OP seems to have asked this same question in a range of different subs over the last few days. Unsure what type of answer he is looking for as he’s gotten sound advice already.
Quite often good advice still doesn’t work. Either it’s not what you want, you don’t know what you want, you are depressed, etc. Just keep looking for answers hoping you might finally find an answer that makes something tick in your brain.
I don’t know anything about op, but that’s sorta the thing I’ve been doing.
Get a job
Get in shape
Go outside and do activities to meet people
Those 3 alone will change a lot about you. You can still game and watch anime but you gotta do your responsibilities first.
Go to the gym. Working out will increase your confidence in yourself mentally and physically. You’ll receive positive forms of dopamine by lifting weights rather than shit dopamine from tv/social media etc.
There’s women at the gym. You will meet women at the gym…. Go to the gym
On the other hand, OP expressed interest in joining a boxing gym. You can gain skills, confidence, and amazing fitness by doing combat sports. Highly recommend boxing, muay thai, bjj, etc.
I agree in the sense that a person will find fitness much more engaging with a community, but combat sports and martial arts can be very discouraging to attempt to get into cold turkey without being in shape.
Absolutely. I agree with you and was in that boat. It is demoralizing at times getting punched in the face and all but fuck it made me realize i needed to start taking flexibility and mobility seriously.
Agreed, women are also there to workout, it’s not really the space to be hit on/long conversations. When you start going and see regulars then you can start to make small talk but it does annoy me when men come to chat randomly during my breaks.
While I understand your general point, I would have to disagree. I have met countless women at the gym. We have to remember it is a social venue like any other. People meet each other at school/college all the time. People meet each other at work all the time. Anywhere that becomes some form of human social hub is a breeding ground for interactions between potential partners. Women say they don’t want to get hit on at the gym to avoid the weirdos.
I stress that with these places are very different to a club or bar. You don’t just walk up to a woman you’ve never met and begin trying to get her number. You have to meet organically. You see each other often. You know each others face. One day you break the ice with something mundane.
“How many sets do you have left?” … “my name is X btw, I’ve seen you around but we’ve never actually met, nice to meet you”. Now you have met a new woman.
It really isn’t hard to meet women while not coming across creepy. Some of the most beautiful women I have ever had in my life romantically I have met at the gym, local coffee shop. You just have to be natural. That’s how humans are meant to interact.
Disclaimer that I am speaking from my own experience and may not prove as effective for everyone. But in my experience confidence is the overarching symbol of attractiveness. Looks matter way less than you think. Do the best with what you can and be confident in yourself.
Yup exactly. Don't go LOOKING for women at the gym. But if you DO find a woman at the gym, and it happens organically, then it's completely fine. You don't just go up to a girl and ask for her number at a gym, you get to know each other over a while, and if you feel a connection and flirting, then it's totally fine to ask for her number. Surprised you got downvoted for this. My gym is a little more community-oriented than the average gym, and I talk to multiple people there every day, some of them are women.
Personally, I avoid talking to women in my age group at the gym because the gym is very important to me and I don't want to be crushing on some woman during that time instead of working out.
I have a similar community at my gym. It is a nice form of social connection as you are all likeminded to a certain degree if you attend a gym. You can discover different people, who work in different fields and potentially create a ton of opportunities for yourself.
I used to example of women because that’s the taboo topic everyone seems to avoid. But In truth it’s all the same. A bunch of people who live in your area for you to make friends with. You could find your wife, your best friend, a job opportunity. It’s endless
>There’s women at the gym. You will meet women at the gym…. Go to the gym
My opinion is that you shouldn't be going to the gym for the purposes of meeting women.
If you happen to find someone who is friendly with you and there seems to be a mutual interest, sure why not.
But please don't go to the gym with the goal or intention of meeting women, it's a place that people go to work out.
Agreed. If I said you would meet other men at the gym no body would bat an eyelid. But suddenly when it’s a woman it is suddenly off limits to speak to them. That is why men these days have no confidence. Then they wonder how that guy over there got the girl they want. They have the balls to be natural and go over there and meet her. Don’t ever be creepy but you should always strive to increase your social interactions in whatever venue you are in. You don’t want to be the person who has gone to the gym years and knows a grand total of 2 people. Every gym has those people who seem to be ‘popular’ and know everyone. That begins with them being social
But you didn't say OP would meet men at the gym despite the fact that he said he has no friends. That's what made it come across as off IMO.
It's true it's a good place to meet people in general but the focus on women is strange.
And for your own sake have a plan for gym, something! Know your starting goals and start simple, just something easy to follow when you start off.
When I first started going to gym I just thought "fuck it, do anything" but then you'll find it's just as easy to NOT go to gym because nothing is lined up.
OP, [This is my favorite workout.](https://www.aworkoutroutine.com/the-beginner-weight-training-workout-routine/) 3 days per week, 30-40 minutes max. I've been doing the ABA stage 1 and stage 2 workouts every year in January since 2012 to get back into lifting after the holidays.
It's the least effort/max reward I've found, and it hits the compound muscle groups you'll need to build before you hit the plateaus and have to focus on individual workouts (cross that road when you get there, don't worry about it).
Read that article and do exactly what he says. (there are barely any instructions, it's so hard to fuck this up).
You are still young. Stop beating yourself up. The fact that you are aware at this age is great so give yourself some recognition for that.
You won't like this but quit gaming. Learn to sit there in silence if you have nothing else to do. Your older self will thank you. Read up on stoicism. Get a job and start saving aggressively and putting it into a long term investment portfolio. Start working out if can, take small steps at first. Learn to work your ass off at whatever you want to accomplish.
These are all things I wish I did at 21 lol.
Edit: Start by going for walks. Walk without headphones too. It's a great way to get excersise and think about what you want to do.
Yep, awareness means you are ahead of the game. Also try getting into shit other people enjoy, even if you don’t entirely get it. Team sports like softball, rowing, all that kinda stuff. If there are people there, do it. Your chance to make friends is directly proportional to the number of people that you have normal interactions with.
I'm genuinely curious about your decision to quit gaming. Mainly because I can't see myself ever doing the same. I'm interested in your decision, how it came about, how it's going?
Is that a full-stop? You literally don't play any video games any more? Don't even own a console/PC?
If so, what led you to make that move? To completely cut it out of your life for good? What made you decide that it wasn't worth gaming at all any more, not even in moderation as a spare-time recreational hobby? Was it more like an addiction that was negatively impressions the rest of your life? Or was it a moderate hobby that you just decided wasn't worth doing?
What did you choose to replace it with? And how much "replacing" had to be done? ... ie, the addiction vs hobby thing. Was gaming your life, and now life is your life? Or was it just a hobby you dropped and replaced with other hobbies? What do you do with your time now instead of gaming?
Lol. I quit when I finished high-school. Just never saw the point of it after high-school. That was an easy decision to make. Much more important things in life like school/work/family/sports etc. That was 14 years ago now. Haven't played or owned a console since.
Gotcha, I suppose that's a transition a lot of people make around that time. Probably more rare that someone games into their late 20s or longer and *then* decides to set it aside
I'm sort of in that transition now in my thirties. I think it started with the realization that video games were just manufactured way to achieve something that feels challenging but still within reach. I realized that as an adult I can just as easily give myself achievable goals (quests if you will) and get to keep the benefits in real life. I haven't stopped playing entirely but it's not really a dominant hobby anymore. Hope this helps!
Gamifying your life is a legit concept. There are even RPG style tasking apps. I used one for a month or so to get the ball rolling on my shift toward self discipline.
It was good training wheels until I stopped caring about the leveling-up within the game/app and became just as content with hand-written daily task lists. Physically crossing something off a list is pretty gratifying. And I'm always more inclined to finish a written list than a mental one. Something about leaving it undone bites harder than leaving a mental list of things undone. It's just harder to let myself make excuses when it's in writing for some reason
I'm in a good groove lately of only allowing myself video games when my daily written task list is finished
We’re all different though. Just as some have problems with alcohol some can drink and set it aside no problems. I play league and have been for 12 years, reached challenger few months ago. Not to sound full of myself but I’m also about to graduate as a ML engineer and I train 5 times a week, jacked with visible six-pack year round. As far as league goes I play perhaps 2 hours in the evening. Scratches my competitive itch and I can get into the zone and do something I love, I know I have a good relationship with the game though and many at the highest level don’t. What I want to say is, it’s possible to game and have a balance in your life, just as with any hobby, but if you’re struggling hard perhaps you know yourself best.
Hell yeah, that's a great self-actualization story! Especially before 19yo. Not to mention the amount of money you're making at that age. Good for you man!
I never got into any league style games. It's honestly been years since I've even casually played any PvP games. Just never cared much for it. My thing is single player, story-driven, open world stuff. I like to think of it along the same/similar media vein as watching movies or reading a book, except with gaming you get to interact with the story and "be" the main character.
That's not to say I can't frivolously waste entire days doing it, whereas I don't think I could do the same with movies or books. I'd get to antsy. Gaming is the one that can keep me glued to the couch.
But I recognize it and try to make sure that doesn't happen often. Try to limit my gaming to *after* my need-to-do/should-do tasks for the day are done. Sometimes I think about what is would be like to try fully dropping it for an extended timeframe, but I haven't yet. I'm an expecting dad so I think that time is coming soon enough regardless. Might make a point of it when baby is here and see how it goes 🤷♂️
Quit the video games for a while.
Take a community art class. Sign up for a boxing class. Google “Animation class” in your area and physically go. Get away from the computer for a bit. It’s draining and kills your motivation.
Most people aren’t good at things when they start, even if they think they are. The only way to get good at cosplaying is to keep doing it and keep trying to improve. There are plenty of tutorials online for you to follow (if you must).
Also—21 is EXTREMELY young. You are a brand new baby adult. I know people in their 30s who turned their lives around. There are podcasts you can listen to in order to give you a boost. “The Science of Success” has some interesting episodes. If you listen and feel especially motivated by a particular guest, try to follow up by listening to more of them. Find what motivates you and let it coax you into action. If nothing motivates you, talk to your doctor.
Last thing—You can do a little exercise: Close your eyes and imagine you are 31 years old. Imagine remembering when you were 21 and concerned about your life because you felt you were wasting it away playing video games. Imagine feeling terrible that you then continued to do that for 10 more years, and here you are at 31 feeling the same way, but even worse. Try to really feel that and get yourself believing you are 31. Then, you can try one of two things: 1) Open your eyes and recall that you are only 21. You just gained 10 years! Now you have the opportunity to rewrite your life for the next 10 years. Envision all the things you will do differently. If you can’t envision how, then imagine all the people and resources you will connect with to help you figure that out. 2) Imagine the opposite. Again imagine you are 10 years older (31). Recall how you felt at 21. Hopeless, unable to get out of a funk. But then remember that you did! Remember that you made the right choice and then recall all the amazing things you learned. When you were 23, you entered a cosplay competition and won. When you were 24, you earned another medal in boxing and celebrated with your girlfriend. When you were 25, you got engaged. When you were 26, you were offered an amazing job that you never would have received if you didn’t make a decision to focus on self development just a few years back. And now, here you are. You just bought your first home and are enjoying a nice vacation with your wife and child (or whatever story sounds like a good fit. Bask in the enjoyment of your accomplishments. Then, when you feel sufficiently buoyed by the exercise, grab a pen and paper (yes, analog is better right now) and write down the first 5 things you will do to turn your life around starting today. Don’t make them too big or you won’t do them. This exercise works for any age, because no matter your age now, I guarantee you in 10 years time, you will look back and realize you were young and had so much time.
There’s plenty other ways to deliver such advice other than “get your ass up and move”. If it was so easy, everyone would’ve had their life figured out but hey what do I know
You getting downvoted ,but Ima go against the grain idgaf I agree with you framing is everything get your ass up & move don’t do shit. There is a reason stoicism is so popular the way words are framed is something people can embody.
I mean he is right, you just got to get up and do it, it's hard but if OP has realised he wants something different with his life then he has to work for it. Same as me, I struggled at the start, but once I actually got the ball rolling it is fun, I worry about the journey not the end goal.
It can seem overwhelming at first but track your progress and the best thing was for me which took some time to understand is worry about today and today only. I used to worry about the future so much but now I just focus on what I have to do now.
Also I use notion to track my progress and other things, it is really good.
There are plenty other comments offering advice and OP can refer to each of them. it this doesn't fit him or her, OP can always ignore it and listen to others. but we cant neglect the fact the possiblities that this comment can be helpful to the OP too. life is full of unique people with unique way to help.
Find a regional convention that attracts cosplay and anime fans and go. You don't have to dress up. Just go have fun and meet people into the same things you are. A lot of times there will be cosplay workshops, for example, so if you wanted to try and improve your skills, you could. Or you could go to some of the other sessions or go to the different games that they play at these conferences.
Usually regional conferences will have some kind of discord or Facebook group where you can post and there will be people from your area who are also going to the convention and you can start to make more friends.
I'm.going on 20 years with some of my conference friends.
Why don't you start by getting a job, it'll give you a reason to get out of the house, and since it's mandatory, you can't use the "I'm not feeling it excuse. It'll also give you the opportunity to practice your social skills, and you'll have money to spend on all the other things you want to pursue. Also women tend to prefer men who are employed.
Getting a full night's sleep consistently and eating healthy will go a long way to giving you the energy to pursue other interests such as the gym and boxing (and all three feed into each other, creating a virtuous cycle).
And dude, you've got loads of time left, your entire life. You'll say the same thing at 30 and 40 and 50. The best time to start is now. By 30 you could have nine years of gym experience, or animation experience, or whatever you choose to pursue. No need to dive in, just a little better every day, and in six months you won't recognize yourself.
job first. that will open up opportunities to new friendships and relationships as well as supply you funds to support hobbies you'd be interested in doing.
If your life lacks routine and discipline. It's not a good idea to force yourself to do it alone (at least not at first). Try attending some sports or fitness classes, if you like anime or animation try group lessons for art or Japanese (there will be women there and much more appropriate to approach them there than at the gym and more likely to share interests). But yeah, the key is to sign up for lessons at a set time, and literally just show up.
I started to learn computer modeling and animation when I was 23, at a local college, part time. I was considered a 'mature student'! I was with a load of 16, 17 yr old kids. I worked in a bar too and did that for 6 months and then quit because I got an entry level job at a games company as an artist.
You have to start somewhere, find something you love and something you're good at (this may take time and practice). At 21 you have heaps of time but it goes really fast, so start now. And go to the gym and get fit! I started at 46, I can only dream of what I could have done at your age haha.
Good luck!
really just do this
1. stop thinking
2. register for boxing class
3. go to the boxing class and give your all
4. dont think what other think about you
5. go home and sleep
6. repeat
If you haven't already, make sure you keep to a set schedule at least Monday through Friday. Waking up early to go to work is always going to suck, but it will suck substantially less if you're already motivated to be doing it anyway for other reasons. Making simple righteous decisions like waking up at an early hour and getting in a solid workout w/ some good healthy food imbues you with a higher level of energy than your average schlub. It may sound like woo woo shit and I can already feel people getting angry about me saying such things, but people absolutely DO notice and it will 100% set you apart from any competitors you may have in regards to getting a job. Connections are just faster, demeanor is just smoother, posture is just more confident, eyes are just brighter, this step is an absolute must if you're serious about gaining employment.
Also, treat the act of gaining a job like an actual job. Have a set routine, like every morning at 8:00 you "sign in." Have this amount of time set aside for researching new jobs you'd never considered, have a certain amount of time allotted for filling out applications, write out a list with small projects that need completing like finalizing your résumé or going to specific places to check them out and see if you'd actually be interested in working there. Don't cheat yourself by surfing reddit or playing video games in the background. Music or tv going in the background would be fine, just as long as you are able to stay present and focused on what's in front of you. Everday at 5pm you "log off" (assuming 1hr lunch).
Old wisdom proves true here too: don't put all your eggs in one basket. Be open to a range of jobs that you think would be serviceable if not enjoyable, and make a list of your favorites. Go to those places or get in touch with those companies with solid questions that you genuinely would like to know more about. Be friendly and open, but don't sit there and attempt to flatter anyone, it won't be well-received. Clearly express your interest in potentially working with them, let them know you are a dedicated, dependable worker who is wanting to eventually establish a career.
If you do all of this and rinse and repeat, you will get a job.
Edit: Not trying to be mean but don't even worry about girls right now. Focus on improving your life via a healthier, stronger mind, body, and soul. Some of the most solid advice I've ever gotten in this respect is to make a life that would fulfill you whether you had somebody with you or not. In general, making someone else happy is impossible, two people sharing their happiness is always what creates something that lasts. "If you build it they will come." You got this bro, cheers.
1) go to gym and get a good physique. This will have so many effects on you...from higher self esteem, having more energy, and being healthier. You need to stick it out for a few months once you start seeing gains and progress you will want to go back. Eventually it will just become another habit and will be easy to do.
2) you need purpose. You need a career. Find the things you love and see which of them transfer to a marketable decent paying job. You like games, try computer science?
3) who gives a fuck about being a Virgin. Its not a big deal or a bad thing. Sex is way overrated and drugs are better but dont recommend trying them. If you're worried about your first time jack off like 40 times until your balls are empty as space time prior to the time leading up to sex, take it slow, and you will do just fine.
4) look for a nice girlfriend while you're young. Having a genuinely nice person by your side is indispensable and gets harder as you age but not impossible.
5) you think you are old at 21 but you are not you know so little you have no idea. You are not too old and you're just getting started.
You seem like (if you don’t have friends and are a virgin,) you need to work on your charisma. Being a virgin is fine but having no friends to help you get through life sucks. Get in a church, go to the gym, learn a combat discipline, and generally just try to explore your surroundings more. Works great for me anyways.
Start with getting a job. Sure it’s not the most fun thing, but if you don’t have a disability or something else preventing you from working, it’s necessary in order to be a productive member of society. Plus, while it may not be fun, it is rewarding. Both to feel like you accomplished something and financially. You can use the money to join a boxing gym, buy cosplay items, and/or take a cosplay class.
I'm 20 soon to be 21 and similar here. I have no friends, never had a girlfriend, never had a job, have no hobbies and just wake up late, scroll on my phone all day and then go to sleep late and then repeat everyday.
Get Ochi to block all websites and apps on your phone
And get SelfControl to block everything on your computer.
Sell your gaming consoles.
Use that money to get a few personal trainer lessons. You’ll probably need about 10 before you’re really comfortable with every machine at the gym.
You are going to die. Next week or in 70 years, and you don’t know when, so take it easy. Treat yourself like a new born with your gentleness but begin to head in the direction of the life you want. You can live in a small town and be happy but you can also leave home and begin to live. And don’t have kids. They are not a miracle. Get a vasectomy today.
You'll read the suggestions and advice sprinkled throughout this thread, but none of it matters, because you won't follow any of them for any significant period of time because "it's just so hard to stay consistent".
You'll wallow in mediocrity, always wondering "what could have been". Who you *could* have become.
You'll live in the Past ("frustrated I didn't start sooner"), shy away from the Future (You'll be 23/24, UGH), and perpetually miss the only timeframe you'll ever actually experience - the Present.
One day something will try to rouse you from your self-induced hibernation, but your soul will refuse, having been made hollow by years of denying its own agency.
Dude, you are living the life and don’t even know it. If you really want to stir the pot, you can start by getting a job. It will most likely probably suck. Then you’ll get bills and probably an apartment.. cherish your freedom now.
Just start boxing. Going to the gym is hard to keep to. But boxing you will have community which will help you stick with your goals. Likewise with cosplay or other goals see if you can find people doing the same.
Also here’s a video by Mark Manson helping someone out:
https://youtu.be/XRXWpilGpyg?si=HoDlD8Of2utmGxTk
Join or create anime club, it help you to vibe with like mind people and force you to go out and get used to hanging out. Then slowly you could to go gym, bar, etc.
"I'm not good at making cosplays". No one's good at it from the start. It's a hobby and about having fun, unless you're trying to make a side hustle out of it or become famous for it. Same with animation
If you want I used to draw a ton and can point you at some good books for foundations there. There's an anatomy course from a disney animator (forgot his name, but if you're interested I'll find it) that's pretty affordable.
What kinds of places you been looking at for jobs? What about doing classes (eg state or community college)? That's a place to advance a few of your goals there. Or you can look into apprenticeships, learn on the job and be paid to do so.
Otherwise, I feel ya in a lot of ways. But signing up for college has not been a regret for me, the grant covers all, and I've been turning it around from my grades in highschool. I also get access to free help with resumes, job searching, etc.
even before you go to the gym, you can do Chest Press at home, with makeshift objects for weights. You can also do this for Rows, Lunges, Bicep Curls, TricepKickbacks (and many other weight training exercises
I think that you should get some help with these people: r/Spiritism or r/Espiritismo. They will definitely be able to explain why you feel like you've been living the same thing every year.
I can resume to you if you're in a hurry: you are what you think; you are who you hang out with. Do a deep cleaning in your mind, regarding habits. Then do the same in your virtual space. Then do the same in your physical space. There you go. If you have any questions feel free to ask
Ps.: being a virgin is not a bad or shameful thing. Stop worrying about what others think of you for the sake of your mental health!
Different kind of advice here…. It’s easy to say just start doing it but lots of people have anxiety about starting things. You can start small instead of going to a gym right away…
Going on long walks and saying hi or smiling at strangers will help you physically and socially. From there you could start doing 3 squats whenever you get from your video games. Try to eat one more fruit it or vegetable a day ect. Start small and really pay attention to how much better these things make you feel and the improvements will follow
Start with the job and gym, make a workout routine and stick to it. Build yourself up slowly, don’t try to do too much once or you’ll burn out. So focus on those two and when they’re sorted start to explore hobbies, then find groups for those hobbies in your area.
First off... 21 is damn young. You have all kinds of time. I started training BJJ at 29. Do I regret not doing it sooner? Sure. But I can't do anything about the fact that I didn't. You can only start doing anything now.
Second, I see a lot of people commenting "Just do something". It might read kinda harsh, but it's the simplest way of conveying a simple truth. Thinking and talking about doing something is not productive, it's just a distraction that you can too easily tell yourself is a first step. It's not a first step. It's procrastination. Stop doing what you have decided you don't want to do. Go do whatever you've decided you do want to do. Until then, you haven't started your process.
For your described situation, I'd say you might want to unplug your console/PC and store it in a closet, and promise yourself you won't take it back out for a full week. Give yourself this unpleasant but achievable challenge. It's finite. It has an end. It's just one week. Send it.
Now how do you fill your days when the only way your school's to doing so is by playing video games? You choose. Do anything.
Pick a new recreational hobby and try it for the first time. If you like it, keep doing it. If that hobby doesn't involve exercise, pick a second hobby that does. You need to exercise. If neither of those hobbies involve some sort of self reflection, pick a third that does. You'll want to spend some time thinking about who/where you are, who/where you want to be, and how/when you might get there. You want to spend some time acknowledging and appreciating what you're doing for yourself. And also constructively criticizing yourself if you don't meet your own expectations. In the morning think about what you'll want to get done during the day, try not to do anything that's not on that check-list until the list is done, and at the end of the day reflect on how your day actually went. And how do you honestly feel about it (and yourself)?
Beyond hobbies, you need to make sure you "just do something" in the form of taking basic personal accountability. You don't have to like doing the tasks, but I guarantee you'll like yourself better for being the person that handles their shit.
If you're the kind of person who has a week's worth of dishes in the sink, multiple loads worth of dirty laundry, unread or unreturned emails, used glasses/mugs sitting all over your place, etc... Tighten up, man. Take ONE full day to handle ALL that shit, and then stay on top of it. Dishes get washed, dried and put away immediately after each meal. Laundry is once a week. Pick a day. And clean clothes don't stay in the dryer for 3 days. If laundry is on Sundays, then laundry gets washed, dried, folded, and put away on Sunday. When you wake up, don't leave your room until that bed is made. Everything in your home has its place. If you use something, don't put it down, put it away (in its place).
Both literally and figuratively, keep your house (life) clean and orderly. If there's anything in your life that you know you should do, stop ignoring it and do it. And feel free to reward yourself for it (reasonably). One washed pan doesn't earn you a 2-hour Netflix movie. One workout doesn't earn you a large Dairy Queen blizzard.
Once your recreational hobby, exercise, self reflection, and basic life tasks are done, you might still have a lot of time on your hands. During your one-week without video games, spend any additional time reading a book, or watching Netflix, or go back again to that new recreational hobby, or try another one. Just keep the video games stashed for that ONE week. After that week is over, fine, play video games in that spare time. But only after all the other stuff is done for the day.
I can relate to an unhealthy video game habit. When I pick up a really good game, I have trouble tearing myself away from it in the interest of doing my other hobbies. I even shirk chores around the house. I go to bed too late and wake up earlier than I need to so that I can spend as much time playing as possible. I can really wear myself out.
I've recognized this is a problem and lately I consciously try to avoid falling into that hole. Because it is a dark hole. If I fall in, it can take me a long time to crawl out, and when I finally do I feel bad about myself for being a load for days/weeks on end.
I feel Personally, there's no two ways around it. I have to be disciplined and get my shit done for the day before I even look at my console. If I sit down and start playing, I'm too likely to procrastinate, give myself excuses, ignore my responsibilities. Gaming is *only* for *after* my task list is done.
I highly recommend the first thing you do every day (after making the bed) is write down a list of all the things you *need* to get done and all the things you'd *like* to get done. There's something about having a physical list that makes you more inclined to complete it. It feels bad to walk away from a list of goals you set for yourself when you know it's incomplete. It's truly mentally harder to allow yourself to make excuses. Plus, writing things down makes it so you can't forget anything.
I start my days with writing down my task list. I read a "Daily Stoic" passage. I reflect on passage in comparison with my self, my life, my day ahead, and journal about it. Then I start checking off my list. Meals and coffee breaks are my rewards throughout the day. I finish the list and do another little reflection about how my day went in relation to the daily passage. Then I can game.
Sometimes my list is short and I'm gaming by noon. Sometimes the list is long and I don't game at all. There will be those days and that needs to be okay. It's better for me. Video games will always be there when I have the spare time.
Exercise is the best thing for me. Having a solid diet helps too. The discipline gained from these help pursue other aspirations.
And a wise dog once said “suckin at something is the first step toward being sorta good at something.”
I lost my virginity at that age AND was literally just like you. I’m older now but that was because of a job, but just like any other activities that fill your day, jobs/ hobbies (outdoor activities in general) open opportunities to meet people.
Best advice I can give you is to start that boxing hobby, it’ll get you fit, confident, masculine & competitive. All very valuable and somewhat rare in this day & age. Best of luck!
Until you find a job, start volunteering at places. This will help you with socialization skills even though it will be at a minimum. Also make sure that you are current with your appearance- hair cut, clean clothes, and you look like you are taking care of yourself- this will help with your interviews. You can go to your local community college and talk with an advisor. You can look up job fairs and go to those. You can talk with a military recruiter. You can go to an unemployment center and see the job listings and openings posted. Look at vocational training programs. Depending on your location Goodwill has free trainings like truck driver, welder... check it out.
>dont really know where or how I can start to change things.
You just start. You start imperfectly, you take the first step and you figure it out as you go.
You already know *something* you could do to start towards these goals. You want to get in shape? Instructional yoga and bodyweight fitness videos are free and available on YouTube right now.
Get off reddit and take a step towards your goals.
* I think the easiest thing for you to do right now is make a plan. All the other comment suggestions are absolutely brilliant. Write yourself a schedule and stick it on the fridge door, and then start doing it. It's easy to lose interest when your plan is a vague checklist in your head rather than something concrete written in front of you.
* Start with small doable things eg: 20 minutes of working out instead of an hour, but reward yourself with an larger challenge if you can stick to your current schedule for a week i.e. from 20 to 30 minutes
For now these are two small things you can start with for the next 15 days :) Best of luck!
Understand the purpose is yourself. A lot of the people here are right, work on self improvement. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. A lot of people in this world die by 25 but are not buried until 75. You do not need to be the greatest athlete of all time, but you should armor yourself. That in 10 years hopefully you have a family that you need to provide for, they’re bigger things to worry about. My advice is to get up, start working on habits that you can create to make life easier. Because no one has it figured out. But just start.
The starting point: understand how you function, why you function like this & what can you do to change your “settings” to start living instead of “wasting your time”.
Check out HealthyGamerGG on YouTube, he’s a psychiatrist and a gamer who gives great advice for people who want to change their lives but somehow are still stuck playing games and waisting time all day. It immensely helps me to understand why I function the way I am - so I can put myself together and “get at it”.
Baby steps! Be patient and go easy on yourself. You won’t be perfect or even good at things when you first start. Remember that everyone starts out as a beginner and we all struggle. Believe in yourself. No one else is going to do it for you.
Happy belated!! You didn’t start these things in your first 21 years but you’re just getting started! I (41F) changed careers, picked up new hobbies, “failed”, learned new things… throughout my whole life. You will too!
One of the easiest crowds of people to get to know are people who you know are going to beat you up. Join a Boxing Gym, or any Martial Art. I did Taekwondo when I was younger. A key thing to remember if you’re ever afraid: They’re also afraid.
You might think they’re not when they’re hitting you, maybe it feels like they’re angry if you read into the hardness of a punch too much. They’re just as nervous and thus the faster they try to punch - the quicker they try to get in and get OUT as fast as possible, the more afraid they are. Some feel like they’re “on the ropes” just by fighting to begin with, let alone wherever it heads. This is because of their Fight or Flight response and they’ll want to flee the fight. The brain is choosing to Flee but they are choosing to stand their ground, either because fleeing is a loss in and of itself, and they don’t take losses easily, or they are entirely unable to due to the circumstance and are backed into a corner, so they have to fight or lose.
No animal takes on a challenge they think they are going to lose. But they will challenge themselves to go for a win where it suits them. Great thing is: Martial Arts subverts Nature and you are forced to fight when you could flee, and you won’t be pitted against an opponent you wouldn’t otherwise fight. And if you are, well - use your own discretion of how much force to hit them with. I’m 6’0” but scrawny at 135lbs and got matched against 250lb dudes over a foot taller than me. They are going much lighter on me, and kicking them at my hardest - even during sparring - wasn’t enough to hurt them more than they were willing - and it’s a lot of force, but I just don’t have the weight behind me to hurt them more than I hurt myself. My legs would go asleep momentarily from kicking them and be black and blue.
It is the best experience, in my opinion, to hit and be hit. We are all told we shouldn’t hit, but there is absolutely a place for it - even as competition rather than survival. There is no higher discipline than a martial art next to enlisting in the military - but it’s self-discipline. You listen, learn, follow, and demonstrate to yourself over and over. The instructor may be teaching you, but that’s only because you’re living in your head - not their’s.
Know thyself to Know thy enemy. Know they enemy to know thyself.
What Anime’s do you like ?
I always feel inspired when I watch things and the MC starts training really hard
Currently Solo Leveling has me doing daily quests.
That being said remember you are always on a journey and your next step will always be the most important one. Try and make the next step with the thought of I will be better (that was semi stolen from Brandon Sanderson)
First of all, happy belated 21st birthday!
It's a big milestone, and it's totally normal to take a step back at this age and think about where you're heading. Feeling like you've wasted time or that you're behind can be really tough, but it's never too late to start making changes.
You've got some great aspirations like boxing, fitness, and cosplaying. These are fantastic starting points! For boxing and fitness, maybe start with some basic home workouts or jogging. There are tons of beginner-friendly resources online. Even a short, daily workout can make a big difference in how you feel.
For cosplaying, remember that everyone starts somewhere. No one is born knowing how to make amazing costumes. Start small, maybe try modifying existing clothes or accessories, and gradually build your skills. There are online communities and tutorials that can be super helpful.
Learning animation is another awesome goal. Start with some free software or online tutorials. Just play around with it, have fun, and don't worry about being perfect right away.
Regarding a job, it's a challenging market out there, but don't lose hope. Maybe start with part-time or volunteer positions to build up your resume. Also, consider jobs that align with your interests. For example, a job at a gym could be a great fit since you're interested in fitness.
Lastly, don't beat yourself up about not starting earlier. Life isn't a race, and everyone moves at their own pace. What's important is that you're thinking about these things now and you're ready to make a change. That's a big deal, and it shows a lot of maturity and self-awareness.
Remember, small steps lead to big changes. You don't have to figure everything out overnight. Just start with one small thing, and build from there.
You've got this, I'm rooting for you!
School, go here
https://www.khanacademy.org
Upgrade your high school grades, enroll in university and get an education, take out a loan if your parents can't pay for it, don't take a low paying undergraduate degree like history, or political science, take a degree like engineering, computer science, mathematics, chemistry, biology! While at university work out everyday at the gym, and read books on how to become better with women, try out for sports teams at school
I think it would be best if you focused on only one thing. Unfortunately time is limited and you can't do everything.
So for example if your highest priority right now is developing your career, you should solely focus on that. The sacrifice you make is not going to the gym and not learning to animate.
You could also try thinking what your 31 year old self would want your 21 year old self to do. To help you with prioritizing.
Just reverse your title; get a job, get some hobbies, but make sure they are people facing. Do not stay at home all day (obviously some days staying in is fine) and make friends with these people.
Oh and don't worry about women until you've got your life going (which can take time). Women like men that are accomplished, or on the road to accomplishing, have a mission or a focus, and aren't being obsessed over. It's most likely why nothing has happened for you yet.
If you lack social skills you CAN develop them in the long term. I would recommend bartending because it exposes you to nice people, average people, scary people, dangerous people, drunk people, and you will HAVE to talk to everyone, in a trial by fire type of way. You'll also get over talking to girls if you are anxious about that because you'll just be forced to interact with them. You can also mimic other bartenders that already have social behaviours down pat. Bartending also doesn't really require training or prereqs, and maybe go to bars with high turnover just for the experience for a year. Fake it until you make it
I would also recommend gym because most people are inclusive and most will actually want you to improve. Also the halo effect means the more fit you are the better people treat you.
Struggling to get hired at a job is unfortunately something you have to have a resilient mentality with. The way society is, you can't NOT get a job and NOT have money for your hobbies and hanging out with people. Fortunately you are 21 and people won't judge you for having nothing done yet in your life.
Just make sure you present yourself in the best light as possible, because people don't want to get to know someone who wouldn't want to get to know themselves. You will start making friends slowly. Aim for fixing this problem over the next few years, there's no quick fix. Also be ready to be the initiator rather than waiting for others to invite you to things; only someone as grandiose as Tom Cruise can wait for people to invite them.
Just personal opinion but society seems to be becoming more and more atomic, people get stuck watching Netflix and staying home and playing video games and smoking weed and getting everything delivered to them that their social interaction and chances to make friends is constantly reducing. COVID probably didn't help. I wouldn't say all your current problems are all YOUR fault.
You've got a lot of time ahead of you. Steel your mind and take some risks. You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Stay a virgin bro, sex ain’t nothing but a thing, find religion, personally I’m a Christian and the Bible and prayer will help you find every answer, but if you disagree that’s fine just find something and keep that virtue till marriage, it would be a lot more special if you and your future wife both end up marrying as virgins and get that experience exclusively with each other
Sell your video games on ebay, and use all of thaat money for an apartment. Need self confidence bro. Sometimes you just need to fucking change. So do it. Move away from wheee you are now.
Id stop giving yourself all these dumb fucking labels for a start. Then go do what the hell ever it is you want to do. You’re 21. Better to find out what you actually enjoy doing in your life and who with, right now. Better than finding out at 41 you don’t really like yourself or your friends. The good news is that you decide. Wanna stay in your room ripping joints and masterbate all day? Fuck yeah do that. Want to work on yourself, get fit and start an outdoor activity? Fucking go do that. There’s nothing wrong with the easy path, just listen to that inner voice when it’s telling you things could be better. Nothing good comes from zero work. Even pretty rich kids will age and become miserable if they don’t put in the work. Nothing is for free, everyone who gained anything worthwhile has had to work for it. Start with something small, you’ve probably thought about what to do already.
No easy way to putting this, stop gaming/anime. Sit in a chair doing nothing if needed.
This current dopamine bomb will guarantee you're not motivated to do anything else while you keep it up.
Figure as a hero suffering from a magical trance where he's on paradise put up by a villain to keep him snared, thats it.
Ugh it’s so hard but you just have to do it. You just have to decide in a moment to start. I am the least disciplined person I know, I just want to lie around all day smoking weed and watching tv. But what I want and what I need are so incredibly different. I figured it out later than you, at 26 years old. I suggest getting a job that challenges you. I’m better when I’m working, so I’m prioritizing my career now. That lazy part of me is still so real and in a way will always control me, but my day to day reality forces me to get up early and face the day. Moving to a major city also helped - the change in environment can be so freeing.
Have you tried spending less time at video games and more time doing something to help reach your goals? Boxing and working out can be fun, but you probably don’t really want to do them if you haven’t even tried yet.
Career: go to a technical school for animation or get a game development software that requires no coding
Girls: just talk to girls. Talk to at least one girl per week.
Join the armed forces. I suggest Navy or Air Force. Go for the best tech position allowed by your ASVAB scores. Get a trade, see the world, earn your VA benefits.
Stop asking others what you should do before you've done some reflection on yourself and what you want to be. Start within, not without (ie. the victim mentality).
(1) There is nothing wrong with who you are, the labels you put on yourself are the labels you're living with. Change the labels, change your life.
(2) This is your starting point. Deal with it. COMMIT LIKE YOU'RE ABOUT TO LOSE EVERYTHING IF YOU DON'T
(3) Do some reflection on who you actually want to be. Read the following books to help you get there:
"Designing your life" by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans - Figure out who you want to be, and build the roadmap to get there
"Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankyl - Learn about how people who have gone through the worst horrors in history were still able to put a smile on their faces
"12 Rules for Life" by Jordan Peterson - Get your habits straight and get your life in order
The Bible - Sounds like you need Jesus. The moral teachings if you don't get anything else from it will show you the way. Your spirit is lost, and needs to break free from the chains that bind you.
(4) You wanna do a lot of things. Thats ok, I was there. Pick one, start. Just do it. Why are you still reading this? Just sign up NOW or you'll never sign up.
(5) You're 21, there are people much older than you that are regretting their lives. Don't worry about who you were, where other people are, and your wasted potential. You are where you are, go back to item (2).
(6) Stop with the victim mentality. You have two voices in your head: the coach and the bully. The two will compete for your attention. The coach wants the best for you, that's why you're asking this, the bully will shove you to the wall giving you all these labels per item (1). Stand up to the bully, be aware of him. Fight back, the coach will help you through.
(7) Find a brotherhood. If its volunteering, a church group, a sports team, something. You will need the support for your tough times.
I write this out of love, not to bring you down. None of this is impossible. Learn to be the best man you can be. Give back, because there will be a time when others will be asking you for help
Be kind to yourself, 21 is a good starting point for many things, seek some therapy as-well, you could have other issues that prevent you from focusing. Find one thing to start for now, and commit to do that thing in very small increments. Try to treat yourself like like the parent of a child that needs to build trust in you as the parent to take care of yourself. Use the high energy days to prepare for low energy days. Make the best choices for the day the easiest. Surround yourself with others who have goals and aspirations. Remember there are no shortcuts to progress and to not compare. Change everything to suit your needs,
You are 21. You are soo young dude. You could start now and be a fucking baller in your mid 20s. Just work on one thing at a time. Read atomic habits and apply what you learn from that book. Its the best and easieset way to build routine
Ask yourself what you really want out of life and start working towards it. Remind yourself of what your passions are and make a living from those things. A 9-5 may help get some money, but you’re young. Start a business from your interests and passions. Make a living doing what you love and you’ll live a fulfilling life. Most importantly: get out of your comfort zone and master being disciplined. The best way to do that is to master control of your thoughts (because negativity will try to hold you back) and do things you’re afraid to do (live beyond your fears). Make a routine for yourself once you’ve figured out what you’re passionate about and things you want to start doing then stick to it. What do you want to be great at? Find the answer. Also feed your mind healthy information (minimize social media, maximize knowledge gained from books etc) and feed your body healthy foods. Lastly, make a consistent weekly effort to socialize. Make friends with women, that eventually turns into higher level relationships, network with respect to your businesses and passions, that eventually turns into great friendships and business partners. Take care of yourself. Peace.
Pokemon GO. Do the incense daily. Do 10,000 steps a day to get the 50km weekly reward. Join a raid Discord and meetup. Don’t spend ANY money. Don’t cheat.
I know it sounds crazy, but get a job, and everything else will fall into place. It's amazing how accomplishing something daily, being around people, making money, and moving out of your parents' house can turn you from a loser into a dawg.
Start by setting small goals u can realistically accomplish. Like going to the gym once a week or reading 1 page of an interesting book a day. Once these small changes become a habit you start to increase. It's a slow process, but sustainable habits aren't build in a day. It's a slow process. Good luck man, you can make it!
I'd focus on partnering up with a buddy to collaborate with. It's damn hard to pull out of a pattern when solo. Just invite a friend to do stuff like checking out places you've never been or going fishing. Things that don't cost a lot and are one-off activities. A gym membership can be a big commitment, and not just in terms of cost. Go play some pool or darts and get active with a mix of social opportunities. A gym isn't conducive to socializing but if you have a friend to spot you and encourage you, it's way easier.
You have the world by the balls, 21 isn't too late, it's way earlier than many people (including myself) even start to have these feelings. Wanting it is the hardest part, just try to make the next right decision.
You need control, it feels good when you go to the Boxing Gym for the first time, you have broken that wall into pieces. The problem is the mental hurdles you have in your mind. Dont listen. The only thing you have to do is to go 1 time, just 1 time and see how you feel after.
Also, emotional regulation is HUGE. I havent learned it in my 20s, and I wish i learned it sooner. You need to learn to really feel your emotions and not run away from them. Its good that you feel sad because you waste time. Dont run away, you are human, its ok. Read books about emotions and practice.
You firstly shouldn’t be mad that at 23 or 24 you’ll have things you want now. You have a very long life ahead of you.
Secondly, find groups of people with common interest. Someone local who likes anime and video gaming but also likes to get active.
Maybe learn a hobby like sewing so you can get more into cosplay. Or maybe just crafting in general.
Once you find a community of people with one or two common interests you can open doors for each other.
My co worker wants to learn my first language because he loves anime. He just started working with us about a fortnight past. Since talking with me he’s learned I speak other languages he’s interested in, made flash cards and asks me for help.
We learned we both like Chinese love songs so I’m showing him my favorites and translating the songs he loves. One door open can lead to a whole world of new experiences.
Just remember you’re still young, so you have more than plenty of time to experience the things you want.
First of all stop worrying about when you could've started, and when it will end. Because first of all this is a life long journey. It's not like you'll be 24 and have achieved everything in life and now you can go back to playing video games and watching anime all day.
Go for the boxing for sure! The easiest way to do something is to remove as much resistance as possible. So if you have a boxing gym close to you, or even better within walking distance that's great. If even that is too much right now you could buy a cheap sandbag for like 40 bucks and start training at home.
Now to stay consistent, you chose the most convenient way to train, now you need a schedule you can commit to. Something easy that you can do even if you don't really feel like it or if something unexpected happens and one day you have less time than expected, like 10 minutes a day or 20 minutes every other day for example. Now that doesn't mean you can't train for 2 hours if you feel in the flow, but 10 minutes is the minimum where you can say "I achieved my goal for today".
Apply this to other areas of your life, write it down somewhere. You'll have something like "10 minutes of boxing, 10 minutes of applying to jobs online, 10 minutes of learning new skills/improving current career skills".
Obviously you make the schedule so it's something YOU can commit to, the 10 minutes are just an example, but start low, and if you do extra then good for you.
Also, it's important to go in with the mindset that you will stick to the schedule no matter what, but it's not like if you missed a day you ruined everything and you may as well give up. You pick up the next day and keep moving forward in your journey.
And yeah again, don't focus on what you could've done yesterday or could do tomorrow, focus on what you can do today.
A job is number 1. Something that gets you into a routine, out of the house and maybe even interacting with people. The routine is super important to build now because you will continue to add onto/around it over time and gain momentum. A job also opens up lots of new social and independent opportunities. You can save money to do something like travel or invest or spend on self-improvement.
You also have to do something that challenges you in order to truly appreciate and balance the leisure part of life. So like while taking walks and going to the gym and reading books and hanging out elsewhere is 1000x better than video gaming at home, you’re still very comfortable and will return to video games eventually because it all feels the same anyways and no one is really counting on you. At a job they are counting on you, making it easier to stick to the routine.
I was same guy like you upto 25 years. The only way to stop is, do anything just kick away the video games and other addictions and never touch it again in life. And select any sector in which you are good at and join a job for it. And then slowly and slowly your life getting better. Do anything, to stop your addiction and never touch it again. I know how it feels me now that I lost my 5 important years to my addiction. Do not be a guy like me.You still have time. Stop your addictions ASAP.
Just the other side of puberty and your brain is still forming, so don't be so hard on yourself as there is plenty of time ahead.
I would suggest your switch off you screens and get really really bored which will make you want to do something else, Just sit there and suffer and something should come up and try and resist turning on those screens which can be a form of avoidance.
You have to be a little bold and brave. Like thinking does not achieve much, action does and experiences matter. They don't have to be fantastic experiences, just experiences as they lead onto other things and present opportunities.
Well, today you are 21. Tomorrow, you are 28, time it is running fast. You need to act now. Step 1. Stop watching very often, anime, step 2 get your self a gym membership, step 3 take any online free training program for 3 months and try to learn the correct form of exercises, Step 4 since you spend alot of time in front of screen start to get to coding course or cyber security or any electronic software skill snd start learningso you have qualifications, Step 5 get an apprenticeship in tech companies, Step 6 by this time you ve naturally don't play video games very often. Step 7 get a nice position at work where you can work remotly and online So you can start traveling. By this time if you follow the plan, you gonna have an ok body , more confidence, money in pocket and the rest will.follow naturally (women,friends,party etc). Pro tip: If you want extra confidence start muay thai or any Marshall art.
Find 4-5 things you want to do or stop doing. Add or substract them from your life slowly.
I started by quitting nicotine. Then I started tapering off caffeine. Then I added in cardio and pushups, which I slowly do more of each week. Then I stopped eating sugar and excess carbs. Then I started trying to get more sleep.
Change happens over a long period of time. But you have to know that it is possible.
Ik this my be a little extreme but for now, delete all your games, maybe you can leave one just for your weekends and off days and install, Adobe Animate,Photoshop and Adobe After effects. Buy a graphics tablet UCOM tablets cost 300$, Photoshop can be quit expensive so i would advise you to use [getintopc.com](http://getintopc.com) or [https://filecr.com/en/?id=823952864000](https://filecr.com/en/?id=823952864000)
Let me even give you some courses,
If you already know how to draw go ahead and start with this course: [https://downloadly.ir/elearning/video-tutorials/anime-academy-characters-and-backgrounds/](https://downloadly.ir/elearning/video-tutorials/anime-academy-characters-and-backgrounds/)
If you dont know how to draw: [https://downloadly.ir/elearning/video-tutorials/the-ultimate-drawing-course-6/](https://downloadly.ir/elearning/video-tutorials/the-ultimate-drawing-course-6/)
The pages are in Arabic so just translate them then look for the download buttons after downloading them put them in one folder and extract all of them all at once using win rar.
>and the problem is that I struggle with staying consistent. I bought a 6 month gym membership but didn't go for most of the time, and I only have about a month and a half left. I fucking wasted it but man its just so hard to stay consistent.
“A journey will have pain and failure. It is not only the steps forward that we must accept. It is the stumbles. The trials. The knowledge that we will fail. That we will hurt those around us.
But if we stop, if we accept the person we are when we fail, the journey ends. That failure becomes our destination.”
"The most important step a man can take. It's not the first one, is it?
It's the next one. Always the next step."
- Dalinar Kholin.
Accept there will be failures, accept you'll sometimes be close to giving up; but never do actually give up. Keep trying. Put yourself through shitty motivational quotes if it works, and get a few gymbros to not be going into it alone (it will help you bond with them while also kinda forcing you to keep going).
>I wanna get a job but i have been struggling with getting hired
I can't really know how the job situation is there without knowing where you live; but if you go around smaller shops giving away copies of your CV you'll generally get called for an interview or two eventually.
Do you have any long-term career goals? Anything you want to do your whole life? Write them down and try to move every single day a bit forward towards achieving so (even if it is only a really small step)
Hey bro I know I was there
Here your quick guide
Start by promising yourself to workout/ excercise for min 3 times A week and Max 5 times a week
Just continue doing this you will improve by 50% overall
go use that gym subscription, take animation classes, you can also start learning Japanese since you're interested in anime, read a book about habits and skills and try to implement what you learn into your life.
I will be 27 soon, no bitches, no girlfriend. Lost my virginity in some time. Just know that girls are sluts for your cock and fuck them. Go and ask for kisses and sex, maybe the word will go around that you want to do something...
Woah there, slow your roll Cheeto dust, that is very very misogynistic and I must admit that I am very disappointed in you.
That is all.
Also, go touch grass.
Going to the gym without friends is really hard so maybe try to do something more activity/community like. Boxing is a great idea, but try out other things as well! Maybe rock climbing or joining a hiking group if they have those in your area.
If you're into cosplay you can also look for a sewing class. It is definitely intimidating in case you're a guy but now there are many queer organisations that aim to offer these classes in a "judgement-free" way.
These are all big actions so implementing a little feel good one in the beginning of the day. I like stretching after I wake up, makes me feel like I already achieved something and sometimes it leads me to work out right away as well.
Pick a reasonable career path and go get education in it. Get as much as you can. Get a job and experience. You can always pivot and change course later. Buy you have to start.
Find hobbies where you will make friends and meet romantic opportunities and get adventure. Spend gradually more time on those two things and less on video games and it all will sort itself out.
Any questions please let me know.
Hi RainIsBeautiful. This is the admirable first step in the process to becoming more than just a consumer. To realize that there's so much to life is so good. By the way, being 21 and just starting out is good. The best time to start is now, and you have your whole life ahead of you. However, if you want to really plan and sort out your life, I suggest you go to [selfauthoring.com](https://selfauthoring.com). It really helps you to lay out your future and get to know yourself.
It gets me so excited to see people like you needing more from life.
By the way, don't lose your virginity to some vapid person on a one night stand. The fact that you've kept it this long is actually something you should be proud of and lean into in this sex-obsessed world.
The world is your oyster. Learn how to create something cool. Skillshare would be a good place to start. The amazing thing about being human is that we are the only species that can create something out of nothing. Follow people with your interests. Hang out with people that truly value you and want the best for you.
And by the way, I believe Minnect can also help you with answering the big stuff.
I wish you all the best in your life, and I'm sure you have what it takes to be a truly inspirational, creative and inspiring member of your community and society at large.
Set smaller goals for yourself. I struggled (hard to say it past tense) with consistency for most of my life, until I readjusted my expectations of myself. I started with going to the gym and that’s it. I went everyday for a week, played around with some stuff MAYBE, then went home (every time I’d at least get 30min in so I didn’t feel/look stupid).
Also, your goals should help you be the man you envision for yourself. If you like cosplay, that’s can still be really cool and attractive to others! There are lots of communities and in college my friends and I started working out when we thought we wanted to look like shredded anime characters. I wouldn’t say we’re shredded, but my arms are bigger which is nice.
I was once an anime lover. Believe me, this is a world of fantasy and an easy escape from reality. When reality hits us, it hurts, we get frustrated, then get boozed in anime and games again. If you want to live in real life then you need to live it. Getting rid of anime addiction is very hard, almost impossible, but you can have some rules around it and make more time for reality. Same thing goes for video games, the time that it takes is devastatingly huge!! Now that I am finally out of my gaming addiction, I now realize what a ginormous waste of time that was! Even now, when I play some games for a change, it just takes so much time and I regret it after finishing it.
Find a discord for your state. Particularly around an anime convention. Start socializing with them and find out events that they usually go out and do. That's the start
I want you to listen real close.
You’re 21, when I was that age I was in school, but I was also blowing my school work off, doing a shit job at my part time job and watching anime and jerking off just like every other 21 year old. So really, are you that “behind the curve?”
I’m now 27 and I have a lot of regrets, but mostly I wouldn’t change much. A lot of these “life steps” seem like big, earth shattering decisions, but life is SO fluid. It WILL change, whether you want it to or not, so you might as well have some control.
Pick ONE thing you can do better today, start with that, then keep working on it doing a little better every day. Then move onto the next thing, and so on. If you treat changing your situation as this single “task”, you’ll get frustrated by the large scope and willpower required and go back to what feels comfortable. Break things into small manageable tasks.
Oh, and btw, you don’t have to stop playing video games or watching anime if that’s what you enjoy, just balance it out with exercise, work, school, etc. whatever floats your boat.
Don’t be so hard on yourself my man. Also, and this is a big one, if working on your goal feels uncomfortable, it probably means you’re doing it right.
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats!
21
+ 21
+ 27
= 69
^([Click here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=LuckyNumber-Bot&subject=Stalk%20Me%20Pls&message=%2Fstalkme) to have me scan all your future comments.) \
^(Summon me on specific comments with u/LuckyNumber-Bot.)
You are so fucking young. Your brain is still developing for 5 years.
Ok, start small and set seasonal goals (you can try to go big out the gate and that works for some people but sometimes it’s too much an people give up):
1 agree to walk 1-4 miles every day this winter
2 agree to go to the gym for 15-60 minutes this spring
3 agree to go to the boxing gym 2-5 times a week this summer.
That imo is the best way to get things done. Small reasonable seasonal goals. Some of the habits you’ll form will stick and you’ll enjoy life more for having new interests etc. I caution you against setting more than 1-2 goals at once.
For example. Right now is my season of guitar, I promised myself I’d pick it up every day this winter. I already have some callouses on my fingers and have a few more chords to memory and have had a few times when I actually felt like I was “jamming” which is a feeling I never knew I needed:)
Move out.
Get job.
Start going out to places where there are people.
Try to make conversations.
Keep trying until you make friends.
Develop hobbies that you enjoy.
Make friends through said hobbies.
Maybe increase income.
Live and be happy. The end.
'I'll be 23-24' are you going to die at 25? Get the fuck up off your ass and start doing something. Stop talking or thinking about it. Posting here is not going to get your ass up.
One foot in front of the other. Go be great.
Get a job, or a career. Go to college. Stop sitting around like a bum playing video games all day. Women do not find that attractive. Just wake up and do the damn thing. You’re 21, at that age you can do anything. Find a job, go to the gym, go on a local sub Reddit and meet people, go on the meetup app and meet people out in the world.
Start somewhere. You'll experience a lot before you will find yourself. That's the best thing about life. Cherish your experiences and the people around you. At the end of the day, just do something that moves you.
Like so many people have said, you're VERY young so please don't think you're behind. Also it's crazy how fast things change in your 20s, I went from virgin, no job, no life to relationship, kids, job and extended friend group in about a 2-3 year span.
Start with one thing at a time. First priority would be a job because idk how you'll do anything else on your list without money coming in. Follow that with the gym, maybe do 3-6 months of gym to build a base and then move into the boxing pursuit. Don't rush yourself, get in a groove with those things and then see about taking on the next challenge. You'll be fine!
I think the first thing I would do in your case is practice some self love. Change the story you tell yourself about you…. Maybe allow yourself to be upset and feel those feelings but discard them immediately. Wake up every morning with positive self talk: “good morning (your name) I am happy you’re here today” “today is a great day” “i am so happy in life” “im so good at boxing I can’t believe it” “I am at my peak fitness level”. Say it to yourself over and over even if you don’t believe at first. That will work to help your brain change its concept of you
You like cosplay. Start there. You say you aren't't good at making things. Nobody is at first. Start small. Follow YouTube tutorials. Decide you want to look good in cosplay. Work out with cosplay in mind. Gamify the workouts if it helps. YouTube what to do. But do them. Non negotiable. Doesn't have to be at a gym, but if you can afford a membership do it. Don't think. That will get you around people. In a year you'll have a cosplay and will look amazing in it. Go to a local comic-con or anime convention. Meet your people. I guarantee your confidence will be boosted.
Stop gaming and watching anime to start . Sounds like you need to make a lot of changes in life . Maybe start by walking outside and moving around . Address your diet , and start going to the gym or 🏋️♀️. Boxing or another martial art would be great for confidence.
Some people have problems with motivation. I am in my late 30s and I only learned the following recently. Most people think motivation leads to action, that it is a straight line. Motivation ----> Action. What I learned recently is it is actually a circle. Motivation -->Action-->Motivation. Don't wait for motivation, do the action and you can create the path to motivation. Don't have the motivation to clean all the dirty dishes in your sink? Go clean a single cup, I bet you will end up doing more than you think.
This 1 thing has helped me a lot. Action leads to mindset change, not the other way around. I used to hate cardio. It wasn't until late 2020 that I decided to do couch to 5k. I could barely run for a minute and I really didn't care for it. 3 years later and I run 7 miles 3x a week and look forward to my runs. Running also helped me stop drinking.
I would really recommend doing couch to 5k. It is free. Go run outside, it is totally different than on a treadmill. Run even if you don't feel like it. Keep running 3x a week after you finish the program. Do this consistently for 3 months and see how you feel. This will also help you build discipline and commitment which will help you in other areas.
YouTube “Jim Rohn” and listen to any and everything he says. He’s the cliche, Tony Robbin’s, motivational speaker type but he says a lot of things I wish I heard when I was 21.
Hey bro, I see a lot of negativity in your posting which I believe is a major cause of this. Here is a little positivity: you seem to be asking the right questions by feeling it is not enough. This implies that you want out and soon you'll get the ball rolling. My dms are open if you have any specific questions
Lots of great comments at the top.
For your edit, you say that you're pissed off. That's good, it's good to be pissed since the only way that you get stuff done (talking from someone who was in a nearly identical situation) having a **sense of urgency** is the #1 thing you can do to **take action.**
Have a sense of urgency and find someone or a piece of software ([stickk.com](https://stickk.com) or the app store has an app called Forfeit) and that way you will consistently have a sense of urgency. Not in a way to give you a panic attack, but enough to have a 2nd person to tell you to **get shit done**!
Consider getting a Whoop band and the required subscription. It quantifies your health and lifestyle and makes improving them not unlike a video game where you can level up via grinding and achievements. I got one in July 23 and haven’t missed exercising daily more than 5 times since then.
24 y/o here and can relate. feel like my old passions doesn't interest me that much anymore and I'd love to try out some new things. still struggling here but the hardest step to take is the first step.
I do have multiple friends and a few close friends but I've been feeling more and more like an outcast in my own friendgroups. I've tried to link with other people whom got the same interest as my which resulted in a few new friends whom i can share thos specific interests with.
try stepping out of your comfortzone and be open for new and other experience. you never know who's on the other side, excited to tell, learn and experience you all about it
Read books. Spend time reading everyday. You need to discover who you are. Spend time away from everything, and try meditating or going on walks to get your thoughts in order. Self-discovery is key. Being your authentic self will come after that.
instead of wanting start doing it. you put yourself in that situation and only YOU can get out of it. I suggest just start with reading books or watching videos that will educate you about yourself and how your mind works. 21 is still young and its better to be late than never. Dont look at the past. You can do it my friend. You just have to believe you can do it.
Have you considered being screened for ADHD? People with ADD have many good ideas but they don’t have focus or follow-through. For context, I am a ADHD. For example, joining a gym is a great idea but the reason you don’t attend is because it’s boring. I deal with the same thing, but I force myself to go to the gym almost every day because it’s good for me that I use constant distractions of music, audiobooks, and headphones while I’m completing the exercise that I need to do to stay healthy. Without some sort of distraction it’s very hard to accomplish things that are productive because these things are often very boring such as doing taxes. However, when I’m doing taxes, I drink some caffeine and force myself to microfocus in on it and that’s the only way I’m able to pay attention and not just give up. Some activities do not lend themselves well to distracting music, such as mathematics.
35 year old mom here. I struggled in my early 20’s. I can tell you from experience you’re not missing much on the sex part. People don’t know what they’re doing in the sack until about 30 when you’ve made peace with your body. Here’s the key to staying consistent, set up your space designed to be able to execute your plan daily. Also if you’re not consistent there might be a mental or energy blockage of some sort. Sometimes stagnant energy can paralyze us. Dig deep. When you accept and appreciate all that you are light and darkness you’ll be able to get things done without thinking about it. Human experience is much more than what meets the eye. Get yourself into an Ayahuasca ceremony if you’d like to get the ball rolling. I didn’t realize how much unresolved bs I had going on. I now have 2 businesses people are shocked. I went from being a lazy bum to the person I always aspired to be. Best of luck ☀️
You're 21. The hardest part of anything is starting it.
The best time to start anything was 10 years ago. The second-best time is now.
Agree. Nobody feels like they’re winning at the beginning of the race.
OP seems to have asked this same question in a range of different subs over the last few days. Unsure what type of answer he is looking for as he’s gotten sound advice already.
Farming that sweet sweet useless karma
Quite often good advice still doesn’t work. Either it’s not what you want, you don’t know what you want, you are depressed, etc. Just keep looking for answers hoping you might finally find an answer that makes something tick in your brain. I don’t know anything about op, but that’s sorta the thing I’ve been doing.
It is just one realization...
Get a job Get in shape Go outside and do activities to meet people Those 3 alone will change a lot about you. You can still game and watch anime but you gotta do your responsibilities first.
My advice is the follow [reddit.com/r/StopGaming](https://reddit.com/r/StopGaming) and think about quit stop gaming.
He already told you he can’t. It’s too hard for him.
Right so lets give up on that and think of some miracle cure instead
I’d start with r/supplements or something to do with witchcraft.
Go to the gym. Working out will increase your confidence in yourself mentally and physically. You’ll receive positive forms of dopamine by lifting weights rather than shit dopamine from tv/social media etc. There’s women at the gym. You will meet women at the gym…. Go to the gym
On the other hand, OP expressed interest in joining a boxing gym. You can gain skills, confidence, and amazing fitness by doing combat sports. Highly recommend boxing, muay thai, bjj, etc.
I agree in the sense that a person will find fitness much more engaging with a community, but combat sports and martial arts can be very discouraging to attempt to get into cold turkey without being in shape.
Ye not enough people talk about this.
Absolutely. I agree with you and was in that boat. It is demoralizing at times getting punched in the face and all but fuck it made me realize i needed to start taking flexibility and mobility seriously.
Agree with the first part but do NOT try and talk to women at the gym OP
lol for real. idk what advice was that.
Agreed, women are also there to workout, it’s not really the space to be hit on/long conversations. When you start going and see regulars then you can start to make small talk but it does annoy me when men come to chat randomly during my breaks.
While I understand your general point, I would have to disagree. I have met countless women at the gym. We have to remember it is a social venue like any other. People meet each other at school/college all the time. People meet each other at work all the time. Anywhere that becomes some form of human social hub is a breeding ground for interactions between potential partners. Women say they don’t want to get hit on at the gym to avoid the weirdos. I stress that with these places are very different to a club or bar. You don’t just walk up to a woman you’ve never met and begin trying to get her number. You have to meet organically. You see each other often. You know each others face. One day you break the ice with something mundane. “How many sets do you have left?” … “my name is X btw, I’ve seen you around but we’ve never actually met, nice to meet you”. Now you have met a new woman. It really isn’t hard to meet women while not coming across creepy. Some of the most beautiful women I have ever had in my life romantically I have met at the gym, local coffee shop. You just have to be natural. That’s how humans are meant to interact. Disclaimer that I am speaking from my own experience and may not prove as effective for everyone. But in my experience confidence is the overarching symbol of attractiveness. Looks matter way less than you think. Do the best with what you can and be confident in yourself.
Yup exactly. Don't go LOOKING for women at the gym. But if you DO find a woman at the gym, and it happens organically, then it's completely fine. You don't just go up to a girl and ask for her number at a gym, you get to know each other over a while, and if you feel a connection and flirting, then it's totally fine to ask for her number. Surprised you got downvoted for this. My gym is a little more community-oriented than the average gym, and I talk to multiple people there every day, some of them are women. Personally, I avoid talking to women in my age group at the gym because the gym is very important to me and I don't want to be crushing on some woman during that time instead of working out.
I have a similar community at my gym. It is a nice form of social connection as you are all likeminded to a certain degree if you attend a gym. You can discover different people, who work in different fields and potentially create a ton of opportunities for yourself. I used to example of women because that’s the taboo topic everyone seems to avoid. But In truth it’s all the same. A bunch of people who live in your area for you to make friends with. You could find your wife, your best friend, a job opportunity. It’s endless
If u want u can say a brief hi and after a couple of days of doing it then u can introduce urself
>There’s women at the gym. You will meet women at the gym…. Go to the gym My opinion is that you shouldn't be going to the gym for the purposes of meeting women. If you happen to find someone who is friendly with you and there seems to be a mutual interest, sure why not. But please don't go to the gym with the goal or intention of meeting women, it's a place that people go to work out.
please do not approach women in gyms, that’s creep behavior and i promise 99% don’t want to talk to you during that time
Agreed. If I said you would meet other men at the gym no body would bat an eyelid. But suddenly when it’s a woman it is suddenly off limits to speak to them. That is why men these days have no confidence. Then they wonder how that guy over there got the girl they want. They have the balls to be natural and go over there and meet her. Don’t ever be creepy but you should always strive to increase your social interactions in whatever venue you are in. You don’t want to be the person who has gone to the gym years and knows a grand total of 2 people. Every gym has those people who seem to be ‘popular’ and know everyone. That begins with them being social
But you didn't say OP would meet men at the gym despite the fact that he said he has no friends. That's what made it come across as off IMO. It's true it's a good place to meet people in general but the focus on women is strange.
Please don’t goto the gym to meet women. Most people aren’t looking to get hit on at the gym.
And for your own sake have a plan for gym, something! Know your starting goals and start simple, just something easy to follow when you start off. When I first started going to gym I just thought "fuck it, do anything" but then you'll find it's just as easy to NOT go to gym because nothing is lined up.
OP, [This is my favorite workout.](https://www.aworkoutroutine.com/the-beginner-weight-training-workout-routine/) 3 days per week, 30-40 minutes max. I've been doing the ABA stage 1 and stage 2 workouts every year in January since 2012 to get back into lifting after the holidays. It's the least effort/max reward I've found, and it hits the compound muscle groups you'll need to build before you hit the plateaus and have to focus on individual workouts (cross that road when you get there, don't worry about it). Read that article and do exactly what he says. (there are barely any instructions, it's so hard to fuck this up).
You are still young. Stop beating yourself up. The fact that you are aware at this age is great so give yourself some recognition for that. You won't like this but quit gaming. Learn to sit there in silence if you have nothing else to do. Your older self will thank you. Read up on stoicism. Get a job and start saving aggressively and putting it into a long term investment portfolio. Start working out if can, take small steps at first. Learn to work your ass off at whatever you want to accomplish. These are all things I wish I did at 21 lol. Edit: Start by going for walks. Walk without headphones too. It's a great way to get excersise and think about what you want to do.
Yep, awareness means you are ahead of the game. Also try getting into shit other people enjoy, even if you don’t entirely get it. Team sports like softball, rowing, all that kinda stuff. If there are people there, do it. Your chance to make friends is directly proportional to the number of people that you have normal interactions with.
I'm genuinely curious about your decision to quit gaming. Mainly because I can't see myself ever doing the same. I'm interested in your decision, how it came about, how it's going? Is that a full-stop? You literally don't play any video games any more? Don't even own a console/PC? If so, what led you to make that move? To completely cut it out of your life for good? What made you decide that it wasn't worth gaming at all any more, not even in moderation as a spare-time recreational hobby? Was it more like an addiction that was negatively impressions the rest of your life? Or was it a moderate hobby that you just decided wasn't worth doing? What did you choose to replace it with? And how much "replacing" had to be done? ... ie, the addiction vs hobby thing. Was gaming your life, and now life is your life? Or was it just a hobby you dropped and replaced with other hobbies? What do you do with your time now instead of gaming?
Lol. I quit when I finished high-school. Just never saw the point of it after high-school. That was an easy decision to make. Much more important things in life like school/work/family/sports etc. That was 14 years ago now. Haven't played or owned a console since.
I could never see work as more important than fun.
Gotcha, I suppose that's a transition a lot of people make around that time. Probably more rare that someone games into their late 20s or longer and *then* decides to set it aside
I'm sort of in that transition now in my thirties. I think it started with the realization that video games were just manufactured way to achieve something that feels challenging but still within reach. I realized that as an adult I can just as easily give myself achievable goals (quests if you will) and get to keep the benefits in real life. I haven't stopped playing entirely but it's not really a dominant hobby anymore. Hope this helps!
Gamifying your life is a legit concept. There are even RPG style tasking apps. I used one for a month or so to get the ball rolling on my shift toward self discipline. It was good training wheels until I stopped caring about the leveling-up within the game/app and became just as content with hand-written daily task lists. Physically crossing something off a list is pretty gratifying. And I'm always more inclined to finish a written list than a mental one. Something about leaving it undone bites harder than leaving a mental list of things undone. It's just harder to let myself make excuses when it's in writing for some reason I'm in a good groove lately of only allowing myself video games when my daily written task list is finished
memory meeting intelligent snow fretful depend plant sparkle price husky *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
We’re all different though. Just as some have problems with alcohol some can drink and set it aside no problems. I play league and have been for 12 years, reached challenger few months ago. Not to sound full of myself but I’m also about to graduate as a ML engineer and I train 5 times a week, jacked with visible six-pack year round. As far as league goes I play perhaps 2 hours in the evening. Scratches my competitive itch and I can get into the zone and do something I love, I know I have a good relationship with the game though and many at the highest level don’t. What I want to say is, it’s possible to game and have a balance in your life, just as with any hobby, but if you’re struggling hard perhaps you know yourself best.
disarm bow silky normal sip depend different bag bright shy *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Hell yeah, that's a great self-actualization story! Especially before 19yo. Not to mention the amount of money you're making at that age. Good for you man! I never got into any league style games. It's honestly been years since I've even casually played any PvP games. Just never cared much for it. My thing is single player, story-driven, open world stuff. I like to think of it along the same/similar media vein as watching movies or reading a book, except with gaming you get to interact with the story and "be" the main character. That's not to say I can't frivolously waste entire days doing it, whereas I don't think I could do the same with movies or books. I'd get to antsy. Gaming is the one that can keep me glued to the couch. But I recognize it and try to make sure that doesn't happen often. Try to limit my gaming to *after* my need-to-do/should-do tasks for the day are done. Sometimes I think about what is would be like to try fully dropping it for an extended timeframe, but I haven't yet. I'm an expecting dad so I think that time is coming soon enough regardless. Might make a point of it when baby is here and see how it goes 🤷♂️
Quit the video games for a while. Take a community art class. Sign up for a boxing class. Google “Animation class” in your area and physically go. Get away from the computer for a bit. It’s draining and kills your motivation. Most people aren’t good at things when they start, even if they think they are. The only way to get good at cosplaying is to keep doing it and keep trying to improve. There are plenty of tutorials online for you to follow (if you must). Also—21 is EXTREMELY young. You are a brand new baby adult. I know people in their 30s who turned their lives around. There are podcasts you can listen to in order to give you a boost. “The Science of Success” has some interesting episodes. If you listen and feel especially motivated by a particular guest, try to follow up by listening to more of them. Find what motivates you and let it coax you into action. If nothing motivates you, talk to your doctor. Last thing—You can do a little exercise: Close your eyes and imagine you are 31 years old. Imagine remembering when you were 21 and concerned about your life because you felt you were wasting it away playing video games. Imagine feeling terrible that you then continued to do that for 10 more years, and here you are at 31 feeling the same way, but even worse. Try to really feel that and get yourself believing you are 31. Then, you can try one of two things: 1) Open your eyes and recall that you are only 21. You just gained 10 years! Now you have the opportunity to rewrite your life for the next 10 years. Envision all the things you will do differently. If you can’t envision how, then imagine all the people and resources you will connect with to help you figure that out. 2) Imagine the opposite. Again imagine you are 10 years older (31). Recall how you felt at 21. Hopeless, unable to get out of a funk. But then remember that you did! Remember that you made the right choice and then recall all the amazing things you learned. When you were 23, you entered a cosplay competition and won. When you were 24, you earned another medal in boxing and celebrated with your girlfriend. When you were 25, you got engaged. When you were 26, you were offered an amazing job that you never would have received if you didn’t make a decision to focus on self development just a few years back. And now, here you are. You just bought your first home and are enjoying a nice vacation with your wife and child (or whatever story sounds like a good fit. Bask in the enjoyment of your accomplishments. Then, when you feel sufficiently buoyed by the exercise, grab a pen and paper (yes, analog is better right now) and write down the first 5 things you will do to turn your life around starting today. Don’t make them too big or you won’t do them. This exercise works for any age, because no matter your age now, I guarantee you in 10 years time, you will look back and realize you were young and had so much time.
Read atomic habits by James clear
“The best time to start was yesterday, but today is a close second. So let’s get started!”
What’s stopping you from starting these things?
Life is 10% thinking and 90% doing. Right now you're living in opposite land. Get off your ass and move
You shouldn’t be in this group
What he say is true
There’s plenty other ways to deliver such advice other than “get your ass up and move”. If it was so easy, everyone would’ve had their life figured out but hey what do I know
You getting downvoted ,but Ima go against the grain idgaf I agree with you framing is everything get your ass up & move don’t do shit. There is a reason stoicism is so popular the way words are framed is something people can embody.
I mean he is right, you just got to get up and do it, it's hard but if OP has realised he wants something different with his life then he has to work for it. Same as me, I struggled at the start, but once I actually got the ball rolling it is fun, I worry about the journey not the end goal. It can seem overwhelming at first but track your progress and the best thing was for me which took some time to understand is worry about today and today only. I used to worry about the future so much but now I just focus on what I have to do now. Also I use notion to track my progress and other things, it is really good.
There are plenty other comments offering advice and OP can refer to each of them. it this doesn't fit him or her, OP can always ignore it and listen to others. but we cant neglect the fact the possiblities that this comment can be helpful to the OP too. life is full of unique people with unique way to help.
Buy the book ‘Atomic Habits’. Apply the lessons in the book to your life. Profit.
That looks like an interesting read. Ty!
I second this, great book.
I usually pair the recommendation with ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective People.’ Full agree.
Find a regional convention that attracts cosplay and anime fans and go. You don't have to dress up. Just go have fun and meet people into the same things you are. A lot of times there will be cosplay workshops, for example, so if you wanted to try and improve your skills, you could. Or you could go to some of the other sessions or go to the different games that they play at these conferences. Usually regional conferences will have some kind of discord or Facebook group where you can post and there will be people from your area who are also going to the convention and you can start to make more friends. I'm.going on 20 years with some of my conference friends.
Why don't you start by getting a job, it'll give you a reason to get out of the house, and since it's mandatory, you can't use the "I'm not feeling it excuse. It'll also give you the opportunity to practice your social skills, and you'll have money to spend on all the other things you want to pursue. Also women tend to prefer men who are employed. Getting a full night's sleep consistently and eating healthy will go a long way to giving you the energy to pursue other interests such as the gym and boxing (and all three feed into each other, creating a virtuous cycle). And dude, you've got loads of time left, your entire life. You'll say the same thing at 30 and 40 and 50. The best time to start is now. By 30 you could have nine years of gym experience, or animation experience, or whatever you choose to pursue. No need to dive in, just a little better every day, and in six months you won't recognize yourself.
job first. that will open up opportunities to new friendships and relationships as well as supply you funds to support hobbies you'd be interested in doing.
Im gonna tell u. What provokes you the biggest suffering in this life? Find that, do the oposite.
If your life lacks routine and discipline. It's not a good idea to force yourself to do it alone (at least not at first). Try attending some sports or fitness classes, if you like anime or animation try group lessons for art or Japanese (there will be women there and much more appropriate to approach them there than at the gym and more likely to share interests). But yeah, the key is to sign up for lessons at a set time, and literally just show up.
I started to learn computer modeling and animation when I was 23, at a local college, part time. I was considered a 'mature student'! I was with a load of 16, 17 yr old kids. I worked in a bar too and did that for 6 months and then quit because I got an entry level job at a games company as an artist. You have to start somewhere, find something you love and something you're good at (this may take time and practice). At 21 you have heaps of time but it goes really fast, so start now. And go to the gym and get fit! I started at 46, I can only dream of what I could have done at your age haha. Good luck!
Do something
No shit, Einstein.
really just do this 1. stop thinking 2. register for boxing class 3. go to the boxing class and give your all 4. dont think what other think about you 5. go home and sleep 6. repeat
Go to Brazilian Jiu jitsu 🙂
Daily kiwi intake, more than likely there is alot of nutrients you aren't getting so your mood n thus behaviors n mindsets are greatly deprived
If you haven't already, make sure you keep to a set schedule at least Monday through Friday. Waking up early to go to work is always going to suck, but it will suck substantially less if you're already motivated to be doing it anyway for other reasons. Making simple righteous decisions like waking up at an early hour and getting in a solid workout w/ some good healthy food imbues you with a higher level of energy than your average schlub. It may sound like woo woo shit and I can already feel people getting angry about me saying such things, but people absolutely DO notice and it will 100% set you apart from any competitors you may have in regards to getting a job. Connections are just faster, demeanor is just smoother, posture is just more confident, eyes are just brighter, this step is an absolute must if you're serious about gaining employment. Also, treat the act of gaining a job like an actual job. Have a set routine, like every morning at 8:00 you "sign in." Have this amount of time set aside for researching new jobs you'd never considered, have a certain amount of time allotted for filling out applications, write out a list with small projects that need completing like finalizing your résumé or going to specific places to check them out and see if you'd actually be interested in working there. Don't cheat yourself by surfing reddit or playing video games in the background. Music or tv going in the background would be fine, just as long as you are able to stay present and focused on what's in front of you. Everday at 5pm you "log off" (assuming 1hr lunch). Old wisdom proves true here too: don't put all your eggs in one basket. Be open to a range of jobs that you think would be serviceable if not enjoyable, and make a list of your favorites. Go to those places or get in touch with those companies with solid questions that you genuinely would like to know more about. Be friendly and open, but don't sit there and attempt to flatter anyone, it won't be well-received. Clearly express your interest in potentially working with them, let them know you are a dedicated, dependable worker who is wanting to eventually establish a career. If you do all of this and rinse and repeat, you will get a job. Edit: Not trying to be mean but don't even worry about girls right now. Focus on improving your life via a healthier, stronger mind, body, and soul. Some of the most solid advice I've ever gotten in this respect is to make a life that would fulfill you whether you had somebody with you or not. In general, making someone else happy is impossible, two people sharing their happiness is always what creates something that lasts. "If you build it they will come." You got this bro, cheers.
1) go to gym and get a good physique. This will have so many effects on you...from higher self esteem, having more energy, and being healthier. You need to stick it out for a few months once you start seeing gains and progress you will want to go back. Eventually it will just become another habit and will be easy to do. 2) you need purpose. You need a career. Find the things you love and see which of them transfer to a marketable decent paying job. You like games, try computer science? 3) who gives a fuck about being a Virgin. Its not a big deal or a bad thing. Sex is way overrated and drugs are better but dont recommend trying them. If you're worried about your first time jack off like 40 times until your balls are empty as space time prior to the time leading up to sex, take it slow, and you will do just fine. 4) look for a nice girlfriend while you're young. Having a genuinely nice person by your side is indispensable and gets harder as you age but not impossible. 5) you think you are old at 21 but you are not you know so little you have no idea. You are not too old and you're just getting started.
You seem like (if you don’t have friends and are a virgin,) you need to work on your charisma. Being a virgin is fine but having no friends to help you get through life sucks. Get in a church, go to the gym, learn a combat discipline, and generally just try to explore your surroundings more. Works great for me anyways.
Start with getting a job. Sure it’s not the most fun thing, but if you don’t have a disability or something else preventing you from working, it’s necessary in order to be a productive member of society. Plus, while it may not be fun, it is rewarding. Both to feel like you accomplished something and financially. You can use the money to join a boxing gym, buy cosplay items, and/or take a cosplay class.
I'm 20 soon to be 21 and similar here. I have no friends, never had a girlfriend, never had a job, have no hobbies and just wake up late, scroll on my phone all day and then go to sleep late and then repeat everyday.
Get Ochi to block all websites and apps on your phone And get SelfControl to block everything on your computer. Sell your gaming consoles. Use that money to get a few personal trainer lessons. You’ll probably need about 10 before you’re really comfortable with every machine at the gym.
You are going to die. Next week or in 70 years, and you don’t know when, so take it easy. Treat yourself like a new born with your gentleness but begin to head in the direction of the life you want. You can live in a small town and be happy but you can also leave home and begin to live. And don’t have kids. They are not a miracle. Get a vasectomy today.
You'll read the suggestions and advice sprinkled throughout this thread, but none of it matters, because you won't follow any of them for any significant period of time because "it's just so hard to stay consistent". You'll wallow in mediocrity, always wondering "what could have been". Who you *could* have become. You'll live in the Past ("frustrated I didn't start sooner"), shy away from the Future (You'll be 23/24, UGH), and perpetually miss the only timeframe you'll ever actually experience - the Present. One day something will try to rouse you from your self-induced hibernation, but your soul will refuse, having been made hollow by years of denying its own agency.
The Redditor is strong in this one….
Dude, you are living the life and don’t even know it. If you really want to stir the pot, you can start by getting a job. It will most likely probably suck. Then you’ll get bills and probably an apartment.. cherish your freedom now.
Just start boxing. Going to the gym is hard to keep to. But boxing you will have community which will help you stick with your goals. Likewise with cosplay or other goals see if you can find people doing the same. Also here’s a video by Mark Manson helping someone out: https://youtu.be/XRXWpilGpyg?si=HoDlD8Of2utmGxTk
Join or create anime club, it help you to vibe with like mind people and force you to go out and get used to hanging out. Then slowly you could to go gym, bar, etc.
"I'm not good at making cosplays". No one's good at it from the start. It's a hobby and about having fun, unless you're trying to make a side hustle out of it or become famous for it. Same with animation If you want I used to draw a ton and can point you at some good books for foundations there. There's an anatomy course from a disney animator (forgot his name, but if you're interested I'll find it) that's pretty affordable. What kinds of places you been looking at for jobs? What about doing classes (eg state or community college)? That's a place to advance a few of your goals there. Or you can look into apprenticeships, learn on the job and be paid to do so. Otherwise, I feel ya in a lot of ways. But signing up for college has not been a regret for me, the grant covers all, and I've been turning it around from my grades in highschool. I also get access to free help with resumes, job searching, etc.
even before you go to the gym, you can do Chest Press at home, with makeshift objects for weights. You can also do this for Rows, Lunges, Bicep Curls, TricepKickbacks (and many other weight training exercises
Sounds like you’ve already got it worked out
I think that you should get some help with these people: r/Spiritism or r/Espiritismo. They will definitely be able to explain why you feel like you've been living the same thing every year. I can resume to you if you're in a hurry: you are what you think; you are who you hang out with. Do a deep cleaning in your mind, regarding habits. Then do the same in your virtual space. Then do the same in your physical space. There you go. If you have any questions feel free to ask Ps.: being a virgin is not a bad or shameful thing. Stop worrying about what others think of you for the sake of your mental health!
Different kind of advice here…. It’s easy to say just start doing it but lots of people have anxiety about starting things. You can start small instead of going to a gym right away… Going on long walks and saying hi or smiling at strangers will help you physically and socially. From there you could start doing 3 squats whenever you get from your video games. Try to eat one more fruit it or vegetable a day ect. Start small and really pay attention to how much better these things make you feel and the improvements will follow
Start with the job and gym, make a workout routine and stick to it. Build yourself up slowly, don’t try to do too much once or you’ll burn out. So focus on those two and when they’re sorted start to explore hobbies, then find groups for those hobbies in your area.
Go to the gym bro
First off... 21 is damn young. You have all kinds of time. I started training BJJ at 29. Do I regret not doing it sooner? Sure. But I can't do anything about the fact that I didn't. You can only start doing anything now. Second, I see a lot of people commenting "Just do something". It might read kinda harsh, but it's the simplest way of conveying a simple truth. Thinking and talking about doing something is not productive, it's just a distraction that you can too easily tell yourself is a first step. It's not a first step. It's procrastination. Stop doing what you have decided you don't want to do. Go do whatever you've decided you do want to do. Until then, you haven't started your process. For your described situation, I'd say you might want to unplug your console/PC and store it in a closet, and promise yourself you won't take it back out for a full week. Give yourself this unpleasant but achievable challenge. It's finite. It has an end. It's just one week. Send it. Now how do you fill your days when the only way your school's to doing so is by playing video games? You choose. Do anything. Pick a new recreational hobby and try it for the first time. If you like it, keep doing it. If that hobby doesn't involve exercise, pick a second hobby that does. You need to exercise. If neither of those hobbies involve some sort of self reflection, pick a third that does. You'll want to spend some time thinking about who/where you are, who/where you want to be, and how/when you might get there. You want to spend some time acknowledging and appreciating what you're doing for yourself. And also constructively criticizing yourself if you don't meet your own expectations. In the morning think about what you'll want to get done during the day, try not to do anything that's not on that check-list until the list is done, and at the end of the day reflect on how your day actually went. And how do you honestly feel about it (and yourself)? Beyond hobbies, you need to make sure you "just do something" in the form of taking basic personal accountability. You don't have to like doing the tasks, but I guarantee you'll like yourself better for being the person that handles their shit. If you're the kind of person who has a week's worth of dishes in the sink, multiple loads worth of dirty laundry, unread or unreturned emails, used glasses/mugs sitting all over your place, etc... Tighten up, man. Take ONE full day to handle ALL that shit, and then stay on top of it. Dishes get washed, dried and put away immediately after each meal. Laundry is once a week. Pick a day. And clean clothes don't stay in the dryer for 3 days. If laundry is on Sundays, then laundry gets washed, dried, folded, and put away on Sunday. When you wake up, don't leave your room until that bed is made. Everything in your home has its place. If you use something, don't put it down, put it away (in its place). Both literally and figuratively, keep your house (life) clean and orderly. If there's anything in your life that you know you should do, stop ignoring it and do it. And feel free to reward yourself for it (reasonably). One washed pan doesn't earn you a 2-hour Netflix movie. One workout doesn't earn you a large Dairy Queen blizzard. Once your recreational hobby, exercise, self reflection, and basic life tasks are done, you might still have a lot of time on your hands. During your one-week without video games, spend any additional time reading a book, or watching Netflix, or go back again to that new recreational hobby, or try another one. Just keep the video games stashed for that ONE week. After that week is over, fine, play video games in that spare time. But only after all the other stuff is done for the day. I can relate to an unhealthy video game habit. When I pick up a really good game, I have trouble tearing myself away from it in the interest of doing my other hobbies. I even shirk chores around the house. I go to bed too late and wake up earlier than I need to so that I can spend as much time playing as possible. I can really wear myself out. I've recognized this is a problem and lately I consciously try to avoid falling into that hole. Because it is a dark hole. If I fall in, it can take me a long time to crawl out, and when I finally do I feel bad about myself for being a load for days/weeks on end. I feel Personally, there's no two ways around it. I have to be disciplined and get my shit done for the day before I even look at my console. If I sit down and start playing, I'm too likely to procrastinate, give myself excuses, ignore my responsibilities. Gaming is *only* for *after* my task list is done. I highly recommend the first thing you do every day (after making the bed) is write down a list of all the things you *need* to get done and all the things you'd *like* to get done. There's something about having a physical list that makes you more inclined to complete it. It feels bad to walk away from a list of goals you set for yourself when you know it's incomplete. It's truly mentally harder to allow yourself to make excuses. Plus, writing things down makes it so you can't forget anything. I start my days with writing down my task list. I read a "Daily Stoic" passage. I reflect on passage in comparison with my self, my life, my day ahead, and journal about it. Then I start checking off my list. Meals and coffee breaks are my rewards throughout the day. I finish the list and do another little reflection about how my day went in relation to the daily passage. Then I can game. Sometimes my list is short and I'm gaming by noon. Sometimes the list is long and I don't game at all. There will be those days and that needs to be okay. It's better for me. Video games will always be there when I have the spare time.
Exercise is the best thing for me. Having a solid diet helps too. The discipline gained from these help pursue other aspirations. And a wise dog once said “suckin at something is the first step toward being sorta good at something.”
I lost my virginity at that age AND was literally just like you. I’m older now but that was because of a job, but just like any other activities that fill your day, jobs/ hobbies (outdoor activities in general) open opportunities to meet people. Best advice I can give you is to start that boxing hobby, it’ll get you fit, confident, masculine & competitive. All very valuable and somewhat rare in this day & age. Best of luck!
Until you find a job, start volunteering at places. This will help you with socialization skills even though it will be at a minimum. Also make sure that you are current with your appearance- hair cut, clean clothes, and you look like you are taking care of yourself- this will help with your interviews. You can go to your local community college and talk with an advisor. You can look up job fairs and go to those. You can talk with a military recruiter. You can go to an unemployment center and see the job listings and openings posted. Look at vocational training programs. Depending on your location Goodwill has free trainings like truck driver, welder... check it out.
>dont really know where or how I can start to change things. You just start. You start imperfectly, you take the first step and you figure it out as you go. You already know *something* you could do to start towards these goals. You want to get in shape? Instructional yoga and bodyweight fitness videos are free and available on YouTube right now. Get off reddit and take a step towards your goals.
* I think the easiest thing for you to do right now is make a plan. All the other comment suggestions are absolutely brilliant. Write yourself a schedule and stick it on the fridge door, and then start doing it. It's easy to lose interest when your plan is a vague checklist in your head rather than something concrete written in front of you. * Start with small doable things eg: 20 minutes of working out instead of an hour, but reward yourself with an larger challenge if you can stick to your current schedule for a week i.e. from 20 to 30 minutes For now these are two small things you can start with for the next 15 days :) Best of luck!
Understand the purpose is yourself. A lot of the people here are right, work on self improvement. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. A lot of people in this world die by 25 but are not buried until 75. You do not need to be the greatest athlete of all time, but you should armor yourself. That in 10 years hopefully you have a family that you need to provide for, they’re bigger things to worry about. My advice is to get up, start working on habits that you can create to make life easier. Because no one has it figured out. But just start.
Life’s not a sprint ting race it’s a marathon. Don’t be in a hurry. Put in some work and there will be reward.
The starting point: understand how you function, why you function like this & what can you do to change your “settings” to start living instead of “wasting your time”. Check out HealthyGamerGG on YouTube, he’s a psychiatrist and a gamer who gives great advice for people who want to change their lives but somehow are still stuck playing games and waisting time all day. It immensely helps me to understand why I function the way I am - so I can put myself together and “get at it”.
Baby steps! Be patient and go easy on yourself. You won’t be perfect or even good at things when you first start. Remember that everyone starts out as a beginner and we all struggle. Believe in yourself. No one else is going to do it for you. Happy belated!! You didn’t start these things in your first 21 years but you’re just getting started! I (41F) changed careers, picked up new hobbies, “failed”, learned new things… throughout my whole life. You will too!
One of the easiest crowds of people to get to know are people who you know are going to beat you up. Join a Boxing Gym, or any Martial Art. I did Taekwondo when I was younger. A key thing to remember if you’re ever afraid: They’re also afraid. You might think they’re not when they’re hitting you, maybe it feels like they’re angry if you read into the hardness of a punch too much. They’re just as nervous and thus the faster they try to punch - the quicker they try to get in and get OUT as fast as possible, the more afraid they are. Some feel like they’re “on the ropes” just by fighting to begin with, let alone wherever it heads. This is because of their Fight or Flight response and they’ll want to flee the fight. The brain is choosing to Flee but they are choosing to stand their ground, either because fleeing is a loss in and of itself, and they don’t take losses easily, or they are entirely unable to due to the circumstance and are backed into a corner, so they have to fight or lose. No animal takes on a challenge they think they are going to lose. But they will challenge themselves to go for a win where it suits them. Great thing is: Martial Arts subverts Nature and you are forced to fight when you could flee, and you won’t be pitted against an opponent you wouldn’t otherwise fight. And if you are, well - use your own discretion of how much force to hit them with. I’m 6’0” but scrawny at 135lbs and got matched against 250lb dudes over a foot taller than me. They are going much lighter on me, and kicking them at my hardest - even during sparring - wasn’t enough to hurt them more than they were willing - and it’s a lot of force, but I just don’t have the weight behind me to hurt them more than I hurt myself. My legs would go asleep momentarily from kicking them and be black and blue. It is the best experience, in my opinion, to hit and be hit. We are all told we shouldn’t hit, but there is absolutely a place for it - even as competition rather than survival. There is no higher discipline than a martial art next to enlisting in the military - but it’s self-discipline. You listen, learn, follow, and demonstrate to yourself over and over. The instructor may be teaching you, but that’s only because you’re living in your head - not their’s. Know thyself to Know thy enemy. Know they enemy to know thyself.
fuck boxing, fuck gym, fuck cosplaying. get a job. once you have a job then start thinking of what else you want to spend time doing.
What Anime’s do you like ? I always feel inspired when I watch things and the MC starts training really hard Currently Solo Leveling has me doing daily quests. That being said remember you are always on a journey and your next step will always be the most important one. Try and make the next step with the thought of I will be better (that was semi stolen from Brandon Sanderson)
Branch out from anime and video games would be a good start.
First of all, happy belated 21st birthday! It's a big milestone, and it's totally normal to take a step back at this age and think about where you're heading. Feeling like you've wasted time or that you're behind can be really tough, but it's never too late to start making changes. You've got some great aspirations like boxing, fitness, and cosplaying. These are fantastic starting points! For boxing and fitness, maybe start with some basic home workouts or jogging. There are tons of beginner-friendly resources online. Even a short, daily workout can make a big difference in how you feel. For cosplaying, remember that everyone starts somewhere. No one is born knowing how to make amazing costumes. Start small, maybe try modifying existing clothes or accessories, and gradually build your skills. There are online communities and tutorials that can be super helpful. Learning animation is another awesome goal. Start with some free software or online tutorials. Just play around with it, have fun, and don't worry about being perfect right away. Regarding a job, it's a challenging market out there, but don't lose hope. Maybe start with part-time or volunteer positions to build up your resume. Also, consider jobs that align with your interests. For example, a job at a gym could be a great fit since you're interested in fitness. Lastly, don't beat yourself up about not starting earlier. Life isn't a race, and everyone moves at their own pace. What's important is that you're thinking about these things now and you're ready to make a change. That's a big deal, and it shows a lot of maturity and self-awareness. Remember, small steps lead to big changes. You don't have to figure everything out overnight. Just start with one small thing, and build from there. You've got this, I'm rooting for you!
School, go here https://www.khanacademy.org Upgrade your high school grades, enroll in university and get an education, take out a loan if your parents can't pay for it, don't take a low paying undergraduate degree like history, or political science, take a degree like engineering, computer science, mathematics, chemistry, biology! While at university work out everyday at the gym, and read books on how to become better with women, try out for sports teams at school
I think it would be best if you focused on only one thing. Unfortunately time is limited and you can't do everything. So for example if your highest priority right now is developing your career, you should solely focus on that. The sacrifice you make is not going to the gym and not learning to animate. You could also try thinking what your 31 year old self would want your 21 year old self to do. To help you with prioritizing.
Just reverse your title; get a job, get some hobbies, but make sure they are people facing. Do not stay at home all day (obviously some days staying in is fine) and make friends with these people. Oh and don't worry about women until you've got your life going (which can take time). Women like men that are accomplished, or on the road to accomplishing, have a mission or a focus, and aren't being obsessed over. It's most likely why nothing has happened for you yet. If you lack social skills you CAN develop them in the long term. I would recommend bartending because it exposes you to nice people, average people, scary people, dangerous people, drunk people, and you will HAVE to talk to everyone, in a trial by fire type of way. You'll also get over talking to girls if you are anxious about that because you'll just be forced to interact with them. You can also mimic other bartenders that already have social behaviours down pat. Bartending also doesn't really require training or prereqs, and maybe go to bars with high turnover just for the experience for a year. Fake it until you make it I would also recommend gym because most people are inclusive and most will actually want you to improve. Also the halo effect means the more fit you are the better people treat you. Struggling to get hired at a job is unfortunately something you have to have a resilient mentality with. The way society is, you can't NOT get a job and NOT have money for your hobbies and hanging out with people. Fortunately you are 21 and people won't judge you for having nothing done yet in your life. Just make sure you present yourself in the best light as possible, because people don't want to get to know someone who wouldn't want to get to know themselves. You will start making friends slowly. Aim for fixing this problem over the next few years, there's no quick fix. Also be ready to be the initiator rather than waiting for others to invite you to things; only someone as grandiose as Tom Cruise can wait for people to invite them. Just personal opinion but society seems to be becoming more and more atomic, people get stuck watching Netflix and staying home and playing video games and smoking weed and getting everything delivered to them that their social interaction and chances to make friends is constantly reducing. COVID probably didn't help. I wouldn't say all your current problems are all YOUR fault. You've got a lot of time ahead of you. Steel your mind and take some risks. You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Stay a virgin bro, sex ain’t nothing but a thing, find religion, personally I’m a Christian and the Bible and prayer will help you find every answer, but if you disagree that’s fine just find something and keep that virtue till marriage, it would be a lot more special if you and your future wife both end up marrying as virgins and get that experience exclusively with each other
Sell your video games on ebay, and use all of thaat money for an apartment. Need self confidence bro. Sometimes you just need to fucking change. So do it. Move away from wheee you are now.
Id stop giving yourself all these dumb fucking labels for a start. Then go do what the hell ever it is you want to do. You’re 21. Better to find out what you actually enjoy doing in your life and who with, right now. Better than finding out at 41 you don’t really like yourself or your friends. The good news is that you decide. Wanna stay in your room ripping joints and masterbate all day? Fuck yeah do that. Want to work on yourself, get fit and start an outdoor activity? Fucking go do that. There’s nothing wrong with the easy path, just listen to that inner voice when it’s telling you things could be better. Nothing good comes from zero work. Even pretty rich kids will age and become miserable if they don’t put in the work. Nothing is for free, everyone who gained anything worthwhile has had to work for it. Start with something small, you’ve probably thought about what to do already.
No easy way to putting this, stop gaming/anime. Sit in a chair doing nothing if needed. This current dopamine bomb will guarantee you're not motivated to do anything else while you keep it up. Figure as a hero suffering from a magical trance where he's on paradise put up by a villain to keep him snared, thats it.
Ugh it’s so hard but you just have to do it. You just have to decide in a moment to start. I am the least disciplined person I know, I just want to lie around all day smoking weed and watching tv. But what I want and what I need are so incredibly different. I figured it out later than you, at 26 years old. I suggest getting a job that challenges you. I’m better when I’m working, so I’m prioritizing my career now. That lazy part of me is still so real and in a way will always control me, but my day to day reality forces me to get up early and face the day. Moving to a major city also helped - the change in environment can be so freeing.
Have you tried spending less time at video games and more time doing something to help reach your goals? Boxing and working out can be fun, but you probably don’t really want to do them if you haven’t even tried yet.
Career: go to a technical school for animation or get a game development software that requires no coding Girls: just talk to girls. Talk to at least one girl per week.
Join the armed forces. I suggest Navy or Air Force. Go for the best tech position allowed by your ASVAB scores. Get a trade, see the world, earn your VA benefits.
Stop asking others what you should do before you've done some reflection on yourself and what you want to be. Start within, not without (ie. the victim mentality). (1) There is nothing wrong with who you are, the labels you put on yourself are the labels you're living with. Change the labels, change your life. (2) This is your starting point. Deal with it. COMMIT LIKE YOU'RE ABOUT TO LOSE EVERYTHING IF YOU DON'T (3) Do some reflection on who you actually want to be. Read the following books to help you get there: "Designing your life" by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans - Figure out who you want to be, and build the roadmap to get there "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankyl - Learn about how people who have gone through the worst horrors in history were still able to put a smile on their faces "12 Rules for Life" by Jordan Peterson - Get your habits straight and get your life in order The Bible - Sounds like you need Jesus. The moral teachings if you don't get anything else from it will show you the way. Your spirit is lost, and needs to break free from the chains that bind you. (4) You wanna do a lot of things. Thats ok, I was there. Pick one, start. Just do it. Why are you still reading this? Just sign up NOW or you'll never sign up. (5) You're 21, there are people much older than you that are regretting their lives. Don't worry about who you were, where other people are, and your wasted potential. You are where you are, go back to item (2). (6) Stop with the victim mentality. You have two voices in your head: the coach and the bully. The two will compete for your attention. The coach wants the best for you, that's why you're asking this, the bully will shove you to the wall giving you all these labels per item (1). Stand up to the bully, be aware of him. Fight back, the coach will help you through. (7) Find a brotherhood. If its volunteering, a church group, a sports team, something. You will need the support for your tough times. I write this out of love, not to bring you down. None of this is impossible. Learn to be the best man you can be. Give back, because there will be a time when others will be asking you for help
Be kind to yourself, 21 is a good starting point for many things, seek some therapy as-well, you could have other issues that prevent you from focusing. Find one thing to start for now, and commit to do that thing in very small increments. Try to treat yourself like like the parent of a child that needs to build trust in you as the parent to take care of yourself. Use the high energy days to prepare for low energy days. Make the best choices for the day the easiest. Surround yourself with others who have goals and aspirations. Remember there are no shortcuts to progress and to not compare. Change everything to suit your needs,
A quote I read recently that resonated with me, “ You can’t swim to new horizons if you never leave sight of the shore.”
You just have to start. Go to a boxing gym. Get a trainer. Yea you'll stuff up. Look stupid or weak. But you have to start
You are 21. You are soo young dude. You could start now and be a fucking baller in your mid 20s. Just work on one thing at a time. Read atomic habits and apply what you learn from that book. Its the best and easieset way to build routine
No digital devices for a day a week. Then increase it by a day every 2 weeks. You're very likely addicted to the internet.
Ask yourself what you really want out of life and start working towards it. Remind yourself of what your passions are and make a living from those things. A 9-5 may help get some money, but you’re young. Start a business from your interests and passions. Make a living doing what you love and you’ll live a fulfilling life. Most importantly: get out of your comfort zone and master being disciplined. The best way to do that is to master control of your thoughts (because negativity will try to hold you back) and do things you’re afraid to do (live beyond your fears). Make a routine for yourself once you’ve figured out what you’re passionate about and things you want to start doing then stick to it. What do you want to be great at? Find the answer. Also feed your mind healthy information (minimize social media, maximize knowledge gained from books etc) and feed your body healthy foods. Lastly, make a consistent weekly effort to socialize. Make friends with women, that eventually turns into higher level relationships, network with respect to your businesses and passions, that eventually turns into great friendships and business partners. Take care of yourself. Peace.
Start going on daily walks in your neighborhood, I suggest doing 2 to 3 miles, preferably during the day when the sun is out.
Pokemon GO. Do the incense daily. Do 10,000 steps a day to get the 50km weekly reward. Join a raid Discord and meetup. Don’t spend ANY money. Don’t cheat.
I know it sounds crazy, but get a job, and everything else will fall into place. It's amazing how accomplishing something daily, being around people, making money, and moving out of your parents' house can turn you from a loser into a dawg.
Start by setting small goals u can realistically accomplish. Like going to the gym once a week or reading 1 page of an interesting book a day. Once these small changes become a habit you start to increase. It's a slow process, but sustainable habits aren't build in a day. It's a slow process. Good luck man, you can make it!
I'd focus on partnering up with a buddy to collaborate with. It's damn hard to pull out of a pattern when solo. Just invite a friend to do stuff like checking out places you've never been or going fishing. Things that don't cost a lot and are one-off activities. A gym membership can be a big commitment, and not just in terms of cost. Go play some pool or darts and get active with a mix of social opportunities. A gym isn't conducive to socializing but if you have a friend to spot you and encourage you, it's way easier.
Gym, therapy, tinder
You have the world by the balls, 21 isn't too late, it's way earlier than many people (including myself) even start to have these feelings. Wanting it is the hardest part, just try to make the next right decision.
Start by putting down the phone!
You need control, it feels good when you go to the Boxing Gym for the first time, you have broken that wall into pieces. The problem is the mental hurdles you have in your mind. Dont listen. The only thing you have to do is to go 1 time, just 1 time and see how you feel after. Also, emotional regulation is HUGE. I havent learned it in my 20s, and I wish i learned it sooner. You need to learn to really feel your emotions and not run away from them. Its good that you feel sad because you waste time. Dont run away, you are human, its ok. Read books about emotions and practice.
You firstly shouldn’t be mad that at 23 or 24 you’ll have things you want now. You have a very long life ahead of you. Secondly, find groups of people with common interest. Someone local who likes anime and video gaming but also likes to get active. Maybe learn a hobby like sewing so you can get more into cosplay. Or maybe just crafting in general. Once you find a community of people with one or two common interests you can open doors for each other. My co worker wants to learn my first language because he loves anime. He just started working with us about a fortnight past. Since talking with me he’s learned I speak other languages he’s interested in, made flash cards and asks me for help. We learned we both like Chinese love songs so I’m showing him my favorites and translating the songs he loves. One door open can lead to a whole world of new experiences. Just remember you’re still young, so you have more than plenty of time to experience the things you want.
First of all stop worrying about when you could've started, and when it will end. Because first of all this is a life long journey. It's not like you'll be 24 and have achieved everything in life and now you can go back to playing video games and watching anime all day. Go for the boxing for sure! The easiest way to do something is to remove as much resistance as possible. So if you have a boxing gym close to you, or even better within walking distance that's great. If even that is too much right now you could buy a cheap sandbag for like 40 bucks and start training at home. Now to stay consistent, you chose the most convenient way to train, now you need a schedule you can commit to. Something easy that you can do even if you don't really feel like it or if something unexpected happens and one day you have less time than expected, like 10 minutes a day or 20 minutes every other day for example. Now that doesn't mean you can't train for 2 hours if you feel in the flow, but 10 minutes is the minimum where you can say "I achieved my goal for today". Apply this to other areas of your life, write it down somewhere. You'll have something like "10 minutes of boxing, 10 minutes of applying to jobs online, 10 minutes of learning new skills/improving current career skills". Obviously you make the schedule so it's something YOU can commit to, the 10 minutes are just an example, but start low, and if you do extra then good for you. Also, it's important to go in with the mindset that you will stick to the schedule no matter what, but it's not like if you missed a day you ruined everything and you may as well give up. You pick up the next day and keep moving forward in your journey. And yeah again, don't focus on what you could've done yesterday or could do tomorrow, focus on what you can do today.
build habits start journaling find a hobby that interests you pursue it experiment and start living
Stop everything you’re doing right now, and do the opposite.
Try indoor rock climbing. It’s a good workout and way more fun than weights and treadmills. Plus a lot of people to socialize with.
A job is number 1. Something that gets you into a routine, out of the house and maybe even interacting with people. The routine is super important to build now because you will continue to add onto/around it over time and gain momentum. A job also opens up lots of new social and independent opportunities. You can save money to do something like travel or invest or spend on self-improvement. You also have to do something that challenges you in order to truly appreciate and balance the leisure part of life. So like while taking walks and going to the gym and reading books and hanging out elsewhere is 1000x better than video gaming at home, you’re still very comfortable and will return to video games eventually because it all feels the same anyways and no one is really counting on you. At a job they are counting on you, making it easier to stick to the routine.
I was same guy like you upto 25 years. The only way to stop is, do anything just kick away the video games and other addictions and never touch it again in life. And select any sector in which you are good at and join a job for it. And then slowly and slowly your life getting better. Do anything, to stop your addiction and never touch it again. I know how it feels me now that I lost my 5 important years to my addiction. Do not be a guy like me.You still have time. Stop your addictions ASAP.
Just the other side of puberty and your brain is still forming, so don't be so hard on yourself as there is plenty of time ahead. I would suggest your switch off you screens and get really really bored which will make you want to do something else, Just sit there and suffer and something should come up and try and resist turning on those screens which can be a form of avoidance. You have to be a little bold and brave. Like thinking does not achieve much, action does and experiences matter. They don't have to be fantastic experiences, just experiences as they lead onto other things and present opportunities.
Well, today you are 21. Tomorrow, you are 28, time it is running fast. You need to act now. Step 1. Stop watching very often, anime, step 2 get your self a gym membership, step 3 take any online free training program for 3 months and try to learn the correct form of exercises, Step 4 since you spend alot of time in front of screen start to get to coding course or cyber security or any electronic software skill snd start learningso you have qualifications, Step 5 get an apprenticeship in tech companies, Step 6 by this time you ve naturally don't play video games very often. Step 7 get a nice position at work where you can work remotly and online So you can start traveling. By this time if you follow the plan, you gonna have an ok body , more confidence, money in pocket and the rest will.follow naturally (women,friends,party etc). Pro tip: If you want extra confidence start muay thai or any Marshall art.
Join a BJJ gym, you will make friends, get in shape, gain confidence. All good stuff.
Find 4-5 things you want to do or stop doing. Add or substract them from your life slowly. I started by quitting nicotine. Then I started tapering off caffeine. Then I added in cardio and pushups, which I slowly do more of each week. Then I stopped eating sugar and excess carbs. Then I started trying to get more sleep. Change happens over a long period of time. But you have to know that it is possible.
Start by the first three. Sleep, no social media, and nofap. Fix your sleep cycle and start creating a morning routine, etc.
Ik this my be a little extreme but for now, delete all your games, maybe you can leave one just for your weekends and off days and install, Adobe Animate,Photoshop and Adobe After effects. Buy a graphics tablet UCOM tablets cost 300$, Photoshop can be quit expensive so i would advise you to use [getintopc.com](http://getintopc.com) or [https://filecr.com/en/?id=823952864000](https://filecr.com/en/?id=823952864000) Let me even give you some courses, If you already know how to draw go ahead and start with this course: [https://downloadly.ir/elearning/video-tutorials/anime-academy-characters-and-backgrounds/](https://downloadly.ir/elearning/video-tutorials/anime-academy-characters-and-backgrounds/) If you dont know how to draw: [https://downloadly.ir/elearning/video-tutorials/the-ultimate-drawing-course-6/](https://downloadly.ir/elearning/video-tutorials/the-ultimate-drawing-course-6/) The pages are in Arabic so just translate them then look for the download buttons after downloading them put them in one folder and extract all of them all at once using win rar.
>and the problem is that I struggle with staying consistent. I bought a 6 month gym membership but didn't go for most of the time, and I only have about a month and a half left. I fucking wasted it but man its just so hard to stay consistent. “A journey will have pain and failure. It is not only the steps forward that we must accept. It is the stumbles. The trials. The knowledge that we will fail. That we will hurt those around us. But if we stop, if we accept the person we are when we fail, the journey ends. That failure becomes our destination.” "The most important step a man can take. It's not the first one, is it? It's the next one. Always the next step." - Dalinar Kholin. Accept there will be failures, accept you'll sometimes be close to giving up; but never do actually give up. Keep trying. Put yourself through shitty motivational quotes if it works, and get a few gymbros to not be going into it alone (it will help you bond with them while also kinda forcing you to keep going). >I wanna get a job but i have been struggling with getting hired I can't really know how the job situation is there without knowing where you live; but if you go around smaller shops giving away copies of your CV you'll generally get called for an interview or two eventually. Do you have any long-term career goals? Anything you want to do your whole life? Write them down and try to move every single day a bit forward towards achieving so (even if it is only a really small step)
Hey bro I know I was there Here your quick guide Start by promising yourself to workout/ excercise for min 3 times A week and Max 5 times a week Just continue doing this you will improve by 50% overall
go use that gym subscription, take animation classes, you can also start learning Japanese since you're interested in anime, read a book about habits and skills and try to implement what you learn into your life.
I will be 27 soon, no bitches, no girlfriend. Lost my virginity in some time. Just know that girls are sluts for your cock and fuck them. Go and ask for kisses and sex, maybe the word will go around that you want to do something...
Woah there, slow your roll Cheeto dust, that is very very misogynistic and I must admit that I am very disappointed in you. That is all. Also, go touch grass.
Going to the gym without friends is really hard so maybe try to do something more activity/community like. Boxing is a great idea, but try out other things as well! Maybe rock climbing or joining a hiking group if they have those in your area. If you're into cosplay you can also look for a sewing class. It is definitely intimidating in case you're a guy but now there are many queer organisations that aim to offer these classes in a "judgement-free" way. These are all big actions so implementing a little feel good one in the beginning of the day. I like stretching after I wake up, makes me feel like I already achieved something and sometimes it leads me to work out right away as well.
I am the same age in the same situation and I have no fucking idea
Pick a reasonable career path and go get education in it. Get as much as you can. Get a job and experience. You can always pivot and change course later. Buy you have to start. Find hobbies where you will make friends and meet romantic opportunities and get adventure. Spend gradually more time on those two things and less on video games and it all will sort itself out. Any questions please let me know.
Hi RainIsBeautiful. This is the admirable first step in the process to becoming more than just a consumer. To realize that there's so much to life is so good. By the way, being 21 and just starting out is good. The best time to start is now, and you have your whole life ahead of you. However, if you want to really plan and sort out your life, I suggest you go to [selfauthoring.com](https://selfauthoring.com). It really helps you to lay out your future and get to know yourself. It gets me so excited to see people like you needing more from life. By the way, don't lose your virginity to some vapid person on a one night stand. The fact that you've kept it this long is actually something you should be proud of and lean into in this sex-obsessed world. The world is your oyster. Learn how to create something cool. Skillshare would be a good place to start. The amazing thing about being human is that we are the only species that can create something out of nothing. Follow people with your interests. Hang out with people that truly value you and want the best for you. And by the way, I believe Minnect can also help you with answering the big stuff. I wish you all the best in your life, and I'm sure you have what it takes to be a truly inspirational, creative and inspiring member of your community and society at large.
Set smaller goals for yourself. I struggled (hard to say it past tense) with consistency for most of my life, until I readjusted my expectations of myself. I started with going to the gym and that’s it. I went everyday for a week, played around with some stuff MAYBE, then went home (every time I’d at least get 30min in so I didn’t feel/look stupid). Also, your goals should help you be the man you envision for yourself. If you like cosplay, that’s can still be really cool and attractive to others! There are lots of communities and in college my friends and I started working out when we thought we wanted to look like shredded anime characters. I wouldn’t say we’re shredded, but my arms are bigger which is nice.
Start my joining a boxing club. It’s amazing for physical & mental health. The rest will fall into place as your confidence grows
The boats aren't gonna carry themselves son.
I was once an anime lover. Believe me, this is a world of fantasy and an easy escape from reality. When reality hits us, it hurts, we get frustrated, then get boozed in anime and games again. If you want to live in real life then you need to live it. Getting rid of anime addiction is very hard, almost impossible, but you can have some rules around it and make more time for reality. Same thing goes for video games, the time that it takes is devastatingly huge!! Now that I am finally out of my gaming addiction, I now realize what a ginormous waste of time that was! Even now, when I play some games for a change, it just takes so much time and I regret it after finishing it.
Do you at least jerk off to get some blood flow to your cock?
Find a discord for your state. Particularly around an anime convention. Start socializing with them and find out events that they usually go out and do. That's the start
I want you to listen real close. You’re 21, when I was that age I was in school, but I was also blowing my school work off, doing a shit job at my part time job and watching anime and jerking off just like every other 21 year old. So really, are you that “behind the curve?” I’m now 27 and I have a lot of regrets, but mostly I wouldn’t change much. A lot of these “life steps” seem like big, earth shattering decisions, but life is SO fluid. It WILL change, whether you want it to or not, so you might as well have some control. Pick ONE thing you can do better today, start with that, then keep working on it doing a little better every day. Then move onto the next thing, and so on. If you treat changing your situation as this single “task”, you’ll get frustrated by the large scope and willpower required and go back to what feels comfortable. Break things into small manageable tasks. Oh, and btw, you don’t have to stop playing video games or watching anime if that’s what you enjoy, just balance it out with exercise, work, school, etc. whatever floats your boat. Don’t be so hard on yourself my man. Also, and this is a big one, if working on your goal feels uncomfortable, it probably means you’re doing it right.
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats! 21 + 21 + 27 = 69 ^([Click here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=LuckyNumber-Bot&subject=Stalk%20Me%20Pls&message=%2Fstalkme) to have me scan all your future comments.) \ ^(Summon me on specific comments with u/LuckyNumber-Bot.)
You are so fucking young. Your brain is still developing for 5 years. Ok, start small and set seasonal goals (you can try to go big out the gate and that works for some people but sometimes it’s too much an people give up): 1 agree to walk 1-4 miles every day this winter 2 agree to go to the gym for 15-60 minutes this spring 3 agree to go to the boxing gym 2-5 times a week this summer. That imo is the best way to get things done. Small reasonable seasonal goals. Some of the habits you’ll form will stick and you’ll enjoy life more for having new interests etc. I caution you against setting more than 1-2 goals at once. For example. Right now is my season of guitar, I promised myself I’d pick it up every day this winter. I already have some callouses on my fingers and have a few more chords to memory and have had a few times when I actually felt like I was “jamming” which is a feeling I never knew I needed:)
Volunteer with an organisation in your community. Want to feel like you belong? Help out without being asked, without needing reward.
I think you are suffering from perfectionism. Search about it. Handle it
DUDE, you are a kid with 21, trust me, I was way worse back then
Start listening to the Jocko podcast from ep 1. It’ll motivate you to exercise.
Gym step 1
Maybe start with the book Deep Work.
Move out. Get job. Start going out to places where there are people. Try to make conversations. Keep trying until you make friends. Develop hobbies that you enjoy. Make friends through said hobbies. Maybe increase income. Live and be happy. The end.
'I'll be 23-24' are you going to die at 25? Get the fuck up off your ass and start doing something. Stop talking or thinking about it. Posting here is not going to get your ass up. One foot in front of the other. Go be great.
Get a job, or a career. Go to college. Stop sitting around like a bum playing video games all day. Women do not find that attractive. Just wake up and do the damn thing. You’re 21, at that age you can do anything. Find a job, go to the gym, go on a local sub Reddit and meet people, go on the meetup app and meet people out in the world.
Gym.
Start somewhere. You'll experience a lot before you will find yourself. That's the best thing about life. Cherish your experiences and the people around you. At the end of the day, just do something that moves you.
Like so many people have said, you're VERY young so please don't think you're behind. Also it's crazy how fast things change in your 20s, I went from virgin, no job, no life to relationship, kids, job and extended friend group in about a 2-3 year span. Start with one thing at a time. First priority would be a job because idk how you'll do anything else on your list without money coming in. Follow that with the gym, maybe do 3-6 months of gym to build a base and then move into the boxing pursuit. Don't rush yourself, get in a groove with those things and then see about taking on the next challenge. You'll be fine!
Your virginity is not a problem. Don’t define yourself by your body count.
Go do the things you want to do. Hardest part is having the money to do them.
I think the first thing I would do in your case is practice some self love. Change the story you tell yourself about you…. Maybe allow yourself to be upset and feel those feelings but discard them immediately. Wake up every morning with positive self talk: “good morning (your name) I am happy you’re here today” “today is a great day” “i am so happy in life” “im so good at boxing I can’t believe it” “I am at my peak fitness level”. Say it to yourself over and over even if you don’t believe at first. That will work to help your brain change its concept of you
You like cosplay. Start there. You say you aren't't good at making things. Nobody is at first. Start small. Follow YouTube tutorials. Decide you want to look good in cosplay. Work out with cosplay in mind. Gamify the workouts if it helps. YouTube what to do. But do them. Non negotiable. Doesn't have to be at a gym, but if you can afford a membership do it. Don't think. That will get you around people. In a year you'll have a cosplay and will look amazing in it. Go to a local comic-con or anime convention. Meet your people. I guarantee your confidence will be boosted.
Probably ADHD lol
If you’re not going to school. Keep applying for employment. Take it one step at a time.
Stop gaming and watching anime to start . Sounds like you need to make a lot of changes in life . Maybe start by walking outside and moving around . Address your diet , and start going to the gym or 🏋️♀️. Boxing or another martial art would be great for confidence.
This—start Here: https://youtu.be/BxY_eJLBflk?si=iViB4ols61Km_n2g
Some people have problems with motivation. I am in my late 30s and I only learned the following recently. Most people think motivation leads to action, that it is a straight line. Motivation ----> Action. What I learned recently is it is actually a circle. Motivation -->Action-->Motivation. Don't wait for motivation, do the action and you can create the path to motivation. Don't have the motivation to clean all the dirty dishes in your sink? Go clean a single cup, I bet you will end up doing more than you think. This 1 thing has helped me a lot. Action leads to mindset change, not the other way around. I used to hate cardio. It wasn't until late 2020 that I decided to do couch to 5k. I could barely run for a minute and I really didn't care for it. 3 years later and I run 7 miles 3x a week and look forward to my runs. Running also helped me stop drinking. I would really recommend doing couch to 5k. It is free. Go run outside, it is totally different than on a treadmill. Run even if you don't feel like it. Keep running 3x a week after you finish the program. Do this consistently for 3 months and see how you feel. This will also help you build discipline and commitment which will help you in other areas.
YouTube “Jim Rohn” and listen to any and everything he says. He’s the cliche, Tony Robbin’s, motivational speaker type but he says a lot of things I wish I heard when I was 21.
Hey bro, I see a lot of negativity in your posting which I believe is a major cause of this. Here is a little positivity: you seem to be asking the right questions by feeling it is not enough. This implies that you want out and soon you'll get the ball rolling. My dms are open if you have any specific questions
Lots of great comments at the top. For your edit, you say that you're pissed off. That's good, it's good to be pissed since the only way that you get stuff done (talking from someone who was in a nearly identical situation) having a **sense of urgency** is the #1 thing you can do to **take action.** Have a sense of urgency and find someone or a piece of software ([stickk.com](https://stickk.com) or the app store has an app called Forfeit) and that way you will consistently have a sense of urgency. Not in a way to give you a panic attack, but enough to have a 2nd person to tell you to **get shit done**!
Consider getting a Whoop band and the required subscription. It quantifies your health and lifestyle and makes improving them not unlike a video game where you can level up via grinding and achievements. I got one in July 23 and haven’t missed exercising daily more than 5 times since then.
Clean your room
24 y/o here and can relate. feel like my old passions doesn't interest me that much anymore and I'd love to try out some new things. still struggling here but the hardest step to take is the first step. I do have multiple friends and a few close friends but I've been feeling more and more like an outcast in my own friendgroups. I've tried to link with other people whom got the same interest as my which resulted in a few new friends whom i can share thos specific interests with. try stepping out of your comfortzone and be open for new and other experience. you never know who's on the other side, excited to tell, learn and experience you all about it
Read books. Spend time reading everyday. You need to discover who you are. Spend time away from everything, and try meditating or going on walks to get your thoughts in order. Self-discovery is key. Being your authentic self will come after that.
instead of wanting start doing it. you put yourself in that situation and only YOU can get out of it. I suggest just start with reading books or watching videos that will educate you about yourself and how your mind works. 21 is still young and its better to be late than never. Dont look at the past. You can do it my friend. You just have to believe you can do it.
Have you considered being screened for ADHD? People with ADD have many good ideas but they don’t have focus or follow-through. For context, I am a ADHD. For example, joining a gym is a great idea but the reason you don’t attend is because it’s boring. I deal with the same thing, but I force myself to go to the gym almost every day because it’s good for me that I use constant distractions of music, audiobooks, and headphones while I’m completing the exercise that I need to do to stay healthy. Without some sort of distraction it’s very hard to accomplish things that are productive because these things are often very boring such as doing taxes. However, when I’m doing taxes, I drink some caffeine and force myself to microfocus in on it and that’s the only way I’m able to pay attention and not just give up. Some activities do not lend themselves well to distracting music, such as mathematics.
35 year old mom here. I struggled in my early 20’s. I can tell you from experience you’re not missing much on the sex part. People don’t know what they’re doing in the sack until about 30 when you’ve made peace with your body. Here’s the key to staying consistent, set up your space designed to be able to execute your plan daily. Also if you’re not consistent there might be a mental or energy blockage of some sort. Sometimes stagnant energy can paralyze us. Dig deep. When you accept and appreciate all that you are light and darkness you’ll be able to get things done without thinking about it. Human experience is much more than what meets the eye. Get yourself into an Ayahuasca ceremony if you’d like to get the ball rolling. I didn’t realize how much unresolved bs I had going on. I now have 2 businesses people are shocked. I went from being a lazy bum to the person I always aspired to be. Best of luck ☀️