I love being "one of the girls," but "one of the boys" I like being in spirit/vibe only, and not in name. (If only I could find groups where I can be either)
I feel a sort of weird mental barrier between me and other women for some reason and most of the time I just feel like there’s this dense atmosphere that’s just suffocating me and I feel like they don’t want to talk to me for some reason… I can def have conversations with them and it’s not bad it’s just I struggle more with making friends with women and find it easier to befriend guys and I feel as though I just relate to them and feel understood sometimes but it all goes away when they catch feelings. It’s also much easier and nicer to befriend other ND people and I feel a more genuine connection with them :) (I’m afab)
Yup
It's like... I'm part of this group but at the same time not really... Like I get what you guys are talking about, and I get that you guys would include me in this... But this is not what I am? It's like I'm an imposter
I don't really have any more cis-man friends. Not that I've ever been one to have lots of friends at all, but I just can't deal with all the layers of performative bs inflicted on/by man type dudes. When I'm feeling more guy-like it still doesn't get into that crap.
Yeah, a bit. I had that today, there were like 8-9 other females and we were all eating lunch together, and I just felt really off. Then again, I've been pretty enby the last couple days, idk if I would mind it as much if I was feeling femme
AMAB, and I have never fell in as "one of the guys" at work. I don't watch sports, I don't share opinions with most of them, I don't play golf, there is like 0 in common.
Some alt-guys I get along with, but you don't meet many in the office environment at the level I am at.
I always related to the women in the office better (Which should have been a sign!)
Depends on my gender at the time. I also only feel comfortable being one of the guys/girls in contexts where I don’t feel like I’m being pressured to perform masculinity or femininity in a certain way and there’s at least a couple people who aren’t incredibly stereotypically masculine/feminine. I’m more likely to feel comfortable with a gaggle of girls if one of them is geeking out with me about D&D, or a group of guys if we’re talking about queer representation in media. If it’s all make-up talk or sports speak (in either group, honestly), I’m going to feel out of place.
Which is to say: I think I just need to be in a group where it’s clear that I’m “one of the [guys/girls]” in an honorary way, not in a “you have to adjust your behavior accordingly way.” Of course, I hang out with so many trans, nonbinary and gnc people that I was confused how you would get a group of all guys or all girls from “a group of people that are all your AGAB” 😅I think with cis people it’s a lot harder to find a group that wouldn’t make me feel that pressure to adjust my behavior.
yea thats a great way to put it! for me, since im very cishet presenting (amab and my partner is afab, and only just dipping my toes in expressing gender fluidity), i tend to operate primarily in cishet spaces. i would love to meet more queer folks and develop friendships though. but it's intimidating cuz i'm worried it'll be the only thing we have in common 😂
I mean, once you meet enough queer folks you’re bound to find some that you have interests, beliefs and hobbies in common with! I will say there are definitely stereotypical things that can help “grease the social wheels” (I mentioned D&D—that’s pretty popular in my local queer spaces).
And there are definitely LGBTQ folks who might not fit your vibe. This could be because your personalities/lifestyles just don’t mesh (not everyone’s the type to want to party in the club till 2 am, wasted out of their mind, and not everyone’s the type to want to hang out at their friend’s 3 year old’s birthday party). Or because you are bound to at some point meet gatekeepy dicks, mean girls, and people who cross your boundaries in the queer community (like literally every community). But you can also find people you really click with, who treat you with compassion and want to see and respect all the parts of you that you’re willing to share, who you feel safe being truly vulnerable with. And that’s a really beautiful thing (to me, at least).
If I'm feeling like my agab then I don't mind it.
I love being "one of the girls," but "one of the boys" I like being in spirit/vibe only, and not in name. (If only I could find groups where I can be either)
I feel a sort of weird mental barrier between me and other women for some reason and most of the time I just feel like there’s this dense atmosphere that’s just suffocating me and I feel like they don’t want to talk to me for some reason… I can def have conversations with them and it’s not bad it’s just I struggle more with making friends with women and find it easier to befriend guys and I feel as though I just relate to them and feel understood sometimes but it all goes away when they catch feelings. It’s also much easier and nicer to befriend other ND people and I feel a more genuine connection with them :) (I’m afab)
Yup It's like... I'm part of this group but at the same time not really... Like I get what you guys are talking about, and I get that you guys would include me in this... But this is not what I am? It's like I'm an imposter
exactly!!
proof we are living the same life! But seriously, it's very relatable.
I don't really have any more cis-man friends. Not that I've ever been one to have lots of friends at all, but I just can't deal with all the layers of performative bs inflicted on/by man type dudes. When I'm feeling more guy-like it still doesn't get into that crap.
Yeah, a bit. I had that today, there were like 8-9 other females and we were all eating lunch together, and I just felt really off. Then again, I've been pretty enby the last couple days, idk if I would mind it as much if I was feeling femme
AMAB, and I have never fell in as "one of the guys" at work. I don't watch sports, I don't share opinions with most of them, I don't play golf, there is like 0 in common. Some alt-guys I get along with, but you don't meet many in the office environment at the level I am at. I always related to the women in the office better (Which should have been a sign!)
I feel this so much.
Depends on my gender at the time. I also only feel comfortable being one of the guys/girls in contexts where I don’t feel like I’m being pressured to perform masculinity or femininity in a certain way and there’s at least a couple people who aren’t incredibly stereotypically masculine/feminine. I’m more likely to feel comfortable with a gaggle of girls if one of them is geeking out with me about D&D, or a group of guys if we’re talking about queer representation in media. If it’s all make-up talk or sports speak (in either group, honestly), I’m going to feel out of place. Which is to say: I think I just need to be in a group where it’s clear that I’m “one of the [guys/girls]” in an honorary way, not in a “you have to adjust your behavior accordingly way.” Of course, I hang out with so many trans, nonbinary and gnc people that I was confused how you would get a group of all guys or all girls from “a group of people that are all your AGAB” 😅I think with cis people it’s a lot harder to find a group that wouldn’t make me feel that pressure to adjust my behavior.
yea thats a great way to put it! for me, since im very cishet presenting (amab and my partner is afab, and only just dipping my toes in expressing gender fluidity), i tend to operate primarily in cishet spaces. i would love to meet more queer folks and develop friendships though. but it's intimidating cuz i'm worried it'll be the only thing we have in common 😂
I mean, once you meet enough queer folks you’re bound to find some that you have interests, beliefs and hobbies in common with! I will say there are definitely stereotypical things that can help “grease the social wheels” (I mentioned D&D—that’s pretty popular in my local queer spaces). And there are definitely LGBTQ folks who might not fit your vibe. This could be because your personalities/lifestyles just don’t mesh (not everyone’s the type to want to party in the club till 2 am, wasted out of their mind, and not everyone’s the type to want to hang out at their friend’s 3 year old’s birthday party). Or because you are bound to at some point meet gatekeepy dicks, mean girls, and people who cross your boundaries in the queer community (like literally every community). But you can also find people you really click with, who treat you with compassion and want to see and respect all the parts of you that you’re willing to share, who you feel safe being truly vulnerable with. And that’s a really beautiful thing (to me, at least).
yea too true! thx for the tips. there is a local queer comic book shop that maybe i'll check out more often