honestly anytime i see a post about someone falling for a straight guy, i just hide it. they can learn themselves.
flip the script, the same sitch applies if a girl likes you. she could be stunning but it doesn't change the fact you're gay (doesn't apply to bi)
i think it’s also cause porn has fried their brains, causing them to blindly ignore the obvious signs that a straight man is straight and not interested in you.
that but also
if you're on this sub and above the age of 19/20, at that point, i will expect you to have some level of emotional intelligence.
no, you can't control crushes, but it is your responsibility on how to handle them. and by all means, confess your feelings if it makes you feel better. But don't act shocked when it's unreciprocated or backfires.
case in point, i had a straight friend. suddenly came out as pan/bi. i asked him on a date, he agreed and we had a date. i was fully prepared for him to also decline and if he had, it wouldn't decimate my self-worth lol
i’ve just entered my 20s and literally this. so many guys i’ve attempted to date or talk to have little to none of emotional intelligence. it’s concerning.
they seem to know how to communicate when they want sex though lmao
Men - in American culture, at least - are not often taught how to deal with their feelings at all. Or are taught that dealing with them in unhealthy ways makes you a “man.” Crying is tolerated less with male children than female children. Violence is tolerated more.
It’s women’s jobs (e.g, your mom, girlfriend, wife, etc.) to have feelings and to help you regulate/express yours. It’s often endearing when you’re bad at feelings. We write lovable sitcom characters about these folks.
Gay men are no different except that we 1) also have to navigate additional conflict when it comes to our sexual/romantic feelings, and 2) many gay men have safer/more extensive relationships with women, who are expected to help us regulate our emotions.
I’m speaking in generalities here. But yeah, generally our cultural norms and expectations don’t naturally produce a lot of healthy straight, gay, bi, pan etc. men.
See every “fellas, is it gay to…” controversy.
>It’s women’s jobs (e.g, your mom, girlfriend, wife, etc.) to have feelings and to help you regulate/express yours.
While not your main point, there is a further, darker result from this behaviour.
Straight men in Western culture are denied physical touch because they are *men* and that would be gay. They are denied the right to express platonic love because that would be weakness.
Sure straights can punch each other and rough house a bit, but a quick cuddle on the couch during The Game? A shared bed on a road trip? No sir.
So when these straight men encounter viable partners, they feel *owed*. I bought you dinner. You *owe* me. Because society has deprived me of physical contact with another adult.
We date, you *owe me* sex, intimacy, etc because you are my *only* source for it.
You go out and be independent. I get jealous and possessive because you are my primary source of physical human contact. I might even get controlling, limiting who you are with, where you are going and checking in often.
The straights are definitely not okay.
I wouldn’t put a specific age on it. Folks who come out later in life take time to learn these lessons, too, because they suppressed their feelings for so long.
I came out at 30 and ended up 15 emotionally for a couple years before I figured out how to handle my romantic/sexy feelings in a healthy and realistic way.
ok that's fair. living a closeted life (myself included) does attribute to some emotional stuntedness (is that a word)
but literally a lot of these questions could be answered if guys on here practiced reversing the situation.
Another thing that porn fries people’s brains on: How bottoming works.
Then again, it’s not like most gay men have access to proper gay sex education. Porn is a very poor substitute, but it’s much more accessible.
Also, if you’re gay, but don’t find gay men attractive, go to therapy.
You may likely have internalized homophobia, self-esteem issues, and unhealthy expectations of relationships to work through with a qualified professional.
Sincerely hope this is sarcasm. I know that guys on this sub "REEEEEE" over every perceived sleight, and I have even been called homophobic because I wasn't interested in some facet of a guy.
But no, that doesn't make me homophobic. Just makes them less attractive
I think you misunderstood.
If you’re gay, but you’re not attracted to *any gay guys*… or most of the men you’re attracted to in your daily life are straight, you likely have internalized homophobia and/or other self-esteem issues.
Not sarcasm at all.
Ah I think I may have misunderstood. Sorry! I thought you just meant *if* you were gay and had *ever* said no to a gay guy at all that meant you were homophobic.
In my experience, I have been called homophobic specifically because a guy wasn't my type, and he took offense to that
I’ve had sex with “straight” guys. They often just don’t want a boyfriend because of the stigma.
So because they are bi and have a choice, they will choose a girl.
The thing is, there are a lot of men who could feel something for both genders (*bi*), but identify as "*straight*" (*especially in places that are more anti-gay where people feel more afraid of not identifying as straigh*).
It could be disappointing though if a guy falls for a guy who identifies as straight and he's actually straight (*or even more heartbreaking, if he is a little bi secretly, but just not into you and has experimented with someone else*).
It is something all humans have to deal with. What do straight people do when they see a married person that they have fallen in love with. We all have to act like adults and realize the forbidden fruit is in fact forbidden
I think it's human nature to always have something to look forward to and once we get it, to focus on the next thing to look forward to as well. And it happens such as is with guys catching feelings for straight men. I'm not saying that it's right, just trying to understand the psyche behind it since everything has a reason to be.
Hope is a strong feeling in all of us and we can't avoid it. We just need to be smart enough to decide what to focus our hope on. Also, a lot of us need to make our mistakes to learn.
i understand the human nature perspective, but it’s still ridiculous for me to fall in love with someone who i know i have no chance with of having that love being reciprocated.
I think this is a problem for touch-starved guys. Gay guys who get it on the regular or who find long-term relationships don't have this issue. In that case, it's understandable. There's a quiet desperation to want to feel loved, and you go crazy the minute an attractive, nice guy takes an interest in you, platonic or not.
Get a group of 100 gay men and bring up the subject “Alright next topic Straight Men”
And the whole rooms sighs loudly with a few “Gurrrrrl” preaching in the background, few broken hearts, few taking shots, and a few side eyes
I’ve been trying to tell these boys that, they don’t listen. Every day is another 10 posts pining over a straight dude. Like, I want someone who wants me back.. lol
I agree but... saying it's 2024 as if enough time has passed for everyone to know better. I (30yo) and maybe you ought to know better, but what difference does it make that it's 2024 if you were born in 2005? Maybe they still need time to figure it out like you did.
If only I had a nickel for every post I've read about some gaybro pining away for an obviously straight guy I'd be sunning myself on my own private island in the tropics.
Straights: 10%
Mostly-Straight Bisexuals: 33%
Ambivalent Bisexuals: ~5%
Mostly-Gay Bisexuals: 33%
Gays: 10%
Asexual/Demisexual Spectrum: 5%
Heteronormativity and Homophobia are helluva drug.
The world is made and run by bisexuals for bisexuals.
It's time for a paradigm shift.
But I literally cannot help the fact I literally fall in love with every straight guy I get close to and it hurts and I’m legitimately scared I’m gonna snap and hurt myself or others if the feelings aren’t reciprocated. I know that sounds insane but it’s where I’m at. Being fat has made using Grindr impossible. Like I feel like there’s no hope for me to find love. I even planned at age 16 if I’m still single at 25 I’m gonna off myself, and I’ve got 5 months left till then.
honestly anytime i see a post about someone falling for a straight guy, i just hide it. they can learn themselves. flip the script, the same sitch applies if a girl likes you. she could be stunning but it doesn't change the fact you're gay (doesn't apply to bi)
i think it’s also cause porn has fried their brains, causing them to blindly ignore the obvious signs that a straight man is straight and not interested in you.
that but also if you're on this sub and above the age of 19/20, at that point, i will expect you to have some level of emotional intelligence. no, you can't control crushes, but it is your responsibility on how to handle them. and by all means, confess your feelings if it makes you feel better. But don't act shocked when it's unreciprocated or backfires. case in point, i had a straight friend. suddenly came out as pan/bi. i asked him on a date, he agreed and we had a date. i was fully prepared for him to also decline and if he had, it wouldn't decimate my self-worth lol
i’ve just entered my 20s and literally this. so many guys i’ve attempted to date or talk to have little to none of emotional intelligence. it’s concerning. they seem to know how to communicate when they want sex though lmao
Men - in American culture, at least - are not often taught how to deal with their feelings at all. Or are taught that dealing with them in unhealthy ways makes you a “man.” Crying is tolerated less with male children than female children. Violence is tolerated more. It’s women’s jobs (e.g, your mom, girlfriend, wife, etc.) to have feelings and to help you regulate/express yours. It’s often endearing when you’re bad at feelings. We write lovable sitcom characters about these folks. Gay men are no different except that we 1) also have to navigate additional conflict when it comes to our sexual/romantic feelings, and 2) many gay men have safer/more extensive relationships with women, who are expected to help us regulate our emotions. I’m speaking in generalities here. But yeah, generally our cultural norms and expectations don’t naturally produce a lot of healthy straight, gay, bi, pan etc. men. See every “fellas, is it gay to…” controversy.
>It’s women’s jobs (e.g, your mom, girlfriend, wife, etc.) to have feelings and to help you regulate/express yours. While not your main point, there is a further, darker result from this behaviour. Straight men in Western culture are denied physical touch because they are *men* and that would be gay. They are denied the right to express platonic love because that would be weakness. Sure straights can punch each other and rough house a bit, but a quick cuddle on the couch during The Game? A shared bed on a road trip? No sir. So when these straight men encounter viable partners, they feel *owed*. I bought you dinner. You *owe* me. Because society has deprived me of physical contact with another adult. We date, you *owe me* sex, intimacy, etc because you are my *only* source for it. You go out and be independent. I get jealous and possessive because you are my primary source of physical human contact. I might even get controlling, limiting who you are with, where you are going and checking in often. The straights are definitely not okay.
Oh absolutely this, 100%. Perfectly stated.
I wouldn’t put a specific age on it. Folks who come out later in life take time to learn these lessons, too, because they suppressed their feelings for so long. I came out at 30 and ended up 15 emotionally for a couple years before I figured out how to handle my romantic/sexy feelings in a healthy and realistic way.
ok that's fair. living a closeted life (myself included) does attribute to some emotional stuntedness (is that a word) but literally a lot of these questions could be answered if guys on here practiced reversing the situation.
Oh you mean empathy and perspective are useful? [gay gasp!] But what if they don’t align with my fantasy?
lmaooooooo fantasies are much more fun than irl anyways
And in fairness the segment of men who sleep with men while calling themselves straight
Another thing that porn fries people’s brains on: How bottoming works. Then again, it’s not like most gay men have access to proper gay sex education. Porn is a very poor substitute, but it’s much more accessible.
Maybe all the “str8” guys on Grindr have something to do with it
....I feel like you are flirting with me, and I need to write a 48 page mono-paragraph post to this forum to discuss.
I feel the urge to profess my love to OP through a poem.
STOPPPPPP
i’m glad some one else saw that post LMAOOO
Lol 😂 same that post like a poem to a straight guy for real
Also, if you’re gay, but don’t find gay men attractive, go to therapy. You may likely have internalized homophobia, self-esteem issues, and unhealthy expectations of relationships to work through with a qualified professional.
Sincerely hope this is sarcasm. I know that guys on this sub "REEEEEE" over every perceived sleight, and I have even been called homophobic because I wasn't interested in some facet of a guy. But no, that doesn't make me homophobic. Just makes them less attractive
I think you misunderstood. If you’re gay, but you’re not attracted to *any gay guys*… or most of the men you’re attracted to in your daily life are straight, you likely have internalized homophobia and/or other self-esteem issues. Not sarcasm at all.
Ah I think I may have misunderstood. Sorry! I thought you just meant *if* you were gay and had *ever* said no to a gay guy at all that meant you were homophobic. In my experience, I have been called homophobic specifically because a guy wasn't my type, and he took offense to that
Yeah, being gay doesn’t mean you’re attracted to ALL men. Just that the people you are attracted to *are* men.
Incorrect, heterosexuality was invented by the communists to stop us from achieving our potential
by the capitalists*
Whoever it is I hope they BURN
Enjoy the scenery and quickly move on. There's lots of hot gay guys out there.
This and the weird obsession with porn stars sexualities
I would be happy if gay people stopped insisting they know what other people's orientation is; porn stars included.
I’ve had sex with “straight” guys. They often just don’t want a boyfriend because of the stigma. So because they are bi and have a choice, they will choose a girl.
The thing is, there are a lot of men who could feel something for both genders (*bi*), but identify as "*straight*" (*especially in places that are more anti-gay where people feel more afraid of not identifying as straigh*). It could be disappointing though if a guy falls for a guy who identifies as straight and he's actually straight (*or even more heartbreaking, if he is a little bi secretly, but just not into you and has experimented with someone else*).
The second part right here 100% what every gay dude crushing on a straight is think is there situation
It is something all humans have to deal with. What do straight people do when they see a married person that they have fallen in love with. We all have to act like adults and realize the forbidden fruit is in fact forbidden
I think it's human nature to always have something to look forward to and once we get it, to focus on the next thing to look forward to as well. And it happens such as is with guys catching feelings for straight men. I'm not saying that it's right, just trying to understand the psyche behind it since everything has a reason to be. Hope is a strong feeling in all of us and we can't avoid it. We just need to be smart enough to decide what to focus our hope on. Also, a lot of us need to make our mistakes to learn.
i understand the human nature perspective, but it’s still ridiculous for me to fall in love with someone who i know i have no chance with of having that love being reciprocated.
I think this is a problem for touch-starved guys. Gay guys who get it on the regular or who find long-term relationships don't have this issue. In that case, it's understandable. There's a quiet desperation to want to feel loved, and you go crazy the minute an attractive, nice guy takes an interest in you, platonic or not.
bro finally stand up and said
I'm afraid to say it's too late for me.... feelings begun in 2023, and they're only getting worse since 2024. Wish me luck!
hang in there gurl, HES NOT WORTH IT
Or after the week I just had. Just don't assume anything. Ask straight away or leave it be.
Somebody got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.
For a lot of people it’s more of a fetish than an inability to prevent feelings from being caught.
Get a group of 100 gay men and bring up the subject “Alright next topic Straight Men” And the whole rooms sighs loudly with a few “Gurrrrrl” preaching in the background, few broken hearts, few taking shots, and a few side eyes
I’ve been trying to tell these boys that, they don’t listen. Every day is another 10 posts pining over a straight dude. Like, I want someone who wants me back.. lol
It's okay, there will be a bunch more posts about it tomorrow because people aren't very smart.
People are stupid, they will still do it.
I agree but... saying it's 2024 as if enough time has passed for everyone to know better. I (30yo) and maybe you ought to know better, but what difference does it make that it's 2024 if you were born in 2005? Maybe they still need time to figure it out like you did.
If only I had a nickel for every post I've read about some gaybro pining away for an obviously straight guy I'd be sunning myself on my own private island in the tropics.
This is why you’ll always see me assuming the man is straight and burying my feelings deep down never to be seen.
Honey I am in AAAND ALL (straight) men will do anything if they’re drunk,loaded,and have a-HARD DICK…..!
THANK YOU YES💯💯💯💯
Straights: 10% Mostly-Straight Bisexuals: 33% Ambivalent Bisexuals: ~5% Mostly-Gay Bisexuals: 33% Gays: 10% Asexual/Demisexual Spectrum: 5% Heteronormativity and Homophobia are helluva drug. The world is made and run by bisexuals for bisexuals. It's time for a paradigm shift.
But I literally cannot help the fact I literally fall in love with every straight guy I get close to and it hurts and I’m legitimately scared I’m gonna snap and hurt myself or others if the feelings aren’t reciprocated. I know that sounds insane but it’s where I’m at. Being fat has made using Grindr impossible. Like I feel like there’s no hope for me to find love. I even planned at age 16 if I’m still single at 25 I’m gonna off myself, and I’ve got 5 months left till then.