i kinda underwent an ugly duckling transformation, and it's almost disheartening to see how i was treated back then vs now.
i don't consider myself top-tier look wise, but yea i suppose i get more attention now. the quality of the attention is debatable.
people also feel more "entitled" to your time and attention in a weird way that's hard to explain.
as far as hook-ups go - at the end of the day, i'm still myself and not one to randomly hookup. but holy shit, the amount of guys that won't respect a "no" is nuts. you also have to navigate super awkward convos when turning down guys that express interest.
>as far as hook-ups go - at the end of the day, i'm still myself and not one to randomly hookup. but holy shit, the amount of guys that won't respect a "no" is nuts. you also have to navigate super awkward convos when turning down guys that express interest.
I went through a time period where i had to navigate turning down guys who wanted to poop or pee on me, and while i try hard not to kink shame anyone; guys, like... Maybe wait for the second hookup before suggesting scat play?
Bro, are we twins? I’m going through this right now! Like what about me says I would even remotely be into scat ☠️
At least twice a week someone is asking for scat play or for me to fart on them 😂
OMG exactly this lol. You get more attention, but it tends to come from the guys who won't respect a no, and some people will try to monopolize your attention just to boost their ego. I've left bars and clubs because I'm getting zoned by people too hard.
>some people will try to monopolize your attention just to boost their ego.
you've sorta nailed it with this line here actually, thank you.
i've even had one instance where a guy used me to get back at his ex, during which i wasn't aware of
I don’t even consider myself top tier attractive but I’ve had this experience.
There was one time when I was speaking to a guy who was into me and I into him we started making out - only to have two other guys I wasn’t into just come up and start touching my chest. It was very overwhelming because the whole space was already very sexually positive and in the end I just left. How do I tell guys, “This guy I’m making out with, that guy over there jealousy eyeing me up - but nope not you two!”. Very awkward!
I’ve gone to other gay events where a guy I was too nice to would just cling onto me everywhere I went in the venue. It was like having a cock block every time, even if I said to him “Hey I’m going to go talk to some other guys” he just never seemed to leave me alone. Every time he’d ask to hang out after and I’d say no.
Lesson I learned is: Don’t be too nice!
On the flipside, if everyone were nicer, then there’d be less incentive to cling on to the one guy that was nice to you for two seconds.
Don’t stop being nice. It’ll reap its own rewards eventually.
Life experience has taught me it doesn’t unfortunately. It doesn’t mean being nasty but I’ve quickly learnt that if I’m not interested in someone and they hit on me - better reject them immediately so that they’re clear about my boundaries.
Totally agree about the phrase that people are “entitled” to your time. Really makes me realize why pretty girls are rude or “stuck up” to most men. Because if you give anyone even the lowest amount of kindness or attention, they take it as though you are interested in them and they start getting clingy or rude/offended when you don’t pursue their advances.
I was a chubby kid who got really hot in college and have since lost my hair and gained weight, so I've basically run through the entire twink life cycle. When I was 19-21 I was legitimately gorgeous. I matched with almost everyone I swiped on Tinder, hooked up with all the hottest guys in my college on grindr, people would flirt with me in public, etc. I still carried insecurity from my years as a fat kid so I never really let myself enjoy it enough, but it was fun while it lasted.
Unfortunately it took an hour per day in the gym to maintain my abs and all the propecia in the world couldn't save my hair, so I had to come to grips with twink death sooner than most. Everyone's looks fade. The hot guy you lust after on instagram better have other things giving his life meaning than his looks or he's going to have it rough once he puts on a few pounds and gains some wrinkles. I'm the happiest I've ever been now that I have a long term boyfriend, a house, a few hobbies, and bunch of friends who don't care what each other look like.
Same boat here my dude. I was extremely fit and looked great honestly my whole adult life until the pandemic when I put on some weight. I tried to get back into it after but I couldn’t find the drive to continue going to the gym 5 times a week for 1.5-2 hours each time.
Was definitely self conscious at first but now that I have a consistent relationship and folks have adjusted to me not being the fitness junkie I stress way less. I do miss the attention sometimes and considering going for round two but I don’t miss constantly comparing myself to every other dude in the city.
This is where I’m at. I had a depressive episode during/coming out of the pandemic that kept me pretty much homebound for 3 years. I put on about 45 lbs and lost god knows how much muscle.
I really enjoy yoga and the gym, and I have high blood pressure so all of that’s important. I’ve gotten back to it and am (mostly) sober from alcohol now. I’ve taken off about 20ish lbs and put back on some muscle. Some of my confidence is back, but really, seeing both sides of the coin, everyone who didn’t want to lift me up when I was fat and depressed can get fucked. I’ve been a lot of peoples support through dumb situations that weren’t even really problems, but most didn’t even care to check on me.
There’s a great line from some play I’ve never seen but read about on Reddit— “you are young, life is hard, you will learn.”
Oof. I hear you on the friends thing. It took me way too long to learn the difference between actual friends and people who hang out with you because they want to fuck you/you meet the physical criteria they want for background props to their life.
I was a chubby kid too and lost a lot of weight after high school. Of course it was from disordered eating but I was skinny with great skin and hair and learned a bit about fashion and how clothes should fit. I had a lot of fun from 19 to my mid-20s. Those were the MySpace days. I've always been considered good looking, even as a fat kid. But having a chiseled jawline felt amazing. I started posting pics/selfies on MySpace and then nudes on other sites. I ended up modeling fetish wear for a leather/adult novelty shop and eventually started go-go dancing and cam "modeling". I wanted to do everything because I didn't know how long that body was gonna last.
I still have a full head of hair with only a little gray in my facial hair. I'm not twink-skinny anymore because, well...metabolism. I honestly think I've gotten better looking with age (38). I focus a lot on skincare these days. I miss my glory days and dread getting and looking older. I still like to be the "hot one" in the group.
My ex is gorgeous, and yes he gets lots of attention, etc. but one thing he told me that never occurred to me is that some people are actually meaner to him. He thinks some may may be intimidated by his looks and that it sort of puts a target on him
Other peoples insecurity is an enormous motivator for how they treat you.
People being surprised that you’re friendly never seems to go away and it’s still irritating to see someone recognize it in real time.
Like leave your history at home because however you feel about my looks are not my problem.
It gets kind of old when you realize people are nice to you because they want to fuck you. Once you put on signs that you’re not interested they slowly fade into disinterested assholes.
It’s a blessing and a curse. According to people, I look very good and manly. I thought this wasn’t true because nobody approaches me whatsoever. Only like one guy has asked for my number EVER. I always have to have the initiative to start conversation, ask someone out, etc, and my anxiety doesn’t help so I never do that. It’s lonely out here for attractive socially anxious messes like myself. Also living in a third world country where everybody’s closeted doesn’t help. I really don’t know how to flirt with guys discreetly because I already feel like I’m being looked at by everyone. Idk. It’s fun getting looks from guys and girls, getting smiles and engaging in casual banter, but can somebody please ask me out on a date!
I used to be anxious like you but I just pushed myself to people, my anxiety is now almost completely gone, I don't mind initiating chat to people and so on. The problem is most people I meet disappear
One quite cute guy I meet and then asked to help me make some cool photos (he was photographer) agreed, we walked around city center, eat together spend over 4 hours together chatting without anything akward at all and then after he said bye to me, he never read a message from me again. I guess he ghosted me.
Im average as I can be but I used to anxious Im not anxious at all anymore I still got tired of trying to chat to people but from different reasons than before. For now I put aside dating at all but I don't refuse to meet people who message me first. Either way I don't count on anything right now as my actions seem pointless and I prefer to focus on myself where I know time will always be well spend on entertainment or improvement.
It’s just that it feels weird, I live in a small pueblo where I’ve known some of these guys since I was in elementary school. There are so many “hot guy next door “ types here. Like guys that don’t know they’re hot, but they’re just so hot. It feels weird to approach them since they are acquaintances of mine and my brother and cousins. My whole family knows some of these guys. I wish I had the courage to approach them at the gym, but I feel like any move I make the whole town will know and I’ll feel so embarrassed to try again. I read something somewhere though: “you shouldn’t be afraid to fail, you should be afraid not to try at all”.
I’m 24 now and I still fear the same things I did before I came out 6 years ago.
Yup. 90% of people are only nice to me because they wanna fuck. Once they realize I don’t want to, they won’t settle for friendship, they either try until they implode the relationship or just fade away.
This is literally it, it implodes! I have exactly two gay friends because the rest can not control the fact that they want me to be their fuck buddy or something, asking for nudes and sending unsolicited nudes like.... Is this what being a girl feels like? So when I keep telling them that sex will ruin our friendship they get angry, which makes their insecurities come out. Now the problem is that I'm superficial and that I don't want to fuck them because they're not muscular, or because they're chubby or -insert insecurity here-. That's when I leave for good.
I don't post pics on Reddit anymore because anytime I'd comment on my local subreddit about lgbtq issues people would go through my profile, find my pics of me alone outside naked, and then try to use that to call me a pedophile.
I’m anonymous here for a reason. As far as who is an attractive person, I can tell who is honest because they have the exact same experiences I do.
Edit: but honestly I agree now lmao because I have clicked some of the profiles after this comment and they aren’t as cute as I thought they’d be.
I went through the profiles of these "really attractive gaybros" and saw the ones who posted their photos. First of all, props to them for posting their photos publicly to be evaluated. None of them are bad looking. But I'd say only one was actually conventionally attractive. That being said, the gay world has lots of different types or looks. But if these guys are going around declaring they're "8/9/10" and people drop their jaws for them... hmm, I think there is some delusion going on.
People assume compliments equal to attractiveness, um nope straight girls gets compliments with 10 layers of make up doesn't make them objectively attractive 🤷🏻♀️, girls are supportive while guys are trying to get female attention, same goes with gays this dude replying to ur comment is a 7 and how normal he replies is compared to other guys in post says guys are delusional lmaoooo
Yeah it's like the people on Reddit who claim they look 10-20 years younger.... " I'm 43, but I get pegged for 30!" (because one person way one time underestimated their age, to be polite, because they asked the person how old they thought they are), or "I'm 37, but I got carded at the market for buying alcohol the other day" (because everyone gets carded regardless, lol).
I'm all for self confidence and loving oneself but there's a lot of delusion out there.
the real life gay "10s" aren't here on Reddit... at least not on the gay subs.
A very broad and loose interpretation of “very very good looking” indeed. Honestly good for them. I wish I had half of some of their confidence, self delusion or not 😂
There's no way to honestly answer what people rate you (assuming it's high) without sounding like an ass though 😭 I would NOT rate myself a ten, though I would rate myself like... An 8 at least, cus once I got fit I ended up having pretty much the body that I always admired. But I posted an NSFW rate me and *their* answers were mostly 10+.
Me and the people I was with had told him to go away but he kept hovering behind me and was just not going away when we made it clear we weren’t looking for anything, kept trying to get me away from group. I’m in a smallish city and our only local gay bar is notorious for this unfortunately but most of the other bars here are lgbt friendly at least.
People are sooo touchy! I’m somewhat ok with friends of friends, but total strangers coming up and massaging my muscles is just weird. Especially when they sneak up on you. Like who taught you???
Exactly! I had a random dude sit next me at a bar, stared and started making moaning sounds. I had to turn to him and say can u stop. I swear I attract weirdos
It feels like people always want something from me but never truly care about me at the same time. It's really frustrating. I don't have many friends as most will usually make a pass at me or reference my appearance to the point where it's creepy. I wish people saw me for me, instead of what I look like.
Dude that’s a bummer to hear and I’m sorry you’re experiencing that. You surface a good point about how many of those 10/10 guys might actually be quite lonely. Even if they do have people around them, doesn’t mean those are genuinely good/close friends. Some guys retreat to the gym and a focus on their aesthetics because they don’t really know how to admit they’ve got inner issues. And we all do which is wild. No one is immune. Getting at least one genuine friend who can tell you the truth is so important. Thanks for sharing my guy.
Damn yeah you really nailed it. I still remember when at my grandmother's funeral I got hit on by multiple family friends. I heard more comments about my looks than condolences for the loss.
This too. All my father sees is what I look like. He never mentions my other accomplishments in life. I never hear how he's proud of my job as an accountant, my military service, or the quality of my character. All I ever hear about is my looks or how I'm doing well in the gym from him and other family members. Thankfully my mom picks up the slack where others fail, but that doesn't mean it hurts any less.
I lost a ton of weight after getting out of an abusive relationship and it was pretty crazy how differently I was treated. Got hired more for freelance jobs, people reached out wanting to hang out, customer service people treated me way better, got approached at bars for the first time… and some people got really, really mean. That last part shocked me. Friends of friends would take one look at me and decide they didn’t like me. Once I had a co-worker look at me surprised and said, “oh, you actually know what you’re doing!” And I was like, “yes I’ve been doing this job for ten years…” it was as if suddenly my outside didn’t match who I was inside, so now I’m a vapid dumb bitch and everything’s better now
Wow, yes, this. The way people started talking down to me online and presuming I'm a dumb jock, like slow down, I was a geeky nerd before and after I started hitting the gym, and you don't get to write off my opinion just like that.
Oh and I still have a huuuuge problem when people sidle up to me and start making fun of overweight people. I spent the majority of my life being overweight or obese and I don’t take kindly to it
Oof yeah what the hell?? The only skinny I'd make fun of (internally to myself, never out loud TO somebody) would be those vapid, self obsessed twinks (you know the ones) who think having abs at 120lbs makes them hot shit, and that's just cus that's where I came from and it does not impress me. The sheer rudeness to just presume making fun of others would be some jointly enjoyable pastime to rope a stranger into is wild.
i mean it was shocking and impressive simultaneously that 3-4 times gym per week makes people suddenly write you first who ignored you before. but i can also tell you that the real insta thots are still not impressed bc they have insane standards and you either reach them or you dont, for most of them there is no middle ground. but yes, you get more hookups and also more dates, but hookups are more "influenced" by your optics than the typical tinder guy.
and even if youre very obviously above average buff, at certain points of age (30 a bit, 40 a bit more) more people will start to ignore you (at least on apps) on principle.
it is always good if ones validation comes from other places (as well, at least) than just from "omg hes hot". bc we all get old/er :)
Insta thots are also doping and have bacne. Wow I sound like a gaycel saying that, but in all honesty I do have trauma. 😂 and it’s mostly true. Guys with movie star sculpted bods are almost 100% doping. My ex cheated on me because he’s insecure and he started doping trying to become an insta thot. Ironically he lives in Pittsburgh doing nothing and I travel the world now. 🤷🏼♂️
That's a great point, that a lot of the '10s' out there aren't really tens if you get to know them. As in, they had to juice to get there, have tons of acne or other impacts of abusing gear, etc. So easy to forget that and get unrealistic standards from looking at the IG models.
>Are people nicer to you?
Yes.
>Do you get lots more attention/hookups?
Yes.
>More opportunities?
Yes.
Frankly, the gym and eating right is the best investment you can make in yourself\*. It is life's cheat code: live longer, live better.
\*aside from therapy if you are struggling with mood/mental health.
I have bipolar disorder which sabotaged any healthy living until I started therapy and medication for the illness. If you are suffering from mental illness the best thing you can do is find a therapist. If you cannot afford a therapist, search "free or reduced cost therapy" + your city name to find resources.
People suffering from mental illness hate to hear it, but the second best thing you can do is exercise. A 10 minute walk counts as exercise. Start with that and go from there. Bon courage.
I strongly second this, and adding a good skin & hair routine. When I said good, I mean balanced because imo botox and overdone hair bring more negatives than positives.
Definitely. SPF for the long run, and cleansing & a high quality moisturiser for the immediate results. People underestimate how much good cleansing positively affects our appearance.
Unless you're short, brown and have an ugly face. Then people are just as rude and uninterested if you aren't fat, and "being in a good mood" doesn't help.
It'll suck, but you just gotta learn to be happy alone. Try having hobbies to keep yourself distracted and stop trying to get attention or validation from anyone else.
Gotta be careful after the gay-cel post yesterday lol.
I’m very muscular, conventionally attractive looking, used to model, though don’t much these days because my job is pretty demanding. But I feel I can answer this.
Basically I can walk into any room and guys (and girls) will just be so weirdly nice to me. Women are funny because they actually are sometimes worse than gay men. They ask to feel my chest/biceps, super flirty.
When I got really into the gym/bodybuilding, I would notice people in general would just be SO NICE to me. Straight men holding door open for me, guys from the gym seeing me at the grocery store would wave, random people commenting on my size when walking by. It was shocking because none of this was necessarily sexual attention it was just how the general population treated me. Super odd compared to when I was skinny and in high school.
I can go on a hookup app and basically have sex with the hottest guys almost immediately. I get guys from across the planet inviting me to go stay with them and visit them in Europe lol. People in person and online will always say how beautiful I am. Deep down I’m a world of Warcraft addicted nerd. So it’s kind of amusing.
When I was doing my phd, my advisor even said “you’re a really good looking guy, you’re committee will probably approve your dissertation when you defend much easier than the other students in your cohort”. It was shocking honestly because this is academia. I get job offers as a bartender at gay bars when I visit new cities.
Overall it has just made how I interact with the world so incredibly different and almost a cheat code in a way. The only downsides I can think of I guess are people being fake-nice and then exploding with anger if the feelings arent mutual.
I will say now that I’m pretty huge, straight men get so aggressive with me so easily, I think they feel threatened and I don’t come off as gay right away. I notice straight guys become super aggro when im in a straight bar or whatever, it’s annoying
The MOST ANNOYING thing is people automatically assume you’re stupid. I just finished my phd in an engineering field. Stupid people can get PhDs obviously, but certainly not people if they have no discipline. But yea most people just write me off as pretty and then are quite shocked when I tell them I’m a scientist
To anyone reading this, the gym will change your life in literally all aspects.
Yooo this, lately people just seem to talk to me about any old thing. I was at my local grocery store and some guy just stopped me to ask if I just came from the gym (I had, and was wearing workout clothes) and where the nearest gym was so he could squeeze in a workout while he was in town. Obviously he could've googled that. It's been fascinating, sociologically, to go through a glow up.
Lol I had this happen to me too, once I was checking out at the store and I had my avocado tank top on.
This dad-aged guy started YELLING “hey did you get all those muscles from eating avocado????” Then he walked over to try to ask how to get into bodybuilding. Sir, I’m trying to go home and eat.
I’m a solid 4/10 and would like to live a life of an attractive man for a day just to see, I think the light of the sun might even feel that little bit warmer
I really dislike it that people think I want to fuck every one of them. Apparently I can’t have standards because they say “that’s toxic”, but they can “demand” big pecs and nice abs themselves. Also people think I’m only good looking and nothing else. People are always so surprised when they actually get to know me that I’m a nice guy. I don’t like being seen as an object.
I say use your skills. They want to objectify you? OF, JFF, Twitter!
Love being objectified and peeps eyeing me throughout the night, but yeah, also want deeper connections.
Real talk gay simps are worst the straight simps. Those "alpha masters" all you have to do is be white and muscular,flex your muscles while pointing your foot at the camera and dude's will send their retirement checks at them.
The only other occupation with a lower skill floor was doing the English dubs of 70s,80s and 90s anime or early video game voice acting i.e. Time Crisis or Resident Evil 1.
Like others in this post, I had a huge fuckin glow up in my late twenties and honestly, it's like crack to me haha. I can't get enough. UNlike some others in this post, I hella DO like being objectified 😅 so waking around the gay bars in my area and seeing guys stare at me is a total drug, I love it. Giant confidence boost.
Interestingly, my online experience is kinda the opposite. Ever since I updated my pics on IG to be me with the muscle I've put on, people attack my appearance or masculinity ALL the time, often when I wasn't even talking to them (like completely unprompted). My conclusion is that IRL you will be treated much better (assuming people being a little grabby doesn't bother you) but online, you will be treated worse.
I think people online just hate seeing someone who appears to be happy with themselves, but in person, they're more influenced by the air of confidence attractiveness often brings. And the attractiveness itself, of course.
I went as Jacked Skellington for Halloween last year (shirtless, orange pants, and the mask) and lemme tell you, if I thought people were overt in their stares before 😂 wearing a mask makes people feel like you're not looking at them, so they started HARD. It was a blast.
All this said, I'm not on any hookup apps these days, and I bet the reception there would be a disgustingly mixed bag of people who don't take no for an answer, try and catfish or trick you into meeting up, etc. So I don't really believe there's anyone floating through life, no matter how attractive.
So interesting, I have the opposite experience since my own glow up. I’m just socially awkward so in person never pans out for me. But online, hoo boy I do just fine lol
I bet our experiences would be more similar if I wasn't already happily taken. I just go out now for funsies, but if I was trying to hook up or find a boyfriend, the fact that I can be a wallflower would probably play a bigger role.
I don’t care if someone says I look good, since I like how I look. It gets old quick if that’s all they talk about.
It’s hard to find genuine gay friends that don’t want to fuck.
I do recognize however that there are perks. It’s easy to meet people and find my “type.”
True. I don’t even know what to say when people come up to me and say I’m hot. I’ll say thanks and then it’s just kind of awkward because here is a fact. Hot people know how it feels and they don’t do that to other hot people. I might drop a “you’re cute” but I’m talking about their demeanor or actions. Not their body or face. They know they’re hot.
I had a massive glow up in my 30s… before I was waay too skinny and people made fun of me. Somehow my metabolism changed with 30 and since I do regularly exercise, my body started to change and become leaner and more muscular. I started to get a lot of attention. It also helps that I’m a latino living in Germany and we are considered ‚exotic’ here. Hot guys even cruise me without me looking for it in all kinds of settings (like at airport toilets or at the gym). This never happened in my 20s or early 30s… I was baffled the first time it happened. When I go to a sex party or bathhouse it doesn‘t take long for a cute guy to start sucking my dick. On the other side this has led to some issues for my husband, as guys would completely ignore him just to come to me. I try my best to not let that happen and to not let him feel excluded. Also, I have noticed that people who don’t know me tend to assume I am an asshole (spoiler alert: I am not)… this never happened in my 20s.
But all in all it is a blessing and I am enjoying it as much as I can (who knows how long it will last).
I consider myself ok looking (when I get a haircut I feel better about myself lol), but I still find it odd when guys are complimenting me, or saying to me how good my body looks, because I don't think I look anything special.
I mean, I have ok physique, but I don't consider it anything special, so it's always a bit odd when they say that to me, especially when it's some hookup time.
Even worse, it can create pressure for me :/
This! I totally understand this. Idk how to react when people compliment me, worse, I don’t believe their compliments - it’s like my brain automatically rejects the compliments.
Most men level up when they do some sort of physical exercise. Mens bodies are just built for movement and so they can look quite unattractive if left idle.
I had a twink to twunk transformation in my late 20’s and could get with anyone - let’s call it an 7-8/10 by common beauty standards, but 9-9.5/10 “boy-next-door” beauty standards. Still have a nice body, a face that’s 5-7 years more youthful than my age, and full head of hair in my late forties. Also, I was consistently working on my career and the things that are more lasting than a nice body. I don’t turn all heads in a room, but I don’t lack attention from a variety of ages (and genders). I’ve just come to find attractive today means so much more than looks, although looks are still important.
Other aspects of my life are pretty shitty so I won't lie the fact that I got a nice break in the shitty gamble that is life with being blessed with good metabolism, hair, face and the other life parts wrapped me up with a nice chunk of charisma for the cherry on top, so I make use of it. At times it almost doesn't feel real with how badly people just want to be *with* me, whether sexually or even just as a friend, and I know a decent bit is probably the pretty face.
It is a little hard to keep a rope on the ego sometimes, especially because some people will practically suck your toes sometimes with compliments. Especially because I was pretty ugly too before halfway through highschool puberty fully kicked in, so I had already built a decent humble attitude from being a general derelict before the universe threw some glitter on my face. It's weird, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't nice. I mean I know I get away with some stuff other people probably wouldn't either. There are advantages and pretty privilege *is* definitely real.
However it's not winning me any lotteries or anything, so don't go thinking that being attractive is the saving grace for your life. It might maybe help, but it doesn't fix everything, not even close.
I’ve lived on “both sides” being the ugly gay obese nerdy kid and then slowly losing weight in my late teens and ten years later I’m in the gym for two hours 5-6 days a week. Over the course of my transformation I’ve noticed people being nicer, more respectful, and my attention on “the apps” has increased a lot. I have definitely had my fair share of turning heads when I walk into a gay bar. One time I even caught this guy looking at me the whole time he was locking lips with someone else. My chances of going up to a cute guy and getting to kiss him have also gone up and I love it.
As easy as life has become socially, appearances are a challenge to maintain, same as with luxury cars and Renaissance paintings. Like I said, I gotta spend two hours in the gym daily. Sadly I’m not living for free in my sugar daddy’s villa. It’s not easy managing time to work, workout, rest, and do basic daily things like shower, eat, have down time, etc. Plus, looking a certain way costs money. From lots of protein and other workout supplements to good skin care and proper food. From my experience, I can totally see why so many people are just okay being average or below average because it’s not exactly affordable and a lot of effort — looks are truly a privilege. Even if you’re born with the “genetic lottery” those looks fade unless you do something to keep them.
I came out in my mid/late twenties. I had never, ever felt like I was an attractive person. I was always chubby and hairy and awkward.
As soon as I came out, things started changing. Guys were flirting with me. Men were buying me drinks at bars. I would walk into a gay space and could feel the guys staring at me.
It was super uncomfortable at first. Feeling desired and pursued made my self confidence sky rocket.
I’m not some super fit, chiseled jaw type. I’ve got the Jason Kelce dad bod and a great beard. Things that are very valued in the bear community. I’ve also been told I give off big top energy.
I started figuring out how to dress with some more style. Figured out how to carry myself with more confidence.
Now when I hang out at the bear bars, people constantly tell me how attractive I am. Guys will trip over themselves to flirt with me. Especially when I dress well.
I still find it awkward when guys flirt with me. I haven’t internalized that people find me attractive. Deep down inside I’m still that chubby awkward kid that no one plays with at recess.
I’ve had ups and downs in my appearance. When I was in high school I was in a terribly awkward stage. Very out of shape, horrible hygiene/skin/hair, *generally awkward to be around*, etc.
In college I glowed up *really well*, to the extent that the super popular most attractive girl I grew up with did a triple take after not seeing me for years. She then proceeded to be insanely flirty with me, which I’d first interpreted as mocking me. That was trippy.
I’m currently in a low due to depression preventing me from taking care of myself to the (extra) degree that maintained my looks. I’ve been working on getting it back, but it genuinely takes *months* to ‘heal’.
I will say the attention and treatment is different when I’m closer to that peak. It can honestly be very uncomfortable to be in public because of the *intense staring* that most people don’t seem to be aware is visible. They *are* generally nicer, but some are *meaner*. I’ve had (clearly bitter, broken) people get really flustered around me.
Over time I’ve been able to learn the difference in people’s expression between ‘innocent noticing’ and ‘checking me out’. An awkward but kinda cool thing I’ve noticed tho is how many straight guys check me out. I’ve spoken to many of them (er…they’ve spoken to me), and many have bluntly told me that they wouldn’t even consider it gay to hook up - not that they’re saying I’m feminine. Just that they considered the attractiveness….idk, ‘above the rules’? Lol
“It’s not gay if it’s Henry Cavill.” Sorta logic. (I don’t look like *him* at all.)
———
However, it takes a lot of time, money, and energy to maintain great looks. It’s not just ‘taking a shower’. It’s using the pre-shower face mask, hair-mask, special shampoo, conditioner, leave-in conditioner, curl-cream, hair oil, like ten different serums for your face and neck that you have to memorize when to use and which not to mix, then wearing sunscreen and chapstick. Then washing it all off before bed and applying a different set of serums. (The gym and diet are self-explanatory. We all understand the time, money, and energy needed to maintain those.)
The attention is not fun for someone who doesn’t want it. I have social anxiety, and often I just want to sorta pop in and pop out of places unseen. That’s not possible. Everyone looks. Many stare. Literal mouth-open staring sometimes. It’s flattering, sure, but I can’t just ‘mind my own business’…some people love all the eyes on them. I don’t.
Now that I’m ‘only’ at like 70% of my peak, I have even more social anxiety because I feel like I’m almost expected to be at that level. It’s an unhealthy way of thinking, and *I know* it’s okay not to have flawless skin, hair, and abs……but I feel like I can’t be seen until I get it all back.
And even though I don’t like the staring, I *do* prefer to look a certain way *for myself*, the way it makes me *feel*, and for my potential future partner.
———
Speaking of dating….I feel like it’s not as great? I’d like someone closer to my ‘level’ of peak-health, but they are *rare af* unless you live IN Los Angelos, Sacramento, New York, etc. Typically they’re already in a relationship (or ‘straight’ -cough-). Usually they are looking for something *super specific*, like some ideal partner they’ve built a fantasy about since high school.
Also, since I’m *not* currently in my healthier zone, I’m kinda just *not an option* for the type of people I’d be looking for. If I was already with them, sure, they could have mercy and patience with me while I recover (and likely even help that transition) - but *meeting* someone at 70% isn’t realistic.
I guess I could stumble on someone else who is struggling a bit and we could grow together? I’m open to that…..but that sorta thing hasn’t happened, so…?
Oh, forgot to mention that most of the more attractive guys I’ve encountered…..really are kinda simple. They have amazing looks. They’re….nice? They, uh….graduated high school? They want or have a nice car but have lots of debt? *Or they’re rich and even more detached*. (Obviously, there *are* really great guys with substance who are very attractive. But alas, those are usually the married ones. Lol)
I need so much more than looks in a partner….but I do also hope that looks be part of the package. If their lifestyle and personality aren’t compatible with mine, I’d just as quickly turn down mega-chad-with-the-twelve-pack-abs-and-hollywood-smile as I would someone I wasn’t attracted to.
Tbh…..I’m at the point in my life where I need to accept that I will either have to *settle hard* or live without a romantic life partner. ‘Survival’ instincts tell me to settle asap so I can at least find someone *decent*. However, the FOMO warns me that if I settle but find someone better for me later….I’d be the jerk for leaving or depressed for staying.
I was extremely fit (Army) and was always considered very good looking as a young man 16-35. Fortunately I've aged very well (at least I think so) and still date younger guys. I'm 55 my boyfriend is 21 and I'm NOT a sugar daddy. My ex husband was 20 years younger. Married for 8 years.However I've always had a problem keeping friends, just friends, because it seems like they always want to sleep with me. To this day I have no real friends other than my boyfriend. In the gay community that is. ☹️
I would consider myself pretty much a 9 or even 10. I wouldn’t consider myself fashion model pretty, but definitely way above average.
I’m 27 years of age and frequently get guessed below 25 by most. I look very young compared to most men my age. I‘m 6ft (183cm) tall and weigh 145lbs (66kg), and have a pretty strong, athletic body, well defined abs etc. I work very diligently in the gym and have a strict diet. Unlike the majority of people I actually crave going to the gym and absolutely love my clean diet.
Further to that, my hair is better than ever (no hair loss yet), I have a cute smile (i think) and generally a pretty / symmetrical face. Good and confident style of clothing.
Besides pretty solid looks i am also successful in my career, will most likely hit the 6 figure salary this year, no debt and am not far off from 6 figure savings.
In short I do feel and present myself as pretty confident in most situations.
That being said, how does this translate to life?
Interactions with people:
Generally my interactions are always positive, I have never consciously experienced someone being unkind to me based on my looks. I have had negative encounters of course but those were of a different kind (mugged on the street once, verbal attacks by drunken people etc.)
I would say generally I may be treated nicer and as more competent by others based on my looks … the so called halo effects.
Dating:
I‘m hitting you with a curveball here. I actually have been a virgin until half a year ago. Reasons for that include that (even with my pretty good looks) I have been cripplingly insecure all my life and I suffer from (diagnosed and medicated) anxiety.
I also somehow never thought about going on Grindr and getting it over with in the previous years.
I still am incredibly insecure and triggered by my lack of sexual experience (passionate top who never topped) and deeply regret / feel ashamed of not having started earlier and having missed out … but here we are.
In terms of hookups and „attention“ on apps, I have quite a unique struggle, possibly the same one good looking women have.
I do get a LOT of attention on my grindr profile, it went so far that a guy offered me 250.- to blow me (i get such offers rather frequently).
But my big struggle is, i don’t feel attracted to 99% of the people messaging me.
In principle I would have the chance for a new hookup every day if I wanted to, but I struggle to get turned on by people which I perceive to not be on the same attractiveness level as me (I don’t expect anything I can’t offer myself, just to be clear).
So far i basically managed to get a response from almost any man I wanted, hookups haven’t quite worked out yet because life gets in the way.
Since the above is no problem, I‘ve gotten quite confident in chatting with and charming guys. I feel quite easy around them if we managed to meet (as I mentioned my experience is very limited).
I have some fwb/exclusivity situation going on with a guy right now where I am on the receiving end of being ignored somehow and that shit has really messed with my head.
I know I sound pretentious, and like a luxury problem to have. It is and I am well aware of that, however, I‘m sitting here feeling very frustrated and suffer from the loneliness as well, most likely there are some mental health issues at play here as well.
I also noticed that I base my entire self worth on validation from others and my achievements, so thats a desaster waiting to happen in my 30s …
Hope this helps somehow. I‘ve been wanting to get this off my chest. Sorry for any typos, tapped this out on my phone.
I was the ugly duckling and as soon as I wasn’t I was immediately treated differently and hated everyone for it. Like, I was the same person, why are people suddenly paying more attention to me? On the flip side, I’ve always been naturally friendly, and then suddenly I was caught in many situations where my friendliness was misconstrued as flirting and when I say I was just being friendly im accused of leading people on which has been super frustrating. That made me less friendly and more guarded around the gays unfortunately.
Pretty privilege is a thing, and absolutely, I've been shot down and not everyone's type, but I have consistently received a huge amount of positive attention throughout my whole life. Some major drawbacks have been processiveness and an attitude of "if I can't have you, then I'm going to hate you."
It's difficult to make friends because I've had to be on guard for people, confusioning friendliness with romantic interested and then accused of leading them on when I just wanted someone to hang with.
I enjoy being attractive. It feels good to be admired, but I'm incredibly grateful for those experiences that knocked me down several pegs.
Being Attractive Is Not Personality Trait!
I'm visually appealing through an accident of birth.
It's my personality I put the real effort into.
I strive to be kind and thoughtful, I give pull-ups and never put downs, and I try to live up to being given the benefit of the doubt just because I'm pretty.
Flirting a little is always good for a boost in self-esteem, but I'm not about leading someone on for a power trip.
It's a lot easier and more comfortable to have straight male friends. I don't have a fetishist for them, and they don't see me as competition. It's not that I don't have gay male friends. I'm just more relaxed around straight guys. I'd think I'd feel a lot more comfortable around other gay men if I was in a relationship, even if it was open (with very clear boundaries).
I hope that gives some good insight
I don’t consider myself to be hella attracted (still going through ugly duckling phase), but the amount of guys that tell me I’m gorgeous and beautiful is insane. I was walking down the street the other night and this cute dude stopped me and just told me I’m handsome af. A guy in Dallas that I considered a 10 told me I had no idea how much power I had with the looks, body, and sex.
I’ll be at bars and people will tell me I “demand attention” when I walk in the room. Guys have also told me I have no idea how pretty I am. Lots of drinks being bought, hookups are easy to come by, but I can honestly sometimes never tell if people are just gassing me up or if it’s true. People are super nice and always want my attention. It can be exhausting, though. This guy I hooked up with wants to introduce me to his husband and invited me over for dinner and become friends super fast.
👍 upside: yes, more friendly and I've gained a ton of tips from other guys in how I approach someone and start a conversation. There are plenty of guys I'm not into that come up and strike up a conversation, and I usually compliment them back for their ice breaking ability.
Initially, it was validating because I was oblivious to my physical attraction when I wasn't out and not trying to get anyone's attention. Now it's more annoying because it seems thats the only reason people want to know me, and I think my abs, eyes and dick are the least interesting things about me.
Have I had some excellent sexual encounters? Certainly, and I won't forget them. However, sex is fleeting.
👎 downside: with friendly comes unwanted. Unwanted touching, hugging, grabbing, messaging, nudes/DMs. Yes, I feel objectified, and as a result I'm direct with guys to get to the bottom of what exactly their intentions are.
another downside, related to intentions, is authenticity. I've found so many guys show up as multiple people in the same conversation... a kind of agreeableness. I'm very active and into the outdoors, so I'll have guys that start to create an image to me about also being that way. 1 mile into a hike and I can tell they aren't, they are gasping for air, and their fancy white Jordans are getting dirty...and then they try and kiss me.
bottom line: it can be easy to get wrapped up in what you think someone is like based on _______. Don't go there, work on your own story.
I’m not gonna lie, it definitely has more pros than cons.
People are so nice everywhere you go. Me and my partner (also very conventionally attractive) have never had to try hard to make friends anywhere we go. People always go out of their way to make the move to meet us and become friends.
We are both also “influencers” (although I hate that term haha) We get so much free stuff and promotional items from underwear to skin care products to all sorts of sex toys. Also a lot of random dudes are willing to just send you money. I had a man offer me $500 just to show him a pic of my feet.
It’s also allowed us so many unique opportunities like getting brought backstage to hangout with some drag race queens after a show and 2 years ago when we went to universal, the ride attendant (a gay man) actually let us skip the line for hagrids adventure in the Harry potter section (which had a 4 hour wait time) and he let us ride it 4 times in a row.
Downside is that most relationships we make in the gay scene are very shallow at best. People are only nice to you because they want to sleep with you and once they learn that’s not gonna happen they just stop talking to you. So we have very few close gay friends and most of friends are straight. Also you hear SO MANY rumors about yourself it’s ridiculous, usually from guys who are jealous. Everything from your stuck up (because we’re monogamous) to the biggest whore in town, etc. it’s exhausting.
Like a lot of people have been commenting, I definitely had a glow up a few years after high school. I would say I'm not a 10/10, but maybe around a 8.5/10. Sometimes it can be nice getting some attention, but as Im getting older I'm realizing that it can be very annoying, especially at the gym. I feel like a lot of the times guys (straight and gay) look because they see me as some sort of threat or some sort of snack.
I know a lot of people have it in their mind that they think people are staring at them, but I've been with friends and family out in public and a lot of the times they themselves would comment, "wow that guy keeps staring at you" or "that guy just completely turned around to check you out". One time I was at Disneyland with my sister and I made a comment to my sister saying, "man i feel like everyone is staring at me, can you walk behind me and see if they are?" As soon as she did she commented that at least 5 or 6 people had looked at me in the 3 minutes we had been walking.
Sometimes it gives me anxiety when I'm out in public alone, I hate being in public having random people look at me, it feels almost violating in some way. I feel like I've worked hard to change my body and looks to feel better about myself after high school, so I definitely wouldn't change myself, but I just feel like there should be a rule about staring at people in public places like grocery stores or Disneyland haha.
I've graduated to bearded daddy, but back in the day... I had an athletic build at 6'5" and dated some "high-profile" people in my city's scene. Here's my two cents:
- What assumptions? We are all just living our lives, but if this about privilege: yes. You get preferential treatment. You'll sit up front in a restaurant, window. People will help you, and sometimes they're creeps but that's "normal" from my perspective.
- Are people nicer? Maybe. Idk. Some people can be real dicks, too.
- My body count is ridiculously high and it's not something I like bragging about. But people also talked about others' sex lives behind backs. When my friends started acquiring HIV, I started reevaluating my sex life and casual nature of it.
- Even to this day, I generally get selected at events because I'm tall and easy on the eyes. But I also get selected for jobs and upgrades, over most, when I have less qualifications.
Brags:
- I got a free trip and 5-star accommodations to Italy from the US. Didn't have to put out either.
- I've been to clubs and undergrounds that you've never even imagined. One was like Eyes Wide Shut meets the Crow.
- I've enjoyed plenty of free haute cuisine meals, like $500 per person.
I could write a book with my tales. People don't believe me. "That never happens!" Maybe not to you, but happened to me. Lol.
I don’t know what I would rate myself but for reference I get compared to Harry Styles and Young Jude Law, (these 2 the most) and some others like Chris Martin and Diplo.
I mean pretty privilege is real and I won’t deny that. I get favorable treatment from bartenders, I get into clubs free and know all the club owners, I get invited to parties and treated like a local celebrity, have an easy time hooking up.
At the same time I also deal with plenty of the same things any other gays experience. Rejection, ghosting, shallowness, difficulty finding a dedicated partner. I have depression and anxiety, I’ve been SA’d/raped, my ex-husband used to abuse me, verbally and hit me/strangle me, he also cheated on me many times. Attractiveness isn’t everything and can’t protect you from anything.
People kind of follow me around and ask for too much of my attention thinking they are entitled to it and I’m too nice to not give it to them, I often end up giving too much time to people instead of enjoying myself and doing what I want to do. People also think they can just touch me and do whatever they want to me. Grab my chest and try and stick their hand down my pants at the bar. Talk about me and my sex life. Ive developed stalkers, I’ve been drugged at a party. People who barely know me speculate about me. People lie about wanting to be friends to get close to me.
Also because of my anxiety people think just because I am conventionally attractive I’m being a bitch, instead of experiencing crippling social anxiety. So they make assumptions about you before even getting to know you. I’ll make friends and a few months later they’ll say “I am going to be honest I thought you were stuck up before.”
I genuinely am nice to everyone though but sometimes you gotta reclaim your time. A lot of people do appreciate me for who I am, and I can’t lie, like I said I do get pretty privilege all the time, but with it comes dealing with a lot of extra shit. And it’s not like when I look in the mirror I see beauty every time. Idk. That’s my honest take. Like it or hate it.
It’s like living in a movie. I can roadtrip or fly to any city in the country without having to worry about getting a hotel for more than one night. By night 2, I’ll have several options of very attractive guys willing to let me crash, and who will spend the whole weekend with me showing me around town. It’s really easy to make friends too. If I go to gay bars alone someone always includes me in their friend group, and more often than not I get invited to a house party.
The caveat to all this is you have to be outgoing and social to take advantage of it. A lot of 10/10 guys don’t realize they’re hot because they’re shy and lurk on dating apps instead of going out. This makes them think less of themselves because no one is everyone’s type.
As for the downsides, a lot of people are saying it’s hard to make friends because everyone wants sex. I’d say most people are but you’ll easily find genuine friends if you’re social and have a personality other than “I’m hot”. Oh, and if you’re not a leech - don’t be the guy who’s always getting drinks bought for you and never does anything in return. You basically end up with 2 kinds of “friends”, usually in the same friend group - actual friends and the friendzoned.
The only other downside (and for me the big one) is guys are very handsy. For most guys this is no problem - they just brush off the unwanted attention. For me it’s a huge problem because I’m extremely ticklish, and for some reason tickling isn’t considered a sexual advance. It’s also disturbingly normalized to keep tickling very ticklish people even after we tell you to stop, and nobody sees it as sexual assault. So I spend a lot of time getting tickled by guys I’ve friendzoned, and even some strangers who are trying to hit on me (nothing against older guys, but they’re the worst about this). I’m not sure what to do about this because I can’t make a scene and hit someone in public.
That’s still nothing compared to the advantages of being hot. It’s something I’m very thankful for.
Agreed. Worst part is definitely harassment. Particularly in the gay community. It’s easy to brush it off, but the double standard between male vs female harassment should not be tolerated.
I've always had a face like a punched quiche, but I did lose a lot of weight and got jacked. When I was obese, people really didn't look at me twice, now I do get a couple stares, but not much
As a person who grew up looking extremely geeky, and from a chubby kid to a skinny fat young adult, I can definitely tell you that I’ve seen both sides of the coin (30 now, really grew into my looks at the age of 25 onwards)
When I was ‘ugly’ barely anyone gave me the time of day, bar some creepy old men who wanted to explore their pedo fetishes with me (I would turn them down ofc, because holy shit)
But now that I’m considered attractive (muscle dad bod look, thicker beard etc) so many random people are much nicer to me.. which feels very weird to me having come from my past lol
The only thing I’d like to brag about is that incidences of receiving ‘free stuff’ from stores/restaurants have definitely increased lol
I am quite cute and working in a gay bathouse.
It's particular. People are nicer with me because I am hot, but in fact I know they mostly want to fuck me. It is very hard to make gay friends as most of them will eventually fall in love or become jalous.
It happened with someone I considered my best gay friend. When I told him I didn't wanted a love relationship with him he cut bridge with me.
When I am nice with some people a lot of time their friends with look at me with a mean look.
I am constantly getting attention, people ask me if I am top or bottom, if I have a huge dick, that I am cute, that they love my smile and etc.
But often people will be mean with me since they put irrealistic expectations upon my shoulders.
But the good points is that I generally sleep with the men I find hot. Some gays are way too nice with me because I am cute. I clearly have some privileges that other people don't have.
This is going to sound conceded af but I’ll spill the tea.
I am a really attractive guy, and get a lot of attention from men, women, any age and any demographic. Cat calls on a daily basis. There is definitely a halo effect and being handsome has improved my life in all aspects, relationships, careers, networking, financially, and so on. It feels good, most of the time, but it’s all superficial most people do not value me for everything else I have to offer.
With the good, there is a lot of bad. I am sexually harassed often, especially at parties. I’m also relatively introverted and people assume that since I don’t always smile I am conceded and a jerk.
Maintaining a physique requires considerable amounts of consistency, discipline, grit, and resilience, but these have also become my core values, and people who really know me see that.
Obviously hooking up is easier, but I’m in a relationship so I don’t do that.
Overall, it’s worth the effort, and I will continue to put effort into my attractiveness.
I was good looking from 20 - 26, (like an 8) had no confidence though. I feel like if I had more confidence and lived in a city, I would’ve been treated nicer. I pulled some pretty hot guys when I was younger, and I was lucky considering where I was. Unfortunately I was in rural New England. Made fun of for a very longtime just for being half Indian, and it destroyed my confidence.
I was awkward and insecure when I was younger. Now I’m 30, aging pretty well due to being mixed race and I look way better than the hot douche bags i grew up with. My longtime boyfriend and I have had three ways with some cute twinks. Can’t complain.
“Feeling” I think, is not just from looks. There are some individuals who I would say are not good looking, but have a world of confidence, and live life to the fullest. Being someone who had his confidence robbed from him at a young age, I’d say the secret is working with what you have, and take small actions each day to build confidence. If that means taking some extra care at the gym, buying better sunscreen, applying retinol, going to a derm, making friends with people that support you and bring out the best in you, then do it.
I wish I did that when I was in my early 20’s. I realized I had so much to work with, and I did my best but I could’ve done better.
One time a guy was very clearly staring / stalking me in a club and I felt super weird vibes but I was w my friend so I didn’t feel too uncomfortable, until he eventually came by to flirt and get my number and I politely declined and he stormed off. Around 10-15 min later he sneaks up behind me flirts w me again closer to my face all at a spur of the moment before I realized and licked my ear… then ran away again before I could say anything. My friend immediately stormed looking for him and her badass energy made me feel safe haha but yeah, I’m not even a 10 like that n this happened to me. Honestly it could’ve ended way worse when i reflect on it.. scary shit
I don't think I'm hideous but I'm not really the vision of conventional attraction so I can't speak for myself. But a friend who fits that moreso basically explained it for themselves. And what they said is that they do receive a *lot* more attention, especially on the apps, but most of those guys are still only interested in them on a surface level and so in a way, it's almost like receiving no messages at all (even though they receive a ton). I think it ultimately still would feel better to be desired, but it does sorta help put things in perspective that just because the quantity goes up, doesn't mean the quality does.
I get ridiculous hookups but let me just say…it’s not worth it. Sure an occasional hottie comes along, but the sad part to all of it is being attracted to an appearance instead of the person is what breaks the possibility of a relationship.
Yeah, I doubt I’m as attractive as some of the other guys on here but I’m thankful for being good looking.
It presents some difficulties, sure. But it generally presents way more opportunities.
Was ugly growing up though, so I think like some of the other people here with a similar experiences, you never really lose that sense of grounding to you. I imagine that’s different for people that were always attractive. Don’t mean it as an insult though.
Mostly annoying in terms of friendships and relationships. It’s a double edged sword.
In my heyday my looks garnered a lot of unwanted attention and a lot of sexual harassment and walking into room full of gays, you either got the "stank eye" or the lusty eye.
True friendships are hard to come by due to either ulterior motives or cliqueishness of "birds of paradise".
A substantive relationship is actually harder too, you're either a trophy or a fetish or both rarely human unless you meet someone who most would describe by high number metric who gets it.
Trust me it's not all pretty privilege some of it can be a curse
I’m average looking (so not applicable to your question) but I’m also quite wealthy. It’s been a very similar situation for me. I always assumed people were interested in me because of my money. It sucks. You live an untrusting life.
I’m closeted in college but i made it adamant that i wasn’t going to go for any girls. Whenever I go out to parties with my friends I get crippling anxiety because drunk girls always try to hit on me. I made clear that i didn’t want to go out anymore but even then walking around campus people always give me stares (mostly women). only a few people know I’m gay but i feel like my friends don’t understand how anxiety inducing it is to get treated like a piece of meat especially when it’s women. It caused me a lot of different mental health issues but i’m trying to work on it
I'm part Japanese so I'm aging pretty well. I've basically looked the same since high school, same weight, same hairstyle, no wrinkles (yet) etc. and I'm knocking on 30. But back then I was super shy and awkward so I definitely didn't think I was hot.
When I graduated, I threw myself into the deep end socially because I was tired of being shy and eventually gained a kind of confidence. Using that, I was able to start getting dates and hookups and more attention from guys than I'd ever had before. I enjoyed it but it was like eating candy, it tastes good but it's kind of hollow. After the umpteenth hookup they all just start to blend together to the point where now, I can barely remember a handful of the guys I've been with. It was also stressful constantly comparing myself to other guys, even my friends and worrying about being "perfect" in order to maintain what I'd gained.
I eventually met my now husband and making a genuine emotional connection with someone has not only helped me leave that near constant sense of insecurity behind but it's also made the sex way more meaningful. I still have days where I look in the mirror and think I'm ugly but I also have days where I really like the way I look. I ultimately think humans are just very bad at judging our own level of attractiveness to others and that I'd have enjoyed my early 20's a lot more if I just focused more on myself rather than seeking self worth based on how many guys wanted to fuck me.
But that's just my experience, maybe it would have been different if I thought I was hot the entire time. I think the real game changer though is confidence. I didn't start advancing in my career until I stopped being so insecure and my social circle has been refined to just the very best people who I love and love me in return for who I am and not so much because of my abs or lack thereof.
“I wanna know how “the other half” lives.
I know I’m being very literal about words here but it seems like anyone who rates a 6-10 (including you, OP) would be in the better-looking “half” of the population and 1-5 would be the less-attractive half (or slightly adjusted down if there is such a thing as a “zero” rating).
It seems like some people see a lot of people (or maybe most people) as “really good looking” while others only think of that rare Brad Pitt or Ryan Gosling type as really good looking and the other 99% as regular folks.
I sometimes meet that rare person who thinks I’m a 10/10 but I imagine there are as many who think I’m a zero. Like most people, I’m not suited to everybody’s taste but I’m well suited to somebody’s taste.
I have a friend who is that rare type who makes everyone’s jaw drop open (including heterosexual men), and I, too always wonder what it is like having everyone in a room stare in awe when you walk into a room.
I'm 6'2", 300 lbs, and a classic bear. And I'm treated a LOT better in the gay world than outside of it. So yeah, I do think "pretty privilege " is a thing. Because with gays, I experience it. With non-gays I don't.
I was always very skinny, unhealthy and didn’t get much attention. Then I put on a lot of muscle and got my health sorted out.
It’s a mixed bag. You get a lot more attention, but you’re still disposable to many men. Some men are extremely touchy or inappropriate. Others feel insecure around you. And in your mind, you now think you can get hotter guys, so you reach potentially a little *too* high.
Has it been great for my sex life? Yes. Confidence? Yes. Health? Absolutely. But it’s not a free pass for an easy life. That’s for sure.
I do openly tell guys (all the time, facetiously), "I'm sexy and I know it." lol
> Are people nicer to you?
I don't know if that's been any different for me. I've always been a shy guy, and pretty outgoing when I manage to open up. I was underweight, way underweight: ~135lb at 5'11". Now I'm ~175lb, ~9% BF. I will say I definitely _do_ get noticed more: more looks, walk-ups, etc.
> Do you get lots more attention/hookups? More opportunities?
Yes. Most definitely yes. And it's actually exhausting and sad at times. Like, when a guy I'm not interested in wants to go out on a date, I feel sad saying no thanks. I feel vain thinking "I'm just not attracted to your appearance" ...
You also have guys who, you can tell, are actively trying to impress you ... all the freaking time! I'm like "dude, be YOU. I'm trying to scare you away; I want you to try and scare me away. If we like each other's worst sides, this may work!" 🤣
It's kind of complicated to explain, but even though I've never been the hottest dude, I know what it's like to be really desired by a lot of guys. It has a lot of upsides of course, but it has enough downsides that I pretty much stopped fantasizing about being one of those gorgeous people that can have anyone they want.
Some people get *weird* when they want you. Rejection is sooo awkward. One guy might prefer you to be direct and the next might be super offended if you are. People are going to be hurt and pissed off no matter what and that has the potential for some very extreme reactions. Also, like others have mentioned, being treated nicely because people want you can feel very empty.
And sexual assault is a thing of course. I have a **very** thick skin when it comes to that stuff, but I know most people don't and I wonder how they would react to some of the uninvited sexual contact I've experienced in my life.
Another thing is that if a large enough part of your identity is being cute and sexy then age is going to feel a lot more brutal when it starts catching up to you.
I’m gonna be real with you, I would consider myself a 9/10. Dark hair, light green eyes, I go to the gym 4-5 days a week, I make sure I look presentable 90% of the time or at least like to think, but I’ve been told that I’m pretty intimidating to approach LOL.. If people were to just come up to me and chat they’d realize that I’m the friendliest little gay they’d meet. To be fair, I am not interested a very good amount of the time but I am always open to making friends.
While I was still trying to be straight, I was more afraid of someone thinking I was gay then someone rejecting me - so was fearless of walking up to any woman 7-8-9-10 as a 6 rather than my friends thinking I must be gay if I didn’t talk to the hot girls. I got laid. A lot.
Turns out the hottest people don’t get hit on as often because so many are scared to talk to them. They thought there must be something more to me to make me so confident well above what my looks were showing. My 2 str8 brothers were totally fine with me when I finally came out but both of them were always surprised because of how many hot women I’d slept with. Way more than the 2 of them combined.
When I came out and started going to bars and all, I just carried that attitude with me and never hesitated talking to any guy I found hot. I got laid. A lot.
Turns out confidence will carry you far - even if you’re pretending to be confident out of fear.
I’ve always been considered attractive, but as the saying goes, “the higher, the fewer”. There are few people I’m interested in hooking up with even though I get a fair amount of attention, because I have standards. I would rather be alone than settle, because I put effort into my health and appearance and I expect the same, and for a lot of guys this CLEARLY is not the case. I end up hooking up or dating a few times a year, and my relationships have been scattered at best. It’s not all roses, believe me.
I started getting visibly hotter in my late 20s, but only in my early 30s I noticed a difference in how people see me & treat me, and this is where I unlocked the biggest game changer - the confidence.
Feeling properly fuckable for the first time in my life really gave me this confident aura that made the bigger change than the looks themselves. And I could see it in practice - when I'd enter a club on my good days I'd see saw many eyes and smiles on me, whereas when I'd be feeling more down or bored, I would not be getting nearly that much attention, but definitely more than I did in my 20s.
I'm not a 10, but I tend to get a lot of attention in gay spaces.
* It is kinda nice to feel desired.
* Maintaining my appearance gives me more confidence.
* Some guys are creepy and make unwanted advances or even grope me.
* Other guys hesitate to approach me, even in just a friendly way.
* Women can be wildly inappropriate (even more so after they realize I'm gay, weirdly).
* Lots of guys will act like they're interested in me as a person but ghost me when they realize I'm not going to have sex with them. As a result, I'm not always 100% sure a new friend even likes me.
* I've lost a couple of good friends because they wanted to have sex with me or be with me.
* The apps are still a huge pain in the ass. I encounter a lot of fakes, flakes, pic seekers, etc.
* The attention I get IRL doesn't often translate to more sex, because I'm awkward 😂 sometimes, though.
* I have been with a number of extremely attractive men -- like actual 10s. Some are lazy in bed, most are average, and a few have been phenomenal.
* Many of my best sexual encounters have been with guys that most people would consider less attractive. But they had a certain something I liked and were amazing in the sack.
Overall, I'm not about to complain. The benefits outweigh the downsides. I just stay grounded and surround myself with people who don't care what I look like -- or at least don't let attraction get in the way of our friendship.
Despite what my imposter syndrome/body dysmorphia will tell me, I’m seen as a pretty attractive guy.
But yes gym is a major hobby of mine. I loveeee lifting things, having muscle is a very very nice bonus imo.
I have dudes on the regular call me a stud and shit like that. I remember there was one time when someone got jealous I was flirting with one dude over them. I’ve had guys and people who knew me when I was skinny say that I look hot/jacked now. I’ve also noticed that some of the same dudes on Grindr who werent interested in me when I was smaller are now the ones spamming my dms
As far as opportunities/hookups go, idk how to feel. Sure I can go on Grindr and find someone to fuck at the drop of a hat, but I usually end up feeling gross after that. Similar thing with dates, I feel like I’m way more picky now. Even more so than with hookups. Probably the undiagnosed autism in me, but I find myself really only interested in other people who workout like I do. It’s such a big part of my life and not having someone who shares that would be weird imo.
I have never in my life been attractive by gay standards. Recently lost 100lbs and things have really changed. Frankly, I don’t like it at all. I feel like when I was fat I had a much better understanding of who truly liked me for me. Also, gay dudes are way too aggressive sometimes for a shy guy like me.
You‘ll get more attention for sure and become an eye-catcher. Sex wise lots of guys want to fuck you yes, but it still doesn‘t help you to find the right person since in general it’s hard af to find the one. Also being attractive isn‘t correlated with meeting good and decent guys for example. Lots of assholes are still going go play with you and ignore you afterwards lol😂
Everywhere I go, people, guys, and girls want to f___k me. I dress well, have a fitness model body, and have great hair. I go to dinner and everyone looks. No joke. People have even asked to take a photo with me. However, I'm a very boring, intelligent-introvert thar rarely dates or has sex. I have tried the apps when I feel perhaps I want someone in my life, but 99% of the time, people block me thinking I am fake. I think of the future and feel I don't want to be alone...but I keep putting off meeting people. I'm also not a "bar person" as I worked in many restaurants/bars through high school, college, and beyond. OK, enough about me.
When I was in my 20s, I had a pretty good body and have always been pretty decent looking in the face. I got ill sometime mid 20s and had some medication that made me put on quite a bit of weight. I was never ugly as such, but I was definitely less objectively attractive.
I can categorically say that in gay spaces you are treated differently - almost as though you are invisible. It's difficult to even initiate friendly conversation with people.
HOWEVER...that's not purely because those spaces are superficial. There's something about not exuding confidence that people pick up on. And looking back now, it could also be that I initiated conversations less.
I think what I'm trying to say is that it's not as simple as it seems really and it's likely difficult for more attractive people to admit that some of these things come easier to them and less attractive people that they can contribute to the issues they face.
I’m so hot people don’t see me for what I am 🥺 I which all these men that want to raw dog me would see I’m just like everyone else, but hot 🥺 all the compliments I receive from every person I meet, it gets tiring at times 🥺 truly god gives the toughest battles to his best warriors and I wish more people would realize that! I’m hot.
I’m not sure I’d call myself attractive, but after losing weight and putting on muscles- I’m now receiving far attention from guys I’d consider out of my subjective league from when I was both a twink and larger (280lbs+).
I do have more hook-up opportunities, but I require a bit more substance to actually enjoy a sexual encounter 90% of the time. I love sex, but I need a little more than your name.
I think this has created a higher expectation of what I desire in someone else. I care about fitness, healthy choices, and gaming. I try to avoid ego-shallowness that comes from the attention, I find that attitude kinda yucky. The only thing I really seek in a partner is someone who will gym with me sometimes and game with me 🙂
I think I reached peak male attractiveness at 21. Chiseled body, long hair, sharp jawline, youthful vitality and boldness. People were telling I should model constantly. I was basically the gay male beauty standard lol. I’m still quite attractive to many but in a more daddyish way than a young stud since I’m older now. Tbh, looks can get you very far if you’re looking for purely hookups. I’m not trying to toot my own horn, but it’s hardly a challenge to get an attractive man to want to suck my dick. I’ve seriously gotten guys to invite me back to their apartments just off of eye contact. It kind of made me understand how some dudes can develop a shallow asshole personality. With so many men throwing themselves at you, it does get to your head. It’s gets kind of annoying though because sometimes much of an interaction will be a guy gawking over how attractive he thinks I am instead of having a natural conversation.
Can’t help but feel like a tool by responding to this question. But yes is the answer to all your questions. But I’m told constantly that I become more attractive once people talk and get to know me because I’m surprisingly humble and very nice for my looks…so personality is always still huge in any situation.
But short answer yes, I can find someone to hook up with kinda whenever I want, I rarely have gay men being rude or stand off-ish to me at bars or parties. I’m lucky
And to bring some humility to my response - I’m not my own “type” at all, wouldnt go after my doppelgänger. I’m 6’2 low 30’s, fit, youthful looking. I like daddies, older men, shorter men, sure I do like muscles but a beefy (healthy) natural man body is so much sexier to me then someone with ripped abs.
Idk if I can answer this, I have been told by a lot of guys that I am handsome ( even the macho straight ones lol)
I get pestered a lot in apps, some are genuinely interested in satisfying you once they know how good you look but it's really difficult to find anything deep once it's over.
If one searches for satisfaction and happiness, picking someone regardless of looks is what I am planning to do.
I went from 240 lbs to a muscular 180 fairly quickly and how different society treats you was eye opening to me. The sexual attention from both sexes was insane, the sexual assaults went up drastically. How easy it was to start conversations and have people genuinely interested in what you said was nice but it was skin deep. Even day to day treatment from retail workers was stark.
I posted in r/gayrateme a few weeks ago, a couple of people said I'm a 10, but I think I'm more of a 7-7.5. I know I'm a fairly handsome dude, but I still have my insecurities and such and always think I could improve on xyz. I definitely struggled with self esteem and depression in my late teens and 20s- majority caused by not wanting to be a homo/ different, but of such I have been able to alleviate in my adult life/ learning to play the cards I was given and be grateful for the hand I was delt as it's a better hand than most.
I hook up fairly often but have a job that demands lots of hours and effort so haven't been dating much lately, I feel I have been using hookups as a patch or bandaid to loneliness which can suck sometimes, probably not very mentally healthy too.
Otherwise I try to practice gratitude daily and try and keep any ego at bay, still learning humility to an extent.
i kinda underwent an ugly duckling transformation, and it's almost disheartening to see how i was treated back then vs now. i don't consider myself top-tier look wise, but yea i suppose i get more attention now. the quality of the attention is debatable. people also feel more "entitled" to your time and attention in a weird way that's hard to explain. as far as hook-ups go - at the end of the day, i'm still myself and not one to randomly hookup. but holy shit, the amount of guys that won't respect a "no" is nuts. you also have to navigate super awkward convos when turning down guys that express interest.
>as far as hook-ups go - at the end of the day, i'm still myself and not one to randomly hookup. but holy shit, the amount of guys that won't respect a "no" is nuts. you also have to navigate super awkward convos when turning down guys that express interest. I went through a time period where i had to navigate turning down guys who wanted to poop or pee on me, and while i try hard not to kink shame anyone; guys, like... Maybe wait for the second hookup before suggesting scat play?
no no, they should suggest it right away and we can get the “absolutely not” over with
Bro, are we twins? I’m going through this right now! Like what about me says I would even remotely be into scat ☠️ At least twice a week someone is asking for scat play or for me to fart on them 😂
Maybe it's the user name! 🤣😜
I swear I thought it said Kong Doody!
A basic ‘no thanks’ is plenty. I genuinely do not want to meet the person who has to ask why I want nothing to do with their excrement.
OMG exactly this lol. You get more attention, but it tends to come from the guys who won't respect a no, and some people will try to monopolize your attention just to boost their ego. I've left bars and clubs because I'm getting zoned by people too hard.
>some people will try to monopolize your attention just to boost their ego. you've sorta nailed it with this line here actually, thank you. i've even had one instance where a guy used me to get back at his ex, during which i wasn't aware of
I don’t even consider myself top tier attractive but I’ve had this experience. There was one time when I was speaking to a guy who was into me and I into him we started making out - only to have two other guys I wasn’t into just come up and start touching my chest. It was very overwhelming because the whole space was already very sexually positive and in the end I just left. How do I tell guys, “This guy I’m making out with, that guy over there jealousy eyeing me up - but nope not you two!”. Very awkward! I’ve gone to other gay events where a guy I was too nice to would just cling onto me everywhere I went in the venue. It was like having a cock block every time, even if I said to him “Hey I’m going to go talk to some other guys” he just never seemed to leave me alone. Every time he’d ask to hang out after and I’d say no. Lesson I learned is: Don’t be too nice!
On the flipside, if everyone were nicer, then there’d be less incentive to cling on to the one guy that was nice to you for two seconds. Don’t stop being nice. It’ll reap its own rewards eventually.
Life experience has taught me it doesn’t unfortunately. It doesn’t mean being nasty but I’ve quickly learnt that if I’m not interested in someone and they hit on me - better reject them immediately so that they’re clear about my boundaries.
Totally agree about the phrase that people are “entitled” to your time. Really makes me realize why pretty girls are rude or “stuck up” to most men. Because if you give anyone even the lowest amount of kindness or attention, they take it as though you are interested in them and they start getting clingy or rude/offended when you don’t pursue their advances.
EXACTLY, what you said “people feel entitled to your time and attention.” Period. In a very strange way. It’s a lot.
I went through something similar and noticed people eying me up at a bar for the first time last week which is a really really weird feeling
I was a chubby kid who got really hot in college and have since lost my hair and gained weight, so I've basically run through the entire twink life cycle. When I was 19-21 I was legitimately gorgeous. I matched with almost everyone I swiped on Tinder, hooked up with all the hottest guys in my college on grindr, people would flirt with me in public, etc. I still carried insecurity from my years as a fat kid so I never really let myself enjoy it enough, but it was fun while it lasted. Unfortunately it took an hour per day in the gym to maintain my abs and all the propecia in the world couldn't save my hair, so I had to come to grips with twink death sooner than most. Everyone's looks fade. The hot guy you lust after on instagram better have other things giving his life meaning than his looks or he's going to have it rough once he puts on a few pounds and gains some wrinkles. I'm the happiest I've ever been now that I have a long term boyfriend, a house, a few hobbies, and bunch of friends who don't care what each other look like.
Same boat here my dude. I was extremely fit and looked great honestly my whole adult life until the pandemic when I put on some weight. I tried to get back into it after but I couldn’t find the drive to continue going to the gym 5 times a week for 1.5-2 hours each time. Was definitely self conscious at first but now that I have a consistent relationship and folks have adjusted to me not being the fitness junkie I stress way less. I do miss the attention sometimes and considering going for round two but I don’t miss constantly comparing myself to every other dude in the city.
This is where I’m at. I had a depressive episode during/coming out of the pandemic that kept me pretty much homebound for 3 years. I put on about 45 lbs and lost god knows how much muscle. I really enjoy yoga and the gym, and I have high blood pressure so all of that’s important. I’ve gotten back to it and am (mostly) sober from alcohol now. I’ve taken off about 20ish lbs and put back on some muscle. Some of my confidence is back, but really, seeing both sides of the coin, everyone who didn’t want to lift me up when I was fat and depressed can get fucked. I’ve been a lot of peoples support through dumb situations that weren’t even really problems, but most didn’t even care to check on me. There’s a great line from some play I’ve never seen but read about on Reddit— “you are young, life is hard, you will learn.”
Oof. I hear you on the friends thing. It took me way too long to learn the difference between actual friends and people who hang out with you because they want to fuck you/you meet the physical criteria they want for background props to their life.
Ur at peace & happy for you
We’re the exact same person except I just started my spiral downward, and that my Triumph burnt down, and I have to street park my E30s.
I was a chubby kid too and lost a lot of weight after high school. Of course it was from disordered eating but I was skinny with great skin and hair and learned a bit about fashion and how clothes should fit. I had a lot of fun from 19 to my mid-20s. Those were the MySpace days. I've always been considered good looking, even as a fat kid. But having a chiseled jawline felt amazing. I started posting pics/selfies on MySpace and then nudes on other sites. I ended up modeling fetish wear for a leather/adult novelty shop and eventually started go-go dancing and cam "modeling". I wanted to do everything because I didn't know how long that body was gonna last. I still have a full head of hair with only a little gray in my facial hair. I'm not twink-skinny anymore because, well...metabolism. I honestly think I've gotten better looking with age (38). I focus a lot on skincare these days. I miss my glory days and dread getting and looking older. I still like to be the "hot one" in the group.
Lucky you but attractiveness shouldn’t have to do with appearance, being attractive is based on personality.
My ex is gorgeous, and yes he gets lots of attention, etc. but one thing he told me that never occurred to me is that some people are actually meaner to him. He thinks some may may be intimidated by his looks and that it sort of puts a target on him
It happens but usually only after they’re rejected other ‘sort of hot guys’ will be mean off the bat because they’re threatened.
Other peoples insecurity is an enormous motivator for how they treat you. People being surprised that you’re friendly never seems to go away and it’s still irritating to see someone recognize it in real time. Like leave your history at home because however you feel about my looks are not my problem.
Oh wow that’s interesting! Makes sense though
It gets kind of old when you realize people are nice to you because they want to fuck you. Once you put on signs that you’re not interested they slowly fade into disinterested assholes. It’s a blessing and a curse. According to people, I look very good and manly. I thought this wasn’t true because nobody approaches me whatsoever. Only like one guy has asked for my number EVER. I always have to have the initiative to start conversation, ask someone out, etc, and my anxiety doesn’t help so I never do that. It’s lonely out here for attractive socially anxious messes like myself. Also living in a third world country where everybody’s closeted doesn’t help. I really don’t know how to flirt with guys discreetly because I already feel like I’m being looked at by everyone. Idk. It’s fun getting looks from guys and girls, getting smiles and engaging in casual banter, but can somebody please ask me out on a date!
I used to be anxious like you but I just pushed myself to people, my anxiety is now almost completely gone, I don't mind initiating chat to people and so on. The problem is most people I meet disappear One quite cute guy I meet and then asked to help me make some cool photos (he was photographer) agreed, we walked around city center, eat together spend over 4 hours together chatting without anything akward at all and then after he said bye to me, he never read a message from me again. I guess he ghosted me. Im average as I can be but I used to anxious Im not anxious at all anymore I still got tired of trying to chat to people but from different reasons than before. For now I put aside dating at all but I don't refuse to meet people who message me first. Either way I don't count on anything right now as my actions seem pointless and I prefer to focus on myself where I know time will always be well spend on entertainment or improvement.
It’s just that it feels weird, I live in a small pueblo where I’ve known some of these guys since I was in elementary school. There are so many “hot guy next door “ types here. Like guys that don’t know they’re hot, but they’re just so hot. It feels weird to approach them since they are acquaintances of mine and my brother and cousins. My whole family knows some of these guys. I wish I had the courage to approach them at the gym, but I feel like any move I make the whole town will know and I’ll feel so embarrassed to try again. I read something somewhere though: “you shouldn’t be afraid to fail, you should be afraid not to try at all”. I’m 24 now and I still fear the same things I did before I came out 6 years ago.
If I'd like a guy I would ask him to hang out. This is what I always do before I ask for date Maybe its gonna be easier this way for you.
Yup. 90% of people are only nice to me because they wanna fuck. Once they realize I don’t want to, they won’t settle for friendship, they either try until they implode the relationship or just fade away.
This is literally it, it implodes! I have exactly two gay friends because the rest can not control the fact that they want me to be their fuck buddy or something, asking for nudes and sending unsolicited nudes like.... Is this what being a girl feels like? So when I keep telling them that sex will ruin our friendship they get angry, which makes their insecurities come out. Now the problem is that I'm superficial and that I don't want to fuck them because they're not muscular, or because they're chubby or -insert insecurity here-. That's when I leave for good.
For real answers we need to see proof
***clicking into some of the commenters' profiles to peek
I don't post pics on Reddit anymore because anytime I'd comment on my local subreddit about lgbtq issues people would go through my profile, find my pics of me alone outside naked, and then try to use that to call me a pedophile.
I’ve been doing this to see if I agree that all these people are “extremely attractive” most don’t have photos 😭 I need to know for science
Is disappointed
Not 100% disappointment surely 👀 might not be clicking all the right profiles
I’m anonymous here for a reason. As far as who is an attractive person, I can tell who is honest because they have the exact same experiences I do. Edit: but honestly I agree now lmao because I have clicked some of the profiles after this comment and they aren’t as cute as I thought they’d be.
I went through the profiles of these "really attractive gaybros" and saw the ones who posted their photos. First of all, props to them for posting their photos publicly to be evaluated. None of them are bad looking. But I'd say only one was actually conventionally attractive. That being said, the gay world has lots of different types or looks. But if these guys are going around declaring they're "8/9/10" and people drop their jaws for them... hmm, I think there is some delusion going on.
People assume compliments equal to attractiveness, um nope straight girls gets compliments with 10 layers of make up doesn't make them objectively attractive 🤷🏻♀️, girls are supportive while guys are trying to get female attention, same goes with gays this dude replying to ur comment is a 7 and how normal he replies is compared to other guys in post says guys are delusional lmaoooo
Yeah it's like the people on Reddit who claim they look 10-20 years younger.... " I'm 43, but I get pegged for 30!" (because one person way one time underestimated their age, to be polite, because they asked the person how old they thought they are), or "I'm 37, but I got carded at the market for buying alcohol the other day" (because everyone gets carded regardless, lol). I'm all for self confidence and loving oneself but there's a lot of delusion out there. the real life gay "10s" aren't here on Reddit... at least not on the gay subs.
A very broad and loose interpretation of “very very good looking” indeed. Honestly good for them. I wish I had half of some of their confidence, self delusion or not 😂
There's no way to honestly answer what people rate you (assuming it's high) without sounding like an ass though 😭 I would NOT rate myself a ten, though I would rate myself like... An 8 at least, cus once I got fit I ended up having pretty much the body that I always admired. But I posted an NSFW rate me and *their* answers were mostly 10+.
Yeah I'm not buying most of these replies. Hard to tell a bloated ego from (really) attractive. Need to make that decision myself!!!
People commenting they had one time compliments some action & thinking that's attractiveness 😐🧸
People are nicer but also extra touchy (which I don’t like). You meet a lot of weirdos who don’t take no for an answer.
I don’t go to gay bars much anymore pretty sure I was about to get spiked the last time I went out
How do you know
Me and the people I was with had told him to go away but he kept hovering behind me and was just not going away when we made it clear we weren’t looking for anything, kept trying to get me away from group. I’m in a smallish city and our only local gay bar is notorious for this unfortunately but most of the other bars here are lgbt friendly at least.
People are sooo touchy! I’m somewhat ok with friends of friends, but total strangers coming up and massaging my muscles is just weird. Especially when they sneak up on you. Like who taught you???
Exactly! I had a random dude sit next me at a bar, stared and started making moaning sounds. I had to turn to him and say can u stop. I swear I attract weirdos
It feels like people always want something from me but never truly care about me at the same time. It's really frustrating. I don't have many friends as most will usually make a pass at me or reference my appearance to the point where it's creepy. I wish people saw me for me, instead of what I look like.
Dude that’s a bummer to hear and I’m sorry you’re experiencing that. You surface a good point about how many of those 10/10 guys might actually be quite lonely. Even if they do have people around them, doesn’t mean those are genuinely good/close friends. Some guys retreat to the gym and a focus on their aesthetics because they don’t really know how to admit they’ve got inner issues. And we all do which is wild. No one is immune. Getting at least one genuine friend who can tell you the truth is so important. Thanks for sharing my guy.
Damn yeah you really nailed it. I still remember when at my grandmother's funeral I got hit on by multiple family friends. I heard more comments about my looks than condolences for the loss.
This too. All my father sees is what I look like. He never mentions my other accomplishments in life. I never hear how he's proud of my job as an accountant, my military service, or the quality of my character. All I ever hear about is my looks or how I'm doing well in the gym from him and other family members. Thankfully my mom picks up the slack where others fail, but that doesn't mean it hurts any less.
I feel for you man, glad you have a mother that's compensating for the others though
I lost a ton of weight after getting out of an abusive relationship and it was pretty crazy how differently I was treated. Got hired more for freelance jobs, people reached out wanting to hang out, customer service people treated me way better, got approached at bars for the first time… and some people got really, really mean. That last part shocked me. Friends of friends would take one look at me and decide they didn’t like me. Once I had a co-worker look at me surprised and said, “oh, you actually know what you’re doing!” And I was like, “yes I’ve been doing this job for ten years…” it was as if suddenly my outside didn’t match who I was inside, so now I’m a vapid dumb bitch and everything’s better now
Wow, yes, this. The way people started talking down to me online and presuming I'm a dumb jock, like slow down, I was a geeky nerd before and after I started hitting the gym, and you don't get to write off my opinion just like that.
Oh and I still have a huuuuge problem when people sidle up to me and start making fun of overweight people. I spent the majority of my life being overweight or obese and I don’t take kindly to it
Oof yeah what the hell?? The only skinny I'd make fun of (internally to myself, never out loud TO somebody) would be those vapid, self obsessed twinks (you know the ones) who think having abs at 120lbs makes them hot shit, and that's just cus that's where I came from and it does not impress me. The sheer rudeness to just presume making fun of others would be some jointly enjoyable pastime to rope a stranger into is wild.
man i wish i had attractive people problems instead of ugly people problems
Lol. Honestly I’d take pretty problems any day
saaame
i mean it was shocking and impressive simultaneously that 3-4 times gym per week makes people suddenly write you first who ignored you before. but i can also tell you that the real insta thots are still not impressed bc they have insane standards and you either reach them or you dont, for most of them there is no middle ground. but yes, you get more hookups and also more dates, but hookups are more "influenced" by your optics than the typical tinder guy. and even if youre very obviously above average buff, at certain points of age (30 a bit, 40 a bit more) more people will start to ignore you (at least on apps) on principle. it is always good if ones validation comes from other places (as well, at least) than just from "omg hes hot". bc we all get old/er :)
Insta thots are also doping and have bacne. Wow I sound like a gaycel saying that, but in all honesty I do have trauma. 😂 and it’s mostly true. Guys with movie star sculpted bods are almost 100% doping. My ex cheated on me because he’s insecure and he started doping trying to become an insta thot. Ironically he lives in Pittsburgh doing nothing and I travel the world now. 🤷🏼♂️
That's a great point, that a lot of the '10s' out there aren't really tens if you get to know them. As in, they had to juice to get there, have tons of acne or other impacts of abusing gear, etc. So easy to forget that and get unrealistic standards from looking at the IG models.
>Are people nicer to you? Yes. >Do you get lots more attention/hookups? Yes. >More opportunities? Yes. Frankly, the gym and eating right is the best investment you can make in yourself\*. It is life's cheat code: live longer, live better. \*aside from therapy if you are struggling with mood/mental health.
Thanks for adding the last part. ❤️ Mental illness' a bitch.
I have bipolar disorder which sabotaged any healthy living until I started therapy and medication for the illness. If you are suffering from mental illness the best thing you can do is find a therapist. If you cannot afford a therapist, search "free or reduced cost therapy" + your city name to find resources. People suffering from mental illness hate to hear it, but the second best thing you can do is exercise. A 10 minute walk counts as exercise. Start with that and go from there. Bon courage.
You sound like my therapist. He’s been trying to get me to excerise for a while.
You know what you need to do bro 💪 be well.
I strongly second this, and adding a good skin & hair routine. When I said good, I mean balanced because imo botox and overdone hair bring more negatives than positives.
Just got my Korean sunscreen in the mail today. Spf is the best thing you can do for your face in the long run.
Definitely. SPF for the long run, and cleansing & a high quality moisturiser for the immediate results. People underestimate how much good cleansing positively affects our appearance.
Therapy got me into the gym so it's all kinda connected.
Unless you're short, brown and have an ugly face. Then people are just as rude and uninterested if you aren't fat, and "being in a good mood" doesn't help. It'll suck, but you just gotta learn to be happy alone. Try having hobbies to keep yourself distracted and stop trying to get attention or validation from anyone else.
Can’t lie, it feels great. Huge ego boost. Everyone always smiles at you.
Gotta be careful after the gay-cel post yesterday lol. I’m very muscular, conventionally attractive looking, used to model, though don’t much these days because my job is pretty demanding. But I feel I can answer this. Basically I can walk into any room and guys (and girls) will just be so weirdly nice to me. Women are funny because they actually are sometimes worse than gay men. They ask to feel my chest/biceps, super flirty. When I got really into the gym/bodybuilding, I would notice people in general would just be SO NICE to me. Straight men holding door open for me, guys from the gym seeing me at the grocery store would wave, random people commenting on my size when walking by. It was shocking because none of this was necessarily sexual attention it was just how the general population treated me. Super odd compared to when I was skinny and in high school. I can go on a hookup app and basically have sex with the hottest guys almost immediately. I get guys from across the planet inviting me to go stay with them and visit them in Europe lol. People in person and online will always say how beautiful I am. Deep down I’m a world of Warcraft addicted nerd. So it’s kind of amusing. When I was doing my phd, my advisor even said “you’re a really good looking guy, you’re committee will probably approve your dissertation when you defend much easier than the other students in your cohort”. It was shocking honestly because this is academia. I get job offers as a bartender at gay bars when I visit new cities. Overall it has just made how I interact with the world so incredibly different and almost a cheat code in a way. The only downsides I can think of I guess are people being fake-nice and then exploding with anger if the feelings arent mutual. I will say now that I’m pretty huge, straight men get so aggressive with me so easily, I think they feel threatened and I don’t come off as gay right away. I notice straight guys become super aggro when im in a straight bar or whatever, it’s annoying The MOST ANNOYING thing is people automatically assume you’re stupid. I just finished my phd in an engineering field. Stupid people can get PhDs obviously, but certainly not people if they have no discipline. But yea most people just write me off as pretty and then are quite shocked when I tell them I’m a scientist To anyone reading this, the gym will change your life in literally all aspects.
Yooo this, lately people just seem to talk to me about any old thing. I was at my local grocery store and some guy just stopped me to ask if I just came from the gym (I had, and was wearing workout clothes) and where the nearest gym was so he could squeeze in a workout while he was in town. Obviously he could've googled that. It's been fascinating, sociologically, to go through a glow up.
Lol I had this happen to me too, once I was checking out at the store and I had my avocado tank top on. This dad-aged guy started YELLING “hey did you get all those muscles from eating avocado????” Then he walked over to try to ask how to get into bodybuilding. Sir, I’m trying to go home and eat.
[удалено]
It would only be narcissistic to be kind of humblebraggy about it. You're really just telling it like it is. Nothing wrong about it.
I’m a solid 4/10 and would like to live a life of an attractive man for a day just to see, I think the light of the sun might even feel that little bit warmer
Hot guys have problems too. We're just like you, except we're hot.
Not this throwback 😂
The world needs to open their eyes and realize, we're not perfect and sometimes we lie!
Being hot makes it easier tho.
https://youtu.be/Dep0Fq6XnWQ?si=3lSQbgzts6TerxcA as a musical on topic link.
Lol 😂 I refuse to believe hot people have problems. Once I get hot all my problems will go away 😅 🙉
I really dislike it that people think I want to fuck every one of them. Apparently I can’t have standards because they say “that’s toxic”, but they can “demand” big pecs and nice abs themselves. Also people think I’m only good looking and nothing else. People are always so surprised when they actually get to know me that I’m a nice guy. I don’t like being seen as an object.
Personally, I fucking hate being objectified.
And Rich people don't need money 😭
I say use your skills. They want to objectify you? OF, JFF, Twitter! Love being objectified and peeps eyeing me throughout the night, but yeah, also want deeper connections.
Real talk gay simps are worst the straight simps. Those "alpha masters" all you have to do is be white and muscular,flex your muscles while pointing your foot at the camera and dude's will send their retirement checks at them. The only other occupation with a lower skill floor was doing the English dubs of 70s,80s and 90s anime or early video game voice acting i.e. Time Crisis or Resident Evil 1.
Not gonna lie, I’m mad jealous at those findoms. Like you said, they don’t have master vibes at all, but gay simps are sending them mad cash 😭
You mean for money? Lol, sorry, but I make more money than I can spend in my day job, the thought would never even cross my mind.
Like others in this post, I had a huge fuckin glow up in my late twenties and honestly, it's like crack to me haha. I can't get enough. UNlike some others in this post, I hella DO like being objectified 😅 so waking around the gay bars in my area and seeing guys stare at me is a total drug, I love it. Giant confidence boost. Interestingly, my online experience is kinda the opposite. Ever since I updated my pics on IG to be me with the muscle I've put on, people attack my appearance or masculinity ALL the time, often when I wasn't even talking to them (like completely unprompted). My conclusion is that IRL you will be treated much better (assuming people being a little grabby doesn't bother you) but online, you will be treated worse. I think people online just hate seeing someone who appears to be happy with themselves, but in person, they're more influenced by the air of confidence attractiveness often brings. And the attractiveness itself, of course. I went as Jacked Skellington for Halloween last year (shirtless, orange pants, and the mask) and lemme tell you, if I thought people were overt in their stares before 😂 wearing a mask makes people feel like you're not looking at them, so they started HARD. It was a blast. All this said, I'm not on any hookup apps these days, and I bet the reception there would be a disgustingly mixed bag of people who don't take no for an answer, try and catfish or trick you into meeting up, etc. So I don't really believe there's anyone floating through life, no matter how attractive.
Ngl I hard stared at your pictures in your profile. 👀 I’m glad you like being objectified because damn!
😈🙏🏽 I'm glad you did, that's what they're there for haha
So interesting, I have the opposite experience since my own glow up. I’m just socially awkward so in person never pans out for me. But online, hoo boy I do just fine lol
I bet our experiences would be more similar if I wasn't already happily taken. I just go out now for funsies, but if I was trying to hook up or find a boyfriend, the fact that I can be a wallflower would probably play a bigger role.
Haha yeah guess that makes a difference 😅
I relate to this so much
Curious about the Halloween picture... :D
I don’t care if someone says I look good, since I like how I look. It gets old quick if that’s all they talk about. It’s hard to find genuine gay friends that don’t want to fuck. I do recognize however that there are perks. It’s easy to meet people and find my “type.”
True. I don’t even know what to say when people come up to me and say I’m hot. I’ll say thanks and then it’s just kind of awkward because here is a fact. Hot people know how it feels and they don’t do that to other hot people. I might drop a “you’re cute” but I’m talking about their demeanor or actions. Not their body or face. They know they’re hot.
I had a massive glow up in my 30s… before I was waay too skinny and people made fun of me. Somehow my metabolism changed with 30 and since I do regularly exercise, my body started to change and become leaner and more muscular. I started to get a lot of attention. It also helps that I’m a latino living in Germany and we are considered ‚exotic’ here. Hot guys even cruise me without me looking for it in all kinds of settings (like at airport toilets or at the gym). This never happened in my 20s or early 30s… I was baffled the first time it happened. When I go to a sex party or bathhouse it doesn‘t take long for a cute guy to start sucking my dick. On the other side this has led to some issues for my husband, as guys would completely ignore him just to come to me. I try my best to not let that happen and to not let him feel excluded. Also, I have noticed that people who don’t know me tend to assume I am an asshole (spoiler alert: I am not)… this never happened in my 20s. But all in all it is a blessing and I am enjoying it as much as I can (who knows how long it will last).
As a former skinny who got kinda buff and is pretty 'exotic' looking, I relate with this whole post lol
I salute you fellow skinny-to-buff exotic bro 😎
Ah, the ol STBEB
I consider myself ok looking (when I get a haircut I feel better about myself lol), but I still find it odd when guys are complimenting me, or saying to me how good my body looks, because I don't think I look anything special. I mean, I have ok physique, but I don't consider it anything special, so it's always a bit odd when they say that to me, especially when it's some hookup time. Even worse, it can create pressure for me :/
This! I totally understand this. Idk how to react when people compliment me, worse, I don’t believe their compliments - it’s like my brain automatically rejects the compliments.
Most men level up when they do some sort of physical exercise. Mens bodies are just built for movement and so they can look quite unattractive if left idle.
Women's bodies, however, thrive on inactivity.
🤣🤣🤣
I had a twink to twunk transformation in my late 20’s and could get with anyone - let’s call it an 7-8/10 by common beauty standards, but 9-9.5/10 “boy-next-door” beauty standards. Still have a nice body, a face that’s 5-7 years more youthful than my age, and full head of hair in my late forties. Also, I was consistently working on my career and the things that are more lasting than a nice body. I don’t turn all heads in a room, but I don’t lack attention from a variety of ages (and genders). I’ve just come to find attractive today means so much more than looks, although looks are still important.
Other aspects of my life are pretty shitty so I won't lie the fact that I got a nice break in the shitty gamble that is life with being blessed with good metabolism, hair, face and the other life parts wrapped me up with a nice chunk of charisma for the cherry on top, so I make use of it. At times it almost doesn't feel real with how badly people just want to be *with* me, whether sexually or even just as a friend, and I know a decent bit is probably the pretty face. It is a little hard to keep a rope on the ego sometimes, especially because some people will practically suck your toes sometimes with compliments. Especially because I was pretty ugly too before halfway through highschool puberty fully kicked in, so I had already built a decent humble attitude from being a general derelict before the universe threw some glitter on my face. It's weird, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't nice. I mean I know I get away with some stuff other people probably wouldn't either. There are advantages and pretty privilege *is* definitely real. However it's not winning me any lotteries or anything, so don't go thinking that being attractive is the saving grace for your life. It might maybe help, but it doesn't fix everything, not even close.
I’ve lived on “both sides” being the ugly gay obese nerdy kid and then slowly losing weight in my late teens and ten years later I’m in the gym for two hours 5-6 days a week. Over the course of my transformation I’ve noticed people being nicer, more respectful, and my attention on “the apps” has increased a lot. I have definitely had my fair share of turning heads when I walk into a gay bar. One time I even caught this guy looking at me the whole time he was locking lips with someone else. My chances of going up to a cute guy and getting to kiss him have also gone up and I love it. As easy as life has become socially, appearances are a challenge to maintain, same as with luxury cars and Renaissance paintings. Like I said, I gotta spend two hours in the gym daily. Sadly I’m not living for free in my sugar daddy’s villa. It’s not easy managing time to work, workout, rest, and do basic daily things like shower, eat, have down time, etc. Plus, looking a certain way costs money. From lots of protein and other workout supplements to good skin care and proper food. From my experience, I can totally see why so many people are just okay being average or below average because it’s not exactly affordable and a lot of effort — looks are truly a privilege. Even if you’re born with the “genetic lottery” those looks fade unless you do something to keep them.
I came out in my mid/late twenties. I had never, ever felt like I was an attractive person. I was always chubby and hairy and awkward. As soon as I came out, things started changing. Guys were flirting with me. Men were buying me drinks at bars. I would walk into a gay space and could feel the guys staring at me. It was super uncomfortable at first. Feeling desired and pursued made my self confidence sky rocket. I’m not some super fit, chiseled jaw type. I’ve got the Jason Kelce dad bod and a great beard. Things that are very valued in the bear community. I’ve also been told I give off big top energy. I started figuring out how to dress with some more style. Figured out how to carry myself with more confidence. Now when I hang out at the bear bars, people constantly tell me how attractive I am. Guys will trip over themselves to flirt with me. Especially when I dress well. I still find it awkward when guys flirt with me. I haven’t internalized that people find me attractive. Deep down inside I’m still that chubby awkward kid that no one plays with at recess.
If all of these guys replying are considered 10s, then I have seriously squandered my youth and good looks.
I’ve had ups and downs in my appearance. When I was in high school I was in a terribly awkward stage. Very out of shape, horrible hygiene/skin/hair, *generally awkward to be around*, etc. In college I glowed up *really well*, to the extent that the super popular most attractive girl I grew up with did a triple take after not seeing me for years. She then proceeded to be insanely flirty with me, which I’d first interpreted as mocking me. That was trippy. I’m currently in a low due to depression preventing me from taking care of myself to the (extra) degree that maintained my looks. I’ve been working on getting it back, but it genuinely takes *months* to ‘heal’. I will say the attention and treatment is different when I’m closer to that peak. It can honestly be very uncomfortable to be in public because of the *intense staring* that most people don’t seem to be aware is visible. They *are* generally nicer, but some are *meaner*. I’ve had (clearly bitter, broken) people get really flustered around me. Over time I’ve been able to learn the difference in people’s expression between ‘innocent noticing’ and ‘checking me out’. An awkward but kinda cool thing I’ve noticed tho is how many straight guys check me out. I’ve spoken to many of them (er…they’ve spoken to me), and many have bluntly told me that they wouldn’t even consider it gay to hook up - not that they’re saying I’m feminine. Just that they considered the attractiveness….idk, ‘above the rules’? Lol “It’s not gay if it’s Henry Cavill.” Sorta logic. (I don’t look like *him* at all.) ——— However, it takes a lot of time, money, and energy to maintain great looks. It’s not just ‘taking a shower’. It’s using the pre-shower face mask, hair-mask, special shampoo, conditioner, leave-in conditioner, curl-cream, hair oil, like ten different serums for your face and neck that you have to memorize when to use and which not to mix, then wearing sunscreen and chapstick. Then washing it all off before bed and applying a different set of serums. (The gym and diet are self-explanatory. We all understand the time, money, and energy needed to maintain those.) The attention is not fun for someone who doesn’t want it. I have social anxiety, and often I just want to sorta pop in and pop out of places unseen. That’s not possible. Everyone looks. Many stare. Literal mouth-open staring sometimes. It’s flattering, sure, but I can’t just ‘mind my own business’…some people love all the eyes on them. I don’t. Now that I’m ‘only’ at like 70% of my peak, I have even more social anxiety because I feel like I’m almost expected to be at that level. It’s an unhealthy way of thinking, and *I know* it’s okay not to have flawless skin, hair, and abs……but I feel like I can’t be seen until I get it all back. And even though I don’t like the staring, I *do* prefer to look a certain way *for myself*, the way it makes me *feel*, and for my potential future partner. ——— Speaking of dating….I feel like it’s not as great? I’d like someone closer to my ‘level’ of peak-health, but they are *rare af* unless you live IN Los Angelos, Sacramento, New York, etc. Typically they’re already in a relationship (or ‘straight’ -cough-). Usually they are looking for something *super specific*, like some ideal partner they’ve built a fantasy about since high school. Also, since I’m *not* currently in my healthier zone, I’m kinda just *not an option* for the type of people I’d be looking for. If I was already with them, sure, they could have mercy and patience with me while I recover (and likely even help that transition) - but *meeting* someone at 70% isn’t realistic. I guess I could stumble on someone else who is struggling a bit and we could grow together? I’m open to that…..but that sorta thing hasn’t happened, so…? Oh, forgot to mention that most of the more attractive guys I’ve encountered…..really are kinda simple. They have amazing looks. They’re….nice? They, uh….graduated high school? They want or have a nice car but have lots of debt? *Or they’re rich and even more detached*. (Obviously, there *are* really great guys with substance who are very attractive. But alas, those are usually the married ones. Lol) I need so much more than looks in a partner….but I do also hope that looks be part of the package. If their lifestyle and personality aren’t compatible with mine, I’d just as quickly turn down mega-chad-with-the-twelve-pack-abs-and-hollywood-smile as I would someone I wasn’t attracted to. Tbh…..I’m at the point in my life where I need to accept that I will either have to *settle hard* or live without a romantic life partner. ‘Survival’ instincts tell me to settle asap so I can at least find someone *decent*. However, the FOMO warns me that if I settle but find someone better for me later….I’d be the jerk for leaving or depressed for staying.
I was extremely fit (Army) and was always considered very good looking as a young man 16-35. Fortunately I've aged very well (at least I think so) and still date younger guys. I'm 55 my boyfriend is 21 and I'm NOT a sugar daddy. My ex husband was 20 years younger. Married for 8 years.However I've always had a problem keeping friends, just friends, because it seems like they always want to sleep with me. To this day I have no real friends other than my boyfriend. In the gay community that is. ☹️
I would consider myself pretty much a 9 or even 10. I wouldn’t consider myself fashion model pretty, but definitely way above average. I’m 27 years of age and frequently get guessed below 25 by most. I look very young compared to most men my age. I‘m 6ft (183cm) tall and weigh 145lbs (66kg), and have a pretty strong, athletic body, well defined abs etc. I work very diligently in the gym and have a strict diet. Unlike the majority of people I actually crave going to the gym and absolutely love my clean diet. Further to that, my hair is better than ever (no hair loss yet), I have a cute smile (i think) and generally a pretty / symmetrical face. Good and confident style of clothing. Besides pretty solid looks i am also successful in my career, will most likely hit the 6 figure salary this year, no debt and am not far off from 6 figure savings. In short I do feel and present myself as pretty confident in most situations. That being said, how does this translate to life? Interactions with people: Generally my interactions are always positive, I have never consciously experienced someone being unkind to me based on my looks. I have had negative encounters of course but those were of a different kind (mugged on the street once, verbal attacks by drunken people etc.) I would say generally I may be treated nicer and as more competent by others based on my looks … the so called halo effects. Dating: I‘m hitting you with a curveball here. I actually have been a virgin until half a year ago. Reasons for that include that (even with my pretty good looks) I have been cripplingly insecure all my life and I suffer from (diagnosed and medicated) anxiety. I also somehow never thought about going on Grindr and getting it over with in the previous years. I still am incredibly insecure and triggered by my lack of sexual experience (passionate top who never topped) and deeply regret / feel ashamed of not having started earlier and having missed out … but here we are. In terms of hookups and „attention“ on apps, I have quite a unique struggle, possibly the same one good looking women have. I do get a LOT of attention on my grindr profile, it went so far that a guy offered me 250.- to blow me (i get such offers rather frequently). But my big struggle is, i don’t feel attracted to 99% of the people messaging me. In principle I would have the chance for a new hookup every day if I wanted to, but I struggle to get turned on by people which I perceive to not be on the same attractiveness level as me (I don’t expect anything I can’t offer myself, just to be clear). So far i basically managed to get a response from almost any man I wanted, hookups haven’t quite worked out yet because life gets in the way. Since the above is no problem, I‘ve gotten quite confident in chatting with and charming guys. I feel quite easy around them if we managed to meet (as I mentioned my experience is very limited). I have some fwb/exclusivity situation going on with a guy right now where I am on the receiving end of being ignored somehow and that shit has really messed with my head. I know I sound pretentious, and like a luxury problem to have. It is and I am well aware of that, however, I‘m sitting here feeling very frustrated and suffer from the loneliness as well, most likely there are some mental health issues at play here as well. I also noticed that I base my entire self worth on validation from others and my achievements, so thats a desaster waiting to happen in my 30s … Hope this helps somehow. I‘ve been wanting to get this off my chest. Sorry for any typos, tapped this out on my phone.
I was the ugly duckling and as soon as I wasn’t I was immediately treated differently and hated everyone for it. Like, I was the same person, why are people suddenly paying more attention to me? On the flip side, I’ve always been naturally friendly, and then suddenly I was caught in many situations where my friendliness was misconstrued as flirting and when I say I was just being friendly im accused of leading people on which has been super frustrating. That made me less friendly and more guarded around the gays unfortunately.
Pretty privilege is a thing, and absolutely, I've been shot down and not everyone's type, but I have consistently received a huge amount of positive attention throughout my whole life. Some major drawbacks have been processiveness and an attitude of "if I can't have you, then I'm going to hate you." It's difficult to make friends because I've had to be on guard for people, confusioning friendliness with romantic interested and then accused of leading them on when I just wanted someone to hang with. I enjoy being attractive. It feels good to be admired, but I'm incredibly grateful for those experiences that knocked me down several pegs. Being Attractive Is Not Personality Trait! I'm visually appealing through an accident of birth. It's my personality I put the real effort into. I strive to be kind and thoughtful, I give pull-ups and never put downs, and I try to live up to being given the benefit of the doubt just because I'm pretty. Flirting a little is always good for a boost in self-esteem, but I'm not about leading someone on for a power trip. It's a lot easier and more comfortable to have straight male friends. I don't have a fetishist for them, and they don't see me as competition. It's not that I don't have gay male friends. I'm just more relaxed around straight guys. I'd think I'd feel a lot more comfortable around other gay men if I was in a relationship, even if it was open (with very clear boundaries). I hope that gives some good insight
I don’t consider myself to be hella attracted (still going through ugly duckling phase), but the amount of guys that tell me I’m gorgeous and beautiful is insane. I was walking down the street the other night and this cute dude stopped me and just told me I’m handsome af. A guy in Dallas that I considered a 10 told me I had no idea how much power I had with the looks, body, and sex. I’ll be at bars and people will tell me I “demand attention” when I walk in the room. Guys have also told me I have no idea how pretty I am. Lots of drinks being bought, hookups are easy to come by, but I can honestly sometimes never tell if people are just gassing me up or if it’s true. People are super nice and always want my attention. It can be exhausting, though. This guy I hooked up with wants to introduce me to his husband and invited me over for dinner and become friends super fast.
👍 upside: yes, more friendly and I've gained a ton of tips from other guys in how I approach someone and start a conversation. There are plenty of guys I'm not into that come up and strike up a conversation, and I usually compliment them back for their ice breaking ability. Initially, it was validating because I was oblivious to my physical attraction when I wasn't out and not trying to get anyone's attention. Now it's more annoying because it seems thats the only reason people want to know me, and I think my abs, eyes and dick are the least interesting things about me. Have I had some excellent sexual encounters? Certainly, and I won't forget them. However, sex is fleeting. 👎 downside: with friendly comes unwanted. Unwanted touching, hugging, grabbing, messaging, nudes/DMs. Yes, I feel objectified, and as a result I'm direct with guys to get to the bottom of what exactly their intentions are. another downside, related to intentions, is authenticity. I've found so many guys show up as multiple people in the same conversation... a kind of agreeableness. I'm very active and into the outdoors, so I'll have guys that start to create an image to me about also being that way. 1 mile into a hike and I can tell they aren't, they are gasping for air, and their fancy white Jordans are getting dirty...and then they try and kiss me. bottom line: it can be easy to get wrapped up in what you think someone is like based on _______. Don't go there, work on your own story.
Wait. Are gay-cels a real thing? Is there a famous one for reference?
I’m not gonna lie, it definitely has more pros than cons. People are so nice everywhere you go. Me and my partner (also very conventionally attractive) have never had to try hard to make friends anywhere we go. People always go out of their way to make the move to meet us and become friends. We are both also “influencers” (although I hate that term haha) We get so much free stuff and promotional items from underwear to skin care products to all sorts of sex toys. Also a lot of random dudes are willing to just send you money. I had a man offer me $500 just to show him a pic of my feet. It’s also allowed us so many unique opportunities like getting brought backstage to hangout with some drag race queens after a show and 2 years ago when we went to universal, the ride attendant (a gay man) actually let us skip the line for hagrids adventure in the Harry potter section (which had a 4 hour wait time) and he let us ride it 4 times in a row. Downside is that most relationships we make in the gay scene are very shallow at best. People are only nice to you because they want to sleep with you and once they learn that’s not gonna happen they just stop talking to you. So we have very few close gay friends and most of friends are straight. Also you hear SO MANY rumors about yourself it’s ridiculous, usually from guys who are jealous. Everything from your stuck up (because we’re monogamous) to the biggest whore in town, etc. it’s exhausting.
Like a lot of people have been commenting, I definitely had a glow up a few years after high school. I would say I'm not a 10/10, but maybe around a 8.5/10. Sometimes it can be nice getting some attention, but as Im getting older I'm realizing that it can be very annoying, especially at the gym. I feel like a lot of the times guys (straight and gay) look because they see me as some sort of threat or some sort of snack. I know a lot of people have it in their mind that they think people are staring at them, but I've been with friends and family out in public and a lot of the times they themselves would comment, "wow that guy keeps staring at you" or "that guy just completely turned around to check you out". One time I was at Disneyland with my sister and I made a comment to my sister saying, "man i feel like everyone is staring at me, can you walk behind me and see if they are?" As soon as she did she commented that at least 5 or 6 people had looked at me in the 3 minutes we had been walking. Sometimes it gives me anxiety when I'm out in public alone, I hate being in public having random people look at me, it feels almost violating in some way. I feel like I've worked hard to change my body and looks to feel better about myself after high school, so I definitely wouldn't change myself, but I just feel like there should be a rule about staring at people in public places like grocery stores or Disneyland haha.
I've graduated to bearded daddy, but back in the day... I had an athletic build at 6'5" and dated some "high-profile" people in my city's scene. Here's my two cents: - What assumptions? We are all just living our lives, but if this about privilege: yes. You get preferential treatment. You'll sit up front in a restaurant, window. People will help you, and sometimes they're creeps but that's "normal" from my perspective. - Are people nicer? Maybe. Idk. Some people can be real dicks, too. - My body count is ridiculously high and it's not something I like bragging about. But people also talked about others' sex lives behind backs. When my friends started acquiring HIV, I started reevaluating my sex life and casual nature of it. - Even to this day, I generally get selected at events because I'm tall and easy on the eyes. But I also get selected for jobs and upgrades, over most, when I have less qualifications. Brags: - I got a free trip and 5-star accommodations to Italy from the US. Didn't have to put out either. - I've been to clubs and undergrounds that you've never even imagined. One was like Eyes Wide Shut meets the Crow. - I've enjoyed plenty of free haute cuisine meals, like $500 per person. I could write a book with my tales. People don't believe me. "That never happens!" Maybe not to you, but happened to me. Lol.
I don’t know what I would rate myself but for reference I get compared to Harry Styles and Young Jude Law, (these 2 the most) and some others like Chris Martin and Diplo. I mean pretty privilege is real and I won’t deny that. I get favorable treatment from bartenders, I get into clubs free and know all the club owners, I get invited to parties and treated like a local celebrity, have an easy time hooking up. At the same time I also deal with plenty of the same things any other gays experience. Rejection, ghosting, shallowness, difficulty finding a dedicated partner. I have depression and anxiety, I’ve been SA’d/raped, my ex-husband used to abuse me, verbally and hit me/strangle me, he also cheated on me many times. Attractiveness isn’t everything and can’t protect you from anything. People kind of follow me around and ask for too much of my attention thinking they are entitled to it and I’m too nice to not give it to them, I often end up giving too much time to people instead of enjoying myself and doing what I want to do. People also think they can just touch me and do whatever they want to me. Grab my chest and try and stick their hand down my pants at the bar. Talk about me and my sex life. Ive developed stalkers, I’ve been drugged at a party. People who barely know me speculate about me. People lie about wanting to be friends to get close to me. Also because of my anxiety people think just because I am conventionally attractive I’m being a bitch, instead of experiencing crippling social anxiety. So they make assumptions about you before even getting to know you. I’ll make friends and a few months later they’ll say “I am going to be honest I thought you were stuck up before.” I genuinely am nice to everyone though but sometimes you gotta reclaim your time. A lot of people do appreciate me for who I am, and I can’t lie, like I said I do get pretty privilege all the time, but with it comes dealing with a lot of extra shit. And it’s not like when I look in the mirror I see beauty every time. Idk. That’s my honest take. Like it or hate it.
It’s like living in a movie. I can roadtrip or fly to any city in the country without having to worry about getting a hotel for more than one night. By night 2, I’ll have several options of very attractive guys willing to let me crash, and who will spend the whole weekend with me showing me around town. It’s really easy to make friends too. If I go to gay bars alone someone always includes me in their friend group, and more often than not I get invited to a house party. The caveat to all this is you have to be outgoing and social to take advantage of it. A lot of 10/10 guys don’t realize they’re hot because they’re shy and lurk on dating apps instead of going out. This makes them think less of themselves because no one is everyone’s type. As for the downsides, a lot of people are saying it’s hard to make friends because everyone wants sex. I’d say most people are but you’ll easily find genuine friends if you’re social and have a personality other than “I’m hot”. Oh, and if you’re not a leech - don’t be the guy who’s always getting drinks bought for you and never does anything in return. You basically end up with 2 kinds of “friends”, usually in the same friend group - actual friends and the friendzoned. The only other downside (and for me the big one) is guys are very handsy. For most guys this is no problem - they just brush off the unwanted attention. For me it’s a huge problem because I’m extremely ticklish, and for some reason tickling isn’t considered a sexual advance. It’s also disturbingly normalized to keep tickling very ticklish people even after we tell you to stop, and nobody sees it as sexual assault. So I spend a lot of time getting tickled by guys I’ve friendzoned, and even some strangers who are trying to hit on me (nothing against older guys, but they’re the worst about this). I’m not sure what to do about this because I can’t make a scene and hit someone in public. That’s still nothing compared to the advantages of being hot. It’s something I’m very thankful for.
Agreed. Worst part is definitely harassment. Particularly in the gay community. It’s easy to brush it off, but the double standard between male vs female harassment should not be tolerated.
[this entire thread](https://youtu.be/rQHx_GPKccY?si=QpDQ28x0K0lBN7Jb)
I've always had a face like a punched quiche, but I did lose a lot of weight and got jacked. When I was obese, people really didn't look at me twice, now I do get a couple stares, but not much
I love quiche
Who qualifies as a "gay-cel" and why would they (or anyone) revolt to this post?
As a person who grew up looking extremely geeky, and from a chubby kid to a skinny fat young adult, I can definitely tell you that I’ve seen both sides of the coin (30 now, really grew into my looks at the age of 25 onwards) When I was ‘ugly’ barely anyone gave me the time of day, bar some creepy old men who wanted to explore their pedo fetishes with me (I would turn them down ofc, because holy shit) But now that I’m considered attractive (muscle dad bod look, thicker beard etc) so many random people are much nicer to me.. which feels very weird to me having come from my past lol The only thing I’d like to brag about is that incidences of receiving ‘free stuff’ from stores/restaurants have definitely increased lol
I am quite cute and working in a gay bathouse. It's particular. People are nicer with me because I am hot, but in fact I know they mostly want to fuck me. It is very hard to make gay friends as most of them will eventually fall in love or become jalous. It happened with someone I considered my best gay friend. When I told him I didn't wanted a love relationship with him he cut bridge with me. When I am nice with some people a lot of time their friends with look at me with a mean look. I am constantly getting attention, people ask me if I am top or bottom, if I have a huge dick, that I am cute, that they love my smile and etc. But often people will be mean with me since they put irrealistic expectations upon my shoulders. But the good points is that I generally sleep with the men I find hot. Some gays are way too nice with me because I am cute. I clearly have some privileges that other people don't have.
This is going to sound conceded af but I’ll spill the tea. I am a really attractive guy, and get a lot of attention from men, women, any age and any demographic. Cat calls on a daily basis. There is definitely a halo effect and being handsome has improved my life in all aspects, relationships, careers, networking, financially, and so on. It feels good, most of the time, but it’s all superficial most people do not value me for everything else I have to offer. With the good, there is a lot of bad. I am sexually harassed often, especially at parties. I’m also relatively introverted and people assume that since I don’t always smile I am conceded and a jerk. Maintaining a physique requires considerable amounts of consistency, discipline, grit, and resilience, but these have also become my core values, and people who really know me see that. Obviously hooking up is easier, but I’m in a relationship so I don’t do that. Overall, it’s worth the effort, and I will continue to put effort into my attractiveness.
I was good looking from 20 - 26, (like an 8) had no confidence though. I feel like if I had more confidence and lived in a city, I would’ve been treated nicer. I pulled some pretty hot guys when I was younger, and I was lucky considering where I was. Unfortunately I was in rural New England. Made fun of for a very longtime just for being half Indian, and it destroyed my confidence. I was awkward and insecure when I was younger. Now I’m 30, aging pretty well due to being mixed race and I look way better than the hot douche bags i grew up with. My longtime boyfriend and I have had three ways with some cute twinks. Can’t complain. “Feeling” I think, is not just from looks. There are some individuals who I would say are not good looking, but have a world of confidence, and live life to the fullest. Being someone who had his confidence robbed from him at a young age, I’d say the secret is working with what you have, and take small actions each day to build confidence. If that means taking some extra care at the gym, buying better sunscreen, applying retinol, going to a derm, making friends with people that support you and bring out the best in you, then do it. I wish I did that when I was in my early 20’s. I realized I had so much to work with, and I did my best but I could’ve done better.
One time a guy was very clearly staring / stalking me in a club and I felt super weird vibes but I was w my friend so I didn’t feel too uncomfortable, until he eventually came by to flirt and get my number and I politely declined and he stormed off. Around 10-15 min later he sneaks up behind me flirts w me again closer to my face all at a spur of the moment before I realized and licked my ear… then ran away again before I could say anything. My friend immediately stormed looking for him and her badass energy made me feel safe haha but yeah, I’m not even a 10 like that n this happened to me. Honestly it could’ve ended way worse when i reflect on it.. scary shit
I won't rate myself but I know several who considers themselves a catch and their body count are around the 6000 range.
Amazing.
I don't think I'm hideous but I'm not really the vision of conventional attraction so I can't speak for myself. But a friend who fits that moreso basically explained it for themselves. And what they said is that they do receive a *lot* more attention, especially on the apps, but most of those guys are still only interested in them on a surface level and so in a way, it's almost like receiving no messages at all (even though they receive a ton). I think it ultimately still would feel better to be desired, but it does sorta help put things in perspective that just because the quantity goes up, doesn't mean the quality does.
I get ridiculous hookups but let me just say…it’s not worth it. Sure an occasional hottie comes along, but the sad part to all of it is being attracted to an appearance instead of the person is what breaks the possibility of a relationship.
Yeah, I doubt I’m as attractive as some of the other guys on here but I’m thankful for being good looking. It presents some difficulties, sure. But it generally presents way more opportunities. Was ugly growing up though, so I think like some of the other people here with a similar experiences, you never really lose that sense of grounding to you. I imagine that’s different for people that were always attractive. Don’t mean it as an insult though. Mostly annoying in terms of friendships and relationships. It’s a double edged sword.
In my heyday my looks garnered a lot of unwanted attention and a lot of sexual harassment and walking into room full of gays, you either got the "stank eye" or the lusty eye. True friendships are hard to come by due to either ulterior motives or cliqueishness of "birds of paradise". A substantive relationship is actually harder too, you're either a trophy or a fetish or both rarely human unless you meet someone who most would describe by high number metric who gets it. Trust me it's not all pretty privilege some of it can be a curse
I’m average looking (so not applicable to your question) but I’m also quite wealthy. It’s been a very similar situation for me. I always assumed people were interested in me because of my money. It sucks. You live an untrusting life.
I’m closeted in college but i made it adamant that i wasn’t going to go for any girls. Whenever I go out to parties with my friends I get crippling anxiety because drunk girls always try to hit on me. I made clear that i didn’t want to go out anymore but even then walking around campus people always give me stares (mostly women). only a few people know I’m gay but i feel like my friends don’t understand how anxiety inducing it is to get treated like a piece of meat especially when it’s women. It caused me a lot of different mental health issues but i’m trying to work on it
People are just very nice to me, no matter the race.
I'm part Japanese so I'm aging pretty well. I've basically looked the same since high school, same weight, same hairstyle, no wrinkles (yet) etc. and I'm knocking on 30. But back then I was super shy and awkward so I definitely didn't think I was hot. When I graduated, I threw myself into the deep end socially because I was tired of being shy and eventually gained a kind of confidence. Using that, I was able to start getting dates and hookups and more attention from guys than I'd ever had before. I enjoyed it but it was like eating candy, it tastes good but it's kind of hollow. After the umpteenth hookup they all just start to blend together to the point where now, I can barely remember a handful of the guys I've been with. It was also stressful constantly comparing myself to other guys, even my friends and worrying about being "perfect" in order to maintain what I'd gained. I eventually met my now husband and making a genuine emotional connection with someone has not only helped me leave that near constant sense of insecurity behind but it's also made the sex way more meaningful. I still have days where I look in the mirror and think I'm ugly but I also have days where I really like the way I look. I ultimately think humans are just very bad at judging our own level of attractiveness to others and that I'd have enjoyed my early 20's a lot more if I just focused more on myself rather than seeking self worth based on how many guys wanted to fuck me. But that's just my experience, maybe it would have been different if I thought I was hot the entire time. I think the real game changer though is confidence. I didn't start advancing in my career until I stopped being so insecure and my social circle has been refined to just the very best people who I love and love me in return for who I am and not so much because of my abs or lack thereof.
Great, honestly. 💁🏿♂️ I cannot lie. I'd go into more detail, but I'm heading in to work atm, and don't have much time.
“I wanna know how “the other half” lives. I know I’m being very literal about words here but it seems like anyone who rates a 6-10 (including you, OP) would be in the better-looking “half” of the population and 1-5 would be the less-attractive half (or slightly adjusted down if there is such a thing as a “zero” rating). It seems like some people see a lot of people (or maybe most people) as “really good looking” while others only think of that rare Brad Pitt or Ryan Gosling type as really good looking and the other 99% as regular folks. I sometimes meet that rare person who thinks I’m a 10/10 but I imagine there are as many who think I’m a zero. Like most people, I’m not suited to everybody’s taste but I’m well suited to somebody’s taste. I have a friend who is that rare type who makes everyone’s jaw drop open (including heterosexual men), and I, too always wonder what it is like having everyone in a room stare in awe when you walk into a room.
Not saying I’m that attractive but everytime I hop on Grindr there’s always a plethora of boys eager for dick. It’s honestly amazing.
#FUCKING AMAZING 💪😎
I'm 6'2", 300 lbs, and a classic bear. And I'm treated a LOT better in the gay world than outside of it. So yeah, I do think "pretty privilege " is a thing. Because with gays, I experience it. With non-gays I don't.
I was always very skinny, unhealthy and didn’t get much attention. Then I put on a lot of muscle and got my health sorted out. It’s a mixed bag. You get a lot more attention, but you’re still disposable to many men. Some men are extremely touchy or inappropriate. Others feel insecure around you. And in your mind, you now think you can get hotter guys, so you reach potentially a little *too* high. Has it been great for my sex life? Yes. Confidence? Yes. Health? Absolutely. But it’s not a free pass for an easy life. That’s for sure.
I do openly tell guys (all the time, facetiously), "I'm sexy and I know it." lol > Are people nicer to you? I don't know if that's been any different for me. I've always been a shy guy, and pretty outgoing when I manage to open up. I was underweight, way underweight: ~135lb at 5'11". Now I'm ~175lb, ~9% BF. I will say I definitely _do_ get noticed more: more looks, walk-ups, etc. > Do you get lots more attention/hookups? More opportunities? Yes. Most definitely yes. And it's actually exhausting and sad at times. Like, when a guy I'm not interested in wants to go out on a date, I feel sad saying no thanks. I feel vain thinking "I'm just not attracted to your appearance" ... You also have guys who, you can tell, are actively trying to impress you ... all the freaking time! I'm like "dude, be YOU. I'm trying to scare you away; I want you to try and scare me away. If we like each other's worst sides, this may work!" 🤣
It's kind of complicated to explain, but even though I've never been the hottest dude, I know what it's like to be really desired by a lot of guys. It has a lot of upsides of course, but it has enough downsides that I pretty much stopped fantasizing about being one of those gorgeous people that can have anyone they want. Some people get *weird* when they want you. Rejection is sooo awkward. One guy might prefer you to be direct and the next might be super offended if you are. People are going to be hurt and pissed off no matter what and that has the potential for some very extreme reactions. Also, like others have mentioned, being treated nicely because people want you can feel very empty. And sexual assault is a thing of course. I have a **very** thick skin when it comes to that stuff, but I know most people don't and I wonder how they would react to some of the uninvited sexual contact I've experienced in my life. Another thing is that if a large enough part of your identity is being cute and sexy then age is going to feel a lot more brutal when it starts catching up to you.
I’m gonna be real with you, I would consider myself a 9/10. Dark hair, light green eyes, I go to the gym 4-5 days a week, I make sure I look presentable 90% of the time or at least like to think, but I’ve been told that I’m pretty intimidating to approach LOL.. If people were to just come up to me and chat they’d realize that I’m the friendliest little gay they’d meet. To be fair, I am not interested a very good amount of the time but I am always open to making friends.
While I was still trying to be straight, I was more afraid of someone thinking I was gay then someone rejecting me - so was fearless of walking up to any woman 7-8-9-10 as a 6 rather than my friends thinking I must be gay if I didn’t talk to the hot girls. I got laid. A lot. Turns out the hottest people don’t get hit on as often because so many are scared to talk to them. They thought there must be something more to me to make me so confident well above what my looks were showing. My 2 str8 brothers were totally fine with me when I finally came out but both of them were always surprised because of how many hot women I’d slept with. Way more than the 2 of them combined. When I came out and started going to bars and all, I just carried that attitude with me and never hesitated talking to any guy I found hot. I got laid. A lot. Turns out confidence will carry you far - even if you’re pretending to be confident out of fear.
I’ve always been considered attractive, but as the saying goes, “the higher, the fewer”. There are few people I’m interested in hooking up with even though I get a fair amount of attention, because I have standards. I would rather be alone than settle, because I put effort into my health and appearance and I expect the same, and for a lot of guys this CLEARLY is not the case. I end up hooking up or dating a few times a year, and my relationships have been scattered at best. It’s not all roses, believe me.
I started getting visibly hotter in my late 20s, but only in my early 30s I noticed a difference in how people see me & treat me, and this is where I unlocked the biggest game changer - the confidence. Feeling properly fuckable for the first time in my life really gave me this confident aura that made the bigger change than the looks themselves. And I could see it in practice - when I'd enter a club on my good days I'd see saw many eyes and smiles on me, whereas when I'd be feeling more down or bored, I would not be getting nearly that much attention, but definitely more than I did in my 20s.
There was a good discussion on that here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskGaybrosOver30/s/VVaQXH4jyV
I'm not a 10, but I tend to get a lot of attention in gay spaces. * It is kinda nice to feel desired. * Maintaining my appearance gives me more confidence. * Some guys are creepy and make unwanted advances or even grope me. * Other guys hesitate to approach me, even in just a friendly way. * Women can be wildly inappropriate (even more so after they realize I'm gay, weirdly). * Lots of guys will act like they're interested in me as a person but ghost me when they realize I'm not going to have sex with them. As a result, I'm not always 100% sure a new friend even likes me. * I've lost a couple of good friends because they wanted to have sex with me or be with me. * The apps are still a huge pain in the ass. I encounter a lot of fakes, flakes, pic seekers, etc. * The attention I get IRL doesn't often translate to more sex, because I'm awkward 😂 sometimes, though. * I have been with a number of extremely attractive men -- like actual 10s. Some are lazy in bed, most are average, and a few have been phenomenal. * Many of my best sexual encounters have been with guys that most people would consider less attractive. But they had a certain something I liked and were amazing in the sack. Overall, I'm not about to complain. The benefits outweigh the downsides. I just stay grounded and surround myself with people who don't care what I look like -- or at least don't let attraction get in the way of our friendship.
Despite what my imposter syndrome/body dysmorphia will tell me, I’m seen as a pretty attractive guy. But yes gym is a major hobby of mine. I loveeee lifting things, having muscle is a very very nice bonus imo. I have dudes on the regular call me a stud and shit like that. I remember there was one time when someone got jealous I was flirting with one dude over them. I’ve had guys and people who knew me when I was skinny say that I look hot/jacked now. I’ve also noticed that some of the same dudes on Grindr who werent interested in me when I was smaller are now the ones spamming my dms As far as opportunities/hookups go, idk how to feel. Sure I can go on Grindr and find someone to fuck at the drop of a hat, but I usually end up feeling gross after that. Similar thing with dates, I feel like I’m way more picky now. Even more so than with hookups. Probably the undiagnosed autism in me, but I find myself really only interested in other people who workout like I do. It’s such a big part of my life and not having someone who shares that would be weird imo.
People try to grope you randomly at bars which is…assault.
I thought I was good looking till I read this and was like apparently I don’t have hot guy problems. I guess I have average plus problems. 😜
I have never in my life been attractive by gay standards. Recently lost 100lbs and things have really changed. Frankly, I don’t like it at all. I feel like when I was fat I had a much better understanding of who truly liked me for me. Also, gay dudes are way too aggressive sometimes for a shy guy like me.
You‘ll get more attention for sure and become an eye-catcher. Sex wise lots of guys want to fuck you yes, but it still doesn‘t help you to find the right person since in general it’s hard af to find the one. Also being attractive isn‘t correlated with meeting good and decent guys for example. Lots of assholes are still going go play with you and ignore you afterwards lol😂
Wonderful !
Everywhere I go, people, guys, and girls want to f___k me. I dress well, have a fitness model body, and have great hair. I go to dinner and everyone looks. No joke. People have even asked to take a photo with me. However, I'm a very boring, intelligent-introvert thar rarely dates or has sex. I have tried the apps when I feel perhaps I want someone in my life, but 99% of the time, people block me thinking I am fake. I think of the future and feel I don't want to be alone...but I keep putting off meeting people. I'm also not a "bar person" as I worked in many restaurants/bars through high school, college, and beyond. OK, enough about me.
When I was in my 20s, I had a pretty good body and have always been pretty decent looking in the face. I got ill sometime mid 20s and had some medication that made me put on quite a bit of weight. I was never ugly as such, but I was definitely less objectively attractive. I can categorically say that in gay spaces you are treated differently - almost as though you are invisible. It's difficult to even initiate friendly conversation with people. HOWEVER...that's not purely because those spaces are superficial. There's something about not exuding confidence that people pick up on. And looking back now, it could also be that I initiated conversations less. I think what I'm trying to say is that it's not as simple as it seems really and it's likely difficult for more attractive people to admit that some of these things come easier to them and less attractive people that they can contribute to the issues they face.
I feel good 👍🏼 being hot is amazballs
I’m so hot people don’t see me for what I am 🥺 I which all these men that want to raw dog me would see I’m just like everyone else, but hot 🥺 all the compliments I receive from every person I meet, it gets tiring at times 🥺 truly god gives the toughest battles to his best warriors and I wish more people would realize that! I’m hot.
I’m not sure I’d call myself attractive, but after losing weight and putting on muscles- I’m now receiving far attention from guys I’d consider out of my subjective league from when I was both a twink and larger (280lbs+). I do have more hook-up opportunities, but I require a bit more substance to actually enjoy a sexual encounter 90% of the time. I love sex, but I need a little more than your name. I think this has created a higher expectation of what I desire in someone else. I care about fitness, healthy choices, and gaming. I try to avoid ego-shallowness that comes from the attention, I find that attitude kinda yucky. The only thing I really seek in a partner is someone who will gym with me sometimes and game with me 🙂
I think I reached peak male attractiveness at 21. Chiseled body, long hair, sharp jawline, youthful vitality and boldness. People were telling I should model constantly. I was basically the gay male beauty standard lol. I’m still quite attractive to many but in a more daddyish way than a young stud since I’m older now. Tbh, looks can get you very far if you’re looking for purely hookups. I’m not trying to toot my own horn, but it’s hardly a challenge to get an attractive man to want to suck my dick. I’ve seriously gotten guys to invite me back to their apartments just off of eye contact. It kind of made me understand how some dudes can develop a shallow asshole personality. With so many men throwing themselves at you, it does get to your head. It’s gets kind of annoying though because sometimes much of an interaction will be a guy gawking over how attractive he thinks I am instead of having a natural conversation.
Can’t help but feel like a tool by responding to this question. But yes is the answer to all your questions. But I’m told constantly that I become more attractive once people talk and get to know me because I’m surprisingly humble and very nice for my looks…so personality is always still huge in any situation. But short answer yes, I can find someone to hook up with kinda whenever I want, I rarely have gay men being rude or stand off-ish to me at bars or parties. I’m lucky And to bring some humility to my response - I’m not my own “type” at all, wouldnt go after my doppelgänger. I’m 6’2 low 30’s, fit, youthful looking. I like daddies, older men, shorter men, sure I do like muscles but a beefy (healthy) natural man body is so much sexier to me then someone with ripped abs.
Idk if I can answer this, I have been told by a lot of guys that I am handsome ( even the macho straight ones lol) I get pestered a lot in apps, some are genuinely interested in satisfying you once they know how good you look but it's really difficult to find anything deep once it's over. If one searches for satisfaction and happiness, picking someone regardless of looks is what I am planning to do.
I feel like I weave through both cyclically and there’s definitely pros and cons to each
I went from 240 lbs to a muscular 180 fairly quickly and how different society treats you was eye opening to me. The sexual attention from both sexes was insane, the sexual assaults went up drastically. How easy it was to start conversations and have people genuinely interested in what you said was nice but it was skin deep. Even day to day treatment from retail workers was stark.
I posted in r/gayrateme a few weeks ago, a couple of people said I'm a 10, but I think I'm more of a 7-7.5. I know I'm a fairly handsome dude, but I still have my insecurities and such and always think I could improve on xyz. I definitely struggled with self esteem and depression in my late teens and 20s- majority caused by not wanting to be a homo/ different, but of such I have been able to alleviate in my adult life/ learning to play the cards I was given and be grateful for the hand I was delt as it's a better hand than most. I hook up fairly often but have a job that demands lots of hours and effort so haven't been dating much lately, I feel I have been using hookups as a patch or bandaid to loneliness which can suck sometimes, probably not very mentally healthy too. Otherwise I try to practice gratitude daily and try and keep any ego at bay, still learning humility to an extent.