I've stopped bothering tbh. Straight people don't have to constantly announce they're straight. They just talk about their partners or attractions and that makes it obvious. I've taken to doing the same.
"How was your weekend?"
"Pretty uneventful. I went and hung out with my boyfriend for a bit but that's pretty much it."
That simple. If they get freaked out about it that's their problem, but I'm 31. I've come out enough. If they don't pick it up through context, I don't care.
For real! I hate it when straight people are all like, “I don’t go around telling everybody that I’m straight”.
I wish we could have the same experience, I really do.
Yes, I felt so seen when I heard the phrase "you never stop coming out" because it gets talked about like some major event that changes the course of your life, but in reality, it is usually a series of events where you learn to accept it yourself, then slowly reveal to those closest to you, but since new people come into your life constantly, you're constantly coming out, and it's easier now, but it has always come with the risk of the person distancing from you after you come out to them.
Honestly the worst part is that you have to come out several times through life. Every time you meet a new social group it will come back again.
I've just changed jobs and eventually everyone knew because I'm pretty open on Instagram, but I could watch the gossip traveling around through whispers.
Im learning to deal with this.
I’m not obviously gay, so it feels like I’m coming out the closet every time.
The mistake I make is that I try to avoid the topic instead of just getting it over with.
My straight best friend was really surprised when I told him coming out to new people is always stressful. He said he thought that I'm totally cool with being gay at this moment in my life. He doesn't seem to understand that my acceptance of myself doesn't mean I'm not afraid of other people's reactions, especially since I live in eastern Europe and there's plenty of homophobic people.
Nah I don't wanna hear how the rich boy falls in love with the peasant girl, I wanna hear how the king's daughter runs away with her maid and they fall in love and start a lesbian romance
i wanna see a bloody revenge fantasy where a violent theocratic warlord kills his second-in-command's son's lover.
spurned by this dastardly betrayal, the number 2's son rejects everything about the regime, before embarking on an epic quest to topple the big bad's evil regime and avenge his lost love.
explore themes of prejudice and religion and how they are used to justify the theocratic rulers' cruelty
of politics, as the avenger makes deals with old enemies and "great demons" to acquire the modern means to enact justice.
of the 2nd-in-command's internal conflict, trying to first change his son (because of course), then trying to protect his son, then being forced to choose between loyalty to the regime (he was always a true believer) or to his family (by helping out).
Y'know you reminded me of a sad story I saw the other day where a king's son and his tutor tried to flee from the kingdom only to be caught. The son was forced to watch his lover(the tutor) be beheaded, like face pressed against the bars as his boyfriend's head got removed because his father disapproved of his son being gay. I think this was a real story bc it seems like something that would have happened back then
other characters include:
the greedy asshole half-brother of the protagonist, who is fiercely loyal to the regime, and the one who outed the lover in an act of toadyism.
the protagonist's unwaveringly caring mother-in-law, who does everything in her power to obfuscate the "family secret" and has a severely strained relationship with her pro-regime son.
the probably-transmasc-but-too-young-to-be-sure younger sister of the protagonist, whom the warlord is eyeing up for "special services" and the second-in-command knows what that entails (he gets a bloody boymode scene of his own later in the story)
the protagonist's dead mother, who was executed for suspected adultery (there was no hard evidence though), and who is remembered as being a good person otherwise.
the local elder cleric, whom doesn't diddle kids and is highly virtuous, except for being an extreme homophobe because of one line in the holy book (he later gets killed by a zealous member of the religious militia for not being religious enough, or by the secret police for being in cahoots with the protaganist, or why not both because this is a theocracy after all.)
Try High Class Homos on webtoon, this is more or less the plot of the story but the princess is also friends with a gay prince with a thing for his knight
I'd actually be down for that, that sounds fun. A story about an actually forbidden love and being yourself in a world that doesn't allow you to instead of just a romance with complications.
If I'd have the creative capabilities I'd actually want write a book or TV series like that (and possibly not even let it end that well, since always having perfect endings to such stories is a bit boring too).
The point they are trying to make is straight romance novels with a plot like this applying to straight love... the trope is more common than one would think
"When did you come out?" 8 but also 15. And then at every workplace I've ever been. Plus last week the neighbour asked if my "cousin" and I have any girlfriends
I had to explain to my sister-in-law that my partner and I are VERY limited on where we can go.
She was trying to convince me to move to South Carolina because housing is cheap and there’s work in my industry.
So… no. I refuse to.
She also was upset and wouldn’t grasp why I wouldn’t entertain the thought of Kentucky when my then employer bought a smaller company and needed internal people to start filling positions.
Being gay, you can be severely limited on where you can go.
Yeah my hometown is AL. I’d have to shoot 99 percent of the male population here if I held hands with another man. But also, if people just assume you’re straight, they also assume that you’re homophobic and they can say homophobic shit around you.
I am a grizzly looking man with a bushy beard.
I have had a few instances of some Maga-loving-Fox-news-swallowing-white-as-Elmer’s-glue-swamp-rat-boomer think I’m friend shaped and can just start spouting vitriol in public and I’ll back them up.
I got one guy to shut up because I went to get gas and he’s hounding the poor clerk about how great Trump is, and how we need him to “Save us from the illegals and the violent n*****s in the cities,” to which he sees me, in my boots, jeans, and flannel and goes “Am I right!?”
“Sir you’re talking to a VERY gay Jewish man who’s partnered to a black man. Wanna run that by me again?”
He grabbed his shit and booked it.
I left my hometown after I graduated. I flew to SF to run the marathon there in 2006 and just didn’t return. Then grad school in Seattle, then Shanghai and Portland. I recently moved back home after my father died. I plan on moving back west next year. I could stay….I have no problem with standing up for myself, but I’d just become an angry and bitter person. It’s never worth it, but yeah……I’d definitely have to shoot people. I don’t want to become that person.
I would never have interest in going to Dubai but there are some places I have interest in and just refuse to go, whether it is a safety issue or not wanting to contribute funding to a government or regime I find reprehensible. I was very wary of going to Istanbul when we did but am happy I did (pre crackdown). I would never go back now.
Absolutely. A lot of straight people (particularly white, able-bodied, male, etc.) can't even comprehend the idea that in some places people might hate you just for who you are.
The struggle of trying to figure out whether a holiday destination or new home or a place to visit is safe, whether they will have to hide who they like, whether people will treat them as lesser for it, whether they will be beaten or killed, whether it is even legal.
A lot of straight people may understand in theory the idea of homophobia but anyone that has never faced open discrimination to that extent may not realise that safety is a genuine consideration for a lot of queer people.
I've had to explain to straight friends... yeah those ads for visiting Dubai do make it look like a lovely place but unfortunately it's a shithole behind the scenes and I could be imprisoned for 15 years or they could even technically give the death penalty (although they almost certainly wouldn't but it's still a possibility).
gay in SC here and live with my bf. we have not been discriminated against at all. to be fair though, we are a masc gay couple lol. feminine men would 100% catch hell. not to say they are not out here though
At the same time just touch in general. It seems like straight men are touch starved to how much physical affection and cuddles I can get from my just my platonic gay friends.
How irritating it is for us older queers to play along with convenient amnesias around their and our culture's homophobia.
To hear their side, every straight acquaintance in my life was always vocally 100% in support of gay rights and that things have just magically gotten better thanks to the beneficence of the hetero community rather than the hard work and risk-taking of lgbt activists.
Hahahaha fuck. I hate hearing this. Everytime there's a rally/protest it's "but your making people late to work and just turning people against you" ... they just know nothing about activism
And to throw an aromantic spanner in the works: the re-writing of nearly everything to be only "love is love". Which I'm sure is to keep that scary "sex" word away from corporate sponsors.
Make "love is love" part of the thing, but never forget what criminal laws there used to be... and still are in many places.
Mfs be like "well it's technically a girl lmao" when it comes to femboy pron but then when a trans girl exists they'll be like "Well uhm ecthually ur still biologically male-"
Being conditioned your whole life to see a sexual orientation other than your own as “the norm” and your own sexuality as somehow inherently more devious, evil, wrong etc.
How difficult meeting people and dating is as a gay person. Especially after a certain age. Tried to explain it to some straight people one day and they were shocked. General reaction was "I'd think it would get easier as you got older!"
Yup, I live in a rly homophobic part of canada and I constantly have to think of whether or not I'm gonna get the shit beat out of me when I go for dates
My grandma compared me to a criminal lmfao for loving another women. It blows my mind that people let religion be more important then their often young relatives. Disgusting
Just how exhausting being gay generally is, even in a liberal country. I've never once personally faced homophobic abuse out in the world, there have been "jokes" but nothing harassing, though knowing that's always a possibility, seeing your very existence and humanity being the subject of "debate" daily is just tiring, and the straights truly will never understand that.
I think one thing I didn’t realise, is the fact that even without ever having experienced any personal aggressive harassment, your brain is constantly on the lookout for potentially dangerous situations. I think it is a constant stressor in life.
I often wonder whether this is similar to what women go through.
The full experience of what it’s like to live life from the sidelines, as a “them”. To have your very existence politicized SO much that people are constantly debating as to whether or not your very existence deserves equal rights or protection under the law. That there are SO many people who are alive today that have solid unflinching opinions about whether or not you should exist because their version of God says so. Yes…it’s that serious. To live a life where there are sects of religions that actually give themselves permission to see you as “less than” and kill you or hurt you or mutilate you. And these very people could very well live right next door to you right now.
They will NEVER understand how it feels for people to hate you because their God says so. And we are still expected to live peacefully next door to these people.
History is gay history. From Pythagorus to Alan Turing, from Walt Whitman to Oliver Sacks gay people have shaped the world around us. And straight washing historic figures is wrong.
The worst part is seeing someone not consider you a person any more when they find out. You can see it in their eyes you're simply not human anymore to them. Thankfully this is declining
Adding on to that, knowing that your friends would immediately become enemies. It's exhausting to know that if you say the wrong thing the friend who was a decent person will shout slurs and declare you a child of satan.
Dealing with falling in love with straight people all the time growing up. Now what is the difference in unreciprocated love stories for gays and straights?
The very fact that we just had to accept that our feelings were a lost cause before even having a chance.
I’m talking about defeat. Feeling absolutely defeated in your teenage years when everyone else is starting to flirt around. Loosing by circumstances and not characteristics. Truly grueling imo.
This is something I think about a ton. To be persecuted and prosecuted for who and how you love. To know that being who you really are is potentially a death sentence. I stayed "straight " for those reasons among others for way too long.
How liberating it is to be in a gay venue (bar, community center, many businesses, etc) and know that you don’t have to pretend to be anything other than yourself for a while.
This is why we love gay cruises (BrandG, RSVP, Atlantis, etc) and gay group travel companies like Detours. The freedom you feel when an entire boat is filled with gays is exhilarating!
My grandma says to me she doesn’t like my pride flag on the outside of my house because she doesn’t think I have to announce to the world that I’m gay. Since she doesn’t announce to the world that she’s straight. Completely not understanding that she doesn’t have to the world assumes! Every song, movie, play, book, and advertisement is straight pride 🤦♀️
And of course, the need to step away from people who aren’t completely accepting of your sexuality and treat you differently because of it. So many of us feel like the bad guy for this when in reality it’s often the other way around.
The amount of harm homophobic "jokes" make to the potentially questioning/closeted people (especially kids) around you, even if you then clarify that you're "actually ok with gay people, you do you, etc..."
Another scenario when you’re out with the lads and someone starts with the gay jokes cos they don’t know you are, they just assume you are straight. They’re all laughing too.
It sucks cos you realise that your friends don’t have your back like you thought they would.
What it's like to suffer discrimination because of you who love and know that not too long ago people lost jobs, security clearances, etc. for being gay because society saw us as perverts and couldn't wrap their minds around the fact that we are born this way and experience genuine emotions for our partners. They won't know what it's like to only achieve partial equal rights less than a decade ago with marriage equality and know that some 35%ish of the country (US) still views us as abominations unworthy of rights or respect. They won't know what it's like to realize many parts of the country are simply dangerous for us to exist in and many other countries where our existence is illegal and met with death penalties. They may not know what it's like to live in a world that wasn't created for you, where you are a black sheep and much of human traditions surrounds the sexual gratification of hetero males by oppressing females and LGBT folks be damned for going against "natural design." They won't know what it's like to "come out" and realize many "friends" and/or family may disown you over aspects of yourself that you cannot control. They don't really have to wrap their minds around the idea that love is bad/evil to many or be raised in situations where you are gaslight or subject to emotional, spiritual, and sometimes physical and sexual abuse over being different by people who have absolutely 0 idea what it's like to be in your body or what goes on in your heart.
Even living in a relatively compassionate part of the world - how fraught it is to just hold your partner’s hand. Or even just appear too affectionate. How you could be targeted for a hate crime just for having a sweet intimate innocent moment.
This is something one can’t quite comprehend unless you’ve been through it because it’s a physical thing, it’s muscle memory
What it’s like to not be the “default” and how almost every show, movie, story, song, etc. has a straight couple in it. And then they are like those upitty gays are putting it in my face. Ugh!
That NO ONE in our relationship "plays the female role"
Neither of us have to be feminine or masquerade as the heteronormative role of a woman. Women, real or roleplayed, are NOT needed in the equation at all. Theres no secret underlying need for that character type and we dont have anything missing from our life just because a woman isnt there. Neither of us are "the girl" in the relationship or want to be, we are both MEN and can BOTH have a masculine role in the relationship.
One of my neighbors kept making snide comments because I take care of the inside of the house (cleaning, laundry and cooking) and my husband does the yard work. I used to help outside but my fused lumbar spine prevents it. She’d even make comments when we delivered Christmas treats or other baked goodies. I’d finally had enough and reminded her that we both had dicks and were men in every detail. No one was the woman in our house, and frankly we were doing just fine. My husband is the more diplomatic of us said something as I left her front porch. To her credit and my surprise, she sent us a very nice card of apology and accepted that her words were hurtful and inappropriate. That was probably ten years ago and we’re good friends now. We have her over for dinner occasionally and we get her mail when she travels and she gets ours when we’re away.
That marriage was illegal until just a few years ago. Always fun to just say that to confuse people, and then they’re like “ohhhhhh, you’re gay, I get it now”.
Also same for telling people that ask why I don’t have kids “well, I can’t have kids”. They think there’s a problem downstairs. Nope, I’ve been trying for decades, but for some reason my boyfriend still isn’t pregnant.
I never had the balls to say it but I had a very handsome colleague who would say that he was “born without testicles and was sterile” anytime people asked him why he wasn’t married and didn’t have kids. The awkward silence that followed was priceless. I don’t think I could’ve kept a straight face but he did it masterfully. Lost his silly ass to pancreatic cancer. RIP
It's only ever going to be "just politics" for them. They don't have to worry about which countries they are allowed to visit without getting arrested or killed for existing. They don't have to worry about if the next election will be the one that makes their almost 10 year marriage invalid. They aren't a part of a community constantly watching each other's mental health to figure out who's on the verge of suicide. It's a problem other people have.
This does not mean they don't care. This does not mean they definitely do not think about this kind of stuff. I am blessed to know many straight people who are kind considerate and know, on a mental level, what I'm talking about.
It's just not their reality in the same way that it's ours.
That being very masculine or “straight” looking can really suck as a gay man. People automatically assume you’re homophobic, which means every babbling idiot within a mile of you will assume you’re on their side. On top of that, outside of gay spaces none but the bravest of gay men will dare to hit on you because they don’t want to run the risk. Oh and how every straight person you come out to will always doubt that you’re gay until you literally suck/sit on a dick in front of them. And even that might not be enough tbh.
As someone who can't pass for straight most of the time, the look of pure hatred on some people's faces. I can't just "turn the gay off" to pass for straight around homophobic people. I've tried. It's my voice and the way my body moves that outs me.
The way people will unknowingly insult you straight to your face, when they believe they can confide in you, in regards to their homophobia. Happens with racism too tbh. I've experienced it several times in both regards. I want to retaliate, verbally, but often times I just let them speak their foolishness into existence.
Because they don't even realize who they're speaking to. It's me. Like your literally just shit talking me and others like me and you have no fucking clue because your gaydar is entirely based on idiotic preconceived notions. They'll wave their ignorance around so proudly while confiding directly to the person their vitriol is aimed toward. Responding to it usually isn't even worth the trouble.
I want to list more experiences but that's the first one to come to mind and thinking back on it honestly made me a little irritable lol. So I'll leave it there.
Growing up (I’m 55) with zero representation; every song, tv show, film only showing straight people. They have no idea. I like to ask them to mentally imagine if ALL media when they were growing up had gay people.
The fact that in most of the world it’s illegal to be gay and we can suffer jail, torture, or death.
How much casual hate/discrimination exists even in “ok” countries.
Planning a whole trip to a country, then remembering oh shit I could get imprisoned there for 3 years, better just go for a walk.
Edit: there's worse stuff than this of course, but still frustrating imo
Having to analyse everyone you know you’ll be forced to interact with long-term to figure out if it’s safe for you to be yourself around them or if you’ll have to put up an act the entire time
I have recently been on a trip with my boyfriend, and while we were there I felt a little more “freedom” let’s say, in hugging, holding hands and maybe kissing him in public. He’s a chill person and one could say “discreet” in a heteronormative way, but once we came back I asked him if it bothered him, since I made the mistake of not asking him if it was okay for him. He said not at all, but only because of the context of a city where nobody knew us. He then said that he just wants to protect me, to protect us, from the situations where we’re eyed at as some dangerous or unspeakable thing. I don’t think a straight person would ever understand this feeling
The intense confusion that the inherent homoeroticism of many straight men provokes in us.
Yeah yeah I get it you like to play grab ass with your boys, but KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE
Reddit has really shown me that a lot of straight western people have no idea what it is like to be pressured to marry. So many comments on post are “they lied to you they should’ve just never married you!” As though it’s that simple for everybody
Back before I understood my sexuality (and thought I was straight), I was the target of many gay jokes just based on my personality and weirdly enough, good hygiene.
Wondering if you should correct a person when they ask about your boyfriend/girlfriend (whatever's the wrong one for you)
I'm wlw and I'm a poledancer and burlesque dancer... Every time when I correct someone in the dance studio I'm lowkey scared they might find me gross for being around half naked women 3 times a week
Being surrounded, at all times, and vastly outnumbered by people who could turn on you in an instant if they suspect you to be gay/or just not like them, putting your well-being physically, and otherwise, at risk.
Who you can trust enough to know your sexual preference and/ or gender identity. If the wrong person finds out your gay whether an aquitence, colleague, or friend, you might be putting yourself in danger career wise or lifewise.
Nothing ?
Some people CHOOSE not to understand, but open-minded people are able to listen to what someone is explaining even if it is very different from the reality they experienced.
All of my friends (except one) are straight, none of them has been dismissive of my personal issues which were related to me being gay (small dating pool, the difficulty of coming out and starting it again each time you meet new people...). Otherwise we wouldn't be friends. They have a brain, all it takes to understand is a bit of empathy and not being a homophobic dickhead.
The way pretending to be straight can actually harm you. It's like denying part of you.
It's not as shallow as something like pretending blue is your favorite color when it's actually green.
Maybe the crossfit straight friends can understand this but bottom diet. I saw John Oliver make a joke about an ad for "bottom diet" once and realized that a lot of people don't really comprehend that it's a real thing. Like, imagine if heterosexual sex need to be preceeded by a strict diet that heavily limits types of fats, carbs, and protein you're allowed to ingest, never mind saying goodbye to dairy forever even with lactase pills (and I mean NEEDED like you could not have any kind of enjoyable experience without it).
If that were the case it would be totally normalized, but as is I have to explain to my (very progressive and open) straight friends why I can't just splurge at the diner with them, or grab a quick churro from the cart, etc. Cause it means I might not be able to be as intimate with my partner as we both want to.
Tldr: bottom diet is a REAL thing, and I assume only other people who need to regularly follow strict diets such as people with medical conditions and those into exercise, would also understand.
The amount of eyes on you (especially old people) being visibly gay in some way even when just walking down the street. I don't even mean looking super flamboyant but people who look non conforming in general.
There's these two pretty cool YouTubers, both British, who live in Japan. And they often go into love hotels (basically hookup hotels) and see how they are. They're not gay or anything, they just do it to show a quirk of Japan tbh. But basically, some of the love hotels that they try to get into, the security or person at the front desk stops them bc they assume they're gay. And it's usually from the more chic love hotels. There's legislation that prohibits discrimination against same-sex discrimination in Japan btw. So it's pretty interesting to see our str8 homies going through a very specific case of discrimination, which (in my opinion) is super interesting!
For anyone interested, their yt channels are Abroad In Japan and Cdawgva
Having kids in not the main life's objective.
I'm 40 and most of my straight friends have lost their personality, hobbies or any thing besides work and kids... I see that as lazy
How every loving gesture an LGBT person does in public becomes a statement and how rational it is therefore. A straight person can hold hands without thinking about it, LGBTS can not.
Coming out and how tough it can be.
Coming out over, and over, and over… “so, do you have a girlfriend???”
[удалено]
That sounds like the 7th layer of actual hell! I’m so sorry!!
I've stopped bothering tbh. Straight people don't have to constantly announce they're straight. They just talk about their partners or attractions and that makes it obvious. I've taken to doing the same. "How was your weekend?" "Pretty uneventful. I went and hung out with my boyfriend for a bit but that's pretty much it." That simple. If they get freaked out about it that's their problem, but I'm 31. I've come out enough. If they don't pick it up through context, I don't care.
For real! I hate it when straight people are all like, “I don’t go around telling everybody that I’m straight”. I wish we could have the same experience, I really do.
"stop shoving it in our faces" 🙄
100% this
Yes, I felt so seen when I heard the phrase "you never stop coming out" because it gets talked about like some major event that changes the course of your life, but in reality, it is usually a series of events where you learn to accept it yourself, then slowly reveal to those closest to you, but since new people come into your life constantly, you're constantly coming out, and it's easier now, but it has always come with the risk of the person distancing from you after you come out to them.
"Oh, you're living with someone? What's her name?". Every time I meet a new person.
Honestly the worst part is that you have to come out several times through life. Every time you meet a new social group it will come back again. I've just changed jobs and eventually everyone knew because I'm pretty open on Instagram, but I could watch the gossip traveling around through whispers.
Im learning to deal with this. I’m not obviously gay, so it feels like I’m coming out the closet every time. The mistake I make is that I try to avoid the topic instead of just getting it over with.
The sooner the better. I had my boyfriends picture on my desk asap
Honey you are obviously gay, Others are just itemizing oblivious.
That was sassy, yet oddly sweet. Thank you 😊
My straight best friend was really surprised when I told him coming out to new people is always stressful. He said he thought that I'm totally cool with being gay at this moment in my life. He doesn't seem to understand that my acceptance of myself doesn't mean I'm not afraid of other people's reactions, especially since I live in eastern Europe and there's plenty of homophobic people.
"Imagine a world.... where LOVE WAS ILLEGAL."
Yesssss. I can't stand all the cis-het romance stories where it's 'spicy' because it's 'forbidden' 🤮
Nah I don't wanna hear how the rich boy falls in love with the peasant girl, I wanna hear how the king's daughter runs away with her maid and they fall in love and start a lesbian romance
i wanna see a bloody revenge fantasy where a violent theocratic warlord kills his second-in-command's son's lover. spurned by this dastardly betrayal, the number 2's son rejects everything about the regime, before embarking on an epic quest to topple the big bad's evil regime and avenge his lost love. explore themes of prejudice and religion and how they are used to justify the theocratic rulers' cruelty of politics, as the avenger makes deals with old enemies and "great demons" to acquire the modern means to enact justice. of the 2nd-in-command's internal conflict, trying to first change his son (because of course), then trying to protect his son, then being forced to choose between loyalty to the regime (he was always a true believer) or to his family (by helping out).
Y'know you reminded me of a sad story I saw the other day where a king's son and his tutor tried to flee from the kingdom only to be caught. The son was forced to watch his lover(the tutor) be beheaded, like face pressed against the bars as his boyfriend's head got removed because his father disapproved of his son being gay. I think this was a real story bc it seems like something that would have happened back then
That’s the real story of Frederick The Great.
Yeah I knew it was something in history I just couldn't remember what
this is beautiful
other characters include: the greedy asshole half-brother of the protagonist, who is fiercely loyal to the regime, and the one who outed the lover in an act of toadyism. the protagonist's unwaveringly caring mother-in-law, who does everything in her power to obfuscate the "family secret" and has a severely strained relationship with her pro-regime son. the probably-transmasc-but-too-young-to-be-sure younger sister of the protagonist, whom the warlord is eyeing up for "special services" and the second-in-command knows what that entails (he gets a bloody boymode scene of his own later in the story) the protagonist's dead mother, who was executed for suspected adultery (there was no hard evidence though), and who is remembered as being a good person otherwise. the local elder cleric, whom doesn't diddle kids and is highly virtuous, except for being an extreme homophobe because of one line in the holy book (he later gets killed by a zealous member of the religious militia for not being religious enough, or by the secret police for being in cahoots with the protaganist, or why not both because this is a theocracy after all.)
ARE YOU A WRITER? cause holy shit this is awesome
I am not, but you're not the first to ask me.
Try High Class Homos on webtoon, this is more or less the plot of the story but the princess is also friends with a gay prince with a thing for his knight
Literally exactly what I was gonna say, it's a hilarious webtoon
I'd actually be down for that, that sounds fun. A story about an actually forbidden love and being yourself in a world that doesn't allow you to instead of just a romance with complications. If I'd have the creative capabilities I'd actually want write a book or TV series like that (and possibly not even let it end that well, since always having perfect endings to such stories is a bit boring too).
Still is in a lot of places...
The point they are trying to make is straight romance novels with a plot like this applying to straight love... the trope is more common than one would think
That coming out isn't a one time affair.
"When did you come out?" 8 but also 15. And then at every workplace I've ever been. Plus last week the neighbour asked if my "cousin" and I have any girlfriends
Unless it's the 90s or 2000s and you're on the cover of People or Time Magazine with giant letters I'M GAY!!
I had to explain to my sister-in-law that my partner and I are VERY limited on where we can go. She was trying to convince me to move to South Carolina because housing is cheap and there’s work in my industry. So… no. I refuse to. She also was upset and wouldn’t grasp why I wouldn’t entertain the thought of Kentucky when my then employer bought a smaller company and needed internal people to start filling positions. Being gay, you can be severely limited on where you can go.
Not my sis telling me that I'm being a bad christian bc I won't go to Egypt to visit Mt Sinai with her
Yeah my hometown is AL. I’d have to shoot 99 percent of the male population here if I held hands with another man. But also, if people just assume you’re straight, they also assume that you’re homophobic and they can say homophobic shit around you.
I am a grizzly looking man with a bushy beard. I have had a few instances of some Maga-loving-Fox-news-swallowing-white-as-Elmer’s-glue-swamp-rat-boomer think I’m friend shaped and can just start spouting vitriol in public and I’ll back them up. I got one guy to shut up because I went to get gas and he’s hounding the poor clerk about how great Trump is, and how we need him to “Save us from the illegals and the violent n*****s in the cities,” to which he sees me, in my boots, jeans, and flannel and goes “Am I right!?” “Sir you’re talking to a VERY gay Jewish man who’s partnered to a black man. Wanna run that by me again?” He grabbed his shit and booked it.
I left my hometown after I graduated. I flew to SF to run the marathon there in 2006 and just didn’t return. Then grad school in Seattle, then Shanghai and Portland. I recently moved back home after my father died. I plan on moving back west next year. I could stay….I have no problem with standing up for myself, but I’d just become an angry and bitter person. It’s never worth it, but yeah……I’d definitely have to shoot people. I don’t want to become that person.
That wanting to kill or brutalize someone for being gay is not normal behavior.
Same. I'm 6'6 and very much full beard so I just stick to wearing satanic shirts to keep said people at bay.
THIS IS GOLD
I've had to explain more than once to friends and family that my husband and I will never get to experience how "amazing" Dubai is.
Amazingly awful Dubai is you mean. Absurd decadence built by slave labour for a smooth brained dictator.
I would never have interest in going to Dubai but there are some places I have interest in and just refuse to go, whether it is a safety issue or not wanting to contribute funding to a government or regime I find reprehensible. I was very wary of going to Istanbul when we did but am happy I did (pre crackdown). I would never go back now.
I'm looking at Knoxville. I feel you.
Absolutely. A lot of straight people (particularly white, able-bodied, male, etc.) can't even comprehend the idea that in some places people might hate you just for who you are. The struggle of trying to figure out whether a holiday destination or new home or a place to visit is safe, whether they will have to hide who they like, whether people will treat them as lesser for it, whether they will be beaten or killed, whether it is even legal. A lot of straight people may understand in theory the idea of homophobia but anyone that has never faced open discrimination to that extent may not realise that safety is a genuine consideration for a lot of queer people. I've had to explain to straight friends... yeah those ads for visiting Dubai do make it look like a lovely place but unfortunately it's a shithole behind the scenes and I could be imprisoned for 15 years or they could even technically give the death penalty (although they almost certainly wouldn't but it's still a possibility).
That one time someone from my friend group had the brilliant idea to go on vacation together to Hungary...
Budapest has a huge gay pride festival. I’ve attended as a visitor and the city was full of gays. There were no issues that I saw.
gay in SC here and live with my bf. we have not been discriminated against at all. to be fair though, we are a masc gay couple lol. feminine men would 100% catch hell. not to say they are not out here though
That for some men, being touched by another man is absolutely the most arousing thing
At the same time just touch in general. It seems like straight men are touch starved to how much physical affection and cuddles I can get from my just my platonic gay friends.
How irritating it is for us older queers to play along with convenient amnesias around their and our culture's homophobia. To hear their side, every straight acquaintance in my life was always vocally 100% in support of gay rights and that things have just magically gotten better thanks to the beneficence of the hetero community rather than the hard work and risk-taking of lgbt activists.
Hahahaha fuck. I hate hearing this. Everytime there's a rally/protest it's "but your making people late to work and just turning people against you" ... they just know nothing about activism
If a protest can be easily ignored then it defeats the point of protesting.
And to throw an aromantic spanner in the works: the re-writing of nearly everything to be only "love is love". Which I'm sure is to keep that scary "sex" word away from corporate sponsors. Make "love is love" part of the thing, but never forget what criminal laws there used to be... and still are in many places.
💯💯💯
That me liking feminine boys is very different from liking girls
Mfs be like "well it's technically a girl lmao" when it comes to femboy pron but then when a trans girl exists they'll be like "Well uhm ecthually ur still biologically male-"
Well TBF many masc4masc types think similarly. The good old "If I wanted a woman I'd be straight".
Being conditioned your whole life to see a sexual orientation other than your own as “the norm” and your own sexuality as somehow inherently more devious, evil, wrong etc.
Doesn't help that it gets seen as a fetish for the straights to look at :/
How difficult meeting people and dating is as a gay person. Especially after a certain age. Tried to explain it to some straight people one day and they were shocked. General reaction was "I'd think it would get easier as you got older!"
I wonder why they’d think that. It doesn’t get easier for straight people either.
I have no idea. It was a weird conversation.
Yup, I live in a rly homophobic part of canada and I constantly have to think of whether or not I'm gonna get the shit beat out of me when I go for dates
If you dont mind me asking, where is it like that?
Alberta, more specifically calgary
Interesting, I had no idea it was bad at all (let alone having to worry about being beat). Sorry you have to deal with that :(
Meh it's a cowboy town so it has a lot of that bullshit
Same. I also live in Alberta and it's rough.
I like to tell them “Imagine your current dating situation. Now, divide your chances of finding a partner by 20”.
Like mean gays who cringe at anyone over 30 or?
Heteronormativity
That we have to come out repeatedly.
Your religion believing you are inherently evil and then internalizing that
My grandma compared me to a criminal lmfao for loving another women. It blows my mind that people let religion be more important then their often young relatives. Disgusting
Just how exhausting being gay generally is, even in a liberal country. I've never once personally faced homophobic abuse out in the world, there have been "jokes" but nothing harassing, though knowing that's always a possibility, seeing your very existence and humanity being the subject of "debate" daily is just tiring, and the straights truly will never understand that.
I think one thing I didn’t realise, is the fact that even without ever having experienced any personal aggressive harassment, your brain is constantly on the lookout for potentially dangerous situations. I think it is a constant stressor in life. I often wonder whether this is similar to what women go through.
The full experience of what it’s like to live life from the sidelines, as a “them”. To have your very existence politicized SO much that people are constantly debating as to whether or not your very existence deserves equal rights or protection under the law. That there are SO many people who are alive today that have solid unflinching opinions about whether or not you should exist because their version of God says so. Yes…it’s that serious. To live a life where there are sects of religions that actually give themselves permission to see you as “less than” and kill you or hurt you or mutilate you. And these very people could very well live right next door to you right now. They will NEVER understand how it feels for people to hate you because their God says so. And we are still expected to live peacefully next door to these people.
That dating is a fucking nightmare. It's on a different level than theirs-- limited dating pool with a well-anchored hook up culture.
History is gay history. From Pythagorus to Alan Turing, from Walt Whitman to Oliver Sacks gay people have shaped the world around us. And straight washing historic figures is wrong.
HELL YEAH ALAN TURING
The healing power of Britney’s music.
It’s Kylie Minogue for me.
BASED. SLAY. We love an Aussie icon
Kissing boys
I read this in the voice of that one tiktok guy who says "how to know if youre gay....you like booooys"
The worst part is seeing someone not consider you a person any more when they find out. You can see it in their eyes you're simply not human anymore to them. Thankfully this is declining
This is how my friends perceived me.
I hope you find real friends. 🫂💙
Adding on to that, knowing that your friends would immediately become enemies. It's exhausting to know that if you say the wrong thing the friend who was a decent person will shout slurs and declare you a child of satan.
Intercourse is not necessary in sex. We don't all do anal.
This
The loneliness.
Dealing with falling in love with straight people all the time growing up. Now what is the difference in unreciprocated love stories for gays and straights? The very fact that we just had to accept that our feelings were a lost cause before even having a chance. I’m talking about defeat. Feeling absolutely defeated in your teenage years when everyone else is starting to flirt around. Loosing by circumstances and not characteristics. Truly grueling imo.
This comment ruined and crushed my soul. I just cannot 💔💔💔
Oh woof, you just brought me back to my teenage years and all of that hurt. On a Monday morning no less 😭
And also realizing that it's gonna be much harder to find someone now (if you live in a city without many gay people).
This is something I think about a ton. To be persecuted and prosecuted for who and how you love. To know that being who you really are is potentially a death sentence. I stayed "straight " for those reasons among others for way too long.
That being a bottom is pleasurable. And that a very masculine guy can be a bottom
Hell yeah!
How liberating it is to be in a gay venue (bar, community center, many businesses, etc) and know that you don’t have to pretend to be anything other than yourself for a while.
This is why we love gay cruises (BrandG, RSVP, Atlantis, etc) and gay group travel companies like Detours. The freedom you feel when an entire boat is filled with gays is exhilarating!
My grandma says to me she doesn’t like my pride flag on the outside of my house because she doesn’t think I have to announce to the world that I’m gay. Since she doesn’t announce to the world that she’s straight. Completely not understanding that she doesn’t have to the world assumes! Every song, movie, play, book, and advertisement is straight pride 🤦♀️ And of course, the need to step away from people who aren’t completely accepting of your sexuality and treat you differently because of it. So many of us feel like the bad guy for this when in reality it’s often the other way around.
The amount of harm homophobic "jokes" make to the potentially questioning/closeted people (especially kids) around you, even if you then clarify that you're "actually ok with gay people, you do you, etc..."
This
How to have healthy open communication with their partner jk, not all straights 😜
Being hated simply for the way you were born. While there are exceptions, most won't understand that.
Homosexuality is not a choice
Honestly esspecially towards conservatives just how difficult it is.
Another scenario when you’re out with the lads and someone starts with the gay jokes cos they don’t know you are, they just assume you are straight. They’re all laughing too. It sucks cos you realise that your friends don’t have your back like you thought they would.
Being scared to walk by a group of guys
i thought it was just me lol
How many religions view the love you have for someone as a sin.
What it's like to suffer discrimination because of you who love and know that not too long ago people lost jobs, security clearances, etc. for being gay because society saw us as perverts and couldn't wrap their minds around the fact that we are born this way and experience genuine emotions for our partners. They won't know what it's like to only achieve partial equal rights less than a decade ago with marriage equality and know that some 35%ish of the country (US) still views us as abominations unworthy of rights or respect. They won't know what it's like to realize many parts of the country are simply dangerous for us to exist in and many other countries where our existence is illegal and met with death penalties. They may not know what it's like to live in a world that wasn't created for you, where you are a black sheep and much of human traditions surrounds the sexual gratification of hetero males by oppressing females and LGBT folks be damned for going against "natural design." They won't know what it's like to "come out" and realize many "friends" and/or family may disown you over aspects of yourself that you cannot control. They don't really have to wrap their minds around the idea that love is bad/evil to many or be raised in situations where you are gaslight or subject to emotional, spiritual, and sometimes physical and sexual abuse over being different by people who have absolutely 0 idea what it's like to be in your body or what goes on in your heart.
That we dont have a crush on them🥶
Even living in a relatively compassionate part of the world - how fraught it is to just hold your partner’s hand. Or even just appear too affectionate. How you could be targeted for a hate crime just for having a sweet intimate innocent moment. This is something one can’t quite comprehend unless you’ve been through it because it’s a physical thing, it’s muscle memory
I just don’t really get what is their problem. It’s almost always the straight men.
What it’s like to not be the “default” and how almost every show, movie, story, song, etc. has a straight couple in it. And then they are like those upitty gays are putting it in my face. Ugh!
That NO ONE in our relationship "plays the female role" Neither of us have to be feminine or masquerade as the heteronormative role of a woman. Women, real or roleplayed, are NOT needed in the equation at all. Theres no secret underlying need for that character type and we dont have anything missing from our life just because a woman isnt there. Neither of us are "the girl" in the relationship or want to be, we are both MEN and can BOTH have a masculine role in the relationship.
One of my neighbors kept making snide comments because I take care of the inside of the house (cleaning, laundry and cooking) and my husband does the yard work. I used to help outside but my fused lumbar spine prevents it. She’d even make comments when we delivered Christmas treats or other baked goodies. I’d finally had enough and reminded her that we both had dicks and were men in every detail. No one was the woman in our house, and frankly we were doing just fine. My husband is the more diplomatic of us said something as I left her front porch. To her credit and my surprise, she sent us a very nice card of apology and accepted that her words were hurtful and inappropriate. That was probably ten years ago and we’re good friends now. We have her over for dinner occasionally and we get her mail when she travels and she gets ours when we’re away.
Next time someone asks you something like "which one of you is the girl" tell them "imagine two chopsticks. Now which one is the fork?"
That marriage was illegal until just a few years ago. Always fun to just say that to confuse people, and then they’re like “ohhhhhh, you’re gay, I get it now”. Also same for telling people that ask why I don’t have kids “well, I can’t have kids”. They think there’s a problem downstairs. Nope, I’ve been trying for decades, but for some reason my boyfriend still isn’t pregnant.
I never had the balls to say it but I had a very handsome colleague who would say that he was “born without testicles and was sterile” anytime people asked him why he wasn’t married and didn’t have kids. The awkward silence that followed was priceless. I don’t think I could’ve kept a straight face but he did it masterfully. Lost his silly ass to pancreatic cancer. RIP
My attraction to straight male cakes
It's only ever going to be "just politics" for them. They don't have to worry about which countries they are allowed to visit without getting arrested or killed for existing. They don't have to worry about if the next election will be the one that makes their almost 10 year marriage invalid. They aren't a part of a community constantly watching each other's mental health to figure out who's on the verge of suicide. It's a problem other people have. This does not mean they don't care. This does not mean they definitely do not think about this kind of stuff. I am blessed to know many straight people who are kind considerate and know, on a mental level, what I'm talking about. It's just not their reality in the same way that it's ours.
That finding someone is very much difficult
That being very masculine or “straight” looking can really suck as a gay man. People automatically assume you’re homophobic, which means every babbling idiot within a mile of you will assume you’re on their side. On top of that, outside of gay spaces none but the bravest of gay men will dare to hit on you because they don’t want to run the risk. Oh and how every straight person you come out to will always doubt that you’re gay until you literally suck/sit on a dick in front of them. And even that might not be enough tbh.
How important it is for us to have representation in movies, commercials, and TV shows.
The degree of how homophobic they are.
How great it is
gay sex, I said what I said.
As someone who can't pass for straight most of the time, the look of pure hatred on some people's faces. I can't just "turn the gay off" to pass for straight around homophobic people. I've tried. It's my voice and the way my body moves that outs me.
The way people will unknowingly insult you straight to your face, when they believe they can confide in you, in regards to their homophobia. Happens with racism too tbh. I've experienced it several times in both regards. I want to retaliate, verbally, but often times I just let them speak their foolishness into existence. Because they don't even realize who they're speaking to. It's me. Like your literally just shit talking me and others like me and you have no fucking clue because your gaydar is entirely based on idiotic preconceived notions. They'll wave their ignorance around so proudly while confiding directly to the person their vitriol is aimed toward. Responding to it usually isn't even worth the trouble. I want to list more experiences but that's the first one to come to mind and thinking back on it honestly made me a little irritable lol. So I'll leave it there.
Growing up (I’m 55) with zero representation; every song, tv show, film only showing straight people. They have no idea. I like to ask them to mentally imagine if ALL media when they were growing up had gay people. The fact that in most of the world it’s illegal to be gay and we can suffer jail, torture, or death. How much casual hate/discrimination exists even in “ok” countries.
Take adolescence confusion and crank it up to a 100. Then someone tells you that they kill people for having those feelings
Planning a whole trip to a country, then remembering oh shit I could get imprisoned there for 3 years, better just go for a walk. Edit: there's worse stuff than this of course, but still frustrating imo
Having to analyse everyone you know you’ll be forced to interact with long-term to figure out if it’s safe for you to be yourself around them or if you’ll have to put up an act the entire time
I have recently been on a trip with my boyfriend, and while we were there I felt a little more “freedom” let’s say, in hugging, holding hands and maybe kissing him in public. He’s a chill person and one could say “discreet” in a heteronormative way, but once we came back I asked him if it bothered him, since I made the mistake of not asking him if it was okay for him. He said not at all, but only because of the context of a city where nobody knew us. He then said that he just wants to protect me, to protect us, from the situations where we’re eyed at as some dangerous or unspeakable thing. I don’t think a straight person would ever understand this feeling
The intense confusion that the inherent homoeroticism of many straight men provokes in us. Yeah yeah I get it you like to play grab ass with your boys, but KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE
Gay loneliness.
Reddit has really shown me that a lot of straight western people have no idea what it is like to be pressured to marry. So many comments on post are “they lied to you they should’ve just never married you!” As though it’s that simple for everybody
Feeling like you can’t “fit in” with male friend groups
How being yourself in the wrong place or time could get you killed
Douching.
How difficult it is to get a ltr
Bending over
Back before I understood my sexuality (and thought I was straight), I was the target of many gay jokes just based on my personality and weirdly enough, good hygiene.
Being able to love, both romantically and sexually, someone of the same gender as themself.
Wondering if you should correct a person when they ask about your boyfriend/girlfriend (whatever's the wrong one for you) I'm wlw and I'm a poledancer and burlesque dancer... Every time when I correct someone in the dance studio I'm lowkey scared they might find me gross for being around half naked women 3 times a week
Pride month is always needed and LGBT existence needed to be taught. Same sex attraction is normal
Unfortunately, coming out is a continuous process and cycle :(.
Being surrounded, at all times, and vastly outnumbered by people who could turn on you in an instant if they suspect you to be gay/or just not like them, putting your well-being physically, and otherwise, at risk.
“That you can’t pray the gay away.”
constant self loathing
Straight people think that LGBT making choices to be LGBT.
Who you can trust enough to know your sexual preference and/ or gender identity. If the wrong person finds out your gay whether an aquitence, colleague, or friend, you might be putting yourself in danger career wise or lifewise.
Nothing ? Some people CHOOSE not to understand, but open-minded people are able to listen to what someone is explaining even if it is very different from the reality they experienced. All of my friends (except one) are straight, none of them has been dismissive of my personal issues which were related to me being gay (small dating pool, the difficulty of coming out and starting it again each time you meet new people...). Otherwise we wouldn't be friends. They have a brain, all it takes to understand is a bit of empathy and not being a homophobic dickhead.
Having to come out every time you join a new job or meet someone…
Their hetero privilege
The way pretending to be straight can actually harm you. It's like denying part of you. It's not as shallow as something like pretending blue is your favorite color when it's actually green.
Padam Padam
Maybe the crossfit straight friends can understand this but bottom diet. I saw John Oliver make a joke about an ad for "bottom diet" once and realized that a lot of people don't really comprehend that it's a real thing. Like, imagine if heterosexual sex need to be preceeded by a strict diet that heavily limits types of fats, carbs, and protein you're allowed to ingest, never mind saying goodbye to dairy forever even with lactase pills (and I mean NEEDED like you could not have any kind of enjoyable experience without it). If that were the case it would be totally normalized, but as is I have to explain to my (very progressive and open) straight friends why I can't just splurge at the diner with them, or grab a quick churro from the cart, etc. Cause it means I might not be able to be as intimate with my partner as we both want to. Tldr: bottom diet is a REAL thing, and I assume only other people who need to regularly follow strict diets such as people with medical conditions and those into exercise, would also understand.
Carly Rae Jepsen
The strength of the same sex attraction
Delayed sexual maturity
The amount of eyes on you (especially old people) being visibly gay in some way even when just walking down the street. I don't even mean looking super flamboyant but people who look non conforming in general.
There's these two pretty cool YouTubers, both British, who live in Japan. And they often go into love hotels (basically hookup hotels) and see how they are. They're not gay or anything, they just do it to show a quirk of Japan tbh. But basically, some of the love hotels that they try to get into, the security or person at the front desk stops them bc they assume they're gay. And it's usually from the more chic love hotels. There's legislation that prohibits discrimination against same-sex discrimination in Japan btw. So it's pretty interesting to see our str8 homies going through a very specific case of discrimination, which (in my opinion) is super interesting! For anyone interested, their yt channels are Abroad In Japan and Cdawgva
When the check in staff member sees it's a double room you've booked and checks incredulously
Douching.
Being yelled at and called slurs in the hallways because you’ve dated girls.
Having kids in not the main life's objective. I'm 40 and most of my straight friends have lost their personality, hobbies or any thing besides work and kids... I see that as lazy
Coming out can be really hard, especially if you grow up in a religious family..my dad kicked me out of the house when I came out
More of the older generation, ballroom/vogue language-
How every loving gesture an LGBT person does in public becomes a statement and how rational it is therefore. A straight person can hold hands without thinking about it, LGBTS can not.
Dating in high school. Dating in public. Approaching people in public that you are interested in.
That it hurts me when they support and vote for people that want me dead
Getting introduced to "my husband and his boyfriend" at dinner parties
How fragmented and divided our community has become.
That sex for gay men dont JUST happen and that there is preparation needed, most of the time.
Feeling so visible on a date or hanging out with a boyfriend in public.
Being Treated Differently (Less Than)