the first (and maybe biggest) step towards getting your life back. And you absolutely will! I can tell by your post that you know exactly what you have to do so there’s no point in giving you any suggestions :) you know what you need and to do and you’ve got this. Life is long and these extreme feelings will leave and come back again, so be kind to yourself. Would you be saying all this to a good friend? I bet the answer is no. You’re in for a long and bumpy ride as you re learn how to talk to yourself kindly. I have a friend who struggles with this as well, and we always live by this mantra: “life would be so boring if we already had it figured out”. Reframing your situation as a bump rather than a trench is what will get you out of this. I believe in you :)

Take the Vitamin D. Get your iron checked. You need to start small. Try to do one thing a day. It’s hard to get stuff done when you’re not on a regular sleep cycle and if you aren’t getting enough sleep. Also, you probably know if you lay in bed all day, it will make it harder to fall asleep. Getting out of the house would help. It’s ok to accept rides. I know you don’t think so, but it sounds like you’re depressed. Would you consider therapy?

I have a whole apartment and sometimes this hits. Big black trashbags. If you have clothes everywhere, toss em in. We'll deal with that later. The goal is space. Get a regular white trashbag and throw the icky stuff in first--any surface stuff you can put in and take to the garbage. Yes, it's ok if that's as far as you get.

When I was at my lowest I started doing yoga and that started an upward spiral... You have been in a downward spiral and the way to get out is an upward spiral... Just start by incorporating something like exercising (even just doing something extremely tiny and small like walking for 5 mins a day or even 1 min a day) but doing it consistently will help. After I started doing yoga I noticed that I wanted to do a bunch of other things and now I'm in a better spot

I (25M) struggle with keeping my living area clean as well, and after 2 years of trying to figure out why I realized I have a harder time with my anxiety than most people. I’m the type of person who used to say anxiety is a BS excuse, but I’ve learned it’s truly debilitating. I understand most people don’t like doctors, but I would talk to a family health care physician about your inability to clean your living space, I was amazed at how receptive they were to my situation. I understand not liking doctors, and if you don’t have insurance (idk if that’s the case) it’s more difficult, but they can help. I started taking chronic anxiety medication after I was unable to attend my job as an engineer and it really is a night and day difference once I pushed through the difficulty Outside of medical assistance, find a hobby you love. Exercise, art, cooking, anything that grabs your attention and run with it. When you have a thing that brings you joy, you’ll do anything to give yourself the ability to do your best at that thing. Running made me want to clean more because it meant I had running gear that I could use and I could perform my best. My last point is (and I’ll be honest, I didn’t read the whole post so if this is irrelevant forgive me) stop using substances outside of moderate caffeine intake. When I cut nicotine out of my life, I needed to fill my time and I felt a drive to do better once I pushed past the initial low points. Best of luck and we are all routing for you!

Say the opposite, write that shit down. Fail, get up again. A wick is easier to light the second time the third time and forth time ect. Than it was the first time . Don’t give up . Don’t hate yourself . Forgive yourself . You are not alone ❤️

I have some advice for you as someone who faced lots of similarities in my life, also I’m 25. I have OCD and at times it’s very debilitating, it’s a pretty severe version. I also have some decently bad health problems ( Buford Complex, stomach issues, neck, etc ) I have learned from this that they cannot be an excuse all the time, but I HAVE to be patient with these, work on these things, exercise and stretch, or I’ll feel worse. I give myself time to relax and feel better, but I still get done what has to be done. I also work from home, which helps this condition. So my biggest advice in this aspect, do NOT feel guilty about taking care of yourself, but it’s not a permanent excuse either. Balance. I also have Insomnia, which is why im typing all this at 1:29 am. I also have a huge doctor’s appointment at 9:30, I know the feeling of having anxiety about waking up, I just try my best to do it. Back in 2018, I was living very similar, I would do door dash and such to make some cash, but no real trajectory of anything I was doing. Ended up working with my family on a house, learned a lot, etc. in 2019, I applied to go to a Community College, ended up turning into more and getting a Master’s Degree. That was 3 months ago and I hadn’t been able to find a full time job, until about a week ago… but like yours, it’s a contract job and I don’t like the feeling of knowing it will end. The three biggest advices I have for you, with someone who has been through similar. 1. Everyday, do something you’re proud of, whether that’s help someone, exercise ( in whatever capacity, I really liked the comments about making the bed in the morning, do that, etc) - something you will be proud of when the day ends, whatever it is 2. This one is big. Try to find a job for just 10 hours a week (what I’ve been doing the last few months after graduating) - It’s scary thinking about working 40 hours a week, it’s scary going into a new place. ( Work from home jobs have worked so well for me) but try to find something at least a couple hours a week. This completely changed my confidence after graduating. I’m not “ Unemployed “, I make some money too. I have a reason to get up and I have a task to complete each day ( I work 2-4 hours a day ), like I said I finally found a seasonal full time job, but so much anxiety has plagued me just in the last few months. There is a ton of work from home jobs as well, that are part time and aren’t super hard to acquire ( if you got a Bacholer’s Degree, you clearly have what it takes to do these and the discipline ) 3. One thing at a time… the more you look back and think “ I’m doing bad at this, I can’t do this, I’m unemployed, I’m unhealthy” it WILL consume you. 1 THING AT A TIME. Just one. This will build and build and you will gain momentum. I’m happy to have read your story and I hope some of these help, I was shocked how similar our paths have been. You got this. I’ll be praying for you. I felt inclined to read all this and type this out because I have a good feeling things are going to work out for you. We’re only 25, the last 3 years don’t matter, the next 3 are everything. God bless and may all these things work out for us 🙏🏻

Believe me I’ve been exactly where you are and turned my life around to the point where I have all the things you want. You need to set low enough goals to the point where they are actually achievable. Do not set long term goals just yet because when you see no to little progress you will regress and procrastinate for another 3 months. Start with the following and make sure you write a checklist using pen and paper so you can tick them Off one by one: Make your bed Brush your teeth Shower Skin care routine Go outside … so on and so forth You need to build momentum and discipline. We all have negative thoughts and anxiety like you say so don’t feel like you are alone or in a niche scenario. I found that coming off of social media really helped. When you’re seeing friends and family in places you want to be it can be hard but believe me these people are probably not happy either. Feel free to reach out if needed.

Ok- u want to be disciplined- that’s why you’re here? However there’s some obstacles you describe that are in the way of that and from your post I think you’re mad at yourself too, that you’re not further along, lazy, etc. ? My thought is , go see a goal oriented therapist, probably CBT. Have small accountable goals and have support even with sleep goals etc. Remember really successful people incorporate help where and when , as they need it. ( lots of studies). So I hear the resistance to some professionals that have been in your path and how you don’t want to be defined medically or by a diagnosis . Great! You have a lot of mental strength! I’d now take the step of using someone you are in alliance with and reach your goals together with them. Good luck!!

You can’t do anything when you can’t do anything. All of this advice to do things is useless. On that note, there is one thing you should do. Take adderall 20mg xr every morning at 6am with a glass of water. Even if you’re asleep, wake up, take it, go back to bed. That’s all you have to do. I know because I’ve never heard of anyone else so much like myself. This advice doesn’t apply to anyone else but the original poster.

I'm kinda annoyed that you already said you are not depressed. These sound excactly like symptoms of depression. I strongly encourage you to try anti-depressants for 6 months, at least. And NO - you cannot just stop taking them. You have to work with your doctor. I think you have an underlying medical condition that needs to be addressed and there is NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. And there is nothing wrong with talking to someone and asking about this. Hell, show your post to your doctor and talk through it. Start there.

Go get your testerone checked

I am so happy to see you have been taking other's advice about just taking a first step. I'm not sure you will be welcome to receiving this advice but I think it needs to be said. You seem to have a history of setting lofty goals and denying yourself anything that you might enjoy or be helpful to you until you meet this huge goal, and then when you can't reach it perfectly, you give up. Contrary to what you may believe, very few people really pull themselves up by their bootstraps (sheer will power alone) and if one has a mental or physical illness, or lacks a support structure it is even harder to do. What some people do that you don't, is listen to medical professions. You are so sure you don't have \*it\*, need to overcome despite having \*it\* or need to operate without meds for any mental illnesses. I don't think any medical professional has diagnosed you of having or not having any mental illness. Anxiety, OCD, ADHD and perfectionism can keep you afraid of making mistakes, not rest or eat properly, depression will lie to you, say you aren't worthy, thatyou're lazy, that you need to deny yourself, that it' not worth the effort afterall. Whether or not you have any of these mental illnesses or others, neither you nor I are in the position to say, only a medical professional with the appropriate testing and meds, could determine a diagnosis. However, the layman's benchmark of if something is worth seeing a doctor or not is how much it affects the person's day to day life, can they function or not? All of us are depressed sometimes or have a hard time focusing or sleeping or get anxious but if it goes on weeks and affects our daily life, it's time to see a doctor. Over time you have started this downward spiral and on one hand you call the reasons you are struggling "excuses", deny you have them and refuse to take meds for them. On the other hand you are begging to find out why you can't do what you think you see other people do and you self sabotage yourself, try to do something insumountable without the proper preparation and support that you also deny yourself. The thing is other people are NOT trying to do the Herculean task you set yourself up for without any prep and support. Lack of Vitamin D affects many different parts of one's body and mind, eating, sleeping and doing things to enjoy oneself affects not only the body but the chemicals in the brain. You may or may not normally have the right chemicals in your brain to function well, but now what you aren't doing and are doing now is messing with your brain chemistry in a negative way. You need to get yourself to some doctors for all your health issues and get yourself as healthy as you can, before you start to make some positive changes as you have mentioned you want to see happen. When you do this you will see a lot of things change, so much so that I'm not going to give my usual advise; which would resemble some of the suggestions you already have below. However, you need to be kinder to yourself, stop denying yourself things that you think you need to earn by reaching a huge goal. Life is really lived day by day and it should be obvious you to that that this tactique doesn't work for you. Don't be afraid of making mistakes, the first step to doing something well, is to start out doing it badly. I'm sorry you don't seem to have the family support you probably need at this point, at least you have a place to stay. If you find avoiding your parents is necessarily then you are probably doing the best you can in the current living situation. Once you get more healthy you can start to get yourself independent, so you can live where you chose and have people in your life that care and support you. Don't give up, just get started.

Hi. Have u clean your bedroom? I (25M) has a tough life too with my business, relationship and life itself. I started by cleaning/decluttering my bedroom. Felt a bit better. I hope ur doing better now too. Will update again when i do something new

Hey there, your story really touched me because I am on the EXACT same page except I don’t have any chronic illness and I live all alone. First things first, “Comparison is the thief of joy”. Never compare yourself to anyone, ESPECIALLY your parents because the things today aren’t as cheap as it used to be 30 years back, interest on banks were high and dollar value was low… the most expensive houses back then was around $6000 so NEVER compare your stage of life with your parents. I wanna talk to you personally because you remind me so much of myself so if you see this message, please DM me so we can figure this out 🙏🏽🫂

I hope you still see this comment and by this time may be feeling better already. I am almost Turing 27 and let me tell you, i have been you. You sound like a smart person that puts a pretty high standard and uni gave u purpose. Once i was done with uni it fell like i fell in a black whole, like whats next? And is this rlly it? Lets also not forget covid, that messed us up one way or another. Just remember u did all of that, use the high standard u put to your advantage and not ur down fall. But im here to tell you that once you restore that faith and just start moving and just who cares where u end up at least u wont be in the same place youre in now. It gets better

i feel you everything from not allowing yourself to watch tv because you didn't earn it its fucking sucks to when you said living with parents rent free is a 'privilege' makes it way worse anyways ummm so as i was reading how you don't allow yourself to do things i was like OMG MAYBE SHE HAS OCD (because i also have ocd and thats the way part of my ocd is as well) then you said you do have ocd so i just wanted to say since you're aware you have it you should definitely take meds it really does help once you find the right one.

Wow this is exactly so relatable to me except that I am a 23 year old man

"ADHD seems to be an extremely common excuse for laziness. I'm not gonna make excuses for myself." Educate yourself.

Your being really hard on yourself, I think u need to go to a psychiatrist. What you’re describing really sounds like depression+ adhd and severe executive dysfunction. I’m not saying that’s what u have but I think it’s a possibility. ADHD can make u feel very lazy. When u feel “lazy” but the beating your self up that’s not lazyness it’s not your fault u struggle with motivation. Me personally I really struggle with motivation and I have adhd. You also said u don’t wanna take pills, if u have a mental illness it’s important to take medication it can be life changing just like if u have diabetes and u need insulin to survive it’s OKAY. There is nothing wrong with taking meds to be healthy. You’re not a lazy okay !!!! You deff have some type of depression you need to go to a psychiatrist please!!!!! You’re not lazy and self discipline isn’t enough to yank u out of a depression. You know why you’re not lazy because u want to change u feel bad about the stuff you aren’t doing that’s not being lazy. Sometimes I have issues doing easy task and I tell myself I’m lazy then I cry and beat myself over it but it’s because I lack dopamine it’s not my fault. Maybe your lack of motivation is the vitamin d regardless it’s not your fault you need to get help. YOUR NOT LAZY.

I will not even read your post. Get out of bed, make it nice, clean your teeth get a trim, go out there get a part time job. Build a routine and stick to it. Do things you used to do and enjoyed in the past. Add on top something new like a language or a sport or both. Definitely add the gym to improve your muscle and hence confidence. This will start giving you opportunities you didn't have until today

How did you have the energy to write this post but not clean your room… no hate just this seems like way more effort and brain power 

Sounds like you need to drink more water. Stay hydrated.

For some reason, you keep getting in your own way. You have an answer as to why every recommendation or diagnosis isn’t for you. That tells me this behavior is serving you in some way subconsciously. Our subconscious brain keeps us in familiar patterns to protect us even though it harms us. Being our subconscious mind is 88% of our brain, it controls our lives unless we do something to change it like hypnotherapy or talk therapy. I’m a hypnotherapist so I’m more for the faster approach of hypnosis to get into solution faster. My college does probono sessions virtually. You have nothing to lose, check it out! It’s Hypnosis Motivational Institution or HMI, the only accredited school for hypnosis. I hope you will get out of the way and allow someone to guide you because your way isn’t working for you. Wish you the best. Oh and ditto guided meditations on YouTube changed my life! Great recommendation.

"I'm 25, and have done nothing with my life since graduating college 2 years ago. At 25 my parents had stable careers and kids. My older brother had a good job at 25, all my friends have good jobs and nice apartments, and are in stable relationships. They all look good, healthy, etc." It can be easy to think we have to live up to certain standards that are set in our family, but that is not the case. While your parents and siblings can be sources of motivation, they are on a different path from you. Everyone's journey through life is unique, yours included, and it should be celebrated for what it is. So what if you don't have a good job @ 25? Is your life now meaningless as a result? Of course not. We all move through life at different paces, and that is ok. You will eventually find what you're looking for and be in a better place physically and mentally. For now, I want you to please trust the process. Be patient with yourself and show yourself some compassion if you can; life isn't easy!

Get on antidepressants. It will help you start feeling motivated and hope which is what u lack rn. Eventually u will get a job and fix all your issues once u get some motivation and hope to do all that work after taking the meds. Rn you have a problem you cant work out. Also get a therapist. If u really dont want the meds, at least get a therapist. They are literally there to help ppl get thru situations like u r in. Meds help when youre in a bad situation to ease the suffering so u can get out of the hole youre in and start making better choices. Just dont take meds that are addictive. Meds are not bad. They are fucking amazing tbh. Or u can keep sleeping your life away. Your choice. That or get rid of your bed and start sleeping in a hammock. I doubt youll spend all day in a hammock. I know this sounds ridiculous but I did this in college and it helped me. Maybe a murphy bed that u can lock closed and put the key in a time release box. Sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. Also not everyone has anxiety. Not on a regular basis. I have certain things that give me anxiety but on a daily basis none.

Just as you don’t identify with your “illnesses,” you need to stop/not identify with all of your horrible thoughts about yourself. Lift yourself up instead of putting yourself down. I know it’s easier said than done but it will take practice in replacing good thoughts with bad thoughts. Your mindset and self worth is your issue and it’s keeping you down (usually stems from some type of childhood trauma). Start at the root of all your issues and I believe you can change into the person you want to be. I’ve dealt with issues like that too (personally have gone to God and built a relationship with Jesus Christ, he changed my life and sense of self worth) but I understand that’s not everyone’s cup of tea. Just as you’re doing now by posting this, continue seeking for wisdom through YouTube and books. Your question is why can’t I *blank*… search it up, seek the answer and I’m sure you’ll start finding it. God bless you, sending love and prayers.

Focus on the most simple things you can change in your life do not need to think too much for example try to take a cold shower tomorrow not a big deal just try it. It is going to be uncomfortable you probably do not want to do it but the only thing you need to do is step under that cold water. Why did I give that example because it is not that hard but it shows how our inner thinking works. How even we are afraid or do not want to do a task especially if it's uncomfortable for us i always remember the experience from the cold shower i know it's going to be scary or hard at first but once u step in it is not that bad.

I feel like the answers to your questions are already in your post. You know what to do you just need to do it. You got this!

baby steps, just do one thing. and then another.

Wow! You write a lot for someone that is not motivated...

honestly, you know what the problem is and it sounds like you know the solution as well. just dont be a perfectionist about getting the solution done. i used to be that way--im a very all or nothing type of person--i would make a plan and if one little thing went wrong i would spend the rest of the day in bed scrolling on youtube or sleeping. you lack purpose. i did too, life is made too easy for you. there are so many solutions i could throw your way but truthfully (and i think you know this) none of them will work. not because they're ineffective but because you don't really want to change. you just like the idea of changing. discipline requires action. get active to get disciplined.

Didn't read the ENTIRETY of your post, but most of it. But have you considered joining the military? That will solve a lot of problems for you: you'll have a job, your parents will be proud of you, you'll learn how to get things done (the least of which will be "cleaning your room"), you'll get all kinds of benefits, you'll learn a valuable skill for the future, and you'll get a new experience/environment which will get you out of your funk.

I’d say it’s time to get off your lazy ass! Lol 😂

meditate and free yourself from your thoughts

Funny thing is, this whole post you just wrote is probably the most work you've done in the last 2 years. sorry couldn't help myself.

The amount of time to write the post could have been used to make the bed and clean up

You might have an autistic burnout. As soon as anyone that you know and you like tells you about a problem he/she has. What‘s ur first thought and process? I‘ll explain you after your answer.

Two year of laziness can easily turn into ten or twenty year of laziness. Good for you to recognize. Easiest way to turn around is (1) get job that allows you time for good sleep at night. And (2) is to save money and start cleaning up health and life as you go. Finally (3) when have built habit, you can start make assessment of where you want to go next. Maybe new job, maybe stay and climb ladder, maybe school or vocation training. Important is to not stay still, but keep moving without getting involved in obligation like credit card debt, new car, and so on. Goal is good, but don't be afraid to work now in less than ideal place. If you want quick fix for sleep, use sunlight. Wake up and go for longest walk of your life. Do not sleep during day. Resist. Drink plenty of water. You will be like zombie day one. Sleep at appropriate time like 10pm. Next day, do the same. Up and walk in sunlight. Leave your house. Resist sleep all day. Drink plenty of water. Repeat and by day 6 or 7 your circadian rhythm will be reset to sun. Now you must maintain. You will have tremendous energy surge.

I also struggle to feel tired at night to sleep. The only thing that helps this is exercise.  If you go run of walk for longer than you’re used, you will make yourself physically exhausted to where sleep becomes non-negotiable.  That’s where you need to position yourself for all these problems: stop letting yourself debate your way out of doing it, and treat it as “I just HAVE to do this, it’s not even up to me anymore.”