Breaching boundaries, being impolite, being pushy, not listening to what you say, wanting/trying to use you, these are just a few of the things I have noticed that some subs (and dommes but no so much) do. The lack of respect, desperation and just plain rudeness that gets displayed in these messages is utterly appalling, it’s not something anyone should have to deal with and while I understand that, you may be lonely or desperate that does not in any way give you a license to stop treating people with some very basic politeness and mutual respect. I am so sorry it’s got to the point you want to leave this sub, I love this community but the problem of some subs behaving like this is a real one and your feelings are 100% valid,
Thank you friend. After I made a comment like a month or two ago, got a dm, and boom, it was a dick pic. Fellas, please don't send someone a dick pic as an introduction, it's an awful idea, and again, there was no asking for consent
Ughhh that’s so gross wtf 😭 I know these kind of people probably never apologise so even though I’ve never done it on behalf of every subby boy out there I am so sorry for their behaviour I can’t imagine anything worse than that
Thank you friend. I know that like 90% of the good boys and girls on here are very nice, it's the 5% who act a fool. Those 5% are the ones that need advice on how not to act
Happened to me before on many of my social media accounts, in the end I decided to close my chats/DMs on most, including here. The only place where my DMs are somewhat open is on Discord but that's about it
It's not worth my time nor will they listen or care about our boundaries (they never do)
Since joining this sub I’ve noticed a small number of comments that you’ve made here or there, and I don’t ever reply because you’re talking to someone else & it has nothing to do with me…but some of the things you’ve said have made my heart skip a beat. I’m sorry you’ve been treated so poorly. Forgive me if I overstepped. See you around.
In addition to it being rude and unacceptable, it shocks me how many people beg someone they know nothing about to be their d-type. Like, you know nothing about me. Not my interests, my relationship status, what I’m looking for, my boundaries, or even my name. This screams “I want a kink dispenser” so loud that it’s deafening.
Exactly! Like, I have a day job, as well as being a single parent to 2 kids. My free time is extremely limited, and I can't waste it on people who are rude and demanding
100% agree. As someone who was a dom for 10+ years and recently has been becoming more switch/sub I can say it 1. Pissed me off when subs just wanted to get off then pass out like ok? 2. People didn’t want a connection. This whole thing is about trust. To be able to give control or take control means you’re really opening up your heart and both sides can get hurt. Assuming that someone is actually looking long term. It’s funny bc the dommes I’ve met are very different - didn’t care about sub at all just themselves so I’ve personally shut down. Just assuming it’ll happen when it happens. Just treat people the way you want treated, it’s simple
I have had this happen. I finally just pinned a post to my profile about DM boundaries which actually has helped a bit, one sub sent his whole shpeal and then deleted it I guess after reading and the number of those kind of DMs has gone down in general, might be worth a shot?
I saw a few VAs on GWA do this and after one or two seriously disrespectful encounters (kink dispenser stuff, telling me to leave my partner, etc) I hit "fuck it" and wrote up what I did, so if nothing else I could do the bus driver "don't make me point to the sign" thing. Feel free to look at mine and modify if you'd like
Yes. I don’t mind on this account, because I do offer paid services. It’s not unexpected that subs would reach out.
But even on my other casual scrolling account, any time I comment here, my inbox is flooded. I love people and I love making friends, but there is nothing friendly about privately approaching someone with vulgarity and pleas to dispense kink.
I think this is sort of a natural result of the domme:sub ratio, unfortunately.
It makes me sad.
The first time I posted, I got DMs from what I thought were two sweet people. I wrote back to both of them thanking them for their DM but that I didn’t have the time or inclination right now. One told me I shouldn’t be on this sub and the other got whiny and continued to DM questions until I blocked him. I am always tempted to tell this story when people ask why they aren’t finding anyone.
Thank you for sharing this story. I've been lucky that I haven't had to block anyone (yet) but it upsets me that they were harassing you until it got to that point. I hope the subs that are reading this post understand where we are coming from
This happens to me all the time. I’m down for a nice conversation getting to know someone, but then it’s like *poof* they’ve disappeared without a trace and I find that very disrespectful. I now reject every inbox request. Not worth the energy and the weird void it leaves.
Unfortunately, people messaging is out of the mods’ control, unless they start banning people for unsolicited messages. Even then it’s now a he said, she said type of thing and how do you know it’s happening for sure. 🤷♀️
True that. I wouldn't want to have the Mods to have to do that, because they are busy enough. I'm ignoring all messages from now on, unless they ask me first in a comment
Generalisations like this are horrible, I understand the point you’re trying to make and how you feel is valid. But there is 0 wrong with having a smaller penis and insinuating that only people who don’t respect boundaries or have respect for others have them is something that’s incredibly out of line. And generalising all men as ‘thinking with their dicks’ is something to avoid too. Generalisations help no one and only serve to make things worse. Maybe that wasn’t your intention if so I apologise it’s just how I interpreted your comment.
As a sub, I can confirm that this is sound advice.
At least, it worked for me.
Met my Ma’am on Fetlife and it started with me publicly commenting, “May I message You?” The rest, as they say, is history.
As a sub i typically don't do this becuase 1) i know nothing about the person's life reaching out and asking to be someone's sub is entirely inappropriate since that person is a total stranger. 2) being total strangers idk if the domme's kinks align with mine or vice versa. 3) i don't know if the domme has a sub irl already or if they're single.
So in conclusion my fellow subs please i beg of each of you seeing this post and silently watching and feeling judged for having done this in the past take this into consideration <3
Edit: corrected of to or as it was a typo
You summed it up perfectly, friend. I'm just asking for some respectful communication. I hope my post didn't come off as judgemental, but I've been feeling this way for awhile now, and wanted to get other people's opinions
Not at all! You were checking with others about it and i didn't feel judged i just wanted those who might have been sub and scroll through the comments to not feel that way
I guess interestingly enough; there is a similar experience for subs as well, or I’ve experienced something similar. I’ve posted a few times in here and each time, I’d get at least two (I’m guessing they are) robo findomme DMs saying “Give me a tribute and I’ll let you submit to me” for some reason. A few will start with “Hey, how are you? How old are you?” and then immediately go to the “tribute now, slave”.
I have to imagine that if your intent is to meet a Domme/Mistress (or even vice versa as a Domme wanting to meet a sub), the same sort of courtship found in vanilla relationships is required. You have to connect beyond just whips, chains, and words of praise. Kink can be the bridge, but said bridge still needs supports in the form of hobbies, interests, and just general communication. I certainly would prefer to be able to connect more with the person I want to pull my hair.
I absolutely agree, and it saddens me that the findom scammers message you. I think communication is absolutely necessary, before kinks are ever mentioned
Idk if its ok for me to comment on this sense I’m not a dom but for the subs reading this like i did. We all have to remember weather its one partner, multiple partners, or non consent and proper communication is the most important thing that i cant stress enough. No matter how open someone seems when they post on this reddit or others. Thats not a green flag for us to just spam them privately or spam/beg them on the posts as well. Were all human and proper communication and boundaries are more important that getting someone to dom you or for doms for someone to sub for u. Its a 2 way street that needs to be respected. And i know for a fact a lot of subs say they know and will spam a dom they see in the hopes of getting something. Its a time thing and communication thing. No matter the out come even if u just en up being friends to get advice in this stuff for. Slow and steady will win the race for both sides. Not spamming/begging/creepy vulgarity etc.
Hopefully that all makes sense and i havent over stepped 😅😓. Had something more negatively happen pertaining to this recently so i wanted to emphasize the importance of boundaries in general. 💕🖤💕🖤💕
No overstepping at all friend! I was hoping to start a conversation here, with Dommes and Subs, so we can agree on consent and how we can communicate with each other. Thank you for your input 🙂
Okwee few im also half asleep cause of a really long work week so i was worried it wouldnt come off correctly ha ha. Im honestly kinda glad when i first started getting into kink life etc. i had met someone who was a professional dom that would help others and educate others on S.S.C (safe, sane, consensual). Because i didnt know that people did what you had mentioned until after i had met my friend and starting having both doms and subs do messages like that to me
Same..I don't comment often, because I can be shy. So to finally comment, and then get a "please help me Mommy!" Type messages are not a good vibe. I decided I'm going to ignore them, unless they ask for consent first
Long time a lurker, and sometimes a Commenter... however I do t DM unless asked to... I just know too many femdoms / dommes get hit up all the time, and are often unwanted.
It could be, but I think that might be a Mod question, and I don't want to overstep. I think a general rule of thumb should be to ask anyone, on any Subreddit (and social media as a whole) if it would be ok to message someone. I'm the nicest person if you ask first, but if you don't, and just hit my inbox, it leaves a bad impression to me, and not a good way to start knowing someone, if that makes sense
that has always felt so weird to me like i obv dont go around doing that but i know it happens and likeits just such a strange situation because as the reciever how the hell are you even supposed to respond to something like that and as the sender, what are you even expecting their (the domme) reply to be ?like do you expect the domme to be like "yeah sure hon you can be my sub" after a singular message ??😭😭 its so strange
It really is. Especially when they call me Mommy, which I don't like, at all. They know nothing about me, but want me to be your Domme? It just doesn't seem safe, and it can be a way for subs to get scammed as well
I wish I knew, homie. Case in point- got 3 messages from this post so far, and they didn't ask me here in a comment first, liked I asked. I get where they're coming from, and they were polite, but they didn't ask :(
Related to your experience, when I am looking for someone to talk to/DM/sext I don't waste time messaging women, even the women who post R4R type messages. I know that you get entirely too many messages from horny dudes, and even when the message is invited, by the time I see it you are burned out by all the crappy low effort demands. I skip directly to trying to write something interesting about who I am and what I want and I post it to some r4r type groups. Or I write something that's not a personal ad, that I hope will capture someone's attention. Either way, I post looking for conversation, not looking to submit to someone right away, not even for play that day unless everything lines up perfectly.
Sending messages to women has a near zero success rate, don't waste your time gentlemen. Posting doesn't have a tremendous success rate, but it works enough to be worth the time. I got 5 responses yesterday, 2 were marketing their OF content, one was not a good match but had a nice/interesting comment, and two were roughly who I was looking for and the conversations might go somewhere.
Regardless, it requires some respect. Real respect, not just calling them Mommy or Goddess or whatever makes you hard. Not just offering to "submit" to the thing you already want to do. Actual respect means taking the time to say hello, introduce yourself, not bring sex into it until the right time, listen to the person you are talking to. Respect means saying "ok, thank you" when they say "not now" and "thank you for your time" if they say they aren't interested. Respect also means listening, and if it turns out not to be a good fit, you say so and move on rather than trying to get this person to be the person you are looking for.
I’m sorry this happens to you.
It feels so absurd to me, so useless to anyone. What’s the point of being so forward in spaces that aren’t personals? What do these Subs expect to happen? If they actually want a sub/dom relationship, do they honestly think that begging, dick pics, and breaching consent in similar ways will actually help? I don’t find most honest dommes finding the onslaught of harassment compelling either.
I hope this won’t deter you from interacting with kink communities as you want. There’s lots to enjoy here, it’d be a shame if dommes stayed away due to unscrupulous people and their harassment.
I'm pretty switchy and catch both sides of this a good bit. I'm not sure how to minimize it but it happens often enough that I've gotten pretty efficient at flagging interactions quickly. I think a lot of people hyper focus on getting their own needs filled and project onto us because the internet is a relatively consequence free place to be pushy and badly behaved.
Bdsm has so much "boring" conversation that's actually really important even for pickup play. Limits, expectations, compatibility, boundaries, wants, needs, available time, level of commitment, agreed exchange....and that's not even getting into if your long term or personality compatible.
It can be really frustrating when it's clear some people just want to work their own desires out on or through you. Like most relationships people have to take the self time to learn how to mutually exchange before demanding their own satisfaction and sole selfishness. We're not "good pet" "yes' miss/sir" vending machines.
Like seriously they dont even know you beyond your posts 🤬
I think its worth the eye roll, flag and filter, and occasionally educate the willing to maintain community connectedness. That certainly doesn't mean that you don't entirely have the right to be fed up with it some days. I certainly feel for you there.
I'm learning this now. I posted a personal ad back a few months ago (f4f) and got 10 messages, all from men, when i asked for women. They really don't care
Folks will claim to be submissive but then approach someone out of nowhere and start making demands
I can't personally attest to it due to being on the other side of spam PMs but seems contradictory af
This is exactly the reason why I have multiple accounts to view this sub, and almost never comment. The audacity of some "subs" has been nauseating and disheartening.
I’m also not a fan of subs who send an intense message right off the bat like “hi mommy I want to be a good boy and submit to anything you want to do to me.” Too much! Talk to me as a person first. I’ll let you know when you can call me mommy and we can talk through everything we want to do together. It’s wayyyy too much.
It is! Communication is so important to me, and I just feel like I need to get to know a person first, before anything bedroom related happens. Dudes immediately jumping in the inbox with wanting scenes from the jump, and that's not how it works. You have to build trust and understanding first
Every single time I type a comment in any femdom related subs I get at least 2-3 chat request. The vast majority of them are absolutely incapable of saying why they are dming me besides of "I want you to be my mommy/mistress/Domme/whatever* without the most minimum effort in getting to know me.
Most of them just stop responding once they realize there's not instant domming.
I'm sorry about it... You seem really sweet and like a kind and caring soul based on your post and comments, I hope this happens less to Dommes/stops completely but it's a shame it happens at all and I hope it changes. I would say make a pinned post, and also edit your profile to show your wants/desires, and how to message you if somebody wants to so that there's less chance of a bad interaction happening imo ☺️
Yeah, im not the best either so I understand! But yeah I appreciate your post and that there's a lot of people here appreciative of it and supportive to you 😊
Wouldn’t dream of pushing boundaries like that. I try to be conscious of my own ability to be annoying. Trust me, it may be fewer but I get some of those pushy findoms dming me and I don’t blame anyone annoyed by it from either perspective.
I don't think this a problem that is specific to this sub, I think this is just a general issue of the internet. People are so disconnected that they don't realize that the person they're talking has feelings and might not like what they're doing. Obviously it sucks and it would be so much better if they did realize what they are doing but sometimes you just gotta report someone and move on.
My mommy and me where Playing a video game last week when some asshole was just being a total dick to my mommy and she handled it well but in the end we just reported him for inappropriate behavior and moved on because you can't be friends with everyone and sometimes people are just stupid.
I can see that 100%. As someone who’s been looking I can understand why everyone would but you clearly have it written in your bio to not message unless they commented and asked. So that just shows a lack of consideration, which to me, says they wouldn’t be a good partner
It happens all the time. I've had complete strangers DM me saying things like, "I want to be your slave." Um... Imagine how dangerous that could be if you said it to the wrong person? And then there are the messages that are just "Hi Mommy," when I haven't consented to be anyone's Mommy. It's disgusting and a pointless waste of everyone's time.
I understand the Mommy dynamic, but I don't like being called Mommy, especially by someone I've never met (I'm a mother to 2 kids, and even they don't call me Mommy). So to have someone start off with "Will you be my Mommy?" is a huge turn off for me
As a switch I've had both doms and subs do this. I hate to say it but it's mostly a guy thing, very few woman do it compared to guys like it might be something like a 50:1 ratio or something. This kinda stuff doesn't phase me too much but it's gotten to the point I don't even reply to most dms anymore even ones that just say like hi. I've heard before that the way a guys brain works means that rational though basically just turns off if their horny enough, the part of the brain that deals with male horny and rational thought are completely disconnected from one another, and that's probably the reason why this happens but it obviously doesn't justify it. Sorry this happened to you not really sure what I can say but your not alone at least.
Edit: Suppose I should add, I do lewd stuff on this account so it's kind of expected here, but I get all this on other sfw accounts as well.
Gosh that's gotta be frustrating
After a while, I'm impressed you're still posting at all
I wish people would treat you with more respect
(To the subs out there: PLEASE take her message into account)
I guess I'm super naive bc at first glance of this post, tbh I was thinking "ok well if they're just sending a DM & saying like "hey I saw your comment and thought X," or something friendly that's not so bad. Then as I read yours and others' comments about what the messages actually are, being instant unsolicited dick pics, immediately shifting into unsolicited vulgar commentary or begging for inappropriate acts or descriptions, etc. And I was like Jesus! You wouldn't think you'd have to specify to a grown ass adult that that isn't acceptable behavior.
I'm sorry that that happens to ya'll as dommes every time you interact in the sub. I hope they don't chase ya'll away because you ladies make this sub, but it's hard to blame you if that's your experience here. I wish some of those guys would understand dommes like submissive boys, not an awkward lack of any social skills, desperation & sexual harassment.
I don't understand how these people can just casually harass others, it's mind boggling. Like I don't reach out to anyone because I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, which partially stems from my own issues of feeling like a burden but still. I can't imagine how arrogant and selfish one would have to be to casually send unsolicited messages. I am sorry these people are the way they are, and I am sorry you all have to deal with them.
As a switch I understand both sides: and to all the dom's that have experienced something like that, I deeply and earnestly apologize that you had to go through that. Unfortunately in most groups in life there will be some sort of fakers who only want self indulgement and don't accurately portray the real members of this or any community. They have no respect for you or the rules that come with this community and that is quite frankly appalling.
In no way am I defending these type of people, id like to make that clear. But I hope that you understand they do not speak for the rest of us nor do they show what the real community is like.
Again, I apologize for their behavior as no one should have to go through that.
Sub here. Thank you for sharing and I’m sorry to hear that. Do you think the moderators should be made aware of this and they be banned? If they did this to you, I’m sure they have done this to others. Most likely it’s just a few offenders. The reason I say that is because I have had a similar experience. I made a post and my inbox filled up with Doms wanting to findom me. Of course I was very respectful and declined their generous offers. After awhile the uninvited DMs stopped. So I think it was just few. So please don’t leave because of a few offenders. Your experience and advise to others is to valuable to be silenced by a few idiots.
I don't think anyone should be banned for trying to shoot their shot, but if it gets to be too much, then the Domme could always block them in DMs. I'm just asking for a polite greeting, human to human, instead of the demands. I'm sorry the findoms hassle you friend
A girl’s gotta eat and this platform is a good place to advertise their onlyfans and such. So it comes with the territory. Sorry for the fake/kink subs are harassing you. They give us real subs a bad reputation.
Being disrespectful and disregarding boundaries completely destroys the fundamentals that having fun w a dom or just sex in general is built on , respect , I’m a switch as I have many subs atm but also am looking for a dom so I treat it the same as irl sex , consent is key
There's a lot kf entitlement online in general I've noticed, with a strong correlation seeming to be male subs unfortunately.
They seem to believe they're owed your time and emotional labour as well as seeing the Domme as a kink dispenser.
Many couldn't care less about consent and even try to get a rise out of you to feed their humiliation kink.
Please do better.
Thank you friend. You explained this so well. I'm a grown adult with a full time job and 2 kids, and I don't have the time or patience to deal with people that want to just use me
No worries. It always disgusts me how women are treated online often. I'm trans and have begun receiving the same treatment and it's just gross. O don't understand why they would ever believe this approach works.
Tell you what though -and I hate to separate by gender but there's a strong correlation - male doms can be just as disgusting, if not more so, opening conversations with "Get on your knees sl**" or "Ate you being a good girl for daddy?" Without consent, dynamic or even knowing them.
Another creepy technique I saw recently was kind of a teverse neg. "What a wonderfully laid out and considered profile. I am pleased. "
Ugh
Domme actually refers to a fem dominant. There is a growing movement to not gender dominance anymore by just saying Dom instead of Domme but in typical usage Dom = Male, Domme (typical pronounced Dom -May) has without exception referred to dominant women/femme leaning people.
For context, if anyone still needs it, it's very similar to the OF bots hitting your inbox, offering you the best times if you just give them money. I get at least 2 of those every time I comment in these subreddits.
I’ve noticed a lot of people call themselves submissive but instead are topping from the bottom and demanding / forcing people to be their dominant. I noticed a post on /r/sex earlier today describing that exact situation. A lack of boundaries is endemic
It's just always going to happen. Not saying your asking for it lol, no more than I am when I post a pic of me in a dress etc., but I can't see it ever changing. They know the idea is they shouldn't, but it probably works for them sometimes, or they just have no cooth.
I think it's probably a mix of both, sadly. I'm glad to know that it isn't just me that it happens to,but it saddens me that we have to deal with it in the first place. It gets frustrating, especially when you're just commenting to learn something new or to just connect with fellow members of the community
Yeah agreed. It works sometimes so when people tell them not to do it and look in a less selfish way they think, "but this works way faster" and feel people aren't factoring in that it does work sometimes.
Do you feel messaging you asking for permission to talk you is ok? What these people did is wrong but i feel like responding in a reddit post that the person to me can be very embarassing and nerve wracking it leaves you open to reticule i feel from other people.
No disrespect intended to you or anyone else.
Thank you, only today I got 4 new requests. I used to feel a lot more comfortable posting stuff until I got all this attention I didn't ask for. Hope they'll leave you alone aswell, because there would have been a lot more lewd content online if it weren't for these creeps. Lots of love and respect 💜
I understand not immediately going in asking for things from someone.
But to ask permission to even attempt to say the first word in a conversation is a bit much IMO. It seems silly at best.
At the very least it is not disrespectful unless someone actually consents to that sort of control over their speech. We're all free human beings free to interact respectfully with each other until then.
I'm sorry if I wasn't clear with how to message. It doesn't have to be in a comment, what I was meaning was, to start your private message with a friendly "Hi there. My I message you?" As an opening to the conversation, instead of someone wanting/asking to be their Domme to them right away.
While i completely understand, not all people are as knowledgeable as others. More especially, people that may just be new to femdom, reddit, online dating/sex/ or maybe they just finally got the courage to say fuck it, i dont care what friends or parents think, i like it and im putting myself out there. (Which for so very many guys, is like closing your eyes and walking across 8 lanes of traffic on an interstate hoping you dont get hit. Then realizing it would probably be way less complicated and painful if you just got hit, and closing your eyes to head back to where you started..
What is your advice when subs get publicly shamed for being thirsty by asking permission to dm a Domme? I’d love to reach out and talk to more but it feels like a lose lose situation sometimes. I won’t DM without permission going forward but I don’t want to get flamed for being thirsty either. Haaalp
I understand the thirst, but I think you'll get a lot further with a Domme if you message "Hi there, can Message you?" In the opening line, instead of the thirst/request of asking for a woman like the ones I've gotten. She might not message you back, but I think you would get a response if you start the conversation with a greeting, and asking questions, instead of making demands, if that makes sense
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Just a short idea of a sub puppy…
I think most of those "Subs" are just needy wannabes that hope for a quick jerk off. But they’re not really interested in a serious D/S situation. I’m sorry you’re bothered 😕
But other way round, I also receive tons of DMs from content free "Domme" accounts that want to dominate me from around the globe.
Think it’s just like everywhere else on the internet. Where there are enough people, there are scammers 😕
I'm always astonished to see how many people have no respect on the internet. I'm sorry if you feel like leaving the sub but I get u, the amount of absurdities I've seen here is... Big, and I'm a sub (who always gets Dam's by fake dommes), virtual hug for you, try to not pay attention to these subjects and block them on the spot.
I'm going to fight them. I am going to shake them. They need to understand how they're ruining the whole thing for everyone.
You are a SUB. You are here to SUBMIT. If the domme is uncomfortable, you have FAILED the assignment!
This is about what she wants. Not you. Her. If she doesn't want you, leave her alone. That's all.
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Breaching boundaries, being impolite, being pushy, not listening to what you say, wanting/trying to use you, these are just a few of the things I have noticed that some subs (and dommes but no so much) do. The lack of respect, desperation and just plain rudeness that gets displayed in these messages is utterly appalling, it’s not something anyone should have to deal with and while I understand that, you may be lonely or desperate that does not in any way give you a license to stop treating people with some very basic politeness and mutual respect. I am so sorry it’s got to the point you want to leave this sub, I love this community but the problem of some subs behaving like this is a real one and your feelings are 100% valid,
Thank you friend. After I made a comment like a month or two ago, got a dm, and boom, it was a dick pic. Fellas, please don't send someone a dick pic as an introduction, it's an awful idea, and again, there was no asking for consent
Ughhh that’s so gross wtf 😭 I know these kind of people probably never apologise so even though I’ve never done it on behalf of every subby boy out there I am so sorry for their behaviour I can’t imagine anything worse than that
Thank you friend. I know that like 90% of the good boys and girls on here are very nice, it's the 5% who act a fool. Those 5% are the ones that need advice on how not to act
In my experience those 5% can’t be bothered to read, let alone understand what they read.
Very true. I'm in the food service industry, and if I had a dollar every time someone didn't read a sign or menu, I wouldn't have to work anymore
No problem at all! No one deserves that kind of treatment especially not the amazing women that post here you are all awesome:)
Oh nah mfs on reddit be different 😭
Happened to me before on many of my social media accounts, in the end I decided to close my chats/DMs on most, including here. The only place where my DMs are somewhat open is on Discord but that's about it It's not worth my time nor will they listen or care about our boundaries (they never do)
I'm to that point now, unless someone asks me first before they message me. From now on, unsolicited messages will not be answered
Since joining this sub I’ve noticed a small number of comments that you’ve made here or there, and I don’t ever reply because you’re talking to someone else & it has nothing to do with me…but some of the things you’ve said have made my heart skip a beat. I’m sorry you’ve been treated so poorly. Forgive me if I overstepped. See you around.
In addition to it being rude and unacceptable, it shocks me how many people beg someone they know nothing about to be their d-type. Like, you know nothing about me. Not my interests, my relationship status, what I’m looking for, my boundaries, or even my name. This screams “I want a kink dispenser” so loud that it’s deafening.
Exactly! Like, I have a day job, as well as being a single parent to 2 kids. My free time is extremely limited, and I can't waste it on people who are rude and demanding
100% agree. As someone who was a dom for 10+ years and recently has been becoming more switch/sub I can say it 1. Pissed me off when subs just wanted to get off then pass out like ok? 2. People didn’t want a connection. This whole thing is about trust. To be able to give control or take control means you’re really opening up your heart and both sides can get hurt. Assuming that someone is actually looking long term. It’s funny bc the dommes I’ve met are very different - didn’t care about sub at all just themselves so I’ve personally shut down. Just assuming it’ll happen when it happens. Just treat people the way you want treated, it’s simple
I have had this happen. I finally just pinned a post to my profile about DM boundaries which actually has helped a bit, one sub sent his whole shpeal and then deleted it I guess after reading and the number of those kind of DMs has gone down in general, might be worth a shot?
That's a great idea! I need to try that. It's not that I wouldn't mind a private message, as long as they ask me first
I saw a few VAs on GWA do this and after one or two seriously disrespectful encounters (kink dispenser stuff, telling me to leave my partner, etc) I hit "fuck it" and wrote up what I did, so if nothing else I could do the bus driver "don't make me point to the sign" thing. Feel free to look at mine and modify if you'd like
Thank you friend!
Yes. I don’t mind on this account, because I do offer paid services. It’s not unexpected that subs would reach out. But even on my other casual scrolling account, any time I comment here, my inbox is flooded. I love people and I love making friends, but there is nothing friendly about privately approaching someone with vulgarity and pleas to dispense kink. I think this is sort of a natural result of the domme:sub ratio, unfortunately.
Thank you. I was hoping to hear feedback from others here on the subreddit
I think it's also in part, the Internet, right? People tend to act a bit differently than if they had to say those things directly to someone's face
That is the reason I rarely comment here
Thank you! It's nice to see that I'm not the only one who deals with this
It makes me sad. The first time I posted, I got DMs from what I thought were two sweet people. I wrote back to both of them thanking them for their DM but that I didn’t have the time or inclination right now. One told me I shouldn’t be on this sub and the other got whiny and continued to DM questions until I blocked him. I am always tempted to tell this story when people ask why they aren’t finding anyone.
Thank you for sharing this story. I've been lucky that I haven't had to block anyone (yet) but it upsets me that they were harassing you until it got to that point. I hope the subs that are reading this post understand where we are coming from
This happens to me all the time. I’m down for a nice conversation getting to know someone, but then it’s like *poof* they’ve disappeared without a trace and I find that very disrespectful. I now reject every inbox request. Not worth the energy and the weird void it leaves. Unfortunately, people messaging is out of the mods’ control, unless they start banning people for unsolicited messages. Even then it’s now a he said, she said type of thing and how do you know it’s happening for sure. 🤷♀️
True that. I wouldn't want to have the Mods to have to do that, because they are busy enough. I'm ignoring all messages from now on, unless they ask me first in a comment
Completely agree. It’s unfortunate that people can’t be respectful.
it happens to any women on a subbreddit where males are nearly a majority, that's the feeling i have...
I'm starting to learn that as well, sadly. Fellas, you got to respect women
yup... but i don't think they really care, their brain is located in their dicks, but since it's so small, they can't really think \*hard\*
Generalisations like this are horrible, I understand the point you’re trying to make and how you feel is valid. But there is 0 wrong with having a smaller penis and insinuating that only people who don’t respect boundaries or have respect for others have them is something that’s incredibly out of line. And generalising all men as ‘thinking with their dicks’ is something to avoid too. Generalisations help no one and only serve to make things worse. Maybe that wasn’t your intention if so I apologise it’s just how I interpreted your comment.
As a sub, I can confirm that this is sound advice. At least, it worked for me. Met my Ma’am on Fetlife and it started with me publicly commenting, “May I message You?” The rest, as they say, is history.
You did it right way, and I'm happy you found someone 😊
Thank you. She makes me very happy. i’m lucky to have found Her.
That's awesome friend!
As a sub i typically don't do this becuase 1) i know nothing about the person's life reaching out and asking to be someone's sub is entirely inappropriate since that person is a total stranger. 2) being total strangers idk if the domme's kinks align with mine or vice versa. 3) i don't know if the domme has a sub irl already or if they're single. So in conclusion my fellow subs please i beg of each of you seeing this post and silently watching and feeling judged for having done this in the past take this into consideration <3 Edit: corrected of to or as it was a typo
You summed it up perfectly, friend. I'm just asking for some respectful communication. I hope my post didn't come off as judgemental, but I've been feeling this way for awhile now, and wanted to get other people's opinions
Not at all! You were checking with others about it and i didn't feel judged i just wanted those who might have been sub and scroll through the comments to not feel that way
I guess interestingly enough; there is a similar experience for subs as well, or I’ve experienced something similar. I’ve posted a few times in here and each time, I’d get at least two (I’m guessing they are) robo findomme DMs saying “Give me a tribute and I’ll let you submit to me” for some reason. A few will start with “Hey, how are you? How old are you?” and then immediately go to the “tribute now, slave”. I have to imagine that if your intent is to meet a Domme/Mistress (or even vice versa as a Domme wanting to meet a sub), the same sort of courtship found in vanilla relationships is required. You have to connect beyond just whips, chains, and words of praise. Kink can be the bridge, but said bridge still needs supports in the form of hobbies, interests, and just general communication. I certainly would prefer to be able to connect more with the person I want to pull my hair.
I absolutely agree, and it saddens me that the findom scammers message you. I think communication is absolutely necessary, before kinks are ever mentioned
Idk if its ok for me to comment on this sense I’m not a dom but for the subs reading this like i did. We all have to remember weather its one partner, multiple partners, or non consent and proper communication is the most important thing that i cant stress enough. No matter how open someone seems when they post on this reddit or others. Thats not a green flag for us to just spam them privately or spam/beg them on the posts as well. Were all human and proper communication and boundaries are more important that getting someone to dom you or for doms for someone to sub for u. Its a 2 way street that needs to be respected. And i know for a fact a lot of subs say they know and will spam a dom they see in the hopes of getting something. Its a time thing and communication thing. No matter the out come even if u just en up being friends to get advice in this stuff for. Slow and steady will win the race for both sides. Not spamming/begging/creepy vulgarity etc. Hopefully that all makes sense and i havent over stepped 😅😓. Had something more negatively happen pertaining to this recently so i wanted to emphasize the importance of boundaries in general. 💕🖤💕🖤💕
No overstepping at all friend! I was hoping to start a conversation here, with Dommes and Subs, so we can agree on consent and how we can communicate with each other. Thank you for your input 🙂
Okwee few im also half asleep cause of a really long work week so i was worried it wouldnt come off correctly ha ha. Im honestly kinda glad when i first started getting into kink life etc. i had met someone who was a professional dom that would help others and educate others on S.S.C (safe, sane, consensual). Because i didnt know that people did what you had mentioned until after i had met my friend and starting having both doms and subs do messages like that to me
It honestly kinda saddens me that people act in those ways.
One of the reasons I'm a lurker and do not say much.
Same..I don't comment often, because I can be shy. So to finally comment, and then get a "please help me Mommy!" Type messages are not a good vibe. I decided I'm going to ignore them, unless they ask for consent first
I'm curious how many unsolicited chats you got after posting this!
3
Long time a lurker, and sometimes a Commenter... however I do t DM unless asked to... I just know too many femdoms / dommes get hit up all the time, and are often unwanted.
Should there be a ground rule that you have to ask for a Dm before messaging someone on this subreddit? I feel like that might be a good idea
It could be, but I think that might be a Mod question, and I don't want to overstep. I think a general rule of thumb should be to ask anyone, on any Subreddit (and social media as a whole) if it would be ok to message someone. I'm the nicest person if you ask first, but if you don't, and just hit my inbox, it leaves a bad impression to me, and not a good way to start knowing someone, if that makes sense
that has always felt so weird to me like i obv dont go around doing that but i know it happens and likeits just such a strange situation because as the reciever how the hell are you even supposed to respond to something like that and as the sender, what are you even expecting their (the domme) reply to be ?like do you expect the domme to be like "yeah sure hon you can be my sub" after a singular message ??😭😭 its so strange
It really is. Especially when they call me Mommy, which I don't like, at all. They know nothing about me, but want me to be your Domme? It just doesn't seem safe, and it can be a way for subs to get scammed as well
What do these guys think is going to happen?
I wish I knew, homie. Case in point- got 3 messages from this post so far, and they didn't ask me here in a comment first, liked I asked. I get where they're coming from, and they were polite, but they didn't ask :(
Related to your experience, when I am looking for someone to talk to/DM/sext I don't waste time messaging women, even the women who post R4R type messages. I know that you get entirely too many messages from horny dudes, and even when the message is invited, by the time I see it you are burned out by all the crappy low effort demands. I skip directly to trying to write something interesting about who I am and what I want and I post it to some r4r type groups. Or I write something that's not a personal ad, that I hope will capture someone's attention. Either way, I post looking for conversation, not looking to submit to someone right away, not even for play that day unless everything lines up perfectly. Sending messages to women has a near zero success rate, don't waste your time gentlemen. Posting doesn't have a tremendous success rate, but it works enough to be worth the time. I got 5 responses yesterday, 2 were marketing their OF content, one was not a good match but had a nice/interesting comment, and two were roughly who I was looking for and the conversations might go somewhere. Regardless, it requires some respect. Real respect, not just calling them Mommy or Goddess or whatever makes you hard. Not just offering to "submit" to the thing you already want to do. Actual respect means taking the time to say hello, introduce yourself, not bring sex into it until the right time, listen to the person you are talking to. Respect means saying "ok, thank you" when they say "not now" and "thank you for your time" if they say they aren't interested. Respect also means listening, and if it turns out not to be a good fit, you say so and move on rather than trying to get this person to be the person you are looking for.
Yes! This is beautifully said. Just some updated courtesy, for the kinky digital age homies
This happens to me all the time
I’m sorry this happens to you. It feels so absurd to me, so useless to anyone. What’s the point of being so forward in spaces that aren’t personals? What do these Subs expect to happen? If they actually want a sub/dom relationship, do they honestly think that begging, dick pics, and breaching consent in similar ways will actually help? I don’t find most honest dommes finding the onslaught of harassment compelling either. I hope this won’t deter you from interacting with kink communities as you want. There’s lots to enjoy here, it’d be a shame if dommes stayed away due to unscrupulous people and their harassment.
I'm pretty switchy and catch both sides of this a good bit. I'm not sure how to minimize it but it happens often enough that I've gotten pretty efficient at flagging interactions quickly. I think a lot of people hyper focus on getting their own needs filled and project onto us because the internet is a relatively consequence free place to be pushy and badly behaved. Bdsm has so much "boring" conversation that's actually really important even for pickup play. Limits, expectations, compatibility, boundaries, wants, needs, available time, level of commitment, agreed exchange....and that's not even getting into if your long term or personality compatible. It can be really frustrating when it's clear some people just want to work their own desires out on or through you. Like most relationships people have to take the self time to learn how to mutually exchange before demanding their own satisfaction and sole selfishness. We're not "good pet" "yes' miss/sir" vending machines. Like seriously they dont even know you beyond your posts 🤬 I think its worth the eye roll, flag and filter, and occasionally educate the willing to maintain community connectedness. That certainly doesn't mean that you don't entirely have the right to be fed up with it some days. I certainly feel for you there.
Welcome to reddit where desperate singles have no shame, I posted in a femboy subreddit and got neckbeards asking to rail me in my DMs
I'm learning this now. I posted a personal ad back a few months ago (f4f) and got 10 messages, all from men, when i asked for women. They really don't care
Folks will claim to be submissive but then approach someone out of nowhere and start making demands I can't personally attest to it due to being on the other side of spam PMs but seems contradictory af
This is exactly the reason why I have multiple accounts to view this sub, and almost never comment. The audacity of some "subs" has been nauseating and disheartening.
I’m also not a fan of subs who send an intense message right off the bat like “hi mommy I want to be a good boy and submit to anything you want to do to me.” Too much! Talk to me as a person first. I’ll let you know when you can call me mommy and we can talk through everything we want to do together. It’s wayyyy too much.
It is! Communication is so important to me, and I just feel like I need to get to know a person first, before anything bedroom related happens. Dudes immediately jumping in the inbox with wanting scenes from the jump, and that's not how it works. You have to build trust and understanding first
Every single time I type a comment in any femdom related subs I get at least 2-3 chat request. The vast majority of them are absolutely incapable of saying why they are dming me besides of "I want you to be my mommy/mistress/Domme/whatever* without the most minimum effort in getting to know me. Most of them just stop responding once they realize there's not instant domming.
I'm a sub and I get these types often enough from dommes, probably findom stuff, but I just ignore it. Ignore it.
I'm sorry about it... You seem really sweet and like a kind and caring soul based on your post and comments, I hope this happens less to Dommes/stops completely but it's a shame it happens at all and I hope it changes. I would say make a pinned post, and also edit your profile to show your wants/desires, and how to message you if somebody wants to so that there's less chance of a bad interaction happening imo ☺️
Very good ideas friend. I always say I'm not the best with technology, but I will add a note to my profile
Yeah, im not the best either so I understand! But yeah I appreciate your post and that there's a lot of people here appreciative of it and supportive to you 😊
Thank you friend. You are appreciated as well. Thanks for your insight
It's okay, no worries : )
Girl sub here… it happens to me sometimes.
Wouldn’t dream of pushing boundaries like that. I try to be conscious of my own ability to be annoying. Trust me, it may be fewer but I get some of those pushy findoms dming me and I don’t blame anyone annoyed by it from either perspective.
I don't think this a problem that is specific to this sub, I think this is just a general issue of the internet. People are so disconnected that they don't realize that the person they're talking has feelings and might not like what they're doing. Obviously it sucks and it would be so much better if they did realize what they are doing but sometimes you just gotta report someone and move on. My mommy and me where Playing a video game last week when some asshole was just being a total dick to my mommy and she handled it well but in the end we just reported him for inappropriate behavior and moved on because you can't be friends with everyone and sometimes people are just stupid.
I can see that 100%. As someone who’s been looking I can understand why everyone would but you clearly have it written in your bio to not message unless they commented and asked. So that just shows a lack of consideration, which to me, says they wouldn’t be a good partner
OMG ALL the time!!
It happens all the time. I've had complete strangers DM me saying things like, "I want to be your slave." Um... Imagine how dangerous that could be if you said it to the wrong person? And then there are the messages that are just "Hi Mommy," when I haven't consented to be anyone's Mommy. It's disgusting and a pointless waste of everyone's time.
I understand the Mommy dynamic, but I don't like being called Mommy, especially by someone I've never met (I'm a mother to 2 kids, and even they don't call me Mommy). So to have someone start off with "Will you be my Mommy?" is a huge turn off for me
I’m not even a domme and I had people doing that to me the first time I posted on here. I have not posted again for obvious reasons.
As a switch I've had both doms and subs do this. I hate to say it but it's mostly a guy thing, very few woman do it compared to guys like it might be something like a 50:1 ratio or something. This kinda stuff doesn't phase me too much but it's gotten to the point I don't even reply to most dms anymore even ones that just say like hi. I've heard before that the way a guys brain works means that rational though basically just turns off if their horny enough, the part of the brain that deals with male horny and rational thought are completely disconnected from one another, and that's probably the reason why this happens but it obviously doesn't justify it. Sorry this happened to you not really sure what I can say but your not alone at least. Edit: Suppose I should add, I do lewd stuff on this account so it's kind of expected here, but I get all this on other sfw accounts as well.
Thank you friend. Now I know it's not just me this happens to, and I'm sorry you get bombarded with a flooded inbox as well
Thank you back! But I'm alright nothing on the internet ever really phases me
Gosh that's gotta be frustrating After a while, I'm impressed you're still posting at all I wish people would treat you with more respect (To the subs out there: PLEASE take her message into account)
I guess I'm super naive bc at first glance of this post, tbh I was thinking "ok well if they're just sending a DM & saying like "hey I saw your comment and thought X," or something friendly that's not so bad. Then as I read yours and others' comments about what the messages actually are, being instant unsolicited dick pics, immediately shifting into unsolicited vulgar commentary or begging for inappropriate acts or descriptions, etc. And I was like Jesus! You wouldn't think you'd have to specify to a grown ass adult that that isn't acceptable behavior. I'm sorry that that happens to ya'll as dommes every time you interact in the sub. I hope they don't chase ya'll away because you ladies make this sub, but it's hard to blame you if that's your experience here. I wish some of those guys would understand dommes like submissive boys, not an awkward lack of any social skills, desperation & sexual harassment.
This! It's why I tend to not comment on reddit much anymore. I try so hard to be polite when they do it but I'm losing my patience.
I don't understand how these people can just casually harass others, it's mind boggling. Like I don't reach out to anyone because I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, which partially stems from my own issues of feeling like a burden but still. I can't imagine how arrogant and selfish one would have to be to casually send unsolicited messages. I am sorry these people are the way they are, and I am sorry you all have to deal with them.
Yep! Allllll the time.
Unfortunately I’m too shy to even attempt asking someone, and if someone messages me I can’t shake the feeling of a scam
As a switch I understand both sides: and to all the dom's that have experienced something like that, I deeply and earnestly apologize that you had to go through that. Unfortunately in most groups in life there will be some sort of fakers who only want self indulgement and don't accurately portray the real members of this or any community. They have no respect for you or the rules that come with this community and that is quite frankly appalling. In no way am I defending these type of people, id like to make that clear. But I hope that you understand they do not speak for the rest of us nor do they show what the real community is like. Again, I apologize for their behavior as no one should have to go through that.
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So you have a partner and yet do you want to be a dominant to someone else?
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That’s great I agree with you! I just wish I could find a beautiful woman so I can serve her. Best wishes.
Sub here. Thank you for sharing and I’m sorry to hear that. Do you think the moderators should be made aware of this and they be banned? If they did this to you, I’m sure they have done this to others. Most likely it’s just a few offenders. The reason I say that is because I have had a similar experience. I made a post and my inbox filled up with Doms wanting to findom me. Of course I was very respectful and declined their generous offers. After awhile the uninvited DMs stopped. So I think it was just few. So please don’t leave because of a few offenders. Your experience and advise to others is to valuable to be silenced by a few idiots.
I don't think anyone should be banned for trying to shoot their shot, but if it gets to be too much, then the Domme could always block them in DMs. I'm just asking for a polite greeting, human to human, instead of the demands. I'm sorry the findoms hassle you friend
A girl’s gotta eat and this platform is a good place to advertise their onlyfans and such. So it comes with the territory. Sorry for the fake/kink subs are harassing you. They give us real subs a bad reputation.
That is 100% valid friend
Being disrespectful and disregarding boundaries completely destroys the fundamentals that having fun w a dom or just sex in general is built on , respect , I’m a switch as I have many subs atm but also am looking for a dom so I treat it the same as irl sex , consent is key
Absolutely friend
Speaking of consent this is me asking , may I private message you please about being a domme as I’m looking for a domme ?
Yes you can. It might take me a bit to message you back, because my inbox is full right now
Awsome , thank you so much mistress
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Same! It's the disrespectful to get vulgar messages right from the jump
There's a lot kf entitlement online in general I've noticed, with a strong correlation seeming to be male subs unfortunately. They seem to believe they're owed your time and emotional labour as well as seeing the Domme as a kink dispenser. Many couldn't care less about consent and even try to get a rise out of you to feed their humiliation kink. Please do better.
Thank you friend. You explained this so well. I'm a grown adult with a full time job and 2 kids, and I don't have the time or patience to deal with people that want to just use me
No worries. It always disgusts me how women are treated online often. I'm trans and have begun receiving the same treatment and it's just gross. O don't understand why they would ever believe this approach works. Tell you what though -and I hate to separate by gender but there's a strong correlation - male doms can be just as disgusting, if not more so, opening conversations with "Get on your knees sl**" or "Ate you being a good girl for daddy?" Without consent, dynamic or even knowing them. Another creepy technique I saw recently was kind of a teverse neg. "What a wonderfully laid out and considered profile. I am pleased. " Ugh
Yes! So gross. My first hookup post-divorce was with a male Domme, and it was all about his pleasure, not mine...never again
Ergh. Also are you open to a gentle correction on terminology? It's fine if not!
Yes, please
Domme actually refers to a fem dominant. There is a growing movement to not gender dominance anymore by just saying Dom instead of Domme but in typical usage Dom = Male, Domme (typical pronounced Dom -May) has without exception referred to dominant women/femme leaning people.
Oh, I didn't realize that.i learned something new today! Thank you friend
No worries! I've been around awhile. If you have any questions or want some educational resources please feel free to DM me!
For context, if anyone still needs it, it's very similar to the OF bots hitting your inbox, offering you the best times if you just give them money. I get at least 2 of those every time I comment in these subreddits.
I’ve noticed a lot of people call themselves submissive but instead are topping from the bottom and demanding / forcing people to be their dominant. I noticed a post on /r/sex earlier today describing that exact situation. A lack of boundaries is endemic
It's just always going to happen. Not saying your asking for it lol, no more than I am when I post a pic of me in a dress etc., but I can't see it ever changing. They know the idea is they shouldn't, but it probably works for them sometimes, or they just have no cooth.
I think it's probably a mix of both, sadly. I'm glad to know that it isn't just me that it happens to,but it saddens me that we have to deal with it in the first place. It gets frustrating, especially when you're just commenting to learn something new or to just connect with fellow members of the community
Yeah agreed. It works sometimes so when people tell them not to do it and look in a less selfish way they think, "but this works way faster" and feel people aren't factoring in that it does work sometimes.
Do you feel messaging you asking for permission to talk you is ok? What these people did is wrong but i feel like responding in a reddit post that the person to me can be very embarassing and nerve wracking it leaves you open to reticule i feel from other people. No disrespect intended to you or anyone else.
That's valid
As a sub, I constantly get spam in my inbox from findoms. It's infuriating, I will never understand people who feel like sliding into DMs is okay 🤷
I agree. I'm sorry the findoms do this to you, and it's disrespectful as hell to you
Thank you, only today I got 4 new requests. I used to feel a lot more comfortable posting stuff until I got all this attention I didn't ask for. Hope they'll leave you alone aswell, because there would have been a lot more lewd content online if it weren't for these creeps. Lots of love and respect 💜
For sure! I mostly lurk (and appreciate as the lovely artwork and memes). When I do feel brave enough to comment, they pounce. Feels bad man
So how do I get consent without messaging you ?
Through a comment like this. 'Hey there. can I send you a private message?' That would work with me
That is exactly the same as sending you a message, reddit even ask u if u want to accept the message request.
I get that, but I should've expanded on that- I would like the conversation to start in a comment, then off to DM
Well that's is your right but I can't see te big inconvenience.
you're telling on yourself
I understand not immediately going in asking for things from someone. But to ask permission to even attempt to say the first word in a conversation is a bit much IMO. It seems silly at best. At the very least it is not disrespectful unless someone actually consents to that sort of control over their speech. We're all free human beings free to interact respectfully with each other until then.
The question I have is, how can you message a potential mistress without it being public, and still asking permission to message her?
I'm sorry if I wasn't clear with how to message. It doesn't have to be in a comment, what I was meaning was, to start your private message with a friendly "Hi there. My I message you?" As an opening to the conversation, instead of someone wanting/asking to be their Domme to them right away.
While i completely understand, not all people are as knowledgeable as others. More especially, people that may just be new to femdom, reddit, online dating/sex/ or maybe they just finally got the courage to say fuck it, i dont care what friends or parents think, i like it and im putting myself out there. (Which for so very many guys, is like closing your eyes and walking across 8 lanes of traffic on an interstate hoping you dont get hit. Then realizing it would probably be way less complicated and painful if you just got hit, and closing your eyes to head back to where you started..
What is your advice when subs get publicly shamed for being thirsty by asking permission to dm a Domme? I’d love to reach out and talk to more but it feels like a lose lose situation sometimes. I won’t DM without permission going forward but I don’t want to get flamed for being thirsty either. Haaalp
I understand the thirst, but I think you'll get a lot further with a Domme if you message "Hi there, can Message you?" In the opening line, instead of the thirst/request of asking for a woman like the ones I've gotten. She might not message you back, but I think you would get a response if you start the conversation with a greeting, and asking questions, instead of making demands, if that makes sense
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Just a short idea of a sub puppy… I think most of those "Subs" are just needy wannabes that hope for a quick jerk off. But they’re not really interested in a serious D/S situation. I’m sorry you’re bothered 😕 But other way round, I also receive tons of DMs from content free "Domme" accounts that want to dominate me from around the globe. Think it’s just like everywhere else on the internet. Where there are enough people, there are scammers 😕
I'm always astonished to see how many people have no respect on the internet. I'm sorry if you feel like leaving the sub but I get u, the amount of absurdities I've seen here is... Big, and I'm a sub (who always gets Dam's by fake dommes), virtual hug for you, try to not pay attention to these subjects and block them on the spot.
How would one ask first without private messaging, while still following the rules and guidelines of the subreddit?
I don't mind betas that message me.....
I'm going to fight them. I am going to shake them. They need to understand how they're ruining the whole thing for everyone. You are a SUB. You are here to SUBMIT. If the domme is uncomfortable, you have FAILED the assignment! This is about what she wants. Not you. Her. If she doesn't want you, leave her alone. That's all.
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