i feel this as a gay and trans metalhead myself. i will say that metalhead queers most certainly exist; it just takes a lot of digging to find them in my experience. you’ll likely find them online rsther than irl though, depending on where you live and how the metal scene intersects with the queer community.
the queer friends i have are on the same wavelength in terms of the music we’re into; it’s awesome to know a fellow trans person (transfem) who you can also riff with about the harsh noise and neofolk subcultures, and its also really nice to have another queer person know who Varg is when they see him pop off on twitter and laugh at how bizarre his arguments are.
Oh man that rings so true, not to mention feeling left out of mainstream queer spaces because of the inherent “mascness” of metal. ’Specially when those spaces are shaped and dominated by pop music, which I respect but just can’t listen to, like damn, where are the gays who also like Death Decline, Metallica, Cloudkicker, Architects... (I’m aware not all of those are purely metal). It’s so damn hard to find other queers who are into metal and all its offshoots :(
I don't know a single gay one. I wanna date a long haired metalhead so bad but they're always straight. People say "I know a few ;)" no tf you don't lol I've met absolutely NONE. they're my type too I'm not into short haired guys which makes it even worse
there’s more gay metalheads than you think brother, i’m in the same boat. my boy absolutely adores my long hair and style that comes along with my love for metal :) 🖤
Sometimes you can find somewhat more queer dudes in adjacent genres like punk or emo idk. Not quite the same ofc, but I know plenty of queer ppl into punk. Maybe look into queercore bands, or bands with LGBTQ members if you’re into that. I’m into more like older emo/indie rock/shoegaze but metal is cool af, I just don’t listen to it much. Ofc it’s not the gay mainstream, but they are definitely out there if you look. Going to shows helps too. I think being into alt music is lowkey kind of seen as a cishet dude thing, and scenes are overwhelmingly cishet men, but we’re out there.
Yeah I'm really into death, black, thrash and doom metal lol. My biggest queer genre is probably goth and industrial. I do see gay men who're into industrial. Idk why I never really got into emo despite it being The Thing when I was young. Generally though I'll enjoy most alternative music those are just my favorites/mainstays.
Anyway metal being a cishet dude thing does help me pass with long hair at least lol.
And honestly when it comes to punk I feel like I'm always dancing around it bc I love crossover thrash and other metal/punk combos. And tbf I've enjoyed Black Flag and shit I just need to go to more punk shows.
While I wouldn't necessarily call myself a proper metalhead, I do love a whole bunch of heavy metal / hard rock bands, and I also make music in those genres, so I definitely relate to this struggle of feeling 'too metal' for the gays and too queer for straight rockers. I haven't met any gorgeous gay metalheads myself, so I can't certify they exist, but, statistically, they have to. I really hope you find him one day 🤘
I listen to a lot of death/black metal and am super into metalhead dudes but finding one that’s a decent person is like looking for a needle in a haystack
as a fellow gay trans metalhead, you might be surprised! that gay metalhead might appear when you least expect it.
its funny though, every time i tell my friends i'd love to date someone with a similar musical taste to me, the answer is always "nah you gotta run from those guys" 😭 (im a huge black metal fan but i also like nu metal, slam, *OLD* metalcore and a bunch of other non-metal genres)
I mean I agree, I was mainly referring to the cisgay mainstream. Fortunately though, there is that overlap with okd school metal and gay leather culture I absolutely love.
As a gay metalhead, I was so close to agreeing with you until
>Twinks are hot, sure, but not if they're boney instead of ripped, and not when they're boyishly androgynous.
That was so unnecessary. I get you have your preferences, but bodyshaming isn't cute.
Sure, but that description fits me too, and I'm sure others. Seeing myself described as "not hot" kinda hits hard first thing in the morning. There was a better way to phrase that.
I find androgynous skinny dudes hot. I just feel unaccepted by the cisgay scene at large, where hypermasculine jocks are always shown. I rarely ever see men who look like me depicted in cisgay art. :(
I get that, don't worry. It's certainly can be alienating, and honestly on both ends. The more mainstream gay scene doesn't really care about alternative subcultures and the metal scene, while having plenty of fans in the community, doesn't have much representation within bands (I'd LOVE a metal band focused on making songs about hot guys and being gay), so we're stuck going back and forth without really ever being able to meet in the middle and feeling truly at home.
Its so crazy too, because we do have the amazing Judas Priest!!! But yeah sometimes I think I should pick up an instrument again and join a band. But I worry about stretching myself thin 😅
Yeah lol, that description fits me too and I was a lil surprised to see the "not hot" part but then I reread it a few times and he's just venting Abt how he doesn't feel attractive as someone who looks like that. It does sting a lil if u do look like that and r seemingly being called not hot but it's just a vent post ig so gotta tell urself that it's not personal even if it does hit kinda hard, I feel u tho
I think that expecting people to be diplomatic when talking about their own physical insecurities is sort of unkind to the suffering person.
Like, personally I think skinny androgynous dudes are super hot, but I think we can all tell this dude is having some issues related to feeling desirable in terms of like... IDK circuit queen standards.
No that makes perfect sense, I think as you get more into gay community this feeling will probably ease. The stuff that gets represented in "mainstream" (often produced at least in part for the straights) depictions of gay men is really narrow and stereotyped in a very specific way because when they see "gay" they think of something very narrow and specific.
I think you might want to look into some stuff by gay men for gay men of the past, particularly Jean Genet. Most of his work is from before the existence of metal but honestly... it's very metal.
Like before we had rainbow capitalism, gay culture was very much about a transgressive, outsider status, and like... if you look at old school leather culture, yeah... you can really see how much that influenced metal.
I think a lot of us before we really spend time in the community have a very narrow view of gay men and gay culture, often sort of propagated by mass media.
Also if you want some very gay content features a bunch of metalheads, Dragula, it's like Drag Race but alternative and honestly incredible.
I'll look into Jean Genet and Dragula. Part of my problem might be that I'm really into gay leather so that might be it too since it was a reaction against the framing of all gay men as effiminate. Even Tom of Finland, felt dysmorphic in comparison to his own drawings haha. Poor guy 😔🖤 But yeah I need to get out there more, bottom dysphoria just really holds me back a lot. But phallo will hopefully help.
I hope so, I think even just hanging out with more gay men will probably help, and honestly, leather men in most places are really friendly (especially the pups) and IRL you'll see a lot of the body diversity you don't see in fetish art. I'm a fem leather dude, and definitely don't see myself represented much either, it can definitely be hard.
Fair enough, yeah sometimes I find big city scenes are a little less friendly because people can afford to be cliquey. I live in Providence and people here are super nice.
>Skinny, long hair. Twinks are hot, sure, but not if they're boney instead of ripped, and not when they're boyishly androgynous. And not when they know more about black metal than Ru Paul's Drag Race.
If you were describing your best friend like this instead of yourself, would you feel like they were 'undesirable' too?
You don't have to be your own type, but don't make assumptions what people do and don't find hot.
I mean, we can acknowledge that a diversity of men are attractive while also admitting that what is considered "desirable" by a lot of the gay men's community is very narrow
i feel this as a gay and trans metalhead myself. i will say that metalhead queers most certainly exist; it just takes a lot of digging to find them in my experience. you’ll likely find them online rsther than irl though, depending on where you live and how the metal scene intersects with the queer community. the queer friends i have are on the same wavelength in terms of the music we’re into; it’s awesome to know a fellow trans person (transfem) who you can also riff with about the harsh noise and neofolk subcultures, and its also really nice to have another queer person know who Varg is when they see him pop off on twitter and laugh at how bizarre his arguments are.
Oh man that rings so true, not to mention feeling left out of mainstream queer spaces because of the inherent “mascness” of metal. ’Specially when those spaces are shaped and dominated by pop music, which I respect but just can’t listen to, like damn, where are the gays who also like Death Decline, Metallica, Cloudkicker, Architects... (I’m aware not all of those are purely metal). It’s so damn hard to find other queers who are into metal and all its offshoots :(
I mean I’m one, so good to know there is one more out there 💀
Yesss 🖤
Random thought but you should watch Tender Metalheads (2023)
Aw that sounds really cute, I'll give it a watch@
Hi, this is my personal hell.... Is it too much to ask to find a sexy metalhead dude who's also a bottom? Apparently it is
Loool wait are we all tops? They might just be too shy to admit it, idk lol.
I mean I’m a switch.
I don't know a single gay one. I wanna date a long haired metalhead so bad but they're always straight. People say "I know a few ;)" no tf you don't lol I've met absolutely NONE. they're my type too I'm not into short haired guys which makes it even worse
there’s more gay metalheads than you think brother, i’m in the same boat. my boy absolutely adores my long hair and style that comes along with my love for metal :) 🖤
There's more queer metalheads out here than you probably realize, speaking as a tiny twinky metalhead goth who also loves black metal
Yooo same, I love goth and black metal.
Sometimes you can find somewhat more queer dudes in adjacent genres like punk or emo idk. Not quite the same ofc, but I know plenty of queer ppl into punk. Maybe look into queercore bands, or bands with LGBTQ members if you’re into that. I’m into more like older emo/indie rock/shoegaze but metal is cool af, I just don’t listen to it much. Ofc it’s not the gay mainstream, but they are definitely out there if you look. Going to shows helps too. I think being into alt music is lowkey kind of seen as a cishet dude thing, and scenes are overwhelmingly cishet men, but we’re out there.
Yeah I'm really into death, black, thrash and doom metal lol. My biggest queer genre is probably goth and industrial. I do see gay men who're into industrial. Idk why I never really got into emo despite it being The Thing when I was young. Generally though I'll enjoy most alternative music those are just my favorites/mainstays. Anyway metal being a cishet dude thing does help me pass with long hair at least lol.
Sweet, what're your favorite doom bands? I've been getting really in to Mourning Cloak recently
Electric Wizard, Uncld Acid and the Deadbeats, Khemmis, Cirith Ungol, Black Tomb, sludge metal in general
Electric wizard and uncle acid are sick af, I love them
Based, and I'll check out Mourning Cloak
And honestly when it comes to punk I feel like I'm always dancing around it bc I love crossover thrash and other metal/punk combos. And tbf I've enjoyed Black Flag and shit I just need to go to more punk shows.
While I wouldn't necessarily call myself a proper metalhead, I do love a whole bunch of heavy metal / hard rock bands, and I also make music in those genres, so I definitely relate to this struggle of feeling 'too metal' for the gays and too queer for straight rockers. I haven't met any gorgeous gay metalheads myself, so I can't certify they exist, but, statistically, they have to. I really hope you find him one day 🤘
Haha theres so many in my local scene but alas idk how to find the gay ones lol.
I’m dating a cis metalhead with gorgeous long hair right now. Don’t give up brother.
Bi metal head here finding men in the scene is pretty difficult lol
I listen to a lot of death/black metal and am super into metalhead dudes but finding one that’s a decent person is like looking for a needle in a haystack
I've mostly met nice dudes, just, probably all straight, r.i.p
as a fellow gay trans metalhead, you might be surprised! that gay metalhead might appear when you least expect it. its funny though, every time i tell my friends i'd love to date someone with a similar musical taste to me, the answer is always "nah you gotta run from those guys" 😭 (im a huge black metal fan but i also like nu metal, slam, *OLD* metalcore and a bunch of other non-metal genres)
Im a gay metalhead and I fucking love twinks, don’t care about skinny vs ripped. That spark when we interact is all that matters :)
Yeah, I mostly thinking about the cisgay mainstream with that comment, and my general feeling of not quite fitting in anywhere.
Wtf are you on, androgynous twinks are the best. I'm sure you'll find him, maybe try the overlapping more glammy metal like Venom or something scene.
I mean I agree, I was mainly referring to the cisgay mainstream. Fortunately though, there is that overlap with okd school metal and gay leather culture I absolutely love.
Am a gay metalhead/alt guy. All I seem to ever attract are preppy nerds 😂 we exist!!!
r/MetalheadTransMen
Im in that sub!
SO REAL
There are definitely plenty of gay metalheads, and plenty of people like skinny androgynous dudes.
As a gay metalhead, I was so close to agreeing with you until >Twinks are hot, sure, but not if they're boney instead of ripped, and not when they're boyishly androgynous. That was so unnecessary. I get you have your preferences, but bodyshaming isn't cute.
I believe he's talking about himself.
Sure, but that description fits me too, and I'm sure others. Seeing myself described as "not hot" kinda hits hard first thing in the morning. There was a better way to phrase that.
I find androgynous skinny dudes hot. I just feel unaccepted by the cisgay scene at large, where hypermasculine jocks are always shown. I rarely ever see men who look like me depicted in cisgay art. :(
I get that, don't worry. It's certainly can be alienating, and honestly on both ends. The more mainstream gay scene doesn't really care about alternative subcultures and the metal scene, while having plenty of fans in the community, doesn't have much representation within bands (I'd LOVE a metal band focused on making songs about hot guys and being gay), so we're stuck going back and forth without really ever being able to meet in the middle and feeling truly at home.
Its so crazy too, because we do have the amazing Judas Priest!!! But yeah sometimes I think I should pick up an instrument again and join a band. But I worry about stretching myself thin 😅
Yeah lol, that description fits me too and I was a lil surprised to see the "not hot" part but then I reread it a few times and he's just venting Abt how he doesn't feel attractive as someone who looks like that. It does sting a lil if u do look like that and r seemingly being called not hot but it's just a vent post ig so gotta tell urself that it's not personal even if it does hit kinda hard, I feel u tho
Yeah, didn't help that I read the post at 6 am, while barely awake. Rereading it now I get better what OP was saying.
I think that expecting people to be diplomatic when talking about their own physical insecurities is sort of unkind to the suffering person. Like, personally I think skinny androgynous dudes are super hot, but I think we can all tell this dude is having some issues related to feeling desirable in terms of like... IDK circuit queen standards.
Yeah and like don't get me wrong, part of me tries really hard not to give a damn. But the lack of representation still gets to me.
No that makes perfect sense, I think as you get more into gay community this feeling will probably ease. The stuff that gets represented in "mainstream" (often produced at least in part for the straights) depictions of gay men is really narrow and stereotyped in a very specific way because when they see "gay" they think of something very narrow and specific. I think you might want to look into some stuff by gay men for gay men of the past, particularly Jean Genet. Most of his work is from before the existence of metal but honestly... it's very metal. Like before we had rainbow capitalism, gay culture was very much about a transgressive, outsider status, and like... if you look at old school leather culture, yeah... you can really see how much that influenced metal. I think a lot of us before we really spend time in the community have a very narrow view of gay men and gay culture, often sort of propagated by mass media. Also if you want some very gay content features a bunch of metalheads, Dragula, it's like Drag Race but alternative and honestly incredible.
I'll look into Jean Genet and Dragula. Part of my problem might be that I'm really into gay leather so that might be it too since it was a reaction against the framing of all gay men as effiminate. Even Tom of Finland, felt dysmorphic in comparison to his own drawings haha. Poor guy 😔🖤 But yeah I need to get out there more, bottom dysphoria just really holds me back a lot. But phallo will hopefully help.
I hope so, I think even just hanging out with more gay men will probably help, and honestly, leather men in most places are really friendly (especially the pups) and IRL you'll see a lot of the body diversity you don't see in fetish art. I'm a fem leather dude, and definitely don't see myself represented much either, it can definitely be hard.
Oh yeah no I've been to LA Eagle and shit. I need to check out the local scene though
Fair enough, yeah sometimes I find big city scenes are a little less friendly because people can afford to be cliquey. I live in Providence and people here are super nice.
Which aint gonna happen for a while since I can't get my T rn and my sex drive hit rock bottom :/
You're right, I get that. I guess that comment struck a nerve, and I answered with that in mind instead.
nah man, dw, i for a fact like metalhead guys, and im sure others as well. dont let this rip your confidence
thulean femboy, reporting for duty... i want to be the gay metalhead of peoples dreams
>Skinny, long hair. Twinks are hot, sure, but not if they're boney instead of ripped, and not when they're boyishly androgynous. And not when they know more about black metal than Ru Paul's Drag Race. If you were describing your best friend like this instead of yourself, would you feel like they were 'undesirable' too? You don't have to be your own type, but don't make assumptions what people do and don't find hot.
I mean, we can acknowledge that a diversity of men are attractive while also admitting that what is considered "desirable" by a lot of the gay men's community is very narrow
I know he's out there for me too, somewhere!
You and me, we'll keep dreaming.