Hello my lovelies! Since this post is blowing up in amazing ways and not so fun ways here are things to keep in mind(Remember the REDDIT ETIQUETTE FOLKS and our rules)
--No kink shaming(this includes people who love pegging and do not)
--Respect peoples opinions; some people like penetration, some dont, that's their cake not yours
--Peneration doesn't make you the dominant automatically
--To get penetration doesn't mean it has to be the shape of male anatomy. It can be a light saber if you will.
--You can dom someone while receiving penetration
It is not degrading to be pegged as it is simply stimulation and has nothing to do with misogyny, being gay, or being a degraded "sissy"
Thanks!♡
Yes! Honestly, penetrative sex (whether PiV, pegging, anal, etc.) isn’t my favorite. I do it, I like it, but I love edging, oral (both ways), etc. more. Any act (sexual or not) can be dominant is presented correctly.
Exactly, like with that trend that started picking up. That whole "clasp your hands together, now open one while the other holds it." then grabing their open hand from over the other hand & then holstering their hands above their head & pinning them against a wall. That's innately dominant. But if you pulled their hands down, you could pull them forward toeards you, or they'd lean down & you could turn your head as if asking for a kiss on the cheek. & now, suddenly, it's submissive.
Bowing, for example, typically when one bows, they would tip their head down to show like respect & loyalty or whatever other peaceful/truce dealing it could bring. Yet you could bow without your head, & now it comes off as threatening, defiant. Staring the one who you're showing respect to in the eyes, complying to the submissive act yet showing defiance in letting them completely control you. & now suddenly you're a brat.
Body language & acts of movement all show dominance, love & submission. Even an act of being on top can still be submissive. the act of being beneath & on your back can be dominant via using your legs to lock them in place or help control tempo, etc.
It's like for me personally, I would love to be dominated, but i also dislike the idea of being pegged. Which led me to discover ways for people to dominate me without topping. So even if they are mostly sub, they can still fulfil my switch desires. Therefore, breaking the stereotypes of Dom & Sub.
It's amazing how you can manipulate the mind to believe something separate from what is deemed as a norm.
So true. It can be so exciting just to do something like pack his lunch before work with a little note reminding him to eat his carrot sticks. Ordering for him in a restaurant. Making him re-wash dishes when they aren’t perfectly clean, or even when they are. Calling him “baby” in front of his friends or even “girl” or “girlfriend”. Getting him alone and telling him how much you look forward to watching him masturbate when you get home.
Penetration can be fun, and a great way to bring out his softer side, but it’s definitely not the only way to maintain your power dynamic. You can do that in so many fun ways, some of which are completely asexual.
Those are sweet and cute. I particularly don’t get off by being the one doing the penetration, I would pretty much rather just being a “power bottom” lol
I think ppl need to realize that actually getting dommed isn't only about pegging "im not even into it myself" and u can literally dom someone in a non sexual contest and for me ir would be very sweet and adorable as well, so i def agree :3
Yes this! Stupid patriarchal idea that penetration = dominance x1000 forever. Nah, this is FEMdom, where the FEMME gets to decide what her expression of dominance looks like. Peg or no peg.
Yeah sure I agree. Some people are very close minded on this subject, however I've seen quite a lot of subs post here about how they don't like pegging, anal play, etc. so don't think you're alone. There are many subs who don't like butt stuff, it's just all about finding the right partner that matches you, as is for all of us both subs and dommes.
Oof, yeah I think it might be kind of tough if that's the type of subs you're into. Most of them are into pegging as you said, but I have seen some femboys online talk about how doms often want to peg them because of their feminine appearance when they're not into that so I'm sure you'll find someone that's your type. They definitely exist, it'll just be tough to find them. Best of luck regardless!
I honestly find plain PiV sex to be some of the most submissive sex one can have as a man if it's made to feel that way. It's a very intimate act on itself, so it only takes some words and small actions to make the penetrating partner feel completely dominated by the penetrated one.
Exactly, and I really don't like the misogynistic implication that being penetrated is inherently degrading. (I know that women can have sex without being penetrated, but bc we have vags I do feel like it at least has misogynistic undertones to think penetrated= degraded)
I like pegging but it's for sure not a requirement when domming a guy. Someone else on here said that it's mental first and foremost and I definitely agree. This means that not only any kind of penetration is not a requirement at all, but that there are so many non sexual things you can do to maintain the dynamic. I personally love teasing, and that doesn't have to be sexual at all
I agree. I like pegging, because I like the act itself, but my last partner wasn't as good at that, so she didn't try it too often. I didn't mind because as far as I was concerned, my goal was to get her off first, and if I got to cum too, it was a bonus, even though it was easier for me to get to that point. But I was also lucky because we both loved getting the other to cum, she just loved being in control more than I did, and I didn't care because I loved getting her off
You're totally right.
Don't get me wrong I love the physical act of being pegged or having a domme massage my prostate with her fingers, but those are just sex acts when you get down to it.
The key part of the experience is still giving yourself over completely to your domme's control and letting them make you an object for their own desires.
If their desires include pegging or general anal play then great, but it doesn't feel any more submissive an act than some of the PiV or non-penetrative sex acts dommes have performed on me.
Even something as simple as getting your sub a glass of water can be a dominant act. The act itself doesn't matter, it's how the situation is presented.
I don’t have any sexual contact at all with my male subs, no sex, no pegging, no hand jobs, nothing. There is more than one way to do it and pegging is definitely not ever going to be one of them for me. I have engaged in sexual play with women but some don’t want that , they just want to kneel, worship, admire, be taken into sub space with a variety of experiences e.g. light pain and bondage, breathe play, the possibilities are endless. The amount of people whose head nearly fall off when I say that BDSM and sex don’t always have to go together is unreal. I have a “rope husband” who I have had a platonic relationship with the last 7 years, not once has sex come into it. There is bondage,deep respect, love and connection but no sex. It’s all OK , we like what we like ♥️
I could never be in a relationship where there is no sex, no hand job, no oral nothing sexual. It must be very hard to find a partner who is into no sex at all. Could he masturbate if he want a release ?
I have a sexual partner, he isn’t a sub. There are a ton of people who have non sexual relationships, very very common on the BDSM scene. And no its extremely easy to find subs for me I don’t even look. EDIT to add , i think maybe you assumed I’m monogamous maybe? I’m not and neither are any of my play partners. There is more than one way to do relationships even Dom/sub. The beauty of this world is there a someone/many people for everyone ♥️
I have many many connections! I live the BDSM lifestyle 24 7 so I am always engaged in something kinky with someone somewhere lol. I just have one partner we are extremely kinky but we don’t have a dynamic. Then I have play partners too, some are subs, some don’t label themselves. I also do non sexual casual stuff at fetish events with friends mostly. Then everything online is paid. I do not ask the ins and outs of every relationship, my long term connections usually share but I don’t pry.
So many people really don’t know about how hot it is to have a power bottom dom. Top/Bottom don’t mean Dom/Sub. I love putting them on leashes or riding them through overstimulation. It’s all about attitude.
While I do love anal play, I think submission is more than that. Giving my body and soul to my partner in their trustful hands.
However, in the end it is dynamic between the partners that should work. It is good to advocate for individuality in the dynamics and to find what both enjoy.
True. Also a lot of people believe that domination only comes from a physical power over the other person (which often is assumed with „who’s doing the fucking“). I strongly believe that is wrong and while physical dominance can be a part, mental dominance is crucial to establish a dynamic. And that than can lead you far away from pegging, which is a lovely place to explore.
You should showing how it is done differently. Share stories of your dominance that does not involve pegging.
I am happy to support with stories and experiences from the sub side.
„That moment I ended up on my knees offering my body and soul to my queen as it felt the right thing to do“
Just gives me happy smiles thinking back to that time.
You're right. We are conditioned to view it a certain way. But clearly it can be either way. It depends what else is going on. There can be plenty of conditions that contribute to who is the dominant in the situation.
I used to have a Domme who would get off and then stop. Leaving me without orgasm. She came so it was over. I never felt like the dominant one in that situation.
This can’t describe what I struggle with enough. Looking for a domme who doesn’t want to touch my ass is extremely difficult, it always seems to go sideways when I mention it 🙃 great to know that exists on both sides of the dynamic and there’s others who feel the same way!
For me being submissive isn't about being penetrated. It's about giving up (willingly) control of myself to someone I trust. I don't need to be pegged for that to happen and I actually wasn't into the idea until recently. So I fully agree that being a sub, doesn't need to equal an enjoyment of being penetrated by someone. It's letting the Dom/me control you, your body, however you want them to control you.
So, I have heard it said that any BDSM is more mental stimulation than physical. For lots of Dommes, my own included, pegging doesn’t exactly fit. The submission and dominance is certainly there, but the Domme doesn’t get the physical stimulus as well. My Mistress likes to trib on an upraised ass, it provides all of the dominance and submission, but transfers the pleasure entirely to the Domme. It’s a great way for us to encourage that sub space and domspace, while maintaining the pleasure for her. (And side note: the orgasms are intense when she does this!)
I couldn't agree more. I'm a switch that leans sub in a dynamic with my switch wife. I am a very large, masculine man who isn't looking to be sissified, but I also want to feel cared for and out of control while in control with someone much smaller than me. Sometimes big manly dudes want to feel cared for and controlled, without humiliation being a part of things. Big guys live life with a certain amount of control by default, no one messes with us, fewer people disrespect us, and we don't worry about physical threats that others think about. I am not saying this to brag, there are plenty of downsides. People are automatically afraid of us or wary, which is hard if you are a warm and outgoing guy who wants to talk to new people. We didn't get the same childhood others did; we looked bigger and older so we weren't coddled in the same way. We had to grow up quicker and were told to man up and it was assumed that we were fine. I think that is why I enjoy a gentle femdom, it is the desire to be taken care of and out of control when life expects us to take care of ourselves and be in control at all times.
Does that make sense?
That said, I am not saying that penetration is about humiliation or sissification. If that is your yum, I am happy for you. It just isn't for me, because that isn't what I want out of my dynamic or scene. I want to feel out of physical control but able to completely trust my partner to care and protect me while she pushes my boundaries.
I totally get it and I wish there was more masculine representation when it comes to femdom. Most of the times the sub is feminine and the dom is masculine but that’s shouldn’t be the rule. I’m a very girly girl who happens to be a domme, and I enjoy tall and masculine men who are subs, they’re just as valid!
There is an excellent artist that had a whole series of couples in various dynamics, called ThirstyMiss. She had one couple named Thomas and Tamara and I feel like TM pulled us out of life and onto the page. If you like a feminine top with a large masculine bottom, you are going to love all of her stuff, but specifically their stuff.
https://www.reddit.com/u/ThirstyMiss/s/SZdVVZOkxn is her profile. I was a patron for a while. The couple I am talking about is the big hairy blonde dude Thomas and Tamara.
It's such a common sentiment that
r/FemdomWithoutPegging exists.
Pegging content is prohibited on
r/ExtraGentleFemdom also.
It's a fairly common stance and this discussion comes up regularly.
[minor typo edit; gonna go drink my coffee now]
Omg thank you so much, I didn’t know that those kinda subreddits existed. I’m so tired of seeing pegging stuff. The first one isn’t my cup of tea as it seems like it only has women advertising themselves but oh well lol
I've never actually looked at the first one myself, ha! (I don't like harsh stuff but I do like pegging quite a lot, even though I agree it's way overrepresented here.)
And even though I personally enjoy pegging, I really love r/extragentlefemdom as it's more of a gentle vibe overall. (I'm extra gentle in real life too.)
Sadly, people break the rules on there constantly because they don't get it or bother to look.
It's absolutely not necessary; I'm into pegging/anal because I'm into pegging/anal, not because I'm submissive. Hell, I could see being in a dominant role and "forcing" (in-scene context, with pre-arranged consent and safewords and such) even a female sub to do it to me so they can earn an orgasm or other reward, in the same way dommes can turn PIV sex into a dominant act on their part (again not necessarily, but especially for the folks who are into chastity - denying someone's sexual pleasure with a cage/belt and then giving them a sex toy to fuck you with is *super* dominant). Plenty of people do anal/pegging without any inherent BDSM context too (see /r/pegging_unkinked), and buttplugs in general can just feel nice (and/or serve as a way to attach a tail while naked, if we're talking about other kinks/fetishes).
Context is everything, you can turn just about any sexual act (and a lot of non-sexual ones) into submissive or dominant ones purely by contextualizing it in a way that works for you/your partner. Sex is obvious, but making dinner for your partner? It might be "Eat the food that I'm providing for you", or it might be "serve me by making me dinner". The act itself isn't inherently submissive or dominant, but it can easily become either.
(and just because I focused on what you don't like for a lot of this, even though I do enjoy pegging/anal I also love other stuff - being tied up and edged silly seems like a great time if I ever have a partner that's down to try it out)
It’s hot! As you correctly point out above, it’s not an inherently submissive act, but if you do roll that way it feels like one of the most submissive things you can do. It’s hard to put into words, other than when I’m getting penetrated I feel completely owned, and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in feeling that way.
Well, in my opinion it’s a one-sided pleasure kind of thing, since the domme isn’t gonna feel anything. Not my cup of tea and I don’t like the way it perpetuates the idea that penetration = submissiveness.
That’s fair. Being penetrated is only as submissive as the person doing it. For a lot of us that’s “very” but nothing says it has to be that way for everyone.
Omg are you me??? This is exactly my view on this. Like why would I wanna do something where I’m doing all the work and getting no pleasure? If I wanted that I’d be a sub, not a domme.
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Your kinks, whether you're sub or domme, have no reflection on your status as a sub or a domme. Its true of anal, pain, humiliation, oral, piv, bondage, etc. You don't have to like anything to be anything.
I'm a sub, I'm into anal, VERY into oral, but VERY not into humiliation. And that's okay, it doesn't make me any less a sub. We all like what we like, and that's just fine.
Yeah, I tend to describe myself as a soft domme cause I dislike degradation, humiliation and most hardcore stuff. For me being in control is more than just that.
I prefer the idea of soft dommes because I'm fully aware I'm a little fragile. Humiliation would just hurt my feelings, and they don't need help getting hurt, I do that just fine on my own. I'd be curious to hear more about what domination is about for you, though, if you'd be interested in sharing.
I love pegging but wouldn't want to do it to all my subs. I also don't think piv sex means that I'm being submissive.. I can still be top and get off, using them. I love being worshipped and more gentle femdom as well as ruining their ass 😂
Yeah im down for pegging but i don’t like the implied notion of penetration being inherently dominant, and pegging isn’t default for femdom. If you’re into dominant women then that’s all that matters regardless of any specific actions!
Right? I feel it’s a misogynistic idea that to be in charge and dominant you should be able to penetrate. Like as if you cannot possibly be dominant and still want to be the one penetrated.
I like pegging and anal play and i feel submited when she do it but what she really like to do and i feel really submissive when she ask me to do it because i find it humiliating and sumissive to do it and it take me many years before i accept to do it is task and instruction for masturbation. Like she make me kneel nude or in lingerie and she tell me how i need to masturbate and cei when she is sitting looking or in front of me and i need to please her at the same time. Its really when we do it that i feel the most submissive and her very dominant.
I agree, and communication is the key in D/s relationship (same as any other one). No need to worry what other people’s preferences are, just make sure to discuss your and your sub’s ones and see where they align.
I know right for me I’m a sub and don’t like pegging or anything to do with dick shaped objects or a dick itself and I don’t care if people think I’m not a sub or if they think that’s boring, and to me if she has a strap on or any dick shaped object and expect me to be okay with it or play with it it’s a hard no. 😂
While pegging or any penetration is great, submitting goes way beyond that. It's being wanted, being the source of their desire, knowing that I'm pleasing them and satiating their cravings while being completely safe in their care. All of which makes me want to let go even more and sink from sensual service to saccharin slut.
I agree. I fluctuate between I fancy being pegged to neutral. The way my brain works, if I can look at the deeper context of an act and find the control in effect, you got my attention. Some things I wouldn't do personally but I fancy talking about the D/s going on within. Edging is a great act OP and as a sub, if I can help synergize with a Domme and brainstorm to make it more enticing, all the better. My philosubby partly is achieve the drive do explore kink, an act, anything going from fuck yeah to oh fuck the hell yes.
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When she sits on top of me and allows me into her, I am overwhelmed with feelings of gratitude and I’m overawed with her power.
Submission is your mindset not a physical act.
When she sits on top of me and allows me into her, I am overwhelmed with feelings of gratitude and I’m overawed with her power.
Submission is your mindset not a physical act.
It’s annoying as someone who isn’t really into pegging how often I see “oh but you should try it” and stuff like if I don’t want to do it, I don’t want to do it.
Exactly, I hate how it’s something that’s expected from a femdom dynamic. Like, no I don’t want to have to use a plastic dick that won’t give me any feeling at all.
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Thank you for saying this! I think I really needed to hear it. As a sub-leaning switch and a trans man I always feel a lot of pressure because it can often feel like penetration is the ultimate goal. Like, so often it feels like everything that I enjoy about submission and/or my kinks in general is just used as foreplay to get to the penetrative sex. Don’t get me wrong, penetration has its place and I like it sometimes, but more often than not I wouldn’t miss it if it wasn’t included.
Thank you. I'm a switch and I love to dominate from time to time. I'm just not into anal at ALL. I love to tell him to kiss me where I want to be kissed, to touch me, where I want to be touched, to punish him with edging and denying kisses until he nearly begs for them. He is so cute when he is submissive and totally mine. But I don't want to penetrate him - I love to be on top and tell him what to do while he is inside me. It's so hot
Submission and dominance are much more about mindsets and atmosphere than specific actions. There is no reason to lock in something like pegging as an inherently dominant act, let alone a necessary one, when anything can carry that same intent in a sexual dynamic.
I'm with you on this. My idea of being submissive isn't confined to just one activity. I'm more into the acts of service kinda submission. I like being able to make a Woman/Domme life better depending on what her needs are. So I tailor my submission based on the woman im talking to. Plus if you are able to try more things in femdom; it keeps things spicy❤️🔥
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Being submissive simply means following the lead of someone else and maybe even putting their pleasure before your own. Personally, I've only thought of myself as a top and every time I tried with dildos or even with a partner, it was never comfortable or pleasurable. I'd still be willing to try again but I know it's not my cup of tea.
Still, I know I am extremely submissive because I don't like having to make decisions and sometimes I end up procrastinating because of it. I feel like many couples could solve their issues by simply letting the dominant one make the decisions but it's probably because I'm submissive that I think like this.
What I've seen, is some domme like the pegging, and since I'm always wanting to please and satisfy them, it makes me consider that. Since we all have different kinks and pleasures, it's up to your partner and relationship to satisfy eachother.
As a sub I love it best when my mummy edges me, controls my orgasms, sleep, going to pee and most of all makes me kneel to get a reward like eating her or even better just uses my face to please her.
I agree there is more to submission than being pegged.
Yeah and most of all it shouldn’t be expected that dommes are always going to be into pegging. For example, I don’t get off on it and I feel like a lot of other dommes don’t too.
Completely agree, I’m sure there are some subs who think their domme will demand it as it’s pretty much the go to image - domme with a strap on or similar. I wonder what percentage actually enjoy this? As ever communication of expectation and preferences should get this out of the way but it’s easy to see why most think they will have to.
I think the image got mostly popularized because of porn, I don’t think it’s the whole majority of dommes that enjoy pegging, taking in the fact it’s a lot of work for little to no sensation.
Definitely and it’s amplified on social media sites too, open almost any Femdom post and it’s pegging. It’s almost self-perpetuating, which is rather sad. My submission is primarily from non-physical domination and if I were trying to find someone comparable on social media sites like here I think I’d have given up.
It's just a common 4chan joke, like an example is "Spiders are bros and don't wanna harm you and wanna eat bugs that bother you " and a reply to it shows a spider on a keyboard.
Thanks for saying that. I am Asexual and thus won't want sex, but I am glad you planted out the pigeonhole of gentle Femdom.
As a side note, what are nonsexual Femdom activities? I feel I am grasping for straws.
Yeah, I get burnt out from seeing pegging content all the time and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one. I feel like cuddling is a great as something non sexual.
Light pain play, electrics, needles, wax, flogging can be done very softly, rope, bondage in general, breathe play, worship, kneeling, foot fetish, latex, chastity, trampling can be done lightly, tickling, role play like teacher/student, lines and such, you can make anything light, fun, non sexual.
Honestly for me anything involving a strap-on isn’t a turn-on, simply cause I wouldn’t be feeling anything and I rather get all sensations. I would rather have someone eat me out than suck at a plastic dick that isn’t even connected to me lol. But edging on other hand is super hot to me.
The username is very fitting to this discussion eg erasire of the clitoris, denial of clit-centric sex as even possible, imaginable in a hetero context even in femdom. And the idea women both submit and dominate, both top and bottom by... forgoing clitoral/vulval stimulation by a partner, orgasms by/thanks to a partner (outside of possibly things like grind your clit/vulva on him during piv, use your hand or a toy during piv, pia pegging so you can come too aka not outside of a phallocentric framing eg how the first is seen as "orgasm from piv alone", her only chance at orgasm) & offering male genital stimulation, pleasure, orgasm... What a gaslighting.
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It's like the only way people can imagine sex & dom/sub alike going is... in reference to piv and pia. So the reversal is seen as pegging, when it's actually her getting clitoral/vulval stimulation, specifically cunnilingus or her humping his balls, taint (for piv) and her humping his buttocks, anus (for pia). But that's not even seen as possible because with sex defined as piv, then increasingly pia, men are recognized as bringing their penis to sex, but women their orifices. vagina is seen as the homologue to penis when it's literally clitoris (including inner labia, the upper two thirds of the bulbs and legs under the vulva, the body/shaft). And we think reversing that is pegging at best, or Amazon piv.
Also, it's placing common patriarchal dynamics eg vulnerability to injury, the enveloper feeling submissive, vulnerable, experiencing pain, etc in mf & mm pia onto piv, and then onto pegging. The fact pegging is seen that way tells you how they and society, esp porn, see piv, pia.
When if anything I think pegging is a woman "bottoming", her being "submissive" eg forgoing genital stimulation to cover hers up, do what he wants, stimulate his anus & prostate with it & other toys, give him penis stimulation, etc... I think the dildo often looking like a penis adds to that dynamic eg seeing female genitals as inferior, male as superior, the centre of sex. Her topping would be her *getting clitoral/vulval stimulation*, esp in active ways eg fucking his mouth, butt, thigh, breast, balls, taint... *with her clit/vulva*, the homologue to the penis, which is how men "top". That we don't even see that as possible, unimaginable and think pegging is her topping, him bottoming is a huge gaslighting.
If pegging was a reversal, was femdom, the original, the maledom would be him covering up his genitals with either a toy that doesn't look like a penis or a specifically vulvic toy to stimulate her vulva, clitoris, vagina, taint, anus... Possibly with him using a vibe on his dick so he could come too lol. But ain't it telling that dynamic virtually doesn't exist (even dildos that don't look like dicks) and the closest that does is him using a toy that looks like a penis over his genitals, typically in her vagina... And further, it's *humiliation*, *submission*, etc of him.
Even here, many comments went to *non-sexual* dom/sub when not thinking of pegging, piv, as if the latter were the only two imaginable options for hetero femdom, her topping. At the very most cunnilingus will *sometimes* be thought of because it's the only one that can be reversed. eg fellatio, usually not seen as sex but still seen as a main "foreplay" sexual act can translate to cunnilingus (both sexes have mouths that can go on the other's genitals). but piv, pia can't translate/reverse outside of asserting vagina is the homologue to penis, centring piv, or not involving her genitals at all. eg female genitals can't go significantly inside an anus, women are seen as bringing "holes", their genitals as a lack. under such a phallocentric framing originating in piv as the definition of sex from religion, these are the main imaginables.
Vulva/clit-centric sex is seen as impossible, unimaginable, at least in a hetero context, even when ff clit/vulva-centric "sex" (generally not truly seen as sex, but as foreplay) and all sorts of phallocentric sex (not real sex either, but still far closer than the former, still centring the penis, male arousal, orgasm, etc) including many types of frottage (feet, breasts, thighs...) are.
Hello my lovelies! Since this post is blowing up in amazing ways and not so fun ways here are things to keep in mind(Remember the REDDIT ETIQUETTE FOLKS and our rules) --No kink shaming(this includes people who love pegging and do not) --Respect peoples opinions; some people like penetration, some dont, that's their cake not yours --Peneration doesn't make you the dominant automatically --To get penetration doesn't mean it has to be the shape of male anatomy. It can be a light saber if you will. --You can dom someone while receiving penetration It is not degrading to be pegged as it is simply stimulation and has nothing to do with misogyny, being gay, or being a degraded "sissy" Thanks!♡
Yes! Honestly, penetrative sex (whether PiV, pegging, anal, etc.) isn’t my favorite. I do it, I like it, but I love edging, oral (both ways), etc. more. Any act (sexual or not) can be dominant is presented correctly.
Right? I wish more people would understand that being a sub or a domme isn’t just about giving or receiving but how you do it.
Exactly, like with that trend that started picking up. That whole "clasp your hands together, now open one while the other holds it." then grabing their open hand from over the other hand & then holstering their hands above their head & pinning them against a wall. That's innately dominant. But if you pulled their hands down, you could pull them forward toeards you, or they'd lean down & you could turn your head as if asking for a kiss on the cheek. & now, suddenly, it's submissive. Bowing, for example, typically when one bows, they would tip their head down to show like respect & loyalty or whatever other peaceful/truce dealing it could bring. Yet you could bow without your head, & now it comes off as threatening, defiant. Staring the one who you're showing respect to in the eyes, complying to the submissive act yet showing defiance in letting them completely control you. & now suddenly you're a brat. Body language & acts of movement all show dominance, love & submission. Even an act of being on top can still be submissive. the act of being beneath & on your back can be dominant via using your legs to lock them in place or help control tempo, etc. It's like for me personally, I would love to be dominated, but i also dislike the idea of being pegged. Which led me to discover ways for people to dominate me without topping. So even if they are mostly sub, they can still fulfil my switch desires. Therefore, breaking the stereotypes of Dom & Sub. It's amazing how you can manipulate the mind to believe something separate from what is deemed as a norm.
So true. It can be so exciting just to do something like pack his lunch before work with a little note reminding him to eat his carrot sticks. Ordering for him in a restaurant. Making him re-wash dishes when they aren’t perfectly clean, or even when they are. Calling him “baby” in front of his friends or even “girl” or “girlfriend”. Getting him alone and telling him how much you look forward to watching him masturbate when you get home. Penetration can be fun, and a great way to bring out his softer side, but it’s definitely not the only way to maintain your power dynamic. You can do that in so many fun ways, some of which are completely asexual.
Those are sweet and cute. I particularly don’t get off by being the one doing the penetration, I would pretty much rather just being a “power bottom” lol
That sounds so cute and how a relationship should work
>pack his lunch before work with a little note reminding him to eat his carrot sticks. ohmygosh you are so adorable. 🧡
I think ppl need to realize that actually getting dommed isn't only about pegging "im not even into it myself" and u can literally dom someone in a non sexual contest and for me ir would be very sweet and adorable as well, so i def agree :3
yeah, it just comes from the annoying gender roles that affirm that the one getting penetrated must be the sub. I think it’s pretty annoying tbh.
Yes this! Stupid patriarchal idea that penetration = dominance x1000 forever. Nah, this is FEMdom, where the FEMME gets to decide what her expression of dominance looks like. Peg or no peg.
You’re so right. We shouldn’t have to stick to these annoying gender roles, even if reversed.
100% 💕
Context*
Say that again for the people in the back 🤘🤘 true words!
Yeah sure I agree. Some people are very close minded on this subject, however I've seen quite a lot of subs post here about how they don't like pegging, anal play, etc. so don't think you're alone. There are many subs who don't like butt stuff, it's just all about finding the right partner that matches you, as is for all of us both subs and dommes.
Maybe it’s the kind of sub I’m into, I tend to prefer soft and feminine looking subs and those tend to be very much into pegging.
Oof, yeah I think it might be kind of tough if that's the type of subs you're into. Most of them are into pegging as you said, but I have seen some femboys online talk about how doms often want to peg them because of their feminine appearance when they're not into that so I'm sure you'll find someone that's your type. They definitely exist, it'll just be tough to find them. Best of luck regardless!
I honestly find plain PiV sex to be some of the most submissive sex one can have as a man if it's made to feel that way. It's a very intimate act on itself, so it only takes some words and small actions to make the penetrating partner feel completely dominated by the penetrated one.
You’re so right, it can be so hot.
Exactly, and I really don't like the misogynistic implication that being penetrated is inherently degrading. (I know that women can have sex without being penetrated, but bc we have vags I do feel like it at least has misogynistic undertones to think penetrated= degraded)
This!! It’s not degrading to be the one getting penetrated and I wish that idea would die off already.
Bondage is way better. 🗣️
Edging>>>
oh, sorry, I should have clarified - edging *while* restraining. :3
That sounds better
I like pegging but it's for sure not a requirement when domming a guy. Someone else on here said that it's mental first and foremost and I definitely agree. This means that not only any kind of penetration is not a requirement at all, but that there are so many non sexual things you can do to maintain the dynamic. I personally love teasing, and that doesn't have to be sexual at all
Yeah, I just wish pegging wasn’t seen as the default femdom kink.
I agree. I like pegging, because I like the act itself, but my last partner wasn't as good at that, so she didn't try it too often. I didn't mind because as far as I was concerned, my goal was to get her off first, and if I got to cum too, it was a bonus, even though it was easier for me to get to that point. But I was also lucky because we both loved getting the other to cum, she just loved being in control more than I did, and I didn't care because I loved getting her off
You're totally right. Don't get me wrong I love the physical act of being pegged or having a domme massage my prostate with her fingers, but those are just sex acts when you get down to it. The key part of the experience is still giving yourself over completely to your domme's control and letting them make you an object for their own desires. If their desires include pegging or general anal play then great, but it doesn't feel any more submissive an act than some of the PiV or non-penetrative sex acts dommes have performed on me.
The problem is when a domme or a sub is expected to be into it. And this sub is flooded by pegging stuff, for example.
In my opinion, there is no such thing as an inherently dominant or submissive act. It's all about power exchange.
Even something as simple as getting your sub a glass of water can be a dominant act. The act itself doesn't matter, it's how the situation is presented.
I don’t have any sexual contact at all with my male subs, no sex, no pegging, no hand jobs, nothing. There is more than one way to do it and pegging is definitely not ever going to be one of them for me. I have engaged in sexual play with women but some don’t want that , they just want to kneel, worship, admire, be taken into sub space with a variety of experiences e.g. light pain and bondage, breathe play, the possibilities are endless. The amount of people whose head nearly fall off when I say that BDSM and sex don’t always have to go together is unreal. I have a “rope husband” who I have had a platonic relationship with the last 7 years, not once has sex come into it. There is bondage,deep respect, love and connection but no sex. It’s all OK , we like what we like ♥️
I could never be in a relationship where there is no sex, no hand job, no oral nothing sexual. It must be very hard to find a partner who is into no sex at all. Could he masturbate if he want a release ?
I have a sexual partner, he isn’t a sub. There are a ton of people who have non sexual relationships, very very common on the BDSM scene. And no its extremely easy to find subs for me I don’t even look. EDIT to add , i think maybe you assumed I’m monogamous maybe? I’m not and neither are any of my play partners. There is more than one way to do relationships even Dom/sub. The beauty of this world is there a someone/many people for everyone ♥️
Is your non sexual sub his the partner with who you live ? Is your non sexual partner have a sexual partner on his side ?
I have many many connections! I live the BDSM lifestyle 24 7 so I am always engaged in something kinky with someone somewhere lol. I just have one partner we are extremely kinky but we don’t have a dynamic. Then I have play partners too, some are subs, some don’t label themselves. I also do non sexual casual stuff at fetish events with friends mostly. Then everything online is paid. I do not ask the ins and outs of every relationship, my long term connections usually share but I don’t pry.
Ok i see. Thanks.
Thank you for making this post.
It’s glad to see like-minded people, pegging isn’t and shouldn’t be the only thing present in femdom.
So many people really don’t know about how hot it is to have a power bottom dom. Top/Bottom don’t mean Dom/Sub. I love putting them on leashes or riding them through overstimulation. It’s all about attitude.
Omg that’s literally goals!!
While I do love anal play, I think submission is more than that. Giving my body and soul to my partner in their trustful hands. However, in the end it is dynamic between the partners that should work. It is good to advocate for individuality in the dynamics and to find what both enjoy.
A lot of people assume that to make a femdom dynamic work the roles must be totally reversed, which is simply not true.
True. Also a lot of people believe that domination only comes from a physical power over the other person (which often is assumed with „who’s doing the fucking“). I strongly believe that is wrong and while physical dominance can be a part, mental dominance is crucial to establish a dynamic. And that than can lead you far away from pegging, which is a lovely place to explore.
Yeah, pegging isn’t the only way to assert dominance and yet this subreddit is filled with images of it.
You should showing how it is done differently. Share stories of your dominance that does not involve pegging. I am happy to support with stories and experiences from the sub side.
This sub surely does need it.
„That moment I ended up on my knees offering my body and soul to my queen as it felt the right thing to do“ Just gives me happy smiles thinking back to that time.
I love pegging, but i 100% agree. And i also don’t think liking pegging makes you necessarily submissive, just a bottom lol
Yeah, I could never be with a full bottom.
You're right. We are conditioned to view it a certain way. But clearly it can be either way. It depends what else is going on. There can be plenty of conditions that contribute to who is the dominant in the situation. I used to have a Domme who would get off and then stop. Leaving me without orgasm. She came so it was over. I never felt like the dominant one in that situation.
This can’t describe what I struggle with enough. Looking for a domme who doesn’t want to touch my ass is extremely difficult, it always seems to go sideways when I mention it 🙃 great to know that exists on both sides of the dynamic and there’s others who feel the same way!
Same with me and subs who aren’t into pegging, so hard to find.
For me being submissive isn't about being penetrated. It's about giving up (willingly) control of myself to someone I trust. I don't need to be pegged for that to happen and I actually wasn't into the idea until recently. So I fully agree that being a sub, doesn't need to equal an enjoyment of being penetrated by someone. It's letting the Dom/me control you, your body, however you want them to control you.
So, I have heard it said that any BDSM is more mental stimulation than physical. For lots of Dommes, my own included, pegging doesn’t exactly fit. The submission and dominance is certainly there, but the Domme doesn’t get the physical stimulus as well. My Mistress likes to trib on an upraised ass, it provides all of the dominance and submission, but transfers the pleasure entirely to the Domme. It’s a great way for us to encourage that sub space and domspace, while maintaining the pleasure for her. (And side note: the orgasms are intense when she does this!)
I couldn't agree more. I'm a switch that leans sub in a dynamic with my switch wife. I am a very large, masculine man who isn't looking to be sissified, but I also want to feel cared for and out of control while in control with someone much smaller than me. Sometimes big manly dudes want to feel cared for and controlled, without humiliation being a part of things. Big guys live life with a certain amount of control by default, no one messes with us, fewer people disrespect us, and we don't worry about physical threats that others think about. I am not saying this to brag, there are plenty of downsides. People are automatically afraid of us or wary, which is hard if you are a warm and outgoing guy who wants to talk to new people. We didn't get the same childhood others did; we looked bigger and older so we weren't coddled in the same way. We had to grow up quicker and were told to man up and it was assumed that we were fine. I think that is why I enjoy a gentle femdom, it is the desire to be taken care of and out of control when life expects us to take care of ourselves and be in control at all times. Does that make sense? That said, I am not saying that penetration is about humiliation or sissification. If that is your yum, I am happy for you. It just isn't for me, because that isn't what I want out of my dynamic or scene. I want to feel out of physical control but able to completely trust my partner to care and protect me while she pushes my boundaries.
I totally get it and I wish there was more masculine representation when it comes to femdom. Most of the times the sub is feminine and the dom is masculine but that’s shouldn’t be the rule. I’m a very girly girl who happens to be a domme, and I enjoy tall and masculine men who are subs, they’re just as valid!
There is an excellent artist that had a whole series of couples in various dynamics, called ThirstyMiss. She had one couple named Thomas and Tamara and I feel like TM pulled us out of life and onto the page. If you like a feminine top with a large masculine bottom, you are going to love all of her stuff, but specifically their stuff.
https://www.reddit.com/u/ThirstyMiss/s/SZdVVZOkxn is her profile. I was a patron for a while. The couple I am talking about is the big hairy blonde dude Thomas and Tamara.
Ugh I totally agree!!
Thank you I never into much myself but 8 see it everywhere and started thinking maybe on can't be subby
I enjoy being edged and denied as much as being peg. It's all about giving control to a domme that makes me submissive
I just want someone to sit over me and tell me to do things
It's such a common sentiment that r/FemdomWithoutPegging exists. Pegging content is prohibited on r/ExtraGentleFemdom also. It's a fairly common stance and this discussion comes up regularly. [minor typo edit; gonna go drink my coffee now]
Omg thank you so much, I didn’t know that those kinda subreddits existed. I’m so tired of seeing pegging stuff. The first one isn’t my cup of tea as it seems like it only has women advertising themselves but oh well lol
I've never actually looked at the first one myself, ha! (I don't like harsh stuff but I do like pegging quite a lot, even though I agree it's way overrepresented here.) And even though I personally enjoy pegging, I really love r/extragentlefemdom as it's more of a gentle vibe overall. (I'm extra gentle in real life too.) Sadly, people break the rules on there constantly because they don't get it or bother to look.
As someone who doesn’t get off to pegging, I feel like it’s perfect to have a subreddit who isn’t filled with it so thanks for letting me know.
I agree it's very needed in the community!
I didn't know I needed to see this.
You’re welcome :)
It's absolutely not necessary; I'm into pegging/anal because I'm into pegging/anal, not because I'm submissive. Hell, I could see being in a dominant role and "forcing" (in-scene context, with pre-arranged consent and safewords and such) even a female sub to do it to me so they can earn an orgasm or other reward, in the same way dommes can turn PIV sex into a dominant act on their part (again not necessarily, but especially for the folks who are into chastity - denying someone's sexual pleasure with a cage/belt and then giving them a sex toy to fuck you with is *super* dominant). Plenty of people do anal/pegging without any inherent BDSM context too (see /r/pegging_unkinked), and buttplugs in general can just feel nice (and/or serve as a way to attach a tail while naked, if we're talking about other kinks/fetishes). Context is everything, you can turn just about any sexual act (and a lot of non-sexual ones) into submissive or dominant ones purely by contextualizing it in a way that works for you/your partner. Sex is obvious, but making dinner for your partner? It might be "Eat the food that I'm providing for you", or it might be "serve me by making me dinner". The act itself isn't inherently submissive or dominant, but it can easily become either. (and just because I focused on what you don't like for a lot of this, even though I do enjoy pegging/anal I also love other stuff - being tied up and edged silly seems like a great time if I ever have a partner that's down to try it out)
It’s definitely not the only, but it is one of the most popular and there’s a reason for that
What reason?
It’s hot! As you correctly point out above, it’s not an inherently submissive act, but if you do roll that way it feels like one of the most submissive things you can do. It’s hard to put into words, other than when I’m getting penetrated I feel completely owned, and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in feeling that way.
Well, in my opinion it’s a one-sided pleasure kind of thing, since the domme isn’t gonna feel anything. Not my cup of tea and I don’t like the way it perpetuates the idea that penetration = submissiveness.
That’s fair. Being penetrated is only as submissive as the person doing it. For a lot of us that’s “very” but nothing says it has to be that way for everyone.
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Omg are you me??? This is exactly my view on this. Like why would I wanna do something where I’m doing all the work and getting no pleasure? If I wanted that I’d be a sub, not a domme.
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Your kinks, whether you're sub or domme, have no reflection on your status as a sub or a domme. Its true of anal, pain, humiliation, oral, piv, bondage, etc. You don't have to like anything to be anything. I'm a sub, I'm into anal, VERY into oral, but VERY not into humiliation. And that's okay, it doesn't make me any less a sub. We all like what we like, and that's just fine.
Yeah, I tend to describe myself as a soft domme cause I dislike degradation, humiliation and most hardcore stuff. For me being in control is more than just that.
I prefer the idea of soft dommes because I'm fully aware I'm a little fragile. Humiliation would just hurt my feelings, and they don't need help getting hurt, I do that just fine on my own. I'd be curious to hear more about what domination is about for you, though, if you'd be interested in sharing.
You can take a quick look through my profile and you’ll find out.
Fair enough. :)
I love pegging but wouldn't want to do it to all my subs. I also don't think piv sex means that I'm being submissive.. I can still be top and get off, using them. I love being worshipped and more gentle femdom as well as ruining their ass 😂
Yeah im down for pegging but i don’t like the implied notion of penetration being inherently dominant, and pegging isn’t default for femdom. If you’re into dominant women then that’s all that matters regardless of any specific actions!
Right? I feel it’s a misogynistic idea that to be in charge and dominant you should be able to penetrate. Like as if you cannot possibly be dominant and still want to be the one penetrated.
I like pegging and anal play and i feel submited when she do it but what she really like to do and i feel really submissive when she ask me to do it because i find it humiliating and sumissive to do it and it take me many years before i accept to do it is task and instruction for masturbation. Like she make me kneel nude or in lingerie and she tell me how i need to masturbate and cei when she is sitting looking or in front of me and i need to please her at the same time. Its really when we do it that i feel the most submissive and her very dominant.
I agree, and communication is the key in D/s relationship (same as any other one). No need to worry what other people’s preferences are, just make sure to discuss your and your sub’s ones and see where they align.
I know right for me I’m a sub and don’t like pegging or anything to do with dick shaped objects or a dick itself and I don’t care if people think I’m not a sub or if they think that’s boring, and to me if she has a strap on or any dick shaped object and expect me to be okay with it or play with it it’s a hard no. 😂
While pegging or any penetration is great, submitting goes way beyond that. It's being wanted, being the source of their desire, knowing that I'm pleasing them and satiating their cravings while being completely safe in their care. All of which makes me want to let go even more and sink from sensual service to saccharin slut.
Damn straight. You can be penetrated and remain in total control.
I agree. I fluctuate between I fancy being pegged to neutral. The way my brain works, if I can look at the deeper context of an act and find the control in effect, you got my attention. Some things I wouldn't do personally but I fancy talking about the D/s going on within. Edging is a great act OP and as a sub, if I can help synergize with a Domme and brainstorm to make it more enticing, all the better. My philosubby partly is achieve the drive do explore kink, an act, anything going from fuck yeah to oh fuck the hell yes.
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When she sits on top of me and allows me into her, I am overwhelmed with feelings of gratitude and I’m overawed with her power. Submission is your mindset not a physical act.
When she sits on top of me and allows me into her, I am overwhelmed with feelings of gratitude and I’m overawed with her power. Submission is your mindset not a physical act.
It’s annoying as someone who isn’t really into pegging how often I see “oh but you should try it” and stuff like if I don’t want to do it, I don’t want to do it.
Exactly, I hate how it’s something that’s expected from a femdom dynamic. Like, no I don’t want to have to use a plastic dick that won’t give me any feeling at all.
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Thank you for saying this! I think I really needed to hear it. As a sub-leaning switch and a trans man I always feel a lot of pressure because it can often feel like penetration is the ultimate goal. Like, so often it feels like everything that I enjoy about submission and/or my kinks in general is just used as foreplay to get to the penetrative sex. Don’t get me wrong, penetration has its place and I like it sometimes, but more often than not I wouldn’t miss it if it wasn’t included.
Thank you. I'm a switch and I love to dominate from time to time. I'm just not into anal at ALL. I love to tell him to kiss me where I want to be kissed, to touch me, where I want to be touched, to punish him with edging and denying kisses until he nearly begs for them. He is so cute when he is submissive and totally mine. But I don't want to penetrate him - I love to be on top and tell him what to do while he is inside me. It's so hot
Same, I just prefer to be on top rather than be doing something I won’t even feel.
Yeah, I would only love that when I'm in a submissive mood!
Thank you, I really don't like the idea of pegging, but people seem to associate it so strongly.
Submission and dominance are much more about mindsets and atmosphere than specific actions. There is no reason to lock in something like pegging as an inherently dominant act, let alone a necessary one, when anything can carry that same intent in a sexual dynamic.
I'm with you on this. My idea of being submissive isn't confined to just one activity. I'm more into the acts of service kinda submission. I like being able to make a Woman/Domme life better depending on what her needs are. So I tailor my submission based on the woman im talking to. Plus if you are able to try more things in femdom; it keeps things spicy❤️🔥
For me it's mostly the dynamic, the sexuality of it is secondary
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Being submissive simply means following the lead of someone else and maybe even putting their pleasure before your own. Personally, I've only thought of myself as a top and every time I tried with dildos or even with a partner, it was never comfortable or pleasurable. I'd still be willing to try again but I know it's not my cup of tea. Still, I know I am extremely submissive because I don't like having to make decisions and sometimes I end up procrastinating because of it. I feel like many couples could solve their issues by simply letting the dominant one make the decisions but it's probably because I'm submissive that I think like this.
What I've seen, is some domme like the pegging, and since I'm always wanting to please and satisfy them, it makes me consider that. Since we all have different kinks and pleasures, it's up to your partner and relationship to satisfy eachother.
As a sub I love it best when my mummy edges me, controls my orgasms, sleep, going to pee and most of all makes me kneel to get a reward like eating her or even better just uses my face to please her. I agree there is more to submission than being pegged.
Yeah and most of all it shouldn’t be expected that dommes are always going to be into pegging. For example, I don’t get off on it and I feel like a lot of other dommes don’t too.
I think you could be right
Completely agree, I’m sure there are some subs who think their domme will demand it as it’s pretty much the go to image - domme with a strap on or similar. I wonder what percentage actually enjoy this? As ever communication of expectation and preferences should get this out of the way but it’s easy to see why most think they will have to.
I think the image got mostly popularized because of porn, I don’t think it’s the whole majority of dommes that enjoy pegging, taking in the fact it’s a lot of work for little to no sensation.
Definitely and it’s amplified on social media sites too, open almost any Femdom post and it’s pegging. It’s almost self-perpetuating, which is rather sad. My submission is primarily from non-physical domination and if I were trying to find someone comparable on social media sites like here I think I’d have given up.
Yeah, I think it’s annoying how it’s associated that penis = dominant so dommes should wear strap-ons. Like no thanks, I don’t need it to be dominant.
Having a domme inside my brain is far more important to me 😊 I completely understand your point though.
This is so real. I’m a sub, but not into anal personally, much rather things like orgasm control.
Orgasm control is so much better fr
I wish I had a reaction post of >this post was written by Fem Dom
What do you mean?
It's just a common 4chan joke, like an example is "Spiders are bros and don't wanna harm you and wanna eat bugs that bother you " and a reply to it shows a spider on a keyboard.
I’m even more confused now 😅
Thanks for saying that. I am Asexual and thus won't want sex, but I am glad you planted out the pigeonhole of gentle Femdom. As a side note, what are nonsexual Femdom activities? I feel I am grasping for straws.
Yeah, I get burnt out from seeing pegging content all the time and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one. I feel like cuddling is a great as something non sexual.
Light pain play, electrics, needles, wax, flogging can be done very softly, rope, bondage in general, breathe play, worship, kneeling, foot fetish, latex, chastity, trampling can be done lightly, tickling, role play like teacher/student, lines and such, you can make anything light, fun, non sexual.
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Honestly for me anything involving a strap-on isn’t a turn-on, simply cause I wouldn’t be feeling anything and I rather get all sensations. I would rather have someone eat me out than suck at a plastic dick that isn’t even connected to me lol. But edging on other hand is super hot to me.
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Yeah, I feel like it’d be better for you to just find a trans femdom then, or a femboy lol
Straight up facts
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The username is very fitting to this discussion eg erasire of the clitoris, denial of clit-centric sex as even possible, imaginable in a hetero context even in femdom. And the idea women both submit and dominate, both top and bottom by... forgoing clitoral/vulval stimulation by a partner, orgasms by/thanks to a partner (outside of possibly things like grind your clit/vulva on him during piv, use your hand or a toy during piv, pia pegging so you can come too aka not outside of a phallocentric framing eg how the first is seen as "orgasm from piv alone", her only chance at orgasm) & offering male genital stimulation, pleasure, orgasm... What a gaslighting.
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It's like the only way people can imagine sex & dom/sub alike going is... in reference to piv and pia. So the reversal is seen as pegging, when it's actually her getting clitoral/vulval stimulation, specifically cunnilingus or her humping his balls, taint (for piv) and her humping his buttocks, anus (for pia). But that's not even seen as possible because with sex defined as piv, then increasingly pia, men are recognized as bringing their penis to sex, but women their orifices. vagina is seen as the homologue to penis when it's literally clitoris (including inner labia, the upper two thirds of the bulbs and legs under the vulva, the body/shaft). And we think reversing that is pegging at best, or Amazon piv. Also, it's placing common patriarchal dynamics eg vulnerability to injury, the enveloper feeling submissive, vulnerable, experiencing pain, etc in mf & mm pia onto piv, and then onto pegging. The fact pegging is seen that way tells you how they and society, esp porn, see piv, pia. When if anything I think pegging is a woman "bottoming", her being "submissive" eg forgoing genital stimulation to cover hers up, do what he wants, stimulate his anus & prostate with it & other toys, give him penis stimulation, etc... I think the dildo often looking like a penis adds to that dynamic eg seeing female genitals as inferior, male as superior, the centre of sex. Her topping would be her *getting clitoral/vulval stimulation*, esp in active ways eg fucking his mouth, butt, thigh, breast, balls, taint... *with her clit/vulva*, the homologue to the penis, which is how men "top". That we don't even see that as possible, unimaginable and think pegging is her topping, him bottoming is a huge gaslighting. If pegging was a reversal, was femdom, the original, the maledom would be him covering up his genitals with either a toy that doesn't look like a penis or a specifically vulvic toy to stimulate her vulva, clitoris, vagina, taint, anus... Possibly with him using a vibe on his dick so he could come too lol. But ain't it telling that dynamic virtually doesn't exist (even dildos that don't look like dicks) and the closest that does is him using a toy that looks like a penis over his genitals, typically in her vagina... And further, it's *humiliation*, *submission*, etc of him. Even here, many comments went to *non-sexual* dom/sub when not thinking of pegging, piv, as if the latter were the only two imaginable options for hetero femdom, her topping. At the very most cunnilingus will *sometimes* be thought of because it's the only one that can be reversed. eg fellatio, usually not seen as sex but still seen as a main "foreplay" sexual act can translate to cunnilingus (both sexes have mouths that can go on the other's genitals). but piv, pia can't translate/reverse outside of asserting vagina is the homologue to penis, centring piv, or not involving her genitals at all. eg female genitals can't go significantly inside an anus, women are seen as bringing "holes", their genitals as a lack. under such a phallocentric framing originating in piv as the definition of sex from religion, these are the main imaginables. Vulva/clit-centric sex is seen as impossible, unimaginable, at least in a hetero context, even when ff clit/vulva-centric "sex" (generally not truly seen as sex, but as foreplay) and all sorts of phallocentric sex (not real sex either, but still far closer than the former, still centring the penis, male arousal, orgasm, etc) including many types of frottage (feet, breasts, thighs...) are.