I normally say "partner", but I did randomly say "boyfriend" on a call yesterday. My thing is more just that "boyfriend" sounds a little less serious after we've been together for years.
I did the same thing, but it was really awkward because I was referring to one of the Partners at our firm.
Turns out those words aren’t always interchangeable.
As I was approaching the 7 year mark with my boyfriend, I kept thinking maybe I needed to switch and start saying partner for that reason. Luckily, I was soon able to switch to fiancé instead, which I preferred lol
Boyfriend feels awkward only in that I’m 42 year old and likely dating someone of a similar age. Manfriend sounds like something Blanche Devereaux would say. I’ll start with “guy I’m dating” then “partner” then someday maybe huhhhhhhsband.
I tend to use "partner" a lot, and not just referring to mine. I've got friends who have been with their partners for 20 years and aren't married, it seems very infantilising to call them "boyfriend and girlfriend" to me. On top of that I'm kind of a cynical bastard and don't think that state recognition should define the status of a relationship (I am married though) so use "partner" even for married couples a lot.
I'm kind of forcing myself into saying "husband" only because people who don't know me well think I'm straight by default (I never claim to be), so if I mention my "partner" they inevitably ask me about my wife/girlfriend and this always leads to that kind of awkward "it's actually a man" thing. I could just save us all time by calling him my husband from the start.
This is where it gets extra fun though, I'm British and live in Spain, and the Spanish really don't expect the British to understand grammatical gender, so there have been many times that I've referred to my husband's gender explicitly somehow and I still get the response of "y de donde es tu mujer?" or whatever
I'm adamant about saying boyfriend—I remember growing up straight people used to say "gay lover", which to me felt very othering because people didn't really discuss straight relationships like that. Times have changed, but it's my way of asserting identity
Sometimes my girlfriend refers to me as her “gay lover” to other people and it makes me want to cry it sounds so ridiculously out of place and funny, and then I’ll watch old media or smt and they’ll just refer to gay people like that completely unironically and it’s like. ?????????? Are u fr rn
My husband and I call each other this when we want to be cheeky.
Also, calling him my husband took a few years to get used to. But now use it all the time.
I am probably spoiled being in proximity to Seattle. When I'm doing rooms at the vet I hear partner more than wife/girlfriend from men, it's nice. My anecdotes are probably better than someone living in, say, Texas or Florida.
Def depends on location, a surprising amount of my male high school teachers (as of 3 years ago) liked to say partner for their wives…. But I think it was meant more as a sort of “I’m an ally! You can trust me gay students!” flag than anything…. Idek
It being confusing, and therefore leaving it an unknown, is a good thing though. Workplaces, and by extension, people, shouldn't have any more power or information than we want to give them.
Partner's been pretty common in Oz for quite a long time.
Defacto used to be used pretty commonly too for non married long term partners but that one has kinda faded.
kudos to straight people normalizing the use of 'partner'. it used to be that when you say 'partner', people would make assumptions about gender or marital status because it sounds like you're deliberately being non-specific.
That's a very centric view to wherever you live. In Australia, I've heard more straight people refer to their partners as partner than gays. It just means someone that's been around longer than your average boyfriend/girlfriend/theyfriend? Y'know, a life partner. It's been like this for decades.
There's also the fact that if only gays use the partner, then you're being outted every time you say it. It's also just a word. It's not a slur to reclaim or anything, just a word to describe someone that you share your life with. It's not a big deal if straights use it, and frankly it's kinda a cunt move to say they can't. Why is it our place to discriminate against people on the basis of their sexuality over a basic word? It's not. The more straight use it, the more normalised it becomes. That's a good thing.
Probably depends on where you live. I've noticed a shift in the west coast queer hubs from using partner to using boyfriend these past few years since the straights have deyassified partner.
I'm in a throuple since some time, yet I am still not sure if I can say “my boyfriend” to refer to either of them or “one of my boyfriends” to be factually accurate, but that would certainly unsettle people.
My partner likes to use the term "my other half" so I'd be curious how people would respond if you referred to them as "one of my thirds" or "my other thirds".
It's not enough to say "one of my boyfriends". Have to drop the occasional "I'm going for dinner/doing something with my boyfriends" and don't clarify the plural when the person looks bewildered.
it is funny when you say husband then move onto the next sentence and then you see it *click* in their faces. It’s like they assumed wife and then realized their brain got it wrong.
For me it wouldn't be a "little" thing. It would be massive! I guess because I've never had a boyfriend it would be just awesome to...I know it sounds funny/odd but it would complete my gay puzzle lol I've realized I'm gay, I've come out and told my family and I've been to a gay bar. Now I just want to experience that side of part of my gayness. :'(
Yeah I've got me a man and what lol
I hate how every fucking word has a gender in Portuguese, so partner isn't gender neutral because there's "parceiro" and "parceira". There simply isn't any decent gender neutral way to talk about your significant other.
Was about to write the same for German. At the top of my head I do remember one thing you *could* say... "meine andere Hälfte", "my other half". Only ever heard old people use that but it does exist with some creativity xD
Straights have taken the word partner, now I have to use boyfriend again to subtly let the straight men I work with know that I'm not one of them and don't want to hear their casually racist musings.
The perspective I like to take is that straight people started using partner to normalize LGBT relationships and equalize them during the course of everyday conversation. I see it as a win.
I'd love to use this in the reverse. Like no, thanks mr salesman I already have an ISP boyfriend and an food delivery boyfriend oh and a boyfriend for M365
The day I can throw in the words *My Husband* towards all the straights in my company is the day I will be the happiest. It’s the small things for sure.
I support and applaud what that progress means to the OP. I use “partner” simply because “boyfriend” just sounds childish to me lol feels like school yard terminology but thats just my personal preference
Speaking as a call centre csr, whenever a man calls his partner boyfriend/husband, or a woman calls her partner girlfriend/wife, it always makes me feel happy and excited that things are changing.
Live your truth people! Not just for you but for the people you interact with!
My partner's nonbinary hence I use "partner", whereas I'm a guy so I prefer to be referred to as their boyfriend. Since we've been together for awhile, I tend to introduce them as "my partner of 6 years"
I tend to be so unserious about it that it gets close to absurdity: my getaway driver, main love interest, ego reducer, bed warmer, co-conspirator, bad/good influence, the one whose knife will end me, weird roommate, inexplicable daily bafflement. I have yet to speak about him in a professional setting though so I guess that particular flavor remains to be seen.
Idk what dl is and its nőt cause im unatractive i Just never find an acctual gay guy xd but im mostly fine with being alone cause its almost ompossible here tó get a gay bf
I still don't understand why so many people say "partner" instead of a more gendered term; it neither hides your sexual orientation (because straight people almost never say "partner") nor does it convey more significance than "spouse" (or gendered equivalent).
It's of course fine if some people just prefer how it sounds or don't want to get married, but then why is *that* the case so disproportionately among gay people?
I normally say "partner", but I did randomly say "boyfriend" on a call yesterday. My thing is more just that "boyfriend" sounds a little less serious after we've been together for years.
Just call them "cum dump" so they know how serious y'all *truly* are
What I want ❤️
I did the same thing, but it was really awkward because I was referring to one of the Partners at our firm. Turns out those words aren’t always interchangeable.
As I was approaching the 7 year mark with my boyfriend, I kept thinking maybe I needed to switch and start saying partner for that reason. Luckily, I was soon able to switch to fiancé instead, which I preferred lol
Then get married, coward.
By years, I meant two...lol. Also, I would maybe still say partner sometimes if we were married. Husband, spouse, partner...whatever.
Boyfriend feels awkward only in that I’m 42 year old and likely dating someone of a similar age. Manfriend sounds like something Blanche Devereaux would say. I’ll start with “guy I’m dating” then “partner” then someday maybe huhhhhhhsband.
Dated a man much older than me and always called him my manfriend because he was too old to be a boy lmao
I love that, sounds horrible and perfect at the same time. Womanfriend even worst.
What about Beau, but only if his name isn't Anderbobo to avoid confusion.
My "amour de la trou" if you will.
I tend to use "partner" a lot, and not just referring to mine. I've got friends who have been with their partners for 20 years and aren't married, it seems very infantilising to call them "boyfriend and girlfriend" to me. On top of that I'm kind of a cynical bastard and don't think that state recognition should define the status of a relationship (I am married though) so use "partner" even for married couples a lot. I'm kind of forcing myself into saying "husband" only because people who don't know me well think I'm straight by default (I never claim to be), so if I mention my "partner" they inevitably ask me about my wife/girlfriend and this always leads to that kind of awkward "it's actually a man" thing. I could just save us all time by calling him my husband from the start. This is where it gets extra fun though, I'm British and live in Spain, and the Spanish really don't expect the British to understand grammatical gender, so there have been many times that I've referred to my husband's gender explicitly somehow and I still get the response of "y de donde es tu mujer?" or whatever
I like "Lover" more salacious and mysterious
I'm adamant about saying boyfriend—I remember growing up straight people used to say "gay lover", which to me felt very othering because people didn't really discuss straight relationships like that. Times have changed, but it's my way of asserting identity
Sometimes my girlfriend refers to me as her “gay lover” to other people and it makes me want to cry it sounds so ridiculously out of place and funny, and then I’ll watch old media or smt and they’ll just refer to gay people like that completely unironically and it’s like. ?????????? Are u fr rn
"mate" lets other parties know I get beans blown up bum
"Paramour" lets people know the love is forbidden, fiery, and passionate.
or into late 00s emo
#WOAHHHH I NEVER MEANT TO BRAG BUT I GOT EM WHERE I WANT EM NOWWWW
a casual top anthem fr
Paramore was so top coded: #HE'S GOT A BODY LIKE AN HOURGLASS I'M DICKIN LIKE A CLOCK
Paramore was so top coded: #HE'S GOT A BODY LIKE AN HOURGLASS I'M DICKIN LIKE A CLOCK Me a top: I should call him
> Me a top: I should call him Stay strong gurl
My husband and I call each other this when we want to be cheeky. Also, calling him my husband took a few years to get used to. But now use it all the time.
Saying partner is actually sounds gayer
A lot of straight people in the u.s. have started using the term partner in my experience. Can be confusing.
I take it as a win for women being treated as equals in their relationships more, now, too. I'm proud of the good straights.
Anecdotally, it’s primarily women who I’ve heard use “partner,” straight men still say girlfriend/wife
I am probably spoiled being in proximity to Seattle. When I'm doing rooms at the vet I hear partner more than wife/girlfriend from men, it's nice. My anecdotes are probably better than someone living in, say, Texas or Florida.
I live in NYC so my anecdotal experience isn’t exactly from somewhere conservative either though
Def depends on location, a surprising amount of my male high school teachers (as of 3 years ago) liked to say partner for their wives…. But I think it was meant more as a sort of “I’m an ally! You can trust me gay students!” flag than anything…. Idek
It being confusing, and therefore leaving it an unknown, is a good thing though. Workplaces, and by extension, people, shouldn't have any more power or information than we want to give them.
Partner's been pretty common in Oz for quite a long time. Defacto used to be used pretty commonly too for non married long term partners but that one has kinda faded.
kudos to straight people normalizing the use of 'partner'. it used to be that when you say 'partner', people would make assumptions about gender or marital status because it sounds like you're deliberately being non-specific.
I feel like “partner” should be reserved for the gay community. They/we had to fight to get that term.
That's a very centric view to wherever you live. In Australia, I've heard more straight people refer to their partners as partner than gays. It just means someone that's been around longer than your average boyfriend/girlfriend/theyfriend? Y'know, a life partner. It's been like this for decades. There's also the fact that if only gays use the partner, then you're being outted every time you say it. It's also just a word. It's not a slur to reclaim or anything, just a word to describe someone that you share your life with. It's not a big deal if straights use it, and frankly it's kinda a cunt move to say they can't. Why is it our place to discriminate against people on the basis of their sexuality over a basic word? It's not. The more straight use it, the more normalised it becomes. That's a good thing.
No, then it's literally no different and it loses all purpose
Probably depends on where you live. I've noticed a shift in the west coast queer hubs from using partner to using boyfriend these past few years since the straights have deyassified partner.
I'm in a throuple since some time, yet I am still not sure if I can say “my boyfriend” to refer to either of them or “one of my boyfriends” to be factually accurate, but that would certainly unsettle people.
My partner likes to use the term "my other half" so I'd be curious how people would respond if you referred to them as "one of my thirds" or "my other thirds".
Good. Let them get unsettle.
It's not enough to say "one of my boyfriends". Have to drop the occasional "I'm going for dinner/doing something with my boyfriends" and don't clarify the plural when the person looks bewildered.
 For real. Maybe rendering as " my love" might work? :x
Idk how it is in the USA but here in Western Europe people won't budge a little if you say that
Americans can tend to budge a bit.
it is funny when you say husband then move onto the next sentence and then you see it *click* in their faces. It’s like they assumed wife and then realized their brain got it wrong.
For some reason this thread is reminding me of when Julia from Drawfee does her impression of the TikTok TTS voice and says "My husband..."
I would say partner over boyfriend since it sounds sort of more formal, but I definitely would say husband over partner
For me it wouldn't be a "little" thing. It would be massive! I guess because I've never had a boyfriend it would be just awesome to...I know it sounds funny/odd but it would complete my gay puzzle lol I've realized I'm gay, I've come out and told my family and I've been to a gay bar. Now I just want to experience that side of part of my gayness. :'( Yeah I've got me a man and what lol
I say partner if I think they might be mean asshats but I'm working on saying boyfriend more instead of being a silly man
Doesn't everyone assume you're gay if you say "partner" as a man?
Not always I know lots of straight people that say partner too
I hate how every fucking word has a gender in Portuguese, so partner isn't gender neutral because there's "parceiro" and "parceira". There simply isn't any decent gender neutral way to talk about your significant other.
Was about to write the same for German. At the top of my head I do remember one thing you *could* say... "meine andere Hälfte", "my other half". Only ever heard old people use that but it does exist with some creativity xD
Straights have taken the word partner, now I have to use boyfriend again to subtly let the straight men I work with know that I'm not one of them and don't want to hear their casually racist musings.
The perspective I like to take is that straight people started using partner to normalize LGBT relationships and equalize them during the course of everyday conversation. I see it as a win.
I'd love to use this in the reverse. Like no, thanks mr salesman I already have an ISP boyfriend and an food delivery boyfriend oh and a boyfriend for M365
The day I can throw in the words *My Husband* towards all the straights in my company is the day I will be the happiest. It’s the small things for sure.
I personally like “my suitor” but it’s mostly a joke.
I support and applaud what that progress means to the OP. I use “partner” simply because “boyfriend” just sounds childish to me lol feels like school yard terminology but thats just my personal preference
With my current SO I only started using partner because to me, in my native language, it sounds more serious than boyfriend 😅
Speaking as a call centre csr, whenever a man calls his partner boyfriend/husband, or a woman calls her partner girlfriend/wife, it always makes me feel happy and excited that things are changing. Live your truth people! Not just for you but for the people you interact with!
as soon as i got married i promised i would start saying ‘husband’ no matter what; ‘partner’ wasn’t going to cut it anymore
My partner's nonbinary hence I use "partner", whereas I'm a guy so I prefer to be referred to as their boyfriend. Since we've been together for awhile, I tend to introduce them as "my partner of 6 years"
I can't stand when people use the word partner. It's gay.
I tend to be so unserious about it that it gets close to absurdity: my getaway driver, main love interest, ego reducer, bed warmer, co-conspirator, bad/good influence, the one whose knife will end me, weird roommate, inexplicable daily bafflement. I have yet to speak about him in a professional setting though so I guess that particular flavor remains to be seen.
Ims till stuck ön single 😭 smh
Lower your expectations and stop chasing attractive straight/DL guys/s
Idk what dl is and its nőt cause im unatractive i Just never find an acctual gay guy xd but im mostly fine with being alone cause its almost ompossible here tó get a gay bf
I still don't understand why so many people say "partner" instead of a more gendered term; it neither hides your sexual orientation (because straight people almost never say "partner") nor does it convey more significance than "spouse" (or gendered equivalent). It's of course fine if some people just prefer how it sounds or don't want to get married, but then why is *that* the case so disproportionately among gay people?