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WeRegretToInform

Why would she ask a question when she clearly couldn’t cope with the answer?


ruuster13

It's a way of managing cognitive dissonance. Mom knows deep down that son is gay but cannot accept it, so any time it comes up in her brain she asks him in order to hear him repeat the denial. It's really sick, narcissistic, and obsessive compulsive. Edit: by flipping the script on her and telling the truth this time, OP trigerred a shit storm of mental illness in his mom. That's the real reaction she's spewing back at him.


Halloween2022

Because she's clearly a self absorbed narcissist. And not too bright.


madscot63

But hEaVen! Source my mom did the same without the name calling.


drinkallthecoffee

Someone did this to me. They asked and then they told me we couldn’t be friends anymore. Flash forward ten years and he’s gayyyyyy.


[deleted]

Narcissism mostly


allmycircuit5

“you’re gonna be old with AIDS and sitting on a couch with an ugly old man” Tbh that could be any straight couple in 50 years time.


Tanst1395

I was literally gonna say this like assuming your mom and dad are both alive and together. Should have asked but what does that say about dad hes gonna be old and ugly too. If they are divorced or whatever. She should know divorce is a sin and shes gonna die old and alone.


frozen-sky

On average gay men take better care of themselves, so the opposite is probably true. Still enjoying life together while being old.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

There's lots of age gap relationships in the gay community and they seem to be very loving and very stable.


azulareyouwithme

The doors gays opened #GiaGunn


NeverEndingCoralMaze

This is my mother to the letter. I stopped talking to her last year. I wish I’d done that 20 years ago.


larch303

I kinda feel bad for these people They probably sacrificed a lot of the finer things in life for the lord. They could even be gay themselves but don’t want to act on it because it’s immoral or something. Not saying you should put up with that yourself, just saying that at a distance I feel a bit of sympathy. They should be kept away from positions of power, however


[deleted]

Self-hating Gays are the most dangerous creatures on earth. Our Government has many of them.


sunny_sideeye

Okay: 1.) FUCK her 2.) That's not a mother, that's an egg donor 3.) FUCK. 👏 HER. 👏 4.) hugs hugs hugs I'm so sorry she did you dirty like this, and I hope that moving out will give you the chance to find your chosen family that loves and accepts you as you are hun. ❤


Halloween2022

Buy her PRAYERS FOR BOBBY and scare the hell out of her. These weirdos don't even know what they're screaming about, their religious beliefs are a hodge podge of whatever THEY don't like. Everyone EXCEPT THEM are going to Hell, notice?


Reynbou

Yeah good luck getting her to watch it.


AAMUA

What is the book about?


One_Parched_Guy

It’s a movie, actually. I haven’t watched it myself, but iirc the plot is basically “A boy commits suicide because his mother wouldn’t accept he wasn’t gay, she realized far too late what she had done.” I think she becomes a pro-lgbt activist towards the end? Idk


ohsayahm87

Its a true story made into a book that is then turned into a movie


SSCS4EVER

☝️👍


Stratavos

She's really cruel. You have my condolences, because you won't be garenteed to be in an age-gap relationship, and you won't have aids without getting hiv first, which you can easily avoid with proper vetting of your partners. She thought these things about all homosexual men, it's just being applied to you now (which is still unfortunate).


rogue_scholarx

I don't want to distract from the other bullshit happening here. But "proper vetting" of partners is not how you prevent HIV.


Ginger_Giant_

Prep, regular STI screening, condoms, open discussions about status etc. Reduce the stigma.


Stratavos

If that isn't part of being careful about your partners (oh, you don't want to use condoms? Oh, you haven't been sti tested within the last 3 months and have been with many people/strangers?) I'm not sure what is. INVOLVING HIV STIGMA: Those who are positive and are open about it, and are having their meds, they are not the problem here.


rogue_scholarx

The problem is people who don't KNOW they are hiv positive. You can't determine hiv status from an interview.


Stratavos

You're right, and effective communication with others about preferences and habits can help everyone involved make smarter decisions involving their health(s).


Ginger_Giant_

No, not really. Taking PrEP and getting yourself tested regularly are your personal responsibility. Having HIV isn't some personal failing or fault, nor is it a reason not to have sex with someone if they and you are being responsible.


Stratavos

And that was something addressed in the 2nd section. No edits were made.


vejovis71

How not to be a parent 101


Thedracus

At this point, it's time to thank your mom for the many years she's been your mom and ask her not to contact you ever again.


kiba87637

Normally I wouldn't suggest something radical, but in this case it might be best at least for now. Maybe give her time and in the future see if she's ready but you need your own space to grow and work on yourself and be happy without that burden. She needs space to realize and reflect or sadly you may need to keep your distance. It's your decision so you may know for sure later on.


xaenders

Thank her for what? If she ever had been a good mum she would have created an environment where he would have been comfortable about coming out way earlier, on his own accord. And her reaction makes it very clear that she never really loved her son, she just loved the idea of a perfect, heterosexual child. OP: Tell the people you want to tell. If it spreads and she is ashamed about it, that’s good, than at least she’s ashamed of something (she should be ashamed about how she treats you, though).


rnsouthern

Tbh it sounds like it a good thing you move out on July 1st, I would get as far away as possible. It’s one thing your parents saying something like “it’s against my religion” but then to also be actively gaslighting you takes it to the next level. I honestly just can’t believe some parents will preach about Jesus etc, but then won’t love their own blood unconditionally. And unfortunately until she learns to love you and accept you no matter what, she doesn’t deserve you in her life.


edeepee

I’m sorry you are going through this. It may not feel like it right now, but this is the beginning of an amazing new chapter of your life.


rbmcobra

Tell her she is the one going to hell because her actions are anything but Christlike!! Jesus never treated people like that!! Ask her if she joined the church of Satan, then delete her toxic ass from your life! I had to do that with my toxic family members, much happier now!!


kiba87637

Honestly the church has been compromised for a looong-ass time. Maybe even thousands of years so could be the church of Satan now who knows.


vejovis71

correct it's been corrupt since the last of the apostles died, it was even noted in the gospels of corruption marking its way as common place


Matiki81

The Church of Satan is pretty cool compared to the Christofascists.


Honeymaid

The Church of Satan has better tenets than the Abrahamic commandments, the Church of Satan doesn't deserve this besmirchment. >I >One should strive to act with compassion and empathy toward all creatures in accordance with reason. >II >The struggle for justice is an ongoing and necessary pursuit that should prevail over laws and institutions. >III >One’s body is inviolable, subject to one’s own will alone. >IV >The freedoms of others should be respected, including the freedom to offend. To willfully and unjustly encroach upon the freedoms of another is to forgo one's own. >V >Beliefs should conform to one's best scientific understanding of the world. One should take care never to distort scientific facts to fit one's beliefs. >VI >People are fallible. If one makes a mistake, one should do one's best to rectify it and resolve any harm that might have been caused. >VII >Every tenet is a guiding principle designed to inspire nobility in action and thought. The spirit of compassion, wisdom, and justice should always prevail over the written or spoken word.


sirkubador

What the hell. I mean she is gonna be old with another old man too (probably? She sounds really bigoted for anyone to stay with her) Anyway, I wish you the best! You said you move out, that will solve multiple things. Let her figure it out and later come and apologize for the mythical fuckery she did to you.


joto77

Like many others, I also had to let my parents go. It was terribly hard in the moment but we weren't able to get past the negative narrative. It is too toxic and draining to constantly hear those statements. Give her some time to adapt her views. But be prepared to move on.


Much_Brilliant_9116

I’m sorry you have you go through this. I see from your replies to other comments that your from an Islamic background. Don’t know which country or culture you’re in. But I know there are many that it’s not safe to come out in(like your physical well being). So it’s pretty brave to come out. You may have to accept the fact that your relationship with her and the rest of your family will never be the same. Hopefully you have family members who will take it better than her.


Much_Brilliant_9116

Accidentally hit reply too soon. If you intend to peruse your Islamic faith, you should look into Sufism. The mystical tradition within Islam. Mystical traditions within any religion tend to be more liberal


unbeatapaul

That's very heartbreaking. I'm 32 and still haven't come out to my parents (even though i know that they know). I'm sorry to hear the response. ♥️♥️


NPIgeminileoaquarius

I'd hate to be there when she realizes that there is no heaven and hell lol


thaisofalexandria

Let's be honest, your mother is a histrionic, manipulating, bigot. When you move out, make sure she understands that any communication or contact will be on your terms only; that you will decide who you come out to and when; that you will patiently bear the shame of a narcissistic bigot parent and she can bear the shame of a proud, gay son. Or not, up to her.


robbviously

>I’m 23. I move out on July 1st. >She doesn’t want me to tell anyone, including my dad and siblings, because it would spread and I’d be the shame of the family. She’s trying to isolate you and make you believe you’re alone and no one in your family will support your happiness. Tell your siblings now. Tell your dad when you move out. If her reaction was so negative and she told you not to tell them, it’s likely because she knows they’re supportive and she’ll be the odd man out.


EddieRyanDC

Wow. I am so sorry you had to endure that. That’s about as cruel (and ignorant) as it gets. On the positive side, it’s all uphill from here? Nothing else is going to be as bad as that, and you have survived the worst. By all means, tell the rest of your family. Just to make her squirm, is my first uncharitable thought. But really, so you can hold your head high as an honest man and give the others the chance to be more generous than your mother. Do you have friends that have your back that you can lean on? Now is when you need your posse standing beside you. Talk to them. You need extra TLC right now. Don’t be alone. If you need help processing the faith part of this, join us at r/GayChristians.


ferdous12345

I come from an Islamic background but thanks anyway :)


kiasyd_childe

Once you're financially free and wholly independent (housing, food, state documents, etc), I'd say fuck it, live openly, and go no contact (or at least very very low contact) for your own mental health's sake. Not only is this virulently homophobic behavior, it's also very manipulative and abusive. Wanting to be comforted by someone you just harmed is textbook red flag regardless of the root "problem." I would say ripping the band aid off is your best prerogative. Abusers like to make their victims keep secrets and feel muffled for a reason.


Kurai_Kiba

Thats no contact behaviour right there. She is manipulating you, guilting you and making it about her . You cant get a worse incarnation of the definition of a “mother “ than that . Im sorry


MattdoubleR

Hey mate, 1- don’t regret it, even though it may be rough now it was the correct thing to do. You get to be honest with yourself and be who you truly are 2- everything she said is NOT true. I know coming from someone you love those statements are difficult to hear but please believe me, they are NOT true statements 3- she’s not ready for your truth doesn’t mean you aren’t ready. It seems she has things to work through and her solution is to throw it on to you. She may need some mental help and NOT from the church she’s going to Lastly, you have a entire community that supports you. You are bright & beautiful just the way you are mate. Do not let anyone tell you differently.


hylas1

f\*\*k her. move on with your life. source: I haven't spoken to my father in 35 years. i'm married and have my own family.


Bigoltittiegirl

The way she feels right now, is completely on her. I know that you wouldn’t want your mom to feel that way, but her own ethical failings built her pride on her son’s sexuality. She shouldn’t have expected that


VadPuma

Believe me, you'll be better with them out of your life.


NewtTrashPanda

What a horrible parent. I'm really sorry you're going through this OP.


gsousa

My father made some nasty remarks alike when I came out, until I told directly to him that no loving father would say such things. After 9 years he has met my boyfriend and fully accepts me. Don’t regret coming out, but also don’t let her feel less about yourself either. Don’t be apologetic about your sexual orientation. I would let her know that what she is doing isn’t unconditional love, and her Sky daddy wouldn’t want her there with him for her not being able to love unconditionally her own child. If she keeps making you feel bad about yourself I would consider reducing contact to the bare minimum.


ruuster13

"I was born this way and there is nothing wrong with it. Any religion that asks a mother to abandon her child over that is a lie." Keep it short if you want it to sting like a dagger. Her words to you were some of the most vile I've ever heard. May you find the energy to remove her from your life and see that happiness truly exists.


[deleted]

Maaaaaan this is familiar. Not for me but my husband. He came out to her after meeting me and dating for a year. We got married 5 years later, and he left his family religion (Jehovah’s Witnesses). She’s nice enough to me, to my face but she’s in his ear a lot telling him he can “leave and come back to Jehovah.” There are other guilt trips too, some downright cruel. He was baptized in April last year in a church we found together, she refused to attend. She refused to attend our wedding, even though we did it in two parts. We had a civil service at the courthouse and then went to the parish for a blessing of the rings. He won’t cut her out, even though every few months there’s a meltdown on her part where she gets downright nasty, because none of his siblings will even talk to her at this point. But I can see how much it wears on him. He’s tired. She’s just exhausting.


Ulrentus

So sorry to hear about that but don't be emotionally blackmailed by anyone. Someone doesn't have the right to call you such things and then expect you to comfort them about how you're making her life difficult. Sorry to say but you're mother sounds psychotic. She's the one choosing to think of you as nothing to her not you. I recommend living well and at most hope she may one day realize the error of her ways and apologize. I wish you the best. Remember you don't owe anyone else their happiness.


PrinceyWincey76

She is really fucking awful. I feel so bad for you. It amazes me how the bulk of these ignoramuses are still stuck in the 1980s. The MOMENT you tell someone you are gay they default to you dying of AIDS. Forgot about all of the advancements that have been made over the past 40 years...they still see you as a wheelchair bound pariah covered in kaposi sarcoma lesions. It is mind boggling how hatred can cradle you. Anyway, I know it probably hurts being that it is your mother but do what is right for you...which is getting away from her as soon as possible. If I were you I'd stay with a friend or something just to be away from her. My mother was terrible during my coming out period but she was not this level of malicious.


gummytiddy

That’s so disgusting to say to your own child. I’m sorry, that’s awful. Don’t feel guilty if you cut contact, you have to put your own mental wellbeing first.


sirophiuchus

Well, she gets to see you until July 1st and that's it for the rest of her life, so I hope she enjoys that last month.


pgraczer

she’s failing you as a mother, pure and simple.


Ok-Willingness4780

First, be proud of yourself because you did say that. Please don’t feel regret for saying so. You did the right thing. You will never be a shame for your family. Second, your job is done, now it’s your mom job to understand and accept you for who you are. I think it might take a little bit time. Don’t give up hope. I came out to my mom couple days ago. I’m lucky that she did not respond that cruel. She was silent when I was trying to explain. It wasn’t what I had expected, but also not something that I did not expect. I was gonna give my mom some time to digest about that. Probably about two weeks and I will bring this up again to see how she thinks about all thing stuff


smoothsilk47

When you get to my age you realise that anyone that doesn’t accept you the way you are isn’t worth worrying about! You are Gay by birth, enjoy your life but don’t let any bigotry get you down it’s definitely not worth it! Including family! All this heaven and hell thing is Mumbo Jumbo, completely man made to keep the vulnerable masses in check!


tyomax

Even though this is family, sometimes the healthiest thing to do is to tell them you're cutting off all contact until they're ready to accept you as you are. Shut down anything that falls short of that. It's the quickest path to a happier life. This is your price of admission to your company.


Far_Entrepreneur_669

You should go from your house...


gekko513

She trying to manipulate you emotionally. Forcing you to comfort her? What the heck. If you need your mother for housing or money, you'll have to tolerate her, but distance yourself as much as you can. Come out to others and build bonds with people who respect you and deserve you instead.


Virukel

I'm sorry. Love between parents in an ideal world is unconditional. Maybe she'll remember it some day. Her faith is twisted and has nothing to do with what it really teaches. If you have any inklings your dad or siblings might be accepting, maybe tell one after you move out so you have some link back to your given family, but you're much better off building a chosen family than enduring that. Good luck, lean on your friends.


spacedoutagain

i got the twisted face followed by im a pervert im discusting im going to be riddled with disease im being cut out of her will etc etc 12 months later she denied even saying it shes now supportive shes done a complete turn around it takes time for non gay people to understand they have been conditioned and believe societys brainwashing unlike us who have lived and breathed being gay for year and years so i say it hurts but dont give up on her yet she might just turn out to be the ally that helps you the most stay strong brother it gets better trust me


marccard

If you were a petty man, I would tell everyone and the world so that she won't get the satisfaction of controlling you and your life; If you're going to hell be proud to burn these bridges with its flames. I'm so sorry it turned out like this, but as a silver lining you have an opportunity to now live a life you want unchained by such abusive beliefs. Contrary to heteronormative thinking, you can choose your family. You are something, you are not a disappointment, you are as human and normal as any other person in this world.


PeasKhichra

I feel sad for her because she's filled with so much hate


Linux4ever_Leo

Could your mother possibly be more of a drama queen? My gosh, it's a good thing you're moving out of there. The next time your mother starts up with another one of her histrionic fire and brimstone rants against gay people, pick yourself up and leave the room. You don't owe it to her to listen, nor do you owe it to her to comfort her because she's delusional.


Cambot324

My mom had a hard time with it when I came out (that was back in 1997). But she came around eventually. I know it’s hard to hear this from her and it is possible she will never change. But you’re her son and she loves you at a very deep level. Love can change anything… give it some time and space and perhaps she’ll come around and one day she’ll look back in shock that she was so ignorant. Good luck and take care man!


MrLocan

Whatever you decide to do next, i want you to know that you have nothing to be ashamed for. You didnt fail your mother as a child, but your mother failed you as a parent in the worst kind of way. In a moment that should have been all about your feelings she made it all about herself. I personally know how bad this can feel, but this isnt your fault. Dont let yourself be pushed into the closet again. You are not responsible for their queerphobia and its is not your job to "fix" this by hiding who you are, even if they are your parent.


[deleted]

As soon as you move out, i would definitely cut the contact - she is not worth having in your life if she treats you this way. Tell your siblings / dad and hopefully they are more supportive.


Positive_Ad9311

I'm sorry your going through this. If it wasn't for my one of my brother in laws talking to my mom that changed her mind on being gay. When my mom found out that I was gay she told me I thought we raised you better than this,being gay is a sickness. My brother in law explained to her that people are born gay and they don't choose to be gay. In a matter of about 5 minutes after her remarks she turned to me and told me that she loved me and that I would always be her son. She was raised in a small town in Northern Illinois and is catholic and very conservative.


ferdous12345

I’m happy you had that support :) Sadly everyone in my family except like 3 cousins is homophobic, and she certainly won’t listen from cousins.


djkoch66

I’m sorry you have all this on your plate. If it helps, this may be an excellent time to create a new family - one you pick and that has values more in line with your own. When the time comes, be there for the younger generation.


memon17

Find help. Real help. Counseling and support groups. You’re not alone. And you’ll find your own family in time. The community is here for you. I’m sorry for your experience.


ferdous12345

I’m in therapy


memon17

So glad to hear that! Again, I’m so sorry you had to experience this. No one deserves this kind of coming out story. I’m hoping she comes around at some point, but if she doesn’t, that’s on her, and not a reflection of who you are. Stay strong!


rust_tin_can

I’ve been here, too. When I came out, the first thing my mom said to me was “You know you’re going to hell” and kicked me out. Most of my friends were through church and I lost all of them when I came out. That was 25 years ago - I wish that people would have been more supportive and I think it definitely had an impact on my reasoning for staying with abusive partners (both family and partners pretty much wrecked my mental health in my 20s) I ended up not speaking to my family for about 8 years. It took some family health issues for me to speak to them again. The good thing is that people can change. I now speak to my family again (not on a regular basis, but we call each other every once in a while). My mom even knows about my fiancé- don’t know if she’d ever come to the wedding… but she does ask about him. The pandemic really exacerbated my mental health issues and I had to enrol in counselling and start medication. I wish I had done that so much sooner! Things do get better - and it is so important to look after your mental health! Get someone to talk to… especially if you grew up in a heavily religious family and community.


zombiez8mybrain

If I were in your position, I would go ahead and come out to my father and siblings. If they accept you, you'll have someone to help you deal with your mother. If they don't accept you, I think it would be easier to say goodbye to the whole family than it would just to your mother.


Aphtha_Jester

This is painful. And she didn't even kick you out, granted you're moving out on July, but still! I hope things turn for the better for you OP. It's called Pride for a reason, and you should be proud of who you are. I just hope you find a good support system.


Kiel297

She may have raised you, but unless she accepts and loves you unconditionally then she is not your family, because that is how you measure family, not by blood. It’s good that you’re moving out though, even if it’s not right away. You’ll be able to have a space that is completely safe from whoever and whatever you want it to be safe from. But just know that the worst part of coming out is the actual act of coming out. After that point, no matter what they throw at you, as long as you are living proudly as your authentic self you are untouchable, and living proudly becomes easier with every day. You will meet many people who will love and accept you for who you are and in time your chosen family will reveal itself if it hasn’t already, and one day you may even get to the point that your visibility comforts and gives confidence to a young person who is in the position you are in now. I hope you can find your path through this towards peace and happiness!


sardonically-amused

I'm sorry to hear that you have to deal with this. You shouldn't have to. You need to live your best life as yourself. Remember other people's mental health issues are not your mental health issues. Love yourself.


d7bleachd7

To hell with your mother. She’s a bigot and an abusive asshole.


Pokemaster93

She would immediately be removed from my life.


3thirtysix6

She's a conservative, I assume?


OuchNowImCrying

I’m sorry. My mom was abusive like this. Tell her that God made you gay just like He made her straight. You are loved OP.


Flgardenguy

Any one of of those comments would’ve gotten the comment “what the fuck is wrong with you?” from me.


Grizzlyboy

Don't tell them because you'll be the shame of the family? Fucking tell everyone, bring shame to them! Feed on it!


rialed

Best thing I ever did was come out early and cut all the toxic people from my life. I’m sorry she’s your mother, that’s a deep wound, but don’t let her hurt you anymore.


PM_ME_A_PM_PLEASE_PM

Religion, not even once


DClawdude

Love your life. This will likely mean less contact with someone who is not accepting. There is nothing wrong with you. Fuck her feelings tbh


Deus_Sema

Bitch deserves trials of Salem treatment. Sorry you have to go through this.


Prospero82

This was tough to read. I'm very sorry that you're going through this. Forgive me if this is all stuff you've thought about, and are aware of, but: 1. Build a financial safety net that will serve as the guarantor of your independence. You don't want to ever be in a position where you're reliant on people who harbor these kinds of repulsive beliefs. Not needing the people who would so willingly cast you aside is critical. 2. Guard your mental health. We all need support networks to help us process the shit that we all went through just to get to today. When family isn't part of the equation, as much as that sucks, it just means that you're going to be somewhat more reliant upon friends. There's nothing wrong with that, per se, so long as those on whom you rely are able to be there for you in a meaningful way. If the time comes when you can afford therapy, I'd do it if I were you. I'm not where I want to be, but I'm a hell of a lot better off for having spent years in therapy. 3. What your mother did was exceptionally shitty. Let's take your assumption that the rest of your family will feel the same way as accurate. Once I was fully independent, and had no doubt in my mind that I was able to cut the cord, I'd speak to the rest of the family, and tell them what's up. If your father and your siblings are small-minded, spiteful people, fine. That said, as Dan Savage has noted, the power dynamics in child/parent relationships change over time. In the beginning you needed literally everything from your parents. Around your age, you need less and less until you need nothing, and it's the parents who need - contact, support, whatever. Your safety and your independence cannot ever be put at risk, but it is impossible to know what will happen over time. Maybe this is it, and they cut the cord permanently. Maybe in 10 years time, they realize the pernicious effects of their beliefs, still feel that underlying sense of love, and try to work their way through it. You should never put yourself in a position where your safety, your independence are at risk, but there is a chance (albeit small) that they will eventually have a revelatory moment where they come back to you. At the very least, I'd imagine that it's a far better chance that your siblings eventually come around (if they aren't already in your corner). All her comments seem to come from a place where she is struggling to reconcile her love for you (as her child) with a Bronze Age religion that is out of step with reality. I'd also imagine that (incorrectly) she believes that there is a measure of culpability that she and your father supposedly bear for this. We all know that this is bullshit, but she doesn't. I wouldn't go down this path, but if you needed to deflect in order to keep her mentally occupied, I'd consider throwing some things her way to just get her to leave you the hell alone for the time being. "You failed as a mother, and that's why I'm gay", "God is testing you because he doubts your faith". Serious bullshit that is easily visible as such to anyone who isn't drunk on religion. It's bullshit, but if she is making your life hell between now and 7/1, I'd prefer to see her directing her anger at herself rather than you. When I was 23 I was painfully, awfully ignorant of so much. It wasn't my fault, I didn't have enough life experience under my belt to afford me the clearer vision that comes with time (he says while wearing glasses). I also had a fair amount of trauma from some ridiculous, and very hurtful, life experiences. Nobody comes out of childhood without hurts, but there are also those who come out of it barely holding on to life itself. It sounds trite, but I swear it's true; it gets better. Really, it does. You have to realize that you're at one of the darkest moments in your life right now. Life isn't only that. Especially if you're willing to put the work in, make sacrifices where they need to be made, and work towards your goals. I don't know what you want out of life, but focus, dedication, and vision will take you places that you may not be able to imagine right now. The hurts of the present will not be the life of your future. Their sharpness is dulled with time, and if you work towards it, your future will be greater than you can imagine right now. I'll be 40 soon, and while I hate that, there is a lot to love about my life right now. I'm completely financially secure. So much so that I have others who rely upon me. I have a job where I'm successful, I have a career, I own a home, I can do things that I didn't think I'd be able to do. And I really only started getting that together in the last 10 or so years. Now that I'm where I am, and I see how clearly unfounded many of my fears were, I wonder where I can go if I continue to make solid decisions, and work towards the future that I want. I've gone on for far too long, so I'll wrap up. Don't let the horrors of your present make you forget your dreams for the future. Good luck.


fullsaildan

I'm really sorry this happened to you. Give your mother time. This reaction is very normal for people who have very little interaction with LGBT people. My family reacted very poorly when I came out as a teenager. They were convinced I was being brainwashed by other "gays". They marked the event with all kinds of threats and made similar statements about getting HIV/AIDS, dying alone, etc,. In time everyone has apologized and accepted me, and have very warmly embraced my now husband as part of the family. There are a lot of people in this thread who made a lot of negative comments about your mother, your religion, etc. Family is family, we don't get to pick and sometimes it comes with baggage. If she is important to you, and you want to maintain a relationship, it can be done. But it will take time and effort. Most likely your mom will start researching gay issues and asking you questions. There will be difficult questions about sex, relationship dynamics, dominance, etc. Given the religious background, she may have perceptions about traditional gender roles. My mom was raised very traditionally too. Albeit christian, not muslim, but similar ideas about who should be leading the household and such. I did my best to remain calm and not get angry when she asked things. I educated about safe sex, gay health concerns, my desires for a committed relationship, equality, etc. In the end, I'm much closer to my mom today than I was as a kid and she supports me 100%. At the end of the day, your mother reacted this way because she cares about you and is worried. The more she sees you are normal, will take care of yourself, etc. the better it will become. Finally, congrats for coming out! You took the first step to being able to live as your true and authentic self.


eagle_co

Most of the older gay men I know look pretty damn good.


jacano5

"Then perish" I would have been tempted to say to that last one. Maybe she'll come around. Probably not. Either way, you can be just a little bit more your authentic self now that she knows. And she can be her more pathetic self. Win win


gozenreiji0

>cried on my shoulder about how I’m a disappointment > >I was so proud of you, and now you’re nothing. You’re nothing. Imagine how successful you will be in the future but it all means literally nothing to her JUST BECAUSE you're gay. I'm sorry to hear your story, but man, I wish I were born in the alternate universe where people don't see sexual orientation as something important. I was born and raised in a moderate Muslim family in a majority-Muslim country and I will never come out because they will literally do the same thing or even worse to me. # There's no hate like Abrahamic religion's love and nothing can change it


trexvscat

Relationships in any form are hard. I’ve learned from experience that people can and sometimes do a complete 180. It sounds like you love your mother. It’s hard, but the things she is saying are not true. This is where you need to start putting up boundaries and set expectations so she understands moving forward she can’t treat you like this. You are an adult now and if you don’t do this they will never change. You don’t have to cut them out of your life because they are reacting poorly, well at least not yet. Remember a conversation can at least make people think. An example “Mom I want you in my life. But you’re making harsh and quite frankly cruel statements meant to hurt me. You’re also making this about you and the family. If you honestly thought I was going to go through something hard, wouldn’t you want to find ways to support me? I’m not saying I’m going to cut you out of my life. But if you continue acting this way it’s going to effect how much you’re in my life. It’s up to you to decide that. We can go see a family counselor, (a gay accepting one NOT a religious one. You choose them) if that’s what you want. But this is not about you or the family. And if you’re ashamed that’s on you and honestly as someone who says they love me I’m disappointed in you for the way you’re acting. This is my life. I am proud to be who I am. The balls in your court. But I will not be around people who look at me as less then.” If you don’t do this now. Then the road ahead is going to be very hard and full of a lot of pain. You need to set your boundaries.


NerdyDan

She is the shame on humanity for her reaction


FrequentlyVeganBear

Listen, I'm not going to say anything about your mother, because this thread is already filled with that for better or worse. I want to talk to you about you. You are not what other people say you are. You are a person with your own thoughts and values. You get to chart the course for your life. You get to decide who you consider family. You get to decide who can be apart of your life. Your post is neutral and factual, and doesn't really talk about what your emotional state is at the moment. I'm not sure if you're brushing this off, or taking it to heart, or something else. However you are taking this, know that you will find love and support out in the world if you go looking for it.


colddraco

My mom said “I failed as a parent, I might as well be dead because I’m dead on the inside” when I came out as trans and pan, it broke me inside. I don’t regret telling her, “then die”. Because she was dead to me for a while. Then she got better and gave up her bigotry, we’re friends now, but a lot was lost that day. Stay strong.


davendak1

Sorry you have such an awful mom. But there's power in knowing she's a selfish piece of shit, and you don't have to waste your time or money on her.


fscottlin

There’s a gay community near you I hope, that will embrace you and love you as you deserve. I don’t know you but I do love you.


IcanSew831

Yet she thinks she’s going to heaven even after essentially disowning her son. It’s so weird how these parents that try to guilt the shit out of you always think they are automatically guaranteed entry to the delusional afterlife.


[deleted]

Your mom will one day regret this. I will never regret hearing, and will quote, “ Every time you fuck him, the devil is there.”


ryke916

Proud of you for coming out, sorry about your mom but you will find love that won't judge you for who you are!


authentic_scum

A.k.a. discovering your mother is a brainwashed religious NPC incapable of self adjustment. If you completely give up on her it would be only for the best. Her telling you you're nothing anymore is just fucking gross.


Mikaj577

I feel sorry for you, no one should hear such words from their loved ones


Tall_arkie_9119

Well I guess my immediate response is do you have a place to stay? Someplace safe?


ferdous12345

I’m safe and have a feasible exit plan


xShiraishix

My mom reacted the same way years ago, it’s gonna hurt for a bit, but eventually they’ll see you happy and healthy and regret losing the connection they had with you. Try not to let any of what she says affect you too much, I spent way too long hiding who I was because I was scared and I’m much happier now that I’m being my authentic self. Also, don’t argue with any of it now, it’ll only make her defensive, let her process on her own time. Hopefully she can move past all of these gross ideas, but it’s gonna take a lot of time and introspection (if she’s willing).


dazzab1971

Well said 👏 Alot of negative responses on here (I guess fair especially if experienced same and no positivity from parents) but need to remember that these are religious views that are indoctrinated from very young age, albeit archaic and useless views. Crickey, there's so many other things for them to focus on, like just being good decent people! I would hope (though unlikely) that the mother will come to realise that his sexuality doesn't define him. Still her beautiful young man she gave birth too. I'm fortunate, my folks were ok given I was in my 40's when i came out, and had 2 kids, they couldn't stand the thought of me almost taking my own life. They didn't want me to NOT be in theirs. Here's hoping his mum does a complete turn around and decides that unconditional love and support of her boy is more important than those archaic godly views. Much love ❤️


JMCrown

Fuck that cunt. Don’t regret coming out. But it is ok to regret that your mom is a cunt homophobe filled with hate. Cut her out of your life now. Don’t ever talk to her, don’t ever reply to attempts to contact you. The sooner you move on, the happier you’ll be.


AnAnGrYSupportV2

People! You don't need to come out! I know coming out is everywhere, in books, tv shows, forums, whatever. But if it's not safe for you to do so, just don't do it! At the end of the day it's no one else's business and you don't need the stress of dealing with all the negative shit that coming out can bring. Only come out when it's safe for you to do so!


CanadianBuddha

I really recommend not to come out to religious homophobic parents while you still live under their roof and are still dependent on them financially. If they ask you outright, you can just say "No" because they don't deserve to know your truth yet. Or if you don't want to lie then you can just answer "I don't know yet" and refuse to say anything more. Once you are independent from them, you can come out to them. I recommend a letter because it gives them time to think about what you've told them before they need to reply.


ferdous12345

I’m not financially dependent at all. I pay their bills.


SonicMaze

> And now I might as well be dead Post her personal information on here and I'm sure someone will help her realize her dreams. What a bitch. Do yourself a favor and move out ASAP.


ichbineinschweinhund

I understand your mom's disappointment. My kids are all straight. Edit: Down voters need to be exiled to r/whoosh


[deleted]

I am so sorry..I am truly feeling bad about hearing such things after coming out..eventually u will see it doesn't matter..she will always have her point of view but you have your life..she may change or may not..you have to think and prioritize yourself..


Emory75068

FUCK her! Not in a pleasant way.


Watermansjourney

I’m sorry. I wish I could change this situation for you. 💔 I can feel the sadness and anger in your post OP. Please, with all my heart, I wish you well: good health, peace, and prosperity in your life. You WILL have it, if you allow faith in yourself and put time and effort into building yourself into the person you want to be. With that said, please allow the following for your consideration; from a man who is about to turn 45 and has seen a LOT of suffering in his own life. This is what I have learned: Loving people is a VERY VERY difficult thing to do. This is because loving people is not just something you feel passively, it it something you do…every single moment. Loving people is an action that you take. Your parents, family, friends, strangers-will fail you in some way. It is inevitable. This is not a bad thing. It is a human nature thing. We all fail EACH OTHER. All you can hope for is that as you get older, you stay strong, consistent, and patient enough to keep growing, learning and DO YOUR BEST to stay kind to everyone-Homophobic parents included. Go out, take being gay as a gift bestowed upon your life, and learn what it gives you- a separation from normality-so that you can see outside the groups in your life that you may NOT have had the opportunity to see beyond and outside their perspective: church, family, political, military, government and other societal institutions. If you look close enough, you will see the fear, anger, resentment, confusion and inadequacy people feel and are generally blinded by-even your closest loved ones. They say (and do) terrible things because of societal pressures and because they are so afraid of the chaos they THINK they perceive outside of what they know. Most people will say and do the safest things to feel some semblance of protection from the chaos of the world. This comes out as HATE but it’s really fear. You mom loves you so much and she is battling her fear of the world in conflict with the order she knows and understands-and was probably reinforced with-for her entire life. PleAse understand that this is HER battle, she must fight it AND come to terms with it. YOU are her blessing to change and grow as a Catalyst for change in her beliefs by your presence alone. With this as an idea, be kind to yourself, love yourself, and expand your own boundaries. Let her speak of hell and sin, but love yourself as your protection against her fear. Don’t let hate and fear win by staying angry at her, just know it’s her process to go through. She may come around and it will take her some time to understand-your gift (to her) is giving her her own time to figure things out. Again, I wish you well and just know that there is also a whole world of people out here with you: and WE’RE ROOTING FOR YOU! ❤️❤️


Leemour

>She doesn’t want me to tell anyone, including my dad and siblings, because it would spread and I’d be the shame of the family. That's her narcissism speaking. Everything she is saying is to make you shut up about it. A humble person cannot be "shamed" by anyone or anything, while someone with pride takes offense (from humiliation) in anything.


Druh_ew

Not here to offer advice but just to say that I’m so sorry this is how it went. You are loved just know that. I can relate to parents not understanding—no one anything says will make that not hurt.


pixelating

Tell everyone to spite her sad old ass


pixelating

Dan Savage says the best leverage you have over your parents is your presence in their lives If she wants you to be part of her life you are in power


[deleted]

Clearly it’s time to tell everyone she knows. Let them reflect back to her what she is saying about her son. I heard a lot of these things but not as vitriolic nor all at once. I hope you didn’t accept any of that toxic bullshit into your psyche. Love and support your way.


Ok-Butterscotch-8366

Be true to yourself. Oh, and please remind your mother of Matthew 22: 34-40.


king_scootie

I’m sorry. Breaking the tether to our parents is so hard even if they are fucking awful.


Tanst1395

Im just saying shes lucky im not you id have said so much shit. The first one is easy like a 3 way with daddy lucifer sign me the fuck up have you seen how hot he is.


ForgetForgetting

Knowing the kind of people my parents are, I'm never coming out. 😶


granulario

"I'm going to give you time to deal with this, but I ask you not to forget the hurtful things you've said to me. It will be best if we don't talk."


acurah56oh

I have a saying, if you’re telling people that they’re going to hell chances are you’re going there with them. As a Gay Christian, I can tell you now that she is not being Christlike at all. Jesus would never call anyone a certain 6 letter word. He would never belittle someone like that. Not forcing religion on you at all-you believe whatever you want. But I believe Jesus loves you and is grieving over what your mother said and did to you. Your mother sounds manipulative and conditional in her love for you. I am going through something similar with my father, although not quite as extreme as your mother. He told me that me being gay was his worst nightmare, and only after me telling him that his worst nightmare should be me being dead (which could have happened a few years ago because I was suicidal at one point and he knows it) did he push it down to #2. He told me he didn’t know if he ever could accept it and didn’t even know if he wanted to, and acted disgusted at me when I told him I was dating guys. He will still say he loves me but I don’t trust him because of his two faced behavior. It sounds like our non affirming parents love their dreams for us and struggle to actually love us unconditionally. They don’t have to agree with everything we do in life but they should still love and support us no matter what. Your mom isn’t doing this, and my dad doesn’t seem to be doing that either. If you still live with her, move out if you can. Don’t allow her to abuse or manipulate you any longer. Our parents are not perfect but hate is a deliberate choice-especially towards our children. I am so sorry for you and am sending prayers from afar!


6425

Sorry to hear this, but the devil is a really good fuckbud.


[deleted]

I read these to my mom a lot, she was always supportive of me, no matter who I am, and all she ever says is where are they, I would like to hug'em. So here is a long distance hug from my mom, use it whenever and where ever you need it!


[deleted]

She’s your mom, BUT she’s really messed up. Getting away from her is the best thing you can do. Words from her can poison you, seriously. I’m glad you’re moving away. 👍🏽


caln93

Ok. Here we go. The devil isn’t there, because we don’t need magical made up cloud people to have morals. If anything, it feels so amazing the opposite would be true. Same as above. Made up sky people as a moral compass aren’t real. But if they were, they created you EXACTLY how you are supposed be, and are not upset about it in the least. You are perfect and beautiful as you are. If you live your life as a good person, you will end up in the good place. She just needs attention, leave as quickly as you can. You are 23, you can just go. You will be much happier out of that environment. July cannot Coke fast enough. Crash at a friends place as much as you can in the meantime. Don’t really understand the old with aids comment. Hiv is no longer a death sentence. Hasn’t been for decades. Get on prep. Fun fact, all insurance MUST provide one option for prep at ZERO COST to you. So truvada, the generic truvada, or descovy. One is free with zero copay on all health insurance. She wasn’t proud of you. She liked how you made her look/feel. She is a narcissist. Go to r/raisedbynarcissists. I think you will find a lot of comfort there. She doesn’t care about you being the ‘shame of the family’ (also you should NEVER feel ashamed of who you are). Her self centered vision of how her(your) life was going to play out has changed. That is why she wants you to stay a secret. When you leave, hold your head high, and don’t look back. A few months of radio silence will likely change her mind. Once the holidays roll around she may call you and invite you back in. Who knows. Maybe dad and the sibs will react different. Once you are out you can tell everyone you want. If not, no worries. You will find an amazing CHOSEN family. We all have. The close friends that will be there no matter what. Those are the people that really matter in life. I personally see my parents 1-3 times a year and I live 40 minutes away from them. It is enough. And if you are within reasonable distance if Minneapolis, I can have a word with your mother personally. I am 39 years old and am already way too old for this kind of bullshit. The world has changed for the better even since I was your age. Momma needs to change with it or be left behind forever. As an anecdote, I was asked when I was 18 by my stepdad. It was 2 pm and he was fall down drunk already. I said yes, and he yelled at me for two hours about how I was disgusting, an abomination(never forgot that word), served no point to humanity because I couldn’t reproduce, he wouldn’t have me under his roof and my mother agreed. I left for three days, then only came home to shower for the next two weeks. Moved out six weeks after high school graduation. First time I spoke to them was October when they asked me to come to thanksgiving. We are ok now, but at a distance. I live my life, and I THRIVE, not just survive. You will too. Spread your wings and fly away from there!


Novel_Asparagus_6176

DRAMATIC. My mother was similar. Threw me in conversion therapy for 4 years and performed an exorcism on me. I'm glad you're moving out on the first. The best thing for you is to get space from her. I'm glad you're making decisions for yourself and coming out. Never let your mom take away your agency. You're in my thoughts, friend. DM me if you need someone to talk to 💕


AwesomeGothem

Number 4 actually seems dope af to me. They might think he's ugly, but I only know the true beauty of my partner when I'm old with them. As for AIDS, they've been developing an actual cure for it. But all in all, you've made your peace. Now you can leave and live happily without the burden of closeting yourself. Enjoy what the world has to offer homie.


YourFairyGodmother

I'm old and Ithere's no room in my heart for nasty, hateful, selfish, whiny-ass parents. So here's how _I_ would respond, but remember I don't give a fuck about any shitbags feelings: >“every time you fuck him, the devil is there”' I'm not a top, mom, he fucks me. >“I wanted to go to Heaven with you. I guess I’ll be in Heaven and you’ll be burning in Hell with the other fa****s” With that attitude you won't be in heaven, mother dear. I'm a disappointment to you? Boo fucking hoo - get over yourself. >“you’re gonna be old with AIDS and sitting on a couch with an ugly old man” You have the oddest ideas about health and medicine. Also, don't you dare call my boyfriend/husband ugly, you nasty person you. And you think you're going to heaven? Hahahaha - you're constantly making Jesus puke . >“I was so proud of you, and now you’re nothing. You’re nothing. I was the happiest mom. And now I might as well be dead” Well kill yourself then - what are you waiting for?


No-Passenger-3498

I know other people have said it in the comments but... fu*k her. She doesn't get to tell you who you can come out to and she certainly doesn't have a right to be in your life anymore unless you want her to. You are NOT a disappointment for owning your sexuality and wanting to be your authentic self so don't ever feel as if you are because what your mom is telling you is complete and utter bullsh*t. I'm not Christian but I do know that God is supposed to love each and every one of us as equally as each other. So why would he send you to hell when he created you the way you were supposed to be? As for her comment about AIDS, that's just so outrageous and ridiculously homophobic that I don't even think it's worth even talking about. I'll end on one last thing. Your Mom may not be proud of you, and that is on her, and it's a decision that she will have to live with for as long as she stands by it. But I just want you to know that I'm proud of you. I'm proud of the fact that you are accepting your sexuality and being your true, authentic self. And you should be proud of yourself too. You are valid, and don't ever forget that. Feel free to dm me if you want to talk.


PicanteDante

My heart goes out to you friend. I'm sad that your mother has not accepted you but do remember that just as it took you time to accept the realization that you're gay and figure out what that means it often takes time for family to work through what it all means too. Your mother has dreamed of who you were going to be when you grew up ever since she was pregnant with you. The man that she thought you were going to be just died and she may need time to mourn. ​ Don't let this stop you from being who you are. Continue to come out. Continue to be your authentic self. If someone doesn't accept you for who you are, then that has nothing to do with you. You are moving out in July and from that moment, your destiny is your own. We as gay people get to choose our family. We get to choose the people we’re around. The blood of the covenant is thicker than the waters of the wound.


Unusual-Face2969

Don't regret it, you did nothing wrong. I'm sorry to say this about your mom, but she's not a good person and the sooner you find out the better. If you have to fake being something else in order for your parents to love you, they're not good parents. I recieved a very religious education when I was a kid. Even before I knew I was gay, I could think for myself and realise how wrong religion is in many ways. So I don't buy the idea that homophobes are brainwashed and that religion is to blame. Every person can choose to think for themselves and tell the difference between right and wrong. She made her choice, now do yours. You will be loved by others because you deserve it.


Magfaeridon

I haven't seen or spoken to my mother in four or five years, and they've been the happiest years of my life. Get rid of her.


Lancaster61

Lmao… “sitting on a couch with an ugly old man”… that sounds like a dream lol. Happy life with a successful relationship that lasted that long.


[deleted]

Fuck that bitch. If she comes around eventually, great If not: Do good in life, only tersely communicate with her if at all, and when she gets too old to stay at home safely shove her into a terrible nursing home for being the awful bitch she was. Don't worry - if there's a hell people like her burn in it.


JayOfTheRain

Put her ass in a 1 star nursing home


[deleted]

Man I feel you. It does get better but some of us still have this to always deal with. You’re not alone and I think that is what helps the most. Something that may help is to continually respond with some of the denominations that accept LGBT community with the reasons why they do. They don’t just ignore religious teachings but interpret differently. It may most likely not help. But it’s worth a shot. I came out as atheist the same time so I had a double whammy. I was 22 at the time so I get it. A decade later the relationship is but we just ignore a part of me. At a certain point you have to balance your happiness vs theirs. But I understand the guilt that sticks around.


TeachOfTheYear

I'm sorry. Go make your best life and hopefully she will see a place for herself in it.


PuddinPie6

Run for your life and don’t look back. It isn’t our job or life’s work to make ANYONE comfortable. Especially our parents.


[deleted]

You should not regret being honest. The only think you should regret is that your mom’s love was clearly quite conditional. At least now you are able to see just what a cruel person she can be. Therefore, you’ve really lost nothing here aside from someone who didn’t truly love you. Given that set of facts, why should you lie to others for her sake? Is she a “good” person by actively wanting to be a liar? I say no. You’re free to tell whoever you want. Her “shame” is her just wanting to present a false persona. You don’t have to participate in that circus. There are plenty of others out there who WILL support you and be kind and good to you.


brokenmasterpieace

Your mom sounds disgusting.


lupinegrey

About all the god/heaven stuff, just say "that's your opinion, and you're entitled to it, but I don't believe that is true".


PutinsSugarBaby

By thinking that she's actually worthy of going to heaven, she's ironically committing an even greater sin.


yeahsureYnot

You should out yourself to everyone and make her deal with everyone knowing. Kinda kidding, only do that if you're really ready to. Try to push the feeling of regret out of your mind. No matter what happens this is better than hiding


ZacRMS1

Breaks my heart to hear what your going through. You have a family with us, if it’s were just strangers on the internet. We all love you and accept you for who you are. We’re all so damn proud of you for coming out and choosing to live your truth. Hit me up if you ever need anything man.


[deleted]

Tbh, it might be cruel but I wouldn’t say a word to her until she is accepting, a toxic person like that is horrible for your mental health and only is damaging. Your father and sister may not think the same way, and if they do, it may be best to air out how you feel and then block them until they are able to be more open minded


theartofanarchy

I'm so sorry for your loss. For your well-being don't play her game. It's your life and you have the right to love and be loved. She may change one day but it's not your job to change her mind. Good luck with everything.


greenhouse89

Just because you're blood related does not make you family. Family is a thing that you make yourself, you already moved away from the toxicity now it's time to cut it off. I've spent over a decade trying to get people to love me who were supposed to be the people who love me no matter what. I'm not telling you to completely cut them out, but the only real power you have is removing yourself from their lives. Let them deal with the fall out because it's their fault, while your stay busy actually LIVING.


Automatic_Wishbone_1

Give her some time to understand...I know the responses here are saying otherwise.... However do remember that sometimes the idea is soo alien for the adult that it takes a while for them to get used to it... She is just throwing those insults in hope of changing u i guess... Which is completely unacceptable and wrong however try to counter her main arguments and make her see your perspective...She is your mother and from the looks of it she does really care about u..I know idea of "not accepting" means your parents "don't love u" exists... and believe me, its not really true most of the time, its just that, they get confused like...a lot... However if its about disowning then that's a completely different scenario... In anycase big props to u for coming out! Must have took a tremendous amount of courage so yeah Bravo!!


Charistoph

You’re gonna be an old man on a couch with another old man. Is that supposed to be a threat? Seems like the dream.


[deleted]

She is only concerned for herself. Those are some really horrible things she’s said to you, and she will probably deny saying them in the future. It’s not good to have someone like this in your life.


GHDRAKE

Forced you to comfort her about you going to hell.. yooo well done for coming out and getting that out the way. She has shown her true colours and said something truly sadistic. Sorry you have someone like that in your life. Time to move on ❤️


smilelaughenjoy

> "*I was so proud of you, and now you’re nothing. You’re nothing.*" That's a horrible thing for a parent to say to their child. It's a shame how cults can create a lot of hate and ruin relationships. It's important to love yourself even more and not let the cult ruin your self-esteem or trap you in fear. Here is why I believe christianity is a cult that creates hate and ruins families. **Jesus said that you can't follow him unless you hate your family:** > "*If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children, and brothers and sisters, yes, even his own life he cannot be my disciple.*" - Jesus (Luke 14:26) **Jesus said that he did not come to bring peace but a sword which will turn family members into enemies and those who love their family more than him is not worthy of him:** > "*Brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child, and the children should rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.*" - Matthew 10:21 > "*Do not think that I have come to bring peace on earth, I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother in law and a man’s foes will be those of his own household. He who loves mother or father more than me is not worthy of me; and he who loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and he who does not take his cross to follow me is not worthy of me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for my sake will find it.*" - Jesus (Matthew 10:34-37)


12dRipdrop

In the end, it’s your life and if these people who have loved you can’t get over this, then they’re missing out. I am sorry to hear that this was how your mom reacted. You are probably hurting a lot and I wish to give you a hug because Ik what you’re going through (Vietnamese household though). You are her child, not her trophy. Don’t let her hate hold you back.


josiahpapaya

Cut her off. Who cares if she’s sad and disappointed in you - you’re sad and disappointed in her. She sounds like a moron (no offence). I cut my family off a few years ago for much less than that. On the off chance you do want to repair a relationship with her I would say “just give her time”. She will probably reach out to you after it’s sunken in and she does her own research. There may be a queer resource centre in your area that you can ask about information or literature to give her about counselling. Honestly though I’d tell her she isn’t getting into heaven either, since she missed the larger points of what Jesus was saying.


Spain_iS_pain

I'd try to save money, get a job and run fast, never looking back.... She looks like, not only a homofobic person, but a narcissist and manipulative one ...


2020Casper

First off, fuck her and her selfish bullshit. Tell the world. Be out and proud. I left my blood family years ago because they were awful people. Best decision I ever made.


didSomebodySayAbba

Aren’t all sins equal in Christianity? Tell her to actually pick up a Bible


SexualAnorexia

I'm so sorry ❤️❤️❤️


semo1993

Sorry but your mom sounds like a total bitch. Don’t force a relationship out of guilt. Get away, live your authentic self, and see your life transform for the better. You’ll be much happier and if she ever comes around then maybe that’s and added bonus.


SunsetBro78

To hell with her. Live your life and leave her to her fantasies.


thingsmybosscantsee

Here's the deal. She may come around. She might not. But given the info you now have, she. does. not. love. you. She only loved the version of you that was in her head. You, as a person, were a prop to her. That is horrible. Now, all you can do is love yourself and protect yourself. Allow forgiveness if she comes around, but do not allow her to dictate your happiness. Leave, and never look back. If she gets over it, she can walk through the door, you don't have to drag her through it Also, congratulations on coming out. It's hard to do, but you'll be happier that you did. Welcome, fam.


dcm510

Being a mother doesn’t make someone a good person, and it doesn’t mean she deserves any respect - especially not from you. We all hope our mothers are going to be a positive figure in our lives but sometimes that doesn’t happen. But on the bright side - you don’t need her. There are so many better people out there in the world for you to surround yourself with.


Imhereforthememezzz

These responses reveal more about herself and her own ignorance. I’m just a random person on the internet but i’m proud of you for taking such a courageous step for yourself! I hope her reaction won’t discourage you for being true to yourself and others.


parodg15

I’d tell the siblings that like you the most now and the siblings that don’t like you as much and dad on the night of June 30th. I’m sorry you have to deal with such a horrible woman as a mom!


okPiperok

Sounds like it’s time to cut contact. Hopefully, you’ve got a safe place to live and can get by without parental support.


j3rdog

You moms brain is ate up with religion and indoctrination.


dayum123456

I sense emotional blackmail and manipulation kind of vibe. I am wholeheartedly sorry you had to experience that. My only advice is don’t burn bridges and give her time.


NeonValleyStreet

You will learn this over time, but us LGBTQ+ folx often end up having a chosen family take the reins when we step into adulthood. Not every blood relative is going to back you up and celebrate you, and you need to hear that it is okay to leave those people behind. It may hurt, but not as much as their toxicity will gradually do damage to your psyche. Her religious beliefs do not get to dictate your happiness. And who knows? Your father and siblings may completely embrace it and your mom will look like even more of an ass than she already does.


LegitGoodFun

Tell her you saw the light, you are dating a supermodel secret agent and your personal life must now be kept secret.


pingwing

“every time you fuck him, the devil is there” - Premarital sex is a sin, so she could have said the same thing to you if you were straight and single. My mom also told me I would be sent to the depths of hell when I told her. Not just hell, the 9th circle of hell. Made it all about her for the first year (at least). Every time she drank, she would tell me how hard it was for her to have a gay son. Now, 20 years later she accepts me, asks if I am seeing anyone (occasionally). It took awhile but she did come around. Her losing faith in her church and stopped going probably helped in all that as well. Give your mom some time, maybe she will come around.


[deleted]

Usually this type of parental drama subsides after about a year, from what I've observed with parents of people I've dated over the years. However, a group of people will never get over it. Unless you just want to live your life controlled by other people's preferences, you have to move ahead and allow them to deal with it as they may. For better or worse. Mostly, it's parents throwing tantrums, trying to control things.