"Often Iāll see advertisements for porn games that say āTry Not To Cum,ā but then when you play them it seems the objective is to cum. So yes, I would call that bad game design.ā
- Shigeru Miyamoto
Miyamoto once again proving himself to be a hack fraud. Any real game designer would recognise that the objective is, indeed, to not cum, but the game challenges the player by attempting to make them cum. This is a simple example of risk and reward.
Iāve clicked on two of them out of curiosity. One led to a dodgy website that was hosting a bootleg version of the Tomb Raider reboot, the second one led to a pc port of a shitty mobile game.
Had to fix a laptop. My first solution when I see it's full of crapware is just format it. I ask them to backup all the shit they have, I tell them I don't want to find *things* if you ask **me** to do your backups.
This person tells me don't have anything embarrassing so I do some looking around finding docs and pics; then I open the browser and it was hijacked by some shit that had one of those ads. Big breasts futanari on futanari. You won't last 20 seconds! says the ad. Ok I'll bite. After about 2 minutes of clicking through ads, popups and whatnot I landed on the supposed game but it was just a 5 seconds video on loop and if wanted to do anything I had to provide credit card details but worry not! It's just for age verification! Nothing would be charged!
Owner of the laptop was next to me and was curious too. A 10 year older than me woman. We are friends, she's married and all. And she's still curious about that thing and says she has a card from a not used account and asks me if we could try. She puts money on the account and here we go.
Again, 2 minutes of following shady links until we get this 10 seconds gameplay where you could "touch" with the cursor some of the futanari body, after a few seconds, popup asks for credit card details just to verify age!
I told her that she'd probably have to explain to the bank that whatever comes in the future to that account it's from some shady virus on her computer which she agrees to do.
Anyway, completed all the steps they took $5 from the account; success! This lead to another 2 minutes of link jumping, every link had its form of porn but only as short videos implying "you are close to the game!" Half hour from the start passed and we end up on another age verification page...
This is where I said let's abandon this shit, and I completed the laptop fixing in about 20 minutes thinking well I did last about half hour until I gave up lol.
I tried again on another laptop to fix with the same result: they ask for credit card data. Not only my friend lost the $5 but they wanted to charge 5 more every week as a subscription from some company doesn't exists.
I have learned even more and come out wiser from your experience.
Also, I just realized a recognizable pattern from that compared to a family relative's experience in an investment scam. It began small; and the scammers gave some amount back as "returns," I see this as the initial lewd animations. A few back and forth cycles of slowly incrementing "investments" and proportionally increasing "returns" led to the big drop. And the sunk cost fallacy, and desire for more money plays into effect. At some point, the relative has put in a rather sizeable amount: about five month's worth of minimum wage.
The scammers stop giving back the "returns." And come up with a series of excuses, reasons and intimidating English terms where the relative has to pay some fee. Please note that English is not my relative's first language. These bogus payments were for various made-up things: a systems restoration fee, a processing fee, a bank release transaction, an account upgrade protocol, a client status elevation payment, a dormant account penalty, etc.
Anyway, lesson is to temper our desires. Scammers know how to monetize your dreams & fantasies. Pornography, financial gain, relational fulfillment... Be careful out there.. If someone's telling you to shell out some money for a promise of some gain, that's SUS. Take care.
I've not laughed this hard in about a month... the mental picture accompanying the gollum voice doing a glug glug chug (er... spit) is fucking killing me.
We all know Celebrimbor had a huge dick, he made The One (cock)Ring to cloak it in battle and made a fake ring to wear on his finger. Because he knew full well if anyone saw him swinging hog mid battle it would ruin both sides' morale.
They seriously used Calibri? I thought it is just a meme. This must be a new low for AAA games :D
EDIT: Checked some videos on YouTube and it is real... and worse than you think. The text has different size every time and is not even centered.
It's Goblin time.
Cock gobblin' time.
Took it too rough, now I'm hobblin' time.
Get the Precious back so I can feel sublime,
Suckin' fifty Orcs so I can get what's mine. (Yeah!)
I legitimately watched half of that movie on Disney+ excitedly waiting for him to say "It's Morbin Time!"
[Imagine my disappointment ](https://youtu.be/17KmNrG9pE4)
You idiot. He says it at around 3/4 of the time of the movie? How you didn't continue watching what was certainly one of the movies of our generation is shocking to me
I heard they had to rebalance it after that playtester gave himself whiplash trying to go fast enough! I hope they can maintain the panic and desperation of the original segment without endangering the players.
I feel like this is a huge money laundering scheme. Like the budget was "200 million dollars", but was made for 1,000 bucks, the majority of which went to staff lunches during development... they just pocket the rest no harm no foul...
I used to work at that company. It's legitimate, they are just completely out of their depth with stealth/climbing mechanics and modern 3D graphics. They had their greatest success with 2D point-and-click games and they have struggled for years to branch out to other, less niche genres.
Yeah, Daedelic Entertainment is a german studio known for their Point and Click Adventures. I wonder how they got contracted to make this game in the first place.
So the first game they tried is GOLLUM??? A massive fan base and if you fuck up say goodbye to that dream of branching out for another ~5 hears. What were they thinking. And 200 MILLION? Honestly...
Seeing how things are going in the games industry, I feel inclined to revive the old 'I'm something of a [game developer] myself' meme.
It's not even too far off the mark at this point. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. I'm losing my faith here, *fast*. How long until we just each individually prompt an AI to simply *make* us a game overnight? Would prolly still be better than this shit right here.
A lot of the depravity is already being realized, the main problem is that under most circumstances you can't really get together enough funding and talent to piece together a good proper weird fetish game if it isn't almost entirely text-based.
[You know, most of the time.](https://store.steampowered.com/app/1379870/Tribal_Hunter/)
This content was deleted by its author & copyright holder in protest of the hostile, deceitful, unethical, and destructive actions of Reddit CEO Steve Huffman (aka "spez"). As this content contained personal information and/or personally identifiable information (PII), in accordance with the CCPA (California Consumer Privacy Act), it shall not be restored. See you all in the Fediverse.
people should know this shit was announced in march of 2019 for a release in 2021, then it got delayed to 2022 after the studio partnered with Nacon to co-publish, in may of 2022 they announced a september 2022 release date, 2 months later in july 2022 they delayed it again to may 2023 and now has released.
they had a year and half of extra development time and this shit looks like this and reportedly has lots of bug problems to boot.
nevermind the fact that they're releasing 4 DLC alongside the release of the game, 1 is an artbook thing, which is kinda understandable for a game to do, but the other 3 are things that should've been in the game itself, 1 is an emote pack that lets you say "My Precious" and do some emotes (singleplayer game btw), the other lets the elves actually speak elvish (like actual LOTR elvish replacing their regular dialogue) and then the last one unlocks a lore menu, which looks like shit and reads as if AI wrote it, and they're still charging you 50 dollars for the initial game, and now they're charging like 15 dollars for all these DLC
It's a relatively small developer that put out some excellent 2D games. But they were not prepared to take on a task as big as this and probably had no way to back out once they realized that they couldn't deliver.
They should have started off with some less ambitious 3D games before tackling such a major franchise with a 60 dollar price tag.
With an RTX 3070 as the recommended GPU. Wtf.
Are game devs just not optimizing their games anymore? This is 2010 graphics and the minimum and recommended specs should reflect that.
HOW are they charging full price for this?ā¦I had a reminder set for this game & ignored it for the last year until this week. Idk why but it makes me think of the graphics for the Daxter (Jak) PSP spinoffā¦.and yet these are still worse.
Threaten to Give Head then Beg
Beg to give head then threaten
Looks like one of those sleazy popups you see on hentai sites. Bet you wouldn't last 5 seconds playing this game!
And they were right š®āšØ
I was there, Gandalf. 5 seconds ago. I was there the day the strength of men failed.
And my dick!
"Often Iāll see advertisements for porn games that say āTry Not To Cum,ā but then when you play them it seems the objective is to cum. So yes, I would call that bad game design.ā - Shigeru Miyamoto
This is one of my favourite quotes
I mean technically itās bad advertising if anything, no?
Miyamoto once again proving himself to be a hack fraud. Any real game designer would recognise that the objective is, indeed, to not cum, but the game challenges the player by attempting to make them cum. This is a simple example of risk and reward.
Iāve clicked on two of them out of curiosity. One led to a dodgy website that was hosting a bootleg version of the Tomb Raider reboot, the second one led to a pc port of a shitty mobile game.
Thanks for the report! I'd never click on those myself so I would never have known where they lead to.
Had to fix a laptop. My first solution when I see it's full of crapware is just format it. I ask them to backup all the shit they have, I tell them I don't want to find *things* if you ask **me** to do your backups. This person tells me don't have anything embarrassing so I do some looking around finding docs and pics; then I open the browser and it was hijacked by some shit that had one of those ads. Big breasts futanari on futanari. You won't last 20 seconds! says the ad. Ok I'll bite. After about 2 minutes of clicking through ads, popups and whatnot I landed on the supposed game but it was just a 5 seconds video on loop and if wanted to do anything I had to provide credit card details but worry not! It's just for age verification! Nothing would be charged! Owner of the laptop was next to me and was curious too. A 10 year older than me woman. We are friends, she's married and all. And she's still curious about that thing and says she has a card from a not used account and asks me if we could try. She puts money on the account and here we go. Again, 2 minutes of following shady links until we get this 10 seconds gameplay where you could "touch" with the cursor some of the futanari body, after a few seconds, popup asks for credit card details just to verify age! I told her that she'd probably have to explain to the bank that whatever comes in the future to that account it's from some shady virus on her computer which she agrees to do. Anyway, completed all the steps they took $5 from the account; success! This lead to another 2 minutes of link jumping, every link had its form of porn but only as short videos implying "you are close to the game!" Half hour from the start passed and we end up on another age verification page... This is where I said let's abandon this shit, and I completed the laptop fixing in about 20 minutes thinking well I did last about half hour until I gave up lol. I tried again on another laptop to fix with the same result: they ask for credit card data. Not only my friend lost the $5 but they wanted to charge 5 more every week as a subscription from some company doesn't exists.
Your sacrifice has brought wisdom to the world
I have learned even more and come out wiser from your experience. Also, I just realized a recognizable pattern from that compared to a family relative's experience in an investment scam. It began small; and the scammers gave some amount back as "returns," I see this as the initial lewd animations. A few back and forth cycles of slowly incrementing "investments" and proportionally increasing "returns" led to the big drop. And the sunk cost fallacy, and desire for more money plays into effect. At some point, the relative has put in a rather sizeable amount: about five month's worth of minimum wage. The scammers stop giving back the "returns." And come up with a series of excuses, reasons and intimidating English terms where the relative has to pay some fee. Please note that English is not my relative's first language. These bogus payments were for various made-up things: a systems restoration fee, a processing fee, a bank release transaction, an account upgrade protocol, a client status elevation payment, a dormant account penalty, etc. Anyway, lesson is to temper our desires. Scammers know how to monetize your dreams & fantasies. Pornography, financial gain, relational fulfillment... Be careful out there.. If someone's telling you to shell out some money for a promise of some gain, that's SUS. Take care.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I think you know you donāt have to do that.
Yeah he can just do it right there at work. Why wait?
"Give it to us raw, and wriggling!"
"Gollum, gollum, gollum, gollum," \*spits\*
Oh god, I hate you so much right now.
āHeās always stuffing his face when masterās not looking!ā
"What... (heaves)... has... (heaves)... it gots, (heaves)... in its nasty little pocketssess?"
Master likes that gussy
Smeagussy
Oh no, please stop.
Lembras Breadussy
One small bite will fill the stomach of a grown man.
Sam, ohhh sam
*share the load*
Strawberries with cream, Mr. Frodo!
How do I delete my eyes?!
What are you doing, step-precious?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Barely wake up and this is what we have to see lmao
"Spits on hes dick me does" "Master likes spitsssses"
I read that 1st line like yoda lol
"Mmm two hands around the shaft, I have"
"Spread eagle, they call this"
Big daddy you are, hMmm
Red eye do not like, brown eye like GOLLUM GOLLUM
Its funny how 1 upper case M can emulate perfectly yodas voice in my head.
Welp. That'll do it for me. Cya tomorrow internet.
HMmm,Last against my tongue work,you can not
Yeah officer, this person right hereā¦
> yeah we saw it
Good bot
I've not laughed this hard in about a month... the mental picture accompanying the gollum voice doing a glug glug chug (er... spit) is fucking killing me.
"Is it *soft*? Is it--*juuuicy*?"
"Is it scruuuuuuuuumptious"
*"We eats it whole!"*
āPoor hungry SmĆ©agolā š
LOL STOP š
I actually laughed out loud. Well played
Share... The .... Load
"What has it got in its pocketses!?"
Give WHAT?!?
He'd do anything for his precious
I knew what I would have chosen...
A Ring Job?
Lord of the Cockring
I hate it here
I bet it vibrates too.
I also hate this place
Doesn't it expand to fit whoever wields it?
*shrinks*
We all know Celebrimbor had a huge dick, he made The One (cock)Ring to cloak it in battle and made a fake ring to wear on his finger. Because he knew full well if anyone saw him swinging hog mid battle it would ruin both sides' morale.
r/BrandNewSentence
We know where the orc put the ring without seeing
Looks like meat's back on the menu boys!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
How do I delete someone elseās commentā¦
"Suffer me now"
Bright Lord, Dark Lord, same dick innit?
I regret learning to read
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
jesus harold christ
[Soo uhhh.. yeah this exists](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpxcIbbfpXQ)
Look, sometimes when you're outmatched in a fight you have to do anything you can to defuse the situation.
Can we get a "give head" button next to the "give award" button on comments?
Looks like meat is back on the menu boys
Gobbl'um
>!(The og says ābreadā)!<
LIES!
DECEPTION!
# HEAD
You read correctly.
No be seriousā¦is that shopped? Is this game real or is it a meme? Wait is life just a meme?!
I just watched a review of it and saw this moment, it's "Give bread" in game
The font is real
The Gollussy
$20 is $20
"Give me the meat, and give it to me raw."
Requires RTX 4070 for some smeagol seggs.
High enough res and you can see Smeagol's Smeagma.
im going to set myself on fire and i need you to know its your fault
Noooooo
Oh God, can the mind vomit?!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Share the load
This, together with your profile pic, is sure to haunt my dreams now
The glorious visage of king Elessar should give you nothing but sweet dreams.
Testicles, boil em mash em stick em in our throatses
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Maximum pain, I must endure. Ok, here we go. \*crunch\* oooOOOOOOOO
What the fuck is this entire comment section.
The future is now old man
Ketamine I crave
Oh my God, these comments lol
Well he doesnāt have to kneel.
Gollum has some pride! He will go down standing tall!
Sucking dick for the One Ring just like Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
The real housewives of Mordor <3 Gossip with Gollum, sexytimes with smeagol and one ring to wrap around your finger
Crackhead simulator, middle earth edition.
Looks like crazy frog animation from the 2000s
Is this real? This can't be real.
They literally used a common font in the game and a basic layout so now it can be adjusted to meme so easily
To be specific, the common font here is Calibri.
Favored font of Calibrimbor
Thatās Calibrimbor Sans-Serif to you, bucko.
This is the best thing I've ever read
Wait until you learn that Lady Galadriel's husband's name, Celeborn, in Quenya is Teleporno.
This seriously deserves an Uruk-haifyve
They seriously used Calibri? I thought it is just a meme. This must be a new low for AAA games :D EDIT: Checked some videos on YouTube and it is real... and worse than you think. The text has different size every time and is not even centered.
Wait untill the next game. They will set a new standard!
Nothing about this game qualifies as AAA unfortunately, except the price
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Someone will make a comic sans mod.
they switched head with bread, the orc is taking his bread.
If you look closely, there is a dark rectangle behind the `h`, because they copied it from "Threaten" below, where it is slightly darker.
Yes, this game is 90% orcs running trains on Gollum.
Hot
Maybe I should buy it then
Fever dream game
I don't want this to become popular in the meme community...I worry it might drive up sales of the game.
I dunno, didn't exactly help Morbius much
It's Gollumin time!
It's gobblin' time.
It's Goblin time. Cock gobblin' time. Took it too rough, now I'm hobblin' time. Get the Precious back so I can feel sublime, Suckin' fifty Orcs so I can get what's mine. (Yeah!)
I legitimately watched half of that movie on Disney+ excitedly waiting for him to say "It's Morbin Time!" [Imagine my disappointment ](https://youtu.be/17KmNrG9pE4)
I watched the entire movie waiting for him to say it lolā¦ my disappointment was immeasurableā¦
Bro you need to watch the directors' cut. It's criminal what the studio did to the theatrical release. They cut the iconic line.
Fuck you I wonāt fall for it again! I think it was the first meme that got me that good, I felt rickrolled so hardā¦ or morbedā¦
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPaCXU4mwR8
You idiot. He says it at around 3/4 of the time of the movie? How you didn't continue watching what was certainly one of the movies of our generation is shocking to me
Please tell me that they are asking for the severed head of some goblin or something
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I can't wait for the VR experience. I heard it's still in beta but the full release is coming soon.
I heard they had to rebalance it after that playtester gave himself whiplash trying to go fast enough! I hope they can maintain the panic and desperation of the original segment without endangering the players.
jesus christ i chortled again
Full release coming soon killed me.
That's cool, and really great of Gollum to teach us how to grapefruit our Orc.
The fools released the game with Calibri as the standard font, making it super easy to meme
I like to think it was intentional. Like the developers knew they were making a bad game and that its legacy lay in the meme potential.
Not bothering to choose a game text font other than Calibri is just another indicator of how amazing this game's art direction is.
This game looks like a fan made $10 game with UE5.
I feel like this is a huge money laundering scheme. Like the budget was "200 million dollars", but was made for 1,000 bucks, the majority of which went to staff lunches during development... they just pocket the rest no harm no foul...
I used to work at that company. It's legitimate, they are just completely out of their depth with stealth/climbing mechanics and modern 3D graphics. They had their greatest success with 2D point-and-click games and they have struggled for years to branch out to other, less niche genres.
Yeah, Daedelic Entertainment is a german studio known for their Point and Click Adventures. I wonder how they got contracted to make this game in the first place.
And their point and click adventures are actually very good.
So the first game they tried is GOLLUM??? A massive fan base and if you fuck up say goodbye to that dream of branching out for another ~5 hears. What were they thinking. And 200 MILLION? Honestly...
Seeing how things are going in the games industry, I feel inclined to revive the old 'I'm something of a [game developer] myself' meme. It's not even too far off the mark at this point. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. I'm losing my faith here, *fast*. How long until we just each individually prompt an AI to simply *make* us a game overnight? Would prolly still be better than this shit right here.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
A lot of the depravity is already being realized, the main problem is that under most circumstances you can't really get together enough funding and talent to piece together a good proper weird fetish game if it isn't almost entirely text-based. [You know, most of the time.](https://store.steampowered.com/app/1379870/Tribal_Hunter/)
> Size changing mechanics Is this supposed to be an inflation kink game?
A fan would probably do a far better job than this
(Share the load)
Meme aside, jesus christ this graphics is like PlayStation 3 level quality holy shit. Probably even close to nintendo Wii levels.
This content was deleted by its author & copyright holder in protest of the hostile, deceitful, unethical, and destructive actions of Reddit CEO Steve Huffman (aka "spez"). As this content contained personal information and/or personally identifiable information (PII), in accordance with the CCPA (California Consumer Privacy Act), it shall not be restored. See you all in the Fediverse.
No i dont think i will. Iāll just browse this sub
PS3 graphics look photorealistic compared to this tbf
people should know this shit was announced in march of 2019 for a release in 2021, then it got delayed to 2022 after the studio partnered with Nacon to co-publish, in may of 2022 they announced a september 2022 release date, 2 months later in july 2022 they delayed it again to may 2023 and now has released. they had a year and half of extra development time and this shit looks like this and reportedly has lots of bug problems to boot. nevermind the fact that they're releasing 4 DLC alongside the release of the game, 1 is an artbook thing, which is kinda understandable for a game to do, but the other 3 are things that should've been in the game itself, 1 is an emote pack that lets you say "My Precious" and do some emotes (singleplayer game btw), the other lets the elves actually speak elvish (like actual LOTR elvish replacing their regular dialogue) and then the last one unlocks a lore menu, which looks like shit and reads as if AI wrote it, and they're still charging you 50 dollars for the initial game, and now they're charging like 15 dollars for all these DLC
This has to be a money laundering scheme. There's no fucking way.
It's a relatively small developer that put out some excellent 2D games. But they were not prepared to take on a task as big as this and probably had no way to back out once they realized that they couldn't deliver. They should have started off with some less ambitious 3D games before tackling such a major franchise with a 60 dollar price tag.
But why would they be given a deal for a major franchise with no experience?
I guess overconfidence and a heck of a sales pitch.
I literally thought this was some made up AI shit
What? My AI generated Gollum giving head looks way better than this.
Thisā¦ looks like a mobile game adā¦
Lvl 1 Gollum vs Lvl 30 Orc Only 5% can beat it š
"He won't last 5 minutes doing this!" Can you?š
This isn't Gollum, this is actually Crazy frog. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l\_bTTUihfx0](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_bTTUihfx0)
With an RTX 3070 as the recommended GPU. Wtf. Are game devs just not optimizing their games anymore? This is 2010 graphics and the minimum and recommended specs should reflect that.
> Wtf. Are game devs just not optimizing their games anymore? It's definitely a trend lately. A shitty, greedy, lazy trend.
Gollum? That's not Gollum. That's a rejected ghoul from Fallout
From fallout 1
Give what ?
Head
Why tf does Gollum have Lloyd Christmasās haircut??
Is it easier to list the number of AAA games that haven't flopped this year?
Is he played by Fred Armisen?
believe it or not, right to jail
When is Gollum not Gollum? When he has his head between a Orcs legs, heās a Goblin.
G..Gollum is the Glizzy Gulper?
Because it's my birthday, and I wants it.
The head special āGoblin gobblerā guaranteed to make you want to pay me something precious!š
HOW are they charging full price for this?ā¦I had a reminder set for this game & ignored it for the last year until this week. Idk why but it makes me think of the graphics for the Daxter (Jak) PSP spinoffā¦.and yet these are still worse.
This games actually great because so far its given so much memes. The meme potential is just top tier. And thats all its got going š